Break-Ups Don’t Have to Leave You Broken | Gary Lewandowski | TEDxNavesink
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 เม.ย. 2015
- Dr. Gary Lewandowski, Jr., professor of psychology at Monmouth University, makes the case that if your relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does. Leaving a bad relationship provides an opportunity for growth and learning.
Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski, Jr. is a professor and Department Chair at Monmouth University, Director of the Relationship Science Lab, and co-editor/co-creator of www.ScienceOfRelationships.com. His well-published research focuses on the self and relationships, and his work and expertise have been featured in media outlets (The New York Times, CNN, WebMD, Scientific American Mind, USA Today). Dr. Lewandowski is also a nationally recognized teacher by The Princeton Review among its “Best 300 Professors” list.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
Who else here started watching this because they're feeling like shit? Probably just me
same here
Rymolk me also
Rymolk 🙋🏼
ААAre You What He's Loooooking For? twitter.com/c903839ed82be8bc0/status/804693412402241537 Brеak Ups Donâ t Have tо Leave Yоu Brokеn Garyy Lewаndowski TTTTEDxNavesink
Nah man. I scour TH-cam for videos like this all the time. Plenty of us are right there with you.
“If a relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does”. This is the whole purpose of relationships, supporting and helping each other out.
I tried to help my ex, she ended up cheating on me. After living with each other for 2 years.. helping her with jobs, finances and emotions through covid. I believe I did the best I could with what I know. I have a feeling that she felt I didn't love her as I was trying to "change her". I have no desire to normalize cheating as I believe it's horrible. I still feel somewhat responsible, in a sad way, that she felt it was necessary. As if I pushed her to her action.
I wanted us to optimize our relationship for the best of both of us. It's strange to think it's over.
I honestly thought that was the purpose of them too. I’m glad he confirmed this.
the sentence is not true!
Wow! Love this, thanks
@@reptilesgamers00 I'm suffering through the same situation man.
who enjoys reading comment section to know personal feelings of others and trying to correlate with your own situation,thinking you're not the only one going through that shit.. :-D
It makes me feel better
You explained me so right,now im thinking im not alone in this situation too
Me!! 💕🌸
Doing this for 3 weeks now...
I find people expressing true feelings in comments so I love reading the..
i'm here listening to this and crying because i cannot see the light in anything happening. i got dumped two days ago and i'm a complete wreck. this has been the hardest and most painful thing i've ever been through.
Update: I am doing SO much better now. I look at this comment and feel so sad I ever felt this way. The heartbreak will end, time will pass and you’ll be happy again, I promise. I’ve found someone that makes me so much happier than I ever was, it’s hard to believe I at one point felt this way. It hurts, and it will hurt for a while. Some days i felt physical pain in my chest but that pain has since gone away. I am know happier than I’ve ever been, I’m the most confident I’ve ever felt, and life has never felt so bright. Don’t doubt yourself happiness and don’t give up on the future. It’s very hard and it’s very sad, but please do not rob yourself of everything you can achieve and all the joy you will obtain after the heartbreak is over. It will be better and you will be happy. Do not give up.
If anyone needs someone to talk, I am here for you. Thank you to everyone who has checked in. ❤️
How are you feeling now? its been 19 days for me
Melissa Escobar I hope you’re happier 💕
I'm very much the same. I'm generally a very happy person (rarely sad), but this break up things change me. I feel devastated (feel worse after break up - mostly i force my self to sleep again so i don't have to deal with the pain), still can't see my self with someone else but i sincerely let him go now. We'll be fine girl... :)
Melissa Escobar poor love more fish in the sea remember XXX more fish in the sea
Dumped today
Make sure to cry it out everyday. Hug something, your dog or cat, a stuffed animal? A loved one. Read some damn books. Educate yourself with positive stuff. Play video games, sit outside, go for a walk. Talk to anyone or write a journal.
I’m currently going through a tough breakup where I thought this guy loved me & would NEVER leave me. But guess what??? He doesn’t love me and he left me for good. But I’m going to become stronger everyday. It all takes time.
Yes it sucks sometimes. But I know it’s possible to get through anything.
You can and will get through it.
Give it time.
.. you’re right on everything!
Same
The best advice I've heard , thank you :)
Am sorry
Thank you so much for these words, i am sorry that you also have to go through this mess of a human condition
people who feel good about the break up are the ones who initiated the leave in the first place..the ones that are hit hard are those that were not prepared..like those who left were
ROCKEMPOWERMENT yup. here I am on an empty room picking up the pieces.
and often the ones who initiate are the ones who lecture about getting up and moving on to the broken one...
