A Former Therapist's Critique of Psychotherapy: Daniel Mackler Speaks
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ก.ย. 2024
- My website: wildtruth.net
My Patreon: / danielmackler
Here I explore a variety of topics about psychotherapy, including: what makes a good therapist, how to assess a therapist's quality, why I think most therapists are not so good, boundaries in psychotherapy, the value in self-therapy versus therapy, and the subjects of diagnosis and psychiatric drugs.
I myself was a therapist in New York City for ten years, have been in therapy, and know countless therapists.
One thing I feel I left out in this video, and it's a KEY thing about what makes a good therapist: HEALING ONE'S OWN CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS (and, in that vein, taking distance from one's own family of origin). Bummer I didn't say it -- sometimes things slip the mind!!
I know this video is kind of old now, but I thank you deeply for uploading it. I’ve just decided to leave the field and change careers (at least for now, for a good while) because I just left a job where all of this stuff was glaringly obvious. I feel so bad for the clients, who always deserved better. But the people running the place were so sure they were right about everything, but I saw it hurting the clients on such a regular basis. This field needs a total do-over and more humanity.
@@onthearth1 I never had a therapy practice, but I worked as a residential counselor for some time, alongside therapists and other counselors.
yeah cause it's basically a cult. Just a bunch of mentally ill losers pretending they have the answers to a stranger's problems. They are literally LARPing it's insane people take this crap seriously
💯 I’d like the psycho-education and therapeutic techniques in professional manuals and videos to be widely available to the public at an affordable price. Like Daniel says, self-therapy is highly effective. This approach brought me far more growth and healing than any course of therapy.
I am done with therapists. I will do the self therapy. I will not waste anymore time and taking risks with people that I do not know. My last therapist was the worst one yet. What I learned was to trust my instincts. My therapist actually made me watch TH-cam videos during session about mindfulness. My therapist never let me talk! When I mentioned childhood stuff she said " You don't think we are going to talk about that do you?" Leave it to me, if there is a bad therapist out there I always find them.
The majority are bad, either mediocre or just do damage, an industry run by mainly narcissists.
The great majority of "therapists" jumped on the cognitive behavioural model a few decades ago and stopped actually treating people. The field is a disgrace.
Man I’m so confused because I’ve never had this experience as a client. And in my studies now within social work (working towards direct practice counseling) we speak and study extensively on childhood development and trauma. I’m so sorry to see how many people share this experience of having therapists not want to hear or talk or grow from your childhood. In my own therapy it’s brought so much growth and transformation and joy into my life after addressing and learning from my specific childhood.
What?!!! She didn't want you to talk about your issues???? Uh.... if a lawyer or doctor said that, they would lose their license. I hope you reported her to the state licensing board.
You just had the worst experiences possible, I think this is why now many mental health clinics give a couple of free consultations to see which therapist is best for you. About the mindfulness thing … very true. If you’re therapist has a pet and yoga mat in the trim and you choose to stay that’s on you at the point lol
I like how you believe in people’s ability to become their own therapists. Hardly any other therapist believes this, and that is why those therapists fail.
It is sad that person centered and experiential therapies are not the forefront of therapeutic modalities. It seems that corporations got a stranglehold on the field and made it more about behavioral modification and cognitive restructuring to make the results more measurable, objective, and dismiss the client's experience as a human beings who constantly evolve and change. Rogers would be disgusted at what the field has become today...
@@bobastonisher4014 I absolutely agree with this, 💯
@@bobastonisher4014 I would go as far as using the c word. It's capitalism..
@@marcodallolio9746I was worried there for a sec 😂 but yeah, you’re totally right. Capitalism just straight up ruins anything it touches and sells it for a profit
My mother used every single one of my "therapists" to get narcissistic attention and supply. Every single one believed mommy dearest and gaslighted me about her abuse.
I despise these people and this "profession." I despise their vile repugnant smugness.
There might be some people who are genuinely kind empathetic healers in the bunch, But I will never meet them because I am finished with "therapy."
👍Please, stay as you are ! Though it is quite much harder: Please, never ever make someone change your mind, cause, you are seeing the truth !! You won my heart, I can feel so strong the same as you feel about it and due to my experiences I can only confirm, what you said...It is georgeous to read someone's Text, speaking out this mess so clear, compliments 👏 !
Exactly the same thing happened to me.... it involved misconduct. I can't fathom why so-called "therapists" don't know anything about abusive relationships.
- Oh I now discover the psychoanalytic ones "don't take sides" regarding abuse and anything external to the therapy relationship is "hearsay". I think this kind of mindless theory which justifies denial might be what takes place sometimes. That's why my ex-therapist ended up communicating with a disturbed relative behind my back, refused to show me the correspondence, & started pathologising me without any evidence. Ruined my life.
Can I ask how did that work? In my country the parents cannot legally be involved in the therapy at all.
Eh. I've had "kind" therapists who had good intentions. The issue is that most therapists are naive and out of touch with reality. So they often assume the wrong thing
Putting words like "this" won't change the fact that Therapist is still a profession. If you have bad experience with doctors it doesn't mean medicine isn't a profession. Ignorant.
I've seen two therapists in my life. The first was young, and after a couple of sessions declared me healed, and suggested that I plant a tree. The other was middle aged,and whom I saw for a year, but in retrospect I think she was saving to buy a house. Fifteen years later I discovered for myself, through TH-cam, that my family of origin is highly dysfunctional, and my mother is clearly a very real Narcissist and I have lived a life as her scapegoat, playing out what she gave me as my wrong self-beliefs. Now I know myself I can fix this. Myself.
I never had the luxury of all that wasted time and money in therpy .... But sometimes I fall asleep to videos about narcissistic abuse because just because it's so rare to find anyone that understands. The videos here on this topic have releived literally a ton of guilt, labels and responsibility for all kinds of crap that was never mine to bear. it's so helpful to hear that someone somewhere understands exactly what it is that's being done and exactly how it's affecting me.... After all the years of my mother demanding to know what was wrong with me.... I had finally discovered that it was always only her..... And that it didn't only happen to me and that there was a name for it..... Best of all, it was never my fault. Here's to all the brave individuals that put their stories out there, despite how others looked at them and judged them when hearing what they went through, that gave to us encouragement, advice, education and a community for those who had lost much of their soul to find healing and eventually restore ourselves and each other enough to move through the abuse even if some of us will never move past it entirely..... I can agree with your post on the value, gratitude and helpfulness for the stories and information shared by other survivors here on TH-cam. Best of all, it's free of charge and we can use it on our spare time when it's most convenient, we can work through the pain at our own pace and find a huge support base we otherwise would never have access to. Downside is tangeable hugs are impossible. But how much do you want for free anyway? Lol
Kelly Rae Callaway - very well said. It’s been a long road and I am tired, but I am finally at a higher level of understanding what happened, why I was so self critical, why I looked for validation outside.
I dont want to repeat the same mistakes with my kids, but I wonder how much damage I have caused with my unconscious beliefs and expectations.
I want to love them unconditionally, but I dont want to enable laziness and not trying to deal with their responsibilities as kids either.
I am watching my 13 yr old son turn more sullen, rebellious, nihilistic in his outlook.
He seems to have lost hope since his father left after a 5 yr affair.
I want to be the rock of unconditional love in his life..... and if I have any expectations of him like attempting his schoolwork - he rejects me and cries..
I search my soul for answers. I cannot bring myself to abandoning hope of him taking on his life and education ... at least attempting something to the best of his ability, whatever that is. I wish he were engaged in designing his life and excited for the future, but like so many kids I see he wants to numb his brain and the pain with video games. Still I tell him I understand and I love him.
51project how did the therapists NOT see that originally??? Lol
The most creative therapists I have known ( and I have known many -as well as being one myself) initially studies literature and art - the humanities in general, then later studied developmental psychology, philosophy and communications. Much of what he is saying I have been saying for years. speaking from 25 years of practice.
William Law thank you!
+Lin Diane He is an MSW not PhD
Wish I could afford a therapist like that.
I've had about 6 throughout my life and
Only one of them did I get that kind of developed academic vibe from.
@Rajyalakshmi Palaparty Creative analogy!
I studied philosophy and education in BA before my Clinical Psychology program. Then I added Master of Theology studying pre-RN as well. It gave me a much more integrative ability to understand "human and the world" in compassion.
