Proscination is not always about being lazy. It can be feelings of being overwhelmed and not knowing which way to go in life. Fear of making a mistake etc 💖
I've learned that my "all or nothing" thinking also contributes greatly to procrastination. My entire time k-12 I never, not once, broke up my papers or even projects into different days of work. I would do it all at once at the end and I actually had a shocking number of zeros from not turning in work at all. My dad and teachers would beg to me to at least turn in partial work, but that made me feel even worse than getting zeros. I would have rather turned in nothing than turned in something that wasn't "good enough". I didn't know what "all or nothing thinking" was until I was in treatment for anorexia two years after barely graduating high school, and one year after dropping out of community college after the first week because I had a meltdown. DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) was quite the awakening. I believe "all or nothing" thinking is also tied to our sense of self worth.
This really resonates with me and is some sort of synchronicity lol. I just revisited my DBT workbook I bought 5 years ago because I have the same issues of procrastination, self-doubt and overwhelming emotions. Like you, when I was in high school I rather NOT turn in subpar work to insult the teacher or hurt my ego.
I always get the feeling of being stuck when I procrastinate. It took me years to comprehend that the root of my procrastination was not laziness. Each time, I felt overwhelmed by anxiety.
Same, I struggled with procrastination for years. What I did whas I took the advice with my friend which is escape comfort zone. Even when I feel worried, lazy, nervous, I still do what I havd to do and I find it working. The only problem now is balance. I have to put in the right amount of effort to not get burnout.
I don't feel lazy, but because I'm not delivering as much I would I think it will look like I'm lazy. And also this feeling people will like me because I'm good worker and if I'm not doing this well because I'm stuck, how will I be worth.
@@andersonaf You describe well some of the subsequent feelings and worries in relation to worth. The multiple layers of feeling (being a good worker), others' perceptions of you and liking you, and how they might judge our worth can all add to the magnitude of our anxiety and interrupt or block our thinking and decision-making. These are understandable and common thoughts and feelings, but they are not inevitable. Because so much of what we're describing is inferring and imputing to others' their thoughts and beliefs and conjecturing about their perceptions and the interpretations they make, we can actually make changes to these internal experiences. They are, to a great extent, created in our own minds. Even if accurate, the EFFECTS are on our minds, emotions and bodies, which we can influence through intentional, skillful actions like self-talk, emotional self-regulation, and tapping into values and motivations that are conducive to getting started and engaging productively.
Somewhere near the halfway point of this video, I genuinely found myself getting teary because I felt so seen and it felt so freeing to hear that there’s a deeper explanation here and it isn’t because we’re lazy, useless people…wow. It was SO helpful to have procrastination finally explained so clearly.
Annie, well i can't say i really got teary ;-) and those thoughts occurred to me way before the halfway point, LoL, but you stated so well the help his talk was to me too!
I just saw this at a critical point of procastinating towards a very important goal im my life and let me tell you I wasnt teary, I was sobbing hahaha cause my fear of failure is so big that I do exactly what he us saying, I feel so identified with this video and it really helped me understand a little bit more about myself so next stop: therapy hahaha
I also did that, saw the irony, was going to post about it, then I thought “someone probably did this already and im sure it’s on the top comments. I should check later, when I watch the video”. So it is.
I'm glad that was valuable to you. It can be hard to hold onto that thought, but one way to do so is think about what you value in others--it's usually not their abilities--and remind yourself that it also true of others' valuing of you.
I agree, this was the most powerful line for me as well. As someone who has in recent years experienced less physical and mental ability than I had been used to, my feeling of self worth has at times also lessened. This line is one I will take with me.
@@patchanonsoontarodom3364 Remember we are talking about "SELF-worth". Nonetheless, this statement about ability is accurate in both realms. I'm not sure what is meant by "works" (but I think you mean how OTHERS think of us in terms of our material value to a company). In fact, academic and work performance are only weakly correlated with innate intellectual ability as measured by IQ. And, there are as many as a dozen factors, virtually all of which are within are control and be cultivated, that have been found in empirical research to have a bigger impact on performance on both spheres. Because other people--including bosses and teachers-- hold mistaken beliefs about ability is not a good reason for us to accept and to internalize those beliefs ourselves--and in fact is one more reason to address and correct them. We are not reducible to our abilities or our worldly achievements. If you had a stay at home mom who has been important in your life, than you will see this immediately. Our mothers matter to us not because of what they did at work or how smart they are, but how they treat us and make us feel.
Main takeaways (imo): 1. Break the equation: performance does not equal ability, ability does not equal worth. 2. Often, procrastinators do not lack ambition. On the contrary, they overstrive. 3. Instead of focusing on fear, focus on why you chose to do this work. Ex., think of your work as an experiment or service to others. The goal is to reduce pressure and anxiety. 4. Ask yourself, how does this task align with my mission? HOw do I make it small?
"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears" is one of the most appropriately motivational quotes for such an interesting perspective on procrastination. I've sat in my own head making plans and dashing them to bits expecting failure... there's something profound in ending the decision process at hope.
I think so, too. The wisdom of Mandela's quote is confirmed by research in motivational psychology. When we strive toward and make choices that guide us toward what we positively aspire to (our hopes) we are happier, more fulfilled and often more successful in achieving our goals than if we are motivated by fear and avoidance.
Thank you, Ashiqur, that is high praise, indeed! I feel Self-worth theory of motivation could be helpful to more people if were more widely known. It has helped me and hundreds of people I have worked with over the years. I was fortunate to be given this platform to share the insights of my mentor, and I'm extremely gratified that viewers engage with it and share their responses like you have. If you know someone who would benefit from hearing this message about self-worth so that they can better understand themselves, please share it with them so that we reduce suffering.
Thanks, Devansh. I'm so glad it was useful to you. When I learned about self-worth theory from my mentor it was immensely useful and enlightening to me.
@@nicvoge2234 I can't express you the thoughts rushing through my mind while watching you talk. I could hear my usual thought process shattering, block by block. It was liberating! And I'm so glad that I got a reply from you personally. Thank you so much🙏
@@nicvoge2234 I can't believe you were nervous giving this talk, you seemed so relaxed and confident like a professional public speaker So you're either 1) a natural at public speaking or 2) a very convincing liar ! But my gut tells its the first ! I think you're just a good kind person who sincerely wants to help and inspire others that's why this talk was great to listen to because it was genuine and came from the heart. I hope you went on to give more talks like this one if not ? why not ? you should be you're gifted ! if so ? thank you on behalf of humanity keep up the good work we all need more people like you in this world ! PS I loved the smile on the guy sitting next to the blonde girl in the front row when you said your phone app says "reduce suffering" He went from looking bored/depressed to beaming with happiness .
@@jasminejones9058 Thanks, Jasmine. Your kind words mean a lot to me. I give workshops every semester on this topic and do other talks on related topics. I'm also working on an online module on overcoming procrastination which I hope will be more helpful. I have a lot of experience teaching and speaking, so even when I'm nervous I can do it. The telltale sign of my nerves is my smile. I'm pretty happy generally, but that's a nervous smile. Funny, I hadn't notice the guy you mention. Amazing how such little things can change our own and others' feelings. Thanks for pointing that out!
Have you ever considered that there is a limited amount of sources from which we build our self-worth? Namely, close social environment - friends, distant social environment - colleagues, hobbies, sports, self-care, success at work, success in networking, success in hobbies and so on. Now, imagine 95% of the mentioned sources no longer exist in your life. That’s the main issue. The moment you rely on one single source for your self-worth. The problem is that each source is responsible of giving us a puzzle piece of meaning in life - so only the completeness, the entire image, is capable of reflecting who we are. I believe procrastination results from an unbalanced life style and insufficient resources for building a stable self-worth.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. As a matter of fact I have thought about that and talk with people about it in my coaching--I'll address it more below. I also frame procrastination in terms of well-being theory, which advocates for 'balance' by approaching positive states in the areas you mention. I agree that narrowing or limiting our sources of self-worth within conventional belief systems can make it harder to achieve, increase pressures, and thus offer less material opportunities for feeling worthy. But that relationship is, pretty clearly, not uni-directional; it goes both directions. Procrastination leads to imbalance, and being out of balance can lead to procrastination in various ways. What's more there are cyclic patterns and effects. I do not think it is useful to tell people there is one cause for such complex patterns of behavior. I've worked with enough people to know that's not the case. I have observed that as students transition into college and into grad school, their time and efforts are narrowed, academics take up a larger portion of their life and identity or self-concept--for obvious reasons I think. They may give up sports or music, leave behind communities, etc. that engaged them and brought them connection, validation, success and meaning in order to meet higher academic demands and to prepare for their next step in life. We can understand why most do, the stakes for getting high grades feel high and have material consequences. What most people don't notice, but you clearly do, is what those activities did in their lives. I realized in college that my participation (and success) on sports teams was far more important than I had realized for my self-concept. I see people who love to sing in choir or play an instrument in high school put that aside and lose the un-evaluated engagement, enjoyment and connection that comes from it. But those are kind of invisible and we often don't see how that can connect to our academic performance--especially in a positive way. Many see these things as trade-offs to school, not aids. I think procrastination results from many sources and is different for different people, even as there is commonalities. The research this talk is based upon is situated in the study of individual differences. I'll make one more point, in the form of a question. Why should people's self-worth by tied these "resources" for building self-worth in the first place? Why do people get their sense of worthiness from their hobbies or sports or networking--and is that actually a "stable" way to get it? Since success in these areas is contingent upon other people, external factors, and other things outside of our control, they are often not stable at all. Seeking validation in more areas can be useful, but it assumes the same set of underlying beliefs about the relationships of worth, ability, and performance/achievement. Because those beliefs are widespread (and hard to change in individuals and society) this approach makes sense to and is appealing to lots of people. But, this approach tacitly accepts those beliefs, that paradigm of assessing oneself without acknowledging or raising awareness about them, and so may simply replicate the problem and expand it to other realms of life and lead people to strive to achieve, be better than others and be recognized for it so that everything becomes a competition for them and nothing is intrinsically valued. I see this at Princeton where students study, live and socialize in a small community. Not only are students comparing themselves academically, they compare their friend groups and organizations and positions in them and compare their internships and job interviews, etc. Doing so only adds to the pressures, and external influences it seems to me. But, some thrive under these circumstances because of our human variety and, ultimately, the virtually unlimited capacity of human beings to adapt and actualize themselves. Sounds like you've identified a way to prevent procrastination by striving for balance--their is vital wisdom in that approach, and I wish you the best of luck in doing so.
@@yeslek You're welcome, Kelsey. Glad the talk/comments are useful to you. Try to be as understanding with yourself as you are with your closest friends when they need it and see how that makes you feel.
@Dancestar1981 seriously, i never said, that I don't understand. In fact, I suffer from the same issues. Even more, I have to take medication everyday bc of that. But I don't let my right of having a happy life suffer from that. I want to be happy and not let other people decide over my happiness bc I gave them that power. So I fight and I will never give up! And that means in times I feel insecure, I either go to friends who appreciate me for the person that I am or I occupy myself with some of my talents that I was blessed with. Working on them from sunrise till late at night day after day and then being able to see to see the fruits of hard work makes me so joyful. Even more, the point you realize that you obtained a "language" that you can use now to express your own ideas. PS: I hope you are not one of those self proclaimed neurodiverse people, in order to take away your responsibility for the life that you have.
Best ted talk I have ever seen. I've been struggling with procrastination for 4 years now and my fears turned my life upside down. I needed this. You can see from his face how sincere he is and I am really grateful for this speech. Thank you
same. I lost many opportunities bcs of this. And it's not getting away as you grow older. We do need to change our mindset, and keep our hopes not fears. Gudluck.
Nobody has put the idea of procrastination with so much clarity ever! The point wherein he says that it is a middle point between the need to succeed and the fear of failure is extremely true. Whenever I am procrastinating, I honestly want to do the task really well and I’m waiting for myself to get motivated to do that job perfectly. I don’t want to do something half heartedly because I don’t want to ruin the task. But through procrastinating, I end up overworking my brain and doing the task somehow, but still not feel fulfilled by it. He just laid it all out on how it all works.
I struggle to find the answer "why straight-A student fail in college" for over 4 years, and this is the reason. Mind-blowing presentation. Thank you so much.
*_Summary_* Self-worth theory: feeling valued is our paramount human need. Procrastinators don't think effort is nearly as important as ability in determining performance. Also, their sense of worth is derived from their perceived ability. In summation: performance = ability = worth While many label procrastination as self-sabotage, it is self-protection to the detriment of performance. Procrastinators are stuck because they overstrive: success orientation pushes them forward, while fear of failure pushes them back. (The break point is when the fear of not getting it done exceeds the fear of not doing it perfectly.) Doing things last minute guarantees an excuse for lack of performance! Procrastination isn't shameful: it is to be expected in contexts where overstrivers are constantly evaluated. It is widespread at Berkeley, Princeton, etc. Solutions: *1. Develop awareness:* what emotions and thoughts are influencing me? *2. Tip the balance from fear to motivation:* how do I make the task less scary? What is my motivation for taking this course, doing this presentation, etc.? Concrete example at 17:48. *3. Debunk p = a = w equation:* sometimes you perform below your ability; sometimes you get undeserved As. More importantly, think about who you love and who loves you: is love based on your GPA or is it based on your human qualities?
