Understanding A Narcissist
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 พ.ค. 2024
- Learn more about narcissism here: my.medcircle.com/47h4uJq
In our first episode of this full video series, MedCircle host Kyle Kittleson and psychologist / narcissism expert Dr. Ramani unpack the baseline knowledge you need on the psychology of a narcissist and narcissistic behavior. She explains the defining characteristics of a narcissist, how they handle emotion, and what psychologically causes them to hurt their partner's emotional health.
Understanding the narcissist begins with an important question: why do they treat you this way?
Narcissistic behavior is an incredibly confusing and destabilizing form of emotional trauma for the person on the other end of the relationship. Those who are victim to it report feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, confusion, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and even symptoms resembling PTSD. What’s worse, many of these sufferers don’t realize that this poor treatment by a narcissistic partner or family member is at the core of these debilitating symptoms.
They answer...
Why is understanding the mechanics of a relationship with a narcissist so life-changing?
What enables a narcissist?
What is a narcissist is and how they act in day to day life?
Why do narcissists treat you this way?
How does this narcissistic behavior affect the mental health of the sufferer?
Anyone who is having trouble in a relationship and suspects the person on the other end is a narcissist will benefit from this discussion.
#mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #narcissist #narcissistic #narcissism #psychology #medcircle
Watch the rest of this video series on the psychology of a narcissist (featuring Dr. Ramani) instantly HERE: bit.ly/2WEQ1U2
Do you have any interviews with Dr. Ramani on why someone attracts narcissists and what they can do within themselves to stop attracting them?
"We don't diagnose jerks" 🤣🤣🤣
Dr Ramani... have you ever come across or is there something like the narcissistic feed is also using the the narcissist, back..like the so called victim is getting a lot more benefiting than a true victim? Is that possible??
@@sriroopamadapati5695 I think something like co-dependency might be the case. Where the true victim in needy and possibly BPD. For me catering to two Narcissists (mother&ex-husband) was all about hoping they would come good. I held on to the glimmer of the person I hoped they could be. Drip fed fake love.
Can I say I' I've wanted to find myself for years and I can never show the people I love ' the love I have for them ' I know 100 percent I am a narcasist ' but I just need to someone to understand what I'm going thru ' and I feel like there must be someone out there who has a answer to my question ' I just wanna ask one question to the professor on this video
I love her saying all narcissists should just be together and leave the rest of us alone lol
Anyways they come from another planet to experiment on us
@@michaelzane3823 It should never be difficult to treat someone well who treats you well. There is a sociopath on here who talks about that. If someone does good to her that she does it back.
@@denorwhi we are hypersensitive to insults or someone disliking us. We are living in a world which we made for ourselves where everyone likes us because we were not loved as a child, or maybe were loved too much or something similar. Now in that world if someone insults us that world starts to fall apart. Our anger is something like we are telling(or hoping) you to play along the play of our grandiosity because we are way too afraid to become vulnerable and share our pain..... It would be humiliating, embarrassing and no matter what you neurotypical would say you would always see us in that light of misery and with pity once we open up. We would rather be looked at with awe or even hate but not pity. And you neurotypical people also have that narcissistic core, but you just fit in with other people so you don't have to worry too much coz you can relate to others and you feel like you belong. For eg, you got in an argument with a narcissist, no matter how valid the point narcissist is putting up you can always discard it because he is a narcissist and even the room would support you. The narcissist would have even less power if he had already come out to you about his pain and him being a narcissist. We hide our pains because we do understand malevolence in other people which even they are unaware of..... So get off your high horse, you're not better than any one of us..... Not one
@@AmanSharma-jy7lw not true for me. My kids dad is a narcissist. We were together 8 years. I tried everything to make him happy. I even accepted that I wasn't happy but if I could get him happy, I would get happiness from that. Every single day I never knew what the world looked like with him. Monday he was wonderful and amazing. By Tuesday he was depressed, low, angry, cold, and mean. This was the cycle for 8 years! He was just miserable and determined to not be happy. When I was happy, he always found a way to ruin it and make me feel like crap. The amount of healing I had to do to recover from those 8 years has been huge. And I'm still not completely healed. He broke my spirit and ruined my life for many years. And all I ever tried to do was make him happy. He's just so empty. He feels nothing. He doesn't bond. He doesn't connect. He blames everyone for everything. No accountability EVER!
@@denorwhi i don't know his side of the story it's just your's here. For all i know you could be the vulnerable narcissist.
Unfortunately you don’t know they’re a narcissist until they’ve burned you. But once you’ve experienced it and know what it is, you truly see it. Get away, stay away, be happy with the simple things in life.
My ex put on a complete front at the start them her true self came out
@@talon86blake59 mine too... I was shocked
You should know they are a narcissist by watching them burn others. It should not take them doing it to you before you notice. You watch what they say about others and what they do to others. If somebody is malicious and devious trying to hurt or humiliate, insult, or degrade somebody else, you are being selfish and ignorant thinking they would never treat you the same.
@Joe MacNeill I suggest not getting involved with them in the first place. But if you are in a relationship with them, you need to encourage them to get help for their sake and your sake. Always know that you are not a matyr.
@Joe MacNeill oops. Ty for informing me! Then I suggest that person to leave them and nor become a matyr to abuse
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. Additionally, Here's a clue for anyone of you that think your spouse might be cheating, but you think they are just too clever to be caught, your feelings of being cheated on are not facts and your intuitions are bullshit unless you find out for sure. So before you bring your sickness and blame into the relationship get some fucking proof and some mental help consult a private investigator today Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose know where you stand in your relationship...
“I’m loving this cup right now, because it’s giving me what I want. In 10 minutes I won’t love it anymore.” What a great metaphor for the narcissist’s view of the supply, Dr.Ramani!
Near death experiences
I can totally get this rightnow
The best thing about recognising narcissists is understanding that NOTHING you say or do will ever change them or the way they see things. Strict boundaries and distance is the only way.
I tried the distance thing or low contact thing and it just didn't work after a while for me. I had to go no contact except for financial contract off to finish the end of
I'm a dark empath and trust me narcissists can be easily controlled. Is important to understand what trigger their fears and use this against them.
I know someone who tries to make me look like the bad guy to other people because of me trying not to involve said people. So I end up saying what happened and then I’m not believed.
@Harry Wilson already have. Didn’t change anything
Why bother though?
These videos are so vital for victims of narcissistic abuse
Carissa Booyse ...and those who didn’t survive this abuse
You say victims and that’s fine, but if a victim were to call themselves a victim, then they’re labeled a vulnerable narcissist. Is there a safe place for the hurting victims to get help, or are they doomed to just venting on this platform?
They are not victims they are survivors
Yes! I am so grateful!
I can't agree enough! These videos helped me sooooo much when I was discarded. I couldn't understand what had happened to me and Dr. Ramani explained it so well. So I could finally understand what had happened, that it wasnt my fault and that there was nothing I could do to stop the inevitable breakdown of my marriage it would've always happened.
I was in a Narcissistic relationship for only 6 weeks. I thankfully had the courage and strength to leave. The hardest part is dealing with myself. The embarrassment and frustration of knowing that someone manipulated me and fed me constant lies and I fell for it. Those moments of reflection are the toughest because you don’t know where the truth stops and the lies start.
