The Question Every Dementia Caregiver Should Ask
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มิ.ย. 2024
- It’s our mission to make dementia caregiving easier for families caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease, frontotemporal dementia, lewy body dementia, vascular dementia, or any other type of dementia. We do so by making free educational training videos like this so that anyone with an internet connection can access this information.
This question changed everything for me. I hope it helps you in your caregiving situation as well.
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacare
The first year then I was going through this it was hell. I was so angry at all the things she did and said to me. What I really learned is she could be angry as heck and within a second not realize what she said and be very loving. I had to realize I needed to look at it as if my child had gotten brain-damaged and how would I love him through it. I try to surround everything I’m doing in love, even if I’m frustrated, I push it aside and think about the love. Because it’s the only thing that’s going to get me through this, by God’s grace and mercy, of course.
She can’t feed herself so I go in for about 3 hours in the afternoon in about 4 hours at night to the facility to feed her and help them take care of her. I need to know that she’s being treated as gently as possible. I do live 2 hours away but stay in town about 12 days and go home for 2 days.
I do miss my family but I realize this is temporary and mom will not be with me forever. She gets angry because she’s scared not because she thinks I’m wrong she just can’t remember and she’s terrified of being alone. My dad died last October so she is really feeling alone. She’s in a facility because she broke her hip and is in rehab but the time is up so I have to bring her home in a week. I have never taken care of her full-time before so I am nervous as can be. I’m not getting much help from the facility, ombudsman, or the insurance.
I just have to move through each day and learn how to call out for help if I need it. Because it has been affecting my health. This is the year 3 actually we just started year 4 in May.
When I ran my late husband‘s wellness facility, I actually would walk through every room in the morning and pray and look at things from a patient’s perspective to make sure things were clean and dusted and whatever I wanted to know exactly what the patient saw when they went into the room to be treated.
Back to the point of if it was your child with a brain injury, you would just love them, nurture them and help them the best they can, you would never give up on them. So I tell my mom when she gets upset and fearful I tell her I am never going to give up on you no matter what you say or if you’re mad at me or if you love me it doesn’t matter I am never gonna give up on you mama. And she just cries and asks to hold me so I do. I never try to press to leave. I’m gonna stay there until it’s an appropriate time for me to leave. The nurses and managers there actually asked me to stay longer because the visiting hours close at 5pm and I am usually leaving there about 9 or 10.
Sorry for such a long message but I will say that I do love watching your videos and the support is so important so whether you even know you’re supporting me or not specifically, you are and it just validates that my choices are appropriate. I thank you for that. God bless you
I feel for you and your mum This is a cruel illness it should not happen to anyone I’m 85 years I’m grateful I’m the caregiver Praying everyday for strength and kindness around us
@@milels6917 thank you! God bless and keep you!
@@milels6917 I just looked back to see what I wrote and it was a lot, thank you for reading all that. My mom died just after Christmas. I am so thankful for the time. I had one on one caring for her. The others think they were dumping on me which they were, but I got so much more and they are still left empty.🥹 of course I miss my mom but I’m so glad she’s with my dad and I know they’re together with the Lord.
Living with spouse who has severe Dementia, we are only human,since she has been accepted into home hospice,a lot of my perspective has changed on howI view her. You know living with someone 24/7 is a lot different than taking care of parents. Seeing your wife of 60yrs become a 2yr old ,I listen to you every week, try everything you suggest, most work ,some don't but you have given me the insight to help me out with a most horrible task. Thank you so much.
You are not alone. I take care of my husband of 50 yrs. He has Parkensons dementia.
@@darlenesteadman2850 Thank-you
Wayne, you're a good man for doing your best. My father just abandoned my mom after 45 years. Just stopped all support and contact and went to south East Asia. I can't tell you what's harder, losing her to dementia or him to ego, while both being alive. We should probably get therapy and resources. And no matter how hard it is, some things require professionals and that's okay when it's best for them.
