Same, the lady at meps that drew my blood came straight out of training and literally punctured my arm 20 times before she realized that she tied the tourniquet in the wrong place
I remember my first urinalysis at boot lol RDC was being a hardass pinched my right trapezius to get my attention I spun around pissed right on his leg on accident. Guy went hulk on me got real mad luckily a chief was there in the head saw everything that happened 😂. The chief was like "Jenkins you should know better fresh recruits are always sleep deprived and hungover when they get here. That shit is on you."
I had the misfortune of being a urinalysis guy and I liked to make jokes and shit, told me CO he had good flow and I'm proud to be under his command hahahahaha
Ok so I just recently went through Meps so I can relate now..the guy I had was cracking jokes and overly happy in the situation 😂 I had to fucking piss so bad outside the bathroom but when I got inside beside that fat ass bald jokster who's also looking at my penis, the shit didn't wanna come out so I had to recycle with another group and the second time around I got an older guy who wanted no parts of the situation 😂 and was like "all I wanna hear is the sound of piss going in the cup" and took steps back to the wall..man I lucked up with that guy
I never got called to be a pecker checker. My friend did once he kneeled down and made people as uncomfortable as possible. He even commented on junk size and shape. I personally found that the best way to mess with a pecker checker was to pull your pants and briefs down to your ankles like a kindergartener and sing nursery rhymes while pissing. This act would even make the don't all don't tells uncomfortable.
I remember my physical. I dont wanna go through that again. Lol. I had walked into the room where the doctor was going to personally check us. As soon as I walked in, the man pulled his blue glove to his forearm and let go creating a clapping sound as he was looking right at me.
When I was in Pre-Rasp we took a Urinalysis and the guy observing me piss put his head on my shoulder and sung Teenage Dream by Katy Peery. It was a rather interesting experience.
Guess who pissed right before they told us we had our drug test at BCT? This guy. The DS part was pretty much exactly what I got as I chugged water relentlessly for 30 minutes
When I was in Germany in early 00s,we always knew when we got a whizz quiz.we get alerted at 3 in the morn,and we knew there was no war.anyhow,I always had a can of beets in the cupboard and jar of asparagus in the fridge that I'd wolf down real quick.when I pee,itd stink up the whole room and dye my pee dark red.
OMG! He KNOWS the real reg on it! While stationed in England, my wife at the time had a drug & alcohol problem (don't get married quick kids) & the powers that be figured 'guilt by association' & I got 'randomly' picked almost daily. It happened so often I got bored & read the actual reg & it states "the amount of urine will be at least 30ml". Dude in this vid must have actually done his homework here. I'm blown away Sarge...
During a basewide drug test for students at Keesler AFB in 2011 I was awkwardly trying to produce some golden flow for a MSgt Meatgazer. I jokingly asked him if he thought he could be making better use of his time, he replied: There is nothing I won't do for the United States Air Force. I don't get it
I had to take a piss test after block leave while in basic. My drill sergeabt was right over my shoulder talking shit to me the whole time. He made it so uncomfortable and i was pushing so hard to try and get it out. Finally he said "im not hearing any pissing trainee" and i pushed so hard i farted and he freaked the fuck out. It was so damn hilarious that i was abke to fill the whole cup up as soon as he started freaking.
This is one of your best ones. I was in charge of our command's urinalysis program for over a year. Our command was about 400 people, so I saw all these types of observers.
I was first in last out of MEPs on my day and nearly got DQd because of a nervous bladder. I cant tell you the fountain of piss I had when I finally went. 30ml? Try 3000ml
Worked mids for 5 years, and I'd always get the call at 0845 for a two-hour report time after I'd already gotten home, done my business and crawled in the sack (mind you, this was Northern Virginia and until 1000, it was about an hour sitting in traffic to get to work). I'd come in with a gallon jug of water in hand, half full, chug the rest as I signed in. No fire at the line. Walk back to the desk after 15 or so minutes, set the empty cup on the desk. They bitched at me one time and I said right back, "I'm in bed at 8. Call me up before then, and maybe I'll be able to squeeze some out for you." That made it all the way back to the Shirt. Next month, I got called at the office right before shift change. Never had another mids call-up afterward.
