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keep navel gazing and sharing your struggles with the toilet. we are allowed to be our own special interests.

I see you and hear you. I can't fix the situation for any of us, but I can send validation. i can relate to mis-attuned (or un-tuned) parents. sending wishes for healing in community. ❤

Diagnosed start of year at 53 and alot to digest and adjust to whilst in tandem making life easier as it makes sense now. Youre a very beautiful lady who understands.

Gosh I really love you for this. These are the feelings in my head, and this is/these are the stages of my diagnosis that I am finding myself in more and more often. Reaching in to my new fancy tool box more often, and feeling more and more anger and resentment for the damaged inner child as things about my current and past life become more clear. ❤ THANK YOU ❤

My experience after understanding why I was having difficulty living in this world. Grief of a life that could've or should've been. Grief of time lost. Regret and frustration of attempting and failing to live a life as a neurotypical. The cognitive and emotional exhaustion following the reassessment of everything you've ever done and reframing the experience. Anger at everyone who tried to condition me to be neurotypical. Upset about forgetting who I was. Realizing that I'm starting over. At least I know now and have the chance to become the person I could've been. Interesting to see who I am and what the real me can accomplish. Missed my turn? No, it's finally my turn now.

Jesus loves you❤

Listening to you describing my experience is good medicine. Thank you. I'm currently in a low spoons space and attending to what I'm hearing in this video is a worthy use of energy right now. Again, thank you.

Sometimes the why came after the fact. Oh, my yes.

I am absolutely floored.... my therapist has been suggesting mindfulness exercises, though not really being specific and we always run out of time or get sidetracked. Its been frustrating cause I couldnt really understand what exactly 'mindfulness' is,,, is that not part of my problem?? Mind is too full. This explanation makes so much sense to me, and I had one of those 'sit up in shock' when you talked about disassociating as a mind rest and walking as being helpful for being more aware of body, etc.... Up until I was about 26, I used to pace my room listening to music and just disassociate, or play out some movement to go with the music (Not really dancing physically but mentally I suppose. i stopped because my own cptsd made me overly aware of people being aware of me and got self conscious... but i never knew this was like a thing??? earlier last year my friend hit me with 'I thought you were already diagnosed with autism and adhd but never brought it up'. THeir diagnosis was important for them as an explanation, but even after I got confirmation I found it didnt' really change how I see myself. I think because I was home schooled for such a long time I was able to understand how my own brain worked so it never much effected me except how bad I was at socializing... which I just tossed into the 'I was home schooled'.

So helpful. I’m also experiencing the knowledge that I am almost definitely autistic and ADHD at 49, as a visiral experience, permeating my being. It feels like a process of embodying truth. Processing this is not cognitive, it’s deeper than that. I hope to get my official diagnosis over the next few months but it’s definitely a process of healing and identity shift that feels authentic but childlike at the same time. My inner child is showing up every day, I’m remembering my intense interests and loneliness that developed from feeling different as a child and teenager. I like the feelings wheel but I have Alexithymia so although I feel things very deeply I can’t identify what the emotion is. I’ve been masking this too by guessing when I’m with someone, to feel normal.

Thanks for articulating your experience of this. Since discovering im autistic at age 60 (with ADHD and possibly CPTSD too) I can now recognise ableism and reject assumptions and judgements projected through ignorant and arrogant attitudes of so called experts (ie medics, health coaches, psychiatrists, psychologists and the like) Despite their confidence in thinking they have all the answers, there's a massive gap in all areas of professional training with regards to neuro-divergence, our biology as well as our psychological and relational dynamics. I've learnt through very painful and isolating experiences to not automatically trust anyone's prescriptions or advice because it's narrow minded, short sighted and over simplified. It has proven useless at the least, and caused irreparable harm to my body and mind in some instances. I've learnt that I must seek support in advocating for myself, and to question authority in almost every interaction where my physical and mental health and autonomy are concerned. I really appreciate listening to your perspective, it's helping me unpick the tangle of late diagnosis for myself.

❤

This was so helpful, thank you!

