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Fantastic guest, reading and listening to Gabor helped me turn my life around, begin therapy, heal from my trauma and find myself again. Thankfully, i did this whilst my children where still so young, and now they have a compassionate, present father. The greatest gift
@@johnroekoek12345 I was convinced i had ADHD going into therapy. Then after i healed from my trauma, the symptoms of ADHD left me, and im a completely different person now. I am living proof that, for some, his views on ADHD are spot on. For others, perhaps there are other reasons for it. Im interested to see what qualifies you to say he is wrong?
I don’t know why but Ever since I was a kid I’ve was gifted with an awareness to mental note anything my parents or caregivers did that felt wrong. I remember always promising myself that I should do better if I became a parent one day. When I finally became a parent I had to fight the societal good provider stereotypical mentality that defines our modern era of parenting just to test and observe if all my child & adolescent mental notes were efficacious to my kids’s health & wellbeing. Now my kid is 16 and every person who observes our interactions together are always curious about our close bond. Everything this guy talks about and recommends I have parented by example since day 1 and am currently enjoying the fruits of my time & patience that I prioritized to my kid and wife. We don’t live a perfect life by far but everyday I can say is meaningful.
My dad is 74, today is my 27 birthday. Your comment brought me to tears. My father is my best friend. We fight like animals sometimes but at the end of the day, it is the deepest level of unconditional love. It's wanting more for one another, and knowing the gifts that you have to share with the world. Thank you for being an incredible father. There is nothing more powerful in this world than a father/son relationship. It truly is the single most important factor in a child's life. The father wound is the deepest, darkest and most vulnerable void. Some go through their entire lives trying to fill that void and can never find anything that heals it. God Bless you.
I’m just learning about him now and I really like him. I watch a lot of other TH-cam videos on various topics, which feels like i’m becoming “addicted” to working on healing, however that looks for me and that’s not a bad addiction to have. Blessings to all on your healing journeys 🙏🏼🪽✨
I quit my job and my house to be able to have my kid with me when young because it was breaking my child not being with me. I was berated by so many professionals. By their teens I was commended for my child being a good role model. Our society is so messed up 😢
What a fantastic time we live in where this kind of insight is available for free at the touch of your fingers. Very revealing, not just of Gabon’s wisdom, but of the presenters, and ultimately of ourselves 😊
I was so excited when I saw this title come up, what an honour for you both to sit down and listen to this great man. I have so much respect and admiration for him, a truly great intellect of our time.
I learned a lot from Gabor, I found his work right after I had my daughter and it helped me massively. I changed my work to part time and I spend majority of my time with her, and I see how it's helping her. Thank you Dr Mate!
Dr Gabor Mate is highly respected for good reason.Check out his biography and credentials.Do not judge,,most of the comments below are kinda shallow and flailing observations trying to understand what Gabor is talking about.He shows incredible humility and takes ownership for his shortcomings,,,,And he was one of the first to bring this approach of radical honesty to the platforms we see every where now ,, no bullshit here. Of course you dont have to agree with everything,,Just listen,,with an open mind and an open heart.!❤
Thanks Doc, love your videos. You helped me so much in my health journey and understanding foods. I started to change my routines after reading "The 23 Former Doctor Truths". No wonder Doctor left her career.
Thank you for having Gabor Mate on your show. If a governments /world policy for children be written, let it be by him. So much compassion & humility 🙏💗
He is so right most of my sadness comes from society making me do things with my children that I know was wrong! I was adopted by a family that abused me! I wanted to do everything for my children that my parents didn’t do for me! 😢
Guys.. my 1st time here. I want to say thank you, 1st..and that I watch/listen to Dr. Maté very frequently (as well as reading him, evidently) and this podcast was still fresh. So, I would say that's not only on him, but also on both of you. Kudos, from Portugal
It's funny for me to read the title of your podcast channel, "High Performance", as if some kind of achievement is the most important goal in life. 😂 If you really listen closely to Dr Maté, he is telling us that who we appear to be on the outside, to others, is not the real inner self, at any given moment. He is an incredibly intelligent, world-reknown doctor and psychologist, and yet, when you asked him who he is, he replied that he is "just a person who's sitting here, hanging out with your question; that's who I am." He has truly learned to be conscious, centred in the present moment, not thinking about what he has already achieved in the world or will be doing next week. This is the gift of age, experience and wisdom, if you search for it. Thanks for another enlightening lesson, Dr Maté!
One of the best episodes I’ve watched! There’s SO MUCH wisdom here! All parents need to hear this message! THIS is the true key to long term success and the highest level of performance/impact for ALL humanity!!!!❤
This is by far one of your greatest interviews. I actually took so much from this and so many notes. I have been lucky enough to have shared this with my students who are learning much from this interview.
