4 Ways to Tell if He's Falling in Love... or Love Bombing you
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ก.ค. 2024
- Learn how to tell if a man is falling for you OR just trying to manipulate and control you through affection in this deep-dive video!
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Is he love-bombing me? How can I tell if he's using me? How do I know if he really loves me? I get asked questions like these ALL THE TIME by clients, students and women in my life... so I created a video explaining the 4 key ways to tell the difference between early-stage romantic love and a man who is just trying to use romance to use and manipulate you.
TIMELINE
0:00 - Intro
1:02 - Defining Honeymoon Phase and Love Bombing
3:02 - 1) Freedom vs. Control
5:27 - 2) Fast (but Controlled Build) vs. Runaway Train
7:58 - 3) Realistic Compliments vs. Idealized Flattery
9:57 - 4) Gradual Shifts vs. Abrupt Transitions
13:14 - Another Important Love Bombing Point
14:24 - Recap of All 4 Ways
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• 4 Ways to Tell if He's...
Unfortunately, Narcissists want to "know" all about you so that they can gaslight you later. You cannot know this early in a relationship.
As you grow older you realize that keeping your business to yourself is the thing to do.
Gotta wait 3 months they can't hide for much more then 3 months.
Not all ppl who live bomb are narcissist
But in return they don't share anything with you about them.
Thanks for sharing!
Initially, the narcissistic attention is very intense and complimentary, they want to know everything about you and everything they find out is perfect. You are put on a pedestal and they are texting or speaking with you constantly - and often they make a point of wanting to know your deepest fantasies - they will tempt you to share even if you wouldn’t normally. Once they get the hang of it, they will feed your ideal image back to you - making you feel you’ve just met your soulmate - even if it really is just a reflection of your own thoughts. In reality, narcissists find it much harder to deliver because to them sex is about supply and control, the other person in the equation is just there to supply fuel, there is no sense of real connection (although sometimes it might superficially seem that way because of them following scripts from romance/porn). If it seems very intense, it’s probably not real. Walk away ladies, the shitload of trouble afterwards - never worth it.
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✛𝟮𝟯𝟰8139934468(☉｡☉)! it really worked I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up🌈🌈
@@jamesoweredaba3403 Thank you James. He’s already been replaced with something more precious ❤️
Go s-l-o-w getting to know men. Be open and sweet, but guard your heart. Don't have sex until you really get to know him(wait until love or until you are sure of his character and commitment. Then less chance of us getting used)
It is easier to leave if intimacy hasn't happened and we aren't sexually attached.
Yes!!!!
Totally! The best way to know if a guy is really into you or wants to be in you is to drag it out. I would say 3 months is a good test. Most guys who aren't interested in anything but sex will lose patience.
@L V Men with options won’t wait three months.
@@EMichaelBall, Then they're not worth it to have around. Men who readily run to the easy route will leave any relationship when it hits a rough patch. Those types of men just want the rewards without the investment. Not worth keeping around! Valued women only invest in people who are willing to invest in them.
@L V “Those types of men just want the rewards without the investment.” And guess what? They can get away with it! They are in such demand, and they are so few in number, that they don’t need to bother investing hard. In fact, they want it that way, too. If a woman wants to leave, or wants too much from him, fine. Next! That is The Way of The Chad. They play by very different rules than you would like, and guess what? They always win. Go look in your friendzone that you and virtually all your friends abandoned in your 20’s, and see who’s still interested. Good luck!
Narcissists can give you everything you want. They clearly do at the beginning. But then they choose to remove that behavior
They can but they cannot stop the manipulation or the gaslighting.
Narcs will suck the life out of you, Beware 👿
Thanks for sharing!
I have learned, the extremely hard way, to start making a pro/con list with each new interaction. It serves several purposes: it gets your considerations and thought processes outside your head where they can be tangible as separate from you and helps with objectivity when you’re caught up in feels; serves as a record of the things you notice, want to remember, and red flags; serves as validation to your own experience so that you are less likely to let things slide that really shouldn’t. Just starting the list primes your brain and sets you up to have space to observe and choose, like meditation does.