You were one of the lucky ones to get out that quick. I'd feel no need for embarrassment as they pretty much failed to manipulate you. They got a pretty brief benefit of the doubt, which we tend to give people. Then you saw it and moved on.
Feel yourself lucky to be out before more damage could have been done.
Same here..after just 4 Weeks i'm in Therapy and still in love with him.And still have a feeling that it was my fault and that's the part wher i can get over it.
@@i.1696 It's not your fault though. Whatever all happened, you got into a relationship and gave your heart to someone who couldn't fully give it back. It's best to heal, and not blame yourself. It's best overall to accept that the luck of the draw did not work out this time and look forward to a better future. Learn to trust yourself again, so that you'll make the right choice for yourself next time.
Happy for you.. Please ensure never ever go back to that person.. People spend years or decades dealing with them...good that you figured it out early and chose to come out..
I've encountered this in others so many times. The best thing to do is to exit the narcissistic relationship. And once you're out stay out.
Yap, this would be the best!
It’s actually scary what being in a narcissistic relationship does to you
Hence why people commonly say they are EVIL.
Even the subtle, sly insults can leave you ruminating for days. This takes so much of your time and energy just trying to understand their misery
As a daughter of a covert narcissist with a 5 year PFA on my father, and he violated it 4 times; watching my mother being abused by him for 12 years was miserable and heartbreaking; she's still healing and and struggling and its been like 8 years; since they split; they were married 25 years.
It's rotten we just exist and get hurt everyday by these monsters. Who were not responsible for their dysfunctional childhood
It's extremely scary. I live it every single day.
When a narcissist says he/she loves you, it's just for that moment because you are fitting into his/her scenario of what that moment should look like. When that moment passes, he/she is indifferent again. Thank you to the people who pointed out that my original post referred only to "he." I was speaking from experience, as a woman, but yes, narcissists can be men or women...
There are also female narcissists. Balance, please. Stay free. 🍻 😎 🌠
Yes that was me I was the moment it was so horrible, I did everything wrong so glad to finally 2weeks of being away from him and back on my way to Better,Peace and Happiness
@@RHR-221b I was about to say the same thing. How ignore of her to use “He” like women aren’t narcissist too.
@@jeffreywern2875
Just because she used the word "he" does not mean that she is ignorant of the fact there are female narcissists. Also, RF, that would not necessarily mean she is not having a balanced view. She MAY have had a life experience with a male narcissist & may have just been writing her comment from an emotional moment of remembering that.
Thank you
@@jeffreywern2875 people dont always means to generalize. Some times people just say he or she depending on their shared experiences.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Thank you 🥲
Oh I wish I had seen this before I had two kids by this devil and stayed married to him for 18 years - even my therapist was so repulsed that she told me to leave him
If you knew my story you would. Be speechless just like me. Narcissism is one reality I don't want to be in not even if I'm just a filler. Sadly it's my past. Present and if it goes her way my future
I suffered in silence! But...when I realized that my best friend was a narcissist...I believed I could save him...that I could rescue him out of whatever it was in his past that had caused him to become a narcissist. Leaving the narcissist is the best way! Recovering from narcissistic abuse is so difficult.
Most Anxiety Disorders are caused by Narcissistic Abuse.
Interesting
i dated a narcissist for 3 years. 3 worst years of my life and i developed an anxiety disorder
Woah
Is it true...
Because I have anxiety disorder and I am also suffering from depression and my father is a narcissist.. I guess and he himself is victim of GAD
I agree. They rationalise every thing.
Coverts are the worst. They display empathy but they don’t feel empathy. There’s a difference and only time tells.
I agree, they are more insidious and elegant about the abuse they inflict.
I just realized recently my own mom is a covert one. She played me do good! I'm still very upset. She messed me up badly. She turned me against my own father and alienated me from everyone else. Now I am alone :( I have zero contact with my dad's family, my dad died last year and she discarded me because she didn't need me anymore. I regret having trusted her.
Literally almost killed myself because of this type of person.
Dated her for 3 years. She got me horny, then used me as the cameraman to take sexy pictures to send to my replacement. The guy she told me to not worry about for 3 years.
Cried myself to sleep for a year afterwards. Probably got small trauma PTSD from it.
Sun Tzu my ex fiancé was cheating on me the entire timr and married the woman he was cheating on me with one month before our wedding date. Me abs my family were devastated and let’s not even begin with the embarrassment and other kinds of losses.
He used me like that too. I was taking pictures for him, buying things and visiting shops for “window shopping” only to find out he was using me to get things for her later on. I never got an apology nor did my family. My mother and I went into depression and I’m an orphan.
Yes! They will say they didn’t mean to hurt you but then will continue to yell and hurt you.
The grief and regret are real, especially when you realize you've enabled the behavior and willingly drank the person's poison. Instead of death, we're left with the real diagnoses of depression, GAD, and PTSD. Feels as if I only had the ingredient list all these years, and your series has given me the name of the recipe.
Brandy Parnell,You are beautiful,Hope you are not with a narcissist......
I used to think the problem was the narcissist who sold the lie I spent days wondering how could they basically con me, but now I think I'm more of the problem because I bought the lie
and I got no one to blame for not being there for me, cause the narcissist, IF she was and it wasnt me, was the only person I knew.
@@leahflower9924 you were trauma bonded. you had no choice because you were just trying to survive.
I second that…thank you Brandy
Being with my ex narc for the past 10 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Mine never wanted to go public either
The world is the scariest place ever right now 😔
Don't be afraid, it actually attracts them.
dont be afraid! lot of people are narcissistic, but not EVERYONE
yes
That's true. You have to save your skin all the time.
@NancyJChavez thank you that great Information. I believe all is fair in love and war. He picked war. Too bad on him. Good luck in life.
From my own experience, in one sentence: It’s always about power.
YES!!!!!
Power and control
💯
@@BillieGote exactly 💯
Absolutely correct
"Psychological neglect and invalidation" is exactly right. Also 10:50ish: "narcissistic abuse is characterized by chronic invalidation, lack of compassion, lack of respect, lack of mutuality, a cold indifference..." I love it that Dr. Ramani says NOPE right away, and that sometimes those who've judged her for not giving chances later come to her and say you were so right. RUN at the first sign of these soul suckers! They will bleed you dry and leave you a ruined husk if you let them! 🚫🧛♂
Con men
It's certainly ruined something at my absolute core. I'm damaged goods. I endured too long.
I am 50 years old and still thinking my mother could change. This is an eye opener. Thank you Dr. Ramani
Change is possible you just have to face the demons head on and really want deep down to be a better person I know with NPD it’s a very tough one but those who have disruptive behaviors know it and it comes down to your core I believe are you ok with causing other people pain and misery for your own gain or are you not.
If the mother does not behave the way you want her to behave then you call her narcissist 🤪. How do you know your perfect son and doing the right things to her. Love your mother unconditionally then you won't name her negatively.
Don't feel bad I am 62 and at this "ripe" age learned what a covert narcissistic is. You are ahead of my learning curve:)
Because it's your mom. My mom is one too and it hurts because I feel like I have to cut her off. It makes me fall out with more people because they don't understand that I don't want to accept abuse. They'll say it's not. Gaslighting hurts me when I speak up or not. I look bad either way. I don't talk to my sisters and they don't talk because of her. Then they don't talk to their dad because of her. My youngest sister thinks we're all villians because she is the golden child. It's hurtful.
