The 1 Thing to Avoid to Build Lasting Love with a Guy
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.ค. 2024
- There is one HUGE TRIGGER that all men have that few women know about (and accidentally activate often)... watch this video learn how to avoid activating it :)
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Why do I push men away? How do I get my boyfriend to step up? What are men's biggest triggers? I get asked questions like these ALL THE TIME by clients, students and women in my life... so here is a video explaining a huge trigger for men so you can avoid accidentally sabotaging your relationships :)
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• The 1 Thing to Avoid t...
Momma traumas should be healed before adult relationships... Women don't want traumapackages. Women want men to admit their faults like adults do. Walking on eggshells all the time is like having a relationship with a little fragile kid.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yes, just what I say too...I realize that men need/want to be babied. I want to be babied too! Will he do that for me?!!
honoring each others wounds isnt babying!
Leena Wahlberg I just think it is decency , politeness, and considerate, to ask or request things nicely...he would not be speaking with you so awfully, not requesting things ... respect... Avril
No one fully heals original hurts, they just learn to move beyond them. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable in a love relationship, all those sensitive spots can come up again. You want your man to be sensitive to you -- you have to do the same. A man doesn't want to admit weaknesses, he wants to be your hero. If you don't allow him to, or encourage him to be your hero, he will go elsewhere.
Avoid activating his Momma Trauma by NOT:
1. Constantly fixing/correcting him
2. Using guilt control/passive aggressiveness
3. Asking or telling him what to do
4. Being very aggressive and confronting
THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL FOR ME, I HAVE A SON & A NEW BOYFRIEND 💘 & I CORRECT & CRITISIZE THEM ALL THE TIME 😧, I NEED TO READ 1- 5 EVREYDAY !! 👏👏👏& BUILD A BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM😃🙌🙌🙌
love it!
Cewek Boston why I have found similar symptoms in some men?
@@elizabethwang8467 yes! I dated men who were 8+ years older then i and they treated me as a child that doesn't know stuff about life. A total turn-off.
Men do this a lot! Why can’t someone make videos for men to create good relationships. Oh yes because only women cares about this stuff...
"Share your feelings as his partner, not his prosecutor", hahahahahaha just love it!! So true!!
HA thank you that was my favorite line of the whole video :)
AMEN
@@Mat_Shaffer Definitely is!
"I feel statements" includes " I feel disappointed". This is not to guilt them but to express our authentic self. Otherwise I don't know what is left safe to say, it's tiptoeing around their ego. If they feel "emasculated" that easily, they should work on theirselves first and mature a bit. I think you're using the "momma" trauma excuse a bit too far here. Men who will shut down when you express your disappointment after poor behavior, are too immature to be in relationships.
I agree. I can feel angry and I have a right to voice when I'm upset, especially when he's four hours late for Thanksgiving dinner with the excuse that he was looking for a pie. If you don't want me to act like your momma, don't act like a child. Act like a man. If you didn't really want to come to Thanksgiving dinner in the first place, then just say so. Don't say yes and then engage in passive-aggressive behavior later and then accuse me of triggering your momma issues.
I get you but I think he meant when you abuse using the disappointment card. For example when you use it as disappointed in him as a person to make him feel bad vs being disappointed atm for the situation. I don't think it would effectively change a behavior in the long term for all cases. And also using the format (which takes practice but then becomes natural after some time), "x situation made me feel very disappointed" vs "you disappoint me" (bc it feels more like an attack and it tends to turn into a battle when we here you, in general both sexes feel accused). If he overall always disappoints you, at that point he's probably not the right person for the woman. I wouldn't say eliminating the word from our vocabulary either though.
@@klaudialacayo2333 Absolutely. However, this goes for both men and women in any kind of relationship. And in case you were wondering, I don't date the 4-hour pie guy anymore. LOL!
@@wittymystic7361 Great!! Lmaooo
Well said Sarah. I was just about to comment similar to this
Dang. This was actually also very helpful in showing me some negative ways I'm interacting with my son. Here's to better connection with all the guys in our lives. 💓 Thank you, Mat!
THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL FOR ME, I ALSO HAVE A SON & A NEW BOYFRIEND💘 , I TEND TO CORRECT THEM ALOT😦 , IVE NEVER HEARD OF MAMA TRAUMA TILL NOW , I NEED TO BUILD A BETTER CONNECTION WITH THE 2 MEN💜💜 IN MY LIFE👏👏👏
Amazing Kesha Kellogg love hearing that! Congrats on the breakthrough 🙌
Ditto 💓💓
I’m so sick of having to baby our words and sugar coat or phrases to men when we need them to step up!
I agree! They are such babies! 🙄😑🤦😩
@@vhayashi7369 AMEN🙌🙌🙌
Well them hit them over the head with exactly what youre feeling in real time every time and see how that works out :)
it depends on the guy. mine is so strong( has a good character, smart,tough, responsible and kind to me and our son) , i m not bragging, i am just saying not all men are like that, just big babies.
Lydia Materno so agree men grow up 🤣😂🤣👍🏼
We cannot fix ppl, they can fix themselves if they're willing 🙏
amen sister! love it! 🙏
@@Mat_Shaffer thankzzz bro Mat Shaffer ❤️🤗 . How are you in your new place Portland?❤️
As women we need to remember how important it is to evoke our true feminine energy by setting the right tone and waiting sometimes to express our needs so we don’t trigger momma trams in men.
yes beautifully put! :)
Mmm. This video describes everything I've been doing for years! I don't want to walk on eggshells and baby talk men, yet I realize the value in what this video teaches. Men think, feel and behave differently from women. I know what Mat teaches is exactly true, based on my experiences with men. Time for a reboot.
beautiful thank you Adele!
The difference between activation and assertion is finally clear to me! The difference is context. Thank you for yet another awesome video, Mat. Bless you.
Amazing Megan Wildhood love hearing that! Congrats on the breakthrough 🙌
This is the only video I have watched that not only addresses this very important subject matter but constructively provides history, relevance and guidance. It will definitely prove useful. (I've already rewound most parts three times especially how to open the teamwork and partnership conversation from a place of understanding.) Thank you, Mat!
Hope your moving travels are going well. Stay safe.
Thank you so much Amanda TML23, your beautiful words truly touch my heart! It's my honor and purpose to support you 🙏❤️
@@Mat_Shaffer My privilege, Mat, and I know. You're one of the rare and sincere gentlemen who has not only found his passion, gifts and purpose but is using them to make a positive difference in this challenging world. Your authenticity and great sense of humour is why your channel will continue to grow leaps and bounds.
To you and yours - stay healthy and keep safe.
A. 🇨🇦
This was so good! I used to be the "momma" in past relationships! I was totally not aware of how I was coming across. In my relationship now I know that I am prone to do this and have made it a mission to be mindful. I even practiced changing the way I interact with my 19 year old son and now we have great communication. I am now practicing everything good that you said in this video and my relationship is going amazing. The dynamic between me and my man like I've never had in any relationship. This strategy WORKS!!
Matt- Please keep doing videos like these! You are changing lives!
Amazing Clara Washington love hearing that! Congrats on the breakthrough 🙌
Yes, my partner was 18 years older....I never needed to ask him to do anything..he saw what needed to be done or the help I needed... he was way ahead of his time.. but as you said Mat it was a partnership.... a beautiful one, and we were together 50 years....and never an argument, not even when we lost all our money .... a partnership is so different to a relationship.
Thanks for the beautiful share Cliff Avril 🙏
Wow, id love to hear more about this. You could write your own book.
Damn Mat u just exposed me and I’m glad you did so....it’s so hard to check yourself and distinguish sometimes LIKE THIS IS SO ACCURATE HOWWW thank you so much
amen sister! love it! 🙏
Hey Matt! Thanks for this perspective. Us women are usually triggered when we feel abandoned or feel suddenly unimportant to our man, so it takes a mammoth amount of self control to be the neutral one in these cases and not react.
