The 5 TRAPS A Narcissist Will Use To MANIPULATE YOU (Don't Fall For This!) | Dr. Ramani
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 เม.ย. 2023
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On Today's Episode:
The 5 most common reasons women get stuck in narcissistic relationships is actually surprising. It’s a relief to hear Dr. Ramani give this breakdown of what keeps women stuck because once you know you won't have to fall into the victim trap of not knowing.
If you’re not in a narcissistic relationship, first of all, congratulations! These conversations with Dr. Ramani are even more important for you to hear. One of the worst experiences you can go through is waking up years later to find yourself in the middle of a narcissistic abusive relationship trapped and feeling stuck.
The 5 reasons people stay stuck are all emotions, and they are super powerful in “future-faking yourself” that this will get better.
Check out the full conversation with Dr Ramani here: • Reclaim Your Life Expe...
Dr Ramani is a licensed clinical psychologist and narcissist expert that has been educating people on the signs of narcissistic behaviors to help victims of narcissists end the gaslighting, toxic cycles, and hopeless state of emotional abuse.
QUOTES:
“You can retain your empathy and compassion and you can also preserve yourself and your job on this Earth is not to rescue another capable adult. That responsibility lies on them,”
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WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
Amien, I was just warned in my spirit...!
Yes stay single an have a fukk buddy from time to time. Tbh ... relationships ain't shit
Just saw this. Dr Ramani is spot on. She helps you see your own abuse at the hands of a narc, society and you yourself. Find the courage to be honest about who you are, why you justify being with them. Equally see them for who they are. ONLY ACTIONS MATTER!
- You will never be able to satisfy them. It will never be enough.
- Understand yourself. What is it about you that you find yourself in these relationships. You are not happy. You want to be. Yet you keep swimming in the same pool with this poisonous contradiction.
Realize your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship. Now do the hard work. Get on your feet.
Say yes to yourself. Say no to reckless behaviors. Remove these malignant people from your life.
Always know :
- You are unique. You are precious. You are love. You are worthy. You are whole. You are everything.
Is this a segment of a longer video
Oh man I thought you wanted to help me invest in crypto JK
“Your job on this earth; is not to rescue another capable adult.” I cried for 20 minutes after I heard this. I NEEDED to hear this.
Most of the empaths feel like they are rescuer.
Me too ❤
I'm dead serious when I say that I felt the same way. The irony is that my real life job is in executive protection. I'm going through a divorce after 24yrs together. Not seeing my daughter everyday is going to be the hardest thing I've ever been through.
Me too
@@jonellhaney7162 My heart goes out to you, I hope things get better for you. They say all things are temporary, even the bad stuff.
Narcissists are boring once you realize what they’re up to
Oh my gosh, yes! Plus I realized he acted very robotic, too. It's strange to think of it now how I actually once thought this person was interesting & charming. 😅😅😅
True
So true! When I was in the Trauma bond, he seemed so powerful. After you realize you actually gave them the power.
@@natural_free_spiritDon't worry! They saw in you somthing they would like possess like your character and integrity. Even you " gave " them the power with emotional reaction, after you reduce it, they feel weak as you felt in relation with them. They have never had your character and integrity but you will continue more stronger and stable with power who will never control again. Actually, they never ger your power, they just saw it and lived in illusion that they control it. You are the human, they are not. If you leave them like never love them, it is the same that they have had never power over you. And your indiference is their lost.
They are as simple as a child of 7
They talk you in circles, offering nothing but empty promises and hope. Then, if you don't stay in the box/role/position they want you in, here comes their wrath. Easily offended, own zero responsibility or accountability. What a Rollercoaster!!
🎯 I left my chamber.
just described him perfectly. 💔❤️🩹
Literally it 🎯
Yesss described my ex perfectly. Best thing I ever did was run.
Perfectly described!! It took a while but I FINALLY had my final Epiphany & on the road to healing.
Being alone is a welcome relief from a bad relationship.
amen
Truth!
EXACTLY.
A series of bad relationships. Solitude is my best friend, it is so NOT a narc!
Alone. Do you understand what alone means?
I am alone. I don’t have family and friends.
That is alone.
The fear of being alone can really cause people to put up with some bad crap.
Yes exactly
Got out of my 5-year relationship with my toxic narcissistic ex very recently. I am in my own apartment now but I am trauma bonded. I am going through major withdrawals as if he was a drug. Being alone is killing me which is how I ended up here to watch this video. Coming home to an empty apartment with all the good memories coming back to me feels overwhelming but that is when I research narcissism and read comments. It is the reminder I need.
@@selenajet6525 might try to move to a different apartment if you can to minimize getting triggered by memories. Spend more time with family and friends. Play positive upbeat music. Quickly toss, donate, or box up stuff that causes triggered memories.
Exactly. I was convinced that I couldn't survive on my own? Financially, emotionally, etc.
Yes, and also easy targets for manipulators.
"We always gravitate to what's familiar even if it's traumatic "⭐️
That’s so good
My mom was a narsassist, and now I'm finding out that my fiancee is as well.
@@jennifervillegas4442 stay strong Jennifer. Hope you can get into therapy, it's so important to work on that wound. It helped me so much.
@@jennifervillegas4442run from him!
@@jennifervillegas4442Thank God they aren't your spouse already. I would drop that rotten potato and RUN.
So many people were never taught how to be treated. A truly powerful statement!
Kimhumiston2686: Yeah, that comment jumped out at me too! Just recently, I saw a video of an old husband and wife who got on a bus. She had Alzheimer’s and sat down and her husband sat down in the chair behind her. When they reached their next stop, wonderful, loving, husband got off the bus thinking she would follow. But since he was sitting behind her and exited from the rear of the bus, she didn’t know he got off! The bus drives away with her all alone and dear old hubby finds himself alone at the bus stop and becomes frantic! Eventually, she gets off the bus at an unknown location and just sits there. Hubby calls the police to find her. She has a picture of hubby and address on her phone and the police find her and bring her home to the “loving” husband. What got to me the most was the public’s comments about what a good husband he was! So devoted, true love, poor distraught hubby and even a hero! I absolutely went off on all of those simps for their misguided concept of true love and devotion! Because all he had to do was HOLD HER HAND and not leave her side! Help her off the bus! A loving spouse would do that for his wife in a normal situation but he knew she had Alzheimer’s! Would he treat her like that if she were blind? Would he treat a toddler like that? OMG! And all of these idiots commenting while being brainwashed by romantic background music thought he was displaying true love! GOD help us! “They were never taught how to be treated” nor to recognize the difference! Yes, I agree with you that it’s truly a powerful statement! The fact that you picked up on it is what led me to share this rather long example with you.
Exactly... that's why people like us stuck with narcissist for longer period of time than they actually should have been 😢😢....
Absolutely ✅️ right
Or…we could teach the narcissists to be better from the beginning. Nip the problem in the bud.
Trust me it's worse if you know you shouldn't take their abuse. If you stand up for yourself and try to defend yourself they say you're entitled and arrogant
"Your job on Earth is not to rescue another capable adult." 🎯
So true. I had to learn this. Emotional abuse is something else.
Boy, do I feel that 100%! You want them to be able to take care of themselves and come into a relationship strong.
Agreed and thank you for saying it. 🙏🙏👍
😮😮
Trying to fix somebody is a narcissistic trait in itself, because you are Trying to change somebody to be someone you want them to be for your own selfish interest....
It’s mind blowing how convoluted conversations can be with a narcissist. Going around in circles, never getting a straight answer and then always accusing and blaming you of stuff.
Yeah it’s awful
Yes, I literally told the offender this, you're always talking in circles! I told him do you see how I just sincerely answer questions and I'm straightforward, but you manipulate and deliberately talk in circles. It's not normal I don't have conversations with people that do this, only a Narc does it lol. Run for the hills and never look back! 🌅😊
Circular conversations just like a cop.