💚💚
Bless you
How about the question of whether or not you are actually capable of caring for your loved one, in a manner that ensures they are truly safe and all of their needs are being met? I copped so much flack from people in so called 'support groups', because I chose to place my late mother in residential care without even attempting to care for her myself. It didn't seem to matter that I lived in another state & did not have the financial ability for my husband and I to just pull up roots & move; it didn't seem to matter that my Mum had a rapidly progressive form of dementia which meant she was already at stage 4 when she was diagnosed; it didn't seem to matter that I was physically incapable of caring for my Mum due to health issues; it didn't seem to matter that my Mum required 24/7 intensive care & there was no way I could afford a live in caregiver to help out; it didn't seem to matter that my Mum was often floridly psychotic & at times a physical risk to herself and others due to outbursts of physical aggression/violence - basically nothing mattered to these people except the fact that I was a 'bad daughter' because I had 'wilfully abandoned' my Mother into a Nursing Home. Sorry not sorry, but stuff that attitude. Not everyone can care for a loved one at home, not everyone wants to care for a loved one at home even if they are able to. There are a myriad of reasons why someone may choose to have their loved ones placed in the hands of a professional caregiver, or even in permanent residential care, and anyone who makes the decision not to be a caregiver, for any reason, should never be made to feel 'less than' or be subject to the type of judgements and attitudes I saw when I reached out for support.
You are amazing and it is so important to know what you can do, can’t do, and to stand up for and take care of yourself! You absolutely made the right choice for both you and your mum, and possibly for any immediate family that lives with you. I wish I had been strong enough to have made that choice for my dad, it was awful for my daughter having him live with us and completed obliterated her relationship with him. It was stressful on my marriage, and it shattered my relationship with my dad. Once I finally managed to get him to an assisted living place he and I started to have some enjoyable moments and mend our relationship. He had Lewy Body dementia, and thankfully, he always recognized my face.
Just know, there ARE people that support you!
I would say yes and no. I live with/ take care of my grandparents who both have dementia. I am great at keeping things in order and making sure they are cared for in every way. However, I do sometimes fall short when it comes to patience and just sitting down and chatting without thinking of the 5 million things that have to be done. I get short at times after answering the same questions repeatedly throughout the day. I will be more aware now. Thank you so much for this video and for all you do 🤍
Now that my mother has been diagnosed with mild dementia/delirium I understand that she is not playing games with me and am embarrassed of how I acted the last year with her...impatient, sharp when she asked me the same questions over and over again. Now that I know I just answer those questions over and over as if it was the first time. Self care is also very important. Some days you think you are going crazy because you dont know what the truth is any more. Then I just remember everything my Mom did for me and she is totally worth it😍
I have regrets for my reactions and responses to my mom also. I really got angry with her a few times and said things I shouldn't have. I have had to do a lot of repenting to God and praying for patience. I have to forgive myself too which is hard. My mom was already a challenging personality to begin with so I really thought it was just her being her. But then it became obvious something else very serious was going on. Can't go back in time so I just have to learn from my mistakes and soldier on. ❤️
Let's face it, not everyone is cut out to be a carer. Many people just don't wanna do it.
You are so right. My sister and I looked after my mother at home until her death last December. We had a personal camera in the living room to keep an eye on her safety. It was a godsend when she had falls. It was also something we were aware of whilst interacting with Mum. I'm certain that it helped us be kind caregivers more often. The constant presence was like a conscience. She was always grateful to us for what we did and that made it worthwhile. I miss her terribly. ❤️
That is so truthful of you and it would have the same effect on me
After my interactions with my mom this past weekend, I definitely wouldn't want me. I was sleep deprived, hungry and cranky. She was being rude accusing me of things and I blew up. I should have taken a deep breath before responding. I made the situation worse instead of defusing it.
It happens don’t beat yourself up. Just try to do better the next time! It gets hard.