Detached Laconian, this is a very nice overview. I might simply add that procrastination, by virtue of being so widespread, can be understood as entirely normative and predictable (though not inevitable) in contexts where we are judged and so we shouldn't feel ashamed about it. Instead we can accept our dual, competing motivations as understandable, and seek to analyze them and use our knowledge to direct our motivations toward aims that are truly valuable to us, while also seeking to bolster our sense of worth by striving to act and interact in ways aligned with our values--not entirely through achievements.
@@nicvoge2234 Thanks for the kind and honest feedback! I think I ignored the comforting parts of the talk because I have another equation in my head: true = hurtful I have edited my original comment.
@@TuringMachine001 Wow. That is a deep insight about another equation in your mind which you have made about yourself. I understand that and can see where it comes from in my own life.
Bona fide ADHDer here, certified 25+ years ago but only in the last five years really trying to own it. I procrastinate in almost all things, often to the point of very serious detriment, and so forever looking for different angles to understand my challenges and ways to try to overcome them. I've come to realize that one of my issues is, in the moment, it is often impossible (or feels like it) for me to figure out what to do next. It's like dyslexia, but in perception of time and planning of action rather than processing written language. Then I reach a threshold where I am so overloaded and overwhelmed that I throw up my hands and retreat. This talk, although not super applicable to ADHD, gave me some valuable new-to-me ideas to examine. Thank you for that Nic Voge!
"Think of procrastination as a protective strategy for coping with conflicting motivation," I observed it too! At the start of online class, I was really motivated. I have many things in my schedule, including helping my siblings study, doing household chores, organizing things, learning about this and that. And of course, I was not able to follow these plans. So I started to feel bad, then started blaming myself but still I can not get things done, I got a hard time completing the requirements on time and the bad feelings just kept in piling up. Then I started get addicted to reading web novels which is a source of my happiness. Because of this, there is less school work I can get done, and until I struggle to finish one in one day, worse is that my little brother is failing his studies and I don't even know if he is learning something. I was very depressed at that time, for the whole day I only lay down in a dark room reading web novels. Until today things is still not oka, it is really hard.
@@shravan_pi we’re all in the same boat man. Just be aware of what is happening when you procrastinate, and use the community/people as your motivation to succeed. Do what you want to do because it will make their lives better.
@@shravan_pi I think you and I have been Procrastinating for too long and we have now become what is "Chronic Procrastinators". Its become a habit along with our Perfectionist trait. I think its gonna take a bit of time to get productive again. Don't push too hard or you'll be back to ground zero. Good luck to you, comrade.
I am a 50 year old who has struggled with procrastination and self worth my entire life, and still do, but I am getting better. I am grateful for your talk and it will be a tool I use moving forward! At the same time, I have two children who are currently college students, both of whom struggle with procrastination and self worth. I will encourage them to watch this because you present the concepts so well and with great hope. Thank you!
Amen! 53 here - hardcore procrastinator stuck between fear of failure and fear of success! Just started grad school this September - a religious experience lol. Definitely out of my comfort zone!
I wish i would have support from my parents.. But im too afraid to tell them that a lot of things going on, the fear of letting them down could also be the reason i procastinate.. I was an over achiever and finally that much pride exhaust me.. Here i am trying to reset my mindset and be more forgiving to myself and define my own happiness.. And that excitement is starting to come back.. I guess we need to forgive ourselves and not to project our fear to other people, lets move forward with positive attitude.. Celebrate your relationship with your children as much as you can, and appreciate the most little effort they made, and just grow together with them.. You guys going to have different pace but im sure it will head to somewhere beautiful..
@@Alzenaish Hi! I understand that telling your parents how you feel can be dreadful, but my experience they won't love you any less that they did before. If they are startled, it's not because of you being a complete disappointment, but because they care. They come from a generation where emotional intelligence and communication wasn't something commonly taught or accesible, and they are often trying to do the best with the bad they have been given. You got this! If anything, you're struggles have helped you to be more thoughful and strive to live a more fulfilled live. That's amazing! Let's celebrate it by being more kind with ourselves. Just keep in mind that you're worth it, simply because you exist, and that's enough.
I've watched and read dozens of procrastination videos and articles over the years and I have to say this man is the only one who truly understands the roots of my problems 😭 Thank you! You've successfully reduced this student's suffering caused by procrastination.
So, glad it was helpful, Emily. My mentor spent decades doing research to unravel the motivational puzzle of procrastination and explain it--and other motivational dynamics. I'm just translating his work.
I need this to make a final move on something I’m helping someone out with but half of me just wants to take a long nap and dust it off in the morning. I’ll see how I feel after another coffee.
lolllll. ditto. except that what gets done is much less important and urgent than what needed to be done. always thought i had issues prioritizing and managing my time but very well may actually be procrastination. like writing youtube comments at 3 in the morning when i’m behind on everything
@Sylvester True for you and so many of us. To protect or defend our sense of self is a very basic need--we all have it. Yet, to take on challenging tasks, to do things we've never done before, to reach and stretch these will necessarily invoke the possibility--and threat--of failing. It's risky to our self-concept and self-worth. On the other hand, if we don't take those risks, we often feel unfilled, that our potential hasn't been met and unworthy. We need to demonstrate our capability to ourselves and others--that is part of being human, and so procrastination (avoidance, hesitation) is also part of the human condition.
@@nicvoge2234 Yep, it seems like, the right audience will connect to the video, and once they connect, they will never forget this. So so so much grateful for this princeton prof for such amazing video decoding the brain, survival instinct, mental flaws everyone has. the key takeaway is "Brain should be fueled by positive hopeful things, not negative thoughts, fears, mental flaws, that ruin our mood and keep us in this negative rumination."
I've done that by mistake several times when simply trying to acces the main page of the one who posted the video, on mobile. Good thing I noticed and was able to undo it.
There are people who believe people who procrastinate simply don't have the mental fortitude, self discipline etc. to get work done. Basically they're either just not good enough or aren't trying hard enough.
Thank you, Tommy. Every human being needs and wants to protect oneself. Perhaps some want to sabotage their sense of self, but that does not ring true to me. If we can all find ways to both protect our self-concept while taking the risks necessary to achieve our goals and avoid self-sabotage, then we will have adhered to the message from Nelson Mandela at the end of the talk.
I am just commenting so that this algorithm everyone talks about picks this up and recommends this video to people. As he said in that talk, awareness of the issue is one of the things we need. I hope others find this.
I come back to this often after I get into a loop where I am harsh on myself after a unproductive day which leads to me derailing for days. The empathetic approach and reminders by him are so re assuring and I feel more inclined to atleast get started and moving again on my tasks. Thank you for this.
Thank you, Komal, for this useful--to me and others--note! You say this well and suggest a concrete strategy--returning to resources that put you in a more non-judgmental, accepting mindset on a regular basis. Just this morning I was writing up some materials exploring how our judgements about ourselves lead to strong emotions like shame or guilt which then become another obstacle we must overcome to start and complete our task.
I knew it!!! I knew that my perfectionism and procrastination are tightly interlaced. And you put into words, and there is actually a theory that explains it. It's amazing, thank you!
You are welcome! From this perspective, indeed they are. If we hold beliefs that our performance is equivalent to our worth as a person and that our performance is primarily due to innate ability, we can see that the stakes of not being 'perfect' (brilliant, excellent, a genius) are much higher than simply the task itself. What's at stake is our self-concept, which motivates us to seek "perfection" in order to protect that sense of self. If you've not heard the phrase "effortless perfection" (ie low effort, high ability explanation of performance) you might want to look it up as it may give you additional insight. Keep striving to understand--and accept--yourself as I believe, that is the path to a meaningful life.
Ditto. If I’m doing something for you it might well take a while if I’m trying to perfect every detail, which is usually the case. Daily life stuff coming and doing its thing doesn’t help, either, and it’s like that most of the time. Superficially all these variables just look like excuses but there’s a lot more heavy-lifting-and-grunting going on than I’d ever let on. I’ve never been fantastic at the art of time management per se but I have more than enough spontaneous ability to push through. I feel bad for keeping the other person waiting for so long if I’m helping them out but sometimes the longer things marinate the better the final result.
I can’t remember being this impacted by a Ted talk, ever! I learned so much and actually shed tears as I connected what I was struggling with for so many years. I genuinely would not have thought self worth and procrastination were related, but now it makes so much sense. I knew that anxiety was a factor, but looking beyond the anxiety into the deeper meaning behind why we build things up into mountains in our heads is startling and satisfying at the same time. I really apologized to myself once I connected the self worth with the achievement. I never would have thought that I was struggling with self worth! Now I know I need compassion and not shaming myself or guilting myself into completing a task that I am procrastinating on. The shaming and guilting have been the only way I finally was able to start on so many occasions. Self compassion and introspection is much needed in my life. I am writing this at 2 am having spent the last week catastrophizing about what my proposal would look like to others and wasn’t even able to write until hours before I sent it in so of course it came back with edits and that just made me more stuck until this moment. Thank you for sharing this, you certainly reduced my suffering and I am deeply grateful.
So glad this was helpful. You say it so well! Compassion directed toward ourselves allows us to truly introspect and not merely judge ourselves. When we introspect with the aim of understanding we can gain insight and, often, even further compassion. Harsh judgements leading to feelings of guilt and shame may activate or energize us (through anger or fear) but they are not sustainable motivations that propel our best work and definitely do not contribute to feelings of accomplishment and worth. The antidote to powerful counter-motivations (like when you feel fear about writing and submitting your proposal) is to look inward and to identify the powerful approach motives that you feel (curiosity, interest about the topic, the desire to make an impact on the world, our desire to explore and grow and other positive reasons) and bring them to mind, keep them in mind so they influence your feelings and intention in the moment of writing. Another helpful strategy is to imagine not your ultimate reader of your proposal, but instead a supportive, welcoming reader that you can imagine would want to read your proposal. For instance, maybe you have a friend who is also interested in the topic or a family member. They are not experts and won't be overly critical judges of the text. Start with them in mind and write to them as your sole audience. Once you have a draft, then go back through it adapting for your purposes and for the ultimate expert audience with particular terminology, adding citations, etc. Much easier to write it in these "layers". Pay it forward. All the best to you. Nic
More likely to procrastinate if you had the type of parent who only showed affection when you succeeded or did as they pleased. Conditioning you to see performance -> ability -> worth as reality. Smh
Lamar, there is some research evidence to support your point. It is sad that some, perhaps many, people have been raised this way. If those who love and care for us communicate that our performance/achievement is what justifies their care/love of us, it is not surprising that we would learn to associate or equate our worth--what is valuable or lovable about ourselves--to our success. We could also learn that failing means to be unlovable or unloved which explains why people feel such great fear about failing on a task. What is at stake for them is not merely the grade, and what that means for their future (which should not be minimized), but also the esteem and care of others.
My two barriers are (fear of failure) confidence and (project-itus)feeling a need to complete the task in one go instead of taking a step at a time. I found this lecture helpful.
i like how Nic still continue reviewing the comments and helping out to reduce sufferings. am trying to get back the focus on my academics after being stucked for a while. Thank you
Some things get procrastinated for years. This is not about performance. But it is about self worth. Avoidance of the task that makes us feel bad, and we don't really understand why. It comes from our subconscious mind, and we avoid the task to protect our feeling of self worth.
@Murilo Perrone This is a useful description of what self-worth theory of achievement reveals about the underlying dynamics of procrastination which, as you suggest, many of us are not fully aware of. Gaining awareness of WHY we are avoiding, what's motivating us TO avoid (it's not merely that we are not motivated to engage in the activity or task), and seeing that this is understandable from a certain of view, is crucial to making long-term changes. I would point out that our avoidance can be about BOTH the performance and our sense of self-worth. They are not mutually exclusive. In fact, for many the recognition that they are fearful of how their performance will be evaluated can obstruct or conceal a deeper dynamic--namely, that we are ALSO protecting our sense of worth. For those who love the field they work in, they are often confused by their avoidance. They may love physics or playing guitar, yet put off preparing for a performance (e.g. an exam or recital) and even 'feel' at those times that they don't like these things. They are often feeling fear in the moment, associated with the implications or meanings to their sense of who they are, their capabilities and their worth. These considerations, the desire to protect these established meanings, can motivate us even more powerfully than our enjoyment or music or physics and even more than our desire to achieve goals, be successful, etc. Without looking deeper our actions appear nonsensical, perplexing and we often judge them and ourselves harshly leading to guilt and shame, which further obscure our ability to clearly see the dynamics operating. Looking beneath the surface with a stance of gentle curiosity can help us see new things and see ourselves in new ways which allow us to see new possibilities. Best of luck to you
That's very kind of you. I'm very glad to know the talk was impactful to you. Including that list was a list minute addition to the talk. When I made it I was reflecting on my own avoidance and fears about "doing a TED Talk". To combat that aversion, I looked inward to find more powerful motivations--and one's that got me "outside of myself". Fascination and serving others are two of the most powerful motivations for overcoming fear and aversion. I hope you find your versions of those two sources of energy!
Loved it. So to break procrastination: discard the subconscious erroneous relation between self-worth and the work, and emphasize instead the really good reasons for it. + break it into manageable pieces.
"Your ability is not equivalent to your self worth". "Our worth derives from our human qualities of kindness, thoughtfulness, and our vulnerabilities".