Thankfully I have 2 dogs. Walking in nature with them is my go too tool❤

I’m in such a bad and reoccurring place that I looked for your message in particular! I’m 73 years old and only recently learned I am autistic! Great!! Not really!! I’ve struggled so many years not understanding this part of me! I’m angry that I couldn’t know sooner! Now… with my energy waning, it seems like a cruel trick to have struggled this much for so long! I kept thinking, that if I “just” strategized better or learned more, I might somehow “fit in!” It didn’t work and now I know it won’t ever work! I came here to listen to another autistic person’s view of despair and who also understands the autistic dilemma! I’ve been treated for depression etc not knowing the underlying cause or contributing factor! I appreciate you, taking the time, to explain your experience, in hopes that it might be helpful to me!! Thank you!!❤

Have you actually been diagnosed as ASD, or was it your own conclusion based on something you read? . I find that physical constipation often leads to mental constipation, and if you resolve the latter, you automatically resolve the former. . Another factor often overlooked is lack of sleep. Getting enough sleep is often enough to clear your head. . But being in nature, especially while barefoot, is very good too. And if you have enough privacy to be able to strip completely naked in the woods, that’s mental clarity at its finest.

Obviously people have heard about echolalia, well known autistic trait, but I believe the word is "echolagia" for when you have repeating thoughts like they're stuck. Probably what you described as "ear worms". Btw. seeing and hearing the Australian spring/summer makes me jealous. Would very much like to trade the boring gray 7°C Danish weather for that right now. Hoping I can say the same, in 3½ years, that I've integrated the new reality, I only got diagnosed 3-4 months ago at the age of 41, so while I talk about it every now and then, I still can't explain to people what's going on. Like demand avoidance.

I use a DBT/IFS combo of non-judgmental observation and acknowledge a part feeling this or that and invite the discombobulated part to tag along with whatever is in our safe and secure place. Not making the straying part wrong seems to be shortening my overall out of it time. Acceptance and acknowledgment go far for me. I like the phrase I heard you use: passive processing. Nice.

I like hearing the acceptance in the insight. How nice having 10 productive days to look back on. Interesting for me nonjudgmentally observing my capacity and hearing others share their own experience when the energy reserve and the mental motivation seem out of alignment. Learning self kindness. Practicing accounting for personal behavior. Thank you for sharing your work.

I do love a nice break, how was it?

I am kind of wondering what is happening to me. I am 67 years old. A couple of years ago got a diagnosis of Autism. At first a bit nervous as to what it might bring up but mostly ok. Recently have been going through very weird state of mind very much linked to the past. Some strong alienation from society, not being able to do stuff that one should do tasks and work. Some strange comparisons with others as if I am even a sickly substance and horrible and no good. These are memories from decades ago. I can’t believe they would be this strong. As such I am finding hard to accept that I felt so bad as a child and in the past just because of not fitting in. Also there were other traumas as a child such as accidents and stuff so I wonder what is the cause or do they overlap. Even though I was sent to child guidance as a child because of other functioning problems. I have become scared that I might see myself in a way that was stigmatising as in when people used the word retard. As if I might see myself as traumatically alien and become ill by it. However contacting and mixing with other Autistic people is balancing it out because of course we are all human. I even feel strong love for them. I am concerned that something is coming out from my unconscious which is my past sickly substance self. Last night I was thinking have I made the right decision getting a diagnosis. Could it make me ill. I am backward and horrible even if I have 3 degrees and other stuff. I am working on it though.

