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I would give you the World if I could. You are so humble. Something about your character that you would probably not accept the World if I had it and offered it to you. I know you have much pride in making your way on your own. You and I had what would be called a poor upbringing, though we faced different circumstances. That upbringing surely had a great impact on who and what we are today. It impacts how we think, how we respond. What we have experienced affects our Love Language. Both of us are more heavily in the Acts Of Service arena, though there is no doubt whatsoever that we Crave Physical Touch. But we want that Physical Touch under the Right Conditions and Circumstances. You express that Desire more openly, with less subtlety at times than others, through your TH-cam channel. I have suffered with impediments in my communication and expression skills. Mostly the best arena for that to me has been the Music. One line comes to mind. I AM THE WORDS, YOU ARE THE MUSIC, TO A LOVE SONG THAT'S NEVER BEEN HEARD BEFORE.
@@geecheelionmusic your comment sounds just like my life and actions! I too and my wife, a Filipina, enjoy the information and hard work that Miss Pea puts into each and everyone of her videos and comments! Whom ever she chooses to be lifelong partner with and marry should consider themselves very Blessed! This is exactly how I feel about my wife of 16 years and some how I fall deeper in love 🥰 with her each and everyday! Thank You God For The Gift Of One Of Your Angels 👼 And Allowing Us To Have A Baby Girl 13 Years Ago Coming This July 27! Like you said Geechee I too would give the world to my wife and Miss Pea as they both are so humble! Just like how The Holy Bible Tells Us To Be. I could go on and on about how I transplanted my autistic son and I blindly to Mindanao Philippines 🇵🇭 and how I have never regretted it for a minute! Long live Miss Pea and my Gift From God My Wife, Luzviminda! 🙏😇👼🕊️🥰🥰🇺🇸🇵🇭💐💐🌏🌍🌎
It's sad, I gave up on a PH partner over this. I have visited to PH 5 times for 4 months total, came back to US last month. I am retiring early this year, but I cannot and will not deal with this behavior-it is not good for my mental health or happiness. When I hear how PH people are so nice and friendly I cringe as I see what is beneath the smiles of many and see the gross misconduct towards LGBT and massive crab mentality. I have good friends in PH, but I never loan $ and find so many to be unreliable and dishonest. The is the best video you have done Pea and happy to see your channel grow.
@@byronjones7263 10 commandments? Those were Yahweh's instructions to ancient Hebrews that didn't know perjury and killing fellow tribesmen was bad. It's nuts really.
This is a great, honest presentation that Westerners need to pay attention to and need to incorporate in their minds when dealing with Filipinos. Don't worry, you are carrying your own cultural luggage with you wherever you go.
Nah, most of this can be avoided. Don't pick a poor girl from a stupid family and don't deal with girls that are overly sensitive (especially if you have a strong personality).
Nothing more infuriating than dealing with someone (especially someone you care for in any way) who denies, denies and TRIES to evade any obvious culpability. Thanks for giving me the Filipino heads-up. 😁
Show me the one that believes they are ignorant. Who would choose to be ignorant or to remain that way? This is as vacuous as any comment could possibly be. And, what exactly do you deserve? Are you somehow more deserving than others?
I dated a Filipina girl and loved her very much. Its a long story but almost everything that was said in this video she was projecting on me. I couldn't keep up then the disrespect and mood swings brakeups and gaslighting was getting out of control. In the end she dropped me like a was nothing and instantly got back with her LDR ex from America. Its only been a month and ive been suffering while shes just ignoring me and just going out party and restaurants.. i wish i had someone to talk to about this.....
The ability to see the flaws in your own culture is impressive. Most can't and wouldn't want to even if they could. It is even more impressive to take active steps to correct that flaws that ones own culture has left in oneself.
@@TheFilipinaPea I have no doubt that you will be attacked. All of the people who either can't or don't want to see any flaws in their own cultures will interpret anyone who does as a threat. But their reactions don't make what you're doing any less admirable. Thanks for your courage.
Everything in your video is spot on. As a Filipina I can relate to all of this. I am the Bunso and all of my siblings are much older than me. I am 38 and my oldest sister is 65. I am a menopause baby. Most of my life, I have seen everything you talked about. Most involved me. When I left home and married an American, I went from the outcast to the superstar. I have never forgotten what was done to me but I try to not be spiteful even though the same people who bullied me and made me the bad guy beg me for money now. I still help out but I did not put them on easy street either. My husband helped me to forgive and it put me at peace. Thank you for your videos.
True, true, true. I’m from Carcar City, Cebu, moved to United States when I was 4. My 94 yr old mother moved back to PI, I’ve been going back and forth to PI spending quality time with her. Majority of Filipinos in Carcar City are fake, backstabs, always want to borrow money, they lie their way around…I mean everything you said in this video is true and I experienced it. Keep up the honesty of our culture or majority of Filipinos mentality. Thank you.
As a Filipina myself, I think I'm pretty lucky. My parents didn't choose my career for me. They actually gave me a choice! Also, my family is not the fiesta type. Though I must say most of the ones you mentioned are VERY accurate and true! Thanks Pea, this will surely let Westerners learn about the negative side of our culture. Also, funnily enough, my partner is an American. He helped and taught me that admitting mistakes and good communication (tampo wouldn't fix anything! lol) go a long way! Good job, Pea! xoxo
This is really a subject foreign men need to hear. Guys really need this so they can be prepared for the reality in the country. Because many guys get here and besides the culture shock, they have no idea how bad things can get when they have a beautiful Filipina with a few screws loose. Anywho, good video, Pea.
After 27 months of LDR and currently burning up the last 4 days before I go back to the States.... discovered She is very Self Centered and can't communicate face to face! Beware Gentlemen their idea of Marital Love are Messed up....My own experience ...we can now be friends and don't have to be connected in intimate conversation! Still hoping someday I will meet a FILAPINA who can communicate.....so much knowledge on TH-cam about communication,Yet Facebook is her addiction!
No communication when the conversation gets heated or difficult is also what I'm experiencing. She immediately blocks me , but then she's always watching from a far ......Idk , it's like she expects me to beg , or read her mind....and I'm not playing games like that. Then we have multiple mutual friends , and she's always trying to trigger or troll a reaction out of me , by showing other guys attention while she ignores me .....but if the other guy gets the wrong idea , she shuts it down quickly.... Because I believe the only purpose was to get a emotional reaction from me. Idk , I love her and would like to work it out , but it just seems so childish and immature. She's very very smart , she's an accountant.....but when it comes to emotional intelligence , it's like ironically nonexistent.
@@FSU_KINGxSHIT , Well My Brother, here it is a couple of Weeks later and Our Relationship was Salvaged and Yes I Lost a couple of my days of Life being angry that can't be replaced! However She finally realized after cohesive conversation that Facebook and Social Media can't help Her and be Her Team Mate. 5 days Facebook and Social Media Free!!!......I HAVE ONLY ONE BIG THING TO SAY IF JESUS IS NOT IN THE RELATIONSHIP ? THE SHIP IS GOING TO SINK!!! PRAYER CHANGES THINGS! YOU TWO MUST ALWAYS PRAY TOGETHER!!!!.....MY FILAPINA FROM BEING FROM THE PROVINCE AND BEING ULTRA CONSERVATIVE ROCKED MY WESTERN CULTURE UNDERSTANDING AND IDEAS!!! ....WOW!!!!!! HER DEEP HEART IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.....I AM GOING TO EXPERIENCE THE MARRIAGE I COULD ONLY FANTASIZE ABOUT IN AMERICA. ..... DON'T THROW IN THE TOWEL JUST YET!!!! START READING 1CHAPTER A DAY IN THE BOOK OF PROVERBS!!!! LET PATIENCE HAVE IT'S WORK AND GET GOD INTO YOUR HEART!!!
Pea, after having been in a relationship with a Filipina for 45 years, your presentation is absolutely on point. I’ve seen aspects of each and every point you made.
I personally experienced the hatchet to the back situation - in which a brother could do no wrong, didn't matter what he stole, what he did and how it affect me or others in the family, it was expected to be forgotten about. You are dead on right that it is devastating to the family as a whole - and to the person that is never corrected. In my case he went to prison once he was of age, because he didn't learn proper behavior because he was shielded from any bad outcomes - and didn't realize that there were real world consequences to actions. It's tragic no matter where it occurs.
It’s called; the Cart & Stick or Top to Bottom concepts. To embrace these platforms, it only delays upward diversification, ignorant of responsibility and embracing dependency. Spot on Capt.