This is hands down the most beneficial talk on procrastination I have seen. I was deep in the throes of an academic existential crisis as I prepare to present a research paper at a conference, write midterm papers, & await grad school decisions. I am breathing easier having watched this, & composing a list to shift my perspective. Thank you.
I can attest I have done all of these for literal years without anyone telling me to - I just wanted to be productive for the sake of these things that I wanted to do with intrinsic motivation in which I found meaning and very often not only meaning but also pleasure and joy. Yet I was doing nothing all day for years. Turns out "executive dysfunction" exists and can have several causes. One of them is ADHD. So for anyone who hasn't done the things on this list - do them. For anyone who has genuinely tried to and failed, especially for a longer period of time - take heart. There is always a next step. Your brain is fantastic and you can figure it out - especially of you don't take what other people tell you as pure gospel. And maybe your next step is researching ADHD. Researching what can cause executive dysfunction. Getting evaluated for ADHD by a psychiatrist (not a psychologist or your GP!) with either a specialization or experience with ADHD. Think about it, look it up. Reach out. I know the shame and the pain. You're not a defect human. You're not a bad or despicable person for this. You're not crazy. And I wish you all the best.
Thank you! i have my own session therapy now! ✨ This is it : If you don't start now, you won't finish! But remember, to reduce pressure and your anxiety. It's not that you lack ambition. People procrastinate even on things they love. - Think of procrastination as a protective strategy for dealing with motivational conflicts (I'm just protecting myself from failure). Success -> |
I'm so glad you found the talk useful and you have made the ideas your own with this cool representation. An additional thought to help get started is "Where I start isn't where I'll end up." Best of luck, Nic
I watch this video every couple months as part of my self therapy to return to writing. I've shared it a number of times. I learned so much about myself. I wasn't a natural procrastinator, it developed after I took a year hiatus from writing to study story structure. I guess somewhere along the way I got really stuck in that perfectionism-procrastination cycle that leads to impediment.
I had the amazing privilege of being in Professor Voge’s class while a student at UC Berkeley! A wonderful human being and educator! Forever grateful for the impact he had in my life!
This was the most accurate video I've seen on procrastination. I've watched and read several other things, but none were able to put things into perspective as this one. I am in college and struggling with procrastination, this helps a lot.
1)"Reduce suffering" 2)"Our performance is not equal to either our ability or self-worth." These two sentences are really stunning... I now have more a positive attitude towards my procrastination, thank you Professor, I hope to have professors like you when being a uni student!!!
Thanks. Internalizing 2) will definitely lead to 1). Whether your professors think this way or not, you can continue to approach your learning and your life in this way.
This is quite literally the best talk on procrastination. I struggle with it even outside of school with work and in every facet of my life. I never thought that I maybe tying selfworth to ability. I might have to rewatch this a few times so the message can sync and effect my actions.
@@nicvoge2234 same here. Thank you 🙏 you are already achieving your goal of reducing the suffering of students. Thank you for this knowledge and for your vulnerability in sharing your own experiences, it is inspiring for me 🙏
This really helped me a lot. I have struggled with and still struggle with procrastination because I was an overachiever and feared failure. Living in fear is a pathway to mental illness, so thank you for your life saving insight.
interesting you mention mental illness. I was procrastinating on an assignment really badly. I felt horrible about it and yet I didn't stop. I started thinking...procrastination must be some sort of a mental illness.
@@jt.633 Procrastination happens a lot to people struggling with depression and anxiety. There's always this feeling of being damned if you do and damned if you don't. But, I often attribute the intense fear of failure with the cognitive dissonance of blowing things out of proportion or catastrophizing.
Damn, I need this on a poster in every room in the house. My self-sabotage never made sense to me until now. As someone who holds myself to a very high standard, I couldn't understand why I sometimes procrastinated to the point of failure, especially on things I valued highly. I didn't have the words to explain the paralysis and stress or why procrastination brought such relief, even if I failed. But this explains it all, takes some of the shame away, and has some really sound suggestions. Wish I heard this when I was at college!
I guess overcoming procrastination is all about getting aware of your own emotions, when it comes to failing. It's like a therapeutic process you need to go through, in witch you slowly and steadily open up to the idea, that it's not laziness that is causing your habit of procrastination, but your deep rooted human fears that are mechanism that have been built in our blueprint over thousands of years. THISVIDEO HIT ME SO HARD TODAY. I've watched tones of videos about procrastination the last three years, because I have a huge problem with it in my studies but also in private life. I remember watching this video a year ago, but it didn't reached me nearly half as much, as I watched it again today. So it's all about trusting the process, loving yourself so much that you keep working on it and exploring your inner self. I deeply believe that anyone of you is capable of overcoming procrastination, no matter how much you feel stuck. For one day you wake up and finally have the courage to do all the things you love the most. Best wishes and love for you :* (Sorry for my grammatic I'm german :P)
You say it well, Kim. Our need for self-preservation, our need for acceptance and belonging are often the root causes for the difficult emotions and worrisome thoughts that lead to agitation, loss of focus and a tendency toward avoidance which we can see if we introspect on our thoughts and feelings. Accepting ourselves, being compassionate to ourselves as we are to those we care about is, indeed, a crucial step. But, even if that is not currently possible for someone, there are steps to take to get unstuck, take actions, move toward valued ends and complete tasks. The experience of this process can actually help us be more accepting and feel more empowered. Thinking in terms of doing that ONE thing (not ALL) we value today can help us get started (make it small). And do the same tomorrow. And the day after. Best of luck to you, Kim, Be well.
Thank you.. I was very scared and anxious and crying.. Trying to find some answer without even understanding my problem. This really helped to ease my nerves. Thank you once again. I am definitely gonna apply this in my life.
First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH! You seem to be an amazing human being! And thank god you didn't let yourself be beaten by your anxiety before the presentation... you did just fine, honestly, you looked like u're doing it for years! Secondly, actually after a LOT of years of constant procrastination, i had already come to this conclusion. It was in my 2nd year of college when talking to a friend that was exactly like me. We realized that the reason we would always procrastinate was our gigantous fear of failure (that seemed to be be bigger and always overcome our desire to succeed) and like u said, it's a win-win situation because 1) if u fail, u have the excuse, that allows u to deal with the failure, so ur sense of self-worth don't change. 2) if u pass but w/ a low grade, u can always think "well, what what u studied, i'm amazed you even passed! So don't be sad you didn't get a higher grade." But in 1) and 2) I would still always feel like "damn, why are u like this, u could do so much better, if u continue down this road God only knows what kind of future you will have... and then you are going to look back and feel SO much regret that u didn't work harder" (i'm in the last year of college and i already feel it), so yeah there is this part that is negative. I never understood how people in my class that worked hard and studied every day dealt when they didn't pass or they passed w/ low grades. My sense of self-worth was always very fragil so i would always think that if that happened to me i would never be able to recover and bounce back. 3) if u pass w/ a high grade, u think "omg, i'm so smart! Smarter than i ever thought i was." But even in these cases, i would always question if i really earned that grade, or i was just lucky it was an easy test, or lucky that the things i studied were questioned in the test and the things i didn't weren't. So it provided a little boost to my sense of self-worth but unfortunately it was only temporary. So, yeah imo it allows me to continue to live with myself but on the other hand still blame me for being like this, not able to control myself like everyone else seems to manage to do just fine, and blame me because i know i'm prejudicing/risking me and my future more and more every day. (I was recently diagnosed w/ ADD so yeah that can make it harder to focus for long periods of time, but i know that's only part of the issue, there's a lot more to it). So, if you could share some other strategies that you know of i would be forever grateful!! Because as i was already aware of this i already had tried techniques 1) and 3) and they didn't seem to work for me. The strategie 2) i will definitely try but i know that i'm going to have a really hard time coming up w/ approach motives, so i think your example will help me although i would need more. THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE!! (p.s. english is not my first language so sorry for that and for the lenght of the text, i didn't expect it when i started writing)
Thank you, Rita. Your enthusiasm is palpable! I am, in fact, an ordinary human being. But, I am focused on being a human being in a world where it seems harder and harder to do that. In any case, I've been teaching and giving talks long enough that I have developed skills that I can rely upon even if I'm nervous. My nerves show through in my grinning and not always being able to find the word I want. Fortunately, the work of my mentor, Marty Covington, is so unique and powerful that it can impact people whether the delivery is great or not. You raise a number of important issues and questions--in fantastic English. Not least the dissatisfaction we feel even when we "succeed" when we know we have not given our best effort or met our own expectations. One sure way to determine whether we are fear motivated is to gain awareness of our feelings when, for instance, we receive our grade. If we get a good grade and feel triumphant, proud, then we were probably motivated predominately by approach motives. If we get a good grade and mainly feel relief then this is an indication that we were motivated by avoidance or fear of a bad result. Relief is simply the feeling of an absence of a negative force or feeling, not a positive feeling. When we are motivated to avoid failure and we do then we understandably feel relief. A problem with that is, relief is not motivating for the next task or challenge in the way that success is and we don't build confidence or efficacy. The result is that we often feel burnt out because we are not being re-energized after lots of effort even when we succeed. If we are only expending energy and not replenishing it, ultimately we will get exhausted, finding it that much harder to motivate ourselves. I can share some more strategies--I do workshops on this topic that addresses many other dimensions of procrastination besides beliefs about self-worth and ability, including cognitive, affective, behavioral, and social dimensions and strategies that correspond to each area. But, i would need to know more about your particular patterns of procrastination to be able to recommend efficacious strategies. In the meantime, let me see if i can help you maximize the benefit of strategy #2, identifying and listing out and referring to all of your approach motives. Here are some questions that I used to help students do what I call "motivational stacking" that is stacking up all the reasons and motives on top of one another to create a ladder to get over the wall of procrastination. Start with these questions, but the idea is to write out and then frequently remind yourself of any positive reason for undertaking the task you are having difficulty tackling, so if you think of motives beyond these categories write them down, too. 1) How can undertaking this task help you be successful in your role (e.g. student, job, parent) now and in the future? 2) How is it important or valuable to you? How is it relevant or useful to you? 3) How can it contribute to your growth or self-improvement? 4) How is it meaningful, fulfilling, or satisfying? 5) How is it fun, interesting, exciting or otherwise enjoyable? 6) What other benefits would accrue to you and others you care about if you completed this task? Once you have this list. Identify which items make you FEEL most motivated. Type them into your phone as reminders. Print them out on a card or piece of paper and review them regularly. Read them into a voice memo and listen to it. Visualize yourself experiencing these benefits. Talk with other people about these positive reasons and ask them to help remind you of your authentic motives. Focus on those reasons that will be beneficial to you regardless of the grad/evaluation. Let us know how it goes.
I have been facing all these above mentioned issues since 2014.....I have reading alot of articles and applying many strategies but end up to be a failure for not being consistent
I can definitely understand what he was talking about with being overly motivated and being extremely fearful as well. This hit home like a well aimed arrow. Thank you.
Not only did he explain procrastination, he gave practical steps to overcome it. I've internalized this speech and I'll make sure I change for the better 😊. See you at the top 🚀.
I've seen tons of videos about procrastination ( all that time ,yes I was procrastinating ) . But this video is really nice. He does not view Procrastination as entirely negative , but instead we learn a possible cause. It's the most relatable I've felt and kinda opened up a new way of thinking why I procrastinate so much. I would really recommend everyone to watch the whole video.
Wow just wow. FINALLY a clear perspective/plan on how to approach my procrastination. And how to mentally and emotionally understand it. I heard a lot of Ted talks this is one of the best ones!!!
So glad this talk was helpful, Sandra. You've said it so well. I had a similar reaction when I learned about Self-worth theory and the research of Professor Marty Covington.
"Think of procrastination as a protective strategy for coping with conflicting motivations. If we procrastinate, and we fail, we have built an excuse. 'I couldn't achieve that, I only had two hours before the deadline!' Explaining why we are not ready. An excuse for ourselves and also for others. Brilliant strategy bc I we succeed, we are surprisingly smart. This strategy protects our self-worth even if it jeopardizes our performance." Wow
He’s the kinda professor I wanna be one day, peaceful and confident, there are too many profs don’t even know and experiment what they are talking about on lectures
Thanks, Lynn. Best of luck in your efforts to be an impactful professor. It might be surprising to know, but I was extremely nervous during this talk. One way to manage that for me is to focus on simply being helpful for the audience. Get out of my head and how I appear and just focus on effectively communicating and being responsive to the people in front of me. I had to really work hard on this because since high school I had a huge fear of public speaking. In fact, in high school I went up to the lectern to give my coach an award on behalf of my team and I was so nervous that when I started to talk no words came out, just a squeak! When I became a teacher i got more skilled and so became more calm. As I got more practice giving presentations, I got more comfortable in front of audiences. But, giving a "TED Talk" really got into my head and maybe anxious. I had to use all my skills just to manage my nervousness. I say all this to show that we can, with practice and by adding specific skills, become less anxious and more comfortable in front of others. For me, it was mainly about being less self-conscious and focusing less on me and focusing more on simply effectively conveying a message.
