How can you tell if an INFP doesn't like you? | INFP personality | CS Joseph Responds
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ส.ค. 2024
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Perhaps for a manipulative INFP, but otherwise it's not. I'm INFP, and if I don't like someone, I'll try to see their good sides first, and if it really doesn't go, I'll ignore them. But I wouldn't go spreading false rumors behind his back. I don't like dishonesty and cowardice.
@Jesus Christ You were a child, that's more understandable. Otherwise I'm talking about my case. I wouldn't do that, because it's not part of my values, and values are important to the INFP. If we value honesty and courage, we preferred to speak ill of a person in the face rather than behind him. But in general we don't like to hurt and conflicts. We will therefore not insult someone unfairly (or in spite of ourselves, because we are sometimes subject to our emotions or our subjectivity).
@Jesus Christ yes, like everybody.
@Jesus Christ Sorry, but I don't see the relevance of your comment. Otherwise I don't speak English well either, I use a translator. I am French.
@Jesus Christ ok, thank you :)
same! we ghost when we are hurt. but spreading rumours is not what we do - so pointless
"I don't like you enough to feel comfortable opening up to you" so enjoy the awkward silence.
Michelle Mansfield yes haha
That's really true. I do it all the time. Or I try to talk about really basic stuff so the person will never ever get to know my true self.
I can not even look at people I don't like... so even if I am trying to hide it its very obvious.
Oh my gosh. I have always wondered about this and try to make myself stop, but can't. So it's an infp thing!
At work, can work with them . Just don't share personal details. Outside of work, don't connect at all
As an INFP I kind of have to disagree with this. I would only resort to something as ignoring someone when I really HATE them.
The only time ive ever done it is when someone disrespected me and after an effort to mend things the other person decided to start ignoring me first. Thats pretty much where I draw the line.
I also doubt we're the types to gossip. I understand the urge, but I know what it can lead to so I will very much refrain from doing it.
I would at least try to settle things with the other person face to face before I do something like gossiping.
The way i see it:
We don't care about the other person --> we'll probably just not go out of our way to talk to you, but we'll be friendly when talked to
We dislike the other person --> some passive agressive behaviour
We hate the other person --> some purposeful ignoring or a rageful outburst
I think INFPs are very much "you get what you give" types of people.
@Tommy Hass hm I did get INFJ too a few times doing the test. INFP way more though
I agree on this 💯
Fair enough. I agreed with him because for me dislike means hate, but English isn't my first language so I can see the extreme distinction. Perhaps he suffered under the same misapprehension as I did.
I have to say as an infp I have not spread rumours about anyone I've disliked and there's a lot of those I don't like because who can be bothered with that kind of malicious energy. Lol. The worst I've done to someone I don't like is simply not talk to them or if they keep infringing upon me like physically then I will lash out physically not like Bruce Lee more like a cat cornered.
if we don't like someone we ghost, but if we ghost doesn't necessarily mean we don't like someone.
We ghost usually because we get overwhelmed, we "don't feel like answering", we have other emotions we need to process, we need space, etc. And then we come back after months and act like time didn't pass, because that's really how it is for us. We don't like "checking up/in", for us the connection is still there and valid even if we don't interact
Hmmm...I'll have to disagree with you on some things. You have a way of antagonizing INFPs. I am an INFP. Usually, if you are ghosted or given the silent treatment by an INFP, its probably because the INFP liked you alot. If an INFP ignores you, then she/he is projecting energy towards you because she/he once had high regards for you but she/he likely have been seriously hurt or disrespected by you. INFPs don't utilize their energy on just anyone. The INFP is sending you a subtle message that you hurt her/him. The INFP wants to see how far you will leap to reconcile the relationship. It's a bargaining tool. It has to be someone that they highly considered. And, if she/he is ignoring you, then she/he is projecting a signal that you hurt or offended her/him
But, if you're someone that's just basic and not someone that she/he cared about, you can be disrespectful or offensive as much as you want. The INFP won't give a shit. The INFP won't ghost or ignore you. Because she/he never had high regards for you anyway. The INFP will continue to keep it simple and basic and communicate with you because she/he don't give a shit about you.
The other thing: INFPs are not evil nor callous to spread rumours about someone. INFPs make their own space. They are authentic and loyal. Sometimes, there's drama. But they don't create that kind of nasty, catty drama.
Your observations are spot on!
Stay out of my head
Wow, you described accurately.
Lol. U described me 1000% !!!
Goddamn, you articulated it beautifully! I don't think I could have done a better job putting it as articulately and succinctly, and articulating things well is usually one of my better fortes. Bravo sir/madam. Bravo!
The ignoring/teaching you a lesson/narcissistic/conflict avoidance is very true about unhealthy INFPs. But not healthy ones at all (except for maybe the avoiding conflict - I think they all do that). I've been with both types of INFPs and they are very different. I don't believe the healthy type talks smack at all though.
Speaking from personal experience: INJs need the most attention in a 1 on 1 situation, while ESPs need the most attention in larger crowds.