Please take care of your mental being and have some short naps in between caring when your mom is asleep. Lack of sleep or food can often lead us to flare up easily. I think a better way is to order ready food delivery which saves you the time of cooking for other more pressing chores you might need to do. I do find cooking can be very time consuming especially if you need to take care of elderly. Take some healthy snacks together in between main meals with your mom so that you can enjoy the time together and also have time for your food. May the force be with you!
You have me crying so hard. Great reverse thought. If I could just take care of me, like I do my wife.....
First off I hope folks who visit your Facebook page and TH-cam Channel realize just what a treasure you really are.
My personal experience There comes a time when we as caregivers won't be the most popular person in our loved one's life it might last an hour a day or when we walk back into the room they are in.
This hit me hard. I know I’m doing a lot of good things … but I can do better❤️
I live with my mom. She’s 90. And about a year ago I realized I’m not the kid anymore. I’m the grownup. When she sleeps late I can get paranoid and worry she died in her sleep. And I realized any exchange we have could be our last. She’s not in any way on death’s door, but it will happen someday.
I have patience I never knew I had since my brain made that switch.
She doesn’t have a dementia diagnosis, but it is coming. It’s much less stressful for me now that I know it’s up to me ti be the grownup and treat her with respect where she is. Jan
My story is so similar to yours. My mom is only 77 but aside from that it's pretty much word for word my situation. I had to accept she is sick and I am the adult and she is the "child". I had just gone through a rough unexpected divorce and so I didn't want to be the adult taking care of her but it wasn't a choice, it just had to be that way. I also needed a place to live and she has the perfect house for me and my daughter. It is so challenging but God gives me the grace to keep going. Blessings to you and your mom ❤️
@@lilyamongbrambles4458 yesterday we were looking through some old recipe books I came across and she said “l just do the same thing all the time, but if you want something different you’re welcome to get in there and fix what you want.” She hasn’t cooked a meal in ages!
But she wants to bake a pie. She loves to bake. And we bought some fresh local pecans, so I might have to get in there and help her make one for Thanksgiving. Jan
Thanks. That helped. It is a better perspective than thinking my wife blames me for everything that she doesn't like and feeling both angry and depressed at the same time. You're right this is hard. Toughest challenge I have ever had in my life.
Great observation. I’m only recently (after 7 years) realizing my body language is the primary communication mom can still understand
Truth!
Several years ago, I used to help care for a close friend. I didn't have your videos (lol) to learn from, but it seemed to help to just hold her and reassure her she was loved. It seemed to calm her down when she would get abusive. I think she was just scared and frustrated. Now, I am caring for my husband, who, so far (praise the Lord) is very easy as long as we stay with his normal routine. I do need to be more patient when he asks me the same question 6 times a day. So far, his personality has not changed as he has always been very easy-going. I really appreciate your videos, and have learned a lot. Thank you.
Thank you for all of your excellent videos about this terrible disease. I’ve learned how to take care of my Dad with dementia in the kindest and best way because of your wisdom and experience. You are helping so many families who really need it!
Dr. Natali, good advice ! At times it is incomprehensible where my wife is coming from with dementia. Caregiving is frustrating because it is primarily coming from the caregivers logical perspective. So even if we’re trying to perceive and understand our loved ones actions at times it’s to no avail regardless of how compassionate and kind the caregiver is. It’s Ying and Yang, caregiver logical, dementia partner illogical at times.
Thank you Dr Natali for your videos. My husband is still ok but I’m so thankful that I found you because I’ve have learned a lot with your videos. I feel I have changed a lot and have a different perspective from how I was with my husband in the beginning but now I now the road ahead of me is going to be hard but I know I can do this . Thank you again for what you do for us 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Dr. Natali thank you for sharing your personal experience with your father and what you are learning from it. Very helpful. Hugs.
