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Stop OVERSHARING! It's DANGEROUS!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ม.ค. 2024
- You want someone--at least one someone--to hear you, see you, believe you. So you share. Sadly, that often turns into oversharing, leaving you a little red-faced. if you fully embarrassed a little later, right? "Why did I do that?"
There are good reasons you overshare. Don't beat yourself up for it. Listen in to understand the "whys" and stick around for the "why nots!" so you can make positive changes in what you share and with whom. You can stop oversharing, and still be heard when you talk with the right people.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
The longing to be known
The desire to have an ally
Trusting the wrong person for the right reasons
Disappointed and betrayed while looking for a friend
Taking care of yourself in ways you didn't know you'd need to
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
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Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships? I can help.
You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on TH-cam to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics.. When you're ready, let's talk.
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Join my Emerging Empowered Community, online:
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#boundaries #Hijackals #toxicpeople #narcissists #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #toxicrelationships #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #narcissisticabuse #personalitydisorder
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Please get feeling better, you seem like such a sweet person and we appreciate you so much
When you have no one to talk to then it’s easy to be vulnerable and overstate.
Please get well we need you
The hijackal requires your loyalty but doesnt give it back. "If you want me to smile at you, you better have the goods for me". This is so well said.
Sister,Are you okay?What's going on?Feel better soon.❤
She didn’t overshare…
Sad thing is they use
& manipulate information
Take Care if Yourself dear woman
She will be right over
She passed away April 2024 😢
Been horrible habit to break. And to figure out how it began.
I kinda feel bad for watching, when it seems you are catching your breath and tired. I hope you will recover soon. Feel better 🫂
Your words and your lived experiences and your courage have helped me immensely. Grace under pressure = you. I sincerely hope you are receiving good health care & support. I usually listen so was unaware that your health was not good. I wish you well.
Thanks for this message, oversharing is definitely a " no no". I have fallen into that trap more than once, only to get burned. Wisdom and discernment is needed with people, as most are not safe! Blessings be upon you, Dr. Shaler.
I hope you're well Dr Roberta. This video hit home for me. I have never been an over sharer and after leaving an extremely abusive marriage where the abusive ex and his family made me out to be problematic because I refused to over share with them for years gaslighting me trying to make me believe there was something wrong with me because I didn't want to be a part of their narc cult after years of abuse. they like to pretend they are a close family when all they are is enmeshed and dysfunctional, this video validated me so much. They have tried to get my loved ones to agree with them and tried to turn my loved ones into flying monkeys.the ones who truly know and love me didn't fall for it. They keep trying to smear me and project all of my ex behaviours onto me. I will keep my head up and will not let them win in their attempt to destroy me.
Attempts are what they are!
wishing you all the best.....i have been through the same hell..........................once we have the eyes to see what is going on.....................then the only answer is STRONG BOUNDARIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My big mistake was mistaking enmeshment for relationship. I never knew any of them and they didn't know me. Turns out I was the only one who cared.
Indeed, hate when this happens. So thankful the internet brought this fact to my attention, because I’m always so real and value that, but it is not worth it.
I appreciate all of your videos. I feel truly blessed to have your teachings. Sending much Love 💕
Truth be told girl. God bless you ❤
🥺 We all appreciate you and your wisdom so much❤. Sometimes when I feel alone, I just put on a video you have made and I feel better again. God blesd you Miss Shaler😊
Thank you for the wisdom!
Will be sadly missed by so many.😢 RIP Rhoberta you reached out and helped so many sufferers (1945-2024) ❤
Hoping you have top-notch healthcare.........and you are on your way to full recovery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BE BLESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:):):):):):):)
When all else fails, and there is no one...there is always that soul inside of yourself that would really like to discuss things. Usually your soul knows exactly what you need, , there is understanding there, and it really is what you are wanting... your own self is enough until you are ready to venture out. You are your own best friend.
@xenatron9056 I really like this comment. I read it as I felt it. These videos are great.
I can definitely relate to this unfortunately. I have learned not to overshare recently, but used to all of the time without even knowing, I just wanted to be heard and believed by the people who were around me since I felt so stuck.