Second tip is to get yourself into such a good calm fulfilled place in your life and your daily experience that the upsetting impact a toxic person will have on you will be strong. You will be unable to function, your mind will be consumed, and you’ll feel like you’re going utterly crazy in short order so it seems like you’re the one that’s such the problem by reflecting back to them your feelings that they will disengage and run away. When toxic people self-select out of your life, because you are respecting and honoring yourself, that initial sense of rejection and abandonment can quickly be transmuted to triumph and pride.
The more and more you notice, recognize, and honor your feelings, the more impenetrable you’ll be to the ever increasing inevitability that you will have to go through this process.
If you’re feeling crazy, it’s them, not you.
Great tips! 🙌❤️
@@Mat_Shaffer I actually had a boyfriend who love bombing me I tried to break up with him and he won't take no for an answer
@@bridgetmurphyv it's good to have a friend there who cares about you and won't let you go back without warning you what you're getting yourself into.
@@bethanienaylor f
Yep i do the exact same thing .... Saved me so much pain got out at 3 months .
Im a female I was raised by a narc. I definitely have traits. Before I started working on healthy ways of expressing love I definitely could of fallen into the category of love bombing. I truly truly believed this person I had just met was my soulmate. I truly believed I love him. I complimented him highlighting everything I saw in him. It was a lot. I pushed him away with my intense affection he thinking it was impossible for me to truly feel that way so soon. I was unbalanced and unaware of a lot of things about me. I couldn’t let him go and wondered if he was a narc because he would always return but nothing would change I then saw that nothing changed because I hadn’t and labeling him anything just got in the way of me focusing on me. I’m Believing I attracted him to bring light to and help me become more aware of my own issues. Anyways I just felt like sharing. I’m thinking these can describe a narc but I also believe these things aren’t so black and white just my perspective tho. Yay for growth!
On point Annie! Same page as me. I'm thankful for the lesson... Finally because I'm close to 50. Kuddos to you for learning & growing too! 😘
@@TMarie-gb3of I’m so happy for your growth. 😊
It's awesome that you realized yoy needed to work on yourself and have been doing the work. Self improvement requires a lot of time and effort. It's hard work and you have to truly want it to stick with it and see results. I don't know you but in a way I'm proud of you for that and for admitting that about yourself. Thank you for sharing
@@esthergrindle8056 thank u
You better go!!! Breaking that down the way you did...showing vulnerability and owning your ish...niceee! Good job on the self (aware) growth...
I believe my husband of 18 years was a narcissist. I endured years of controlling behaviors. One thing I remember in the beginning when we were dating is that, besides him always trying to impress me, he made some very negative comments about women. But then added that I wasn't like that. I think that could be a sign to watch for--disrespectful comments or attitudes towards women in general. Even if it's not directed towards you in particular.
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✛𝟮𝟯𝟰8139934468(☉｡☉)! it really worked I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up🌈🌈
Yea it’s a control tactic commonly used by narcissists. It’s a boost to your ego because it’s placing you on a pedestal higher then whoever they are putting down and while at the same time encouraging you to fall in line with what they want from you by encouraging you to not be like what or whoever they are criticizing.
I just recently got LOVE BOMBED. Didn't know what was going on. NOW I DO. Our relationship fit exactly what you said to a tee. He was NARCISSISTIC and did EVERYTHING his way, disregarding MY needs. I wondered why we would break up several times. He blamed it on me every time. I would call and apologize, but now I realize, it was REALLY him. This last time, i
Did not call him. Hopefully, he will stay away. This relationship was VERY hurtful, and I am glad I am finally moving on.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing. 💟
FYI....This was Karen's experience.
Thanks for sharing!
I have been married for 28 years to a man who treated me so special for a number of years only to find out that he is 100% narcissist and very mean also. Now he only complains about everything I say or do and I no longer want to be with, go with or talk with him. It’s all about him. He tells his friends and random people that I never do anything, that I either spend all day sleeping or on my phone. I am planning on going back to work, at the age of 72, in order to get free of him for good. I have to have 3 more back surgeries in order to do this. Please pray for me.
