How can an ENFJ encourage an INFP to be vulnerable? | CS Joseph Responds
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CS Joseph responds to the Acolyte question how can an ENFJ encourage an INFP to be vulnerable?
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This video is really funny watching as an INFP. Spot on about INFP feelings about safety and being heard and respected 100%!! I recently met an ENFJ and we’ve already had some arguments but he has always apologized sincerely and quickly.. and it took me longer to apologize when I was at fault but I’ve had an extremely hard time being vulnerable with him, but part of is because he has the ability to see right through me and it’s unnerving. But the ENFJ he definitely has a pride issue and thinks he knows everything but he also has been showing a lot of gentleness towards me. It’s still early in the relationship ❤
Not sure if this applies to your situation, but as an INFP in a relationship with an ENFJ, I felt myself bristle a little at this question. The short answer to "how to get an INFP to open up ", is to make yourself as emotionally vulnerable as you expect them to be. I could be mistaken, but the question sounds as if it's coming from an assumption that the INFP is somehow less responsive, or incorrectly responding in a given scenario. NOT implied in the question is the possibility that it is the ENFJ who is missing the mark. For example, is the ENFJ coming from a place of assumed mental/emotional superiority? Assuming the ENFJs intentions are good, maybe they think the INFP should "open up" and thus allow themselves to be helped by the ENFJ?
First, INFPs can sniff out unwarranted superiority from a great distance. If it is obvious to them that the ENFJ is lacking in self knowledge, and is unaware of their own shortcomings, the INFP might initially open up enough to facilitate and encourage a mutual sharing /relationship, on an equal footing. However, if the ENFJ blows the opportunity/ invitation, to join in a reciprocal dynamic by assuming superiority and or remaining ignorant of their own vulnerabilities, all bets are off. If ENFJs are the motivators and want to motivate, they have to be willing to receive the gifts of the other party as well; in this case, the " Healer".
OMG…that’s so me! I just need to be heard. Once I’ve had my say, I can let it go. Thanks, just discovered you and your videos are life-changing.
Chase I love how you are using real life observations to get more accurate in your relationship advice. The fact that you observe the golden and silver pairs tend to not last long could have only come from personal observation. Likely via observation.
My ISTP boyfriend constantly wants to help me fix my problems. It makes him uncomfortable that I'm uncomfortable, but I'll tell him the same thing that I just want to be heard. Doesn't help that I don't always communicate my needs
It's not far fetched to see that there is a little more vengeance in this video than there is justice
Every type is "the most brilliant of all the types" at some point :)
😁heyy
Kinda happy to see an arabic name here in the comments section !
And it's like mine !
Are you also an infp !
@@norelhoudamiloudi2142 Hi, yes I am an Algerian INFP :)
@@nourelhouda2628 Giiiiiirl😂
بنت بلااااادي
ساعات تبانلي وحدي نتبع هاد الليشان يوتيوب و mbti ..
تشرفت بمعرييفتك توأمتي😂😍
Same name , Same type and most importantly same Nationality 💜
@@norelhoudamiloudi2142 مام أنا تشرفت بمعرفتك💚 عندك مواقع تواصل؟
In a relationship, you both change and grow together.
Artists understand the importance of negative drawing or protecting the space of and image. We INFPs do this as we walk through life. This is how we wish to be understood. “What is” isn’t what we choose to see although it is obvious and what most do. We would like to share with the world what you aren’t seeing. Will you listen?
Brutally honest I’m so glad I subscribed
Infps being afraid of vulnerability makes them prone to being dismissive avoidant in attachment theory.
I can vouch for this ✋
Yes, I'm personally anxious avoidant
This!! Ppl usually qualify me as distant and emotionless bc of this. Quite ironic for an infp.
Are INFPs really avoidant, or do they match their vulnerability to the worthiness ( emotional maturity ) of the other? If as as INFP, I'm not opening up, it just might be that I am being considerate of the other's limitations. Have you demonstrated that any perceived criticism from me causes you to become angry, self-righteous, cruel or defensive? Maybe you just sulk? If so, why would I confide in you and either open a door for your wrath or create a situation where by expressing myself means that I now have to comfort YOU; probably by backpedaling and/or minimizing the importance of my own experience?
