You once told me that my marriage was the worst case of narcissistic abuse you've ever heard. I'm not sure one ever recovers from that type of situation enough to trust someone again.
I remember that so clearly hon! And I promise you that no matter what you have endured, healing and love is possible for you if you’re willing to continue to do the work ❤️❤️
@@lisamar6386 Oh Yes! This is exactly what I am doing now. I wasn't trusting my gut, I was listening to his explanations instead, I think hoping I was wrong! I had all kinds of different warning sensations in retrospect, especially in the Solar Plexus area.
The Narc is really good at disabling our intuition and ability to trust ourselves. At the end, I couldn't even say where I would like to eat when invited out for the first time. I had to stop the car and think. Couldn't think, decide and drive. It was that bad.
I wonder what happened to you. Must have been bad. I got out of the narcissistic relashionship and I did a lot of work on myself, I study narcissisism relentlessly. I can almost always recognize narcissistic patterns in people(and in myself!) The way I see it, it's like getting behind the wheel after an accident - it's scary and stressful at first. But the more you do it the easier it gets. You learn from your mistakes and move on. Also therapy helps a lot! Good luck to you!
I once felt this way. I went through all the recovery (lots of support channels on TH-cam)... Hang in there, create a happy life (the narc hates that) and with this new wisdom, be open to wonderful new opportunities.
This video really helps me identify what I’ve gone through growing up. I’m relieved tremendously I have found a video that helps me pin point a lot more in a clearer light. Thank you soooo sooo soooo sooo much!
Hi Mat! This is another Epic video. 👌Thanks for having our back! 🙌You’re like a Big brother I never had if I was 10 years younger. 🤭😂 Your explanations on all 3 types are so on point!🎯 Covert passive aggressive narcs are very hard to understand and I’m in no contact with one. I get hoovered but I put up Strong boundaries. Please do more videos on narcs since it’s like an epidemic of narcissism everywhere. 🤦♀️. Thanks Mat. Peace out✌️😊
Mat!!! You LITERALLY read my mind from the last few days that I wished you’d do just THIS video! I’m learning from men in my life about these types of men, how they think some women are dumb, and just want them for sex but think they are dumb and how creepy they really are! Crazy! Thank you! More women need to know this.
I've spent 32 years of my life trying to figure out men and still have no answers. Your videos gave me great insights which helps validate or challenges some of my thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
Yes! I am brand new to the online dating scene after 30 years of marriage. I've met every single one of these, just didn't have a name for them. I have nearly fallen for a few. Thank you for the PSA.
Spiritual F Boy cracks me up as a prototype! Excellent video! (Annie Baker Atwood here- my TH-cam is under my business and that’s how I need to log in)
You are very right to the very last detail about all these men ! I have dealt with all of these types to be be honest and it was sure no fun! Thank you for all these videos!The guy I broke up with two months ago is the narcissist and it was the worst experience ever ! I am glad I managed to cut him out of my life though I must admit this last type is the hardest to break up with once you get entangled in their web!
I’ve only had narcissistic men in my life. Now that I am single, dating scares the hell out of me but I would like to have someone in my life. A decent man who’s emotions are in check and his ability to care for someone other than himself.
2 years recovering after a narc.. been minding my own business and in the best timing, met the most amazing man through friends. Everything is now so easy, we share so many beliefs. We"re lovin' n cruisin'.
I had an “Orbiter” for 7 years. His partner finally blew up and I don’t blame her at all. He had the entirely wrong belief about me. He was my friend. Period. Now I have a narcissist. He’s so in love with himself it disgusts me sometimes. I’m about to give relationships up and go shopping. Lol. I like myself. Wish I could meet me.
Aw well you are right about what you want... someone very like YOU. I met the ONE 41 yrs ago...he passed away three mos ago. We were SO alike...in what we wanted to do with our lives..our hobbies, goals...we both had loved sailing since childhood. We were both avid readers and book lovers,both mostly introverted, hated parties both of us. We both were very physical...he was very experienced recently divorced...I was not so experienced, recently widowed. I had an 8yo daughter to raise . I did NOT want to remarry. Fine with him. I worried he would not hit it off with my daughter...he did fine. He was a great stepfather..inspired her to be a professional m ilitary pilot...took her to airshows..bought her Jane's...took us up with HER flying with a pilot instructor for her 13th birthday. He gave her sailing lessons and bought her her own sailing dingy. He was the perfect man for me and HER all those years and we had an incredibñe life. We talked about end of life issues...we BOTH wanted the other to find someone else if we were the one to go first. We still were very active physically and sexually esp for our ages,.we always had been.We did NOT want the other to be alone and lonely. I am thinking about that..everyone is irreplaceable..a lesson I learned early in life. I dont want to be alone...I miss cooking for a man...I am good at it and it is one way I show affection. I know to look for someone with a similar perdonality. I have excellent instincts about people...being a trained PhD clinical psychology prof....pretty sure I cant be conned..now whether I can find someone right for me, is another matter entirely.
I was married to a narcissist for 28 year before his death to Covid. My recovery from narcissistic abuse since his death has been challenging yet healing. I became friends with a man a month after losing my husband, we’ve developed a good friendship and after 18 months, I asked this man out on a date. He also lost his wife so we’ve shared a lot going through the grieving process. Anyway, we’ve decided to see if we can make a go of a stable relationship. I have to say it’s nice to have a man treat me the way any human deserves to be treated and not gaslight me all the time. Thanks for all your videos, Matt! I’ve saved them and go back so that I’m more aware about the things I need to look for and what I can do to also be reassuring to my new mate or future mate. I still believe in love!
Thanks for your helping me understand men better. I would like to see a video on what to say during a constructive confrontation. What do I say? What should I not say?
This is an incredible insightful video. I have an orbit guy who I feel weird about cause a real friendship seems hard to establish and I feel like my energy is depleted from setting boundaries every time. He says he is ok with just being friends, but I feel that he is not. He comes over to my house unanounced as a friend and I told him to stop that. But I feel like a bad person for that. Now I have a name for that "orbiter" and I see how draining that is. Thanks for doing those videos
Matt, 21 yrs. In a narcissist "prison" ...I'm pretty sure I could right the book for you! Suffice to say, I have a Master's degree in Psychology with a BSN in nursing..yet????I still fell into this narcissistic Hell. Please advise your community narcissism is a serious mental imbalance. A personality disorder which comes with trauma that will continue for a lifetime for both the narcissist and the chosen supply. 😄thank you so much for your wonderful, enlightening and informative videos!