Thanks for sharing!
I'm totally being love bombed. I had kind of thought so but I'm positive now. Thanks for this video it helped me alot!
I’m so glad this helped you!
@@Mat_Shaffer thanks again so much!
We need to see how they interact with others, how they work through problems with others. Do they have friends do they care about your family? If they cut you off from anyone in anyway back out. Don't ever be totally controlled or vulnerable. It's not good to lose your rights of income, ownership etc. If they can't trust you , you can't trust them.
WAY TRUE!!!! My 1st husband kept accusing me of lying and controlling him. I spent 23.5 years with him, and I began after 12 of those years, realizing that the reason WHY he accused me of those was because HE was guilty of them! But due to my religious faith, I couldn't divorce him. Fortunately, 11.5 years later, he was tired of my negative reactions to his behavior and he divorced me.🎉🎊🎭
Rhonda Jean, I was unjustly accused also. Narcissists are a mess.. so they cover the infidelity by accusing or blaming others. They cannot admit their wrong doing. That's the Hallmark. Someone else made them do it.
Thanks for sharing!
Within a month of seeing this person, I took a short vacation and came back and he told me "Where have you been all of my life" ? I was shocked, cause we really had not gone on any real dates. Then over a few months of meeting in public places, the real person showed up with not so nice words!
Hope you find your the one!
30 years in the cycle for me, I wish this info was readily available back then.
Thanks for sharing!
I’m 20 years int he cycle, I only just recently got to know about narcissism behaviour, and it all clicked at once…
Thanks mat, I’ve been heartbroken for over a week now about this guy I was dating and wanting to let it go but energetically not knowing how. You mentioned the abrupt shifts and it got me thinking about how he did that after our 3rd date. He showed me his true colors and I stuck around because he has so many other traits that I loved. But he wasn’t genuinely in love with me or interested in me. He was just trying to control another thing in his life. This has given me something more to think about and added a piece to the puzzle for me in letting go and moving on to bigger and better things in my life. Thank you.
you are worthy 💛
I am going through this right now 🤪
Me too well kind of... I had a crush on this boy for like 2 months now and I didn't know if he was wanting to control me or he was actually in love with me I could not tell the difference so it really means a lot to make this video thank you!!!l😘😆😘😘🤩🤩🤩🤩
Sorry to say but their interest was never geniune or real to.begin with. All a lie
Don’t think the narcissist would think and feel like you. I read that when dealing with them, we need to be assertive and stop explaining. Because they really master of gaslighting and passive aggressivers, you d be better off to communicate to them short and firm. Stay away from them and get yourself safe and have some peace
damn. I was love-bombed and stayed in a relationship with her for 8 years. I lost all my confidence and possibly a better future. I'm so glad I got out and karma might be smiling at me right now because I am being blessed with the kindest, most caring and thoughtful woman now whose love I trust. Life, from now on, will be beautiful.
So happy for you. 💟💟💟💟
Happy to hear that !
I wish I had heard this before my last marriage. When I thought he was being supportive he was actually trying to gather control. You made such valid points. It was all true. What was worse as I worked for years in sw helping others so seeing it myself was really hard.
You & me both! Now he is destroying my entire life thru divorce! Financially- emotionally- social destruction.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m sending love and light and hope and healing!!
Thanks so much for your feedback! Wish you all the best. 🤗
It’s so comforting to know there are men out there exposing Narcissist I am still trying to recover after five years from one after I left another one for 30 years. I’m well educated and I still can’t believe how damaged my mind is over these men but I’m getting better thank you so much it’s good to hear these words from a man
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new ❤️ I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
You really should include future faking in that love bombing phase.
Great tip! 🙌❤️
He included that - kids naming, talking about romantic trips, “soul mate” talk, wedding talk….
@@LinnLinnok-fe5tq it really should be said specifically because not everyone knows the definition of future faking.
This was eye opening! Thank you. Everything I was feeling in my last relationship has now been validated. The last few weeks before I split with him I felt that switch and I saw all that had been going on. I thought he was my person and then the whole energy dynamics shifted. It was very strange. Thank you for this video 😘🙏
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
He wasn't real and he isn't coming back. Damn...