From all the relationships I have ever been that involved Filipinas. I can say that there is at least one instance of everything that you ever said. My partner doesn't have to face a majority of the things that you said. But she is still expected to support the family as her sister is overseas, and her brother passed away sadly. There were times I was frustrated with the whole situation with previous relationships. My one ex made it seem like her family always needed support for something, to the point where the uncle just flat out told her to stop worrying. She actually had the audacity to ask me for money after I told her I was fired from my previous job. Another former partner, had a brother who is basically the black sheep but somehow still got away with things. I remember watching people here, and seeing them being essentially cut off from any means of communication or support. Hopefully people here and there, will address the toxic traits in their families and self
Thank you Pea!.. I’ve always wondered how some families who are struggling economically were all of a sudden able to sponsor an entire feast for the whole barangay..
You are obviously the Golden Girl. Sometimes when I watch you I honestly wonder how you were able to become the well rounded person that you are. Even though I pretty much had heard all of this a some time before, you still held my interest with your presentation. You have a true skill and ability to equal and exceed Oprah Winfrey (whom I actually don't really care for). I'd sure like to see you exceed her success professionally and financially because I truly think you would do so much good with all of it. With admiration, your fan Dan.
Oh yeah Pea!! I know what you mean 😅 You don’t only provide for mom and dad, but to the entire family. You suddenly have cousins that you never mate. And if you don’t give what they want from you, they insult you and threaten you with the love/family aspect. I know so many filiina in this situation in Europe. I myself cut the relationship with my toxic family. Because they became lazy, gain weight, not working and only wait for the money you send. I’m sad during X-Mas holiday or other festivities where family usually meets; but it was for the good for my mental health.
Really good episode, Pea. I have to give my wife credit for not falling into these traps. Guys should brush up on two way communication skills because that helps if your spouse never had this modeled in her household growing up. Just take one idea at a time, have the other spouse explain what they just said to their satisfaction and then take turns back and force until you talk through it. Its so very easy. Also, if the family keeps pestering her as a revenue stream, talk about these things in advance. My wife figured this one out for herself and occasionally helped but not a revenue stream, lol.
Wow ,managing life with a filipna is like navigating a minefield . Fortunately their sweetness , love and commitment their partner make it all worth it !! ❤😊
After 20 years of living in the PI. i have definitly learned that the pretense that "ALL" filipinos are friendly, loving and accepting is true at the begining because everyone puts thier best foot forward in the begining. However after years of so called admiration and "HELPING" everbody in the village, often turns to jelousy and extreme 'CHISMISS" and backstabbing just like you said. My years of Philanthropy and financial "HELP" was easily forgotten and lies were spread as to the actual level of my generousity. I distinctley remember all of the "PLEASE TITO ,I HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO TURN" , become , conveniently " why are you forcing me to pay you". Any how it was good in a way because we learned who our true "friends" were in the long run. My wifes family though were never demanding of me in any way. Rich or poor they still loved me. I see all these "BLOGGERS" come here and think they just found PARADISE , but after years of living here you will find that people are still people no matter where you go in the world. Complete with all our flaws and prejudices. GREAT VIDEO AND TOPIC PEA . KEEP EM COMING . MABUHAY NG SALAMAT .. MAHAL KITA
@@TheFilipinaPea just speaking from experience. I still love the Philippines and the people. But like you said some of them can be extremely toxic. Love waking up to your videos,mabuhay
It’s more on toxic Filipino family traits. As a Filipino myself, I’ve experienced some of these within my family dynamics. I learned early to resist these and stay away from toxic family members. I am sure many OFWs can relate. Some Filipina friends I know have been conditioned to seek approval and affirmation from their family authority figures. These family figures will take advantage of this need. My ex prioritized her family’s needs over us. I told her many times about the impact on our relationship, but her need for approval was stronger. I still see her doing the same things over and again. Much of the “help” she gave was not needed nor appreciated. Another Filipina friend was the least favorite in the family growing up. Now that she earns a lot of money, she sends a considerable portion to family members even now that she is married and has a child with a local guy. She is buying the approval she was never given before. She admitted she also likes to be considered a significant player in the family dynamics. I’ve seen this manifest in some mixed couples relationships. Many Filipinas who married foreigners have also improved their position in the clan dynamics. The insecure ones like the validation they get when they send money and when they have a voice over family matters. Some are actively training their family members to be dependent on them. The main takeaway here is that the type of family your Filipina has, and her relationships and standing within will have to be part of the assessment for marriageability. There’s also an economic class and education component at play. Middle-class and educated families are usually more open-minded and lower maintenance. The Filipino families that I know of where children are made to feel like their 401Ks are from those with less education and lower economic standing. This is prevalent in agricultural communities. That Filipina you meet may actually be nice and not toxic, but you have to check the family dynamics as well if you want to marry her. You have to lay ground rules in the relationship. Your new family should come first.
Thank you Pea for all the great information. I'm a forigner and have lived in the Philippines for years. You're doing the Lord's work here. You're saving us westerners who are thinking about living in the Phils years of confusion and headaches. Listen up boys before you go here. The Philippines can be a dream or a nightmare depending on your expectations. Filipinas can make wonderful partners, but be smart, don't give money to someone you've never met, don't think that the inocent looking Flilipina dosen't have claws. Take your time and really get to know the person you're interested in before making any sort of commitment. They know all the tricks. You're not the first kano to land on the islands. It's far better to get here before finding a partner online. That said don't let the bad apples spoil the whole bunch. There are many Filipinas that will make you never want or be able to date anyone from the west. You will be spoiled by their loyalty, kindness, and their refreshingly feminine way of being. They are truly the happiest people I've ever met and I've lived in many different countries. And the slogan is true, "It's more fun in the Philippines!"
Thanks for compiling these symptoms of negativity (usually low self-esteem, jealousy, scarcity-thinking) specific to your culture. We're not professional therapists so it's not prudent nor ethical to try to undo their programming on a 1-on-1 basis. However, how we react to their drama is like their holding up a mirror to let us know where we can improve ourselves. I notice some families with broader awareness have minimal drama and tend to be more happy & successful in the PI. Maybe expats with their different mindsets will help break this cycle for the next generations.
Another great and informative video pea. Some of these points have been raised in books on getting ahead and success… admitting guilt, open communication, mutual respect, honesty… Thanks for your good work pea.
I am retired here and have seen many cases of what you state about certain flaws in the culture here. So kudos to you! A rare example of the proverbial well-rounded Filipina women here seems to be your friend Angel. Hope she is well. Keep up the good work of informing the public at large of the reality here. I adore your vlog!
I am very surprised and impressed that you would post such an honest video. This just proves that part of your mission is definitely to help guys from other countries navigate a potential relationship with a lady from the Philippines. All the best to you Pea, I hope that you yourself can find a wonderful guy some day. If I ever have a chance to get to your country I hope I can get to meet you.
Thanks Pea for doing this video as many Expats don't have a clue how devious Filipina culture can be. I know from personal experience.Unfortunately my Filipina ex was quite toxic. She hid it very well. But like all toxicity it catches up with anyone. When it became obvious and the lies contradicted the lies and as a result the trust went away quickly, arguments started, She was always right and I was always wrong,and I dumped her with her pleading for forgiveness. Be smart and recognize these qualities early. Don't make excuses for her. She is exactly what you have seen and experienced
When dealing with toxic people try and set boundaries, limit contact and don't engage. These are all difficult things to do but its the best advice I have. I would say that if I was to date a Filipina showing her this video would be a good start. Knowing that you are in a toxic relationship is the first step to solving the problem.
I don’t agree with lots of your videos (but doesn’t mean I don’t respect you, I just grew up in the city where my values are more aligned with modern / western ideologies). I’ve never really identified as a conservative, shy Filipina - but this is spot on. Regardless of the background it’s sad to see how it’s a collective experience. My family (me, my mom and my sister) separated from the rest of our big family because of all that you mentioned. At first my mom raised me quite traditionally, but she evolved with the times, although damaged has been done and it’s years of healing from all the generational trauma. It’s great to see that we are starting to recognize it ❤️
This advice would work with all cultures. Whenever I dated they all got the warning, "If you even lie to me or if you ever play tampo on me, it's over and you won't be able to save yourself". When I hear excuses turn into chain excuses, that's the end. They have emotional issues that I just don't want to deal with the rest of my life. Up front they all know I'm nobody's ATM.
Folks: I've got an idea for all, others opinions on me matter less and less the older i get. Thieves don't break into an old car, if you look broke no one is hitting you up for a loan. As for toxic people don't walk away, run!!!
Put on your armor. The backlash of offended people may come. I enjoy your brutal reality. I wish everyone lived in the real world where not everything is perfect. I enjoy your work. Keep it up. All the Best.
The whole thing distills to an insane obsession with “saving face.” The entire dynamic is something I can live very well without. I’d rather be alone than deal with any of it.