A good psychotherapist is able to acknowledge their mistakes with honesty and integrity without feeling threatened by that. I haven't found any one that is genuinely capable of doing this! The client is generally blamed for whatever goes wrong... To be able to really help others requires that the therapist has dealt with their own issues - issues with pride, ego, limitations in understanding the client's needs, underestimating the client's capacity for healing despite their difficulties... Too many therapists are more interested in competing with others in getting more acknowledged and famous than others, it's a world contaminated with so many other issues that stand in the way of understanding and being useful to the person who suffers.
You're so right....but there will never be good psychotherapists whilst certain membership orgs continue with their deluded hierarchical ideologies.
@@daisy7066 Ehm...yes, there are good Psychotherapists. Also, why tf that long text?
Yeah, I think this is what happened to me. My therapist felt, by her own admission, frustrated that therapy wasn't working. In the later sessions, she proposed a diagnosis of "personality disorder" as she considered me to be "rigid". Reading your comment, I came to the realization that what probably happened was that her frustration led her to put the blame on me for not getting better, and her proposed diagnosis as well as her claim that I was "rigid" was a reflection of just that. Accusing a patient of being "rigid" also means, I suspect, "I think I should be able to change your very self and manipulate you at my whim and I'm having trouble doing that, so you're flawed".
She was also eager to suggest me pills at a moment of great vulnerability of mine, and it really resonates with me the part when Daniel says that's a sign of a bad therapist who can't deal with what you're going through.
I've had another therapist suggesting I was "inflexible" after I called her out for not showing great consideration after she sort lf cancelled the session at last minute. You really have to come to the conclusion that therapy and therapists can be extremely dangerous to peolle who are already vulnerable, have low capacity to raise boundaries and detect manipulation, which are a large percentage of people who seeks therapy. Makes you wonder whether therapy is even ethical at all.
@@leobe2104 I've shortened it.
As for "good therapists" that depends on your criteria. After being abused by a therapist, ethically or sexually, "good therapists" are suddenly scarce on the ground.
@@Knightgil My therapist told me that I'm not being 'vulnerable' enough and projected her trust issues onto me. They cannot accept failure.
My step-father who I grew up with my whole life is a retired therapist. He was like you, empathetic, charged low prices, sometimes went unpaid etc. He always HATED dealing with the careless "business-first" attitude of other therapists and the punitive carelessness of parole officers. Spent many years of my life hearing the exact same things you say.
Interesting, thanks for sharing. Daniel
DB, Hi . I know someone similar.
Did he write anything? What is his name?
Will summarize it for you: 'Looking for a good psychotherapist? Odds say you better try to become one, than to find one.'
Sopra Tutti: excellent comment/
Manufactured Mind Wow
Sopra Tutti. That's what I did, lol. Not practicing but obtained Masters in Psych/Counseling. Work in different field. Read, read, read.
Cynthia Allen May I ask what you work in now and why spend so much to end up not practising.
xoxXOXO l. First reason is that I ran out of $$. I still may pursue it.
I am a therapist who is burnt out and going to take a break for a while.. or maybe for good, and this whole video is so very validating for me. Thank you ❤️
You’re welcome!
Sorry to hear that, but burn out means you care. Many do not.
@@dmackler58 Dear Daniel, you're a wonderful human being with a beautiful soul!
I loved this video, I think it's one of your best videos. So raw and real and honest. It was a pleasure to listen to! Thank you so much for everything you're putting out.
For over 2 years now I'm trying to grieve and reconcile the disastrous ending to my over 20 years with the same therapist after I was diagnosed with cancer and, apparently, they couldn't handle it. And I understand somewhat because I didn't handle it well either but she shocked me to my core and I don't know that I'll ever truly recover. But to find this video... simply put, there are no words, just gratitude as I think I sense a ray of light wanting to get in.
Holy $#!+
A lot of people are sick with disease but that doesn’t give them the right to be ashats
My last and FINAL therapist said she thinks my father in her own words, "f*cked me and my sisters." Then as I sat there hurt and speechless she asked me how long I was going to keep it a secret. All of this came about because I simply told her I was upset because she had compassion for my sister that verbally abused me my whole life. I swear my therapist said what she did was to try and put me in my place for saying how I felt about her. Highly disturbing. And to top it off my therapist knew I missed my father's funeral because no one told me he died. I was kind enough to let what she said slide but one day she mocked the way I answered a question. I never went back and cussed her out in an email. She told me the therapeutic relationship was really damaged and trust could not be restored. Really? It wasn't too damaged when she said my dad f*cked me but became so when I gave her what she had coming. Yeah, I'm done. Free at last!
your therapist should of been reported for malpractice or something
i think the second a therapist mocks their patient they should have their license revoked until they go through therapy themselves. sorry you went through that
Sounds like a total nutjob. It's disturbing there's not more accountability in place for such insane, disturbed, cruel messed up pathetic excuse for "therapists"
I saw your post about this on reddit...I''m so sorry you had to experience this
I hope she isn’t still practicing
This stuff really needs to be said. There are so many problematic aspects of therapy. Thank you for addressing these issues.
I appreciate your honesty in dealing with much of the bull**** that comprises professional psychotherapy. I have been in psychology since the late 1960's and it has progressed as a science; however, we are nowhere near the level of precision and effectiveness that the "evidence based approach" proponents would have outsiders believe. The willingness to move into the pain of the patient/client/resident/consumer is integral to good care. It's clear that you have spent your time in the trenches, and I am encouraged to be a bit more honest by your honesty. Thanks, brother.
There is enormous honesty in what you said. It's very refreshing and greatly appreciated.
Leo T, I agree
I can't begin to tell you how refreshing this video was for me. I am beginning my path as a counselor and your honesty and well thought out observations were insightful for me. My thoughts on what makes a good therapist/counselor/psychologist is that a good one doesn't choose the field but the field chooses them. I had seen therapists and spent considerable time and money seeking solutions to my own issues only to find that none of it helped and that a process of self education and self analysis of my issues worked much much better. Upon reaching a place of true emotional well-being I found people gravitating to me for information and help and I was helping people without any training or qualifications. Well it was then I knew the counseling field had chosen me, so I got educated and qualified and so did so many others that just didnt understand the field which shocked me and scared me. I plan on being a counselor that understands, listens,educates and empowers as much as possible, to give clients as many tools as I can arm them with to enable them to self heal. I love your thoughts on diagnosis and I too believe that they can be somewhat harmful in that people are labelled and sometimes reduced to their diagnosis. I think it dis-empowers people and boxes them into a characteristic they then somehow carry and own and even adopt if they hadn't already encompassed their diagnosis. I can see me watching this video again several more times in the future as a grounding tool, perhaps to ensure I take stock of what I do as a counselor and ensure I am investing in myself and my clients like they deserve.
Chris Hughes Diagnosis, if the patient chooses it, isn’t that bad. People need to learn to go in and out of a definition, like nothing is set in stone but acknowledge the organizing principle of a consensual concept...
"[...] that people are labeled and somehow reduced to their diagnosis. "
This hits hard. Makes it so challanging to overcome your anxiety and fear of always being this one crazy person. Preferably put on medication to get them to shut up.
To add to Stevie's point, I think it's important how you talk about your diagnosis. A diagnosis is something you have, it is not who YOU are
@@jakeneuner7774 diagnoses are used to exacerbate the power imbalance between MH professional/therapist & client & perpetuate scapegoating. Therapists are often complicit in that.
It has been 7 years, how did it work out Chris?
i have ocd and i've been gaslighted for years about my childhood trauma by professionals and therapists and it left me with more trauma than i already had to begin with :(
That is too bad, hope you find your own ways and means to start recovery process work. Even if we can be a bit misconceived about things, they should meet one where one is, and not demand insight before it is possible through therapy done. Have you tried ACA, Al-anon, CODA or another 12-step program? Many get better there working those steps than in any of all the therapies they have done. And it is for free.
This is a very common problem. I have been at a workshop with traumatized people and all of them were gaslighted by their therapists. They just can't believe what happened to you, and they start denying it. Really weird. These therapists are unaware of the dark side of life.
Agree with this comment!!! I feel like my childhood trauma has been totally minimalised by my therapist
I feel like the whole “you’re not trying hard enough” critique from therapists is absolutely rampant in ocd therapy.
It’s so common amd so accepted that saying yes I am gets you a look from even other ocd patients.
I didn’t even realize that comment was therapy abuse until a couple days ago and now it all makes sense.
Years of outpatient therapy and then two residential where the threat of “if you don’t try enough you’ll be sent home/expelled”
I thought I literally wasn’t trying hard enough all these years
Then I realized my ocd quite directly ties into sexual abuse I suffered as a child and I wonder, maybe I was giving it all I had but the trauma was so deep and so fucking awful that “pushing” myself through literal torture was not the way to heal.
