Finding your life purpose when you're Autistic & Anxious.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ค. 2024
- Every now and then I'll find myself pondering life's BIG question of 'What are we here for' or, more specifically "What am I here for, what's MY unique purpose?' These thoughts typically rise up from a place of sheer exhaustion and desperation after yet another episode of burn-out caused by my inability to get a grip on my own life.
For the last five or maybe 10 years my goal has just been to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Mainly because that time frame saw us go from a family with two children to a family with two teenagers and now young adults plus an ageing parent who also lives with us. Not only are my husband and I the fabled and forgotten Generation X, we are now also the meat in life's sandwich. By choice, I'll add. We did choose this (except the Gen X part, which just sort of happened).
Now, two years into my Suddenly Autistic life and I find myself at another of life's crossroads and this time, possibly for the first time ever, I can centre myself as the protagonist. Well almost, grandad is still along for this ride...
What do I want to have as my purpose for this, a time which will arguably be the most 'me' focused part of my whole life (is that even a good thing)?
I've been trying to re-focus, re-orientate and answer this question for myself in a way that makes my (near at least) future sound exciting and interesting enough to keep me motivated through it while not too exciting and chaotic that it leaves me feeling overwhelmed and dissociated.
I decided to start that process with you, my Vlog followers, by making this video. While I still haven't nailed my 'elevator pitch' I've definitely gained a bit more insight into who I am, why my own choices have tripped me up in the past and where I want to go in this next phase.
I do hope you can join me.
Thank you! I very much appreciate your videos. I also like and bristle at rules; I reckon it's because predictability comforts me and rules support me in predicting social engagements while at the same time, my autistic brain sees so many different ways to relate beyond the rules. Ugh.
Me too! I think many a video about how many daydreams one can create while obsessing over a single rule is in order. 😅😂. Thank you so much for sharing.
these videos that you make are valuable contributions 😊
Thank you
Watching you demonstrate this exercise of self reflection and introducing me to the value cards and thinking about person-centered insights was the best 42 minutes I've spent in ages. Thank you!
So glad to hear it helped. That's great.
On the topic of having blind spots and not knowing everything, I seems to me that it's because of the unpredictable nature of life, and to me it helps to be really aware of what I'm doing at the moment and why( in a loving non-judgemental way) , without destroying the fun of being invested and somewhat blind to many things. It gives me greater chance to notice and understand my reactions in that moment or before it occurs.
What I want to say, that this unpredictability and blind spots shouldn't be really viewed in a negative way if one trust him/herself to stay present ond observant in the moment. It rather a beautiful thing that you're able to understand most of your behavior and bring some empathy and calm.
I love your videos. It reminds me that casual daydreaming about understanding myself could be documented a little bit better.
Thanks for sharing your insights @RadanovicDanijel. It's lovely to hear your experience of this. I agree that bind spots are not always negative, but only when we accept them as part of life, both within & outside of ourselves. I do hope you get a chance to document your daydreaming too if you feel it would be of benefit. I often end up having the insights as I make these videos. They are rarely fully resolved ahead of time.
I am just so tired. It has taken so much energy just to get through each day one at a time I haven’t had the luxury to set goals. I know what I value, what matters to me, but lack the ability or insight or energy to know how to aim toward that proactively rather than just reacting because I am always “playing catch-up” like you mentioned.
Oh I do understand and feel that so strongly in my stomach, like I just got punched reading that. I am so glad you shared. I was sitting here having a moment of thinking 'Good grief, all these people watching will probably think I'm such a self-obsessed downer' but actually that's me sh*t talking myself. Feeling too tired is valid and no doubt a highly accurate appraisal of one's situation in life. I realised after making this my number one 'goal' is to carefully go back and dismantle the hurdles I've made for myself while respecting the hurdles that are inherently me. I'm going to do this peacefully, one step at a time. Best of luck to you, my tired viewer.
Yes, I’m also trying to figure out what bits are inherently me and need support and which bits it is worth the energy expenditure to try and shift. Thanks so much for your affirmation.
Interesting and insightful. Thank you for your contribution here on TH-cam.
And thank you for watching. I really appreciate it.
😊yes😊
Regarding rules-sometimes it's specifically useful to have something to push against.
Ooohhhh I like that
Amanda, meaning is the existential question.
Anyone conscious who has experienced life that has not been confronted with anxiety is a robot infused with AI. Autism is another passenger and not its pilot.
What is described as adult autism with PTS was known as existentialism back in my day, to be clear, I am 79 years old.
In fact Post Traumatic Stress, many have dropped the ‘D’ for disorder, only became a diagnosis in 1980. To imply that it did not exist before 1980 is ludicrous.
My current guide is a 20 year old autistic woman, Greta Thunberg, and she is showing me a way to confront modernity and my place amongst it.
Greta Thunberg’s new book ‘The Climate Book’ which is a handbook of a number of essays by a distinguished group also includes some by Greta herself. She writes with an abrasion of a direct strike that highlights her autism as an asset.
She's definitely a great force in the world, that's for sure. I do love her gutsy way and dedication to her cause. I can't personally relate to her, though not that it matters. I guess I'm more in the Sinead O'Connor camp that way. My trauma boots are heavy. Good job my legs are strong.
@@suddenlyautistic
Sinead O'Connor will be missed she is a great Irish writer in the tradition of James Joyce and Samuel Beckett ☘
@@suddenlyautistic
Amanda, have you looked into the work of Dr. Gül Dölen, MD, PhD.