I think if you interviewed therapists around the world, most of them would say by far the majority of cases they work on are down to family, going right back to childhood. I spent most of my working life working with adults with severe mental health issues and special needs. A lot of trauma down to family. Don't think it would ever be a problem for a family you made lovely Pea, you're always so up front and honest. Stay well and happy lovely! ❤🥰
Ya, I've witnessed this subject. But in ALL cultures. 😎 phillipine people are somewhat sensitive. I'm from a deeply dysfunctional American family, so all of the subjects you mentioned are old hat to me.. sorry for both sides.. I have a hardworking woman and I'm thankful for her... I will work hard on patience and understanding... my BEAUTIFUL new country is worth some hard work.. thank you for your insight into phillipine culture. I'm a loyal supporter of your ideas and will continue to support you. 😎😎
You are such a wise and observerent your lady! While many of these personality flaws are common around the world. I can see that some of these more common to the Philippine culture. Thanks again! ❤
All I was thinking when you mentioned that backstabbing had to be ignored. I was like no no no. I hold grudges that can last for awhile. You would think the family unit would banish the member who had committed the offense versus its behind us policy.
Watched this video, amazing information. Helps to explain female behavior in general too. Many men complain that women just don’t take accountability for anything. Shifting the blame, and never saying sorry. Great video.. watched it twice
Thanks for the honesty Pea. It's something that has to be in order to have a lasting relationship. Lies and excuses may get you to the next day but will eventually end it. TC God bless y'all 🙏✝️
Excellent video, you just earned yourself a new sub. I dated a couple of Filipinas in the past with disastrous results. Nothing I did was taken positively. Now I have a greater understanding of what was going on. I look forward to becoming familiar with more of your content.
Good evening my friend Pea! I really love how you are not afraid to take on any subject and open people minds and make thrm think. People are often times afraid to get out of their comfort zone in life. Don’t ever change that part of you Pea. Stay sweet and be safe.
If you pay attention, God sends friends to discuss subjects that seem to have nothing to do with the subject at hand. When you are in love you are sort of blinded. It pays to look at the others issues in life at the time and see how they relate to what is really happening.
Hits the nail on the head and rings lots of bells 😂 Been there experienced and suffered from all that. I regard it as aversion therapy now, be vigilant guys she speaks with authority on these issues 👊🏻
I know a young lady of 23 who is near graduation in the ALS system. I admire her for persevering at her age. She does not ask me for money, but often tells me she is hungry. Her parents have been pressuring her to get a job and help out because she should not be depending on them at her age. I say, THEY caused the problem by not ensuring she went to school when it was her time to be in school, so THEY need to make sure she has food and transportation to school.
I've seen a ton of your videos, but this one stands out. Not only is the content good, but the editing of your material is superb. I have a hard time understanding how someone for whom English is a second language can be that eloquent, plus master cultural references and idioms. You must have put a stupendous amount of time into getting to where you are today.
Great topic Pea. Some content creators just paint the picture about what the Filipino culture is, where in this video, you have described how the paint became that color making the picture more understandable. I'm not Filipino but I grew up under the thumb of most of these sections myself, and let me tell you re-writing the programming is tough. Understanding why a person is the way they are, is just as important as loving them for who they are, and I feel this video helps those that wish to know the path around the mine field of programming for the possibility of a safe and happy relationship with a Filipina. Can't wait for Friday's content, you said it's going to be not as serious, and everyone needs a good laugh once and a while. Keep up the awesome work on both your Channel and your Patreon Page. MEMBERSHIP REALLY HAS IT"S PRIVILEGES! And the privileges are better than American Express!
@@TheFilipinaPea I guess part of being a comedian is looking at the way things are, and really diving deeply into what they really are, and you do that so well bringing videos like this for the world to see.
This is a really good video. I believe some Africans fit in this category as well. I know of someone like this that isn't Filipino. Sometimes I like understanding why people behave and think the way they do. You really expressed things very well. I may have to listen to it one more time.
I am so blessed! While I do know some Filipinos with these toxic characteristics, most Filipinos I know are wonderful people. Proud to love a Filipina!
Another great video, Pea. I really appreciate your willingness to not sugar-coat things when it comes to uncomfortable subjects. I've seen many of the behaviors you describe with families in Thailand. Especially in Isaan, a northeastern province that is generally poorer and more rural than the rest of Thailand. Many of the bar girls you'll see in Pattaya, etc. are from Isaan. The pressure on them to send money home for the family is enormous and unending. "Family" sometimes including able-bodied cousins and uncles who'd rather drink whiskey all day rather than get a job. 🙄
Your video is spot-on for the dynamics of my family. My youngest brother was a golden child. My younger sister was a family narcissist who could do no wrong. My upbringing led me to choose a toxic filipina about 37 years ago. I did not follow my true feelings and let go of another Filipina I loved, but life got in the way, and we had to go our separate ways. My first toxic fiance, I ended up bringing her here to the States. Our relationship fell apart before we got to the altar. Thank heaven I didn't end up marrying her. It has taken me several decades to understand Filipino culture, and your advice is spot-on. I wish I had learned these lessons 30 years ago and could have avoided some of the grief you referenced in your video.
Good video Pea most of those qualities are my folks. As an adult I just ignore them and just don’t care less stress in my life and I make sure my house is far from them.
Wow, Pea, that is a tough way to grow up. It's no wonder there are "toxic" Filipinas. It's not exclusive to the PI though. My recent ex was also toxic because of what she saw growing up. Sort of the same type of things you described. South America sounds pretty close to the Philippines in that regard.
Not even close and South America, and I have many videos on my channel is ENTIRELY different cultures even within the continent. There is NOTHING toxic as a whole with this compared to PH, PH is in a world of its own in toxicity.
@@2000ViperGTSsubscribe I'm sure you're right I was just pointing out that there is toxicity elsewhere in the world. It's not entirely exclusive to the PI. I have experienced toxicities in the PI and in Central and South America personally.
In most of these issues I haven’t had to many problems with my Filipina. Being in the US and a long way from her extended family has helped a lot. The one major issue is the blame game. It’s that darned saving face thing. If I make a constructive criticism it is always followed by a long and lengthy list of my failures or excuses why it’s my fault. I usually end those conversations by telling her what my father taught me. I tell her the only person her excuses are pleasing are herself and then I walk away.
@@GUITARTIME2024 Disrespectful? Yes … a little bit. Setting boundaries? Why do you think I walk away from her when she starts arguing? She knows I won’t listen to excuses.
@Mott Dude walking to another room is not setting boundaries. Leaving the house for a few days is more like it, followed by a full week if she doesn't correct it.. She knows she has you and that's your mistake because you didn't set a standard of what's acceptable. Zero fear of losing you. Thats a rough place. Would Mr. High Value Chad get a list of shortcomings if he criticized her?
Listening to you Pea is how I learn about the Philippines. Now don't get me wrong. Other ways also come to mind. Reading and listening to others. The right ones who share their knowledge. Don't worry Pretty Pea. Looking at you is also enjoyable.😊 Thanks for sharing Family characteristics. So happy, if yours had any you Overcame them. My Timbers are Still shiverin'😊
THANK YOU - I appreciate all your videos as a foreigner trying to make a relationship with an elder Filipina. There is a lot to learn and also a lot to appreciate. Thanks for being a guide.
Well, I hope your extended family is proud and respects you for the accomplishments on The Filipina Pea channel. Probably the biggest channel in the Philippines 😊
....And the education continues, teaching us awareness for our benefit...the "Aretha " riff took me back to my R&B and Soul music days...if you want or need to belt out a song, that's the one to go to .
This is very interesting. When my gf gives me the chismis on the more negative people she encounters (mom), I can't help thinking how much it sounds like aspects of a narcissistic culture. And it's not exclusive to the Philipines by any means. We have it here in the USA as well. The silver lining for the Philippines is that that type of toxicity seems to be more of a negative for reasonable people. Here, these types of toxic people are often unnoticed and are seen as "successful" "driven" or "family oriented" when the reality is far from that. And we tend to admire toxic people here. In the Philippines it seems that the good-hearted people are so plentiful that toxicity hasn't seemed to become the accepted norm. And it's one of the West's traits that I hope never fully infiltrate the Philippines. Your "Filipino Pride" is a version of our "American Dream" alibi.
@@TheFilipinaPea Saw your comment that you're doing a video on narcissism - Fantastic! My ex and her parents were full of (totally entitled, controlling, tampo, etc). It was all well hidden at first (long-game for the green card for the whole family). My ex was buying land in the PH, petitioning her parents, buying houses in the USA for them, her brother mooched and did nothing (golden boy), etc. The inability to have any sense of empathy was totally overwhelming. AND I beleive the "utang na loob" is the Stockholm Syndrome (where the kidnapped forms a love allegiance with the kidnapper). The allegiance is not due to love, but due to "conditional love" (utang na loob).