Matt, I just saw a video you made three years ago. I LOVED the way you looked! Your hair was short and blond. It was combed off your face. Your beautiful eyes were fascinating. You are a looker! Do it again! 7:13
Thanks for sharing...I'm pretty sure of of my exes was a covert narcissist...as u were explaining it I was thinking back &he hated me to have contact with any male's....even both of my brother in laws..my cousin's..I couldn't have guy friends...thank God he's an ex now but it wasn't fun dealing with a person like that
I was married to a narcissist for 14 years. Sadly I didn’t realize this until our 11th wedding anniversary when he totally did a 180 on me. It took me 3 years to figure out that he was a narcissist and things were never going to go back the way they were. I still can’t figure out how someone changes overnight from a nice guy to a monster. Still healing but made the break. Thanks for your videos.
Trying to let go of two and a half years of a long distance relationship with (I think he’s got a little of each type lol) a narcissist. I’ve blocked him cuz he always orbits by reaching out to see “how I am”. Funny story about how I found out he’s a player when I was approached by a woman who was also dating him. His response “I walk when stuff happens. This isn’t the first time.” I knew all along but I chose to look the other way. Wasted my precious time…anyway thank you for the validation Mat.
I enjoy your videos and have found a lot of value in the ones I have seen. There were some things in this one that perturbed me so I am hoping for some clarification. I have a number of good male friends, some of whom I have been friends with for decades, and we would do anything for each other. We tend to contact each other to check in randomly because sometimes we don't talk for a while (busy lives, etc). After my divorce, I have made many new friends. I have always made more male than female friends so many of them are men. And, as they are more open to new friendships, most of them are very young (20s - 30s). How do you suggest determining when you are meeting a new potential real friend and when you are potentially dealing with an orbiter?
@@Mat_Shaffer That's great. I assume you don't have time to answer everybody's individual questions individually. Will you answer my question in a future video? And is there a way to be notified when that particular one drops? Thanks!
Tx Mat, really good info, especially about the 2 types of narcissists. I have luckily avoided these BUT I had a massive AHA moment about the covert type as you described because in the past I have lost more than one girlfriend when she got into a relationship with a guy... who had a big problem with me! Thanks to your explanation, I think I have now understood why.
I’m trying something different because up to this point I’ve attracted all narcissistic douches. I’m dating almost 10 different men at the same time. Each has a different personality and thought process. I don’t have to give them much and they are showing their true colors as I get to know them better. I’m thinking like a guy. 😊 and now each is either eliminating themselves by lack of effort or showing up. It’s working for ME at least. Thank you for this!
Ohhhh nooooo 😅hahahaha damnit when you hit that subcategory of the spiritual “puck” boy I died 😮😂 Tooootally got sucked into this one recently out of my 6 year failed engagement hahahah! Damnit
Oh Mat, I have experienced the Spiritual F boy! How sad to have manipulated me in this way. What a way for a man to get his way with you, then literally run from my door. After. Well so he thinks he was being a good Christian until the Pastor asked him to leave our place of Worship. He must have had the Bible and then his own Bible depending on how he wanted to act. Then he kept telling me not to say anything to anyone. His actions were very wrong! Then he was bringing another woman to church with him. After he never showed his face again many who only knew we were neighbors told me that the other woman was his wife! I said NO he can't even have a girlfriend. I couldn't even be his girlfriend on our 7 yr relationship! I will never be treated like this again. Learned this lesson the hard way. 😒 keep the great videos coming. We all appreciate your honest content.
I've engaged with a covertly narcissistic fboy and if I ever see one of the red flags I chose to ignore back when I dated him, while getting to know someone new, I'll accept it for what it is and move on to the next one, I don't have the energy to deal with someone like that guy from my past again.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. If you're reflecting on whether now is the right time to date again, our 'Are You Ready to Date Again?' quiz can offer some guidance. 💖 mat-nlcmdzyq.scoreapp.com/
Been with a narcissist who is both. I am still healing from the abuse I went through and I am still very fearful of trying to date. It has been a road.
Omg Matt, I just dumped the Narcissist! Love 💣 ng gaslighting grandstander. I’ve kept Fboys around for the last 20 years. The current one is kind and attentive, but it’s clearly a situationship merely for our mutual sexual convenience. I keep an orbiter too… I know he wants me, and if I offered myself, he’d take it, but he doesn’t have the guts to pursue. Yikes! I’m filling up boyfriend space with dead weight! Thank you for the clarity!
Oh woah. I can name each person in my life that are either in my life, or that have been in my life and I could identify each one of them within the first 10 seconds of each one. Woah. Thanks so much. I learnt a lot today.
One of my former soldiers is currently an Orbiter. He invited me to dinner several months ago, and then he switched it from meeting up for pizza too I'll cook you dinner at my place, LOL. Well, I knew I had no intention of being romantic with him because he was a former soldier of mine but I just wanted to catch up with him after our deployment more than 10 years ago.. he did indeed cook dinner for me but the chicken was half Raw and you're right the conversation was full of innuendos. I kept my distance on the couch from him and then his roommate came home. He was definitely an F boy, LOL and immediately was complimenting me on the way I was dressed how funny I was blah blah blah it was pretty entertaining! Anyway I made excuses that I had an early work call and I thanked him and went home
After regretfully slipping up and having sex with a player, I downgraded him to the friend zone (without benefits). Surprisingly, he stuck around and now we see each other for day time activities in public only. He has told me and continues to tell me quite a lot of personal details. I talk as well and he seems to listen but doesn't ever actually ask me any questions. It feels like we're building an emotional connection but now I realize he's just become an orbiter. Ready and waiting for me to slip up and let him in again. Unfortunately, I'm only human and there's mutual attraction/chemistry so his tactics may eventually work. He's an older player so he knows the game well. I'm caught in his web but it's hard to get out when the attraction is still there. Help?
