The types of CONSEQUENCES narcissists respond to
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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It’s worse when they set consequences on you. They do something bad to you, you speak up about it and then they try to punish you with consequences, to condition you not to stand up for yourself ever again.
Wow this is so true. And only now that I am out of that situation to I clearly see how manipulated and groomed I was to not trust my own instincts and doubt myself.
This is so true
Very true.
It’s incredible pain yet also disgusting how they thrive off of that. My folks and brother are like that.
Sadly, I also learned this lesson too late.
Well, I might try to speak up about it, but I rarely make it to the third word.
Going no contact and staying no contact is the best consequence of them all
If it's possible, yes, but if you can't, gray rock.
It doesn't always work since they always resort to smear campaign behind your back, straight up spread rumor, make up crap about you and while they do all of that they play the victim. Convert Narcissist like my mom sometimes target the ignorant people or people who doesn't know the REAL DEAL to spread the rumor, smear campaign and lie too so they side with her.
For example. My two sisters. Both are older than me. First big sis and second big sis. My mom doesn't really like to talk to my first big sis because she doesn't side with my mom, sometimes "ask too many questions" and she doesn't want to hear the BS because big sis has her own problems to deal with. My mom often prefer my second big sis because she doesn't ask too much questions, ignorant to everything AND she doesn't live in the state so she doesn't know my mom's true colors.
Either way is pure hell when it’s your adult child. I’m not sure anymore. I went no contact. Think it’s easy?
@@Stardusted1 Who said it was easy, ma'am?
@@Stardusted1 It takes time to time to readjust, but I believe sanity and peace of mind far outweigh any discomforts from having no contact with a narc. I know it may feel awkward but remember, that narcs have a stronghold over the minds of others, which they convince them to believe that somehow they've done something wrong and the narc is innocent. Narcs are like habits that their victims have difficulty breaking free from without experiencing some type of withdrawal in the process. Drug addicts struggle with withdrawal when they stop using drugs, many will relapse and use drugs to avoid an excruciating, painful withdrawal. Please try not to feel bad about it and do activities that you enjoy as a positive distraction.
The more consequences I tried to put on the behavior of my mother, the more abusive she became until there was nothing left but no contact. I‘m free now.
No contact is the ultimate consequence. Sometimes that is all that can be done. Good for you!
Unfortunately, that is totally true. That is exactly what they do as soon as they know that you know what they’re trying to they just get nasty or nastier till you have to go no contact.
The Giving Tree,all over again. Hang tough!
This I understand. Two of my siblings went no contact. I know they had peace by doing so.
When I set consequences with my narcissistic parents, they are ignored.
I’ve been no contact over a year and my mother continues to send letters, which I return.
Is it possible to stop the enabling of a narcissist who continues to reach to you in order to control?
Whether or not consequences change the narc's behavior, they change US, and that's healing. Every no to their nonsense (even if indirect) is a yes to our self-esteem.
True!! I started saying NO and it makes feel fn good!!
Thats beautiful, thank you❤
@@jesss.5260 : - )
Yes!
Love this!
To whoever is reading this keep going, you're doing fine! No matter how slow your progress, each new week is filled with tiny steps forward. Be proud of yourself you got this! ❤
Thank you. I needed to read this today. You too.😊
Thank You I needed to hear that. Such a tough road to leaving them...
Thank you❤❤❤
❤ thanks for your kindness
Thank you. It's sooooo hard!!
The only consequences Narcissists respond to are financial and legal.
Even then...
They respond by punishing you for your bad behaviour. I still get told off for being "such a bitch" whenever he is reminded of that time I called the police to come round.He doesnt see it that he behaved badly and I was afraid , all thats in his head is that I did something shitty to him.
May have sent an email to immigration to get them deported based on their failure to renew their visa. Now their non-renewal may have been a lie, but unlikely. Thanks to the narc for giving me the ammunition
They may also respond to the fact that their rich and famous friends got textual evidence of the cruelty of the discard as well as the normal messages before. Any regular person can see that there is a screw loose especially when you finish with the definition of a covert narcissist who is an abuser
Exactly💯 🙋😮💨
She threatened to leave EVERY argument she'd pick. Probably just for me to prove my love for her and chase her. The last argument, I let her pack her things and didn't stop her. She kept saying, "are you sure this is what you want."....i just kept watching TV and would say each time, "this is your decision you're making, not mine.". I wasnt playing her games anymore. And she left. Good riddance. I didn't allow her back in my life after she realized the mistake she made
went through the exact thing 2 months ago..trying to discard me every week because of their grotesque behavior...last time i said no let's leave it how it is
I WISH I would have done this.
@@idontknowyouthatsmypurse it gets to the point where it is just egregious..u simply can't do it anymore
Of COURSE they regret it 😂 LMFAO
He threatened divorce often, but I laughed bc he never followed through and I knew he wouldn't
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
I found that the narcissist do not connect the consequences to their behavior. The negative things are due to bad people, like me.
They don't want to admit their behavior is a factor because then they have to bear the shame. I do believe they know they are at fault, but denial is a preferred choice to avoid taking responsibility.
It's always EVERYBODY else's fault. Mine had three people quit on him in four days while I was refusing to come out of my room. All because of his behavior, but his reasoning was that we were all out to get him to fuck up his week.
Agreed, the only thing they hear when anyone is trying to explain "because you did/said this to so-and-so that made them feel x, y, z and now CONSEQUENCE" all they hear is "so-and-so is out to get me" or "so-and-so is too sensitive, they can't handle a (whatever-positive-adjective) person like me who just says it like it is"
and you're left wishing you could just talk to a rock or a wall because even though there's no listening there either at least the inantimate object won't just make things up to sound better
Even if they are caught doing something unseemly...and admitting this act, they
will continue to lie about this unseemly incident like they never admitted to it.
You don't need them to admit anything. Once you know, you know. That's more than enough. In the event of court proceedings and burden of proof situations. attorney's. LMFT's and forensic accountants can instruct you on how to obtain necessary evidence of abuse.
Then over time they'll say it never happened and you are losing your mind. Your memory must suck they say.
This is Bible truth. I live with this crazy making bs every day and it makes me hate him.
@@miss_whippssame I just moved all my stuff out Sunday but I'm staying here tonight he fell asleep during me trying to talk to him but at least I got to talk without being gaslit and interrupted constantly to throw me off. We have 2 sons and been together 14.5y and I just found out who the real him was June 1st 😢
@@itsme-s. Oh hon, my heart breaks for you... It took many many years for me to expose the actual person I had spent the entirety of my 30s building a life with. He was a monster all along but REALLLY adept at playing the role of supportive, compassionate, generous partner. Until he wasn't.
I'm so sorry you are going through this... To have the added challenge of navigating your kids through this upheaval is overwhelming, I'm sure.
You deserve a peaceful home and a trustworthy partner, and I'm so proud of you for moving out! That takes an enormous amount of fortitude!
I've learned to manage my expectations: I will never get the response I'm hoping for, I will never get the validation or the credit I'm due, he will never accept responsibility in any meaningful, lasting way, I will never be met with a collaborative spirit whine hoping to resolve an issue. I can't expect him to understand facts or truth as reality, and I have to remember nothing is sufficient to "prove" his guilt or my innocence if y doesn't fit with his narrative. I've gone crazy trying to rationalize with someone who's irrational. The more I need from him the more frustrated and disappointed I am when he can't or won't show the maturity, humility, self awareness, insight, or empathy required.
Everything is motivated by self centeredness and fear.
Lol, I can totally understand why you probably DID have a more productive and satisfying conversation with him while he was half asleep! He didn't make things better (they never will) but at least he didn't make them worse!
You're not alone, you're cared about, loved, brave, and strong! Happiness is waiting for you ❤️
Their response is only temporary. They have a short memory. If you're stuck with a narcissist, you are always wondering if their change is genuine or not.
Because they fake they are sorry, start fainting, but hold breath to pass out and in reality they just want another chance to F us up
They have a short memory for sure. Like the movie Groundhog Day. It’s always the same over and over
It's the cycle of narcissistic abuse. They're Jekyll or Hyde depending on where you're at.. Mr Love bomber VS devaluing and discarding you and then back to winning you back again.. Best way to navigate them is to play your cards according to who you're dealing with in that specific moment.
I also say they don't change, they just change tactics!! There is absolutely nothing genuine about these devils
Don't wonder, they always go back to the abuse, ALWAYS.
Going no contact is the best consequence, but watching them lose status was very satisfying consequence to witness. It's better than revenge, because they did it all to themselves. I kind of feel bad for enjoying that moment, but after a lifetime of putting up with their toxicity for the sake of keeping the peace it was a satisfying moment. Maybe because I felt validated.
