Thank you all for watching, and welcome! This is one of many amazing and impactful conversations we'll be having here on We Need To Talk. If you like what you see, hit subscribe, out of the first 20,000 subscribers, I'll invite 10 of you to the studio to meet me, the guests and watch these episodes live!
Looking forward to listening. Already liked cos I know it'll be an insightful convo. P.S: Quick observation for the team at Flight Studio to look into. I noticed that there are two other pre-existing channels on TH-cam with the name "We Need to Talk". One is a religious channel set up in 2019, and the other is channel set up in 2015. This may be hindering this channel's growth in terms of SEO. Weeks ago I tried to search for this pod and couldn't find it. Got here today because Paul Brunson shared the link on his LinkedIn post. Beyond the optimisation aspect. There's the potential IP challenge down the line. A lot depends on the vision intended. The legal advisor for Flight Studio will be in a better position to advise. But it may be a better strategy to rethink the name at this stage. Rooting for you all always. ❤
I subbed before even reading this post/watching this episode as ....I (1) saw you were hosting Dr Gabor Mate and (2) my eye caught the comment by @Rajintuitivehealer: "My goodness, first the Gottmans and now Gabor-you’re dropping pure gold! Your podcast has quickly become one of my top favorites!". Worth a sub right there
I love the format of your podcast with pedagogical pauses. Thank you! And btw I've watched Gabor interviews...the tone you manage to set for the conversation is uniquely inspiring. Since you appear to be in UK (full compassion on this😢), if I may, you might consider interviewing Nancy Kline more time to think author. Thank you again for being there
I think on the surface, we hear “pick your partners better” but in reality, it’s all about healing and healing together. We will keep picking the wrong partner until we are secure and aware.
Reading Gabor's "In the realm of hungry ghosts" saved me from a very dark path of addiction. I went sober because of this man and he triggered an avalanche of change in me. It's been a year of therapy, yoga, sobriety, hiking, practicing vulnerability and opening up and that is coming from an avoidant. I loved the part about awareness. All what i mentioned above was very helpful but it really comes down to awareness. It changes everything. Trauma defines and impacts our lives in unimaginable ways. Big up to everyone's looking inside and committed to heal. Its a wonderful journey. Love everyone 💓
I agree. But the average person cannot communicate kindly or authentically with another person never mind their spouse never mind a totally dependent new human being. I would like to be a fly the wall in such a world of proper parenting. . But it is the environmental factors that play a big role like in his case WWII … his mother did the right thing. But he was traumatized.
I'm such a student of Gabor's that I just noticed something. His authenticity is so true that he even asks "Am I talking too much?" I cannot WAIT to actually say this when I question it myself. That's beautiful! Imagine being SO REAL that you actually say the things that come to mind without filtering it to be pleasant or to hide your questions about your own behavior? I'm FASCINATED by him!!! Mostly because being authentic has made me more happy than any other thing I've ever know. It's a security blanket for the soul❤🎉
I've done this since my bar days. Admittedly because I thought I was boring people along with hogging the conversation, but I would tell people, "Hey, if I'm starting to ramble, just tell me, "Shut up, you're rambling." and I'll totally shut up." 😆 Some people have let me know, and I immediately zipped it and passed the conversational torch. 😅 None of it was malicious, I gave them permission to tell me I was acting like a social idiot, and some of them did. It was actually pretty helpful to me. 😺
I'm this way. I don't know if that makes me more authentic, but I try to be. Its just a humble thing to not want to be in the wrong with others in many ways.
Your comment reminded me of something Dr. Mate said in another interview that has inspired me to be more authentic: “We’re afraid of being authentic because we’re afraid of being rejected.”
Every relationship experiences challenges, but there is always a way to progress. My marriage was tested by significant problems, but with appropriate help, my wife and I worked through them and strengthened our bond. Solutions are available if you’re ready to put in the effort and work together. Stay hopeful-there’s always a way.
My relationship is going through major troubles, and losing her is unbearable for me. I love and miss my partner more than words can express and am ready to do whatever it takes to have her return. Any suggestions or guidance would be greatly appreciated.
Parting ways with someone you deeply care about is never easy, but in my particular circumstance, I was aided by a spiritual mentor who averted the collapse of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Solutions are definitely available when each person recognizes that there are issues and are willing to put in the required work. When that's not the case, it's time for a change.
36:58 I allowed myself to be chosen even though I didn't want to get married on my wedding day. Worst decision of my life. Trying to work out why I abandoned myself...not upsetting or letting down others. And for my own part, wanting security at the beginning of adult life. Emotionally abused as a child, I was unable to say what I thought and be authentic
In my childhood I was never seen or heard. I really noticed this truth as an adult when married and after divorce. I’m one of 7 siblings to two parents. At family gatherings when I’d speak about something (even if it just a cute silly story), no one was listening. I know this because a sister would start talking about something totally different before I was able to finish my story. In that day, it was so obvious in my face how my family was. That was the day I decided to give up even trying. I also was THE ONE person that came out about the abuse our father did to all of his children.
Oh wow!!! I can kind of relate to this. I was one of 4 to a single mom. I rarely felt heard also. I often just did my own thing. I hope you are healing from everything you went through. 😊
@@albertinamack8177 Thanks. Life is a journey. There is always something we can learn about ourselves. That’s one thing my mother said. “As long as you are alive, there is something we can learn about self.” I don’t believe humans ‘heal’ 💯 because our memories will always be inside us: mind and body. Self reflection and change of behavior is what we all need to do that can create ‘healing’. But it doesn’t mean we can be 100% healed, bc life is ongoing. As long as we are alive, we have new experiences. Triggers and what not, may still happen, but less and less over time. As they become less, is proof of the work we put in that created our ‘healing.’ Always a journey and always a work in process to move forward, rather than giving too much thought to past unhealthy decisions. Keep being your strong self!!