Thank you.
I hope it helps.
Thank you for this. I didn't realize that even men who aren't narcissists do this too. This clicked for me. ❤️
So glad my content supports you :)
What a wonderful topic to do a video about! I was in a 15 year long marriage Looking Back Now in the first 67 years I could see little things where he was testing things to see what he could get away with. At the time it was subtle and I didn't notice it. About 7 years in he did such a drastic change over the course of a couple months I thought I was going crazy or someone replaced him with another person. I convinced myself that's not who he was he would not have been able to hide it for so many years from me and that he just needed help. So I spent another six years getting abused in every way there is to be abused, before I could see who he really was oh, I was always a very strong independent woman and if things would have been like that I would have walked away without a second thought. I can now see that he waited until I was in a very broken bone horrible place to let that side of him come out. I think this video will help a lot of people out there in the situation I was in. Another thing I ignored that would have been helpful oh, the people in your life that you trust listen to them and ask them what they see I ignored so many people whose opinion I value who could see what I couldn't. If there's anyone in that spot right now there is light at the end of the tunnel and life can be truly beautiful again. You are beautiful amazing and unique and there is someone out there who will love you in a way that makes you free
Many thanks! It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new ❤️🤗
You earned a new subscriber. I just met someone a few months ago and I was worried if I was lovebombing her. And I notice she’s starting to fall for me. I also notice myself feeling more secure and less dizzy.
I thought you’re supposed to sustain that feeling forever. But I choose to love this woman for no other reason than I want to. I love doing little things for her. I love affirming her. I am not pissed or upset when she’s mad or makes a mistake because she’s such a good communicator
She says our relationship feels healthy and fulfilling. This video chilled me out so much and motivated me to continue to do nice things for her because love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice and it’s an action.
Thank you very much! This makes so much sense. 🎯
Amazing! love hearing that!
I very rarely comment on videos. But I love watching you Mat. It is like listening to a good friend who just wants the best for you. So thank you for your videos. I did not understand love bombing until a recent experience. I am still a bit unclear as to whether I experienced real love bombing or just a confused and emotionally wounded man, but this video educated me on red flags to look for in the future. And Thank you Mat for that last point about not letting the fear caused by toxic situations to stop you from experiencing meaningful, loving relationships. Coming from first hand experience of shutting myself down for four years, it was not worth the pain unless you are actually doing the deep self healing work. I am also trying to learn not to carry these experiences with me into the next relationship. Some stuff may come up and you have to face it, but try not to let those fears stop you from connecting however is healthy for you. Leave the past in the past and know that it does not have to define your future. Just a reminder for anyone else who needs to hear it today. Thanks again, Mat! Great video!
Thank you for your kind words Nicole, they truly touch my heart! We get to stay open to love and believe that it’s possible, and trust our DISCERNMENT to guide us 🤗🤗
In life when you have bad experiences, try NOT to ever be a VICTUM. It's never healthy being a victum even though you feel like you are. They have the problem, not you.
Thanks for putting this out there!
You are so welcome!
These are so helpful Mat
Happy I could be of help.
Excellent video! I would add that changing plans on the person and/or declining plans will trigger a toxic person. They will scramble to manipulate and gain control again. Additionally, talking about their behavior that doesn't work for you will greatly trigger a toxic person and they will turn the tables and villainize you for pointing it out. A healthy person will listen to understand and respect boundaries.
Interesting perspective, thanks so much!
100 percent Truth!
Just ended a 2½ year relationship, because my gut was telling me it wasn't correct and he wasn't being truthful with his actions and words. You've just explained why I felt that way.
I’m so glad this helped you!
This has been a very big question that I would really want to be answered. Thank you so much, Matt.
YESSS you got it my dear!! so glad this supported you🙂
That was really helpful, thanks so much for sharing. Fabulous 👌
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks for sharing this, I really needed to see it today, I appreciate your incite and this invaluable info.
So glad it supported you! 🙏🙏
One of the best videos, thank you!