At the root of it all, my narcissistic psychologist who over and over told me to stop digging and then outright denied that I had flashes of csa.
The whole time I had the flashes I didn’t believe they were real because of her.
I still have doubts.
The only reason I somewhat think it’s true is cause someone online commented their process of uncovering their abuse memories and it was eerily similar to mine.
Massive disappointment
I don’t know how I’ll trust a therapist ever again.
@@moonmillghost5435 like people, you can trust some and not others. Trauma therapists are better with this. Some schools of therapy encourage therapists to gaslight more and validate less
I agree 100% .... I resist the idea of psychotherapy because I can see I am much smarter, more honest and effective at trying to analyze and heal myself than anyone I have met.
Talked to two therapists and found them completely useless. Taking notes is not therapy. Talking for 5 minutes is not therapy nor is it helpful.
Much better therapy available on TH-cam.
I have friends who are better healers and ‘ministers’.
I feel that. Me too.
I'm a therapist and I agree on always empowering others to heal themselves and to trust your instincts. I agree with your statement but on the note thing- insurance companies and corporate system force us to do all this paperwork which is very timeconsuming.
Sure, but a good therapist can help you 'integrate'. Unfortunately, I haven't found one yet.
You can't bypass your own biases. You need someone unrelated to you to point them out without any feelings involved. That's why therapy exist.
People need to realize that seeing 2 bad therapists isn't representative of the whole method or its goals.
This is a hot take but one that I personally think why many people think therapy works when more than often it really doesn't. People just literally don't have anyone to talk to nowadays. Most people don't have any real friends (IE close friends you can tell them about anything) and parents whom either are bad parents or just aren't smart enough to help you. How this all ties into each other is that most people can fix themselves just by talking about their issues to someone and working it out. That then is perceived into therapy working when in reality you just paid someone to be a very expensive "fake friend".
There’s some truth to this but more so people on the street don’t want to hear your abuse stories of sexual abuse and physical abuse and these people are paid to do so so it’s a bit more of an outlet for the abused than “a friend” who is probably fake and doesn’t want to hear about that time somebody touched your puss when u were 6
yeah i've been saying this for forever like why not just talk to your friends who actually know you instead of a stranger who's incentive is just to make money. That doesn't mean the vet with ptsd might not need help but for the average person no it's a complete scam
Honestly, I find my diary more helpful than my therapist
I feel this way too. People are so terrible at communication nowadays and loneliness is rampant, so you may think therapy is good just because you can talk to someone that listens.
@@mikev-08
-- Shorten Version with the help of AI
While it may seem like therapy is just an expensive "fake friend" that makes you feel heard, a trained therapist can offer insights and detect patterns in your thinking that friends or family may not. Friends might even unintentionally reinforce negative patterns.
Therapy isn't a quick fix - it requires hard work and stepping out of your comfort zone. Expecting one hour of therapy per week to solve all your problems is unrealistic. You have to be willing to challenge your beliefs and try new solutions.
Your brain will often choose the path of least resistance and convince you to stick with what's familiar and comfortable. It's important to gather evidence that both supports and challenges your narratives.
Ultimately, therapy has been beneficial for me. My therapist helped me identify patterns that my friends didn't catch. While friends and therapists can both offer support, a good therapist is specifically trained to help you navigate your mental health.
Change is difficult, but remember that you're not alone in your struggles. Whether you choose therapy or not, challenge your beliefs, process your thoughts, and don't convince yourself that no one can understand your pain.
-- Long rough version that was processed on the spot by my brain
Yeah, for the first couple months I was thinking about that and believed it for a while, but the obvious difference is that one has gone to school for the profession and the other just "knows" you. Notice the pattern here. It's about feelings. Where's the logical proof? Not saying yall's experience are invalid, but good therapy isn't supposed to be easy and comfortable. You need to have the confidence to share how you feel which can put you in a very vulnerable spot. That shits hard. But you don't have to reveal the "you" all in one day, month, or even year. Take your time in taking baby steps and revealing some part of you to your therapist and see if they're actually hearing you out.
Or, you can go all hail mary and do what I did which is gamble that your therapist will be able to extract the most important information when you reveal all the things you're struggling with and the things that you've tried and why you're here and what your goals are. (Now this won't work for everyone, every human is different and unique in their own way) This only worked because I've gone through the hard work of trying to figure out why I feel the why I feel and why I view the world the way I do. I've challenged myself both physically and mentally, from improving my learning skills by learning how to learn all the way to going outside in negative cold temperatures without a sweater in order to push my comfort zone. (Another tricky part about revealing this is that you may read this and assume so much about me as an individual based on your own worldview and experiences, but they're 100% wrong, how can you know someone in just a couple of paragraphs, you would have to be delusional to believe that. That's the power of the brain for you. An efficient predicting machine. But you can build up your skill in finding patterns by challenging yourself.)
I really don't want to be harsh here because this is my own unique experience. Really ask yourself if you're actually trying when it comes to improving your life whether it be mentally or physically. Expecting 1 hour of therapy out of the 168hrs of the week to solve your problems is unrealistic. You're the one that makes the final decisions to your actions. If you're always pushing back and never questioning your beliefs then how do you expect your brain to change and improve? This is where it can get very dangerous because from what I've experienced you can either own up to your shortcomings and try different solutions to try and get yourself out of the problem you're facing little by little, or you convince yourself that no one can understand the pain you're going through and talking to the therapist is not going to be helpful because they don't know you.
Both of these experiences are understandable, it doesn't define who you are. Change is hard. If it were easy, then everyone would try and change to have a better life, but that's not the reality we live in. Convincing yourself that therapy isn't helpful because you're just talking to a stranger that makes you "feel" good because you're being listened to, in my opinion, makes no logical sense. You're cutting out so many things that goes into training to be a therapist and assuming based on your "world view" that it's better to talk to a friend/someone that you're comfortable with and that knows you. How is comparing a therapist to your friend/someone you trust a fair comparison? Your brain is going to choose the path of least resistance and will do what is the most comfortable. Your brain is made to survive and conserve as much energy as it can. Trying new things and getting out of your comfort zone is something your brain will avoid and will convince you by giving you narratives that make "sense" to you, but break apart once you gather more evidence that both go against and support that narrative. Your brain will go to great lengths to keep where you are the most familiar and comfortable with and feed you ample evidence to support the narrative it's giving you to keep you where you're at.
One thing I learned from therapy is that the therapist doesn't know all the things that goes on in your mind and will never get to see all of you. Here's a fact that I find funny, NO ONE will ever know all the thoughts that go on in your mind, not even the friend/person you talk to all the time. They have their own way of viewing the world that will always differ from yours. Will they share some similar ideas as you? Of course, how would they be your friend otherwise? But the way they view the world will never be revealed to you because you don't have full access to their minds. Does this mean no one can help you and we're all have to figure out solutions to our problems on our own? No. Why not? We're social creatures. Even if we don't have access to someones mind, it doesn't mean we should solely rely on ourselves to find the solution to our problems. Sharing our thoughts gives us the ability to gain insights from others that may help us. This is where a good therapist can use their training and help you detect patterns in your thinking and find ways to help you. The more information you give them, the better they can help you.
Couldn't a friend do the same? This is where it gets tricky. Is your friend/someone you trust there to tell you things you're comfortable with? Or are they actively challenging your beliefs and try and help you see situations in a different way. Isn't it more beneficial to have both a therapist and a friend/somone there that will listen to you? Maybe both can offer good insights, the difference is one is trained and the other is someone you care about.
Ultimately, it's up to you to make the call whether or not to seek therapy. I wanted to share my thoughts on this because, in my experience, therapy has been beneficial for me. Is it just me convincing myself it's working and is just an "expensive 'fake friend' that makes me feel heard? It could be. But I would be fucking lying to you if I said I could've of figure out all of this without my therapist and would've been better off saving my money and talk to my friend to help with my problems. My therapist was able to detect patterns in my thinking that my friend would've never have caught. ( My friend was actually feeding the negative pattern without knowing, I don't blame them) I know I'm repeating myself when I say this, but again, A GOOD THERAPIST IS TRAINED ON HOW THE MIND WORKS and try their very damn best to help you navigate your world.