This is so powerful. What's so amazing is just last week I told my husband of almost 40 years that I thought that two dysfunctional people who stayed married and worked through problems were often the most successful. This man reiterated this tonight. We both have to work on out trauma responses which I have started to do. I think what does work in our marriage is that we always talked over our problems and resolved them to both of our satisfaction. We also have moral standards and shared values. I really feel we have grown together. I'm glad there's proof to back this.
Yes ,this is life success .Its all beautiful at the beginning when the love is everywhere then we go into power struggle stage and this stage is crucial to pass.So many people fail at this stage but then the is comfort stage when .
Right out the gate, I’m so inspired that he pivoted and was first recognized at 55 👏🏾👏🏾 Inspiration that I/we can still make something amazing of our lives at any age / stage. As he said “Just keep doing your work” 👏🏾👏🏾
I love Dr Gabor voice, he is like my dream grandfather telling you stories that could really save your life in the most beautiful voice. Such positive contribution to our lifetime. Thank you..
I ended up getting back spasms 3x in 4 years ( bed ridden) because of the constant chronic stress and chronic inflammation. Currently we’re separated hopefully I will be strong enough to go through with divorce. 🙏🙏
Bessel van der Kock wishes the same thing that this would be taught in schools from k-12... Sadly there many a reason it's not implemented into public school curriculum
I consciously decided to avoid partners many decades ago. I have a much better relationship with myself. I don't need to externalize needs. I am complete in myself. I have lived happily and freely without their burden ( of the partners ) and possible heartaches. Celibacy is great !
Thank you . Dr. Gabor You made me realize and understand myself finally. I chose wrong people due to traumas in my childhood but didn’t know what I was doing until recently. I am 64. I wasted so much of myself in anger and resentment. I am free emotionally now due to your books and videos.
This is my first experience with your show and I have to say I'm so incredibly impressed by you. I just get this overwhelming sense of goodness,kindness, openness, understanding, and acceptance, and authenticity listening to you speak And I Gabor Mate is another amazing human being I love to listen to. You've got a new fan here!
Just discovered this podcast due to seeing Gabor Matè as your guest. You’re an amazing interviewer, Paul. Possibly the most calming, natural and captivating conversation with Dr Matè that I’ve watched to date. I subscribed 20 minutes in. Love from Scotland 🏴💚
I love your wisdom @DrGabor! Good one for me was when you said “Your partner is not killing you. You’re killing yourself by being with a partner like that 😂
I really liked this interview. The host is unusually good. His voice is excellent, he listens, he’s kind, and I like the intermittent recaps which really help break up the show into more manageable sections. Thank you.
I've heard Gabor speak many times, I've read his books, but this conversation was exceptionally clear from beginning to end. There was great peace and calmness being conveyed through Gabor's wisdom. I truly appreciate such elegantly handled conversations -- thank you!
Exactly my father physically, mentally and emotionally abused my mother as a 3 year old I still remember some scenes. In my teens I met a guy he was sweet at first but later on I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years until I said no more and I found love in friends and close relationships.
21:30 who would you be without the fear of loss? 23:53 authenticity on a social scene 24:38 are there callings you are not saying yes to? 37:44 feeling real kindness 46:35 attachments. Communicating what's going on 48:00 becoming secure - need help 51:55 panic, anxiety - as a child, who would you communicate that to? If your children felt anxiety, who you would like them to communicate it to? If they don't come, they got the message that you're not available. 53:00 it's not just that you're anxious... It's that you are left alone with it. You can become a people pleaser to not be left alone. 01:04:07 unhealed wound is trauma, and our attempted defence against an unnamed wound, for ex. my defence on not being lovable 01:06:35 good things that haven't been done to you, and should have been done. 01:07:46 recognition "something happened to me" 1:12:50 when they say something that is difficult to hear, not reacting as a child
I have watched many conversations with Gabor and this is one of the very best. It is simple and crystal clear while also condensing many important themes into a very digestible package. Over time Gabor's message becomes more elegant and refined as well as more powerful. He is also a living and evolving example of his practice, which is never ending. Your questions are exactly what was needed and your summaries are a great addition to this format.
27:36 - married women might do well to sing and groove to Madonna’s ‘Express Yourself’. I certainly still do! Perhaps that’s why I’m enjoying my beautiful husband, a decade later - a dream so true he is still there when I wake up. And yes, also at times, a nightmare 😂😊❤. We met each other later in life, when we’d both had the time to get to know our authentic selves. Thank you for this conversation- for knowing our authentic selves means we have to work on being aware as much as possible and conversations like these are great reminders to get back on the conscious track 🙏
❤ Thank you 4 sharing This interview. Doc Gabor is Amazing and has huge knowledge of the human psychy. I said :" No to my ex wanting an open relationship after 22 years of marriage, when internally I knew I had given him all a women love and dedication in bed and outside a kind human could have offered😢 It was painful, that 4 him was his way or the highway 4 me . Then memories of on an off years of abuse, the one way commnunication. He didnt share the love i had 4 him and refused any discussion! I Divorced him! Been alone and celibate. Me and my Divine family, Amen
It's wonderful to be able to do this work with your partner. It blows my mind to hear of spouses who endure so much with one another and come out on the other side connected, committed, loyal and in deeper love than they ever thought possible. My spouse left after 26 yrs for a much younger woman. I can't seem to believe I'm worth the effort. I never was to my parents. At 64 yrs of age, close relationships are painful. I choose to keep my distance. I don't understand why some can overcome the pain and shame and others can't. I don't trust people enough to be vulnerable with them. Surface is fine, but I'm tired. Don't want to hear about it anymore.