@@De-tw7by not truth! A lie!!!!
This dog chilling at their feet is amazing.
It's calming...
I thought they use their dog as footrest
he is an intern taking notes on the various detrimental personality disorders. Let my man educate himself
It's just a dog.
It’s sort of sad because the narcissist was neglected as a child or suffered emotional abuse so one tries to empathize with them and feel compassion. But, their underhanded, overbearing, controlling ways just make you want to run far, far away from them. And there is no changing them.
I agree so much. I wanted to really be there for my narc husband and help fix him but it was changing me for the worst and hurting me. It's so hard to truly walk away but my life's worth is well worth it. This is a constant working process. Healing.
Or they were overpampered
I feel that way to Janice. I feeling sorry for them is the only way that I was able to let go of the anger and not take their behavior personally. It helps me to disconnect. I made a video that you may be interested in called warning escaping from narcissist with children. Stay strong
I applaud you Ms Kandis for your strength.Most of us love the narcissist and we do try to help them but we can’t. It’s a personality disorder that developed in them due to certain events in their lives. It might be difficult given the fact that you have children together .
I have a video you may like called warning !escaping a narcissist with children stay strong ;)
I enjoy that she’s exposing narcissists because sometimes it’s tricky to identify some.
Truth😪
tricky if you're pimpled 20 yo piece of crap with a low self-esteem. learn loving yourself, woman. narcissists are the most obvious thing to recognize ever. just freaking take a look around, they're everywhere, they're ruling big companies, they're manipulating stock markets, trying to control media and adore being on the front pages of mass media. the only hard things to realize is that they're not as rare occasion as most of us expected them to be. but once you're over with that hindering thought you're starting to realize that the pattern is everywhere and has contaminated our societies like a freaking parasite especially in the past 20 years.
Just the stupid ones
From ages 4-18 my mother was always difficult. Dr Romani saved me. That’s not even me being dramatic wow I’m crying writing this. It’s intense because she’s given me the gift of discernment. And now I see everyone clearly and she set me free. I’m 18 now. Moved out on my own and for the first time in my life I’m free. She gave me my freedom. Bless this woman you have no idea the impact on my life she’s done.
If I was a narcissistic Dr. Ramani and wanted to plant a subliminal ad of myself as a therapist in the TH-cam comments section this is how I'd do it. Only more subtly D:
why you messing with our girl. She’s done nothing but save millions of people from difficult personalities. LIKE WHY ARE YOU TRYING. YOUR REACHING FOR A NARRATIVE THAT DOESNT EVEN EXIST. stop this madness I’m crying. Get a life.
My names jack. From CANADA like how you gonna say I’m Dr Romany as a fake profile
What is this madness
🤗🥰
Narcissistic abuse must be more known to the people!! It's so severe yet so silenced! It can literally destroy your identity and sanity and it takes so long to get back up to your feet
Yes! We need a way to identify these people that is accessible to everybody. For example - through a psychologist or some such formal channel.
Because it's spiritual
It does take a long time to make sense of all the insanity. And unfortunately because of their lying and gaslighting it's so difficult to understand whose responsibility is whose, and takes the healing so confusing and prolonged
😭😭😭😭😭😭
I feel like I'm at the bottom of a dark pit..after so much trauma, moving for him..now I'm isolated..have been cheated on time and time again..the disgust in myself for going back..I gave up my power..my own home..I was once supporting myself, home in a beautiful place, job, family and friends..I'm at the bottom now
The part about viewing people as a convenience - that is exactly how I felt in my marriage. I was there to cook, clean, shop, do laundry. I felt like a roommate, not a wife. And the silent treatment that would last for days if I did something he perceived as a wrong to him, that was the worse. I could stand in front of him crying, asking why he wouldn't talk to me and he'd walk past me and go outside to smoke. After 2.5 years (2 years of it I spent in counseling), I left.
Wow you sort of wrote my story there.. only I stayed for about 18 years. My ex-husband within the first year I found out would treat perfect strangers with more respect and dignity than he did me.. and he also would not talk to me for days or weeks at a time for something that he had actually done.. unreal.
I feel like the maid and a slave.
@@avoiceinthewilderness9864 why do all our stories sound identical. Its literally very hard for me to stop crying right now and you girls here are making me feel better right now which is a huge step from hyperventilating. Atleast im breathing better now thanks to this knowledge I have around me
I'm not a women noor married, but I do hope you all find piece I'n your selves and learn to eventually become self loving. even if it means that you may never do decide to get back into another relationship, I hope you can find love for other things .
OMG!! That sounds like my husband.
The dog seems at peace and gives me hope what a wonderful scene.
"Resentful, sullen, angry, mopey." And the contempt. I wish I had watch this two years ago! Such good information.
It’s so crazy that’s it’s truly an invisible type of abuse. Like so many ppl who never experienced it just don’t get it. It’s the definition of suffering in silence alone.
Exactly!
So true
Absolutely.
I am on this boat for 28 years. I started understanding it after theses videos.
100% agree, it's hard to explain abusive behaviour and only option left is to suffer in silence or have a courage to walk away. It leaves us live with trauma and invisible tears in eyes.
@Mia Li
I disagree Mia! Not all narcissists victims are easily brainwashed weak ppl at all! We are usually pretty smart but quite empathic ppl who look for the good in others, that's our only fault ...
Narcissists are SO cunning and manipulative they could CON anyone, infact narcs target smarter than average ppl as they like the challenge of more intelligent ppl. I think saying narc victims are easily brainwashed is quite victim blaming! Anyone can be the victim of a disordered twisted manipulative Narc!!!
My dad has shown these narcissistic patterns throughout my life, but he's one of the best salesmen there is. When I got married the first time I pleaded with my ex-wife's family not to be charmed by him. Yet, they still gave him a chance. And it turned into a shit storm of a conflict between our two families that still has left me fucked up. The fact that narcissists make such expert charmers is by far the worst thing about them because they make you, the victim, look like the crazy person.
I’m divorcing a abusive NPD... every symptom you talk about he has. He is grandiose, a liar, turns family against me. He’s broke my nose and recently fractured two ribs. He has zero empathy , sympathy, gas lighting. Lack of compassion, lack of respect ...16 yrs of hell. I do have ptsd really bad
Kelly Moore, you are in my prayers. Mine is more covert. Good for you for making the decision to leave.
Their charm is extremely dangerous.
@@beachchick7688 Yes and they will have that attitude saying that you are the one having issues and no integrity. They commit character assassination on their prey and they frame us into someone we are not. Very painful and the only way to heal and stay close to ourselves is distance, as much as possible.
Even then their words can still hunt our souls.
In my experience the words from narcissists cut deeper than 'regular flaws from healthy people hurting eachother and talking it over, reflecting on both sides and trying to find mutual understanding.
Impossible with a narcissist.