Never feel bad for feeling vindicated/validated. I'm still waiting for mine, 41 years and counting. (Till I can find another place to live.)
When that happens, I think to myself, "You have no one to blame, but yourself." They will still blame everyone else, but they're reaping what they've sown.
I know exactly where you’re coming from. I’ve had over 20 years of N hell games. Now he’s 65 years old, suspended from work (for the last 6 months) bcos he was a union man that actually was running the place and bullying anyone who wasn’t singing to his tune. When work woke up and smelt the coffee he was suspended for bullying and abusive behaviour. He lost power at work, he once left and went off with his suicidal ex wife (and I let him back in my life). He’s now alone with me and his mother has just died. He’s horrendous…still. He stonewalls, rages, blames, defends everything and is painful to be with. He has little or no conversation and I’m not allowed to speak about work bcos he doesn’t want to hear it. He rages bcos I don’t cook and f--k for him. He knows that I’m out of the room where he is concerned. I let him carry on! I totally ignore his crap. He’s broken, he told me (in a rage) that he’s got nothing and he’s been contemplating suicide. I asked what he’d like me to do with that information. He sees a shrink ( through work) and he told me he’s told the shrink what a complete shit I am. He says I have no empathy and I’m the reason he wants to kill himself. Well… after years of N abuse I finally feel like… yes, I’ve won in a way, I managed to see him broken and he although he blames me (of course!) he did this to himself. Does it make me happy? 🤔 well not really, I rarely see my kids bcos of him, I’ve had a difficult life bcos of him, and I can’t see a way out or a happy ending, because of him!
@@roseenglish1127, That's triangulation, gaslighting and blame shifting to the max...they really do that...
@@roseenglish1127i hope you stay mentally strong, and keep being yourself. That's all we can do, work hard for yourself and make your own peace ❤️🩹
It is really sick that narcissists get pleasure out of making other people upset to dominate them. I have to do radical acceptance all over again for this.
I really must have needed to read that. It stuck home. Thanks.
I had to Radical Accept that my own mother wasn't safe even as I couldn't move out. I didn't take the Baits, but that just made her try harder. This is not an easy task, but Grey Rocking helps and learning to become Numb...which takes it toll on us.
Oh boy, when I learned about the baiting. They just really try every way possible to get you to react. @@mday3821
I also had to embrace radical acceptance and fully understand that any attention is providing narcissistic supply, so I cut it off completely.
I've seen their visceral reaction to the result of their head games. It's sick, but it gives them a great sense of power that feeds their inner beast.
Natural consequences ARE the best. I haven't set foot in my sister's house in over 15 years (though I meet with her in other places when there are others present). This is not because I'm TRYING to punish her. I just got fed up with being treated like a second class citizen, and having to walk on eggshells. This is a meaningful consequence for her because she has to deal with the puzzlement of the other relatives as to why I always stay with my aunt, and not my sister, whenever I come to town.
My sister is exactly the same…I do no contact , it’s been years…and I’m not doing it on purpose to make a point …I’m needing it.
I cannot be around her….it’s impossible to be around someone who makes me feel like nothing but dogsh-t.
The last time I visited my sister, I showed up at THE TIME SHE SPECIFIED. She had me wait for 4 HOURS while she had things to do. After that 4 hours, I finally said, "Look, the place will close in an hour: we have to go." No apologies, but suddenly we went. I haven't been back.
A natural consequence is something that happens without your help.
Example: I touch a hotplate on a stove = the natural consequence is that I get burnt.
Or: I water my garden = the natural consequence is that the plants grow.
The type of consequence you have in place with your sister is one you have chosen to execute.
I'm all for it, but just helping you see the difference between a NATURAL & IMPOSED or CHOSEN consequence.
The natural consequence of her behaviour and your chosen response is that she now has to deal with the other family members questions and confusion.
I just want to say-given what we COULD do to “punish” someone, isn’t it funny that the worst punishment for a narc is leaving them alone? Not trying to ruin them, bully them, threaten them…because then they could play the victim and make us look like monsters.
I consider it my last act of kindness to my dad that I don’t talk to him, because some people would do so much worse. He’s getting off easy. So you’re not punishing your sister. It sounds like she punished herself. And it also sounds like you’re free. 😊
@@elsh332 Actually, me not setting foot in her house DOES qualify as a natural consequence, since my motivation for taking this step is not to punish her or cause her pain, but simply to protect myself from the hurt she can cause me. To use one of your examples, I've been "burned" by the "hotplate" of her mistreatment so many times over the years that I've learned that if I stay at her house, I will inevitably get burned, so I have learned to avoid doing so.
I know it’s hard but please leave, there is freedom, happiness and peace of mind on the other side ❤
A relationship with a narcissist will never be more than transactional. A normal person who wants a normal relationship where love and affection is generally reciprocated will suffer terribly, even if they are successful at "managing" the narcissist by giving them nothing as it's totally contrary to everything they stand for and want in life.
Yes! I starved of love and affection in that transactional relationship
Yes, yes, yes!
"The loss of power" with aging, is so TRUE.
But they get more desperate to inflict injury from revenge on steroids right up to the grace & even in the will
I wonder what percentage of ''gray divorce'' can be attributed to NPD in one or both partners? The cognitive decline and inability to maintain the false self is absolutely startling!
One part of their loss of power is, that with cognitive decline, karma also catches wit them. The enemies, the trail of destruction and the lack of good will to tolerate them, eventually, catches up with them. I saw a narcisist, that was on the top of her game, being discarded in assisted living like a piece of trash... question remai s, how many people in elderly homes are discarded by their families, just because, no family member has an incentive to deal with them?
Now that may work! 28 years and nothing worked! I tried it all to help our relationship!
@@theforensicbadass You have no control over how a Narcissist or anyone else conducts themselves, it's true. Your power lies in divorcing them or otherwise severing your ties.
I think trying to “win” or manipulate their behaviour by praising them, only makes them more arrogant. It feeds their narcissism. I’ve been there, done that.
The only thing I’ve found that works and goes somewhat towards curbing their behaviour;(minimally) is living your life your way and not reacting to their behaviour. I think along with praise and adoration, the one thing that they REALLY LOVE is getting you to react. Not reacting does clip their wings. Nothing fixes them. Nothing makes them normal. But if you have to be around them well, even a slight clipping of their wings is better than nothing. No praise, no reaction makes them not want to be around you. I like it that way. The more my spouse stays in his room like a sulky teenager ,because I don’t give him the reaction he craves the easier my life is.
How about divorcing this person? You can leave, even with children it is better to break up the relationship. You will set an example of remaining in a relationship that is toxic if you have children, do you want that? Regardless of how the cards fall after the divorce you are not responsible for the example he sets. If he decides to poison the kids (if you have those) that is still better than letting one of your kids (if you have them) learn to step out in their generation when you could have shown the way.
There's no winning. Only letting go. Pay attention to your values. See what their values are too. If there's no compatibility there they will lose our. Why waste more energy there. You're better than that.
The saying "Living well is the best revenge" is true!
@@abstr4ctisease Sometimes leaving the narcissist throws the person into poverty. For older people, they may not be able to work and survive without the financial contribution of the narcissist. A young person can go out and get a job or learn a new skill that allows independence. Living a life with the narcissist vs living a life cold and hungry in old age?? Not every elderly person has family to rely on. Not an easy choice.
Dr Ramani always addresses the ones who can't leave, because she KNOWS there are many many cases where leaving the relationship can be more detrimental in that time.@@abstr4ctisease
When we’re talking about two adults in an intimate partner relationship, there shouldn’t have to be this focus on managing your partners behavior through consequences. My new mantra is: Don’t stay in a toxic marriage if you have adequate financial means and no kids. Unfortunately it took me 20 years to realize this and act on it.
Just curious - Why do you advise staying if you have kids? This is my situation and I'm dying emotionally.
@@yvettievs4063- things to consider: do you have a means of supporting yourself & your children if for example, their father skimps or skips out on paying child support to you? Yes I’m making an assumption that his income is greater than yours, which I apologize for assuming.
If for example, a narcissistic spouse travels a lot for work, your time with your children likely will not undergo the type of scrutiny once you enter into visitation and custody rights.
There are narcissistic spouses with access to finances or financial resources, allowing them to legally go round, and round with you for long periods of time - perhaps in large part to financially harm through required exorbitant legal fees.
Even in typically healthy relationships, there are still consequences to whatever actions occur. Consequences and redirection in any partnership is not a bad thing. We think because we're adults, we've done all of our growing and there shouldn't be anything else we need to know... but that's why we need to interact with other people/personalities, call them out on their bullshit, let them call you out, create boundaries, and learn what boundaries even are! I get where you're coming from... your boundary is toxicity in general.... but I just wanted to mention that intimate relationships aren't immune to discussion of consequences/redirections.