What for me is very important is this spending time with the kids if you have a family but in a mindful way... And a second one: The power of asking questions... because I know how hard it is after a difficult situation when they dont come...
Who are you? I am the essence beyond this physical form, an energy that transcends the roles I play and the actions I take. While you may know me as a student, a son, a friend, or even through my work in agriculture or tutoring, those are merely expressions of my being, not the core of who I am. My values, identity, and personality may evolve, yet at my center, I remain the same-a consciousness beyond perception. I am neither bound by what I do nor by how you see me, but by the presence that exists beneath it all.
TOP podcast. Im someone who got limited by others so many times and that lead to me failling objectives of my life. Nowadays i try to live everyday , not letting no one limit me ever, NO ONE.
what gets me is the parents who say "I didn't know, you didn't tell me" etc. What if you were that child that cried, screamed, whispered, asked for help over and over and over ......to the parents, and they flat out ignored you (one of them), and abused you for asking (other one), a sibling watching and laughing, the other sibling avoided the whole thing and took off. I'm tired of the victim parent excuse.
Ooooof you articulated precisely my own experience / feelings. Thank you ♥️. Parents have been granted way too much latitude, concessions, and “hall passes” for abusive and dysfunctional behaviours by our societal systems - classic example is the whining and victimhood of parents who are estranged from their adult children - I’ve never met anyone who is estranged over stupid/flippant/reasons that weren’t completely legitimate and most have tried for decades before they finally cut contact. Then the parents, have the gall to say how could we know….despite it literally being screamed at their faces for decades in 1000 different ways. Most mental health conditions are preventable if only parents could unfaaark themselves or not have kids if they cannot pass on their bullshit to children.
Im tired of adult kids falling for the "woke" agenda of unrealistic expectations and victimhood and the whole world has to accommodate them and fuck everything else! Todays society is programming unhealthy expectations and to feel victimised not when abused but merely that perfection is not met! Today its the kids being perfecrionist and judgemental!
I agree with you, but then I have days and I see my mom is so damaged from her own parents and then I sympathise with her. The empathy and the understanding that her pain is my pain is what still keeps us together, but it’s still hard.
@@lorrieudrea7496 trust me I get it. I’m not programmed to not love ❤️ my mother, despite the fact she has enabled and condoned abuses that would make any person without lived experience blanche. I still can’t go NC with her; she deserves/has 0 right or entitlement to my love but I can’t not…despite best practices/many of those who’ve helped me heal imploring me to cut contact I simply can’t. I support you Jennifer and hear you ❤️
'How do we learn to say no better?' I have been struggling with this too. And the hardest part has always been the 'HOW' to say no, and not what will I win - that was easy, I have been through trauma so I knew what I win is peace. I have been taught that saying no is rude and hence never shown how can I effectively say no if I need to, or how not to feel self-conscious or guilty afterwards. So I had a sense in me if I say no that is a sign of being feisty, oppositional, I'm causing rejection in a way, either 'I reject that I shouldn't' or 'I should be rejected'. But simply what I had to learn is the HOW. How can I formulate my boundaries(in words and actions) so it is not offensive, biased but considerate and the other party gets the right message. So I started to allow myself to be rejected too if after being considerate - as much as I can't be - the other party wouldn't understand, accept or respect. Mean you have to allow yourself have boundaries too. But healthy and non-harming ones.
Gabor citing 'Man City' as an example was the moment I realised Man Utd's slide is getting serious. Fantastic guy and great to see your channel diversifying.
Gabor. I adore your imperfect self. Ohhh my god. I could have recreated education with this one recording. I’m over the moon. So tremendously grateful.
I really enjoyed this and learned so much. I truly appreciate Dr. Gabor Mate's insight, sincerity and passion. Thank You for hosting him and also being vulnerable yourselves.
I'm trying to work on not being a people pleaser. Is it just as stressful to say “maybe” or “let me get back to you” instead of saying no? I struggle with saying no and then later realizing I could have said yes and handled it. It's not always a clear-cut decision, and it's frustrating when psychologists or behavioral health professionals present things as all or nothing without acknowledging a middle ground. Why can't they teach us the potential outcomes of saying maybe or let me get back to you? It's frustrating when it feels like I'm always missing the mark
I believe saying maybe or I will get back to you is the best way to listen to yourself and still be able to say yes or no after time to reflect on whether you really want to do something or not
Sometimes we feel pressured to make a decision about a social event right on the spot. So saying thank you for the offer can I get back to you in like an hour or something like that. Takes the overwhelming pressure of making the decision. It puts you in control of the situation. Then you don't over commit to, to many social events and then feel absolutely exhausted and need time alone to recover. Your time and mental health/mental load matters too. Fomo is a thing as well. So it's not as simple as accepting the offer to join or decline. There's other factors that come into play. Sorry for the long message I'm just an introvert struggling with decision making as well.
