@DrRamani #DoctorRamani I am not sure if you are taking any new clients, however I would be very grateful to be one of yours. I just have to get a little bit of money first. Still waiting on the first and second and third Covid check from my husband. I mean ex-husband.
10 year marriage of this, he controlled my weight, what I ate, how I did my hair, how I dressed. I was his little puppet. Educated myself and I left him. 🙏🏾 went back to uni, law degree, good job, single mum. Happier🙌🏾
Good for you! I was just like you! I now own 3 businesses and he told me I would never make it on my own. Guess what....He was wrong! He thought I would say because of money...lol. Now I make my own money!
Fuck yeah! Pardon my French...but, you go girl...I am in graduate school after putting it off many times before over what I think were these type of relationships...currently trying to figure out all of this narcissistic relationships effects on the self
I am a survivor from a covert narcissist. I was married for 31 years. Since I left, I received my bachelors degree in psychology and working in a masters in clinical mental health counseling. I want to help victims become survivors from these toxic relationships. It feels so good to be free!!
You're amazing! I barely survived my 8-month long stint with one... he was so well loved that many friends were extremely surprised, and some even doubted my experience when I told them about it. You're so strong to be able to give back to the community by educating others about how narcissistic abuse works.
Only 2 months free of the narcissist & he is hoovering hard. My no contact is devastating for him. I’m listening to Dr. Ramani every day to stay strong and sane. Thank you, doc. You are the GOAT.
when he happens to get hurt or ends up in the hospital, don't cave, don't go see him. He is there because it's a tactic he thinks will work. He put himself in harm's way.
@@jellybean6778that’s literally happened to me and I caved in my mother saw it however and called it out and now she used a very personal info I had told her about my parents against my mom
Good on you! Keep it up. I have committed, for my own reasons, to stay, knowing that this will be the rest of my life no resolution. I've accepted that the person who I loved and married didn't really exist. I've had to kill the idea of who I thought she was to accept the reality of who she really is. It is very much like death and grief, except I still see her every day. It's like living with a ghost. Actual death would have been easier, this is worse. I know, I've gone through the death of a very close relationship and that, over this, is far easier.
At the beginning of any relationship we should take a quiet moment and say to ourselves...”I was Sam before I met Mark; and I’ll be Sam after he’s gone”. NEVER lose yourself in a relationship.
I’m not sleeping much, like 4 hours a night for months. The level of confusion is aggravated. Cognitive dissidence continues although I am more aware as time goes by. I saw something in my Narcissistic intimate partner that really scared me a couple of days ago. We’re in the discard stage...hard but I’ll get through this. What I saw was a black emptiness inside, behind the face. A black blank nothingness that seemed real. I’m an empath and want to hear if anyone else has experienced something like this
@@diannelynn2243 I just experienced this yesterday and it was terrifying. Luckily I was with my neighbor/close friend when I saw him this final time and it felt like he wanted to hurt me or wanted me to get it through my head for one final time that I was to blame or this horrible disgusting person. He was almost unrecognizable.
And how does one do this when the narcissist is our parent? How does one assume that “self control” when the abuse is something that has always been and is the only normal a person knows. Narcissistic abusers are not just romantic relationships. Some of us have been groomed since birth by one or more narcissistic parents/caregivers. I know your comment was well intentioned but it is actually a comment that blames the target rather than empowering them. It’s a “hindsight” lesson than CAN be helpful but also not functional as a blanket statement because it assumes that the person has a healthy emotional state to begin with and most targets of narcissists are survivors of trauma (either from narcissistic abuse or other traumatic events) which makes them vulnerable to narcissistic relationships to begin with.
@@diannelynn2243 I am so sorry you're going through this. Hand in there. Your partner may well have allied himself with a dark being because they didn't think they had the strength to survive. Doesn't excuse it and is definitely something to look out for and be aware of. On a side note, in case you want to look into it more, the spelling is cognitive dissonance.
It doesn’t surprise me that growing up with narcissists would lead me into three or four relationships with narcissists. You end up fighting for validation of even the simplest things and it never arrives.
@@Ranzo24 I think no matter how self-assured you may be with regard to who you are, what you think, or how you feel, if you attract people who would rather erode your sense of self worth than provide a healthy exchange of validation and consideration, you’ll end up the dysfunctional upset mess they want you to be. For those types of people, they care more about their ego than you or the quality of your relationship with them. People who challenge you to be the best you, with sincerity, will want you accountable for your part in a conflict with them but will also take responsibility for theirs. True narcissists won’t do that ever - I’ve never known one to spend any introspective time, to offer an apology, to admit to any flaws within themselves, or to care how you feel before, during, or after an argument. They are masters of proving how little they care about you. You will always feel attacked in some way because that’s how they want you to feel - less than. In order to heal yourself from the damage they cause, you’ll need to focus on you for awhile and if you can, surround yourself with people who will build you back up from the damage they caused. What I said above only applies to closer relationships. Sometimes someone can have the appearance of being a narcissist when in fact, they simply don’t value you as someone they need or want in their life. How to spot someone with NPD: You’ve known them for years but despite expressing how they’ve made you feel (badly), they’ve never sincerely apologized or shown you a non-verbal apology. They also make baseless accusations (not speculations) as deflection. They want you to feel bad about good qualities you have.
@@MDNightz Unfortunately that description in the last part of your paragraph sounds exactly like what my mother does to me. Ouch. What really gets me is that I have a relationship with God & a big part of that is because of her, because she believes in him & has taught me a lot. She keeps the word close & is very good at pointing out wrong in many people's doings/ behaviors. She's deeper than the average mom or person in a way, I'd say. Yet when it comes to her being in the wrong she either deflects until it drives me insane or sometimes I'll even hit a nerve from pointing something out very clearly about how she's behaving & she'll react in anger. It's all very strange & I hate it so very much. I have expressed to her how I feel as clearly as possible in different ways, & I've tried just about everything with her to get my point across & to try & help her to be better. For our relationship to be better. But no matter what, she always ends up behaving the same way over & over again. All while claiming to know God herself & fearing him, but blaming everything on me & then telling me that I do just that.. It is truly insanity.
Yesssss. Carrot caarrot they hold a shiny validation illusion out ahead, if we just lose more of who we are, diminish ourselves, are they happy now? Nope, never will give an ok, you are validated.
Dysphoria, aka I walk around like a zombie. No joy and no self value. Strangely until I learned this was a thing, I thought it was normal and I was a mentally ill person... always diagnosed as "depressed" . NO MORE!
@@jennifercarleton7550 thanks I have been in therapy for ten weeks. When I described the part about walking around like a zombie. That was when I was in the narc relationshipS. I no longer feel that way.
@@daleswain9520 Okay honey, good for you! Wish I would have went, but you also need a specialist in this area, and I didn't know WHAT was going on, only that it was systemic abuse and I was exhausted and depressed to the core of my being after 10 years, it's been 12 years since we broke up and I'm still reeling from the effects of co-parenting with him. He hasn't changed in 25 years! I never understood how a person could not learn a lesson until I began studying this in the last few months and found out that this person became warped somewhere in their childhood and they have a false self that is designed to ensnare victims, and a cruel inner core that needs to destroy you to feel good about themselves. Good luck, sending you LOTS OF LOVE & ENCOURAGEMENT!!!
I’m dealing with an overt violent very obvious narc age 26 it’s my own estranged son. It occurs to me often as I look at videos and comments: the covert narc is much worse. It’s subtle. The flying monkeys and sympathizers are abundant. The clever covert narc will always be able to play the victim. My son repeatedly batters women and then still tries to play the victim. All narcs are excellent at “crazy making”. This is what narcs do. My son does it too, arguing arguing on and on. but he’s so violent so obvious. He’s the crazy one. Very shameless about it. Losing his temper screaming crying yelling in public frequently. My son is the super super overt obvious controlling arrogant bully. textbook narc. He’s on the far end of the spectrum. Learn about the spectrum. And come to understand that everyone experiences moments of narcissism. Everyone falls somewhere on the spectrum. Disorder. Remember that word. Ppl with NPD have a disorder/ meaning that dysfunction & disorder occurs in their life. When somebody shows you who they really are? Believe them. Don’t forgive or give 2nd chances to ppl. I think when u meet and/or deal with a disordered. narc you’ll see signs in the beginning. Get weird feelings. Notice odd things. Good luck always.
You could be a narc magnet. I was in my life for sure. I raised up a little baby narc. My son. Whatever happened betwixt you and the narc you met? It was a valuable learning experience. Choose your partners in life wisely. But don’t be so hyper aware that you dismiss everyone as a narc. Great ppl successful confident ppl can be high on the spectrum. Also learn about OCEAN. It’s the way doctors measure personality traits in a general way. A in ocean stands for agreeability. An important trait in a healthy well balanced personality. Narcs are always lacking in this trait. Always.
Ended a 14 year marriage of this, and I can say it is so much harder to realize you’re in it than you think. If you’re going through this know that there is light on the other side and you are so so loved. This relationship does not have to be a life sentence. You can get out. I love you! ❤❤❤
I am in a complicated relationship with a girl. She is going through a narcissist relationship now. She loves me want to move out from his house but he is not letting her go. He is threatening her for alot of things. She is so confused and she don't feel she have enough courage to move out of that house. But she wants to. Help me out how I can get her out from there and we both can live a happy life. I know she is capable to do alot better in her life. She discussed her goals and bucket list with me. I don't think so she discussed that with him. Survivors please help me out. Thank you
Well I'm stupid but when I see the truth I except it. I couldn't figure out why my wife was this way until I came across a video about this subject. When I realized they never change an even deeper depression hit me 😭 Almost 20 year with 4 kids, so I can't leave for their sake. I don't think there's anything anyone can do.
@@danno5805brother...I have been in a marriage to my female narc wife for 25 years. I learned about covert narcissism 5 years ago and I too stayed for the kids. Living with a narc is much much different than what the clinical traits state in the DSM 5. I didnt see it till it got intolerable and I did research. Despite staying...my two oldest turned into her flying monkeys and both are narcs just like her. Nothing I did could change that bc narcissism is both genetic and social learning. They learned from watching their mother. I did everything to protect them and it didn't hepl. Btw im a therapist and if I couldn't get through to them,, I don't think most can.. Today, my oldest son at 20 is a full blown narc and I believe he's a psychopath as well. He's my wifes flying monkey and full on collaborator in crime. He's estranged from me bc of his mother's smear campaigns behind my back. My 25 year old daughter is a bit better but she married a male version of her mother, so she's taken on the narcissism as her personality. She's alienated somewhat but she treats me disrespectfully despite setting a boundaries. Shes also anti-dad bc of the smear campaigns from her mother for YEARS behind my back while STILL married to her. It's parental alienation. Brother if I wrote a book on my life experiences with growing up with narcs and marrying one, nobody would believe me. BUT, if I can survive what I've been through, so can you. Do NOT stay. Get a competent coach from TH-cam for one on one sessions to help you prepare. Plan out an Eighteen month exit plan. Save $, get proof of her infidelity via a PI, coordinate everything so you file for separation the same day you move. Do not ruminate about getting half of your possessions bc they are just that. You need to save yourself and rebuild your life by yourself. No....they don't change and you can. That's the beauty of being a well functioning empathetic human being. Be well my friend. I know exactly what you are going through abd you can do it.
I am a survivor! I was married to a narcissist for 20 years. I was financially dependent on him, as he talked me into retiring. The final straw was 5 months of the silent treatment.I packed up, took my dog and cat and moved in with my daughter and her family. Now 6months later I am working full time, I just got my own apartment.and am beginning to recognize that person in the mirror again.
The silent treatment...I can relate to that as well. I am currently sitting at one month of a silent treatment (and many others previously) and it hurts so much. For me, not having closure is very painful.
It often seems to fall into the silent treatment. That's where my 20 year marriage ended too, but it is also where it began. Just a matter of degree. I too am myself again - took me 3 years to get here, but I am thoroughly enjoying myself. I look at the possibilities now, rather than the impediments. Good luck to you. :)
The tears started flowing uncontrollably the second she said survivors can spot each other. I had a moment while out at the bar with my narcissist partner (we weren’t fighting and to anyone else would look like we were having a great time) and from across the room another woman gave me the “eye.” That look of just telling me she knows or can just tell and I’m not alone. I just smiled and nodded but I know she heard my every thought responding “thank you, I’m working on my exit plan”
This comment just brought me back to tanking in a tennis tournament (doubles) because my opponent was verbally abusing his wife (tennis partner). It never occurred to me before WHY I tanked. I just lost my sh@& watching it happen and couldn't snap out of it! I have always thought it was mental weakness, or lack of temper control on my part, but now I know it just triggered me and kicked off the PTSD and fight or flight response. I was so LIVID I could hardly see straight.
If googling keeps giving you narcissistic abuse explanations for what's happening to you, don't waste years of your life trying to convince yourself that the person isn't really a narcissist. Listen to your intuition and do not be fooled by these broken, toxic, unhealthy people. You will break your own heart trying to help them.
Facts. I couldn’t accept that I was with a real narcissist because it seemed like something other ppl went through for whatever reason but not me - how in the hell did I get into this?? And so it kept me behind the research even though deep down I realized this is exactly what I was in. Got to the point that because my love was gone, I was able to really pay attention to his interaction with his children, his mom, me - without the cloud… and said wow I gotta get out. And I did
@port nut A personality is not properly forged without hardship. positive disintegration. Too different from the unforged, too different from people who have become real individuals. The key to being in union is to not have a sense of self and that is the paradox we must suffer in. We left the herd, we saw, and now we must stand alone. A companionship out here is a rarity. Banished from the Garden
Looking back, I can see that the abuse started on our wedding day. I got free of a 21 year marriage but never knew there was a name for the abuse, or what a narcissist was. I stayed up nights, coming up with a plan. I left, and I can't say that living alone was easy, but it's way better than staring at that angry little face! Now I own my own farm, am about to retire, have lovely friends and gratifying hobbies. You can do this. Stay strong.
Aww I’m so glad that you are happy with yourself! I’m working towards that! You sound really nice, so happy your no longer having to look at that angry face. Take care and I wish you well!
2 months ago you were a survivor for two days . I hope that now you are a survivor for two months . I am praying for you .I pray that you are safe and well and happy .
@@lucyt-c8092 omg, you’re so sweet! And yes, I’m done with all that now haha I don’t know about happy, but I’m at peace within myself. Thank you, kind stranger!
I would say the first sign will come from your own gut feeling which will send signal to your body telling you that this person doesn't make you feel comfortable being around him/her. The fact that you are already asking this question should alert you to be careful. Something will feel off and you won't know what it is exactly. Covert narcissists can act very charming in the beginning but there will be often also present underlying sense of superiority about them. That sense is actually deriving from them feeling insecure about themselves, so they tend to quietly degrade others in order to feel better about themselves. On the other hand if covert narcissist feels that you are above his league, he will act like your servant, trying to please you - almost annoying in a way. But make no mistake. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, he will downgrade you and abuse you like all the others. Because in his mind, if you love him, he thinks you are unworthy of him. Covert narcissists hate themselves so if someone loves them, than they think this person is worth less than them and that they can do better. Other sign to look for is any kind of judgment towards others. If he criticises other frequently, he will more likely criticise you as well once he gets more comfortable around you. Pay attention to how he treats people that are dependent on him as well. Narcissists hate those especially if they can't get anything of of that for themselves. Moreover, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
You are definitely right. I was talking to a guy that I know from high school . We went on a date and I felt something was definitely weird. There were some 🚩🚩🚩🚩. I had to let him go. I think I encountered one as well. A covert narcissist. Those type are snakes. Sneaky asf.
When she gave the example of the cat on a blanket and said “oh, I can go back to school!” It brought tears to my eyes. 18 years of narcissistic abuse and now I’m free… and will be graduating from college in 82 days 🥳
Congratulations You! Here is a cheer to a good life! You put in the effort. May you be blessed and enjoy all that is good and beautiful and healthy in this rich and awesome world!
I spent 8 months trying to figure out what had happened when I was summarily dumped by a narc. Those were lonely days, but finding help on line was a lifeline, and helped me make good decisions. Thanks for your post.
Months ago I came out of a relationship with a partner who was narcissistic. When it ended I found myself looking in the mirror and legitimately having no idea who was staring back at me. I'd completely lost my sense of self and individuality. After seeing my therapist, spending time with friends I'd lost connections with, telling the people I care about that I love them, even experiencing MORE loss, I learned the value of living. Life is too short to spend any energy on people undeserving of your love. You might feel shame or regret that you allowed yourself to give that abuser your time and you might feel like you wasted it. But you are free, and every moment apart from them is still one less moment spent ON THEM. For the first time in a long time, I walked home from a long shift at work with the biggest grin on my face. I survived.
Emma, I'm so proud of you. Congratulations for surviving, and for having the courage to escape such a relationship. I know what you have dealt with and I am sorry for your pain and the loss of who you were. But you are stronger now, and a better person for having gone through this experience, just like me and all the others here on this page. I'm proud of you and your working to find yourself again. God Bless you and keep you safe and happy. BE HAPPY and keep that beautiful smile on your face. Namaste, xxx
Wow, thank you for sharing, Emma! I really resonated with your post especially when you discuss looking at yourself in the mirror and not recognizing who was staring back at you! I felt the same way when I left my narcissist for the 8th and final time. Breaking free of the cognitive dissonance was so painful but it truly was worth it. It’s been a little over 2 years since I’ve left the relationship, and now I no longer feel shame or regret that I let this person waste my time. I’ve now reached a space where I can appreciate the sorrow I experienced in the relationship because it has allowed me to understand what true joy is, taught me to honour my worth, has helped me uncover my childhood history of trauma which made me susceptible to this relationship, and has helped shape me into the incredible woman I am today. I really hope everyone who has experienced one of these relationships can arrive at this space in their own time and find healing from the regret and shame. In the words of Khalil Gibran “your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else could it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is it not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potters oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit the very wood that was hallowed with knives?”- Joy & Sorrow, The Prophet
I'm a survivor! Left my marriage of 33 years, went back to school at the age of 56, became an Addiction Counselor working for Inyo County, and married the nicest man I've ever met. Surviving is thriving! ❤️
I just left my narcissistic relationship 3 days ago after 5 years. Thank you for educating me on what I've been dealing with - This too shall pass. Blessings to all the survivors out there - sending love and light to all
Whitney, I am proud of you. I just left my narcissistic relationship 5 weeks ago after 4 years, we were engaged. I kept putting it off thinking something is wrong. Yes this will pass. It is strange to see men in relationships like this but the narcissist's are popping up everywhere. Good Luck and NO CONTACT if you are in a situation where that is possible.
