I had internalized transphobia so much when I was younger :/ I think since kindergarden… In my kindergarden there was one other transboy and he wasn`t afraid to say to everyone "I am a boy" and he always had cool "boy"-toys that I wanted and he wore boys clothing and he had short hair. I said meanest things to him like "You are a girl and you will never be a boy. You are so gross and you smell super bad." I bullied him because I knew that I was like him, but I was afraid of being myself and he wasn`t. I was so jealous to him and it scared me. I didn`t know word "transgender" back then, I was just a young child. My parents had raised to think that it was wrong. I regret more than anything that I bullied him back then. I really wish that I could change the time and be friends with him instead of being mean. Or at least meet him someday and tell to him how deeply sorry I am.
i hate when people constantly question you/your identity and say things like 'ooh you just want attention' 'you're just a misogynist' 'you're deluding youself' etcetc and then you kind of start to believe that it could be true? D:
I'm dealing with that right now. I was getting confident in a male identity and was ready to ask to be called by a male name and prounouns... then mum said she thinks it's part of my depression and general unhappiness with myself. Completely gone back in the closet and doubting it thinking it's just a phase and it's worse when I lean more towards genderqueer because there's still a part of me that is like 'man or woman, decide'. I have bad chest dysphoria and I want to transition but I'm so terrified of changing jobs etc (my job is very female orientated and involves elderly people who may get confused), making a scene then it's just a phase or I don't pass and it sucks. I'm particularly large chested and even binding I don't tend to pass and I just wanna click my fingers and be seen as male. I also feel bad because I identify more with 'wanting' to be male rather than 'i am male and have always been male', like while i don't pass i don't feel like I should take on male names/pronouns. I think again that comes back to internalised transphobia and my mum's comments too.
I honestly feel like I have a bit of man-phobia. I'm transitioning FT more M, but it's hard for me not to be afraid of men or afraid of conforming to a stereotype of men just wanting sex... and then I feel like any time I mess up I'm just proving I really can't be a "good" man... I don't know how to change this thought pattern.
I feel the same way a lot too. I'll be afraid too because usually men are seen as the average "baddie" and that somehow men are a lot more treacherous than women. I try to remind myself that women can be just as bad and that not all men are like that, but it's hard sometimes. I also try to think of it like that since I have "been" a woman socially and bodily, I can maybe understand women a bit better. I try to take it that way instead of hating the parts of me that are female, and try to use this experience to help me be a better man. As transmen, our curse is maybe also a kind of opportunity to maybe be more sensitive and gentlemanly because we've been in the social role of a woman and kind of have a feel for what it's like. I try to convince myself that that will help me be a good man.
I've definitely had feelings that I'd call internalized transphobia. When I started to consider that 'transgender' might apply to me, my first thought was something along the lines of 'No, you can't be, because those people KNOW. Those people are in dire straights, they're mentally unhealthy, they've hated their bodies all their lives, there's never any question. If you're not on the brink of cutting off your genitals, then you're just attention-seeking." Later in life, when the idea seemed more credible, what I started thinking was what I'd assume a lot of us think sometimes and wish we wouldn't: that we'll never be 'real' men and women, and that we'll never be happy. Part of where those thoughts came from is human insecurity, but I think where it also came from was the few mainstream images I knew of at the time that depicted trans people as deeply unhappy people who were incapable of finding peace. I assumed I couldn't be trans because I wasn't suicidal, and then when I realized I was trans, I assumed that someday I would become suicidal. Even now, I'm not over that. There's this tiny part of me that agrees with the people who say we're not real, that I'm not really a boy, and I never will be. I'm insanely grateful for channels like yours, Chase. It's such a help with all that bullshit.
This is a beautiful and great video! I'm just working out myself and realizing that I'm trans, and a lot of times I feel like that when I start doubting myself. It makes me angry, but it happens, and I think it's good to realize what it is and where it's coming from. I think that's why channels like yours really do an insane amount to help people and to erase that internalized hate and fear. Thank you for all you do! :D putting my hands on my chest like 5.14 life goals
I think it would be interesting, if you are up for it, making a video discussing the recent controversy of the t-slur. You mentioned not feeling like you could reclaim it but yet it was said to you many times. And you are not the only trans man that gets called that slur. I know that the slur originated with trans women and sex work. However, I feel like now the way society uses it is hateful towards all trans people. I know that as a trans man myself that is the only real slur I hear towards trans people. It seems like trans man do have ownership, in some sense, of that slur because of the way society has expanded it's meaning to not just target trans women. There isn't really a slur specifically for trans men that I know of because I have never even heard anyone using a slur other than the t slur for trans people in general. Your thoughts on this would be awesome! Thanks Chaseypoo.