Because at that point our hearts are a bit mashed and we feel betrayed or snubbed. Sometimes several times a week!
I recently read a great article on how the Inuit raise their kids (the adults never ever get angry with them) and instead they wait until the child has calmed down and then tell them a story that includes lessons and a perspective for the child to view his actions better from.
There’s no guilting the kid, no making him feel miserable about how he reacted, it’s just empowering him to next time choose to act in a more grown up and appropriate way.
That article plus this video really helps with that new perspective. I’m starting to see that if I’m upset, to “park” that for a day so that the upset isn’t the thing directing the conversation.
Instead, the conversation can lead with what my preferred outcome would be.
It’s definitely worth a shot. ;)
Thanks Matt !
Thanks for the beautiful share Studio Céleste 🙏
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How do i deal with man his mother needs to stop smothering him and treating his apt like its hers....so many issues i have hes 57
Awesome!
awesome!!
@@Mat_Shaffer thanks you are great women need this
THANK YOU SO MUCH! I can see you creating a book or retreat on this subject alone! We appreciate you! 🤎
You are so welcome J. Kasumi Kaizen! 🙏
This was actually really helpful. Particularly the part about context. Thanks!
so glad you enioyed it!
Omg Mat, so enlightening and I wish I had known this 20 years ago! Makes so much sense in the way you have explained it! Thank you 🙏
wonderful so glad it rsonated with you!
You offer light and sometimes funny advice, but always on point, keep going
I appreciate that
QUESTION OF THE DAY - have you activated momma trauma with men in your life, and if so... how?
scolded him for running off and getting drunk every time we had any conflict whatsoever. But he's an alcoholic so I don't want him back anyway. hahahahaha
I did by telling him to read a book to our newborn. He said it made him hopeless and that it made him feel like his mom said that. I told him well I'm not your mom and if you wanted to read a different boom to you have legs and get it himself. The situation was never hopeless.
Iam engaged and after my marriage, I want to take care of my husband like how his mother does! I wanna feed him, make him fall asleep in my lap, prepare food for him and pack his boxes and pamper him all the time🤗 will that trigger any Maama Trauma? Hope this should give him a good feel. I wanna make sure that he feel that he is having someone to take care of him all the time like his mother, rather than making him feel so burdened and responsible of his marriage commitments...
Telling a man "I'm not mad just disappointed". Also, giving him orders. It never went well.
Mat Shaffer yes. I talked to him about him intensifying smoking and drinking after he said he will stop in 2020. “ he was like as if you’re my mum” . I feel discouraged esp knowing he’s old enough to know good n bad. He’s regular in bars n never returns without ladies. 👹. Dont want to make him feel I’m forcing my self on him cos I know my stand already. But I feel bad seeing him that way though he might feel he’s living his best life. I’m considering his age😿.
Such a great video! Thank you Mat! Especially for specific examples for us! 👌
You are so welcome Raquel T! 🙏
So simple but so powerful you rock Mat!!!
Thank you!!!
Wow. This was very helpful. My husband's mom was an alcoholic and untreated depressive, and he left home as a teenager as a result. As much as I love him, I have fallen into some of these behaviors. With a small change in choice of words, I can deliver the same message more effectively. Thank you Mat!
Thanks for sharing.
Women have momma trauma too!! You made excellent points about momma trauma in your video but as I listened I began to feel my own anxieties start to surface. I have four siblings. Only one is male. My mom put him on a pedestal. He couldn’t do anything wrong which caused his own brand of momma trauma. He’s on his fourth marriage. As the oldest I got the full force of the trauma you spoke about that often ended with physical punishment. My mother’s theory was that my younger sisters would learn to behave themselves by watching me get punished and many times it was for their behavior. My brother fell off his pedestal and punishing me didn’t change my sisters behavior. We all have our own kind of momma trauma.
great share and so so true! men and women are so similar in so many ways
Just the other day I was giving a guy friend some advice, said with love not in judgement, just kind, honest, constructive life advice and he said "you sound like my mom" lol i think i will keep my mouth shut from now on lol ughh this is going to be super challenging to alter as i am super nurturing with everybody in my life but I may need to rethink that! thanks for this, will work on it!
amazing love hearing that!! let us know it goes 🤗
This video is no joke, lots of information I’m going to take to heart & soak in
YESSS you got it my dear!! so glad this supported you😊
Wow! I just found your channel today and I want to say that your content is REALLY helpful and original. I’m discovering things I’ve never heard of. Thank you so much!! 🔥🔥🔥
My pleasure!