@@jambo731ditto brother. I'm in the process of leaving my 26 year marriage. Yes....im learning that there are alot of us men in marriages with covert narcissists.
Just got out of a narcissistic relationship of 10 years this March. The worst thing she ever did which I only discovered last month. She told me she was pregnant (knowing how much I've wanted to be a father). She told me not to tell anybody about it until after the first trimester. Because I know it's a common thing I said nothing. When it came close to the first trimester being over, my foreman on my worksite saw me smiling to myself and asked me what I was smiling about. I hesitated and finally just said, "I'm gonna be a dad." I went home and told my wife that I'd told my foreman. I didn't think it was a problem, because he had no relation to anything in our personal lives. She got angry and said I shouldn't have said anything. Her specific words were, "What if you told someone and now something happens?" I said, "Why would something happen? It's not just gonna go wrong because I said something." The very next day she called me crying frantically that her stomach was hurting and she was bleeding everywhere and she was at the hospital. Immediately I left work and drove as fast as I could to the hospital. I should've noticed back then, but when I had arrived she wasn't crying nor did she even appear to have been crying before. Later on she said to me, "You weren't as sad about losing that baby as I was." Looking back at the situation I realize, I don't believe that she was ever even pregnant at all. That kind of stuff breaks your heart. For four years I mourned over a child that never existed.
That is heartless and cruel. I'm so sorry... I experienced the flip side of that... My husband (a narcissist) cheated and abandoned me with a newborn baby and a child I've had to raise completely by myself no partner to help. Almost no help from family.
My sincere wish is a major movie is made about people who are going through narcissistic abuse and it’s stated they’re specifically going through narcissistic abuse. It would be great if Dr. Ramani has a cameo appearance speaking what narcissistic abuse is, like when she did that Ted Talk about narcissism. Narcissistic awareness really needs to be brought to the masses. Narcissists are able to thrive and abuse people in secret because the public doesn’t know how to recognize the signs.
good for you! I'm 60 and went back to school too. I'm not concerned what my hubby complains about anymore. But I'm thinking this relationship is done after 39 years of marriage.
It’s so encouraging to read all these comments. I’m 62 and trying to leave an emotionally abusive marriage. It’s hard as my husband is taking on the role of the victim and playing on my emotions to try to win me back. I feel like I’ve totally lost myself in the relationship. Leaving is going to be the hardest challenge I’ve ever faced, but I’m determined to succeed and reclaim myself.
Survived 26 years with a narcissist and I felt like Dr. Ramani was describing my marriage. I've been in a wonderful relationship with a good man for 3.5 years, have the best job with the highest pay I've ever had, and am happier than ever. It hasn't been all roses since leaving, but my life has been immeasurably better in every way.
What I found the most serious thing in the narcissistic relationship I have been in for many years, was the brain fog. I ended up completely confused, could not concentrate, like being drunk all the time. Apart from all the other symptoms.
I had a serious concussion and was not clear thinking. BUT at some point I became clearer and was convinced that I was still confused (NUTS). This went on for 4 = yrs until I realized that I was not the one who was confused. It is so easy to believe what we are told, even when we think it is not right. Then I found this website and learned the truth.
They do that to make you feel stuck as if they are the only person you can relate to.It's often times feeding ones bad habit instead of encouraging them to heal!! They do it to keep a person stuck with them,because they themselves don't and won't change!.
Omg YES! I was so shocked that it was possible to experience this within a couple months and by 6 months I was completely lost and it took over a year to come to terms w what happened and slowly validation began w help and yet I still ruminate over how it got to that point and shame is still very present but I am hopeful ❤ I hope you’re doing ok
Thriver here! Got out of a 4 year relationship with an abusive narcissist. It was difficult at first but you just need to be strong in your boundaries. Now I'm in grad school, gainfully employed, married to an amazing man, and expecting my first baby. Life is good on the other side ❤️
Nice! So refreshing to see a positive story here. So happy you’re free now! We started our channel to provide similar support and guidance to people suffering in ways that can’t be seen.
Proud! This is what my grandmother would of loved to hear and see. I think when anyone is dating, I always say don't rush into EVERYTHING take your time and learn each others habits. Once you know this is it then hopefully you are on the road to positivity. X
Yeah, I get that for sure. It wasnt normal, and wasn't our fault. And just because we say so doesn't render us somehow weak and substandard. Many grew up in families with secret, disgustingly hidden dynamics of dysfunction. I still feel like throwing up and taking off never to be seen again. (Even though they 're dead now)
I did not know how badly damaged I was until I tried to get started again with life. I found it does get better with time, patience, and practice. Thank you for sharing.
Just out of a 33yr marriage, and realizing, It not all my fault.I was blamed for everything, that in cluded the weather? I was, am still paralised with fear, because Im still struggling with my heart and head. What did I do so wrong? Hes with a friend now, why is he different with her, will he be defferent with her? Is it just me
@@stephaniehoward1716 Don't freak out or get even more nervous, but, you were targeted by a "person" who 1) doesn't know you, and 2) probably gets pleasure from controlling you with b.s. It's all about getting a reaction, and a sense of power over someone=something. Because, make no mistake, in their world, you're a thing.Shiz I don't mean to frighten anyone.
I am a survivor. I am surviving, healing, growing, and using radical acceptance. I love myself, and am worthy of healthy friendships and relationships. So Do YOU!!!
Surviving after a 20 year marriage to a covert narcissist followed by a childhood with a horrible narcissist of a mother. I've been free for four months - at 38, this is the first time I have lived for myself. I have a lot of work to do in myself still. But you saved my life by waking me up, Dr. Ramani.
You can do it ♥️ Forget what lays behind. P31Woman was a very decisive woman Her wise husband trusted in her. Some men choose not to recognize her worth They are blind by choice.
When she said, you can cook with garlic, that is me. My narc ex constantly blamed his blow ups and behaviours on his indigestion and stomach issues. I tried so many different diets and ways of cooking to reduce his angry reactions. I had been over two years without garlic when I finally left this summer. Every clove is a celebration now.
@A it was only one of dozens of excuses for blowing up. Did he legitimately have IBS? Maybe, doesn't matter. He also blamed depression, anxiety, being hot, being cold, being tired, being hungry, having a bad day at work, having issues with his family, etc etc etc. Not to mention all the times I "made" him blow up from something trivial and innocuous that I had done. Everything was a slight. So yeah, if garlic can represent a freedom from the abuse and from all the failed attempts on my part to reduce the abuse, then bring it on!
I love garlic!!! For me he told me that he is elergic to perfume, and he doesent like when i where makeup... so i put perfume in the car, and try to ignore him when he talkes about my makeup...
That hit me very hard, too. I've had to completely change the way I cook for 5 years. No garlic, onions, spicy food, ethnic food, beans, etc. I've lost myself.😪
This is a horrific experience that I can't even find the words to describe. Wanted to die so many times...lucky to still be here. I now exhibit some of the signs of being a narcissist myself...overly concerned with my looks..don't know still if I am the narcissist or him...makes me feel crazy.
I survived narcissistic parents, major damage was done by my mother as I was the eldest sibling and the only daughter. made it out of home by 16, but had to go no contact in my mid twenties after a major depression episode that nearly killed me, during which I had to stay at my parents where my mom's abuse hit its darkest and I was encouraged regularly to suicide. it took me 28 years to be able to date, and in despite of all the knowledge and awareness I gained through therapy and self learning, I landed a covert narcissist (just like my dad), I recognized his behaviors early on but doubted my judgment, but after our first anniversary I ended the relationship. now i'm 30, part of me is grateful for overcoming the both experiences, and the other part is so bitter and sad for my lost 20's. I feel like I'm starting my 30's building everything from scratch, but I hope that this decade I will do better.
Bless you me too, why does it take so long ? The knowledge out there today is amazing, we need to tap into it. Listen and learn, that’s the key to moving on from these monsters.
@@wendyhannan2454 I agree ☝️ when we were growing up we didn’t have tthis information and knowledge is power . So thankful people can see this . Women are being shamed for breathing air ❤️❤️🙏🏽
I'm a survivor and my greatest weapon is learning about the psychology of a narcissist on this channel and a few others. Never have I spent so much time on youtube until I found out about narcissistic abuse. For 14 years I knew something serious was wrong, but didn't know there was a syndrome for it.
I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I felt like I had forgotten who I was. Now I know myself better than before. I went on to graduate from nursing school with honors and actually figured out that I am good at painting and drawing which is now my favorite hobby! These videos is what helped me to heal. When I started watching these TH-cam videos it was like a light bulb went off in my head and I finally understood that I wasn’t the failure he made me out to be and that I never would have been able to do anything right in his eyes. Knowledge really is power.
Omg. Been in my situation for 23 years. Went to nursing school and have failed my Nclex test twice. Everytime that I'm scheduled to take my test he does things to distract me. Praying I can get out of this before the next time that I take my test.. I'm so happy for you!
Yesterday for the first time in 25 years I laughed, really laughed, until the tears fell down my cheeks and my diaphragm heart. It wasn't even over something that was amazingly funny. Its such a relief to really laugh again. I thought I never would.
Nadia bowley, I know that feeling so well. Didn't laugh like that for a year and months, until few months ago...in the middle of night I just remembered something funny/silly...texted my girlfriend and laughed so hard...I couldn't believe it. The joy of knowing that in this God given life I will never again share my personal space with that demon and others I figured later....it just gives me joy😊😊😊😊😊. I am just smiling as I type this😊😊😊. I am on my 2nd year of no contact. Life is good
The love bombing cycle and trying to get back what you had reminds me of " chasing the dragon" trying to get back that first feeling and it never comes no matter how hard you try.
@@robb4cubs I'm sorry for your pain. For me personally it's in those moments of self honesty that I am able to go forward. Never easy be kind to yourself 💚
I agree. When I was in a relationship with a narcissist it truly felt like I was fighting an addiction. It was confusing and I was constantly grieving, then feeling ecstatic and loved again which of course would only last long enough until he had my attention back and then I'd be feeling diminished and discarded and alone and crazy. Eventually I felt like I was being dragged through the mud by someone who wouldn't just let me go... It felt like a drug addiction. I literally could not stop and I felt hopeless. Truly hopeless. I eventually did put an end to it somehow. I mustered up enough strength to somehow shift my pattern of thinking and get myself out. If I hadn't figure out how to do that (which of course I don't even know how to explain now- it was almost like a miracle that I was able to pull myself out of the madness) I don't know where I'd be.
I am a survivor. 1 year out of the relationship. And I'm moving forward in my life, slowly but surely. Finally starting the podcasts I've dreamed of for years!
Three years out and the 20/20 insight is very important as I work with supportive counselling. Under the control of narcissists since birth till senior I could not understand or see clearly how or why anyone would behave in such confusing and intentionally abusive ways towards someone they profess to love. Verbal and physical assault, stalking are against the law but they always have a way of claiming innocence and even that they are the victim so there is never or seldom any legal consequence to face and no justice for their victims. Narcissism is rampant and as a society we must find a way to remedy this. Currently, victims are being counselled for PTSD from narcissistic abuse, clarity on why they were victims, and how to recognize relationship red flags, build stronger boundaries, and learn to love themselves enough to never make even one act of abuse ok to overlook. However, the narcissist needs supply, will continue to hunt for more prey, and having already violated all previous partners and faced no legal consequences will yet again abuse more partners.
@@ka8990 You are brave and strong Astra. Well done. Keep going because every day forward is a day further away from all that pain and torment. You are a strong, lovely person with a heart of gold. Be Happy, because you deserve it, and make sure you take good care of yourself. You deserve a wonderful life with someone who will love you for who you are, not for what you can give up for them. I'm proud of you Astra. xxx
I am a survivor. My Mother. All three husbands. Surrounded by with narcissistic fiends. I thought I was the crazy one. Always hgh achieving but feeling like a failure. Therapist kept telling me crazy people didn't think they were crazy but never tried to uncover why I felt this way. A true friend was telling me about narcissistic behavior and I found DR Ramani! What an eye opening, educational, self evaluating past year I've had! I'm a 65 year old survivor and no longer think I'm crazy. And working on fixing decades of mental damage. Thank you. You are correct, it is very isolating and not understood by others.
Kathleen, I am 65 also and a Survivor of a Narcissist and a sexually abused split personality parent's. I moved into my adulthood and had 3 long term narcissistic relationships before I worked out exactly what was going on. I had no self esteem, no belief that I was good for anything, or deserved anything. I'm learning that I am actually very valuable, and valued by understanding friends and people who love and care about others just for who they are. You are courageous and intelligent, and you are strong and valuable in this world. I'm proud of you and encourage you to take care of yourself and make sure you have happy moments every day. Life gets better when you learn to value yourself and no longer accept the abuse of others. God Bless honey, and stay well. xxx
It's day 2 of finally getting out, I've been planning this day for about a month now. Thank you for all the work you've done with educating people like me. I was only hours away from taking my own life. I was so hopeless, helpless, and thought I was deserving of the abuse. I saw no other way out! Thank God for all the people who came into my life who kept me going so I could find out the truth of what was happening! I am forever grateful beyond words! Anyone out their going this this.... you are worth it, you are enough! Please reach out for help! Never give up!
Thank u for the encouragement I'm stuck in this current situation and don't know how to get out without taking me and my dog to the streets to live and although it's better than living this nightmare out it is however unrealistic to think I'd b any better off out there with nothing at all. I'm so so done with this though just don't know how to get to the next level of a successful departure
Married almost 40 years until I could not take it anymore. Divorced one year ago and learning how to live at 63. It is never too late. Either you have it the same way the rest of your life or you change your circumstances. I feel like my own person now. Thank you for the wonderful insights.
I am proud of you. Be encouraged by the breath you take each morning when you rise Queen. It belongs only to you! You are deserving of all great feelings, moments and experiences!!! You always were! No one can take that from you ever again. 🤗💗🙏🏼✨
I’m 64. Left my Attorney Husband, almost 4 years ago. He tries to keep me in a state of flux. I’ll never be able to Divorce. It will take a team of Attorneys, to get me away from him. Over all, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, living out of a suitcase. Always on the move. I’m just now processing the last 41 years. My adult children, will never understand how dangerous he is, and what he has done. I was denied a restraining order, but they took away his concealed weapon’s permit, a year later, on the date of him injuring me. Permanently damaging my right arm. Thank You Deputy Trish, for whisking me off to a safe place. The Laws need to change. There are Domestic Violence zoom meetings, with lots of support, and the woman help each other with resources. Just keep reaching out. God will send help your way. These videos, give me strength, I never knew I had. Thank You
@@kathysmith7008 been our familiar space since childhood, hasn't it? Makes sense we also chose that personality in "friends" (who weren't capable of being anyone's friend), spouses, colleauges, etc. Once we wake up, we see all those in our past & some in our present. Moving forward, we'll sense new ones from a mile away 😊
I left my narcissist husband a few months ago. We were married for eight years. It seems I even forgot how to be happy. I am glad I got the strength to leave. His words were terrible. He told me I can never get anyone better than him. Now, I am healing, beginning to rediscover myself again and I am also enjoying life with my three daughters.
Oh boy, those symptoms like rumination, depression, anxiety are not my "personality" but symptoms! That is by the way a relief to understand. I am not my rumination, my anxiety, my depression, my sadness, my anger (I've noticed that my basic feeling is ANGER. Even when I feel "happy", I feel the hint of anger inside myself. it is not my personality, thank god!
Wow...I present with anger too. I ended up on depression meds for my consistent anger after an incident that left me in a position I was not ready to be in, and that caused me so much stress at that point in my life. I am regularly angry with my situation as I feel trapped in a relationship (if you can even call it that) that I have realised if basically non-existent. Once I took intimacy out of the equation it was apparent that the whole relationship and premise of being loved (even though he can be an ass often) was a lie. He believes he does nothing wrong, and I just expect too much. Because I get so angry at my needs not being met and lose my shit, I am labelled as abusive. We can't have a 'conversation' in private, or public, that doesn't result in him cutting me off and talking over him because his train of thought and his opinions are always more significant and important than mine. He can't handle even the slightest criticism, whether directed at him or not. Extremely defensive. He works a physical labour job, and I look after the 5 children, 2 of which I homeschool, one goes to primary and the other 2 are young. He sees himself as deserving a break and being able to do things outside of us, but doesn't see me as being worthy of the same break, and his remark when I speak of the unfairness is always that I don't know how hard his job is and what I go through is nothing compared to him...invalidation of the challenges of raising the kids and anything else my day throes at me. He expects me to help him when he needs help, but when I ask for help it either doesn't get done or can literally take months. He's always too tired to help me. He also has terrible habits, and is lazy in the home, validating to the children that my expectations of keeping the house clean(ish) and keeping things organised is unreasonable and unfair, so I have constant struggles with the older children and I'm so worn down from parenting, constant struggles and trying to teach a man how to respect his partner that i have very little patience for anything...add sleep deprivation for the last few years with the toddler and baby and you have a seriously angry woman!!!! I don't know how I can not get angry in this kind of situation. I'm not for one second claiming I'm perfect or don't have my own annoying problems, but this is the reality of my life. I'm too weighted down most days to feel genuinely happy. I don't really think he's a full blown narcissist, but he definitely has many of the traits and is unwilling to work on our relationship in a way that will help it be successful and loving again, if it ever actually was on his end. He doesn't want to do couples therapy because "he's not paying someone to tell him he's doing everything wrong and he's the problem"... kinda says a bit right there... i highly doubt we will stay together once the kids are grown. Kinda sad really 🤷♀️
I got through so much with insanely positive thoughts! My life is just happy! It’s easy to use down with out something to lift! Being brought down is easy, lifting takes more power!!
Yes stay strong! As I drove to the park with my dog I saw how happy and excited she was and I realized that I am finally happy and excited for each morning. Living without the huge weight that I had on me. Hip hip hooray! We are free!
I am a survivor, and after being so embarrassed and ashamed and felt alone for years, I finally started to share my story with other women and recently started a TH-cam Channel. I am working on my Book. Finding me again after depression and suicidal thoughts is just so amazing. To anyone going through this, there is hope and power, and strength when you survive.