I do believe in relief from trauma. And to stop being a victim. Use the power of negativity to empower yourself. If we keep dwelling in the bad, we will always be victims. That's what I teach to men, women and children. And they thank me for it. I see a change on the ones who listen. Only on the ones who listen.
This could help so many people and children... but most will forget these wise words within the next 2 hours because they had to work, spend 2 hours on TikTok or "do something else". Time spent with your children is worth so much more then gifts and money. I work 37 hours a week and not a second more because I want to have time for myself and my closest ones and I would never give that time up for any amount. Find time for your family and your self... one day its to late and no money in the world can get that time back. I am not judging anybody... this is my choice and everybody can do what they want.
mostly, (your first statement of truth and I believe), because people have pride, are lazy and narcissistic and refuse to do the changes necessary, but want them immediately and with out work
I became a lawyer and advanced quickly but I felt I was shoehorning myself into that office, that role, highly conservative, buttoned down when it’s natural for me to rubbish things to make others relax and feel better, or tell stories against interest of when I’d messed up in early days, because new lawyers were petrified for want of practical training. I loved the work (prosecution but I was empathetic with many of those at the other end of the bar table). I did this until I got sick because I knew I was supposed to be a head-kicker.
Follow lawyer here. I know what you are talking about. We will find better compassionate ways. There are enough lawyers around, but too few people having deep insight into conflicts. There is much we can take from the limited world of law into life and make a better living. Literally. Live better. And be of healthy service.
I would say rather than our parents mess up , our parents were messed up , my grandparents were messed up , I myself got messed up and haven’t given anything to my daughter :( I just couldn’t become a good parent as I was always disconnected with myself
Dr MATAE I learnt of strong faith Everyone is unique and awesome Creation and Blessed with an amazing Awesome Talent to full blown talented person into the full image of the HOLY ONE.
I totally agree with Dr Gabor matte re people pleasing can lead to illnesses in certain people but I do feel there is a lot on emphasis on how our upbringing and how it affects us but not enough emphasis on how our genetics affect our mental health we all know people who had a traumatic upbringing and went on to do very well mentally and other people who had a loving upbringing and went on to having terrible mental health we must not forget the importance of our genetics
I ve learnt as my own lived experience that it's learning to be more self adulting teaching our inner child to be in a relationship with ourselves as a basis need ❤ not just a parenting one of learnt behaviour & attitudes of unmet needs placed on the child of limits only teach your child it's okay to be themselves by adulting them in there own responsibility of self this starts early with early learning development of a child needs 😊
Very insightful and thought provoking interview. We need more like this. Thank you. But can you please reduce the number of advert segments? I was fed up after the 5th ad segment and I was only 15 mins into the video.
amazing conversation. the gentlemen looked comically large considering all the furniture in the room. the vanta commercial was clearly not for my demographic as I didn't understand a single word you used :P fantastically valuable, thanks guys!
If I came across your channel sooner and some good others around here my life would be WAY different than It actually is. I would have not wasted my brain on senseless, superficial and meaningless stuff. I am no longer afraid, though, who really cares, to admit to needing professional help, too. The brain, I would dare to say is the organ we are the most shy or timid to prevent anybody else from knowning, can get sick, too.
Gabor Mate is showing actual proof of his theory- by looking far younger than his 80 years! Getting over trauma, having self esteem and self love, makes you youthful and healthy
So Grateful to the Universe my children and my Grandchild are growing the beauty way...like what you describe. ..❤ My daughter is a young Montessorian....a Natural Nurturer....feel humbled to see how she is with her child and other children in her care❤❤❤❤ Dr Mate, I truly wish you could meet her....she is the Manifestation of your words...as a parent and as an Educator❤
I understand some of this but kids are extremely resilient, they don't need you every moment ,they need to know that you really care when you are there. You don't want to pick.thrm.up.every time they cry,kids manipulate, see this,and kids need to learn to self soothe,I think its tough being a parent,if you let them be who they are,as much as you can even if you dont understand in that moment,do they feel.safe,as long as they are not hurting you or others
My parents had traumatised lives hunger loss aftee loss it made them very negative from.so much having gone wrong i feel that negativty really affected me not having normal happy situations at home or mixing socially how do u heal that negativity when u lost so much n your life also was abused n adult life was living n fear n terror running from it n trying to understand it
He's explaining basic Buddhist principles and those young guys are spellbound like it's a revelation. The whole hippy movement of the 60s and 70s was structured on what he is talking about.
I had a stay at home mother who resented me. When my siblings came along I became a slave. She was always the viper Narcissist stay at home mother. Please explain that. Lucky everybody else.