@@nicvoge2234 OMG i never thought u would see my comment and reply🫣 I seriously mean it i can tell u are entirely focusing on the topics everything relevant but yourself, and even did ur own experiment on urself, u were trying to find the middle ground connecting the ideas and others' reality, seriously it's the only talk i've seen in years could made me feel both informative and understanding, most of speakers somehow alienate audiences to establish the sense of authority unintentionally, some even lack of belief in their topics, u r different truly, I can only assume that's the reason u mentioned in both the comment and the speech. There should be more professors like u in this world. Thank you for you content~ truly inspiring just wanna say
So helpful! I was thinking that why I was avoiding practicing since I’m in love with my work like this. I now understand that I’m over motivated and it brings the fear. Thank you!
Really happening to me in the degree in maths and this really helped me. I felt everything he said and my desire of succes combined with my fear of not being enough is really slowing me down and not letting me enjoy the degree🙏🏼
Iker, that is an important insight you have made. You have both kinds of motivations and so can intentionally tip the balance by focusing on what is fascinating, useful and relevant about your work. In so doing, the effects of the (understandable) fears you experience will decrease correspondingly. At the same time, you can learn attention-directing and emotional self-regulation techniques to address those emotions which make doing our intellectual work more difficult.
I Must Thank you ..... after allllll the vids and books and talks I’ve pursued to understand and beat my procrastination, even in the current midst of following a famous motivational speaker, No one has said quite the way you have, “MY WORTH IS NOT BASED ON MY ACHIEVEMENTS “ . I Am Worthy Solely because i am kind, thoughtful and i add - Lovable.
Clifford Perry, you are very welcome. It sounds like this talk provided a missing piece for you in understanding the motivational dynamics operating. If you find useful things in other places, use those, too!
after two years of watching this I went from zero to full-stack web developer and found my company. the main thing is that doing little things that makes positive impact is the key
This video describes me now but also as a student and it describes my daughter who is currently at University. I will send this to her and although she will deny that her procrastination is linked to self worth I hope she will reflect on the key messages. This is a great video. Thank you.
Thanks and I hope your daughter can use this video on her process of gaining greater self-awareness that all of us can--and maybe must--take. I'm taking a guess here, but one important idea that might help someone not immediately reject examining their own beliefs about achievement and self-worth is to point out that we can hold beliefs that we do not actually agree with explicitly. We can have internalized messages from society, school, peers, etc. that do not reflect our true values and thoughts and which we did not choose or reason ourselves into. Philosophers have coined a term for this, an "alief" a belief we may not be aware of, may not agree with, but influences our actions. Examining our "aliefs" with curiosity and compassion can bring us greater alignment between our actions, choices and values (important, positive beliefs).
Gonna pat myself on the back and say I had thought up all this stuff up on what procrastination is on my own. Got the different motivations and fears stuff. Got the ability doesn’t equal performance. Then this dude blows my mind by practically just saying “identify why you want to do something and why you don’t.” HOW FRIGGEN SIMPLE WHAAAAAAAAAAAT
One thing that helped me in the past to overcome procrastination is looking at my own vision board. Of course, for some people, it doesn't work. But if you take out the part where you need the things there to manifest and you just look at the vision board for the PLEASURE of it... then you're more likely to start taking action.
The way this video made me realize why am I procrastinating so much and then how to find a way out of it to achieve my goals is on another level. Thank you, professor!!
When you get the urge to check on email or social media feed just before you start your work... Procrastinate on it and say I will do it in five minutes after I start writing my paper.... Chances are that once you start your work you will get into zone and will no longer have the urge or need for the social media... Try this technique and put your results here....
Thanks. I'm glad you found it useful. But, I'm not so much a genius as fortunate. I was lucky to meet my mentor who did a lot of the research that led to these insights. I've also been lucky to work with many, many people who wanted to change and were brave enough to share their struggles with me and do the hard work of changing their actions. I've learned a lot from them and am glad to share it with you. Best of luck.
I have apparently been exploring SELF WORTH THEORY, and didn't know it. First, here was my procrastination dilemma: Every day, I woke up with the goal (somewhere in mind) that I will make some progress on my dream of writing and recording songs. Goal Identity: I AM A CAPABLE SONGWRITER/PERFORMER. For the past 30 years, I have switched from guitar to learning piano, switched back to guitar, bought multi-track digital recorders, switched to software-based recorders, back to hardware....I have purchased 50 to 100 instructional books and online courses related to piano, guitar, voice, dabbled a bit (3 to 8 pages), finally wrote one song about 12 years ago, performed it once in front of people, amidst many many karaoke performances of other folks' songs. I never once recorded the song, though that was the top priority for the past 12 years. Last month, I committed to focusing on recording the song on my own with only the computer and equipment I currently owned. After 30 years of procrastination, I put in the 40 hours, and recorded the song with bass, percussion, piano, guitar, and multiple vocal tracks. The turning point was my discovery of 1) An Emerson quote: "The purpose of life is not to be happy; it is to be useful, honorable, and compassionate..." and, 2) A suggestion I came upon to join or create a MasterMind Group. The Emerson quote only works if you engage in extensive self-inquiry with it. It offers a complete and powerful explanation for the question "Why do I feel so miserable about the way I spent so many hours of my day?" It offered me a more objective measuring stick for assessing my immediate choice of activity. I converted the idea into a written assessment tool which I won't present here. I am interested in exploring how to put this tool into a practical form for all who strive to overcome procrastination. I applied it and was transformed into a new creature who became focused on developing skills for hours every day. However; I needed one more piece to get to recording a song. There was no MasterMind Group in Port Angeles, so I started my own. Commitment to accomplish chosen action steps by a chosen time and date was needed. Of course, school programs have long used that strategy, but it is needed. The Self Worth Theory is tied in with the Emerson quote, and that is where I value Mr. Voge's immense contribution with this talk. Although Self Worth is about one's perception/beliefs, Emerson effectively listed the 3 most basic human characteristics likely to establish a valued place for you at the community table (politics and other BS means aside). When you are truly valued by others, you can more easily find evidence that you have worth. Of course, I have a good deal more, but this is a youtube comment after all.
Life changing... Earlier this year i had realised my personal value system was results based. This means my basis for ALL of life is like a sieve rather than (what should be a solid/static understanding or whatever). THIS should act as my foundation of my core self which EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING stems from. Instead the Result is a NEED to "perform" in order to feel valuable within my inner core. This was mind-blowing! A phenomenal revelation, BUT, I had no idea where to go from there! 😅 THANK YOU for being the answer to my 'proverbial' prayer. I had been clueless, now I am empowered with real life tools I can and will apply. I already feel free'er
You describe a quite remarkable process of coming to self-understanding. Your introspection and work on understanding yourself has yields what seems like extremely useful insights about yourself. The needs and drives you describe are held widely in a society that largely values people by virtue of their abilities, usefulness, value in economic terms. Many of us have internalized this to, as you say, our "core beliefs"--despite the fact that these beliefs do NOT correspond to our actual values. That is, we have been conditioned to believe things about our worth that we ourselves do not agree with. We are powerfully motivated/driven to meet these socially learned needs through competition, achievement, attainment to affirm our worth as good, able, deserving, etc. often by striving to achieve the esteem of others. There is nothing inherently bad or wrong about this, but it often leads AWAY from our own values and actually does not lead to feelings of worthiness that must originate in ourselves, not in the opinions of others which, because they are out of our control, the pursuit of often leads to anxiety, fear, etc. Beliefs are powerful (ie. "everything stems from them") and also quite durable, and not easy to change. If we don't know what beliefs are affecting our thinking, feeling, choices and actions, it's extremely difficult to address them. Self-worth theory of motivation provides a research-based lens on what those beliefs are and how they affect our motivations. Carol Dweck's work on mindset further validates these findings, but does not, in my opinion, fully unpack why these beliefs are so powerful: They are linked to how we and others perceive ourselves and our worthiness. The course I am currently developing addresses ways to change one's beliefs, but also recognizes that it is not absolutely necessary to change ones beliefs to change ones motivations, thoughts, emotions and, ultimately actions. That is, we can prevent and interrupt procrastination without changing our foundational beliefs (though that is very helpful), and in fact, by changing our actions and experiencing engagement and success as a result we change those beliefs indirectly. We become confident and feel efficacious and optimistic and less fearful and avoidant because we learn through actual experience that we have--or can acquire--all that we need to overcome procrastination, engage and succeed in personally meaningful arenas. Best of luck as you continue to understand yourself and pursue meaning and fulfillment in your actions and in your life. Nic Voge
@@nicvoge2234 "but it often leads AWAY from our own values and actually does not lead to feelings of worthiness that must originate in ourselves, not in the opinions of others which, because they are out of our control, the pursuit of often leads to anxiety, fear, etc" 🤯🤩🥳 THAT is exactly what I needed to "hear"! Thank you. I will need to repeat that and mull it over for a while, to ensure it sinks in properly and adheres permanently. In regards to your Current project, I genuinely anticipate it's availability once completed. I also appreciate the time you have taken to reply with earnest insight, wisdom and accolades. Ngā Mihi ki ā koe = which is Te Reo Māori & loosely translates for this use as, grateful to you.
@@M0nkeeYZ Thanks for the kind words! I'm gratified I can be of help. You speak Te Reo Māori? I've been to NZ a few times and lived for a year in Fiji. It is a special part of the world, with amazing people which has a special place in my heart. Makes me all the more happy to be of help. Take care, Nic
Best 21.26 minutes I've spent listening to a seminar for a long time. Thank You..... the future feels a little lighter and brighter but I'm basking and loving the present ❤💛💚
this is the best procrastination i have ever done
😁😁😁😁😁😁
Agreed
@@BeHappy-rq9ql um eu
Indeed, I should be writing and preparing a presentation.
@@BeHappy-rq9ql qaaqq11q1qq1
Proscination is not always about being lazy. It can be feelings of being overwhelmed and not knowing which way to go in life. Fear of making a mistake etc 💖
correct
You're right, he mentions it at 11:09
Prioritize and execute. Pick something and start building momentum.
Story of my life at the moment
Thats my life
I've learned that my "all or nothing" thinking also contributes greatly to procrastination. My entire time k-12 I never, not once, broke up my papers or even projects into different days of work. I would do it all at once at the end and I actually had a shocking number of zeros from not turning in work at all. My dad and teachers would beg to me to at least turn in partial work, but that made me feel even worse than getting zeros. I would have rather turned in nothing than turned in something that wasn't "good enough". I didn't know what "all or nothing thinking" was until I was in treatment for anorexia two years after barely graduating high school, and one year after dropping out of community college after the first week because I had a meltdown. DBT (dialectical behavioural therapy) was quite the awakening. I believe "all or nothing" thinking is also tied to our sense of self worth.
Perfect
Yup.
This really resonates with me and is some sort of synchronicity lol. I just revisited my DBT workbook I bought 5 years ago because I have the same issues of procrastination, self-doubt and overwhelming emotions. Like you, when I was in high school I rather NOT turn in subpar work to insult the teacher or hurt my ego.
All or nothing is called perfectionism and you're not the only one. But wow you were extreme!
Dialectical behavior therapy thank you
I always get the feeling of being stuck when I procrastinate. It took me years to comprehend that the root of my procrastination was not laziness. Each time, I felt overwhelmed by anxiety.
Same, I struggled with procrastination for years. What I did whas I took the advice with my friend which is escape comfort zone. Even when I feel worried, lazy, nervous, I still do what I havd to do and I find it working. The only problem now is balance. I have to put in the right amount of effort to not get burnout.
@@eggxecution Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am trying to do the same, training my mind to get going no matter what and maintaining balance.
I wasted my 2 yrs in result i failed my class 12. Eat that frog, journaling save me from again wasting my yrs.
I don't feel lazy, but because I'm not delivering as much I would I think it will look like I'm lazy. And also this feeling people will like me because I'm good worker and if I'm not doing this well because I'm stuck, how will I be worth.
@@andersonaf You describe well some of the subsequent feelings and worries in relation to worth. The multiple layers of feeling (being a good worker), others' perceptions of you and liking you, and how they might judge our worth can all add to the magnitude of our anxiety and interrupt or block our thinking and decision-making. These are understandable and common thoughts and feelings, but they are not inevitable. Because so much of what we're describing is inferring and imputing to others' their thoughts and beliefs and conjecturing about their perceptions and the interpretations they make, we can actually make changes to these internal experiences. They are, to a great extent, created in our own minds. Even if accurate, the EFFECTS are on our minds, emotions and bodies, which we can influence through intentional, skillful actions like self-talk, emotional self-regulation, and tapping into values and motivations that are conducive to getting started and engaging productively.
Somewhere near the halfway point of this video, I genuinely found myself getting teary because I felt so seen and it felt so freeing to hear that there’s a deeper explanation here and it isn’t because we’re lazy, useless people…wow. It was SO helpful to have procrastination finally explained so clearly.
Annie, well i can't say i really got teary ;-) and those thoughts occurred to me way before the halfway point, LoL, but you stated so well the help his talk was to me too!
YESSSS 😭❤️
🥹
Get this Man a Nobel Prize
I just saw this at a critical point of procastinating towards a very important goal im my life and let me tell you I wasnt teary, I was sobbing hahaha cause my fear of failure is so big that I do exactly what he us saying, I feel so identified with this video and it really helped me understand a little bit more about myself so next stop: therapy hahaha
I laughed at myself when I originally saw this and clicked on watch later.
Same!
😸
You made me laugh 😆 🤣
I also did that, saw the irony, was going to post about it, then I thought “someone probably did this already and im sure it’s on the top comments. I should check later, when I watch the video”. So it is.