@@yvettievs4063I think what he meant is ‘especially’ if you don’t have kids leave asap! Personally, if someone needs to get out of a toxic relationship and kids are involved go for it asap. You need to be financially stable to do so though. Kids absorb everything bc they are learning. I would not want my kids to grow up seeing their parents in a toxic relationship bc maybe they end up in that same situation once they reach adulthood. But nothing is guaranteed in life. All you can do as a parent is make the best decisions for the sake of yourself and kids. Mistakes will be made but so will good decisions in life no matter the situation. I rather not live with more regrets than necessary, is my mantra. And no, I am not in a toxic marriage but if I were this is my advice to myself. Hope you find the answers you need within yourself and you have (or create) a solid support system (that uplifts your heart and doesn’t create stress or doubt within your heart).
I agree. Healthy relationships require healthy communication and boundary setting by BOTH people in the relationship. It took me many years to realize this as well. It is not the job of one person to be continuously tip-toeing around the other person’s moods and behaviours in an attempt to “manage them”. If this is the case, that person is not ready to be in an adult relationship. So incredibly fortunate I found a way out as well.
Their apology is like "I'm sorry for whatever I did. I have been feeling so bad. I haven't eaten or slept because I'm so remorseful. I had this and that going on. I didn't realize your worth. Give me one last chance" etc etc
Now look back see how many "I" was there. Their apology is about themselves and wanting to make you feel sorry for them and pity them and go back. They will totally ignore the details of what they did to YOU.
I told mine that when “I’m sorry” is said, I hear “you’re complaining and you shouldn’t. I hear you, now shut up, leave me alone and don’t expect me to actually change anything”
This is my MIL in every way.
Lost a long time friend recently. He changed and has become unbearable to be around.
Constantly lying, interrupting, aggrandizing himself and pontificating of the gifts Jesus has gifted him.
He resented me for seeing through his games.
Did the DARVO to which I responded, this is your false narrative, stop lying.
He said I should be ashamed of myself. 😂
Don't give them the chance to repeat their lame excuses/apologies, behaviors. I call my narc dad on his abuse of me, he doesn't like and tells me to apologize to him that I was wrong. No. He is wrong!
I used to avoid videos on Narcissism because I feel the word is used too casually. Until I met someone who had the classic trigger rage due to setting one boundary. The gaslighting. The inability to empathize. The horrible insults. Bypassing being blocked to continue to rage via another messenger. Zero respect for boundaries. Thanks to Dr. Ramani for helping me through the emotional devastation people with these tendencies can cause.They really do blindside you with the rage.
Amen‼️
I had just started dating a woman who practices polyamory. After our second date…, constant triangulation/flirting/edging, I felt uncomfortable and spoke up. She stonewalled/silent treatment me for 3 weeks‼️We reconnected and then with two more dates under the belt…, I expressed a reasonable boundary about not having my information of me/private photos/shared thoughts be passed to all her ongoing male lovers (5 guys in their 40s-60s). I’m in my early 30s/lesbian. She rejected my boundary request due to her polyamory setup being fixed…, devoid of consent, boundaries, and privacy, which she terms as “transparency”.
All these people she chronically and simultaneously dates…, they are just NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY for her‼️
Same here just experienced first on last year
Dealing with a rageful neighbor right now. Some duties are onerous... I'll file for a restraining order anyway. 🎉
... time to leave, and not look back. 🎉
My father now has dementia overlaying his narcissistic personality. His paranoia, along with his “large and in charge” normal attitude, is so challenging. There’s nothing worse than an aging, demented narcissist. If he needs guardianship, I’m thinking we should hire a professional guardian, my heart and psyche can’t handle it.
Same here, but it's my mother. There's a whole lot of de-conditioning happening for all of us now that she's in long-term care. It was the best of the bad choices we had available to us. It's all very hard and you're not alone.
It's my husband and it's at the point of forcing our hand in getting him mental health help. He adamantly refuses help and we've tried everything under the sun. I'm tired, exhausted and disgusted with all of it. I'm gathering evidence and will have him forcefully committed at this point, there's nothing else left to do.
😢I thought I was the only one who was dealing with this insidious condition 😢
Most areas have county or city public administrators & they are usually vetted/bonded. Check it out.
@@marianmoore1044 thank you!
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail.com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Really sounds like you might be the narcissist.
Nice one liner / generalization with nothing to back your opinion.
Nah you're not a narcissist. I dated a guy like this and found out he needed a pill.. that viagra pill. He was keeping it a secret from me because of the shame. When he told you , that he felt emasculated... and he blamed you for it..... now THAT'S narcissist.
He has an underlying medical problem. You can look up the cause for impotence mostly found in men over 30. It has to do with a certain gland. Or heart/blood pressure meds.
This is clearly a bot, they are writing the same comment under every video to promote their weird company
All wrong ! Narcissists arent sexless at all! There is nothing sexless or sexfull to define narcissistic trait😂 They are individuals and have their own sexuality. You are fishing in the wrong pond.
I find myself wondering "Why bother". I just leave. Life is too short to dance with ugly people.
Good points. I like the "ugly people" comment,very true!
Yup. Left 20 years ago. My life is all mine not turbulated by narky nonsense. Retired in sunny 🌞 Florida. I don't know if turbulated is even a word but it is now.
One thing I should have done was record the phone calls I got from my mother where she played the part of Gollum. “You’re a loser, nobody likes you. You don’t have any friends. You don’t make any money. I’m going to come to your workplace and make a scene.” No one would ever believe what a cold, dead, menacing voice she had and what contempt and hatred she had for me unless they could hear it for themselves. Unfortunately, she would call me from other people’s landlines when they weren’t around. So I didn’t know it was her when I answered the phone. But if I was getting those calls again, I would definitely record her and then play it for her older sister.
The change in voice and the ugliness of what she said might have made a big difference in how far the smear campaign got to ruining my reputation and depriving me of my inheritance. It would have been crystal clear that I had done nothing to provoke it and that there was something seriously wrong with my mother.
Get thee a recording app or device. Bad things fester in the dark.
Bad things fester in the dark…you said it honey! I am with you, get a recording of the abuse. Also, speaking of consequences…playing that recording, or even the threat of it, is the worst consequence a narcissist can face.
14:21 14:21 14:21
Tell her you recorded everything and will play it for the whole family lol
Levy an empty threat back
Been thinking greatly about the recorder.
I hear you.the birth person would squint her eyes at me and lower her voice to shame me for years.I would hide in the woods or in my closet as a young child.
It's always ok to cut all contact with these people. You will feel a huge weight lifted from your body. Don't listen to those who say you can't.
I feel if someone needs policing like consequences to finally consider how they impact an other = pretty sad and insincere 🙄
I hear you. Sadly a lot more people than just narcs do not consider the impact off their words, behaviour... they do not stand still regarding conseqeunces. My experience learned me that no narc listens when you tell them about consequences instead they use the info to upgrade their methods to hurt and destroy more.
I know, right? It should come naturally, especially as adults, to not exploit others and respect them
@@wendyrelatiestvThey refine their techniques, that's all.
@@dontbelongherefromanotherp9807 when someone's core values is that dignity is innate in all others = does not require dire consequences to act respectfully to everyone (respectful conduct is not people pleasing)
There is negative actions that get negative reactions and everyone is pickachoo face like wtf you can't shoot stab smear lie gaslight and deceive back not fair waaaaaa.Sorry I'm dark like that.
The consequences for screaming at me and embarrassing, me in public places is that I will no longer go anywhere with him not to dinner or not to the movies. Those are the consequences of his abuse in public of me and my daughter. You can set boundaries but they will find a way to mess with you. They’ll find a way to hurt you somehow that’s all my husband does I think on a regular basis he’s thinking of ways to mess with my brain and hurt my feelings because that’s all they care about is getting one over on you because it’s about winning
💯
You deserve to be happy and feel loved I'm sending you virtual love ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
And now you're right where he wants you, at home and isolated!
I understand the public humiliation. I deal with it more than I should. It does make you want to isolate so they can't do this crap.
Divorced after 41.4 years, judge ordered he pay minimal support that I knew he just wouldn’t pay. He didn’t. He now has 20 separate contempt of court charges. He’s about to face some consequences.
He didn’t bother to come to court for his contempt hearing , so now he’s got an warrant out for his arrest. Poor guy. He’s going to hate when this consequence comes around.
@@laurawilliams7407 has he been arrested yet?