This genuinely helped- I’ve noticed that this has applied to a lot of aspects of the relationship I’m in.. thankyou so much
I’m so glad this helped you!
I have literally watched hundreds of videos trying to figure out what’s going on with me and this guy in my life. I could have just watched this one. Gave me a lot of clarity and actionable advice. Thank you!
Glad I could help :)
This is so good. I wish I knew this 10 years ago before we got married. A lot of damage has already been done and there was no one to help us. But there's always time to start again.
Happy I could be of help. Keep going.
Mat
Thank you so much for all your information. I work for several men. I am learning how to support them and raise them up without momma trauma 👍
I just love you for you're work and the way you put all your heart into it. Sending you lots of love
aw thanks my dear truly appreciate that acknowledgment :)
It makes so much sense to avoid triggering him in any way those all.
So then you know that it is for the best of both of you to shut till you get it right.
Thank you Mat
You're very welcome. :)
Great video. MANY men have TOO much Mama Trauma to be in a healthy relationship. If at every turn, you are needing to modify everything you say to a man in a relationship, that might just be exhausting, not to mention; unrealistic. 😉
amen sister! love it! 🙏
Wow..fantastic...love your knowledge, your style of presentation and your willingness to share.
Keep making these videos
.....because I said so....😀
Aw so Glad this video resonated with you Jill!
Great advice, love your metaphor, "Momma trauma" -- helps remind us girls to trust and respect more.
so sweet thanks for sharing! it's a great connection:)
My go to video when my masculine side takes over. I enjoyed watching live with Monday’s with Mat the other day. Your moving adventures puts a smile on my face. So exciting! Stay safe. Greetings from California. ~ Mary J
YES so glad to hear that my dear! love having you on the journey!
Your energy is amazing. This is also great to teach our daughters on how to treat others, not just men, In my opinion. My ex always tried to make me feel bad, or like I lost control as a parent, for not making our daughter feel bad for her actions or that she shouldn’t be given an explanation. Sometimes the “I’m your mom” bit is needed, but it can’t be the to-go method. Persuasive psychology-if you tell a person why they should do something, they’re more likely to do it. Of course, you yourself can’t use it as leverage for manipulation on people you love (marketing does the manipulation bit to us all of the time). This way our daughters don’t have watch “how to treat a person decently” vids 😆.
Thanks for sharing appreciated it
This video was very helpful. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Hey Matt, this video is so precious and so so true. Thank you!🙏👌
You're so welcome!
Geeze I don't know ,some of your points make complete sense yet part of me thinks wow talk about having to tiptoe around and baby him!!!
its not about babying him but honoring that part of him!
Thanks Mat super helpful video as always!
You are so welcome Lindsey H! 🙏
Mat! I love the way you wrap up your points at the end of your video! It makes that more clear and informative... Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you so much Mat! This is one of your best videos, and SO important! This information will help me avoid these mistakes. Thank you!
My pleasure! I’m so glad this helped you!
Thank you!!!! Advice I’ve never heard before and so valuable yo know! 👍
wonderful so glad to hear that :)
love your content its so refreshing
Glad you enjoy it!
Awesome Tips! Thank you so much! 💜
You are so welcome Navyantara Reddy! 🙏
This was great advise. Just needed this. good content.
Thank you, Eli ❤️
This was brilliant. Thanks, Mat!
Glad you enjoyed it!
Mat, I love your insights!
so glad, thank you! :)
Thank you for your videos, very enlightening!
