Yes, Your Partner is Terrible, But Your Problem Is YOU
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ย. 2024
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No one should have to grow up neglected. It’s common for children to blame themselves for their parent’s inability to give them love and stability. Once you’re an adult, this form of magical thinking can ruin your life. You find yourself getting into relationships with totally unworkable partners - but believing that you are “making” them treat you badly. And you don’t leave, and they keep treating you badly, and you still don’t leave, and they keep treating you badly, and because it’s so easy to make you think everything is your fault. In this video i respond to a woman who blames herself for her partner's mistreatment of her. Hear my advice for how to stop gaslighting herself, and face the REAL problem.
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The way you talk about what a healthy relationship looks like, and how drugs and alcohol blur that vision is a huge gift to the world!! Thank you Anna.
516 days sober and benzo free. Out of relationships for 7 years and feel so greatful for my recovery. I wish I could have learned earlier. I am gentle with myself and just safe for the first time since 1986.
Amen Elizabeth. I am thankful for your recovery as well, you are now an encouragement to those who haven't found sobriety yet, or to those who have but don't remember that they aren't alone in how it's not easy, but worth it.
Anna thank you for continuing to make videos. I continue to learn from them and those who comment.
congrats!!
Keep up the great work . If no one else tells you this today. I'm super proud of you.
❤❤❤well done!!!
I recently reconnected with a man I dated many years ago. He was so cute and fun that I was very hurt when I realized he was dating other women. We broke up. Soon after that he married his current wife. Now when we run into each other socially, it’s hilarious to me to see his wife watching him closely and closing in when she sees that he is interested in other women (including me). I dodged a bullet. Who wants to play that game? My husband and I have trust and it’s wonderful.
Im glad you moved on to better ❤
Better no relationship than an unhealthy one...
You can say that twice and mean it!
He's capable of hiding a lot. I lived with someone who would bang his head off of the floor and walls when I called him out on his affairs. Seemed like I must have been driving him crazy with my paranoia right?! Once I finally left him, I ran into him later and sure enough he was holding hands with the woman I had "accused" him of cheating with... instant validation!!!!
Similar situation, my issue is that we live in different countries and he has no social media so I will never get any proof.. he also painted himself as the victim of „my insanity“ all the time, especially towards the end where he also verbally abused me almost daily. I wish I could call him out, I am so angry
@@CupNoodleKittyEver considered writing a letter? Regardless of whether or not you mail it to him, writing it - blowing out the rage & pain is therapeutic.
I urge people to avoid getting in relationships with toxic people believing that you can "fix" them, it will ruin your love life for years to come. I did that and it was so awful I locked myself up in my personal fort and threw away the keys, now it feels extremely hard to let people enter my life. It's been like this for years and I'm still trying to heal
Oh boy. She didn’t see it coming. He was seeing others when they first started…
The hardest thing is that telling a guy upfront that a lie is a dealbreaker really can encourage him to get better at it. But I feel for the letter-writer; you don't always realize that a guy that treats you well is only doing it for the support he's getting from you, not because he loves you. Sometimes people just can't love. And Fairy is 💯 right about that next woman inheriting the mess.
Never tell someone your boundaries. They will weaponizing it. Act in accordance with unwanted behavior.
Exactly. Told them one more lie on our second try would make me leave. Skip to a month later, they not only lied, denied sometging I had actual proof of and then said I ruined everything for nothing cause they never lied to me ever (and then doubled back saying all their lies benefitted me and not them). Took me a while but I see now, my ex didn’t love me cause he can’t feel love, he just liked what I provided.
So cute - The Fairy is right again!
Yes, never tell someone what you are seeking in a partner or your dealbreakers. It just allows a person to pretend to be what he or she is not. There is no point in sharing such info with a potential partner. The other person just needs to be himself/herself. Only you have to be aware of what you must have or what you are unable to accept in a partner so that you can move on early in the dating process if the other person is not a match.