Dad would give me excuses why he couldn't pay the pittance of support. And then gave the money via gifts to his girlfriends. Jerk!
That gives me hope. My brother has been married to a religious narc for 31 very, very long years. He hangs on because his church has told him he will go to hell if he divorces her. They don’t care that he is living hell on earth.
Mine wanted the divorce and had to pay child support. He played every card he could find to mess with it so I had the court enforce it. He couldn't screw me over anymore and it fueled his rage.
I don't know why he couldn't be satisfied with getting the divorce. He really needed to destroy me.
When a Vulnerable Narc betrayed my trust in the worst way...I told him there is NO excuse for him crossing that boundary, and because you CHQSE to do what you did, our relationship will never be the same. He gave many stupid excuses which I countered with---"THERE IS NO EXCUSE. What you did to me was UNACCEPTABLE. I did not deserve to be treated like that just so you could get your jollies from it."
The consequence he suffers now is that I went low contact immediately, and I had previously served him like a slave. I also recorded our conversation of his stupid justifications so I have proof of his behavior, if I ever want to prove his admission to anyone. I listen to it now and then to reinforce my resolve to cut him out of my life even though he is my only sibling...our covert narc mother's golden child.
Run. Don't ever look back. You don't have to prove anything.
I wish I would have recorded stuff to strengthen my resolve
@@amandarachelle9234 I have tons of recordings from my ex. Horrible, evil voicemails, etc. If I ever feel like I want her back I just think of those.
No way, I won’t be praising my narcissist husband. He’s hurt me way way too much!! I am defending myself now till my last breath. I’m back to having self confidence and being ME again, but it was hard to do. It’s his problem when he throws a tantrum, I go off to my private space/room in the house, because yes unfortunately we still have to live together. Not worrying on how he doesn’t love me or treat me right has helped me get thru this hell of a marriage. I’m sad and mourning a happy marriage I could have had but no more tears. I’m too old for that anymore.
U deserve to be happy u deserve to feel love I'm sending you virtual love❤❤❤❤❤❤❤your stronger smarter and have a more bright spirit every day that goes by and never forget it! U go girl !
@@420lisia thank you! It feels good to hear something nice and positive.
Try and move completely asap ..u don’t want to be in the same house.live just moved out ,so nice not to have him creeping around like a dog wanting a fight..need to be off site…then u can start to try and relax xx
I just went through the same thing. Just got him out of my house in September & now finalizing divorce. Even with unfair blackmailing at mediation and not getting my 1/2 ($130k) of his 401K savings that was rightfully mine after 24+ yrs of marriage, it is still the BEST feeling to having him OUT of my life and I am FREE now!
I feel for you. Im so sorry. You deserve peace and happiness.
It’s too exhausting to give out the amount of praise they require. And it’s an escalating dynamic- they require MORE praise the next time they do the thing you praised them for initially. They literally make everything they do into an extravaganza. Grey rock will save you more time and energy. Praise them when they demand it, but keep the praise low key. “Oh…yeah…you did do that chore. Thanks.”
ANY REWARD created for a narcisst, by the abused party, makes the abused person an...ENABLER...AND...the abused party is STILL in a TOXIC and cyclical relationship with the narcissist. Rewards are a BIG FAT NO...Get away from them, and be happy. Remember, any game you play with them, you, the abused recipient, remains MISERABLE...😞
Yes, and that SUCK$
@1...an enabler? No. This is incorrect.
Very true. Nothing is worth b.s. from these people!
“Loss of power with age” is a prominent cycle in my family. The patriarch ruled with fear and mean verbal jabs. Resentful sons will make jokes or poke fun(toxic teasing) until the Grandpa is too old to jab back. There’s little respect in my family and now it’s like everyone is just waiting for the Narc to die. And the cycle starts again.
Sounds familiar to me...
In France we have a very well known story (from La Fontaine, don't know if he's known outside France) about an old lion who no longer have any strenght, and all the animals who trembled with fear and basically sucked up to him whe he was strong now are taking their revenge, insulting him and kicking him whenever they see him.
The moral is that some people are obsequious, leeching out to the strong and only showing respect to the one with power, discarding people the moment they no longer have any money/power/social status.
I've always disagreed with this moral.
I say if the lion had ruled properly, he would have been loved and respected his whole life.
But since he ruled out of terror and the respect was born from fear, the moment this fear no longer exist, the respect disappears too.
The animals are not in the wrong, the lion is the only one to blame for his fate.
I don't know why I'm writing this, it felt relevant.
@@tsuba666I totally agree…totally. The animals never loved or liked him…they had to watch their back or else….once they had a bit of power it was time for revenge…..good on em…maybe the Lion shouldn’t have been a prick.
Get ready for a vicious battle in the courts over any inheritance. At least that's how it went in my family.
Very sorry to read this
That's sad.
I think it's only one and that is TAKING DISTANCE! ❤️
@@jurandysilva3548 I'm glad you took the high road. You did what was healthy for your mind, body, and spirit. I went no contact last October on my B-day. For a month or so it felt like I lost a loved one... But I also felt a great deal of relief and no more hate from my own family and so much more peace. I should have done it years ago but I kept hoping they would become more aware and change... Nope. No contact on socials too... The other night one of my siblings sent a private message from a new Facebook account more than a year later. Said person apologized but it was a half as apology. Saying something along the lines of I lost everyone that cared for me because of my behavior and more feel sorry for me lines.
They can admit their wrong only when they want to get you back as supply. Actions speak louder than words. Keep ya head up 💪🏾 wishing you the best.
If you have adequate financial means, and there are no kids, get the hell out of there!
Exposure is what they fear the most. Being authentic and having an "it is what it is" attitude is what protects you best. And no contact works like magic.
Anyone who survived and thrived a narcissistic parent especially a covert one literally wrote a playbook on how to sometimes think like a narc to get what they needed during life in a toxic family environment. I learned to be a good actor during my last years around my covert narc mother. I went grey rock years ago. Some of the tools I used in childhood dealing with her have served me well when encountering narcs in the business world.
What a full circle moment. Thanks Dr. Ramani! 💙💙
I am proud of you 🫂
I will write one, it will be best seller!
When my narcissistic former friend and colleague was trying to paint herself as a victim in a great big professional faux pas she had constructed by sticking her nose where it didn't belong, I, in a dead-pan tone, shut her down with one line:
“I really don't want to hear the next thing out of your mouth, but go ahead.”
She was stunned.
Every time she opened her mouth, I told her she was lying. When she tried to deny it, I told her that she had lied so much I couldn't believe anything she said.
When she tried to sell me on another tissue of riddles wrapped up in enigma and half-truths, I got her with:
“You'd be surprised what I know.”
“You must really think you're the only person I talk to.”
Her brain was short circuiting as she quickly tried to fire off more lies and get me to believe the BS narrative that she was trying to sell, but was failing miserably to do without stuttering or spluttering like an unintelligible half-wit.
I ended the phone call with:
"You see I haven't trusted you for quite some time. Now I just don't like you. Get a life. One that doesn't involve me.”
I never spoke to her again.
Leave them and watch them burn all their bridges. It's the most freeing and satisfying.
I made my husband admit to his family how he had been lying to them, I liked that consequence it felt really good.
How in the world did you manage that? My narc hub lies to everyone to (as he puts it) cover his butt.
@@grammyspa-jammies1737 I had left him, he begged me to come back, and I had found out that he was lying to his parents about why I had left and denying he had a girlfriend, only to continue lying about that girlfriend so he could take her to a family function while I was gone. I did come back but part of the deal was he was gonna clear my name, admit to his parents that what I had said and accused him of was true and that I had every right to leave the way he had been treating me, and come clean about the girlfriend and who she really was. He must have really wanted my supply I guess lol he was definitely covering his butt too, but I don't know he would've actually been aware enough to say it out loud
@@grammyspa-jammies1737because he will probably just say “she made me say it!”, or that they don’t have all the details OR op threatened to show PROOF that he’s a liar so it would come out if he told them or if she did…
plus this won’t mean anything if ur S/Os family is a bunch of enablers…
dk if i’m right but i think those are very strong possibilities…
That's good but be careful, narcissists might comply but usually punish you later.
@@joanna0988 don't worry, been there.
Thank you Dr Ramani.
I have a narcissist parent who has ruined everything she could possibly ruin . The more she wrecks the happier she is.
Her behaviour shocks me to the core. I don’t know how she can live with herself. I have a daughter, and I know if I do the opposite to what my mum has done my girl will be fine. So at least she taught me something .
And I want to say watching your videos is like stumbling upon my mothers dirty little diary and discovering all her secrets and tricks.