I was stuck in a toxic relationship with a covert narcissist who would twust things about my past and childhood as weapons. It took another 3 yrs to get rid of him whereas he turned into a Machiavellian "spiritual guru" to use as weapons to put ne down regarding my chronic illness . Only just able to date again after being emotionally and almost physically destroyed.
Thanks for your inputs. Quite informative and interesting. What if your family member is a narcissist ? My last one was with someone who was a player. He called me his best friend and never wanted to be physical. As he used to feel that after sex he would lose me. But he did all that a romantic partner would do 🙄
Literally had to cut a “friend” off. Or should I say “orbiter” after he asked me for a SECOND time to come over at his place after my SECOND break up. I always made it VERY clear that I’m not interested in anything more. We’d go for coffee to catch up and nothing more. Came to know later he thought those were dates. Yh. No. Just to test him; Asked him to come for coffee this week and he was very eager despite me declining his offer of staying at his place….. HUGE RED FLAG. How come man is being so nice after I rejected him? Those are the “good guys” u wanna stay far away from cause there is 100% more sinister motives behind it. My gut was screaming to cut him off so I did. Always listen to your intuition ladies.
I had an Orbiter for several years. I didn’t realize he was trying to make me a FWB without any title. He eventually told me that he ‘loved me’ so I assumed we were a couple. When his actions showed I was wrong and I asked about his ‘love’ for me; he said he ‘loved me’ but was not ‘in love with me’. Now I ask a lot of questions of men when they go through the motions but don’t make me their gf. Usually they are f-boys.
I had an orbiter whom he said we are in a relationship. I was his girlfriend. He would invite these women to hang out with us on our date. He said they are just a friend and then completely ignore me the entire evening, and not acknowledge me and be by my side. Did the calling them like you said. Make future plans with them etc. without my knowing and they would just show up.
The worst thing I find about this is that type 2 aren't type 2 at all or I have no idea who they are. That summer I met guys married or engaged with kids already, trying to use me for physical gratification. I've heard a lot of phrases like: "What happens here, stays here" because they were from different towns. It is like they completely forget about their loved ones once they cross any kind of town border. Are they players or f-boys? Or do they just feel unworthy, or unfulfilled? Generally speaking, I attract a loooooooooooooooooot of f-boys.
My bestie’s bf is SUCH a covert narcissist and everyone besides her has noticed this. He always brings up his abusive ex gf and uses it as an excuse as to y he acts the way he does. He somehow got her to move in with him after only like 2 1/2 months of dating, but still refers to their apartment as HIS apartment so she always has to ask permission (like he’s her parent) if I can come over to hang out with her for a few hrs. She never did that when she was still living with her parents. She would just be like “yo my friend is coming over.” And that’s it but now he’s made her believe she has to ask permission
Recently escaped and abandoned a vulnerable covert narcissist sprinkled with petulant borderline and DID, after 15 months of extreme psychotic situationship I fled and didn't look back. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN, HIDE AND BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK...good times.
To boost self-worth, reflect on past experiences, seek support, use positive affirmations, set boundaries, prioritize self-care, consider professional help, focus on personal growth, and practice mindfulness. Thanks!
So I was in a relationship with the covert narcissist for 17 years He then turn my daughter away from me with alienating her from me meanwhile he didn't care when he was sitting on a bar stool It is so sad at this point she's a teenager and of course she wants gifts It was so weird one day I just woke up It was like being in a dream.
I had a male friend who was an orbiter to a mutual friend who had a boyfriend. She knew he was an orbiter and would use him to get her boyfriend jealous. I tried to warn my friend but he didn't listen. The girl's boyfriend ended up throwing him through a glass door.
I have had all of those types of men in my life at one time or another. I didn't know the terms for what they were. But thank goodness my instincts knew. Not sure what triggered my red flag detector, but something did. As I think about it, a few of them reminded me of my stepdad, who kind of was like all 3 rolled into one. Any time a man makes me think of him, I run lol
Holy crap! Met a guy and we went for dinner (actually went to eat and I paid) and then after he brought me back to the house.....and asked me to go back to his apartment. I said, no I had just met him and I said I valued myself and I was not going to actually do that. And then he texted once, and said he would text again and guess what? Never had to hear anything since. And that was just fine!!!
You as a woman do the healthy positive work on yourself, study psychology and relationships. Boost yourself - be healthy and positively independent. Guys are for spending enjoyable time with in many different contexts, they should be a positive addition to your life, take it slow, get to know and make choices for your best self. Life is way too short, no really it is, not to have a nice time and with pleasure.
I thought it's ok to have male friends when you're not ready to jump into a relationship and you would prefer to get to know them slowly as friends? I'm the slow-to-warm-up type, so it will take me quite a long time to like someone, and if a male friend is nice to me consistently, maybe I will eventually change my mind. So I guess I don't understand why orbiters are so bad if they will go the extra mile for you.
They are bad when they are not honest about it. And when they do not hear a no for an answer. They pretend to be friends but then have other intentions without my permission. Not ok. If you are honest that is what you want and the other agrees to see where it may go then it is mutual.
Ok so my boyfriend has this female friend that he has never meet and he has had or prob still has sexaul feeling for. He was to chicken to go meet her because she lives with family and she friend zoned him. He still talks to her and it makes me so mad because her nickname he has for her is freak💋❤ and I have asked him to change that but i dont think he has. Anyways why is he still acting like an orbiter to her when he has me and she told me he has no chance of being anything beyond friends. What would you do in this scenario?
I had the F-boy last year...slept with him way too soon; thought I was following my heart and owning my actions. Typical time with him: Sex, Take out and Netflix...in that order! Thanks Mat, I really appreciate your videos. Very straightforward and accurate!
How can one tell if a woman friend is an orbiter or just a friend of my partner? 🤔 I'm pretty sure he has feelings for him and has been waiting for him to feel the same. She disappeared for a while when I came into the picture but now she's back 🙄
Narcessist got me first before I ever knew what hit me. That was a bumpy ride. Then the damn spiritual F boy did a hit and run. I learned the hard way how to recognize those types! Never again!
Hello the 3 narrcists you have just described is my boy all of them..l blocked him and he just called me off a pay phone..l will send you some of his texes
I was married to a man, who had extremely high narcissistic traits. Starting out by what you called the “spiritual F boy”. Wish I knew all of this years ago.