I keep hearing comparisons saying aboriginals raise their children better than the rest of us, more natural.. these must be old studies! If you go back to the 50s we were all raised better! Things started really going downhill for society in the 60-70s .. Im sure at some point the natives did raise their kids according to their traditions, but these days the reservations have abnormally high suicide rates among the youth, child abuse, extreme poverty, and drug/alcohol addiction problems galore! My uncle works for a gas company in northern Ontario and some reservations you cant even get to by road, its boat or air. And he said theyre awful! No plumbing, electrical, everyone's filthy and drunk, pretty much hell.. so when they bring up how lovely and natural the natives raise children, theyre referring to the well adjusted ones who happened to turn out ok.. just like any other race! Theyre not special
That's absolutely true Julie. Predators, abusers, pedophiles know they can get away with abusing children. The best thing an adult who was abused as a child can do is decide they will not be with anyone or stay in situations where they don't feel safe and create a safe place to live/call home..even if it's a 400 sq foot apartment.
How damaging it is to keep our troubles to ourselves when that goes to the extreme and all because mental and brain illness are still a sign of weakness as if we were not human beings but only machines. Of course, we must know who to trust when opening up because in the world we live in, there are oportunistics who supposedly want to help.
Fascinating, wise, but...Much TOO much advertising here. Too many interruptions. Also, let's call your show "Meaningful Performance" instead. Less stress
Respected Rishi Gabor Mate sir and Community... thanks for initiating me, purifying healing me, enlightenment being a teacher of Presence Abundance Professor being in divine love Romance sexual intimacy with a kind Meditator woman. Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude Joy Joy Joy Reverence Reverence Reverence
I doubt Huel and the likes is something that aligns well with the concepts that Gabor talks about. It is very far from wholesome healthy homecooked food.
As a single mother I truly regret working thats so many hours and leaving my kid so we can survive ! People oh choose better men yeah sure! But if only these supporting their kids enough their children will be well taken care of ! Seeing mothers leaving their 4-5 kids behind and them working is heartbreaking! And men says it’s women the problem! But actually most of the trauma done today is perpetuated by men! All this patriarchy, capitalism is brought by men! And our children is suffering because of it
Dr MATAE The Relationship between the parenting Caring Sharing Teachers Family members Social Relations with Hypocrisy Stinking thinking Imbalance in one's own emotions Behaviour Attitude Along with Biased Attitude Double Standards Discrimination Domination Double standards leading to neurological problems .It is a global problem.Please Children and young people are victims of oppression Hypocrisy filled mindset along with other Short Comings . Please Help yourself.I felt in my 80 s that I am a frog in the well after working for 50 Yrs delivered from death pangs of CORONA TIA and HYPOGLYCEMIC COMA I am destined to fulfill the plan and Purpose of my life. LIFE is to live to its full to glorify the HOLY ONE.
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Fantastic guest, reading and listening to Gabor helped me turn my life around, begin therapy, heal from my trauma and find myself again. Thankfully, i did this whilst my children where still so young, and now they have a compassionate, present father. The greatest gift
That’s great 👏 👏
Bravo! You're kids are very lucky to have you as their father who has done this work!
He is wrong about ADHD, but besides that, yes
@@johnroekoek12345 I was convinced i had ADHD going into therapy. Then after i healed from my trauma, the symptoms of ADHD left me, and im a completely different person now. I am living proof that, for some, his views on ADHD are spot on. For others, perhaps there are other reasons for it. Im interested to see what qualifies you to say he is wrong?
Congratulations! @tommyvincent3815
Gabor is a treasure.
He is a charlatan! He claims to be expert in psychology, psychiatry, child development, etc...HE IS NONE OF THOSE. He is a retired GP, that is all.
Broken people make broken people
I don’t know why but Ever since I was a kid I’ve was gifted with an awareness to mental note anything my parents or caregivers did that felt wrong. I remember always promising myself that I should do better if I became a parent one day.
When I finally became a parent I had to fight the societal good provider stereotypical mentality that defines our modern era of parenting just to test and observe if all my child & adolescent mental notes were efficacious to my kids’s health & wellbeing.
Now my kid is 16 and every person who observes our interactions together are always curious about our close bond.
Everything this guy talks about and recommends I have parented by example since day 1 and am currently enjoying the fruits of my time & patience that I prioritized to my kid and wife.
We don’t live a perfect life by far but everyday I can say is meaningful.
Wow, beautiful!! 👏 what a gift! Thank you for sharing ❤
My dad is 74, today is my 27 birthday. Your comment brought me to tears. My father is my best friend. We fight like animals sometimes but at the end of the day, it is the deepest level of unconditional love. It's wanting more for one another, and knowing the gifts that you have to share with the world. Thank you for being an incredible father. There is nothing more powerful in this world than a father/son relationship. It truly is the single most important factor in a child's life. The father wound is the deepest, darkest and most vulnerable void. Some go through their entire lives trying to fill that void and can never find anything that heals it. God Bless you.
I am addicted to Gabor podcasts🤭
Lol me too,,I was lucky to have him sign a book once,,,,Hes a trailblazer for sure so is his son!