Bruh I remember doing my urinalysis I walked in the room and there was a kid in the corner trying to piss and he was there until meps closed. I got my blood test, underwear olympics and I came back to piss again and he was still there in the damn corner smh. They ended up kicking him out
I couldn't make the military since I had high blood pressure in the end of it all..but I still went through the process. I absolutely could not bring myself to go and so I became the last guy they were waiting for, the dude watching actually told me to just go "use the stall and be quick before someone sees me." Also found out during the eye tests that I was color blind and can't see the numbers and stuff they show you in the little circles. But I was able to see the pure spectrum of light when they showed me the colored lights. So yea, if nothing else I found out that interesting information and how long and uncomfortable MEPS is, "hurry up and wait" is no lie.
I don't know how people do this. I can hardly pee when there are people around but right by me pressuring me or telling me to hurry... Ugh. I'd slow me down more.
Aw350m3 H3R0 it’s not that dickhead some people just can’t go with others around I’m one of those dudes. Back when I was drinking I didn’t give a damn but sober me has stage fright. Can’t explain it always been like that since a kid.
The no patience guy was the guy at MEPS. When i was going I was with a Muslim during Ramadan so he wouldnt drink any water. He screamed at him WHY CANT YOU PEE. It was something to behold.
Brought my sample to the counter and I guess flipping the bottles was part of it before giving my forms back. Ofc she precedes to spill it all over because she didn't cap it right. Me and the sergeant just shared a glance as it was happening and then watched as she made a huge mess. Had to give the doctor at the end of the physical a form with urine stains on it. Because they're so kind and accepting at MEPs when anything happens.
Haha should do one from the other perspective. I've seen dudes just drop they underwear to the floor, ones that couldn't fill the bottle, ones that need to do number 1 and 2, poor aim, bottle all wet O_o'
I'm teaching a security class and my students are testing starting watching this and the Drill Sergeant brought back a couple of memories so immediately I busted out laughing and they all gave me a confused look lmao.
I failed the piss test at MEPS because I did some things with my girlfriend the night before. Nobody told me that would affect anything smh had to wait another day just to do that one thing
It'll cause a false albumin positive. I know because mine wasn't false. They told me not to get laid or whack my pud and come back next week. Didn't get laid, didn't whack my pud and still kicked protein out in my piss. I was failed and sent home. I was 17. A year and a half later I tried it all again and I passed. I still don't know why I was kicking albumin out in my piss. Maybe a growing thing because I definitely wasn't done growing? I've never had a problem with my kidneys other than that one whizz quiz at 17. That was in 1976 and still no kidney problems. I was thrown from a horse about 2 weeks earlier and was banged up. I landed flat on my back so it could have been caused by injury I guess. It is a mystery.
Worst part of my experience lol. Just graduated USMC boot and being piss shy doesn't make things any easier. Funny enough, my biggest fear for the school house is that damn urinalysis lol.
Military physical gave me more ptsd than my deployment.
physical training stress disorder?
Daniel Pogosyan post traumatic stress disorder
I was joking
I don't know how many times they had to touch my balls... 😓 I understand your pain.
Same, the lady at meps that drew my blood came straight out of training and literally punctured my arm 20 times before she realized that she tied the tourniquet in the wrong place
Want to know the worst thing you can hear during urinalysis?
"Nice watch"
ManiaMac1613 Especially if you don't wear a watch :O
so you're married, huh?
why?
Oliver O'Keafe your watch is on your wrist, and their admiring your "watch"... Follow?
Worst thing to hear: Oh, you've got a white spot on your balls. Yeah, that's cancer. They're gonna have to chop that off.
I remember one urinalysis when a newly promoted E-5 was on dick watch. He told me to do my thing because he "wasn't no meat gazer". I lost it.
Lmao “dick watch” 😭😭😭
Lmfao yeah battle that's some funny shit
I just stare at the observer and not brake eye contact.... Make him feel uncomfortable
Marcell 97 whats wrong with you
Alot
Gay chicken!
RangerUp09 97 😂
I asked them if they could rub my back and breath heavily on my neck, all fun and games till they call your bluff
_"and and and and and and and and and and and and"_
DemoLegends LMFAO
Had me dead 💀💀
It's a black thing 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Hurry up hurry up hurry up
Fable Of Demo - sup yusuke
I think I'd rather piss myself and drain my shorts into a cup than have a Drill Instructor yell at me while I try and piss..