Gosh this is so good. And so relatable. I am in this stage myself right now. So many of your words, word choices, carefully deliberate descriptions help me to verbally explain my own experience/evolution of feelings in a way I was having difficulty doing. I'm the "holy moly the cicadas were so loud in the last vid" lady, our ages and autism discovery timeline/journey/stages are very synced, it is so beneficial to me to hear the way you describe the things I'm also discovering and trying to verbalize, to give specific sentiment and vocabulary to the things that I have/am experiencing. Gosh. Just.... Thank you so much!!! TH-camr Mom On The Spectrum spends quite a bit of video time on the mental/life/healing/health benefits of having VOCABULARY to describe this journey. At the very beginning of my discovery journey I heard Paul Micallef of Autism From The Inside describe how he moves his upper body and shoulders because they feel like someone else's, ME TOO/SAME REASON, I could * finally * put that mind-spinning-obsessing-struggle to rest because I had a set of words to describe it now! Your channels and others like this are soooo beneficial!! Anyway, it's uncanny how aligned our journeys are, so much so that I feel like I've had a really great therapy session or break through while/after watching your content. I wonder if it is a "typical" journey that could be outlined and provided to those newly diagnosed to kinda give them a compass, of what to kind of expect... kinda like having a general understanding of the 5 stages of grief is beneficial. I know that would be really inappropriate for so many of us, and in so many ways, so I'm not sure how that would work, I sure don't want to be that jerk that presumes everyone's journey is like mine, or that the self-discovery of it all isn't a necessary and significant part of the beneficial healing part of the journey. This thought is coming from a place of wanting people to have an easier go of it. Okay I'll move on from that thought... For me, finally having a word, "autism" to apply to my 46 years of undiagnosed autistic life, and implementing it, has been like the 5 stages of grief meets a 12 step program - so much so that I think you should write a book about the life stages of late-diagnosed autism. Your ability to organize your thoughts and words and convey them so carefully and succinctly. Gosh. And you already have all the chapters created through this channel! Oh gosh I'm pre-ordering now hahhaaa ❤ Thanks for this and for reassuring us that the channel will go on! Congrats on your "you-ness"! 🎉

17:50 oh my heavens this sounds exactly like me!!! In my video I posted today I shared about being pretty sure I'm autistic but I just cannot afford a diagnosis!!! 😳

The blame, the shame, and the fear of going insane. Yes, that thing is a thing. A thing. Not all things. Where shall I put it? Shall I? Safety, space and time. Yes. Relieved to hear you're continuing your vlog.

As an older autistic woman who works at a supermarket (and who literally does the shopping for our customers who order online), it is probably completely innocent behaviour on the part of the person behind the checkout. In many stores, it's part of the job description to pack the shopping and, as someone who does it day in day out, they were probably trying to pack it in a way that someone with years of experience would know how to do. Unfortunately, as workers, we don't make the rules. 😢 It is a very interesting discussion, though. Send a letter to the store manager directly. Ask for consideration. Perhaps it will implement change, and in the future, those behind the checkout will be required to ask if you want them to pack the groceries or if you wish to do it yourself.

Yuck. Here's what I think: it's an autism thing and a human thing - meaning, I can totally get why that bothered you, and I can relate to the visceral feeling, confusion, sense of being disturbed. I think many of us actually do things for a reason, like you explained - and the packer probably just had other reasons (maybe so used to packing things a certain way and forgot that you had been packing? Or just didn't realize it would matter to you, since for many it might not matter.) But we do things for a REASON that often regulates us in some way, so when others mess with that, it not only violates a boundary for us that the other may not have (and therefore we can't relate to what they are doing, and it basically just feels unnecessary, thoughtless, or rude) - it also messes with us on multiple levels. I am sorry you had to feel the ick from that. The reason I think it's also a human thing is because if you had crossed his boundaries in some way, he would have also been bothered - but I don't think he/she would have necessarily had the physiological response as much. In general, neurotypicals react quite badly when neurodivergent folks cross what they perceive to be their own boundaries, so I think to that extent, it's a human thing. Btw, so nice to see you here - your content is always so good! Once I was checking out at Target (non-groceries) and the young man at the checkout counter literally started tossing my items like he was shooting hoops! I actually reported his behavior to the manager, simply because...well, that's nuts, but also, he could break things...AND...that stuff didn't even belong to him, since I was the one who had purchased it - it just seemed disrespectful to be throwing around my items when I am actually quite careful with my items. I am dealing with a very viscerally uncomfortable situation right now, it has left me feeling disregulated for a week now - to the point where I have layed down in a darkened room for periods of time. There is an old woman at my church who won't stop lavishing me with very much unwanted/unsolicited physical affection during the service. She grabs, she clutches, she takes my hand, she kisses my shoulders, she hugs, she rubs my back - she's worse than a drunk at the bar - well, to me. I'm sure to others it's not THAT big of a deal, but she doesn't target others for this as much as she targets me. It's very distracting and makes me hypervigilant - either because I know it's coming (when she comes from the front), or I can't sense it coming since she often strikes from behind. I feel like I'm going to church with Pepe Le Peu! It's got my nervous system so amped up because I feel stalked, but it's beyond that - it's really affecting my physically. I have tried ignoring, moving away, refusing to go with her when she grabs my harm, shushing her when she tries to engage with me, explaining in a low voice that I'm trying to focus on the service, and refusing to look at her when I see her - because any time I turn around, she is already looking deeply into my eyes. This all started years ago - but it used to be a hand grab and a kiss, which I didn't like in general, especially since she doesn't know me at all (forced intimacy), but I just put up with it to be polite since many people do this kind of thing. Big mistake...it has only ramped up to this extreme level now - and she used to stand far back, now she stands right behind me, it's awful. My husband says at this point it would be better to ask her to stop over a text message rather than verbally correcting her in church. I haven't decided what to do yet, I want to do what is least stressful overall for me. But here is my lesson learned: I should have nipped this in the bud immediately! It's hard, though - because I am used to giving some kind of leeway to people, accepting it as one of those things about being in public or a larger group....but seeing HOW much this bothers me - letting her do it only encouraged her behavior to get worse. I thought it was weird right form the get go - and sure enough, it's just gotten weirder. Yes, I think that's the key - that was hard for me. It was hard for me to know whether she was being weird or just neurotypical - but looking back, I do think she was weird - I mean, she didn't even know my name - for years - when she started. Here is my other takeaway...I think. I am going to try to keep in mind that this situation is probably MUCH larger in my own mind than it would be to anyone else, and I shouldn't feel so stressed about the idea of addressing it. Otherwise I might risk saying "too much" (as others say, though I think I"m just being clear and thorough) - maybe I can try, maybe I will manage. So there's my latest stupid dilemma that I need to deal with. Do you have any thoughts on what you are going to do the next time you go to the store? Will you just try to stick to your usual routine, or will you say something if someone tries to shift your items? Sorry for such a long post. I didn't realize it was such an essay. I get if you don't have the spoons/energy to respond much! Again, good to see you :-)