Glad you liked it!
ThNk you. There seems to be a very fine line between the two.
All 4 points right on point!
I’m happy this resonated with you
Thank you Mr. Matt, for these videos! This one was really needed for me recently. Thank you so much!!!!
You're very welcome! Happy to help!
This was very eye opening and I had not seen this laid out like this before. Thank you.
Thanks so much my dear!
Thank you for this important video Mat!
Amen!! Nobody can afford to not be taught this anymore.
Happy I could be of help.
Excellent in the way you show the difference between one & another. Great job!!!! Looking forward to hearing more from you.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.
Good to see you Matt! Looking good :)
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.
So right about the sudden hot & cold shift. I was a victim of Marriage Fraud. The description of the Love Bombing vs. True Love Growth is spot on. When the Shift happens and the rug is pulled out from under you & the manipulative abuse begins, the confusion is profoundly deep.
Glad my content resonated with you.
Excellent information that I needed right now. Thanks!
Great to hear!
"ranch in Montana" 😂
The universe brought me this video at the exact right time ♥️
Hello there and Thanks so much for your feedback!
This was very helpful! Thank you.
Happy to help🙂
Fantastic Mat! I’m looking forward to your next training! The last one I came down with Covid the same day it started. I was just love bond hard-core by someone from high school. I’m incredibly proud of myself for disentangling myself from that situation and walking away. Yesterday! Thank you! 🙏😹😁
So happy for you!
Another great video!!!
Many thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you for this. You described my situation to a T, the lovebombing. 😞 it has been so hard. It is good to know, I'm not crazy and I'm not alone. It still hurts, a lot.
You got this!
Thank you, Mat, good work! 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🙏🏻
My pleasure!
Excellent content!!
Amazing! love hearing that!
Excellent video 💜 I needed this
Thanks so much!
I have been watching all your videos. I am hooked because you are so highly full of wisdom and educated. Everything you say makes sooo much sense!! Thankyou for your wonderful sacrifice in helping people All over the world!!! 💝💚🏇🏇
That video just made me to be more cautious when dating.. cheers Mat 🍻
Glad to help!
Another great advice video Mat ! ❤️ ya
Glad you liked it!! Thank youu
This is so apt. It's so simple yet impossible to see until you're taught. This should be taught to all girls, would have saved me so much trouble.
Happy I could be of help.
You explained something that is real for me!!!
Thanks, Happy to help!
This was awesome! Thank you so much.
Thanks so much my dear!
Thanks for such great advice, really making sense right now!
Glad it was helpful!
You’re so spot on!
Thank you so much! ❤️
OMG! Why didn't i see this video years ago!! couldv'e saved myself years of stress!! Thank you Mat x
Many Thanks:)
Really well done. Thanks.
Many thanks!
This is exactly the video ice been looking for.. omg.. Thank you!!
My pleasure! Happy I could be of help.
His point about looking carefully to see if there’s a control issue is a good one
Appreciate it hon!
Excellent video ! I was just wondering about the differences of these !! I’m dating and want to be prepared … thank you !!
Happy I could be of help.
Yup lived through it in my marriage of 17 years. Later had a boyfriend but I recognized and ended it.
Thank you so much for doing this video Mat.
You are saving some of us from a ton of heartache and even abuse.
Now been developing an LDR. Slower than molasses but over time we have both grown as people and spiritually.
God bless and thank you
So glad you enjoyed it! 🙂 Many more to come!
Great video Mat, I wish I knew it before. .
So glad you enjoyed it! :) Many more to come!
Great information!
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.
Thank you! Very important information!
You are welcome!
Thank you for the precious advices ❤️
Thanks so much my dear!
I genuinely needed this. I've gotten so hopeless that I've swung different directions of absolutely done with men. Completely broken and hurt and not wanting to try again this video gives me some hope to contemplate. With a guide like this it gets to the root of my fear, not being able to spot and handle it early one, not trusting my instinct. This was a very clean cut way of spelling it out so I can see the difference in real time.
You got this!
