good vs. bad therapist.
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ธ.ค. 2014
- yo.
[Side note regarding Dr. Zucker. I wrote a paper after making this video and found out that Dr. Zucker is a big name in transsexualism research. He was on the DSM committee to help change the definition and name of Gender Identity Disorder to Gender Dysphoria. Although a lot of this articles are positive for the trans community, some are not so much. Lets talk about this if you know more info about it!]
This was a request from tumblr. If you have any video requests for me, I'm finally on winter break and have time to make 14874534 videos! Just comment below if you have suggestions! - ภาพยนตร์และแอนิเมชัน
After coming out as transgender to a counselor when I was in high school at the age of 17, the counselor told me she would have to call my mom and tell her. I spent an hour in her office begging her not to. She called my mom and outed me, and then lied to my mom and used the excuse of "she wants to kill herself."
1) she outed me
2) she broke the rule of confidentiality because I was older than 16
3) she misgendered me
4) she said I needed "help" implying that there's something wrong with me because I'm trans
+Howie W this is whats happening to me. I feel you, and this is awful.
I'm so sorry this happened, that was gross behavior of the therapist and they honestly should lose their license to practice.
Whoa that's not even legal I'm so sorry that's an awful way to come out
My old therapist told me it was "Illegal" to call me "he/him" when i'm still a "she". I told her I'm a guy, she's an idiot, and I left. Only to be forced the next month so I could stay on homebound, a sort of homeschooling ((which she was the president of long story short it was my last visit and if I didn't go she would kick me out of homebound forcing me back into public school, which I wasn't ready for yet). I showed up with a paragraph of citations, gave her a small speech about how fucking wrong she was, only for her to go "Oh yeah? I checked with Mr. ___. He said its illegal." Her exact words, minus the man's name. Needless to say, i got up, told her to never treat a trans person ever again because she is a harmful woman, a liar, and an idiot, and left her office. I never went back.
Never let someone tell you its 'against the law' to use the correct pronouns and name. No matter how much they insist, theyre fucking idiots and you deserve better.
Mitchell Price it’s actually against the rules to purposely misgender somebody (where I live),according to my school councilor when her and I were talking abt it
My therapist, who is an older woman like babyboomer and she specializes in teen depression, calls the dsm the "therapy bible". she is really accepting and understanding about how I feel different and how she knows its an acutal medical thing that people go through and I can guarantee that she would never out anyone. It has been a blessing working with her. fyi I am 16 I have clinical depression and I identify as pansexual and genderfluid
A therapist tried to explain to my parents that my male gender identity was due to "trauma" I've experienced in the past. I got my T and top surgery letter and never went back to him. He had previously treated trans men before, that's the scary part.
Wow, I feel bad for those other guys... I can't believe people like that call themselves therapists. Good thing you got away from that with your sense of self intact.
Honestly I feel like a wimp. I live in the south, about as far in the bible belt of Bama as a you can get, and I am honestly scared that because I don't act stereotypical that I will be refused. OR told over all something like you were that "trauma" caused it.
TheHogwartsBoy I wouldn't call you a wimp... I'd be scared too if I were in your situation. Maybe you should try to find online info about trans resources where you live before you talk to your doctor. That way you might be able to get a good sense of how trans people are treated there...
Ashton Colby i don't think being transgender can happen from trauma. i could be wrong and if i am it would be VERY VERY rare. that'a not really something that happens from trauma or PTSD.
TheHogwartsBoy There can be some pretty accepting communities in the south, but it isn't being wimpy to be concerned for your safety and dignity. It's important to find someone who is open to treating you as the gender you request, even if they aren't an expert in transgender issues specifically. You should be able to find stuff online before you need to call or do any paperwork!
My therapist, the only gender therapist I can go to if I want to transition, said such ignorant, offensive things last time I was there that I cried for a fucking hour afterwards. The worst thing was my mom was there and agreeing to everything she said.
"You know it's trans people's fault you guys have to go through such a slow, invasive process to confirm your identity" "How is it our fault, this is literally the last thing we want" "Well it's trans people's fault, you should do your research" ...
"You're not part of the LGBT community" "...I'm trans and gay, how am I not LGBT" "You're not, you just choose that label to victimise yourself. You've never been discriminated" "I have, and I'm inherently a second class citizen anyways for being trans and gay..." "Oh yeah? Tell me, who's discriminated you" ??? "I'm not going to give you a list of names of people that have shouted slurs at me, that's not the only definition of discrimination..." "So. No names huh? See, you've never been discriminated" ok.
"You think wearing a binder is tough? I have to wear a bra every day of my life" "I also wore a bra for most of my life and let me tell you, it does not compare at all. Binders are painful and don't let you breathe properly" "Well nobody's forcing you to wear a binder so, I'd stop complaining" wow u truly understand trans issues. ofc i wear a binder for fun, not cause it's a necessity.
"You know, if you dislike the system so much, why don't you just stop coming here? Nobody's forcing you to go through this" "I'm trans, I have dysphoria, and I need treatment, which is only offered here. So, I'm here to get the treatment I need, I can't go anywhere else for it, and you're telling me nobody's forcing me to come here? Do you suggest I just don't get treatment? Would you tell that to a cancer patient? I need help which I can only get here and you're telling me to leave if I don't like the way it's run. You clearly understand trans issues perfectly." "Well, I'll inform you I currently treat more than 500 trans people, so yes, I do know, and none of them complain" "OF COURSE they don't complain, because it's either you suck it up and get treated, or you don't get treated at all! It's ridiculous that we have to compromise our health for voicing our concerns about the ineffective system! And you have the audacity to claim we're not discriminated."