@@cav89- LOL The beauty of it is it was completely unconsidered at the time as well. A true case of ironical events.
Best line from the talk: "Your ability is not equivalent to your worth." ❤🌻
I'm glad that was valuable to you. It can be hard to hold onto that thought, but one way to do so is think about what you value in others--it's usually not their abilities--and remind yourself that it also true of others' valuing of you.
I agree, this was the most powerful line for me as well. As someone who has in recent years experienced less physical and mental ability than I had been used to, my feeling of self worth has at times also lessened. This line is one I will take with me.
Doesn't work that well in work environment though
@@Nihilistic_Optimist or in education system, unfortunately :(
@@patchanonsoontarodom3364 Remember we are talking about "SELF-worth". Nonetheless, this statement about ability is accurate in both realms. I'm not sure what is meant by "works" (but I think you mean how OTHERS think of us in terms of our material value to a company). In fact, academic and work performance are only weakly correlated with innate intellectual ability as measured by IQ. And, there are as many as a dozen factors, virtually all of which are within are control and be cultivated, that have been found in empirical research to have a bigger impact on performance on both spheres. Because other people--including bosses and teachers-- hold mistaken beliefs about ability is not a good reason for us to accept and to internalize those beliefs ourselves--and in fact is one more reason to address and correct them. We are not reducible to our abilities or our worldly achievements. If you had a stay at home mom who has been important in your life, than you will see this immediately. Our mothers matter to us not because of what they did at work or how smart they are, but how they treat us and make us feel.
Main takeaways (imo):
1. Break the equation: performance does not equal ability, ability does not equal worth.
2. Often, procrastinators do not lack ambition. On the contrary, they overstrive.
3. Instead of focusing on fear, focus on why you chose to do this work. Ex., think of your work as an experiment or service to others. The goal is to reduce pressure and anxiety.
4. Ask yourself, how does this task align with my mission? HOw do I make it small?
thank you for the summary
Thank you very much for doing this
@@octavioorozco1606 thanks, glad it helped
Great summary! Thank you :)
Great summary, thank you!
Just love the statement : “Can we be motivated by the things we aspire to, not by pretending we don’t have the fears, but despite them?”
eh, more complex than fear
"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears" is one of the most appropriately motivational quotes for such an interesting perspective on procrastination. I've sat in my own head making plans and dashing them to bits expecting failure... there's something profound in ending the decision process at hope.
I think so, too. The wisdom of Mandela's quote is confirmed by research in motivational psychology. When we strive toward and make choices that guide us toward what we positively aspire to (our hopes) we are happier, more fulfilled and often more successful in achieving our goals than if we are motivated by fear and avoidance.
Probably the most undersold and underrated speech in the history of TED talks.
Thank you, Nic Voge!
Thank you, Ashiqur, that is high praise, indeed! I feel Self-worth theory of motivation could be helpful to more people if were more widely known. It has helped me and hundreds of people I have worked with over the years. I was fortunate to be given this platform to share the insights of my mentor, and I'm extremely gratified that viewers engage with it and share their responses like you have. If you know someone who would benefit from hearing this message about self-worth so that they can better understand themselves, please share it with them so that we reduce suffering.
@@nicvoge2234 Couldn’t agree more with Ashiqur. Thank you very much for such an invaluable advice. I just wish I had seen your talk earlier-30 years?
@@Luis.Barrueta Never too late. Heck, I'm telling myself that. And actually feeling it :)
@@nicvoge2234 this was so good, i can even relate this to my work place.
@@kevinmasilung Happy to hear that. Let me know how it goes.
Is it just me or is this the most useful Ted talk ever!!
Thanks, Devansh. I'm so glad it was useful to you. When I learned about self-worth theory from my mentor it was immensely useful and enlightening to me.
@@nicvoge2234 I can't express you the thoughts rushing through my mind while watching you talk. I could hear my usual thought process shattering, block by block. It was liberating! And I'm so glad that I got a reply from you personally. Thank you so much🙏
It’s just you.
@@nicvoge2234 I can't believe you were nervous giving this talk, you seemed so relaxed and confident like a professional public speaker So you're either
1) a natural at public speaking or 2) a very convincing liar ! But my gut tells its the first ! I think you're just a good kind person who sincerely wants to help and inspire others that's why this talk was great to listen to because it was genuine and came from the heart. I hope you went on to give more talks like this one if not ? why not ? you should be you're gifted ! if so ? thank you on behalf of humanity keep up the good work we all need more people like you in this world !
PS
I loved the smile on the guy sitting next to the blonde girl in the front row when you said your phone app says "reduce suffering" He went from looking bored/depressed to beaming with happiness .
@@jasminejones9058 Thanks, Jasmine. Your kind words mean a lot to me. I give workshops every semester on this topic and do other talks on related topics. I'm also working on an online module on overcoming procrastination which I hope will be more helpful.
I have a lot of experience teaching and speaking, so even when I'm nervous I can do it. The telltale sign of my nerves is my smile. I'm pretty happy generally, but that's a nervous smile.
Funny, I hadn't notice the guy you mention. Amazing how such little things can change our own and others' feelings. Thanks for pointing that out!
Please tell me I’m not the only one who noticed that this man has gorgeous smile!
I caught myself staring at how gorgeous this man is and not even knowing what his beautiful facehole is talking about..
@@jemzee That comment just made my day
@@annaleesaenglert2122 Im glad to hear that ^^
FAKE smile
🥃💃🦊... 🐎
Have you ever considered that there is a limited amount of sources from which we build our self-worth? Namely, close social environment - friends, distant social environment - colleagues, hobbies, sports, self-care, success at work, success in networking, success in hobbies and so on. Now, imagine 95% of the mentioned sources no longer exist in your life. That’s the main issue. The moment you rely on one single source for your self-worth. The problem is that each source is responsible of giving us a puzzle piece of meaning in life - so only the completeness, the entire image, is capable of reflecting who we are.
I believe procrastination results from an unbalanced life style and insufficient resources for building a stable self-worth.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. As a matter of fact I have thought about that and talk with people about it in my coaching--I'll address it more below. I also frame procrastination in terms of well-being theory, which advocates for 'balance' by approaching positive states in the areas you mention.
I agree that narrowing or limiting our sources of self-worth within conventional belief systems can make it harder to achieve, increase pressures, and thus offer less material opportunities for feeling worthy. But that relationship is, pretty clearly, not uni-directional; it goes both directions. Procrastination leads to imbalance, and being out of balance can lead to procrastination in various ways. What's more there are cyclic patterns and effects. I do not think it is useful to tell people there is one cause for such complex patterns of behavior. I've worked with enough people to know that's not the case.
I have observed that as students transition into college and into grad school, their time and efforts are narrowed, academics take up a larger portion of their life and identity or self-concept--for obvious reasons I think. They may give up sports or music, leave behind communities, etc. that engaged them and brought them connection, validation, success and meaning in order to meet higher academic demands and to prepare for their next step in life. We can understand why most do, the stakes for getting high grades feel high and have material consequences. What most people don't notice, but you clearly do, is what those activities did in their lives. I realized in college that my participation (and success) on sports teams was far more important than I had realized for my self-concept. I see people who love to sing in choir or play an instrument in high school put that aside and lose the un-evaluated engagement, enjoyment and connection that comes from it. But those are kind of invisible and we often don't see how that can connect to our academic performance--especially in a positive way. Many see these things as trade-offs to school, not aids.
I think procrastination results from many sources and is different for different people, even as there is commonalities. The research this talk is based upon is situated in the study of individual differences.
I'll make one more point, in the form of a question. Why should people's self-worth by tied these "resources" for building self-worth in the first place? Why do people get their sense of worthiness from their hobbies or sports or networking--and is that actually a "stable" way to get it? Since success in these areas is contingent upon other people, external factors, and other things outside of our control, they are often not stable at all.
Seeking validation in more areas can be useful, but it assumes the same set of underlying beliefs about the relationships of worth, ability, and performance/achievement. Because those beliefs are widespread (and hard to change in individuals and society) this approach makes sense to and is appealing to lots of people. But, this approach tacitly accepts those beliefs, that paradigm of assessing oneself without acknowledging or raising awareness about them, and so may simply replicate the problem and expand it to other realms of life and lead people to strive to achieve, be better than others and be recognized for it so that everything becomes a competition for them and nothing is intrinsically valued. I see this at Princeton where students study, live and socialize in a small community. Not only are students comparing themselves academically, they compare their friend groups and organizations and positions in them and compare their internships and job interviews, etc. Doing so only adds to the pressures, and external influences it seems to me.
But, some thrive under these circumstances because of our human variety and, ultimately, the virtually unlimited capacity of human beings to adapt and actualize themselves.
Sounds like you've identified a way to prevent procrastination by striving for balance--their is vital wisdom in that approach, and I wish you the best of luck in doing so.
Where I'm at in life. To a T. Thank u.
@@yeslek You're welcome, Kelsey. Glad the talk/comments are useful to you. Try to be as understanding with yourself as you are with your closest friends when they need it and see how that makes you feel.
Try being Neurodiverse in a neurotypical world then you’ll understand why we have self esteem and confidence issues
@Dancestar1981 seriously, i never said, that I don't understand. In fact, I suffer from the same issues. Even more, I have to take medication everyday bc of that. But I don't let my right of having a happy life suffer from that. I want to be happy and not let other people decide over my happiness bc I gave them that power. So I fight and I will never give up!
And that means in times I feel insecure, I either go to friends who appreciate me for the person that I am or I occupy myself with some of my talents that I was blessed with. Working on them from sunrise till late at night day after day and then being able to see to see the fruits of hard work makes me so joyful. Even more, the point you realize that you obtained a "language" that you can use now to express your own ideas.
PS: I hope you are not one of those self proclaimed neurodiverse people, in order to take away your responsibility for the life that you have.
Best ted talk I have ever seen. I've been struggling with procrastination for 4 years now and my fears turned my life upside down. I needed this. You can see from his face how sincere he is and I am really grateful for this speech. Thank you
Me too
same. I lost many opportunities bcs of this. And it's not getting away as you grow older. We do need to change our mindset, and keep our hopes not fears. Gudluck.
Gelişme var mı?
Nobody has put the idea of procrastination with so much clarity ever! The point wherein he says that it is a middle point between the need to succeed and the fear of failure is extremely true.
Whenever I am procrastinating, I honestly want to do the task really well and I’m waiting for myself to get motivated to do that job perfectly.
I don’t want to do something half heartedly because I don’t want to ruin the task.
But through procrastinating, I end up overworking my brain and doing the task somehow, but still not feel fulfilled by it.
He just laid it all out on how it all works.
Same
So true 🥺💗💗💗
indeed
Indeed Sabina - he explained it all so well, such a helpful talk!
My life in a nutshell! 🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️🤦🏿♀️
I struggle to find the answer "why straight-A student fail in college" for over 4 years, and this is the reason. Mind-blowing presentation. Thank you so much.
Me!!!!
*_Summary_*
Self-worth theory: feeling valued is our paramount human need.
Procrastinators don't think effort is nearly as important as ability in determining performance. Also, their sense of worth is derived from their perceived ability. In summation:
performance = ability = worth
While many label procrastination as self-sabotage, it is self-protection to the detriment of performance. Procrastinators are stuck because they overstrive: success orientation pushes them forward, while fear of failure pushes them back. (The break point is when the fear of not getting it done exceeds the fear of not doing it perfectly.) Doing things last minute guarantees an excuse for lack of performance!
Procrastination isn't shameful: it is to be expected in contexts where overstrivers are constantly evaluated. It is widespread at Berkeley, Princeton, etc.
Solutions:
*1. Develop awareness:* what emotions and thoughts are influencing me?
*2. Tip the balance from fear to motivation:* how do I make the task less scary? What is my motivation for taking this course, doing this presentation, etc.? Concrete example at 17:48.
*3. Debunk p = a = w equation:* sometimes you perform below your ability; sometimes you get undeserved As. More importantly, think about who you love and who loves you: is love based on your GPA or is it based on your human qualities?
Detached Laconian, this is a very nice overview. I might simply add that procrastination, by virtue of being so widespread, can be understood as entirely normative and predictable (though not inevitable) in contexts where we are judged and so we shouldn't feel ashamed about it. Instead we can accept our dual, competing motivations as understandable, and seek to analyze them and use our knowledge to direct our motivations toward aims that are truly valuable to us, while also seeking to bolster our sense of worth by striving to act and interact in ways aligned with our values--not entirely through achievements.
@@nicvoge2234 Thanks for the kind and honest feedback! I think I ignored the comforting parts of the talk because I have another equation in my head:
true = hurtful
I have edited my original comment.
@@TuringMachine001 Wow. That is a deep insight about another equation in your mind which you have made about yourself. I understand that and can see where it comes from in my own life.
Thank you so much for doing this
@@fauziaadzelia3594 Glad to be of help! Take good care.
Bona fide ADHDer here, certified 25+ years ago but only in the last five years really trying to own it. I procrastinate in almost all things, often to the point of very serious detriment, and so forever looking for different angles to understand my challenges and ways to try to overcome them. I've come to realize that one of my issues is, in the moment, it is often impossible (or feels like it) for me to figure out what to do next. It's like dyslexia, but in perception of time and planning of action rather than processing written language. Then I reach a threshold where I am so overloaded and overwhelmed that I throw up my hands and retreat. This talk, although not super applicable to ADHD, gave me some valuable new-to-me ideas to examine. Thank you for that Nic Voge!