I don't recognise complex shape translations and transformations as intelligence, my cat has a much higher 'spatial intelligence' than me and probably most people but he doesn't have great language skills and I'm sure he's illiterate.

I saw Girl, Interrupted in the theater 3 times. I identified with it so hard.

Spiky skillset

It seems to me like the autistic approach is to avoid chaos more so than others. I suspect that what drives that motivation is extreme anxiety. The more anxious you are, the more you realize how much you don’t know. Anxiety is itself a feeling. So, if I’m right, autistic people are still driven by feelings every bit as much as everyone else.

“… as my whole me …” 🌻

So relatable, thank you 🙏🏽

How did u get a diagnosis?

This was such a helpful video. Thank you.

Hi, I've not seen your videos before. For me, you didn't ramble, you made perfect sense as you allowed us in as you were processing in real time. Wow how blessed you are. This is what I would love to have and be too...whole, safe to be me. What a wonderful team you belong to who are genuinely inclusive and accepting of the uniqueness of each contributing member.

I agree wholeheartedly. My journey of beginning to be me began at 60 with diagnoses of depression, generalised anxiety, cPTSD, ADHD and Autism. Thank you for a very real and authentic description

That moment when I heard you say the content of your mind dropped to the floor and ran away. My own mind changed its focus. That experience of having an idea gathered and then lost to my immediate access has been a focus of therapeutic work for me for 7 years. I liked hearing that you were able to regain your mind's content for sharing meaningfully with your colleagues. Recognizing that my reaction to "the got away experience " rather than the experience itself triggering my anxiety came to me through my practice of DBT. My therapist recognized my disturbance at losing it and gently encouraged me to trust that what was lost would return if I truly needed it. 7 years later, I can laugh and truthfully admit with gratitude that accepting how diligently I work to keep my ducks in a row and how exhausting that is actually is its own task while tending to those quackers is another. Even at age 73 struggling to balance enough, I can now sometimes see the reward of my effort is worthwhile. Every time I relisten to this video I hear more resonating within. Integrity. Something to stand on and feel the absence of anxiety. Musical integrity. Symphonic. Thank you.

