"We Learn It Too Late" - 5 Regrets Trapping People From A Life Of Purpose & Meaning | Gabor Maté
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 พ.ค. 2024
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Since his first appearance on Feel Better Live More, way back in 2018, Dr Gabor Maté has become a valued friend, as well as a regular guest. I’m proud to say that he recently joined me in London as a guest speaker on the Prescribing Lifestyle Medicine course that I co-created with Dr Ayan Panja, to teach healthcare professionals the principles of lifestyle medicine.
We recorded this conversation - Gabor’s 4th appearance on my show - a couple of weeks ago in London the day before that event, and we both agreed that it is perhaps our favourite conversation to date.
For anyone not aware, Gabor is respected the world over as an expert on trauma, stress, addiction and childhood development. He is a physician, speaker and international bestselling author of some truly game-changing books such as When the Body Says No and The Myth of Normal - which has just come out in paperback.
As this is Gabor’s 4th appearance on my podcast, I was keen to explore some new ground and different topics. Gabor has worked as a family doctor as well as in palliative (end of life) care. Back on Episode 383 of this podcast, I had a wonderful conversation with Bronnie Ware, author of the book, The Five Regrets of the Dying and I thought it would be interesting to examine each of these 5 regrets, through the lens of Gabor’s thoughts and work.
We chat through all five of these regrets and Gabor provides some thought-provoking insights on each of them. He explains why we work so hard to the detriment of time with family and friends. We talk about how disease can be a teacher, why it’s vital children grow up able to express their emotions, and how we wish more doctors were aware of the connection between emotions and physical health.
We discuss happiness and if it’s possible to be happy or seek happiness when there is so much suffering in the world. This leads us on to talk about the nature of forgiveness, curiosity, compassion, and also regret. Gabor says that living life with ‘no regrets’ is about learning and understanding from your perceived mistakes, but not being unkind to who you were then. Instead we should recognise that we did the best we could do at the time.
Like all of my previous episodes with Gabor, this is a powerful conversation full of compassion, knowledge and wisdom. I hope you enjoy listening.
#feelbetterlivemore
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Scattered Minds - US: amzn.to/3xsANHL UK: amzn.to/2PvKYou
When the Body Says No - US: amzn.to/49nWczj UK: amzn.to/2zdWc6B
Hold on to Your Kids - US: amzn.to/4aB7QrF UK: amzn.to/2QUCAeK
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Tuesday, April 30 I turn 90 years old. From a personal point of view, that's an even bigger milestone than 80. However, I agree with Gabor. It's just a number. I know my time is limited, but I take take each day as it happens, enjoy my kids and grandchildren and try to be in the moment. (Wife passed 8 years ago.) The listed regrets are no longer in my life. Gabor is a treasure and should be recognized in a meaningful way.
totally agree. he is a treasure I wish more people knew about him.I quote his work ALL the time
Gabor Maté deserves a Nobel Prize for his work.
Nonsense
@@robynhope219 well they gave one to Obama, being a murderer a peace Nobel hehehe what a joke
I doubt he'll be recognised for his work as it might actually help humanity.
@@bencobley4929 o, come on...he is taking credit for other people's work.
The “inner peace price”
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without him, I love him so much. wish I can get him back I can do anything to have him back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is Shelly renee white
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks
You wont regret it
I'll give it 5 more years, tops! 😳
“No infant is born suppressing oneself…” Wowza! What a great observation! People who suppress themselves really do suffer.
I'm not sure that's true. Infants have different temperaments. Some do suppress themselves.
What a gift to humanity Gabor is.
to other worlds as well
Your road was not easy Gabor however you brought along beautiful pearls to share with humanity. Bless you both, most humble and sincere men.❤
favourite human being
So cool...
YEAH
It's hard to be content in a fallen world. But at now aged 71 I am learning I can be.