"Think of procrastination as a protective strategy for coping with conflicting motivation,"
I observed it too! At the start of online class, I was really motivated. I have many things in my schedule, including helping my siblings study, doing household chores, organizing things, learning about this and that. And of course, I was not able to follow these plans. So I started to feel bad, then started blaming myself but still I can not get things done, I got a hard time completing the requirements on time and the bad feelings just kept in piling up. Then I started get addicted to reading web novels which is a source of my happiness. Because of this, there is less school work I can get done, and until I struggle to finish one in one day, worse is that my little brother is failing his studies and I don't even know if he is learning something. I was very depressed at that time, for the whole day I only lay down in a dark room reading web novels. Until today things is still not oka, it is really hard.
That's literally what happened to me this year.
@@shravan_pi we’re all in the same boat man. Just be aware of what is happening when you procrastinate, and use the community/people as your motivation to succeed. Do what you want to do because it will make their lives better.
@@shravan_pi I think you and I have been Procrastinating for too long and we have now become what is "Chronic Procrastinators". Its become a habit along with our Perfectionist trait. I think its gonna take a bit of time to get productive again. Don't push too hard or you'll be back to ground zero. Good luck to you, comrade.
I am a 50 year old who has struggled with procrastination and self worth my entire life, and still do, but I am getting better. I am grateful for your talk and it will be a tool I use moving forward! At the same time, I have two children who are currently college students, both of whom struggle with procrastination and self worth. I will encourage them to watch this because you present the concepts so well and with great hope. Thank you!
Amen! 53 here - hardcore procrastinator stuck between fear of failure and fear of success! Just started grad school this September - a religious experience lol. Definitely out of my comfort zone!
I wish i would have support from my parents.. But im too afraid to tell them that a lot of things going on, the fear of letting them down could also be the reason i procastinate.. I was an over achiever and finally that much pride exhaust me.. Here i am trying to reset my mindset and be more forgiving to myself and define my own happiness.. And that excitement is starting to come back.. I guess we need to forgive ourselves and not to project our fear to other people, lets move forward with positive attitude.. Celebrate your relationship with your children as much as you can, and appreciate the most little effort they made, and just grow together with them.. You guys going to have different pace but im sure it will head to somewhere beautiful..
@@Alzenaish Hi! I understand that telling your parents how you feel can be dreadful, but my experience they won't love you any less that they did before. If they are startled, it's not because of you being a complete disappointment, but because they care. They come from a generation where emotional intelligence and communication wasn't something commonly taught or accesible, and they are often trying to do the best with the bad they have been given. You got this! If anything, you're struggles have helped you to be more thoughful and strive to live a more fulfilled live. That's amazing! Let's celebrate it by being more kind with ourselves. Just keep in mind that you're worth it, simply because you exist, and that's enough.
We all Struggling with procrastination and our self worth
Try to read Qur'an; there's one and only universal God in this world. May Allah guide you
I've watched and read dozens of procrastination videos and articles over the years and I have to say this man is the only one who truly understands the roots of my problems 😭 Thank you! You've successfully reduced this student's suffering caused by procrastination.
So, glad it was helpful, Emily. My mentor spent decades doing research to unravel the motivational puzzle of procrastination and explain it--and other motivational dynamics. I'm just translating his work.
I need this to make a final move on something I’m helping someone out with but half of me just wants to take a long nap and dust it off in the morning. I’ll see how I feel after another coffee.
If it weren't for procrastination, I wouldn't get anything done.
Everything I do is done while procrastinating about something else.
😂
lolllll. ditto. except that what gets done is much less important and urgent than what needed to be done.
always thought i had issues prioritizing and managing my time but very well may actually be procrastination. like writing youtube comments at 3 in the morning when i’m behind on everything
🤣🤣
My house would be an atrocious mess if I never procrastinated on something else.
😂
12:40 when he says "we are protecting our self or the sense of our self as able and capable and worthy human beings" hit so true at every level.
@Sylvester True for you and so many of us. To protect or defend our sense of self is a very basic need--we all have it. Yet, to take on challenging tasks, to do things we've never done before, to reach and stretch these will necessarily invoke the possibility--and threat--of failing. It's risky to our self-concept and self-worth. On the other hand, if we don't take those risks, we often feel unfilled, that our potential hasn't been met and unworthy. We need to demonstrate our capability to ourselves and others--that is part of being human, and so procrastination (avoidance, hesitation) is also part of the human condition.
PLEASE EXCUSE THE ALL CAPS; BUT I'M PRETTY DARN SURE THAT THIS IS WITHOUT QUESTION THE BEST TED TALK I HAVE EVER LISTENED TO!
Glad it was helpful!
@@nicvoge2234 Yep, it seems like, the right audience will connect to the video, and once they connect, they will never forget this. So so so much grateful for this princeton prof for such amazing video decoding the brain, survival instinct, mental flaws everyone has.
the key takeaway is "Brain should be fueled by positive hopeful things, not negative thoughts, fears, mental flaws, that ruin our mood and keep us in this negative rumination."
how does this have dislikes? its free knowledge! wow.
Half blind people pressing the wrong button?
The truth touched them
I've done that by mistake several times when simply trying to acces the main page of the one who posted the video, on mobile. Good thing I noticed and was able to undo it.
There are people who believe people who procrastinate simply don't have the mental fortitude, self discipline etc. to get work done. Basically they're either just not good enough or aren't trying hard enough.
@@wolfferoni I think that sums up the content of this vid perfectly
One of the best videos I’ve seen on procrastination!! Self protection not self sabotage that’s genius
Thank you, Tommy. Every human being needs and wants to protect oneself. Perhaps some want to sabotage their sense of self, but that does not ring true to me. If we can all find ways to both protect our self-concept while taking the risks necessary to achieve our goals and avoid self-sabotage, then we will have adhered to the message from Nelson Mandela at the end of the talk.
It's a more useful way to frame it
who else watched this while procastinating?
Dylan Santana yep
I watched this as a productivity sense trying not procrastinating.
Need to do a project but screw it lets just watch ted talks all day.
personally, I dropped out of college so I call this learning 😂
Dylan Santana - I think that’s why we got here. But it’s a good video. 👍🏼
I am just commenting so that this algorithm everyone talks about picks this up and recommends this video to people. As he said in that talk, awareness of the issue is one of the things we need. I hope others find this.
I come back to this often after I get into a loop where I am harsh on myself after a unproductive day which leads to me derailing for days. The empathetic approach and reminders by him are so re assuring and I feel more inclined to atleast get started and moving again on my tasks. Thank you for this.
Thank you, Komal, for this useful--to me and others--note! You say this well and suggest a concrete strategy--returning to resources that put you in a more non-judgmental, accepting mindset on a regular basis. Just this morning I was writing up some materials exploring how our judgements about ourselves lead to strong emotions like shame or guilt which then become another obstacle we must overcome to start and complete our task.
I knew it!!! I knew that my perfectionism and procrastination are tightly interlaced. And you put into words, and there is actually a theory that explains it. It's amazing, thank you!
You are welcome! From this perspective, indeed they are. If we hold beliefs that our performance is equivalent to our worth as a person and that our performance is primarily due to innate ability, we can see that the stakes of not being 'perfect' (brilliant, excellent, a genius) are much higher than simply the task itself. What's at stake is our self-concept, which motivates us to seek "perfection" in order to protect that sense of self. If you've not heard the phrase "effortless perfection" (ie low effort, high ability explanation of performance) you might want to look it up as it may give you additional insight. Keep striving to understand--and accept--yourself as I believe, that is the path to a meaningful life.
add a dash of high IQ
Ditto. If I’m doing something for you it might well take a while if I’m trying to perfect every detail, which is usually the case. Daily life stuff coming and doing its thing doesn’t help, either, and it’s like that most of the time. Superficially all these variables just look like excuses but there’s a lot more heavy-lifting-and-grunting going on than I’d ever let on. I’ve never been fantastic at the art of time management per se but I have more than enough spontaneous ability to push through. I feel bad for keeping the other person waiting for so long if I’m helping them out but sometimes the longer things marinate the better the final result.
I can’t remember being this impacted by a Ted talk, ever! I learned so much and actually shed tears as I connected what I was struggling with for so many years. I genuinely would not have thought self worth and procrastination were related, but now it makes so much sense. I knew that anxiety was a factor, but looking beyond the anxiety into the deeper meaning behind why we build things up into mountains in our heads is startling and satisfying at the same time. I really apologized to myself once I connected the self worth with the achievement. I never would have thought that I was struggling with self worth! Now I know I need compassion and not shaming myself or guilting myself into completing a task that I am procrastinating on. The shaming and guilting have been the only way I finally was able to start on so many occasions. Self compassion and introspection is much needed in my life. I am writing this at 2 am having spent the last week catastrophizing about what my proposal would look like to others and wasn’t even able to write until hours before I sent it in so of course it came back with edits and that just made me more stuck until this moment. Thank you for sharing this, you certainly reduced my suffering and I am deeply grateful.
So glad this was helpful. You say it so well! Compassion directed toward ourselves allows us to truly introspect and not merely judge ourselves. When we introspect with the aim of understanding we can gain insight and, often, even further compassion. Harsh judgements leading to feelings of guilt and shame may activate or energize us (through anger or fear) but they are not sustainable motivations that propel our best work and definitely do not contribute to feelings of accomplishment and worth.
The antidote to powerful counter-motivations (like when you feel fear about writing and submitting your proposal) is to look inward and to identify the powerful approach motives that you feel (curiosity, interest about the topic, the desire to make an impact on the world, our desire to explore and grow and other positive reasons) and bring them to mind, keep them in mind so they influence your feelings and intention in the moment of writing. Another helpful strategy is to imagine not your ultimate reader of your proposal, but instead a supportive, welcoming reader that you can imagine would want to read your proposal. For instance, maybe you have a friend who is also interested in the topic or a family member. They are not experts and won't be overly critical judges of the text. Start with them in mind and write to them as your sole audience. Once you have a draft, then go back through it adapting for your purposes and for the ultimate expert audience with particular terminology, adding citations, etc. Much easier to write it in these "layers".
Pay it forward. All the best to you. Nic
More likely to procrastinate if you had the type of parent who only showed affection when you succeeded or did as they pleased. Conditioning you to see performance -> ability -> worth as reality. Smh
Lamar, there is some research evidence to support your point. It is sad that some, perhaps many, people have been raised this way. If those who love and care for us communicate that our performance/achievement is what justifies their care/love of us, it is not surprising that we would learn to associate or equate our worth--what is valuable or lovable about ourselves--to our success. We could also learn that failing means to be unlovable or unloved which explains why people feel such great fear about failing on a task. What is at stake for them is not merely the grade, and what that means for their future (which should not be minimized), but also the esteem and care of others.
Basically Asian parents...
Not Asian, but still experienced this.
I can relate to that.
Yeah... I understand (in my brain) that's wrong, but I really can't get rid of that thought pattern
I decided to go to University for the first time in my life at 41 years old and that video blew my mind.
My two barriers are (fear of failure) confidence and (project-itus)feeling a need to complete the task in one go instead of taking a step at a time. I found this lecture helpful.
I always start doing the little things first, “to get them out of the way, so I can focus on this big thing”.
i like how Nic still continue reviewing the comments and helping out to reduce sufferings.
am trying to get back the focus on my academics after being stucked for a while. Thank you
Some things get procrastinated for years. This is not about performance. But it is about self worth. Avoidance of the task that makes us feel bad, and we don't really understand why. It comes from our subconscious mind, and we avoid the task to protect our feeling of self worth.
@Murilo Perrone This is a useful description of what self-worth theory of achievement reveals about the underlying dynamics of procrastination which, as you suggest, many of us are not fully aware of. Gaining awareness of WHY we are avoiding, what's motivating us TO avoid (it's not merely that we are not motivated to engage in the activity or task), and seeing that this is understandable from a certain of view, is crucial to making long-term changes.
I would point out that our avoidance can be about BOTH the performance and our sense of self-worth. They are not mutually exclusive. In fact, for many the recognition that they are fearful of how their performance will be evaluated can obstruct or conceal a deeper dynamic--namely, that we are ALSO protecting our sense of worth.
For those who love the field they work in, they are often confused by their avoidance. They may love physics or playing guitar, yet put off preparing for a performance (e.g. an exam or recital) and even 'feel' at those times that they don't like these things. They are often feeling fear in the moment, associated with the implications or meanings to their sense of who they are, their capabilities and their worth. These considerations, the desire to protect these established meanings, can motivate us even more powerfully than our enjoyment or music or physics and even more than our desire to achieve goals, be successful, etc.
Without looking deeper our actions appear nonsensical, perplexing and we often judge them and ourselves harshly leading to guilt and shame, which further obscure our ability to clearly see the dynamics operating. Looking beneath the surface with a stance of gentle curiosity can help us see new things and see ourselves in new ways which allow us to see new possibilities.
Best of luck to you
This speaker would make a great professor- warm, likable and easy to understand.
What a beautiful human being. And such an impactful speech. Moved to tears when he showed me his Ted talk focus list. Adore this man. Thank you.