It’s been a huge help knowing and learning. My sincere thanks ❤❤❤🇦🇺
Amen
Just knowing the truth about your mother's toxic influence on your life isn't going to be enough to insure your daughter's healthy development. You could be Mother of the Year, but if she spends any time at all with your mother, your mother will try to turn her against you. I learned that the hard way.
When you allow them any contact with your children you’re normalizing pathological behavior and setting yourself up for a potential Grandparent’s Rights Case. Will they win? Highly unlikely but it’s going to cost you money you don’t have as a result. Just no, no, no. If adults can’t deal with them, children don’t stand a chance.
You are so correct. I do the same as you treat my daughter in the opposite way my mother treated me. I wish you healing in your relationship with your own daughter. It is very hard having an emotionally immature parent ❤
I laughed SO much when you said one would want to throw-up after offering the praise/thanks for taking out the trash! 😂😂😂 So true & so validating to hear someone else voice how I often feel in those kinds of circumstances!❤
Exactly!
They need a parade of they perform a single (normal to most people) household task--- but when their clothes are laundered and folded and dry cleaned and put in the closet in the dresser drawers for them and the kitchen is clean and the dishes are always done by someone else other than them, floors mopped all those things taking out the trash in all the other rooms the office the bathrooms the kids rooms and all the tiny little baby clothes that are washed and stains got now and they're neatly folded and little stacks on the couch where you live when the child is napping because you don't get to nap cuz you have to do everything else and clipped coupons and make the grocery list and all that stuff they don't think a thing about that you let their favorite shirt being the hamper one time and you are incompetent and lazy an unorganized and pitiful and a bad mother and a bad wife the list goes on and on and on
. . .
But they stop and get a gallon of milk or take out the trash on some random occasion and they will point it out to you more than once in order to get to receive praise for it.
>>> my narcissistic grandiose malignant bully complains every summer for having to cut the grass literally seven times that's all he has to cut it from where we live seven times he cuts the grass with a riding mower and earbuds in his ears and I think to myself I will die wiping someone else's urine off the toilet bowl! That crap is year-round until the day I die! But he complains he has to cut the grass seven times in a summer and then he has nine and a half months where he doesn't have to cut the grass at all 🤪🤪🤪🤪
Yep! Me too. I literally laughed out loud when she said that!!! So true!
I want to throw up thinking of Dad's (narc) excuses for making me wait, if he offers a reason, he doesn't, nor an aplogy for wasting my time. He expects me to be polite and tow the line. He is also arrogant/entitled. A snarky dad!
My narcissistic mother passed away less than two weeks ago. For her, aging was a brutal experience. I suppose it can be for any of us as our health fails. But for her, the loss of her youthful beauty was a horror. That horror was a hellish consequence. The truth for most of us was that she aged into being a physically beautiful older woman. My stepdad found her beautiful until her last day. But for her, her own body and face had betrayed her, and that betrayal enraged and saddened her, to the point that it diminished the potential joys available to her as she aged.
Her final year was difficult because Parkinson's is cruel. But for her, the perceived loss of her beauty bothered her at least as much as the loss of control of her hands. For her, her good looks had been a source of pride and a tool for control. And to me, one of the saddest things about that was that she failed to see that my stepdad loved her deeply enough to see past all that.
It is so strange to me that anybody would be upset about a natural process that they always knew was gonna happen. That sounds more like magical thinking.
@@LeahIsHereNow I think narcissists are masters of magical thinking. That's what the gaslighting really is, and their shock when they are held to account.
I think they find love hard to receive. It's really sad.
@@joolspools777They don’t care about “love.” Fear is a very acceptable response to them.
I was threatened with losing an inheritance that I was never even aware of until they leveraged it in the most vulnerable chapter of my life back in 2020. I told them I didn’t want it and went no contact. Best decision I’ve be ever made. Thank you Doctor Ramani, for sharing your work and providing access to us all via this medium 🥂
Wow that sounds so very underhanded of them! I'm sorry you went through that.
Yeah, the old inheritance threat. Dad been playing that game forever. He told me once he was going to give everything to charity. Well, last month he put Grandma's farm for sale. F'in vengeful till the end. Freaking dick. SMH
*So much for their alleged “unconditional love.”* When you NC the abusive parent(s) the first thing they do is blow up your phones, ambush you at your home or workplace demanding you speak with them etc. (call the police on this behavior, please!) and then run to an attorney to expel you from their Will.
What they don’t get is *we can’t be bought, period.* Does not compute in their endlessly avaricious, greedy, grasping pathological minds.
No "inheritance" is worth the abuse or feeling vulnerable to them. You are worth taking care of yourself. Congrats on shutting them out of your life! Economic contol is what they did. Pathetic, so are they!
I refuse to supply ! I’m not here for the entertainment of narcissists! I’m done! 🤷♀️😇
"I'm not here for their entertainment!" Wow! In a nutshell. Thanks for that!
This is what I do in my classroom in elementary school.
It almost sounds like dealing with a child or child state of mind.
Because they generally are childish and immature
1.Penalise with an adversive consequence.
2.if you want them to keep doing something, figure out what type of supply is meaningful to them + give it if poss.(supply = usually praise, status, etc. But supply can be getting a strong emotional reaction from their victim, allowing the narc to feel dominant, maintain control, label their victim as weak & too emotional.
3. Remove attention + validation & ignore them when they are bitching about someone else.
4. Don't respond enthusiastically as they would like and they may take their ridiculous conversation somewhere else.
5. When they gaslight you disengage. Getting upset continues their supply, so keep cool.
6. Another consequence for narcs, is when they look bad socially, like when you paint them in a bad light to others. Let them be them, because at some point they will lose face.
7. Real losses big or small e.g. houses, money, youth are the final consequence for narcs.
My narc became physically abusive. So I held him accountable by having him put in jail and refusing to drop the charges, even after he got out .
I've since left him. But to this day, I believe that holding him accountable was the best thing I ever did in that relationship.
Good for you, that's a brave move stay strong.
Proud of you. I hope you flourish and never turn back 💓
I ignore my narc/entitled/arrogant, lying dad. I don't lie that he helps me each week(his idea of what I should tell others.) Maybe 2x a year he tries. But then ruins it with narcissistic behavior; wasting my time, not giving me a reason he was late, nor an apology, as if it was his birthright. It wasn't. His problematic attitude, not mine. I don't tell people what he wants me to say, I have to look myself in the mirror each day, and I won't lie so he can look good to others. That, as the saying goes(Lost In Space Robot 1965-8) tv show re-runs, DVDs) "Doesn't Compute"!
The thing with the narcissist is, if you give them praise then whatever that thing that you praise them for they will stop doing when they want to punish you. It’s best to be super neutral with these types of folks so they can move on to drain someone other than you.
"Erections that don't show up??"😂😂😂😂
Best karma for the narcissist 😂
ur making me 😂xx
@@li37444 We must make each other laugh in order to heal.😂 It is absolutely true. My ex- narc told me he would shrivel up & die in a corner if he couldn't do it anymore. I told him, "Get prepared, because you are over 50 now." 😂😂😂
😂😂😂best karma
Especially the male Narcs that talk a big game, like they are sex machines . . . And WHERE IS IT? Even Viagra has no effect. LOLOLOL🤣🤣🤣. These Narcs tend to be VERY FRAGILE and are easily upset like they are very spoiled toddlers.
This is all so sick and twisted. In my opinion, looking back on the past almost 40 years of my life, it simply was not worth all of the misery that it caused, and as truly grateful that I am that I am discovering about this now, I wish that I had known what I was dealing with when I was in the thick of it. I held out for so long living in the hope (the toxic hope) that things would get better. I was so immersed in the day to day struggle of just surviving that I could not see any other way of being. It is so sad. Again, it simply was not worth the pain and effort that it took to try and maintain such a dysfunctional marriage. I felt so stuck, trapped, and did not see a way out. Someone once told me that when dealing with my husband, in the end, they chose to “cut bait and leave”. I wish that I had done that. I am glad that the topic of narcissism is becoming more mainstream and that the younger generation is being exposed to the skills needed to deal with it in their everyday lives before they find themselves feeling trapped with the feeling of no escape.
Da li ste jos sa njim?