Can't believe this man is 80!!!!! Hope he lasts many many more !!!❤
Doctor Gabor Mate’ is a great Doctor and a very good person read his books ! Thank YOU Dr Mate for ALL the good work you do! I hope your books are translated in other languages. ❤
@@user-kn8io7wx8thelp❤
This man truly was pivotal in saving my life. I dont say that lightly. Forever grateful.
Same here! Will dedicate my life to healing because of him ❤️
He's a dude alright😊
Same here ! Scattered minds really made me feel understood in a different level! And the best feeling that we are not walking alone in this path❤
@sambracks6975 "understood"...what else has he done for u??
@@hanzfest8660 Me too
I really really enjoyed meeting and speaking with him in 2017 in Oakland. Approachable, great sense of humor, down to earth guy with objective interest in EVERYTHING! Happy birthday Gabor, may you live another 20 healthy happy years!
I’m not far from 80 and never loved my life so much; I’m healthy, very active, engaged in issues I care about and generally feel like I have most of my adult life but with less stress and more gratitude. I’m like my house, needing attention sometimes, but still in good shape and I expect us both to keep standing for a good while yet.
YEssir: legend!
Here’s wishing you more health and happiness
👍👍👍
I’m in the same boat. I’d like to meet a guy like you
Wishing you both healthy loving life together.
Thank you Gabor! Your son Aaron is just as impressive.
How wonderful to listen to Gabor..he speaking what I think too..I am 82..still working..I am a healer.. life is so interesting..I do not care ..I love myself..love what I am doing and intersted in life..in creative ideas..traveling and all about modern developement..THE BEST AGE IS ALLWAYS NOW❤Thanks Gabor love what you say!!
"Gabor Maté" should be a mandatory course in school
I don't think these things can be taught. It can be made known to people but not everyone would truly get it. If I heard this message 10 years ago I wouldn't understand it like the way I do today.
Particularly in medical school
I agree. I lost both my parents befor the age of 20. No one teaches you how to live. I was lost, and scared, and hurt and angry and on and on
I’d give my life savings to be able to spend a week with Dr Gabor. I love his calm voice and way of teaching ❤
Oh yes me too
You can do that by giving your savings to stay with your true self. Peace and.
O me too , what a excellent comment 🎉
What a gift to the world is Doctor Rangan and Gabor Mate, honestly so wise
I wasnt even Gabor Matee super fan. But its so easy to understand how big of a difference this person can make in only few hours of listening to. So deep and understanding to what human beings are experiencing. Just one of the greatest humans ever with all his faults it seams his presence in this world is forever engraved.
I totally agree with that he is amazing
It is precisely what I feel every time I listen to him. I have seem him talking only 3 times. I did not know who he was until a couple of weeks ago.
ia802607.us.archive.org/3/items/MonarchMindControl/Monarch-mind-control.pdf
I've lived my life in reverse. Went through the "old experiences" when I was young. My school friends now experiencing or facing what I went through so young. The "courage" thoughts here were very useful. A therapist told me "you did the best you could". I've been too soft in the past and got taken advantage of, but the things I regret are when I've been too hard. Still learning though. I hope I stay alive long enough to properly learn. I don't fear dying - just the manner of it and what I leave behind for the people I love. I've made mischievous plans for when I'm gone so that people laugh a lot.
Life in reverse would end in orgasm
We all want to die peacefully in our sleep, if there’s even such a thing.
I'm also benjamin buttoning
I know that feeling all too well 'too soft in the past, and ashamed of my actions when I'm too hard. But really the only reason we feel bad for asserting ourselves is because, we were only too soft because we knew pain too well and swore we wouldnt hurt others like others hurt us. Problem is we bottle it up and explode irrationally for so many reasons. I've been searching for the happy medium ie assertively loving. I tried to take my life 11years ago at 46 because people I helped and trusted who hurt me and slandered me, in order to cover up what they did. The fact that it broke me to that point and I woke up in ICU, is enough drive to dedicate the last 11yrs to purge my pain in order to be strong and loving for those WHO DESERVE IT! - THATS THE TRICK, AS HARD AS IT IS, CHOOSE WHO YOU ALLOW IN YOUR LIFE WISELY... God Bless
I liked your "mischievous" comment. It brought to mind my beloved sister who has been battling cancer, and has decided to do the assisted suicide thing. She just told me that she's going to wear the "bitch, I AM relaxed" socks on that fateful day in order to get a chuckle from the coroner.