I’m coming out of a narcissistic abusive relationship now and I’m in so much pain. It’s been all I can do to focus on healing from the angry outbursts, the name calling, the gaslighting and what not….. I’m just praying that when I look back in a year that I’ll feel better.
I got out of my engagement with my partner of 4 years. He was what I felt a narcissist to the core. Talking about issues and needs not being met with him was a nightmare. He would have to see what he did wrong to understand what I was saying. He was never wrong. I would repeat the same things and talk in circles with him over and over again. It was draining. I never felt so depressed being with a person in my life. I had given so much of myself to help improve his life that I began to lose who I was and my identity. He wasn’t a malicious person. He would never wish harm on anyone. He’s give his shirt off his back. But he lived as everyone revolved around him. I’m happy it’s over. We’re trying friendship but that’s not going over very well. I’m learning that he’s never going to change. He’s never going to listen. He’ll never reflect on his own behavior.
Same here, the guy I was dating did me like this..I always had to explain that you can’t be getting angry with me for something I didn’t do, I was always trying to get him to understand why I would say/do certainly things based on his actions but he would never ask me how I’m feeling or try to understand where I’m coming from.. towards the end which was about 2 weeks ago I tried so hard to fix the misunderstanding we had but he didn’t care and didn’t want to fix it so I had to let go and he just recently blocked me so I guess that’s good🤧🙏🏽
@@valeriemendez3053 if you’re going through something like this. Please, get out. I did it. It’s totally worth it. I severed ties so there isn’t a place for this person to sneak back in as cloud up my resolution. You’ll feel you come back.
I am a survivor. And totally detached myself from people’s hate and cruelty. And people have noticed my new confidence and starting to say “Every time I see you, you look younger!” (At least 10 people!) That encouragement makes me look even better! Next birthday I will be 80! I so respect myself in diet,exercise, deportment and smiles I know that I am getting there.
My 'Blessing' is my new attitude. No hate, no anger, no bitterness. Just be kind, respectful,and cheerful TODAY. The past is over, tomorrow is not yet.
Yes. Mine left 6 years ago for someone else. We were married over 26 years. It took me several years to come up and gain confidence. People tell me I don't look my age and that I look about 15-20 years younger than I actually am.
Kimberly I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. I was in a narcissist relationship so I know how it feels. I have been ghosted so I know that too. So sorry my heart aches for you. Will pray for you! God will heal and pray for wisdom!
I was born to two very traumatized narcissists who themselves grew up in highly narcissistic environments. I have experienced so much that putting them into words overwhelms me. But I have made it out of home and am continuing to get the mental health care that I need. I am experiencing many liberating experiences for the first time in close to 3 decades. Building my personality from scratch. I identify toxic behaviours within seconds. It was a bloody battle swarmed with lots of darkness and void to get to the this point and I continue to face many issues but now I am confident that I will be able to survive anything that the world can throw at me. Nothing surprises me anymore, in a good way.
I can relate with you. You are amazing and strong. As a super sensitive person l, I developed coping mechanism… but I also developed unhealthy relationships. I feel for my parents as they were born into trauma. It is what it is. Not too much really surprises me. It’s never too late to break the cycle though.
My mother remained dissonant her whole life and she died at the hands of my dad. So very sad. I've done much work, however there are many layers. It's a lifetime of unraveling. I am now 55 yrs old.
My Mum likewise. She married in the late 50s when divorce was shameful in itself. So she stayed and died , 15 years ago, quite literally of a broken heart. I only came to fully understanding myself since she died . My Father’s traits are very covert, so although I always knew something was wrong, I didn’t know what it was.
I'm 55 also and my mother did the same with my stepdad. When I turned 17 she finally left. We were homeless but she eventually found a new place. For yrs my brother the middle golden child resented our mom for us becoming homeless, but it was because of his father's narcissist abuse to our mom. Im free now. My mom is now past on. I'm learning I was with a narcissist for yrs, now I'm free to be me.
I am thriving!!! Just over 2 years out of at 11 year toxic relationship! I love my new life and new self. That old Jen no longer exists, however she will never forget the lessons learned!
I've researched narcissism for two years, since recognizing it within my spouse of 27 years & seeing the true extent of abuse. This video has summed up my entire adult life & marriage better than anything I've ever read or heard. I was physically shaking throughout the majority of it. I've had so many ups & downs while being educated on these topics, but I would like to especially THANK YOU for the validation that I was apparently in need of.
A lot of people don't understand how you can be with someone for so long and not see it, they don't understand, they are very controlling, manipulative, and covert. You don't see it in its entirety until you step back away from it. I hope your not in that relationship anymore because you can't change them, I do understand how you can get stuck due to financial reasons, or have children with them and don't want to put your children through that, but you really do need to think about yourself, there's no need to put up with someone who is abusive, and when you leave they will hoover you, and try to suck you back in, they feed off of you, you are just narcissistic suppy to them.
I also is in this busy getting out. I came from a very abusive childhood where I was the carer. He made me feel better and took care of me. Me not knowing he is gaslighting manipulating and emotional verbal and spiritual abusing me. It took me 5 weeks away from the home away from him to realize my whole dilemma
I will simply say you are not alone in this. In the process of ending a two and a half decades long marriage that was FILLED with it. Went through deep devastation but after coming out of the valley of death, I am looking so forward to a much healthier, happier, and peaceful life. I do this knowing that I leave behind a train wreck that will never get back on a healthy track.
I can relate as I was married and romantically involved with many of these types of men until I discovered what it was all about. It’s not an easy situation.
After 3 yrs of the mental anguish from this type of a relationship I walked away. I realized now how mentally exhausting it was daily. I was in defense mode all the time. My best was never good enough. “ I was not enough “. 2 months out of this relationship and still recovering . Thanks to these insightful videos ❤️ it’s one day at a time… life is slowly getting back on track. Thank you Dr . you are a jewel ☺️
I just wanted to tell someone walking on eggshells and always questioning how their s/o will feel before their own feelings...leave and never look back. I hope you find a healthy, loving relationship someday.
I’m finally understanding what I was living in. I ended up in the hospital alone and sick and the narc did not care. I was alone struggling with my physical health and taking care of two small children. I’m just so grateful to be learning what I thought was me was not. Thank you ❤️
That is exactly what happened to me to. He even used my physical health a joke. No more! I’m taking my 2 young kids and leaving and choosing for life. I wish you the best Shelley, your strong and will come out even stronger. Congratulations on surviving and you will make it!!
Shelley Brine, yes, they leave you alone in the hospital and when you're sick you're left to fend for yourself. Something you'd never do to your narcissist!
I am in a complicated relationship with a girl. She is going through a narcissist relationship now. She loves me want to move out from his house but he is not letting her go. He is threatening her for alot of things. She is so confused and she don't feel she have enough courage to move out of that house. But she wants to. Help me out how I can get her out from there and we both can live a happy life. I know she is capable to do alot better in her life. She discussed her goals and bucket list with me. I don't think so she discussed that with him. Survivors please help me out. Thank you
It's harder to leave when a person has nowhere to go; e.g., when there's no family back-up. And friends either don't get it, or don't have the time/energy to be truly supportive. Major reason for being stuck and unable to leave. And many therapists are clueless, as well. I'm very glad this issue is coming to the fore, in no small part due to Dr. Ramani.
This explains my situation. I’m a green card holder married 3 kids in a different country. Since 2005…trauma bonded, according to this video…probably dysphoric. Im absolutely just surviving right now. Unhappy. Alone. Trapped. Hating life
I have nowhere to go either. The only family member left is my little brother and he's in Colorado. I'm living with my abusive narcissist girlfriend and it's breaking me mentally. I don't understand why a person would treat someone so badly they are supposed to be in love with. All I ever wanted is to be happily in love. I can't even have an adult conversation with this girl without her thinking I'm attacking her character. She elevates it to the max. Guess I was meant to be single forever.
I dated a narcissist for 10 months and got out of the relationship only 3 days ago. I'm so glad that I realized so early what was going on. It wasn't easy to leave but I did it anyway for the sake of my own wellbeing, and I know that anyone can do the same!
@@jeanninebooth6415 I feel that, my love bomb lasted two years. Once he had some old friends come back around is when things changed. Those long love bombs really make for the entrapment, because if someone could have you fooled for that long there is no reason to think the change isn't just some weird phase or hiccup that can be fixed.
I am a survivor! I left an 8 yr relationship/marriage and everyone we knew. It took me 20 yrs to work through all the trauma. What I found most helpful was trauma therapy (brain spotting) I had tried medication, counseling, meetings but trauma therapy helped me the most. I still have anxiety but my life is so much better now. I had to learn to love myself first and learn boundaries to have healthy relationships with people and especially men.
I whole heartedly relate to your experience. 20 years is an incredible amount of time for healing and recovery. I am just two years being separated and on my own now. Time seems suspended while experiencing things becomes surreal. Two years seems more like two days ago. Twenty years I can imagine will go by in the blink of an eye. It will get better in time I know. I just need to keep at it every day. I will give that trauma therapy a try. Thanks for sharing that and suggesting it.
@@andrewxlv9706 I been in it for 28 yrs. It gets worse as they age. I still replay in my head what was that about and grieve my wasted years . After 2 yrs. I am getting better. Learning about what I was against I am not so hard on myself.
I watch these videos to stop me from unblocking my abusive narcissistic ex. It'll be 7 months no contact on the 14th and considering all the private number calls and stalkerish tactics, it wasn't easy to ignore her. Dr. Ramani always reminds me that I made the right decision.
Please don’t let yourself down and ever give in. Once an abuser ALWAYS an abuser. You deserve better and there’s a whole new life right around the corner just waiting for you. Stay strong !!!!
I do the same . Every time he’s hoovering or send flying monkeys . I start to think I’m the problem . Then I quick run to Dr. Ramani s videos . And boom she saves me lol . Dr Ramani validated me more in three days then I had in 23 years . Thank you Dr Ramani !
I am a survivor and would like to thank you for validating my experiences and letting me know it wasn’t my fault. The narcissist has a way that makes you feel like your going to miss out if you leave the relationship!
Wow! Such a good video. After 9 months of separation, I finally painted my door yellow! A bright happy sunshiny yellow and I felt like myself for the first time in a decade. It’s incredible how much confidence it gave me to simply choose the paint color for my own door.
💕 you described it perfectly....using something superficially so simple as paint color🙏 But that example is not simple at all. There is so much deeper meaning behind it. understood you 100%. Stay blessed and seek peace always.
I am a survivor. I made it out after a 20 year marriage. It took the strength of my chronically ill son to make me see it and we got out late one night after the police were called. Unfortunately, we had a detour while living with my narc father and narc step mother while I got us back on our feet. It was at their urging and snide comments saying I needing mental help that I started seeing a therapist. I described my whole life and she is the one that introduced me to the idea of narcissistic traits. After reading many books and working with my therapist, I feel I am slowly starting to heal. Do I still cry a lot? You bet. Do I still feel lonely? You bet. Do I feel safe now? More safe than I have felt in years. But there are victories. I have full legal and physical custody of our son (that was easy once I took his offer to wave child support in exchange for custody) I have our pets, I have a beautiful apartment and have made some really great friends. BONUS: In about 28 hours the ex is moving across the country! STILL I RISE!
Everything you say makes so much sense. I was once a confident, exuberant lover of life! I made bold decisions and was proud of who I was never caring what others thought. I’m currently clawing my way out of a narcissistic relationship, and I don’t know if I have the strength to ever be who I was before. She just seems so far away.
It is impossible to be who you were before - but that is ok and liberating. You will get past the pain, and become a stronger, more resilient, and more authentic version of yourself. It will feel so much better too, because you will have viciously fought for every ounce of joy and confidence that was stolen from you... when you fight so hard for something, you appreciate having it so much more. Blessing to you on your journey!
Healing begins the moment you learn about narcissistic relationship and realize none of this is your fault. With time, you'll be able to connect with older version of yourself and this experience will only help you become better and stronger in future. Good luck to you for the future.
Same here. It’s happening very slowly but surely. I don’t believe the old version comes back right away. Buckle up it’s going to be a while. Good luck to you friend!
Lisa, it does get better. I’m still in the beginning phase. I did have to go on medication because I was having thoughts of suicide. I’m still second guessing myself and send her uplifting emails hoping that she will change but that just makes it worse… I wanted to be loved so badly that I married her only after 6 months and was willing to risk everything. I’m seeing a therapist, I’m over 75k in debt bc of this, many family relationships have been severely damaged including my father which I had just made amends with from childhood trauma he put me through. I’m going to have a hard time trusting myself to make better decisions when choosing a woman. What really sucks is that my 1st wife passed away bc she was an alcoholic narcissist so now my kids lost another mom… and I feel like the biggest loser in San Antonio. Keep your head up!
After 3 years, I finally have answers. I’ve spent so much time questioning my reality, thinking it’s all my fault and even thinking I’m mentally ill. Gained 50 lbs, stopped doing everything I love, walked on eggshells every day, did nothing but please him. I feel a sense of peace having this information. Thank you.
I’ve been gaslit this horribly too. I thought I was genuinely schizo or something at the worst points. Right now I’m currently looking at a scrupulosity OCD diagnosis which plays into this.
I too gained 50 lbs, low low self esteem, emotional outbursts, sad sad sad, actually very irritable and bitchy too. So I believed all the negative told to me. I am bad, mental illness, etc. But I am out 3 weeks now and feeling how good life can be.
I am a survivor and I am thriving!!! After 27 years I left the shell of myself behind. I filed for divorce and moved out after decades of eroding self value. I found the love of my life and got remarried at age 50. I went back to school at 56 and obtained my first masters degree. I am currently obtaining my second masters degree at age 63 and am thriving, calm, content, and grateful to be free. ❤️
Thank you for sharing. I am just at the beginning stages of ending my marriage. I'm a homeschooling mother and life is about to make a massive change for the kids and I, and that scares me. But, he left and I don't miss him. I don't want him back this time. I don't want this anymore, finally. It is good to hear how you've done big things after your marriage.
Yes, I am a survivor of over 30yrs. He always tried to make me feel that I was crazy, stupid, and many other things. It has taken me 12yrs to start to regain some self-esteem, and courage, be a little more confident, be able to set boundaries, put up walls to protect myself, and be able to stand up for myself. I had started drinking which escalated fast to numb my emotional pain, I can say that I am gratefully 11yrs sober now.
I'm a survivor. I have finally "woken up". All those 40yrs of dating, wondering who was "the one", getting married, getting divorced - then finally at 40yrs old meeting "the one"! So perfect was our relationship. There was no arguing, I did what he said because it made sense. Everythg he said sounded great! Married him, 2 kids, then I started getting sick, cudnt get out of bed, had 2 toddlers, I broke 2 wrists, I noticed my husband literally disappeared when I was unable to vacuum or cook or clean the house. I became literally exhausted from doing everythg myself. Luckily my doctor picked up on my Chronic Fatigue - so I had to start taking better care of myself. Then I started counselling. I had no idea why I felt somethg wasn't right. I definitely "knew it was me", nothing to do with my husband (so I told the counsellor). She kept prodding, until I told her I was actually scared of him. That shocked me, when the words came out! I got such a fright, I didnt want to "create some figment of imagination issue", so I stopped the counselling (just when I could have got to the problem!). I became isolated. And extremely lonely. My husband seemed to be away all the time. It was just the kids & me, constantly. After 13 yrs, he finally made one mistake, drunken texted our son instead of his girlfriend of 9yrs!! I asked him "what's going on?". He kept the straightest face, "nothing", "it's just work-related". The more times I quizzed him, the more he used that phrase "it's work-related". He love-bombed me for one full month. But I didnt feel any emotion coming from him. And he insisted he be allowed to still go out with his "workmate" ... so I kicked him out (so he'd have a good think about things). But he never came back, just left all his belongings & vanished. 3.5yrs separated, he refuses to communicate. I hv done nearly 2yrs counselling with a narc expert. I hv come out of the most awful black smothering fog. I hv cried so much. Been angrier than I've been. Have journalled, gone back to Church, done gratitude work, affirmations, got back into nature, dancing, yoga, anythg to try to feel something again. One day, about 6mths ago, I burst out laughing. Wow! That was amazing! That was when I knew I had turned a corner. I was healing. I had a feeling. I was alive! It was a start. The depression is lifting sliwlt but surely. The anger is still there but less of it. I have lost that hopelessness & that gnawing in the pit of my stomach. That huge hole in my abdomen has closed up. The smothering hurt in my chest has lifted & I can breathe! Hard work getting this far, the kids have suffered along with me. I had no support, there was nothing else I cud do but just survive. And I have. And I am alive. And I can feel joy again. Praise the Lord! He
The first time I met my chiropractor, she told me she learned about this but hadn’t seen it in her practice. I had shoulder and back pain. ??Not normal for chiro? She looked at me and said, “You’re suffering from a broken heart.” My ribs and sternum were forming a “cage” around my heart. I recognized it as true, and carried on as per usual. Narcissistic fodder. Sad.
WoW !!! Thank you for sharing that, someone no doubt read that and had a realization. I hate you had to go thru that, and i normally don't give a shit about other people.
You really had it bad. I’m sorry that man did that to you. Thank God you went to counseling. You are not alone. This kind of abuse happens to even the most intelligent women. That’s because you had a heart and he didn’t. God bless you!
I am a survivor and now thriving after narcissistic abuse. A romantic relationship brought to my attention a lifelong attachment to narcissists; beginning with my mother in the ‘50s. It took a year of therapy with EMDR treatments (and watching all your videos!) in order to get myself back. I now have a new and thriving business. Thank you.
I am a survivor I am merried to a narcissist 33 years now in the process of divorce it should be final soon . We have a business together and we leave together still I move back to my house when COVID stared I listen to this videos because they educated me on this terrible character and I feel stronger then a year a go I was a mess mentally now I am in a meditation class and this videos have help so much and read her books I just take day by day .
I was with a covert narcissistic wife for 26 years, it always felt like something wasn't right, It felt like like there was a dark cloud over my head, I'm doing much better now, I should have seen it, my wife was a textbook narcissist, gaslighting. The silent treatment, devaluation, she acted entitled, and just a lot of crazy making behaviors. I fell for it hook line and sinker, I would always react to her, she was always sarcastic and passive aggressive, I never lost myself but ut was a pretty miserable way to live, I'm living by myself now and rediscovering myself, life is good now. These videos are so helpful. Thank you so much.