I loved this tender discussion. I so appreciate both of these lovely men and their authenticity and vulnerability. Gabor’s sharing about his relationship with his wife at the end brought tears. I hope he will write a book about healing in relationship. Bless you.
What a great episode.. personal relationships help us so much our healing when we connect to each other and understand where we are coming from. Love Gabors work and such a phenomenal human being
The last few moments of that interviews were absolutely beautiful. To hear that Gabor and his wife have just healed after 50 plus years of marriage was so poignant. It must be beautiful to reach that stage of togetherness and there was a lovely tenderness in his voice when he said it. His whole body softened, it was a very peaceful moment ❤
This was such a beautiful and deep conversation. I absolutely love Gabor Maté and all that he's taught me about trauma, authenticity, connection, child development and more. He is a teacher that demonstrates true vulnerability and humanness and that's what makes him shine. May God bless him and reward him for his work. ❤️
This is the first time I saw your video and I wanted to give you my compliments. Great questions and also great truly listening. Watching Gabor Mate his videos has helped me understand my own feelings and behaviors and that has helped me being loving towards every part of me. After his education then IFS and Richard Schwartz came on my path and that was the most deeply healing tool I ever learned. There are no bad parts in us, they all have the intention to help and protect us. And the most beautiful force of IFS is that our love from our true (always undamaged) Self helps to heal the wounded (child) parts. Richard Schwartz would be a great next guest on this programme. ❤
this episode is life changing. So many things we need to know before choosing a partner. @my big age I feel blessed to come across this interview and the questions were spot on. So much wisdom
Thank you so much, I am so much touched about the calm, the openess and peace in the Interview. I am 63 years old German kPTBS and the flow especially the speed and pauses I can carefully understand every word in english and adapt the deep meaning of every theme. That is such a big gift.❤❤❤ I do and did listen to many different Interviews over the years and this one is really aware and without feeling chased in a speed by listening. Wonderful👌🙏
Eye opening, heart opening, inspiring! Inspiring to be a vulnerable, honest person and continue growing consciousness and continue the never ending path of growth. I have the strong desire to watch this conversation again with my partner and start our own repeated conversations on the overarching topics of our lives. Thank you so much. ❤️❤️❤️
Finished watching. Thank you. Gabor Mate totally shrinking Paul Brunson - but for the benefit of all of us, and Paul. It takes courage to host a pod like this for sure! I like the intermittent solo wrap ups of key takeaways, in addition to the 3 at the end. And thank you for acknowledging that good therapy is not accessible to everyone. In Nigeria (Africa) where I live it's real expensive. Grateful for the internet and pods like this for helpful resources. 🙏🏽 Keep building.
I have to say, I appreciate the little breaks you take in the middle of the video in order to explain the concepts that Dr. Maté brings up. I find it extremely helpful and it really allows me to ponder and sit with it. Great video!
Thank you for posting this dialog with Gabor Mate. He is a wise guy and I do not need to put up any filters or skeptical observations to his messages. I just believe him. That is such a relief. His video on "when the body says no" helped me a lot many years ago, and I am glad the algorithm lead me to your conversation with him. I treasure every word.
Thankyou both., for your clarity and vulnerability. Gabor you have been a beacon of light to me and my role as mother. My son now works with Diederik Wolzak and is off all drugs. Without your sharing many years back we would not have survived as a family
Wow this guest arrived in perfect timing for me! I’m learning about trauma and Gabor Mate’s work in grad school right now. I love how you do side annotations regarding Gabor’s teachings/insights pertaining to trauma. This is helping me in becoming a better future clinician. Thank you for your platform!
The best thing to help you ve a better future clinician is to do your own healing.Often it is clinicians doing their degrees or training in order to avoid their own healing work. The healing world is full of clinicians who have not done their own healing.
@@upendasana7857 Yes I completely agree with you. We learn this too in my program because unhealed wounds will def affect how you interact & the space you provide with your clients. That is why I made sure to go to therapy prior getting into the field to do my own healing so I can better serve my clients.
I really like how you sum things up for us after each theme in the conversation. It really helps the structure and it’s more work for you, so i really appreciate that. I’m enjoying this a lot. Thank you 😊🙏🏽
Beautiful conversation. Wish the world recognizes the value and impact of such open, honest, vulnerable presence snd interactions. Most precious gift we give each other and the one you gave us today. This was heaven and haven. Would love to meet Gabor Mate in person some day
Incredible interview! Dr. Mate along with Dr. Jordan Peterson are among the fathers of this fatherless generation. To these men, we are forever grateful for sharing all your wisdom. 🙏🏾
So glad I found your Podcast!! The name sums up where we are as human beings. I'm thrilled to see more mature conversation on relationships available on TH-cam! I've learned so much from Gabor Mate. His teachings are insightful, affirming of my personal healing journey, and practical. Thank you both from the bottom of my heart. Much success to you in your podcast!! I'll be speading the word!🙏🏽💜
❤I have learned so much in this one hour talk. I adore how gentle and how calm you allowed the flow of the conversation. This will give so many people so much hope!
One of THE BEST VIDEOS!!! This resonated so heavily with me, with my personal journey, what amazing teaching and vulnerability displayed by these men. Thank you SO MUCH, it’s such a privilege to see this. ❤
I really like how you come up during the interview and give short practical advice. It also makes the advertisement you do a bit later on less annoying, you take time to give pointers and advice too, not just to advertise.
