Attachment theory should be thaught early on at schools. It would save the world so much pain and struggles. Not so many therapists know about it actually. I went to couple's therapy with different therapists and none of them understood that the biggest problem in my couple was the anxious-avoidant trap. Broken up since but here i am now working hard to heal my avoidant attachment to be in a better place the next time love comes knocking on my door 😊
thank you so much for writing. I agree 100% about how useful it would be for kids to learn about attachment. I congratulate you on getting to know your own attachment strategy and I hope you can be compassionate towards the part of you which developed that - for all of us it was the best way to deal with th particular family we grew up in.
So right about that ^ This video found me just in time. We've not found too much progress with various therapists and it's because none of them have gotten to the bottom of our problems. Seen from the right perspective, all of the problems we've had make sense. It's like all of the pins in a lock lining up and finally being able to open a door. Good luck on the next relationship, I'm sure your hard won lessons will serve you well!
I loved the gentle pace of this talk. it enabled me to really take in the ideas the speaker was putting across. Ideas which are so important but which require reflective attention. Really important and informative talk. Thank you
Fantastic, Anne! You have truly captured the essence of attachment science! This is one more excellent contribution from you! I'm proud to be your colleague and friend!
It’s true. I fell in love with an avoidant at a distance and it caused my anxious/disorganized style to become more secure because when I learned to slow down, trust and give him space to feel, he always comes back. We have been talking for two years long distance and can’t seem to let go of each other. In the beginning it was rough with me questioning him, going off on him, but I pulled way back with my anxiety and just now observe and love him, and I truly feel it’s been a healing process to bring me more into security within. I believe he is feeling more safe as well, which is why he still tells me can’t wait to marry me one day. The more secure I become in his love, as well as my self love, I think that day is soon to come. But either way I will be ok cause through this experience I healed my anxious attachment style.
It's inspiring to read of such a process of learning. Great that you could think about the big picture and the push pull between you. Sometimes that is too hard for people and they are more comfortable blaming the other person for having 'attachment issues'
Good on you. My relationship with an avoidant as an anxious attachment made me give up on love. I tried giving him space and communication methods, timing, and quantity as he wished but it just kept becoming the more I gave to make him feel secure the more he did to let me know i was unlovable and he would not be controlled by me or anyone. No matter how small I made myself it was never enough. I’ve ended things with him but just never want to risk feeling so bad about myself ever again. Some people just aren’t meant to be loved
@@TheVeggiekat I'm really sorry that you had the experience of becoming small in a relatioship and no wonder that's made you very very cautious. I hope your sense of being loveable is growing back.
I feel like I am in a similar situation as i can be quite anxious but I am trying to slow down and reflect on what I can do better. When you say 'give him the space to feel', what exactly do you mean by that?
It is hearbeaking to think that parents were encouraged to let children "cry it out" and were told they were spoiling the child if child was held too long. So much damage since to generations.
Do well presented Annie . It reminded me to my time in school when we spoke about attachment. My wife wasch big fan of your speech. You were so calm .. well well done Annie
I would like to add: my theory that why these types end up attracted to each other is that being triggered by the one you love, and who also loves you, that when both persons understand the dynamic this way, they are both in the best position to work on themselves, for themself, their partner, and the relationship and when this happens: magic
Except there isn’t one issue that usually affects the individuals, there are many and by the time you’re in a relationship it’s a bit too late to be trying to salvage the relationship when you’re in the middle of a full blown arguments, fights and hurtful things have been said and done. That’s why it’s important and crucial in fact that people work on themselves before they get into relationships, marriages and before they bring innocent children in the world. And when people are in a bad situation in a relationship truly at that point salvaging a relationship is as good as jumping from a 10 story building and expecting to land on your feet.
Excellent talk. I love the slow and easy pace of the lecture. It allowed me time to think and let what you were saying sink in. Thank you for giving us the formula to self sooth ourselves: Slowing Down!
Our attachment strategies always develop to help us get through the best we can in our early family life. So we have a lot to thank them for, but they can give us a lot of work too...