Good for you!!! Life is fantastic without a narcissist. I think I have survived my mom and my sister, my ex husband and my ex bf. I'm not jumping into a relationship, I'm waiting for the kind soul that deserves my compassion, my kindness, and sweetness. I have two cats who are so so sweet and who I love so so much. I'm gonna get a great pyrenees too, who is there to say no to me, right? I will be living in my little cabin in the woods with a little creek running through it. Not everything is served on a silver plate, that's for sure. I have my struggles with a lot of things such as my messy desk etc. but I'm so so happy, and I'm grateful.
@@MrIlleism I guess you have never heard of a covert narcissist, WTF? You sound like a narcissist, with no compassion or empathy, it sounds like your judging me when you don't know anything about the situation I was in. People can be with covert narcissists for decades, that's why they call them covert, they are under the wire, they play you, then the mask comes off and you see them for how they really are. You really need to educate yourself before you say WTF? to someone.
@@theclos16 She played me, until your with a covert narcissist you can't really understand it, that's why they call them covert, first they love bomb you, and who doesn't like that? the sex was great, then they start to slowly chip away at you, you don't see it because there sneaky as hell about it, they gaslight you, try to devalue you, there always disagreeable, and just when you've had enough there nice again, and act like nothing ever happened. They know exactly how far they can go, and what they can get away with. I finally got to the point where my blood pressure was so high all the time, that I left her. It was the last year where she really changed, and the mask came off, I'm pretty sure she's schizophrenic, she's mentally ill, and there's no doubt about it. I got out. It was a really slow progression to this point. I started studying narcissist behavior and my wife fit the profile, there's no such thing as a textbook narcissist, but if there were, she fits the profile, I blame myself for not seeing and putting up with the years of bullshit and abusive toxic behavior, but it still doesn't excuse it. You can't change them, that's for sure. I always felt like she was using me but I was a lot younger and I was getting laid :)
I'm a survivor! I have narcissist parents and a narcissist ex boyfriend. I'm trying to fight my depression and trying to live my life fully again. I hope I can thrive and be the best version of myself 💜
I am a survivor! I’m celebrating 1 year free from my 8 years of narcissistic abuse. I am still healing and learning how to love myself again. I can admit I have never been so happy as I am today. My teenage daughter is the one who started educating me on narcissism. I had no idea what this was. Once you understand this disorder you will get the courage to walk away because things will never get better until you do!
It's been 2 years for me after 9. I was targeted for financial gain so the fraud and theft extreme, obvious, she had help inside the legal systems in my town. She coached out 10 year old and dropped him off to add to the struggle and, it is very hard, he tries her games often but his empathy level after 2 years of her has came back. I am still healing, backwards a while once I had him but we are learning. I'm thankful I survived her attacks
My gosh, even after understanding that she's a covert narcissist, the relationship has been the most unrewarding, depleting, mind-boggling, hurtful and draining experience of my life.
Oh dear.. I feel you..never guessed she was a covert..now, 3 months of being out of that, I realized she is a covert narcissist..so fragile, but attention seeking, always giving this bit, which was barely enough to keep me fighting for someone, who never existed in reality..so hard to get flashbacks now, of so many RED FLAG Situations.."love" makes you blind.. I wish you all the best 🙏🏽❤
Yes, mentally, physically and emotionally draining. Pure exhaustion is how I felt. Been almost a year and I’m finally starting to recover mentally from all of it. Now we know!!
Over the last 5 hours I think I watched almost every video out there on how to move on from an abusive and narcissistic relationship. This is so true: the first few weeks there’s passion, strong interest, involvement but it took me 3 months to realise that the person is a narcissist. I broke up with him yesterday and I’m feeling awful like on-every-level awful. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I’m constantly sick. But I know that it was not my person, it wasn’t the type of relationship I want to be involved in. It’s hard to move on now but I need to do it because who else than me?
It took me 6 years to realise I may deserve better.. I survived or trying to survive!! My last cry for freedom came by itself in front of her like some supernatural power came onto me and I said I can't do it anymore...!! I still felt regret and anxiety like before.. that instant addiction withdrawal pulling me back in loop but I couldn't.. I didn't have anything left in me to serve.. to feel alive.. to wake up again.. to face her.. to explain.. nothing! Later I watched these videos and reading comments here to realize I wasn't stupid or any less of a man.. it hurts but this pain is good 🙌 first month completes today.. nothing feels lively yet except my soul 🙏 only HOPE for it to re-build me from scratch!!!
I am currently trying to leave my narcissist. I am struggling a lot with leaving and have so many of the symptoms you are describing. I can’t wait to be on the other side of this. It’s the most draining experience.
Me too! I have 7 year old and 5 year old boys, and I am leaving for their sake as much as mine. To shame their feelings or any expression of their feelings he accuses Me of treating our boys like they are girls and invalidates their feelings and Mine all of the time. I just can’t let my boys be exposed To that and think it’s normal to treat people this way. We would fight and I would say I’m ready to leave and he would love bomb me and I’d think we were finally understanding each other, the pattern starts over again.
Im in a similar situation. Sending you love and light. You wrote that 3 months ago. How’s everything?! I’m in pain cause I know I need to leave... I’m confused.... I want to but I do t want to or I can’t... How are you struggling?! What do you feel?
I am in my second marriage of 8 years, with the second narcissistic husband that I am only just recently recognizing as another narcissist. This video was inspiring and has given me hope for a future beyond this abuse, by giving me information and knowledge about it. Thank you.
I’ve just found the strength to walk away from a very narcissistic man, his ex used to talk to him about her previous partner being narcissistic, I actually thought to myself she went from one to another narcissist..I told him straight the other day sorry but you are the ultimate narcissist! He was shocked and said nobody has ever said that to me. I’m laughing but I’m laughing through all the pain it’s caused me and I hope I recover. He has a massive ego, dresses like he’s an emperor, charming and everyone thinks he is so generous and amazing..he’s actually the most selfish person I’ve ever met..his life revolves around him, he’s arrogant, ignorant and self entitled..he’s told me I’m pathetic when I’ve cried after he told me I was fat..yet he carries weight and has a huge stomach..he thinks he’s gods gift and is obsessed with his looks..he’s made me feel worthless, unloved and couldn’t do enough for him..whilst he cheated on dating sites whilst we were in the same house..it’s devastating
It is dangerous to let them know oh, that they are a narcissist. No contact is the only way to go. I feel bad for those who can't I think if you have children together you must go by the Court's rules for visitation and never stray from those
I found myself expending all of my mental and emotional energy breaking through each of his lies. Everything he said was a part of his web of lies. I was exhausted trying to figure out his every next move, but I felt I had to prevent him from trying to pull the wool over my eyes. He went bananas because I fought him at every pass. I think that I challenged him so much that I made him physically and mentally sick...to the point where he sought medical attention for his anxieties and such. His other "friends" warned me that he was a "master manipulator". I kick myself for allowing this friendship to continue for years, but when you love someone...you try to love all sides of them, even the bad sides. I finally let him go about 4 months ago, and there has been absolutely no contact between us. We completely blocked eachother on all social media platforms, and I have also blocked his so-called friends as well. I miss the friendship that we could have had...had he not been a narcissist.
I am on day 4 of the worst heartache of my life. Listening to theses videos about narcissism has opened my world up. It was like you guys were talking about me specifically with my ex. I have lost myself. I have isolated from my entire life in the attempt to make him happy, and he ends up sleeping around behind my back anyway. I had a feeling he was doing this all along, which makes me sick that I wasn't able to leave earlier. Therapist appointment on Monday. God bless all of you who are going through this. It is a nightmare.
My mom is not classically narcissistic. But I only just realized from looking at this video that she displays many characteristics of narcissistic behavior. And I, have many characteristics of experiencing narcissistic trauma. I can speak to still living with someone like that- because I still live with her. I’ve had to accept that this is going to be difficult (understatement). That she’s not going to change. I’m strongly committed to therapy because that’s often the one thing keeping me above water. It’s the one place I am heard. I can totally relate to the isolation of living with someone that sucks the life from you but who doesn’t give back; “you look in the mirror and no one’s looking back at you.” And the fight that I have to validate myself and my own experiences, to be myself - in spite of the constant criticism, and to reinforce my belief that I am capable of doing things. My life has changed tremendously from the dark days when I had no validation, understanding of what was happening or therapeutic help. And I am on the road to recovery.
10 years ago, a narcissist stole 5 years and pieces and parts of my soul from me. I am a survivor though and I had to leave. I now have a wonderful marriage with a loving man who has shown me what love really is.
"It means making changes and mental shifts at a Herculean level. It means leaving an old life behind". This absolutely resonates for me. My life now bears very little resemblance to the one I had before. It wasn't even a new chapter; I started a new book. But a better one!
We were together for 3 years. It's now been 6 years since I've met him and I still feel the weight of it all sometimes. 2 weeks ago I moved across the country to pursue my grad school aspirations that I let slip away during our relationship. It's taken so long for me to recognize first and foremost that I was abused, and second that I can never see him again. And third, that he is a narcissist. It is hard to describe, but I feel heard here.
Ahhhh. I went with someone who fits this description. It took ten years for me to stop recover, and learn how to attract a good partner. I am now happily married. What a difference!
Congratulations on being able to cut ties with your abuser and finding a healthy partner! I wish and pray from the bottom of my heart that all abuse survivors can find partners who cherish them!
I was married to one for 30 years. Been on my own for 6 years now. Still dealing with the effects. Still have not dated or been intimate with another person since I split with him in over 6 years. So much damage. I am working on myself. Right now I am working on forgiving myself. I have this terrible guilt and anger at myself for letting this happen to myself and I need to forgive myself for what was done TO me!
Definitely forgive yourself. You didn't know what you didn't know. I was married to a covert narcissist for 25 years and just thought he was a 'difficult personality' so would make excuses for his behaviour. When the final discard came it was so utterly shocking to me and took me a few months to make sense of what happened. Now 6 months later and weekly therapy with a counsellor who understands narcissisim and I am starting to slowly put my life back together. But forgiving myself was hard especially when I realised that I enabled him to be a massive jerk my entire marriage and now I know what narcissism is, I so wish I'd taken the kids and run years and years ago.
I know exactly how you feel because I am in that part of my life: anger, anger at myself because my subconscious was screaming at me, telling me that this was soo wrong but I was so in love with this man that I just continue getting deeper and deeper in the worse possible situation until everything exploded in the pandemic and I ran. He still makes my life a living nightmare, we have a little daughter and he uses her to punish me for living the relationship, got so bad that the police now me already by name, but I'm getting the upper hand and see my old me more and more and I know eventually I will win this but I would lie if I don't accept that is still terribly hard.
I am out here surviving and moving toward thriving after experiencing this at work and in a 22 year relationship. I had no idea how bad it was until he was out of the house and I keep getting more awareness and understanding of how much it altered who I was. I got out twice and was pulled back in but my kids were old enough to go no contact this time and so here I am. I am working to heal. Just left my corporate job because I’m done trying to fix things for men there too. I’m done betraying myself for another. I choose me.
This was just one video from the MedCircle all-day Mental Health Summit.
*Claim your free seat to future MedCircle Summits here: **bit.ly/3wF6Lfg*
@@puppymonkeybaby113 I can relate to this so much. I’m sorry you went through that and thank you for sharing.
@DrRamani #DoctorRamani I am not sure if you are taking any new clients, however I would be very grateful to be one of yours. I just have to get a little bit of money first. Still waiting on the first and second and third Covid check from my husband. I mean ex-husband.
“I can see dead people. I can see survivors.” Hahahahahah so accurate 😂🙏❤️
What is the difference between narcissistic abuse and being married to someone who is incapable of emotional intimacy?
This is sooooo true
10 year marriage of this, he controlled my weight, what I ate, how I did my hair, how I dressed. I was his little puppet. Educated myself and I left him. 🙏🏾 went back to uni, law degree, good job, single mum. Happier🙌🏾
I am proud of you
@@Aquarian231990 thank you 🙏🏾
@@noroxxx2349 ❤
Wow!!!! You go girl!!
Good for you! I was just like you! I now own 3 businesses and he told me I would never make it on my own. Guess what....He was wrong! He thought I would say because of money...lol. Now I make my own money!
I am healing and beginning to survive and thrive. I just got accepted to graduate school at 53!
Keep growing!!! ❤️💪🏼❤️😊
That’s super! Thank you for existing :)
This is motivation for my 39-year-old self. Be proud ☺️
That's incredible! Good work!
Fuck yeah! Pardon my French...but, you go girl...I am in graduate school after putting it off many times before over what I think were these type of relationships...currently trying to figure out all of this narcissistic relationships effects on the self
I am a survivor from a covert narcissist. I was married for 31 years. Since I left, I received my bachelors degree in psychology and working in a masters in clinical mental health counseling. I want to help victims become survivors from these toxic relationships. It feels so good to be free!!
Good for you 👏🏼💐😇
Help me 🙂♥️
Your real life knowledge and professional application will really help people. Thanks for sharing your story.
You're amazing! I barely survived my 8-month long stint with one... he was so well loved that many friends were extremely surprised, and some even doubted my experience when I told them about it. You're so strong to be able to give back to the community by educating others about how narcissistic abuse works.
Survivors make the best kind of therapists. Congrats.
Only 2 months free of the narcissist & he is hoovering hard. My no contact is devastating for him. I’m listening to Dr. Ramani every day to stay strong and sane. Thank you, doc. You are the GOAT.
when he happens to get hurt or ends up in the hospital, don't cave, don't go see him. He is there because it's a tactic he thinks will work. He put himself in harm's way.
@@jellybean6778that’s literally happened to me and I caved in my mother saw it however and called it out and now she used a very personal info I had told her about my parents against my mom
❤
Good on you! Keep it up. I have committed, for my own reasons, to stay, knowing that this will be the rest of my life no resolution. I've accepted that the person who I loved and married didn't really exist. I've had to kill the idea of who I thought she was to accept the reality of who she really is. It is very much like death and grief, except I still see her every day. It's like living with a ghost. Actual death would have been easier, this is worse. I know, I've gone through the death of a very close relationship and that, over this, is far easier.
At the beginning of any relationship we should take a quiet moment and say to ourselves...”I was Sam before I met Mark; and I’ll be Sam after he’s gone”. NEVER lose yourself in a relationship.
I’m not sleeping much, like 4 hours a night for months. The level of confusion is aggravated. Cognitive dissidence continues although I am more aware as time goes by. I saw something in my Narcissistic intimate partner that really scared me a couple of days ago. We’re in the discard stage...hard but I’ll get through this. What I saw was a black emptiness inside, behind the face. A black blank nothingness that seemed real. I’m an empath and want to hear if anyone else has experienced something like this
@@diannelynn2243 I just experienced this yesterday and it was terrifying. Luckily I was with my neighbor/close friend when I saw him this final time and it felt like he wanted to hurt me or wanted me to get it through my head for one final time that I was to blame or this horrible disgusting person. He was almost unrecognizable.
And how does one do this when the narcissist is our parent? How does one assume that “self control” when the abuse is something that has always been and is the only normal a person knows. Narcissistic abusers are not just romantic relationships. Some of us have been groomed since birth by one or more narcissistic parents/caregivers.
I know your comment was well intentioned but it is actually a comment that blames the target rather than empowering them. It’s a “hindsight” lesson than CAN be helpful but also not functional as a blanket statement because it assumes that the person has a healthy emotional state to begin with and most targets of narcissists are survivors of trauma (either from narcissistic abuse or other traumatic events) which makes them vulnerable to narcissistic relationships to begin with.
😍😍😍
@@diannelynn2243 I am so sorry you're going through this. Hand in there. Your partner may well have allied himself with a dark being because they didn't think they had the strength to survive. Doesn't excuse it and is definitely something to look out for and be aware of.
On a side note, in case you want to look into it more, the spelling is cognitive dissonance.
It doesn’t surprise me that growing up with narcissists would lead me into three or four relationships with narcissists. You end up fighting for validation of even the simplest things and it never arrives.
Did either of you ever learn self-validation or is it always going to be a huge struggle?
...fighting for validation - wow, well said...that hit me hard because I can totally relate.
@@Ranzo24 I think no matter how self-assured you may be with regard to who you are, what you think, or how you feel, if you attract people who would rather erode your sense of self worth than provide a healthy exchange of validation and consideration, you’ll end up the dysfunctional upset mess they want you to be. For those types of people, they care more about their ego than you or the quality of your relationship with them. People who challenge you to be the best you, with sincerity, will want you accountable for your part in a conflict with them but will also take responsibility for theirs. True narcissists won’t do that ever - I’ve never known one to spend any introspective time, to offer an apology, to admit to any flaws within themselves, or to care how you feel before, during, or after an argument. They are masters of proving how little they care about you. You will always feel attacked in some way because that’s how they want you to feel - less than. In order to heal yourself from the damage they cause, you’ll need to focus on you for awhile and if you can, surround yourself with people who will build you back up from the damage they caused. What I said above only applies to closer relationships. Sometimes someone can have the appearance of being a narcissist when in fact, they simply don’t value you as someone they need or want in their life. How to spot someone with NPD: You’ve known them for years but despite expressing how they’ve made you feel (badly), they’ve never sincerely apologized or shown you a non-verbal apology. They also make baseless accusations (not speculations) as deflection. They want you to feel bad about good qualities you have.
@@MDNightz Unfortunately that description in the last part of your paragraph sounds exactly like what my mother does to me. Ouch. What really gets me is that I have a relationship with God & a big part of that is because of her, because she believes in him & has taught me a lot. She keeps the word close & is very good at pointing out wrong in many people's doings/ behaviors. She's deeper than the average mom or person in a way, I'd say. Yet when it comes to her being in the wrong she either deflects until it drives me insane or sometimes I'll even hit a nerve from pointing something out very clearly about how she's behaving & she'll react in anger. It's all very strange & I hate it so very much. I have expressed to her how I feel as clearly as possible in different ways, & I've tried just about everything with her to get my point across & to try & help her to be better. For our relationship to be better. But no matter what, she always ends up behaving the same way over & over again. All while claiming to know God herself & fearing him, but blaming everything on me & then telling me that I do just that.. It is truly insanity.
Yesssss. Carrot caarrot they hold a shiny validation illusion out ahead, if we just lose more of who we are, diminish ourselves, are they happy now? Nope, never will give an ok, you are validated.