Those were only a few of the many interactions that went down during an hour and a half, a fucking hour and a half of putting up with her ignorant bullshit. And she's literally the only gender therapist in my city of like 3 million people I quit.
//slur tw//
And this is in Spain, where they pride themselves on how amazing and progressive they are when really they're like "omg long live the gayz (onli if dere cute) and the transvestitez am i rite, shemales r awesum har har" fuck this
Charlie C. de qué ciudad sos?
i know this is old but you mentioned Dr Zucker and i was going to be seeing him for gender therapy and the day i had the appointment was the day he got fired. I'm so glad i didn't get to see him
A few months ago I started looking for a therapist after the one I had been seeing for other issues told me that "dressing like a boy is good enough" ... Yea never going back to her.
My mom keeps saying that she thought, my long hair was beautiful. I don't know if I'm being over sensitive but it kinda ruins my day just a little bit. Does anybody feel the same or am i over reacting?
No, I don't think so. I had the same thing from my mother and other family members. It bothered me so much.
I've also experienced very terrible disphoria when I was complimented for looking amazing in feminine clothing and how it worked so well with my perfect female curves... I nearly had a breakdown right in front of them.
I told myself that having those feelings after being complimented on my looks was rediculous and that I should be happy, but I couldn't ignore them no matter how hard I tried...
So... Yeah... You're not alone.
You can donate your hair so it continues to look beautiful on someone else and it won’t go to waste. I recommend Pantene Beautiful Lengths.
my mom did something similar but much more creepy and disgusting she said my chest is bigger than hers and we were out in public she knew i was trans she knew that would make me feel like shit so i feel you
I told my therapist I was a transgender male (I've been going to this therapist since I was 15 and I came out as trans when I was 18) and she told me "oh, is this the flavor of the month?" (Meaning I change my mind a lot which I don't??) then told me that it just a phase I was going through cause I started college.
A few days ago I talked to my cousin's friend who's going to school for being a gender therapist and he told me that transgender people don't exist.
deep sigh.
Why in the hell is that guy going to even be a gender therapist?what is the POINT?
I have a "sorta" uncle who is a therapist... A professional fucking therapist. He is an older gentleman.
He is also transphobic as fuck and my entire time living with him I was unware, until I hear the conversations he was having with my Father. Apparently, I'm just gay and my Father's desicion to support my transition is enabling my depression. Apparently, being transgender is a result of self hatred and trying to deny or change who you are and needs to be corrected...
Apparently, these are conversations they have been having since I was 7. He had been telling my Dad there was no way I was trans and needed to accept myself as a lesbian woman. Since I was fucking 7.
I actually had a lot of respect for him before then.
I sorta assumed he was okay with it, because he never said anything to me directly about it, and he is a gay man so I thought, surely he must have a less toxic view point.
I'm a cis gay man here because I'm very interested by trans experience. But since I got interested in the trans community I've always found that the most toxic reaction are from gay and lesbian people. You would think that because they face discrimination and ignorance too they would be empathetic. But I guess they feel invalidated by straight trans people. That's strange to me because from the moment I understood the difference between gender and sexual orientation, everything began to make a lot more sense to me. I even felt validated, I didn't need to worry about being masculine or feminine to be recognized as gay, those are two different things.
I'm not a straight trans person, but I totally see that too.
Yo, for anyone in the states who is reasonably close to Washington, Erie, or Pittsburgh, PA; there's free gender therapy at PERSAD. They're an LGBT center but they see trans clients and are really good about dealing with trans things. I recommend them highly.
Totally know that feeling... So now I won't be telling medical personnel that I'm asexual because apparently it's because of depression, anxiety and the 'confusion of being a teenager '. Like seriously it's one of only things I'm confident and comfortable with about myself and you tell me it will be 'fixed'.
My therapist was a great and smart and very understanding.... HOWEVER.... she prolonged issues to keep a payroll....
Ian Hamilton, I have my first appointment in less than two weeks. Do you have any advice to help me avoid this? Is there anything you wish you had done differently?
They ALL fucking do that and the worse of them all mentally abuse clients to keep them worse and keep the payroll going. Traumatize a client just because of their greed.
" *DIS MUDAFUCKA IS A DOCTOR!* "
the first therapist i ever went to, when i opened up to her about self harm, dismissed it and said, "you're not that kind of person." ugh
I've experienced the same with my therapist. I told him that I felt like a boy and he told me, "no don't do that, it will hurt too much, now here are some homeopathic supplements"
around the time i first started testing the waters of the possibility of me being trans my therapist got angry at me for going to an appointment with no makeup and went on this whole spiel about how i need to look and act like a woman if i expect anyone to respect me, so i just got up and walked out of the room, and i havent gone back since.
i realize that she's just a seriously endangered species of bitch and she's not 'all' women of course, but she really solidified for me that i'm not about that life. XD
Anyone watching this in Central Florida, I have found a VERY GOOD Therapist.. Look up Dr Pittington.
