Narcissism or Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 พ.ค. 2020
- Learn more about narcissistic personality disorder here: my.medcircle.com/45dW8AA
In this video, clinical psychologist, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, describes narcissism as the secondhand smoke of mental health. But why? And what makes narcissism or "being narcissistic" different than narcissistic personality disorder, also known as, NPD? In this discussion, Dr. Ramani, and MedCircle host, Kyle Kittleson, discuss the impacts on your mental health.
#mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #narcissist #narcissistic #narcissism #narcissists #npd #npdawareness #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticpersonality
For an in-depth understanding of narcissism & NPD, watch the rest of this video series featuring Dr. Ramani HERE: bit.ly/2X4VLXm
VIOLENT PSYCHOPATH- NARCISSIST ABUSER AMBER HEARD A Therapist's Thoughts on Johnny and Amber's Audio Argument! th-cam.com/video/bVUIAOkQAq0/w-d-xo.html
Are you saying Narcissistic personalty disorder is only a personality disorder if the person who has it isn't bothered by it?
Did you guys do the video on the causes of NPD? I can't find the video on it
Ok got it but I don’t like only one thing because she didn’t say nothing about how can I help them? What I should to do? Why is it? The answer is too many homeless people on their streets
Are they are of type like either they want to do 100 or 0 for example like. ...they want to be like millionaire or poor ......when they spend money they spend over or if they don't wish they live hungry.....r they having this type...?? Plss reply is this also a sign?
Ps:Sorry for my english 🙏😶
Narcissism is where everyone else ends up in therapy not the perpetrator/narcissist
so true, the comment section on NPD videos is always full of the injured empath party
Damn true😂
Amen!
You make it sound like narcissism is worse than narcissistic personality disorder..
Couldn't stop laughing at this comment
There is no reasoning with someone who has NPD. There’s no understanding. They are very unpredictable and emotionally unstable. Anything could set them off.
You are spot on!
Hey Narc Survivor! ❤️
They are emotionally unstable but they are also very predictable once you start to pay attention to the patterns
So people with npd aren't real narcs?
You can't deal with these ppl. They are realy assholes
I went here thinking my sister is a narcissist but now I’m listening and I think I might be one 🤦🏽♀️ I’m realizing My life is going so downhill because of this and I blame everything and everyone around me but myself. Thank you for this video I will work on this.
No darling if you have been abused it's ok to feel like that
Often victims of narcissistic abuse start questioning if they are the narcissist. Or you could be one. If so it's good that you're self aware because therapy is more likely to help if you have the ability to be self aware.
Savannah it's ok to be self aware. Many people have narcissistic traits and it's important to get help. I use to blame people at times..and then I realised and took a step back and said no.......I am responsible for my won actions. WHY did I make these bad choices is a whole different topic. But positive affirmations and reassurance is important. Alot narcissists will never admit they are jerks. Everything will be ok xoxox
U are very rare lol
Great work
@@dallymoo7816 know her personally?
“You stand close enough to it, you’re gonna get sick”... this resonates. I just left my narc partner after a year of dancing around the idea. It finally made me sick. It’s only been 2 days. I hope this feeling goes away soon.
I pray you handle this like a champ, I am going to ask him to therapy in order to save our relationship if he's not willing to go then the next step has to be taken cuz I can't continue living like this any longer. I'm a good woman to him, we are not married but been together for 12 years, don t have much fight left, I'm out of ideas...helpppp
U R WONDERFUL!
@@rettawhite7675 Narcs can't change, im sorry to inform you about this, but you are really wasting your time by trying to save the relationship.... good luck to you🥰🤗
@@Thee_Quee_Lee I assure you, it does get better!
hope youre doing great
She was my Psychology Professor in college and I love Psychology because of her
Oh! You were blessed!!
I wish I was in Your place. She is so clever, outspoken and entertaining!
(Besides, she is a beautiful woman too🧡)
You lucky freaking duck!!!!
@@camerong5513 Why do you think Dr. Ramani is a Communal Narcissist?
What a lovely Tribute. I also deeply love Dr. Ramani 💓
I didnt have an education cause my parents thought they knew more than everyone and wouldn't take us to public school, they were to busy to raise us but do not admit to any of it now. I missed out on my childhood, making friends, learning, schooling. All we had was the lds church and my siblings. I learned how to read at 7th grade, my parents always said I was dyslexic or had some kind of mental problem, but they never put me in school or showed me anything. I dropped out due to how I couldn't function in a social setting and getting in fights when I did finally get into school. Im 25 and I'm just now taking online classes for my highschool diploma and in almost done. I'm so happy I've made it this far and I'm finally healing from the past.
You can achieve EVERYTHING you want... You re on the right way with the educational part and there s time for everything...its up to you... to STOP thinking the past and focus on yourself as it is!!
I'm very sorry to hear you can achieve great things and I am sure u will I wish u lots of luck and joy ur story moved me ❤️💚💪✌️💯🌟🌈
So sorry to hear that, I can't imagine how hard it was for you. I hope you can recover from what they did to you. 🌹
Well done for surviving so well. You are clearly clever and strong. You deserve to succeed and I wish you well for the future!💖
Wishing you all the best in your studies and for your future. We can’t change the past sadly but we can decide our own future. Good luck.
I was in a relationship for 15 years with a narcissist and it took me to the edges of addiction.. it took me down the roads of depression and on many paths of anxieties. Thankfully I was able to get away and now I want to try and help others who are in narcissistic relationships. For 15 years I thought it was me. Narcissists (in my opinion) are one of the most dangerous types of people to involve yourself with.
I'm just discovering this 'affliction'. It has me at my wits end. I understand what the term' walking on eggshells' truly means.
Raised awareness about coverts would have saved me a decade of misery.