@@TheFilipinaPea Please don't--it's just the Psycho babble topic of the over-educated idiots of the day. Everyone puts themselves first--some are just more subtle about it (better at hiding it). Jesus was the only person who ever walked the earth who was not a narcissist.
I must confess Pea that I was the one who spilled the bag or rice 🫣 I don’t mind getting the back of your hand for it … My own experience of the Philippines is far from comprehensive, but I can vouch that your description of the family, its hierarchy and the golden boy is absolutely spot on, even uncanny. Another awesome dose of Dr Pea best therapy, such a detailed and precise analysis that your picture is probably going to be on many pinay family dartboards tonight 🎯 😳
@@TheFilipinaPea Oh Oh … dear! Pea! I have not the pleasure to know your lovely Mum Pea, but I won’t be surprised if you will have to stay in the cats’house for longer now … 😞
I recognize many of the things you mention happening in families as having happened to a number of Filipinas i know. Add to that being raped by uncles, having your earned money stolen by yr older brother, being used as a house slave by an aunt when yr single mom is abroad as OFW. I have seen the damage it did on girls but fortunately i have seen few a know to become toxic, eventhough seriously damaged. Having said that, i have met some toxic and even totally crazy filipinas, but i am an old goat, been around the block a few times and don't fall for the first pretty face i see.
P you're amazing and how I wish I would have talked to you about 23 years ago, when I met my ex-wife. From the guilt tripping and truly psychotic narcissistic Behavior. You described her behavior Sowell. Over 20 years of emotional torture, and watching my teenage son become a subject of her ownership and control. Seeing him turn from a laughing smiling happy little boy, to a cold emotionless and non-communicative person, and most of that dun to inflict damage to me. For those that have not have The Misfortune to be involved in this sort of individual, well count yourself lucky. This has pretty much burned twenty years of my life, and stressed my health. This sort of individual will use revenge and flip all situations, even saying you did it. Including now saying that she divorced me! Court papers obviously explain that. It would be great to have a qualifying sheet with points that would indicate emotional health and well-being. Thanks so much and hopefully others will learn from these vital facts 🙏😘🙏
I am so sorry for your suffering. I am pretty much given up on a PH woman, I have seen FAR TOO MUCH of this to deal with again. They cannot see reality, communication is elusive and when it is there, facts change in their minds, lies all over, it is a horrible way to live.
Preach. You're not alone. Me too. And, from looking at asawa groups, this is a huge problem. Everything the Pea said here I experienced (suffered). The narcissistic entitlement, including the parents, is astronomical. If you were ever an empath, you'll be totally destroyed. Bottom line, having learned the hard way, never think of marrying a Pinay or even an LTR. At this point, I'd only go for vacation fun (and probably in Thailand). I don't think I could tolerate another day in the PH. Peace.
I have personally seen so many of the things you mentioned. The golden child scenario is one I couldn't get my head around, also, the living beyond your means, no mater how much debt you rack up.
I have been living in Mexico for many years know, but it always strikes me to see so much similarity between what you tell us about Filipino society and what I experience here. Although here there is a huge difference between city and countryside, I suppose that this is also the case in the Philippines ?
Hi Pea, an interesting list of traits to look out for. I certainly think that some of what you mention happens in families here too although perhaps not to the same extent. Parents need to remember that they have a responsibility to their children to help them learn and develop and not just see them as being obliged to help their parents later in life. The thing is that when you let children grow up in a loving and nurturing environment they will naturally wish to help their parents out when they're older and able to do so, there's no need to force the issue. If you are dating someone who has been programmed to some extent by their upbringing then the important thing is to see how willing they are to change what may be self destructive traits. If they're not willing to change then you should probably move on.
Thank you Pea. Another fantastic look at Filipino culture. My father was born in Italy and raised in New York. Many of these family traits were ones I was raised with. This treatment is uncomfortably familiar. Thanks agains Pea. Have a
Good video...Lived with a Filipino family, stayed with many others, and was around them, and I keep my mouth shut...Unless I had a [very important! ]question. I listened learned and observed, and gained more of an understanding and the cultural differences, and also...Some great strengths as well. Love and caring were there too just like other families, but the bonds between them were strong despite some negative happenings and results. They might do things that I would not do if my family transgressed in circumstances. They handled the best ways they knew how to keep the peace. Different from the West but in circumstances the very same results and problems and how to handle them. Peace!
Hi Pea Love this video especially you in a police officer uniform! As a licensed counselor with a master's in counseling you have described a dysfunctional family. These families exhist in every culture and my family was of this type. Great content!
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I would give you the World if I could. You are so humble. Something about your character that you would probably not accept the World if I had it and offered it to you. I know you have much pride in making your way on your own. You and I had what would be called a poor upbringing, though we faced different circumstances. That upbringing surely had a great impact on who and what we are today. It impacts how we think, how we respond. What we have experienced affects our Love Language. Both of us are more heavily in the Acts Of Service arena, though there is no doubt whatsoever that we Crave Physical Touch. But we want that Physical Touch under the Right Conditions and Circumstances. You express that Desire more openly, with less subtlety at times than others, through your TH-cam channel. I have suffered with impediments in my communication and expression skills. Mostly the best arena for that to me has been the Music. One line comes to mind. I AM THE WORDS, YOU ARE THE MUSIC, TO A LOVE SONG THAT'S NEVER BEEN HEARD BEFORE.
@@geecheelionmusic your comment sounds just like my life and actions! I too and my wife, a Filipina, enjoy the information and hard work that Miss Pea puts into each and everyone of her videos and comments! Whom ever she chooses to be lifelong partner with and marry should consider themselves very Blessed! This is exactly how I feel about my wife of 16 years and some how I fall deeper in love 🥰 with her each and everyday! Thank You God For The Gift Of One Of Your Angels 👼 And Allowing Us To Have A Baby Girl 13 Years Ago Coming This July 27!
Like you said Geechee I too would give the world to my wife and Miss Pea as they both are so humble! Just like how The Holy Bible Tells Us To Be.
I could go on and on about how I transplanted my autistic son and I blindly to Mindanao Philippines 🇵🇭 and how I have never regretted it for a minute!
Long live Miss Pea and my Gift From God My Wife, Luzviminda! 🙏😇👼🕊️🥰🥰🇺🇸🇵🇭💐💐🌏🌍🌎
Sorry , MABUHAY AT MAHAL KITA
You should start a match making service
@@CLJ65 Yes, my Love is Strong and Deep. I will NOT deny it as Peter denied his involvement with the Christ. And I want to be THAT MAN.
This has to be your best video. As a Filipina myself, all of these things need to be said.
Wow, Lily, thank you so much! 👍😊
And by the way, you’re so very beautiful! ❤️😳❤️
It's sad, I gave up on a PH partner over this. I have visited to PH 5 times for 4 months total, came back to US last month. I am retiring early this year, but I cannot and will not deal with this behavior-it is not good for my mental health or happiness. When I hear how PH people are so nice and friendly I cringe as I see what is beneath the smiles of many and see the gross misconduct towards LGBT and massive crab mentality. I have good friends in PH, but I never loan $ and find so many to be unreliable and dishonest. The is the best video you have done Pea and happy to see your channel grow.
No and it is not even close. Lookup 10 Commandments.
Thank you Filipina Pea, you are very beautiful too 🙂
@@byronjones7263 10 commandments? Those were Yahweh's instructions to ancient Hebrews that didn't know perjury and killing fellow tribesmen was bad. It's nuts really.
This is a great, honest presentation that Westerners need to pay attention to and need to incorporate in their minds when dealing with Filipinos. Don't worry, you are carrying your own cultural luggage with you wherever you go.
I can’t wait to see how many ‘offended Filipinos’ contact me now 🤣
@@TheFilipinaPea the truth hurts still very sad
Nah, most of this can be avoided. Don't pick a poor girl from a stupid family and don't deal with girls that are overly sensitive (especially if you have a strong personality).
Honesty…..rarely found these days.
Must be hard to find well balanced people like you Pea.
Those of us in the West have our own cultural baggage that will probably tick Filipinos off.
Nothing more infuriating than dealing with someone (especially someone you care for in any way) who denies, denies and TRIES to evade any obvious culpability. Thanks for giving me the Filipino heads-up. 😁
Life is short, don't settle for less than you deserve. Ignorance is not a crime, but choosing to remain that way is a fatal flaw in my book.
My book too 👍👍👍
Show me the one that believes they are ignorant. Who would choose to be ignorant or to remain that way? This is as vacuous as any comment could possibly be.
And, what exactly do you deserve? Are you somehow more deserving than others?
