Top 5 Caregiving Mistakes to Stop Doing Today
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 พ.ค. 2024
- Let me start off my saying that if you are making these mistakes, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Probably no one has ever shared these mistakes with you or why these are mistakes in the first place. My hope is that you use this video to help improve your life and your loved one's life...not to beat yourself up.
That being said, let me know which mistake you are going to work on stopping first.
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #alzheimer
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I lost my Mother to dementia the 15th of December 2021. I always watched your videos, because her doctor's could not help me. The only answers I got were no one really knows how it works. Through your videos I was more able to help my Mother and my self. I really appreciate you being there for me. I kept a journal of my journey with my Mother. I found playing games with her a great help when she had a bad day. When she didn't want to take a bath or get up to go to the bathroom, I would play a game, we would go to the bathroom and quack and walk like a duck. I would make up silly games to get her to eat. The hardest part for me was when hospice came in and she finally could not walk and she ended up in a hospital bed. I still played games with her to get what little bit of food I could get in her. I tried to make every day count. I still miss her but when she left me, I was glad for her. She will never hurt or suffer again. I know she was happy because she wanted to be with my Father. Tomorrow my Father will be gone for 4yrs. I took care of him when he had bladder cancer. I lived with my parents for 10 yrs and I am so thankful God gave me that time. I hope each and every one who is taking care of a love one has the precious memories I have and enjoys their special time with them. Thank you so much for your help and God bless you!
You’re most lucky to care of your parents, sometimes people don’t get opportunities god bless you always 🥰
Sending you so much love. You will forever be a part of the Careblazer family. Thank you for being there for your loved one when they needed you most. 💖
❤❤thank you for sharing! Mama starting too sleep more her legs hurt now, my dad died 7yrs ago of acute leukemia, she misses him everyday.. 😢thanks too Dr. Natalie for all the videos! Oh and I have a sock puppet 😊she loves it
Just a beautiful comment Thank you! ❤ God bless you. 🙏🏼
Only 3 people know what you are going thru. Family, friends, and CLOSE doctors. everyone else is wishing you well, and hoping they don't get 'that' call. message me if you need. I will listen.
I guess I'm fortunate. My husband knows he has dementia and is not afraid to discuss it. Even though he's in stage 6 most likely. He knows also that he needs help and is not resistant to help and in fact is very cooperative and appreciative. He also has the ability to joke about himself and laugh about is mess ups. He's at the point of needing help in almost every part of his life but is so thankful to get it and our relationship is probably more loving and close than ever. I guess it's very different with each case. We've both accepted this for what it is, and daily trust and rely on the Lord.
These are perfect. I cared for my ex-father-in-law until he passed. I don’t think he ever knew I was his caregiver. If he was having a bad day, I just went out and came back in as if it was the next day. I smiled and was happy to see him! He brightened up and things were fine. I always asked if I could do this or that, like “would it be okay if I help you clean up before we go for a walk?” He was always grateful. We had a 30 year history.
Sending you so much love. You will forever be a part of the Careblazer family. Thank you for being there for your loved one when they needed you most. 💖
HI, This is Trisha. Dr. Natali's social media manager. I'm sorry to hear about your situation;. Here is a TH-cam video she made that I hope can help you with your situation. 💖 th-cam.com/video/55VAppdQEfs/w-d-xo.html
I like the idea of going out of the room, coming back in, and starting a new day! I’m going to try that one. Thanks, and God’s blessings on you.
@@lynnshepard7485 use their failing memory to change anything you need to change. It’s a gift. 😁 Smile and they smile back at you. Be sweet and they mirror this. My 93 year old aunt is exactly the same. If you argue with her she will argue right back. Get frustrated and she gets frustrated. My cousins are finally catching on to this.
Always check yourself before interacting with a dementia patient. If you want the best version of them, you have to become the best version of yourself first. This holds for any other interactions with people in general.
That is so smart! Just walk out and come back "tomorrow". A brand new day and a brand new attitude.