I hate myself and im afraid of me because im trans and I have same sytuation as you when you were 15/16, but i still can think about me as trans guy,but still being treat like girl hurt me
This was a great video as always but OH MY GOD I stared at your mustache the whole time and my OCD kicked in about how one side is longer than the other omg I can't Chase
I know the feel, my friend went through that. He use to openly try to hate a lot of things he loved because they were considered girly. We could tell he was fake hating too by how he reacted to stuff. Pretty much, everyone who was friends with him knew he was gay but he hated the thought of it. When he did come out, his parents who were blind to it, pretty much threw nothing but hate his way. As for my story, when I started noticing I felt more like a boy back in middle school, I didn't know what transgender was, I just started feeling like I don't want to touch boys or anything because it was making me feel even less like a girl. It went on for years & when I became more accepting on who I was, I was more open & didn't care as much with those things & was happier. I still have a few issues that are common & makes sense but others that I guess others would be confused by. I'm very open & accepting of people who are transgender & are working on their transition. I do tend to feel jealousy towards them because I wish I could be as open as they are. I did find a mtf friend who isn't exactly as open. We're kind of in the same boat, just her family is much more open & loves her no matter what. It's that she's just starting her journey so she just doesn't say anything about it unless it comes up. Since she looks male, wears men clothing, & the only thing that might tip you off to her being trans is the way she talks, she just decides to use male pronouns & just be one of the guys. Since she is starting to move forward a bit when talking about her in general without using names or anything, I will refer to her as female because that's what she is but out in public around the others we do use male pronouns to avoid complications. Having a partner is helping a ton. Whenever one of us has doubts or is questioning anything, we go to each other. We're trying to help each other the best we can with the hard stuff on transitioning, I don't normally tell anyone why it was that I couldn't even stand touching anyone who was male ten years ago but I went into great detail about it with her & she understood. Because of her, I don't mind talking about that anymore.
I’ve dealed with internalized transphobia from a young age. Since I was 4. My immediate reactions to the thought that I was trans were along the lines of “no, I can’t possibly be a a boy that’s bad being trans is bad I dont want to be trans”, and “I dont want to have to pee standing with other people so obviously I’m not a boy”. I eventaully got over it, at least I thiught, I think it’s back. I’m out to my parents as genderlfuid but I’ve started to question if maybe I’m just a trans guy, but as soon as I had accepted the idea I started to think again that I dintwant to be like full out trans it kinda sucks :/
I was always very distraught and uncomfortable when put in feminine positions. And I knew I was a boy in the wrong body. So when I found out that being transgendered was a thing, when I was about 11-12 I wasn't shocked, because now everything made sense, and I wasn't disgusted with myself because all I could feel was relief that I have the chance of making things as right as they can be for the circumstances. I'm 16 now, and haven't actually pursued binding or a transition because of my life situation it wouldn't be safe or practical. Boy does it get me down. Can't afford a binder. Can't bring up the fact I hate who I am right now because I would probably just be sent away or something.
Honestly like I know I'm trans but also sometimes I look at myself and I'm like yeah but I'm probably just trying to get attention. I never realised that was internalized transphobia so it's interesting to think about.
I relate so much. Sometimes I look at myself and think "Maybe I don't like girls. Maybe I'm just a tomboy. I loved the LGBTQ+ community even before I figured myself out. What if I'm straight and cis and I just want to feel like more than an ally?" I KNOW I love girls AND boys, and I KNOW I've never felt female, but I also know I'm good at convincing myself of bad, unhealthy things, so sometimes I'm absolutely POSITIVE I've just tricked myself. It's one of the scariest things in my life.