Dysphoria, aka I walk around like a zombie. No joy and no self value. Strangely until I learned this was a thing, I thought it was normal and I was a mentally ill person... always diagnosed as "depressed" . NO MORE!
God bless you Dale, get out and get therapy right away and be very selective about who you surround yourself, choose loving caring environments
@@jennifercarleton7550 thanks I have been in therapy for ten weeks. When I described the part about walking around like a zombie. That was when I was in the narc relationshipS. I no longer feel that way.
@@daleswain9520 Okay honey, good for you! Wish I would have went, but you also need a specialist in this area, and I didn't know WHAT was going on, only that it was systemic abuse and I was exhausted and depressed to the core of my being after 10 years, it's been 12 years since we broke up and I'm still reeling from the effects of co-parenting with him. He hasn't changed in 25 years! I never understood how a person could not learn a lesson until I began studying this in the last few months and found out that this person became warped somewhere in their childhood and they have a false self that is designed to ensnare victims, and a cruel inner core that needs to destroy you to feel good about themselves. Good luck, sending you LOTS OF LOVE & ENCOURAGEMENT!!!
I’m dealing with an overt violent very obvious narc age 26 it’s my own estranged son. It occurs to me often as I look at videos and comments: the covert narc is much worse. It’s subtle. The flying monkeys and sympathizers are abundant. The clever covert narc will always be able to play the victim. My son repeatedly batters women and then still tries to play the victim. All narcs are excellent at “crazy making”. This is what narcs do. My son does it too, arguing arguing on and on. but he’s so violent so obvious. He’s the crazy one. Very shameless about it. Losing his temper screaming crying yelling in public frequently. My son is the super super overt obvious controlling arrogant bully. textbook narc. He’s on the far end of the spectrum. Learn about the spectrum. And come to understand that everyone experiences moments of narcissism. Everyone falls somewhere on the spectrum. Disorder. Remember that word. Ppl with NPD have a disorder/ meaning that dysfunction & disorder occurs in their life. When somebody shows you who they really are? Believe them. Don’t forgive or give 2nd chances to ppl. I think when u meet and/or deal with a disordered. narc you’ll see signs in the beginning. Get weird feelings. Notice odd things. Good luck always.
You could be a narc magnet. I was in my life for sure. I raised up a little baby narc. My son. Whatever happened betwixt you and the narc you met? It was a valuable learning experience. Choose your partners in life wisely. But don’t be so hyper aware that you dismiss everyone as a narc. Great ppl successful confident ppl can be high on the spectrum. Also learn about OCEAN. It’s the way doctors measure personality traits in a general way. A in ocean stands for agreeability. An important trait in a healthy well balanced personality. Narcs are always lacking in this trait. Always.
Ended a 14 year marriage of this, and I can say it is so much harder to realize you’re in it than you think. If you’re going through this know that there is light on the other side and you are so so loved. This relationship does not have to be a life sentence. You can get out. I love you! ❤❤❤
Thank you!!! I needed that!
Thanks!
I am in a complicated relationship with a girl. She is going through a narcissist relationship now. She loves me want to move out from his house but he is not letting her go. He is threatening her for alot of things. She is so confused and she don't feel she have enough courage to move out of that house. But she wants to. Help me out how I can get her out from there and we both can live a happy life. I know she is capable to do alot better in her life. She discussed her goals and bucket list with me. I don't think so she discussed that with him. Survivors please help me out.
Thank you
Well I'm stupid but when I see the truth I except it.
I couldn't figure out why my wife was this way until I came across a video about this subject.
When I realized they never change an even deeper depression hit me 😭
Almost 20 year with 4 kids, so I can't leave for their sake.
I don't think there's anything anyone can do.
@@danno5805brother...I have been in a marriage to my female narc wife for 25 years. I learned about covert narcissism 5 years ago and I too stayed for the kids. Living with a narc is much much different than what the clinical traits state in the DSM 5. I didnt see it till it got intolerable and I did research. Despite staying...my two oldest turned into her flying monkeys and both are narcs just like her. Nothing I did could change that bc narcissism is both genetic and social learning. They learned from watching their mother. I did everything to protect them and it didn't hepl. Btw im a therapist and if I couldn't get through to them,, I don't think most can.. Today, my oldest son at 20 is a full blown narc and I believe he's a psychopath as well. He's my wifes flying monkey and full on collaborator in crime. He's estranged from me bc of his mother's smear campaigns behind my back. My 25 year old daughter is a bit better but she married a male version of her mother, so she's taken on the narcissism as her personality. She's alienated somewhat but she treats me disrespectfully despite setting a boundaries. Shes also anti-dad bc of the smear campaigns from her mother for YEARS behind my back while STILL married to her. It's parental alienation. Brother if I wrote a book on my life experiences with growing up with narcs and marrying one, nobody would believe me. BUT, if I can survive what I've been through, so can you. Do NOT stay. Get a competent coach from TH-cam for one on one sessions to help you prepare. Plan out an Eighteen month exit plan. Save $, get proof of her infidelity via a PI, coordinate everything so you file for separation the same day you move. Do not ruminate about getting half of your possessions bc they are just that. You need to save yourself and rebuild your life by yourself. No....they don't change and you can. That's the beauty of being a well functioning empathetic human being. Be well my friend. I know exactly what you are going through abd you can do it.
I am a survivor! I was married to a narcissist for 20 years. I was financially dependent on him, as he talked me into retiring. The final straw was 5 months of the silent treatment.I packed up, took my dog and cat and moved in with my daughter and her family. Now 6months later I am working full time, I just got my own apartment.and am beginning to recognize that person in the mirror again.
Same here, sending you a hug.x
So proud of u babe
The silent treatment...I can relate to that as well. I am currently sitting at one month of a silent treatment (and many others previously) and it hurts so much. For me, not having closure is very painful.
Oh my goodness 💓 you did it!! I'm so happy for you.
It often seems to fall into the silent treatment. That's where my 20 year marriage ended too, but it is also where it began. Just a matter of degree. I too am myself again - took me 3 years to get here, but I am thoroughly enjoying myself. I look at the possibilities now, rather than the impediments. Good luck to you. :)
I ended a 5 year relationship with a narcissist 6 days ago. I never thought I would be able to do it, but I did. I feel absolutely amazing.
Good for you!! ❤️🙏🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 You did the right thing. I left a few months ago and I am still healing
You did it :)
🥳 Celebrating with you for your win!
7 year marriage here! Going through the divorce and I cannot wait to be free!
@@raspberrykissable it is a much more gratifying existence!
The tears started flowing uncontrollably the second she said survivors can spot each other. I had a moment while out at the bar with my narcissist partner (we weren’t fighting and to anyone else would look like we were having a great time) and from across the room another woman gave me the “eye.” That look of just telling me she knows or can just tell and I’m not alone. I just smiled and nodded but I know she heard my every thought responding “thank you, I’m working on my exit plan”
This comment just brought me back to tanking in a tennis tournament (doubles) because my opponent was verbally abusing his wife (tennis partner). It never occurred to me before WHY I tanked. I just lost my sh@& watching it happen and couldn't snap out of it! I have always thought it was mental weakness, or lack of temper control on my part, but now I know it just triggered me and kicked off the PTSD and fight or flight response. I was so LIVID I could hardly see straight.
PS She wouldn't even make eye contact with me. 😢
Me, too.
Wish you all the courage you need for your „exit“ 💪🏽
love your story
I had to pause it to cry. She was kind of reading my life.
If googling keeps giving you narcissistic abuse explanations for what's happening to you, don't waste years of your life trying to convince yourself that the person isn't really a narcissist. Listen to your intuition and do not be fooled by these broken, toxic, unhealthy people. You will break your own heart trying to help them.
Agreed!
Facts. I couldn’t accept that I was with a real narcissist because it seemed like something other ppl went through for whatever reason but not me - how in the hell did I get into this?? And so it kept me behind the research even though deep down I realized this is exactly what I was in. Got to the point that because my love was gone, I was able to really pay attention to his interaction with his children, his mom, me - without the cloud… and said wow I gotta get out. And I did
Absolutely!
@port nut A personality is not properly forged without hardship. positive disintegration. Too different from the unforged, too different from people who have become real individuals. The key to being in union is to not have a sense of self and that is the paradox we must suffer in. We left the herd, we saw, and now we must stand alone. A companionship out here is a rarity. Banished from the Garden
Yes, after over 30 years of knowing and being married to a covert narc and his narc/enabler parents...I am working to get out and away from him.
Looking back, I can see that the abuse started on our wedding day. I got free of a 21 year marriage but never knew there was a name for the abuse, or what a narcissist was. I stayed up nights, coming up with a plan. I left, and I can't say that living alone was easy, but it's way better than staring at that angry little face!
Now I own my own farm, am about to retire, have lovely friends and gratifying hobbies. You can do this.
Stay strong.
I am happy you are doing fine, but it is heartbreaking to read all the stories here, such as yours... How much time and energy it can cost... :(
Aww I’m so glad that you are happy with yourself! I’m working towards that! You sound really nice, so happy your no longer having to look at that angry face. Take care and I wish you well!
Damn this is inspiring! There might actually be life after a narcisstic abuse!
Thank you Barb! We can do this!
On your wedding day?? Wow, I'm so sorry
I spent 24 years under my father’s thumb, and then 13 years in a relationship with someone like this.
I’ve been a survivor for two days.
2 months ago you were a survivor for two days . I hope that now you are a survivor for two months . I am praying for you .I pray that you are safe and well and happy .
@@lucyt-c8092 omg, you’re so sweet! And yes, I’m done with all that now haha I don’t know about happy, but I’m at peace within myself.
Thank you, kind stranger!
So glad to hear you've gotten out! Praying you find joy as well as peace. It took me awhile to find joy.
Congrats! I hope you’re still surviving and thriving!
yo ubeen a survivor from before, keep the head up and the sight to the front! im proud of you!
I would say the first sign will come from your own gut feeling which will send signal to your body telling you that this person doesn't make you feel comfortable being around him/her. The fact that you are already asking this question should alert you to be careful. Something will feel off and you won't know what it is exactly. Covert narcissists can act very charming in the beginning but there will be often also present underlying sense of superiority about them. That sense is actually deriving from them feeling insecure about themselves, so they tend to quietly degrade others in order to feel better about themselves. On the other hand if covert narcissist feels that you are above his league, he will act like your servant, trying to please you - almost annoying in a way. But make no mistake. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, he will downgrade you and abuse you like all the others. Because in his mind, if you love him, he thinks you are unworthy of him. Covert narcissists hate themselves so if someone loves them, than they think this person is worth less than them and that they can do better. Other sign to look for is any kind of judgment towards others. If he criticises other frequently, he will more likely criticise you as well once he gets more comfortable around you. Pay attention to how he treats people that are dependent on him as well. Narcissists hate those especially if they can't get anything of of that for themselves. Moreover, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
My sacral screamed my entire being shut down within a year and then 2 years of SA because he said he was allotted to my body 1 week after a c section
Can't trust your gut if you grew up with narcissistic parent(s).
Lol just an advertisement
Very well said!
You are definitely right. I was talking to a guy that I know from high school . We went on a date and I felt something was definitely weird. There were some 🚩🚩🚩🚩. I had to let him go. I think I encountered one as well. A covert narcissist. Those type are snakes. Sneaky asf.
The fact that she just literally explain my whole relationship in 20 minutes is heartbreaking 💔
I hear ya xxxx
It is heartbreaking, but it doesn’t have to be your long term future
I know right? 🤦🏻♀️😔
I feel u
I'm cring right now. I wonder if you made it out?
When she gave the example of the cat on a blanket and said “oh, I can go back to school!” It brought tears to my eyes. 18 years of narcissistic abuse and now I’m free… and will be graduating from college in 82 days 🥳
Congratulations You! Here is a cheer to a good life! You put in the effort. May you be blessed and enjoy all that is good and beautiful and healthy in this rich and awesome world!
Congratulations
Congratulations 🎊🎈
Congratulations!!!!
Congratulations!🎉
I'm a survivor and I'm thriving. I remember when there was no hope, but I found it and am living in it. Hang in there if you're not there yet.
Thank you for those inspiring words.
It really does get worse before it gets better, but it’s a beautiful journey of self discovery
I’m really trying to survive the effects of my ex fiancé’s abuse. It’s very difficult because I’m still in love with her.
I spent 8 months trying to figure out what had happened when I was summarily dumped by a narc. Those were lonely days, but finding help on line was a lifeline, and helped me make good decisions. Thanks for your post.
Word! 💗
Experienced 28 years of living with a narcissist.Escaped three years ago and I am now very happy .
Months ago I came out of a relationship with a partner who was narcissistic. When it ended I found myself looking in the mirror and legitimately having no idea who was staring back at me. I'd completely lost my sense of self and individuality. After seeing my therapist, spending time with friends I'd lost connections with, telling the people I care about that I love them, even experiencing MORE loss, I learned the value of living. Life is too short to spend any energy on people undeserving of your love. You might feel shame or regret that you allowed yourself to give that abuser your time and you might feel like you wasted it. But you are free, and every moment apart from them is still one less moment spent ON THEM. For the first time in a long time, I walked home from a long shift at work with the biggest grin on my face. I survived.
Emma, I'm so proud of you. Congratulations for surviving, and for having the courage to escape such a relationship. I know what you have dealt with and I am sorry for your pain and the loss of who you were. But you are stronger now, and a better person for having gone through this experience, just like me and all the others here on this page. I'm proud of you and your working to find yourself again. God Bless you and keep you safe and happy. BE HAPPY and keep that beautiful smile on your face. Namaste, xxx
So well said, Emma. You have my full respect.
😳😳😳 not recognizing myself in the mirror hit me before my nine years marriage to a narcissist collapsed. It's a sure sign of abuse....
Wow, thank you for sharing, Emma! I really resonated with your post especially when you discuss looking at yourself in the mirror and not recognizing who was staring back at you! I felt the same way when I left my narcissist for the 8th and final time. Breaking free of the cognitive dissonance was so painful but it truly was worth it. It’s been a little over 2 years since I’ve left the relationship, and now I no longer feel shame or regret that I let this person waste my time. I’ve now reached a space where I can appreciate the sorrow I experienced in the relationship because it has allowed me to understand what true joy is, taught me to honour my worth, has helped me uncover my childhood history of trauma which made me susceptible to this relationship, and has helped shape me into the incredible woman I am today. I really hope everyone who has experienced one of these relationships can arrive at this space in their own time and find healing from the regret and shame.
In the words of Khalil Gibran “your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else could it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is it not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potters oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit the very wood that was hallowed with knives?”- Joy & Sorrow, The Prophet
I thought it was only me who didn't reckonise the Face in the Mirror. .Now I DO and I ❤️ the reflection.
I'm a survivor! Left my marriage of 33 years, went back to school at the age of 56, became an Addiction Counselor working for Inyo County, and married the nicest man I've ever met. Surviving is thriving! ❤️
Wow your story gives me hope
Congrats you deserve the best🎉
good for you!!!!!
Seeing this gave me so much hope! Thank u for being brave
Gives me hope. Bravo! So amazing!
I just left my narcissistic relationship 3 days ago after 5 years. Thank you for educating me on what I've been dealing with - This too shall pass. Blessings to all the survivors out there - sending love and light to all
Thank you. We will survive this
Whitney, I am proud of you. I just left my narcissistic relationship 5 weeks ago after 4 years, we were engaged. I kept putting it off thinking something is wrong. Yes this will pass. It is strange to see men in relationships like this but the narcissist's are popping up everywhere. Good Luck and NO CONTACT if you are in a situation where that is possible.
@@Gettingitreal good for you😃❤️
Mine now 3 weeks broken up ..no contact..and we were together for 8 years. ugh......it was so textbook...
@@jambo731ditto brother. I'm in the process of leaving my 26 year marriage. Yes....im learning that there are alot of us men in marriages with covert narcissists.
Just got out of a narcissistic relationship of 10 years this March. The worst thing she ever did which I only discovered last month. She told me she was pregnant (knowing how much I've wanted to be a father). She told me not to tell anybody about it until after the first trimester. Because I know it's a common thing I said nothing. When it came close to the first trimester being over, my foreman on my worksite saw me smiling to myself and asked me what I was smiling about. I hesitated and finally just said, "I'm gonna be a dad." I went home and told my wife that I'd told my foreman. I didn't think it was a problem, because he had no relation to anything in our personal lives. She got angry and said I shouldn't have said anything. Her specific words were, "What if you told someone and now something happens?" I said, "Why would something happen? It's not just gonna go wrong because I said something." The very next day she called me crying frantically that her stomach was hurting and she was bleeding everywhere and she was at the hospital. Immediately I left work and drove as fast as I could to the hospital. I should've noticed back then, but when I had arrived she wasn't crying nor did she even appear to have been crying before. Later on she said to me, "You weren't as sad about losing that baby as I was." Looking back at the situation I realize, I don't believe that she was ever even pregnant at all. That kind of stuff breaks your heart. For four years I mourned over a child that never existed.
These things do happen… I’m sorry but yes she probably never was pregnant 😣
That is heartless and cruel. I'm so sorry...
I experienced the flip side of that... My husband (a narcissist) cheated and abandoned me with a newborn baby and a child I've had to raise completely by myself no partner to help. Almost no help from family.
@@vhayashi7369 I pray that God sends the right people to support you and your children. These narcissists out here be narcing! Stay strong, sister!
My heart goes out to you and your recovery. No wonder we lose faith in humanity.........
Omg that is f'ed up🤬
Dr Ramani should be awarded by the president of United States of America
Can someone please give this woman the Nobel Peace Prize for hacking the absurdity of narcissism and narcissistic abuse!
PERIOD
AGREE TOTALLY♥️♥️♥️♥️Thank you for everything, Dr. Ramini!!
My sincere wish is a major movie is made about people who are going through narcissistic abuse and it’s stated they’re specifically going through narcissistic abuse. It would be great if Dr. Ramani has a cameo appearance speaking what narcissistic abuse is, like when she did that Ted Talk about narcissism.
Narcissistic awareness really needs to be brought to the masses. Narcissists are able to thrive and abuse people in secret because the public doesn’t know how to recognize the signs.
Presidents are most likely to be narcissists. So that would be ironic!
Im a survivor/ thriver!. 37 years in a emotionally abusive marriage. Um 60 years old. My life truly began 3 years ago!