ROCKEMPOWERMENT I did the breaking up and I'm heartbroken so that's not always true
nobody feels good about a break up unless they were getting rid of a toxic or abusive person. im putting off breaking up with my partner because im scared of being heartbroken. even though i know its what we need.
thats not true. i was dating a girl for almost 6 years and in the end it killed me to leave but i wasnt going to let my life go nowhere. i was trying to help somebody who struggled with an abusive and drug infested house. instead i feel that i "wasted" 6 years and now shes in rehab, thats the last i heard. but i didnt want it to end like that is my point. and i was hurt she popped a pill
Sorry but the actual breakup experience is actually much, much worse than what I imagined it would be beforehand.
Been through excruciatingly painful breakups, but time healed to where it hurts no more. Now I only have warm feelings for them as human beings. Life moved on and I became happy again. Hang in there and have strong faith. Just don't become cynical. Keep your innocence, your trust. Get involved in life again and keep your mind and heart open.
Harshi N. Thank u
Agreed. Well said.
best comment, bro
I have warm fealings and for people and for other living beings to after hart brake.
@@egledavidsoniene5075 Me too. Experiencing intense pain seems to increase levels of empathy for others, through understanding I suppose. It's like your heart breaks open. At the same time though, it's tough feeling sad a lot. I cry more often now than ever before. Over happy and beautiful things and sad things.
The only time a break up does not leave you broken is if you had no deep feelings for your ex. But if you TRULY loved him/her, then the truth is this: You are gonna be shattered, completely and utterly DEVASTATED. You would have to be made of stone to feel okay about breaking up with a person that you loved.
Im gonna make the break and this is how i feel. I wish so much it didnt come to this but I am drowning.
It's been almost 2 years. I still feel broken and shattered. I've tried everything. Gym. Exercise. Hiking. Movies. Dating. Therapy. Group therapy. Individual therapy. Pet therapy. Alcohol. Food. Excessive speeding. Adrenaline. Shopping. Work. Travel. Prescriptions.
My heart and soul wince every morning when I wake up...and the woman who broke my heart and destroyed my soul is the first thing I think about. I don't want to. I try to get her out of my mind. She just haunts me. It's frustrating.
Since you already tried so much, try crying, release all the guilt, sadness, fear and anger that you hold inside of you, it's not going to go away if you ignore it.
Yeah your right 😭😭
Frances JAMES
I agree. Even if it was toxic or weighing you down or holding you back, if you are in love, it’s gonna hurt.
"Great relationships seldom fail bad ones do as they should."
Oh I like that saying. I think it makes sense! Thank you so much! It helps my hurtful heart.
Nana Brit well said!
Nana Brit You have made my day sparkle :) thank you!
Awesome saying..helped me tonight
That really stuck with me! Helped me more than I thought.
The way you love someone does not determine the way that person is going to love you back. Which sucks a lot and I’m learning that the hard way watching break up ted talks crying.
Are you heart broken and wish to get your ex back forever?
I can introduce you to someone who helped me! My husband shot me out for almost a year but mr OLOWO, a very powerful spell caster helped me bring him back with his power and today we are living happy. .Message him on whatsapp for help via +2348089339042.i promise to tell the world about him!
i’m in the same boat too haha
Are you talking about Tom Hansen?
Same hope you in a better place now
I’m going through this right now. It hurts so much.
This guy has never had his heart destroyed
He does seem very cold headed about it but maybe he has been and has the maturity to see things as they are.
When my 20 year relationship ended I was like a little boat in a big storm , fighting my way through rough seas it took a while but in the end I reached calm waters and I’m stronger now.
!! good luck ❤
That’s me but a relationship of 7 years I’m trying to find my strength
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Dennis lloyd brought me here
found it 45 seconds
LUL I was wondering where this ted talk was
me too...
Theres this one mood when I go look for this song
absolutely love it
Me too 😅
When you really love the person who left you, the break up is not as easy as this guy said
It’s been 2 years...Hope you become better now💛
Please reply are you okay now after 2 years?
True
hi, i genuinely wanna know how r u rn after quite sometime. i recently went through a break up w my bf whom i really love. sad to know that he didnt think us would work out. been so hard ever since
Exactly
It's not my first break up, but it's definitely my worst and most painful. If I didn't have a job I'd stay home, but I can't and I can't help but hurt. I don't wish this feeling on anyone
Pyrrha Nikos how are you feeling a year later?
You are better off working and hopefully absorbed.
I feel the same
I’m feeling this rn man😓
This is how I am feeling right now
I think most people end up here are heartbroken. But hey, what happened already happened, and one thing we know for sure is that overthink won’t do any good. I know is hard, is hard for everybody. But life goes on, this is not the end of the world. I hope you all feel better. Love yourself.
Thank you!