Excellent video “Mr. C.S. Joseph!”
Chase keeps hitting the nail on the head with these videos, it's like mind reading 😂
Thank you Chase for your work, it's always fun and hella helpful.
P.S. Can't wait to see what you do with the enneagram, I know there's something that can be useful in there.
I know! I had a mentor for two years, ENFJ Im pretty sure, who mainly focused on teaching me exactly this. Wild, hes right on the dot
naah, noone should be a doormat its going to create problems. Definitely breakup if your guy expects that.
great video, I will show this to my infp friend
Yes! We Fi heroes do want to be heard. Am I the only ISFP who wants to be with a healthy ENFJ or a healthy INFJ?
This video presents ‘intriguing’ criticisms towards the ENFJ personality type, which supposedly has the lowest thinking ability worldwide. However, in your comparison videos between ENFJ and ENFP, it is crucial to emphasize you were vocal that ENFJs are indeed thinkers and should not be underestimated.
I’m an INFP, I haven’t watched the video yet but please for the love of God don’t try to get me to be vulnerable, I’m already kinda terrified of how morbid reality can be as it is already. I don’t want my shell to get softened up & i’d rather be more hardened.
If you don't allow yourself to be vulnerable life will suck because humans like expressing themselves
That's inmature from you dude.
If anything, watch the video first.
I feel your pain 😣
ENTP here. Okay, you hit the target for me, again. Read the transcript for an older video on ENFJs you made, as well. Point by point you described my ENFJ/ENTP relationship like you knew us. I won't feel as off balance from now on during our interactions. Your tips for an ENFJ relationship are workable and I'm going to use them bc the way I'm approaching it now is not the best, and this is family. It's not how I would prefer it but it's the best solution.
Gold as always
Hi there C.S. 😊 I really love the video brother, and I feel more understood listening to you speak. Your thought is like a constant stream of good information. I really enjoy it. I was thinking, could you do a video about infp behavior, and how it affects them, when dealing with their demon function? And or superego, alter ego? I have many more questions and ideas if these topics come for infps. Thank you brother and God bless. 😊
This was really good, thanks.
That series is in the members section, it's called "How to Master Your Demon"
@@CSJoseph oh, I didn't even realize you had so much information avaible wow I'll look into it. Thank you 😁
Thank you very much 👍🏼👍🏼
Wow a video just posted?? Awesome!
I face a lot of trouble in helping my infp friend, with him complaining and whining all the time, never taking accountability and it's been years of a test of patience.
The only thing that works is when I give him motivational advices that are direct and engage with his Ni critic, they give him the space and time to reflect on things. I know he does realize how coiled up he his within his own emotional assumptions, and that his friends do deeply care about him despite him constantly ignoring that, they just need time to accept reality.
You should just constructively criticize your infp friend and encourage them on their journey to emotionally mature.
Occasionally motivating them and waiting for them to miraculously mature is futile
Does he even care about you? I'm not sure why you're still friends with him
@@jobo8868 He can't handle any form of criticism, even when it's said in the most constructively motivating manner. He gets offended and vents out anger. He finds comfort in believing lies, such as about himself being a very capable person while others are horrible people. I don't know what else to do, and it hurts my Fe too much :/ Now I've distanced myself and only interact occassionally, I'm kinda done with nfp toxicity and it's better this way for the sake of my own mental health.
@@pietart3596 he sounds like a narcissist. If you did provide constructive criticism and he ignored your kindness then you're better off cutting him out of your life tbh
@@jobo8868 yeah he probably is a narc, thanks for the support ✌️
someones bitter about ENFJ's
how?? this type got like the least criticism of all types. I dont think being called know it all or a bit unaware/stupid is that bad...these r like kindergarten insults lol.
He is definitely bitter about women though.
@@aladdout9454 idk like saying ENFJ's are objectively dumb if I remember correctly + he says some really misogynistic shit all the time but oh I guess ¨it's okay caus I have FI trikster or whatever¨
@MBTI Koi Fish maybe
@MBTI Koi Fish this makes sense
@MBTI Koi Fish bruh is this not obvious,not saying you're captain obvious but do people don't think that his conclusion can be impacted by his si inferior?