@@arraikcruor6407
*ABSOLUTELY*
*NEVER EVER*
*UNDERESTIMATE THEM*
*NARCISSIST ARE*
*DEMONIC DEVIL'S* 😠
This is so true I knew I was dealing with something but it wasn't until I learned about narcissism that I understood what I was dealing with with in my relationship with my husband. I thought I was going crazy for the last 21 years I've been married. I have been on tons of Anti-depressants and none of them worked. I know now, it's because I wasn't depressed, I was just married to a narcissist.
Same here shortly before leaving I got on antidepressants and they didn’t do anything but numb me to reality and deluded me making me think that everything was ok and the relationship could work. Now I’m off of them
I got really mad with Antidepressiva! Didn't take it anymore! Don't help!!!!
I am in the same boat!! I didn’t know anything about narcissism until after the divorce word was said and watch every narcissist video on TH-cam! It is him!!! I wish i too could’ve known as i wanted to leave but was too scared, lazy or maybe still in love with him and needed his validation. I look back at it now and i felt pathetic. Why did i allow him to treat me the way he did! He definitely trained me
I’ve been diagnosed with different sh and it’s really tortured woman syndrome - PTSD and maybe they don’t teach this in therapy school - it’s really a shame
I had a covert narcissist tell me “I know I love you but I don’t know how I feel.” That’s cognitive empathy
"Narcissists view human relationships as conveniences." Striking statement and another great and informative talk.
Yes more over - transactional
💯💯💯💯
Why would anyone have a relationship that wasn’t convenient?
But they do have real friends right? Or are they friends just being played
No I feel the media is just racist. She hasn’t done one thing wrong
I teared up when she started talking about survivors of narcissistic abuse and how we can discern it, right away! And then we are criticized for not giving the narcissist a chance... and we are labeled as bad people. It feels horrible.
After forgiving them repeatedly, we get branded evil when we finally retaliate.
Yes, exactly! We recognize the red flags and get out right away to protect ourselves. Then they say we are too damaged to be in a relationship and should get treatment or stay alone. No man, we just got stronger and wiser and refuse to put time and effort into something that in the end is going to hurt as for sure! Right?
That’s how he got me, he kept telling me he love me and I believed him. But then he started acting like I was smothering him. I was so hurt by that
THANK YOU for bringing up enabling!!! I spent 11 years with my narcissist (off and on). His mother always saw me as the cause of his problems because she and everyone else were told, by him, that I was crazy. Let's get to the down and dirty truth. She believed him and continually coddled him because she felt guilty for being an absent mother.
It's interesting to me that Narcissistic personality disorder is possibly the only psychological problem that causes OTHERS to seek help! I wish this was taught at high school in health class, it is so prevalent, so relevant and SO NEEDED!
Well said. I've never thought of it that way before
I've been in relationships with narcissists and while it is very stressful and one was hard to get through, I was over it in about a month or two. A relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder took over a year to get through. The latter is 10 times worst, I'm not kidding. It's on a whole other level than narcissistic abuse.
I've been in relationships with narcissists and while it is very stressful and one was hard to get through, I was over it in about a month or two. A relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder took over a year to get through. The latter is 10 times worse. I'm not kidding. It's on a whole other level than narcissistic abuse.
Ever politician is a 😮 narc
IT IS NOT MY PROBLEM BUT YOURS, NOR DO I CARE THINGS YOU SAY. YOU WANT TO STEP OUTSIDE? YOU AND ME - LETS GO - NARCISSISTIC IS HOW YOU WANT TO SEE IT.
When u finally understand that it was never real, it kinda makes it easier to handle. Still hurts...but its a different , less personal kinda hurt... it wasnt me.... thank you!
Thank God I never thought it was me. It's shocking when you find out they didn't mean anything they said or did. The Love Bombing is so cruel. Narcissist know what they are doing. That's why they can change back and for when it suits them😔😔😔😔
Yes!! Once you know, 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️
So true, I used to constantly ask myself “what did I do wrong “ it does hurt to know that it was all fake for them but I don’t feel guilty anymore!!
I can’t agree more. For 22 years I have thought I was the crazy one. And anything that was wrong was all my fault. I’m always saying I’m sorry to everyone. He even had my sons thinking I was crazy. It took me up 3 months ago to find what I have been going through. It’s nice to have a name to what he is and what he has done to me over the past 22 years. I can’t tell you how much better I’m feeling. And just knowing it’s not me. Has helped me mentally. I wish you all the very best honey
@@nancyshiver9165 hugs Nancy. I feel the same as you do. The 22 years of mental damage he has done to me. I suffer from anxiety and I’m a shell of the person I once was. But I’m feeling so much stronger now. And I will never let him take me down ever again.
I just love to see how the dog is asleep so calm and in peace during the whole interview😊 even the dog sense that all we need is to be freed and heal from narcissism
I know! The dog is so sweet.
@@bluecolumbinehe's the best.
I have a sister that is a narcissist- I only just realized that this is why she has verbally attacked me over the years, etc. She fits the description on so many levels! I am distancing! Thank you Dr. Ramani!!
Me too! It's so hard...honestly
It sucks when you realize your siblings are narcissists. If we had known when we were in it, we would have handled it so much differently.
Omg I was just about to comment that.
The most difficult thing for me is that i can’t escape the abuse, because we still live in the same house.
😭😭Oh my God I think I need help How do I exit plsss
@@shahdalmalky6071 same as me😭😭😭
We ought to treat narcissists the same way they treat us.
Would they put up with it? Hell, no! They can dish it out but they can't take it.
Stooping to a level of a narcissist is not something I'm personally okay with. I'd much rather be polite, known my worth, and walk away with my held held high knowing that I'd never treat someone like that.
They are vindictive and over reactive in ways that are unimaginable to normal people. Hitting them with sort of high-level truths when they try to pull crap on you helps a lot, but the most effective message you can send to them is to just to cut them out of your life without explanation. It says, I see your crap and I don’t even engage with it.
They wouldn't put up with it, and they have no consciousness to stop them from stooping even lower. The best bet is to walk away.
thats actually what they want you yo do, just become another vampire.
@@ravenel2 i agree, they are not even worth it.
In a world where social media is so prevelant, it's a narcissist wonderland.
Spent most my life living in a narcicistic paradise.
Especially when you get that Text/DM from a random stranger, thinking they want a "Friendship." But they come in too hot and you try to convince him. All they do is shun it off and think either you're "funny" or a hypocrite when you really are not...
Ur right hun!!
That and online dating
SO bloody scary out there !!
Social media is a Nacissistic Parade!!
I’m living in this abuse! Thanks for educating me with your videos. ☹️
Hey Sherry same here sending hugs
Thank God for your life go no contact with such person. Set a boundary and don't look back
Leave!
Hey , same here Sherry. I totally understand what you may be going through. Lots of hugs to you
Me too and I’m so hurt because I really loved him I’m so hurt that I have to leave him I’m so hurt
Unfortunately it took me 13 years to see him for what he really is. I do feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my life. Thank you so much for giving us this very important info.
Jenn V Art,You deserve better
I'm in a relationship with a narcissist... 13 years.... Im in counseling and I'm moving forward with leaving him... unfortunately we also own a business together.... I know getting myself out of this is going to be the biggest fight of my life.... but I have too....
My God the moment she said that the relationships are “transactional” I almost cried. Seems like yesterday.
Amy Kimball,you deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
@@oscarwilliamson1264 You again? Trolling the women on here..