He told me straight up "I have never lived in anyone's shoes and dont act as if I did.. in the end, you are the one who chooses the path you take, I will only help you make that answer more clear to yourself, and help you on this path. but you are the one to take this path, as i am the guide." Only 2 sessions with him as of right now and He is excellent! He is making me think more then i ever would have about being who i am and what to be. He works on both adults and children. (least teens, dunno bout younger kids)
"you're fine looking like a girl"? while that could have been true, it's more important that you feel like you LOOK and ARE yourself. like wtf man.
When you have to take a pause because you're talking about something that made you so mad. So, so there with you! So sorry these things happened and it's refreshing to see someone express themselves in this way.
My parents want me to go through therapy. Like not a gender therapist, like I would like. I was iffy about just going to any old shrink to help sort things out (because my mom believes this might be stemming from being bullied in my younger years, which I am almost completely over now) but I didn't know if any old psychologist was going to be able to help me in terms of my trans issues. Then I saw this video, and I have just a little bit more hope for myself going to a regular therapist. Now I just hope we're able to find a GOOD one.
+BlueRaven 666 From my experience, you don't need specific gender therapy to figure things out. I, personally, went to a normal family therapist, given it was mainly for depression, but we also talked about my gender issues and confusion. I was very fortunate to have a good therapist, and he helped me out a lot. So don't worry about having a general psychologist. If they're open--minded and willing to learn, you'll be in good hands.
Dude!!! That was great info, sorry you went thru that. But is also good to know we are not alone. My therapist is awesome, but I get "why would you want to change?" Comments at the office, in the truck stops when people try to correct me on my restroom choices. And so on. I honestly look forward to your video's as I always learn something new.
My therapist actually stopped seeing me when I told him I was trans. He just said, "No you're not. It's a phase. You don't know what you want. You're going to be a girl forever." The same thing happened when I told my psychiatrist. I was so fucking upset. They kept telling me I would never transition and I would be unhappy in this body forever and ahh I can't even get into it.
A few years ago my old psychiatrist told me he wasn't going to respect my name or pronouns until i physically transitioned. Thank god I don't go to him anymore.
Ï like winter it's cool" lmfao yes, yes it is.
"You get the hell out of that office." Thank you for reminding people that they have a choice and can and SHOULD leave when medical professionals are giving advice that goes against not only their profession, but your own knowledge of yourself.
please also don't sell yourself short on a lame therapist either. I had a supportive gender therapist (she was trans herself) but she didn't really offer much higher advice? she just kind of agreed with everything I said and it felt very patronizing, in short she was good to get recommendations from but I'd prefer someone who gave me some hard truth when it came the the problems I face and helped me grow and learn new points of view rather than just agreeing with me. just food for thought.
I had a counselor tell me 'you're a girl, you know you can't change that'
I've never had a good counselor..
My psychologist is not gender specific but she used to be the therapist that had to analyze someone they before could get gender reassignment surgery. She's very educated and really helps me figure myself out and helps me with how to talk to my mom about it and how to help both of us come to terms. Dr. Marcia Laviage is in Houston, Texas if you need someone and are in the area. She knows a lot about sex, gender, and sexuality. :)
Oh man. I was seeing a new therapist at a sliding-scale clinic (my previous, awesome one, moved on to a different area of study - they were all grad students) and when I brought up that I had been questioning my gender to her, she was like 'so.. you want to be a man?' and I was like 'NO' - because I wasn't sure, but I knew I was somewhere in the middle. She just told me 'oh, I don't really have any experience with that.' And totally brushed it off. Same thing with my then-fresh ADD diagnosis. I wish I had noped out sooner, but I'm with a much better therapist now, and getting medicated. In the meantime though, I'd totally forgotten that I needed to work on the ADD thing, and felt really reluctant to bring up gender with the new therapist at first because of it. When my new therapist not only believed me, but supported me and gave me resources, I literally almost cried. I didn't realize how important that was.
I told my counselor about me being trans, and she said I was too young to do anything about it and that I just had to 'deal with it' until I got older
Thank you for making this video. Btw I still don't know your name but I find your openness to your real self and real issues very refreshing my friend :) I like to be your friend. I am Iranian and I've have a nightmarish time with Iranian therapists. I went to an Iranian therapist because I thought that speaking about my gender issues in my mother tongue would help me make better peace with who I am. Instead, I was told that the way I see myself and feel about myself is just the result of older sexual harassment and such which I think is a very common BS trans people get told by therapists who don't know shit about human sexuality. Ultimately I had to walk out for the sake of my own sanity but this kinda shit is common in immigrant communities that hold on to their traditional views, even when they choose to be therapists. This just blows my mind. I have a BA in psych myself so I know when someone makes you feel worse than when you entered their office, they're not a good therapist. For a long time I felt very dysphoric about the field of psychology but I have resolved to the point that I believe it can be helpful if I specialize in transgender therapy and help others like myself because let's face it unless if someone is going through it they have no fucking clue the pains we go through and how we manage to put ourselves together against a hostile world. I applaud the human spirit's resilient nature and I believe that us trans people are the best example of that :) And BTW I am going to the LGBT Community center where I live for some real gender-conscious therapy soon. Thank you my friends. You inspire me.