Now the two of you have me thinking about what I could do in that mischievous vein.
Hmmmmmm...😂
I have definitely noticed Gabor’s softness and it’s very beautiful 🙏 Happy Birthday beautiful soul 💕
❤
The five regrets they discuss:
1. Living a life that others want you to, rather than being true to yourself (3:26)
2. Working too much (18:52)
3. Not expressing your emotions (32:51)
4. Not staying in touch with friends (53:14)
5. Not letting yourself be happier; no playfulness or joy (57:26)
Thank you for setting the topics out. Appreciated.
Thanks.
thanks !
Thank you so much!
Thank you
Always one of my all time favorite guests....Gabor Mate. Gabor expresses himself with such insightful wisdom. Truly magical. Rangan you are a game changer, life changer. YOU BOTH ARE THE DIFFERENCE THAT THE WORLD NEEDS. With endless thanks, Juliie
Fabulous discussion. I liked Gabor's comment on his age. So true. I became 82 recently and the numbers really don't matter the way I thought they would when much younger.
True.
I was only vain and concerned about aging when I was in my early 20’s!
I had my 82 nd B/D recently some friends & acquaintances want to remind me of being old, like you it is just a number & I am fortunate to be active & enjoying my life. Gabor is a special guy. Cheers
I'm 49 and I've been terrified of my own mortality since my aunt got killed when I was 13... am I going to have to start drinking again?
They do and they don't. Numbers don't fully define who we are, but they should remind us we are mortal, Time is limited.
@@felixoupopoteDon't be terrified. Remember Spring and the resurrection. Out of every death and loss, God can bring new life. He will never leave or forsake you. The only way to be happy is to live with hope.
Gabor I know you prolly wont read this but just wanted to say THANK YOU man, for everything you did for the rest of us!
I am blown away. This is a brilliant conversation. And it has taken me to reach MY eighties before I'm finally able to understand these matters. Carrying what I call the residue of trauma really devastates us. Gabor Mate shows us the way out of our pain.
ia802607.us.archive.org/3/items/MonarchMindControl/Monarch-mind-control.pdf
How comes he does not have an old voice, his voice is very strong and young. Always thought he was twenty yrs younger than he is.
Just wrote a comment that said this!! I thought he was 60!!
My father will turn 80 next year and his voice sounds young as well
I hope I have those genes 😁
Think of how his voice sounds versus Jordan Peterson.
@@emilybeaulieu999 why does everyone compare him to Jordan? They are two very different separate ppl.
Not everyone's voice ages. My dad died at 95 with the same speaking voice I always remembered (singing voice too.) It helps that he never smoked. Though I did smoke until 40, friends tell me my voice hasn't aged. I'm 66.
As a 23 years old I'm completely taken aback at the extent of my resonance with their talk. I've been asking the exact same questions myself lately and I put actual mental efforts to answer them. All thanks to their dialogue as it has awakened the consciousness of my capacity to dive deep into my heart to reflect back at the actual meaning of life.
Thankyou Dr Rangan and Dr Gabor
Wow! At 23 you are already asking the most important qns, something most of us didn't even think of. You should be so proud and i hope you do well!