Yeah this is very true,l am an INFJ and l have struggled about this thing
6:48 😂 Too accurate. They would pretend you don't exist. I wouldn't even dare to lay an eye to the person, longest would be for a second. If they'd come talking, I'd answer the most direct and short. If I hate them too much, I would not interact at all like they'd be talking alone. If they'd talk in a group setting, I would not pay attention.
Yup there is a girl in my class who I dont get on with and she helped me out slightly with something (after a whole heap of time mucking around and trying to get me to hate something I cared deeply about cause she didnt like it) and I would usually say thanks for something like that but I instantly decided not to respond or even acknowledge it.
Can relate
As a likely INFP, I can just say if I don't like someone I just can't force myself to interact with them. I can for a while, but eventually my mind will kind of shut them out and then I'll realize and feel guilty for a second and then forget about it again. I would say the ghosting is not intentional, it just happens. Part of it is having to craft responses to someone I don't feel like sharing anything with, and that doesn't feel authentic, so I just choose not to I guess.
Lol, when they like you, they ignore you, and when they don't like you, you don't exist.
Damn spot on. I think a lot of infps here are unaware of the fact that they do the rumor mill thing. We definitely are capable of it, but I don’t think many of us like to believe we are capable of it. The things we say I think can be very much true of the person we are talking about, but we don’t feel the need to start talking bad about them until our extroverted sensing realizing the relationship with that person is on the way out. For such a introspective type it aggravates me that so many of us infps don’t own up to the reality of our dark side. Even healthy infps.
The only one who actually understands
Him and Michael Pierce
I have never actually done the "rumor mill" routine, I guess I'd have to really hate someone to that extent of treacherous behaviour.
The only time I probably would talk smack behind someone is if they've wronged me gravely, not just hurt my feelings but actually done me wrong.
Yeah I personally have a "listen to everyone, talk about no one" way of living. But sometimes I will stay stuff about someone that looks bad if they wont be able to tell it came from me. I try not to shit talk people but sometimes it just happens...
Yeah rumor mill is too toxic..
Same for me. I hate rumors and gossip and have never started any, and avoid people who do. But unfortunately have been on the receiving end of it many times... since I know how awful that is I wouldn't want to do such a thing to anyone else. I see it as morally wrong.
On second thought I think, the rumor mill routine is probably due to Ti Demon and Se Trickster. The Se Trickster fools us into thinking about someone that is not true and we actually end up believing it because of our bias against that person
Same here. I never spread rumors, or take part in gossip. Rest assured though, I'm keeping a silent tab on those who have wronged me. I just prefer to keep those grievances to myself. If I do share my grievances, I must really like you. Most of the time I don't care enough to justify the conflict.
Hmm as an INFP, spreading a false rumor is never my thing. I just let them be and ignore them. I mostly just pretend they don’t exist at all. The only time i would say bad things behind a persons back is when I vent my frustrations to a close friend. I admit I can be evil when i’m mad or hurt but not this kind of evil lol
As INFP I dont like someone when I feel someone is not genuine, judgemental, manipulative. Just sense these things about a person.
My INFP spouse IMMEDIATELY disliked me at first. So first impressions and intuition aren't everything. They were yelling at me, calling me rude and disrespectful. They took the time to find out why, and wound up agreeing with me. So that's food for thought, maybe?
Omg it was the same with my BF tbh (we didnt start dating till several years later) but like he would follow me around school or id chase him around to try and get him to leave me alone but clearly even though i did (and still do really) annoy the heck out of him he's still around and we had our 4th annerversiery last month.
That has happened to me a lot as well... sometimes I wonder if it’s because when we are in an unhealthy period we just feel disliked or insecure and so we don’t like the other person?
@@Alice-si8uz hey, congrats! that's no small thing!
@@Monxtv mabye? it's hard for me to relate as an ENTP. my spouse is FULL of that weird alien thing called emotion, and I'm stuffed full of 'take it easy, and learn to laugh'. So when done right, we're complimentary. But you might be onto something. When we first met, they were in a bad place at the time. I didn't know that at all. But it worked out fine. We are charming, not just annoying.
The only time I was like that with someone was when I was in abuse trapped situation and was mentally emotionally psychologically sexually n physically abused. Actually I never had one person in my life who was not abusive like that. Anyone who came across overbearing I was automatically seeing as a danger flag. Because I literally could not handle anyone else like my abusers and there was no escaping this person. But this person was very patient and understanding and compassionate and gentle not defensive and I saw her as safe and felt calmer around her. And we grew closer she ended up being the one who encouraged me to call the police when I got beat or encouraged me to reach out to my friends who lived close by who got me out of there. I know He sent her to me at that time. We also had a virtual playroom party pool online chat we could have fun and made each other laugh none stop all of the time.
It really helped my stress levels.
INFP planting seeds and treachery is so true, i've definitely done that before in my darker days and you've got the motivation spot on.
Yes me as well! I never thought it was an INFP trait... I have worked so hard for many years to stop that and I feel more in control now, also because I realize after a while that I can actually be very empathetic towards that person that I don’t like, that helps to not talk bad and to remember maybe I will talk to them again one day
Guess I'm not fitting in even with other InFPs 😂
Infp definitely avoid any conflict so avoidance is usually the default
True
Headphones make it even easier to avoid people I dont like because I can ignore you and get away with it.