I'm so glad you covered this topic. These negative experiences trans people have was exactly why I didn't even bother asking my original family doctor anything... I simply switched to a new doctor that I knew for sure had trans clients. My original doctor knew me since I was like 8 maybe, up to the age of 24. He always calls me 'young lady' every time I go there and he's just overall very stiff in his personality. His cultural background might also have influenced his reaction. He would NEVER have understood... When I told my mom I wanted to see a councillor about my gender issues, she said I should go ask my doctor about it. Uh, No thanks. My hesitation to ask him was the reason I had to wait 5 years from when I first began questioning to decide on transitioning, after I found an LGBT friendly health clinic. Even though I can't tell for sure how he might have reacted, after hearing all the stories from other trans people I wasn't going to take that chance. The best thing to do is try to find a trans person (online or at a Health Centre) who would know where you can go to talk to someone who actually has some knowledge on these things.
Oh my God, thank you, Chase, for this... The specialist I see JUST for my psych meds (I've got a complex case), when I came out to him recently, he was asking me, "Have you been with women?" Yeah, I've been with men, women, whatever. I'm married now, and my husband is totally awesome, I love him, he's trying really hard to be supportive of me as best as he knows how, and we're REALLY good about open communication, so that helps...
Anyway, this freaking doctor has the AUDACITY to say to me: "Well, maybe you are just missing the softness of a woman, you know what I mean?" WHAT?! Da fuq does that have to do with the price of eggs in China, I mean, seriously? Like you said, he should have read the freaking book... This is a legit thing, you know? Don't try to talk me out of something I've felt since I was like 6 years old and now at 32 I am FINALLY trying to properly acknowledge, so I can live a happy life!
Thank God, my actual COUNSELOR is more hip to Trans issues. She's not a gender therapist, but she's been a freaking rock star toward helping me connect with resources and community, and she's such a champ helping me through my issues.
Thank you for all your videos, Chase, and for being so amazing and encouraging and everything. You're like my 'other' counselor, heh... You've helped me more than simple words can say, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like that. Keep doing what you do, man. It's making a difference!
Ugh, this is why I hate living in the states and in the midwest. I know of like one spot I can go to like a trans group, but my insurance doesn't cover anything and it's expensive. I haven't seen my regular therapist in a while because the person who usually pays for it is not willing. It's a nightmare really.
My mom is a therapist and she had to study the DSM4 and I often read it myself and it does list gender identity disorder in it, so yeah they totally have to read it. So I totally get it! That's absolutely ridiculous that stuff like that still happens.
after coming out to my therapist as fluid she said “oh, my other teen client is that too” and i was just like “um mmscuse was that necessary”
Awesome video and so *so* key to find a good therapis!
I'd also add that good general therapists can still be less than 100% with gender issues. I had a *great* therapist that I'd been seeing for years, had helped me get out of some really nasty depression and develop some coping skills for my ADHD. But when I ran headlong into my long-denied gender dysphoria, he pretty much missed it, and made me feel lots worse in the process. I'd totally recommend him for non-gender-related stuff, and he might have been very helpful if I'd been able to name my gender dysphoria from the start. But as it was, it was a tough experience, and we both agreed that I needed to see someone more specialized.
Helping a person who identifies as trans is a different situation than identifying someone who might need gender therapy, but doesn't yet have a clear sense of their own identity.
i can't get gender therapy or go to a gender clinic or anything until i am at least 18 because my mom would find out and she would kill me. could you do a video with advice for dealing with being a trans teen, in the closet, with unsupportive parents
the first therapist i saw relating to my gender identity had absolutely NO idea what i was talking about. she continued speaking to me under the assumption that i was a lesbian, no matter WHAT i said to her. she must of been in a state of denial or something because i had to explain the entire thing to her several times! lol
anyway,
great advice, and AWESOME channel!!!
I really need to go to a therapist, but I'm honestly afraid to tell my doctor. She has always been cold and quite rude, making me very afraid.
I told a therapist I used to go to that I identified as genderqueer and her response was that me not "choosing" a real gender has consequences -_____- like I do have an identity I just told you. I get not everyone knows about non-binary identities and I offered to send her articles and research I knew about abut she just said, "Well trans means female to male or male to female because that's what I learned in school." smh.
I don't even want therapy. I have to go whether I like it or not and it sucks.
Zucker? oh good god. run. run far far far away. just no. don't.
the fact that he was CHAIR of the DSM committee related to Gender and Sexuality is just like what??? with as big a name as he is/was/idk his current research in reparative therapy idk why the APA would even touch him. just AGH.
Ew, seriously? Wtf.
I mean, the DSM-V criteria for Gender Dysphoria is really good, though...
I've been seeing my psychiatrist since I was 14. I told him last year that I had been going by Adam and wanted to transition. he told me "there's a difference between wanting to be a boy and wanting to be a lesbian" and "it takes years of therapy" and to this day he STILL calls me Sarah. I'm about to switch doctors because of other reasons but something tells me he will still call me that when I get on hormones.
now, my current therapist has said to me before "I think you have a lot of doubts" which pissed me off until I realized he could've said it to get me to convince him that I am sure of this it's just a super scary step. other than that he's a great therapist and he acknowledges that I'm a boy even though I still wanna paint my nails and stuff.
but yes it's very bad that the people who are supposed to help us out their personal opinion in to try and change our minds
can you make a video about signs that your therapist is not a good therapist?