Wow this was an amazing conversation. Gabor Mate is incredible. I gained so much from this, I had to take notes! Thank you. Great questions and breakdowns of each message too 🙏❤
Amazing interview /conversation! DR gabor triggered so much of my healing and helped me to start to live authentically . This interview was profound , will be sharing it!! ❤❤
Many of us do not have an abundance of choices let alone good choices. This belief is that there are numerous amazing partners that are all attracted to us who are also single and available and not abusive. This culture of not just blaming victims but blaming individuals for being entirely responsible for their relationships when they get rejected by people or have limited options or are not pursued by people with good intentions is taking away responsibility from other people and from society
I love Gabor Mathe…what fascinates me most is that the man is basically rephrasing Simple Biblical Principles and teaching them in manner the modern world is willing to consume. He’s discovered and is saying nothing new or hidden yet we’re all in owe…
I wanna thank the host for the amazing and on point questions during this podcast. It's by far my favorite gabor's podcast/interview yet. You got a new subscriber ❤
I too have watched countless of Gabor's interviews, and I have appreciated them indescribably. ...That said, I think I may have experienced this one as the most moving, especially at the end, as Paul himself alludes to. Thank you so much to both of you.
This isn't my first time to listen to doctor Mate but thanks to you, it's almost like I am asking the questions to him to understand what I am going through. It was a great interview and great questions.
learning we generate all our feelings ..by adding value to thoughts that arise ..the deliberate, not faked, state of loving gratitude is a great gift to ourselves ..seems impossible but actually very easy ..our true nature
What a beautiful & meaningful conversation! I do follow Dr Gabor Maté since last year,is been an eye opening & expansion of my heart,in particular because I do "energy healing" (Reiki) for minorities & natives & indigenous people in AK.. Learning his scientific evidence interconnecting with the pain, emotional mindset, childhood trauma & how the body resent or suffer,depending of the different types of pain is: !Mind blowing! You both are beautiful souls & lights for humanity,is my deepest dream to invite Dr Gabor Maté one day,to visit AK & do a seminar,to help people in some positions lacking empathy, compassion & understanding! We need to have a better reform for people in jail,in schools & in many other fields.. I wish you a blessing healing journey,for the rest of your lives & more success in your lives.. Light & love in your path always..🌸🙏💠🌺💚💙💗💕🥺
![ลองสุ่มไอโฟน 990 โกงมั้ย? [ โกงมั้ยครับ ep.101 ] | DOM](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/bfsWe0j492k/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you all for watching, and welcome!
This is one of many amazing and impactful conversations we'll be having here on We Need To Talk.
If you like what you see, hit subscribe, out of the first 20,000 subscribers, I'll invite 10 of you to the studio to meet me, the guests and watch these episodes live!
Looking forward to listening. Already liked cos I know it'll be an insightful convo.
P.S: Quick observation for the team at Flight Studio to look into. I noticed that there are two other pre-existing channels on TH-cam with the name "We Need to Talk". One is a religious channel set up in 2019, and the other is channel set up in 2015. This may be hindering this channel's growth in terms of SEO. Weeks ago I tried to search for this pod and couldn't find it. Got here today because Paul Brunson shared the link on his LinkedIn post. Beyond the optimisation aspect. There's the potential IP challenge down the line. A lot depends on the vision intended. The legal advisor for Flight Studio will be in a better position to advise. But it may be a better strategy to rethink the name at this stage. Rooting for you all always. ❤
8
I subbed before even reading this post/watching this episode as ....I (1) saw you were hosting Dr Gabor Mate and (2) my eye caught the comment by @Rajintuitivehealer: "My goodness, first the Gottmans and now Gabor-you’re dropping pure gold! Your podcast has quickly become one of my top favorites!". Worth a sub right there
Any goodie when reaching 30k subscribers? I was too late for the 20k bar😢😢😂😂😂
I love the format of your podcast with pedagogical pauses. Thank you! And btw I've watched Gabor interviews...the tone you manage to set for the conversation is uniquely inspiring. Since you appear to be in UK (full compassion on this😢), if I may, you might consider interviewing Nancy Kline more time to think author. Thank you again for being there
I think on the surface, we hear “pick your partners better” but in reality, it’s all about healing and healing together. We will keep picking the wrong partner until we are secure and aware.
Truth
Boom!
@@KathrynSnow1990 unfortunately, the right partner eludes some.
And, a partner is not mandatory. You are wonderful as you are. Be you as much as you can, for ultimate joy of Life.
@ so true
Reading Gabor's "In the realm of hungry ghosts" saved me from a very dark path of addiction. I went sober because of this man and he triggered an avalanche of change in me. It's been a year of therapy, yoga, sobriety, hiking, practicing vulnerability and opening up and that is coming from an avoidant. I loved the part about awareness. All what i mentioned above was very helpful but it really comes down to awareness. It changes everything. Trauma defines and impacts our lives in unimaginable ways. Big up to everyone's looking inside and committed to heal. Its a wonderful journey. Love everyone 💓
Thanks for posting , will help people to see what is possible . 👍❤️
❤
Beautiful ❤️
Well done. Healing is not a straight journey but never give up on yourself and never stop trying again as again and again.
It’s less spiritually damaging to me an alcoholic than to practice yoga which is pure hinduism and idol worship
Gabor mate is gift to humanity
Facts
lololol
He is!
So true.
And for me personally there are a few others: Bessel van der Kolk, Peter Levine and Steven Porges.
❤❤❤
I hope that these childhood trauma conversations can spark more conscious parenting 💛
I agree. But the average person cannot communicate kindly or authentically with another person never mind their spouse never mind a totally dependent new human being. I would like to be a fly the wall in such a world of proper parenting. . But it is the environmental factors that play a big role like in his case WWII … his mother did the right thing. But he was traumatized.