I'm in a long distance relationship but this guy wants me to send all my money to him.I ask him when he was coming to the state he said September or October I'm confused about this he tells me he's starving and everything but he doesn't want me to no where he is at
I can understand where you are coming from because it's not a bad thing to date friends, but I think he's referring to the guy who tries to PORTRAY himself as a friend when he has a hidden agenda. He mentioned that even when you're in a relationship and you broke up, he comes around. These kind of men make it obvious sometimes, so I know exactly who he's referring to.
It's funny because the Grandiose narcissist you mentioned is definitely the last guy I dated. He would love bomb me first few days of knowing him and talking about kids and me being the mother of his children. Blah blah. And come to find out, shortly after thankfully, he's immature, unintelligent emotionally and refuses to adjust things around for a relationship. So he's definitely long gone! Thanks for this video. Definitely resignated.
Mat: Thanks for another outstanding video. Your videos are relevant and directed to your audience. You truly help and guide women through our dating lives. I wish I had known you earlier or that you were connected to my family to initiate me at a much earlier age (I wish you were my brother or cousin). Now I assume men are looking for one thing and I respond, "Call a prostitute." As for my life, I have become a servant of God in my own way. I lack the phenomenal public speaking skills both you and Victor Oddo possess, but I can show God's love, peace and mercy by my presence. I can help people by example. Thank you again for helping me to never get my heart broken again!!!! I hope that your throat is better!!!!
I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for 16 years and had a child with him. Even though i was working on myself, at that time, i even wanted to commit suicide at the end. I did an intense 2 years therapy and after 5 years apart, i still struggle with my dating life even though i am a stronger person and did a lot of healing and introspection to embrace my self worth. Still have to deal with this monster for my child, but i can now see where they come from and why i chose this person in my past. Unfortunately, they do a lot of damage even with their kids. Stay away from these people. They are not worth a second of your energy. ❤
Omgosh, I have one guy, who I have not heard from him for a year, he has send me messages to check how I am ,lets catch up babe. I know in the past we went out for dates ,his a charmer, but he lied he has more ladies in his life.. but told me its all lies. Not sure who I should believe. We remind friends. Then never heard of him since. NOW his messaging me. I reply I am busy. I think, belive he wants only one thing.
My ex dump me and came back 2 yrs later. To me all he's after is sex. Mine sent a photo after he dated someone else for 8 months and crept back into my life. I knew soon as i seen the photo what he was after. He calls me pet names. And after 2 years of ignoring me suddenly bought me a Christmas present again.i adked him wheres your girl friens. His rely was, she's around. He sends me mixed signals all the time. He is wver one of these men you've described.
![[TH] Esports World Cup : Grand Final](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/sedbKhFYDMo/mqdefault.jpg)
→ JOIN MY FREE LOVE COURSE STARTING 10/10: bit.ly/3Srylqh
Thank YOU Matt! I appreciate your videos and your legal background. Impressive education and the details are very helpful.
I so appreciate your kind words and feedback Rebecca! What would you like me to explore in another video ?
Another awesome and super helpful video! Thank you!
Boom you are so welcome. 🙏❤️
Wow! These are so well described and so extremely accurate!!!
Glad you think so! Thank you
You once told me that my marriage was the worst case of narcissistic abuse you've ever heard. I'm not sure one ever recovers from that type of situation enough to trust someone again.
I remember that so clearly hon! And I promise you that no matter what you have endured, healing and love is possible for you if you’re willing to continue to do the work ❤️❤️
@@lisamar6386 Oh Yes! This is exactly what I am doing now. I wasn't trusting my gut, I was listening to his explanations instead, I think hoping I was wrong! I had all kinds of different warning sensations in retrospect, especially in the Solar Plexus area.
The Narc is really good at disabling our intuition and ability to trust ourselves. At the end, I couldn't even say where I would like to eat when invited out for the first time. I had to stop the car and think. Couldn't think, decide and drive. It was that bad.
I wonder what happened to you. Must have been bad. I got out of the narcissistic relashionship and I did a lot of work on myself, I study narcissisism relentlessly. I can almost always recognize narcissistic patterns in people(and in myself!) The way I see it, it's like getting behind the wheel after an accident - it's scary and stressful at first. But the more you do it the easier it gets. You learn from your mistakes and move on. Also therapy helps a lot! Good luck to you!
I once felt this way. I went through all the recovery (lots of support channels on TH-cam)... Hang in there, create a happy life (the narc hates that) and with this new wisdom, be open to wonderful new opportunities.
Thanks Matt - I needed that!!!!
You are so welcome!
This video really helps me identify what I’ve gone through growing up. I’m relieved tremendously I have found a video that helps me pin point a lot more in a clearer light. Thank you soooo sooo soooo sooo much!
Glad it helped!
Hi Mat! This is another Epic video. 👌Thanks for having our back! 🙌You’re like a Big brother I never had if I was 10 years younger. 🤭😂 Your explanations on all 3 types are so on point!🎯 Covert passive aggressive narcs are very hard to understand and I’m in no contact with one. I get hoovered but I put up Strong boundaries. Please do more videos on narcs since it’s like an epidemic of narcissism everywhere. 🤦♀️. Thanks Mat. Peace out✌️😊
So sweet thanks for sharing! its a great connection 🤗
Wow !! ❤️❤️❤️ your channel and amazing insight
Thanks so much my dear! 🙏❤️
Thank you for sharing this 👍
My pleasure
I love your videos! Thank you :)
Glad you like them! Your so welcome!
I have been married with narc in 7 years. I ended this but it took a long time for me ( 12 years) to recover.
I am fine now.
Mazel tov! I’m so happy for you my dear your find now:)
Mat!!! You LITERALLY read my mind from the last few days that I wished you’d do just THIS video! I’m learning from men in my life about these types of men, how they think some women are dumb, and just want them for sex but think they are dumb and how creepy they really are! Crazy! Thank you! More women need to know this.
Happy I could be of help.
They probably thought they're alphas.
Thank u, u help me to understand a lot of things better
You are so welcome!