Glad you like them!
Hi Matt, I am back in the dating scene after 8 yrs of being a widow. I found a terrific guy who is really good with me. I have been following your videos and taking notes on certain videos. Thank you for being out there. It has been over 20 yrs since I have been with any man intimately because of my violent abuse in my past. Now I am breaking out and this new man in my life makes me feel comfortable with him. I will be watching more of you in the future.
Thanks for sharing!
Excellent information!! Thank you!!
You are so welcome!
I found your channel today, and I love the way you deliver the content!!
Also, I'm very careful not to ever say talk that way to my 14 year old. He's in training to have a hv woman in his life someday.
amazing thank you my dear!! really appreciate that feedback AND how you are setting up your son to win... he is lucky to have you as his mom
The term high value is so degrading to men and women
Dude awesome video.👍👍
Thanks 👍
Thanks for the reminder.
so welcome!
Wow amazing and very interesting, thanks Matt😀🙏
Glad you like it!
Thanks....i love listening to you, so clear and as if were facing each other ...
amazing!
6/24. Relevant and important info. Thanks❤
Your comment has all the feels! So glad you enjoyed the video. 💫
It is so helpful to hear this from a masculine viewpoint, thank-you!
You're so welcome!
Thank you for all the videos you have shared with us. I would love it if you could make a video teaching us how to discuss money with our partners without hurting his feelings. Thanks again.
Great suggestion!
I have a handyman/contractor that MUST have some deep momma trauma, and it gets super tiring when I ask for information (status of job or a bid, etc....normal feedback or data) and he balks like I just criticized him. It’s getting to the point that I feel very forced to decrease his workload by a LOT. I have another contractor that is outbidding him by half and will get things done with two people in less than half the time. Getting info and to get him to report in and even getting invoices and receipts and keys is just so tedious. i feel he turns me into his free and nonstop secretary, when in actuality, I am his boss and the landlord and I sign the checks. And I feel like I have to always bolster his self-esteem, and say, you did such a good job. I feel like he both needs me to be his mommy and also hates his mommy. Dealing with someone this wounded and unconscious of his inner wounding, is just SO MUCH WORK. And this is supposed to be a PROFESSIONAL relationship. He gives me no context, and partial data. I give him full pictures. He’s writing himself out of my staffing choices. He could have major renovation work, ongoing, and he doesn’t seem to be able to handle the urgency, is in crisis if he has to compete for the job, feels entitled (territorial) and is just sloppy with business norms (invoicing, printing, follow through). Many contractor types, simply can not deal with a woman boss, period. Men don’t have to put in context a simple request or expectation, like dinner. So why , oh why do we have to put in context something like taking out the trash? Jeez. It’s simple. How hard is it to take out the trash? Why does she have to request it, exactly? That’s not partnership, that’s babysitting a 10 year old.
epic metaphor my dear! sounds like you have a GREAT DEAL more emotional maturity than he does... and you're worthy of more
These videos are helping me sooo much. 🙌 I am can be aggressive and distant with my husband. I have a lot of unhealed trauma and I grew up around aggressive or distant family and parents. I'm learning so much and I can't wait to put these tips into action and apologize to my husband and treat him better. I give him major kudos for being so forgiving of my behavior he's a sweetheart😊
That is awesome! I’m so happy for you my dear!
Dear Matt, it would be great if you talk about dating for single mothers and give advice according. Thx💛
Great suggestion!
I Totally Agree Mat. 🎯💫
Mat, this is one of the best videos I've seen from you 👍😊I was triggered earlier today and had such a hard time but to go all aggressive and throw everything in his face, only per WhatsApp though 😅🙈luckily I remembered that I need to stay rational and stick to what he actually wrote, turned out he had a different kind of mommy trauma, he needs to travel to see his mom for Christmas and due to Covid its almost impossible to get there without huge effort, Covid test etc. So glad I didn't lash put on him for bring wishy washy 😅please keep up doing videos with this kind of content 🙏
so sweet thanks for sharing! its a great connection :)
Thank you for this video ! This is exactly how I lost my relationship!!! I wasn’t trying to be his mom but he had so much potential and I feel as if it was my job as his woman to push him to do better n of course it back fired . He received it differently eve tho I’ve expressed time n time again in the nicest ways what I’m trying to say . Then again mayb he was a child
thanks for sharing my dear!! really appreciate it :)
Hi Mat! Thank you for your insightful video! Unfortunately I watched this right after I did all those mistakes 😕. Is there anything I can do then?