Chase I love your temple episodes. I hope to see more articles about them from John Bodine or Chris Taylor.
80 percent of your audience are introverted intuitives. But I agree talking about all the types is important in defining one's own type.
80% is intj
Allegedly it's estp actually, they just don't pay for the paywall
@@ER-oc7xx nah, estp is just most common concrete type
Early data indicated ESTPs were the highest single type represented, yes.
@@ER-oc7xx sus how do you know
Chase there was no season 18 lecture this month! What's going on? Did you forget or just decide to skip December or what? Or did you release it and I'm just not seeing it?
You haven't missed anything, I wound up needing to reshoot it, still working on it. I appreciate the patience.
The part where you spoke about how one doesn't let their inferior function be hit
Can an se inferior only not feel good enough performance wise if it's from their lover?
Anyone could feel that way, just Se inferiors fear it consistently. Se nemesis can certainly worry about it as well.
well.... the enfj isolated me in my workplace, making me look like a bad guy and i suddenly find myself seeking this enfj's approval now. good luck me
Is there a good chart somewhere to check out our golden pair, bronze etc? pairings?
Hi Chase, I'm writing a story about an INFP woman that goes through a journey that integrates her 4 sides of her mind. My question is what would be the best type for her love interest male to be? He is a fake ally opponent to begin with but their love changes him to an ally and also I have a spiritual mentor character who is male. He has the main impact on her change. What would be the best type for him to be? Any help would be appreciated :D
She'd be very attracted to ESTPs and ISTPs.
i would suggest go for your own quadra people for the spiritual mentor person...like an enfp or istj(chase did a video on infj/enfp/estp/istj being something of the soul group?)
u decide on your own for the fake opponent lover guy :D? although since your superego type is someone that might annoy you a bit but also have chemistry with, maybe istp is a good choice, the non-addict or violent one for a change.
@@shahrazade26 Thanks
@@aladdout9454 Thank you :)
The pedagogue type perhaps. It's the relationship that will give the most personal development in a relationship that is realistic and sustainable
Hi there C.S. Off topic, but I wanted to ask you, what do you think about second chances, when someone you love does a bad thing, but they're regretful?
That's not a black and white answer. It really does depend. I find myself giving too many chances to assuage the Fe guilt and also have seen others give too few and missed out on things. That one's really the question of a lifetime to answer.
Hi mate. Do you have a table with all the acronyms? Thanks
Seasons 1-3 are about defining them.
Amen, give us some variety
Can INTPs only care about one person at a time with Fe inferior due to low fps?
I find this fascinating, watching an ENTP dropping Ti truth bombs in a way that no ENFJ I know would be receptive to. I absolutely know they need this advice, but I can tell right now the response would be a typical "door slam" moment. Especially targeting their sensitivity to feeling stupid with Ti inferior like that, I can see the fireworks now.
That said, two ENFJ I know are very intelligent individuals and each know more than most people I know in their respective fields (this is high praise). I have also seen that "know it all, but know nothing" attitude with an ESFJ and it's hilarious to watch. Is this a Ti inferior attitude perhaps? Overall, good info but should be better tailored to the specific audience you are attempting to enlighten, unless your goal is to relish in the rage (feeding that ENTP Se demon?)
That aspect is more in other videos, this was answering a specific question asked by an Acolyte member.
Why do you not recomend silver pair relationships as much as in the past?
I advise against gold and silver. I go more in depth in The Cutting Edge.
@@CSJoseph what is that ?
Is there any written form of this? Can't concentrate on that cos of bad voice quality and video quality lol... Sorry for that, but please...
Bronze breaks sensor/intuitive pair
I want to get to know an istp, how would I possibly be able to know them more than they know me?
Ask them questions.
Hey there! Got an istp boyfriend here! I got to know him by asking questions about himself. You want be straight-forward. They get very confused and pissed off if you play mind games with them. If you have any experience in certain activities that they might be interested in, then they'll be more than happy to show you tips, and tricks.