So I recently became more conscious of myself and the way I treat others. Thank god for the shroom therapy sessions. I'm just gonna come out and say I'm a narcissist. Most likely the covert one. I always have these big plans and grandiose fantasies about becoming famous with music. I realized I show little to no empathy to people around me. To rephrase that...I don't know how to put myself in someone's shoes and feel what they feel. It's always been hard for me. I've had a few relationships that never ended well nor lasted long. I was never able to provide my partner the love that they needed. In fact they end up telling me that I make them feel like shit. Most of the time I end up forgetting I'm in a relationship and think about only myself because I get depressed easily and I have this "main character" complex that deludes me. I remember always telling myself that the world was against me when it really wasn't. I was just seeing the world through childish lenses. I admit the more I think about it the more I realize I just wanted attention for being sad all the time. I wanted people to pity me and say "aww poor boy". What a fucking manipulative way to seek attention. And even when I got the attention I dismissed all the effort people put into helping me. It sucks to think people actually loved me but I was too deluded to see. And that hurt them because they saw that I was nonchalant about all their efforts. I kept blaming myself and saying I was just irreparable. But in actuality it was just a fucked up narcissi tic scheme to get more attention. Learning all this about myself made me disgusted. I cant help but feel self hatred but honestly I think I shouldn't because I don't want to fall into the loop of hating myself so that people could take pity on me. Lets not even get started about the lack of identity I have. I have problems with refining my sense of self. This is all so overwhelming. I literally cried my heart out and felt pain like never before when I realized all this. I mean depression is one thing but this pain was different. I could finally feel what everyone felt when I let them down emotionally. It made me feel fragile and demonic for not understanding human emotions. My ego completely dissolved for the first time in forever. Almost like a veil was lifted and I could see things from the other side. I might have been making decisions based on childlike behaviors all these years without realizing it and thinking "oh its just me as a person, this is what defines me". Goes to show why I'm also impulsive a lot of the time. And now that I finally realized all of this the worst part is that this disorder makes you the enemy of the public. All the comments here are all about how narcissists are jerks and how everyone has had a bad experience with them. Like damn is there really no place for me to get along with people without being judged? I mean I totally get it though. But I just wanna say that not all narcissists are ignorant of their behaviors. Some of us wake up and realize what we are and we wanna change. We're empty inside but we want to be able to feel things normally like you do. We crave normalcy in a world where normalcy is so diverse. I don't really know how to end this but I guess I'm just gonna say-I WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.
The best version of human is the one equipped with empathy. In the Bible Abraham is set to sacrifice his son Issac to God. It looks like it will happen, but an Angel steps in and stops Abraham. Angels are there to help mankind to be better, to be endowed as they are with goodness, light, empathy and understanding. Meditate with images of Angels and they will assist you to discover one of the most powerful forces there is: empathy. This is what they’ve been trying to develop in humankind for generations upon generations.
This takes a lot of strength to admit, and for whatever it's worth, as a stranger who was raised by a narcissist, I'm proud of you for coming to terms with your past and making an effort to abandon narcissistic behaviors and deal with the underlying causes. It's not easy to truthfully reflect on the past, especially if it means acknowledging that you have hurt people. What's important is that you are more aware and you want to do better now, which is much more than I can say for the narcissists that I, and many other people, have known. You have hope.
Being able to admit and become aware of your behavior is a major step. Keep hope. You sound identical to my husband. I separated from him for two years because of it. We are back together and as long as I can see he is trying to work through his assumptions and back peddle if he lashes out to me. Seeing that pause on his face means he is trying. Because of our history and our children I found it was better we stick together. Continue to keep fighting you are not alone. Just remember the hurt you are feeling, the other person sitting with you is feeling it too.
We are not monsters . Let's break the cycle 👏👏
Stop looking for sympathy. You definitely won't get it from viewers of this video.
At the end of the day if you feel bad around them that’s enough of a sign for me. ✌🏼
That's not conclusive.
Ben O. Verbich go ask for a diagnosis from a professional and be honest with them.
Ase MacGyver, I agree, but I don’t have a qualified professional to give me a thumbs up or thumbs down for questionable people I encounter. I learned to listen to my intuition like many others...the hard way. ✌🏼
Absolutely!
@Ben O. Verbich how do you treat people? In what way do they fit into your lives? Have you received feedback letting you think you can be one?
My life changed from watching med circle. I now am seeking professional help because I realised it's not the people around me who have the issues, it must be me! I truly am grateful I watched these videos because I'm tired of living my life feeling feeling lost. Thank you med circle
thank you for helping yourself. I was raised by a single mother who is a toxic covert narcissist hoarder and the emotional abuse I had throughout my entire life was not even acknowledged by the child support. Its very hard for everyone around you and im very happy to hear that there are hope for ppl with NPD :)
Oh you mean you have NPD?
Man to man I applaud you Ryan. People with disorders may never be whole, it is a disability, but through therapy and support you can get a handle on things. NO ONE should project "their" circumstances on you in the comments here. You should be a symbol of hope. Love and be loved.
Good for you, Ryan. If this is a serious post, you are a rare gem. Good luck!
I'm very serious, I finally found something that made it easy to listen to... The doctors on this channel make it feel like it's not a punishment to have a problem, they really helped me understand without making me go, "that's not me"... I said to myself, "holy crap that IS me"
My ex mother in law is a grandiose narc.
I remember one time when she told me ..."If only every one was like me this world would be a different place." I had to take a second look at her. Because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This was in the beginning at my marriage with her malignant narc son. It was such pure hell being in that family. Thank God I'm out!!
"They need galas, they need parties" My narc ex had four birthday parties for herself in a week.
It's a spirit you have to cast it out: usually general comes down the blood line: needs Deliverance to break it and stops in her generation and not go further to her seed (children) Hallelujah ask God to bind them to Jesus feet and cast it out say all SPIRITS not aligned with the word of God binded cast out and never to come back in Jesus Name and to fill her after Deliverance with the power of the Holy Ghost Hallelujah then give All the Glory to God and thk Him over and over every day that will confirm those things dont come back :
Was she diagnosed with the disorder?
Red flag 🚩
1) lack of empathy
2) Grandiosity
3)Entitlement
4)Superficiality
5) Arrogance
6) Tendency to manipulate/ exploit other people
7) Chronic seeking of validiation outside of them.
8) Real tendency towards rage.
Thank you this saved me time
Nice recap.
