What to do when someone with dementia is upset
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ก.พ. 2022
- Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.) Every Sunday, I share a video to help you in your dementia caregiving journey.
In today’s video, I chat with dementia expert Teepa Snow as she demonstrates exactly how to respond to someone with dementia who is upset. She specifically goes over examples of how to get someone with dementia to change their clothes when dirty and how to respond when someone with dementia wants to go home.
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Website: teepasnow.com
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In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #dementiacaregiver
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When I was a home health aid, I remember one lady had smeared fecal material all over herself and I was cleaning her up. She told me that "This is a very nice salon are you this nice to all your patrons?" In spite of being 19 years old, I realized in the moment- "Let's go with this" So we had a spa day in the bathroom and it was jolly. lol
Excellent!! I often use a "spa day" routine also and it works great.
I am sobbing as I’m watching this. I feel so alone and so unsuccessful so much of the time. It’s hard to hold onto the successful moments and to the joy I feel in that moment. I try to journal those times as a reminder of what worked. I will be watching this video many times.
Glad it helped
God bless you! You're not alone. I'm a caregiver and I'm here. I have finally gotten over the anger that this is happening to my sweet husband.
There are so many of us that feel this way. I live in a nursing home where I feel I'm the only one, a patient myself who tries to understand dementia. I even post these videos to help.
Me too 😊
@@DementiaCareblazers Hi Natalie, I am just thinking that these are videos for careblazers to look after their loved one with dementia, but before the careblazer actually knows that their loved one has dementia, many mistakes have sometimes been made whilst thinking you can interact as normal when you can't, and the LOWD thinks already that you are the enemy and the crazy one for your attempts at logic or reasoning even years before a diagnosis. Is there any way to get this out of their head when they have worked themselves into a paranoid deluded frenzy over their own misunderstandings, particularly in non-Alzheimer type dementias? It really blocks any efforts at help in many ways.
My mum is 99 years and has had dementia for 8 years her decline is now that she has deteriorated ( bedridden and non communicative and totally dependent for everything.)
She does know me but not who I am,if that makes sense! She cries most of the time when I’m with her and it is so heartbreaking to see her this way.
I cared for her at home for 18 months until she fell and broke her hip and I fell and broke my arm.I’m 72 yrs.
She was admitted to a residential home and the care is really wonderful.
She mumbles a lot like she’s trying to tell me something so I try to ask basic questions and then she may shake her head in response. I feel so sad seeing her like this. Sorry if this is out of context but I wanted to get some advice. Thank you.
I have a mother with dementia and a rebellious 18 yr old son. The overlaps are incredible. I have been very intentional with trying to focus on any speck of positivity in either relationship.
Finally...my two favorite dementia specialists merged into one amazing resource!!! Thank you both a billion for this most helpful half hour!! Much thanks and love to you both!
Both of you should get together at least once a month! Both of you are highly respected and I'm sure the Dementia community would greatly appreciate the two of you coming together ❤
I thank you both for all that you do!
GBY....
CJS.......:)
I have a care client I see in his home and he is very close (dependent) on the company of his wife. My purpose for being in their home is for her respite, to run errands, spend time with friends, do the shopping or go to appointments of her own. Her husband is then left with me and he often asks grouchily, “so are you my babysitter?!” This shows me that he is having a “better” day, but he may also be feeling ditched by his wife, as if he is being treated like a child, or just in a grouchy mood. My question is-what should be my response to his question?
Sometimes I joke and ask, ‘do you need a babysitter?’ Or ‘heck no, I’m just here to help with the cleaning’.
Or less jokingly ‘your wife needs to be out for part of the day and knows you sometimes don’t want to go with her. I’m just company, help with cleaning. Also, your wife is concerned because you don’t have a phone and I do. If we need to talk we can use my phone’
He has accepted those various responses at times but I wonder if there is a better response I could use-like for example, say the same response every time?
Thank you for being there to forge the trail.
My social worker had suggested her..and i had alreadybeen following her..Mahalo
You reallymake a difference 🌺
Bravo ladies!
Some days I’m on it but sometimes I get resentful that this is my life now. I love my mother in law but it gets really hard sometimes.
I pray a lot and try to watch the TH-cam videos for help. I also have joined some Facebook dementia groups for encouragement.