New here, I'm here from Helena hart. I was watching a video you guys did together 2 years ago. Great video by the way. I'm here to learn and get at being myself. Thank you Mat for making all this time to helping us from all around the world! You're awesome! Thank you so much.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.
Excellent advice!!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❤️
Thanks so much!
This video was very good!
Thank you! Glad you like it!
Thank you that was VERY important information. I totally agree 💯
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.
Thank you for this video! 🙂My personal experiences with 2 narcissistists apart from the above - mentioned points were that, the questions one gets asked at the beginning of the relationship were to acquire information but not to really get to know the other person. Infact, the type of narcissists i dated only wanted to talk and boast about themselves (trying to create a false grandiose image). Another narcissistic trait is the word salad. Talking non- stop but not actually saying anything of substance, and the reason they do this is to deviate from or avoid any REAL, meaningful concersation which could lead to revealing their intentions or drawbacks.
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
Thank you for this video!
You are so welcome!
Very informative. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
Your video came right on time.
I hope it helps!
Hi Matt I don’t know if you read all the comments but thanks to your TH-cam videos I’ve made a friends with benefits for a little over than five years my actual boyfriend which I never thought could really happen thank you so much and I look forward to future videos
So timely! I’ve met a guy who is a writer and is quite good at expressing himself. It’s a little unnerving. So far what I’ve seen is intense early relationship stuff and not love bombing. I really needed the information provided here!
I know of a man| who can heIp you bring your ex back permanent within 2days without delay🌟✨✨
Wh'tsapp him for heIp🌈🌈
✛𝟮𝟯𝟰8139934468(☉｡☉)!🌈🌈
✛𝟮𝟯𝟰8139934468(☉｡☉)! it really worked I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break up🌈🌈
Happy to help!
Thank you so much for your video ... It helps a lot ..
Glad it helped!
Mat thank you so much for these tips your discussed about true vs love bombing relationships. 🤗💜🌹
You are so welcome! Happy I could be of help.
Very helpful. Thank you
Thanks so much my dear!
Great advice 🎯
Be mindful of his actions expressing his words over time
Consistency is key and trust your Intuition
Do ppl really fall for those phony what's app advice posts ...really ?!?
That's right!
Very well defined. Thank you. We who attract narcissists and toxic male types must stay awake to our own experience of passive giving and use it as a way to evolve from our own psychological programs and use it for our evolution and your advice helps in this process. 🙏🥰
Absolutely!
You are absolutely right.
The future will be tough, but I have the confidence that we can surely overcome. We can do it. We'll be able to.
Thank you for your positivity dear
Thanks so much my dear!
Thanks for your interesting words
👍🙏😊
Glad you like it!
This was amazing!
Send a message to this number if you want your ex back
☦2349155400961⏭⏮⏭⏮
Thanks so much my dear!
Very nicely explained
Aw thanks you’re making me blush;)
You were excellent...very meaningful important information
Thank you so much 🙂
Great Video thank you 🙏
So glad my content supports you :)
I wish I found you in 2017 - I would have avoided so much aggravation. Instead of feeling I was in a relationship, I felt I adopted a small and spoiled child. A little man who had extreme narcissistic issues. In a week he claimed he was in love with me. Online it was great, in real life it was a disaster. Glad he is out of my life. 😡
Wonderful! I’m so glad this helped you!
Thank you Mat 💖
You are so welcome
Thank you so much sharing ur video!! I can get some positive ideas from you!! My life is so complicated.....a long story!!
YESSS you got it my dear!! so glad this supported you :)
Looks like I found a new interest to read upon.
Interesting. I have the hunger for knowledge and I just can't seem to get enough of it. 😊
Interesting! You got this
You have talked to my soul thnx a lot am glad I watched this
Your kind words touch my heart
I wish I'd have seen this video last week.
This explanation finally makes sense. I think I just let go the best thing that could have happened to me.
Now I don't have peace at my decision.
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
Thanks as always mat for clarifying this I must watch it aqain ❤️😊
You are so welcome!
Brilliant!!!💙
Thank you Helen!
That is exactly right everyone needs to know love and know it's real Amen
Many thanks!