That's very kind of you. I'm very glad to know the talk was impactful to you. Including that list was a list minute addition to the talk. When I made it I was reflecting on my own avoidance and fears about "doing a TED Talk". To combat that aversion, I looked inward to find more powerful motivations--and one's that got me "outside of myself". Fascination and serving others are two of the most powerful motivations for overcoming fear and aversion. I hope you find your versions of those two sources of energy!
Loved it. So to break procrastination: discard the subconscious erroneous relation between self-worth and the work, and emphasize instead the really good reasons for it. + break it into manageable pieces.
"Your ability is not equivalent to your self worth". "Our worth derives from our human qualities of kindness, thoughtfulness, and our vulnerabilities".
This is hands down the most beneficial talk on procrastination I have seen. I was deep in the throes of an academic existential crisis as I prepare to present a research paper at a conference, write midterm papers, & await grad school decisions. I am breathing easier having watched this, & composing a list to shift my perspective. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful. Good luck with the presentations and grad school admissions!
I'm on the verge of tears,and in pain watching this. I'm experiencing it now.
He was absolutely right when saying that procrastination is something between success and failure and its a feeling of stuck💯
I can attest I have done all of these for literal years without anyone telling me to - I just wanted to be productive for the sake of these things that I wanted to do with intrinsic motivation in which I found meaning and very often not only meaning but also pleasure and joy. Yet I was doing nothing all day for years. Turns out "executive dysfunction" exists and can have several causes. One of them is ADHD. So for anyone who hasn't done the things on this list - do them. For anyone who has genuinely tried to and failed, especially for a longer period of time - take heart. There is always a next step. Your brain is fantastic and you can figure it out - especially of you don't take what other people tell you as pure gospel. And maybe your next step is researching ADHD. Researching what can cause executive dysfunction. Getting evaluated for ADHD by a psychiatrist (not a psychologist or your GP!) with either a specialization or experience with ADHD. Think about it, look it up. Reach out. I know the shame and the pain. You're not a defect human. You're not a bad or despicable person for this. You're not crazy. And I wish you all the best.
I love seeing a teacher who really enjoys teaching and is good at it
Thank you! i have my own session therapy now! ✨
This is it :
If you don't start now, you won't finish!
But remember, to reduce pressure and your anxiety.
It's not that you lack ambition. People procrastinate even on things they love.
- Think of procrastination as a protective strategy for dealing with motivational conflicts (I'm just protecting myself from failure).
Success -> |
I'm so glad you found the talk useful and you have made the ideas your own with this cool representation. An additional thought to help get started is "Where I start isn't where I'll end up."
Best of luck,
Nic
The plan is to watch this video every morning so i get motivated and get my work done
I watch this video every couple months as part of my self therapy to return to writing. I've shared it a number of times. I learned so much about myself. I wasn't a natural procrastinator, it developed after I took a year hiatus from writing to study story structure. I guess somewhere along the way I got really stuck in that perfectionism-procrastination cycle that leads to impediment.
Then how did you get rid from this?
I had the amazing privilege of being in Professor Voge’s class while a student at UC Berkeley! A wonderful human being and educator! Forever grateful for the impact he had in my life!
"Self-worth is the paramount human need". Goosebumps.
This was the most accurate video I've seen on procrastination. I've watched and read several other things, but none were able to put things into perspective as this one. I am in college and struggling with procrastination, this helps a lot.
1)"Reduce suffering" 2)"Our performance is not equal to either our ability or self-worth." These two sentences are really stunning... I now have more a positive attitude towards my procrastination, thank you Professor, I hope to have professors like you when being a uni student!!!
Thanks. Internalizing 2) will definitely lead to 1). Whether your professors think this way or not, you can continue to approach your learning and your life in this way.
I try to hold myself accountable to making a 1% progress each day. That has helped me a lot in recent times.
Atleast someone took it as a serious issue and not just carelessness!!
When he said "self worth is the paramaount human need" i felt that...
This is quite literally the best talk on procrastination. I struggle with it even outside of school with work and in every facet of my life. I never thought that I maybe tying selfworth to ability. I might have to rewatch this a few times so the message can sync and effect my actions.
I really needed this today. I feel seen. My self worth is always attached to my performance. One bad day and I derail.
The only talk about procrastination that actually gives you right to the point actions, I enjoyed the sequence by witch the professor presented it.
This changed my life. I didn’t even realize why I was doing the things I was doing but this explains everything
So glad to hear this, Ellen. Best of luck to you going forward with your new insight.
@@nicvoge2234 same here. Thank you 🙏 you are already achieving your goal of reducing the suffering of students. Thank you for this knowledge and for your vulnerability in sharing your own experiences, it is inspiring for me 🙏
This really helped me a lot. I have struggled with and still struggle with procrastination because I was an overachiever and feared failure. Living in fear is a pathway to mental illness, so thank you for your life saving insight.
interesting you mention mental illness. I was procrastinating on an assignment really badly. I felt horrible about it and yet I didn't stop. I started thinking...procrastination must be some sort of a mental illness.
@@jt.633 Procrastination happens a lot to people struggling with depression and anxiety. There's always this feeling of being damned if you do and damned if you don't. But, I often attribute the intense fear of failure with the cognitive dissonance of blowing things out of proportion or catastrophizing.
Damn, I need this on a poster in every room in the house. My self-sabotage never made sense to me until now. As someone who holds myself to a very high standard, I couldn't understand why I sometimes procrastinated to the point of failure, especially on things I valued highly. I didn't have the words to explain the paralysis and stress or why procrastination brought such relief, even if I failed. But this explains it all, takes some of the shame away, and has some really sound suggestions. Wish I heard this when I was at college!
I guess overcoming procrastination is all about getting aware of your own emotions, when it comes to failing. It's like a therapeutic process you need to go through, in witch you slowly and steadily open up to the idea, that it's not laziness that is causing your habit of procrastination, but your deep rooted human fears that are mechanism that have been built in our blueprint over thousands of years.
THISVIDEO HIT ME SO HARD TODAY. I've watched tones of videos about procrastination the last three years, because I have a huge problem with it in my studies but also in private life. I remember watching this video a year ago, but it didn't reached me nearly half as much, as I watched it again today.
So it's all about trusting the process, loving yourself so much that you keep working on it and exploring your inner self.
I deeply believe that anyone of you is capable of overcoming procrastination, no matter how much you feel stuck.
For one day you wake up and finally have the courage to do all the things you love the most.
Best wishes and love for you :*
(Sorry for my grammatic I'm german :P)
You say it well, Kim. Our need for self-preservation, our need for acceptance and belonging are often the root causes for the difficult emotions and worrisome thoughts that lead to agitation, loss of focus and a tendency toward avoidance which we can see if we introspect on our thoughts and feelings. Accepting ourselves, being compassionate to ourselves as we are to those we care about is, indeed, a crucial step. But, even if that is not currently possible for someone, there are steps to take to get unstuck, take actions, move toward valued ends and complete tasks. The experience of this process can actually help us be more accepting and feel more empowered. Thinking in terms of doing that ONE thing (not ALL) we value today can help us get started (make it small). And do the same tomorrow. And the day after. Best of luck to you, Kim, Be well.
Why is the video not having many more views. This is GOLD. I teared up halfway through the video. Thank you for this.
This was so useful! I came upon this after failing my finals due to procrastination and feeling bad... He really did reduce my sufferings
Thank you.. I was very scared and anxious and crying.. Trying to find some answer without even understanding my problem. This really helped to ease my nerves. Thank you once again. I am definitely gonna apply this in my life.
I'm glad to know this was helpful and brought you some relief. Pay it forward, Priya. All the best to you. Nic
Has actually alleviated my suffering with these insights. Absolutely hit the nail on the head.
So glad to know that--thanks for telling me! You've helped me achieve my mission. I hope you achieve yours.
I want to hear more what this guys has to say.. I want to listen to this video every single day!!!
First of all,
THANK YOU SO MUCH! You seem to be an amazing human being! And thank god you didn't let yourself be beaten by your anxiety before the presentation... you did just fine, honestly, you looked like u're doing it for years!
Secondly, actually after a LOT of years of constant procrastination, i had already come to this conclusion. It was in my 2nd year of college when talking to a friend that was exactly like me. We realized that the reason we would always procrastinate was our gigantous fear of failure (that seemed to be be bigger and always overcome our desire to succeed) and like u said, it's a win-win situation because
1) if u fail, u have the excuse, that allows u to deal with the failure, so ur sense of self-worth don't change.
2) if u pass but w/ a low grade, u can always think "well, what what u studied, i'm amazed you even passed! So don't be sad you didn't get a higher grade."
But in 1) and 2) I would still always feel like "damn, why are u like this, u could do so much better, if u continue down this road God only knows what kind of future you will have... and then you are going to look back and feel SO much regret that u didn't work harder" (i'm in the last year of college and i already feel it), so yeah there is this part that is negative.
I never understood how people in my class that worked hard and studied every day dealt when they didn't pass or they passed w/ low grades. My sense of self-worth was always very fragil so i would always think that if that happened to me i would never be able to recover and bounce back.
3) if u pass w/ a high grade, u think "omg, i'm so smart! Smarter than i ever thought i was." But even in these cases, i would always question if i really earned that grade, or i was just lucky it was an easy test, or lucky that the things i studied were questioned in the test and the things i didn't weren't. So it provided a little boost to my sense of self-worth but unfortunately it was only temporary.
So, yeah imo it allows me to continue to live with myself but on the other hand still blame me for being like this, not able to control myself like everyone else seems to manage to do just fine, and blame me because i know i'm prejudicing/risking me and my future more and more every day. (I was recently diagnosed w/ ADD so yeah that can make it harder to focus for long periods of time, but i know that's only part of the issue, there's a lot more to it).
So, if you could share some other strategies that you know of i would be forever grateful!! Because as i was already aware of this i already had tried techniques 1) and 3) and they didn't seem to work for me. The strategie 2) i will definitely try but i know that i'm going to have a really hard time coming up w/ approach motives, so i think your example will help me although i would need more.
THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE!!
(p.s. english is not my first language so sorry for that and for the lenght of the text, i didn't expect it when i started writing)
Thank you, Rita. Your enthusiasm is palpable! I am, in fact, an ordinary human being. But, I am focused on being a human being in a world where it seems harder and harder to do that. In any case, I've been teaching and giving talks long enough that I have developed skills that I can rely upon even if I'm nervous. My nerves show through in my grinning and not always being able to find the word I want. Fortunately, the work of my mentor, Marty Covington, is so unique and powerful that it can impact people whether the delivery is great or not.
You raise a number of important issues and questions--in fantastic English. Not least the dissatisfaction we feel even when we "succeed" when we know we have not given our best effort or met our own expectations. One sure way to determine whether we are fear motivated is to gain awareness of our feelings when, for instance, we receive our grade. If we get a good grade and feel triumphant, proud, then we were probably motivated predominately by approach motives. If we get a good grade and mainly feel relief then this is an indication that we were motivated by avoidance or fear of a bad result. Relief is simply the feeling of an absence of a negative force or feeling, not a positive feeling. When we are motivated to avoid failure and we do then we understandably feel relief. A problem with that is, relief is not motivating for the next task or challenge in the way that success is and we don't build confidence or efficacy. The result is that we often feel burnt out because we are not being re-energized after lots of effort even when we succeed. If we are only expending energy and not replenishing it, ultimately we will get exhausted, finding it that much harder to motivate ourselves.
I can share some more strategies--I do workshops on this topic that addresses many other dimensions of procrastination besides beliefs about self-worth and ability, including cognitive, affective, behavioral, and social dimensions and strategies that correspond to each area. But, i would need to know more about your particular patterns of procrastination to be able to recommend efficacious strategies. In the meantime, let me see if i can help you maximize the benefit of strategy #2, identifying and listing out and referring to all of your approach motives.
Here are some questions that I used to help students do what I call "motivational stacking" that is stacking up all the reasons and motives on top of one another to create a ladder to get over the wall of procrastination. Start with these questions, but the idea is to write out and then frequently remind yourself of any positive reason for undertaking the task you are having difficulty tackling, so if you think of motives beyond these categories write them down, too.
1) How can undertaking this task help you be successful in your role (e.g. student, job, parent) now and in the future?
2) How is it important or valuable to you?
How is it relevant or useful to you?
3) How can it contribute to your growth or self-improvement?
4) How is it meaningful, fulfilling, or satisfying?
5) How is it fun, interesting, exciting or otherwise enjoyable?
6) What other benefits would accrue to you and others you care about if you completed this task?
Once you have this list. Identify which items make you FEEL most motivated. Type them into your phone as reminders. Print them out on a card or piece of paper and review them regularly. Read them into a voice memo and listen to it. Visualize yourself experiencing these benefits. Talk with other people about these positive reasons and ask them to help remind you of your authentic motives. Focus on those reasons that will be beneficial to you regardless of the grad/evaluation.
Let us know how it goes.
I have been facing all these above mentioned issues since 2014.....I have reading alot of articles and applying many strategies but end up to be a failure for not being consistent
I can definitely understand what he was talking about with being overly motivated and being extremely fearful as well. This hit home like a well aimed arrow. Thank you.
Not only did he explain procrastination, he gave practical steps to overcome it. I've internalized this speech and I'll make sure I change for the better 😊.
See you at the top 🚀.