I dated a Filipina girl and loved her very much. Its a long story but almost everything that was said in this video she was projecting on me. I couldn't keep up then the disrespect and mood swings brakeups and gaslighting was getting out of control. In the end she dropped me like a was nothing and instantly got back with her LDR ex from America. Its only been a month and ive been suffering while shes just ignoring me and just going out party and restaurants.. i wish i had someone to talk to about this.....
The ability to see the flaws in your own culture is impressive. Most can't and wouldn't want to even if they could. It is even more impressive to take active steps to correct that flaws that ones own culture has left in oneself.
And just wait - I’ll get attacked for it 😳🤣
@@TheFilipinaPea I think the proper response was "What do you mean by that?" 😅
@@TheFilipinaPea I only just now realized I forgot to subscribe.
@@TheFilipinaPea Pinoy CLAP BACK!
@@TheFilipinaPea I have no doubt that you will be attacked. All of the people who either can't or don't want to see any flaws in their own cultures will interpret anyone who does as a threat. But their reactions don't make what you're doing any less admirable. Thanks for your courage.
Everything in your video is spot on. As a Filipina I can relate to all of this. I am the Bunso and all of my siblings are much older than me. I am 38 and my oldest sister is 65. I am a menopause baby. Most of my life, I have seen everything you talked about. Most involved me. When I left home and married an American, I went from the outcast to the superstar. I have never forgotten what was done to me but I try to not be spiteful even though the same people who bullied me and made me the bad guy beg me for money now. I still help out but I did not put them on easy street either. My husband helped me to forgive and it put me at peace. Thank you for your videos.
Wisdom
Forgiveness
All have many layers like an ONION
Great comparison. Bushyboy Oz
Your husband helped you to forgive, and put you at peace? I'm so very glad you two are together! May the rest of your lives be like that.
True, true, true. I’m from Carcar City, Cebu, moved to United States when I was 4. My 94 yr old mother moved back to PI, I’ve been going back and forth to PI spending quality time with her. Majority of Filipinos in Carcar City are fake, backstabs, always want to borrow money, they lie their way around…I mean everything you said in this video is true and I experienced it. Keep up the honesty of our culture or majority of Filipinos mentality. Thank you.
As a Filipina myself, I think I'm pretty lucky. My parents didn't choose my career for me. They actually gave me a choice! Also, my family is not the fiesta type. Though I must say most of the ones you mentioned are VERY accurate and true! Thanks Pea, this will surely let Westerners learn about the negative side of our culture. Also, funnily enough, my partner is an American. He helped and taught me that admitting mistakes and good communication (tampo wouldn't fix anything! lol) go a long way! Good job, Pea! xoxo
Well said!
This is really a subject foreign men need to hear. Guys really need this so they can be prepared for the reality in the country. Because many guys get here and besides the culture shock, they have no idea how bad things can get when they have a beautiful Filipina with a few screws loose.
Anywho, good video, Pea.
Thanks, Mike, I hope it can help someone 👍😊
After 27 months of LDR and currently burning up the last 4 days before I go back to the States.... discovered She is very Self Centered and can't communicate face to face!
Beware Gentlemen their idea of Marital Love are Messed up....My own experience ...we can now be friends and don't have to be connected in intimate conversation! Still hoping someday I will meet a FILAPINA who can communicate.....so much knowledge on TH-cam about communication,Yet Facebook is her addiction!
No communication when the conversation gets heated or difficult is also what I'm experiencing. She immediately blocks me , but then she's always watching from a far ......Idk , it's like she expects me to beg , or read her mind....and I'm not playing games like that.
Then we have multiple mutual friends , and she's always trying to trigger or troll a reaction out of me , by showing other guys attention while she ignores me .....but if the other guy gets the wrong idea , she shuts it down quickly.... Because I believe the only purpose was to get a emotional reaction from me.
Idk , I love her and would like to work it out , but it just seems so childish and immature.
She's very very smart , she's an accountant.....but when it comes to emotional intelligence , it's like ironically nonexistent.
Is this even salvageable? Or should I run as fast as I can ? Any advice would be most welcomed and appreciated.
@@FSU_KINGxSHIT , Well My Brother, here it is a couple of Weeks later and Our Relationship was Salvaged and Yes I Lost a couple of my days of Life being angry that can't be replaced! However She finally realized after cohesive conversation that Facebook and Social Media can't help Her and be Her Team Mate. 5 days Facebook and Social Media Free!!!......I HAVE ONLY ONE BIG THING TO SAY IF JESUS IS NOT IN THE RELATIONSHIP ? THE SHIP IS GOING TO SINK!!!
PRAYER CHANGES THINGS!
YOU TWO MUST ALWAYS PRAY TOGETHER!!!!.....MY FILAPINA FROM BEING FROM THE PROVINCE AND BEING ULTRA CONSERVATIVE ROCKED MY WESTERN CULTURE UNDERSTANDING AND IDEAS!!!
....WOW!!!!!! HER DEEP HEART IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.....I AM GOING TO EXPERIENCE THE MARRIAGE I COULD ONLY FANTASIZE ABOUT IN AMERICA.
..... DON'T THROW IN THE TOWEL JUST YET!!!!
START READING 1CHAPTER A DAY IN THE BOOK OF PROVERBS!!!!
LET PATIENCE HAVE IT'S WORK AND GET GOD INTO YOUR HEART!!!
A lot of these are common here in the US too 😕. Hopefully we can make the future generations more fair and honest.
Pea, after having been in a relationship with a Filipina for 45 years, your presentation is absolutely on point. I’ve seen aspects of each and every point you made.
But at least you’ve made it 45 years ❤️❤️👍
@@TheFilipinaPea Yes, because it’s been worth it.
I personally experienced the hatchet to the back situation - in which a brother could do no wrong, didn't matter what he stole, what he did and how it affect me or others in the family, it was expected to be forgotten about. You are dead on right that it is devastating to the family as a whole - and to the person that is never corrected. In my case he went to prison once he was of age, because he didn't learn proper behavior because he was shielded from any bad outcomes - and didn't realize that there were real world consequences to actions. It's tragic no matter where it occurs.
My advice. Move about an hour away from her family. Close enough to visit. far enough away for the drama not to reach you.
Yes, we call it the 2-island rule 🤣👍
It’s called; the Cart & Stick or Top to Bottom concepts. To embrace these platforms, it only delays upward diversification, ignorant of responsibility and embracing dependency. Spot on Capt.
From all the relationships I have ever been that involved Filipinas. I can say that there is at least one instance of everything that you ever said. My partner doesn't have to face a majority of the things that you said. But she is still expected to support the family as her sister is overseas, and her brother passed away sadly. There were times I was frustrated with the whole situation with previous relationships. My one ex made it seem like her family always needed support for something, to the point where the uncle just flat out told her to stop worrying. She actually had the audacity to ask me for money after I told her I was fired from my previous job. Another former partner, had a brother who is basically the black sheep but somehow still got away with things. I remember watching people here, and seeing them being essentially cut off from any means of communication or support. Hopefully people here and there, will address the toxic traits in their families and self
If only people would talk about it 👍😳
You need to learn 3 words Not my problem or I don't care If all else fails Get a job Had enough Kiss my ass works
Good info. Bet you'll catch a bucket of hell from the locals for sharing this info. Good luck! Love U Pea.
Thank you Pea!.. I’ve always wondered how some families who are struggling economically were all of a sudden able to sponsor an entire feast for the whole barangay..
I have built up a mentality myself that if any one does me wrong, i will just avoid these people at all cost.
I truly enjoy cultural anthropology. This video was well-written, well-produced and well-thought-out. Thank you
Thanks for that, Tom 👍❤️
You are obviously the Golden Girl. Sometimes when I watch you I honestly wonder how you were able to become the well rounded person that you are. Even though I pretty much had heard all of this a some time before, you still held my interest with your presentation. You have a true skill and ability to equal and exceed Oprah Winfrey (whom I actually don't really care for). I'd sure like to see you exceed her success professionally and financially because I truly think you would do so much good with all of it. With admiration, your fan Dan.
Oh yeah Pea!! I know what you mean 😅
You don’t only provide for mom and dad, but to the entire family. You suddenly have cousins that you never mate.
And if you don’t give what they want from you, they insult you and threaten you with the love/family aspect.
I know so many filiina in this situation in Europe. I myself cut the relationship with my toxic family.
Because they became lazy, gain weight, not working and only wait for the money you send.
I’m sad during X-Mas holiday or other festivities where family usually meets; but it was for the good for my mental health.
Really good episode, Pea. I have to give my wife credit for not falling into these traps. Guys should brush up on two way communication skills because that helps if your spouse never had this modeled in her household growing up. Just take one idea at a time, have the other spouse explain what they just said to their satisfaction and then take turns back and force until you talk through it. Its so very easy. Also, if the family keeps pestering her as a revenue stream, talk about these things in advance. My wife figured this one out for herself and occasionally helped but not a revenue stream, lol.