@@sladaslada1616 No
Thank God because we look at the end of our life and have wasted it on a fake! I don’t know of mine doing Botox or anything like that, but he definitely thinks he’s all that
@danellefrost5030 good for you. glad you were strong
I knew something was wrong when I was 5. He told me to be silent. I wish I had blabbed it all. He would be in prison, now! I am 60 and still don't back up his lie that he does something nice for me once a week. Once a year, if I am lucky, and then he resents it. His problem, not mine, but he made it mine for the past two years on special day. I want to choke when I have to say he did anything. He expects me to go along with his sick game and not talk back. He's so not right in the head. I am the opposite of him, thankfully, it is deliberate! He also expects to get away with the abuse(various types, that he alone caused). I will not be silent. He can go to Hell for all I care. He caused me the problems and takes no responsibilty for them, yet blames me for it. He's so in another sphere, it is not funny! He expects me to let him off the hook, permanently and keeps abusing me. (verbally, sexually abusing me, emotionally abusing me) and lies to others and says I am making up the abuse, I am not. He is nice to strangers, and mean to me, especially in private, and has the nerve to expect me to lie and say that he is such a great father. I don't lie for him! To myself, or anyone else!
For my covert narc mother getting old is another weapon to shame us. Like "I got diabetes because my children disrespected me".
How horrible. So sorry she's like that.
That is horrible. I wonder, though, how she would respond if you answered, "That's right!"
„Hey, thank you so much for taking out the trash. This is so helpful“
The only response I can think of I could expect to this is „damn right, you owe me big time. Now, here are three things I expect you to do in return.“
Yeah, to which you laugh and say, “I Already paid my dues in full! Get with the program loser. You’re behind three to one.”
@@Calibri57love it!
Ya you accused me of this all ready I have all ready received punish, shame, blame. You cant be a repeater.
Rather than feeling like throwing up praising him for taking out the garbage or constantly asking him to do it I just got used to doing things myself. Thus allowing myself to be trained by him to become his useful idiot in a cult of 1. When I finally realised what was happening I left in order to save what was left of my self respect and sanity. I didn't know about narcissists until later but my gut told me that I needed to leave.And now I watch these videos thank you so much to remind myself that what happened to me was real, even if no-one else really saw the person as I saw him. 14:21
Your comment mirrors my experience exactly. It did really happen. It was really bad. We weren't imagining it or being over emotional. Thankyou for sharing.💙
Same here. I'm a useful idiot
Same
My ex fiance narc would just leave messes everywhere. She cleaned maybe 5-10% of the time. So much of my day everyday was cooking, cleaning, and just picking up after her. She'd leave dirty tissues everywhere, wrappers from things, she didn't wash her dishes, pickup after her own pets. I realized I was literally her like personal vacuum cleaner. I had gotten to the point where I was just cleaning up after her all the time without even expecting a thanks or getting one. When I'd ask her to help with cleaning she would have fits and say I was being mean or she'd wait hours to do it.
@@brendDun Good thing she's your ex now… What a B....
They see setting boundaries as a punishment they often challenge. Even when karma eventually gets them, they don't see it as a consenquence. Instead, they clamp down even harder on self-victimization and deflection. The question is who do narcissists fear and listen to?
Narcissists feared and listened to an abusive person in their past then mirrored the same tyrannical, brutal behaviour when they became an adult or met someone "difficult," who refused to cave to their unreasonable demands or orders.
Only way to change them is with positive manipulation and blatant shame. Like, super blatant. In the first 2 weeks with my x, i spoke of how snobby people often can be outright bad people. She sold her ultra expensive jacket and went straight into the role she thought i wanted. Just to evade insecurity. Woah ❌️😅
@@CYellowanI agree. Shame coupled with proof "worked" for me. I think it may be different for others. Everyone has to figure out that toxic person in their life.
@@jayrodriguez4119 True. They are unique, even still. I also spent half a year making sure she wasn't gonna starve to death also. And it worked due to the same principle. I guess she became too insecure in being too skinny. And i mean it worked, and was directly healthy for her.
But it was impossible to fix her head sickness. Oh golly, what a nightmare.
Me: please don’t swear at me whilst we’re talking (arguing essentially, over something trivial she started an argument over).
Narc: dont f-ing tell me what i can and can’t do. It’s who i am, i just f-ing swear. Don’t treat me like a child…
Oh the fun and games of trying to set boundaries with a narc.
Stopping the supply train has been liberating. The last time I worked closely on a project with my covert/communal narcissist business partner, I had to fluff our way to the finish line. It was exhausting. Meanwhile, I've made a series of decisions to work with them less. My goal is to reduce the amount of interactions bit by bit. And bit by bit, I'm experiencing more peace in the workplace.
I am doing that with Dad, not a workplace, but a personal thing. He doesn't like my complaints. Too bad for him. He can't shut me down anymore!
My Narc ex went thru the 50 yr old man category (erectile dysfunction) He was prescribed Testostertone and I BELIEVE injected an amount which caused him to go into Mania. He also suffers from BiPolar. He's always prouded himself on his sexual prowess (which was lame from the start honestly). I think he over medicated on purpose. He went manic, into Narcissistic rage and told me to choose him or her. That ended everything for me. We head to mediation Monday. Thank goodness I audio taped him in FULL Narc mode.
Smart.
My narcissistic person had a fall at work which led to discovery of 2 cancers and a major brain injury (sinking of the brain through the skull cavity). Of course, his violence was blamed on the brain injury, but the "I'm going to die long before you" competitive statement came out and with it, followed by the active undermining and abuse to be sure I didn't get to grow old without him came. The statement felt juvenile - as if I was on the "other team", but came with his joy in causing harm to my perceived ability to carry on. Rather than gray rock, I filed contempt of a restraining order which has cost me thousands and he has holed up so as not to be served. Prior to this, upon first being married, it was discovered I had breast cancer and in my infirmity, he had said "No one paid attention when I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma, but you have a popular cancer and everyone is paying attention to you" as if it were a competition. Revolting, but also abusive. Red flags I hope others catch onto if it is happening for them. Once sick, he had control of me and I couldn't get out for years. I now have a bad hip, knee, prolapsing organs, scars, and much more. The moment someone isn't honoring you, step back. Love your channel Dr. Ramani. Wish I had time to take your classes and talk to you directly, but I've had enough experience/edu over the years to be the example on the stool sitting next to you.
I said many times "You don't know we're on the same side."
@ estikta
You poor woman
My heart goes out to with all of you have endured
I sincerely hope that that order is at the very least served on him, it's a start for you to follow the path to freedom & breaking free
Once out our health slowly but surely begins to get better & you will savour your peace
I am wishing you well & a happy life ahead for you🎉
@@maevebutler4641 Thanks and it started a fire in me where I help others now
My prayers for you. May your health improve. I thought I had it bad, but in comparison my seems like a picnic in the park.
Re. Brain cancers: brain tumours have created uncharacteristically violent attacks in unprovoked animals, and people, so brain health is definitely worth checking out. Sorry for your suffering 😔
My narcissist husband died eleven years ago, and I’m just realizing how many times he tried to, oops, kill me or have me put in such danger that I could have oops, been killed. Once he even created a situation in which, I am guessing now, he tried to have me imprisoned! I was living in an extremely toxic marriage,
though his support group and the public in general, thought he was a saint. I can’t believe I survived that for 43 years, too brain washed and gaslighted to even know my life was threatened. One thousand thanks your for your videos. Very painful to watch them, but they are helping me sort through an unbelievable history of narc abuse.
Dad verbally abused me, sexually abused me, emotionally abused me, and get this, blamed me for it. He told me I was wrong and to apologize to him. I was right, he was wrong. I didn't mean the apology, it was said to shut him up. He never takes responsibility for the abuse, but blames me. That I have nerve to confront him with the truth. He called false allegations and told me to apologize for making him look bad(he needs no help from me on that: all his fault). I didn't apologize. I won't lie to myself or others so he can feel superior. He's a narcissistic jerk.
I stupidly never called the police whenever my ex husband physically abused me. Making him responsible for his abuse would have been good for both of us. My mistake could easily have led to my death. Thankfully I am free & have the peace of no contact. He still denies ever touching me.
I wish the suggestion to praise them had worked for me. My ex (narcissist) didn’t like caring for our daughter from the time she was born. I tried to encourage him. Some days he took her reluctantly but didn’t change her diaper or feed her for hours. But he’d take a lot of photos during this time with her. Then I read in a women’s magazine that moms should try praising disengaged dads. I wrote him cards and emails praising him and saying he was a great dad. Well, he took those messages and nominated himself - I am not kidding - for a magazine’s Dad of the Year award. Then when we divorced two years later, he showed those messages to the custody evaluator who then claimed my descriptions of his abuse were not believable based on how I’d complimented him throughout our marriage. That led to years of Hell in the family court system.
This is the kind of stuff they do. Oh, wow...this story just speaks to me. And its so hard to explain in court that you basically have to lie about how great he is to encourage him to take proper care of his own daughter! All judges, courts, law enforcement need training in narc - they are like a different species.
Holy shit. I'm so sorry
I'm very consistent about ignoring/ not reacting & it drives them nuts! It's my superpower.