Congratulations for reclaiming your own life! You sure deserve a life of your own!
Good FOR YOU!!!!! Keep Moving Forward!!!!!
Congratulations I'm 62 thank God we are free keep moving forward and I will do the same
good for you! I'm 60 and went back to school too. I'm not concerned what my hubby complains about anymore. But I'm thinking this relationship is done after 39 years of marriage.
It’s so encouraging to read all these comments. I’m 62 and trying to leave an emotionally abusive marriage. It’s hard as my husband is taking on the role of the victim and playing on my emotions to try to win me back. I feel like I’ve totally lost myself in the relationship. Leaving is going to be the hardest challenge I’ve ever faced, but I’m determined to succeed and reclaim myself.
I'm still in the middle of this abuse... Thank you for letting me know that this is NOT all in my head !!! ❤️
Me too 😔 they make sure that it is damn near impossible to leave. 😡
Wishing you both the best🙏🏻💛
Amen!!!
same 😐😐 I am even sick right rn. I might get surgery soon.
They make you feel like you are alone. You are not! Sending hugs.
Survived 26 years with a narcissist and I felt like Dr. Ramani was describing my marriage. I've been in a wonderful relationship with a good man for 3.5 years, have the best job with the highest pay I've ever had, and am happier than ever. It hasn't been all roses since leaving, but my life has been immeasurably better in every way.
I am happy to hear that there is a chance to build a healthy relationship after those experiences.
gives us hope - well done
What I found the most serious thing in the narcissistic relationship I have been in for many years, was the brain fog. I ended up completely confused, could not concentrate, like being drunk all the time. Apart from all the other symptoms.
@Ericka Hill Yes, so very right. The constant drama and chaos. Very well expressed. Thank you.
I had a serious concussion and was not clear thinking. BUT at some point I became clearer and was convinced that I was still confused (NUTS). This went on for 4 = yrs until I realized that I was not the one who was confused. It is so easy to believe what we are told, even when we think it is not right. Then I found this website and learned the truth.
Same
They do that to make you feel stuck as if they are the only person you can relate to.It's often times feeding ones bad habit instead of encouraging them to heal!! They do it to keep a person stuck with them,because they themselves don't and won't change!.
Omg YES! I was so shocked that it was possible to experience this within a couple months and by 6 months I was completely lost and it took over a year to come to terms w what happened and slowly validation began w help and yet I still ruminate over how it got to that point and shame is still very present but I am hopeful ❤ I hope you’re doing ok
Thriver here! Got out of a 4 year relationship with an abusive narcissist. It was difficult at first but you just need to be strong in your boundaries. Now I'm in grad school, gainfully employed, married to an amazing man, and expecting my first baby. Life is good on the other side ❤️
Nice! So refreshing to see a positive story here. So happy you’re free now! We started our channel to provide similar support and guidance to people suffering in ways that can’t be seen.
Congratulations! God is great!
Proud!
This is what my grandmother would of loved to hear and see.
I think when anyone is dating, I always say don't rush into EVERYTHING take your time and learn each others habits. Once you know this is it then hopefully you are on the road to positivity. X
Congratulations!! 🥳🙏🏽
So happy to hear happy stories like this!
I’m just now learning that what I experienced was abuse. It never occurred to me that it wasn’t normal or my fault.
Yeah, I get that for sure. It wasnt normal, and wasn't our fault. And just because we say so doesn't render us somehow weak and substandard. Many grew up in families with secret, disgustingly hidden dynamics of dysfunction. I still feel like throwing up and taking off never to be seen again. (Even though they 're dead now)
@Lisbeth Bird I feel that so much!
I did not know how badly damaged I was until I tried to get started again with life. I found it does get better with time, patience, and practice. Thank you for sharing.
Just out of a 33yr marriage, and realizing, It not all my fault.I was blamed for everything, that in cluded the weather? I was, am still paralised with fear, because Im still struggling with my heart and head. What did I do so wrong? Hes with a friend now, why is he different with her, will he be defferent with her? Is it just me
@@stephaniehoward1716 Don't freak out or get even more nervous, but, you were targeted by a "person" who 1) doesn't know you, and 2) probably gets pleasure from controlling you with b.s.
It's all about getting a reaction, and a sense of power over someone=something. Because, make no mistake, in their world, you're a thing.Shiz I don't mean to frighten anyone.
I am a survivor. I am surviving, healing, growing, and using radical acceptance. I love myself, and am worthy of healthy friendships and relationships. So Do YOU!!!
Surviving after a 20 year marriage to a covert narcissist followed by a childhood with a horrible narcissist of a mother. I've been free for four months - at 38, this is the first time I have lived for myself. I have a lot of work to do in myself still. But you saved my life by waking me up, Dr. Ramani.
I’m so happy for you!
I really from the bottom of my heart say Good luck to you. Continue to be strong! Start a New life. Do what you want to do. I'm happy for you!
Bravo
I‘m so happy for you!!! ❤ wish you all the best.
Shut out negativity n listen to your heart! Don’t go back
I put Mayo on my sandwich for the first time in almost 20 years! I’m remembering who I used to be
Aww ♥️
You can do it ♥️
Forget what lays behind.
P31Woman was a very decisive woman
Her wise husband trusted in her.
Some men choose not to recognize her worth
They are blind by choice.
I'm a survivor and thriving...GLORY
Wow blessings ❤️
I bought a gallon of whole vitamin D milk poured myself a tall glass and enjoyed every drop!
When she said, you can cook with garlic, that is me. My narc ex constantly blamed his blow ups and behaviours on his indigestion and stomach issues. I tried so many different diets and ways of cooking to reduce his angry reactions. I had been over two years without garlic when I finally left this summer.
Every clove is a celebration now.
@A it was only one of dozens of excuses for blowing up. Did he legitimately have IBS? Maybe, doesn't matter. He also blamed depression, anxiety, being hot, being cold, being tired, being hungry, having a bad day at work, having issues with his family, etc etc etc. Not to mention all the times I "made" him blow up from something trivial and innocuous that I had done. Everything was a slight.
So yeah, if garlic can represent a freedom from the abuse and from all the failed attempts on my part to reduce the abuse, then bring it on!
I love garlic!!!
For me he told me that he is elergic to perfume, and he doesent like when i where makeup... so i put perfume in the car, and try to ignore him when he talkes about my makeup...
Love it! Go You, and Looove that Garlic.
That hit me very hard, too. I've had to completely change the way I cook for 5 years. No garlic, onions, spicy food, ethnic food, beans, etc. I've lost myself.😪
This is a horrific experience that I can't even find the words to describe. Wanted to die so many times...lucky to still be here. I now exhibit some of the signs of being a narcissist myself...overly concerned with my looks..don't know still if I am the narcissist or him...makes me feel crazy.
I survived narcissistic parents, major damage was done by my mother as I was the eldest sibling and the only daughter. made it out of home by 16, but had to go no contact in my mid twenties after a major depression episode that nearly killed me, during which I had to stay at my parents where my mom's abuse hit its darkest and I was encouraged regularly to suicide. it took me 28 years to be able to date, and in despite of all the knowledge and awareness I gained through therapy and self learning, I landed a covert narcissist (just like my dad), I recognized his behaviors early on but doubted my judgment, but after our first anniversary I ended the relationship. now i'm 30, part of me is grateful for overcoming the both experiences, and the other part is so bitter and sad for my lost 20's. I feel like I'm starting my 30's building everything from scratch, but I hope that this decade I will do better.
Similar - in 30s, regret lost 20s
You are now preparing for an incredible future
That is great 👍 I am 60 and just getting it
30’s is still young, some don’t figure it out in a lifetime
You still have time. Get therapy. Change yourself first.
When you said “you are not alone” - I started to cry. Thank you.
❤️
You are not alone, hearing and knowing is helping me get through my new life after a very toxic relationship...Thom
Been there, life is so much better now that I’m out & away from it. Bless you, stay positive!
Bless you me too, why does it take so long ? The knowledge out there today is amazing, we need to tap into it. Listen and learn, that’s the key to moving on from these monsters.
@@wendyhannan2454 I agree ☝️ when we were growing up we didn’t have tthis information and knowledge is power . So thankful people can see this . Women are being shamed for breathing air ❤️❤️🙏🏽
I'm a survivor and my greatest weapon is learning about the psychology of a narcissist on this channel and a few others. Never have I spent so much time on youtube until I found out about narcissistic abuse. For 14 years I knew something serious was wrong, but didn't know there was a syndrome for it.
Same..
Same here!
PreciseLeigh.
Same same
Same.
My mantra: A Dr. Ramani a day keeps the Devil away! Lol! Love her and appreciate being educated by her. I’ve been so enlightened and I keep growing!
I like this mantra lol!
She is the best! Her videos have helped me so much!
Absolutely. I agree
Fantastic mantra! LOVE IT!
Love the mantra...
I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I felt like I had forgotten who I was. Now I know myself better than before. I went on to graduate from nursing school with honors and actually figured out that I am good at painting and drawing which is now my favorite hobby! These videos is what helped me to heal. When I started watching these TH-cam videos it was like a light bulb went off in my head and I finally understood that I wasn’t the failure he made me out to be and that I never would have been able to do anything right in his eyes. Knowledge really is power.
Omg. Been in my situation for 23 years. Went to nursing school and have failed my Nclex test twice. Everytime that I'm scheduled to take my test he does things to distract me. Praying I can get out of this before the next time that I take my test.. I'm so happy for you!
Yesterday for the first time in 25 years I laughed, really laughed, until the tears fell down my cheeks and my diaphragm heart. It wasn't even over something that was amazingly funny.
Its such a relief to really laugh again. I thought I never would.
Nadia bowley, I know that feeling so well. Didn't laugh like that for a year and months, until few months ago...in the middle of night I just remembered something funny/silly...texted my girlfriend and laughed so hard...I couldn't believe it. The joy of knowing that in this God given life I will never again share my personal space with that demon and others I figured later....it just gives me joy😊😊😊😊😊. I am just smiling as I type this😊😊😊. I am on my 2nd year of no contact. Life is good
I'm so happy for you
@@waiting4hispromise486 thankyou😊. I pray the same for you🙏🏽
Yep, those parasites steel people's joy.
Beautiful 🥲
The love bombing cycle and trying to get back what you had reminds me of " chasing the dragon" trying to get back that first feeling and it never comes no matter how hard you try.
It hurts to admit that I've been chasing that for decades as well....
@@robb4cubs I'm sorry for your pain. For me personally it's in those moments of self honesty that I am able to go forward. Never easy be kind to yourself 💚
I'm a recovering addict and also recovering from narcissistic abuse and you are exactly right! Both are addictions and very hard to break.
I agree. When I was in a relationship with a narcissist it truly felt like I was fighting an addiction. It was confusing and I was constantly grieving, then feeling ecstatic and loved again which of course would only last long enough until he had my attention back and then I'd be feeling diminished and discarded and alone and crazy. Eventually I felt like I was being dragged through the mud by someone who wouldn't just let me go... It felt like a drug addiction. I literally could not stop and I felt hopeless. Truly hopeless. I eventually did put an end to it somehow. I mustered up enough strength to somehow shift my pattern of thinking and get myself out. If I hadn't figure out how to do that (which of course I don't even know how to explain now- it was almost like a miracle that I was able to pull myself out of the madness) I don't know where I'd be.
Once they take that away they never fully bring it back. The love bombing is just to hook you.
I am a survivor. 1 year out of the relationship. And I'm moving forward in my life, slowly but surely. Finally starting the podcasts I've dreamed of for years!
YOU GO GIRL💖🌺 I LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THESE BEAUTIFUL BEGINNINGS AFTER SUCH TOXIC ENDINGS. KEEP GOING HUN
@@rosebud_blooming 💙
It is 1 year for me too😘😘😍😍😍
Three years out and the 20/20 insight is very important as I work with supportive counselling.
Under the control of narcissists since birth till senior I could not understand or see clearly how or why anyone would behave in such confusing and intentionally abusive ways towards someone they profess to love. Verbal and physical assault, stalking are against the law but they always have a way of claiming innocence and even that they are the victim so there is never or seldom any legal consequence to face and no justice for their victims. Narcissism is rampant and as a society we must find a way to remedy this. Currently, victims are being counselled for PTSD from narcissistic abuse, clarity on why they were victims, and how to recognize relationship red flags, build stronger boundaries, and learn to love themselves enough to never make even one act of abuse ok to overlook. However, the narcissist needs supply, will continue to hunt for more prey, and having already violated all previous partners and faced no legal consequences will yet again abuse more partners.
@@ka8990 You are brave and strong Astra. Well done. Keep going because every day forward is a day further away from all that pain and torment. You are a strong, lovely person with a heart of gold. Be Happy, because you deserve it, and make sure you take good care of yourself. You deserve a wonderful life with someone who will love you for who you are, not for what you can give up for them. I'm proud of you Astra. xxx
I’m surviving and thriving. Trust me there is hope. I’m now with my soulmate and life is great
I am a survivor. My Mother. All three husbands. Surrounded by with narcissistic fiends. I thought I was the crazy one. Always hgh achieving but feeling like a failure. Therapist kept telling me crazy people didn't think they were crazy but never tried to uncover why I felt this way. A true friend was telling me about narcissistic behavior and I found DR Ramani! What an eye opening, educational, self evaluating past year I've had! I'm a 65 year old survivor and no longer think I'm crazy. And working on fixing decades of mental damage. Thank you. You are correct, it is very isolating and not understood by others.
I am soon to be 65 and can relate ...
I am so happy you finally found yoyr way through. Love & light to you💖
❤️
@Kathleen
This too shall pass. I am surviving.
Kathleen, I am 65 also and a Survivor of a Narcissist and a sexually abused split personality parent's. I moved into my adulthood and had 3 long term narcissistic relationships before I worked out exactly what was going on. I had no self esteem, no belief that I was good for anything, or deserved anything. I'm learning that I am actually very valuable, and valued by understanding friends and people who love and care about others just for who they are. You are courageous and intelligent, and you are strong and valuable in this world. I'm proud of you and encourage you to take care of yourself and make sure you have happy moments every day. Life gets better when you learn to value yourself and no longer accept the abuse of others. God Bless honey, and stay well. xxx
It's day 2 of finally getting out, I've been planning this day for about a month now. Thank you for all the work you've done with educating people like me. I was only hours away from taking my own life. I was so hopeless, helpless, and thought I was deserving of the abuse. I saw no other way out! Thank God for all the people who came into my life who kept me going so I could find out the truth of what was happening! I am forever grateful beyond words! Anyone out their going this this.... you are worth it, you are enough! Please reach out for help! Never give up!
Stay strong and live your Sunshine Haven life ⭐⭐🏆🏆🌈🌈🙏🙏😇😇💛💛👑👑🎖🎖🌷🌷
Same here sister and let the experience make us strong again to have the courage to feel the magic of living..
Stay strong , we can't give up ,,we fight for our lives ,,god bless you
I see you, I feel you, I hear you 💓💓
Thank u for the encouragement I'm stuck in this current situation and don't know how to get out without taking me and my dog to the streets to live and although it's better than living this nightmare out it is however unrealistic to think I'd b any better off out there with nothing at all. I'm so so done with this though just don't know how to get to the next level of a successful departure
Married almost 40 years until I could not take it anymore. Divorced one year ago and learning how to live at 63. It is never too late. Either you have it the same way the rest of your life or you change your circumstances. I feel like my own person now. Thank you for the wonderful insights.
I am proud of you. Be encouraged by the breath you take each morning when you rise Queen. It belongs only to you! You are deserving of all great feelings, moments and experiences!!! You always were! No one can take that from you ever again. 🤗💗🙏🏼✨
I salute to you.
I’m 64. Left my Attorney Husband, almost 4 years ago. He tries to keep me in a state
of flux. I’ll never be able to Divorce. It will take a team of Attorneys, to get me away from him.
Over all, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, living out of a suitcase. Always on the move.
I’m just now processing the last 41 years. My adult children, will never understand how dangerous he is, and what he has done.
I was denied a restraining order, but they took away his concealed weapon’s permit, a year later, on the date of him injuring me. Permanently damaging my right arm.
Thank You Deputy Trish, for whisking me off to a safe place.
The Laws need to change.
There are Domestic Violence zoom meetings, with lots of support, and the woman help each other with resources.
Just keep reaching out.
God will send help your way.
These videos, give me strength, I never knew I had.
Thank You
I’m leaving a 36 year marriage at 61 and I just realized my Mom is also a narc. It makes so much sense now.
@@kathysmith7008 been our familiar space since childhood, hasn't it? Makes sense we also chose that personality in "friends" (who weren't capable of being anyone's friend), spouses, colleauges, etc. Once we wake up, we see all those in our past & some in our present. Moving forward, we'll sense new ones from a mile away 😊
I left my narcissist husband a few months ago. We were married for eight years. It seems I even forgot how to be happy. I am glad I got the strength to leave. His words were terrible. He told me I can never get anyone better than him. Now, I am healing, beginning to rediscover myself again and I am also enjoying life with my three daughters.
Yep, mine said that ALL MEN ARE LIKE HIM! I was ALWAYS wrong.
Marriage doesn’t mean anything to people anymore…
@@iplayguitarmain7670right.
Oh boy, those symptoms like rumination, depression, anxiety are not my "personality" but symptoms!
That is by the way a relief to understand. I am not my rumination, my anxiety, my depression, my sadness, my anger (I've noticed that my basic feeling is ANGER. Even when I feel "happy", I feel the hint of anger inside myself. it is not my personality, thank god!
Yeah me too. It's one strange ling trip with these folks. 💓
are you single?
Wow… thank you for helping me realize this within myself!! Sending you much love ❤️
I'm so glad that you shared this because I've felt the same way! Thank you. I'm so sorry that you've had to feel this pain.
Wow...I present with anger too. I ended up on depression meds for my consistent anger after an incident that left me in a position I was not ready to be in, and that caused me so much stress at that point in my life. I am regularly angry with my situation as I feel trapped in a relationship (if you can even call it that) that I have realised if basically non-existent. Once I took intimacy out of the equation it was apparent that the whole relationship and premise of being loved (even though he can be an ass often) was a lie. He believes he does nothing wrong, and I just expect too much. Because I get so angry at my needs not being met and lose my shit, I am labelled as abusive.