I've spent 32 years of my life trying to figure out men and still have no answers. Your videos gave me great insights which helps validate or challenges some of my thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
You got this! Happy to help🙂
Thank you so much our lovely brother more blessings 🙌 😊
Thank you too
Yes! I am brand new to the online dating scene after 30 years of marriage. I've met every single one of these, just didn't have a name for them. I have nearly fallen for a few. Thank you for the PSA.
You're so welcome! ❤️
Spiritual F Boy cracks me up as a prototype! Excellent video! (Annie Baker Atwood here- my TH-cam is under my business and that’s how I need to log in)
Glad you like it!
You still give the best advice ever!
Thanks so much my dear!
you are amazing everything you say is so perfect thankyou for helping so many beautiful people 🎁
Thank you for your kind words, they truly touch my heart!
You are very right to the very last detail about all these men ! I have dealt with all of these types to be be honest and it was sure no fun! Thank you for all these videos!The guy I broke up with two months ago is the narcissist and it was the worst experience ever ! I am glad I managed to cut him out of my life though I must admit this last type is the hardest to break up with once you get entangled in their web!
Wow! Happy to hear that Amalija. It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new. Thank you for sharing.🤗❤️
@@Mat_Shaffer 💕💕
Mat, these are knowledge every girl needs to know. You are a master teacher!
That's very sweet Jasmine❤️ Thanks much🙏
I’ve only had narcissistic men in my life. Now that I am single, dating scares the hell out of me but I would like to have someone in my life. A decent man who’s emotions are in check and his ability to care for someone other than himself.
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
@@Mat_Shaffer 🫶🏻
2 years recovering after a narc.. been minding my own business and in the best timing, met the most amazing man through friends. Everything is now so easy, we share so many beliefs. We"re lovin' n cruisin'.
Happy to hear that!
Thank you so much!!!!
You're welcome 😊
You are on the case brother.
Thanks so much for your feedback!
Love the hair!
Amazing!
I have dealt with a narcissist. 10 years. You are spot on.
Thank you!
I had an “Orbiter” for 7 years. His partner finally blew up and I don’t blame her at all. He had the entirely wrong belief about me. He was my friend. Period.
Now I have a narcissist. He’s so in love with himself it disgusts me sometimes.
I’m about to give relationships up and go shopping. Lol. I like myself. Wish I could meet me.
Thank you for sharing Mara!
Aw well you are right about what you want... someone very like YOU. I met the ONE 41 yrs ago...he passed away three mos ago. We were SO alike...in what we wanted to do with our lives..our hobbies, goals...we both had loved sailing since childhood. We were both avid readers and book lovers,both mostly introverted, hated parties both of us. We both were very physical...he was very experienced recently divorced...I was not so experienced, recently widowed. I had an 8yo daughter to raise . I did NOT want to remarry. Fine with him.
I worried he would not hit it off with my daughter...he did fine. He was a great stepfather..inspired her to be a professional m ilitary pilot...took her to airshows..bought her Jane's...took us up with HER flying with a pilot instructor for her 13th birthday. He gave her sailing lessons and bought her her own sailing dingy. He was the perfect man for me and HER all those years and we had an incredibñe life.
We talked about end of life issues...we BOTH wanted the other to find someone else if we were the one to go first. We still were very active physically and sexually esp for our ages,.we always had been.We did NOT want the other to be alone and lonely.
I am thinking about that..everyone is irreplaceable..a lesson I learned early in life. I dont want to be alone...I miss cooking for a man...I am good at it and it is one way I show affection. I know to look for someone with a similar perdonality. I have excellent instincts about people...being a trained PhD clinical psychology prof....pretty sure I cant be conned..now whether I can find someone right for me, is another matter entirely.
Your hair looks great!!!!
Aw thanks you’re making me blush ;)
I was married to a narcissist for 28 year before his death to Covid. My recovery from narcissistic abuse since his death has been challenging yet healing. I became friends with a man a month after losing my husband, we’ve developed a good friendship and after 18 months, I asked this man out on a date. He also lost his wife so we’ve shared a lot going through the grieving process. Anyway, we’ve decided to see if we can make a go of a stable relationship. I have to say it’s nice to have a man treat me the way any human deserves to be treated and not gaslight me all the time.
Thanks for all your videos, Matt! I’ve saved them and go back so that I’m more aware about the things I need to look for and what I can do to also be reassuring to my new mate or future mate. I still believe in love!
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new, Wendy. And I’m glad to hear everything worked out well. ❤️❤️
Thanks for your helping me understand men better. I would like to see a video on what to say during a constructive confrontation. What do I say? What should I not say?
Sure thing! 🙌❤
This is an incredible insightful video. I have an orbit guy who I feel weird about cause a real friendship seems hard to establish and I feel like my energy is depleted from setting boundaries every time. He says he is ok with just being friends, but I feel that he is not. He comes over to my house unanounced as a friend and I told him to stop that. But I feel like a bad person for that. Now I have a name for that "orbiter" and I see how draining that is. Thanks for doing those videos
Thanks glad it was helpful:)
Matt, 21 yrs. In a narcissist "prison" ...I'm pretty sure I could right the book for you! Suffice to say, I have a Master's degree in Psychology with a BSN in nursing..yet????I still fell into this narcissistic Hell. Please advise your community narcissism is a serious mental imbalance. A personality disorder which comes with trauma that will continue for a lifetime for both the narcissist and the chosen supply. 😄thank you so much for your wonderful, enlightening and informative videos!
Thank you so much!
Anne-Marie D.
0 seconds ago
The orbiter was helpful to know about. Totally been there done that with the narcissist - learned a lot, never again.
I’m so glad this helped you!
Matt, I just saw a video you made three years ago. I LOVED the way you looked! Your hair was short and blond. It was combed off your face. Your beautiful eyes were fascinating. You are a looker! Do it again! 7:13
Wow, thank you!
Thanks for sharing...I'm pretty sure of of my exes was a covert narcissist...as u were explaining it I was thinking back &he hated me to have contact with any male's....even both of my brother in laws..my cousin's..I couldn't have guy friends...thank God he's an ex now but it wasn't fun dealing with a person like that
You're very welcome. Stacy ❤️
I was married to a narcissist for 14 years. Sadly I didn’t realize this until our 11th wedding anniversary when he totally did a 180 on me. It took me 3 years to figure out that he was a narcissist and things were never going to go back the way they were. I still can’t figure out how someone changes overnight from a nice guy to a monster. Still healing but made the break. Thanks for your videos.