@@magrethmoshy4135
Thankyou for the kind words that genuinely means alot
Oh goodness. I see how he feels. That he retired and 13 yrs felt fast and to think, will i have 13 more years and that went fast 😢 I have lost a lot of people recently and seen them die etc. I dont have anything special to add except that we need to live and love as much as we can and listen to inspirational people and try to feel as good as we can by eating well and exercising even if its just a short walk ❤❤❤
Dr Chatterjee, I am a psychologist at school level and handling children,this is one of your best podcast.I second your opinion about the hole in medical school as much as Dr Mate"s researches are my own experiences as well.The cultural conditioning is so strong that as adults also expression of emotions of a mental health professionals is also considered inappropriate.Who will wake the world to change the faulty conditioning.Only fans listen to credibility of sources like you both.Keep up the great work.
Emotions are for females... they need a man to calm them down and show them peace.
then you need TO READ THIS......
ia802607.us.archive.org/3/items/MonarchMindControl/Monarch-mind-control.pdf
Respect from Iran. You are a gift to this world. I wish all parents could raise kids to be like you.🧿🧿🧿
I thought this was a great discussion but too many interruptions with ads.
@@pamelashoemaker1614 Its the only way you get it "for free".
❤
Thank you for bringing Dr. Gabor Mate on your show . He has changed my life and millions , the more I listen to Dr. Gabor Mate, the more peace I find within me after decades of trauma.
What a liberating program this was. Thank you Dr Chatterjee for your talk with Gabor Maté. I felt such a kindred connection with you both.
"No regrets" doesn't mean "no regrets" it just means "no regrets."
Dr Maté sets him straight through. We all regret things, lets pay attention to them and neither cling to them or ignore them.
Bless Gabor Mate and his sons. Such an inspirational family that gives me hope in the goodness of humanity.
Listen you don’t actually feel old until you reach your mid 90’s. The body might be sore & tired, but like Gabor said, if you’re in the throes of the fullness of life - you’re not really counting yet. 80- is just a number as much as it’s a milestone.
I didn't start feeling old until I hit 122...
I'm 70, and if I didn't drink, I'd never feel old.
I don't think about age. I just live my life and am happy!
The real trick is living a full life that includes others whilst understanding we are eternal.The physical illusion falls away to many peoples surprise and astonishingly we are still aware.
I absolutely adore Dr. Maté. I am a better person, parent, friend, daughter, etc. because of him. Thank you for having him on Dr. Chatterjee. I love your youtibe channel and newsletter 🌹
Saw Dr. Mate on the street not long ago. Guy looks good for 80. Enjoyed conversation. I am 59 and so conversation was relevant to me. Thanks for the content. 🤟
Dr Mate is a very special person to our civilisation at this time. We are so blessed. A true testament to ‘out of darkness will come light’. Every word that comes out of his mouth I resonate with as humble, truth telling in a world full of people that are desperately and blindly seeking answers…This discussion was particularly moving and what I have been looking for. Thankyou Dr Rangan for your thoughtful and important questions And thankyou Dr Mate for your beautiful mind and wise spirit and being you and here.
I am turning 72. The past “ suppression” caused me health problems, anxiety, depression, anger. Now,,, I just do not SUPPRESS. IM TACTFUL, I’m
Kind, but I just say what I feel. I say “ no” a lot. I’m happier.
Love Gabor. Always learn so much. Love him. ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Re: psilocybin- I just recently completed and passed a professional contribution (as part of my fulfillment of my masters degree) in which I created a protocol for the integration of art therapy within psilocybin-assisted therapy. I have so much hope for this promising area of mental health medicine.
A flower is still beautiful when rain falls on it.
I am 72 and look forward to 80/ 90 and beyond as long as I am in good shape and not getting bad age related illness... I found my true self when I moved from Australia to the Philippines at 70 being free to do what I want and when I want for ME not someone else.
I loved listening to you both. I have let go of all the stuff that kept me sick and I have incredible health. The depth and the meaning that Dr. Mate spoke about is so rich, and so deep. I have died twice in this body and I have no fear of death at all. It's pure love and beautiful and a gift. Thank you, the love between the two of you and the gentleness is so beautiful!