We can't have a 'conversation' in private, or public, that doesn't result in him cutting me off and talking over him because his train of thought and his opinions are always more significant and important than mine. He can't handle even the slightest criticism, whether directed at him or not. Extremely defensive.
He works a physical labour job, and I look after the 5 children, 2 of which I homeschool, one goes to primary and the other 2 are young.
He sees himself as deserving a break and being able to do things outside of us, but doesn't see me as being worthy of the same break, and his remark when I speak of the unfairness is always that I don't know how hard his job is and what I go through is nothing compared to him...invalidation of the challenges of raising the kids and anything else my day throes at me.
He expects me to help him when he needs help, but when I ask for help it either doesn't get done or can literally take months. He's always too tired to help me.
He also has terrible habits, and is lazy in the home, validating to the children that my expectations of keeping the house clean(ish) and keeping things organised is unreasonable and unfair, so I have constant struggles with the older children and I'm so worn down from parenting, constant struggles and trying to teach a man how to respect his partner that i have very little patience for anything...add sleep deprivation for the last few years with the toddler and baby and you have a seriously angry woman!!!!
I don't know how I can not get angry in this kind of situation. I'm not for one second claiming I'm perfect or don't have my own annoying problems, but this is the reality of my life. I'm too weighted down most days to feel genuinely happy.
I don't really think he's a full blown narcissist, but he definitely has many of the traits and is unwilling to work on our relationship in a way that will help it be successful and loving again, if it ever actually was on his end. He doesn't want to do couples therapy because "he's not paying someone to tell him he's doing everything wrong and he's the problem"... kinda says a bit right there... i highly doubt we will stay together once the kids are grown. Kinda sad really 🤷♀️
Just want to say I was having a down day today..and this powered me back up 💪
Hope your up and up continues. Bad days aren't forever. You've been through worse. You'll get through this xx
@@shoopydoopy9388 thank you 🙏 xx
I got through so much with insanely positive thoughts! My life is just happy! It’s easy to use down with out something to lift! Being brought down is easy, lifting takes more power!!
Exactly!
Yes stay strong! As I drove to the park with my dog I saw how happy and excited she was and I realized that I am finally happy and excited for each morning. Living without the huge weight that I had on me. Hip hip hooray! We are free!
I am a survivor, and after being so embarrassed and ashamed and felt alone for years, I finally started to share my story with other women and recently started a TH-cam Channel. I am working on my Book. Finding me again after depression and suicidal thoughts is just so amazing. To anyone going through this, there is hope and power, and strength when you survive.
Congratulations on your channel and your book
Followed 😊
Congratulations for speaking your truth!!! So proud of you!! I followed you… 💜💜
Thanks for sharing this.
💕🙏✨
I’m coming out of a narcissistic abusive relationship now and I’m in so much pain. It’s been all I can do to focus on healing from the angry outbursts, the name calling, the gaslighting and what not….. I’m just praying that when I look back in a year that I’ll feel better.
I got out of my engagement with my partner of 4 years. He was what I felt a narcissist to the core. Talking about issues and needs not being met with him was a nightmare. He would have to see what he did wrong to understand what I was saying. He was never wrong. I would repeat the same things and talk in circles with him over and over again. It was draining. I never felt so depressed being with a person in my life. I had given so much of myself to help improve his life that I began to lose who I was and my identity. He wasn’t a malicious person. He would never wish harm on anyone. He’s give his shirt off his back. But he lived as everyone revolved around him. I’m happy it’s over. We’re trying friendship but that’s not going over very well. I’m learning that he’s never going to change. He’s never going to listen. He’ll never reflect on his own behavior.
Same here, the guy I was dating did me like this..I always had to explain that you can’t be getting angry with me for something I didn’t do, I was always trying to get him to understand why I would say/do certainly things based on his actions but he would never ask me how I’m feeling or try to understand where I’m coming from.. towards the end which was about 2 weeks ago I tried so hard to fix the misunderstanding we had but he didn’t care and didn’t want to fix it so I had to let go and he just recently blocked me so I guess that’s good🤧🙏🏽
What you said hits home
I’d amend this after further studying he’s got narcissist tendencies. Not who he was to his “Core”
@@valeriemendez3053 if you’re going through something like this. Please, get out. I did it. It’s totally worth it. I severed ties so there isn’t a place for this person to sneak back in as cloud up my resolution. You’ll feel you come back.
Just run
I am a survivor. And totally detached myself from people’s hate and cruelty. And people have noticed my new confidence and starting to say “Every time I see you, you look younger!” (At least 10 people!)
That encouragement makes me look even better! Next birthday I will be 80! I so respect myself in diet,exercise, deportment and smiles I know that I am getting there.
That is a blessing!
Way to go Fay , that's wonderful 🙏🙋♀️❤🧡
My 'Blessing' is my new attitude. No hate, no anger, no bitterness. Just be kind, respectful,and cheerful TODAY. The past is over, tomorrow is not yet.
Yes. Mine left 6 years ago for someone else. We were married over 26 years. It took me several years to come up and gain confidence. People tell me I don't look my age and that I look about 15-20 years younger than I actually am.
Proud of you
My husband just left us and my son told me to watch this video. It gives me goosebumps.
U got a wonderful son love! Keep raising him well! My eldest son is done with my husband
I hope you’ll be ok sweety!!
God bless your son,my dear...and his leaving is good riddance to bad rubbish!
Kimberly I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. I was in a narcissist relationship so I know how it feels. I have been ghosted so I know that too. So sorry my heart aches for you. Will pray for you! God will heal and pray for wisdom!
Just read your comment and hope you and your son are doing a bit better every day. If not now, things will get better ❤️🩹
I was born to two very traumatized narcissists who themselves grew up in highly narcissistic environments. I have experienced so much that putting them into words overwhelms me. But I have made it out of home and am continuing to get the mental health care that I need. I am experiencing many liberating experiences for the first time in close to 3 decades. Building my personality from scratch. I identify toxic behaviours within seconds. It was a bloody battle swarmed with lots of darkness and void to get to the this point and I continue to face many issues but now I am confident that I will be able to survive anything that the world can throw at me. Nothing surprises me anymore, in a good way.
i can relate
I can relate with you. You are amazing and strong. As a super sensitive person l, I developed coping mechanism… but I also developed unhealthy relationships. I feel for my parents as they were born into trauma. It is what it is. Not too much really surprises me. It’s never too late to break the cycle though.
Same here. It makes it difficult when severing ties. But for the first time, I feel free.
My mother remained dissonant her whole life and she died at the hands of my dad. So very sad. I've done much work, however there are many layers. It's a lifetime of unraveling. I am now 55 yrs old.
My Mum likewise. She married in the late 50s when divorce was shameful in itself. So she stayed and died , 15 years ago, quite literally of a broken heart. I only came to fully understanding myself since she died . My Father’s traits are very covert, so although I always knew something was wrong, I didn’t know what it was.
I'm 55 also and my mother did the same with my stepdad. When I turned 17 she finally left. We were homeless but she eventually found a new place. For yrs my brother the middle golden child resented our mom for us becoming homeless, but it was because of his father's narcissist abuse to our mom. Im free now. My mom is now past on. I'm learning I was with a narcissist for yrs, now I'm free to be me.
I am 65 yes old a d my Mother passed away at 61 yrs old cause she stayed in a marriage and she died of a broken heart.
My mother allowed my grown narcissist brother to live with her, and died not liking herself though she was loved and admired by many.
@@psycheread3258 OMG yesssss very similar story to mine 💔
I am thriving!!! Just over 2 years out of at 11 year toxic relationship! I love my new life and new self. That old Jen no longer exists, however she will never forget the lessons learned!
jen brown,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
Happy to hear it, your comment is inspiration 🥳🦋🙏
I've researched narcissism for two years, since recognizing it within my spouse of 27 years & seeing the true extent of abuse. This video has summed up my entire adult life & marriage better than anything I've ever read or heard. I was physically shaking throughout the majority of it. I've had so many ups & downs while being educated on these topics, but I would like to especially THANK YOU for the validation that I was apparently in need of.
Thank you for giving me hope! Hope all is going well with you!
A lot of people don't understand how you can be with someone for so long and not see it, they don't understand, they are very controlling, manipulative, and covert. You don't see it in its entirety until you step back away from it. I hope your not in that relationship anymore because you can't change them, I do understand how you can get stuck due to financial reasons, or have children with them and don't want to put your children through that, but you really do need to think about yourself, there's no need to put up with someone who is abusive, and when you leave they will hoover you, and try to suck you back in, they feed off of you, you are just narcissistic suppy to them.
I also is in this busy getting out. I came from a very abusive childhood where I was the carer. He made me feel better and took care of me. Me not knowing he is gaslighting manipulating and emotional verbal and spiritual abusing me. It took me 5 weeks away from the home away from him to realize my whole dilemma
I will simply say you are not alone in this. In the process of ending a two and a half decades long marriage that was FILLED with it. Went through deep devastation but after coming out of the valley of death, I am looking so forward to a much healthier, happier, and peaceful life. I do this knowing that I leave behind a train wreck that will never get back on a healthy track.
I can relate as I was married and romantically involved with many of these types of men until I discovered what it was all about. It’s not an easy situation.
After 3 yrs of the mental anguish from this type of a relationship I walked away. I realized now how mentally exhausting it was daily. I was in defense mode all the time. My best was never good enough. “ I was not enough “. 2 months out of this relationship and still recovering . Thanks to these insightful videos ❤️ it’s one day at a time… life is slowly getting back on track. Thank you Dr . you are a jewel ☺️
❤
I just wanted to tell someone walking on eggshells and always questioning how their s/o will feel before their own feelings...leave and never look back. I hope you find a healthy, loving relationship someday.
Thanks .
I’m finally understanding what I was living in. I ended up in the hospital alone and sick and the narc did not care. I was alone struggling with my physical health and taking care of two small children. I’m just so grateful to be learning what I thought was me was not. Thank you ❤️
❤️
Didn’t have kids but experienced the same. Glad you survived. Ms. Brine I wish you the best of health.
That is exactly what happened to me to. He even used my physical health a joke. No more! I’m taking my 2 young kids and leaving and choosing for life. I wish you the best Shelley, your strong and will come out even stronger. Congratulations on surviving and you will make it!!
I am in that situation now trying to get out and my health is not good
Shelley Brine, yes, they leave you alone in the hospital and when you're sick you're left to fend for yourself. Something you'd never do to your narcissist!
I survived not one but three narcissists, and so can you. Thank you for a very helpful video.
Any tips for faster recovery? Thanks! 😀
I am in a complicated relationship with a girl. She is going through a narcissist relationship now. She loves me want to move out from his house but he is not letting her go. He is threatening her for alot of things. She is so confused and she don't feel she have enough courage to move out of that house. But she wants to. Help me out how I can get her out from there and we both can live a happy life. I know she is capable to do alot better in her life. She discussed her goals and bucket list with me. I don't think so she discussed that with him. Survivors please help me out.
Thank you
It's harder to leave when a person has nowhere to go; e.g., when there's no family back-up. And friends either don't get it, or don't have the time/energy to be truly supportive. Major reason for being stuck and unable to leave. And many therapists are clueless, as well. I'm very glad this issue is coming to the fore, in no small part due to Dr. Ramani.
This explains my situation. I’m a green card holder married 3 kids in a different country. Since 2005…trauma bonded, according to this video…probably dysphoric. Im absolutely just surviving right now. Unhappy. Alone. Trapped.
Hating life
Seek shelter , that’s what I did
I went to a shelter
Best decision ever
Right on !
I have nowhere to go either. The only family member left is my little brother and he's in Colorado. I'm living with my abusive narcissist girlfriend and it's breaking me mentally.
I don't understand why a person would treat someone so badly they are supposed to be in love with. All I ever wanted is to be happily in love.
I can't even have an adult conversation with this girl without her thinking I'm attacking her character. She elevates it to the max. Guess I was meant to be single forever.
I dated a narcissist for 10 months and got out of the relationship only 3 days ago. I'm so glad that I realized so early what was going on. It wasn't easy to leave but I did it anyway for the sake of my own wellbeing, and I know that anyone can do the same!
Good for you! ❤
Are you still no contact with the Narc?
I so wish mine had shown his colors so early. The flip started 3 years in...we had a beautiful long love bomb
Thank u for sharing I know I need to leave
@@jeanninebooth6415 I feel that, my love bomb lasted two years. Once he had some old friends come back around is when things changed. Those long love bombs really make for the entrapment, because if someone could have you fooled for that long there is no reason to think the change isn't just some weird phase or hiccup that can be fixed.
I am a survivor! I left an 8 yr relationship/marriage and everyone we knew. It took me 20 yrs to work through all the trauma. What I found most helpful was trauma therapy (brain spotting) I had tried medication, counseling, meetings but trauma therapy helped me the most. I still have anxiety but my life is so much better now. I had to learn to love myself first and learn boundaries to have healthy relationships with people and especially men.
I whole heartedly relate to your experience. 20 years is an incredible amount of time for healing and recovery. I am just two years being separated and on my own now. Time seems suspended while experiencing things becomes surreal. Two years seems more like two days ago. Twenty years I can imagine will go by in the blink of an eye.
It will get better in time I know. I just need to keep at it every day. I will give that trauma therapy a try. Thanks for sharing that and suggesting it.
@@andrewxlv9706 I been in it for 28 yrs. It gets worse as they age. I still replay in my head what was that about and grieve my wasted years . After 2 yrs. I am getting better. Learning about what I was against I am not so hard on myself.
I am a surviving coming out of a 3 year relationship. It's tough & I find myself being withdrawn. It's slowly getting better & I'm so thankful..
I watch these videos to stop me from unblocking my abusive narcissistic ex. It'll be 7 months no contact on the 14th and considering all the private number calls and stalkerish tactics, it wasn't easy to ignore her. Dr. Ramani always reminds me that I made the right decision.
Proud of you. Keep going
Please don’t let yourself down and ever give in. Once an abuser ALWAYS an abuser. You deserve better and there’s a whole new life right around the corner just waiting for you. Stay strong !!!!
I do the same . Every time he’s hoovering or send flying monkeys . I start to think I’m the problem . Then I quick run to Dr. Ramani s videos . And boom she saves me lol . Dr Ramani validated me more in three days then I had in 23 years . Thank you Dr Ramani !
we all get private numbers calling us, every day. How are you any different?
I am a survivor and would like to thank you for validating my experiences and letting me know it wasn’t my fault. The narcissist has a way that makes you feel like your going to miss out if you leave the relationship!
😰oh my goodness I just realized this is so exact so accurate
Yes because they isolate you and are constantly reminding you how isolated you are.
@@bennym5244 in what way do you mean?
When the truth is…. You are missing out by staying in the relationship.
What about when you’re 5 months out and still feel this way even though you know it’s not true?
Wow! Such a good video. After 9 months of separation, I finally painted my door yellow! A bright happy sunshiny yellow and I felt like myself for the first time in a decade. It’s incredible how much confidence it gave me to simply choose the paint color for my own door.
💕 you described it perfectly....using something superficially so simple as paint color🙏 But that example is not simple at all. There is so much deeper meaning behind it. understood you 100%. Stay blessed and seek peace always.
I wear red clothes for the first time after I leave my husband.
That's me too
Bravo sister!!!!!!!!!! ❤
You are doing great.
I am a survivor. I made it out after a 20 year marriage. It took the strength of my chronically ill son to make me see it and we got out late one night after the police were called. Unfortunately, we had a detour while living with my narc father and narc step mother while I got us back on our feet. It was at their urging and snide comments saying I needing mental help that I started seeing a therapist. I described my whole life and she is the one that introduced me to the idea of narcissistic traits. After reading many books and working with my therapist, I feel I am slowly starting to heal. Do I still cry a lot? You bet. Do I still feel lonely? You bet. Do I feel safe now? More safe than I have felt in years. But there are victories. I have full legal and physical custody of our son (that was easy once I took his offer to wave child support in exchange for custody) I have our pets, I have a beautiful apartment and have made some really great friends. BONUS: In about 28 hours the ex is moving across the country!
STILL I RISE!
Everything you say makes so much sense. I was once a confident, exuberant lover of life! I made bold decisions and was proud of who I was never caring what others thought. I’m currently clawing my way out of a narcissistic relationship, and I don’t know if I have the strength to ever be who I was before. She just seems so far away.
It is impossible to be who you were before - but that is ok and liberating. You will get past the pain, and become a stronger, more resilient, and more authentic version of yourself. It will feel so much better too, because you will have viciously fought for every ounce of joy and confidence that was stolen from you... when you fight so hard for something, you appreciate having it so much more. Blessing to you on your journey!
Healing begins the moment you learn about narcissistic relationship and realize none of this is your fault. With time, you'll be able to connect with older version of yourself and this experience will only help you become better and stronger in future. Good luck to you for the future.
Same here. It’s happening very slowly but surely. I don’t believe the old version comes back right away. Buckle up it’s going to be a while. Good luck to you friend!
Same, totally get where you're coming from.
Lisa, it does get better. I’m still in the beginning phase. I did have to go on medication because I was having thoughts of suicide. I’m still second guessing myself and send her uplifting emails hoping that she will change but that just makes it worse… I wanted to be loved so badly that I married her only after 6 months and was willing to risk everything. I’m seeing a therapist, I’m over 75k in debt bc of this, many family relationships have been severely damaged including my father which I had just made amends with from childhood trauma he put me through. I’m going to have a hard time trusting myself to make better decisions when choosing a woman. What really sucks is that my 1st wife passed away bc she was an alcoholic narcissist so now my kids lost another mom… and I feel like the biggest loser in San Antonio. Keep your head up!
After 3 years, I finally have answers. I’ve spent so much time questioning my reality, thinking it’s all my fault and even thinking I’m mentally ill. Gained 50 lbs, stopped doing everything I love, walked on eggshells every day, did nothing but please him. I feel a sense of peace having this information. Thank you.
I’ve been gaslit this horribly too. I thought I was genuinely schizo or something at the worst points. Right now I’m currently looking at a scrupulosity OCD diagnosis which plays into this.
I too gained 50 lbs, low low self esteem, emotional outbursts, sad sad sad, actually very irritable and bitchy too. So I believed all the negative told to me. I am bad, mental illness, etc. But I am out 3 weeks now and feeling how good life can be.