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new Jan. Thanks for sharing, its a great connection❤️❤️
Trying to let go of two and a half years of a long distance relationship with (I think he’s got a little of each type lol) a narcissist. I’ve blocked him cuz he always orbits by reaching out to see “how I am”. Funny story about how I found out he’s a player when I was approached by a woman who was also dating him. His response “I walk when stuff happens. This isn’t the first time.” I knew all along but I chose to look the other way. Wasted my precious time…anyway thank you for the validation Mat.
Thank you for sharing!
I am really regretting that I did not come across your content soon enough. 😭
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new
I enjoy your videos and have found a lot of value in the ones I have seen. There were some things in this one that perturbed me so I am hoping for some clarification. I have a number of good male friends, some of whom I have been friends with for decades, and we would do anything for each other. We tend to contact each other to check in randomly because sometimes we don't talk for a while (busy lives, etc).
After my divorce, I have made many new friends. I have always made more male than female friends so many of them are men. And, as they are more open to new friendships, most of them are very young (20s - 30s).
How do you suggest determining when you are meeting a new potential real friend and when you are potentially dealing with an orbiter?
Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.
Great tips!
@@Mat_Shaffer That's great. I assume you don't have time to answer everybody's individual questions individually. Will you answer my question in a future video? And is there a way to be notified when that particular one drops? Thanks!
Tx Mat, really good info, especially about the 2 types of narcissists. I have luckily avoided these BUT I had a massive AHA moment about the covert type as you described because in the past I have lost more than one girlfriend when she got into a relationship with a guy... who had a big problem with me! Thanks to your explanation, I think I have now understood why.
I’m so glad this helped you!
Married to narcissist for 27 years. Took a long time to find some self worth. Thank you for your videos!
You're very welcome. Happy I could be of help.
I’m trying something different because up to this point I’ve attracted all narcissistic douches. I’m dating almost 10 different men at the same time. Each has a different personality and thought process. I don’t have to give them much and they are showing their true colors as I get to know them better. I’m thinking like a guy. 😊 and now each is either eliminating themselves by lack of effort or showing up. It’s working for ME at least. Thank you for this!
youre so welcome!
Truth!
Thank you!
Ohhhh nooooo 😅hahahaha damnit when you hit that subcategory of the spiritual “puck” boy I died 😮😂 Tooootally got sucked into this one recently out of my 6 year failed engagement hahahah! Damnit
Thanks for sharing!
3 out of 3. What did I win 🙄 cause I've lost sooo much. Glad to found this so I can deeply heal from this. Thanks
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new😊
Oh Mat, I have experienced the Spiritual F boy! How sad to have manipulated me in this way. What a way for a man to get his way with you, then literally run from my door. After. Well so he thinks he was being a good Christian until the Pastor asked him to leave our place of Worship. He must have had the Bible and then his own Bible depending on how he wanted to act. Then he kept telling me not to say anything to anyone. His actions were very wrong! Then he was bringing another woman to church with him. After he never showed his face again many who only knew we were neighbors told me that the other woman was his wife! I said NO he can't even have a girlfriend. I couldn't even be his girlfriend on our 7 yr relationship! I will never be treated like this again. Learned this lesson the hard way. 😒 keep the great videos coming. We all appreciate your honest content.
Thanks for sharing! It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new, Christine🙏❤️
I've engaged with a covertly narcissistic fboy and if I ever see one of the red flags I chose to ignore back when I dated him, while getting to know someone new, I'll accept it for what it is and move on to the next one, I don't have the energy to deal with someone like that guy from my past again.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. If you're reflecting on whether now is the right time to date again, our 'Are You Ready to Date Again?' quiz can offer some guidance. 💖 mat-nlcmdzyq.scoreapp.com/
Been with a narcissist who is both. I am still healing from the abuse I went through and I am still very fearful of trying to date. It has been a road.
Thanks for sharing!
Omg Matt, I just dumped the Narcissist! Love 💣 ng gaslighting grandstander. I’ve kept Fboys around for the last 20 years. The current one is kind and attentive, but it’s clearly a situationship merely for our mutual sexual convenience. I keep an orbiter too… I know he wants me, and if I offered myself, he’d take it, but he doesn’t have the guts to pursue.
Yikes! I’m filling up boyfriend space with dead weight!
Thank you for the clarity!
Oh woah. I can name each person in my life that are either in my life, or that have been in my life and I could identify each one of them within the first 10 seconds of each one. Woah. Thanks so much. I learnt a lot today.
Thanks for sharing!!
One of my former soldiers is currently an Orbiter. He invited me to dinner several months ago, and then he switched it from meeting up for pizza too I'll cook you dinner at my place, LOL. Well, I knew I had no intention of being romantic with him because he was a former soldier of mine but I just wanted to catch up with him after our deployment more than 10 years ago.. he did indeed cook dinner for me but the chicken was half Raw and you're right the conversation was full of innuendos. I kept my distance on the couch from him and then his roommate came home. He was definitely an F boy, LOL and immediately was complimenting me on the way I was dressed how funny I was blah blah blah it was pretty entertaining! Anyway I made excuses that I had an early work call and I thanked him and went home
Great story inez! So glad you sniffed him out haha!
After regretfully slipping up and having sex with a player, I downgraded him to the friend zone (without benefits). Surprisingly, he stuck around and now we see each other for day time activities in public only. He has told me and continues to tell me quite a lot of personal details. I talk as well and he seems to listen but doesn't ever actually ask me any questions. It feels like we're building an emotional connection but now I realize he's just become an orbiter. Ready and waiting for me to slip up and let him in again. Unfortunately, I'm only human and there's mutual attraction/chemistry so his tactics may eventually work. He's an older player so he knows the game well. I'm caught in his web but it's hard to get out when the attraction is still there. Help?
Thanks so much for your feedback!
I was stuck in a toxic relationship with a covert narcissist who would twust things about my past and childhood as weapons. It took another 3 yrs to get rid of him whereas he turned into a Machiavellian "spiritual guru" to use as weapons to put ne down regarding my chronic illness . Only just able to date again after being emotionally and almost physically destroyed.