Sometimes people just can't love! Wow!
Your videos are always so invigorating for me. When I'm feeling down or defeated, I plug in and get my focus back. I know I'm in a good place: widowed but financially stable, making new friends, with the freedom to not have to punch a clock anymore, and dreams I still want to chase. A new man in my life like my late beloved mate, who made me feel cherished, would be the frosting on this fine cake. I'm taking the time now to face more of the crap I was put through unintentionally by my wounded parents, which I then put my own kids through. Taking responsibility, asking forgiveness, forgiving but not forgetting, not abandoning myself ever again. 20+ years alcohol-free. The best 20 years of my life by far.
Congrats.
I agree about alcohol for sure. Im only 6 months free and i know i have to stay focussed on that journey. Absolutely no positive energy to share without falling backwards, so yeah dont date someone in early recovery. Im pushing myself, testing myself. Some good progress made. Building a new me that doesnt succumb to overwhelm and triggers. Takes a lot of energy but is so rewarding. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom 👍
I’m wishing all the best for you in your recovery ❤
that relationship is entirely composed of red flags... that guy is SO untrustworthy, and has clearly been blaming her for everything too!
he isnt a good thing, he isnt mostly good...gah!
I can so relate to this letter. 🙏🏻 and ❤ for you to say good riddance to this guy. Trust me, it's not your fault and he will never change. Those were your instincts not your insecurities.
You don't make yourself believe that it's all your fault. It's society that does that to you. The question is always "and what did you do to make him do that?" This is the basic position of family, friends, relatives, lawyers, judges, etc. It's always all your fault.
TOTALLY AGREE! Even psychologists
I went through the same thing. I spent my early life surrounded by people who denied the obvious because it made them uncomfortable.
She thinks she ruined a good thing ? ...yikes
Crazy, right? I thought so as well with a guy who lied, verbally abused me and treated other women to things while not even getting me a card for my birthday.
It is easy to feel that way when you dont know if you nagging or if you are making the right choice to address things.
.......I feel like you're reading the last three YEARS Of my life...
So happy Im finally getting over it....some ppl are just...unsavable..they're stuck in their ways. Even when it ruins ppl... And the hardest part...is realizing that...
True. Relationships are not for some people. I'm finally able to thank God that He didn't bring me "The One." ❤ LoL. That's freedom! 🎉
Your hair looks amazing
Healing from this...I was married, and ready to do anything to save my marriage, but I couldn't change how he treated me, or my kids. Finally, walking/running away...was the best thing I EVER did!
Same here. You’re doing the right thing for you and your kids will be so much better off without him! Hugs.
I'm reliving my past relationship just watching this omg being cheated on is the WORSTTTT
THIS title is gonna ruffle some feathers 😅. It’s true though- not just partners but evvverrryyythiiiing - so within so without 👍🏻
I have done this cycle for 7 years. And now I have a kid with this guy! And now how am I supposed to go no contact 😭😭😭
I avoid relationships since they are triggering for me...
That's why it's better to be alone. Stay away from everyone, spoil yourself. ❤❤❤❤❤
I experienced something similar and blamed myself for months. I finally start seeing clearly that I wasn’t paranoid.. it just hurts my self-esteem so much, the woman I worried about is 10 years younger and I’m in my late 30‘s, thinking I‘ll never find anyone and will only get hurt while he gets to be happy.. on some days I‘m filled with so much rage and sadness..
I had a severely disabled sister so my parents had to focus more on her than myself....
Sounds like a book! Lots of magical thinking I've been there for years
Im 200% sure as heck she was dealing with a narcisist
this letter is 100% me! (not literally), but just saying, i feel so connected to your writers. unalone. i've totally been here and it's awful- so much compassion for this writer and her heartbreak. 💓
Same!!
My wife told me I was the one with the problem. If I took care of my problem, WE wouldn’t have a problem. Since she’s the wife, she must have been right. Not!