I do want to ends this whole thing by saying that I've ultimately wrote all of this in hopes that someone reads this and process the most they can and see where they agree or disagree in the things I've shared. Based on my experience, the comments from the videos I've watched has helped me see different peoples experience, and the good ones were always the ones that challenged my own beliefs. Does that mean you have to change your whole belief system? No, it just helps you see what you actually value in your life instead of what others tell you what you should value. It ain't going to be easy, but just know that whatever pain you're going through, another human being is going through a similar pain as yours. Don't convince yourself otherwise, the majority of humans are empathics, some unfortunately get thought to suppress it. I wish you good luck to any brains that read all of this, your neurons will appreciate it. (Even if no one reads this, this helped me process my thoughts that would otherwise be written in my journal)
Most therapists have not done deep self introspection, deconstruction and self-actualization. Let your suffering be your teacher. Be your own therapist/guru. :).... May all be well. May all be happy.
Very well said @SisterSunnyFreeSpirit✨️💛
❤
I would assume, you are the worldest best counselor, ever! I have gone to therapy a few times in my life, and have never once had a counselor make me feel like they were actually there for me, other than to collect money.....you are an amazing man!
Agree 100%. The last few therapists I've seen aren't even interested in hearing anything about childhood. They hate hearing back story to any problem and I'm always of the opinion that if you don't figure out what the original cause of your issue was, you'll never really get past it because you'll never directly address it. But they just want to fix problems in a vacuum and think everything else is a waste of time. That just makes seeing *them* a waste of time. I totally agree most therapists are bad at what they do. I'm so much better off doing it all myself. With books and TH-cam, it's pretty easy to learn how to be your own therapist and successfully work out your problems yourself. So much more empowering, too! :)
or they do the opposite: keep probing your childhood to find non-existent trauma and waste your time. Psychologists who practise EMDR are big on this.
I listened for 30 seconds and I know this guy is right. when you go to different therapists you start to notice patterns, patterns in the questions, patterns in their responses, patterns of speech its like trying to walk in Walmart expecting something new, sure maybe there is a small difference here or there but overall its the same.
You are so engaging! I just graduated as a psychologist last year and I'm starting training in body psychotherapy and I'm really enjoying it. My problem after graduation is that I feel like I'm floating in the sense that I don't really know what I'm doing, so the idea of having a patient is absurd to me, even just to do an evaluation. Your talk gave me something real because although in uni we did get psychological theory from different schools I feel like we weren't really taught what to do in the room with the patient and that fills me with fear at my own incompetence. So thank you for this, in a way it removes the veil of mystery from psychotherapy. Thankfully, my psychotherapist is pretty great. Take care!
veronica -- best of luck to you. and thanks for your words. daniel
noone can give something that do not have. so simple and is about transfere happines to emocional pain maybe not all sane but at least go in the process
Veronica Lopez: Don't you get any practice sessions with real or fake clients? That seems hard to believe in that demanding training for a very demanding profession. How did it go, 6 years after your post?
Hi Daniel, thank you so much for being honest about your point of view on psychotherapy. I agree with you on most of what you said. I graduated as a clinical psychologist 4 years ago and still have that feeling of being lost on what im doing when i'm with clients. I've read a lot about psychotherapy, i'm having aproximately 20 sessions a week, i have a supervisor and i think that this field is very confusing and misleading. I could go on and on about this topic. Anyway, thank you once again, when i watched your video i felt relieved that a person has the courage to talk about so openly about psychotherapy.
thank you :)
***** i think i read parts of it some years back. i honestly can't remember. but i'll keep my eyes open for it again. thanks! daniel
Luis Felipe Dueñas thank you for your honesty. I believe some of this structure in this feild is capitalist and about money. Yet there are true real people that actually care about people and want to help. Trust your instinct and continue your research. You are open minded person.
Luis Felipe Dueñas Daniel is an incredible gift. One must do their own education on their own dynamic and that way u know that these therapists are inept totally. I’ve done all my own therapy because I’ve done so much studying that I know more than any therapist. Obviously Daniel is simply on point. He and I agree on EVERYTHING. The parallels are astounding.
so you university didnt do a good job forming you as psychology clinic... therpaist
Hi Daniel,
I am writing to you from India, and how lucky I am to chance upon your TH-cam video. It was simply BRILLIANT. The smug fraternity of psychotherapists deserves to be called out on their ineptness, it was high time. You are very articulate and I applaud you for calling a spade a spade, without mincing your words. You seem to have a very deep grasp of human nature, and I appreciate your incisive understanding of the attributes that must necessarily be present in anyone who wants to call himself or herself a “healer” (and charge money for it). It was uncanny watching your video, as it seemed you were vocalizing verbatim, every thought I have had about therapists for the past few years.
I have been at the receiving end of countless such incompetent therapist, which has been very damaging to my self esteem and trust, not to forget, financially draining. In my personal experience I do not know of a single therapist that is good. Apart from not being good, frustratingly, they even lack common sense. I have met more ‘regular’ people without psychology degrees, such as, friends, strangers, bloggers, other clients, who are more empathetic, have a better understanding of problems and offer some practicable solutions- minus the arrogance and heavy fees one has to endure for trying out these self proclaimed ‘experienced’ therapists.
I must add, that in countries like India, the quest for finding a therapist who is reasonable enough (not good, but even slightly reasonable) is way more difficult, as our culture teaches us to unconditionally respect and bow down to authority (doctors, therapists etc). So much so that even asking them any question is considered effrontery. This undue privilege given to them by Indian society makes them even more arrogant, and they feel no need to be open to learning, let alone admitting their mistakes (‘because they are the ones with all the answers, how could they deign to learn from us’). The bar for therapists in India is very low, and it boils down to a simple case of demand and supply; since beggars can’t be choosers, we are forced to endure the least shitty therapist, with all her flagrant flaws in thinking, just because others are even worse. The emotional and financial cost of searching for a new therapist every time are just too high.
Mental health services in general are dismal all over the world. Since you are in a country where the system is slightly better than in India, I urge you to show your video to authorities in hospitals who are in charge of hiring psychotherapists. There should be ways of testing people for empathy and common sense, apart from looking at their degrees. Secondly, since the fees are so high, and majority of therapist so inept and irresponsible, there must be a way to hold them accountable for the emotional damage they inevitable cause their clients when a relationship is severed. I am not saying that one must go on a suing spree, but these irresponsible psychotherapist who directly harm their clients with their behavior, MUST be held accountable. The least that can be done is, the clients must write a written memo of why he or she decided to leave a therapist, and submit that memo to the higher ups in that hospital. At least, this way, data points can be collected on that therapist, and some reality check can be done showing that he or she is not as great as he or the hospital think them to be.
Unless they go out of their way to help someone, I consider doctors and therapists no different from a service provider like Comcast or Verizon, hence there should be a ‘yelp’ for rating therapists, where clients can rate and review the bad therapists (I am not sure if such a portal already exists?) These measures will force them to pull up their socks and get their act together. Mental health services need to be jolted out of their complacency…this is the first step, I know a lot more work needs to be done. Thanks again for posting this video.
+Shaira Funk THANKS Shaira :)
+Daniel Mackler What do you think about the idea of holding such bad psychotherapist accountable for the damage they cause to the clients?
+Daniel Mackler @daniel Mackler....I was quite shocked to find this recently....www.haaretz.com/jewish/books/.premium-1.604326 . I know Alice Miller is one of your inspirations, but did you know of this?
"The Trauma of a Gifted Child Whose Mother Was Alice Miller"
Martin Miller believes his mother, the late, world-famous psychologist Alice Miller, was a great theorist, subjected him to emotional neglect and abuse. Now he's written a book about it.
read more: www.haaretz.com/jewish/books/.premium-1.604326"
+Shaira Funk i have no problem with holding them accountable. it's just hard to do, because the standards of the field mostly allow them to be bad.....and to do bad things. it's considered normal.
+Shaira Funk yes, i know about this. martin miller reached out to me a few years ago after reading what i'd written about his mother alice miller. he said he was very surprised to read it, and said (i don't want to sound grandiose, but this is what he told me) that i was the first person whom he'd read who'd understood his mother. this was before his book came out. i was in switzerland a few months later for work and i went over to zurich and met with him. we spent a very interesting afternoon together. i learned a lot.
I've seen over 30 therapists since I was 6, and of those, 3 have not been abusive narcissists. But of those 3, 1 of them ended up still causing me a significant amount of trauma that I'm still trying to get over. I'm not going back to therapy so I'm trying to deal with it myself.
Why not try going to God instead of man? I have discovered healing I did not even know was possible when I turned to Christ. Deliverance prayer, especially, has been a blessing to me.