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
12:12 Thx so much!
You're welcome my dear!
Thanks for your inputs. Quite informative and interesting. What if your family member is a narcissist ?
My last one was with someone who was a player. He called me his best friend and never wanted to be physical. As he used to feel that after sex he would lose me. But he did all that a romantic partner would do 🙄
I appreciate your opinion on this!
@@Mat_Shaffer 😊❤
Yes with 2 now. I’m starting a podcast soon about last narcissist who is still stalking me.
Thanks for sharing!
Literally had to cut a “friend” off. Or should I say “orbiter” after he asked me for a SECOND time to come over at his place after my SECOND break up. I always made it VERY clear that I’m not interested in anything more. We’d go for coffee to catch up and nothing more. Came to know later he thought those were dates. Yh. No. Just to test him; Asked him to come for coffee this week and he was very eager despite me declining his offer of staying at his place….. HUGE RED FLAG. How come man is being so nice after I rejected him? Those are the “good guys” u wanna stay far away from cause there is 100% more sinister motives behind it. My gut was screaming to cut him off so I did. Always listen to your intuition ladies.
Thanks for sharing!
I had an Orbiter for several years. I didn’t realize he was trying to make me a FWB without any title. He eventually told me that he ‘loved me’ so I assumed we were a couple. When his actions showed I was wrong and I asked about his ‘love’ for me; he said he ‘loved me’ but was not ‘in love with me’. Now I ask a lot of questions of men when they go through the motions but don’t make me their gf. Usually they are f-boys.
Don’t give up on love sister!
I recently was in a long term relationship with a guy that was a mix of all 3 types of narcissists…that was a nightmare to say the least!
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
@@Mat_Shaffer I haven’t given up yet ☺️
I had an orbiter whom he said we are in a relationship. I was his girlfriend. He would invite these women to hang out with us on our date. He said they are just a friend and then completely ignore me the entire evening, and not acknowledge me and be by my side. Did the calling them like you said. Make future plans with them etc. without my knowing and they would just show up.
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
I'm currently dealing with a narcissist. It's exhausting.
I appreciate your opinion on this!
You got this right, Matt - the Showman type is rare. The Covert narc Secretly does the same thing
Thanks to you. ❤️
I had a covert narcissistic guy try and guilt me, one date he was done, my boundaries weren't having it 😊
You deserve a great guy!
Matt, I am in Australia. I cannot access your personal help. Answers to this problem???
Hi Ashlie! Are you looking for one on one coaching?
Sheet! I need an orbiter.😂😂
😅🙌😂
The worst thing I find about this is that type 2 aren't type 2 at all or I have no idea who they are. That summer I met guys married or engaged with kids already, trying to use me for physical gratification. I've heard a lot of phrases like: "What happens here, stays here" because they were from different towns. It is like they completely forget about their loved ones once they cross any kind of town border. Are they players or f-boys? Or do they just feel unworthy, or unfulfilled? Generally speaking, I attract a loooooooooooooooooot of f-boys.
Thanks for sharing!
My bestie’s bf is SUCH a covert narcissist and everyone besides her has noticed this. He always brings up his abusive ex gf and uses it as an excuse as to y he acts the way he does. He somehow got her to move in with him after only like 2 1/2 months of dating, but still refers to their apartment as HIS apartment so she always has to ask permission (like he’s her parent) if I can come over to hang out with her for a few hrs. She never did that when she was still living with her parents. She would just be like “yo my friend is coming over.” And that’s it but now he’s made her believe she has to ask permission
Happy to hear that!
Nailed it. Ladies dont own those behaviors!
Many thanks!
Recently escaped and abandoned a vulnerable covert narcissist sprinkled with petulant borderline and DID, after 15 months of extreme psychotic situationship I fled and didn't look back. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN, HIDE AND BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK...good times.
Thanks for sharing!
But isn’t the issue they are reflecting our lack of self worth? How do we deal with our deep internal wounds so that we won’t even choose them?
To boost self-worth, reflect on past experiences, seek support, use positive affirmations, set boundaries, prioritize self-care, consider professional help, focus on personal growth, and practice mindfulness. Thanks!
I was married to an overt narcissist! Being an empath, I was an easy target. He was my boss and told me that he fell in love with me at first sight.
Wow! I’m so happy for you my dear!
So I was in a relationship with the covert narcissist for 17 years He then turn my daughter away from me with alienating her from me meanwhile he didn't care when he was sitting on a bar stool It is so sad at this point she's a teenager and of course she wants gifts It was so weird one day I just woke up It was like being in a dream.
Thanks for sharing!
And if I am one of this types of people?
I appreciate your opinion on this!
Thanks for letting me know about the orbiter. I have 2 in my life right now. Will definitely cut them off.
Glad I could help.
I had a male friend who was an orbiter to a mutual friend who had a boyfriend. She knew he was an orbiter and would use him to get her boyfriend jealous. I tried to warn my friend but he didn't listen. The girl's boyfriend ended up throwing him through a glass door.
Thanks for sharing!
I have had all of those types of men in my life at one time or another. I didn't know the terms for what they were. But thank goodness my instincts knew. Not sure what triggered my red flag detector, but something did. As I think about it, a few of them reminded me of my stepdad, who kind of was like all 3 rolled into one. Any time a man makes me think of him, I run lol
Hope you find a great guy! 💖
@@Mat_Shaffer I am trying my best
Holy crap! Met a guy and we went for dinner (actually went to eat and I paid) and then after he brought me back to the house.....and asked me to go back to his apartment. I said, no I had just met him and I said I valued myself and I was not going to actually do that. And then he texted once, and said he would text again and guess what? Never had to hear anything since. And that was just fine!!!
Thanks for sharing, Shellie Black❤️ I promise there are still good guys out there my dear! 🙏
@@Mat_Shaffer I have decided that I am the prize. I am worth being chased. Love should never be a struggle. I am cautiously optimistic 😁❤️
You as a woman do the healthy positive work on yourself, study psychology and relationships. Boost yourself - be healthy and positively independent. Guys are for spending enjoyable time with in many different contexts, they should be a positive addition to your life, take it slow, get to know and make choices for your best self. Life is way too short, no really it is, not to have a nice time and with pleasure.