As you think (which is mostly dictated by your childhood programming) so you shall be (delivers people, places, things, and situations in your life). There is NO ONE to point the finger at. The only thing to do is to control your subtle thoughts through mentally cutting off any and all self-sabotaging, coping, lacking type thoughts when they show up in the mind.
Thank you for your time and energy, your videos are a beautiful daily guide for me 💚
Thank you so much for your videos. I watch them as part of my regular self care/ therapy practice! A million THANKS! ❤
The letter writers “ gut” or intuition was telling her everything she needed to know! I’ve been there too. I won’t ignore myself again.
😳 Girl. I'm (probably) living on the other side of this planet. But you're telling MY story - everything is the same. Gosh..
Glad to hear Anna's content resonates with you. Thank you for watching!
Nika@TeamFairy
You save lives everyday 👏
True, deep wounds must be deal with in the most compasión way to yourself.. I know last one was a Catalyst and was my shadow side punishing me for not doing the inner work.. what approaches when you are not healed is a reflection of low self-esteem those part that are not consciously seen and we get attract to those souls cause it’s easier to try to fix other than ourself.
Maybe this is why I keep getting "friends" calling for support..going on for HOURS when I'm hungry/pain/wiped out, but carefully encouraging them..just to get slapped in the face with abusive bullshit.
I am done!
Call some other sucker; people.
Same, happened to me last year, I stopped working on myself for many months despite the fact that i needed it, my self-esteem was low and i attracted the most toxic man i could ever met. It was the last punch i needed to go back and heal this part of me which thought i wasn't enough.
I wasnt pretty enough, i wasn't allowed to have expectations if i wanted to be "loved". I couldn't set boundaries or I would be abandoned (thanks to my narcissist mother.)
The work was 50% done since I've started my healing journey but with this one, something clicked and gave me the opportunity to be closer to the best healed version of me.
It was excruciating but God, it has given me so much confidence. i don't waste my time trying to save others anymore. One low vibe and I'm out. I'm not ashamed anymore to say my truth even if people think I'm selfish. I don't do crumbs anymore. I still have some steps back but it helps me to be focused on my inner work.
This hit the (pain) target for me but now i do have perspective. Ive come so far and am still healing but am soooo much better now that i understand where the survival thinking comes from so i can choose better for Me. Thank you for the work you do! I am grateful.
I have severe trust issues as well...
Powerful title, and I have been there with the letter writer, and not understanding where I was going wrong, or what to do about it.
Anna, your videos are helping me heal. Blessings.
Such great advice Anna.....very, very useful and presented clearly.
👑 Maya’s quote 💯❗️❤️🩹
😥😥🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 ty for your work!!
Thanks for sharing this
I love your fairy pencil!
Regarding normotim and alfabrain, both of which contain lithium, do you believe they have sedative qualities as nootropic agents?
This title is amazing 😆
Haters gonna hate
Fairy pencil ✏️
I love you and your personality! But it's a little redundant to listen to you read letters and circle things before you give advice. Is it possible for you to summarize letters beforehand and then inform viewers of content and give advice? I have found myself skipping over the letter-reading part. Just a suggestion, Anna. Your videos are so helpful otherwise :)
No.
I love the letters
You are not a doctor or a therapist.
A real human being .. can you even imagine !!
Thank goodness for that! Mainstream medicine and psychology has misdiagnosed and mistreated trauma survivors for years and many sadly still don't get it. I get most of my recovery from ACA, whose 30+ years helping people live much better lives is based on peer support. Not to mention the almost 100 years of AA - the same. I suggest you look inwards and ask yourself why you get a charge, whatever it is, trying to challenge The Crappy Childhood Fairy. As the title says, it's ultimately always about us. I'm really sorry for whatever you had to survive. Please check out ACA - you are welcome there.
Then why are you here?
Anna has some great advice, tips and just compassion for all the damaged souls of this world. Her work is very valuable and she has helped me become a better version of myself. I hope you find peace and love in your life.