I'm such a student of Gabor's that I just noticed something. His authenticity is so true that he even asks "Am I talking too much?" I cannot WAIT to actually say this when I question it myself. That's beautiful! Imagine being SO REAL that you actually say the things that come to mind without filtering it to be pleasant or to hide your questions about your own behavior? I'm FASCINATED by him!!! Mostly because being authentic has made me more happy than any other thing I've ever know. It's a security blanket for the soul❤🎉
most people can't handle authenticity
I've done this since my bar days. Admittedly because I thought I was boring people along with hogging the conversation, but I would tell people, "Hey, if I'm starting to ramble, just tell me, "Shut up, you're rambling." and I'll totally shut up." 😆 Some people have let me know, and I immediately zipped it and passed the conversational torch. 😅 None of it was malicious, I gave them permission to tell me I was acting like a social idiot, and some of them did. It was actually pretty helpful to me. 😺
I'm this way. I don't know if that makes me more authentic, but I try to be. Its just a humble thing to not want to be in the wrong with others in many ways.
I LOVEEEEE me some Gabor. He’s so sweet and honest about not doing it right with his own kids. That in itself takes balls!
Your comment reminded me of something Dr. Mate said in another interview that has inspired me to be more authentic:
“We’re afraid of being authentic because we’re afraid of being rejected.”
“relationships are the most powerful spiritual work you will ever do”. This really resonated deeply 🙏❤️
And some of the most difficult in my opinion
Every relationship experiences challenges, but there is always a way to progress. My marriage was tested by significant problems, but with appropriate help, my wife and I worked through them and strengthened our bond. Solutions are available if you’re ready to put in the effort and work together. Stay hopeful-there’s always a way.
My relationship is going through major troubles, and losing her is unbearable for me. I love and miss my partner more than words can express and am ready to do whatever it takes to have her return. Any suggestions or guidance would be greatly appreciated.
Parting ways with someone you deeply care about is never easy, but in my particular circumstance, I was aided by a spiritual mentor who averted the collapse of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I'll immediately seek her out online. Appreciate it. I'm hopeful that implementing this method will also bring me success; I miss her dearly.
I promise you will not regret it
Solutions are definitely available when each person recognizes that there are issues and are willing to put in the required work. When that's not the case, it's time for a change.
I think his humility draws people. Gabor is confident in what he understands and can share, but not arrogant, which makes him approachable.
To the point!
36:58 I allowed myself to be chosen even though I didn't want to get married on my wedding day. Worst decision of my life. Trying to work out why I abandoned myself...not upsetting or letting down others. And for my own part, wanting security at the beginning of adult life. Emotionally abused as a child, I was unable to say what I thought and be authentic
@@user48lt52 in my experience it's the women who pick out a man and pursue him who do better
I hear you. I made this mistake as well and I am now paying dearly for it. Worst pain of my life!
Same here. Plus it extends to work and friends.
@stavokg
I'm so glad that you understand why so that you can move through it
I hope you're in a much better place now.. hugs
My goodness, first the Gottmans and now Gabor-you’re dropping pure gold! Your podcast has quickly become one of my top favorites!
Second that!
Who or what are the Gottmans
In my childhood I was never seen or heard. I really noticed this truth as an adult when married and after divorce. I’m one of 7 siblings to two parents. At family gatherings when I’d speak about something (even if it just a cute silly story), no one was listening. I know this because a sister would start talking about something totally different before I was able to finish my story. In that day, it was so obvious in my face how my family was. That was the day I decided to give up even trying. I also was THE ONE person that came out about the abuse our father did to all of his children.
Oh wow!!! I can kind of relate to this. I was one of 4 to a single mom. I rarely felt heard also. I often just did my own thing. I hope you are healing from everything you went through. 😊
@@albertinamack8177 Thanks. Life is a journey. There is always something we can learn about ourselves. That’s one thing my mother said. “As long as you are alive, there is something we can learn about self.”
I don’t believe humans ‘heal’ 💯 because our memories will always be inside us: mind and body.
Self reflection and change of behavior is what we all need to do that can create ‘healing’. But it doesn’t mean we can be 100% healed, bc life is ongoing. As long as we are alive, we have new experiences. Triggers and what not, may still happen, but less and less over time. As they become less, is proof of the work we put in that created our ‘healing.’ Always a journey and always a work in process to move forward, rather than giving too much thought to past unhealthy decisions.
Keep being your strong self!!
This is so powerful. What's so amazing is just last week I told my husband of almost 40 years that I thought that two dysfunctional people who stayed married and worked through problems were often the most successful. This man reiterated this tonight. We both have to work on out trauma responses which I have started to do. I think what does work in our marriage is that we always talked over our problems and resolved them to both of our satisfaction. We also have moral standards and shared values. I really feel we have grown together. I'm glad there's proof to back this.
Yes ,this is life success .Its all beautiful at the beginning when the love is everywhere then we go into power struggle stage and this stage is crucial to pass.So many people fail at this stage but then the is comfort stage when .
Right out the gate, I’m so inspired that he pivoted and was first recognized at 55 👏🏾👏🏾 Inspiration that I/we can still make something amazing of our lives at any age / stage. As he said “Just keep doing your work” 👏🏾👏🏾
I caught that, too... very validating. Keep it up 💯
I love Dr Gabor voice, he is like my dream grandfather telling you stories that could really save your life in the most beautiful voice. Such positive contribution to our lifetime. Thank you..
The calmness in Gabors voice is so amazing.
I want to learn to speak calmer. I gather, most of us could learn to do that
So true; I married both my parents' dysfunctions! I ended up getting an autoimmune condition because of the unhealthy marriage. I am now divorced.