I loved this video. I’m recovering from PTSD..before I knew I had it I trauma dumped in a salon to a hairdresser. I couldn’t understand why I did it because I know better. I can see now how starved I was for emotional air. I felt awful and she was angry with me. I’ll never do that again. This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Thanks ❤
So sorry 😢 and it’s sad to say i remember doing exactly this a couple of years ago so I understand the feeling, it truly can be like a sudden compulsion to share. I went to a new hairdresser who must’ve thought me crazy and so I’ve no idea why I dumped on her, for almost the whole 2 hours plus!
I felt stupid and embarrassed and started to apologise and make jokes about it but i was cringing when I left, and obviously never went back.
If you’re naturally previously someone who was bright and sociable and your current life doesn’t allow for this then I think that’s why so don’t feel bad, it can be good to share but I just make sure when I do it’s with newer people outside the area who can’t know certain others with a connection to me/family and I’m almost paranoid about ensuring this, it’s really affecting my life and family relationships (and my partner’s).
I agree ..you can't be yourself ..that's not good. It relationship yes you can make some changes but not everything and things that made you happy...I say still find a way to be yourself talk to others ...be who you are...
@@ktpuss Aww, you’re so nice to share with me. I’m fortunate and I recently went through an intensive course of CPT to heal PTSD. It was challenging and required a lot of reading and worksheets. Going in I had no idea if it would help. But it did! I’m slowly coming back to myself (as I continue to use the process every day). I learned from the therapy that PTSD can cause a compulsion to overshare when in emotion turmoil. That helped me understand and be kinder to myself. I hope you are doing well and have a good day.
@@miacaruso7631 that all sounds great 😊 and also thanks for sharing that with me, I have come to realise I think I may be suffering cptsd made worse by some recent family things and grief.
I had looked briefly at doing another YTuber’s work/daily practice so am wondering if you did that one perhaps. It’s great to know it can get you back on track. I started to try to meditate daily as a start but suppose I must do some therapy before I’m lost forever. I wish you continued healing and peace x
@@ktpuss have you ever watched on TH-cam, The Crappy Childhood Fairy? She is wonderful and shares good stuff about healing CPTSD. You are definitely NOT lost forever. I seriously thought I was too. My heart goes out to you. I’m holding heart space for your healing journey. Be well, take care. 💕x
What happened???? I hope you get better🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
Thank you ❤
Your sacrifice is noted
Thank you dear lady for this video. It is much needed and appreciated.
Good morning Dr Shaler
A very relevant topic that your talking about.
I've been guilty of over sharing, and it has ended badly.
I've lost more friends sadly who I thought I could confide in and share my story about my Hijackal.
At this stage I've now stopped doing it.
It's a hard lesson to learn but even now I have to carry on.
Things seem a bit hopeless, but I still believe they will work out eventually.
You just feel desperate and isolated and almost compelled to share, but we don't go there anymore.
Thanks for your knowledge as always and hope you have loved ones that are caring for you.
Sending love from the UK xxx
May God bless you for continuing to help complete strangers for free when you are clearly struggling physically. I know God already sees but I will pray for God to take special note of this. I know God hears me. If you ever wonder if you make a difference know that you do. Your wise words have helped me to cope from an abusive relationship I just escaped 4 months ago. When I left I felt like there was no love in the world. I ended up getting together with my abuser because I was lonely and looking for true love in the first place. My abuser lovebombed me and proceeded to play mind games on me. Once the abuse ended it felt as if my initial fear that love and altruism is an illusion in this world is true. Yet the few people like you stand out as beacons of light and altruism. God is love and you clearly have love inside your heart to be willing to help others even as you struggle. I hope God heals you. I didn't know if he will but I know you will be spiritually blessed for this. Never doubt you have made a huge difference. Your actions are selfless and are imprinted in my mind forever. Love can exist in the human heart. Thank you! You are an inspiration!
I ve been following you for sometime now. It looks like you are are getting better, your voice is stronger and your breath is not coming short as in the past months episodes. Your wisdom has helped me to deal with my HJ adult daughter. I can't thank you enough but can only send you my healing intentions for a faster recovery.
Thank you Dr Shaley 🙏 ❤
Thank you doctor I certainly needed it told exactly like it is. I was so generous with him and others with money and information. It got me NOTHING!
Dr Roberta. This is extremely helpful, thank you. I’ll be listening again. Wish I knew years ago- better late than never.