Amen thank you God bless you 💯
The last person to comment of this was 4 years ago, I go down the list of comments to see all the broken hearts and wonder how they are all doing now
This video probably makes 99% of people who were dumped and stumbled upon this feel even more miserable. Thanks for letting dumpees know their ex who recently dumped them are happy/relieved that they severed a connection that was so important to them
yup 100% the worst video i've come across
That's what I feel watching this
People need to remember that a breakup isn’t the end. I too, have just experienced a breakup. The pain is often overwhelming and it’s worse than I imagined. When I chose my spouse, I in effect, chose someone I could see myself with; my visions, qualities, and prospective. I didn’t lose my spouse. I lost what I essentially saw inside them, which in turn was me. So now that chapter has ended, I can look for all that I lost in someone new. I can heal from what broke me and move on with my life. My loss was certainly not a person, rather than everything I saw within that person. I’m sure I’ll repair my heart and find it again with someone whom deserves it.
Wish you the best, brother. Hope you are better and happy now.
Sneak Eagle I’m sorry for that :( hope you’re doing better now! I’m sending you lots of positive energy, things will get better 🙏🏻💫
How are you?
This is such a profound way of looking at a breakup. I feel exactly the same way, I haven't lost the other person, I've lost myself and my future that I had planned with that person
I just don't want to be alone again.. Having someone there to love me as much as I loved them felt amazing.. But realizing that they didn't miss ME, they just missed the person that loved them so much they didn't have to love them back... that hurts man.. it hurts..
I'm so lonely now and I bet she's happy with her decision
sometimes walking away is better and healthy
For the one who leaves.
true, but NEVER EVER ETTING ANYONE COME BACK
Found out my boyfriend was cheating on me today. He said that he meant to tell me...don't know how people can be so hurtful.
mine cheated for 37 years, raised 3 kids together, had a new girlfriend instantly after the breakup
That's how it is. Learn from it
@@mmommo2025 wtf? Is that true?
it's a baby that you lost your years supporting relationship....been there@@reptilesgamers00
Please don’t tell me your still with him ???
When you saw nobody but her in a crowd, when it was you and her against the world. When she was your best friend before anything.
When you've devoted 100% of yourself to her.
Getting dumped isn't easy, it's been six weeks and I still cry almost every day.
Text him on WhatsApp for help 👆👆👆
How are you doing now? I'm going through exactly what you described right now. This is the biggest pain I've ever felt, the hardest thing I've ever done and I see no light
@@denisejones6393 life goes on, but it has been a real challenge. I think the biggest hurdle is to accept that youre capable of loving someone else.
6mo later i like to believe that im a better person than when i was with her.
@@_multiverse_ as of now, I can't possibly think of a relationship with anyone else
@@denisejones6393 that feeling will pass, give it time.
the loss of a romantic relationship will break your heart but you will heal.
For anyone going through a break-up, what follows will help you and it goes like this, "Gotta along without you before I met you, gonna get along without you now". This is a line from a 60's song that helped me heal from a five year romance with a man that I loved very, very much. I had the melody and words of this song in my head almost by the minute for over two years. I finally stopped crying, started sleeping through the night again, began to find interest in life once more, including people. And yes, I did fall in love again.
Lena Muir,happy that you fall in love❤️ again
That's the hardest part for me to accept. Imagining a Life after them is difficult after you've imagined your future with them
just remember time heals , take baby steps. You’re allowed to be hurt , allow yourself to cry don’t bottle up your feelings. But remind yourself that you are worthy , you matter , you don’t need that relationship to validate how amazing you are. Small steps and in time you will be fine ❤️
Abbie Cook thank you
♥️
thanks alot for this ....
Hey any update pn your life?? Just curious
My ex girlfriend held me back but we had loads of memories for so long that it was the worse break up I've had
MILKY same here
Me to
MILKY just wanted to say hi
MILKY felt this
hang in there, bud..you gonna be alright
Soon as he said 'we need to talk' my heart sank.
When you are going through a breakup, the last thing you care about is WTF you learned from it... seriously.
James Bond honestly you learned that you can live without them
everyone is different.... for some people + yes, for some people no. living and surviving are different things. sometimes you just survive. physically. but mentally you are dead... happened to me... 5 years i'm just surviving...
If you dont learn the pattern is repetitive and you will repeat the same patterns. Whenever their is a negative their is always a positive..remember ying and yang
Key word you said is "when you are going through a breakup", while it's happening I totally agree.
Obviously because youre in deep amounts of pain. But doing that, feeling the pain instead of avoiding it is how to get through it. Not over it, but through it. Thats the only way.
I feel broken today and I'm looking forward to one day in the future when this doesn't hurt anymore.