Great question! One thing I thought of that I would change in my caregiving is what I do while I am waiting. (Waiting for a response to a question, for my spouse to finish a meal, or for him to get dressed, or one of the many “waiting” periods that is part of my caregiving journey right now since he still can do some of these things, though much slower than he used to do them or than I would prefer). I have been going to do something else so I don’t get frustrated with the waiting time and that may be ok sometimes. I think, though, my spouse would appreciate it more if I simply waited WITH him, staying present and enjoying being with him while he takes whatever time needed to complete the task. It will take some patience and practice, but would mean much to him, I think.
That's a very good point. My LO moves around very slowly and often gets in my way. I'm not very patient with that. I think if I pretended to dance a waltz turn with him it would be a fun thing to do to have him move into a better spot. I'm going to try it anyhow. Thanks for sharing ❤️
I AM EXTREMELY GRATEFUL FOR ALL THE WISDOM AND HELP I RECEIVE FROM DOCTOR NATHALY
Fresh perspective YES..I don't want to be a caregiver. Never did...person should be in a home
I really hope so but lets have some fun great memories today!!! And lets be kind and treat ourselves if we can .I used to love walking by the river with mum or playing favourite ballet music and do a fun little dance to it together with mum joining fm hwr chair then talk about the time she took us to the ballet.....she doesnt know me now ...its v.hard ...
This is really profound advice for every interaction we have with everyone. Truly.❤
Once more you have taught us something very important and which extends beyond our role of caregiving. We all want to be treated with kindness, love, and patience in our varied walks through life. We can take this perspective and apply it to all our connections with people. Bless you for your generous support of us. You are a bright and shining star! 🌟
This shift in perspective is so valuable.
What an excellent reminder to do to others what you want for yourself. I am there as an old person who has not yet have my loved ones the challenge I lived through with my parents and siblings. I also realize I will not remember...Thank you.
Sometimes yes sometimes no( especially at midnight when I’m wanting to go to bed and I see on the cameras that he’s up ready for his day to start . He has every light on in the house and has cranked the furnace up to 79 degrees and he starts going through the refrigerator and cabinets looking for something to eat or expecting me to come fix his breakfast 🙃.
If it’s cold outside I have to go back out there and remind him that it is nighttime and get him back to bed.
Close the glass sliding door to his porch that he usually leaves open😏.
Those are times I am not as patient as I need to be😔 12:05 pm
more medication for sleep
@@michaelbean9165 my daddy’s Alzheimer’s journey ended peacefully March 17😔.
Thank you Dr. Edmonds, your insightful videos have been extremely helpful as my lifelong beloved and I move along this path of dementia/alzheimers. I am learning a great deal and my wife and I are both benefiting as I learn and examine who I am and how I am in her presence. Your questions and guidance have opened new ways of being for me in relation to my wife during this difficult journey. Thank you.
One of the most brilliant videos I've ever seen! I wish I had come across your videos when I cared for my mom. I made so many mistakes, lost 20 pounds in the first year of caring for her. But I learned so much too. Caring for her was the most honorable thing I'd ever done my entire life, and I'd do it all over again in a heart beat! I miss her dearly! She was and will always be my lighthouse!
Trying to be kind, not mean at the new way his brain is, that he can’t comprehend or understand. Trying to forgive the bad financial situation he put me in. How he’s treated me for last three years. At least knowing why makes it understandable to me, but not easier. Funny I’ve been sick and hoped he’d take care of me once in awhile, that never happened. So I’d want his forgiveness, and not resentment, all the things I promised at our wedding in 1984. God is here watching and helping. My husband was a good friend. Now scared making all the decisions alone, learning how to do everything, and grieving the loss already. Thanks for your videos. Hoping for Jesus to return soon! ❤Aloha from Kauai, God bless everyone and give endurance, patience, and Love.
Embarrassing, but for today, my answer looks like, no I wouldn’t want me to be my caregiver. . My ( His Dr. Says I’m doing a great job,)just being honest at the question.
Thank you for all of your help. You have definitely shined a light for me with caring for my Mother-in-law. I didn't really know where to look or how to cope with her illness. Watching your videos is really guiding me through my wife and I's journey with her. Thank you!