I had narcissistic parents and friends growing up. In 2020 everyone left my life. At first I was really hurt. Now after learning lots and doing so much self care I realize there was nothing wrong with me except I didn't have any boundaries. My "best friend" growing up stopped talking to me when I told her I wouldn't do her hair for FREE anymore. Then my grandma died and she randomly reached out to me. I looked her up online recently and it seems she was arrested for a DUI. I don't even recognize her anymore in the mugshot. I do hope she is ok, but I realized something. Sometimes people that are mean to us and judgmental are really just hypocrites. Thanks Dr. R for all you do. Much love!
Ever since I ghosted the narc and went no contact, the narc is weak. I've since exited social media. It drives the narc (my sister) crazy. She's frustrated and discombobulated. She love bombs to no avail. She lost face. She left a trail of very damaging and incriminating texts which I've saved everywhere. It's not a good position for the narc to be in. It's a great feeling to be empowered.
I watched hundreds of these,.. finally... put oneself mental health first in all situations. selfcare , be good to yourself . these freaks just dont change. Thanks p.s came back to watch this a week later, now I can see its best to just turn and walk away, the narcos are just too much work. maybe move away to another place on this planet.
The minute I left him after his worse treatment of me he became all nice and decent. Now he knows the consequence and trying to be fake nice
Fake all along!
No, the most horrible thing for these people is public, shame and exposure. That is the worst nightmare. As you’ve quieted, they want to be seen in society as a wonderful person, even if it means putting other people’s lives in danger to cover up their lies.
My father in law the most grandiose narcissist you will ever meet “accidentally “ (I use quotes with sarcasm) Killed is biggest enabler (his wife). By infecting her with hpv which turned into cervical cancer . She got sicker and sicker with treatment and literally hobbled around behind him as he walked ahead unconcerned with her ailing body. The more she struggles with lack of mobility the more oblivious he became. In their 52 years of marriage he had claimed never to be able to cook…so as she was slowly dying she still had to get up and make him meals. Now she has passed he cooks every meal for himself without any problem and also he has declared himself a marriage EXPERT Going out of his way to council young couples in crisis. The hypocrisy is real and the consequence was nil.
My boyfriend’s father who is now my FIL ,that I never see or speak to . and was a “ Christian” counselor suggested I get an abortion so no one would know I was having a baby with his son . That baby of mine is now an adult and a medical doctor delivering babies 😊
religious hypocrisy is real! i love the positive outcome ~you have a wonderful functional adult child because of your positive intuition. 💜 @@KB-we6pf
For me, going totally no contact and maintaining my integrity, has been my refuge.
I am a nurse on a behavioral unit, and many of my patients are BPDs, narcissists, and otherwise behaviorally challenged. These videos have been invaluable.
It's important to listen to the key points of this video. Alot of people will comment with their similar stories to contribute, and I'm the same , I got stories from experience, but this video is important. I couldn't punish a narc without retaliation of some sort. They had the attitude of, do as I say, not as I do. It's impossible to reason, communicate or compensate on that type of behaviour unless your willing to give up 100% of you. I was emotionally/mentally drained. I'm pretty sure I had a breakdown if not several, rather than have support, I was dragged down by this supply. It was wrong, I knew it was wrong, I allowed it for so long until I said ENOUGH. They'll push and push and push until you say ENOUGH. The best result was leaving, walking away and it was like ripping off my leg to walk away. I wanted to leave so many times, but I was hurt so bad I couldn't even fight back. I had been in so many fights with that person but they hurt me so badly I just went silent. There was no more fighting. There was no more effort. There was nothing. It was numb. It's still difficult leaving a relationship. The history is there. But, it could not stay stuck in the dysfunctional loop as it was. I wish this video was released sooner, a year ago I went through this and she is correct, cut off supply. It's difficult, there is a grief period , but I'm no longer manipulated, lied to, cheated on, no more games. It felt like I had to cut off my feet to escape, but I'm happy to just get away aaaaaaand that is by what she said- cut off supply. It's incredibly difficult not to give in sometimes because it is like an addiction. Occupy your mind, do housework, watch a video, meet up with friends or meet new people to talk to , try new recipes, or a hobby you like. Occupy yourself when you get that craving to not cave in. Time and distance makes you see alottttttt of wrong what happened. It clears your vision. No contact absolutely works it lets you see all the flaws you once dealt with and you say whaaaaaat was I thinking!!!! But your so caught up in emotion you don't realize how you undervalue yourself. Until you step away and see the overall picture from a distance especially when all them emotions die off and that connection isnt as strong, it highlights all their weak points ❤
I tried to subtly mention a legal consequence to my 80 yr old father who isn't taking the best care of my mother with Altimizers. His response? Screaming: "If you even think about threatening me with the law or social services, you will see a side of me you have never seen before and I will destroy your life!."... Yup,, totally a normal response for a father to say to his daughter who has helped care for his wife.
I’m sorry that you had to have things come to such a honest realization. I’m trying to cope with virtually the same problem, how it’s a whole new world of toxicity when the narcissist is your parent. In this case its an absentee father with whom i can only describe as having proven what was once speculative on my part: I only recently saw a lifetimes worth of him proving over & over how little he wants or needs to have me around / present at all (apparently) -what else does one have to do to see why is he so obviously be at peace with themselves inwardly & outwardly - or whatever much as one can without having spoken once when it was only about something 100% mundane & trivial despite my efforts since I confronted him let alone when realizing how genetically programmed to require his acknowledgment I am… so to hear that bo matter how I try again & again I am just never going to get it. I guess actual point but it’s a very slippery slope trying to show a father something I got to “see” proof positive theres not one way to turn our relationship situation into anything resembling a non-abusive one…
to try & paraphrase myself, can people in our position actually show any consequence when the narcisicist makes it overtly clear that they just don't feel them nor do they feel deserving of ANY consequences already?
I mean how much more withhold from someone who is already as if I were dead? someone who intentionally ends a paragraph so often with "…but Ill never stop trying to love you anyway" the problem they're being I guess it's hard for someone to love a child they just don't?
@@SAEmusic7 I would try to reframe it as them not loving us, but more as they are truly only capable of loving themselves, or those that are exact extensions of them.... Sucks regardless though. Hang in there!
@@voice_of_a_little_lady Yes, don't take it personally… That's just the way they are... you're chasing a swath of bees that just wanna sting you. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
Inside, they are fragile, ego driven, selfish, incredibly needy and just plain stupid.
As a self aware narcissist, this is a curable mental illness. I just had to educate myself and learn from my mistakes. It was directly learned from my abusive father. Now I only focus on being the best dad I could ever be.
Yes they don’t believe they will ever get old. That’s why they often do not write a will because they don’t want to face the Inevitable. They think they’re invincible and the other people die not them
Time heals but it can also punish. Oddly, our healing can be the ultimate punishment of the narc, and punishment of the narc can be our healing. "For the first one now will later be last, for the times they are a-changing" ~ Bob Dylan
I stopped all physical contact. Not to punish but to protect myself. He is no longer allowed to touch me without my permission. He cant stop tantrums and I lost all desire
@maureen... get out when you can. It's mental torture for you. You deserve love. You deserve peace. You deserve happiness. At least you're saving yourself from getting STDs.
I think it’s a consequence to the victims to when they waste their time with a narcissistic person, so realizing that is difficult. They move on have the realionship and laugh and rub in our face knowing that we were the ones that were committed in the relationship and worked hard for it and they didn’t care about the relationship. Here we are healing and taking years more of our limited time on this earth before we can move on.🤦♀️
For my narcissist, it's all about control. I've been studying videos and speaking to my therapist for techniques on how to deal with him. Knowledge is definitely power. Unfortunately, it's just a game to the narcissist. To survive, I've had to learn how to play his game and what battles to pick. Thank you for these videos, they're helping me through this difficult time.
Same here yes learn what battles to pick
Thank you! My dad is the same way. I have knowledge, I am very powerful. He doesn't get that I am onto his sick games. He should know that I am, but pretends otherwise, is condescending, sarcastic, belittling, arrogant, and then lectures me that I am wrong to "falsely accuse" him of any wrongdoing. It's all his fault. I won't apologize(and mean it ), I only did that to shut him up. He kept yammering on. So trite!
Dr. Ramani. I have suffered w a narcissistic (single parent) mother all of my life. She is now 80 y/o & went from assisted living to personal care to very recent nursing home resident. Of course my caring for someone who has dementia & also hates me, was not going to happen. It's become a cruel joke that I'm the POA. Handling attorneys, bank accts, care facilities, drs, hospital visits, medical ins, needing to sell her car, buying her clothes & care items, every day, it's become my life. I continue to feel trapped under this woman, in every way.