Thanks! Great Intro! Oh Lord, the blame game is another facet of gaslighting, imo.
Wow, thanks SVR!! ❤️❤️❤️👍
Wow ,managing life with a filipna is like navigating a minefield .
Fortunately their sweetness , love and commitment their partner make it all worth it !! ❤😊
If you survive the sheer minefield first
@@antioniousbrown1961 so true!
Something very special and unique about you Pea. Thank you for your videos.
Hello Miss P. You're couple minutes early and so my let's start this great show big thumbs up
Wow, you’re on it tonight 👍❤️🏆
After 20 years of living in the PI. i have definitly learned that the pretense that "ALL" filipinos are friendly, loving and accepting is true at the begining because everyone puts thier best foot forward in the begining. However after years of so called admiration and "HELPING" everbody in the village, often turns to jelousy and extreme 'CHISMISS" and backstabbing just like you said. My years of Philanthropy and financial "HELP" was easily forgotten and lies were spread as to the actual level of my generousity.
I distinctley remember all of the "PLEASE TITO ,I HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO TURN" , become , conveniently " why are you forcing me to pay you". Any how it was good in a way because we learned who our true "friends" were in the long run. My wifes family though were never demanding of me in any way. Rich or poor they still loved me. I see all these "BLOGGERS" come here and think they just found PARADISE , but after years of living here you will find that people are still people no matter where you go in the world. Complete with all our flaws and prejudices. GREAT VIDEO AND TOPIC PEA . KEEP EM COMING .
MABUHAY NG SALAMAT .. MAHAL KITA
Thanks for that insight and experience, Drew 👍😊
@@TheFilipinaPea just speaking from experience. I still love the Philippines and the people. But like you said some of them can be extremely toxic. Love waking up to your videos,mabuhay
@@abc-mf4jn oh most definitely 😁 to a lot of poor Filipinos all Americans are bottomless piggy banks.
It’s more on toxic Filipino family traits. As a Filipino myself, I’ve experienced some of these within my family dynamics. I learned early to resist these and stay away from toxic family members. I am sure many OFWs can relate. Some Filipina friends I know have been conditioned to seek approval and affirmation from their family authority figures. These family figures will take advantage of this need. My ex prioritized her family’s needs over us. I told her many times about the impact on our relationship, but her need for approval was stronger. I still see her doing the same things over and again. Much of the “help” she gave was not needed nor appreciated. Another Filipina friend was the least favorite in the family growing up. Now that she earns a lot of money, she sends a considerable portion to family members even now that she is married and has a child with a local guy. She is buying the approval she was never given before. She admitted she also likes to be considered a significant player in the family dynamics. I’ve seen this manifest in some mixed couples relationships. Many Filipinas who married foreigners have also improved their position in the clan dynamics. The insecure ones like the validation they get when they send money and when they have a voice over family matters. Some are actively training their family members to be dependent on them. The main takeaway here is that the type of family your Filipina has, and her relationships and standing within will have to be part of the assessment for marriageability. There’s also an economic class and education component at play. Middle-class and educated families are usually more open-minded and lower maintenance. The Filipino families that I know of where children are made to feel like their 401Ks are from those with less education and lower economic standing. This is prevalent in agricultural communities. That Filipina you meet may actually be nice and not toxic, but you have to check the family dynamics as well if you want to marry her. You have to lay ground rules in the relationship. Your new family should come first.
Thank you Pea for all the great information. I'm a forigner and have lived in the Philippines for years. You're doing the Lord's work here. You're saving us westerners who are thinking about living in the Phils years of confusion and headaches. Listen up boys before you go here. The Philippines can be a dream or a nightmare depending on your expectations. Filipinas can make wonderful partners, but be smart, don't give money to someone you've never met, don't think that the inocent looking Flilipina dosen't have claws. Take your time and really get to know the person you're interested in before making any sort of commitment. They know all the tricks. You're not the first kano to land on the islands. It's far better to get here before finding a partner online. That said don't let the bad apples spoil the whole bunch. There are many Filipinas that will make you never want or be able to date anyone from the west. You will be spoiled by their loyalty, kindness, and their refreshingly feminine way of being. They are truly the happiest people I've ever met and I've lived in many different countries. And the slogan is true, "It's more fun in the Philippines!"
Excellent! So good that I'm listening to it 3 straight times.
Thank you!❤
Thanks for compiling these symptoms of negativity (usually low self-esteem, jealousy, scarcity-thinking) specific to your culture. We're not professional therapists so it's not prudent nor ethical to try to undo their programming on a 1-on-1 basis. However, how we react to their drama is like their holding up a mirror to let us know where we can improve ourselves. I notice some families with broader awareness have minimal drama and tend to be more happy & successful in the PI. Maybe expats with their different mindsets will help break this cycle for the next generations.
👍👍👍👍
Another great and informative video pea. Some of these points have been raised in books on getting ahead and success… admitting guilt, open communication, mutual respect, honesty…
Thanks for your good work pea.
I am retired here and have seen many cases of what you state about certain flaws in the culture here. So kudos to you! A rare example of the proverbial well-rounded Filipina women here seems to be your friend Angel. Hope she is well. Keep up the good work of informing the public at large of the reality here. I adore your vlog!
I am very surprised and impressed that you would post such an honest video. This just proves that part of your mission is definitely to help guys from other countries navigate a potential relationship with a lady from the Philippines. All the best to you Pea, I hope that you yourself can find a wonderful guy some day. If I ever have a chance to get to your country I hope I can get to meet you.
Thanks you Pea for such a valuable episode. Peace
Robert! That’s a double-tip 👍
Thanks so very much ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks Pea for doing this video as many Expats don't have a clue how devious Filipina culture can be. I know from personal experience.Unfortunately my Filipina ex was quite toxic. She hid it very well. But like all toxicity it catches up with anyone. When it became obvious and the lies contradicted the lies and as a result the trust went away quickly, arguments started, She was always right and I was always wrong,and I dumped her with her pleading for forgiveness. Be smart and recognize these qualities early. Don't make excuses for her. She is exactly what you have seen and experienced
When dealing with toxic people try and set boundaries, limit contact and don't engage. These are all difficult things to do but its the best advice I have. I would say that if I was to date a Filipina showing her this video would be a good start. Knowing that you are in a toxic relationship is the first step to solving the problem.
Thanks for being so vulnerable by clearing this up. You’re the best Pea!
I’ll always tell it like I see it 😊👍❤️
I don’t agree with lots of your videos (but doesn’t mean I don’t respect you, I just grew up in the city where my values are more aligned with modern / western ideologies). I’ve never really identified as a conservative, shy Filipina - but this is spot on. Regardless of the background it’s sad to see how it’s a collective experience.
My family (me, my mom and my sister) separated from the rest of our big family because of all that you mentioned. At first my mom raised me quite traditionally, but she evolved with the times, although damaged has been done and it’s years of healing from all the generational trauma.
It’s great to see that we are starting to recognize it ❤️
This advice would work with all cultures. Whenever I dated they all got the warning, "If you even lie to me or if you ever play tampo on me, it's over and you won't be able to save yourself". When I hear excuses turn into chain excuses, that's the end. They have emotional issues that I just don't want to deal with the rest of my life. Up front they all know I'm nobody's ATM.
Yup, discuss it all in advance 👍👍👍
But you DO have the SLOT right?
Wow, great policy. I have been practicing the past 3 years in Indonesia and feel ready for the Pina's now😅
But the result of this is the end of the relation …
@@woutergijs5246 I'm married to the lady of my dreams. But the relationships ended with anybody that lied, tampoed or made chain excuses.
Folks: I've got an idea for all, others opinions on me matter less and less the older i get. Thieves don't break into an old car, if you look broke no one is hitting you up for a loan. As for toxic people don't walk away, run!!!
Put on your armor. The backlash of offended people may come. I enjoy your brutal reality. I wish everyone lived in the real world where not everything is perfect. I enjoy your work. Keep it up. All the Best.
I’m armored up, and safe in my bunker 🤣👍
The whole thing distills to an insane obsession with “saving face.” The entire dynamic is something I can live very well without. I’d rather be alone than deal with any of it.
Common in all cultures/countries. 😢
I think if you interviewed therapists around the world, most of them would say by far the majority of cases they work on are down to family, going right back to childhood. I spent most of my working life working with adults with severe mental health issues and special needs. A lot of trauma down to family. Don't think it would ever be a problem for a family you made lovely Pea, you're always so up front and honest. Stay well and happy lovely! ❤🥰
Thanks Glen - I’ll raise my kids right, if I ever have any
@@TheFilipinaPea one thing you will find out about having kids, they come out a lot harder than how they went in!