Dammit I tick all 9 boxes. The ninth being the lack of shame
addiction
no you forgot the base..ANGER, and INABILITY TO LIVE ALONE.
Explaining how you can’t diagnose someone for being a jerk is brilliant
Right? I wish this was a more prominent understanding because everyone these days wants to diagnose one another with it. And it’s like, naw, your friend is just a jerk.
We say," jerk," a lot then this sounds like,"i don't have that..."
brilliant and TRUE
Considering they believe ALL the lies they make up in their own minds,,,yep.
@notsomeone special that's because survivors of narcissistic abuse use narcissistic tendencies to defend themselves from narcissists. We're all in prison now.
Damn i feel so shitty now. I was a narcissist I have the traits, I was a very quiet and isolated kid, I remember imagining about talking with a therapist and what I would say is "I know that I'm different but there's nothing wrong with me". I had good intentions but I unknowingly hurt a lot of people and only realizing it now.
I seriously wanna change. I never wanted to be that guy. I don't wanna be that guy anymore. I'm going to seek therapy next month.
Rec: Seek God. His laws are perfect, anti- narcissistic.
Maybe you have BPD
Yeah whatever
I hope u do
how did the therapy go?
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
It?
@@stephaniepiazzese2602 what?
People with NPD will not admit there is anything wrong with them and therefore, never seek treatment.
I think I agree with you but they’re just not diagnosed because they haven’t sought help. So I think her point was all people with NPD are narcissists but only the narcissist that seeks help for it can be diagnosed with the personality disorder. So from where I sit having NPD would seem to be better than just being a narcissist because at least when you have an PD you’ve admitted that there’s something wrong right? I’m confused
Very true but my narc knew their was something wrong with him. He sought treatment but was continuously misdiagnosed. The unfortunate thing is that Western Medicine does not treat mental health issues communally the way they are treated in Japan and China. If we did a lot more people would be diagnosed with NPD.
The Clean Kitchen Not true in all cases. Some narcissists will see a therapist for the attention they get. They want to be heard and validated.
some seek but do not accept the diagnosis.
@@jessicamartin2658 often after no one else will listen to them
Narcissists rarely if ever seek help because, in their minds, there is nothing wrong with them.
Exactly! My parents got mad when i said,"therapy." That word angered them more.
Krystal Russell what happened?
It’s always someone else’s fault.
@@krystalrussell1783 I think is why my husband refused therapy until after he filed for divorce. He’s afraid of being found out. And all these years I thought something was wrong w me... trying harder to please him, & never receiving any love no matter how perfect I acted :(
I'm a narcissist and i want help , this isn't how a human is supposed to be
Getting married and moving helped me so much after dealing with that with one of my parents. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I moved. That parent didn’t even congratulate me getting married and only contacts me to ask why I didn’t contact them first… 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
i find it really amazing when people can break the pattern of their environment they grew up in. As humans, we can chose to remain in the same pattern of the environment we grew up in or break that pattern and turn it around. Congrats on your marriage :) and I'm glad this happened for you.
It is hard to accept the fact that some of us are narcissist. And all we doing is hurting the one that we love. It was hard for me to accept that I was a narcissist but time and dedication we can fix this problem, I was hurting the love of my life and she left me, I was so mad i could not understand what was going on that my soulmate was leaving me. After I was doing a research on my life I understood everything that she was doing to me! . She was trying to help me, she was trying to fight for us, and all I did was just nothing been my self. Now I think different thanks to this videos so thank you 🙏 for making this videos
I wonder how many narcissists are on here saying that somebody else is a narcissist.
😆
@Frank McGovern Right? I'm not afraid to say I may have NPD or BPD, and I'm aware that narcissists cause lots of harm and toxicity, but the comments sometimes just make me believe people just hate their ex.
75% at least. I Thought I was super empathetic, but Dr. Ramani (and God most importantly) have helped me to stop being a narcissistic victim and realize there's areas that I can vastly improve as well. It doesn't minimize the pain others have caused, but we have to feel the pain without deflecting, to heal from it. Every single human has hurt another human before, intentionally or not. We're not perfect victims either. It's narcissistic to not realize that.
The way she says things, everyone is a narcissist. I'm like... OK., so I'm a narcissist. My wife is a narcissist. My sister is a narcissist. My brother is a narcissist. My mother is a narcissist. My father is a narcissist. My cousins. My uncles. At this point, I can't think of anyone that isnt narc.
@@joemann7971 everybody has narcissistic traits, but not everyone is a narcissist.
My narc parents only had me so that there would be someone that they could rely on when they get old. Fun times are ahead for everybody I guess
This sounds like every African parent. These people are so entitled to our taking care of them when they are old😢
Yeah it's sad. Never taught me how to take care of myself but now that I'm old and have Brain damage among other things all they do is talk about death and where they want to be and how family is so great. It's fucking sad.
Omg same
@@natexOG oh yeah they love talking about how great having a family is. Even if the so called family is dysfunctional and don't get me started on the guilt trips.
Mila Spasova I recognized and noped out of that situation in my early 20s. I don’t think you need to be beholden to their expectations in your middle age
Someone with narcissistic personality disorder might:
Upset other people often
Struggle to keep relationships
Put themself first
Think they know the “right” way
Think about themself most of the time and talk about themself a lot
Crave attention and admiration
Exaggerate their talents and achievements
Believe they’re special
Set unrealistic goals
Have wide, fast mood swings
Have a hard time taking others’ feelings seriously
Strive to win, whatever it takes
Fantasize about unlimited success, money, and power
I think, i check all the boxes. Welp
Sounds like my narcissistic ex partner
100% a fan. I dated someone for a year who I loved and cared for very much but ultimately there was too much volatility and insecurity in her part. I had to walk away cause I felt there was a limited amount of consistency and no matter how much we discussed it the relationship kept getting argumentative and we kept facing the same issues. I wish I would have seen these sets of you tube videos because it helped put closure to my relationship with this individual and get over the unresolved issues and questions I had.
This doctor is one the of the best if not the best in the industry. It’s incredible to listen to her speak.
@ching chong Says who?