I am a survivor and I am thriving!!! After 27 years I left the shell of myself behind. I filed for divorce and moved out after decades of eroding self value. I found the love of my life and got remarried at age 50. I went back to school at 56 and obtained my first masters degree. I am currently obtaining my second masters degree at age 63 and am thriving, calm, content, and grateful to be free. ❤️
What a fantastic story. Many congratulations on all of your achievements.
Thank you for sharing. I am just at the beginning stages of ending my marriage. I'm a homeschooling mother and life is about to make a massive change for the kids and I, and that scares me. But, he left and I don't miss him. I don't want him back this time. I don't want this anymore, finally. It is good to hear how you've done big things after your marriage.
This everything! You go!!! I’m so happy for you.
Yes, I am a survivor of over 30yrs. He always tried to make me feel that I was crazy, stupid, and many other things. It has taken me 12yrs to start to regain some self-esteem, and courage, be a little more confident, be able to set boundaries, put up walls to protect myself, and be able to stand up for myself. I had started drinking which escalated fast to numb my emotional pain, I can say that I am gratefully 11yrs sober now.
I'm a survivor. I have finally "woken up". All those 40yrs of dating, wondering who was "the one", getting married, getting divorced - then finally at 40yrs old meeting "the one"! So perfect was our relationship. There was no arguing, I did what he said because it made sense. Everythg he said sounded great! Married him, 2 kids, then I started getting sick, cudnt get out of bed, had 2 toddlers, I broke 2 wrists, I noticed my husband literally disappeared when I was unable to vacuum or cook or clean the house. I became literally exhausted from doing everythg myself. Luckily my doctor picked up on my Chronic Fatigue - so I had to start taking better care of myself. Then I started counselling. I had no idea why I felt somethg wasn't right. I definitely "knew it was me", nothing to do with my husband (so I told the counsellor). She kept prodding, until I told her I was actually scared of him. That shocked me, when the words came out! I got such a fright, I didnt want to "create some figment of imagination issue", so I stopped the counselling (just when I could have got to the problem!). I became isolated. And extremely lonely. My husband seemed to be away all the time. It was just the kids & me, constantly. After 13 yrs, he finally made one mistake, drunken texted our son instead of his girlfriend of 9yrs!! I asked him "what's going on?". He kept the straightest face, "nothing", "it's just work-related". The more times I quizzed him, the more he used that phrase "it's work-related". He love-bombed me for one full month. But I didnt feel any emotion coming from him. And he insisted he be allowed to still go out with his "workmate" ... so I kicked him out (so he'd have a good think about things). But he never came back, just left all his belongings & vanished.
3.5yrs separated, he refuses to communicate.
I hv done nearly 2yrs counselling with a narc expert. I hv come out of the most awful black smothering fog. I hv cried so much. Been angrier than I've been. Have journalled, gone back to Church, done gratitude work, affirmations, got back into nature, dancing, yoga, anythg to try to feel something again. One day, about 6mths ago, I burst out laughing. Wow! That was amazing! That was when I knew I had turned a corner. I was healing. I had a feeling. I was alive! It was a start. The depression is lifting sliwlt but surely. The anger is still there but less of it. I have lost that hopelessness & that gnawing in the pit of my stomach. That huge hole in my abdomen has closed up. The smothering hurt in my chest has lifted & I can breathe! Hard work getting this far, the kids have suffered along with me. I had no support, there was nothing else I cud do but just survive.
And I have.
And I am alive.
And I can feel joy again.
Praise the Lord!
He
EMDR can further manage the anger. Magnesium glycinate in the evening has made my mind feel better put together. Here’s to continued improvement!
Wow❤️
The first time I met my chiropractor, she told me she learned about this but hadn’t seen it in her practice.
I had shoulder and back pain. ??Not normal for chiro?
She looked at me and said, “You’re suffering from a broken heart.”
My ribs and sternum were forming a “cage” around my heart.
I recognized it as true, and carried on as per usual. Narcissistic fodder. Sad.
WoW !!! Thank you for sharing that, someone no doubt read that and had a realization. I hate you had to go thru that, and i normally don't give a shit about other people.
You really had it bad. I’m sorry that man did that to you. Thank God you went to counseling. You are not alone. This kind of abuse happens to even the most intelligent women. That’s because you had a heart and he didn’t. God bless you!
I am a survivor and now thriving after narcissistic abuse. A romantic relationship brought to my attention a lifelong attachment to narcissists; beginning with my mother in the ‘50s. It took a year of therapy with EMDR treatments (and watching all your videos!) in order to get myself back. I now have a new and thriving business. Thank you.
I am a survivor I am merried to a narcissist 33 years now in the process of divorce it should be final soon . We have a business together and we leave together still I move back to my house when COVID stared I listen to this videos because they educated me on this terrible character and I feel stronger then a year a go I was a mess mentally now I am in a meditation class and this videos have help so much and read her books I just take day by day .
I was with a covert narcissistic wife for 26 years, it always felt like something wasn't right, It felt like like there was a dark cloud over my head, I'm doing much better now, I should have seen it, my wife was a textbook narcissist, gaslighting. The silent treatment, devaluation, she acted entitled, and just a lot of crazy making behaviors. I fell for it hook line and sinker, I would always react to her, she was always sarcastic and passive aggressive, I never lost myself but ut was a pretty miserable way to live, I'm living by myself now and rediscovering myself, life is good now. These videos are so helpful. Thank you so much.
Wow, How were you able to stay with her so long?, heres to healing best of luck.
Good for you!!! Life is fantastic without a narcissist. I think I have survived my mom and my sister, my ex husband and my ex bf. I'm not jumping into a relationship, I'm waiting for the kind soul that deserves my compassion, my kindness, and sweetness. I have two cats who are so so sweet and who I love so so much. I'm gonna get a great pyrenees too, who is there to say no to me, right? I will be living in my little cabin in the woods with a little creek running through it. Not everything is served on a silver plate, that's for sure. I have my struggles with a lot of things such as my messy desk etc. but I'm so so happy, and I'm grateful.
How did you stick around for so long…? WTF?
@@MrIlleism I guess you have never heard of a covert narcissist, WTF? You sound like a narcissist, with no compassion or empathy, it sounds like your judging me when you don't know anything about the situation I was in. People can be with covert narcissists for decades, that's why they call them covert, they are under the wire, they play you, then the mask comes off and you see them for how they really are. You really need to educate yourself before you say WTF? to someone.
@@theclos16 She played me, until your with a covert narcissist you can't really understand it, that's why they call them covert, first they love bomb you, and who doesn't like that? the sex was great, then they start to slowly chip away at you, you don't see it because there sneaky as hell about it, they gaslight you, try to devalue you, there always disagreeable, and just when you've had enough there nice again, and act like nothing ever happened. They know exactly how far they can go, and what they can get away with. I finally got to the point where my blood pressure was so high all the time, that I left her. It was the last year where she really changed, and the mask came off, I'm pretty sure she's schizophrenic, she's mentally ill, and there's no doubt about it. I got out. It was a really slow progression to this point. I started studying narcissist behavior and my wife fit the profile, there's no such thing as a textbook narcissist, but if there were, she fits the profile, I blame myself for not seeing and putting up with the years of bullshit and abusive toxic behavior, but it still doesn't excuse it. You can't change them, that's for sure. I always felt like she was using me but I was a lot younger and I was getting laid :)
I'm a survivor! I have narcissist parents and a narcissist ex boyfriend. I'm trying to fight my depression and trying to live my life fully again. I hope I can thrive and be the best version of myself 💜
I am a survivor! I’m celebrating 1 year free from my 8 years of narcissistic abuse. I am still healing and learning how to love myself again. I can admit I have never been so happy as I am today. My teenage daughter is the one who started educating me on narcissism. I had no idea what this was. Once you understand this disorder you will get the courage to walk away because things will never get better until you do!
It's been 2 years for me after 9. I was targeted for financial gain so the fraud and theft extreme, obvious, she had help inside the legal systems in my town. She coached out 10 year old and dropped him off to add to the struggle and, it is very hard, he tries her games often but his empathy level after 2 years of her has came back. I am still healing, backwards a while once I had him but we are learning. I'm thankful I survived her attacks
Amazing comment 🥰
same for me. my daughter educated me as well
I survived narccism in a church was there for 9 years im out 2 years now ..best decision i ever made
My gosh, even after understanding that she's a covert narcissist, the relationship has been the most unrewarding, depleting, mind-boggling, hurtful and draining experience of my life.
So recognizable.. I'm drained purely by his presence.. I only really relax when I'm home alone..
Oh dear.. I feel you..never guessed she was a covert..now, 3 months of being out of that, I realized she is a covert narcissist..so fragile, but attention seeking, always giving this bit, which was barely enough to keep me fighting for someone, who never existed in reality..so hard to get flashbacks now, of so many RED FLAG Situations.."love" makes you blind.. I wish you all the best 🙏🏽❤
I know the feeling quite well.
Yes, mentally, physically and emotionally draining. Pure exhaustion is how I felt. Been almost a year and I’m finally starting to recover mentally from all of it. Now we know!!
SkyHug
THANK YOU! I'm struggling at the beginning stages of waking up to this and your insights are a godsend!
❤❤❤❤❤❤me too
You will make it ✨
Me too 🌻💖
Over the last 5 hours I think I watched almost every video out there on how to move on from an abusive and narcissistic relationship. This is so true: the first few weeks there’s passion, strong interest, involvement but it took me 3 months to realise that the person is a narcissist. I broke up with him yesterday and I’m feeling awful like on-every-level awful. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I’m constantly sick. But I know that it was not my person, it wasn’t the type of relationship I want to be involved in. It’s hard to move on now but I need to do it because who else than me?
Me at the moment. 😔
@@florvillegas1336 everything will be ok 🥺
It took me 6 years to realise I may deserve better.. I survived or trying to survive!! My last cry for freedom came by itself in front of her like some supernatural power came onto me and I said I can't do it anymore...!! I still felt regret and anxiety like before.. that instant addiction withdrawal pulling me back in loop but I couldn't.. I didn't have anything left in me to serve.. to feel alive.. to wake up again.. to face her.. to explain.. nothing! Later I watched these videos and reading comments here to realize I wasn't stupid or any less of a man.. it hurts but this pain is good 🙌 first month completes today.. nothing feels lively yet except my soul 🙏 only HOPE for it to re-build me from scratch!!!
How are you today? I'm on day 9 and it's all consuming, but such an improvement. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you
I am currently trying to leave my narcissist. I am struggling a lot with leaving and have so many of the symptoms you are describing. I can’t wait to be on the other side of this. It’s the most draining experience.
Girl me too. Let me know if you want to connect and we can vent to each other ♥️ we can do this
Me too 😒
Do it soon. I waited and I wish I didn't. Now I'm recovering.
Me too! I have 7 year old and 5 year old boys, and I am leaving for their sake as much as mine. To shame their feelings or any expression of their feelings he accuses
Me of treating our boys like they are girls and invalidates their feelings and Mine all of the time.
I just can’t let my boys be exposed
To that and think it’s normal to treat people this way. We would fight and I would say I’m ready to leave and he would love bomb me and I’d think we were finally understanding each other, the pattern starts over again.
Im in a similar situation. Sending you love and light. You wrote that 3 months ago. How’s everything?! I’m in pain cause I know I need to leave... I’m confused.... I want to but I do t want to or I can’t... How are you struggling?! What do you feel?
Hearing her information is life changing. It's like she's been watching the last 15 years of my life. 😥
Same 😭
Same
I am in my second marriage of 8 years, with the second narcissistic husband that I am only just recently recognizing as another narcissist. This video was inspiring and has given me hope for a future beyond this abuse, by giving me information and knowledge about it. Thank you.
I’ve just found the strength to walk away from a very narcissistic man, his ex used to talk to him about her previous partner being narcissistic, I actually thought to myself she went from one to another narcissist..I told him straight the other day sorry but you are the ultimate narcissist! He was shocked and said nobody has ever said that to me. I’m laughing but I’m laughing through all the pain it’s caused me and I hope I recover. He has a massive ego, dresses like he’s an emperor, charming and everyone thinks he is so generous and amazing..he’s actually the most selfish person I’ve ever met..his life revolves around him, he’s arrogant, ignorant and self entitled..he’s told me I’m pathetic when I’ve cried after he told me I was fat..yet he carries weight and has a huge stomach..he thinks he’s gods gift and is obsessed with his looks..he’s made me feel worthless, unloved and couldn’t do enough for him..whilst he cheated on dating sites whilst we were in the same house..it’s devastating
❤thanks for sharing. You will heal❤
@@guacgirl thank you so much 🙏❤️
I think you and I know the same person.
I know I married a malignant narcissist. He is covertly malignant as well.... it’s such a mind trip. I hope to be out by the end of this year.
It is dangerous to let them know oh, that they are a narcissist. No contact is the only way to go. I feel bad for those who can't I think if you have children together you must go by the Court's rules for visitation and never stray from those
I am healing as well from the abuse. He was my best friend, and we were like bros, but he was a nightmare. I finally found the courage to let him go.
I found myself expending all of my mental and emotional energy breaking through each of his lies. Everything he said was a part of his web of lies. I was exhausted trying to figure out his every next move, but I felt I had to prevent him from trying to pull the wool over my eyes. He went bananas because I fought him at every pass. I think that I challenged him so much that I made him physically and mentally sick...to the point where he sought medical attention for his anxieties and such. His other "friends" warned me that he was a "master manipulator". I kick myself for allowing this friendship to continue for years, but when you love someone...you try to love all sides of them, even the bad sides. I finally let him go about 4 months ago, and there has been absolutely no contact between us. We completely blocked eachother on all social media platforms, and I have also blocked his so-called friends as well. I miss the friendship that we could have had...had he not been a narcissist.
Same here!!!
I am a survivor! My father and 2 boyfriends were narcissists
I am on day 4 of the worst heartache of my life. Listening to theses videos about narcissism has opened my world up. It was like you guys were talking about me specifically with my ex. I have lost myself. I have isolated from my entire life in the attempt to make him happy, and he ends up sleeping around behind my back anyway. I had a feeling he was doing this all along, which makes me sick that I wasn't able to leave earlier. Therapist appointment on Monday. God bless all of you who are going through this. It is a nightmare.
Sending love
My mom is not classically narcissistic. But I only just realized from looking at this video that she displays many characteristics of narcissistic behavior. And I, have many characteristics of experiencing narcissistic trauma. I can speak to still living with someone like that- because I still live with her. I’ve had to accept that this is going to be difficult (understatement). That she’s not going to change. I’m strongly committed to therapy because that’s often the one thing keeping me above water. It’s the one place I am heard. I can totally relate to the isolation of living with someone that sucks the life from you but who doesn’t give back; “you look in the mirror and no one’s looking back at you.” And the fight that I have to validate myself and my own experiences, to be myself - in spite of the constant criticism, and to reinforce my belief that I am capable of doing things.
My life has changed tremendously from the dark days when I had no validation, understanding of what was happening or therapeutic help. And I am on the road to recovery.
Woooo!..."Looking in the mirror..." This hit the core hard. I've lived it.
Stay strong survivor! We see you!
10 years ago, a narcissist stole 5 years and pieces and parts of my soul from me. I am a survivor though and I had to leave. I now have a wonderful marriage with a loving man who has shown me what love really is.
Awwww so freaking awesome!!! I’m happy for u love
"It means making changes and mental shifts at a Herculean level. It means leaving an old life behind". This absolutely resonates for me. My life now bears very little resemblance to the one I had before. It wasn't even a new chapter; I started a new book. But a better one!
So true ❤
Fantastic. Your becoming self aware. Live your truths. Good luck to you. Peace
I love your comment 💞 Thank you for sharing! I'm at the point where I need to start a new book, and it's soooooo difficult.
Herculean effort.Amen to that 🙂the exhaustion is so real
We were together for 3 years. It's now been 6 years since I've met him and I still feel the weight of it all sometimes. 2 weeks ago I moved across the country to pursue my grad school aspirations that I let slip away during our relationship. It's taken so long for me to recognize first and foremost that I was abused, and second that I can never see him again. And third, that he is a narcissist. It is hard to describe, but I feel heard here.
Ahhhh. I went with someone who fits this description. It took ten years for me to stop recover, and learn how to attract a good partner. I am now happily married. What a difference!
How do you attract a good partner?
I’m so glad you are happy! I hope one day my story will be this
Congratulations on being able to cut ties with your abuser and finding a healthy partner! I wish and pray from the bottom of my heart that all abuse survivors can find partners who cherish them!
I’m a survivor, and I’m still surviving. No one is alone, and time heals all. Sending love and light to you all. ✨✨💕💕
Sending love, peace, n happiness to u always!!!!
Thanks sis.
I was married to one for 30 years. Been on my own for 6 years now. Still dealing with the effects. Still have not dated or been intimate with another person since I split with him in over 6 years. So much damage. I am working on myself. Right now I am working on forgiving myself. I have this terrible guilt and anger at myself for letting this happen to myself and I need to forgive myself for what was done TO me!
Definitely forgive yourself. You didn't know what you didn't know. I was married to a covert narcissist for 25 years and just thought he was a 'difficult personality' so would make excuses for his behaviour. When the final discard came it was so utterly shocking to me and took me a few months to make sense of what happened. Now 6 months later and weekly therapy with a counsellor who understands narcissisim and I am starting to slowly put my life back together. But forgiving myself was hard especially when I realised that I enabled him to be a massive jerk my entire marriage and now I know what narcissism is, I so wish I'd taken the kids and run years and years ago.
I know exactly how you feel because I am in that part of my life: anger, anger at myself because my subconscious was screaming at me, telling me that this was soo wrong but I was so in love with this man that I just continue getting deeper and deeper in the worse possible situation until everything exploded in the pandemic and I ran. He still makes my life a living nightmare, we have a little daughter and he uses her to punish me for living the relationship, got so bad that the police now me already by name, but I'm getting the upper hand and see my old me more and more and I know eventually I will win this but I would lie if I don't accept that is still terribly hard.
It's Not You! It's the abuser that made you believe it was. I'm really sorry you went through all of that.
I am out here surviving and moving toward thriving after experiencing this at work and in a 22 year relationship. I had no idea how bad it was until he was out of the house and I keep getting more awareness and understanding of how much it altered who I was. I got out twice and was pulled back in but my kids were old enough to go no contact this time and so here I am. I am working to heal. Just left my corporate job because I’m done trying to fix things for men there too. I’m done betraying myself for another. I choose me.