Enjoyed this talk. There is always a however, and my however is this: Why are the removal of fears described as love? Is relief from stress love? Is reliance on a safe relationship love? Certainly it better enables love to rise into consciousness, where it can be felt and radiated. But love is our Essence. Love is what we are when ego, or the imagined self is - albeit only for a moment - laid aside. Love does not flow from our conditioning, it penetrates through it. To me, attachment is not love.
Learning about it after a twin flame relationship with a disorganized woman led me to a DNOTS and i am finally healing and life will never be the same.
so much wisdom in this talk and such practical takeaways for me to use in my relationship with my daughter, partner and others. Thank you Annie for such a thought provoking speech!
@@annepower2912 I was saddened to learn about the passing of Dr Sue Johnsone, I have seen some podcasts since researching her after watching this, an inspirational and pioneering woman.
Very clearly and sensitively expressed. I love your talk, it really is the science of love and if only it could become a more mainstream understanding of how each one of us functions. Keep sharing Annie! ❤
It was really interesting. It explains how our early relationships affect how we connect with others as adults. By understanding different attachment styles, we can improve our relationships and avoid unnecessary conflicts. The talk also highlights the importance of mindfulness and self-awareness. Overall, it shows that being open and vulnerable is key to building strong, loving connections.
I read the piece on you in Therapy Today this morning, not a lot draws me in these days but I thought who is this woman, I need to know more! This talk and presentation really fulfils my style of learning. In the middle of some Carolyn Spring training too, this is perfectly in line with my needs. You talk from heart and mind combined. Thank you.
Thank you so much for watching and sending such an encouraging message. You sound like a very dedicated learner so your clients will be lucky. You might like my book Contented Couples - the couples who shared their stories are inspiring.
This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. I really feel that this exceptional woman should marry David Attenborough and make documentaries on life. A place of safety and a platform for growth, of which you can provide for yourself??? Beautiful understanding, a massive progression in humanity is achievable when we understand and respect the fundamentals of our existence.
I've only just read our lovely comment and I'm laughing out loud! Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding . Annie
Thank you so much for the insights and talk. I have been studying child psychology to understand the kind of person who I am and how I relate to others. After knowing my attachment styles, I reflected a lot but how to be securely attached was still there to be find. Listening to the talk and reading people's opinion to attachment, I am sure that by adopting self reflection strategies, I will be able to master it. Thank you so much.
Yes, such a loss, but the impact of her work lives on in the training of couple therapists in EFT model so they can make this available to couples in trouble.
I certainly agree that our attachment style develops from what was less than ideal in our early home, sometimes from traumatic relationships. Thanks for watching and writing.
She has lots of wonderful theories but most of it is so abstract that it’s for no use. How do you stop adrenaline rush, increase the feeling of safety when you are alone and finances are running low or when you partner is lashing out and so on… I agree with you
Sorry it didn't work for you but thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding . There are lots of other videos on YT which cover this - the School of Life are very good. Annie
@@Kristi-vq3qe Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding. You put a really good question. If it's possible to work on regulating ourselves - eg using breathwork which is taught on many YT videos - that could be a real help.
Yes, I agree that a borderline response (often switching suddenly between seeking closeness or distance) can be thought of as disorganised attachment. Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding :) Annie
Safety enables learning => curiosity => openness => vulnerability = the heartbeat of all intimate relationships.
Attachment theory should be thaught early on at schools. It would save the world so much pain and struggles. Not so many therapists know about it actually. I went to couple's therapy with different therapists and none of them understood that the biggest problem in my couple was the anxious-avoidant trap. Broken up since but here i am now working hard to heal my avoidant attachment to be in a better place the next time love comes knocking on my door 😊
thank you so much for writing. I agree 100% about how useful it would be for kids to learn about attachment. I congratulate you on getting to know your own attachment strategy and I hope you can be compassionate towards the part of you which developed that - for all of us it was the best way to deal with th particular family we grew up in.