This is where I am too. Also in my 3rd year. It feels like now im putting what ive learned in to practice. The traumatic realizations and replaying/re-experiencing every single (traumatic) second of the last 45years of my life through the clarifying lens of autism has been less of a daily experience and more of an "okay i think i know what to do in this situation now" kind of thing. Love you but i have to cut this video short due to the (cranky fan? angry crickets?) sound. Glad to be here with you ❤

You did a GREAT job explaining your experience, and I found it extremely helpful. Thank you!😺

This is huge!! So happy for you! 😊 I am experiencing an almost identical circumstance at my work. I'm autistic/ ADHD in my late 50s and for the first time EVER feel seen and understood at work. It's a momentary, precarious thing, and if even one small component of my work environment changes, I'll be back to high masking and high anxiety. But for now, I'll just keep showing up and learning more about being myself as a more integrated human.

That's wicked Amanda, I'm so pleased for you. What a great feeling!

Third viewing: I wondered about a word you used. So I used the dictionary. Fulcrum. Thank you! I needed that and didn't know. Now I have it!

Celebrating being motivated to locate a fitting descriptor! Innocuously. Yes. I was wondering how it is that I experience seemingly disproportionate adverse effect from unexpected encounters whether it be phone, text, or a knock on the door. I noticed appreciatively receiving this video showing up early this Sunday morning. My mind questioned my using inobtrusively as a descriptor which led me to a thesaurus. Now I have the reward of feeling happy to have found a better fit. Innocuously describes how this unexpected input is landing in my realm. I enjoy listening to what you share here in this TH-cam space.

This is so good, and helpful to hear you explain the various aspects of coming to a place of acceptance and becoming authentic. It’s amazing that you were able to get an education/career and remain in it…without fight-flight-freeze responses or social/emotional scary moments where you can’t bear it, for example. Not a lot of us can do that. I’ve not been able to do that bc of triggers and trauma and sensory issues. I never put it together that it was bc of my cpst & autism (very late diagnosis) that caused me to feel so different and broken that I couldn’t bear it. Always feeling out of place wherever I worked, or afraid. Now the work is accepting history, and accepting myself as ok at 62.

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉bouquets of appreciation for the update from you regarding your understanding of your incorporation of experience. Your working a puzzle as you videoed correlates somehow with what I'm doing right now as I am awake since 2 o'clock in the morning and it's close to 4 as I comment. I've been journaling my account of recent experiences. Simply, I want to say. Now. And I grant myself the privilege to trust that I'll return to the video to rewatch and relisten when I have more editing capacity available. I'm currently reconciling my body/mind condition post accomplishment of necessary tasks and unfulfilled family/social expectations. Nonjudgmentally observing even my judgment is a practice I'm aware of harboring this October as the seasonal changes and I meet again. I like doing 25-45 piece puzzles. Just little things for a breath. Thank you for dropping by inobtrusively. Already, I see that how I've described the effect on me of opening this video is somewhat inaccurate. What I mean to say is not that the effect of watching and listening to the video is not noticeable but that I'm not feeling disturbed by its being unexpected and unplanned. Same for my commenting. A rich day this is looking to be. Rich in what remains to be seen. Fare well now.

Hello high, keeping this short as l have communication problems its all there in my head what l want to say but it all disappears quickly, lm reassured listening to your story - l relate to much of what you said .well done thank you .

Looking forward to feeling self-integrated after only a year on this journey of autism, ADHD, anxiety, and CPTSD - like you - late in life. Nice to know the reflections I'm doing may pay off eventually because as you said, the diagnosis doesn't automatically fix everything. I appreciate you sharing your story. Hehe, the thoughts fell to the floor and scattered 🙋‍♀️ So nice your work event felt safe for you to feel supported.

Do you get chronic migraines from anxiety autism

Hey, I’m Gabriel. Thank you so much for this. I’m late diagnosed Autistic too and I appreciate the your expression on this. I wasn’t sure if I would find an adequate answer to how I’m trying process my experience with the word “overthinking.” However, while that may be true it’s also true the way you expressed the several uses of the word and that there’s no agreed upon primary use of that word really helped me acknowledge the way I experience words in general; good ole verbal currency. Thank you again, so much. You’re a helper. 🌻

The depiction of attention as a spotlight one can direct at will, seems to miss out on the (practically) unknowable non-conscious influences on said capacity/cognitive resource. For instance, the 'brain and body states' underlying what might be, to some degree, experienced as anxiety, fatigue, 'low mood', arousal, etc.