Way too in love with that dog. He is not bothered chillin
So peacefully asleep 😹
@jami0070 lol yes he is the center of attention
Hahaha
Is that dog even alive? I don.t see him breathing.
I thought that dog was apart of the furniture lol 😭
I think people who've personally gone through Narcissistic abuse develop the ability to sort people into groups: Toxic, Narcissistic, Negative, and Bully.
I've known three true narcissists in my life, many more toxic and negative people, and four bullies.
I've had no problem cutting off toxic, negative or narcissistic relationships, going no contact, reporting situations at work, gray-rocking or reinforcing boundaries as the circumstance calls for, but bullies are completely different. I just imagine them as little, nagging children, no matter their age, and simply treat them as though they're invisible. They taunt me, mock me and make immature comments, but when it's done in front of others, and the person being ridiculed isn't reacting, it makes the bully out to seem crazy, which is better than confronting them in a way, because they're causing that impression themselves.
Disengaged from a belittling marriage over 10 years ago.
I didn’t want to deprive our kids of contact with their other parent, but the years since have been spent listening & trying to help our kids understand and cope with the same bad behavior, anxiety and self-doubt.
It’s hardest for these teens who have grown up subjected to this & are now recognizing the pattern.
I wish I had scooped them up and run.
Victims want justice. Sadly there often won't be justice on this side of eternity.
Amen to that!
God will make them our footstools
Sadly with victims, most don't speak out about it and seek help. In the long run they usually develope mental issues themselves from living in the narcissist's fantasy land for an extended period of time.
I don't want justice, just peace for a change
@@Ilikeitwhenbassgobrrrrr I really really hope you find that place where you can achieve the peace you deserve. I wish you the absolute best, I'll be rooting for you and your happiness, I'm 100% sure that others agree and will be rooting for you as well 🧡
I absolutely adore her. She makes sense of so much that has caused me such pain.
@AllsWell L yes.
Same. Watching both her and Lisa Romano's videos, helped to heal me from the narcissistic trauma I endured. I cannot thank them enough ❤
She literally transformed my life plus literally saved my life and I only watched her videos and listened... She truly is a brilliant woman with a beautiful soul who communicates explains it so well...all the different types...💗✌
Be well sweetheart! I had an abusive narcissist mother. But I am so much better as understood the root cause of issues in my life. Now I am wise, beautiful, strong, healthy, successful and happy! Love yourself and never EVER think of yourself as a victim. Blessings.
I too totally adore her and lisa a romano
This is such a great help. I was devastated in my relationship! I would go o bed saying I hate my life, I hate my wife! I was so confused! I had all this anxiety and my ex didn't care. I started therapy, and my therapist said that I'm in a abusive relationship.
You are not alone.
Magnificent that U got help, lots of love & light😘
I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for 5 years and I am now ending it. You're right they make you feel crazy. He would say that I didn't hear what I heard and so forth.
I never said that. That never happened. You did that; not me. You deserved it because reasons.
For real though... you're not crazy. You deserve better. To hell with them.
Same my 3 older siblings in their 60s spread lies about me to extended family. Disgusting I hate all of them
I’m dealing with this as we speak. It’s extremely scary and exhausted. But what he doesn’t know is I’m planning an escape route right now. I’m too old and worthy of true love to sit here and deal with this any longer. I adore you. Thank you for making the decision so much easier to make. ❤️❤️
Oh god, during a pandemic too? You’re so strong and brave. I wish you good fortune and hope you can get to safety soon, if you haven’t gotten out already!
@Simone Baker - you need to find at least one person who you can really trust to help you get out of your mess and find the help you need to move on. Prayers and good vibes in your journey to escape from this situation. 🙏
I hope you were able to escape.
How are you doing now?
@@JeNJeN-mk4dv I was just gonna ask that
The damage a narcissistic parent does to their children is incalculable. My mother drove me to a suicide attempt last year when I was 49 years old. Thank goodness for these self-help type videos, they give me tools to assist me in recovering and learning to accept it's not me, it's always been my mom who's an extreme narcissist.
We need to learn love. Love our children.
Sorry Troy, you just needed her love. And you deserved that love from your Mom
My mom was a screamer.
Soo terrible
I'm 48 and still trying to heal from it
how did she become one.
Thank you. I attract narcissists and have honestly tried to help them. While keeping my distance, mind you! At about age 40, I began to feel wonderful, strong and confident in my own skin. So, the narcs hate me. Love me. Then, hate me again. Stalkers. Their behavior is so predictable. And they are all miserable people. I want no part of that. Find your peace and move forward. I am so fortunate to have a wonderful husband who listens and understands. Love is sweet.
Lucky you to have someone close while you have awakened to your warrior woman discernment. My lurcher is the best soul to share my bed with & am experiencing the same awakening at the same age (39 a fortnight ago) - I moved away from a long smear campaign/ long discard from a bunch of them. My new place I ve quickly been analysed by a communal, grandiose even- v entitled old man across the road. Walked into my new home 3 times & I ve ended up physically pushing him out while he refused and said he would leave when I discussed what he had done wrong. Silly nonsense but the point being is they ARE everywhere as it’s a spiritual battle we are all in. I’m not quite the religious commenter nor do I attend church even if I wanted to (dog)- the gnostic slant on faith is right up my street. David Paulides and Bill Donahue took my content seeking into new hobbies but I’m Bk again as I I always will to stay sharp and validate these experiences. Love and greetings sister 🧡🥰
I’ve had that same amazing 40 year old awakening! I just feel so sexy, confident, established, capable, fulfilled, and solid in my identity. Can’t be bothered with anyone who is so insecure that I need to dim my light for them. No thanks, life is too short and too enjoyable, and the world is too abundant to waste a moment on that
This is just the most saddest part of it all because it's a personality disorder trait that has no rules upon it's doing🪞
I do believe its 50%. It's a freaking epedimic. Best to be single, introverted and happy!
Not Cristian or anything but I think this is running along the lines of 'The Dead are starting to walk the Earth 😬'
So true
You’re right too a point. But why should we be without human love and natural attention because of others insanity, but I do like being introverted and sometimes happy 😃
Amen!!!!!
@AllDay28 Narcissistic abuse can make you really introverted. It can take time to finally put yourself in the mindset to get in a relationship.
The worst happens when a narcissistic meets an empathy. Scales tip considerably.
And when a narcissistic meets a BPD
I would like to see a narcissist meet a meaner more evil narcissist. I'll watch and get my popcorn ❤
@Mia Li huh?
@@AW-zv2to what happens then?
@@leahacevedo450 they will just become friends and find another target to torment together.
It's very likely that one of them will become the grandiose narcissist and the other, a vulnerable narcissist, the vulnerable one will look to the grandiose one for affirmation, energy and direction.
The grandiose one will look to the vulnerable for his ego supply. They will be happiest when they get to work together to attack another person.. even if it was their own child.
Honestly, the head-spinning manipulation from a narcissist can leave you second-guessing your every thought, right? It’s like they have this dark talent for chipping away at your confidence, distorting your reality 'til you feel utterly lost.
Wish I had this information decades ago, The narcissist is the first to tell you that no one is perfect and there’s trouble everywhere… to keep you
You become an "ice queen" after narcissistic abuse.