And when that day comes...ooooh boiiii
I know they are many ups and down in a relationship, And spouse feeling insecure about their relationship i refer you to Cyber_Crackers26 on instagram he helped me hack into my spouse phone and got lot of information in her phone, The saddest part was that she was cheating.
Emily Frances how do you feel now?
@@justme-rt2cc It's difficult to say because it changes a lot. I see the person in question all the time, I spend a lot of time with them because it would be much worse if I didn't but that comes with a lot of pain, especially when they aren't hurting at all like I am. At the start, I just smoked loads of 'stuff' and went off the rails a bit but I feel a lot more in control now and I care about my life more which is definitely a positive. There's a dull sadness that exists a lot of the time and part of it is that I'm in the habit of thinking about them every day but on the whole I am doing better and can feel my heart healing and growing stronger. However, I stand by what I said in my previous reply a month ago which was that I have never felt pain and heartbreak like that before and I hope it is never that painful again, but I do think things are so much better.
@@justme-rt2cc also thank you so much for asking xxx
Broken up with two days ago this helps but breakups literally suck with your first love..
i broke today with my first love its horrible experience ever i have
Same here. Just like 3 days...my first love
My first love for 6 years two days ago. Everything hurts
@@omn5142 2nd love of 5 years. Cheated on me.
Same here
Someone once told me after a hard breakup. “It does get better, I can guarantee that but it gets worse before it’s better” and that really hit me at the time. Put things into perspective i guess
It's always darkest before dawn.
I just got out of a very very toxic relationship that just had me crying in it most of the times. And even after its end i'm fully aware of the fact that what happened is actually something good for myself but the emotional attachment still kills me and is making it hard for me to be happy and live to the fullest.
Sorry to hear that but are you single right now?
I feel you. I let go too of a relationship that made me cry more than made me happy. It was the best thing that could happen to me. It was very hard at first even if I initiated the breakup. But I am feeling much better now. I hope you are doing better too ?
The fact that you use the word "toxic" in connection with relationship, shows me that you are the reason why it was "toxic".
Never blame someone else for the problems that you caused yourself. Even if it's only 5% your fault.
Reading these comments, I feel like I've written them all myself. I feel the pain. Trust me. I do. I don't see this going away anytime soon....
Has it gone away yet?? Please tell me it has..I need something to look forward to..
hey i genuinely wanna know how r u rn after quite sometime. i went through a breakup w my bf whom i really cared about. sad to know he didnt think we would work out. its been an unbearable pain ever since
How are you now?
Mine was much worse than I thought it would be, loss of self, loss of connection, loss of identity. It keeps me going knowing the only way ill find out if there is someone better out there is to stick around and survive long enough to find out.
Michael J You’ve commented 2 years ago, how have you been ? I hope you’re fine now 🙏🏻 time heals wounds
@@rethgual8227 The Scares have formed over, but continue to push through. Hope all continue to heal.
Michael J I wish you luck and send you lots of positive energy 🙏🏻🍀☀️! I recently went through a breakup as well, and I’m trying to get better ... it’s just hard especially because he has already found another girl, a prettier one ... I’m not gonna lie, I’m jealous of her but I know that we’ll never get back together again, the best thing I can do for myself is to move on and give myself the chance to meet someone new again, but the wounds are still fresh.
@@rethgual8227 It gets worse before it gets better thats what I know.
Hey
Sorry for your pain am Ella can we chat more ?
Watch this at least 3 months after your break up because it will be hard to relate after ending a fresh relationship.
I really wish all of us broken hearted find acceptance and inner peace...🙏❤🙏
It might take time... Its hard.
@@jeanclaudevandamme683 I know...it's really difficult...but we can do this
Um my experience is the breakup is even worse than I could have possibly imagined. Yes you learn but doesn't mean it was better than expected.
Same here. :(
True! I think this guy is wrong!
I am right there with you. We were together 6 years. She was 60% amazing and 40% selfish narcissist. The narcissist stuff got to me. I was paying for everything. She had a great life and let me tag along. So I screwed things up. And I regret it.
I still can't say anything good came out of the breakup other than having 2 years living in Barcelona and making some new friends. She ended it via e-mail and has refused all contact since. I have no idea what her life is like now.
It's been 6 years since she left me. I have not been with anyone since. I don't date because I can't find anyone that wants to date me that I find attractive. She was 14 years younger and my soulmate. That is a hard act to follow. But she is a perfectionist and I am not perfect.
Yeah. It's much worse than I thought.
+Alexander McQueen For real, lol
this guy spoke a lot but i didn't learn anything. i imagine other people that come to this video are dealing with heartbreak as i am...and all this guy does is keep saying 'you dont have to feel broken' like it means something. he's going on and on about the 41% who feel positive about the breakup and ignoring that the main problem with a breakup is when you are in the 26% that feels terrible about breaking up.