I hate that behavior
Our narc SIL, when his advisor suggested they they work on a paper together, complained about how his brain was being picked by his adviser, that he was being taken advantage of, that he didn't understand that he had lots of responsibilities as a new born's father (I came from out of state for 18 months to help my daughter with the baby). When i asked if he told his advisor that I was here to help, he brushed it off as me "missing the point"! When his advisor offered to help with daycare expenses (believing that he was the caregiver) he goes into a tirade of 'how dare he pity me', then turns everything around to seem like an insult to my daughter (a doctor who makes twice the advisor's salary). So he takes the exit ramp from any proposed collaboration because he knew that working closely with anyone would expose his posturing. But he weaves this entire fabrication to make himself look good and everyone else inconsiderate and that's why he won't work on the paper! Talk about convoluted and major lazy!
They will lovebomb you to begin with. Nice gifts. Nice dates. Charming. Funny. Affectionate. Compliments. They will tell you that they have strong feelings early on. All of this is fake!! Done to lure you in. They cant love anything or anyone (appart from themselves). I felt there was something off at the start. My gut was screaming at me to leave but i didnt listen. You will see the red flags. But choose to ignore them. When everything goes there way everything is good. But if they’ve had a stressful day at work or something happens to p*** them off they will be moody and misserable. They will play hot and cold. One day they are lovely other days they are cold and distant so you never know where you stand with them. Leaving you feeling confused, hurt and not good enough. Dont ever pull them up on their bad behaviour. If you do they will end the “relationship”. They manipulate and gaslight you into taking their bad behaviour and disrespect. How dare you stand up for yourself! You should bow down to them and be a door mat because they are the best thing since sliced bread and you should be greatful that they chose you! They will blame everything that goes wrong in the relationship on you. They are never to blame. They will never appologize. They will manipulate you into thinking its your fault and you will end up appologizing for your reaction to their bad behaviour. Everything will always be on their terms! You will do whatever they want to do when they want to do it. If its not something they enjoy doing they will not do it. And on the off chance that they will they will be misserable the whole time. They will see you when it suits them. They will never plan things in advance or make future plans. They will never fully commit. If your going through a hard time in life they will never be there to support you. They will avoid everything that involves emotional connection. Dont ever cry in front of them because they will think that your crazy for having feelings. They cant even give to a hug if you were to cry in front of them, they will just look at you blankly. They have no empathy what so ever. They are very selfish and only care about their own needs. Your needs mean nothing to them. They are dead on the inside. No feelings. No emotions. Just an empty soul. They are addicts. They drink too much. They gamble too much. They are stuck in their ways. They will never change. They will lie. They will cheat (mine had been a serial cheater in past relationships and i though that he wouldnt be the same with me. I have no proof that he cheated but from his past its very likely). They will use you. All of this will have a negative effect on your mental health. You will loose so much of yourself with a narcissist. They will drain the life out of you. Save yourself. Love yourself. Leave these toxic human beings. Moreover, I could've gotten hurt from the impact of been cheated on. I'm glad that i got to know ASAP, through Barryinvestigation@gmail. com and I appreciate the content you put out for us .
So true
It's very frustrating people like this exist 😒
Wowwwwwwwwwww😢, this explains them completely. Who are you? A therapist or something?????
Now I understand why you could describe them so well
If that's a parent 😢
Narcissist will never admit they are wrong
Is that why you can never argue with a woman? Last I checked, trying to correct a woman usually doesn't go over in anyone's favor. Whether you are right or wrong, guys have to admit defeat for a woman to get over it.......
That's my mom.
Actually, sometimes they will admit it, but if they do, they just do it again, only harder and meaner!
@@blugularis They probably aren't admitting it to themselves, or they are psychopaths who enjoy hurting people. I'll fight back against either one. I no longer going to be a doormat to anyone.
NEVER!!!
Dr Ramani has single-handedly saved me from my narc abusive marriage. Since leaving him a year ago. I’m mentally better, physically better and financially better. I had those fears but thank God and Dr Ramani for giving me strength and the assurance I needed to leave.
Dr. Ramani and Dr. Carter (channel "Surviving Narcissism") saved me also.
I’m also mentally better because I understood what was happening to me.
Thank you both!
Yes THANK U DR. RAMANI. YOU ARE HELPING MANY GET OUT GET SAFE.
Between her and Angie Adkinson (RIP) at queen beeing...
They BOTH have been the most VALUABLE sources for my validations.
This makes me so happy to hear! I am so glad people are being saved from a plethora of bad advice from well meaning but ignorant friends/family, that if heeded may cause the person to stay in an unhealthy abusive relationship.
I hooe I gave your strength 💪🏼
1.Hope 2.Fear 3.Pity 4.Guilt 5.Comfort
I lived through all of them with a narcissist. 13 years
Thanks for summary
Hope finally just gave out here after 20. 😵💫
Thanks for taking notes ✍
#6 foolishness
I remember when I was divorcing a narcissist and a family friend said to me "better the devil you know, than the devil you don't". HELL NO.
Well, that statement still stands true! if I knew they were both devils, I would have gone with the devil I know.
We are better alone than being with devil at first place
I am sorry for what each viewer went through in dealing with a toxic person(s). Sadly, what you experienced is very common as there're many more toxic/unhealthy people than there're healthy ones. And it doesn't matter the race, religion, age, profession, or financial background of the person. Sometimes, they're relatives, friends, religious leaders, etc. Regardless of who it is, always remember that you are WORTHY of love, respect, you are enough, & you have a Heavenly Father, Jesus, who will never leave you or betray you!❤🙏
It is important that you pray when you have dreams & visions & intuition that are not for your good (or the good of others). They can be demonic attacks from Satan to harm you or a loved. Praying in your dream is a way for God to protect you as well. Even as we're sleeping (for Christians), God puts a hedge of protection over us! Regardless, ALWAYS TRUST your gut/intuition. It is the voice of God leading you to safety.
Psalm 91 is one of the best & most powerful scriptures to read & memorize. It talks about, "God covering us with His feathers & protecting us from harm. So even if 10,000 fall on our right side, they will not come near us." Read the Bible as it is God's word & He will lead you to scriptures that will give you wisdom about dealing with everything in life.
If you are not a Christian, I pray that you'll get to know Jesus. He ALONE can bring you SALVATION, forgiveness of your sins, & protection from ALL harm. Jesus loves you & died on the cross, so that you & I would have eternal life with him.
Ephesians 6:10-18 also talks about us not wrestling with flesh and blood, but principalities, rulers, & powers of this dark world (demonic things/people), so put on the full armor of God. Stay close to Jesus, everyone, He ALONE is your REFUGE! He will also give us the wisdom/discernment whether through praying, reading the Bible, educational books/videos like this, & other healthy resources. They will will help us to protect ourselves, maintain healthy relationships, faith, hope, peace, & goodness! In Christ, from the U.S.A.❤🙏
🙌🏻 Ones you put narcissist out of your life, you have to be alone for a while to finding who you are again ❤️🌸
That's the scary part, but it's very necessary
I totally agree! I was so out of sync with "ME"!
How long should you be on your own b4 seeing someone else 🤔
I ask this question due to me being unsure weather this new person is allegedly (narcissistic)🤔
'Tries planning my every weekend ", interference with my children, says different things about ex, goes round and messages 🤔
I'm not jealous one bit but it's strange and the behaviour seems to be controlling 🤔
I’ve been alone 3 1/2 years and I’m still not ready. I was Married 28 years to a yelling critical jealous mean person. It did a lot of damage.
@@mdavis432also alone for almost 4 years after being with my abusive narc for 8. I get better EVERY DAY 🥰
The way she described how everything and everyone is against us when we try to leave made me realize just how badass we are for having been able to leave (and for those still trying… you can do it, it’s never too late, and you’re worth it. You deserve peace)
pls help me. i just left last week.. i know he is going to contact me again.. how can i refuse 😢
@@mrsandman2694 Write a list of all the mean things he said or did to you that are facts you can’t argue with. Keep reading this list and reminding yourself that you love the person he pretends to be… he’s been fake with you. Each time your mind goes to, “maybe he’s not a narcissist, maybe he didn’t meant it that way, etc,” go back to your list and remind yourself of the facts. A man who TRULY loves you from his heart would not let his girl have to guess if he loves her or not. He would not want her to suffer. He would move fken mountains for her.