@ching chong What's that got to do with anything? What are you, Amish?
@ching chong Lmao You're a kidder. I get it. Cute satire.
@ching chong bruhh wearing makeup does not make you a narcissist were u watching the video blindfolded
Amazing woman
I’ve never considered myself as a narcissist, but I feel like social media is a contributing factor since it’s all about maintaining an image and you can get really sucked into seeking validation from others even though you don’t necessarily need to be validated like a person with npd!
everybody in the world need validation........who doesn't want to be told they're Gorgeous/Handsome or to at least be recognized for "something" which is still attention seeking in the end.....
@@poWderSmak that’s superficial validation though…that’s like eating cardboard when you’re malnourished, it’s an illusory source of sustenance.
As I’ve healed from my attachment trauma, I don’t need that sort of validation at all. True validation is the kind that parents give children (in healthy relationships) through eye contact, responding to needs, supporting expressions of self and boundaries from the child…providing a safe place to be seen/known/understood AND accepted.
As an adult that child would know their intrinsic worth & is less likely to go to superficial aspects to get empty validation that is rarely lasting…as they go back for more and more.
Too many people don’t feel worthy, good enough, because they didn’t have the healthy validation, connection, growing up. They then seek out ANY way to feel “ok” for a minute, outsourcing their value (and power) to someone else’s momentary perception.
Social media is filled with super insecure people seeking this out, over and over..
If a person truly sees their worth, they don’t need that empty validation. They know there are valid from the inside.
it's easy to know if you are narcissists, how do you treat your loved ones (what's their feedback of your character providing they are not narcissists) and how much empathy do you feel for others. You can be narcissistic but not actually have the mental disorder or NPD...
its been referred to as second hand esteem, rather than self esteem.
there is no end to seeking the approval of others.
but once u feel esteem for yourself you dont care what anyone thinks.
you already know u have value.
For narcissists, social media is a great tool for fuel.
Thank you so much Dear Dr Ramani and Med Circle! I am so grateful! You have opened my mind as always. Thank you so much! I enjoy your content so much on TH-cam! I love learning all about how disgusting people are and I am done with them and need to get rid of all these toxic people in my life. I am defiantly healing and getting stronger day by day! It has been a crazy journey! Taken such a long time and patience, I am a survivor and I am really also so up for helping people like you do!! You are a true inspiration!
WOW, you hit the nail on the head for me......... My mother was diagnosed with depression when I was two, had grandiose NPD and when I was 14 she was diagnosed with bipolar. It was no picnic growing up with her and my enabling father.
Omg my ex is a mix of all these narcissistic types I feel like. But regarding the communal narcissist, people will say "he's the most polite person I've ever met!" Yes. He's polite to PEOPLE THAT DON'T MATTER. He's psychologically abusive to those with whom he has a close relationship.
Yup. I've suffered from that
Yeah I remember asking my ex's friends about have they noticed his strange and aggressive change in behavior when he started becoming especially verbally abusive (at least more so than previously) and they did not notice a single thing. He was still the charismatic, fun loving person they always knew. That was when I realized something was really off....
@@caitm8209 This sounds very simmilar to my experience. I was in a relationship with someone from a different country, therefore, different culture and language. Long story short, when we were on vacation in Greece, he always wanted to be nice to people he just met during the trip, talk to them, be charismatic with them, while I was waiting for him to stop speaking to them, because, I did not understand the language (dutch). He said to me, well I cannot force them to talk to you, he didnt even care about how I feel standing there, he just wanted to be liked by others, sad.
SPOT ON WITH A CHARM BRACELET
Yo my dad is like that to my mom...
That woman is amazing!!
BARD!!!
She explained covert narcissism so well. This describes me 100%. I've wound up alone and hit rock bottom and now I realise I have to accept that I've done it all to myself and I am 100% motivated in changing my ways and getting the help I need to change 🙏. Thank you for all of your content Dr. Ramani, you're my saving grace. ❤
for a year i've been supporting my cousin with her narc mom only to reason today that my mom (her sister) is probably a narcissist too. it feels like i'm finally caught up with what the universe has been trying to tell me all my life. so validating.
If you are dating a narcisist, they take advantage of your kindness. It's like they test you.
I feel it is more like exploitation...constant takers without guilt or empathy.
everyone claims to have dated a narcissist.
@@joefitzgerald2762 I didn't but I married one. Go figure.
I married a narcissist and my kindness is exploited constantly. EVERYDAY my wife issues a constant stream of "tasks" that serve nothing more than to "check" her position in the relationship. I could move the earth for her and it wouldn't be appreciated and I would still be criticized for not moving it enough or that she could have moved it further. My life is hell but thankfully, with the help of videos like these, I have finally started putting the pieces together and realizing what situation I'm truly in. Without a doubt counseling is in my near future. I would like to imagine my wife would join me so that we might possibly work this out but I am not hopeful.
They are testing your boundaries! I've tested them! And i know for sure they are no good npd or demonic behaviors! They will make you sick!
Best advice for dealing with narcissists: run like hell and stay away as much as possible.
After watching the video I realised that my ex was a covert narcissist...your description is so exactly what he is! He was forever saying that he was special and no one understood him...He had had a depressive breakdown 6 years before...He also used to have anxiety attacks and had to have marijuana all the time... he smoked it all the time, big time!! I told him he was addicted and he used to say he could stop when he wanted...I guess I found when he smoked, he was more chilled out and slept better...so it was better for me...I think I felt sorry for him, at times he was like a lost child and tried to "fix" him....When I found out what NPD was, and that he had probably never even loved me...I felt so used...I realised that the last 6 years I had been used and I had to get out... If I hadn't seen your videos Dr Ramani, I would still be with him.....Thank you...🙏
It's a tale as old as time... I feel you. The used never being loved feeling is the worst.
it's stupid to leave a person because of his disorder if he didn't harm you. I have a NPD and I can't love, but there is a great person in my life to whom I am insanely grateful, and even though our relationship began with getting benefits, they melted my heart. everyone should have a chance at love, even love with NPD. he definitely loved you only in his own way. I wrote this comment with the help of a translator because Agli is not my native language
I wanted to say thank you so very much for what you are doing, It is making a difference. My life will forever be changed because of The information I just learned. This narcissist information is fairly new to me but I have been married to a covert for 20 years and I'm starting to understand the devastating effects it has on my life. Something you said made a huge impact. When you were talking about cognitive dissonance and trauma bonding, It really got my attention , But what really made the most impact was when you explained that the longer you're in a relationship with a narcissist the more harmful it is, And I can see how that is true from my own experience. Then you gave examples of what one's life might look like after years of narcissistic abuse I, And I cried because it was so Sad and I felt so sorry For anyone who has to go through that, And then I realized that is exactly what has happened to my life. I think you get so used to living a certain way that you become numb to it , but to see it from someone else's perspective Can be truly shocking. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you and that you are making a difference in people's lives and I am forever grateful. God-bless you.