Thank you both for all you do to help us help our loved ones🥰
Cheers 🥂
Sending you love and strength. It's normal to have a wide variety of emotions on this caregiving journey. So glad to hear you are connecting to others inside groups. 💖
I would love to get to know you on a more personal level. My hubby has LBD and I belong to 3 LBD fb groups, Dr. Natalie's Careblazer's and one other but most of the time LBD.
I'm a Christian but beat myself up a lot because of getting it wrong.
I so identify with where you are at… sending prayer and encouragement.
Me too!
Wow, you’re story sounds like mine. Going on 8 yrs of mother in law care…hasn’t been easy ain’t gonna lie 😢
Yeah i have noticed that my husband by not want me Around, because i Speak to fast give to much information, but i learned by calling the the Alzheimer's Association Support how to get My Husband get in the Shower, first of all i need to Ask instead of tell him. Tell him im here to help that i will get his Clothes towel and Washcloth Ready, Ask him if i can Wash his Back and if it feels ok when i do, Ask him if i can help wash his Hair. And i was So Happy He went along with everything and seened very happy to do so. I was So So Happy. But i feel i make to many Mistakes and feel im not a very good Caretaker and liked you mentioned A Bully 😢😢 My Husband has been Progessing a bit faster in the last few Months. His Communication is getting worse. I Love him, and i dont want him to Feel My Wife is Mean to me, She doesn't understand😢😢 this Channel is Very Helpful. Thank You Natalie ❤ 😊
Thank you Dr. Natali for bringing in Teepa Snow. Yes I have heard of her. You both are awesome and so appreciated.
Is this Pam from Pgh, Pa.???
It's Judy Fichter
@@edwardfichter2508 No, sorry.
Together at last! The dream team. The top 2 experts I recommend to everyone because they have helped us so much, forever grateful
Tepa was the original CareBlazer... she started the movement to help Dementia patientsand their family.
We have been so blessed by her and her training.
We've also been blessed by yours as well. I thank God for you both.
Yes! She blazed the trail for us all!
OMW, I get it 100%. My LOWD has lost most of her sense of smell and her taste has changed! Also, it takes about 20 repeats before she understands and yet may still forget. But when I do have to tell her again, she understands sometimes. Dressing herself is a challenge too, so now she's learnt to let me help her.
Teepa Snow is amazing! I’ve learned a lot from her and from you Natalie! My go to’s.
She is GREAT!
@@DementiaCareblazers and so are you!!!
Love this so much. Interestingly, my Lewy body father HATED upbeat. He would say we were full of shit, or happy that he was so miserable. He had such a horrible time. He told me once that if he could unscrew the top of his head off and scoop out his brains, he would. I still feel that there were things I learned from positive care that did help, though my Ma struggled with some of the advice of going along, because she felt like it was lying, even if brought him some peace for a few minutes. He always seemed to enjoy pretty girls, however! Lol
There is a great need for Teepas knowledge. I have been in the dementia journey with my mother for over a year and I am yet to see any staff exhibit any dementia understanding or skills to handle behaviors in their units. Training is needed as dementia numbers skyrocket, training for staff in facilities and for caregivers at home.
I am no good at this. Mostly I am a failure as a caregiver. Yet, here we are stuck, my husband and me. I am trying so hard to keep up with what is going on. He is failing so fast I can't keep up. I wish I could do better, but almost everything I do is wrong.
I watch these videos and I belong to a support group. But I still feel like a failure. He just turned 90 and I am 87. My back hurts so bad I have a hard time doing anything.
I'm so sorry it's so difficult for you. Your comment was some months ago so I don't know if you feel stuck still in that situation. I'm having to learn a lot myself to help my mother.
One of the things I'm newly learning is admitting I need outside, physical help. I don't know if you have the resources, but hiring in-home professional help can be a sanity saver. Even if just a few times a week for several hours.
Also, his Primary Care Dr might be able to refer him to hospice care at this point in his condition (this is not necessarily immediate end-of-life care, as is regarded by society). Hospice should be covered by Medicare/Medicaid, I believe, but check on that. That care could be a great help to you. They are extremely well versed at elder care and just their knowledge could be very reassuring.