When I went to Algeria with my husband years ago, women told me there once ,that I was very lucky for the relationship I had with my husband. So I learned that I had a responsibility to enjoy and appreciate my privileges in life be it fresh water,peace etc for the sake of the people that don’t have that as well as for myself.
Gabor is the living definition of Zindabar! ("Doer of Great things") I am close to 80 & love finding jewels of compassion & wisdom like Dr. Rangan Chatterjee, Gabor, my sincere gratitude!
I never get tired to hear Dr. Mate. Thanks for having him.
His calm is genuine. ❤❤❤❤
How fabulous it is to wake up to these two humans. I feel grateful that at one point I had a wise person show me where my inner world existed, since I have been able to express my
Authentic self. I relate so well to joy, laughter a d more.
I spent years with my son and its so obvious that he is so much happier and selfconfident than other kids whose moms had to work and in a way leave them
your channel is going from strength to strength Dr Rangan
"At some time it would have struck me as such an impossibly geriatric number." Spot on! I've felt this at 18, 21, and all the big milestones including my latest - 50!
This is unbelievably good.
I turn 80 in November. This is a very insightful video. Physically I feel as good or better than I ever have. Not as strong, not as good balance, but more friends and wonderful relationship with my family. I am not concerned about how long I have on Earth, but I am concerned about how healthy I am. Walking 3-5 miles every day and 3 days in the gym are my major therapies, along with a real food diet that emphasis protein. I worked hard to give our kids the best start we could. They are better parents than we were. Hopefully, their kids will be even better. I am happy with my life with a few regrets. Too few to mention! The mistakes I made were mine. I hope to die in my sleep, or when my parachute doesn't open! Thank you!
This podcast let me the opportunity to think more about myself and how my life has been. I am passing through for a difficult time right now and the main reason it´s because for a long time I didn´t have the possibility of expressing my emotions, because my parents always say that “this is life and you have to get use to of this “. But that only gave me a lot of anxiety and depression.
Bless you-wishing you the very best!
Gabor's exactly right about people's impossible impositions on people and the stifling horrendous consequences of their impositions!
This man is soooo great! Menopause "a time of wisdom".... soooo much agree.!!!! He just says it so beautifully!
At age 68 I really appreciate this podcast. Thank you it helped me and I am sure many others.
I once watched an account of a very old man who was on his death bed. His family (a big family!) was by his bedside and no one looked sad. Neither did the old man in bed. And then the old man exclaimed, "I can't wait for it!" He looked weak but excited. After he has passed, the family still didn't look sad. Then they explained that grandpa who had passed was actually really looking forward to the joys of the other side, having the full support of his entire family, and that he was looking forward to reincarnation, which follows the process of making a plan for the next life in every detail, choosing the parents of the next life, and then scooping down from the sky and here we go again! A new life, and young again! And after watching this, I thought to myself, I wanna go like that! Who needs the dreadful process of mourning, when you can have your entire family cheer you on and then mean it!
Wow, that's really beautiful thanks for sharing it
what about to go back to your creator every live is so special it needs no reincarnation Jesus is the way God bless you
No need to go back … anywhere… our creator is where we are
I disbelieve in teincarnstion but do believe that our spirits continue on our spiritual journey and thats just a strp away. Love how positive the family and man were in that final mortal step though..nice goal to have.😮
Very interesting , nice to look at it that way 😊
When the residency and atmosphere of the medical student is overloaded with the message 'work harder, longer, better' than your peers. That must carry into the long-term working behaviour of a doctor. It probably should be considered for the long-term care of people in the medical profession. Nurses as well. That sense of competition, rather than collaboration, needs to be looked at closely. I feel for doctors and nurses.
Wow! What a great interview! Thank you for inviting Dr. Mate and conducting this interview with utmost respect and reverence to what he has to say. No US celebrity doctor would do that and I know why - you being of Indian descent by culture you have inherent respect for elders, this cannot be said for any of the litany of US "youth obsessed" celebrity TH-cam doctors out here. Thank You!