You are an angel. Thank you so much for taking care of him.
I'm sorry for your loss. You don't spend that much time with someone and not miss them when they're gone.
I'm so glad he had you, and I hope your ex-husband knows what a blessing you were and are to him and his father.
Dr. Natali,
As you are here for us, we are here for you. You never ask us for support
so here is some support from all of us.
You had a tough emotional day, we understand and support you and your feelings.
The Q&A today, logic over emotion, great one.
Emotion is always there, logic helpd to step back and then act accordingly.
NEVER FORGET! We love you and all you have done for us!
Where were you 8 to 10 years ago?
The world is so very lucky to have you now.
You're tough, you come through for thousands of people every day.
We hold you up, we hold you high!
We love you Dr. Natali!
I can’t thank you enough,as I just stumbled upon ur channel. ❤
You are correct about doctors sending you home with a diagnosis and no information or directions. We are left to research on our own. That is how I found you. I hope you know how much you have helped people and will continue to help. Thank you.
Agree❤
💯💯💯
you got a diagnosis ? congratulations !
with my grandmother, she used to sit at the tv waiting for her favorite western to come on the TV for 2 hours. I downloaded the whole group... all the seasons (Gunsmoke) it was on my PC.. we could watch it any time we wanted. It was a win-win
I am really struggling. I've read all the books, I am a nurse of 40 years w a doctorate, I am now taking over more and more responsibilities, and trying to do all the things that must get done, bills, overdue taxes, business things, all the while husband W D thinks he is doing well , making good decisions, handling all things just fine... But is being forced to retire, thousands of dollars in debts, unanswered emails, so many problems... He can't remember anything day to day.. the stress is almost unbearable...
I'm drowning.
That's here ... no clue how much difficulty his 'help' causes. 😢
So sorry for you, these are the difficulties that need to be heard.
I have become a caregiver for an 86 yo with dementia and last weekend I binged your channel last weekend and boy the information you have is amazing. I have applied this with her and it works our first week was a trial. This week everyday was a great day. Thank you for your awesome information.
I'm guilty of all 5 of the top mistakes and probably more. You are absolutely 100% correct that there isn't enough training, support, or resources out there for caregivers once there's a diagnosis. Thank you for creating this channel! I look forward to learning from you.
Thank you for your helpful videos! I am about 7 years into my husband’s diagnosis and it is actually getting better all the time. I am one of the lucky ones, he is easy. My key to success is exactly what you said in the video, I had to change me because you will never change the person you care for. Don’t neglect yourself and be the victim, do everything you can to make your self happier, treat yourself to special things, otherwise you will be resentful. I had to learn to love him all over because it’s all different now. My life is actually better now, and I am so grateful.
I'm sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. I hope you are surrounded by love and support.
Glad to hear that!
The same here I have to love him more all over again and realise he is the one suffering more He is being to lose weight even though he eats well
You are on the right track! I was a caregiver for my husband (d,Jan 2018) for almost 20 years. I was very fortunate as he had a loving personality and basically this did not change. One of my most difficult times was when I realized I was more mother than spouse, but as I have a strong mothering instinct- it worked out well. Alone now but do not regret one moment of out time together. All caregivers are in my prayers . 🇨🇦🙏🙏💐💐🇨🇦
This is exactly what happened to me in the beginning...I had no clue how to handle different situations. And I just realized that I repeat #2 every day...."I'm just trying to help you!". I'm stopping that dialogue now! I so wish I had found Dr. Natali 5 years ago! Now I tell everyone that will listen to follow Dr. Natali. Your life will be so much more pleasurable.
We embraced my husband's dementia because.... it is what it is. When he first got the diagnosis we were mostly relieved, better than the dramas and psychosis that plagued him for a few years. That had been a miserable time and I was his target. Knowing what it was, made our lives better.
We ended up with a good medical team, the right meds after a few months of trials, government pension, did all the legal paperwork while he could still function and we told people what he had with no shame or hesitation.