As an INFP female, I can't stand my abusive covert narcissistic father, and this is how I treat him when I'm forced to be in his presence. He's actually a ISTP, and with me treating him like he's invisible drives him insane. My logic is if he can't treat people with consideration, then he has no right to interact with us and be acknowledged.
My narc mother just punches hit and beat and pull my hair say if not being available to their childish attention needs. I wasn't allowed my own room at 17 so I had to sit in the lounge and at the table in order to do homework art etc. And I can not even do that. I used music to drown her out but she would do things to injure your hearing or ears. Or she will do things to injure herself.
Ignoring never worked. It just makes things worse.
INFP here. I have a recluse nature and many people think I ghost them but I do not. I always leave doors open for communication. I do not spread lies either as karma is instant for me. If I do not like someone, I usually try to talk to them about it to resolve.
I don't see myself doing the rumour routine; not only is it wrong, it also feels antithetical to dropping all connections.
So accurate. I don't feel great about the rumor-mill thing, so I tend to mind my own business. But if you're actually a bad person and everyone agrees, that's when I'll start to sway the group.
Yeah if someone else also shows a disliking to someone then I will tots share stuff that makes them look bad. The key thing is to repeat yourself and subtly increase the intensity so you dont suddenly come across as an arsehole.
Please explain this to me, I don't understand why so many NFP's don't feel bad for lying about people even if they have wronged them. I mean isn't telling the truth about what they did to you enough and more fair? Why do some of you feel the need to lie? If someone lies about someone because they wronged them that's like an admission that what they did is not that bad because they feel the need to make it seem like it's worse. Why, being people who are so concerned about doing the right thing, don't they think that if it's that bad, the truth speaks for itself?
Bravespirit maybe some infps live in denial sometimes like other people?
@@bravespirit1428 I don't think it's an infp thing at all to spread lies about someone. I've never done that, and I think it's an appalling thing to do. Most infps are very concerned with being morally upright so I don't know why he said we tend to do that, because we don't.
@@DiamondsRexpensive Yeah I guess that my question was a bit stupid, like asking why some Ti heroes are consistent liers. They are just corrupt.
If I “drop any seeds”…my morals are high enough that those seeds won’t be dishonest ones. The fact that I pay attention to what’s going on around me and tend not to forget the past just means I have a bushel of seeds available. But choosing to forget you exist is really my “go to”
As an INTP, I find that this ghosting thing is true of me too. I do that a lot.
I agree with all of this. As an infp myself, I also think a sign would be (or something that goes hand in hand with this) would be that we find you exhausting and you drain us of social battery and energy easily.
This is spot on. And my self respect really takes a huge blow whenever I become this petty against my own will. I will say this tactic of discrediting ppl behind their back has mostly came back to bite me in the long run. Makes me feel pathetic and small and begets self hatred.
So so interesting! I have an ENFP cousin who would pretend to be my best friend on the one hand but was also an expert at spreading lies and wild rumours about me to others behind my back. Took me way too long to figure out what was happening. Thank you for this, C.S. Joseph!
Perhaps I am an anomaly but I don't plant seeds when I do not like someone at all. I ignore them apart from polite civility but I disagree that INFP's are strategically vindictive.
i'm an INFP and i've done exactly what he describes. his point about Ne predicting that the other person is plotting against you, so you must strategically ruin their reputation so that they can't destroy yours first was SPOT ON.
i know one who collects ammos for fun about somebody as to mock them behind their backs. they hide who they are but collect ammos from people they dont like. as if they really intend to use them one day to vindicate someone
@Rubix Cube i suppose self-preservation. if i felt they might be trying to turn others against me or something like that. it was awhile ago and obviously i wasn't behaving healthily, it felt to protect myself and the relationships i have with others. i can slip into that mindset of trying to protect my image.
@Rubix Cube bro stop attacking this infp
They're opening up to you honestly about mistakes they've made and you're just attacking them
Not cool
I'm not vindictive either. I've taken many tests and always come back INFP. If I don't feel comfortable around someone, I just try to avoid them. I'm a serious conflict avoider... I can't stand to see anyone hurt, even if they have hurt me, so I keep giving forgiveness and chances...then after too many chances, I avoid for awhile...but then after some time, I get over it and am open to renewing the friendship.
Very true, yet very narcissistic. Especially the spreading the rumors ahead of time part + passive aggression + stone walling/silent treatment.
If the person IS going to shame and humiliate an INFP, telling people before it happens is not a lie. The person ruins their own creditable by being some one who tries to humiliate people in public.
I will make one other semi short comment. I usually don't like to leave comments but I feel it important. I'm not sure what INFP's you know but I don't start rumors. If I bad mouth someone , it something they've actually done. I don't like dishonesty because I wouldn't want it done to me. If I'm forced to "not ghost" someone...I'll just keep the interaction short and to the point. I'll avoid conversation. I also want to point out INFP's usually don't have lots of friends or friends at all, even in the work place...so it seems weird they'd make the effort to communicate just to start a rumor.