I've only watched a few mins and im not getting anything. I still feel like junk. thanks for the heads up. I'm out
+sydandtaytum I see your point but he's basically saying people breakups happen for a reason and you can learn a lot from them
This guy talks like he wouldn't know love if it hit him in the face. I'm from a very bad breakup, with a girl I really loved, I'm letting it go and was hoping this video would somehow provide some much needed advice, but this guy is just listing the pros and cons of relationships, nothing useful
How are you feeling now? I'm in your shoes.
exactly. I'm on a negative breakup. she's carry on nicely. I am here broken.
Going through a breakup right now, it happened two nights ago. I've been watching videos when I start to feel down. They help. I know it's a long run, I'm going to miss her very much but I think it's the best for the two of us. I hope to find strength while I go through this.
How are you doing?
Just checking up on you.
I started bawling when he said "Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising everytime we fall."
When someone breaks up with you due to cheating or falling out of love It hurts, but I promise you it gets better... day by day slowly by slowly it really does get better!!!! And please don't go looking for a new relationship work on you and accomplish anything you never thought you could.
It's only broken if you want it to be fixed back again.
If not, and it's meant to be, then think of it as a development...
thank you
Wow, no. I hope you heal.
Wish it was this easy😢
If someone leaves you suddenly it will leave you broken . But you do not stay broken you will heal if you do the right things.
its the worst feeling when you feel like you were the one holding them back, and they've moved on and are seemingly thriving while you're depressed, lost, feeling empty and just want them back in your life.
I recommend you to a man who can help you manifest whatever you want to manifest within two-day ♥️♥️♥️
He was the person who helped me manifest back my ex three days ago with out delay 💯💯
Whtsaap him**
___+ 2::3::4::81::40::79::93::23...
I know of a powerful man who can make your ex to come back to you begging you back for a second chance.
He was the one who brought back my ex within 48 hours.
If you'd have asked me during the relationship I'd have said it would be horrible, but also that I'd survive it. The real thing is so much worse than I'd ever have imagined, I can't escape from thinking about him, when I don't in the day I have nightmares over it. It was an incredibly toxic relationship and it's left me paranoid, untrusting, with low self esteem, and unable to love anyone, I don't think I've gained anything.
+Susan Mcauley But because you've experienced this I bet you are smarter. You probably missed lots of signs that showed your partner was abusive but now you know these signs. Because you went through this now you can help other people who are going through the same thing. And I bet now you know even more about what you want in a partner
+Sienna Barlow ty
how are you now?
Susan McAuley update, did you ride the wave? Did you get through it?
You need self love....thats when you will know your decisiob was right
"When your relationship doesn't help you become a better person, ending it does." Spot on exactly what I needed to hear. This whole Ted talk is great, but that quote really stood out.
I like that this is scientific yet light hearted. Also, your stick figures are glorious haha
Mick Kealohilani yes. I love that too.
I think this video put me in a worse place. I was very happy with my relationship, but I think I was weighing my partner down. This video just made me see how the breakup was probably a burden of her shoulders and how she's doing better without me while I'm still hurting
We are all in this together. To all the heartbroken, I feel you. We're all struggling but we're doing our best. You loved too much and now you're confused and disappointed. You didn't mean for it to end this way, you wanted nothing but to love and be loved back. It's not your fault. If you're feeling the same pain I am feeling, I am sorry and I understand
I have never related to anything less in my life than listening to this talk.
I know they are many ups and down in a relationship, And spouse feeling insecure about their relationship i refer you to Cyber_Crackers26 on instagram he helped me hack into my spouse phone and got lot of information in her phone, The saddest part was that she was cheating.
Can you imagine being heartbroken and then going to answer surveys about your heartbreak to researchers
This hurts so much more than I imagined. She's the first and last thing on my mind everyday, and I truly thought we were perfect for each other. A week ago we were making plans for a trip to Italy, and then a few days later I'm here. I cannot wrap my head around it. I'm devastated...
How you holding up, brother?
@@shindrithargriethrat8408 It's a lot easier to get over her knowing she was in bed with another in a couple days/weeks. Doing great now. It's her loss, definitely not mine :)
@@JasperPieterse Good on you dude! It's better you found out sooner, rather than later.