My gender therapist was online, like through a chat. 50$ a session, and it was worth it. I only really recommend it if you don't have any other issues besides trying to get a T letter
Mine has seemed supportive, but now I'm terrified that she's trying to back me out of it?
I was being forced to go to this one Therapist (Not a gender therapist but i'm thinking about looking for one) for about a year, (I originally asked to go because of my overwhelming depression and anxiety) and the main problem with this therapist was that she was a heavy Christian, and told me that my girlfriend (I identified as a bi woman at the time) was just my friend and that our relationship wasn't real because we were both girls. The worst thing was that my parent were paying for this therapist and when i asked to change to a better one they refused to let me and said I needed to "suck it up".
My therapist is very supportive even though my parents arent
, ill miss her when i leave at 18 :(
I got really lucky. The day I was going to get my referral for the gender psych, I happened to check his reviews. He was only reviewed twice, both said he was old-school and rigid at best, and sadistic at worst. Run awaaay!!!!! So one hour before my GP appointment I researched other gender therapists, rang them, checked their reviews and lined up a replacement by the time I had to leave. The moral of the story, always check the independent reviews. Always.
P.S. Love your cat wall
Dude I literally just went on a rant two days ago about good therapists versus bad therapists with a friend of mine. Only our topic was suicidal tendencies rather then trans issues themselves. Four years ago I went into deep depression over a lot of stuff in my life that had nothing to do with my gender identity but that was under the surface as well. I got to a really scary place and finally went to see a psychologist about these issues. One of my biggest LEGIT fears I had at the time was coming home to find my mother dead on the floor after having taken the wrong pills. She had brain cancer and surgery for it so I was worried all day while I was working. On top of that the job itself became extremely difficult for me to handle and I finally snapped. I confessed to this psychologist that I was having those sorts of thoughts on an everyday occurrence. I kept repeating that I'm not allowed to quit my job yet if I don't get out I'm afraid what I might do. He told me straight up is was better if I continued to work at the job then stay home to focus on my mother's health because I would be thinking about her having cancer to much. I saw him for four months and even showed him my wrist when I finally started to attempt things and he still had that answer. My dad walked in on me one day and I was taken to see a Psychiatrist instead. Who put me on meds and took me out of work. Even agreeing with what I was trying to tell everyone that whatever help I got from the doctor was being undone from the job I was in. *still shudders at what might of happened*
My osteopath once basically talked to me for 10 minutes about how I was a girl and how I needed to "loose my masculine side" which just made me so mad. So basically my osteopath is like a thearpist because she makes ytou talk a lot about your feelings and your life, etc. She wasn't a real therapist but she kind of played that role with people. At the end of each meeting she would make you chose essential oils and your subconscious is supposed to pick the one you need. So at the end I go chose my oil and she starts explaining "this oil is the symbol of home and being cosy" and I'm like "oh cool" and then she stares at me right in the eyes and she's like "yes and you associate home with womenhood" and I'm here so uncomfortable when she starts explaining that girls are calm and are house keepers while boys are loud and full of energy, which is completly stupid, and she starts telling me that I'm too "masculine" and that all this boyish energy is not good for me. I took a deep breath, because I was already super annoyed that she would explain to me what I should be doing so I just say "yeah, actually I don't identify as a girl..." and she just lost it and told me that yes, I'm a girl and she would say things like "prove me wrong, you're a girl because you have a vagina" and I was dying on the insides at that point. She then said that I dressed too masculine, that my haircut wasn't ggood (I have one side short hair and one side more long hair) because I hadn't a "harmony" in how I dressed. So basically she felt she can just tell me to "be a girl, a real one". I was so furious. First of all, her vision of being a girl or a boy are so stupid and even if I identified as female that doesn't mean I can't dress as I want, and second of all she just completmy denied my identity without remorse.
I'm never going there again.
i had a psychiatrist that laughed right to my face when i told her im nonbinary and by then had identified so for about 5 years , she told me "that's not a real thing and you need to accept that".... god i tried to explain but i ended up crying as she kept making a joke about it all
What's the gender clinic that refused you because they said you were not trans enough? In what year was it? Is it the one with Pierre Assalian and Marilyn Wilchesky?
The one at the Montreal General Hospital?
Btw Zucker means sugar in German lol
My therapist literally put on my t letter "gender identity disorder" but he's old and sweet so honestly I think he's just busy being old to remember knew labels *shrug*
after my mom found out about me being trans (as in she found out through a 3rd party, i did not come out, smh) she took me to a gender therapist, and supposedly he's like the absolute best in the area, who runs all these lgbt support groups and stuff but he was literally the worst, told my mom that i was going to grow out of this, told me that i'm just confused and this is just bc i have adhd (????? literally what even??) and after i told him my preferred name and pronouns, he made absolutely no effort to use them or even ask me "is that how you want me to address you" or anything like that, and even told me about what seemed to be a long time client who is also a trans guy, and continuously referred to him as a she and her and a "girl who wants to be a boy" even, simply bc he was a less passing trans guy bc of his living situation, and ugh just awful tbh, still to this day makes me extremely upset when i think about it
I'm very fortunate because my therapist isn't a "gender therapist", but she knows a ton about transgender people, and sexuality and everything. I went to her originally for depression and whatnot, but while I was with her I sort of "realised" I'm trans, and right when I brought it up I could tell she knew a lot about the subject. I'm hoping to eventually get my T letter from her, but right now I'm only 15.