7 years down with him at a moderate to severe stage and him sitting most days with his own thoughts, I think maybe his life is not so bad, no decisions, no bills, no driving, no responsibility, not answerable for anything...... perpetual holiday of the mind. It's then I think he's the lucky one. I just get the work.
My husband has vascular dementia I find this lady has been of value and of great support in understanding this disease she has helped me along a very difficult path.
HI Shella, This is Trisha. Dr. Natali's social media manager. I'm sorry to hear about your situation;. Here is a TH-cam video she made that I hope can help you with your situation. 💖 th-cam.com/video/ODmAfLv2W5Q/w-d-xo.html
I’m took my dad to the neurologist last week for an early appointment because he seemed to be getting worse. He prescribed a new medication seroquel. Then I asked if he knew of a support group for my stepmom and I or a book to read. My stepmom is not online. He didn’t know of any support groups but did suggest a book. I went out and went a thrift store. I found 3 books on Alzheimer’s. One was called something like one couples journey with Alzheimer’s. The other was a book for caregivers. The other book I kept and I am reading. it is called the 36 hr day. I also follow you and have been watching your channel. You have been a big help. I have been trying to share the information you share with us with my stepmom. I feel so bad for her and my dad. She really is clueless how to deal with him. It is heartbreaking. He is such a sweet man but the confusion really gets on her nerves and it shows. I am trying to be there with them by phone on my work days, and in person on my off days. It’s a 25 minute drive one way. I have gotten two speeding tickets and have a clean driving record til now. Hopefully in court they will only make me pay court costs🤷♀️
I’m always in hurry up or panic mode since my dads diagnosis. He has other health issues as well. Thank you for this channel. You are a Godsend!❤️🙏
If you are still looking for a book, I have written a memoir of caring for my parents at the end of their lives. You might find it helpful.
A great list! I have worked in nursing homes and sometimes things are so hectic, but you have to pretend the patient you are with now is worth listening to, engaging in a fun group project., or whatever. It help when my husbands PTSP got really bad to be in that moment with them, laugh with them, listen to them so they know you are on their side. Even when he forgot me he still knew I was a safe person who did not lie to him so he didn’t get paranoid. He had 3 trips to Vietnam, because he wanted more me or women to come back alive. He said he thought being a sniper was a great honor, but that was shooting targets. But a sniper remembers the face of everyone they see in that scope. It is very haunting to go to sleep and dream of such chaotic times and see it happen again. So our hours of sleep were trouble at times, but lots of laughter, dancing in the living room and being together helped a lot. We need to know that person we love is still there and continue as long as possible to “ invite them” to do things which you both enjoy all the time. If it is no, it is okay, May be in 20 minutes he would ask me, like it was his idea. Me ; Wow I would like that to. When do you want to do it? He was still the man I married and cherished my time with him. Been gone 18 years this summer. Still miss him.😊❤❤
Awesome, thank you for sharing. ❤❤
@@DementiaCareblazers00
Treat people with compassion. Just love them. They need love not anger. If you feel you're becoming resentful, practice self care, detach for a moment & remember that they were young too 💞
Great words! 💞 💞
After watching this, I realize that I am the problem. And I can correct it by recognizing these 5 mistakes. I wish I had seen this day one. By making every one of these mistakes, I have created havoc in our home. Everything has been a battle. I pray that by changing my attitude and approach, I can eliminate so so much conflict. I think I have just been scared of the disease. Thank you so much!
Before watching this video, I have failed on #'s 3 and 5!
#3 LOWVD is inclined to tell me to do stuff, when I have so little time for myself anyway. So the other day when she was more lucid I explained how much I dislike being told what to do! In short she later came and gave me a hug.
#5 My LOWVD stopped cooking a number of years ago, so I took over that duty. Soon enough that was burning me out too, so I started buying "delivered home cooked meals". Not the cheapest but easier!