Gosh!!!😮. ❤️🧡💛💚💙
@@AI-ch3if stop
The original post above is 100% PROOF of what therapy can do to people. Obviously if you are staying with therapy, it doesn't work and it's causing you damage. It's like taking a poisonous pill to get better because you're always feeling sick, but that pill is really what is making you sick continually.
@@Tengokuuuuhe is only suggesting
I have had a few unfortunate experiences with psychotherapists. I found them quite superior, intellectual and unemotional. Tried to fit me into their theories. I love it that you suggest they should be artists. Totally agree because the mind and emotions are complex and they have to be able to tune in and understand where the client is at. The client's journey. Nobody can completely understand another person's experience but if they really care it helps a whole lot. I think the stresses of life and dysfunction in our world cause a lot of imbalance and staying away from the mainstream system helps. Also staying away from negative people. Your videos make me feel so validated. Thanks so much!
What made me quit therapy was when my therapist said "you cry too much" in a very judgmental way. That day I realized that she didn't really care about me nor what I had to say.
In fact, she would talk a lot about herself.
That's when I said "goodbye, I'm not coming back" and never look back or tried to find other therapist. Nowadays, I enjoy writing my feelings on my journal and giving me time to understand myself and also the environment.
what a trash bag that therapist was. I recently had a therapist who kept forgetting very key things about me and making me repeat myself. the excuse was, i like to start from the beginning. 2 sessions ago the therapist fell asleep twice during session. they didn't know what maslow's hierarchy of needs was. they were passive aggressive towards me when i called them out for that. i laughed about it. i can either get upset or laugh, i just decided to laugh it off.
ok but what if you do cry too much?
@@LungaMasilela What if you're a judgemental a$$ with too little empathy?
I think it’s important to identify and honor the person that wants to deal with the here and now. In the 1980s there were a lot of therapists who traumatized clients by making them relive the trauma without any resolution or healing. Learning CBT techniques that addressed my anxiety and depression empowered me.
It's really a shame that society doesn't provide a basic income to everyone so that people like empaths can peruse giving therapy with the most quality and personal sustainability.
Why do most therapist's want you to be in the position of client forever? My current therapist wants me to continue the relationship but after three years I am ready to move on and I'm tired of his bullshit (nodding out during sessions, repeating himself constantly, having no clue about peer support as a care model). Am I just a steady paycheck? Was therapy ever intended to be a permanent feature of mental health care?
Eric Bray No. No it is not intended to be a permanent feature. Maybe check up appointments here and there. Truth is, he/she does not decide when you are ready to move on; you do.
Healing ones own childhood traumas is the path to selfhood. The only way to find this path is to distance yourself from your family of origin .I affirm your belief on this. When in therapy I felt that instead of grocery stores on every corner, in San Francisco, (my favorite place),there should be a gestalt primal therapist clinic available to all who need some one to talk truth to and get honest feed back that helps them grow and teaches them compassionately about themselves. I believe also that environment is everything. Most therapists emphasize the early childhood environment only and do not acknowledge the clients current environment .Environments can make or break you.
Your point about psychotherapy practices instead of shops is spot on. Though it seems like many therapy approaches aren't about honest feedback but rather this active compassionate listening technique without active direction. I've been to three different therapists for at least a year each, and I found that two of them generally missed the opportunity to have a reality check with me when I could have needed it, and then, if they did, they got confrontational in the wrong places and overheard my request to return to the points that mattered to me. One of them was hell-bent on trying to convince me that my relationship was doomed to fail (I was trying to get him to see my developmental trauma that was surfacing through the upheaval of then fresh loss of my last close relative). The other resolved to simply repeating the mantra that everything wasn't so bad every week, which calmed me somewhat - until that therapy ended. My third therapist was the best by far, but even she had a few moments where she was talking past me somehow. I appreciate the third one for restoring some of my trust, but at the same time I feel like a lot of therapy creates an overdependence on therapy. It has become this century's confessional, in a way. The need to share my thoughts and states and to have those validated never fades, but eventually, we need to find other social avenues for that. I have started to feel safe around only licensed professionals and those who have been in contact with them enough; that seems a bit... problematic? Graduating therapy doesn't really mean anyone has conquered their madness; a part of the "teachings" is only semantics.
i was "trapped" for 3 years in an abusive relationship with a therapist and you're right, as i discovered to my detriment even evidence contradicting them is blatantly ignored when they are brought to the attention of the member organisations who collude in what is a "top-down" approach to clients, all clients, however well-qualified and whatever status they hold in life, the therapist seems to hold the ultimate word on the identity of the client, which is a form of character assassination, especially when there's no evidence for it. In my case he was a psycho who was avoiding detection, my role as unofficial whistle-blower frightened him and he was intent on getting support from other professionals at all costs none of whom found anything remotely resembling what he imagined, nothing in fact.... He did seem horribly unaware about his own mental health which totally alarmed me. No one was interested in the truth and all colluded in protecting him from exposure. Well he's already been rumble by an online reviewer so it's only a matter of time....
I love how you speak from your heart. The insight you share removes so much confusion.
The first three therapists that I saw treated me more of a case study than as a real person.
I left each session feeling more raw, lost and vulnerable than when I went into the session.
The fourth therapist treated me as a human being and we made much progress towards my healing, much of which I did myself with the tools he gave to me.
Some of the best therapists that I have met are pub landladies and barmaids that have much life experience, are down to earth and are familiar with the human condition.
Blessings to them all and also to you.
I so appreciate the way you express yourself, and i can see and feel how much you must have helped people.
Sounds to me like you would be a great therapist. You seem to have intuition and an understanding of the human process. Some of our fellow travelers could use that kind of support in their lives. I really enjoyed your perspective.
Daniel, you mentioned somewhere that it's not the person having mental health issues that need therapy. You are SO correct! I fixed ALL my issues by analyzing my PARENTS (from my memories of them). Only then could I understand my feelings. Child therapy should not exist without insisting that their parents participate simultaneously. Only then will the kid get better 💯
Very helpful indeed. It's confirmed my own intuition about the roles of psychotherapy and self-therapy for myself, and given me a lot to think about concerning my self-therapy in the coming year.
Thanks for sharing Daniel! :)
This video is spot on!
I’ve seen a therapist in the past and didn’t get much out of it. A few major points resonated with me:
- power imbalance, there is a financial component to the relationship so there’s an incentive for the therapist to not actually address the underlying problems and give the patient the tools to fix themselves
- therapists tend to not like to share their personal experiences so it’s hard to connect with them
- there is no accountability between the therapist and patient, other than to terminate the sessions
- the entire profession is in large based on how you feel. Which isn’t scientific. So it’s hard to trust how to get empirical results
- therapists tend to be disconnected and stoic which is very ineffective in motivating patient. Showing disappointment, anger, etc when a patient is not following the plan the patient agreed to can show the patient they need to be accountable
Good points
I think you might find the existential approach to therapy refreshing in this regard.
A therapist's role is not to be a friend, but rather to maintain empathy towards their clients. Maintaining that boundary is of utmost importance to them. They refrain from divulging information about their own lives since you are compensating them to discuss your own life and the purpose for your presence. Moreover, it is morally wrong for them to conduct a session solely focused on themselves unless they are imparting a story that can be beneficial to you. Unless you are legally required to attend therapy, you have the freedom to terminate your therapist at any time, and even in those cases, you still have the option to decline attending.
I would like to see more of these podcast style videos from you. I think you have a lot of very useful things to say.
hi TimeAttack -- i've been making some new ones and putting them up. do you have any ideas for others i might make. i'm considering making more. all the best (3 years later), daniel
Here I am Sunday evening listening to some of the best stuff I've heard in years. I was searching for therapists that "do" OCD, and what do I find? It's a video on why you quit your therapy practice! And it's everything I feared about that industry, and now I'm fearing where am I supposed to get help for my teenager's apparent OCD...
Time, self-knowledge, someone to bound with and patience.
M B It might be worth researching a list of therapists in your area and attempting to email them and have them explain how they go about treating their clients; the people best suited to helping your son will likely be very up front about themselves and take your critical approach seriously.
@@dmackler58 Hello, I hope you are well, on your new path. I'd ask you to please make a video on how to get visible for psychiatry , how to make them want to provide (trauma)therapy, both for one's own childhood trauma, as for the 40 years of breaking down maltreatmet and withheld treatment by them and by health care.i have always cared to not make trouble or be too demanding, and be helpful and see THEM. And in later years tone down my increased crisis pressure with hundreds of symptoms and bodily malfunction due to the abuse instead of ease.How does one have them at least be honest, at least give real information and not deceive one's spirit and waste one's life-time, energy, struggling clarity and flame of light? To have them stop seeing one as someone usable, exploitable? Stop destroying one's will to live?