Read all his books as well what a fantastic human 😊
I’m just learning about him now and I really like him. I watch a lot of other TH-cam videos on various topics, which feels like i’m becoming “addicted” to working on healing, however that looks for me and that’s not a bad addiction to have. Blessings to all on your healing journeys 🙏🏼🪽✨
@@ShannonS-w8ju want a healing journey? Visit Bessel van der Kolk.
@@romalisa2 and tranquilizer
i love how Dr. Mate is able to connect the dots leading to trauma and articulating in a laymen's term. hes a gem.
I quit my job and my house to be able to have my kid with me when young because it was breaking my child not being with me. I was berated by so many professionals. By their teens I was commended for my child being a good role model. Our society is so messed up 😢
because society is goodness, and when we come away from natural law and wiring, it all falls apart because "we know better"...nope
What a fantastic time we live in where this kind of insight is available for free at the touch of your fingers. Very revealing, not just of Gabon’s wisdom, but of the presenters, and ultimately of ourselves 😊
Nobody is listening to each other, the words are like ketchup on the bread and meat of emotion.
I was so excited when I saw this title come up, what an honour for you both to sit down and listen to this great man. I have so much respect and admiration for him, a truly great intellect of our time.
I learned a lot from Gabor, I found his work right after I had my daughter and it helped me massively. I changed my work to part time and I spend majority of my time with her, and I see how it's helping her. Thank you Dr Mate!
Same! That’s awesome, that’s ❤️
Top - I am about to do the same, for I have just been laid off 😉
Dr Gabor Mate is highly respected for good reason.Check out his biography and credentials.Do not judge,,most of the comments below are kinda shallow and flailing observations trying to understand what Gabor is talking about.He shows incredible humility and takes ownership for his shortcomings,,,,And he was one of the first to bring this approach of radical honesty to the platforms we see every where now ,, no bullshit here. Of course you dont have to agree with everything,,Just listen,,with an open mind and an open heart.!❤
💯! 👏
He is selling himself and selling books and workshops. GM is a good salesman, that's all.
Its okay that you don't understand what he's saying @robynhope219
Thanks Doc, love your videos. You helped me so much in my health journey and understanding foods. I started to change my routines after reading "The 23 Former Doctor Truths". No wonder Doctor left her career.
Thank you for having Gabor Mate on your show. If a governments /world policy for children be written, let it be by him. So much compassion & humility 🙏💗
Not true..he has a private persona and a public one.
He is so right most of my sadness comes from society making me do things with my children that I know was wrong! I was adopted by a family that abused me! I wanted to do everything for my children that my parents didn’t do for me! 😢
Guys.. my 1st time here.
I want to say thank you, 1st..and that I watch/listen to Dr. Maté very frequently (as well as reading him, evidently) and this podcast was still fresh.
So, I would say that's not only on him, but also on both of you.
Kudos, from Portugal
It's funny for me to read the title of your podcast channel, "High Performance", as if some kind of achievement is the most important goal in life. 😂
If you really listen closely to Dr Maté, he is telling us that who we appear to be on the outside, to others, is not the real inner self, at any given moment. He is an incredibly intelligent, world-reknown doctor and psychologist, and yet, when you asked him who he is, he replied that he is "just a person who's sitting here, hanging out with your question; that's who I am." He has truly learned to be conscious, centred in the present moment, not thinking about what he has already achieved in the world or will be doing next week. This is the gift of age, experience and wisdom, if you search for it. Thanks for another enlightening lesson, Dr Maté!
One of the best episodes I’ve watched! There’s SO MUCH wisdom here! All parents need to hear this message! THIS is the true key to long term success and the highest level of performance/impact for ALL humanity!!!!❤
So agree
This is by far one of your greatest interviews. I actually took so much from this and so many notes. I have been lucky enough to have shared this with my students who are learning much from this interview.
What for me is very important is this spending time with the kids if you have a family but in a mindful way... And a second one: The power of asking questions... because I know how hard it is after a difficult situation when they dont come...
Who are you?
I am the essence beyond this physical form, an energy that transcends the roles I play and the actions I take. While you may know me as a student, a son, a friend, or even through my work in agriculture or tutoring, those are merely expressions of my being, not the core of who I am. My values, identity, and personality may evolve, yet at my center, I remain the same-a consciousness beyond perception. I am neither bound by what I do nor by how you see me, but by the presence that exists beneath it all.
yes
I have learned so much from Gabor, just a beautiful soul, thank you
Such a fantastic interview! I should definitely write down everything he says.
TOP podcast. Im someone who got limited by others so many times and that lead to me failling objectives of my life. Nowadays i try to live everyday , not letting no one limit me ever, NO ONE.
what gets me is the parents who say "I didn't know, you didn't tell me" etc. What if you were that child that cried, screamed, whispered, asked for help over and over and over ......to the parents, and they flat out ignored you (one of them), and abused you for asking (other one), a sibling watching and laughing, the other sibling avoided the whole thing and took off. I'm tired of the victim parent excuse.