Me too
I 'married' my mother...
I ended up getting back spasms 3x in 4 years ( bed ridden) because of the constant chronic stress and chronic inflammation. Currently we’re separated hopefully I will be strong enough to go through with divorce. 🙏🙏
@@pinargeneci2537please take magnesium 500 mg a day.
You mean that's why I suffer from this autoimmune condition 🤔my oh my!
When we are healed, we find peace.
All is well. 🥰
One of the best interviews with Gabor Mate. Thank you 🌷
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Gabor’s knowledge was on the school curriculum x
My prayer, daily!
Bessel van der Kock wishes the same thing that this would be taught in schools from k-12... Sadly there many a reason it's not implemented into public school curriculum
@@kerrymcilwaine his knowledge is from other ppl 🙁
@@jenniekotoff6772 name a reason, pls...
@@robynhope219 please look into the history of compulsory schooling and you'll see it for yourself.
I consciously decided to avoid partners many decades ago. I have a much better relationship with myself. I don't need to externalize needs. I am complete in myself. I have lived happily and freely without their burden ( of the partners ) and possible heartaches. Celibacy is great !
I think some of us, make the other choice; if we can't concede our authenticity for the sake of a relationship, we forgo relationships instead.
Amen! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Hell Yeah 🙋🏼♀️
So what interests you about the topic?
@ just to understand The world we are living nowadays… simple…
Thank you . Dr. Gabor
You made me realize and understand myself finally.
I chose wrong people due to traumas in my childhood but didn’t know what I was doing until recently. I am 64. I wasted so much of myself in anger and resentment. I am free emotionally now due to your books and videos.
This is my first experience with your show and I have to say I'm so incredibly impressed by you. I just get this overwhelming sense of goodness,kindness, openness, understanding, and acceptance, and authenticity listening to you speak And I Gabor Mate is another amazing human being I love to listen to. You've got a new fan here!
same for me 😊
Just discovered this podcast due to seeing Gabor Matè as your guest. You’re an amazing interviewer, Paul. Possibly the most calming, natural and captivating conversation with Dr Matè that I’ve watched to date. I subscribed 20 minutes in. Love from Scotland 🏴💚
I love your wisdom @DrGabor! Good one for me was when you said “Your partner is not killing you. You’re killing yourself by being with a partner like that 😂
I really liked this interview. The host is unusually good. His voice is excellent, he listens, he’s kind, and I like the intermittent recaps which really help break up the show into more manageable sections. Thank you.
I've heard Gabor speak many times, I've read his books, but this conversation was exceptionally clear from beginning to end. There was great peace and calmness being conveyed through Gabor's wisdom. I truly appreciate such elegantly handled conversations -- thank you!
Exactly my father physically, mentally and emotionally abused my mother as a 3 year old I still remember some scenes. In my teens I met a guy he was sweet at first but later on I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years until I said no more and I found love in friends and close relationships.
I feel you. I’m finding the same now.
Sounds like my personal story.
I so appreciate the synthesis that the host does on important points. Helps me understand better. Thank you!
I feel like i have to watch this 20 more times. I’m at a loss for words!!! This was absolutely incredible. Let me go get all his books!
21:30 who would you be without the fear of loss?
23:53 authenticity on a social scene
24:38 are there callings you are not saying yes to?
37:44 feeling real kindness
46:35 attachments. Communicating what's going on
48:00 becoming secure - need help
51:55 panic, anxiety - as a child, who would you communicate that to?
If your children felt anxiety, who you would like them to communicate it to? If they don't come, they got the message that you're not available.
53:00 it's not just that you're anxious... It's that you are left alone with it.
You can become a people pleaser to not be left alone.
01:04:07 unhealed wound is trauma, and our attempted defence against an unnamed wound, for ex. my defence on not being lovable
01:06:35 good things that haven't been done to you, and should have been done.
01:07:46 recognition "something happened to me"
1:12:50 when they say something that is difficult to hear, not reacting as a child
I have watched many conversations with Gabor and this is one of the very best. It is simple and crystal clear while also condensing many important themes into a very digestible package. Over time Gabor's message becomes more elegant and refined as well as more powerful. He is also a living and evolving example of his practice, which is never ending. Your questions are exactly what was needed and your summaries are a great addition to this format.
27:36 - married women might do well to sing and groove to Madonna’s ‘Express Yourself’. I certainly still do! Perhaps that’s why I’m enjoying my beautiful husband, a decade later - a dream so true he is still there when I wake up. And yes, also at times, a nightmare 😂😊❤. We met each other later in life, when we’d both had the time to get to know our authentic selves. Thank you for this conversation- for knowing our authentic selves means we have to work on being aware as much as possible and conversations like these are great reminders to get back on the conscious track 🙏
❤ Thank you 4 sharing This interview. Doc Gabor is Amazing and has huge knowledge of the human psychy. I said :" No to my ex wanting an open relationship after 22 years of marriage, when internally I knew I had given him all a women love and dedication in bed and outside a kind human could have offered😢 It was painful, that 4 him was his way or the highway 4 me . Then memories of on an off years of abuse, the one way commnunication. He didnt share the love i had 4 him and refused any discussion! I Divorced him! Been alone and celibate. Me and my Divine family, Amen
I am in the middle of ending a 32 yr marriage. Love Gabor's teachings
I like that. Allow yourself to be chosen. Amazing. Puts the power in our own hands. Not victims at all. Love it.