Isaac Reaper I hated that shit. "You got 100 seconds to piss. 100! 99, 98, 87, 86, 55,54, 53, 30, 29, 28, 27, 6, 5, 4, 3,2,1 you're done
Surprised the drill SGT one didn't start cadence..."hard work work, hard work work"
@@GeorgePrince 🤣🤣
Try marine bootcamp that's literally what they do
@@GeorgePrince lmao
0:44 petty officer dingleberry’s cousin, staff sergeant fruitcake
I was hoping the drill sergeant would yell,"HALF-RIGHT HUUUUGH" while he was pissing
LMAO
While standing to the right of the private... I can see that ending well... XD
@@therogueadmiral 😂😂😂😂
I remember my first urinalysis at boot lol RDC was being a hardass pinched my right trapezius to get my attention I spun around pissed right on his leg on accident. Guy went hulk on me got real mad luckily a chief was there in the head saw everything that happened 😂. The chief was like "Jenkins you should know better fresh recruits are always sleep deprived and hungover when they get here. That shit is on you."
Oh that kills me!
This is the most underrated comment here !
the drill sergeant one is golden
Andrew Harris you don’t want to get the drill sergeant to come in there telling you to hurry the fuck up cause that shit is real they will do that lol
I had the no patience guy, after 5 seconds he said "all right this ain't happening let's go, we'll try again in 10 minutes"
haley wood same lol
Me too, took me 3 hours to pee
@@almighty_salt9648 damn, that's rough
Y'all forgot the one that just stands there with his hands crossed and says absolutely nothing while staring 😂
That what mine did
Lmfao one of my NCO’s
That's gay asl
Wouldn't be surprised if the creepy guy was in the Navy.
mostly army guys are creeper.
Miles Bowen navy is no paitence all day dude nobody got time for you to waste it.
You son of a bitch
Petty officer dingleberry no doubt
michaelkeha facts, let 5 seconds slip by and you aint pissing they sending your ass to drink water and walk in a circle 😂🤣
I had the misfortune of being a urinalysis guy and I liked to make jokes and shit, told me CO he had good flow and I'm proud to be under his command hahahahaha
BadCodPlaya 👀
Suspect as fuck man
@@MrODST57 ain lying wtf🤔🤣
Ok so I just recently went through Meps so I can relate now..the guy I had was cracking jokes and overly happy in the situation 😂 I had to fucking piss so bad outside the bathroom but when I got inside beside that fat ass bald jokster who's also looking at my penis, the shit didn't wanna come out so I had to recycle with another group and the second time around I got an older guy who wanted no parts of the situation 😂 and was like "all I wanna hear is the sound of piss going in the cup" and took steps back to the wall..man I lucked up with that guy
CO or any other officer is not gonna be taking a piss test.
I never got called to be a pecker checker. My friend did once he kneeled down and made people as uncomfortable as possible. He even commented on junk size and shape.
I personally found that the best way to mess with a pecker checker was to pull your pants and briefs down to your ankles like a kindergartener and sing nursery rhymes while pissing. This act would even make the don't all don't tells uncomfortable.
At MEPS I just made eye contact and grinned creepily. Worth the smoking I got at the hands of a slightly psychotic sergeant later, 100%.
No, the best way to mess with the observer is to finish giving the sample, turn around and sit down to take a dump. "Sorry man, I've got the urge."
S R I had to sit in with a guy while he did that. I learned more about him then my wife that day.
@@sr7312 fucking sick! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I remember my physical. I dont wanna go through that again. Lol. I had walked into the room where the doctor was going to personally check us. As soon as I walked in, the man pulled his blue glove to his forearm and let go creating a clapping sound as he was looking right at me.
When I was in Pre-Rasp we took a Urinalysis and the guy observing me piss put his head on my shoulder and sung Teenage Dream by Katy Peery. It was a rather interesting experience.
AHahahahaha omfg that is messed up :)
Lmfaooooooo
At MEPS we had to piss facing the line of dudes who already did their business while this old dude watched. Damn I was uncomfortable
LMAO? TF!