When they contact you it’s a power move. They LOVE knowing that it messes with your mind. Don’t let him manipulate you like that. You have the strength in you to tell him “enough.”
You will suffer a while, usually months, but not because he’s such an amazing person. It’s because you’re trauma bonded to him and your body is used to the dopamine that came from the ups and downs he made you feel. Fight through it like you would fight through any addiction. Start your list now. Have it front and center. Best of luck to you. The sooner you go FULL no contact, the sooner you heal and start feeling better.
I am forever grateful to you, for who you are. At the beginning i thought i was sctinh paranoid/crazy over nithing, but I'm so glad that I was able to prove to him that am not as dumb as he is. I got access to his phone/video calls and gallery. “Hackhellminz" thank you very much for keeping the non-disclosure and guiding me in the most proffional.
I left today and this video just validates how I felt. It really sucks knowing it can't work but i needed to hear this and the kind comments like this one.
@@LeftInLyokoit does suck… really bad!! I’m 7 months out after leaving and I finally feel healed. I thought I was healed here n there after I left, but it creeps up at you when you least expect it. Stay strong! No contact is the way to go!
"We really do gravitate towards what's familiar even when it's traumatic" ~ WOW, felt that 💯✨
Totally!!!
So true !
This not only applies to romantic relationships. This perfectly describes my relationship to my mom.
You got that right! I feel the same. My mother only likes me when I'm doing something for her.
Get rid of her, or move far away from your mother. I moved to another country.
go find some ejse
I feel you. My mother can put hammer holes in my bedroom door and STILL turn around and play the victim
Dad. His girlfriend made the excuse, last week, on a special day for me, "that's the way he has always been, will be, and won't change" Pathetic. His flying monkey/enabler. She can have him; I'm tired of his way or the highway, hers, too. (her excuse for him).I want off the turnpike at the next exit! (From their nonsense!)
Experienced all 5. No contact. No looking back. No toxicity allowed
I just left the narcissistic ex friend and I am blown away on how accurate this information is.
Good for you! Taking the bold step to go no-contact is huge (I experienced the same, un-friended a covert narcissistic ex-friend after 7 years of mental and emotional torture). We are proud of you. May I ask how you are currently doing since leaving your narcissistic ex-friend?
And yes, the information in this video is amazingly accurate.
It s better in 2023 to stay single
Yes .. but it’s human nature to want love. Took 10 years for me to get out of my toxic relationship it was hard but the mental abuse became to much for me
@My Imperfect Diary yes...my yearning for love and having a companion is strong
I agree! Happy to be free!😊
So many narcissists and people not willing to commit .
Seems like it hey
"You can retain your empathy and compassion, and you can also preserve yourself, and your job on this Earth is not to rescue another capable adult. That responsibility lies on them." Dr Ramani 🎤 drop
the 5 things that trap a person in a narcissistic relationship:
1. hope
2. fear
3. guilt
4. pity
5. comfort
yes
Nothing of these! Only need for closure they don't want to enable. Nothing more!
Yeah they never give closure but even if you give up getting any closure and move on still they are going to trap using those 5 things.
So I think it helps.
Omg thank you!! I get so tired of people saying it takes 2 to make a relationship fail, no it only takes one person to ruin it, it takes 2 to make it work!!
Exactly! If one just can't do it, then neither can, and there's nothing the other can do about it.
AMEN
Yah this whole”it takes 2 to tango thing” sucks
Wow, I couldn’t agree more. My narcissistic ex kept saying it’s a two-way street we need effort on both sides. With a little effort he did which ultimately broke us was ironic.
@@Liz-in8lu same same same
It’s kind of contradictory to say that a narcissist ex admitted that to gaslighting. One of the behavior patterns of a narcissist is that they won’t admit fault on their own, and that they use gaslighting to convince you that they were never at fault. I can tell you what behavior of my narcissist ex led me to believe that I was being gaslighted though. Gaslighting is a real insidious way of manipulation- to make you believe that there is something wrong with you, that the actions/words of your narcissist weren’t really what they seemed to be. It makes you question your judgement, leading to you ignoring your instincts and senses. I swallowed all of her gaslighting for years, mostly because I wanted the relationship to work- like most people who have been the partner of a narcissist. I started realizing that something was wrong 6 months before I was discarded. It was actually this revelation that I had that led to the discard- once I started seeing through the illusion that she presented, I started to see all of her actions for what they really were, and I started to question her on everything and stood my ground on issues that I previously gave in on. We had gotten into a really bad argument. Tensions between us had been building for a few months. We had to move from our rental and find a new place to live within 2 months, in a town that was going through a surge in prices for rental properties. It was difficult finding a place to live that was within our budget, and still live in the town that had come to be our community. Between that and all of the normal logistics in moving cause a lot of minor arguments and stress between us- more than what was normal with her narcissistic and selfish behavior. We found a place, moved in and was in the process of bringing the final things over from the old place to the new place and cleaning the old place when we had gotten into an argument about something minor. All of the pent up tensions and resentment came out. During the argument, she was dismissive to me and told me that everything was my fault and if I didn’t like it then I could pack my shit and leave. I was so frustrated that I knocked her external computer monitor down (so she would face me and not continue to argue with her back turned to me). She got up and in my face and told me that I probably wanted to hit her. I said that I didn’t, I just wanted to discuss the issues. She said that if I wasn’t man enough to hit her she would give herself a black eye and call the police on me. I turned and left the room, because I knew the argument was escalating to a place that I didn’t;t want it to go. As I turned to leave the room, she jumped on me and started punching me. I told her if she was going to hit me, I would call the police. She started punching me again, so I left the room, went to the master bathroom and called the police. They came, interviewed both of us and arrested her for spousal battery. Afterwards she only blamed me for the incident and never, never acknowledged that she hit me. A week or so later, she asked me to write a letter to the DA requesting that the charges be dropped. I said that I would write a letter but that she would have to acknowledge her actions and to apologize to me first. She said that she was sorry that I felt that way. I told her that I wouldn’t write anything to the DA, and she stormed off, giving me the silent treatment for a couple of days. I knew what happened, and have a very clear recollection of the events. I’ve been punched before with closed fists, and I know what it feels like- and it doesn’t feel like a “shove”, what she insisted was what she did (her story was that she shoved me only after I shoved her, which was nonsense). I got a copy of the police report, and one of several reasons that they arrested her is because they found her knuckles red and swollen. I tried to move through this, but she kept trying to change the narrative of what happened when I was very clear on what happened. I felt crazy, but knew that I wasn’t. This led me to question everything else that she told me. Once I started realizing that most things she told me (when it came to disagreements or things that I had an issue with) were lies, and I believed the illusion that she created to trick me. That’s what the narcissist does- they present an illusion to you. Just like looking at an optical illusion, once you see that it is a trick of the eyes, you can’t look at it again without seeing the trick. Once I started seeing through her illusions, the house of cards that she built started to fall down and I slowly started to realize the type of person that she was, even though I didn’t want to believe it. I started enforcing my boundaries and that drove her crazy and caused more fights and gaslighting, which is what I believe led to her finally discarding me 6 months after her arrest. She never admitted to gaslighting me though. Even after confronting her with things from years previous that I realized she changed to make me the one at fault, she stays with her story. Even with indisputable proof, she stays with her version of events and says everyone else is wrong. Don’t expect any type of satisfaction or closure from a narcissist, because you won’t get any. You have to believe your judgment and instinct, and not tie your self-worth and self-esteem to anything that they say to you. Additionally, If you ever suspect your partner is cheating on you give it a try and remotely access their phone. I had to follow my instincts and get in touch with this private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com who gave me unrestricted access my partner device.