I spoke with one of the guys who changed it from gender identify disorder to Gender Dysphoria. He sayed he got the whole state of New York to pay for all medical. Im doing it in Oregon
I don't have family support but I'm planning to go to my school councellor to talk about being a transguy. Given the fact that I'm in a catholic school (where i'm forced to wear a skirt because i don't have parent's permission to do otherwise) i am feeling very nervous. I also went for social anxiety when i was 12 and it was no help and last year i went for bereavement counselling and ended up being taught breathing exercises for no reason. I really hope that i will be taken seriously this time. I also outside of school had been seeing a physcotherapist but the man got moved to a different location just as i was starting to get comfortable opening up about my identity to him.
I go to a group that's not far from Toronto. I've heard about that doctor. He's not around anymore.
your wallpaper is fucking awesome cx
As a psych major, I can tell you there are god awful people who end up in my (future) field. I've heard people question whether you can raise a kid to be straight, people who've invalidated my gender, just absolutely terrible people. A lot of them are just ignorant as fuck - which is utterly ridiculous but it happens all the time. Some of them just can't wrap their heads around what we as trans people experience. Thankfully there are tons of great therapists out there who are well trained and empathetic. My suggestion is to talk to other trans people like chase said, and just with therapy in general go shopping. Go to a session or half a session with a therapist until you click. Not everyone's personalities are going to click, even beyond the competency of the therapist.
And then there are psychs that are probably good, but who you get nothing good from because they simply dont match you. I have experienced a lot of that
My mother insists that i find the root to my trans feelings like there's a reason. Im like there's no trauma or anything im just me.
Thank you
Love your video!
love you Chase.
The doctor in Toronto is called Dr. Kenneth Zucker and he practices conversion/reparative therapy at the gender clinic in CAMH (he's also the head of said gender clinic). He's like about to be fired though cause Ontario is working on passing a law to ban conversion therapy. Currently the wait list to the gender clinic is frozen or something and they're reviewing the practices in their clinic. One great thing I read about him was "in a 2008 paper he wrote about the best practices he had developed at CAMH's clinic, and how he believes it is both ethical and possible to direct a young child's gender identity to match with their biological sex. While he found it does not work in older teens and adults, it does work for young children --the younger the better, he wrote. One part of that therapy, he describes is limiting patients cross-gender behaviour, such as boys cross-dressing and playing with barbies"
What sucks is that in Ontario in order to have things such as top surgery covered by OHIP you need to get their approval or referral from the gender clinic in CAMH.
Sorry I'm writing an essay about this and I really wanted to share this information~
Disclaimer: I've never gone to the CAMH gender clinic and all of my gender therapy has been really good. Although, I've received therapy at the teen clinic at CAMH and the doctor wasn't the greatest, they just made things worse.
Chase you mentioned the DSM this book got brought up in my Psychology class. But check this out my teacher is so excited since the new DSM just came out, but she also found out that most of the people on the board for the DSM are representatives or work with industries that produce medication. So my teacher finds it a bit skeptical that these people write this book, because there is a possibility that they are just writing some things in there, to make it seem like its an issue (I'm not saying that gender dysphoria doesn't count, I think it does). But what are your thoughts on this chase? I kind of found it interesting/odd.
thank you
I'm having my first meeting with a gender therapist next week! I'm really excited, but I haven't heard much about him so he could be the worst? My mom said he seemed pretty nice over the phone, but idk, we'll find out.
Tbh I had a bad therapist and nice part, it was my first.
Like I more or less struggles with stuff since I'm 9? and last winter shit reeeaaaally went down and I just went to my mom like "I can't take it anymore I need a therapist"
And that was a regular one because we both said before I tackle trans issues I wanna get well.
So I got one pretty soon because they said "Oh yeah, start therapy while we do the diagnosis"
And that therapist I got, well... she was shit.
When I told her I was trans and wanted to be called Nate she just went like "Oh but you wear make-up and you're so pretty it's just a phase! I had cases like these before"
And as a trans person that only has the support of some close friends I just went silent like "okay... I can deal with this"
So she kept misgendering me, calling me my birth name, making me feel bad whenever I talked about myself as male and basically she was just shit in EVERY fricking way.
Like it wasn't even just the misgendering, she was guilt tripping and kinda abusive and now I have the biggest fears of ever going to therapy again because bad therapists can scare you for life.
Basically I can just say the same as chase GET OUT OF BAD THERAPY AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
It doesn't matter what therapy if that person misgenders you then they do not respect you and a therapist shouldn't be that way because that makes everything soooo much worse.
where do you got that shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my god it's so good
While I 100% agree with everything you said and I'm in no way trying to undermine or invalidate peoples' feelings, I think it also needs to be said that some people are just *too* ready to be offended in this community. In order to go on T, I had to not only get a therapist letter, but a letter from my primary care doctor, a letter from insurance AND a confirmation by the endo himself, meaning I had to be asked questions over and over again. Most of the people that had gone through the process near me to this day say things like 'they tried to tell me I wasnt trans' and things like that. Even the therapists I went to warned me about my endo's "insensitivity". Now, I'm not one to be easily offended, and I never got that feeling from the questions I was asked. But I COULD see how someone might see some things as offensive if they themselves weren't exactly 100% sure. Most questions are there to confirm your identity, not challenge it. There seems to me to be a lack of strong minds here and that saddens me. Keep a level head and things will never be as bad as you may have thought.