She wasn't worth,same thing am trying to tell myself just about now
Im going through a horrible separation. It can be said that I caused it in many ways, but my wife and friend of 12 years decided she wanted a break after a married guy (her boss) pretty much send his kids and wife away to be with her. Now she basically lives with him, ignores our two kids and is planning to get pregnant after knowing him for about 9 months. Sure I can explain the details but in the end when your spouse tells you they want "new and exciting" how can an old relationship compete? blame it on the bumps over the years, the little arguments but in the end some people just don't give a damn and decide to throw away something for something better in their eyes. UPDATE: 06/09/2022
Hi guys for those of you who wondered if I was still alive or just wondered what happened let me update ya! It was not easy getting back to normal at all, in fact things aren't the same today! The kids were affected my older daughter remembers her absence. My wife tries to over compensate even today I feel. For over a year after our separation we probably had intimacy 2 or 3 times total. A contrast of 2 or 3 times a week before our separation. I waved it off like shes probably trying to just co parent and so I felt like it was OK for the time (not healthy and very weird). She wanted to have another baby so after a while we had another little girl but she wanted a boy so a few years later we had finally had a boy! So we have 4 kids now! My oldest just Graduated HS and is ready for college, we are very proud!
My conclusion we are together but things are not as things were and I love her and our family I do, but all things come to an end and if you force things you only prolong the inevitable.
One thing I can tell you though, that separation helped me find myself! and love myself and who I am, my friends helped me realize happiness stars with you! and that you aren't alone just because one person does not want you anymore. I'm not scared to be alone (without a partner) I'm more scared of being with the wrong person! did I make the right choice getting back together? IDK......
+cmichael442 good luck
+cmichael442 have a hug
+Christopher Taylor oo
+cmichael442 .....(hugs))) depends on the psychological needs of both people, thinking or ending a relationship is never easy, someone always gets hurt, or both do, but your ex & her boss are showing a pattern of always searching, nothing really will be good enough for either of them in the long run..(grass is greener on the other side), well, it's sad she ignores the children, it's going to hurt her & the kids in the long run--that's not your fault-it's her choice-maybe counseling would help you, someone to talk to about what your going through. she should have divorced you first & then started the relationship(adult thing to do), childish. it's not either's fault-things just happen sometimes, people make mistakes-I would definately re-evaluate what you would do if she wants to get back together w/you--have an ear for your children/understanding when they talk w/you & spend time w/them & your own hobbies ect.
I'm so sorry 💔
Breakups have sent me into some of the darkest places I’ve ever been. My heart goes out to anyone watching this video trying to get through a breakup. My only advice is to use this time to seek your purpose in this world. Call out to god and ask for the truth to be revealed to you. He has a plan for you, no matter how low you’re feeling right now.
this really isnt that kinda video where it uplifts you. i feel worse
me too, he is just favoring the people who felt happy about breaking up, but usually those people are the ones that dumped someone and the other 30% that said it was a negative thing, are the ones who got dumped.... and the ones that suffer the most
This wasn't even slightly helpful.
Same. It made me feel like the ex was the one who was happy and freed from my negativity, like it was all one sided.
It worked for me. I feel better 😀
Tell me about it.
Been a little over a month since my fiancé told me over the phone that it wasn't gonna work out. A little over 3 weeks since I cut it off with my ex, and 5 days since I last had to see him. I feel much better about the break-up; creating distance & resisting the urge to check up on them, surrounding yourself with supportive friends & family, picking up healthy new hobbies, and just overall filling in the voids with love & positivity is the way to healing faster. I learned a lot from this experience, most importantly accepting the fact that this person was not the one for me.
Day 2 of my very first breakup. I’m so lost and scared guys
How are you now 💚
@@junaidesse haha I was completely happy after 7 months. But now I'm here again, day 1 of my 3rd break up haha
I hope i come back to testify how i'm better and in a good place. God please. This hurts too much
I am writing this comment for my future self: I know you suffer today, she broke up and left you with many regrets, you feel empty, alone, not able to enjoy the things you once enjoyed doing by yourself, but hear me out: that's your superpower, you can enjoy your time, you are capable of being happy by yourself and your future girlfriend should just make you HAPPIER. Learn from your mistakes, rediscover your deepest self, enjoy the time with your family and friends and have some faith in you. You will never know what the future holds, but I have a feeling that your future girlfriend will make you feel things much deeper than your ex ever managed to make you feel. Good luck and take care of you as you always did!
I almost start crying while Ted was speaking because I never talked about my break up. It was a decision that had to be made. He just wasn't willing to make the sacrifice to make me feel secure, and safe in the relationship. And, I believed his decision hurt me more than the breakup.
this is where I am. I broke up with him but it didn’t feel like my choice.
It's been 15 years and it still stings like the moment it happened.