Another weakness I have is, I will always be in the same room as my LOWVD but not always in view because often she used to verbally insulting me! Here's a BIG ONE, during our 49 years together, access to our big screen TV has NEVER been a source for an argument because I will always find something else to do.
You made all the difference for me caring for my sister with dementia who is now very happy and content in her assisted living home!
In The beginning I thought I had to correct her and I learned from your videos what not to do.
Great advice! Thank you so much❣️
Dr Edmonds has greatly helped our family. From moving him out of his rural home, into assisted living in another state and our daily interactions, her advice has been awesome.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for your tireless advocation and tips, Dr. Natali! Not only do I work in memory care, but I just lost my father to vascular dementia a week ago. I have thoroughly enjoyed your videos and sent them to my family so they could have a better relationship with Dad with the time he had left over the last 2 years. I am determined to do all I can to keep this education going and pay it forward. It is shocking how many people come to me sharing a loved one's diagnosis and asking for advice. I always direct them here, among other resources. It seems to be a growing epidemic which breaks my heart. :(
You're welcome
I. A M 85 YEARS OLD AND have. Much experience with l the dimen sion problems with my father and then helping my dauter with her mom and my ex wife and now the love of my life of 35 years year chi
C. A3nning around 4 years ago I tell people you are dealing yrwith a 3 or 4 year old child and that seems to HELP Some people to understand , The main thing that has helped me. Is let, go of your ego and try not to argue with them, unless what they are trying to gguid hurt some one, It is the most difficult job you will ever have,
Your tips are just golden. I've incorporated a lot of them in the dementia ward where I work here in Norway, with great success.
Thank you so much!
Great! At last I come across someone bringing into sharp focus one of the very topics I’ve been banging on about ever since my wife was diagnosed (here in Scotland over a decade ago). The way I put it is that we carers are placed in the position of firefighting when we should have the equivalent of fire prevention officers telling us (a) what to expect and (b) what to do when it does happen.
I suspect that in the UK we are still trying to overcome the view from medics that they know best and don’t frighten the carer with knowledge, especially when it comes to matters like psychotic episodes, which hit me from left field like a ton of bricks. I hadn’t a clue what to do.
The other area which I fear the professionals over here pay scant attention to is ‘anticipatory grief’ when the loved one goes into a care home. The view seems to be that it’s OK now for the absentee carer, as I call myself, he/she are being looked after and you are now able to get on with your life. No recognition is given of the heart-breaking circumstances of losing your best friend, wife, etc, and the sense of isolation and the threat it poses to the carer’s mental health in those circumstances. See chapter 14 of my Dementia book for my views on this.
I wrote 2 books on my experiences under the pseudonym Bill King (available on Amazon, all proceeds to local dementia charities) and am working on a series of TH-cam presentations about Parkinsons/dementia. They can be viewed and the books accessed by title: Parkinsons, the slippery slope to dementia and Dementia what every carer needs to know.
Thank you for speaking up for us.
Rex W Last
Watching these Careblazer videos has totally changed my stress level for the better!! Thank you 💗
I have over time done all of these. My dad 96 has spiraled in the past year so he needs more help and has finally decided its ok. My mom 98 was diagnosed 20 years ago, she has accepted her memory at this point. She still does so much, laundry, cooking, going to parties etc. She ca remember about 5 minutes and has started forgetting in laws and grandchildren . She still loves to go. many people are creeped out over cameras. They changed my life. My parents forgot them as soon as i put them in. I can go out and check on them with my phone
I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I hope you are surrounded with love and support.
Don’t make everything about them????? You are kidding right!!!!?!!???? It has always always been about my relative who is now elderly with dementia. Always been about what they want when they want it and how it will be done !!! Leopards don’t change spots and that’s for sure, now it’s always still about them but about their crazy crazy demented self!!!!! And yeah we don’t focus on it bc nothing can fix it,
I’ve made every one of those mistakes and more. Obviously I realized something had to change. Your videos are very helpful. Thank you. 🌹
Wonderful!