An insightful question.i am nice but i would want more smiles, hugs and activities if i were my mother!!!
You are spot on,again. Thanks for being here so early in the morning.5:30 . 10/13/2023
It's so easy to find myself caught up in that overwhelming to do list as a caregiver. This is a thought provoking video. I can do better.
This was a great question since I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately ,I was the caregiver for my mother , took her into home for almost two years , she passed a few months back peacefully, but I’m not sure how to answer this right now I think I could have done a better job at times and then I remember my mother thanking me out of no where at times for being kind to her,, I also had my dog Murphy helping to give pet therapy and she loved that dog ,she developed a bad bed ulcer that I couldn’t seem keep under control , even with hospice , so I don’t know maybe I wasn’t as on top of things as I thought , anyway thank you for these videos , They we’re very helpful through the Pandemic 🙏and I love your dog Nico 😊
Bed sores are a bugger to keep under control, as you have to reposition the patient every 30 minutes to avoid developing one. Honestly, you did the best you could and your mom saw and appreciated it…..so rest easy when your head hits the pillow at night, knowing that God and the angels saw you honoring your parent.
Your blog is spot on. Patience is needed, every day, in every way. You said it so well. Thank you!
Yes listening to you maybe a few tweeks mom does talk about the same old stories from meeting dad, and when she lived in Ireland before coming to the UK. Her triggers are letters and Money, shes been hideing money under pillow up stairs & keeps asking for more cash even though we have safe her money is safe in the bank & now as POA for her we have redirected all her post its just for the best as any letter sends her into a panic attack definatley her 2 triggers Im manageing. Thanks for another great post Dr Natali . Woof to Niko x
I'm failing miserably. I'm taking care of my mom and my sister 's daughter. My mom won't allow me to help her, to proud. Looses bank cards every WEEK. Exhausting to go to the bank every week. Won't go to a nursing home, she's been robbed, inviting strangers into her house etc..My niece is on dyalisis every 2nd day. No help. I've called welfare to help me but many money issues. I'm starting to suffer from depression. No if I see how things are getting worse I won't like myself as a caregiver.
I've seen many of your videos, and find them helpful and informative. My 96 year old mother is in a memory care facility, because I'm not well enough to take care of her. It's always been a strained relationship, because of her extreme narcissism. Everything always had to revolve around her, she never apologized, and insulted everyone around her. She still tries to manipulate and bully me, but I try to be patient, and visit her as often as I can. She's a challenge, and I feel sorry for her, but sad because of the mother I never had.
My mother is similar. She's always been self-centered and having dementia only made things worse. I was actually relieved when she stopped knowing who I was because then she couldn't push my buttons. She no longer knows which ones to push. She never was very nice.
I'm taking care of my Mom who has a similar personality to yours. Mine is very mobil and verbally can be very mean. I'm afraid they won't be able to handle it in the nursing home. She also says racist slurs so that doesn't help. Sometimes I wonder if they would evict her or dump her in a hospital and say her room is taken. I'm afraid to try nursing home care. So exhausted.
@@soniasias6226 me too. Same exactly. She doesn't have a diagnosis either because she is so uncooperative and won't go to the doctor to be evaluated. I'm at a loss and already on the edge due to a recent abusive marriage that just ended in divorce. I had to move in with her and then the horrible realization that she has dementia. My dad had it too and it was traumatic . He however was easier to place in a home. He also cooperated with the diagnosis process and signed POA to my mom..My mom doesn't trust me and says horrible things like I'm just trying to soak her for everything and I'm trying to take over and that it's my fault my husband left me. Ugh..it's a nightmare but God has helped me so much to keep going and stay sane. Anyway blessings to you ❤️
I understand. ❤
Good question some days are better than others. I took care of my mom so I had some experience in caregiver jobs. Now I am the sole caregiver for my husband. I try to be as patient as possible and as interested in his feelings. I hope that I’m doing the best I can. He seems happy and comfortable. I know I have got frustrated and I think it’s human nature . I love the information you provide for me and so many others. Thank you
My dad loved fish n chips so we had extra fish abd chip days cos why not !!!