AlTiUCOFe was it cold?
All about dehumanization
Guess who pissed right before they told us we had our drug test at BCT? This guy. The DS part was pretty much exactly what I got as I chugged water relentlessly for 30 minutes
My guy was chill, he didn't even look in my direction the whole time
I lost it when he was cutting the banana with scissors.
LMFAOOOOOOOO the drill sergeant one LMFAOOOOOOOO "HURRY UPPPPPP" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
🤣😂🤣😂🤣 he is literally top 10 funny TH-camr of all time
*Cutting a banana while waiting for you to pea* ...Oh I'm sorry did I break your concentration?
I’ll be sure to do that next time in front of someone who tries to holla at me
I lost it at the damn trash can xD jeeeesus man classic lol
Samuel Pearson LMFAO
When I was in Germany in early 00s,we always knew when we got a whizz quiz.we get alerted at 3 in the morn,and we knew there was no war.anyhow,I always had a can of beets in the cupboard and jar of asparagus in the fridge that I'd wolf down real quick.when I pee,itd stink up the whole room and dye my pee dark red.
God that's terrible... Terribly amazing 🤣
IM HOLLERING RN😂😂 Im doing that at my next urinalysis
OMG! He KNOWS the real reg on it! While stationed in England, my wife at the time had a drug & alcohol problem (don't get married quick kids) & the powers that be figured 'guilt by association' & I got 'randomly' picked almost daily. It happened so often I got bored & read the actual reg & it states "the amount of urine will be at least 30ml". Dude in this vid must have actually done his homework here. I'm blown away Sarge...
"Don't worry if it hits me in the face, I'm used to it." - So we know what Creep Guy does during his time off.
R.I.P to the people who got their speakers turned up at 2:50🤣
LOL on the creep! So true. I'm guilty of being the "No Patience guy" and "Guy who talks too much."
During a basewide drug test for students at Keesler AFB in 2011 I was awkwardly trying to produce some golden flow for a MSgt Meatgazer. I jokingly asked him if he thought he could be making better use of his time, he replied: There is nothing I won't do for the United States Air Force.
I don't get it
I was at Keesler around 2011-2012!!
This is hilarious
I had to take a piss test after block leave while in basic. My drill sergeabt was right over my shoulder talking shit to me the whole time. He made it so uncomfortable and i was pushing so hard to try and get it out. Finally he said "im not hearing any pissing trainee" and i pushed so hard i farted and he freaked the fuck out. It was so damn hilarious that i was abke to fill the whole cup up as soon as he started freaking.
This is one of your best ones. I was in charge of our command's urinalysis program for over a year. Our command was about 400 people, so I saw all these types of observers.
I did this for 6 months. Creepy is always sort of the natural evolution. You gotta get revenge somehow.
The people that disliked this video must have failed their urinalysis. 😂😂😂😂😂
A guy got DQ'd at my meps cause he couldnt pee after 5 tries!
Mans worst fears besides pissing hot
Took me 3 hours to pee
I was first in last out of MEPs on my day and nearly got DQd because of a nervous bladder. I cant tell you the fountain of piss I had when I finally went. 30ml? Try 3000ml
Probably was trying to lose water weight beforehand
Worked mids for 5 years, and I'd always get the call at 0845 for a two-hour report time after I'd already gotten home, done my business and crawled in the sack (mind you, this was Northern Virginia and until 1000, it was about an hour sitting in traffic to get to work). I'd come in with a gallon jug of water in hand, half full, chug the rest as I signed in. No fire at the line. Walk back to the desk after 15 or so minutes, set the empty cup on the desk. They bitched at me one time and I said right back, "I'm in bed at 8. Call me up before then, and maybe I'll be able to squeeze some out for you."
That made it all the way back to the Shirt. Next month, I got called at the office right before shift change. Never had another mids call-up afterward.
When I went to MEPS, the guy was a combo of the Drill Sergeant and the Impatient Guy. Spot on
In our unit, our "operation golden flow" watcher is a mix between uncomfortable and no patience.
I'd always tell our command staff that i'd rub their shoulders if it'd make it easier. I guess I'm the creepy one.
I hated be NCOIC of Pee cups. I just went through PTSD thinking about that shit.