I can see I am doing things wrong , but can’t seem to help it , it’s very hard & I cry all the time
Me too especially when they are mean.
Another first class video from Dr Natali. She really does educate, inspire and give carers the tools to do the job. How many medical professionals understand the stress and heartache of dealing with a loved one who is fading away on a human level? Very few but not Dr Natali.
For point 4, may I add please dont make music into a therapy. Music isn't a therapy, its the backdrop to life and the key to happy memories like nothing else. Let's use music to spread happiness the way it was meant to be so find out what your loved one enjoys and turn up the sound for them!
Thank you so much!
Yes!!Music is soulful inspiration like nothing else! My husband and I just sing for fun and remembering all of the beautiful memories that go with those songs. If, you ,as a caregiver,
sing only to provide some misplaced emotional soothing ,don't come near me --that sounds like it is a dreary effort.
What about if they make music themselves as a musician? NOT a therapy then?
she made a good point. don't let your whole day be about helping, or correcting. I sit with my client and watch her favorite Hawai Five-O because our day is better when i am her friend, not her caregiver.
Your videos have helped my sister and I with our moms care. We both have made mistakes for sure. These are going to be incorporated asap. Thank you so much. There is no way financially we could even think of a care facility. Plus I promised she would never go. She'll pass at home.
Glad it helped!
That is the same promise I made, and we can't afford to pay for the care centers..but she is not getting better, I pray that she doesn't get any worse. But I realize she will.
Dr. Edmonds, this information is helpful not only for dealing with dementia patients, but with all other people. Relationships would last longer and be more caring. Thank you.
Guilty of all these mistakes….
Thank you for teaching me exactly what I needed. ❤🙏
Great video! Thank you for addressing the medical frustration. That is always in the back of my mind, “am I doing enough medically, or am I chasing a unicorn because there is nothing new and nothing definite that can make these diseases better?” I’ve learned to focus on the day to day quality of life. Video is on point.
Thank you so much, glad you liked it.
Thank you so much for your videos. My aunt was diagnosed with vascular dementia and we lost her 3 years ago. I hadn't had anyone in our family that had this and when I found your channel, it was and still is a Godsend. Since my aunt has passed away i have shared you with others that are being careblazers for their loved one. God bless you for what you do.
Sending you so much love. You will forever be a part of the Careblazer family. Thank you for being there for your loved one when they needed you most. 💖
Hi Cathy We are so glad you are here as part of this community. Wishing you all the best on your caregiving journey. 💖
Real valuable video info. The process of getting the paperwork court placement and stuff stressed me the most. I could somewhat deal with the dementia with my aunt and we didn't discuss that with each other. But, the other part behind the scenes for care was a nightmare. Finally got a conservator for her and that's a big relief. Now, when she gets a place Facility, we can have much fun and things will be more satisfying. For her first, then family next. Things can change anytime. From good days and bad days. But safety and care are so important. It takes us with the team working together.
Love your content but I'm so lost why am i the only one here to help her??? I don't know hat to do. No one else in the family will step up to help, they only tell me what I should do after their 20 minute visit once a month... I don't want to do this anymore. I want my own life
Excellent. I follow similar guidelines daily . Wonderful . Thank you for sharing
Dear Natali,
Your Videos and advice continue to be a great support to me as my wife continues her progression from caterory 6 to 7.
This video in particular shows how I have fallen into making several of the mistakes which you have highlighted. Hopefully, the "learn and change" will make life easier, especially for my wife, even at this late stage.
It's now December 25th 2022 here in "OZ" and wish you and your family all the best both for Christmas day and the New year.
Hi my mum has an obsession with burning legs sensation! She has been checked by her GP and the results were inconclusive. She is in remarkable good health for 94 aside from early dementia! However her housing manager has reminded her to use the helpline that she wears round her neck if she feels unwell…..she now presses it if she wakes in the night and can’t get back to sleep….. they in turn call me but thankfully so far it’s a false alarm! I don’t want her to not use it in case there’s a valid reason but being called regularly in the night is distressing for both of us!