Narcissistic infidelity differs from "normal cheating", because a narcissist feels no shame or remorse for what they've committed! In fact, they convince themselves it's your fault, and actually lead the new partner to believe they're a victim of you. A narcissist will talk about marriage and having kids with you, while sleeping with another person. They'll give you the silent treatment and punish you, trying to make you feel bad for their own bad behavior. Survivors often wonder "why wasn't I good enough?" or "why is the new partner better than me?" because the narcissist will shamelessly wave this person in your face and parade the new target around on social media. Every second you spend comparing yourself to this person will erode your self-worth and fill you with feelings of inadequacy and rejection. How did they replace you so quickly, immediately making all the same promises to another person? The answer is simple: Cluster-B disorders all stem from the inability to attach. They never attached to you, which is why they try to intensely manufacture all the normal feelings of love and bonding, and it's also why they are able to detach and do the same thing to someone else in one day. Because they never successfully attached to you, despite all of their sweeping words. Sociopaths and narcissists are incapable of attaching to other human beings, so they hone all of these other skills like seduction, flattery, mirroring-all in an attempt to mimic what they see other people doing: loving each other. The problem is, they see "love" as receiving constant attention and adoration. This is what they give to you, and this is what they want to receive in return. The NY Times describes it this way. "Narcissistic alexithymia: The inability to understand or describe the emotions in the self. Unable to know themselves, sufferers are unable to understand, relate or attach to others. To prove their own existence, they hunger for endless attention from outside." Narcissistic "supply" is really just a distraction from this condition. When you fail to relieve this (because no external factor can), you are punished and replaced. No matter how caring and kind you were, they still don't feel good, and their disorder convinces them that a new partner will be the magical fix to everything. This is when you get "split" as the crazy bad person so they can justify their sudden change of heart. Even though they blame you, I hope you can see that this process has literally nothing to do with you. You can follow their new relationship, hope it fails, analyze yourself, analyze them, try to be more perfect, prove yourself, figure out whose fault it was, etc. All you're doing is hurting yourself. Turn your focus from external to internal. What do you feel? Inadequacy? Shame? Rejection? Betrayal? These are your feelings, and those are what matter. You need to work with these feelings, understand them, and learn to offer yourself the comfort and love needed to heal them. Otherwise you're just left with an unresolved mess of pain from an impossible situation, and a frightened heart that believes it's at fault. Left untended, it'll eventually just fade into a numb obscurity. Work with this pain, understand it, talk with it, communicate with your body. This is the most important thing you can do. Every time you're tempted to check on them, ask yourself what you're feeling. A void? Emptiness? Loneliness? Resentment? Numbness? These issues cannot be resolved through searching externally. Yes, they were created by an external factor, but it's your wound now, whether you want it or not. You are the only person who can decide to nurture these wounds and build a loving relationship with your emotions. Additionally, You can remotely spy on your narc partner without leaving any evidence or traces and you’ll be getting their text from their phone to your phone. This can only be accomplished by hiring a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com who can help you hack into their device and uncover whatever they are hiding from you.
Im so glad she mentioned the societal pressures & shame because the narcissists I’ve left behind are in my family & I always get pushback bc you’re supposed to love your family, but imo allowing yourself to be abused is not showing love to someone
💯💥✊👍
The confusion you experience while with a covert narcissist is indescribable. I've had boyfriends that were abusive but it's just so different. CN are so convincing that not only will the things they do break your heart but it completely throws u off because it's something u can't even picture them doing. If that makes sense. They make u believe they are a certain kind of person not capable of doing the things that your ex's did or what would hurt u most. That's what's so confusing then they blame u somehow because it's always your fault. I have been with a covert narcissist for 10yrs. No matter how many times I have been through the cycle or seen him rage I still can't picture it when he is love bombing me. Its the craziest thing. I guess everyone is different but for me the constant state of confusion is the absolute worst and most abusive part. But there are plenty other ways they abuse their partners… Withholding and silent treatment. You feel like your going to explode inside. Mine does this so I freak out and then he can blame me for the argument. Physically abusive. When a CN feels trapped they will do anything they can to regain that power and control. Or take something from you what u won't give them. Sexually abusive. Blaming u for watching porn, sex shaming u, withholding sex, having sex with u while your asleep. Blaming you for everything. Blaming you for having to blame you! Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Sorry, I tuned out after all the "U's" started popping up. Thank you for sharing your story, but please learn some vocabulary and spelling.
@@paulferguson3888it’s a comment on a TH-cam video, not a proper essay. Someone shared their experience with an abuser and all you’re focused on is their vocabulary and spelling? Get over yourself.
@@ashleywetzel5006it's a fake story. Check all their comments, they are spam advertisements for that spy service they're peddling
I got trapped like that for 2 years when I was 18-20. Too young to know what this was, and too damn naive to understand anyone could actually be like this. Made me an easy target.
On top of that I'd just been through some unpleasant events a few months earlier, and a girlfriend that had just broken up with me long distance while I was at college & trying to make that work. And that was layered over years of getting bullied at school... probably for being different with ADHD.
And although I do think it stemmed from wanting the best for me & not from narcissism on my Mom's end... just a legacy of generational family dynamics that left her with some insecurities, being vulnerable to the narcissist also probably had a bit to do with being forced into a dysfunctional "golden child" role as a kid & being left with a terrible case of imposter syndrome because of it. It was starting to breed arrogance in me before I left high school, but mostly I was self-aware enough to know something was wrong with it, and I felt bad for everyone else not getting the same treatment, felt like I shouldn't be, and entitlement to it always felt off & wrong. So thankfully I didn't become a narcissist myself.
But all of that does a number on you.
That relationship started and felt like magic with her, maybe things were finally going to be what I'd hoped for. But it didn't last. Then she preyed on my nature to be understanding, kind, & forgiving. I had no idea what I was sliding into, and then eventually it was too late & absolute mess. Toxic cycles of abuse, discard, hoovering... classic when you finally learn their patterns.
But it was the same thing... provoke you until you explode so they can blame you. There wasn't physical abuse, she was too small & I was too athletic, but she wielded sex like nothing but a weapon for manipulation, power, & control.
You hope they just finally turn around and get better. Or maybe they'll realize and apologize and things will be ok if you love them enough they'll sort it out, you can "see" they can during the love bombing... so it's just enough to keep you hooked.
It finally ended on my 20th birthday. I'd had plans with friends, she guilted me into canceling them because she was the one who was supposed to do something special for me, told me it was a surprise, failed to show up for it, and then dumped me by proxy by having her roommate tell me when I called to see if she was ok or if she had seen her because I was worried something had happened to her.
It was the last time I fell for it, despite her trying to lure me back again after. But looking back... I can see there were signs of it in her Mother & Grandmother too, and her Dad seemed like he was probably a broken man because of it.
Bullet not entirely dodged, but at least it only scarred and didn't kill me.
But it sure messes you up, even after.
I had years of attachment issues, became almost a block of ice emotionally, and finally had to go to therapy & start dealing with it rather than drinking myself to death.
But it really takes understanding their underlying nature finally to see what's rotten on the inside just can't be wallpapered over, it's always going to seep through and expose you to putrid behavior. And that it's *never* going to change.
These people have traded their soul for Narcissism and are now dead inside..And what they hate about you is that you have a healthy soul and they are very jealous of that and they very much WANT IT! And are trying to steal yours. This is why they get angry when you fight them on their Narcissism because THEY WANT A SOUL! Every Time they get supply from you they take a piece of your soul and it feels soooooo good to them They want to take your soul and give you theirs..A soul exchange,. their dead soul for your healthy soul. Every time they get supply from you, there is an exchange, they feel good and you feel bad. This is why after a while you start feeling dead inside yourself.. This is why victims says they are evil. because they feel this..
Very true. it can feel like that.
Totally agree .....I'm going to remember these words as i try to step away
He's taking my soul for sure !!!
So well explained, this is exactly what happened to me. I am a big empath and draw narcs very easily.
I'm going through this now. I feel empty and struggling to gain the love for things I once had. I hope I can grow and be happy because I let that relationship go and need to restore my self esteem and confidence.