Ooooof you articulated precisely my own experience / feelings. Thank you ♥️. Parents have been granted way too much latitude, concessions, and “hall passes” for abusive and dysfunctional behaviours by our societal systems - classic example is the whining and victimhood of parents who are estranged from their adult children - I’ve never met anyone who is estranged over stupid/flippant/reasons that weren’t completely legitimate and most have tried for decades before they finally cut contact. Then the parents, have the gall to say how could we know….despite it literally being screamed at their faces for decades in 1000 different ways. Most mental health conditions are preventable if only parents could unfaaark themselves or not have kids if they cannot pass on their bullshit to children.
Im tired of adult kids falling for the "woke" agenda of unrealistic expectations and victimhood and the whole world has to accommodate them and fuck everything else! Todays society is programming unhealthy expectations and to feel victimised not when abused but merely that perfection is not met! Today its the kids being perfecrionist and judgemental!
I agree with you, but then I have days and I see my mom is so damaged from her own parents and then I sympathise with her. The empathy and the understanding that her pain is my pain is what still keeps us together, but it’s still hard.
@@lorrieudrea7496 trust me I get it. I’m not programmed to not love ❤️ my mother, despite the fact she has enabled and condoned abuses that would make any person without lived experience blanche. I still can’t go NC with her; she deserves/has 0 right or entitlement to my love but I can’t not…despite best practices/many of those who’ve helped me heal imploring me to cut contact I simply can’t. I support you Jennifer and hear you ❤️
'How do we learn to say no better?'
I have been struggling with this too. And the hardest part has always been the 'HOW' to say no, and not what will I win - that was easy, I have been through trauma so I knew what I win is peace. I have been taught that saying no is rude and hence never shown how can I effectively say no if I need to, or how not to feel self-conscious or guilty afterwards. So I had a sense in me if I say no that is a sign of being feisty, oppositional, I'm causing rejection in a way, either 'I reject that I shouldn't' or 'I should be rejected'.
But simply what I had to learn is the HOW. How can I formulate my boundaries(in words and actions) so it is not offensive, biased but considerate and the other party gets the right message. So I started to allow myself to be rejected too if after being considerate - as much as I can't be - the other party wouldn't understand, accept or respect.
Mean you have to allow yourself have boundaries too. But healthy and non-harming ones.
Sorry you have to struggle with this.
I adore Gabor even more with the mention of the African adage ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ indeed it does Dr. I couldn’t have done it alone.
Gabor citing 'Man City' as an example was the moment I realised Man Utd's slide is getting serious. Fantastic guy and great to see your channel diversifying.
Gabor. I adore your imperfect self. Ohhh my god. I could have recreated education with this one recording. I’m over the moon. So tremendously grateful.
My favourite episode so far! Dr. Gabor Maté is engrossing to listen too!
I really enjoyed this and learned so much. I truly appreciate Dr. Gabor Mate's insight, sincerity and passion. Thank You for hosting him and also being vulnerable yourselves.
I'm trying to work on not being a people pleaser. Is it just as stressful to say “maybe” or “let me get back to you” instead of saying no? I struggle with saying no and then later realizing I could have said yes and handled it. It's not always a clear-cut decision, and it's frustrating when psychologists or behavioral health professionals present things as all or nothing without acknowledging a middle ground. Why can't they teach us the potential outcomes of saying maybe or let me get back to you? It's frustrating when it feels like I'm always missing the mark
I believe saying maybe or I will get back to you is the best way to listen to yourself and still be able to say yes or no after time to reflect on whether you really want to do something or not
Sometimes we feel pressured to make a decision about a social event right on the spot. So saying thank you for the offer can I get back to you in like an hour or something like that. Takes the overwhelming pressure of making the decision. It puts you in control of the situation. Then you don't over commit to, to many social events and then feel absolutely exhausted and need time alone to recover. Your time and mental health/mental load matters too. Fomo is a thing as well. So it's not as simple as accepting the offer to join or decline. There's other factors that come into play. Sorry for the long message I'm just an introvert struggling with decision making as well.
I think you are teaching yourself, right now, and by public default, those of us who are reading your words…
Create your own reality as long as your not doing harm to anyone
I do believe in relief from trauma. And to stop being a victim. Use the power of negativity to empower yourself. If we keep dwelling in the bad, we will always be victims. That's what I teach to men, women and children. And they thank me for it. I see a change on the ones who listen. Only on the ones who listen.