So, glad it was helpful and that you are acting on it. All the best--Nic
@@nicvoge2234 WOW
It's really you 🤯
It was a great speech!
Thanks a lot
i desperately need something to summon back my danger-detecting mind
good luck friends. yall took the first step. you can do it
I procrastinate all my life and hated it, this make sense. The key is to concentrate on performance only.
I've seen tons of videos about procrastination ( all that time ,yes I was procrastinating ) . But this video is really nice. He does not view Procrastination as entirely negative , but instead we learn a possible cause. It's the most relatable I've felt and kinda opened up a new way of thinking why I procrastinate so much.
I would really recommend everyone to watch the whole video.
Nivetha, I'm glad you found the talk relatable and helpful in understanding why you procrastinate. And, thanks for sharing the recommendation!
Wow just wow. FINALLY a clear perspective/plan on how to approach my procrastination. And how to mentally and emotionally understand it. I heard a lot of Ted talks this is one of the best ones!!!
So glad this talk was helpful, Sandra. You've said it so well. I had a similar reaction when I learned about Self-worth theory and the research of Professor Marty Covington.
"Think of procrastination as a protective strategy for coping with conflicting motivations. If we procrastinate, and we fail, we have built an excuse. 'I couldn't achieve that, I only had two hours before the deadline!' Explaining why we are not ready. An excuse for ourselves and also for others. Brilliant strategy bc I we succeed, we are surprisingly smart. This strategy protects our self-worth even if it jeopardizes our performance." Wow
He’s the kinda professor I wanna be one day, peaceful and confident, there are too many profs don’t even know and experiment what they are talking about on lectures
Thanks, Lynn. Best of luck in your efforts to be an impactful professor. It might be surprising to know, but I was extremely nervous during this talk. One way to manage that for me is to focus on simply being helpful for the audience. Get out of my head and how I appear and just focus on effectively communicating and being responsive to the people in front of me. I had to really work hard on this because since high school I had a huge fear of public speaking. In fact, in high school I went up to the lectern to give my coach an award on behalf of my team and I was so nervous that when I started to talk no words came out, just a squeak!
When I became a teacher i got more skilled and so became more calm. As I got more practice giving presentations, I got more comfortable in front of audiences. But, giving a "TED Talk" really got into my head and maybe anxious. I had to use all my skills just to manage my nervousness.
I say all this to show that we can, with practice and by adding specific skills, become less anxious and more comfortable in front of others. For me, it was mainly about being less self-conscious and focusing less on me and focusing more on simply effectively conveying a message.
@@nicvoge2234 OMG i never thought u would
see my comment and reply🫣 I seriously
mean it i can tell u are entirely focusing on
the topics everything relevant but yourself,
and even did ur own experiment on urself, u
were trying to find the middle ground
connecting the ideas and others' reality,
seriously it's the only talk i've seen in years
could made me feel both informative and
understanding, most of speakers somehow
alienate audiences to establish the sense of
authority unintentionally, some even lack of belief in their topics, u r different truly, I can only assume that's the reason u mentioned in
both the comment and the speech. There
should be more professors like u in this world. Thank you for you content~ truly inspiring just wanna say
So helpful! I was thinking that why I was avoiding practicing since I’m in love with my work like this. I now understand that I’m over motivated and it brings the fear. Thank you!
Really happening to me in the degree in maths and this really helped me.
I felt everything he said and my desire of succes combined with my fear of not being enough is really slowing me down and not letting me enjoy the degree🙏🏼
Iker, that is an important insight you have made. You have both kinds of motivations and so can intentionally tip the balance by focusing on what is fascinating, useful and relevant about your work. In so doing, the effects of the (understandable) fears you experience will decrease correspondingly. At the same time, you can learn attention-directing and emotional self-regulation techniques to address those emotions which make doing our intellectual work more difficult.
9:20 people procrastinate about things they love
10:50 over motivated procrastination
20:50 "May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears"
I was standing up screaming Yes Yes. So validating. May we all be inspired by our hopes.
I Must Thank you ..... after allllll the vids and books and talks I’ve pursued to understand and beat my procrastination, even in the current midst of following a famous motivational speaker, No one has said quite the way you have, “MY WORTH IS NOT BASED ON MY ACHIEVEMENTS “ . I Am Worthy Solely because i am kind, thoughtful and i add - Lovable.
Btw, i began surfing you tube while avoiding getting dressed
Clifford Perry, you are very welcome. It sounds like this talk provided a missing piece for you in understanding the motivational dynamics operating. If you find useful things in other places, use those, too!
"All successful people in and across the world are life long students."
-Jim Kwik.
after two years of watching this I went from zero to full-stack web developer and found my company. the main thing is that doing little things that makes positive impact is the key
Congratulations! You did it! You're awesome!
That's really cool, got any tips for an up-and-coming web developer?
This video describes me now but also as a student and it describes my daughter who is currently at University. I will send this to her and although she will deny that her procrastination is linked to self worth I hope she will reflect on the key messages. This is a great video. Thank you.
Thanks and I hope your daughter can use this video on her process of gaining greater self-awareness that all of us can--and maybe must--take. I'm taking a guess here, but one important idea that might help someone not immediately reject examining their own beliefs about achievement and self-worth is to point out that we can hold beliefs that we do not actually agree with explicitly. We can have internalized messages from society, school, peers, etc. that do not reflect our true values and thoughts and which we did not choose or reason ourselves into. Philosophers have coined a term for this, an "alief" a belief we may not be aware of, may not agree with, but influences our actions. Examining our "aliefs" with curiosity and compassion can bring us greater alignment between our actions, choices and values (important, positive beliefs).
My gosh if this isnt one of the most insightful ways of looking at it!
Gonna pat myself on the back and say I had thought up all this stuff up on what procrastination is on my own. Got the different motivations and fears stuff. Got the ability doesn’t equal performance. Then this dude blows my mind by practically just saying “identify why you want to do something and why you don’t.” HOW FRIGGEN SIMPLE WHAAAAAAAAAAAT
Ikrr
One thing that helped me in the past to overcome procrastination is looking at my own vision board.
Of course, for some people, it doesn't work. But if you take out the part where you need the things there to manifest and you just look at the vision board for the PLEASURE of it... then you're more likely to start taking action.
The way this video made me realize why am I procrastinating so much and then how to find a way out of it to achieve my goals is on another level. Thank you, professor!!
When you get the urge to check on email or social media feed just before you start your work... Procrastinate on it and say I will do it in five minutes after I start writing my paper.... Chances are that once you start your work you will get into zone and will no longer have the urge or need for the social media... Try this technique and put your results here....
Starting college in January. I will definitely be using this technique thank you!
Absolutely phenomenal ❤️ what a genius this guy is!!!! hats off.. so much learning in such little time
Thanks. I'm glad you found it useful. But, I'm not so much a genius as fortunate. I was lucky to meet my mentor who did a lot of the research that led to these insights. I've also been lucky to work with many, many people who wanted to change and were brave enough to share their struggles with me and do the hard work of changing their actions. I've learned a lot from them and am glad to share it with you. Best of luck.
This is by far the most underrated ted talk ever! Absolutely brilliant 👏🏼
Thanks, David. I'm glad you found it valuable. Best of luck, Nic
You were beyond serving Princeton. Thank you! Wish you all the best teacher!
I have apparently been exploring SELF WORTH THEORY, and didn't know it. First, here was my procrastination dilemma: Every day, I woke up with the goal (somewhere in mind) that I will make some progress on my dream of writing and recording songs. Goal Identity: I AM A CAPABLE SONGWRITER/PERFORMER. For the past 30 years, I have switched from guitar to learning piano, switched back to guitar, bought multi-track digital recorders, switched to software-based recorders, back to hardware....I have purchased 50 to 100 instructional books and online courses related to piano, guitar, voice, dabbled a bit (3 to 8 pages), finally wrote one song about 12 years ago, performed it once in front of people, amidst many many karaoke performances of other folks' songs. I never once recorded the song, though that was the top priority for the past 12 years. Last month, I committed to focusing on recording the song on my own with only the computer and equipment I currently owned. After 30 years of procrastination, I put in the 40 hours, and recorded the song with bass, percussion, piano, guitar, and multiple vocal tracks.
The turning point was my discovery of 1) An Emerson quote: "The purpose of life is not to be happy; it is to be useful, honorable, and compassionate..." and, 2) A suggestion I came upon to join or create a MasterMind Group.
The Emerson quote only works if you engage in extensive self-inquiry with it. It offers a complete and powerful explanation for the question "Why do I feel so miserable about the way I spent so many hours of my day?" It offered me a more objective measuring stick for assessing my immediate choice of activity. I converted the idea into a written assessment tool which I won't present here.
I am interested in exploring how to put this tool into a practical form for all who strive to overcome procrastination. I applied it and was transformed into a new creature who became focused on developing skills for hours every day. However; I needed one more piece to get to recording a song.
There was no MasterMind Group in Port Angeles, so I started my own. Commitment to accomplish chosen action steps by a chosen time and date was needed. Of course, school programs have long used that strategy, but it is needed.
The Self Worth Theory is tied in with the Emerson quote, and that is where I value Mr. Voge's immense contribution with this talk. Although Self Worth is about one's perception/beliefs, Emerson effectively listed the 3 most basic human characteristics likely to establish a valued place for you at the community table (politics and other BS means aside). When you are truly valued by others, you can more easily find evidence that you have worth. Of course, I have a good deal more, but this is a youtube comment after all.
Glad that self-worth theory has added to your obviously extensive thinking about the human condition--and your own. Be well.
Takeaway : May your choices reflect your HOPES; not your FEARS
Life changing... Earlier this year i had realised my personal value system was results based. This means my basis for ALL of life is like a sieve rather than (what should be a solid/static understanding or whatever). THIS should act as my foundation of my core self which EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING stems from. Instead the Result is a NEED to "perform" in order to feel valuable within my inner core.
This was mind-blowing! A phenomenal revelation, BUT, I had no idea where to go from there! 😅 THANK YOU for being the answer to my 'proverbial' prayer. I had been clueless, now I am empowered with real life tools I can and will apply. I already feel free'er
You describe a quite remarkable process of coming to self-understanding. Your introspection and work on understanding yourself has yields what seems like extremely useful insights about yourself. The needs and drives you describe are held widely in a society that largely values people by virtue of their abilities, usefulness, value in economic terms. Many of us have internalized this to, as you say, our "core beliefs"--despite the fact that these beliefs do NOT correspond to our actual values. That is, we have been conditioned to believe things about our worth that we ourselves do not agree with. We are powerfully motivated/driven to meet these socially learned needs through competition, achievement, attainment to affirm our worth as good, able, deserving, etc. often by striving to achieve the esteem of others. There is nothing inherently bad or wrong about this, but it often leads AWAY from our own values and actually does not lead to feelings of worthiness that must originate in ourselves, not in the opinions of others which, because they are out of our control, the pursuit of often leads to anxiety, fear, etc.
Beliefs are powerful (ie. "everything stems from them") and also quite durable, and not easy to change. If we don't know what beliefs are affecting our thinking, feeling, choices and actions, it's extremely difficult to address them. Self-worth theory of motivation provides a research-based lens on what those beliefs are and how they affect our motivations. Carol Dweck's work on mindset further validates these findings, but does not, in my opinion, fully unpack why these beliefs are so powerful: They are linked to how we and others perceive ourselves and our worthiness.
The course I am currently developing addresses ways to change one's beliefs, but also recognizes that it is not absolutely necessary to change ones beliefs to change ones motivations, thoughts, emotions and, ultimately actions. That is, we can prevent and interrupt procrastination without changing our foundational beliefs (though that is very helpful), and in fact, by changing our actions and experiencing engagement and success as a result we change those beliefs indirectly. We become confident and feel efficacious and optimistic and less fearful and avoidant because we learn through actual experience that we have--or can acquire--all that we need to overcome procrastination, engage and succeed in personally meaningful arenas.
Best of luck as you continue to understand yourself and pursue meaning and fulfillment in your actions and in your life.
Nic Voge
@@nicvoge2234 "but it often leads AWAY from our own values and actually does not lead to feelings of worthiness that must originate in ourselves, not in the opinions of others which, because they are out of our control, the pursuit of often leads to anxiety, fear, etc" 🤯🤩🥳 THAT is exactly what I needed to "hear"! Thank you.
I will need to repeat that and mull it over for a while, to ensure it sinks in properly and adheres permanently.
In regards to your Current project, I genuinely anticipate it's availability once completed. I also appreciate the time you have taken to reply with earnest insight, wisdom and accolades. Ngā Mihi ki ā koe = which is Te Reo Māori & loosely translates for this use as, grateful to you.
@@M0nkeeYZ Thanks for the kind words! I'm gratified I can be of help.
You speak Te Reo Māori? I've been to NZ a few times and lived for a year in Fiji. It is a special part of the world, with amazing people which has a special place in my heart. Makes me all the more happy to be of help.
Take care,
Nic
This is the first time I’ve heard my experience with procrastination be so clearly explained.
Best 21.26 minutes I've spent listening to a seminar for a long time. Thank You..... the future feels a little lighter and brighter but I'm basking and loving the present ❤💛💚
...but who's counting, right?
I went to youtube to procrastinate...
And the ultimate irony occurred...
Touche!
Google knows
in a couple of decades nobody needs parents anymore