I do hope you've already found the support you need, though. Take care 🤗
@@rhyfeddu Thank you for your kind words. They mean so much. I not only belong to a support group, but I am seeing a Psychiatrist too. My hubby got violent with me and I was asked by the cops to leave. I am taking care of him long distance. APS and his family got involved and it was a mess.
@@marycarricaburu3683 Oh no! That's so hard when they change so much, such a helpless feeling. I'm glad you're caring for yourself too. We can only ever do the best we can. Hugs to you! Stay safe and find joyful moments for yourself, please.
Can the state help. My sister just applied for assistance and was approved. It was through department of human services of California. I pray God's strengthens and send you help in Jesus Name ❤🙏
My 94yr old dad lives with me and my husband and two sons and a careprovider . I am learning so much and I follow your directions. My dad isn't in a full blown state of dementia, but we see small hints of it. I am SO much more RELAXED and confident in my approach to dad. Also, I have those extra people to pop in on him on occasion to give him a fresh face!!
This is because your ideas are fresh and different and really culls the arguing and suspicion.hes happier too! And he IS home. 2 1/2 years now.
Teepa Snow was the first dementia you tuber I ever watched. The help was amazing!
Yay
Thank you for asking Teepa to give her time and expertise! This gave us all more support, resources & a larger community.
Very good, all of us caregivers have unique situations that are constantly changing, I love the positive approach, so hard when you’re worn out and burnt out. God bless all of you ❤
I work as a behavioral health technician at a senior unit. This episode is amazing and so helpful. All of your episodes are very helpful. Thank you for what you do. God bless you! You're amazing!
I am my grandmothers primary care aide since my grandpa passed six months ago. She has dementia . I have considered taking a psw course this year. I feel like Teepa is going to teach me more for free than that certificate ever could ( and the now hands on experience ) thank you Teepa !
Tips from the expert:
- visual , verbal and touch
- positive compliments, assess speech ability, keep the relationship;
- It is a lonely path;
- celebrate small successes; find joy
- watch for spiraling into the pit
- change is imminent - adapt
- try to tag team; new perspective
- watch your habits; 8 habits for new habits ;
Amazingly helpful input
Thank you ladies. !!
You two have been my inspiration and partners the last 3 years! I can never express how grateful i am to both of you!!
Thank you, thank you! I just used the validation technique Teepa taught us in a conversation with my dad. It really helped; and the real positive is that it helped both of us!
YES! I believe that anything we do to help our loved one's with dementia also benefits us! Thank you for sharing. 💖
Dr. Natali: thank you for all you do for us Careblazers. Thank you for bringing in Teepa Snow and sharing her expertise with us!!!
I've a BA in interpersonal communication but have been having a difficult time with my 76 yr old mother... Many thanks for these enlightening vids!
I think it’s harder when the person is a close relative. Maybe because of a long history of interactions that have become automatic. Maybe the tree in the forest. Maybe so many other reasons. My uncle who had been an eye, ear, nose, throat doctor developed dementia when he was in his 80’s. My father said many times over the years that he couldn’t understand why it happened when his brother was so intelligent and had been a doctor. He never got that there was no connection. Intelligence and education don’t guarantee the ability to successfully address every situation so don’t beat yourself up about not always being successful. As a nurse I had to have a certain number of continuing education credits to maintain my license. You are having ongoing life education for dealing with dementia. Be patient with yourself. 😊💕👍
@@BobbieJeanM what kind words and value insight!! Thank you 😉👍
I have been waiting over a year and a half to get a geriatrics consult for my Mom. She finally got one...after she has had a heart attack and dilerium while in the hospital. That is how bad our health system is in Canada right now. Lucky to have a GP...it is so broken.thank you so much for these videos. Difficult to leave your house to get educated on these issues when you are going to hospital to be with your loved one every day...all day. 🥰, Sharon.
Great info. One suggestion please....please provide more role playing / examples. Adult learning is enhanced by practical application of information. Thanks so much for your consideration!
Oh!!! I have been doing it all wrong!!! Trying to make her reason when I have to approach very different...🥺 Thanks! Dementia is new for me dealing with mom. Learning and getting better...🥺
I love Teepa Snow. I get so much helpful information from both of you. Thank you
Loved seeing the two of you together. Thank you both for the amazing help you share with people with dementia and us who care for them.