You are a treasure!! I have learned so much from you as we journey through this heartbreaking disease. My husband loves to be in control and be "right." There is no trying to convince him he may not be correct. His condescending tone can hurt my feelings, but you have helped me be more patient. Thank you!!❤
Yes I would
Lots of love, talking even if I am not sure if they don’t understand
My wife has dementia can’t talk I barely can walk, but I talk to her all the time like she can understand me maybe she can and I keep her in a routine which I think is good for her
I can relate to everything you said, and I am going to make some changes within myself when I spend time with her. Thank you
When you said if a camera was watching you… I thought oh no…. It def made me think. Thank you.
Thank you for this precious reminder! God bless all your endeavors to help us. Hugs
I definitely say yes, I do my very best and treat him with respect, patience and caring. I have been caring for my husband of 55 years and have witnessed a loving, funny, sweet man that anyone who met him loved him, become a total stranger some days with such bad behavioral issues. It was extremely difficult to wrap my head around, but with time, self educating, hospice, your videos and support from family I am getting through each day, at times, minute by minute! Lots and lots of prayers help also!❤️🙏🏻❤️
Dr. Natalie, I have commented before. My mother has always been sedentary. Since I recall,at 7 years old (1977).
Hasn’t changed in decades.
I truly hope that our teenaged son sees how much his father and I do for him and he will do the the same us as we get older….AZ and D are on both sides of the family.
Not any easy discussion with a teen, who thinks putting “them” in a home is easy or cheap.
Ooftah
Goodness I needed this today! I’m new to so much in this Dementia world. I have so much to work on as my mom’s caregiver but I think we’re doing pretty good together. ❤😊
GREAT PODCAST! Great message thank you ❤
There are some things like being on my phone to pass time 😅
Dr. Natali, Great video and a very thoughtful reflection.
I have thought about this many times....
Often times it is hard in the moment.
I have done some of the things you looking at my phone, keeping busy instead of just sitting and visiting.
It a good reminder to me!
One tip, please keep the camera still, the camera movements are very annoying...sorry, just trying to be helpful.
Thank you,
I would say yes I go the extra mile for my loved one
Thanks for giving different points of views from others.
Yes I would hope they would be compassionate and kind. Caregiver for 15 years and I love my work and the people I come in contact with. Constantly learning. I like being told I’m kind.Thank you doctor your videos are wonderful.🙏💕👍
So true. Thank you for the reminder. ❤
Thank You for this video .
Excellant question!
Thank you
Great information, it helps.
Wow!!! This is good!!!
Very good information..
Yep. Glad I found you! NOLA LOVE ⚜️🔮
Thank you...a wonderful message we all need when things are tough.
I really needed to hear that, Thanks
Thank you so much for this video ❤️
This was so great
Love this - really makes me reflect and want to improve! Thank you!
Outstanding suggestion! Thank you.
Thank you. You have given me a lot to think about.
Thank you Doctor!!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Such good suggestions! So helpful 💗
Powerful.
You are the best Thank you so much God Bless❤
Excellent message! Important question!
Thanks!
Thank you, Willy 💖
I want to thank you for the video it made me realize I need to be a little sweeter and look at her with softness in my voice this was an eye opened up my. Eyes and my heart I thank you so much it's going to be a new day for Mom and i
I`m sure we can all change and improve . Thank you for your wonderful insight XXX
Godbless you ❤ thank you for sharing so much important information ❤❤❤
Excellent and useful message. I counsel a caregiver and I enthusiastically endorse and strongly recommend the Silent Video idea. It's brilliant.