💯
Exactly Ice Queen here
Unfortunately, yes. And it isnt fair to people who do have your best interest at heart.
t s u n d e r e
Because most people don't believe us anyhow
So true! I’ve been called “judgmental” b/c I can see narcissism traits like it’s my super power. 🚨
So do i 🙌🏽...i dumped them maximum 4 mth..the other 1.5 mth...i have 2 bad time with narc men..now just being calling at phone i can smell them easyly..
Alert..to much talk..never ask how are you back..love bomb in begining..and compliment they self to much..( edit grammer 😬)
Yessss, same
@@bellabwz ....too much talk ! I had to laugh bec my mind went back to a voicemail I received ten years ago: It was a guy I told off a few years earlier for bailing on a concert without explanation, after he agreed to go with me weeks before ! Calls me out of the blue one day---talked nonstop for two to three minutes, just BLATHERING....until my VM cut him off. What a self-absorbed douchebag he was. Explains a whole lot about his never marrying and having so many lifelong gf problems.
Nobody’s perfect! I feel you now I am overly sensitive and untrusting
Are you INFJ
Thank you, NPD and similar disorders should be a class in grade school everyone has to take, just like gym class or social studies. As a grown man nothing in this world had prepared me for the abuse I suffered by my ex girlfriend
Totally agree. We should all be educated to recognise these people.
@@robinantonio8870 it’s really infallible to think how a person could intentionally calculate ways to try an break the person they “love the most” 🤯. Shepards of the devil
On the money. I hope everyone finds this info when they need it.
Yup it’s so sad the amount of pain you can suffer being in a relationship or being related to a narcissistic person. My mother is extremely narcissistic, so much that she pushed it onto me and many years ago I recognized it in myself because I never cared about others feelings and I started therapy BUT I am still dealing with the traumas from her abuse and now my whole family has to suffer at times dealing with her becoming she’ll never change she thinks everyone else has the problems. She’ll steal and mistreat anyone, she uses people and cares only about what she looks like to others she’ll hurt anyone who gets in her way, she also thinks buying something for someone means she cares for them and she’ll hold it over your head. It’s scary for the grandkids because she uses them and hurts them and doesn’t care.
I finally found someone who validates my feelings
Martha Henderson,Good to hear that 😍😍😊🤙
Yes I agree.you make like my video too Warning! Escaping a narcissist with children . Stay strong!
That is what I want.
Happy for you
Wonderful! So grateful for Medcirle.
I feel I spent many years changing, morphing, hating, foregoing myself and my needs to please the narc instead of trying to change him. I feel as though I was brainwashed into believing he was better than me and I was lucky to have him and deserved what crumbs he gave me. I took on his pain, took blame for his misbehavior, mistakes, faults,etc. I see now how coerced and brainwashed I was. It really was hurtful, abusive and dehumanizing. I feel compassion for the person I was. I really lost me for a long while. I realize now, I am and always was a good person and never deserved it. I actually feel I am even more genuinely and sincerely me than I ever was.
You described me to a T. I almost took my own life because I fell in the hole so deeply I completely lost myself... Even in your healing it still haunts you and maybe scars you for life. It takes a really strong person to recognize that it IS abuse and we do NOT deserve it, Learn steps to get out and recover. God bless 🙏
Tammy best comment ever my dear and completely true
Of course Tammy, kick the bastard to the curb and live your life.
I'm still recovering from being a victim of narcissistic abuse that ended 4 years ago. Going through that abuse is the most bizarre thing a person can deal with. I've always been a smart, strong and independent woman so admitting that I fell victim to this has been a struggle. I wish I could say that I broke away but that's not the case. He took me for everything I had, made me move to another state where I didn't know anyone, away from all my friends and family, turned my friends against me and then left me for dead in a house that was falling apart with no money, because he had taken it all. Praise God I was working from home so I still had work but that was all I had. For the first couple months, when I would wake up in the morning, it was like my brain was broken. I would sit up in bed but then my brain froze. I have no idea now how long that would last but after some time I would begin to think to myself "stand up" so then I would stand up but that was really as far as I could get before my only other thought was "ok, I have to work" so then I'd turn on my computer for work. At first, work was my only outlet and form of recovery and then after a while I started to assimilate some form of a new life in my new area over the next 2 years then covid happened and my newly formed world came crashing down again. Here we are 2 years after covid, and I know I'm not ok. I deal with life fine I guess but I'm not the person I was before that abuse started. Some of it is attributed to covid but it's more than that. I've not really had the chance to deal with the trauma of going through what I went through with my ex-husband. I want to say the happy ending here, but this is where I'm at right now. And now I'm scared of everything and everyone. I was never that way before. I had no fear, took chances and trusted everyone and everything. Obviously, it's good that I'm no longer trusting everyone but the way I operated before had made me very successful in business and relationships. Now I'm stale because of fear. I was halfway out of the muck when covid happened and now, 2 years later, I'm stuck again. I won't speak negativity over my life so I believe I will end up ok on the other side of this but after 4 years, I'm exhausted. On the bright side, about a year ago he started reaching out to me again and I put him in his place - he hasn't contacted me again. I will be a smarter and stronger person for going through all this but it sucks and what you learn you can't unlearn. It's made me skeptical of everyone. Maybe that's good but I don't like it.
Some great points starting at about 10:30
1) Pyschological Neglect
2) Invalidation
3) Dehumanization
4) Lack of Respect
5) Lack of Compassion
6) Lack of Mutuality
7) Relationship of Convenience/Lack of Depth
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 31 years and I can tell you that the depth of abuse goes so deep. It cuts into your soul like nothing else. I am now aware of what has happened to me and I’m in the process of getting out. I’m done with this soulless creature. I can’t wait to get out but I’ve so many loose ends to take care so my life doesn’t get worse if I make the wrong decisions in getting out. Im just so exhausted from his petty crap, his dismissiveness, his control. I could go on and on and on. If you are around this type of person you need to get away from them fast , before they destroy you.
Leslie Case
Like you, it’s been almost 31 yrs for me too. And I am at the same point as you. Wish you the best for your exit. And that you can built your like again, in peace and happiness.
I'm sorry, and I'm with you on that...... I've spent 9 years double guessing myself, why am I allowing him to do this, what have I done. I'm actually writing a book on this. It'd toxic and worthless. No one believes me, the chuch his mom, his family. ...... no one. I second guess all this..... he calls me a man, no I'm no way near being a man..... but name calling makes him feel good. All the hurt and pain he has done to me, he disrespect me at every level. He never admit it. Never!!
Why would you live like that for 30 years?Sorry wasted your life with a narc.
The longer you’re in the relationship, the harder it is to get out, but better late than never. I was in a narcissistic relationship for 19 years.
Leslie, only when you get out, you will realise the depth of your suffering. It's better withoout them, I promise.
Dehumanization is, I think, the key element of how to tell a narcissist from a non-narcissist.
That’s is true. Been feeling hopeless as far as I can remember. 2 narc parents, and I can’t afford therapy.
@@vincentxin8859 create a few goals such as a new project or hobby. Don't tell your parents about them. Tell only one or two people, not everyone, those that will support you. And work towards the goals even if its 20 mins a day. This will take your mind of those impacting on you negatively and you'll have something to work towards. It's all about changing your focus and rebuilding positivity around you, away from the negatives.