I think everyone has narcissistic tendencies because of the society we live in, is good to talk about it and recognize it. People say it’s treatable but can’t change it. I say we can if we want to we just have to recognize it. We gotta have hope!
Best apology is changed behavior
@@Kingtutt414yes,but people with NPD wont realize it,they will mad at you for making "false accusation"
@@gn4886 man I know a lot of people who does that
It's really great to see everyone learning.
Andy Skiles It’s liberating 👍🏻
You said it all DR Ramani. "A person who is self confident doesn't need to constantly share their accomplishments" I've always wondered. If someone is comfortable in their own skin they don't need the constant validation. Thank you!!! Love your videos
Note: Some recent trauma/catastrophe/war victims might need some validation at some point...
There's nothing wrong with that... Depending of the 'context' & depending of the 'individuals'..
Overdoing it would reflect a problem - and if the problem should be addressed... So be it..
This is why Medical Staff & Psychologist/Psychiatrist do exist and talk about it on.line...
Wow, thank you for all these videos!! Knowing that you understand and hearing you speak so clearly on all of the issues around Narcissism gives me a sense of hope, that I am not making this up in my head, that what I have experienced/continue to experience with my brother is real! I appreciate each and every video and the tools you are providing to get through situations with my sibling!
'Deeply deeply SUPERFICIAL'...
That's poethically paradoxal really!
The main characteristic is "personal gain"
The main characteristic is admiration. Praise. Without these nothing else matters, they would wither and die. In the relationship its all about "control", power, they have to be the one calling the shots or sayonara. Going back to the first, this is actually the weird part... eventually the "supply" or "fuel" becomes stale from the source, so all the admiration and praise in the world doesn't matter, new sources must be found. Why? IMO that is a lynch-pin to unlocking the psychology of the NPD.
Is "personal gain" a main characteristic? Yes. I just don't think its at the top of the list though. ;}
TRUTH
Everything they do is somehow for them in some way even if it seems selfless
and ENTITLEMENT
seriously they tell you you dont deserve shit because you are not oriented on personal gain so weird. u have a heart the will tell you you only use people, its something they do and they do not have a heart it is very unsettling, always highly educated types gross they act like 4 year old children but are completely robbed probably at that age from their personality
Thank you so much for your videos, I can't thank you enough, I was married to a covert narcissist for over 25 years, I didn't even know about narcissistic behavior until a few years ago, I'm still in the healing process, and probably always will be. There are no more narcissists in my life now, and I'm breathing a sigh of relief. It's amazing how I could go for decades not recognizing this behavior, I had no clue, I thought narcissistic people were just loud and overbearing people, it goes so much deeper than that, my ex wife was your textbook narcissist. I know there's no such thing, they come in all flavors but if the was a stereotypical narcissist, my ex wife would be it. Also the family that raised her, I could go on about it for hours,cI still have AH HA! Moments remembering things she said that were so toxic, 25 years is a long time in a toxic relationship.
Dr. Ramani, I inadvertently discovered you a week ago and you have changed my life. I now know why my partner of 24 years behaves as he does. I would like to leave, but I cannot. It will take me a while to learn the best ways to respond and react (or not react) to his abuse, but I'm already making adjustments and I see that your methods work. After only a week I feel so much more free and I'm gaining peace of mind. Thank you and bless you for sharing your knowledge.
You always can. You don’t want. And you are not going to win or feel good no matter what you think you are doing right. Been there done that so i speak from experience. I wish you all the best to leave him. No one deserves that.
@@solfhPlease, don't tell people what to do. Even therapists don't do it. In her videos Dr Ramani gives a lot of tools one can use to survive in such a relationship, to better take care of yourself. And she admits that people may not have the possibility of leaving, you never know what country someone is from, what is their mental background, family and financial situation. Giving advice that is not doable for the advicee is not giving advice at all.
I am glad you left, I left too and I love my life more than I ever did before now. But at the end of the day everyone has their journey.
Cheers
You Go Girl ..!!!💜🦋💜🦋
I just read about it 4 days ago ,,
30 years in ..in March ..and finally realized it..
try remember how you used to be...
all your thoughts and dreams ..!
stay strong and safe ..!🥰
You will NOT feel sorry for the covert narcissist after being married to one for 17 years! It took me a long time to figure this out but thanks to Dr. Ramani’s videos and books, I finally gained the wisdom and courage to leave. I am so much happier and feel sane again😊 Thank you MedCircle!
Bridget A Johnson
I'm guessing he's better off without you.
One thing people need to understand about narcissists is that they cannot be alone. In fact, they have to bring people or someone close enough to them so that they can ignore them. It is the best thing I have learnt is that they are never ever happy alone, they need an audience to see that they are alone, without an audience, they are dead. It is so sad. But when you are away from it, it is the best thing ever.
thats my ex, always new gf, cheats on her, get bored quickly...
@@roxannebennett5809 might just have adhd
Thank you med circle. I had always thought everyone else I had encountered was with the problem. I just realised now that I was the one. I've heard of narcissism before but always believed it must have been others but when I hear this, every single traits and doings are exactly my doing. I feel bad.