Growing up, the worst thing that you could be is a trans person, thats what they all told me. So i have a HUGE problem calling myself trans. Ever since i was a kid, a trans person is considered a monster, and where i live thats still the case. So when someone calls me trans i feel like they are calling me a monster. But im not a monster. No trans person is a monster. But i still think it even though i know its not right. The worst thing that can happen to anyone is for them to fear their own selves. And adding dysphoria to the mix is like having a constant war in your mind.
Good video and thanks for sharing your thoughts and not being afraid to voice your feelings so others can benefit. Feel good about yourself you are awesome!
I'm a bit transphobic to myself ig? I've been struggling with ocd, specifically contamination ocd- basically anything to do with them hurts me, if they put their shoulder next to mine or something my skin prickles and burns, it's the same with things they do/like, a few weeks ago they found out I was agender/nonbinary and now I can't even think about it without my skin prickling, is anyone else feeling the same way or am I crazy?
Is there a different word for how some people in the trans* community treat non-binary people, or does that fall under the phenomenon he was talking about of prejudice against people who transition differently?
Swimming pre t and no top surgery what do you do?? Wear a binder or what..i love to swim but i get major dysphoria bc i have to go in the girls change room
GQkid13 probably not the best answer you can receive for this but, wear your swim gear under your own clothes and just take off your clothes in the mens bathroom stall or just do it in a bathroom stall, I'm very sure cis guys are not gonna judge and they'll think you're shy if at most. Everyone just wants to take a piss and a shit and go lol.
![FTM TOXIC MASCULINITY [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/whhHMNBhDJU/mqdefault.jpg)
I had internalized transphobia so much when I was younger :/ I think since kindergarden… In my kindergarden there was one other transboy and he wasn`t afraid to say to everyone "I am a boy" and he always had cool "boy"-toys that I wanted and he wore boys clothing and he had short hair. I said meanest things to him like "You are a girl and you will never be a boy. You are so gross and you smell super bad." I bullied him because I knew that I was like him, but I was afraid of being myself and he wasn`t. I was so jealous to him and it scared me. I didn`t know word "transgender" back then, I was just a young child. My parents had raised to think that it was wrong. I regret more than anything that I bullied him back then. I really wish that I could change the time and be friends with him instead of being mean. Or at least meet him someday and tell to him how deeply sorry I am.
i hate when people constantly question you/your identity and say things like 'ooh you just want attention' 'you're just a misogynist' 'you're deluding youself' etcetc and then you kind of start to believe that it could be true? D:
I'm questioning and I think I might be genderfluid but I still can't get out of my head that that's not a real thing -_-
+Magic Penguin Don't try and get it out of your head, it might be true and you'd wish you knew earlier.
+Perry Johnjohn Um no.
I'm dealing with that right now. I was getting confident in a male identity and was ready to ask to be called by a male name and prounouns... then mum said she thinks it's part of my depression and general unhappiness with myself. Completely gone back in the closet and doubting it thinking it's just a phase and it's worse when I lean more towards genderqueer because there's still a part of me that is like 'man or woman, decide'.
I have bad chest dysphoria and I want to transition but I'm so terrified of changing jobs etc (my job is very female orientated and involves elderly people who may get confused), making a scene then it's just a phase or I don't pass and it sucks. I'm particularly large chested and even binding I don't tend to pass and I just wanna click my fingers and be seen as male. I also feel bad because I identify more with 'wanting' to be male rather than 'i am male and have always been male', like while i don't pass i don't feel like I should take on male names/pronouns. I think again that comes back to internalised transphobia and my mum's comments too.
I honestly feel like I have a bit of man-phobia. I'm transitioning FT more M, but it's hard for me not to be afraid of men or afraid of conforming to a stereotype of men just wanting sex... and then I feel like any time I mess up I'm just proving I really can't be a "good" man... I don't know how to change this thought pattern.
I feel the same way a lot too. I'll be afraid too because usually men are seen as the average "baddie" and that somehow men are a lot more treacherous than women. I try to remind myself that women can be just as bad and that not all men are like that, but it's hard sometimes. I also try to think of it like that since I have "been" a woman socially and bodily, I can maybe understand women a bit better. I try to take it that way instead of hating the parts of me that are female, and try to use this experience to help me be a better man. As transmen, our curse is maybe also a kind of opportunity to maybe be more sensitive and gentlemanly because we've been in the social role of a woman and kind of have a feel for what it's like. I try to convince myself that that will help me be a good man.