I cannot connect with anything he is saying.... Because in my case he dumped me after a fight in 2 days and I was left baffled and for days I felt he is just angry. He had it all planned for a long time while I was sitting here reading articles about how to support him, how to improve communication in relationship, even after breakup he kept saying "we are not good for each other " while I was just seeing fights as something to work through as we always had. I used to put a lot of effort to understand his perspective and communication everytime there was a need and even the last fight was about why he is pushing me off nd not communicating properly. Gaslighting is real.
This helped me put things into the right perspective after months of feeling crushed by a breakup. Thank you
Just broke up with my first love and I feel like offing myself. She was the most amazing girl ever and it was honestly my fault, I gave her too much affection and it overwhelmed her ultimately pushing her away. She’ll always have a special place in my heart as my first love and it’s hurts to let her go
nutonmychoppa feels bro
darling, she was not ready, just accept it!
I hope you’re doing okay man
Going through the same thing man hope you doing good bro
@@doejohn7548 honestly my girl problems haven’t gotten any better since than but i did eventually get over her, if u wanna talk about how you’re feeling you can hmu on my IG: marcobaptiste. i’m here for you brotha
My breakup made my anxiety and depression all time high. i felt lonely and lost and it felt like it wasnt me anymore. but i am trying hard to bring me back before him.
I literally can't find any comfort whatsoever watching these videos. I'm so lost, life has no meaning anymore.
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Came out of a 4-year relationship with a very difficult person about 3 months ago. I feel broken and depressed, but I know I made the right decision and that I'll find myself and my happiness soon.
this was amazing. he just put into words what i was going thru. bad relationships fail as they should. but its liberating and you rediscover yourself and your strengths
I learned a lot from my past relationship. It taught me how I would like to be loved and treated in my next relationship. It made me become a better person because my last partner held me back from my true self.
unsurprising close to half people dont have such negative feelings, takes at least one person to finish a relationship..
exactly!
Agreed!
ikr?? When my boyfriend left me I told him I wished I'd never met him because of how much pain I was in. He was hurt and said he didn't feel that way, and I was like no shit you didn't have your heart broken
I broke up with my girlfriend and I can definitely say that I am absolutely torn to pieces. It's not always as simple as you think.
Casey Offer I broke up with my boyfriend and I'm the same. How are you now?
I’m hurting. Me and my girl are going through it and I feel as though we are broken. I love her and it hurts so bad. I have never felt this way. I feel alone and shattered.
Great motivation for all of us who have been broken up or are going through a breakup right now. And to quote Rocky, “It ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward.
Were the large group of people that were happy after a break up the "breakers"?
I think the more depressed group of people that are going through a break up are the ones who thought they were in a relationship only to discover they were being used to cheat on someone else with (happened to me) It was much more devastating (for me) to discover that I was a "side-piece" and that nothing was legit. Not only is finding out the truth excruciatingly painful, but having one's time squandered is truly infuriating.
Interesting for sure. I've never actually been in a real relationship before, and I'm 40. Maybe it's because I had trauma when I was younger, or grew up feeling rejected. I really couldn't say. The one thing that I do know for sure is that it feels really good to not have to be responsible for anyone else but myself. If you think about it, that could be a huge advantage. I do however feel sad sometimes when I see fathers playing with their kids or couples doing fun activities together. Perhaps one day the stars will align. Until they do, I'm enjoying thinking on a deeper level, and watching self improvement material like these Ted Talks.
I really needed this, it's what we already know but it helps when we hear it come from someone we don't know
i need someone to listen to this..
i was with a guy for almost 3 years.. but we dated before that. so ive known him for 4 years..and i loved this man. i still do... but we broke up about a week and a half ago.. and i ended things because he "doesnt know" what he wants.. he didnt know if he loved me.. and i tried giving him space.. but it just hurt me in the end because i knew things werent getting better.. he started ditching me all the time, making excuses not to hangout. and he would always ignore me and make me feel sorta of like shit.. yes we would fight.. but we would always make up. now we're broken up and he is being an ass to me.. he doesnt want to hear about me.. we ended on bad terms.. and i feel crazy for not getting all this through my head. i know i deserve better.. but its so hard. he was the love of my life. My BEST FRIEND. i dk how to move on.. idk how to feel.. i just start ro shake and freak out and i wish i could be happy.. going out with friends doesnt always help. i feel like I'll never find someone who knows im special. i feel like ill never learn to be happy single.. im just so scared and i wake up crying all the time. idk whats wrong with me.
I'm in the same boat, but we were together 7 years. Keep up. It will get better.
Time will heal your wounds.
Listen... you gotta get him out of your life.. what i did was write an email.. a final email.. say everything you wanted to say to him but in a good way.. bid him goodbye in that email and accept this fact that it wasn't meant to be.. i've been in your situation.. infact just last month.. this is your final chance.. believe me you gotta let it out ...