👉🏿So, True! As a Therapist, I approve this message.😅💁🏿🇺🇲👍🏿❤️
Ya, I've witnessed this subject. But in ALL cultures. 😎 phillipine people are somewhat sensitive. I'm from a deeply dysfunctional American family, so all of the subjects you mentioned are old hat to me.. sorry for both sides.. I have a hardworking woman and I'm thankful for her... I will work hard on patience and understanding... my BEAUTIFUL new country is worth some hard work.. thank you for your insight into phillipine culture. I'm a loyal supporter of your ideas and will continue to support you. 😎😎
I spent a lot of time in prisons talking to hardcore criminals including multiple murders. Every single one of them had horrible childhoods.
You are such a wise and observerent your lady! While many of these personality flaws are common around the world. I can see that some of these more common to the Philippine culture.
Thanks again! ❤
All I was thinking when you mentioned that backstabbing had to be ignored. I was like no no no. I hold grudges that can last for awhile. You would think the family unit would banish the member who had committed the offense versus its behind us policy.
It’s the opposite of what many people think 😳👍
Watched this video, amazing information. Helps to explain female behavior in general too. Many men complain that women just don’t take accountability for anything. Shifting the blame, and never saying sorry. Great video.. watched it twice
Thanks for the honesty Pea. It's something that has to be in order to have a lasting relationship. Lies and excuses may get you to the next day but will eventually end it. TC God bless y'all 🙏✝️
Excellent video, you just earned yourself a new sub. I dated a couple of Filipinas in the past with disastrous results. Nothing I did was taken positively. Now I have a greater understanding of what was going on. I look forward to becoming familiar with more of your content.
Not first. But I’m here watching your fantastic video.
I don’t care what number you are, as long as you’re here ❤️👍😊
So very true,your so very wise for a young women of 25.. seriously I can confirm after 14 years I have come across everything you have said.
Think she is older than 25...
@@-BigIi- she looks so young
Good evening my friend Pea! I really love how you are not afraid to take on any subject and open people minds and make thrm think. People are often times afraid to get out of their comfort zone in life. Don’t ever change that part of you Pea. Stay sweet and be safe.
Even if I take heat, I’ll always speak the truth as I see it 😊👍
If you pay attention, God sends friends to discuss subjects that seem to have nothing to do with the subject at hand. When you are in love you are sort of blinded. It pays to look at the others issues in life at the time and see how they relate to what is really happening.
@@TheFilipinaPea As I bear my Cross , I speak the Truth as I know it.
Wow, this list was somewhat startling, however, successful navigation is worth the risk.
Thank you,
John
Hits the nail on the head and rings lots of bells 😂 Been there experienced and suffered from all that. I regard it as aversion therapy now, be vigilant guys she speaks with authority on these issues 👊🏻
Thanks for backing me up, Mike 👍❤️
You’re welcome ☺️
All cultures have problems identifying your own means your working on being a better person. Great video Pea 👍🏻😎❤️
OMG already 51 thumbs up. Good going. I was here refreshing waitting for THE PEA
I’ll never keep you waiting for long, Mr C 😊❤️👍
Never rush to find love and take a very good look at her family. They will be on their best behavior until you are married.
🤣🤣🤣👍
Thanks❤️ your information
it's late go to bed , 😂😂😂
I know a young lady of 23 who is near graduation in the ALS system. I admire her for persevering at her age. She does not ask me for money, but often tells me she is hungry. Her parents have been pressuring her to get a job and help out because she should not be depending on them at her age. I say, THEY caused the problem by not ensuring she went to school when it was her time to be in school, so THEY need to make sure she has food and transportation to school.
Good luck making her understand 🥺
Why don´t you help her then? ¨Sometimes Godś work must truly be our own.¨ JFK
I've seen a ton of your videos, but this one stands out. Not only is the content good, but the editing of your material is superb. I have a hard time understanding how someone for whom English is a second language can be that eloquent, plus master cultural references and idioms. You must have put a stupendous amount of time into getting to where you are today.
Great topic Pea. Some content creators just paint the picture about what the Filipino culture is, where in this video, you have described how the paint became that color making the picture more understandable. I'm not Filipino but I grew up under the thumb of most of these sections myself, and let me tell you re-writing the programming is tough.
Understanding why a person is the way they are, is just as important as loving them for who they are, and I feel this video helps those that wish to know the path around the mine field of programming for the possibility of a safe and happy relationship with a Filipina.
Can't wait for Friday's content, you said it's going to be not as serious, and everyone needs a good laugh once and a while.
Keep up the awesome work on both your Channel and your Patreon Page. MEMBERSHIP REALLY HAS IT"S PRIVILEGES! And the privileges are better than American Express!
Wow, I love the first sentence of your second paragraph - you should copyright that 👍❤️
@@TheFilipinaPea I guess part of being a comedian is looking at the way things are, and really diving deeply into what they really are, and you do that so well bringing videos like this for the world to see.
I know your show is about giving us the truth and thank goodness for you. It also make the Philippines seem downright scary. Love you
This is a really good video. I believe some Africans fit in this category as well. I know of someone like this that isn't Filipino. Sometimes I like understanding why people behave and think the way they do. You really expressed things very well. I may have to listen to it one more time.
I am so blessed! While I do know some Filipinos with these toxic characteristics, most Filipinos I know are wonderful people. Proud to love a Filipina!
Another great video, Pea. I really appreciate your willingness to not sugar-coat things when it comes to uncomfortable subjects.
I've seen many of the behaviors you describe with families in Thailand. Especially in Isaan, a northeastern province that is generally poorer and more rural than the rest of Thailand.
Many of the bar girls you'll see in Pattaya, etc. are from Isaan. The pressure on them to send money home for the family is enormous and unending. "Family" sometimes including able-bodied cousins and uncles who'd rather drink whiskey all day rather than get a job. 🙄
Your video is spot-on for the dynamics of my family. My youngest brother was a golden child. My younger sister was a family narcissist who could do no wrong. My upbringing led me to choose a toxic filipina about 37 years ago. I did not follow my true feelings and let go of another Filipina I loved, but life got in the way, and we had to go our separate ways. My first toxic fiance, I ended up bringing her here to the States. Our relationship fell apart before we got to the altar. Thank heaven I didn't end up marrying her. It has taken me several decades to understand Filipino culture, and your advice is spot-on. I wish I had learned these lessons 30 years ago and could have avoided some of the grief you referenced in your video.
Love the pillows, reminds me of home. So did the rest of the video, sadly.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ohhh noooo, I’m sorry 😳
@@TheFilipinaPea It's fine now. I like to think of it as good training for later life. I can spot a 'nutter' from a mile away.🤣
Thanks!
and can you please cover muslim girls marrying a muslim foreigner?
Oh my gosh, thank you SO very much for your generosity! You made my day ❤️❤️❤️
I’ll look into that topic, and see if I can make a video out of it 👍
Kudos to you, Pea, for surviving and overcoming and turning out GREAT! 👍
Thanks Noah, I did my best 😊👍
Good video Pea most of those qualities are my folks. As an adult I just ignore them and just don’t care less stress in my life and I make sure my house is far from them.
That is an honest reply.
Wow, Pea, that is a tough way to grow up. It's no wonder there are "toxic" Filipinas. It's not exclusive to the PI though. My recent ex was also toxic because of what she saw growing up. Sort of the same type of things you described. South America sounds pretty close to the Philippines in that regard.
Oh yes, I bet there are many similarities 😳👍
Not even close and South America, and I have many videos on my channel is ENTIRELY different cultures even within the continent. There is NOTHING toxic as a whole with this compared to PH, PH is in a world of its own in toxicity.
@@2000ViperGTSsubscribe I'm sure you're right I was just pointing out that there is toxicity elsewhere in the world. It's not entirely exclusive to the PI. I have experienced toxicities in the PI and in Central and South America personally.
Wow!! congrats on over 200 K!! But I knew that would happen!! and m only a bit faster than I imagined. You Rock!!
Train! Good to see you again, my friend 👍❤️
In most of these issues I haven’t had to many problems with my Filipina. Being in the US and a long way from her extended family has helped a lot.
The one major issue is the blame game. It’s that darned saving face thing. If I make a constructive criticism it is always followed by a long and lengthy list of my failures or excuses why it’s my fault.
I usually end those conversations by telling her what my father taught me. I tell her the only person her excuses are pleasing are herself and then I walk away.
Good strategy, Mott 👍🤣😊
Sounds like she disrespects you. That ain't culture only. That's you putting up with it without setting boundaries.
@@GUITARTIME2024 Disrespectful? Yes … a little bit. Setting boundaries? Why do you think I walk away from her when she starts arguing? She knows I won’t listen to excuses.