Just wanted to make it clear that sometimes the ghosting isn't just about holding an issue you have with someone. If you meet a depressed or mentally occupied infp, they're probably also going to ghost you, but only because their hands are full at that moment. It's not really about you. On another note, your eyes very clearly express your thought process (with looking down to the left or looking up to the right) It's been a while since I've seen that. It's interesting.
You're mostly right here. The only thing I'd contest is the rumour spreading. I personally hate that stuff so I try not to complain or say negative stuff about ppl to other ppl. But that's generally how ppl are. You can confide in some ppl then they go off and share what they know if they feel it's something worth sharing or is just "good drama" or whatever. Whether it's just infp projection or a misunderstanding doesn't matter. End of story, it's just a grey matter issue. (Was trying not to ramble but it's tough.)
It actually happened to me. Nfps care so much about their reputation, so I they feel you hate them or will talk shit about them they’ll make sure they’ll do it before you and destroy your reputation instead. All based on a feeling .
True af, had this one teacher who only treated me UNFAIRLY, so i started criticizing her appearance, people eventually found it funny and spreaded it around, best decision ever! Just needed to get her back behind closed doors
You'd never be able to guess my feelings accurately- INFP
Make INTP version
They show 0 emotion I can never tell
For me it depends, if you are adamant in talking to me and I don't like you, I'll tell you as long as long as I have reason to suspect that you won't try to destroy me afterwards. This doesn't really come from a place of malice, I don't dwell on people I don't like and we can still have a respectful yet distant relationship if we are colleagues.
It's similar in that the first thing they will do is not give the person attention. However, they won't make up lies about someone because they value the truth (dom Ti) and don't really like harming others (inferior Fe). Also, they don't care enough about their reputation to play those kinds of games. It's all about personal comfort for the INTP. An INTP will try to avoid interaction as much as possible so they don't have to deal with the person and when forced to have a conversation with them, will try to keep it as short as possible.
also infp-intp hybrid possibility
karthikronfils if you mean me, I’ve researched this, and I’m not. My brain doesn’t work like an INFP’s at all. INTPs and INFPs appear similar to others because they both extravert intuition, but what’s going on underneath is really quite different. I just have high Fe for an INTP because I’m a woman who was socialized to care about other people’s feelings, and I’ve worked in customer service most of my adult life.
Make your safety their responsibility and you might end up dead no fault of the INTP. Safety Third, I know I make things look easy but when you forsake science for sacrifice and go BOOM lets just say I saw it coming ages ago, equal and opposite reactions and all. - INTP
I do agree about the rumor mill. I almost did that once to a girl who stole my favorite yellow blouse that I used to wear in my graduation day. I was so sure that was mine because of some prints. I only told that to a one girl who happens to be an enfj. She advised to let it go and just let it be. Its great because I followed her advice and I didn't ended up creating rumors.
But I have a toxic infp did that to me. No wonder the first time I saw her, i feel weirdly unsure and insecure of myself.
Lol, we ENFJ's can really let things roll off our backs 😉 I'm glad your friend advised you well!
I love how all of the most recent INFP vids are coincidentally posted when I really need them the most and are very relevant to the situations I go through everyday lol.
If we are forced to deal with someone we don’t like . Talking behind their back is not because we want to destroy their credibility but rather because we want to vent . We usually get so annoyed bh people less interesting and it makes us furious
People also tend to see INFPS as 'harmless' and don't back off after a rejection or they take it too personally because they think we're obligated to say yes just because we're nice. It's annoying to say the least that's why I keep my interactions with others minimal
When i see the title my first answer was avoid them and even don't make eye contact with them.
I hate this so much about INFPs, but I look like a psychopath when I say it out loud, so I simply act brisk and impersonal with them. They shut up real quick when not given special attention
I don't think we really lie about people intentionally with the Ti demon. But I get what you're saying. I think we always tend to want to explain why someone is the way they are and if we don't like them or how they treat us then we'll explain it or analyze that person in the worst way possible when we're venting to someone and I think thats where the "rumors" come from.
If I don't get a "How to Type" on Crabs, then I might unsubscribe.
Just get rid of them already. An STD is not to keep ::::::::::::D
now i know what I'm supposed to improve on. This is amazing and helpful, thank you.
Haha. Oh my gosh, you're the only one who get it. Thank you! INFP here.
The INFP hater is back.
Hes not a hater hes just restating facts. I mean im an infp as well
@@postalservice6517 only thing they are not infp facts to state. So it sounds like a twisted grudge to me. He doesn't understand us at all and shouldn't be making videos broadcasting false facts about our characters.
@@postalservice6517 yep, it's facts. As an INFP, I've ghosted people I don't like. If I hate them to the core, pretend they don't exist - they speak to me, the most I give is one worded answers.
The spreading the rumour mill? I've done that unconsciously towards my roommate who didn't wake me up for final exam in university. Looking back at that, yep, Chase is right about that dark side.
To an extent, if the person is super duper annoying and confrontation cannot be avoided, ISTP demon comes out and voila, my hands and feet come to life. Also, the feeling of destroying the life of that other person comes out.