I've definitely had feelings that I'd call internalized transphobia. When I started to consider that 'transgender' might apply to me, my first thought was something along the lines of 'No, you can't be, because those people KNOW. Those people are in dire straights, they're mentally unhealthy, they've hated their bodies all their lives, there's never any question. If you're not on the brink of cutting off your genitals, then you're just attention-seeking."
Later in life, when the idea seemed more credible, what I started thinking was what I'd assume a lot of us think sometimes and wish we wouldn't: that we'll never be 'real' men and women, and that we'll never be happy.
Part of where those thoughts came from is human insecurity, but I think where it also came from was the few mainstream images I knew of at the time that depicted trans people as deeply unhappy people who were incapable of finding peace. I assumed I couldn't be trans because I wasn't suicidal, and then when I realized I was trans, I assumed that someday I would become suicidal. Even now, I'm not over that. There's this tiny part of me that agrees with the people who say we're not real, that I'm not really a boy, and I never will be.
I'm insanely grateful for channels like yours, Chase. It's such a help with all that bullshit.
I'm glad to know that other people have felt the same thing I have before and sometimes still feel.
I have internalized transphobia and I'm addressing and dealing with it. Thank you so much for this.
This is a beautiful and great video! I'm just working out myself and realizing that I'm trans, and a lot of times I feel like that when I start doubting myself. It makes me angry, but it happens, and I think it's good to realize what it is and where it's coming from. I think that's why channels like yours really do an insane amount to help people and to erase that internalized hate and fear. Thank you for all you do! :D
putting my hands on my chest like 5.14
life goals
I think it would be interesting, if you are up for it, making a video discussing the recent controversy of the t-slur. You mentioned not feeling like you could reclaim it but yet it was said to you many times. And you are not the only trans man that gets called that slur. I know that the slur originated with trans women and sex work. However, I feel like now the way society uses it is hateful towards all trans people. I know that as a trans man myself that is the only real slur I hear towards trans people. It seems like trans man do have ownership, in some sense, of that slur because of the way society has expanded it's meaning to not just target trans women. There isn't really a slur specifically for trans men that I know of because I have never even heard anyone using a slur other than the t slur for trans people in general. Your thoughts on this would be awesome! Thanks Chaseypoo.
I hate myself and im afraid of me because im trans and I have same sytuation as you when you were 15/16, but i still can think about me as trans guy,but still being treat like girl hurt me
This was a great video as always but OH MY GOD I stared at your mustache the whole time and my OCD kicked in about how one side is longer than the other omg I can't Chase
I know the feel, my friend went through that. He use to openly try to hate a lot of things he loved because they were considered girly. We could tell he was fake hating too by how he reacted to stuff. Pretty much, everyone who was friends with him knew he was gay but he hated the thought of it. When he did come out, his parents who were blind to it, pretty much threw nothing but hate his way.
As for my story, when I started noticing I felt more like a boy back in middle school, I didn't know what transgender was, I just started feeling like I don't want to touch boys or anything because it was making me feel even less like a girl. It went on for years & when I became more accepting on who I was, I was more open & didn't care as much with those things & was happier. I still have a few issues that are common & makes sense but others that I guess others would be confused by.
I'm very open & accepting of people who are transgender & are working on their transition. I do tend to feel jealousy towards them because I wish I could be as open as they are. I did find a mtf friend who isn't exactly as open. We're kind of in the same boat, just her family is much more open & loves her no matter what. It's that she's just starting her journey so she just doesn't say anything about it unless it comes up. Since she looks male, wears men clothing, & the only thing that might tip you off to her being trans is the way she talks, she just decides to use male pronouns & just be one of the guys. Since she is starting to move forward a bit when talking about her in general without using names or anything, I will refer to her as female because that's what she is but out in public around the others we do use male pronouns to avoid complications.
Having a partner is helping a ton. Whenever one of us has doubts or is questioning anything, we go to each other. We're trying to help each other the best we can with the hard stuff on transitioning, I don't normally tell anyone why it was that I couldn't even stand touching anyone who was male ten years ago but I went into great detail about it with her & she understood. Because of her, I don't mind talking about that anymore.