I took in a homeless 28 yr old girl who was abusive and had narcissist traits. Strangely when I was in her presence , I literally felt the energy draining from my body & soul and ready to go to sleep being so drained , sleepier & sleepier then when she walked back into her flat attached to my house , I suddenly got my energy back. It was so weird as not always was she saying negative things but my soul couldn't handle her
That's why you have to really discern who you allow into your personal space. Lesson learned 🤦♀️ I was married to one for a lot of years...I learned my lesson.
they are called " energy vampires" for this exact reason.
Yes. Took in a woman with cancer for 3 months. It was a nightmare.
The ex had this same energy draining presence.
Probably a good sign that you've learned to recognize it so soon, even with few words--an invaluable skill. That's very useful! I wish I could do that.
I’m all good at 60 being single for the rest of my life. My “Spouse” is Jesus Christ and he is the ONLY person I trust in this world. ❤
Amen to that, God bless you. What a beautiful thing to say
The “I’m aware there’s an issue but you’re not important enough for me to address that right now” very eye opening.
That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your videos are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *brian hacks online*
I really appreciate *brian hacks online* I could not believe I could have the access into my partner phone successfully........
I sincerely appreciate your prompt response in resolving this unexpected issue about spying partner *brian hacks online* . Your willingness to take risks and make quick decisions helped me in getting access to his account. I’m grateful to have such a talented and perceptive person.
This man is so amazing *Johnsonspy* remotely hack into my wife's phone and give me the full access to my her phone and all deleted text messages call logs perfectly is just like a magician to me 😍
@arthurandrea4960Well obviously YOU DID already know, or you wouldnt spy, in the first place. I dont believe in spying. Once you know that the other doesnt respect your value, you dont need to find things to add on more pain. That just doesnt make sense to me. The greatest pain is knowing you will never be number 1 with them. That's enough, isnt it? 😢
@@kimberleyjane2338 It's a bot you are talking to, it's a scam comment followed by other bots posting something related to that mf
"We gravitate to what's familiar even if it's traumatic."
NEVER confuse comfortable with familiar. A daily kick to the head can also get familiar, but it'll never be comfortable.
I gave up on my dad(narc) the day before Easter, he made it clear he couldn't be bothered. So what if he went to church, hypocrite! He spent the day with his enabler/flying monkey girlfriend and her sister(never met her, no comment). He is so pathetic, she's no help! They deserve each other! I am no-contact with him for my own well-being. I am feeling free from his narcissism! In his words, when I complained decades ago, he said "Tough shit", the bastard!
OMG I did this for 39 years. He finally passed away and I got therapy and learned what it was. I never knew, because I was told I had no idea about a marriage because my dad died when I was five and my mom raised me alone. So happy I’m free.
Evening #3 of being away. Yesterday was miserable. talked myself out of going back 1000s of times. I was a mental emotional mess. Today was way better. This video helped tremendously. Thank You, is the best I can say. Thanks for everything.
I hope you're well ❤
Hey, don’t go back! Keep away, this is your chance…. There is a reason why you have this break……They have completely nothing to offer you , just trauma…. DONT GO BACK!
Keep away! Stay strooooong! U deserv better, we all do!
You should be proud of yourself for taking this step! It’s not going to be linear, there will be many more times when you feel like going back. You will feel good one day and awful the next. It’s all part of moving on. You can do it - remember that you’re better off this way. You have to take care of your mental and physical health first, before anyone else’s. The world will open up for you and you will have so many opportunities to experience the best parts of life. Stay on the path, you’ll get to your preferred destination.
Two weeks! Thanks for all the encouragement, it’s greatly appreciated.
I’m currently “dating” a psych major who constantly calls me a narcissist and has even said that I have the disorder while simultaneously displaying narcissistic traits themselves and every time that I stand my ground as well let them know that I see exactly what is happening in that moment they immediately attempt to change the subject to something light and fluffy. It’s the weirdest encounter that I have ever experienced. So happy that I severed ties because if this is dating I never want to imagine what being in an actual relationship with them is like
A bachelors in psychology does not give anyone the ability to diagnose anyone else. Actually, the U of U, graduates like five thousand a year with bachelors in psych and sociology. That and three bucks will get you a cup of coffee. If he? points the finger, three back at him, if he's a narcissist everthing that he says is the oppposite of the truth, "you're a narcissist" "I'm a narcissist" "are you cheating on me?" "I'm cheating on you..." and so on. Question young lady, if he says that to you, that's an insult, and that's abuse, if you are, then he's sick to date you, if not, more likely he is, and either way, cut bait and run!
Narcs always accuse others of what they do. Predictable.
Ugh anyone who touched psych in their "studies" can be the most judgemental and arrogant in their observations. Tiring encounters. Thank goodness you peeped the flags and set sail.
I dated someone who was a psychotherapist who was very manipulative
I am sorry for what each viewer went through in dealing with a toxic person(s). Sadly, what you experienced is very common as there're many more toxic/unhealthy people than there're healthy ones. And it doesn't matter the race, religion, age, profession, or financial background of the person. Sometimes, they're relatives, friends, religious leaders, etc. Regardless of who it is, always remember that you are WORTHY of love, respect, you are enough, & you have a Heavenly Father, Jesus, who will never leave you or betray you!❤🙏
It is important that you pray when you have dreams & visions & intuition that are not for your good (or the good of others). They can be demonic attacks from Satan to harm you or a loved. Praying in your dream is a way for God to protect you as well. Even as we're sleeping (for Christians), God puts a hedge of protection over us! Regardless, ALWAYS TRUST your gut/intuition. It is the voice of God leading you to safety.
Psalm 91 is one of the best & most powerful scriptures to read & memorize. It talks about, "God covering us with His feathers & protecting us from harm. So even if 10,000 fall on our right side, they will not come near us." Read the Bible as it is God's word & He will lead you to scriptures that will give you wisdom about dealing with everything in life.
If you are not a Christian, I pray that you'll get to know Jesus. He ALONE can bring you SALVATION, forgiveness of your sins, & protection from ALL harm. Jesus loves you & died on the cross, so that you & I would have eternal life with him.
Ephesians 6:10-18 also talks about us not wrestling with flesh and blood, but principalities, rulers, & powers of this dark world (demonic things/people), so put on the full armor of God. Stay close to Jesus, everyone, He ALONE is your REFUGE! He will also give us the wisdom/discernment whether through praying, reading the Bible, educational books/videos like this, & other healthy resources. They will will help us to protect ourselves, maintain healthy relationships, faith, hope, peace, & goodness! In Christ, from the U.S.A.❤🙏
My wife is a horrible narcissist, who's been physically, and emotionally manipulating and abusing me for years. I've finally figured out what she's doing and I feel like a veil has been lifted. I'm filing for divorce and I'm terrified she's going to take everything.
Go for it.
Your money will come back to you via other means.
Film her to prove you’ve been abused
@@jenniferrizk9554 I have nearly 20 solid hours of voice recordings.
Document everything, voice and video recordings, etc. the more evidence the better to back up what you suffer through. She will play dirty, expect that.. that being said, don’t be afraid, you aren’t alone and she being what she is will sink her own ship by herself. Truth always prevails.
I'm currently in the same situation. 21 years I put up with it. The divorce will be through just before Christmas and it's a huge relief.
What about when they fake respect, kindness etc., and then you wake up and ask where did that person go?!
When you notice the change, ask the narc to explain the behavior. Listen closely to the response. Typically, she or he will take no responsibility and will focus on you.
One thing i learned is pay attention to what your body says and how you feel. It has a lot of information that may save you down the line. Just trust that intuition, it has something to tell you.
It is so sad that we make excuses for their bad behavior.
"atleast he doesnt hit you." is what ive been told
I told myself that..
It's best to communicate with your partner openly and honestly and if they don't respond well to it then move on. Don't assume they're a nutter or something, try to address issues and if they won't address them with you healthily then yeh, then get out of there.
Yes true
Listened to Dr. Ramani 4 years ago to a podcast that hit a nerve so hard I knew it was time to leave. Left my ex narcissist and found my true love myself and my husband. Thank you!