Surprise, surprise, gentle INFP vanish from the present. Out comes the demon. Takes me some time to regain some balance.
Wow... I don't know about other INFPs but I am in no way manipulative nor do I defame even people who treated me the worst in my life. I thought however it was an interesting take that "ghosting' people is a narcissistic passive aggressive approach to conflict. I think the latter may be the perception of certain other personality types. The truth is if I cut people out of my life my intention has nothing to do with them but rather myself. Rejection or certain confrontations are through self preservation, not to hurt someone else.
ENFJ here and I do get that... the why of ghosting, but the rest of us have feelings too and ghosting is the worst sort of pain anyone can be put through in a relationship. That's why it comes off as narcissistic, because you're only considering the feelings on your side of the equation. I've only ever been ghosted once in my life and it was by an INFP that I loved. I can't even describe the way it made me feel. It was a cascade effect of the worst kind of bad emotions, every negative thought about "why" went through my head for months. I've never felt like that before in my entire life
That poisoning of the lake, I couldn't exactly relate. But the closest would be whenever there's someone being backstabbed, I'd usually share my fair opinion of seeing the person in another way like saving them from disgrace. But if that person had conflict with me, I would not defend them in any way when they're being backstabbed and would even affirm the rumors.
Yup no way would I defend someone who I dont get along with, they have likely already shown are arent trustworthy.
Hahah so true about INFJ’s needing attention, *me being busy* “hey babe look at this! Hey look at this!” It can be extremely distracting lol
Ok, but to be fair; Do you know how ANNOYING and DISRESPECTFUL it is to HAVE to make NPs feel desired ALL THE TIME?? Like you give what you get? If your INFJ is "being needy" maybe you're actually needy yourself. NFJs are just mirroring your behavior in the end. Being told, "Well it's clear that you don't actually want me anyway...." (been told that by almost every single NP I've interacted with and I just want to strangle them Bart Simpson style when they say that to me.) It's like a cruel form of emotional abuse to be told that. Like come on....I've gone out of my way to make you feel good and desired. (when you have given me no form of communication of how to even do that. Lol I have to guess what NPs want all the time in that covert-y way of expression). Also, that behavior is 100% not going to make me desire any NP. You guys are SUPER needy in that regard and it's REALLY annoying when an SE user is constantly trying to make you feel good, sexy, desirable and you give us inhuman, coldness. Like nothing is ever good enough for you NPs. "I don't feel desired by you...." Heh...Fuck that shit. I doorslam the second a man (or even friend) says that to me. Not going to play that bs game with them anymore. I want an adult man who is mature enough to be honest with me. I want friends who care enough about me to not ghost me because they need constant validation from me. Ughhh.
Also, it feels like NPs use their attention as a weapon sometimes. "You're not making me feel desired, so I'm going to make you feel bad by taking away my attention." This is gross behavior and if you wonder why no one desires you it is definitely for this reason and it will be 100% deserved.
Going out of my way for NPs and then having them ghost me in the end is like being beaten down constantly over and over again. I don't want to be emotionally enslaved in this behavior anymore. I'd rather be alone than have to deal with that childish bs. Like seriously.
Felix The Cat I get what you say and that behavior sounds tiring, although I would suggest to to wonder why are you only attracting unhealthy INFPs? Maybe there’s something inside you that needs to learn a lesson as well.
Mona TV are they? Or are the infps attracted like moth to light?
Felix The Cat also, can i just say that a lot of the infps i have encountered seem, borderline? They are very rash too.
Idk what ur experience is/was but i would love to know.
Felix The Cat i also wanna add, one intp did the: "i do not feel desired, so i am gonna ghost u. Then i will return and pretend like idk who u are" to me.
This was a good subject. Good to learn more about INFPs. :)
I don’t lie. Idk about other infps, but I don’t start false rumours. I do gossip, but I don’t create some fake narrative that’ll backfire on me because it goes against my morals and I could see things like that backfiring on me in the future and I don’t want the person I’m gossiping to, to disagree or hate me too. So overall it’s a big no no zone for me.
I do ghost people. If I’m forced to be around people I don’t like, I try to like them and find out their backstory and really really try, but if I still don’t like them I will gossip about them and I’ll likely not say anything around them (unless I have to, then I’ll be fake) or stare daggers into their soul. If I feel like they’re a really really horrible person, I can become vocal but that’s rare and it’ll only happen when I have no respect for them or the people around me at the time. My friends old bully kept being a twat in class and every remark he made was followed by a comeback from me. That’s one of the rare times I’ve been vocal.
Im in that ignoring-avoidance-ghosting phase with my coworkers right now....i just ignore everyone in my office....i dont like my coworkers bcs they kept thinking badly of me even when i tried very hard to befriends them...i regret befriending them, i regret even trying, but things already happened. I felt constantly judged and i can feel them talking badly of me behind my back sometimes i heard them, mocking and all, it's funny cos i didn't think i did anything wrong, they misunderstood me i guess. I never really want to explain myself to them bcs i believe people will only listen to what they want and to what they think of me, so i might as well just ignore them right. Why trouble myself trying to correct people misconceptions
Yup... my sister does this to me. Now she comes back 20+ years after my brother passes and says she wants a relationship with me. Umm.. NO! She "ghosts" and "gaslights" me! My husband said something pretty smart: when someone points at you, there are three fingers pointing back at them. She told me that my brother was playing "both sides" with us! Umm.. I find that impossible! I told an old school friend recently... if you run into my sister.. .be careful of what she says about me. She told me "everyone in town already knows you are mentally fucked in the head". Umm.. excuse me??? She's ruining my ability to return home!