This could help so many people and children... but most will forget these wise words within the next 2 hours because they had to work, spend 2 hours on TikTok or "do something else". Time spent with your children is worth so much more then gifts and money. I work 37 hours a week and not a second more because I want to have time for myself and my closest ones and I would never give that time up for any amount. Find time for your family and your self... one day its to late and no money in the world can get that time back. I am not judging anybody... this is my choice and everybody can do what they want.
mostly, (your first statement of truth and I believe), because people have pride, are lazy and narcissistic and refuse to do the changes necessary, but want them immediately and with out work
I became a lawyer and advanced quickly but I felt I was shoehorning myself into that office, that role, highly conservative, buttoned down when it’s natural for me to rubbish things to make others relax and feel better, or tell stories against interest of when I’d messed up in early days, because new lawyers were petrified for want of practical training. I loved the work (prosecution but I was empathetic with many of those at the other end of the bar table). I did this until I got sick because I knew I was supposed to be a head-kicker.
Follow lawyer here. I know what you are talking about. We will find better compassionate ways. There are enough lawyers around, but too few people having deep insight into conflicts. There is much we can take from the limited world of law into life and make a better living. Literally. Live better. And be of healthy service.
Such solid interviewers. You guys did a phenomenal job, this was fantastic.
🤩 Thank you all for sharing such helpful perspectives in such a personal and digestible manner 🙏
Master the self control for staying thin and that'll empower you to achieve control over your mind further, and your spirit.
Beautiful and helpful... Thank you again, Dr Maté, for your wisdom
He’s a genius ❤
I know sweet bananas we got this figured. it seems : )
I would say rather than our parents mess up , our parents were messed up , my grandparents were messed up , I myself got messed up and haven’t given anything to my daughter :( I just couldn’t become a good parent as I was always disconnected with myself
It’s the generational trauma and conditioning and it’s the physiological manifestation
same for me
Too many commercials. Hard to follow the message in between the hundreds of commercial interruptions.
Fabulous individual. Thank you. 🙏
Gracias from México❤
Viva
Thank you GM.
Dr MATAE
I learnt of strong faith
Everyone is unique and awesome Creation and Blessed with an amazing Awesome Talent to full blown talented person into the full image of the HOLY ONE.
I totally agree with Dr Gabor matte re people pleasing can lead to illnesses in certain people but I do feel there is a lot on emphasis on how our upbringing and how it affects us but not enough emphasis on how our genetics affect our mental health we all know people who had a traumatic upbringing and went on to do very well mentally and other people who had a loving upbringing and went on to having terrible mental health we must not forget the importance of our genetics
I ve learnt as my own lived experience that it's learning to be more self adulting teaching our inner child to be in a relationship with ourselves as a basis need ❤ not just a parenting one of learnt behaviour & attitudes of unmet needs placed on the child of limits only teach your child it's okay to be themselves by adulting them in there own responsibility of self this starts early with early learning development of a child needs 😊
yes, recognition is the huge first step 40:40
Very insightful and thought provoking interview. We need more like this. Thank you.
But can you please reduce the number of advert segments? I was fed up after the 5th ad segment and I was only 15 mins into the video.
That was a fantastic watch!
Great conversation. Very helpful. Thank you
Thank you for a good episode!
exactly! we need to know how we lost our wholeness.
amazing conversation. the gentlemen looked comically large considering all the furniture in the room. the vanta commercial was clearly not for my demographic as I didn't understand a single word you used :P fantastically valuable, thanks guys!
Outstanding and well rounded 💫✨.
If I came across your channel sooner and some good others around here my life would be WAY different than It actually is. I would have not wasted my brain on senseless, superficial and meaningless stuff. I am no longer afraid, though, who really cares, to admit to needing professional help, too. The brain, I would dare to say is the organ we are the most shy or timid to prevent anybody else from knowning, can get sick, too.
More support needed for mothers. More financial support needed for fathers (perhaps)
Yes, some parents do mess their children up. I'm one of them. 🙏
Gabor Mate is showing actual proof of his theory- by looking far younger than his 80 years! Getting over trauma, having self esteem and self love, makes you youthful and healthy
Gotta be kidding...he looks 90+
Beautiful interview ❤
He learnt from self reflection as well 😊
His wisdom comes from his experiences…. You can’t buy that kind of wisdom.
So Grateful to the Universe my children and my Grandchild are growing the beauty way...like what you describe. ..❤
My daughter is a young Montessorian....a Natural Nurturer....feel humbled to see how she is with her child and other children in her care❤❤❤❤
Dr Mate, I truly wish you could meet her....she is the Manifestation of your words...as a parent and as an Educator❤
This is incredible. 🙌
Gabor is getting better and better with age
I understand some of this but kids are extremely resilient, they don't need you every moment ,they need to know that you really care when you are there. You don't want to pick.thrm.up.every time they cry,kids manipulate, see this,and kids need to learn to self soothe,I think its tough being a parent,if you let them be who they are,as much as you can even if you dont understand in that moment,do they feel.safe,as long as they are not hurting you or others
This was amazing 👏🏾
Top interview guys 👍
Fantastic!