I am so so happy to see and listen a respected professional like Gabor Mate speak around courage at the beginning of this video. Because for me, whenever I now come across the word 'courage' on social media mostly while reading stuff, it invokes such shame inside me. Being a lifelong complex trauma survivor, in crisis, at rock bottom, hopeless and helpless, I see how loosely and carelessly this word gets thrown at victims & survivors which is highly retraumatizing, self - shaming and blaming for me atleast.
So, thank you Gabor for reassuring, confirming and validating what I have been feeling and realizing for myself lately. 😊❤️
Thank you very much for sharing your practice with me… I really appreciate you!!! God blessed and your family!! May you have many happiness and joyful thought out your life!!!❤❤❤🥰🙏
Love what Gabor says about menopause! A "watching" attitude is called for in all ages of our lives.
I play doubles tennis with an 80 year old partner and she's so inspiring! I benefit so much from being in proximity with someone living a full and active life.
Your warmth, affection and respect for Dr Maté is so endearing. Doctors don't have it easy but if empathy permeates the patient - GP relationship then the potential for change is immense. Gabor is a man who has come through personal anguish and habits to reach a happier existence I feel. Cut yourself some slack is my personal motto going forward, brilliant podcast, thank you both 🙏
Doctors know nothing and just use your illness and disease to make money from your ignorance.
What a beautiful human being Gabor Mate. The humanity that he has his sons have is what we all should have.
After listening to Gabor I feel I have some changes to make. I hardly say 'No' and hate to let people down. Yet, when I think of it. The person I am holding back or letting down is me. Mm! Some sorting to be done I think.
I always put others first, time for a change while I still have time.
Being a sick child for my first 17yrs of life. The feeling of being left in hospital with no parent with me (as the rules stated back in those days) creeps up on me when I to try to say ,'No'. Afraid, lonely and worried .
Age is but just a number. But I am impressed Gabor is 80. I thought he was 20+ years younger. Such a sharp mind!
This man is a gift, I am a free and confident and peaceful person now he completed my journey
I lived my life towards my parents and others expectations of me 😭 I am finally free and being myself and grateful 😄
Very well said thank you i am in same situation as you finally getting therapy and on the road to healing .
I wish everyone, especially parents and caregevers, had de oportunity to listen to Gabor, and apply his teachings!
What a refreshing perspective on the so called wellness longevity movement. Those influencers and experts miss the part absolutely!! Why would you want to live until 120? Learn to be present and savour the moment. Create QUALITY and QUANTITY. We’ve capitalized everything in the west 🤦🏽♀️
Appreciate this interview and the mention of being elderly and being an Elder! I will turn 70 this year! I have acquired wisdom and power of love and prayer and compassion and a plethora of peace and understanding! So salutations to all Elders! ❤
Interesting about the menopausal symptoms, cuz I believe it! The grandmother the wise woman is SO important. I am becoming her…
Beautifully said!
Thank you so much for this pod cast. I had forgotten how to play. Now i am aware of this. I had been living for others now I know better. Thank you so much . I will have to go back and learn to play and dance again.
Cnt wait to re listen to this…so much Wisdom to take in daily ❤loved it…
I absolutely agree. When I open my mind to curiosity I do understand the other person then forgivness become a natural consequence. I don't believe we can forgive without this process.
Great discussion with Dr Mate . One thing I would like to add on forgiveness is the origin of the Greek word which means to allow space to be with it. Furthermore the root of regret in greek is a meta mind ie going beyond the thought and learn.
At the journey of discovering ourselves regarding regrets and forgiveness, my personal view is to learn to forgive ourselves.
I like learning about longevity. I love life & want to prolong life as much as possible. I think it's different for many men - they've always had the opportunity to live the life they have wanted. They have not had a husband, culture, society supressing them for decades.