I'm sorry. That sounds really hard. (((HUGS))) ~ Renee
POA?
Power of Attorney, I get this.
This is completely true! My ex husband kept harassing me and using the kids to manipulate my current marriage and relationship. The final straw was him approaching me in public! Screaming, “YOURE REALLY GONNA MARRY THIS N****!!” In front of the establishment we rented for our daughters birthday! So many people there. I put out a PFA and he had to come to court to resolve it. He’s still active duty military… that was enough for him to stop harassing me!! They didn’t grant it due to distance and the court not wanting to ruin his career. (BS in my opinion) but, I’m glad he finally realized that I wasn’t playing about leaving me alone!💕
Disgusting behaviour...
My ex's supply was winding me up, degrading me, insulting me and humiliating me....Later, I would see the sly smile, like the enjoyment he got from running me into the ground...If I ignored him or didn't praise him he would act like a spoilt child and cause another huge argument from something trivial...it was a roller coaster....I was left a shell of a person, I felt as if I was nothing, such an empty feeling. I wonder if he even felt any of the consequences of me leaving, or maybe I was the consequence...🤷♀️
Half a lifetime ago when I was going through hell divorcing my narc ex-husband, I couldn't get him to stop harassing me. My lawyer and I thought about what could get him to let go. My ex had been in the Navy and loved being a Navy reservist. My lawyer threatened to speak to his C.O. about his behavior and that's what finally got him to stop. It's been 26 years and I haven't seen or heard from him since that day. Wish I would've thought of that sooner!
The expression "Dark Supply" jumped out at me. Dr. Ramani I would love it if you did a video on this topic. I haven't seen one on this topic. Thanks
I’m not a clinical narcissist (NPD) but during a unique period of my life, I certainly functioned as one. The only consequence that could deter my “narcissistic” behavior was public shame. Even severe personal consequences (when knowledge of this was not “out” in the public) did not lead to a behavior change.
True narcs don't about their bad behavior. They only care if it looks bad in front of others.
Living four thousand miles away from them is a consequence & they have only gotten to see us 2 times in the past 12 years.
We thought about going home this summer but after a couple nasty phone calls of them screaming at me & saying horrible things & blaming me for everything now we aren’t even thinking about it so the consequences are no visit now after that behavior!
Narcs are not trainable; praising good behavior doesn’t work - I became an enabler and the ex’s behavior NEVER changed. Hell no to fluffing! I couldn’t do this - that’s why I left - it’s not aligned with my ethos, integrity and morality. Disrespect is disrespect.
I am 59, have a successful marriage and career in healthcare. My narcissistic sister 8 years my senior always refers to me as baby brother in a demeaning way. I now return the compliment by insisting she is my “old sister” especially in front of others.
I just eventually didn’t enjoy my narcissist company anymore and she lost all credibility and I realize she’s insane so I naturally just distanced myself.
I stop showing emotions , my husband said you change . 😅I have to do this I order for me to survive from his all kinds of abuse
Hang in there to those who simply cannot leave their Narcissist now. ❤️🙏💞
My maternal grandma who I'm not close with is a narcissist. She has virtually no effect on me, but she really messes with my mom. These videos have been super informative on how I should be if/when she ever tries to involve me in her stupidity.
My paternal grandmother could be narcissistic. Her convenience, only, mattered, at times, so infuriating to deal with.Two of the five sons she raised(with her abusive husband) are narcissistic jerks. She was nice most of the time, but on the rare occasion she wasn't, she was demanding. I offered to take three buses to see her, she didn't go along with it, and would not have met me in her town, only two streets over. And then, had the nerve to complain that I didn't visit her enough. So annoying! One other time, she complained, while wearing dark clothing, that I had to move the cat into the other room. She knew Ihad a cat. How arrogant of her. I didn't move the cat, he lived with me. She didn't. I have an aunt a few years older than me, same first name, different spelling. That grandmother called me "little Jackie', I complained, she said that it was for her convenience, and wouldn't budge on the issue. Near to the last straw with me. I have no problem with the aunt, just the paternal grandmothe, now, late.
My dad and one of his brothers are severly narcissistic, and think the world should revolve around them simply because they are male. This is wrong. They are wrong for thinking and acting this way. I have no patience with their arrogance. Thinking about them gives me heartburn! They are worth the trouble! They need to man up, grow up and shut the hell up.
Yep. Thought the narc’s behavior would “mellow out” in old age. Nope! 82 and worse than ever.
My mother is an alcoholic 85 year old narcissist which I’ve been taking care of for 4 1/2 years and I don’t know how much longer I can do this? It’s pure hell!!!
We put my father in a care home @ 88
@@caroleminke6116 💗
I was actually in the process of gagging just imagining giving that kind of praise when you said "now you may want to throw up after saying that" 😂 Spot on as always.
Gray rock it is, eh? ;)
I want to gag anytime I am expected to lie for Dad. I have a strong gag reflex. I won't lie for him to myself or othes that he does something nice for me on a weekly basis. Maybe twice a year, three at the most, even then, he's narcissistic and nitipicking at me. He spoils special days for me. He may do some nice things. But then expects me to let him off the hook when he is verbally, sexually abusive(has been) to me. Forever. I won't give him my ok to that. He's evil.
In my office, I used to keep two index cards posted where I could see them, but others wouldn't notice them.
First one, in purple magic marker: LISTEN.
Second one, in plain old pen:
DON'T WRESTLE WITH PIGS.
YOU GET DIRTY, AND THE PIGS LOVE IT.
Why wallow in misery? Why continue the game of being a victim? Define and set boundaries and one strike and you are out. It is my decision, I am gone. It works every time and supports happiness, mental health and adult maturity. Each of us is responsible and accountable to our own behaviors. "I know not, am I my brother's keeper?"
@crime.... it's clear that you aren't, or may never have been, in a narcissistic relationship. Thanks for sharing your opinion, though.
Thank you for the information. My friend of 40 years has hurt me so much over the years. I want to lash out but from watching your videos I realize I just need to walk away
Three flying monkey tenants, where I have lived for 19 years will face their consequences in court. I am not litigious; however, they all took me to court for Protective Order against me w no evidence/basis. Cases dismissed...a year later after multiple verbal/physical threats, I will be in court w my case against them...having been a Registered Nurse w forensic training, my documentation is very extensive/complete/damning...w info from the E. R. where I was treated after an attack, my physician, and a county Welfare check officer. These flying monkeys are getting their wings clipped severely...the narky landlord, at the root of things will also get his comeuppance, later on. Document, document, document...w photos, videos, and every other manner of legit information. Sometimes one must fight back, set the record straight and exact Court Ordered consequences/Protective Order that will be effective.... a fine/or stint in jail, will put a damper on their bad behaviors. This has been a wearing experience, however well worth it, to STAND UP FOR MYSELF in a legal/logical manner. This effort is building my own self confidence in problem solving.
Good for you. I've had to do the same. I'm hoping you get a good judge. Judges aren't always the brightest bulbs on a Christmas tree. Be prepared if you don't prevail, as in, if you have to appeal the case to a higher court, would the defendants not be able to afford it?
Ultimately, lawsuits just make money for the attorneys on both sides. They'll drag the case out for months if not years before you'll actually go to trial. You may prove causation but not negligence or culpability or whatever legal term you may be dealing with.
I thought I had open and shut case but here I am $40 grand in debt from the whole mess.
Just be aware that the one who can afford the most expensive lawyers wins. It's a sobering fact.
Narcissistic woman (very much like my deceased mother) in my HOA has shamed, blasted, etc others over the years. She stubbornly refused to do the right thing and did not allow parking lights to be fixed for the benefit of everyone living here. (Long story) I'm writing up the record for stopping this project *until her place changes its owner,* meaning when she passes. Two days ago, an ambulance pulled up to her place. ? and I don't care. She's behaved atrociously for the eight years I've been here, and she's taught me lots about this personality disorder. I use *no contact.*
Just want to say thank you so much for these videos. The narc in my life held me captive the other night. I used what I learned from this channel and another narcissist focused channel to basically tell him what he wanted to hear to de-escalate what was happening and survive the situation. The ordeal isn’t over yet but at least I made it out of that alive.
I've been held against my will too, and you did well surviving. Now is the time to get out, tell everyone you can trust, get safety and distance.
Thank you. I'm getting out and I filed for a protective order. I hope he will abide by it and leave me alone. @@palapeura375
Wow, that happened to me too. I was leaving and she grabbed my keys and wouldn't give them back. I had to listen to her BS all night until it was time to go to work. Man, they batshit crazy. Never went back.