Wow this is so accurate I get Worried about the person spreading lies and rumors so I have to go around and set my version of the story straight to keep people from hating me. This is probably the most I talk at work but I tend to get a concensus agreement from others to stay away from that person and that they are being manipulative
First :D
Although usually I only dislike people if I perceive that they dislike me.
That would stem more from negative past feeling experiences of the extent those haters would go. It is more of a protective layer to prevent opening up or wearing heart on sleeve in order for it to be ripped out more and danced on.
i never spread rumours... doesn’t sound like Fi hero
So as a infp, im watching this so I can try to avoid the disappointment to people, and find the most honest and helpful way to keep from causing a problem with any individual if possible. I can ghost a person I like. It is not personal I just need space. I just don't talk to someone I don't like and you can work with a person and not talk to them about anything other than the job your doing. If they try redirect them to the task. Always becareful of others. When you have to work with others just don't get personal. Keep it all about the now and don't give your opinions of other people out. This is the way to stay safe. When i really don't like someone or feel they are dangerous i get away from them, however possible.
Oof, my old boss was like this. He was a super awesome person but just not the best leader. The business ended up being a playground for his personal values, so much so, the whole system completely fell apart. He was entirely self-interest based, and would happily throw anyone under the bus, including his girlfriend or colleagues, if it meant it would make him look better. If someone called him out then the next day he would start spreading rumours about them and questioning their ability. My poor colleague ended up having to take photos so that she would be believed.
Expose him by sending this video to him and everyone he knows with a screenshot of this story
Accurate and I wrote a long comment about it, but deleted it. Lol you know your stuff man, at this point you don't even need comments to confirm it!
INFP's:
Hating someone:
avoiding them
In love with someone:
Wow, you're the first person to describe this accurate. I laughed at your "another book, another book...ugh I'm not going to read all this." I have had that response from so many people who would want me to read or listen to whatever they want to say no matter the length. I'm not saying your reaction is a bad one, its just honest and therefore I'll be honest too. Honesty is important lol. So your first explanation is ignoring. I feel its weird..I'm not aware I'm ignoring always...I just , like you said, want to avoid the altercations or bad vibes/ attitude that person has for me and vice versa. I do ghost especially if I know the other person is giving off vibes they're annoyed by me. I try not to gossip unless I am really hurt. You're right, I have bad mouthed someone I dislike in order to shift negative focus from myself. It's not a pleasant thing, and I've tried to be more aware now. Wow , I'm trying to make this short and it feels impossible lol...details are important so there is no misinterpretation.
INFJ also sometimes behave exactly like this, they withold "giving attention" precisely as a strategy to seek attention. (Twisted!)
How to tell if this is INFP type of attention witholding or INFJ type of attention witholding?
This is quite true. I have cut a few people out of my life (maybe around 4-5 people) over my life. I have overlooked certain behaviours, but once it clicks that they are not good people then im out. They will never hear from me again, and i dont feel bad about it, i dont miss them it just is.
Not sure if this is a good way to be but thats how it is.
Usually if i dont click with someone its simply a matter of indifference not hate. 😊
As an INFP I would definitely not spread rumours about others and doubt if any of us ever would. Imagine the unbearable conflict and hideous embarassment if you were exposed doing this Hah hah ! Another point would be that for people who hold integrity so high why the hell would you diminish yourself by acting as a social rat? I agree we can be treacherous - lord I have been - but petty as well? NEVER!
At work ppl often say that I like everyone, which is just not true. I try to see things from their perspective but it is very true, if I don't like someone, I give them no attention.
Ghosting is literally emotional abuse! I'm so tired of this behavior from NPs, it's so childish and pathetic. I feel genuinely traumatized by my experiences of being ghosted by INPs. Like nothing makes you feel used and like disposable garbage like being ghosted. It's a real problem and they seem to have no clue of how hurtful and cruel it is. Why can't they just be honest?
I'm sorry to hear you've been ghosted by NPs. 😅 But there's more to why NPs ghost, not only because they don't like you. One is because they avoid conflict. You may not be someone they hate but they foresee conflict arising from interaction hence they avoid. Confrontation can also seem overwhelming to handle. The fear of not being able to wholly explain yourself or that you could miss a detail or choose the wrong words to express or that you would get misunderstood. It's actually better if INPs could just write it down to solve this issue, then have a talk afterwards. Another is they don't exactly know what to do and so they make it seem like nothing happened. Even out of embarrassment, if they think they would embarass themselves they would resort to avoidance. Another is maybe they thought it wasn't a big deal for the other party hence they don't want to bring it up.