Don';t feel bad. no ones perfect. youtube joel osteen buddy
That is to your credit . It means you have a conscience.Can you get counseling? Good luck'
I attribute the only reasons my dad stays with my mom to her being a communal narcissist and he being so incredibly introverted. It works. He's frustrated often, but he's not unhappy
Different patterns (not subtypes) of narcissism:
8:03 Covert narcissists vs. depression
11:30 Malignant/toxic narcissists
12:27 Grandiose narcissists (most common)
13:05 Covert/vulnerable narcissists
15:16 Communal narcissists
16:47 Benign narcissists
Thank you 🙏🏻
ELLEN is a communal narcissist.
@@iwackadoodleyourmarbles9220 yes!
4:57
Dr Ramani’s description of self-confidence would describe me. I don’t need to announce my achievements from every platform. I don’t need to talk over others when they’re talking of their achievements. I don’t need my achievements be front and center and ahead of everyone else’s. I can stay quiet about my achievements and be perfectly fine with that.
I should be having a healthy sense of self-confidence. But I feel very insecure regardless. Even when people are praising me for certain things that I do well or praise me for certain things about me that they consider admirable, I still have low self-confidence in that area. I know I’m good, but I also know I’m not great. It may stem from my narcissistic father constantly telling me my achievements weren’t good enough. There was always something I could have done better. My less than perfect achievement might as well have been a complete failure.
Says the person announcing themselves on youtube.
Sometimes i feel guilty if i get a compliment i would always say stop that or nah idk why i just always have done that
but...u just did that
@@hammadisntreal 😂
You may not be narcissistic, but you still have a desire to be accepted, approved, and good enough. I think people automatically assume that anyone who seeks validation or approval of others immediately assumes they're a narc. While that is a key trait of a narc, it is also a trait of people who suffer narcissistic abuse. And it is not a narcissistic fleas. Whereas a narcissist may want constant validation to feel superior and be better than others because they truly believe they are better, someone who seeks acceptance and approval to be good enough simply wants to be good enough, not superior. It comes from a different mentality. One is hostile and one isn't.
Mad respect for the person doing the interview that mention their coping mechanisms and how this is a deep topic. thank you for keeping it real
10:58 In all narcissism we tend to see:
1) a lack of empathy
2) grandiosity
3) entitlement
4) superficiality
5) chronic seeking validation outside of them
6) arrogance
7) a real tendency towards rage
8) tendency to manipulate or exploit other people.
Those we see in all narcissists across the board, in varying degrees.
Whew! Just when I thought to examine myself just in case, I hear this list.
Glad I don’t suffer from any of these. I have some other issues to work on, but not these. Overall, I like who I am.
9) not accepting criticism and expecting only worship
Mental illness is truly the worst illness on this planet. At least with everything else you could kinda live a more normal life but mental illness is a life of suffering.
You need to read the life style of previous civilization before medicine .
I think it's worse than people think, but there are definitely a lot of physical ailments that are pure hell. ALS, ebola - anything that really deeply compromises your ability to interact with the world is horrible.
I think what a lot of people label mental illness sometimes comes from all the shit that people have put up with. It's time to heal generational cycles and get away from the narcissist or asshole.
I've been told I have a mental illness. Maybe I do. As I see it, the world out there has a mental problem. And it often looks at everybody as "sick" one way or the other. I somewhere started asking "what is normal?". And wonder or I want to be that way at all... I study this, at least I learn a lot over it. Make it work for you, and not against you. Doesn't always work out, for the world still thinks I am a nutcase. I am fine with that now. I try not to bother anybody, and I like who I am. Much love!
Sin, is the correlation between what happens to us in life. The mental state we find ourselves in. We have to get the word of God. Christ leads us to be transformed by the RENEWING of our MINDS. 🎉❤🎉
The more I learn about narcissists the more I realise what tormented souls they are. 💔 It's all an act
An act because they can't bare their real selves
@@alcudiababe1 Sounds like you speak from personal experience. You hate yourself too?
Tormentor
Yes, I can see it in my mother. She is TERRIFIED to look at her real self. Or anyone else's real self, for that matter. She has a story in her mind and we all better live up to it... yet, nobody can possibly live up to it. It's so cold, lonely, and destructive. It's relentless hell on everyone.
I call it the worst anxiety disorder one can have, a coping/survival mechanism gone wrong.. If they have a moment when their original hurt and broken self comes at surface, ansd you come to close, they act like a deer in headlights and their narc side comes back to hide the vulnerable self.. My exes took revenge on me when I came to close.. They can't even receive love, this ego-image stands in the way of their vulnerable self, so it can't even meet anyone, let alone heal.. Still never again, you cannot save them if you stand too close, you'll die inside yourself.. It's like Dr Ramani said; an hour, maybe 2.. but not any more time.. She is so right, these energy vampires suck you dry if you don't watch your back..
I like listening to her talking. she is so eloquent and appropriate.
Kyle is such a great and humble interviewer. I’d love to have someone like him as a friend or person in my life.
I bet he is a narcissist lol the way he is nervous around the doctor and how he acts when responding to her is like he felt caught 😭
I have watched a couple of videos and it somehow feels like unraveling a covert narcissist is like realizing its a wolf in sheep's clothing
Literally what it is
this yo!
covert is like that. appear like victim then sudden attack!!! i thought he was depressed then just a covert showing up his true color wtf
@@islamismyway8485 sounds like the first word of your screen name
@@camerong5513 looking for supply online? u must hate ur desperate n miserable self lmfao
I can not stop replaying this program. I have learned so much from it. Thank you Dr.Ramani and thank you MedCircle. You are amazing!
i recognize my narcissistic tendencies, these videos of outside perspective are very helpful to recognize how i need to change.
Listening to Dr. Ramani speak so passionately and intelligently about this subject is so pleasing.
The last relationship I had, he had all those features. Sometimes he told the truth about who he was. He said he walks away from relationships without problem, never loved any ex, and doesn’t care about looks(just wanted something from these women) yet overly concerned about his looks and criticized my looks. All the games, criticizes and gaslighting and very entitled. He went through a lengthy divorce and blamed that cause she had a better lawyer or he would be further in his life goals. Very cold and heartless individual.