You are such a good teacher!❤
Dr.Natali you're exactly 💯 percent correct. I wish that the doctors would give this advice when they give you the diagnosis! It's so hard trying to figure it out on our own. God put you in my life and I am so grateful for you! Thank you so very much for helping us out and for caring for others. I swear I could listen to you all day long. You are awesome at speaking and teaching and so full of knowledge as well. I'm so grateful each and every day for you! May God bless you and this whole family of Care Blazers I love how everyone is ready to give someone a hand up when it's needed. So many wonderful people, stories and problem solving suggestions! ❤to all. Have a beautiful and blessed day 💗💗
Thanks, this video is excellent!
Very very helpful insight!
Really needed this today. I am having a difficult time fighting off my resentment. This is the kick I the pants I needed! Thank you!
🙏 I am learning so much and I will do better from now on!!!! Thank you 🙏
Excellent!!
I'm so glad to have found you. It was about 6 or 8 months ago and I've learned so much! I did all the things wrong. I did them to varying degrees and not on purpose but my actions still taxed the caregiving process. The safety issues overshadow our days because my mom is unable to comprehend why I am here. It makes no sense to her. I forgot what this is called.
Thank you for all this helpful information Dr Natalie! I see I’ve been reacting emotionally because my husband has dementia which certainly has not helped the situation. I will watch this over and over and change how I am handling this dementia.
Glad it helps, happy to hear that.
I do all 5 of these mistakes! I have a lot of changes to make but now I can work on all 5! Thank you
I will watch this 100 times , so much help , thank you.
Great video. Should be played by every doctor right after diagnosis.
You are awesome Natali!! Thanks
Thank you so much!
i did live-in for my first. the thing i wanted most was relief care so i could get out and be myself for just a couple hours. dementia care is not easy. My current client is going from 1st to 2nd stage. I have to explain to the family how that changes for them. Give your caregivers a little love. They are juggling families, friends, and the world for your loved one.
This video is so important. Thank you for all your amazing informational videos they help me so so much 🥰. God bless you for all this great information ❤
Thank you so much.
Thank you for this advice! My biggest one is #1 reminding & #3 correcting! I have to get better at this!
You're so welcome!
Thank you!
Thank you I was doing all of these.❤
Beautiful Dr
Thank you xxx🙏
I will be working to reduce corrections.
As far as the rest of it goes, you have made me feel so much better about how well I’m doing, which I am extremely grateful. I’m going to celebrate all the things I’m doing pretty well, and really turn my Violinist/teacher brain on the arena of correction reduction.🎉
This is very useful, thank you very much.
Thank you.
I like and appreciate this!
Thanks!
Love your videos. They are so helpful!
Glad you like them!
It's absolutely correct - knowing what you should NOT do is more important than knowing what TO do. I have worked with Dementia patients before, and now dealing with my father who is toward the end of his journey.
Outstanding video, I'm lucky mom has a great disposition most of the time, but I actually follow all that advice. With some failures along the way, of course.
Amazing ❤
Thankyou. I feel the longer I am a caregiver the more mistakes I make.
It's okay to make a mistake.
Thanks! This is one of your finest videos EVER!
Wow, thanks!
Great advice Dr Natali, 3&5 are the ones l like.
Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much 💞 💞
Glad you like them!
I am supposed to become the caretaker for my inlaws and all of this terrifies me. In the last few years our relationship has become increasingly fraught and tense and my position has shifted from beloved relation to somewhere on the antagonist list. I now go out of my way to avoid them because I feel as though I have been put into this "problem fixer" category while nothing I do is ever alright and am at fault no matter what. I dont think I am going to make it if my husband dumps his parents on me. It's all I can do to handle him and the disasters he leaves in his wake (from basic hygiene to health management to substance abuse). I feel as though I have been managing an overgrown toddler with next to zero life skills for the last 30 years and am about to inherit another two while he is either away working half of the year or at home needing attention, then getting on my case because I am not doing anything important with my life. Trying to navigate the family at times feels like juggling emotional nuclear bombs while crossing a minefield.