*me sending chase's infps video to show entp boyfriend what i am like*
Just curious how you deal with the lack of se and ni of both of you to give the other ?
@@malakashraf2801 it was really hard at first we would give eachothers hard time at first our arguments used to bring the worse in our relationship but we really became better people over time he pushed me outside the comfort zone and i pushed him to
@@lilo9085 that's really good guys , what do you have to say about not having a wanter and a wantee or a canvas and a painter as chase says , I am interested in a common se-ni axis relationship .
I laughed so hard when you said ENFJs are the lowest in the world in terms of thinking
lol but then you could say that with chase claim that infp are the most brilliant out of all the type(not sure if he's being sincere but let assume he is being sincere) then you could say that with the Te input given to an enfj from the absolute best infp you could find,you could then say that enfj can be the absolute most responsible at arriving to the truth because they like to stick together (idk if that's a valid point because any Ti user can arrive to the truth the same as enfj can as any input can be process by any Ti users) which chase also said that in his season 18 cognitive mechanics(Ti and Te).
I know that girl broke his heart the way he went off like that. That’s a scorned man
I would love more content on how types that are opposite can get along better. For example my ENTP and ESTJ sisters constantly fight and I dont get why since they are a lot alike in interests and general opinions. It would be interesting to understand why different types dont get eachother.
Hi could u pls do a video on how Fe doms can develop their Ti Inferior and intelligence?
That's season 19, available for each type in the Discover your psyche bundle.
Is the attitude of Ti inferior on listening to other people the same as the Ti child? Or is it better or worse.
No. Te Trickster listens to everyone and Te demon listens to no one.
What types have ideal lover as there seduction style?
I'm working on more content for that.
Your videos are usually very interesting, but I honestly noticed a bit of unnecessary misogyny in your comments. It is not right for women in a relationship to orbit around men, constantly feeling like they are replaceble, that they are the only ones who must change in a relationship because if not "they'll find a new or an extra woman", like they can't never accept they can improve too. Neither is okay for women or anyone to be willing to be treated as a doormat to keep their partner, as you say. I mean, that's wrong for any human being, women or men.
That way of thinking can lead to abusive relationships. To me, It seems irresponsible to continue spreading those ideas.
Unnecessary Misogyny? I beg to differ, there is no acceptable amount of Misogyny, We don't have to agree on approach, but you don't get to slander me for it. There is nothing abusive about giving a woman a clear vision of who I want to be with and letting her choose if she wants to be that person or not. In fact, most would find such honesty refreshing and a kindness.
@@CSJoseph Sure, it's good to be clear. However, you've stated that romantic relationships should revolve around the man's desires. What's your reasoning for that relationship philosophy as opposed to a philosophy where both partners should be considered?
Check out season 31 to understand Chase's point of view on relationships.
No, you need to watch every episode of season 31 before rushing to judgment, especially the episode asking about hope for low value women
@@CSJoseph I'm not sure I'll do that. That's a lot of work considering the black-and-white reasoning I heard in your video. However, I won't question you further.
Vulnerable???
Isnt it much, much more easier to feign arrogance so 'ya'll' can get the wrong impression, and hopefully, pray to God, back off a little?? And give us some space? To ponder and weave thoughts by our lonesome??
But in all seriousness, something I've noticed: if the other person can be vulnerable, straight-forward, positive themselves, it can be easier to be vulnerable back.
Over critical? Ehh... I guess it depends on where they are coming from? Criticism CAN slide. Or it can get dismissed. Or it can get doorslammed.
Sometimes a wandering daydream sounds much more interesting then a bunch of criticism. 🤷
Easier isn't always better.
@@CSJoseph See, that's the thing though. As an INFP, I personally would make a quick judgement to see whether or not it's worth my time to be vulnerable to this person in the first place.
There were times where I could and it didn't actually backfire when things went south/distant. Which is great. Good people exist.
There were times where the person was really immature, but I've invested so much heart. And things wouldn't backfire until later, and they get doorslammed. Hard.
Then there are times where you wouldn't even see the punch coming, but think you should of. Got careless there.