I need someone to talk to about my narc aunty I need help I didnt know sl
My narc ex said they didn’t care about looks but 90% of what they spoke about was other people’s attractiveness and bullied me for my looks.
Ash Ash hate that they love lies
my ex husband to a tee..after 16 yrs he left me for someone 15yrs younger even tho he admitted he didnt love her or wasnt attracted to her but she wouldnt question him.he insults her and is nasty to her which i wouldnt allow
Wow! This sounds identical in my instance
More like its abusive, not just toxic, abusive.
Exactly 💯
I started to notice that whenever I challenged my friend who actually have been diagnosed with NPD (although he does`nt accept it) he liked the battle until he realized he is wrong. Then he got abusive very fast. He would also get abusive if I didn`t challenge him. He almost made me leave my girlfriend as he didn`t like her. It got pretty bad after a while and I started getting depressed by all self doubt and chaos. But then a friend of mine who has studied psychology gave me a book about narcissism and psychopathy and I realized I was a victim of abuse from a person with a high level of NPD.
So I had to cut him out of my life, and even though it`s sad I had to do it for my own piece of mind. So if you have a person who puts doubt in your head, wants you to cut out people close to you etc. Get the fuck out of there as quick as you can.
100% correct
@@eltoro969 I've definitely had this experience as well. I've also had the experience of your partner as well being partnered with someone who is like your friend. I grew up in a family with an Aunt who was a narcissistic and when my mother remarried she married a narcissistic.... I'm sorry that you had that experience. I basically can smell a narcissistic now and find it problematic that we often use toxic in place on abusive. I definitely think it's important to know the difference and to choose the correct language for ourselves and to also know the difference between the two. Also to recognize when we are a victim of abuse v.s. just experiencing a toxic person and how with narcissistic they use toxic behavior to test your boundaries and create a fertile ground for their abuse.
Yea, I think it’s an emotional type of abuse since it’s harder to spot just like gaslighting
She's great ! Clearly knows her stuff and is really relatable. The impressions she did were unexpected from a clinician but made you think ' Oh gosh, yeah I've seen that in people ' haha. The bloke interviewing was good too.
To have FELT something all along about my ex and find out the explanation into his personality disorder is comforting. I thought I was being judgmental and unfair.
For years I’ve hear people jokingly and insultingly call my father a narcissist. I was always conscious my dad was different and didn’t do other things dads did or said. When I finally went into treatment for my bpd I had a lot of doctors tell me my father showed traits of it. I’ve been researching NPD for a while now and I cried because I finally felt like someone understood. It felt like people were describing my father. My dad doesn’t believe in doctors and says people are making up illnesses to justify being mediocre, he gaslights A LOT, over exaggerating achievements, never having maintained long term friendship, lacks empathy and a shit ton of other things. I finally have closure and I feel so good.
Your dad may be autistic. Look into it. Of course, it's possible to be both. Also, women on the spectrum are frequently misdiagnosed with BPD...for decades
This was amazing.. My mother has severe narsasistic disorder. Hence I went through narsasistic abuse syndrome. The struggle is real. I pray for those going through this
I love the way Dr. Ramani talks about these people. "They're fun to have at a party, but don't turn to them for advice"
None of the many therapists I saw seemed to notice that I was coping with craziness not causing it. One psychiatrist suggested I had borderline per. disorder. Again I wasn't the one in Thailand cheating, that was my husband. Everyone was more that happy to pathologize me. I was trying to cope with absolutely crazy behavior that my husband and all the therapists were happy to blame on me. I can't describe the relief I felt when I realized I was not defective.
my dad has a narcissistic personality and i've always knew something was wrong with him now I finally know what it is
I love Dr.Ramani,its always a pleasure to watch her,we get tons and tons of information which is really helpful.
Thank you for your very professional, and accurate definition of NPD. It is helpful, and I will take it with me, to avoid toxic relationships.
wow, Dr. Ramani is someone who really knows! As good as, in a different way, as Dr. schlessinger...love your strength Dr. Ramani😍
Thank You Kyle, this was an excellent interview with good questions on your part! Doctor Ramani is brilliant and has taught us all a lot!...and we're still learning...!
Many Bright Blessings
Thank you, this is so true on categorizing, I’ve dealt with close people who have shuffled between the 5 types, the worst feeling is when they are identified as role models and being quite is looked at as being low in self confidence, and the grandeur as high self confidence
I don't have npd myself but I am SO grateful that I'm educating myself on a topic like this. I have to deal with a narcissist and I kept feeling so bad bc I thought I was thinking people with npd are bad. Spoiler alert he doesn't have it..
In reality, I just didn't know the difference between being a narc and having npd. Npd is so poorly understood by the general population, so my heart goes out to the people who actually have to deal with this.. Along with people who have to deal with a narc/someone without npd who's just an asshole. Seriously, y'all deserve BETTER. 💖💖
I also disagree that the narc has to acknowledge that it’s “messing up their life”. No. A narc blames others. So they’ll say that others are messing up their lives. My husband has been “blaming the devil” for the past few years.
Exactly. They never take accountability for their actions. It’s never their fault.
my mom blames the devil too 😂😂😂
@14:07 Narcissits are good at creating awkward moments.
Yes they are disruptors. There is one in every family that reliably shows up and ruins Christmas, the wedding, etc. They disrupt.
Brooo my dad did that to me on the weekend. Said to look at this Dam whilst he was driving then straight away goes " alright don't listen to me" I fucking snapped
@@TheQueensWish yes I have just realized this. After 20 years! This close relative has proceeded to be dramatic, be the victim and cause issues at all special occasions. That includes my wedding, baby shower, and family vacations. At least I have woken up. Good grief!
@@SarahArtist82 Exactly. A reliable disruptor. You can take away the locus of control from this person by preemptively knowing this will happen and planning for your timing to any event so that you’re never there at the same time, never at the same table, never in the same room, never in the same car. And also they are never invited. Just never, never, never. Taylor Swift had an excellent song on this! “We are never, ever, ever .... getting back together” is what she sang.