I've been saying this too. We need to teach this early, not after mistakes are made.
💯💯💯
Parents should be taught before they have babies.
So right about that ^ This video found me just in time. We've not found too much progress with various therapists and it's because none of them have gotten to the bottom of our problems. Seen from the right perspective, all of the problems we've had make sense. It's like all of the pins in a lock lining up and finally being able to open a door. Good luck on the next relationship, I'm sure your hard won lessons will serve you well!
Curiosity brings Openness to the other. Openness brings Vulnerability, and Vulnerability is the heartbeat of all intimate relationships.
I loved the gentle pace of this talk. it enabled me to really take in the ideas the speaker was putting across. Ideas which are so important but which require reflective attention. Really important and informative talk. Thank you
So glad that this was digestible :)
She’s good at creating a safe space. 😍
She is so gentle and calm, with a saintly demeanour. Loved the talk ❤
So glad the talk is helpful. Nothing saintly I can promise you - having my own attachment story to keep on managing/ healing/ forgiving:)
@@annepower2912 So glad to see your message. This is your humility and modesty. Forever your fan ❤️
more like boring. put me to sleep
@@Ensource xbox
Very demure and mindful of her ✨
Absolutely. The attachment is the science of love. It saves our child.❤
Thank you so much for watching and for commenting.
Eloquent, articulate and engaging right from the start! A pleasure to watch x
Thank you so much for watching and for your comment.
Thank you so much for watching and for commenting.
Fantastic, Anne! You have truly captured the essence of attachment science! This is one more excellent contribution from you! I'm proud to be your colleague and friend!
I'm proud to have you as my teacher :)
My dear Annie. I love your soul, spirit and speech, your deep, loving thoughts, your clarity and purity and sensitivity. Great talk.
Thank you so much for watching and for your very generous comment.
That's so kind:)
It’s true. I fell in love with an avoidant at a distance and it caused my anxious/disorganized style to become more secure because when I learned to slow down, trust and give him space to feel, he always comes back. We have been talking for two years long distance and can’t seem to let go of each other. In the beginning it was rough with me questioning him, going off on him, but I pulled way back with my anxiety and just now observe and love him, and I truly feel it’s been a healing process to bring me more into security within. I believe he is feeling more safe as well, which is why he still tells me can’t wait to marry me one day.
The more secure I become in his love, as well as my self love, I think that day is soon to come. But either way I will be ok cause through this experience I healed my anxious attachment style.
It's inspiring to read of such a process of learning. Great that you could think about the big picture and the push pull between you. Sometimes that is too hard for people and they are more comfortable blaming the other person for having 'attachment issues'
Good on you. My relationship with an avoidant as an anxious attachment made me give up on love. I tried giving him space and communication methods, timing, and quantity as he wished but it just kept becoming the more I gave to make him feel secure the more he did to let me know i was unlovable and he would not be controlled by me or anyone. No matter how small I made myself it was never enough. I’ve ended things with him but just never want to risk feeling so bad about myself ever again. Some people just aren’t meant to be loved
@@TheVeggiekat I'm really sorry that you had the experience of becoming small in a relatioship and no wonder that's made you very very cautious. I hope your sense of being loveable is growing back.
I feel like I am in a similar situation as i can be quite anxious but I am trying to slow down and reflect on what I can do better. When you say 'give him the space to feel', what exactly do you mean by that?
@@davidefacchinetti2084
I think slowing down is a great step. It allows you to notice your triggers and have more choice over how you respond.
'The gift that keeps on giving...' Thanks Annie for a beautiful and clear talk on the science of loving.
I'm very happy to have grown up as a therapist beside you.
Thanks so much dear friend :)
with curiosity and respect can we look at our emotions♥
Yes look up Byron Katie on How to process though our emotional thoughts. Her work is free or low cost. Highly effective.
Thank you so much for watching and for commenting
It is hearbeaking to think that parents were encouraged to let children "cry it out" and were told they were spoiling the child if child was held too long. So much damage since to generations.