But you are right in a sense that I/we shouldn't stop trying, just because experience this and experience that. It's just hard to. There's a certain level of trust and all, and some people just aren't that close, or just gossips.
Do I need to ask my ESFJ for their opinion of me also?
Thoughts not opinions
If you want honest feedback and you want to take action on the feedback, then it's not a bad idea.
“Willingly be a doormat or your man should get a new woman to be his doormat.” Bahahaha. 🤦♂️ The Bible is getting to him.
Please don't tell women to be doormats, that's awful. That's not what submitting is and nobody wants that. Please feel free to watch the hours of lectures I put into Season 31 to try to explain the difference.
If enfjs are part of the mind temple then they aren't stupid. Because if they seek knowledge and try to understand all the knowledge they gain with their ti inferior, then they will be brilliant as a result
They can be... not the most brilliant, taking into consideration how they are very extraverted, have bad memory and don't like reading (thanks to low Te and Si). But I believe they have a lot of potential for development.
@@victoriamarfina9819 I'm talking about intelligence not memory, and enfjs actually do read a lot to make sure their ti inferior is correct
It's why a lot of enfjs become teachers etc.
I do agree about their extraversion getting in the way of their potential brilliance
I'm an ENFJ and don't like reading just for getting distracted, but I like reading to increase my knowledge. Yes, my memory is awful in terms of what can be found in the sensory realm, but if I care about you I'm gonna remember every single detail that can give you a good surprise in the future with something that you can't even expect.
Assuming they can find a way to get good Te input, yes aspirational Ti can be brilliant.
@@Aero1818 Completely agree, I’m also an ENFJ and sometimes my memory is quite bad, especially when it comes to the unpleasant or bad memories. But something important to my life or ppl who are important to me, I’ll remember a lot of the details and the past as well.
You know firsthand as an MBTI philosopher how people don’t like the truth but like to fill their own egos.
So don’t be hard on your dad for being hated for teaching truths.
I mean… people wanted to crucify Jesus even… but he apparently survived somehow..
Chase isn't hard on his dad for speaking the truth. It's because of his dad's arrogance and "holier than thou" attitude I believe
Chase made clear over and over again that he is AGAINST MBTI he just uses some names. Also, people hating you doesn't automatically make you correct, than's arrogance.
"people wanted to crucify Jesus" people want to crucify lots of various things.
@@user-uq9oe7sc5m Well in case you haven’t watched “Don’t look up”… people are not smart…
@@user-uq9oe7sc5m But the truth specifically despised by the average person, that’s why they vote for shitty presidents.. and introverted intuition is the rarest function, barely anyone can backs a visionary… people have little faith.
When both of those two functions are combined in one person, such as an enfj or an INFj.
People just don’t like what we have to offer…
Even when it’s the best way for them, people don’t follow l their philosophers.
@@tahah.babikir7698 Ni visionary? Are you new here? Ne is the actually visionary function. And even if visionaries are hardly backed up that doesn't mean everyone not backed up is a visionary, flat earthers are not backed up too are they visionaries too? Also, you might need to consider being an NFP instead.
OMG deadly sins!!
yessssss
Unfortunately, the S types are probably as far from these topics as the tourists are from Chicago in December. Or am I wrong? Here’s a question, how does one convince an ESFJ who doesn’t listen to statistics to their own detriment? I think the answer is to enlist more people and add more voices, focusing on the Fe. Another, why do so many type sensors as intuitives?
Many are sub focused and thus aspiring to their intuitive side, it's funny you say that yet early data indicated ESTP as single highest represented type.
@@CSJoseph Yes, thank you!
Stick to topic Chase 😅
No can do.
Bronze pairs break the S/N barrier.
Dating is for wants
Relationships is for needs
Golden and silver pairs are short-lived bc it’s difficult to sustain
Woman orbits the man, the primary
What is your opinion of me and why?
Respected?
Listened to?
Have a voice?
Safe?
Comfortable?
So what you’re saying is… we are the next best brilliant Since we have INTP inside of us. totally kidding just to make a point of the video. It is interesting if pride Is the core, Since pride is the core of all 16 types. I would say jealousy is the bent it takes from there at least, and is the type based sin issue. jealous of intelligence and it’s results if we aren’t healthy.