Thanks for sharing!
One thing someone said to me recently talking about his ex was: SHE made me do it!! 🙄 no accountability for his actions is a red flag
Thanks for sharing!
I thought it's ok to have male friends when you're not ready to jump into a relationship and you would prefer to get to know them slowly as friends? I'm the slow-to-warm-up type, so it will take me quite a long time to like someone, and if a male friend is nice to me consistently, maybe I will eventually change my mind. So I guess I don't understand why orbiters are so bad if they will go the extra mile for you.
They are bad when they are not honest about it. And when they do not hear a no for an answer. They pretend to be friends but then have other intentions without my permission. Not ok. If you are honest that is what you want and the other agrees to see where it may go then it is mutual.
Thanks for sharing!
Ok so my boyfriend has this female friend that he has never meet and he has had or prob still has sexaul feeling for. He was to chicken to go meet her because she lives with family and she friend zoned him. He still talks to her and it makes me so mad because her nickname he has for her is freak💋❤ and I have asked him to change that but i dont think he has. Anyways why is he still acting like an orbiter to her when he has me and she told me he has no chance of being anything beyond friends. What would you do in this scenario?
Thanks for sharing!
I had the F-boy last year...slept with him way too soon; thought I was following my heart and owning my actions. Typical time with him: Sex, Take out and Netflix...in that order! Thanks Mat, I really appreciate your videos. Very straightforward and accurate!
Many thanks!
Thank you for sharing. This is a guide for us women. There are lots of men here online just want sex. Rare for a serious and gentle man nowadays.
Happy I could be of help.
How can one tell if a woman friend is an orbiter or just a friend of my partner? 🤔 I'm pretty sure he has feelings for him and has been waiting for him to feel the same. She disappeared for a while when I came into the picture but now she's back 🙄
Thanks for sharing!
Narcessist got me first before I ever knew what hit me. That was a bumpy ride. Then the damn spiritual F boy did a hit and run. I learned the hard way how to recognize those types! Never again!
It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new. ❤️
Hello the 3 narrcists you have just described is my boy all of them..l blocked him and he just called me off a pay phone..l will send you some of his texes
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
Spiritual player 😂😂🤣🤣
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
I was married to a man, who had extremely high narcissistic traits. Starting out by what you called the “spiritual F boy”. Wish I knew all of this years ago.
I was told that "we have a spiritual connection". 😈
Hope you find the love that you're looking for!
I'm in a long distance relationship but this guy wants me to send all my money to him.I ask him when he was coming to the state he said September or October I'm confused about this he tells me he's starving and everything but he doesn't want me to no where he is at
Thanks for sharing!
🚩🚩🚩 red flag alert. Sounds like he wants to scam you for your money. I hope you haven't sent him any by now
Orbiters feel a sense of entitlement
Thanks for sharing!
Whats wrong with dating a friend??? Thats how every relationship should actually start, rather than a hookup
I can understand where you are coming from because it's not a bad thing to date friends, but I think he's referring to the guy who tries to PORTRAY himself as a friend when he has a hidden agenda. He mentioned that even when you're in a relationship and you broke up, he comes around. These kind of men make it obvious sometimes, so I know exactly who he's referring to.
It's funny because the Grandiose narcissist you mentioned is definitely the last guy I dated. He would love bomb me first few days of knowing him and talking about kids and me being the mother of his children. Blah blah. And come to find out, shortly after thankfully, he's immature, unintelligent emotionally and refuses to adjust things around for a relationship. So he's definitely long gone! Thanks for this video. Definitely resignated.
@@jennyleighbeauty well, friend is a friend. I know many stories a guy friend was secretly in love and through the friendship love bloosomed
Yes friends are fine but these guys aren’t real friends 🤗🤗
@@Mat_Shaffer well, then they are friends who have a crush on you 😅 otherwise how could you ever get into the relationship?
my ex boyfriend had female orbiters. Describes the situation so well
I’m happy this resonated with you
Mat: Thanks for another outstanding video. Your videos are relevant and directed to your audience. You truly help and guide women through our dating lives. I wish I had known you earlier or that you were connected to my family to initiate me at a much earlier age (I wish you were my brother or cousin). Now I assume men are looking for one thing and I respond, "Call a prostitute." As for my life, I have become a servant of God in my own way. I lack the phenomenal public speaking skills both you and Victor Oddo possess, but I can show God's love, peace and mercy by my presence. I can help people by example. Thank you again for helping me to never get my heart broken again!!!! I hope that your throat is better!!!!
Happy to help!
I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for 16 years and had a child with him. Even though i was working on myself, at that time, i even wanted to commit suicide at the end. I did an intense 2 years therapy and after 5 years apart, i still struggle with my dating life even though i am a stronger person and did a lot of healing and introspection to embrace my self worth. Still have to deal with this monster for my child, but i can now see where they come from and why i chose this person in my past. Unfortunately, they do a lot of damage even with their kids. Stay away from these people. They are not worth a second of your energy. ❤
Thanks for sharing!
Do you think the Narcissistic person KNOWS and is aware of their abusive behavior? Or are they truly thinking this is perfectly acceptable behavior?
I appreciate your opinion on this!
The next spiritual “f” boy that comes along will be cursed with my witchery 🌪lol🌚JK
Hope you don't come across one! :)
Omgosh, I have one guy, who I have not heard from him for a year, he has send me messages to check how I am ,lets catch up babe. I know in the past we went out for dates ,his a charmer, but he lied he has more ladies in his life.. but told me its all lies. Not sure who I should believe. We remind friends.
Then never heard of him since.
NOW his messaging me.
I reply I am busy.
I think, belive he wants only one thing.
Be careful with your beliefs! They create your reality
My ex dump me and came back 2 yrs later. To me all he's after is sex. Mine sent a photo after he dated someone else for 8 months and crept back into my life. I knew soon as i seen the photo what he was after. He calls me pet names. And after 2 years of ignoring me suddenly bought me a Christmas present again.i adked him wheres your girl friens. His rely was, she's around. He sends me mixed signals all the time. He is wver one of these men you've described.
I promise there are good guys out there my dear!
Never found that person yet.