I agree, it is so sad when a culture gets hold of such harmful ideas about raising children and we still have a way to go in really respecting them.
This is why loneliness impacts so significantly on mental health
very good point. Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding . Annie
Do well presented Annie . It reminded me to my time in school when we spoke about attachment. My wife wasch big fan of your speech. You were so calm .. well well done Annie
Thank you so much for this support.
Safety enables learning 💯
So clearly articulated - thank you for telling this 'science' as such an engaging story. It really makes sense
Thank you so much for watching and commenting :)
You're so welcome. Thank you so much for watching and for commenting.
I would like to add:
my theory that why these types end up attracted to each other is that being triggered by the one you love, and who also loves you, that when both persons understand the dynamic this way, they are both in the best position to work on themselves, for themself, their partner, and the relationship
and when this happens: magic
Great way of describing the win-win, provided partners have enough security to do the work. Thank you so much for watching and for commenting.
Except there isn’t one issue that usually affects the individuals, there are many and by the time you’re in a relationship it’s a bit too late to be trying to salvage the relationship when you’re in the middle of a full blown arguments, fights and hurtful things have been said and done. That’s why it’s important and crucial in fact that people work on themselves before they get into relationships, marriages and before they bring innocent children in the world. And when people are in a bad situation in a relationship truly at that point salvaging a relationship is as good as jumping from a 10 story building and expecting to land on your feet.
Except when the Avoidant one is a raging covert narcissist ...🙄🙄🙄
Excellent talk. I love the slow and easy pace of the lecture. It allowed me time to think and let what you were saying sink in. Thank you for giving us the formula to self sooth ourselves: Slowing Down!
I'm so glad it's useful. Thank you so much for watching and for commenting.
I'm anxious avoidant - best of both worlds 😊
Our attachment strategies always develop to help us get through the best we can in our early family life. So we have a lot to thank them for, but they can give us a lot of work too...
You mean worse? Yep both of us bruh
or fearful avoidant (they can be both anxious and avoidant)
@@vintkh629 same thing
Hahab.. same .. it’s kinda confusing.
Enjoyed this talk. There is always a however, and my however is this: Why are the removal of fears described as love? Is relief from stress love? Is reliance on a safe relationship love? Certainly it better enables love to rise into consciousness, where it can be felt and radiated. But love is our Essence. Love is what we are when ego, or the imagined self is - albeit only for a moment - laid aside. Love does not flow from our conditioning, it penetrates through it. To me, attachment is not love.
Brilliant - so calmly and clearly presented. Thanks Annie XX
Thank you so much for watching and commenting :)
Learning about it after a twin flame relationship with a disorganized woman led me to a DNOTS and i am finally healing and life will never be the same.
I'm sorry you've had a difficult journey but great that attachment thinking is helping.
so much wisdom in this talk and such practical takeaways for me to use in my relationship with my daughter, partner and others. Thank you Annie for such a thought provoking speech!
Thank you so much for commenting it great to hear of it being useful:)
The power of Attachment is very impactful .
It really does colour our lives, for better or worse.
Huge!!! It's literally Everything ~
From Belgium, listening and repeating all day today, so amazing
Thank you so much for watching and for commenting
❤
One of the most intelligent and best presented TED Talks I've seen, congratulations 👏 thanks for sharing it.
Thank you so much and I'm really glad it spoke to you.
@@annepower2912 I was saddened to learn about the passing of Dr Sue Johnsone, I have seen some podcasts since researching her after watching this, an inspirational and pioneering woman.
Very clearly and sensitively expressed. I love your talk, it really is the science of love and if only it could become a more mainstream understanding of how each one of us functions. Keep sharing Annie! ❤
Thank you so much for watching and commenting :)
Eloquent speaker...truly ..attachment theory ..the science of love
Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding :) Annie
It was really interesting. It explains how our early relationships affect how we connect with others as adults. By understanding different attachment styles, we can improve our relationships and avoid unnecessary conflicts. The talk also highlights the importance of mindfulness and self-awareness. Overall, it shows that being open and vulnerable is key to building strong, loving connections.