I am terrified.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Get out! You have a horrible husband and he will dump his parents on you. This is not a sharing and loving marriage. Leave while you still can.
Why did you put up with his crap for 30 years? You deserve a good life.
Thank you for this one,,we are still living,Mr f is having delusions recently, and it was hurtful I acted like a jerk,quickly apologized he still has his wits and is a survivor and still has inspiring outlook,,I've been with Jim in his beautiful home 2 Years now,,thanks for listening miss Natalie your the real deal and I've studied your teachings ,, my role as careblazer is pretty depressing. But he's a cool dude, all the elderly want is respect,,and this man gets that for sure,,,tks
I appreciate you. Thank you for sharing and advising us care blazer’s like you do. BTW I did every single one of these not so long ago!
Thanks for sharing!!
Happy to help!
Your videos have given me more information than any doctor or Memory Care Team my husband has been to. Thank you so much 💜
You are so welcome!
Glad it helped! 💞
You are a god send. Thank you.
Wow, thanks
I wish I had seen this video years ago. I definitely made all these mistakes but learned not to do them as part of the learning process. Right now we seem to be in a good Rhythm and I am enjoying our time together. There are times I feel sorry for myself and the retirement life that we no longer can make happen that we dreamt about worked so hard towards. I think I’m lucky in that my LOWD (wife) always had an optimistic personality. That seems to have carried through even with the dementia. We’re about 4 years in since her official diagnosis (and I realize now that she had issues starting 10 or years before that). Her doctors seem to have hit on the correct dosages of medication so right now we are in a good place. I’m praying that lasts as long as possible as I can’t imagine a life without her. Thank you fDr Nattily for you videos. They have helped us so much.
Thank you so much glad you saw this. I hope you surround with love and support.
family tried. failed, remebered how that went, wont forget. and learned
I am a new caretaker. My first client was an 82 year old male, with stage 6 dementia. WITH NO TRAINING AT ALL! I was shocked and appalled. Thank you for my training because it is all I have to fall back on. They told me for my first assignment it would be EASY!!!! The first thing the nurse said to me when she saw me was, HE IS HARD TO HANDLE. HE IS A PUNCHER AND A CHOCKER. Thank God he didn't hurt me. I was kind and patient with him. He was very calm with me.
US health care system sucks ! I had my husband home 18 years and in long term care 6 years and no one helped me !
So sorry to hear that 🥺🥺
0:58... i learned that listening at this point establishes a baseline to where you can insert yourself safely
I think #1 and 2 is not yet severe and even needs to be discussed with the patient in an EARLY stage of dementia when they are still mentally "available". At least that is my current state of planning further steps with my 58yo husband talking about that on "good days" as I do very much assume some moderate state of bvFTD with him from the actual symptomatic but yet undiagnosed (neurologists appointment in 2 weeks and still researching and collecting data). His response to that is mostly positive and I always accept when he gives me sign to stop to not be overstressed. But there are things needed to be talked about like new symptoms or feelings so that I can understand him better. I don't want to "remind" him constantly but the patient still needs to be taken as a "patient" and not as a healthy person, that would be unrealistic too IMO. The brain is declining (it is what it is) and we BOTH agree on that in general. We also agree on the patients duty to collaborate on the disease, not making things harder for the caregiver. Nevertheless, we had a great time in the local hot spa together today so there's always occasion for fun. 😀👍
And now 5 months later he has his bank card few Grand in the bank and u have earned his trust,his heart is so real that i am on a mission to see he can live in his beautiful home for as long as he is able or aleins attack,,its like im keeping him safe fed, and has a friend,,,his 48 year ild daughter is estranged,,,ok im blabbing and streed but i got to get my second wind,tks Dr Natalie 🌹👍
Oh wow I’ve been doing most of these things. Good to know. Yes don’t make it personal. I will work on this.