Bruh I remember doing my urinalysis I walked in the room and there was a kid in the corner trying to piss and he was there until meps closed. I got my blood test, underwear olympics and I came back to piss again and he was still there in the damn corner smh. They ended up kicking him out
I almost drowned from forcing myself to drink so much water. Plus every time I pushed I would almost shit myself
The Pain! I had the impatient one. After drinking water for 30 minutes I finally got enough in the cup. Funny thing is an hour later I went for real.
I’m gonna be so fucked 😂 I just don’t fucking get it I can’t piss with someone around me man fuckkkkkkkk
Vic Viquor I feel your pain unfortunately
@Big Smoke just get drunk than its easy XD
I couldn't make the military since I had high blood pressure in the end of it all..but I still went through the process. I absolutely could not bring myself to go and so I became the last guy they were waiting for, the dude watching actually told me to just go "use the stall and be quick before someone sees me." Also found out during the eye tests that I was color blind and can't see the numbers and stuff they show you in the little circles. But I was able to see the pure spectrum of light when they showed me the colored lights. So yea, if nothing else I found out that interesting information and how long and uncomfortable MEPS is, "hurry up and wait" is no lie.
Bro exact pee scenario happened to me at meps. Took me 5 times and I was the last
I don't know how people do this. I can hardly pee when there are people around but right by me pressuring me or telling me to hurry... Ugh. I'd slow me down more.
The Allied Powers when they are threatening you, there's plenty of motivation to pee lol
I piss off my porch every morning no one cares about your pecker dude
Aw350m3 H3R0 it’s not that dickhead some people just can’t go with others around I’m one of those dudes. Back when I was drinking I didn’t give a damn but sober me has stage fright. Can’t explain it always been like that since a kid.
Just wait until they start threatening to, or actually Cath you like some guys in my unit got a few times.
Pecker checkers.
Creepy guy must be from Russia.
@Eyre Borne "Russian" isn't a race numbnuts.
Screw u man, I’m Russian. (Siberian actually) wtf.
@The Action packed snack bleach Slavic is race? Cultures are races now?
A russian would collect your tears
Or from the navy
I was that "impatient guy." Hurry tf up. Lol.
It’s amazing how someone can make so much noise with a simple metal trash container and a stick.
My DS got so pissed when I literally just couldn't piss into that cup lmao took me forever, shit was wild
the creepy guy got me in tears
Shit still funny till this day his face killing me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
don't worry if the tears fall on him, he's used to it
@@rohanofelvenpower5566 thats that r Kelly bs
I had in between the patient guy to uncomfortable guy I am lucky 😂for not having creepy or drill sergeant
Did my physical today and I fuckin almost pissed myself all my buddies thought they were gonna piss themselves too lol
I was always the "No Patience" guy. I ain't got time for that bullshit.
Salt McSalt judging by your channel I feel like you are lying
Salt McSalt im the creepy guy 😉
That trash can Hurry up/wake up method gave me ptsd 😂
''if it hits me in the face, don't worry, im used to it'' LMAO!!
The no patience guy was the guy at MEPS. When i was going I was with a Muslim during Ramadan so he wouldnt drink any water. He screamed at him WHY CANT YOU PEE. It was something to behold.
💀💀💀💀💀💀
I was standing at the urinal and he turns on the water and said let it flow LET IT FLOW
When the Stickler busted out the red solo cup after dipsticking the jar with his pinky... 😭😂
I love how there's a thousand likes and almost no dislikes
Because this is quality.
The ones who want to make small talk are the WORST!!!!
Gotta be the funniest military videos on TH-cam, you really remind me of my Drill Sergeant Stallworth in Basic. You guys could be twins
I cant piss if someone stands there and expects it
Can you guys imagine having Yeshua as your DS in basic training? I don't know what I'd do..
That be scary
Brought my sample to the counter and I guess flipping the bottles was part of it before giving my forms back. Ofc she precedes to spill it all over because she didn't cap it right. Me and the sergeant just shared a glance as it was happening and then watched as she made a huge mess. Had to give the doctor at the end of the physical a form with urine stains on it. Because they're so kind and accepting at MEPs when anything happens.
OMG I’m howling laughing @ the creepy guy that camera angle 😂😂😂😂😂😂
01:14 petty officer dingleberry why do you keep stealing the army uniform.