I’ve dealed with internalized transphobia from a young age. Since I was 4. My immediate reactions to the thought that I was trans were along the lines of “no, I can’t possibly be a a boy that’s bad being trans is bad I dont want to be trans”, and “I dont want to have to pee standing with other people so obviously I’m not a boy”. I eventaully got over it, at least I thiught, I think it’s back. I’m out to my parents as genderlfuid but I’ve started to question if maybe I’m just a trans guy, but as soon as I had accepted the idea I started to think again that I dintwant to be like full out trans it kinda sucks :/
I was always very distraught and uncomfortable when put in feminine positions. And I knew I was a boy in the wrong body. So when I found out that being transgendered was a thing, when I was about 11-12 I wasn't shocked, because now everything made sense, and I wasn't disgusted with myself because all I could feel was relief that I have the chance of making things as right as they can be for the circumstances. I'm 16 now, and haven't actually pursued binding or a transition because of my life situation it wouldn't be safe or practical. Boy does it get me down. Can't afford a binder. Can't bring up the fact I hate who I am right now because I would probably just be sent away or something.
You are so open online! You are inspiring and such a great watch and voice to listen to! Have a good day ^.^
Internalized prejudice is something seen throughout oppressed groups. It's really awful, actually...
Honestly like I know I'm trans but also sometimes I look at myself and I'm like yeah but I'm probably just trying to get attention. I never realised that was internalized transphobia so it's interesting to think about.
I relate so much. Sometimes I look at myself and think "Maybe I don't like girls. Maybe I'm just a tomboy. I loved the LGBTQ+ community even before I figured myself out. What if I'm straight and cis and I just want to feel like more than an ally?" I KNOW I love girls AND boys, and I KNOW I've never felt female, but I also know I'm good at convincing myself of bad, unhealthy things, so sometimes I'm absolutely POSITIVE I've just tricked myself. It's one of the scariest things in my life.
the flag in the back reminded me of your old videos
Growing up, the worst thing that you could be is a trans person, thats what they all told me. So i have a HUGE problem calling myself trans. Ever since i was a kid, a trans person is considered a monster, and where i live thats still the case. So when someone calls me trans i feel like they are calling me a monster. But im not a monster. No trans person is a monster. But i still think it even though i know its not right. The worst thing that can happen to anyone is for them to fear their own selves. And adding dysphoria to the mix is like having a constant war in your mind.
Good video and thanks for sharing your thoughts and not being afraid to voice your feelings so others can benefit. Feel good about yourself you are awesome!
This is one of your best videos
Story of my life, man. Really.
Why was there a two and a half minute long black screen at the end of the video?
i love you so much c':
I'm a bit transphobic to myself ig?
I've been struggling with ocd, specifically contamination ocd- basically anything to do with them hurts me, if they put their shoulder next to mine or something my skin prickles and burns, it's the same with things they do/like, a few weeks ago they found out I was agender/nonbinary and now I can't even think about it without my skin prickling, is anyone else feeling the same way or am I crazy?
I CAUGHT UP I CAUGHT UP A YEAR'S WORTH OF VIDEOS YAY!!!
Is there a different word for how some people in the trans* community treat non-binary people, or does that fall under the phenomenon he was talking about of prejudice against people who transition differently?
Binarism?
I don't think I have much internalized transphobia... being trans is fine and I'm sad if ppl made you feel that way ...
Swimming pre t and no top surgery what do you do?? Wear a binder or what..i love to swim but i get major dysphoria bc i have to go in the girls change room
You can get a swimming binder but personnaly i don't adore it since it also compress my hips, but as i don't have fat on them... It just hurts
i bought a tri top for swimming..it does great!! but what about changing in the girls room
GQkid13 probably not the best answer you can receive for this but, wear your swim gear under your own clothes and just take off your clothes in the mens bathroom stall or just do it in a bathroom stall, I'm very sure cis guys are not gonna judge and they'll think you're shy if at most. Everyone just wants to take a piss and a shit and go lol.
What is the T-word?
I'm so gay for you
Thank you for completely objectifying another trans person
I don't get how that is objectifying him. I am gay for many men on youtube
Westley Morgan Thatcher Just because chase is trans doesnt mean other guys cant have crushes on him???
You must hate Blaire White.
"He" is a cute guy.Must be awesome to have your outside finally match your inside.