I have used good info from books about how to deal with (sexual) assaults and rapists: To stay calm and to address the real human being in them, as well as showing the good humanity in myself. It has not worked on psychiatry, doctors, social workers or abusive therapists and other health care personnel. Did they get brain-washed during training to think we are of another race and not worth as much as they?
Wow! Lots of comments here! And it was only published today! I found myself appreciating so much of what you discussed in is video. I am a relatively new therapist and I am also currently in therapy. I have also been in therapy in the past. I just can't believe how much I could relate to the things you said. You expressed many of my feelings so well. I really appreciated your candor and insight.
thanks loren. actually i put it up a year ago today -- you reminded me of that. otherwise it would be truly viral :) warm greetings -- daniel
Hi Daniel, I really respect your view on pschychotherapy as I'm looking for a new therapist. I am just coming out of a bad therapist relationship. Thanks for being so open and sharing what u know on how to find a good person to talk to. It really helped. I look forward to watching more of your videos!
The goal of every psychotherapy is to make 'patient' not need psychotherapist anymore.
NoCultist That should be the goal. Real world isn't always as pretty.
trucid2 👍
Why patient need therapy?Isnt that to patient to decide
Same with teacher and pupil!
They've managed to drive a lot of people on this post away....
I don't really know how to do "self therapy," but I'm going to start trying to go through my own thoughts in my head at night and see if it helps any idk. I can't afford therapy and have in the past had the experience you describe where most therapists aren't very good at what they do anyway.
My very first experience going to therapy as an adult involved the therapist telling me to commit myself to a psychiatric ward for panic attacks. When I told her that sounded like the complete opposite of a good or helpful idea, she told me she would call my father who I was living with at the time and have him commit me then. I wasn't suicidal, wasn't taking drugs (I've never even been drunk), wasn't doing anything risky...I was just having a lot of panic attacks. Not even very dramatic panic attacks. Anyway, I'm rambling. I went to a few therapists after her who weren't as bad, but they all still ranged from crappy to well-meaning but ultimately not very helpful. I always assumed I was the problem. Idk maybe I was, but it always felt like I was at best paying someone to feed me platitudes and maybe recommend deep breathing exercises.
Hello. I’m not sure if you’re going to be reading this comment, and not sure if you’re still struggling with this, but I want to let you know that it’s not you, and maybe neither the therapists. Now as I concluded I see that somehow the therapists you’ve been to weren’t as experienced and inquisitive and analytical as they should have, but I want to tell you that it could’ve been because of the way you were translating or trying to translate your emotions and failing to bring them across. Never really lose hope in healing, I’m someone who struggled with panics for 6-8 years (I was young then so I couldn’t understand what panic even was) but then it took me as I grew up now and was aware about 2 years to complexity heal from anxiety trauma and panicking. And I know it could’ve taken less if I have started my therapy + self therapy way before. My self therapy was all by the help of ‘therapy in a nutshell’ here in youtube. It taught me a lot from her series of ‘anxiety’ and from there I started my self therapy. When I became so aware of the idea of healing and the self, I decided to talk to an actual therapist and it continued with sessions on healing any residues of trauma , it was a bit painful but at the end beautiful. Today was my last session, and I could say and would say, I’m not 100% in control and no one will ever be, but I know understand how my mind works and my healing journey will go on for ever as long as I encompass myself.
I've always found psychology to be a sort of link between science, philosophy, and spirituality, when used properly. Its a tool to explore the inner self.
A lesson for all therapists....
Woah, at about 52 min you talk about what it is like to listen to someone talk about serious trauma and it rang true for me. I'm not a therapist, I just sit around in cafe's with mental health service user friends and I listen. They often want to talk about their childhood traumas. I find it hard work to be that open, but very rewarding. It stays with me for days sometimes and I might cry a little afterwards. But if I am to see them again they they deserve this ammount of attention from me. I need to do that in order to be able to continue being open and to build on the relationship in a way that is respectful to both of us.
This man leave me thinking
Very sincere guy. I fully appreciate and support his view. Another spiritual teacher or therapist that guide people to work more with themselves to help themselves is Gabor Mate. I love watching his videos and I think you will too.
I'm in the very last final process of becoming a psychotherapist, and to be honest I'm already thinking of abandoning this career path altogether after receiving my license. Psychotherapy in general has always irked me in a particular way -- there's a fundamental "professional self-absorption" in the therapeutic alliance that ultimately harms the client. I think a lot of traumas are the result of a misalignment between the expectations of the person-during their childhood or later on-and the outside world, but it is paradoxical because I believe that is exactly what's pushed as a necessary survival mechanism in modern culture, and so following your very own self isolates and grants you social punishment, be that in any shape it takes.
Rejecting one's own voice becomes a learned practice in order to thrive mentally, and I don't believe most psychotherapists are sensitive enough to the human aspect of just being, naked prior to the veil of culture. They are just attuned to the application of techniques and to the egotistical desire of learning more about the "mechanisms" of their clients, rather than healing the very particular sense of being of a person's suffering through their own language and style of existing. I'm not really in a position to talk much about the field, but for the moment I feel like humanistic psychology is probably the only lens where problems are looked at solely from the experience of the client... oh well, that opinion could change in a few years. This was a very insightful video, thank you!
Enjoyed this, thankyou.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Am appreciating your posts!
Wow nice to see you here
I don't know, right now I just feel so sad and low. Only wanted to tell you that it feels so good to listen to you. I've had so many years of therapy, without any positive result really. Back then I did not have anybody to talk about my negative therapeutical experiences. I've tried to talk about that with another therapist, which led to me being rejected by him too.
Essentially, videos like this one don't really teach me anything I did not have to find out myself before. But it's just so comforting to hear it from someone like you. Maybe videos like this will safe me in the end. Thank you!
I sometimes feel most of counseling/therapy is mostly just Placebo. Kinda discouraging since I'm planning to do my masters in counseling. The objective of having an effective treatment that taps into the human potential for rational thought and change, incredible science behind our behaviour and emotions is what keeps me still hopeful bout the field. But most of it is still clearly bullshit and studies are extremely flawed. Quite disturbing.
I think it is a placebo too. That would explain why the patient needs to feel like it will help them. If it wasn’t a placebo, then why does the patient need to think that? Otherwise therapy would help whether you thought it would or not. Glad someone else says so too. But don’t feel discouraged, do what you want to do & try to help people no matter what you choose.
Your breathing when you finish talking. I can imagine it’s took a lot of energy from you. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Yes -- thank you!!
4:20 they're not very good yet the JUST LICENSED PSYCHOTHERAPIST LIKE LCSW OR LMFT charges over $150 for 45 mins immediately after they get their license. 😂
i feel very grateful for my therapist after watching this (i did already, but this confirmed it). Thanks Daniel
"Psychotherapists are healers and artists" he speaks energetic cellular truths
As a retired family physician and a person who has also seen multiple psychiatrists over a 5 year period secondary to PTSD (from an MVA), SELF-THERAPY has been, by far, the best therapy for me. I have come to believe most of the psychiatrists are far more 'ill' than I am. In fact, I think I help them more than they help me. I now think the vast majority are 'burned out' and now go through the motions required to legally protect themselves and to be able to charge for the visit. Sad...but I strongly think it is true!
When I first realized this I was ANGRY. My opinion has since genuinely evolved! After the near fatal motor vehicle accident I myself became overwhelmed and rapidly 'burned out'. I wanted to help my patients but I could not secondary to the PTSD. After I quit practicing----actually forced out of the profession as disabled. I am a lot better now but I have absolutely no desire to return to practicing medicine. How has my opinion evolved? I am no longer angry but I now feel profound 'pity' for these 'burned out' doctors.
It’s ironic here since you are one and don’t seem to realize it
This is why I choose to be an occupational therapist rather than a psychologist. Occupations actually help people live their lives, not just ruminate over the terrible bad things that are wrong with them. Kudos for speaking out .
I agree, the best therapist I've seen (and I saw a lot) was also one of the cheapest. May she rest in peace.
This video is fantastic. I participated in therapy for 9 years, got a lot from the experience, but also have a lot of criticism particularly for the mental health system. Quality of care depends on the therapist and their ability to empower you in the real world. I think Western psychotherapy is disconnected from the lived reality of people, viewing them as maladaptive individuals with a series of problems, when their needs are more positively oriented -- connection, meaning, transformation, fulfillment.