Thank you for watching and writing a great summary:)
Clearly & beautifully expressed Annie. Thank you & I look forward to more
Dear Mary, Thank you so much for watching and commenting :)
I absolutely loved this speech. Great job Annie!
I really appreciate the feedback:)
Excellent talk Anne, so calm and sensitive.
Thank you so much for watching and commenting :)
I wish many people knew about the attachment theory and how traumatic it can be to pull away from someone they once gave love to.
You sound like you have reall experience of relationship loss and the courage which may be needed to make a necessary separation.
It’s ur fault u pull away
I could listen to her speak all day what a lovely person
Thank you for your encouragement :)
I read the piece on you in Therapy Today this morning, not a lot draws me in these days but I thought who is this woman, I need to know more! This talk and presentation really fulfils my style of learning. In the middle of some Carolyn Spring training too, this is perfectly in line with my needs. You talk from heart and mind combined. Thank you.
Thank you so much for watching and sending such an encouraging message. You sound like a very dedicated learner so your clients will be lucky. You might like my book Contented Couples - the couples who shared their stories are inspiring.
Phenomenal! This is resonating on many levels. Thank you Raphy!
I really appreciate your feedback
This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard. I really feel that this exceptional woman should marry David Attenborough and make documentaries on life. A place of safety and a platform for growth, of which you can provide for yourself??? Beautiful understanding, a massive progression in humanity is achievable when we understand and respect the fundamentals of our existence.
I've only just read our lovely comment and I'm laughing out loud! Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding . Annie
Such an impactful concept, eloquently delivered. 👏
Thank you so much for watching and commenting :)
A beautifully told story about life to take to heart.
Thank you for watching and for commenting
I very much need this explanation now. Thank you Annie
I'm so glad it was helpful. Thank you so much for watching and for commenting.
This lecture is literally priceless. I wish i could give an infinite quantity of likes.
That's so kind!
@@annepower2912 I really mean it. The information is priceless and your presentation of it could not have been better.
This Waa so beautifully articulated. Thank you.
Thank you so much for watching and for commenting.
Thank you so much for the insights and talk. I have been studying child psychology to understand the kind of person who I am and how I relate to others. After knowing my attachment styles, I reflected a lot but how to be securely attached was still there to be find. Listening to the talk and reading people's opinion to attachment, I am sure that by adopting self reflection strategies, I will be able to master it. Thank you so much.
Beautiful speech. Very well spoken and engaging
I really appreciate the feedback:)
Adventure within safety. Every challenge needs a safety plan.
Thank you. That's a lovely depiction of what a secure base brings :)
Very thought provoking. Great speech Annie.
Thanks so much Lema :)
What an exceptional presentation of these concepts!
Thank you so much for watching and commenting
Wow fantastic presentation! Thanks for explaining Annie.
I really appreciate your feedback:)
Beautifully spoken
Huge thanks to you Louise:)
Great talk Anne - really informative, beautiful, clear and moving.
Thank you so much for watching and commenting :)
Approaching feelings with respect and curiosity ❤
Thank you for watching and commenting:)
Lillk6kok
An examplar of great teaching.
That's so encouraging - thank you!
I have a conjoined twin and I can relate so much to this talk
That is so interesting - twins have such a very profound form of attachment. Thank you so much for watching and for commenting.
so gentle & calm 😢😢
I'm reallyl glad it spoke to you. Thank you so much for watching and for commenting.
Wow. Very powerful Tedtalk. I really hope it will reach as many people as posibile.
Thank you for watching and commenting:)
I enjoyed that and found it very interesting. Very well told. Thank you.
Thank you so much for watching and commenting :)
Annie what a wonderful talk, well done.
I really appreciate your feedback Flora:)
Yes, she is such a loss. she contributed so much- her thinking really shifted ideas on couples.
Yes, such a loss, but the impact of her work lives on in the training of couple therapists in EFT model so they can make this available to couples in trouble.