I do think the INTP could bring some of this into the relationship, But certainly could be aggravated by the ENFJ faults and strengths that grind. I think a strong thing is that high fi As a man similar to high fe as a man. It’s like chicken and the egg. wouldn’t a man need to have frame already to have a good relationship and lead his woman? But when his own father in society Doesn’t teach high F men How to express F and shaming them, it would be especially brutal to run across the direct, vulnerability needing ENFJ even if she was healthy. still the truth is the truth in your points then all the more.
Also think that orbit doesn’t mean the woman integrates into your type because that’s impossible. I don’t really think you mean that either but that’s why people are saying what you call slander. Somethings still out of balance there, Because your whole teaching is that people need to change and improve understand each other better there’s a cancer in many of our experiences with each other. And that experience is not total blindness it’s really real how women can act. The thing is that’s not all women or not all men when we behave badly or all types acting this way always. I don’t think you need to coddle but I just don’t think it’s Accurate to cast all the issue on the reason F users hide as a man as automatically being women. I think it’s all of us.
I think the most inaccurate thing would be saying we are kind of stupid. You wonder why thinking that about a F user man would make him run into hiding from being shamed. F & N are a type of thinking. T is logic and rationale. It’s kind of not intelligent to treat F function as if it’s not thinking. It’s done by the brain it’s processing and it understands a whole realm that lower users don’t. I agree however that enough Enfjs need to come to terms with Low and slow capacity for logic and reason. That is helpful. But calling that stupid is kind of stupid. happy new year rouge sir.
More like “seen as stupid”
To the orbiting parabola : In the garden of Eden- the woman has not CHOSEN Life, but Death -what a stupid choice; now it is better to choose well and stay committed. and the Men has not chosen WISDOM!, but satisfied wrong needs-of his women. The men need to regain wisdom, women need to regain appreciation for the real life. No one being the better teacher than the opposite sex. So in my eyes the women CHOOSES a men! not submits to a man. When he is chosen -it is the female energy: to nurture, support in whatever he undertakes, (also with her wisdom -it does exist in women! it comes with the right attitude as a God's gift) - not to Orbit. What a terrible concept! reminds me of helicoptering parents, let's not add orbiting women to the mix. Women chooses, not submits to orbiting. Maybe this are just words, but .. I needed to vent.
It's funny in this society how to women, a woman's unmet needs are justification for anything and proof a man is not a man. While a mans unmet needs mean.....nothing, are not justification for anything, and have no reflection on the woman. Sounds equal to me.
@@CSJoseph I just wrote - the Adam's mistake was to satisfy wrong! need of Eve and in the process he lost his Wisdom. So now it is not so easy for him to discover the right women. He could have avoided replicating her desireee choice. Fully agree though that propaganda is how supposedly every women need is to be worshipped. It is not my attitude. Not the compulsions that lead to death. And yes, it seems woman quite often try to use and abuse the man and to dictate and demand of him, not to support him!!! Quite unnatural. By the way it would be a destructive dynamic in relation to any interaction. It is obvious: these are deadly compulsions, to be denied by a man. But discernmnet in man, does not need to oblitarate health in women's desires and thoughts as a side-effect and make her into an orbiting .question mark. You see it maybe as orbiting, I see it as my CHOICE. It is a brave choice, by the way - to nurture and commit! while having no guarantees the man will value it or not turn out to be a stupido. And contrary to men- maybe the women did not hone on some market skill, so that she can smoothly adapt and stand on her own; if he indeed did not find enough value in her. Bravery... and Trust.. don't you think it is the ultimate Wisdom (if the women posess both). Such wisdom should not go to waste orbiting..
while the man looses himself on a tangent like : supporting the inmoral church's brainwashing, instead of legitimate needs of his family living on the earth, luckily not on Mars or orbiting the cosmos
simply put: The one thing currently the man are not is WISE, and the one thing women are not is COMMITED (since they lack in Bravery and Trust). And it is not easy to choose bravery and trust while commiting to a man who at a start certainly gravely lacks in wisdom :)