Wow..an adult man can’t guess on his own why he has to take out the garbage?? 😅🤣📝
Yeah what a hassle to have to remember to say a context for even small favours like that.
Ikr scary how pathetic that is.
Carol w Ikr this makes me feel like men are babies. The more I listening to this the more it seems like he wants to say women are to do all this to just not trigger a Guy gives guys a green card to not grow up an not get over hos momma trauma. IF a Guy needs to hear a context everytime he is asked to take out the garbage I would think he is Stupid and not worth my time: IF he has not learned that you take out the trash because it needs to be Done, what more reason need there to be?
Lol.
men love context! Im just saying :)
This is very helpful..
Happy to help!
Thank you Mat for putting into cohesive language a man’s tender heart.
I appreciate hearing your share of insight.👍👍👍⭐️😎🙏
You are so welcome Moe Smith! 🙏
~Momma Trauma, that makes me laugh in a good way!! I used to call my sister when her children were young, & I'd have them on the phone & would ask if their Lama (Mamma) was there. ~They knew exactly what I was talking abt., because well.......I like being funny!! As it is fun for me & fun for others!! ~Another great video: Thx again for some wonderful advice!!
🤗
Good points
Thanks so much my dear!
Hey, Mat, it make total sense, I'm now still practicing what u have taught us with my German bf. Yet, I feel it's super hard, like communicating with one another from another planet lol but hey I'm not giving up, I want to be a better woman that know how to make best use of great feminine power Xxx
Don’t give up on love sister!
Great video content! I believe I’ve found a mans man who is more sensitive than he lets others see. He loved his mother dearly and has verbally told me so. I’m looking forward to being loved by a strong man that has tender sensitivity for his woman. I will absolutely follow your tips. Thank you!
Many thanks!
Thank You so very much for this video. I got alot out of this and going to try all of this. I am hoping that I'll have the courage to talk to him and that it works for me and my guy. Him and I have been together for 6 years now and been through alot together and don't want to see his and my relationship completely die and I don't want him to leave me and my 8 year old that knows him as him being dad.
Wonderful! I’m so glad this helped you!
Oh wow, this is a lesson as a mumma to boys aswell as anything else. I know I have said in a slight strop to my boys, giving them instructions, they will ask why and I have in the past said “just do it”, or “because I said so”, “don’t question why, just do it” ah man. Ok I am very grateful for this, and I though it was relatively conscious but we never stop learning, right🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻 thank you Matt
so welcome!
Hey, Mat, I wondered if, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, you might make a video on things men find romantic?😊
great idea I'l put it on my list for this month!!
they don't need a mom, they need encourager, a sanctuary, a lover, a chef and the most important is a secret 😃
:) absolutely!
Love it
I’m so happy that I listened to this video before I called him out 😬😂
Amazing!
Just luv ya, Mat. You are the greatest 😉
Thanks so much my dear!
Excellent insight into men’s psyche
thanks so much!
This was very informative and self-realizing to me. Signed, Mom
Glad you like it!
Really good & valuable tips here. Was just wondering why you hadn't initiated making plans with your ex?
Good question! its not in alignment for me anymore :)
Good point
Thanks so much for your feedback!