Thank you Annie. Very clear and engaging. .
I really appreciate your feedback :)
She us so so good and to the point! Always love the English
Thank you for such kind words :)
I needed this sooo much!
Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding :) Annie
Interesting talk Annie, thank you. Well done ! x
Thanks so much for your comment
Amazing way to describe the complex emotion we call love. I absolutely love this clip. Thank you Anne Power!
Thanks so much for watching and writing. Really glad this speaks to you:)
Very insightful, and with clear takeaways. Thank you!
Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding :) Annie
Excellent talk wonderfully delivered. Thank you
Thank you so much:)
A fantastic speech well done Anne!
Thank you so much for watching and commenting :)
So well said and beautifully delivered!
Thank you so much for watching and writing :)
We all need someone...
Absolutely - thank you.
Congrats to all motherhood queens 🎉❤❤❤❤❤❤
Loved it, thank you for explaining so eloquently 🙏♥️
Thank you for watching and commenting. It's my passion so it's a pleasure for me.
This idea resonates so much!
this makes me happy!
Phenomenal talk..thank you!!!
Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding :) Annie
Excellent talk. Very informative.
I really appreciate you commenting.
Fantastic TED Talk!!!! WOW ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for watching and for commenting!
Very informative and eye-opening.
Thanks so much for viewing.
Attachment style is a traumasymptom, not personality. Heal that issue But don’t victimize yourself by identifying with your symptoms.
I certainly agree that our attachment style develops from what was less than ideal in our early home, sometimes from traumatic relationships. Thanks for watching and writing.
Most amazing ted talk I’ve ever seen.
Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding :) Annie
Thank you 🙏🏼 Me llegó como anillo al dedo Gracias 🙏🏼
Muchas gracias por mirar y por tu dulce comentario. Esta expresión me recuerda a las dedaleras (¡las flores!)
I needed that, thank you ❤
Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding :) Annie
Thank you Annie for your wonderfully clear and well paced talk. I will be sharing this!
Than you for your Talk, it was great❤
Thank you so much for watching and commenting :)
excellent talk! Thank you!
Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding :) Annie
Feeling can shield reasoning.
Interesting - yes, when our feelings are overwhelming us, we can't use the thinking part of our brain.
beautiful talk
Thanks so much for listening and for writing:)
Excellent talk.
I really appreciate your feedback
I enjoyed watching this
Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding :) Annie
Like how gently the speaker talks.
Thanks so much for watching and commenting.
Excellent. Thank you.🥰
Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding :) Annie
Thank you so much ❤❤
Thank you for watching and commenting :)
A lovely calm smart woman happy fr watching this video from u ❤
Beautiful insights. Thank you
Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding . Annie
Fantastic info 👌 👏 Thank you thank you thank you 🙏
thank you for watching :)
I dont think I've ever heard anyone talk so slowly. She's on 1.5x and she's still leisurely
this queen in her button up
Idk why I am having a hard time understanding this TEDtalk... lol I have been watching it over and over
Are you familiar with attachment theory ?
She has lots of wonderful theories but most of it is so abstract that it’s for no use. How do you stop adrenaline rush, increase the feeling of safety when you are alone and finances are running low or when you partner is lashing out and so on…
I agree with you
@@Kristi-vq3qe but you can recondition limbic system
Sorry it didn't work for you but thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding . There are lots of other videos on YT which cover this - the School of Life are very good. Annie
@@Kristi-vq3qe Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding. You put a really good question. If it's possible to work on regulating ourselves - eg using breathwork which is taught on many YT videos - that could be a real help.
Great talk ❤
thank you for watching and writing:)
I benefited from this ❤
Ambivalent attachment style is the most difficult. Borderline is linked to this attachment style I think.
Yes, I agree that a borderline response (often switching suddenly between seeking closeness or distance) can be thought of as disorganised attachment. Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding :) Annie
I love her gentle Informative style 😊
Thanks so much for watching and commenting and apologies I'm very late in responding . Annie