You're right that there is a high level of overly sensitive individuals in our community. I can't remember how often I'd go to my local trans support group and listen to some of the other people's stories of "discrimination" and think to myself, "uhm...actually, no your kind of over reacting a little..." that being said though, I have heard some truly awful cases of actual horrific therapist and such. By yeah, you brought up something I've noticed in our community. Glad I'm not the only one to see it. XD
You tell them! Chase. Next time take a tazer with you and if they give the wrong answers "make em dance" LOL Its horrorifing thinking that crap like that happens these days. Take care.
My mom is planning on taking me to therapy and that she's gonna get to choose and I will like it and such. I am pretty nervous considering she doesn't exactly have a positive opinion on trans people.
So, im starting with this new gender therapist and I talked to her once and she was very cool so I hope everything goes well
oh chase! since i've left tumblr i've missed you mucho, boo
I had a freaking bad therapist when I started. I knew nothing about transition and I knew I had to see a therapist to get started, so I went to my school's psychologist. Terrible idea. She told all the teachers that they couldn't call me my chosen name because the school could get ''in trouble''. No research done or anything, she just told everyone in charge that they had to use female pronouns and the birth name. I asked for proof again and again, but nothing. Then, everyone sent me to her because I was in a terrible depression. She asked why. I said she knew exactly why, that she knew what how she could help me, but she did the opposite. My grades went down drastically. I was thinking about breaking a limb so I would be off school until my appointment to the children's hospital in Montreal. Dr. Ghosh told me that this was complete bullshit. He signed me a letter telling them to stop doing that and I brought it to the principal. He then sent me to the psychologist again to do a report. When I told her she could have done research and avoid me a depression, she said : ''We were playing it safe.'' ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING?? A student is so depressed that he can't bear to speak and has three panic attacks a day but you can't even check to see if you would really ''get in trouble'' for fulfilling his request?? Scared me off therapists and psychologists for life. I don't need no one screwing with my head and with the ones of people around me.
It's even harder if you're from Asia country and coming out to your parents who lives in Asia country would be pain in the a$$ to get into their mind.
Plus, finding a good therapist is also difficult cause most of them are not LGBT friendly.
I need help...I recently came to terms with being trans and I want to change but i am scared and I dont know where to start or how much money T is... Could someone please help me out?
You are amazing
Cats
i would like a video of what you talk about to a gender therapist
Hey Chase thanks for the video on this subject. I am FTM since year 2000.I'm married 15 yrs now and Have a daughter through my wife of 25 yrs now .My wife is white Amer. and I am of Black/White/native American. I recently asked a Gender therapist that saw for 15 years (on and off again), for a phalloplasty letter referral. First thing she (I believe is a FTM but never exclosed it) was Oh they haven't come up with a surgery that's right yet. I said so what I want the phallo surgery any way and I'm ok with the results of what Ive seen with the surgery.She then says I don't no. I then say, "What, are you ok , for me having the phalloplasty surgery". She says yeah., but it won't look right. I said well its my penis and I'm ok with it looking the way it will look. Then I told her that it was like apple and oranges in comparison, you relly can't compare the two either you have a vagina or a penis. I am a man and see my self with male genitals a penis and scrotom. She grawled with discuss. I opened my eyes wide to her sound. Cause I never knew that she was stopping from my surgeries. I recall when I first went in in yr 2000 for my First chest surgery she said that I was rushing too fast and to slow down. I don't need to do everything right away. I was like slow down...."Foe what?. She never answered. Now it is yr. 2015 and I;m asking her for a phalloplasty letter for surgery. She finally sent me a rough draft 3 and a half weeks later. She did not include gender disphorea nor did she state that I was a good candidate. She put in the letter that I was paranoid and relentless about getting phalloplasty surgery. And how I couldn't afford for financial reasons the cost of the surgery in the past as to why (she never had to write the letter). And now tha my health insurance is covering some of the surgeries now, is the reason I want it. THE NERVE OF HER TO WRITE THIS IN ROUGH DRAFT LETTER! Also I recall several years ago then I would bring up the phallo penis surgery topic, she would brush it aside and I would against force it into therapy conversaion. She a couple of times in session said to me why don't I have sex with men? I said why would I do that you know I don't see myself that wayI am a heterosexual man and I'm married to a woman w/ a child.Then she said you don't have to be in a relationship with men to do that, this way you can pay for your sex reassignment surgery. I said, "What", (Like in Disbelief)...I don't do that, I'm not hat kind of person and I don't use my vagina to have sex with men penis. She then said you can use your anus. I then said why would I do that I don't use my ass for sex and that's like a woman having sex with a guy. She then said you can cover your hand over your vaginal area they won't see it from the back.,,,,,I SHOULD have left her for good then......I did I a way. only to see her every now again because you need a letter for endocrinologist when you change one and or surgery letter. That is why I saw her off and on. ButI did bring this up to her a couple of years ago to see if she remember saying this to me, She say she never said this to me...Also she have said to me in therapy, that to sucking a mans penis is like eating food. This she has denied too. I feel she has a problem with me already being transgender and she was hoping that I divorce my wife (which my therapist did tell me to divorce her and to stop having any more children and that i'm making my wife into being a baby making machine) and to sleep with men and because I'm not she have issues with me having male penis genitals. I wanted to let you men know that Chase is on point. This sort of thing can happen and does. I wanted to share with you men my experiences. I have been seeing a Transgender therapist for 2 yrsnow. He is a Transman like my self and he has met my family too. He Hunter, is with a gender clinic and said he have no problem with me having the phalloplasy surgery. And he takes my Insurance fully. I am so relief. Cause that B@#$cH! is FIRED!