Wow. What a joy you both are together. Thank you for filling my heart today with this poignant and beautiful conversation. xx
Doctor Mate is a human being who has a open mind, really he is 80 years old and his mind is like 20 years old person, love it, he is being a nice mentor for me through his interviews and books .
Really glad to have the possibility to listen and understand him.
English is not my first language.
Thank you for this podcast , really interesting and the host seems really emphatic and clever.
Thank you
His mind is twisted when it comes to “Palestinians”
I have so much respect for this man's wisdom, sincerity and gentle openness - I had no idea he was 80 -- he has a kind of ageless spirit it seems to me.
❤❤❤thanks a lot for inviting dear Gabor ❤
He looks better and sounds younger than most 65 olds I know! Amazing genes he has I suppose. One of the greats. ❤❤❤
Exactly: Saying NO to what doesn't feel right for you
Out of all the interviews of Dr. Gabor Maté, I love the ones interviewed by you the most. Thank you for the valuable, precious content!
OMG ! What an awakening , I remember telling psychologist of an incident saying , "That's why
I always thought I was Evil ", of a situation that happened when I was a child, because I was in a fearful situation, yet too young to know or understand. He gave me a reason but I think the "Evil "
thought was so ingrained in me I almost immediately forgot what he said !
Wow - this is a gem of a talk! Not in the rough either, perfect as is. Thank you, gentlemen.
Have a great day everyone!
Love, love, love you both! Thank you for sharing your insights. Hopefully I can learn enough to adapt my thinking... I'm one of those autoimmune sufferers who now at 61 is realizing the trauma of my childhood really impacted me to become a "nice" person who was always helping everyone but me...4 kids, CNA then RN, foster parent, etc, I never stopped. My first bout with illness caused me to reassess, divorce and return to school. But even as I worked harder to achieve MY dreams, I just got sicker, more autoimmune and even a heart attack and quad bypass. I haven't been able to work since 2011 but just linger in pain and illness. Because of you, and others, I'm finally learning that I never realized PTSD was lurking behind everything. Every choice I made was due to those young experiences. I wonder why I'm still alive after all I've gone through... I feel there is a predetermined reason for this, for going through all this, that I'm to learn from it and use it to help as you do. I'm just stuck scared to make that last discovery...
One quick point on the regret of working too much/hard. As Americans, hard work is so overvalued, to the point of work over family because we can not afford to live unless we keep that full time job... just to have medical benefits. I experienced this, I was getting sicker with my T1D and asked for a part time position. As a single mom and homeowner I was already stretched thin but as a floor nurse that was often required to work overtime due to short staffing, that was too much. But no benefits if you don't work full time. Family and personal time aren't revered on the US. I think changing this would change illness and death for so many.
This is a beautiful sharing of your life's journey. You are not alone - literally and figuratively, trust me. You've got me by a couple years at 56 but if I may, allow me to share some insights or rather ideas around the overall feel of your concern(s) at 61. Primarily I'm sensing you nay feel 'its too late,' too late to do research, begin the therapy or life coaching or start the healing protocols, etc. Hear me when I say this: It's never too late. Secondly hear this: For lack of better phrasing, what other choice do you/we have in general? I have a form of an autoimmune condition that I do not want exacerbated into the more serious version therefore I've made it a point or made it my 'raison d'étre' to do my best to get healthy physically, emotionally and spiritualy as quickly as my collaboration with The Universe, God etc will allow. Key wording: Collaboration. You weren't and never will be alone in any of your efforts. So why not go for it?!?... You've already shown yourself that you've got zeal, self-sufficiency and strength..... You're not done but now life gets to be Fun while you discern 'what's it all about?' Find some way to make your next 30+yrs The Best Time Of Your Life. You can do it 😊 (Yes I'm aware I'm probably preaching to the choir and myself here 😉).