Bravo to you lady !!!
I'm REALLY so happy for you. I found another narcissist. 65 now and D.O.N.E.
I’m so sorry… I hear you about being done!
GOD bless… I pray I find that!
"Invalidating Mother". My eyes opened to MY invalidating mother at age 63. I just turned 64. I sought validation from any source, usually unhealthy ones. Today, I choose healthier options more and more. Options based upon healthy pathways, thanks to critical information like this. Thanks a million, one like, and one subscribe.
Sending you love ❤ I’m glad you’re here 😊
I am forever grateful to you, for who you are. At the beginning i thought i was sctinh paranoid/crazy over nithing, but I'm so glad that I was able to prove to him that am not as dumb as he is. I got access to his phone/video calls and gallery. “Hackhellminz" thank you very much for keeping the non-disclosure and guiding me in the most proffional.
I am sorry for what each viewer went through in dealing with a toxic person(s). Sadly, what you experienced is very common as there're many more toxic/unhealthy people than there're healthy ones. And it doesn't matter the race, religion, age, profession, or financial background of the person. Sometimes, they're relatives, friends, religious leaders, etc. Regardless of who it is, always remember that you are WORTHY of love, respect, you are enough, & you have a Heavenly Father, Jesus, who will never leave you or betray you!❤🙏
It is important that you pray when you have dreams & visions & intuition that are not for your good (or the good of others). They can be demonic attacks from Satan to harm you or a loved. Praying in your dream is a way for God to protect you as well. Even as we're sleeping (for Christians), God puts a hedge of protection over us! Regardless, ALWAYS TRUST your gut/intuition. It is the voice of God leading you to safety.
Psalm 91 is one of the best & most powerful scriptures to read & memorize. It talks about, "God covering us with His feathers & protecting us from harm. So even if 10,000 fall on our right side, they will not come near us." Read the Bible as it is God's word & He will lead you to scriptures that will give you wisdom about dealing with everything in life.
If you are not a Christian, I pray that you'll get to know Jesus. He ALONE can bring you SALVATION, forgiveness of your sins, & protection from ALL harm. Jesus loves you & died on the cross, so that you & I would have eternal life with him.
Ephesians 6:10-18 also talks about us not wrestling with flesh and blood, but principalities, rulers, & powers of this dark world (demonic things/people), so put on the full armor of God. Stay close to Jesus, everyone, He ALONE is your REFUGE! He will also give us the wisdom/discernment whether through praying, reading the Bible, educational books/videos like this, & other healthy resources. They will will help us to protect ourselves, maintain healthy relationships, faith, hope, peace, & goodness! In Christ, from the U.S.A.❤🙏
being alone is amazing, freedom is awesome
5:19 is so true, why did I have to laugh … I’m going through exact that feeling of my ‘heart’ wanting him back but my ‘mind’ is doing it’s best to keep him away. Gosh.
Same here. It's tough
Be nice to yourself and please don't do that. It is mostly your 'heart' warning you and your mind wanting back. The heart is intuitive and the brain follows addictions.
@@sigmaxcc the heart is deceptive above all else thus saith the Lord
Hope
Fear
Guilt
Pity
Comfort
Yes. Thank you for mentioning the holidays and the enablers. I have had to call the church out on this. They used to define “forgiveness” as taking responsibility for the situation and offering reconciliation. But I think many of us Christians are personally beginning to realize that forgiveness is actually supposed to be the opposite. It’s supposed to allow you to cut ties, move on, and allow If God to handle the situation. God will hold them accountable in the end. It’s not your job. That’s why God says, “vengeance is mine.” You know that you have forgiven someone if you stop wanting revenge. You and the other person can both go your separate ways without wanting to bring them any harm. That’s a good thing. You don’t have to give them more and more second chances to be in your life. Some people just aren’t meant to be. The church needs to stop putting that kind of responsibility on you. So do therapists.
Exactly.
Well explained
Oh wow I really needed to hear that explanation of forgiveness ❤
this is an awesome description of what forgiveness is! hate how it has been used as a weapon!!
Hear, hear. It's interesting when you tell a narcissist that you do or have already forgiven them. It will irritate many of them, especially for some to claim that they "don't need your forgiveness" when it's quite obvious that they're not interested in what is in fact a loving action because they can't do anything with it to manipulate you. Furthermore it will become a source of hurt to them since your action is releasing the negativity and bitterness/resentment which will only improve your state of mind, and not theirs, which of course is effectively a narc injury.
It's crazy when they leave you, and you start moving on, and it triggers them, and they blame you. I'm going through that right now. I'm moving quicker than he wants me to, and he now wants to say I never loved him 😂😂. Once you see the person for who they are its such a turn-off that it makes you never want to live there again.
I can relate: that's literally my mother's behaviour 😅 So sorry you're going through this.
It was the narcissist who had the nerves to tell me... you teach someone how to treat you....instead of him saying sorry for his behavior. His statement blew my mind. Didn't know he was a narcissist then
Right, it's people that would treat you right even if you think low of yourself. Just because someone thinks low of themselves doesn't make it right that you should treat them horrible and make it worst. It's bullshit. Especially the phrase " Can't get respect if you don't respect yourself." Or if you don't love yourself how is someone supposed to love you " like what? Thankful we have people that'll love us and uplift us at our worst."
They will also repeat things that seem clever to seem more superior or wise when it’s just game.
My boss always tells me like that
Mine told me the same, I almost told him, it was his fault to treat me poorly, but I was tired of those conversations & I was dropping him off for the last time.
OMG! I'm in disbelieve mine told me the same and he was vulnerable narsc and always used to tell me that after so many hardship finally God blessed me with you and after 6 months the abuse started when I first saw his temper and his eyes that were empty and cold. After that I wanted to stay away from him but guess what he used to blackmail me for another 4 years I did everything in my power to not get sucked in to this drama even tho it did take a toll on my health but i was standing on my ground and at the end he said the more I tortured you the more you took it and it's your fault that happened to you. All he wanted was to marry me and that's why he started blackmailing me.
Yes I had to even step away from the enabler...they started getting disrespectful about me establishing and maintaining my boundaries from the narc after taking him back so many times previously after abusive incidents and assaults. I will never go back again
"they're always down. There's never going to be a 'right time'..."
TRUTH!!!
Went back to my Narcissist. I have had to relearn everything because all she did for a month was yell and scream at me and blame and do everything she could to get her fix. The first few days of no contact were awful.
She said once I move back she wants to know where I live. I’m not going to give her that information.
By the way, my narcissist is my mom for clarification!
I love the text "Are you alive?" after 7 days of no contact. Way to try to reel back in.
Send it straight to your junk folder. Then delete it. Rinse, repeat. It won’t enter your inbox. 🎉
My Mom is a covert narcissist. She primed me for friendships with women that range from Neurotic messes who manipulate me with their needs, to Borderline Creatives who thrill me with their drama and use me up, to full blown Narcissists. I am so tired and fed up. I have had to concentrate on how angry these people have made me to keep from friending these types again. Thank God my Father was only co-dependent. LOL.
I am sorry for what each viewer went through in dealing with a toxic person(s). Sadly, what you experienced is very common as there're many more toxic/unhealthy people than there're healthy ones. And it doesn't matter the race, religion, age, profession, or financial background of the person. Sometimes, they're relatives, friends, religious leaders, etc. Regardless of who it is, always remember that you are WORTHY of love, respect, you are enough, & you have a Heavenly Father, Jesus, who will never leave you or betray you!❤🙏
It is important that you pray when you have dreams & visions & intuition that are not for your good (or the good of others). They can be demonic attacks from Satan to harm you or a loved. Praying in your dream is a way for God to protect you as well. Even as we're sleeping (for Christians), God puts a hedge of protection over us! Regardless, ALWAYS TRUST your gut/intuition. It is the voice of God leading you to safety.
Psalm 91 is one of the best & most powerful scriptures to read & memorize. It talks about, "God covering us with His feathers & protecting us from harm. So even if 10,000 fall on our right side, they will not come near us." Read the Bible as it is God's word & He will lead you to scriptures that will give you wisdom about dealing with everything in life.
