I'm newly diagnosed and have been devouring vlogs/videos such as yours in an attempt to get insight into how best to approach my life going forward. Your content has been wonderfully thought-provoking. Thank you for sharing your experiences and your thoughts. Something that I've been particularly struggling with recently is trying to find the line between expressing my authentic self in social situations and deciding on the validity of the negative feedback I get in response. For instance, I find myself often unable to decide whether I should feel bad or not for someone else being uncomfortable with something I said (because they misinterpreted it, 99.9% of the time). Often, an apology will be demanded and I'll usually acquiess just to keep the peace, but I think I need to find ways to identify what is bad behavior on my part that I SHOULD attemp to work on, versus what is "bad" behavior that is just me being autistic and other people should simply accept it as a part of my disability. I would be curious to hear how you navigate the challenge of deciding which aspects of yourself you should work on and which to leave as-is.
Thank you for your feedback and question. I'm glad you stopped by and found something that resonated. In terms of knowing what to work on, I've generally taken a 'bush fire incoming' approach. I live in a bush fire prone area, so I am experienced in preparing to lose everything that's not moved out the way, so that helps. Basically, I started working on the parts of my life that I felt most strongly about. For me, that meant learning how to feel and understand my feelings, to work on boundaries for myself, and to experiment daily routines until I found one that worked. In all these things, I focused mainly on myself and got feedback and support from only a few trusted people. Whenever we want to and start changing, there will always be people invested in us staying how we were as that's what they know. That's what they expect. But this can often really harm us as appeasing them often compromises us. So what I'm saying is that spending too much energy working on keeping other people feeling good is not the most important thing. The right people will care and give you grace, space, and support to learn and grow in your own time. The wrong people will not. Best of luck with your journey.
Hi. There's a DBT skill called Cope Ahead. I thought of that with your explanation of what went into preparing for attending the social event. I appreciate hearing your experience.
You deserve a big pat on the back/three cheers/bunch of flowers for going out of the comfort zone and attending this event, it’s an achievement in itself. I remember my first Autistic event that was all female/non binary and how unsettled I felt the first few times. At least it was run by Autistic people, when things are run by NTs there are very often inadvertent misalignments, which it seems like you experienced there. Personally, I have found that I prefer a more mixed gender and mix of neurodivergencies group - it is just more fun for me and I get to appreciate more perspectives. I’ve found that suits my personality better and perhaps my Autistic style is a bit more male in a lot of ways. Possibly because I identify as non binary. I think you’ve made the right decision to go again - you will settle into it after 3 or 4 goes and see if you like it and gel with some of the people. I would also suggest looking on Meetup.com. That’s where I found my people and I’ve been involved for nearly a year now and it really has changed my life.
Oh dear, I'm so sorry you experience nightmares. Bad dreams really mess with my whole day.
Just to say I really love and appreciate your videos!
Thank you. That's lovely
I'm newly diagnosed and have been devouring vlogs/videos such as yours in an attempt to get insight into how best to approach my life going forward. Your content has been wonderfully thought-provoking. Thank you for sharing your experiences and your thoughts.
Something that I've been particularly struggling with recently is trying to find the line between expressing my authentic self in social situations and deciding on the validity of the negative feedback I get in response. For instance, I find myself often unable to decide whether I should feel bad or not for someone else being uncomfortable with something I said (because they misinterpreted it, 99.9% of the time). Often, an apology will be demanded and I'll usually acquiess just to keep the peace, but I think I need to find ways to identify what is bad behavior on my part that I SHOULD attemp to work on, versus what is "bad" behavior that is just me being autistic and other people should simply accept it as a part of my disability.
I would be curious to hear how you navigate the challenge of deciding which aspects of yourself you should work on and which to leave as-is.
Thank you for your feedback and question. I'm glad you stopped by and found something that resonated. In terms of knowing what to work on, I've generally taken a 'bush fire incoming' approach. I live in a bush fire prone area, so I am experienced in preparing to lose everything that's not moved out the way, so that helps. Basically, I started working on the parts of my life that I felt most strongly about. For me, that meant learning how to feel and understand my feelings, to work on boundaries for myself, and to experiment daily routines until I found one that worked. In all these things, I focused mainly on myself and got feedback and support from only a few trusted people. Whenever we want to and start changing, there will always be people invested in us staying how we were as that's what they know. That's what they expect. But this can often really harm us as appeasing them often compromises us. So what I'm saying is that spending too much energy working on keeping other people feeling good is not the most important thing. The right people will care and give you grace, space, and support to learn and grow in your own time. The wrong people will not. Best of luck with your journey.
Hi. There's a DBT skill called Cope Ahead. I thought of that with your explanation of what went into preparing for attending the social event. I appreciate hearing your experience.
Oh cool, I'll look into that. I've done a little DBT training with a group called Family Connections who are great. Every little helps x
You deserve a big pat on the back/three cheers/bunch of flowers for going out of the comfort zone and attending this event, it’s an achievement in itself. I remember my first Autistic event that was all female/non binary and how unsettled I felt the first few times. At least it was run by Autistic people, when things are run by NTs there are very often inadvertent misalignments, which it seems like you experienced there. Personally, I have found that I prefer a more mixed gender and mix of neurodivergencies group - it is just more fun for me and I get to appreciate more perspectives. I’ve found that suits my personality better and perhaps my Autistic style is a bit more male in a lot of ways. Possibly because I identify as non binary.
I think you’ve made the right decision to go again - you will settle into it after 3 or 4 goes and see if you like it and gel with some of the people. I would also suggest looking on Meetup.com. That’s where I found my people and I’ve been involved for nearly a year now and it really has changed my life.