Damn, I hate ghosting, but usually I am literally overtaken by emotional paralysis. And if I don't have the energy to engage with you wholly then what's the point of engaging in the first place? Doesn't matter, a shi**y thing is still smelly of faecal material. I'm just really hoping you don't allow the ghosting to take a tool on yourself, because that's just...just don't do it, okay!?
I avoid being "honest" about how I feel because I know (and this has happened in the worse of ways) that other people, mostly, are not capable of hearing the truth about how they have made another person feel. Its really not a big deal, but people would rather defend their stance/ themselves rather than LISTEN. Lol. So, that's my experience about why I, as an infp, can gauge and mostly understand that I cannot share because the other person won't listen. 😳
Just to add to what other people have already commented, sometimes we ghost people because it's better for everyone involved, especially if it's a very toxic person that we love very much but can no longer endure to have in our lives. The reason could be something the other person might not be able to accept. Like if we say the truth, it will destroy that person, and maybe ourselves and others too, so we're just going to leave and not say anything at all. I know it can be shitty to decide this on on our own but not having closure is sometimes better than the chaos that's going to follow.
@@givemeyoureyes7 exactly.
Literally is written on our faces. Leading with Fi as a primary hero judgment function makes infps one of the most judgemental types and so other people have told me that.
I've heard you say that it's extremely important for INFP's to read... can you explain why this is?
I'm an INFP who used to read a lot in middle/ high school. I lost the habit in college, since then I've read maybe 3 books (I'm now 26). Over quarantine I've gotten back into reading and, as a result, can definitely sense a positive shift in my overall day to day mood. I've been reading fiction books in my free time and listening to NF audiobooks while I paint. I've also found it helpful to read multipul books at the same time so I always have a book that fits my mood.
Any book recommendations for INFP's? What about podcasts?
Since INFPs strongly stand for what they believe in, he recommends reading for this type to continuously refine their beliefs. He even recommends non-fiction. He thought that through this, INFPs won't stand for stupid and irrational beliefs. That through massive acquiry of knowledge, INFPs would be able to create knowledgeable/well-informed beliefs. INFPs should be able to defend their beliefs through logical reasons (Te) and not just by mere feelings (Fi). This is how you attain balance and how to mature as an INFP. Through this, you won't be dubbed as sensitive, irrational, or selfish because you can explain for yourself.
That was classic. I just paused before i commented then pressed play and you just said the same thing i said.
Again you are spot on. I hate gossip and character assassin's but you better believe once I do what I hate your no match and I will crush you. I have cultivated it over my 51 years to doo it to there face or tell them "fuck yeah i did" when confronted about what ive said about them then tell them " go prove me.wrong" of coarse by attempting to prove me wrong, they will always prove me.right.
PS.
If you want to when the game of gossip/talking about you. Adopt the truth " it's none of your business what other people say about you"
not bad. keep connecting your lessons to other types and ways of thinking that are related to subject
What about INTPs? How do they act when they don't like you?
Same. Ghosting. They will pretend like you don't exist. You have to go out of your way just to get an apology for legitimate cruel things that they've done to you. I would say that they are surprisingly even more fussy than the INFPs. Their feelings are just so.....flimsy. Fi demon makes them pretty impenetrable to begin with, but if you've offended them in any way, be prepared to be ghosted instantly with no way of amending the relationship. They are not forgiving, whereas INFPs can actually be little bit more forgiving. You can shame them and INTPs you really can't shame them. You can only remind them of the awful things they've done to you. You can guilt INTPs though and that can come across as abusive to very immature INTPs (this is if the guilt is 100% justified).
I can't believe it, it's so true. Everything you said I did. Whether that's ignoring people I don't like or who are bad to me or spreading rumors about someone before that person shames me in public. But let me tell you, I was right to do this since the person really tried to shame me in public afterwards and if I hadn't foreseen that, I would have been really ashamed.
(ps: I was also told that I sulk or throw black looks when I'm angry. But that has nothing to do with people I don't like, it's more in life everyday).
Your videos are really unique and accurate compare to other channels
Lol. You’re honestly (rudeness) at the beginning makes me trust what you’re about to say so much more! And I complete resonate w leveraging my attention. Never thought of it that way but I def do. Also I don’t make up rumors but I will tell the truth about the shit someone did if I’m pushed to that point.
I'm thinking of an occasion when I resorted to "rumor mill tactic" out of dislike, and I remembered I have done so in my highschool years. I can't think of more recent situations cause mostly I resorted to ghosting when I was in college. Now I still ghost people but not out of dislike, just cause I want time for myself which could give the impression that I'm mad at them. Now, if I don't like someone, I don't talk to them and if I can't help but be with them, I am very civil with my responses (with obvious great lack of enthusiasm). But if the person is insensitive and missed those hints, I cut them off and tell them "I don't want to talk" just so I won't be bothered again.
He explains the dynamic between an INFP in a relationship with someone well, but withholding attention is not always (or even usually) a sign of hate.