Richard Pariath I would write the email to yourself. Time will heal your wounds. Later in life you'll look back and might just laugh about it. Remember, in life people will meet again. Invest in yourself, become a better you and you'll be happier. Now is your time to improve without any compromises. Work out, educate yourself, advance in your career and give back. Along this process you'll become a better you. We are awesome and lucky to be born in a developed country. We have food to eat, a roof over our heads and we know how exciting it is to wake up every morning.
Thank you johndee759 : )
This has completely changed my mindset. I love humans, I love life, I am so happy to be here. Everyone in this comment section deserves happiness and it will come, that I am sure.
ive watched tons of videos on coping with breakups but i genuinely love this one.
Wow such a great message. Loved it!!
Everything is cold 💔
Feeling my head is cold but my heart is burning!!
Im in deep pain..
The scariest thing is when you start going down a self destructive path. I've never done that before and it terrified me, but I snapped out of it after a lot of reflection and I'm going to get better.
Starpunk, seriously, feeling the pain and going through it really, really helps my heart. Again, thank you!
Very helpful and insightful! Thank you! ❤️💗❤️
Its been a year after we broke up but i still get those nightmares. I know ive moved on but everytime i am alone i start to think about it and my heart still hurts. Those times when he dumped me makes me feel like i dont want to go through breakup again nor do i want to fall in love again.
"when your relationship doesnt help you become a better person ending it does"
This gives me strength! Thank you!
amazing. this is just what i needed to hear. thank you so much
18 years, I haven't eaten anything for 3 days. Not going to get through this. and now she's staying with my ex-wife of 17years. at her house. I'm so fkd. it's sick. my mind is racing. this person owned my heart 18 years.
Larrys P3PRO i hope you’re feeling better now
Has it got any better?
I am in the middle of a divorce. I was with my husband for 21 years. The pain is fresh, so this video is helpful.
Hope Martin 21 years, goodness gracious. That has to be so incredibly painful. How are you doing 2 years in?
I can I message you? I’m going through the same and feel lost
Cely Bbx and now a year later? How are you doing?
21 years. Been there. It was very painful. Fast forward 4 years later I am please with the person I have become. Gory to God.
Katie Murphy Hey, I’ve seen your comments! Are you also going through a break up right now?
Yes. Thank you. Am out of holding me back relationship. I asked myself why am not happy but now I know.
Nice, really nice presentation and I have taken a lot from it. Thx for posting
How can you be positive when your girlfriend dumps you and begins dating another guy the same day?
+Alex Tomczuk ......think to yourself-good riddance? thank god that other guy helped me & showed me her true self?
+pat murphy you got that right! Definitely seeing all the good that comes from what is usually considered a sad situation. Time is an ally in the healing process.
You can't be if you're human. Even though I hated when people said this to me when my heart was broken but time will heal your hurt. It took me so long to feel good again, that I thought I never get through the nightmare. I was wrong and one day I woke up and he wasn't the first thing on my mind and eventually he was virtually never on my mind.
What I'm trying to say to you is right now "the woman you love" already has a boyfriend, will eventually become "That girl I use to love, was so shallow that she hooked up with someone the day after we broke up. Wow, I really dodged a bullet."
I'm sorry she hurt you but please believe me when I say to you that you will find someone who you deserve and who deserves you. I did, so I know.💞
Alex Tomczuk she simply doesn't deserve you...
Ohmy that is so terrible...she's not a nice person
I never thought I’d be watching these videos. I never thought I’d lose my bestfriend. It feels unbearable. 5 freaking years
I recommend you to a man who can bring back your ex within 3three days without delay ❤️❤️❤️
He was the person who helped me manifest back my ex three days ago with out delay 💯 💯💯
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Me too, it’s my first day with it. How do you feel now after 8 months?
Great relationship leads to progress, prosperity along with spiritual growth
Great video. Thank you for posting.
It's been a month of my very first break up....everyday seems worse..the pain deepens and I feel like I'm going crazy....I wish I had someone to talk to about it...I hate this feeling 😭😭
Just Her Hello my Friends. A friend of mine introduced me to this powerful man of God from Africa who really helped me. He prayed for me and now my relationship is restored. I and my husband are happy and together. Message him now on his WhatsApp number. +2348063159440. He his a great man of God.
I'm watching a Ted talk about break ups when I've just broken up with Ted lol
great comment stay strong the sun will shine again
+Sadik Meah I just made my glass better ...
Nah, I felt bad when drinking from that glass ... I know what you mean, and you are 100% right ...
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Lauren P They fucking suck haha
Incredible video ❤️. Just what I needed to hear.
its really hard to overcome on broken but your video made me happy and keep me positive.