@kathygaskins7132 than you so much for the supportive words. I've been pondering jumping all the way in with my therapy/EMDR and really letting go of the blocks I put up for an illusion of security. Your reply has given me confidence to do it. It may mean letting go of a relationship of 20+ years but we are just making ourselves literally sick. Thank you for the supportive words. Are there any autoimmune support groups you belong to or with this route, do we let go of the disease title and focus on the trauma healing? 🤗
@pambutler7095 Hi 👋 ❤️... So glad you were receptive and something landed. So grateful you're still curious about yourself and what else life has to offer. That's it in a nutshell, right...remaining curious and interested. You clearly are 👍.... Re therapy and healing: I have found a relaxed program I call the '10min Focus' works wonders. It's literally just setting aside or squeezing in 10mins for whatever and that's really Whatever you feel you can do for yourself for 10mins. That could be watching vids of an eating style you're curious about so for ex if you're not vegan but you're curious about it, just investigate it for 10mins, or if you are vegan but say you feel you don't consume enough water, investigate the importance of water and hydration and the various ways for 10mins. If you're into fashion spend 10mins just flipping through your favorite fashion website or magazine and if the mags are expensive, go ahead and drop $10 for a magazine. If you feel you should exercise more, just do what you can in 10mins. If you have relationship concerns, research it for 10mins. No commitments to any of the research done, just let it be research or investigation. Not even a commitment to exercise, it's what you can when you can but at least 2x per week. Regarding the autoimmune condition, I'm not in a support group and because it's discoid lupus, I feel it's manageable although I still know I need to up the anty on all my health and de-stressing efforts since stress exacerbates autoimmune disorders. Ohh and in general, my theory is if it's not helping, it's hurting. Hint: I have had to begin a love-you-from-a-distance approach with my sister who I was co-defendant on for decades...until the condition kicked in. Get my drift 😉... You'll be just fine 🙏
@@kathygaskins7132 Hi Kathy! I love your 10 minute focus idea... is this an original? If so you should market it. I'm going to start it today.
I appreciate Dr. Rangan’s questions and attitude, knowledgeable yet very humble and moderate.
Happy birthday Gabor Mate! Thank you for your service to the humanity ✌️🌹🌈❤️💫🙏
There is a fine line between expressing one's emotions and being someone who is led by their emotions. Structure is needed and even though one needs to be in touch with one's emotions, one needs to be the master of them.
True true
What a brilliant talk! Dr Maté is so inspiring!
This man is a saint. Thank you for this interview.
Beautiful being 🙏
He is a very nice kind man , I love when he speaks to us all I get what he says with every single word, and it’s the truths of what we all need to hear right so be patient let him in ….
Always a tonic to hear from Gabor Mate.
My teacher advised me to not be so serious and to trust. But as is the same for playing and having fun I have to constantly remind myself to observe and check my ‘seriousness’ and lack of trust and see them as emotional states, a type of neurotic, mechanical suffering and sacrifice them
(sacrifice your sufferings) as by being stuck in them they impede the free flow of other higher, better states.
What a humble and gifted person! Love Dr. Mate!!!!
Rangan loves this guy, you can just tell :)
Thank you! This is why I became a coach to help people align to their dharma and purpose in a practical way, I love it 🎉
What a beautiful conversation. So much sharing that is impacting me and the way I have locked myself in guilt- the way I held others in anger. Thank you!
I once read somewhere in Africa the people have TWO stages of "mourning." When a family member dies, they first have a celebration for the passed on family member because he is arriving back at his original home of creation/heaven/nirvana. That is a definite BIRTH DAY CELEBRATION, when you arrive back home, born back, again! Then, these tribes have a second stage of this death process. They now mourn the absence of the person who passed on, which is a "selfish" stage, the stage of mourning, selfish, because they put their own selfish needs before the happy event of their lost one. It is all a matter of perspective. So, the second stage, which is the stage of mourning, is seeking to bury their selfishness! Indeed, it is all a matter of perspective.