No seriously thanks i needed to watch this so i can try calm his farm and bring him down a peg or two. Not easy when he know my weakness and how to make me smile again and calm down. Yes my man gets lucky after i listen or watch your videos you have inspired me and now my new man has learnt that
amazing love hearing that!! let us know it goes 🤗
It didnt work he is a mommas boy but fears his dad so i have used that it has helped big time.
sounds like from someone who have some issues with mother :D. i have same problems when communication with my mum too... thank you for your sharing
You're welcome 😊
That would be a good video, on how a woman can be a man's muse, inspire him to be the best and fullest expression of himself so he can pursue his goals and accomplish his dreams and be the man we respect, love an adore who makes us feel safe to be vulnerable with, that we feel we can allow him to explore and really know the full mystery of who we really are. That would be a powerful video because then as the feminine we have permission ( we give ourselves permission because we can let down our guard) and feel free to be more feminine and receptive to him knowing he's in this energy. Does that make sense?
Interesting perspective, thanks so much!
Wow, this was amazing information. Now I know how my ex husband must've felt, because I did all of this constantly. Poor fella...🤭 (Its okay, we weren't a match anyway) I am so grateful to have this information now; you explained this so well. It makes so much sense. Thank you for this!
Glad to help.
Thanks love this vedeo😍
Many thanks!
Wow sir I love your video. I'm enjoy and am reteme
Glad to hear that
Mat: Can you tell me the difference between activating his momma trauma and displaying your standards?
I want to tell him what I consider necessary in a relationship/what I will not accept without nagging or criticising him.
One will obviously make him work harder for me and highly attractive if he's the right guy, but the other could break a relationship.
Thanks for your immensely helpful videos!
I've got several great videos on boundaries on my channel that will really help you, Golden Sprite - check them out!
I think a way to solve this is to handle our Father issues enough to pick a Man who we respect and feel safe enough with to be an equal teammate to. Picking an immature or "project" guy is really a way to protect ourselves from being vulnerable with a man who we truly admire and revere.
Interesting perspective, thank you so much!
Such a great video. When a woman has activated the momma trauma accidentally in her guy and her guy has gone into the wounded state and the walls have gone up what can a woman do to bring the walls down again and reconnect? Men will often stonewall shut down shut out and then make it impossible to communicate...ie. refusing to pick up the phone, blocking texts and becoming defensive. How do woman break these patterns and reestablish communication? This will be a very useful video. Thanks so much.
You can't fix him. He is too immature to be in an adult relationship. Unless you want to live this way forever, say goodbye.
wonderful share Vandana! if he compeltely shuts down its up to you to walk away :)
@@Mat_Shaffer What do you mean by that? I accidentally did this and he ended it with me by saying he didn't have feelings, though all of the signs were there from your video was there. No how do I untrigger those?
This is such great content!! I feel like a whole other subject could be discussed on how to be that feminine cheerleader bc we aren't perfect either. What do we do when we feel all this crazy anger? Is there a template or format of what to say when you feel angry before and/or after stepping outside to cool off?
YES 24 hour rule! I did a whole video on it... see if you can find it :)
Mat, I’m going to need to know your sign, so I know if I trust these videos...LOL 😂
HAHA Cancer :)
Mat, most women I know, when they say "aww, you're going out with the guys this evening, I thought we could spend some time together" followed up by "well have fun with the guys", that's not said to make a man feel guilty, that's said, because she's sad because she had missed her man, thought of him through out the day maybe, and when she hears that, she feels sad, because the man did not check up with her first, made her feel his first priority. But Jesus, all the woman get back from the man is "you're controlling" or "you're manipulative". And this man start to date others and tell this new woman, that his ex was controlling or manipulative, when only she was sweet and loving toward him 🤦♀️
thats why we get to practice active vulnerable communication so these lines dont get crossed!
thanks!! I didn’t do this wth my kids, I always told them the why it was important! Then I also encouraged independent thinking 🤔 they especially loved it when I said it would make me happy. To be moms take note! lol
Great job!
Is it possible that subconsciously a man and his little boy could sabotage and create situations to get himself into trouble because that’s all he knows? That’s his place of what he knows?
very possible! great observation!~
Mat you are so insightful. On the sabotage issue I’d say women do this also because they were raised like this. We don’t know we are doing it. But for going forward your training gives us so much hope.