It's wonderful to be able to do this work with your partner. It blows my mind to hear of spouses who endure so much with one another and come out on the other side connected, committed, loyal and in deeper love than they ever thought possible. My spouse left after 26 yrs for a much younger woman. I can't seem to believe I'm worth the effort. I never was to my parents. At 64 yrs of age, close relationships are painful. I choose to keep my distance. I don't understand why some can overcome the pain and shame and others can't. I don't trust people enough to be vulnerable with them. Surface is fine, but I'm tired. Don't want to hear about it anymore.
I loved this tender discussion. I so appreciate both of these lovely men and their authenticity and vulnerability. Gabor’s sharing about his relationship with his wife at the end brought tears. I hope he will write a book about healing in relationship. Bless you.
What a great episode.. personal relationships help us so much our healing when we connect to each other and understand where we are coming from.
Love Gabors work and such a phenomenal human being
To be authentic..... honesty. Thats all. To ourselves. To others. And keep our Word. Dont compromise that! (my humble view, without a Degree).
The last few moments of that interviews were absolutely beautiful. To hear that Gabor and his wife have just healed after 50 plus years of marriage was so poignant. It must be beautiful to reach that stage of togetherness and there was a lovely tenderness in his voice when he said it. His whole body softened, it was a very peaceful moment ❤
This was such a beautiful and deep conversation. I absolutely love Gabor Maté and all that he's taught me about trauma, authenticity, connection, child development and more. He is a teacher that demonstrates true vulnerability and humanness and that's what makes him shine. May God bless him and reward him for his work. ❤️
This is the first time I saw your video and I wanted to give you my compliments. Great questions and also great truly listening. Watching Gabor Mate his videos has helped me understand my own feelings and behaviors and that has helped me being loving towards every part of me. After his education then IFS and Richard Schwartz came on my path and that was the most deeply healing tool I ever learned. There are no bad parts in us, they all have the intention to help and protect us. And the most beautiful force of IFS is that our love from our true (always undamaged) Self helps to heal the wounded (child) parts. Richard Schwartz would be a great next guest on this programme. ❤
I’m 30 seconds in, have never seen this TH-camr before but his voice is epic. Excited to see what he brings out of Gabor..
GABOR MATE IS EVERYTHING WE NEED ON EARTH!! WOW THANK U!!
We also need snacks and shelters
To me, that's the best interview with Dr. Mate so far. Thank you, Paul !
This was so lovely ❤❤
this episode is life changing. So many things we need to know before choosing a partner. @my big age I feel blessed to come across this interview and the questions were spot on. So much wisdom
Oh my gosh! Growing and healing together ❤️ as we grow old together ❤️. Absolutely beautiful and what a healthy life is all about.
I've read scattered minds and currently on the myth of normal, great author and human being. He even spoke for Palestine and condemned is*ael
As a mental health therapy student, I just hit GOLD!🎉 Thank you for this in depth conversation. Im a new subbie now!
Love Gabor Mate, he’s a world treasure. Thank you for having him as a valuable guest ❤
Excellent interviewer. He listens without interrupting - and when he speaks - he asks great questions short and concise - respectfully.
Thank you so much, I am so much touched about the calm, the openess and peace in the Interview. I am 63 years old German kPTBS and the flow especially the speed and pauses I can carefully understand every word in english and adapt the deep meaning of every theme. That is such a big gift.❤❤❤ I do and did listen to many different Interviews over the years and this one is really aware and without feeling chased in a speed by listening. Wonderful👌🙏
I love you Mr. Matte. So wise and compassionate, you are.
Eye opening, heart opening, inspiring! Inspiring to be a vulnerable, honest person and continue growing consciousness and continue the never ending path of growth.
I have the strong desire to watch this conversation again with my partner and start our own repeated conversations on the overarching topics of our lives. Thank you so much. ❤️❤️❤️
Finished watching. Thank you. Gabor Mate totally shrinking Paul Brunson - but for the benefit of all of us, and Paul. It takes courage to host a pod like this for sure! I like the intermittent solo wrap ups of key takeaways, in addition to the 3 at the end. And thank you for acknowledging that good therapy is not accessible to everyone. In Nigeria (Africa) where I live it's real expensive. Grateful for the internet and pods like this for helpful resources. 🙏🏽 Keep building.
Gabor Mate is so amazing, and this episode feels like a whole therapy session that I humbly and thankfully receive! 🙏🏽
I have to say, I appreciate the little breaks you take in the middle of the video in order to explain the concepts that Dr. Maté brings up. I find it extremely helpful and it really allows me to ponder and sit with it. Great video!
I love that too
🙌 agree it is helpful to do a brief summary to help the message be learned ❤
yes....❤
I sure as heaven will watch over and over again. So much information. Thank you!!!
NO strategy "Strategy" dear Gabor is the Truth resonates with truth-seekers! Bravo brilliant man! ❤
Thank you for posting this dialog with Gabor Mate. He is a wise guy and I do not need to put up any filters or skeptical observations to his messages. I just believe him. That is such a relief. His video on "when the body says no" helped me a lot many years ago, and I am glad the algorithm lead me to your conversation with him. I treasure every word.
These are the types of conversations I LIVE for! 100% ❤
Thankyou both., for your clarity and vulnerability. Gabor you have been a beacon of light to me and my role as mother. My son now works with Diederik Wolzak and is off all drugs. Without your sharing many years back we would not have survived as a family
Wow this guest arrived in perfect timing for me! I’m learning about trauma and Gabor Mate’s work in grad school right now. I love how you do side annotations regarding Gabor’s teachings/insights pertaining to trauma. This is helping me in becoming a better future clinician. Thank you for your platform!
The best thing to help you ve a better future clinician is to do your own healing.Often it is clinicians doing their degrees or training in order to avoid their own healing work.