My parents had traumatised lives hunger loss aftee loss it made them very negative from.so much having gone wrong i feel that negativty really affected me not having normal happy situations at home or mixing socially how do u heal that negativity when u lost so much n your life also was abused n adult life was living n fear n terror running from it n trying to understand it
I would love to hear these kids mom speak🎉
love those sofa armchairs!
He's explaining basic Buddhist principles and those young guys are spellbound like it's a revelation.
The whole hippy movement of the 60s and 70s was structured on what he is talking about.
Dont blame your parents when it was their parents that messed them up
A Question how can we get back to who we were when we never knew it? Thanks
Worst mistake i did as a mother..was working away from home and kids
Quiero la transcription por favor
I had a stay at home mother who resented me. When my siblings came along I became a slave. She was always the viper Narcissist stay at home mother. Please explain that. Lucky everybody else.
look up Sam Vaknin, if you haven't already.
SOME of the older comments were not great,
Thats all
9:22 ONE WORD: CAPITALISM
vote blue brother . keep it steady shredder
I keep hearing comparisons saying aboriginals raise their children better than the rest of us, more natural.. these must be old studies! If you go back to the 50s we were all raised better! Things started really going downhill for society in the 60-70s .. Im sure at some point the natives did raise their kids according to their traditions, but these days the reservations have abnormally high suicide rates among the youth, child abuse, extreme poverty, and drug/alcohol addiction problems galore! My uncle works for a gas company in northern Ontario and some reservations you cant even get to by road, its boat or air. And he said theyre awful! No plumbing, electrical, everyone's filthy and drunk, pretty much hell.. so when they bring up how lovely and natural the natives raise children, theyre referring to the well adjusted ones who happened to turn out ok.. just like any other race! Theyre not special
yeah sounds like you got something on your heart .
There does not exist one perfect family ! Not one ! To solve all this "horrible" traumas - stop having children !
Brilliant but the sweeping sound of the subscribe reminder is really annoying... Haha
There are people who don't listen to no because I have cptsd because I was abused and I said no but he didn't listen to me as a child
That's absolutely true Julie. Predators, abusers, pedophiles know they can get away with abusing children. The best thing an adult who was abused as a child can do is decide they will not be with anyone or stay in situations where they don't feel safe and create a safe place to live/call home..even if it's a 400 sq foot apartment.
Oh! oh! it's all in the head. Liberate your thought through faith in God and pass it on to kids and others. You can't go wrong.
How damaging it is to keep our troubles to ourselves when that goes to the extreme and all because mental and brain illness are still a sign of weakness as if we were not human beings but only machines. Of course, we must know who to trust when opening up because in the world we live in, there are oportunistics who supposedly want to help.
Am I the only one here wgo couldn't hear it? No audio guys.
You guys should have jurgen klopp😊
Fascinating, wise, but...Much TOO much advertising here. Too many interruptions. Also, let's call your show "Meaningful Performance" instead. Less stress
Anyone else came from that job application on Reddit😂
Respected Rishi Gabor Mate sir and Community... thanks for initiating me, purifying healing me, enlightenment being a teacher of Presence Abundance Professor being in divine love Romance sexual intimacy with a kind Meditator woman. Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude Joy Joy Joy Reverence Reverence Reverence
Parents mess us up ? So what move on and make a life
More reason not to bother having kids. Thanks for making the case
Why would you not consider the traits as caused by the illness? Seems a flaw in thinking. Easy to appear grumpy if hungry
I doubt Huel and the likes is something that aligns well with the concepts that Gabor talks about. It is very far from wholesome healthy homecooked food.
As a single mother I truly regret working thats so many hours and leaving my kid so we can survive ! People oh choose better men yeah sure! But if only these supporting their kids enough their children will be well taken care of ! Seeing mothers leaving their 4-5 kids behind and them working is heartbreaking! And men says it’s women the problem! But actually most of the trauma done today is perpetuated by men! All this patriarchy, capitalism is brought by men! And our children is suffering because of it
Nobody is anxious all of their lives. Pure nonsense.
Dr MATAE
The Relationship between the parenting Caring Sharing Teachers Family members Social Relations with Hypocrisy Stinking thinking Imbalance in one's own emotions Behaviour Attitude
Along with Biased Attitude
Double Standards Discrimination Domination Double standards leading to neurological problems .It is a global problem.Please Children and young people are victims of oppression Hypocrisy filled mindset along with other Short Comings . Please Help yourself.I felt in my 80 s that I am a frog in the well after working for 50 Yrs delivered from death pangs of CORONA TIA and HYPOGLYCEMIC COMA I am destined to fulfill the plan and Purpose of my life.
LIFE is to live to its full to glorify the HOLY ONE.