They try to drag you down to their own inner state. Unfortunately for them, many victims might be distracted, sidetracked, and traumatized, but don't really get fully converted. The targets still have this jewel known as personhood.
@@tasyt1994 Yes, positive distractions are incredibly important. Great insight. I want to add that watching a lot of empowering videos and listening to empowered people can be very helpful as well.
awsome advice ^^
I love how chilled that dog looks! His person has his foot on him, but he just sleeps on! This is definitely not a dog that is a victim of abuse!
25 years. Grief, regret and anger. How I did not see it, and how I allowed it all these years...I am so angry at myself.
Narcissistic love = the grape juice of wine
Personally, I think informing people that narcissists (no matter who they are) can only have transactional relationships is the most honest information people can have.
Hier only write crazy People about how they persist on their way to Hell,dr.Ramanie...
If You wanna know my opinion./\Pl
When I met my wife she was the sweetest and kindest person. I found it a little odd she wasn’t affectionate more often but I assumed it was her shyness. Everything changed after marriage. Actually red flags went up the night we got engaged. A silly argument became something that I saw a different side of her. We slept on different ends of the bed that night. She fell right to sleep. I didn’t. She woke up the next day like nothing happened. Our disagreements always then became where she would raise her voice and storm off. Slam doors and she’d give me the silent treatment. I’d never experienced this before. Never a talk to end things on a good note. Never ever an apology. It made my head spin. How can a person think was was normal? I thought I could share my innermost thoughts about family issues with her. Then if an argument popped up she’d drag out things I told her. She’d say her problems with me are verified by my family issues which somehow she said I caused or was responsible for. Huh? Yet that had nothing to do with our disagreement. I’d get mad and feel betrayed. She’d shrug it off and never say a word. Days later if I mentioned it her only response would be how maybe she hadn’t been “nice” or “things might have went too far.” Never an apology. Our arguments were always based upon things she felt I hadn’t done and all I could do was defend myself. I never argued with her. Why? I couldn’t be upset or angry or I’d be told that I’m acting crazy and this is why I don’t get along with my family. Huh? I kept thinking she could be civil or at least try and work things out. If it wasn’t for our son I’d have been gone long ago. We didn’t have sex for almost 3 years before I finally filed for divorce. I’m going through it now and I only pray for peace and a civil relationship for my sons sake.
Glad you left!!!
@@jackielove2737 thank you. It’s a struggle.
@@martinidemon that sounds a lot like my situation... now I question myself and wonder if I am a narcissist, I’ve felt like I could never live up to my dads expectations and now it’s my wife’s expectations I feel I’m failing in.. I’ve been cheated on multiple times, and every argument she says she can’t take it anymore and is leaving, the latest is she says she will file the divorce papers at her work(account at big law firm) then a while later she acts like nothing ever happened. It’s very rare I get a thank you and even less rare for an apology.. I’m confused and now 55 yrs old, I said I wouldn’t leave because of our 4kids but they’re grown up now. She makes the big money and our state basically drove me out of my self employment due to regulations and taxes etc, now I look back she basically said at the time I’m more valuable at home.. I question everything
@@rickparshall damn… I’m sorry for your situation. I guess we both need to hope for the best and leave behind the toxicity we have almost grown accustomed to live with. Anything is better than what I’m dealing with. Hopefully we both gain our freedom and sanity back. I’ll pray for us both.
@@martinidemon I will pray for all of us in this situation as well! Thank you and God bless
I was in shock when I figured out I dealt with a narcissist the entire time I never knew what is was and it brings the confusion to an end
I went through my twenties experiencing symptoms of MS but not knowing it what they were. The relief I felt when I was diagnosed was due to finding out I was not crazy. Now, after 38 years of marriage to a narcissist with the help of a wonderful therapist, I am experiencing the same feeling of relief. I have become strong enough to get ready to fly very soon. 🦅
I believe that narcissism is so prevalent in today’s society because more and more young adults are raised via internet/online validations that don’t transfer into real world experiences. A hunger for attention/validation becomes all-consuming.
I think its far too easy to scapegoat the internet for our problems. If anything, the newer generation who have been raised on social media are more self aware and understanding than any group before them. To me, peak narcissism was bred in the rigid patriarchal society that we experienced in america through the 20th century. Now, we are starting to recover, and that wouldn't be possible without the internet to foster conversations and provide videos like these.
@@Nomin130 I wanted to say something (and I think I'm well qualified as someone who was raised and abused by narcissists, mostly born in the 50s. Them, not me) but this comment says it all. Thank you.
Simon Sinek did an excellent video about the impact of the internet on millennials that I believe can be applied to any generation with absentee parenting.
Agreed
In the end times, people become lovers of themselves.
It goes the other way too. My adult son is a narcissist in the biggest way. He is so hurtful and mean. When I had my stroke and needed help it was too much of an inconvenience for him to help me - he stopped over and gave me the phone number of uber cab to call. Gaslighting is his big thing - he had me thinking I was old and going crazy. I almost committed suicide because he told me all these lies about things I had supposedly said and done. I finally had to move across the country to get away from him. Now he won't let me talk to my grandsons. Thank god I found Dr Ramani and she enlightened me as to what was really happening in my life. THANK YOU!!
Getting accused of cheating at least once per week and God forbid I miss a phone call because I went to the restroom while at work🙄 it’s crazy. It’s not love or care, it pure power play
The cup analogy was spot on. A narc will never place you in a positive light once they are done with you.
I have been abused by narcissist my entire life. Family, ex husband, ex boy friends, friends. I have PTSD and I never understood what I was involved in until I watched your videos. I would rather be by myself rather than with a narcissistic abuser. Thank you so much for your videos… I am in such appreciation.
If you need ur relationship back D.M Dr UDO for help ☝☝
I been abused by family members dad I don't come home today recover meanth health I feel shit how copy him we stuion we had sepreted from him abused toward mom they finally got divorce good need secretion restraint order 😢 against my dad told live somewhere else none likes him respects him especially community live
Me too.so many narcs have targeted me . My mother and some of my clients are the ones I can't get rid of now.59 before I understood what was being done to me, too late , my career destroyed by narc boss, stuck with my mother because if my financial position, she sabotaged my every chance for happiness success or even hope . And would not even let me die when I couldn't take it anymore . So evil.
If the problem is everybody around you the problem is most likely you homey.
Information like this is essential to saving more unsuspecting victims from narcissistic abuse.
They LOVE having someone to blame, agress against, rage upon, put-down, release all their hateful feelings upon.
Without being held accountable, and being able to repeat it again and again. (What a good deal for someone whose heart is full of hate and rage)
"I don't have a problem, you have the problem" wow hearing her say that hit me hard because my ex would often say that to me and I became so unsure of myself.
So true.
Oh gosh…man do I know the feeling
That’s their favorite phrase.
Wow I'm living it now thanks but I'm showing so many traight s I'm so head fucked rt now....
Same!!
Never ever question yourself espacially if your heart and gut tells you the same thing. Narcissist abuse will damage us unless we let go of these diabolical monsters. There are billions of loving people in this world now go find someone who will really love you and be kind and gentle.