The healing world is full of clinicians who have not done their own healing.
@@upendasana7857 Yes I completely agree with you. We learn this too in my program because unhealed wounds will def affect how you interact & the space you provide with your clients. That is why I made sure to go to therapy prior getting into the field to do my own healing so I can better serve my clients.
I really like how you sum things up for us after each theme in the conversation. It really helps the structure and it’s more work for you, so i really appreciate that. I’m enjoying this a lot. Thank you 😊🙏🏽
I have seen many interviews with Gabor Maté, but this video in particular brought tears to my eyes. So thank you so much for this video 🙏❤️
Love listening to Gabor Maté. It’s been too long I’ve listened to him.
Dr Gabor is brilliant I’ve gained to much insight when I listen to him
You're just a great interviewer, very engaged, understanding and warm.
Beautiful conversation. Wish the world recognizes the value and impact of such open, honest, vulnerable presence snd interactions. Most precious gift we give each other and the one you gave us today. This was heaven and haven.
Would love to meet Gabor Mate in person some day
Incredible interview! Dr. Mate along with Dr. Jordan Peterson are among the fathers of this fatherless generation. To these men, we are forever grateful for sharing all your wisdom. 🙏🏾
So glad I found your Podcast!! The name sums up where we are as human beings. I'm thrilled to see more mature conversation on relationships available on TH-cam! I've learned so much from Gabor Mate. His teachings are insightful, affirming of my personal healing journey, and practical. Thank you both from the bottom of my heart.
Much success to you in your podcast!! I'll be speading the word!🙏🏽💜
I agree! It's so wonderful to hear how Paul draw these profound insights from Gabor
Always a pleasure listening to Gabor Mate, also the interviewer did a fantastic job
It's such a privilege to have him on any show & I feel honoured to be watching him ❤
❤I have learned so much in this one hour talk. I adore how gentle and how calm you allowed the flow of the conversation. This will give so many people so much hope!
One of THE BEST VIDEOS!!! This resonated so heavily with me, with my personal journey, what amazing teaching and vulnerability displayed by these men. Thank you SO MUCH, it’s such a privilege to see this. ❤
I like your recaps and actionable steps. I'm surprised this channel is not big yet.
Will be soon, keep it up 👍
pressure comes with getting too big....
Excellent discussion. This will be on repeat. Great questions and thoughtful answers 👏
You both have such a relaxing soothing way of explaining 😊
It was beautiful! Love Dr. Gabor Mate too! What a treasure. Thanks!
I really like how you come up during the interview and give short practical advice. It also makes the advertisement you do a bit later on less annoying, you take time to give pointers and advice too, not just to advertise.
I really enjoyed the advice and pointers too!
One of the best interviews. Love Gabor
Wow this was an amazing conversation. Gabor Mate is incredible. I gained so much from this, I had to take notes! Thank you. Great questions and breakdowns of each message too 🙏❤
Great podcast. I like that as host you listen and dont interrupt the guest with your knowledge or opinion.
Thank you, Gabor Mate. This connection to you, and your knowledge, is life affirming, and saving for some.🌷
Amazing interview /conversation! DR gabor triggered so much of my healing and helped me to start to live authentically . This interview was profound , will be sharing it!! ❤❤
Your teaching style is so effective, thanks for sharing!
Many of us do not have an abundance of choices let alone good choices. This belief is that there are numerous amazing partners that are all attracted to us who are also single and available and not abusive. This culture of not just blaming victims but blaming individuals for being entirely responsible for their relationships when they get rejected by people or have limited options or are not pursued by people with good intentions is taking away responsibility from other people and from society
I love Gabor Mathe…what fascinates me most is that the man is basically rephrasing Simple Biblical Principles and teaching them in manner the modern world is willing to consume. He’s discovered and is saying nothing new or hidden yet we’re all in owe…
One of the best interviews! Thank you for bringing depth and insight on all the topics covered.
I wanna thank the host for the amazing and on point questions during this podcast. It's by far my favorite gabor's podcast/interview yet. You got a new subscriber ❤
totally agree marriage is your best dream and your worst nightmare and the wounds will define how long is going to last if not healed
Paul love seeing you on others Podcasts now you got your own and big guests. Thanks for teaching us about healthy love
I too have watched countless of Gabor's interviews, and I have appreciated them indescribably. ...That said, I think I may have experienced this one as the most moving, especially at the end, as Paul himself alludes to. Thank you so much to both of you.
This isn't my first time to listen to doctor Mate but thanks to you, it's almost like I am asking the questions to him to understand what I am going through. It was a great interview and great questions.
Grateful to have heard this episode. Amazing and impactful conversation.
learning we generate all our feelings ..by adding value to thoughts that arise ..the deliberate, not faked, state of loving gratitude is a great gift to ourselves ..seems impossible but actually very easy ..our true nature
This episode is just WOW. I’m speechless. Another great conversation 👏🏼
What a beautiful & meaningful conversation! I do follow Dr Gabor Maté since last year,is been an eye opening & expansion of my heart,in particular because I do "energy healing" (Reiki) for minorities & natives & indigenous people in AK.. Learning his scientific evidence interconnecting with the pain, emotional mindset, childhood trauma & how the body resent or suffer,depending of the different types of pain is: !Mind blowing! You both are beautiful souls & lights for humanity,is my deepest dream to invite Dr Gabor Maté one day,to visit AK & do a seminar,to help people in some positions lacking empathy, compassion & understanding! We need to have a better reform for people in jail,in schools & in many other fields..
I wish you a blessing healing journey,for the rest of your lives & more success in your lives..
Light & love in your path always..🌸🙏💠🌺💚💙💗💕🥺