@Mott Dude walking to another room is not setting boundaries. Leaving the house for a few days is more like it, followed by a full week if she doesn't correct it.. She knows she has you and that's your mistake because you didn't set a standard of what's acceptable. Zero fear of losing you. Thats a rough place. Would Mr. High Value Chad get a list of shortcomings if he criticized her?
@@GUITARTIME2024 Dude…have you been married to a Filipina for 18 years?
Great advise professor Pea !
Listening to you Pea is how I learn about the Philippines. Now don't get me wrong. Other ways also come to mind. Reading and listening to others. The right ones who share their knowledge. Don't worry Pretty Pea. Looking at you is also enjoyable.😊 Thanks for sharing Family characteristics. So happy, if yours had any you Overcame them. My Timbers are Still shiverin'😊
Good, then I won’t have to cut off your jib 🤣🤣❤️👍
THANK YOU - I appreciate all your videos as a foreigner trying to make a relationship with an elder Filipina. There is a lot to learn and also a lot to appreciate. Thanks for being a guide.
Love you Pea. Excellent content as always 😊
Thanks Randy! I’m dropping some bombs tonight 🤣
It's true what they say,"you can choose your friends but not your family"!
Well, I hope your extended family is proud and respects you for the accomplishments on The Filipina Pea channel. Probably the biggest channel in the Philippines 😊
Well, maybe just the best one in the Philippines 🤣
....And the education continues, teaching us awareness for our benefit...the "Aretha " riff took me back to my R&B and Soul music days...if you want or need to belt out a song, that's the one to go to .
She had a forceful voice 👍👍❤️
This is very interesting. When my gf gives me the chismis on the more negative people she encounters (mom), I can't help thinking how much it sounds like aspects of a narcissistic culture. And it's not exclusive to the Philipines by any means. We have it here in the USA as well. The silver lining for the Philippines is that that type of toxicity seems to be more of a negative for reasonable people. Here, these types of toxic people are often unnoticed and are seen as "successful" "driven" or "family oriented" when the reality is far from that. And we tend to admire toxic people here. In the Philippines it seems that the good-hearted people are so plentiful that toxicity hasn't seemed to become the accepted norm. And it's one of the West's traits that I hope never fully infiltrate the Philippines. Your "Filipino Pride" is a version of our "American Dream" alibi.
Yes, narcissism is so rampant here that I’m making a separate video on it, which is why I avoided the topic in this one 👍
@@TheFilipinaPea You're the best Pea!
@@TheFilipinaPea yes! dapat malaman nila! let the best of the best will come in!!!
@@TheFilipinaPea Saw your comment that you're doing a video on narcissism - Fantastic! My ex and her parents were full of (totally entitled, controlling, tampo, etc). It was all well hidden at first (long-game for the green card for the whole family). My ex was buying land in the PH, petitioning her parents, buying houses in the USA for them, her brother mooched and did nothing (golden boy), etc. The inability to have any sense of empathy was totally overwhelming. AND I beleive the "utang na loob" is the Stockholm Syndrome (where the kidnapped forms a love allegiance with the kidnapper). The allegiance is not due to love, but due to "conditional love" (utang na loob).
@@TheFilipinaPea Please don't--it's just the Psycho babble topic of the over-educated idiots of the day. Everyone puts themselves first--some are just more subtle about it (better at hiding it). Jesus was the only person who ever walked the earth who was not a narcissist.
I have experienced all of these! It can baffle foreigners and the sooner you understand this thinking, the better you'll be.
I must confess Pea that I was the one who spilled the bag or rice 🫣
I don’t mind getting the back of your hand for it …
My own experience of the Philippines is far from comprehensive, but I can vouch that your description of the family, its hierarchy and the golden boy is absolutely spot on, even uncanny.
Another awesome dose of Dr Pea best therapy, such a detailed and precise analysis that your picture is probably going to be on many pinay family dartboards tonight 🎯 😳
You should never have admitted that! My mom still hasn’t forgotten about that 😳🤣👍
@@TheFilipinaPea Oh
Oh … dear! Pea!
I have not the pleasure to know your lovely Mum Pea, but I won’t be surprised if you will have to stay in the cats’house for longer now … 😞
I recognize many of the things you mention happening in families as having happened to a number of Filipinas i know. Add to that being raped by uncles, having your earned money stolen by yr older brother, being used as a house slave by an aunt when yr single mom is abroad as OFW.
I have seen the damage it did on girls but fortunately i have seen few a know to become toxic, eventhough seriously damaged. Having said that, i have met some toxic and even totally crazy filipinas, but i am an old goat, been around the block a few times and don't fall for the first pretty face i see.
P you're amazing and how I wish I would have talked to you about 23 years ago, when I met my ex-wife. From the guilt tripping and truly psychotic narcissistic Behavior. You described her behavior Sowell. Over 20 years of emotional torture, and watching my teenage son become a subject of her ownership and control. Seeing him turn from a laughing smiling happy little boy, to a cold emotionless and non-communicative person, and most of that dun to inflict damage to me. For those that have not have The Misfortune to be involved in this sort of individual, well count yourself lucky. This has pretty much burned twenty years of my life, and stressed my health. This sort of individual will use revenge and flip all situations, even saying you did it. Including now saying that she divorced me! Court papers obviously explain that. It would be great to have a qualifying sheet with points that would indicate emotional health and well-being. Thanks so much and hopefully others will learn from these vital facts
🙏😘🙏
🥺🥺😳😢
I am so sorry for your suffering. I am pretty much given up on a PH woman, I have seen FAR TOO MUCH of this to deal with again. They cannot see reality, communication is elusive and when it is there, facts change in their minds, lies all over, it is a horrible way to live.
Preach. You're not alone. Me too. And, from looking at asawa groups, this is a huge problem. Everything the Pea said here I experienced (suffered). The narcissistic entitlement, including the parents, is astronomical. If you were ever an empath, you'll be totally destroyed. Bottom line, having learned the hard way, never think of marrying a Pinay or even an LTR. At this point, I'd only go for vacation fun (and probably in Thailand). I don't think I could tolerate another day in the PH. Peace.
@@bobbruce4135 me too ….100%
I have personally seen so many of the things you mentioned. The golden child scenario is one I couldn't get my head around, also, the living beyond your means, no mater how much debt you rack up.
Pea your beautiful but those pillows omg love them I really love to see some 1 from a different country flying the best flag in the world ❤
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I lived in the UK, so I liked the pillows ❤️
@@TheFilipinaPea and believe me pea the UK misses you
You are doing a wonderful job. I am sure you will succeed in life. Keep up the good work. You have a beautiful mind.
I have been living in Mexico for many years know, but it always strikes me to see so much similarity between what you tell us about Filipino society and what I experience here. Although here there is a huge difference between city and countryside, I suppose that this is also the case in the Philippines ?
I’ve seen more of these traits in Anglo American families with the keeping up with the jonses and such.
The video was great. Thank you Pea from Finland. I will soon come over there.
ALL HAIL THE UNPARALLELED PEA
...and always let the ads play
Top five, too, John 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆👍❤️
a very intelligent lady and very much on the mark.
Wow, thanks Bruce 👍❤️
Hi Pea, an interesting list of traits to look out for. I certainly think that some of what you mention happens in families here too although perhaps not to the same extent. Parents need to remember that they have a responsibility to their children to help them learn and develop and not just see them as being obliged to help their parents later in life. The thing is that when you let children grow up in a loving and nurturing environment they will naturally wish to help their parents out when they're older and able to do so, there's no need to force the issue.
If you are dating someone who has been programmed to some extent by their upbringing then the important thing is to see how willing they are to change what may be self destructive traits. If they're not willing to change then you should probably move on.
Deprogramming can be a lifelong process 🥺
And thanks for your comment earlier (you know the one) ❤️
I want to thank you for all the extremely valuable information you have been giving me these last three years!
That’s what you hire me for 🤣❤️👍
Thank you Pea. Another fantastic look at Filipino culture. My father was born in Italy and raised in New York. Many of these family traits were ones I was raised with. This treatment is uncomfortably familiar.
Thanks agains Pea. Have a
Good video...Lived with a Filipino family, stayed with many others, and was around them, and I keep my mouth shut...Unless I had a [very important! ]question. I listened learned and observed, and gained more of an understanding and the cultural differences, and also...Some great strengths as well.
Love and caring were there too just like other families, but the bonds between them were strong despite some negative happenings and results. They might do things that I would not do if my family transgressed in circumstances. They handled the best ways they knew how to keep the peace.
Different from the West but in circumstances the very same results and problems and how to handle them. Peace!
Sounds like you got a good look at family structure here (that’s valuable info) 👍
INFOR.ATIVE GREAT COMMENT..THANKS!!!
Hi Pea
Love this video especially you in a police officer uniform!
As a licensed counselor with a master's in counseling you have described a dysfunctional family. These families exhist in every culture and my family was of this type. Great content!