Great video! I will keep this question in your mind caring for my husband. TY. ❤❤
I'm taking cear of my father who has dementia .. thank you so much .. your making our day to day better ♥
So much amazing information. You have helped me be a better more understanding and knowledgeable care giver.. I would say yes.. I would want care from me..thankyou Natalie ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
I so appreciate your videos and I am learning a lot. Thank you. I hope I never get dementia. Now I am more conscious that I want to treat others, whom I may misunderstand, with kindness if I have difficulty in understanding their behaviour. We never know what others are dealing with and cannot put into words.
Thanks for shareing ! Vital information . Putting myself in that position . I would like me as my caregiver n , not perfect but I try to put forth A lot of effort to be the best I can be as his wife . I care take my husband in the home and he is very grateful .
This was a good video.
Thank you for this video, it did give me pause. Sometimes when he having a bad bout of hallucinations, I have found myself quickly answering and then looking away.
I think that the time has come, I need to have business cards made that explain my husband's words and/or actions when we are out and about, I just have trouble trying to word it, do you have any suggestions?
No I wouldn’t want me to be my care giver, I didn’t let my mom do nothing I did everything for her and she was always wanted to help me, she feels helpless even a burden to me. Thank you I see it now
Expletive YEAH!!!! 💖
Yes !!!! Only because I’m the BEST I love my job love helping others♥️❤️🙏🏽
Dr. Natali
Would you mind sharing with me.. you said your dad is in a different home. Relatives home or nursing home.
Do you have a hard time leaving once you are there. My mom doesn't want me to leave ( I can't leave) until she has pjs on and in bed. Insist I go get the aids and make them get her done ( which just ticks everyone off) I have to get up at 4:30 am but she wants me to stay until she is in bed whenever the aids get around to answering her call light usually around 7-730.
Any ideas how to stop this cycle would be great . I would like to visit more days a week after work, stay a few hours and leave at 5 so I can fix dinner for my husband and get house done and relax a few before my own bedtime.
This is sort of ," Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", as Jesus said.
We are imagining we are them.....and I need His help.
Dr. Natalie: How do you know when the dementia patient is no longer aware of themselves and their surroundings in much the same way that a baby isn't aware? When do they no longer think of themselves as having dementia because they can no longer remember their diagnosis? When are they no longer afraid as they once were when they were aware of their diagnosis? My brother is 69 and has moderate dementia. My heart breaks because he is still aware of these things, and it frightens him. Thank you.
Do you think it can be too late to repair relationships and be that ‘good enough’ carer?
no
Thanks for giving me this perspective. How do you deal with a loved one who seems to take offense at everything you say even if you say it in the calmest tone of voice and even if it's just a suggestion and not confrontational at all?
With my mom, I take both her hands in mine say Mom look at her in her eyes, calmly are you ready to listen I just need to tell you this .......... and then say I'm doing my best as your daughter and carer like you used to do and care for Dad a little smile comes across her face and I think the connection has been made. Good Luck !♡
@@loubrindley7456 Thank you. I'll try that
I remember seeing one of your videos where you mentioned something about making a business card to give to others that explains things, the problem is I am not sure how to word it, do you have any examples?
Perhaps include “please be patient, I am a person living with dementia”
Good question, but keep in mind that there is no perfect caretaker. Beyond that, through the eyes of a particular person with dementia, there may never even be a good one. My mother has dementia and runs off one caregiver after another. She cusses them out, criticizes them, complains if they have the television or music on and also gets physical with them. In her eyes, no one is a good enough caretaker!
I’m a caregiver and one of my clients has severe dementia and lives with her adult son and has caregivers on the home while he’s at work to make sure she stays safe, sometimes she tells me to leave and gets upset when I tell her I can’t/won’t leave because her some wants me to stay there with her to make sure she stays safe. I haven’t figured out a good way to handle these situations, do you have any advice?
Can she walk? I take my Mom for a long walk and she takes a nap as soon as we get back. The exercise and the nap are both helpful. Thankful that my Mom likes her walks.
Nope. Not through my eyes, not through her eyes. She's clean, fed, safe, and I'm her best advocate but that's about it. We have no personal relationship anymore.