She had a nerve to send me a bill. cause she now says my insurance doesn't fully cover total her appts any longer( This was after she first told me it did, cause I wanted to know up front so could choose to see her or not. Bi@#@#ch is tricky.**** FTM men or anyone DON"T GO TO SEE HER< SHE WILL PSYCH you OUT OF YOUR TIME
Casey ProMagic Hey men, to let you know Mr. Hunter is a LIC SW, out of Greenfield, MA. And is FTM male Like myself. And he has no problem with writing me a Transgender SRS letter for Phalloplasty surgery. AndI am joining groups for FTM in my local areas in which my past wrong gender therapist discouraged in me.I am educating my self and in the groups too.I have since met a few FTM dudes who have friended me. I am also looking for employment/paid work with the help of the FTM group I've joined and thru Hunter my New Gender therapist,. I am building confidence and looking stronger every Day. I am starting a new leash on life.Confidence is Key. Friendship is a good thing too.Thanks men.
I live in Singapore which is a pretty transphobic country and I can't find any gender therapist, there are one or two organizations to help trans people but I can't find anything for trans men under 18 years old. Anyone know resources in Singapore?
My parents are sending me to a gender meeting thing in two days " to see if I am actually trans" I hope they ask for my pronouns and name and stuff
There's only one gender clinic in Denmark (from what I know of) and they're supposedly horrible, but it's the only shot I've got :/ I hope I'll get through without way too many problems..
Should have become easier to go through, but people I know have been going to Sweden and other countries for medical help to transition in the past.
helw... can I ask something?? Can someone from Asia come to the US to find a gender therapist to get letters? is it legal? Cuzz no gender therapists here....😑😑PLZZ reply...
I came out to my parents and they brought me to a therapist they know about my problem and I have little input on what she has to say about being trans but my parents say I'm to young and it's a phase but the thing I heard from my therapist is that I'm to young to be thinking about my sexuality
Are you kidding one I'm talking about gender two you find out at any age I am not to young
This is Angela Leen
"You're too young to transition" is not really transphobia or so, there are medical reasons for children not to transition. Like, when your 18 sure, but there are legitimate problems that can arise.
What is the criteria for being trans?
A google search and a few articals can bring it up but my text book has the following.:
a.
1. repeatedly states that he or she wants to be or is the other sex
2. In boys, preference or desire to cross dress or simulate female attire. In girls the insistence to wearing stereotypical masculine clothes.
3. Strong or persistent preference for cross-sex roles in make believe or other fantasies
4. Intense desire to participate in gender stereotyped or typical games and activities of the opposite sex
5. Strong preference to have playmates of the opposite sex
b. [[General gender dysphoria either in relation to ones body, role in society, names and terms, behaviors such as putting on makeup or peeing standing up.... this is a long list but just think dysphoria]]
c. You are not intersexed
d. The disturbance has had an impact on you life and impairs social function.
Jayce
your textbook needs re-wording badly. e.g "In boys, preference or desire to cross dress or simulate female attire.. etc"
ummmmmmmm.... no. Maybe "Those assigned 'male' at birth may have a preference for wearing 'female' clothes"... I mean it needs to be adjusted more.. but it's 3am and ergh. the point is... that text book is weird.
This is for the children's section, and doesn't even cover everything?? Make sure you're looking at DSM-V criteria. There's a children and an adult section.
I love how salty you get.
Oh god this sounds so horrible
Therapists refusing to validate your insanity is not being a bad therapist; it's called being moral and sane. Please forgive therapists/doctors if they don't want to prescribe sterilizing hormones to you, for they prefer not to enable you damaging your body, for there's a huge chance you'd regret it later. When a doctor prescribes hormones to you, and allows for body butchering sex change surgeries, they become liable for your well-being & safety, and if you decide you regret transitioning, or suffer adverse side-effects, or end up killing yourself over regets, then that'll weigh down on any moral doctor's conscience.
So any doctor that easily, and quickly prescribes you unnatural hormones does not actually care about you, but more likely values the money they make off you by telling you what you wanna hear and doing what you want them to do.
I've been blessed with two great therapists. One I found at a county mental health clinic which my Medicaid actually paid for at the time. She was supper supportive even though she wasn't a gender therapist. And technically I don't think she was supposed to see me for the trans issues since Medicaids was paying (this was back in 2001 before Washington passed a trans inclusion bill for insurances) but we got away with it I thunk because of my depression and anxiety that stemmed from the trans issues. Anyway...my current therapist where I live now us a gender therapist and actually kind of reminds me a lot of my first therapist. Their therapy style as well as their personalities are similar. I was so thankful, I was worried that I'd have to go through a few therapists before I'd find one I would be comfortable with again.