If you are not a Christian, I pray that you'll get to know Jesus. He ALONE can bring you SALVATION, forgiveness of your sins, & protection from ALL harm. Jesus loves you & died on the cross, so that you & I would have eternal life with him.
Ephesians 6:10-18 also talks about us not wrestling with flesh and blood, but principalities, rulers, & powers of this dark world (demonic things/people), so put on the full armor of God. Stay close to Jesus, everyone, He ALONE is your REFUGE! He will also give us the wisdom/discernment whether through praying, reading the Bible, educational books/videos like this, & other healthy resources. They will will help us to protect ourselves, maintain healthy relationships, faith, hope, peace, & goodness! In Christ, from the U.S.A.❤🙏
I am always so surprised how if someone reacts to being treated poorly how people blame that person, the victim for the ‘trouble they are causing’
They only know drama and conflict. Just listen to them on how they interact in daily life. They never find peace.
@@clintonnagy1662 oh no I meant the empath will victim blame so to ‘keep the peace’ and comply with the narc.
Or how the nice normal people will blame a child who is being sexually abused rather than the abuser.
Or in a work place the person complaining about the narc boss is a ‘trouble maker’
If you don’t know what I’m talking about than you’re a lucky person!!
Omg "the enablers" so true. Its societal I see it clearly now. I loved this.
We definitely don't actually teach people how to treat us. We just begin discovering who they already are. If there's any teaching going on, we're teaching them what we'll put up with. The mirroring they do is just to hook you in as they manage you down. Conartirsts come in all different levels of expertise, not just styles. And what's allowed will always continue. It's a well orchestrated grooming process, and they have nothing but time. People treat you according to who they are and are capable of being. And there's a huge difference between an incident like a mistake, vs. repeative, habitual, patterned, intentional acts of behaviors. Also, note one other important note about trauma bonding is that it is not just a familiar thing that happens from "the past". Trauma bonding can happen bonding from any stressor, deaths, attacks while in the mild to moderate stages of the abuse. Then, they use your vulnerable moments to start the cycles of their narcissistic bag of tricks that has your psyche on a loop. And thats what ever so gradually erodes your critical thinking skills. Their dysfunction leads to your malfunctioning. Too many people also get lost between the cracks because not everyone's back story is one of this "familar storyline." I'm just saying some these toxic personality styles are real masters. The older ones are more experienced, too. There's something to be said about wisdom, and they are moving along getting new Intel with everyone they've been feasting off of. Masters of manipulation and ceremonies. 🙏
Just discovering who they already are.. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
How true
Have just watched this video, it was spot on for me. Thank you .
I was stuck in the loop where he is hiding truth too long, reveal it to me, but not by his own will, but after I started asking too many questions. Then he would always saying something like “sorry I didn’t tell you earlier” (not actually sorry) and he telll me “sorry” only after I asked him - you not even sorry? So I stuck in this loop and I always forgived him. So he was understanding they whenever he does hi can just hide it as long as he can, and even. He have to reveal it he can just say “sorry for not telling you earlier” this is not even sorry for bad behaviour 😂 it’s nothing. I was start thinking I’m a plastic doll to him. He doesn’t care about my feeling, he never did. I finally realised this is the endless loop so I have to go. I can’t change the person but I can change me and my life. No more lie. If someone would hould lie to me I will end it fast and cold hearted
Would you mind breaking this go into paragraphs / perhaps a bit of spacing between thoughts, please?
I’ve shared your comment with an informal psych discussion group & it’s really sparked some great conversations.
You’re truly a treasure! Sending all the gratitude your way.
The problem is " Don't judge anyone" bs. People using this bs line to justify their disgusting BEHAVIOUR. She said the best line " we gonna judge today "
It's so hard when it's one of your parents. But I'm doing well away from that parent and growing more and being myself more every day =)
"Our job is not to rescue another capable adult". WOW. Been "rescuing" my older sister since I was a teenager. It has always ended badly over the years. I tried one more time in 2020, had her come live with me and my family, I had to kick her out and I no longer talk to her. I just can't take her gas lighting and abuse. She's absolutely perfect and can do no wrong in her eyes. UGH.
Wow Dr Ramini, thank you so much for clarifying the phrase “you teach people how to treat you”. I feel like you’ve validated me and gave me a hug. I am struggling to figure out how I need to be treated at times after growing up with two narcissistic parents. Thank you ❤
Kinda sucks how so many people need to be taught not to be morons. I don't really teach people, I just observe behaviour in freedom and cut off accordingly. If I need to tell you to be decent to me, you're not worth my time and I question your mental capacity. Also, I don't think grown ups can be taught to genuinely be another way from who they are, they can only learn how to hide better. That's just how I've seen things go 🤔
I am sorry for what each viewer went through in dealing with a toxic person(s). Sadly, what you experienced is very common as there're many more toxic/unhealthy people than there're healthy ones. And it doesn't matter the race, religion, age, profession, or financial background of the person. Sometimes, they're relatives, friends, religious leaders, etc. Regardless of who it is, always remember that you are WORTHY of love, respect, you are enough, & you have a Heavenly Father, Jesus, who will never leave you or betray you!❤🙏
It is important that you pray when you have dreams & visions & intuition that are not for your good (or the good of others). They can be demonic attacks from Satan to harm you or a loved. Praying in your dream is a way for God to protect you as well. Even as we're sleeping (for Christians), God puts a hedge of protection over us! Regardless, ALWAYS TRUST your gut/intuition. It is the voice of God leading you to safety.
Psalm 91 is one of the best & most powerful scriptures to read & memorize. It talks about, "God covering us with His feathers & protecting us from harm. So even if 10,000 fall on our right side, they will not come near us." Read the Bible as it is God's word & He will lead you to scriptures that will give you wisdom about dealing with everything in life.
If you are not a Christian, I pray that you'll get to know Jesus. He ALONE can bring you SALVATION, forgiveness of your sins, & protection from ALL harm. Jesus loves you & died on the cross, so that you & I would have eternal life with him.
Ephesians 6:10-18 also talks about us not wrestling with flesh and blood, but principalities, rulers, & powers of this dark world (demonic things/people), so put on the full armor of God. Stay close to Jesus, everyone, He ALONE is your REFUGE! He will also give us the wisdom/discernment whether through praying, reading the Bible, educational books/videos like this, & other healthy resources. They will will help us to protect ourselves, maintain healthy relationships, faith, hope, peace, & goodness! In Christ, from the U.S.A.❤🙏
"I rage and broke objects and after I fill shame, I give love and compassion but I became a monster worse than the narc and say orrible words, am I the only victim? I have responsability too." From a person born in a narc family and with a new partner that came from a narc family and narc too.
Bro it's reactionary your cns ramps u, and when people are literally trying to change your perspective to theirs or Love bombs you it triggers this feeling of trauma you can feel it so bad something in you feels like it snaps from your brain to you neck. This shit gets dark and can turn you into a narcissistic person if only temporary. This is from my experience.
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control. Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done Metaspyhub@gmail. com,,
If you didn't just write my life. I'm so effing tired 😢
Smh
I just had an argument this a.m. with my narc. Since really getting my eyes opened to the narcissism, I've been going through the process of realizing that he really doesn't love me- I'm recyclable, and his teddy bear. My trauma bond was way strong- my dad always said kids were seen and not heard. I couldn't talk during conflict- so he enjoyed my involuntary mutism while would lecture me when I didn't do something " right"!! I've finally found my voice, Thank God, and now I'm realizing his tactics- manipulation, gaslighting, guilt trips, his victimhood, etc. He did ALL of that this morning, and I'm pissed !! I didn't say ANYTHING wrong, but, boy, you'd think I did!! I pray I get out of this clown show soon!!
Hope you do. Wish me luck this year, too. ❤
This’s so good! Thank you for this message!❤️
Love these short & direct wake up calls ... Please keep them coming. Thank you !