Hello I am a health care aide and my approach to dementia patients is talking in a soft and happy voice and I ask if is ok to help them sometimes it’s easy but not all the time I learned not to struggle or forced them they deserve patience and be loved
I love love Teepa Snow. She is amazing and a gift to the world of dementia . Everything I do as a CDP I have learned from Teepa .
THANK YOU very much for introducing Teepa Snow to me in Germany, such a good source of learning how to deal better with my husband now changing behaviour quite drastically (assumed FTD of some sort). As I cannot speak with him as I used to before I am grateful for EVERY single good advice to be creative in positive conversation as I still do love him so much. Blessings your way! 👍👍
Excellent comment
@@patriciacole8773 THANK YOU Dear, after all I must say I got my husband back, totally healed since last year!! 🙏❤️🙏 I still have no clinical diagnose but it seems having been a Daniel 4 episode (temporary chastisement from God). I am so grateful. He has forfeited strength and shape though. But I got him back. Blessings your way!
Had the wonderful experience if seeing g Teepa in person. She is wonderful! A lifesaver to new caregivers. Gives us tools we need to feel confident in our caregiving. Thank you Teepa.
So helpful as zero community understanding or needs based support
Sad that I spend my time off researching dementia knowledge instead of living my own life!! I truly appreciate their knowledge, but IM SO DONE!!!!!!!! I WANT THIS TO END..... I want my own life
The other day, a similar thought was also in my mind.
It sounds like the complete takeover that someone else’s dementia has become is causing some resentment? Totally natural.
It speaks to your good character that you are devoting yourself to learning as much as you can about how to effectively navigate this situation. Remember to appreciate that about yourself.
When this particular situation has ended, you will be on the other side of this wiser. You will also have a keen understanding of your own emotional and mental resilience.
The value of the effort we are required to make is directly proportional to the significance of that relationship.
In other words, if the person didn’t really matter to you, you wouldn’t be putting so much pressure on yourself to endure this.
You are strong enough, and you can see this through to whatever shift is your (and your loved one’s) next step.
Many kind regards.
Take care💕
Life is full of so many opportunities and obligations.
Thank you sooo much to the both of you beautiful ladies
She's awesome. Her experience is greatly appreciated.
Loved re=studying this video again. Gracias
Caregiving is so hard,mentally & physicaliy. Judy Fichter
I am rewatching some of teepa snow's videos now so that I can take in things now that I couldn't take in, back then and as reminders to still help with care giving now...some of the best help that I have ever learned
Thank you both for all you do to help all impacted by dementia. You give support to caregivers while improving the care our loved ones receive.
Do you and Teepa do a demonstration of how to encourage someone with. Dementia who needs to transition from regular underwater to disposable underwear. Specifically if the individual with dementia keeps saying “ I don’t need to etc .. I don’t have a problem etc “. Much appreciated
The regular underware could all be in the wash but there is some great comefortable underware here
Both of you give me so much hope in what feels so hopeless!!❤. Teepa sure has a special way of approaching the undesired chores in a positive way! Thank you both for sharing your expertise!
EXPERIENCE and TRAINING counts for your expertise.
I wish there was a LOCAL group or organization that could offer this kind of training.
I get much from your videos but I still cannot THINK fast enough to deal with the behavior issues when they pop up.
Thank u Teepa, lots of interesting information ❤
Great video with some great info and ideas. My mom is constantly in a dirty shirt. While I don't think this approach will work with her because we know each other so well, I really take away from this that I can be more complimentary toward her and get much further. Gosh, we've even been worried that people knocking on her door could come in and steal her blind if they just compliment her about how great she looks or how great she's doing. It's definitely a door in when someone is having such a rough time, most of the time.
Both are very informative! Was following you both when brother-in-law had dementia bad anger and what to do. Big fan of Teepa Snow wish more people knew how to care for seniors better at homes. Thank you both for all you do!