I disagree with why someone overshares. I think sometimes it’s not about gaining a firmed or realionships and just venting so you don’t literally explode when you carry such a heavy weight it’s very toxic to carry it alone and prayer and writing doesn’t help. You need to share it.
She was talking about sharing inappropriately. It can work against us.
Excellent! First time I have ever heard about trauma dumping. Makes sense.
It's so sad especially when they are your parents or adult child and difficult to comprehend that there is no love or empathy. When you do meet someone who appears interested and a kindred soul, it's like opening the door of an overstuffed closet and all the piled up hoarded mess comes tumbling out. You can't stop it and your left with the feelings of shame and empty.
Sending you love Roberta. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Doc remember to look after you please 🌻💜
I am so sorry for your pain ❤️I pray for healing for you. God bless you.
Wow this was so enlightening & important for me to hear today! I recently endured this a few times in different circles & I'm learning to practice mindfulness & more conscious awareness. Much thanks 🙏
Feel well I wish you lots of health !!!!!💜 thank you for being a beacon of love and light
Dr Shaler, you are an angel. I hope you are ok. ❤ Get better soon.
I went No Contact w my older sister a few months ago and feel it was the best decision. We were not a good fit. Pretty much our entire relationship consisted of her calling me about once a month. Many times 2 or 3 months would go by. It felt like she was just calling to feel like "a good big sister" (she is 11 years older). Strangley, she and my identical twin have a bond bc they married brothers and have the same last name. It didn't turn out too good for my twin as her husband was a "fast lane" type of guy who did drugs and died suddenly at age 49. A tragedy happened when I was 17 in our family... that was 31 years ago. My older sister has Never admitted she needs help. NEVER encouraged or cheered me on my healing journey. She is currently wondering why I am not answering (even reading) her messages... Put 2 and 2 together, I don't need to explain ANYTHING!
Now I know why I overshare. I know why I do it. Thankyou for all your videos. I pray you get well soon.
Thank you for taking your energy to do this for us. Take good care of yourself too. Your videos are great!
Her voice is so calming and she brought light to people in need ❤
I have heard about you but heard you today for the first time. You are my first miracle in this new year! Thanks for sharing. Be blessed as much as possible. Loving regards, M.
Thank you for all of your helpful wisdom! May you be blessed and strengthened in your endeavors! ❤
This is such a relevant subject and what I think is most important. Oversharing is self sabotage.
Thank you for another insightful video. Hope you feel better soon. Warm hugs ❤
Thank you so much for sharing this message at a time when I needed this the most. Hoping you feel better soon ❤
Sending you prayers and good vibes, for perfect breathing and completely perfect health!
Needed this Today.
Love you Rhoberta ❤
God Bless you Dr Rhoberta! Thank you for the wonderful message(s). You are greatly appreciated. Hope you get to feeling better soon. ❤❤❤
So inspiring that you push through these videos. I hope you have better days with your health. I have a chronic health condition too. Hence why I appreciate you doing these videos despite your health.
Wishing you well Dr.
Hope you make a good recovery
Thank you and praying for you to get better.
I’m guilty of oversharing & usually regret it 🥴
Great video, so true what you have said . I hope you are feeling better soon xxx❤
Gossipy friends a problem…
Oh no! I’ve noticed Dr Rhoberta using the oxygen in previous videos, but she looks more tired in this video than usual….
Can anyone tell me what is wrong with Dr Rhoberta, and I really hope she is mending? X
Thank you for what you do Dr Roberta
"Cat toy" what a great visual!
You’re right about taking stock and stop oversharing. I’d this a trauma response?
I sort of over share with bartenders to get their take. I have found strangers/ servers so much more helpful at clear advice than just about anyone except Highjackel informed therapists. I will try but it is a big form or emotional support I get no where else
The problem is I know how important it is to not overshare but when narcissists intentionally overstep your boundaries and pry into your privacy yes that is dangerous but how were you to know it would happen??😢
And remember to NOT overshare with the hijackal himself (if it’s a he). He allures you in a trustful moment, you think - oh, he understands, and then, in few days or weeks use the information against you.
I am worried about you ❤️❤️
I am not being rude but what happened to you
You seem very sick and exhausted. I hope you prioritize protecting your health and energy. Respectfully, the internet will still be here here when you get back from taking care of yourself.
Thank you ❤