Dr. Ramani, I’ve been watching your videos, when you talk about Narcissistic abuse, it’s like you’re talking about MY childhood, you are describing my mother better than anyone ever has.
Love our four legged friend is so comfortable... Such a calm, soothing environment!
As a narcissistic abuse victim, this brings tears to my eyes 😢
You are strong ❤❤
Got married to one and marriage did not last 5 months I had to leave him due to his abuse.
same
I know it does becuz thats the effects of what any abuse does it chips away at you and you feel broken inside but all the while its like things like this is down played by others who only see the nice side of the abuser and thats what the abuser wants the outside to see and to believe perfect example Joan crawford and both Christina and her brother went through hell with that woman and sadly every1 else saw what joan wanted them to see and they believed it while those two precious children was not only emotionally and verbally so abused they got physically abused as well. so that should say a lot . abuse in any form is not a sickness abuse is abuse. and if any1 is in a relationship any relationship that they sense is toxic my advice is dont try to fix it becuz they do know what their doing . so for your emotional physical well being just get out and turn the page becuz no1 deserves to be abused in any form esp, children . much love to all here.
Among other things, educators need to see the abuse in their pupils/students!
The saddest part narcissism for me is that growing up, I was always taught that the good guys win and the bad guys lose... but in the workplace, The Narcissist always seems to win... But in life they lose. It's that thought that brings me solace
@Mia Li they lose because they hate themselves and always will. And they're absolutely miserable inside. They tell Grand stories about themselves because they're trying to make people think that they're more than what they truly feel that they are
Their Chameleon they will be whatever they need to be at that time, the very thing they agree with one person they will disagree with the other, their liars and they can't help it to save their own life
They loose because they are alone they can't be truly their self the person that is loved lied to get that love their never their true self until their hurting you and in my case my I got hurt alot
That's called the reality of life.
Have had at least two narcissistic friends/acquaintances over the past year and a bit, and it's been hell dealing with them. I've often felt so alone and despairing when trying to get along well with these people. What's often been most striking is how these people have differed from my true friends in their general attitude towards me. The last several minutes of Dr. Ramani's description in this video was so similar to my experiences with the narcissists I encountered. Thanks so much.
I have no words on how to express my admiration and respect towards your placement on the topic. I really wish for more empathy in this world.
I just woke up from 3 years of narcissistic abuse, I've found out so many shocking things and three years of my life have been a lie. Still shaking and being sick. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
My exact thought 100%. People need to read more than the surface of what is narcissist it is deep.💯
Try 37 years & an absolute wreck trying to help change
3 years for me too
I'm so much better off now, took the asshole to court and won. Unlearning my trauma responses and working to make myself stronger. 💛
💞💞
I never suffered in silence. I always brought it up, the verbal abuse, physical abuse & the mental abuse, because I would never accept it. I am a very strong empath. For many years I didn't know what I was dealing with but every time I did say something, I was accused of complaining & being irritating. Everything I did or said irritated him. But when his best friend's girlfriend was sooooo super nice, he fell for her, hook line & sinker. I didn't know for 11 months of their (secret) "only good friends" friendship. Then I saw the MANY naked photos she sent him, then I saw their messages. I told him our marriage is over & since then, he has been SUPER nice. He now calls me several times a day from work & told me I was his backbone, a keeper. I told him I hope she was worth it & he said, no, she wasn't. I am at my next move to divorce him & it is going to hurt him like nothing else. Too bad.
Good for you! I’m glad you’re sticking up for yourself!
You married sombody who physically abused you?
@@nbabasketball7965 He wasn't abusive for the first few years, then we moved to his country, Denmark, then got married 3 years later & about a year after we got married, he started being abusive, verbally & physically. The verbal was nearly every day & the physical was every so often when he got really angry. He pushed me over several times, slammed a door on my face, grabbed my clothes so they ripped holes in them, threw things at me & at the same time calling me names. I always answered back but that just made things worse. He always denied doing all the things he did to me over the years except the cheating because I had proof. I was stuck in a foreign country without a current passport so I had to put up with it all until I could get one which I finally have now.
Wish you well in your move forward for a much happier future dear.
It won’t hurt him. Narcs don’t feel emotional pain. What will enrage him is his loss of control over you. Please look out for yourself and leave him in your dust!
Thank you for this and your other videos. Thanks a lot to Dr Ramani for accurately describing a narcissist and how they operate. It has been most educative for me since I have a narc mother-in-law. Now that I have understood, I have overcome my guilt and self-doubt and I feel empowered by this knowledge.
if narcissism is so prevalent maybe society is structurally demanding it in order to be "successful" whatever that means....?
I empathized with what my abuser went through growing up and I stayed for over a year, deluding myself in believing if I sat by his side for long enough he would realize he was worthy of real love. He didn’t begin to get help for his anger issues until after I left. Sometimes we need to be the change by removing ourselves.
O am not only the victem of a narcissist . These thieves and criminals without any ethics ? principles and bounderies would like me to believe that. Why does someone steal , because he knows he is a loser
Meaning not able to win if they would follow the rules . Their ego is too big to admit it . Sad for them.
Gave it 3 mos. But that was long enough. It just got worse and worse.
If the narcissistic isn’t showing change then u have every right to protect your health! I’m proud of you 👍
"Sometimes we need to be the change by removing ourselves."
OOF. You made me feel seen in more ways than I could. Thank you 🥺
So narcissist can’t change at all?
I want to find out how one can change.
I am confused if I am a narcissist or what I am.
I get angry and depressed when there’s any type of disruption, failure, inconveniences. It took a while to realize that I raise my voice when I get angry. I used to call names, now that has mellow down a lot. I know how much I have verbally hurt the other person and I want to change, but change sounds like being a doormat and enabler to their problems too. For example my husband enables his family a lot. It affected our finances, but he’s unwilling to manage our finances and neither of us trust him because he is a big giver. It took a decade for us to be in a stable financial state for us to split our income to cover essentials and extra for ourselves. But the problem is that when things go south I don’t know how to handle the situation. It takes a lot to center myself to let it go or find a solution. I dislike it when I feel like I have to force someone to understand me and my situation. I learned to let the other person make their choices. However I still don’t like the thought of cleaning up their mess when they messed up. How do I not feel guilty or obligated to help them? I found out that I like to be the hero of peoples story, but now I don’t want to be but feel like an ass when I don’t help. See my dilemma. Please help.
This is it, precisely that I am just learning that this behavior has a name, a clinical diagnosis that helps me understand that I am not the one. Not so much because I do not wish to be responsible but because I tried innumerable times to change to get a better dynamic in the relationship. I lasted 30 years and it has now been 4 years of separation to begin to heal. This video has been a major push. Thank you.
Bring tears to my eyes, heart and soul. Thanks for telling the truth
This is soo good and I agree so much about the "can't unsee the patterns once you've seen it", it's really hard to make people understand what it's like unless they've experienced it themselves, especially abuse from the covert kind.
God help you if the covert is a sweet, subtle, and good looking man. No one will believe you. Some people don’t even see the most overt kind of narcissists...
Mine is covert too, sneaking demons!
Sweet Seclusion Oh my gosh yes! Got out of a 5 year relationship with a covert... such monsters and so hard to explain to others
Ending 20 year marriage with a covert narc...
Yes!