Your info has been so helpful for me to finally walk away after 5 years of abuse. Im so broken, but I know things will get better the longer he is out of my life! People dont realize what a relationship with a narc can do to your health. Ive been so sick this year, have gone through several stages of losing hair from stress. I am realizing these health issues come from my relationship. Im done, im free!
Ikr. I dumped my covert Narc abuser gf of 2 years ,yesterday ,for good. Every single day was a struggle . The physical signs are showing with my beard greying prematurely fast and I'm only 26👎. And to make it worse I might be having acute border PD from all the trauma.
Kylla Olsen,you deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
I am thankful for your Rally to help . All your time your sincere heart and identifying and bringing to light and labeling this monster that destroyed me every time I recovered. I couldn't believe they thrived on a delight of the pain on my face after slaving to please. It killed me over and over
Mhhh I love Dr. Ramani I am so so grateful for her teaching and wisdom! Thank you to both of your work. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
It is so cute to see the two you interacting, and probably more importantly, LOL, to get some help to see myself and to deal with loved ones.... Thank you you so much!!!
Thanks Dr. Ramani ! I really needed to hear this. After the abuse I feel like nowadays everybody around me has NPD. I have this urge to call those with narcissistic traits a full blown narcissist. You definitely will feel the difference thought!
Thank you for being who you are .
I celebrate in gratitude the humanity of true professionals .
Wow I love this break down! My step-dad is definitely a covert/vulnerable narcissist. Literally, even the image of him hunching over the laptop and having all these "million-dollar" ideas he felt wasn't being appreciated.
Half the comments are just people seeking validation that their ex were narcissists
Definitely seems that way, if they already know what the problem is why the hell are they here. Shouldn't we be asking how instead of what?
Lol
more like 90%
Yes, we have to be honest about our own flaws.
Exactly looks like they also have narsisist tendencies
The fundamental problem is the fact that (Most) narcissists will NEVER admit to having a problem. Hence We continue to go round and round together in relationships and personal (so-called) friendships, until we finally chose to exit that amusement park ride, once and for all, never to return again into the same counterproductive BS. Once we begin to heal from that 3-4 decade downward-spiral, we start to understand what it means to be Truly ~Blessed~
Now I realize I have NPD and my ex has it too, now I get why were killing ourselves 😰
Interesting, why do you think your x has it?
@@mamasstorytimesleep5742 WOW , a lot of courage to acknowledge that ,
Exactly, we all have it, and we're killing ourselves... so, yeah, buckle up! 😅
omg I always watch your videos
la raza es bien narc 🤣
You are the person to raise this point you have the most voice in all of everything deserved in the mbti and everything in between I think you're focusing on stoicism versus narcissism it's extremely similar however they have different results in the conscience
An old English series "Keeping Up Appearances" You need to see this.
That's a good one
Mrs bucket
She is the mother of all narcissist
Richard!
"It's that Bucket woman"
Hyacinth's eye twitches
@@Oceans780
The kaka dishes is the USA modern narcissist personality disorder in a family
I hated that program. Who could watch spouse abuse and call it entertainment?
Richard should have bailed out after the first episode.
YAAAS! My current situation is a covert narcissist and ALWAYS say “....yeah, but you don’t care...” but the crazy thing is he realizes that he has an issue and doesn’t like that he treats people this way
My father has been putting my mother through absolute hell my entire life. I’m 39. She is unable to leave for good because she is financially irresponsible and her entire financial existence relies upon him. It’s like a narcissist on steroids. Every single characteristic fits the bill. I’m still recovering from the toxicity I’ve lived through with them. The one thing I have made sure to do is not carry that trash over to my own family life. So far so good. Good riddance to the past.
I came here because I noticed a huge rise in narcissism in our society the past years. especially with the epidemic it almost seems as if I'm surrounded by narcissists. about a year ago I even started getting mental health problems because of that, and that is when I became aware of Narcissism as a condition that seems to be embraced by our current society. So my question. is there a danger to society because of the this rise in narcissism, and what can be done to make our society more compassionate and loving instead of entitled and numb.
Society is going through what you call cultural decay. Radical political ideologies are ripping society apart. Narcissism definitely plays a role, especially on the left. But with time, things will even out.
Light always wins. Everything comes full circle
I wish she was my lecturer and my therapist. Dr Ramani never ceases to amaze me!
This video is spot-on, totally.
Thank you for the information, powerful.
I have bipolar and I had to learn how to be high functioning, and honestly ditching the mania is hard when going off your meds is like a drug, and it can drag you to a dark corner of your mind where you are maybe not your kindest. The goal setting thing really resonated with me in this self care approach to my health, and I learned how to set simple attainable goals and avoid telling people most of what I do unless they ask. I prefer to learn about people, but take me off my meds and I'm worse than most schizophrenics you will meet and the grandiosity leads me to be impossible to be around. I only like who I am when I am on those medications anyway, so I'll not go back to that pariah lifestyle where I am irritable 24/7. Thankfully I have had opportunities to pay it forward to other people going through it with their own lives and I think anyone with bipolar who lets the demons run amok can get back on track. The medications of the last 5 or 6 years are wonderful for their acute mood stabilizing and antipsychotic properties. You need to elevate yourself by admitting you are toxic in order to break that cycle. I was definitely toxic when I went off all my medication like 4 years ago... Have a great day :)
When I felt the leaching of, thats why I began to find my distance. I wasn't me anymore and people were noticing. I thank my life long friends that knew and know who I am. And these video therapy sessions.
The list of characteristics and the description the doctor gives from 11:00 to 12:22 about narcissists and malignant narcissists perfectly match the personality of 129.
wow that's exactly what happened with my ex-husband. went in to AA, stopped drinking and then became more of an ass.
Damn
Dawn Olivo, you are too beautiful 🌷🌹🌷🌹 to be with a narc 😈!
Dawn Olivo,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
I feel like you’re going through all my family members, including me!! I pay it forward maybe too much. But it’s also a cultural transition, I’m seeing; as, my ppl are that way, as with many immigrant families. I think that makes it more challenging.
May y’all do a series on ✨🔥narcissism and racism✨, please? How are they interwoven?