It’s both actually
I started going to therapy nine months ago and have been experiencing major positive changes in my life. The way my therapist treats me on a human level and her expertise in the field gives me so much of support and help. Im really sad to hear about your bad experience and your disappointment overall in psychotherapy.
It's statistics, individual therapists can and do help people every day. But as a whole the mental health system is a net-negative, stigmatizing and hurting vulnerable peoples, particularly during an era of crisis.
Good therapy is a luxury in life :( Your videos are very helpful, thank you.
.. Wow what a great question to ask the therapist: "Have you ever been on psychiatric medicine?" Wish i had thought of it
@SteppenWolff100 yes
I wouldn't care so much for what they might have done earlier in life, but if he is taking meds now or recently. A big difference to choose to do it only very rarely when flying nights sitting, like Daniel.
This was an excellent video to stumble upon, lots of reassuring ideas that make me think I wasn't crazy for having the doubts I had. Based on the number of disappointing experiences I've had with different therapists, I actually semi-sarcastically just did a TH-cam search with the phrase "Is therapy bullshit?" That's how I found this channel, and I'm glad I did ;)
What bothers me is that, in recent years there has been aggressive messaging that you can't recover without a therapist...........whic is specially defeating message for those who don't have the money to get a therapist, or live in a country where psychotherapy is not accessible. Personally, most of my recovery was done by myself, and by doing art and spiritual activities. When I was finally able to afford therapy, I did go to therapists, but honestly, I didn't find them that much helpful.
When I have made the argument to friends that psychotherapy isn't for everyone and it doesn't always work, I get responses like, "it will work if you want it to."
That would be like if I said that the anti-seizure medication that works for ME doesn't work for someone else, I said, "it will work if you want it to, give it time." Then, they have ten more seizures while waiting for it to work because they were told.
Nonsense! Just like the physical, mental health issues are unique to individuals, some treatments work while others do not.
The 'friends' who are saying that are being dismissive. And yes, your analogy is a good one.
daniel you are too pure and wonderful for this world. ur clients are very lucky to have had u as a therapist
This video helped me a lot. I really appreciate that you took the time to share your thoughts on this.
I believe a good therapist, is only there to help you find the right questions.
Its on the individual to discover the answers.
yeap pretty definition ands it help to self help
Thank you for this video. I find it very interesting. I was lucky enough to find a good therapist. And man, these are rare! I live in Montreal, and I found one in New York who was willing to do Skype.
I find that many times, therapists will shame you, when in fact you have a good intuition on how they suck. But it's hard to trust your intuition when you're already confused and in pain. And therapists are a lot like parents in a way. You're not allowed to criticize parents. You're not allowed to criticize therapists. Well, I find that good therapists are open to being criticized. And they are not so uncomfortable about being themselves. I guess good therapists are just really mature people. They are not scared of their clients because they know who they are themselves, they have creativity and empathy, and they are really grounded people.
I think good therapists are basically people who inspire me. And they don't even have to be therapists, per se. I think some people lift other people up, just because they are so mature and welcoming. These rare few people, they allow others to become themselves too.
I once had a therapist throw a book at me and made me read out loud. I was so mixed up I kept on seeing her for about 6 months until one day I told her basically she was evil and walked out. 🤔🤔🤔
14:35 i totally agree with you, when i go to a therapist first time, i want to talk about my chillhood becouse i can´t able so forget all the traumas i have from that part of my life, and the first thing the therapist say to me was "ok sebastian i think you´r overthinking , just forget your chillhood that don´t care, and focus on your actual problems" but my actual social fobia, anxiety and distymia come from chillhood believes that im conscious about, but just can´t overcome. after that i did not go again.
You’re right, stay strong and be assured that your need to resolve long standing trauma is legitimate. Avoidant therapists do great harm . It’s only recently that therapists are being trained about treating injuries like yours and millions like you. Good luck, stay strong.
EMDR x
Sorry you went through that.
Your brilliance shining through Daniel. I feel so fortunate to have found you. I'm a PMHNP and new in the field. You're a breath of fresh air. Wow!
I asked one of my previous therapists (a clinical psychologist!) if he'd ever been in therapy: he said, "No, I don't need therapy." Really opened my eyes to the fact that he thought he was ABOVE what he was even doing!! He claimed that his group/supervisory sessions with his classmates was enough to understand what therapy felt like. I could not believe that but he was full of *lovely* quotes, like telling me "maybe you haven't suffered enough yet" when I didn't make progress in the way he expected me to. The one before that randomly yelled at me during a phone session for at least an entire hour, summarizing that I made her feel blind, completely not realizing that her complaint was something I was blind to in my own behaviour to begin with but she just assumed I was doing it on purpose, and then she refused to work with me, and somehow even convinced my physician to not refer me. And now I'm in the lovely situation of my analyst being unwilling to take me back because I ran due to a trauma response based on feeling rejected and unheard... And I actually wanted to fix it! Fuuuuu! What drives me absolutely is insane is how *few* therapists are actually *trained* in trauma! Who would need therapy but trauma victims??! I got so many diagnosis over the past 20 years, but I was even denied a PTSD diagnosis because - unbeknownst to the therapist - that I felt (DUE TO TRAUMA) that I had to give them the 'right' answer to their assessment question, which led to them saying I didn't have PTSD, no matter that I laid out an extensive list of traumatic events in my life. And don't even get me started on the big business aspect of what therapy has become; the focus is on changing, not healing anymore, and I definitely feel re-traumatized by therapy. I wish my last analyst would just understand BASED on my trauma why I made the decision I did to run, because I can't freakin' do this again.
Sorry you experienced that!! They should definitely have experienced therapy themselves to know what is like for clients and heal their own traumas. I'm a therapist and I'm appalled by what you said but not surprised given the arrogance & egotistical traits I've seen in many(not all) psychiatrists and psychologists.
@@anitaknight3915 Thanks. It's been something to discover my trauma that heh I didn't even see how bad it was until it felt like even therapists replayed it in little ways right in front of me. Not sure where that leaves me!
As a therapist, i found this very interesting and thought provoking. thank you.
This man has an astute grasp of his life condition and shines an insightful light on the lasting effects of being raised by a pathologically narcissistic parent or parents.
Those of us who want to grow address this negative programming to essentially reparent ourselves. Personally I found Erik Erikson’s work helpful to give myself the skillsets I was denied or rebuked for. Narcissistic parents destroy initiative in their children and they bend them
to their will.
Lack of knowing the authenticity of the Self is a result that rears its many ugly heads in young adulthood and beyond! It can take a lifetime for “adult children of narcissists” (ACON) to achieve successful reparenting. In short we become adults. Healthy ones. Just because a person is a grownup doesn’t mean they have their shit together. It’s okay to be an imperfect being, but it’s not okay to take your rage out on another. Women born to narcissistic mothers - I’m raising my hand - are prone to choose emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive partners. It’s called a Trauma Bond which is the child’s response to stress that’s triggered by the romantic partner’s mistreatment of them, and then creates high arousal sexually. That’s the addiction. It mimics the conditional love received as a child, so that when the mother gave her love, the child was so relieved and accepted it gratefully. We grow up and become
love starved. This is what makes us vulnerable to the love bombing a narcissist bestows in abundance to establish the hook. Yep. The “victim” is the addict. I had to admit I was addicted to something very very bad for me. Then I had to quit. Ask anyone who is either discarded by the narc or does the discard themselves. They mourn the love making. They mourn a fantasy. So essentially it’s a huge challenge to admit that I was the one keeping the so-called relationship going. It’s a blow to the ego. That said, it’s freeing. The victim becomes aware of how their childhood failed them, and then they get busy reclaiming their lost parts and becoming their whole selves. It’s not for the faint of heart.
Food for thought in your practice. I’m an expert of narcissistically abusive relationships, from my life experience.
Therapists were never able to help me, and in fact they frustrated me with their limitations.
The Little Shaman has a TH-cam channel. She saved my life with her videos. When you are emotionally abused on the daily your brain goes into survival mode. You’re just trying to get through the day without the narcissist partner starting a verbal argument or storming into the house with anger emanating from their body! Cognitive dissonance is a real thing. It took me DECADES to even realize I had a narcissistic mother! It could not see it. I just knew something was wrong. I just knew I was dissed by this person. I knew I felt invalidated by her. I didn’t know why.
Anyways, it’s important to know what the patterns are with a narcissist. They are all the same but in different ways. The pattern is always there nonetheless.