It will sound harsh, but INFPs often withhold attention not because they hate, but because only some people some of the time merit the effort it takes for them to pay attention. Most of the time they shut out all the unnecessary noise in the world because it wears them down. To pay attention, they must process a torrent of information to extract whatever message someone is trying to convey to them from the rest of the noise, and everything sounds suspiciously like noise to INFPs. If you demand their attention only to give them information that is not noteworthy to them, they will quickly conclude that you are a waste of their energy and shut you out. It is like being asleep and then someones pokes you to wake you up so they can ask if you are awake. The natural response is "Obviously, I'm awake. You just woke me up. What do you want? Nothing? Then let me sleep. Goodnight."
I didn't know that's why I ghost people until he yelled it at me
I don't completely ignore people I don't like. But I will avoid them as much as possible, or just not put in any effort to spend time with them/make them feel cared about like I do with everyone else. (I don't try to be mean and make them feel bad, I just won't actively put in effort to do nice things for them). At the moment the only people I would say I don't like are a few people who I am scared of/they were creeping on me. So I think avoiding them is justified.
I don’t ignore people to ignore them. I take time to myself to process my emotions and gain my balance and people assume I’m ignoring them
Just seeing them turns you to an stj type with forceful powers lol
Waw. It's true. I do that... And I'm not proud of that actually... How could we handle this differently ? I mean, not ghosting people and most of all, not talking behind people's back... I'm muslim, and that's a biiiiig sin... Really big. It's like "eating the flesh of your brother..." so I need to do things differently 🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼. May God forgive me and give me the strength to get better
I usually don't give ENFJs all the attention they think they deserve, which causes relationship problems. With INTPs though, I'm the one going after their attention.
Why there are so many videos about infp here? Not that i dislike them...
I understand you don't dislike them. But now if they dislike you you'll know the signs. 😉
@@dulles1969 ima INFP lol 😁
@@ivandavid5559 So I can tell don't hate me yet. Thank you! :)
What's the difference between ghosting and door slamming?
How can i see these quora questions before you answer them? Id like to respond to some but I only see the questions on quora once you’ve answered them.
he is so exposing me . but to my defense the person who I believed would try to embarrased me publicly really did that . i didn't said anything about him that i didn't myself believed . and it was not that reputation damaging for him or anything like that .
This was so true, and sometimes you really just describe the way types in act in situations to a T… like scarily accurate and applicable to specific people in your life.
Hello, INFP here. I’m gonna try not to write a book😅
I have two Ni dom friends, one INTJ and one INFJ, and I know that it bothers them when I don’t give a steady attention span. So I purposely will let them know if I’m busy or wait forever to respond so they know they have my full attention rather than bits and pieces of it.
However, when I’m indifferent to someone: probably blocked, ghosted, or abandoned.
When I’m angry with someone/don’t like them: passive aggressive, sure… Or I just simply don’t talk to them if I’m in a situation with them. But I don’t block or ghost because eventually my anger turns to sadness/longing and I try to mend things.
Then there’s this… If I dislike someone due to them scaring me or making me uncomfortable, I literally become a doormat. I try to do everything I can to make them stop scaring me, and I’ll close myself off from them both physically and emotionally.
In the past, when I was in middle or high school, I for SURE tried to ruin people’s reputation. But that ended with me being socially isolated and emotionally damaged. I decided that wasn’t me anymore, and now I typically either go straight to the problem, or if I don’t know how to do that, I find my trusted INTJ friend who immediately helps me find a solution that I implement within days.
Overall, I pretty much agree with you. Thank you for your content, it really helps me understand myself and the people I care about a lot!
You are most welcome
The talk behind your back thing is so true. Lost friendships due to an unhealthy infp. She targeted the intj friend by being extra extra loyal to her and then spread rumors behind my back. So much drama from one person.
I'll try to do that actually good idea
By the way, I think that lack of respect is what causes my lack of attentions... Not liking someones gets me to just go right into entittled ENFJ where I try to make them better so that I can survive with them on the long run
What's the difference between ghosting vs door slamming?
@@theflash5523 very helpful but a real life example would be more helpful (if you don't mind 😊). Thanks
@@sunsetjesus4719 id think like, screaming and yelling 'this the last time ur ever gonna see me!' And taking your shit and leaving.
Door slamming includes doing it to their face and they know about it. Ghosting, they don’t know.
@@CSJoseph thanks csj
Wow this guy's pretty judgy given his attitude
help. i am guilty of spreading evil rumors ruining the reputation of people the messed me up 😂😂😂. i feel so called out 😅
When you have to seem like you like someone in order to maintain your own reputation/professionalism so you wind up avoiding them as much as you can-and being super uninteresting, holding back, and hard to have a stimulating conversation with when you *have* to be around them(so they seek it elsewhere) and fighting the rumor mill spinning inside of you..but it comes out in very subtle ways (planting microscopic seeds), so people just wind up noticing things on their own rather than you having to explicitly say something. Then the rumor mill comes to you and you just go “oh yeah. I’ve noticed that, too.” And then quickly change the subject. Level 10 INFP. Also this is how I can fact check myself..when nobody is verifying what I thought to be true, I can reevaluate and then nobody got hurt👌🏻 it’s a lot of work to stay in the background and ensure whatever influence you have is good and not bad😰