Omg "future faking" thats the terminology! I feel so empowered learning how to describe whats been happening in my toxic relationship
After listening to this, i have noticed that i stayed in a wrong rekationship with a narcissist but thank God the day i told myself that i am done i walked away
Some of those words hurt because they hit so close to home, but I'm so glad that I'm hearing this loud and clear! Ten years of suffering has finally ended for me!
Let's not limit our narcissism discussion only to romantic husband wife relation ships. It's high time we started to talk about narcissistic abuse in terms of sisters brothers and family members. Cuz thats where the problems are really serious in Indian families.
I'm sure! I started with a narcissist mother! I have a major manipulator sister, not with me but I have seen her in action with my oldest daughter who lived within her world. I am probably the enabler. I think all of this information is best learned when you put "whoever" in the Narc space! Best wishes!!
Fam! I am African and also want to throw in friends as well as family.
European but narc 1 = mother, narc 2 = husband/father of child, narc 3 = child (who has just had a child)?? I don't think she is!! I think he's abused her and brainwashed her and used coercive control.
She and her baby son are 700km from me. I'm trying to move house! My dad and his wife are leaving for the UK the same day as settlement for me and they are all I've got! I cannot believe this is happening.
I am sending a PI up there because I make a lot of money from this sale. They're legal but pretty much limited to surveillance. Anything is better than stalking on Facebook, which is the biggest rabbit hole ever!
Exactly!!
They (most channels) talk about all areas. Dr. Ramani talks about families often. The problem is that children are not typically looking for videos like this, and adults don’t realize they need to until they are in a relationship or have children. She has an entire segment dedication to the immediate family and even for just the children. You can’t talk about narcissism without speaking of the abuser and victims upbringing and what may have led them to this. It is typically cycles of the information. Because everyone is not in a relationship with one, yet every did not come from a household with one either.
Thank you for posting this part of the interview!
Dr. Ramani gets it so right! So thankful for her knowledge sharing.
Omg!!! Dr.Ramni is so spot on with narcissistic abuse.
I remember secretly going to therapy for my relationship with my mom. I had so much trouble verbalizing my relationship (not knowing it was a narcissistic relationship at the time) and trying my best to explain the problems I was encountering with my mother. The most disappointing thing about those sessions was that the fact that the therapist was defending my mother. She only confirmed I had moderate anxiety and depression. Haven’t gone to therapy since. And for that reason, I’ve been blaming myself so much and staying in the same place. I feel older than I am. Possibly even look so. Seeing these videos confirming and actually labeling my relationship with my mother makes me feel like I’m mourning something.
I'm so sorry you did not have a proper therapist to help you work through your emotions. You've experienced trauma and what you are experiencing is mourning. It's grief, what could have been and what should have been. Mothers are supposed to love you not hurt you. You must learn about the narcissistic personality so you can learn more and that will help you on your healing path. ❤
@@kat9731 thanks for your response and advice. I really appreciate it and will keep looking into this to heal ❤️💖
ur mourning the relationship you thought u had with ur mom as well as mourning the relationship u didn't have with her. its a pain. healing is there for you it will take time and its not easy or stright forward
Yeah. My wife, who happens to be a narcissist and child of a narcissistic mother, also found out that therapists are hit and miss. You really have to shop around for them and test them. Don't rely on them being the experts. You have to check their credentials and keep a close eye on them in the first session to make sure they aren't low-key toxic. It's shocking how many people say their therapists took the side of the abuser.
So many clueless therapist. Think how many grew up in this may never known the 'expert' was wrong, still out there.
I have seen a handful of videos with Lisa… and I gotta say… I LOVE your style and energy! You are so unique and your confidence in self flows so naturally.
Wow, those five things are so spot on. Hope it’ll get better because they have one good day. Pity because yes, they are always down and guilt for being a good person and empath. And the comfort with them is oddly spot on.
your job on this earth is not to rescue another capable adult. So true.
Im glad she pushed back on the "you teach people how to treat you" because i always use it to blame myself for how im treated.
This is the realest thing I’ve heard! I wish I heard this almost 20 years ago. I’m just now trying to dig myself out and it’s still incredibly hard to just do it and don’t keep going back and fourth.
I love how she knows everything about narcissism & I'm left wondering & saying ...omg how'd you know that !
Gosh, I love this woman, her professionalism and also her sense of humour! 😂 Thank you, Lisa, for making this series. ❤
Dr. Ramani has again perfectly described my covert narcissist ex. Wiw. She really gets these people. Brilliant woman.❤
This is so incredibly on point. Exactly and totally true!
Wow, all those fears were exactly what I felt. This is so crazy.
Hope, Fear, Guilt, Pitty, Comfort
Truths being said here. I needed a way to identify someone I'm trying to be with. We've been arguing a lot over irrelevant things
It becomes ever more clear why tis conversation is so important! Such fresh insights each time - thank you!
Hope came to me on the pier this morning and prayed over me.
Yes- hoping it will get better. And for me, the fear of being alone. ( I’m alone now, but it’s a little scary ).
Just hold on. Use your time alone to heal. You'll know when you're ready to start all over again.
I hope you can enjoy the quiet and that _you_ can, at any moment, decide what to do next. Eat? Sleep? Go to the park? Control of your time, your wants sounds small, but it's fabulous!
Don't fear being alone please, appreciate the Peace that you have!! I have allowed two different people to live with me over the past 22 years. I have lived by myself at least 16 years. All of my female friends have their own homes. We stay in contact with each other. If my Toxic ex hadn't of been Toxic I would have let him stay, but I can't allow someone to come into my home and emotionally, physically, and mentally abuse me. He was also very controlling. I am so happy to be out of that mess!! I keep watching Dr. Ramani videos where I first learned about Narcissistic personalities while I was out of my home waiting for my ex to be served the PTO. I also had called the Domestic hotline while I was out of my home, I had filed a police report and an eviction notice all while I was out of my own home. I went to the emergency room to have documentation for my bruises and to make sure I was bleeding internally after my ex had punched me in the stomach.
Wonderful insight . Your wisdom levitates the heaviness I carry. .
I wish the discussion about narcissism wasn’t always focused on romantic relationships. The biggest issues I have had are always with family or friends. They are just as damaging & debilitating imo.
Same here not always a partner
Yes, yes they. I agree. Family is much harder to go no contact with. I find it's also a much more lonely feeling.
My greatest challenge is my son and his wife
2 sons one ex sister mother & I can see it passing on am so scared so I have to get my shit together & so not pass this on but CAN ONLY Do one CONVERSATION /situation at a time while trying to find a job at 63 money worries ADHD HSP LIFELONG DEPRESSION
ALSO DAD'S GOT A LZEIMETS MUMS AN ALCHOLICIV have not many friends & can't go out holidays car etc (can't afford to hardly feed myself) would love a pet & /or bit of garden can't use my bike cv os live 3 story flat /thieves
Thanks for this!
10:52 is pure gold!
“Your job on this earth is Not to rescue another capable adult!”
This is absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this DR Ramani and Lisa, You're both absolutely beautiful, Empowering and helping women, Peace, love to you both and everyone, Thank you universe 😊🐺😀💞🌈✨️🛸💫🌌🧿🐉😍⚘️💜💜😁👽🧝♀️😘😃🌹🥰
I recently had a counselor try to get me to join a “nonviolent communication” class, as if my communication skills are the reason I’m being abused. That was our last session.
Arggggh!
😮😮😮😮😮
Why would they want you to join nonviolent communication if you didn’t do the violence?
@@Taylor-ge5exMy thoughts exactly. Felt like victim blaming.
Every point applied to the work environment too. Being put on ice, excuses to stay doing the same thing (let's get thru this season,) guilt... Very helpful
What u said really hit home. I was married for 15 yrs to a person as u described. I experienced emotional and psychological abuse from him and now have PTSD, it was my family who helped me get away from him. It was very hard to leave cuz my daughters were little, they now are 17, 15, & 6, so I'm still stuck with engaging with him and his verbal abuse in the co-parent app and emails