Awesome. I saw two different therapists at my school. Within 15 minutes of meeting with the second one I told her I wanted to see someone else. Was so glad. Honesty ftw
Yes, there certainly are some poor ones. I can remember a time many years ago when I needed some therapy, and the minister of this church I frequented suggested i see this fellow. After about ten minutes, I could see how paltry were his actual credentials.Though he had the degrees, our talk was completely on an intellectual level, and he seemed to be something like fifty years out of touch with current work in the field. Though I had merely a psych. B.A. at that time, I was much more qualitied than he (I believe I can say w/o fear of being arrogant). I 'spose I'll end by saying that part of being a superior therapist is the ability to "tune-in" to the "reality" of the client/patient, and to shift about, using various "tools and techniques" (in one's repertoire, let us say) to meet the needs of one's charge. Bare minimum is to be able to practice "active listening," and the doctor I mentioned above was sorely lacking in this dept., alas.
Iv just found your channel and have never felt more seen in my life. Im so glad your making videos. Please keep it up as long as you can. You are a breath of fresh air
I had to go for a stupid reason once … the therapist : ‘I’m your friend’, a week later, ‘I don’t accept your insurance anymore’ 😂 it’s a scam
The field of psychotherapy doesn't strike me as having any undoubtable sense of falsifiability, unlike the other medical professions.
A "bad" orthopedic doctor will misapply a plate or break a bone. A "bad" physician will get a patient unalived or misdiagnosed, if not injured.
But when a "bad" psychotherapist has a patient not improve their life, then the field's official opinion is that "that patient wasn't ready to get better yet, it's not your fault."
When you aren't willing to define failure, you don't get to define success either.
This is greatness. "My job is not to fix you, but to help you figure out how to fix yourself." I put quotes around that although that's not exactly what you said, but something pretty close. God bless you, good sir.
Perfectly said mike we are our own healers and have all the answers within!!!
I found you two days ago and subscribed. I watched why you're not a therapist anymore and think you're right on the money. I love the work you're doing now by sharing all of this with us. Thank you!!!
It's amazing how much this resonates with me... I really wish you were my therapist, or at least I could find someone like you. Just feel so lost and hopeless with my current therapist.
save your money and go ziplining in costa rica...
This guy is really great. Sincere, open, and honestly caring.
I have gone through the same as himself, however, it can be a two edged sword. Yes you can do your own insight but there are times when you can delude yourself into thinking you know yourself when it's really an intellectual game where you think you've done the work when all you've really done is dissociate and fragment.
I once considered being a clinical psychologist but after working closely with psychologists and even hearing critiques from them regarding America's psychological field not being culturally inclusive, issues with the DSM, pharmaceutical greed driving prescriptions, etc I directed my career elsewhere. Ive talked to a few therapists in my life, none ever for a long extent of time and for the most part I didn't find any of it to be helpful. I think the entire model of mental health practiced in the West is in need of a rehaul. I also believe that the vast majority of therapists suck, so there's that as well...
What career did you end up switching to?
I’ve been a therapist for 20+ years, and I was pretty good. But when I learned to apply certain techniques to heal my own grief and traumas, I became a Jedi therapist. A good therapist helps you cope better with reactions to trauma but a great therapist heals the underlying trauma so you no longer have the reaction to cope with.
I can't begin to express how helpful your video has been for me. When one seeker burns with a specific question and dilemma, another fellow pilgrim shows up to share well earned insights gained along The Path. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Please keep sharing your insights. You are a treasure to this world. We need more and more souls like you.
I have had, I wouldnt say bad, but pretty mediocre therapists.... Or ones that I could get a very specific kind of assistance from before they were not the therapist for me anymore. My current therapist, however, is extraordinary. A real talent. And it has been a very holistic and well-rounded experience so far. He seemingly never projects anything upon me. I have felt projected upon by all others. He expertly never lets any projection, at least, become apparent to me. I'm sad to think how rare he is. But he has inspired me to hopefully 🙏 become a good therapist like him. Obviously he's not perfect but, he somehow knows how to gracefully keep his imperfections out of our sessions, haha!
04:20 Some people don’t have a good friend. And, those things make a HUGE difference in mood. I know I am an entirely different person if I eat even too frequently in a day despite it being healthy food. The mind can’t work well unless the body does.
Anyway, this is an amazing talk! This topic is such a taboo and it totally shouldn’t be.
I have been in treatment since I was 8 and this is an beautiful and honest insight. I engage in self-treatment trying to copy the best methods i encountered over the years and every 2 weeks I meet my counselor and tell him/her what I figured out myself and then we talk about it.
Hi Daniel, as a practicing therapist I appreciate your video on the topic of therapy. I do feel badly that your opinion of most other therapists is a negative one. However, I do completely agree with your statement that a good therapist is a humble person who is willing to learn from the client. Given the circumstances, the therapist-client relationship cannot (and probably should not) be an equal one but by trying to lessen the distance of the top-down relationship, I think we enhance the therapeutic relationship and have better outcomes.
The biggest mistake of my life was trusting therapists. Their terrible advice made my life worse and everything they claimed turned out to be wrong. That's just the beginning of the misery they caused me, every single one of them. If I could go back and change one thing in my life, it would be to never go to a a therapist - major sources of ignorance and suffering. They resemble the students in my philosophy classes who couldn't even understand the subject matter yet saw themselves as clever and deep. Shame on therapists for talking about things they have no real knowledge of except the popular culture misconceptions and their simplistic dogma. Indeed, anyone who reads a psychology textbook and isn't offended by the over generalized, rule of thumb, explanations of humans is probably lacking in humanity themselves.
I had a similar experience. I asked for one appointment to verify that what I'd had had a name: anxiety. My mom was dying and I had anxiety and wanted to know I wasn't the only person who had it and wanted a name for it. The crazed lunatic therapist told me that a baby's brain is born smooth, but mine had ridges on it. The apparent goal was to smooth out the ridges through free association, dream analysis, and I was only allowed to talk about the past. On the day of my mom's wake, I went to see the crazy therapist in the morning and wasn't allowed to talk about my feelings around my mom's death. This therapist said I needed twice per week and charged $110 an hour. I would've done better googling my symptoms and learning that it's called anxiety. After the original therapist ruined my life, and I mean ruined it, I tried several others and was manipulated and even hit on by a guy thirty years older than me who asked me to come see him at night when the building was empty. He started sobbing and professed his love. Therapists are the worst humans and the devil is working in them to destroy lives.
I work with people in the mental health field and it seems the more "education" and titles they have, the less common sense and humility they have. I deeply dislike many of them.
This is the best film that I have seen on what psychotherapist is and how to spot a bad therapist. thank you SO MUCH for that piece at the end on how mental illness (diagnosis) is not real and how some therapists buy into that. I wish more therapists were honest about the DSM diagnoses and how "treatment" is billed for by the label (diagnosis) and is for insurance purposes only. People need to know this.
The first therapist I was forced to deal with by by my ex, because there was something wrong with me, was trying to establish a relationship with my ex. 30 years later, still traumatized by this episode in my life.
Wow
I have read famous failed cases as well as analyzing my own failed therapies to understand what does and doesn't help someone in pain-- it's a really, REALLY good way to learn.
i talked to some so called therapist at my day program they talk like they have no common sense and like they dont know right from wrong they talk like they are sick in the head i talked to basic people at a free counseling place online and they make 200 times more sense and are much much more sensible
when you said that healer are also artists i broke down in tears....i am so that but after working for 32 years as an RN and having my artistic creative nature squashed in my job, i am barely that anymore as depression has taken over........but you put all that i have thought into such a clear concise to the soul point........i am beginning to believe again in me.....thank you!
great strength to you mary -- and a hug!! and greetings from manaus, in brazil...in the middle of the amazon! daniel
Mary Morse never allow your creativity to be crushed are well and truly in the creative age. We use to live in a linear world that you went to school got an apprentiship or went to uni and had a job for life. Now we are in the digital age where we are no longer in a job for life social media is creating new ways of working and communicating. So embrace your creative nature and be the muse and rock star you are.
check out Richard Grannon on TH-cam gaga
ignore the gaga bit
Hi, I was wondering what your thoughts are on the therapy of Ingeborg Bosch (Past Reality Integration)? Thank you, i like your vídeos!
This is an important point of view that should receive a wider audience. Everywhere you go you hear high praise for therapy with very little critical analysis of how well it actually performs. I've had some great experiences with therapy and some really terrible ones where the therapist became really abusive, saying things like "who would care about anything you have to say?". I wish there was less emphasis on trusting the therapist, and more of a pedogeological or mentoring approach that was less emotionally intense.