You got this!
Thankyou
# 3.
I am getting better about not correcting him. Yet tend to chime in sometimes, when he tells me in advance what it is that he's going to say to others.
Recent example. My husband is calling people/businesses a lot on the phone. This past Monday, he told me he was going to call the library, to see if his last book returned was processed back into the system. He kept saying yesterday, and said yesterday over and over. I stopped him and said that no, the library was not open yesterday. And invited him to think about what he was going to say to the librarian. Should have let him make that call w/out correcting him.
We just had our first neuro appt - it went exactly like the one you described...
i made all of these mistakes continuously with my mom and i wonder why the already stressful situation was getting more and more frustrating because i am clueless on how to make it easier on both of us
My partner has ftd and our relationship died in the early stages of the disease years before he was diagnosed. I do none of these things and he still is so awful to me. This disease sucks
So sorry to hear that!
Yes everything you said in the being no information from physicians
Yes, avoidance is so crucial ...
Agree!
@@DementiaCareblazers I hope you understand what a huge service you give ... thx
My second client was my grandmother, dementia. my current client is first stage. I'm all ears.
So how do we change and make things better if the relationship was already strained before dementia?
HI, This is Trisha. Dr. Natali's social media manager. I'm sorry to hear about your situation;. Here is a TH-cam video she made that I hope can help you with your situation. 💖 th-cam.com/video/ycIgcdOKOoo/w-d-xo.html
when you respond to them accusing you, remember, they lost something important to them. sometimes its a favorite plate they can't find. sometimes it's a favorite blanket, doll, crystal candle, or binky. it might throw you off guard. To them, it means the world. It is a hold on there past that they can't let go. You MUST, let them finish thru there obsession, afterwards, comfort them.
my stop-gap to #1 is i re-direct there attention to something they love doing. i.e. knitting or card games. learn to play hears. a lot of older people play hearts.
Good pointers. And it's interesting to see how much you've changed..from the way you look and the manner you talk. You seem to talk more harshly on this video compared from year 2018 onwards.
well I guess I win, I do all 5 :-) , will work on changing them, thanks Dr. Natali - very helpful
Wonderful!
My Husband is 64 with Early Onset Alzheimer's Dementia, Hes in Slow Progression but seems to be getting Worse, last night he came in and Woke me up like 3 times, im 51 going through Menopause having Hot Flashes had to get up Early to do A Telahealth Appointment with my Doctor today im Exhausted i have a Grocery Order Coming i have to get my Husband in The Shower and help him through the Process, last night he said I treat him like S**t😢 dealing with my Problems as Well as his is Overwhelming but i will try my Best and keep Trying, Today he Said he Doesn't feel good and feels a Fearful Feeling??? I had him Stretch out on his Recliner and Did Some Breathing Exercises with him thinking he Might be Feeling overly Anxious. It Seemed to help a little. Thank You for Your Channel It Helps alot God Bless Everyone dealing with this Terrible Disease
I'm having the same about my moms Dr. The visits to him is useless. Will not follow these 5 steps. I've tried so much and it doesn't work. My honest opinion.
Too bad the public cant be educated on these things...especially all family members of someone they think may have some type of dementia.
I have been making all of these mistakes! Thank you for presenting this information in such an understandable way. Here is my dilemma though.... my husband has vascular dementia. He is also a malignant narcissist. He has been verbally abusive all of our marriage, and physically abusive at times. This has been magnified now with his dementia. I am constantly in fight or flight mode and am physically and emotionally exhausted. Any advice on how to care for him when he is just so darn mean?
Same happened to me now he's having FTD .😢
It sounds as if you have given More of your life to husband long before the dementia showed itself. You may consider a care facility with absolutely no guilt. Please do what you can to have some pleasure in your life. Even respite care if financially possible. I’m so sorry.❤❤