I agree
I am so glad that I came across this clip tonight! Teepa gave me validation when she stated that caregivers can be dealing with this for years before an actual diagnosis is made! I noticed changes 3 to 4 years ago. Today, after numerous trips to 3 different neuro doctors, there is still not a diagnosis; only 6 month monitoring visits. It is just driving me nuts. During this whole time, he still states that there is nothing wrong. I wholeheartedly believe that the markers for these cognitive decline issues are vastly outdated and need to be revised. When you are constantly with someone 24/7 you KNOW things are not right. To make matters worse, others and your loved one believe that you are blowing things out of proportion or just being mean. It is an uphill battle right now. You wonderful ladies are giving me valuable information and helping to keep me sane!!!😊
I just barely stumble on to you. I have no idea who she is. I cared for my mother in law with dementia and wish I had seen you then. Another loved one is showing signs and I will most likely be the one who does the caring. It will be easier this time, because of the knowledge you have passed on to me so far. Thank you
These two women are amazing. Only women show this level of human empathy and its a beautiful thing.
It says something that Teepa and Natalie make these so, so, helpful videos and there is no James doing the same even though men are more likely to succumb to dementia diseases than women.
The new generation of adults don't know how to care for their parents because societies now don't live together to witness generational caring. In the past, multi-generational family members live together so the grand children witness early on all the care giving tips and tricks from their parents or relatives. When it is their turn, they know what to expect and how to do it. Now? Nobody knows anything. Thank God for TH-cam for those who still want to learn. For those who don't want to do it or don't want to learn, they will be hopelessly locked in conflicts and distress... Only the smart survive.
Love Teepa!!
Wow my two favourite caregiver teachers of all time, both at the same time. Thanks as usual for sharing.
I love Teepa!!!
This is excellent!
This was amazing thank you
YES! Teepa is great!
You are both so helpful. Hubby is not yet diagnosed but your approaches have helped a lot!
I did not know of Teepa Snow. Glad you brought her in your show.
SO love learning from both of you! thank you
Sooo helpful! Thank you!
Love you both!! ❤️❤️
Excellent video
THANK YOU!
Teepa is awesome on what you do.
Great information, thank you both for your support!
Great video and information
OMG! Fantastic video…..new subscriber to Teepa! 😀
I have loved to see you both and great ideas abound! So I had to share this.
YOU LADIES ARE THE DYNAMIC DUO. BLESS YOUR GIGANTIC HEARTS. 🙏♥️♥️
Thank you both! I love both of your videos!!! 🤗
Teepa is brand new for me, as I just found your channel today...Thank you for all the amazing videos about dementia...I learned many new signs of dementia behaviors & new techniques on how to cope & care for family & others with Dementia
I love you both!
Thank you for this wonderful video.
I learn from both of you! And I appreciate both of you!
I thought my son was the only person in the world who said "language comprehenchmen" (6:36) 😂 Great talk, learned a lot!
I LOVE Teepa! I always learn something more!
Thank you. The solutions are
The best help when i needed it to assist my wife and myself in helping her in the
Way she deserve's. 51 years
Flew by. I love her and i
Thank all.
Wow, brilliant advice. Thank you both
So educational.Thank you Dr and Teepa❤
Thank you Natalie
Both of you have been very helpful. Thank you
Wow! Two experts
Amazing!!! Please continue these fantastic videos!!! So many happy ideas for us!!!
Yes! You are right that there is such a need for the information the two of you are sharing! I am ever grateful!!!!!
What amazing show. Ny two favourite mentors! I hope you do this again!
I love Teena Snow and have learned so much from her. Care blazers is new to me, but I’ve been impressed.
Thanks to you both. You’ve both helped me immensely.
My sister and her children are always having conflict, because my has a dementia and she will not have a bat
And this lesson that I am watching is a learning experience when it come to having someone with dementia to have a bath or change there clothing .
Thank you great learning experience,
This was excellent!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! I'm subscribed, I clicked like and I'm sharing widely
What a very clever technique! Just love it, thank you for sharing.
Absolutely wonderful video! Yes I've heard of Teepa Snow!!
I just love what is being said, to help caregivers understand the direction they need to help it's so very much-needed and important thank you so much, keep up the conversations to help us caregivers.
Yes I agree
Thank you so much Teepa. I learned a lot with every show. Blessings💜💜💜
This was the best! Would like to see more!
Ofcourse!
So great having two mentors on one screen😊