My guy wasn’t even paying attention lol, he was just chatting with the nurse girl in the window lol
This is legit the only thing I fear at MEPS. I'm going to apply to JAG after law school and I'm terrified of pissing with someone watching
How'd it go?
Haha should do one from the other perspective. I've seen dudes just drop they underwear to the floor, ones that couldn't fill the bottle, ones that need to do number 1 and 2, poor aim, bottle all wet O_o'
The creepy guy was hilarious, loved the background music
I swear this one is the best of the best
When I need a laugh I watch this. His reaction to The creepy guy 😂😂😂😂
But goooot damn 😂😂
I died when he said he's used to have his face being pissed on
You think it's rough watching a dude? Damn women can't EVER piss quick! I HATED being the senior female NCO at piss test time!
LOL!!!! that was mee..."turn on the water sgt!!!" :-p
We had to do UA during Basic and the Drill Sergeants were having a competition of how many privates they could make stage fright 😂
Aye that DS shit is real
The Drill Sergeant one is accurate as hell for the Recruits at Parris Island
Marshall Byrne Can say the same about a certain Kilo Company D.I. at San Diego
Your Mate yeah hell I cant forget about my San Diego brothers they just as crazy and yall have them hills
I've experienced the creepy guy (girl). She made me open my legs more because she couldn't see the urine hit the cup 😂😂😂😂😂
My e-4 supply clerk pissed on ssg suppy sgt face ssg was a closet lesbo. We heard screaming everybody had no problem peeing after that.
Oh my God it’s hilarious that choice of song for the creepy guy.
Luther Ingram- If loving you is wrong (I don’t want it be a right)
WTH......Man u are wild keep them coming bruh!!!!!!
The drill sergeant is always the best
Lmao I've been watching a lot of your videos and man it gets me through the day ! Thanks sarge
I'm teaching a security class and my students are testing starting watching this and the Drill Sergeant brought back a couple of memories so immediately I busted out laughing and they all gave me a confused look lmao.
2:48 Heeerrrryyy uhpp!!!!
We had one guy who had to shit while taking a urinalysis.
I failed the piss test at MEPS because I did some things with my girlfriend the night before.
Nobody told me that would affect anything smh had to wait another day just to do that one thing
It'll cause a false albumin positive. I know because mine wasn't false. They told me not to get laid or whack my pud and come back next week. Didn't get laid, didn't whack my pud and still kicked protein out in my piss. I was failed and sent home. I was 17.
A year and a half later I tried it all again and I passed. I still don't know why I was kicking albumin out in my piss. Maybe a growing thing because I definitely wasn't done growing? I've never had a problem with my kidneys other than that one whizz quiz at 17. That was in 1976 and still no kidney problems. I was thrown from a horse about 2 weeks earlier and was banged up. I landed flat on my back so it could have been caused by injury I guess. It is a mystery.
I am dead. Tears streaming down my face 🤣🤣🤣
I love this youtube chanel
Hahaha dammit I got the creepy guy at meps 😂😂😂😂😂
*inspects the warm sample eye level to see if the minimum line is met*
"Ok now you can wash your hands with soap CSM! "
The worst is when you wake up and instinctively take a piss and then remember your piss test is scheduled for an hour later
Bruh the DS skit had me deceased 😭💀
The "Piss on You" outro was a nice touch
Worst part of my experience lol. Just graduated USMC boot and being piss shy doesn't make things any easier. Funny enough, my biggest fear for the school house is that damn urinalysis lol.
Damn the rolled sleeves on the BDU looks so good.
Yup...I'm glad I was in back when we were still wearing BDU's.
the Drill Sergeant be like : Y'all going to be PISSING on COMMAND!
I’d ask the drill sergeant and creepy guy if they can shake me off
But no more than three times
The no patience guy is always mad at me
I read somewhere a dude got his wife urine and go to the test and he was pregnant 😂
RIP Kobe
The Creepy guy is hilarious 😂😂😂
The Impatient Guy, Brooooooo lol
When I went in there were a couple of us in there and he looks at us and goes "don't be sword fighting with each other"
That condom part had me rolling! BIG LOL!
Keeping going Sarge!