How to understand & heal your trauma: Gabor Maté, M.D. | mbg Podcast
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 พ.ค. 2024
- Gabor Maté, M.D., a physician, New York Times bestselling author, and internationally renowned speaker joins Jason Wachob, founder and co-CEO of mindbodygreen.
“95% of trauma is multi-generational. You unwittingly pass it on," he says. In this episode, Gabor and Jason discuss how buried trauma can harm your health, plus:
0:00-0:42 Intro
0:42-5:07 Gabor’s upbringing & his professional work around trauma
5:07-10:18 What trauma really means
10:18-12:47 Gabor’s personal experience with trauma
12:47-17:20 How trauma gets passed down from one generation to the next
17:20-20:51 How your personal trauma can affect your physical health
20:51-27:53 The relationship between stress and illness
27:53-31:39 How to start resolving your trauma
31:39-34:10 Why so many people have a hard time saying “no”
34:10-39:19 The real reason children start resenting their parents
39:19-44:00 Why you don’t actually have to socialize kids
44:00-47:04 How our culture makes us sick
47:04-48:40 What’s unique about our cultural trauma today
48:40-52:09 What we can do about a lack of social connection
52:09-53:08 Why we attract others with similar traumas
Trigger warning: This podcast includes mentions of suicidal ideation. You're never alone. If you or someone you know are struggling, call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
We hope you enjoy this episode! Whether it's an article or podcast, we want to know what we can do to help here at mindbodygreen. Let us know at: podcast@mindbodygreen.com.
#mindbodygreen #podcastvideo #traumahealing #mentalhealth
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Wow. “ trauma is not what happened to you but what happened inside you” this was a great statement.
Well I knew that already but that does not mean the healing is coming much more easier now - its pretty hard path - my whole life long already....
😭😭😭
That sentence hit me also❤
But how to repair the damage???
@@johnrobertd748 you need to understand first what happened, it’s like a math problem, you won’t be able to solve it until you understand the problem once you understand you can try different procedures doesn’t matter how you chose to solve it the result is what it matters 😊 one beautiful tip I learned in my own experience is get out from the victim mindset and actually change my perception for example what did I learned from that experience? And now I became health coach helping others to change their perception about themselves 😊
Please pray for me to heal physically in my brain and all body systems and in my mind and spirit and soul.
I will pray for you beautiful soul Nan 💛🤍
Pray for me as well
Let us pray for those in need of healing.
“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed;
Save me, and I shall be saved,
For You are my praise.”
Jeremiah 17: 14
Heal them, Loki
I will not pray but believe in you ❤️
He makes everyone who has been wounded in their childhood feel heard and validated. Finally we can feel relieved for feeling the way we feel and to know that it’s okay to feel like that and that it’s not your fault. Something that strikes me is learning that a child should not have to work to make the relationship between them and the caregiver work. They should not have to be perfect, smart, beautiful and successful to be loved and accepted. I wish I knew these as a 5 year old child.
Even if we were all these things, it wouldn't matter to the parent. They would just move the bar.
Amen! I wished the same thing when he said that.
Absolutely!
Same. Same. At the same damn age.
We can still tell that 5 year old that we were! I do it all the time, teling her:" hey darling, you are feeling very scared now, aren't you? I feel your little body freeze up entirely. Why don't you come into my arms for a bit, come here, baby, I 'm here now, let me just hold you here a little bit. Here, feel my hand on your head, stroking your beautiful hair. It's all right, honey, you are all right. It's just fine, I am here with you." She just melts into my arms, these days. I am so glad that I can be there for her.
Pick up the child inside you. Talk to her, sing to her, caress het little face, tell her how brave, how kind, how sweet she is. Tell her that you love her and that you'll always want to get to know her better and she can tell you anything she wants..
I suffered severe trauma 16 years ago as a teenage. Spent my whole life fighting trauma. I got diagnosed with ADHD and suffered severe depression. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 6 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Australia. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them
YES very sure of Dr.benfungi. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
100% agree I used to have Psychosis and paranoid thoughts like "people thinking about me talking about me etc. Very odd behavior after getting off Adderall from 7-16. Antidepressants at 18-29. 31 now. I took way to much, but took about 20g of Gold caps (Psilocybin containing mushroom) I analyzed my entire life. The emotions that came out helped me understand behavior etc more. Wont ever need to do it again because I'm happy and contempt forever, but I wish more people did this to alter their perception of reality. Would help with healing much trauma
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
Every time I listen to Gabor, I am newly healed and reclaiming all the needs that were were denied
well said Robin. It's like Dr Mate makes us feel accepted as flawed wounded humans and it's our responsibility to heal for ourselves. ♥
@@cs99. It is our responsibility to address our childhood trauma and to set up boundaries in our lives to prevent further abuse and harm from our families and so called friends.
@@laraoneal7284 Thanks. AS you are aware, Some abusive people think otherwise. we can only take care of ourselves and God help us all! Cheers
Psicolobim can work for PTSD ? I need help
every single time....
I cant believe Dr Maté is almost 80. He looks like he's in his 60's
he looks like tired alchoholic. more legit than 10/10 supermodel influences and spirit channelers
Indeed !
“The attempt to escape pain creates more pain”...very true! What you resist, persists.
Yes, but there comes a time when enough is enough. Smell the flowers!
Our society of “keeping up with the Jones’” where we feel both parents have to work, is the root of the problems we now deal with. Downsize your home or move to a less expensive area, simplify your life. Then moms and/or dads can stay at home to raise their kids, instead of strangers doing it. Then you know what they’re being taught, what they’re being fed, and materials they’re being exposed to. If you can, homeschool. The junk they are teaching in public schools is ridiculous.
Thank you for this interview. This Doctor is a gift to humanity. God bless him!
Thank you for explaining this . I don't feel that something's wrong with me I feel normal in perspective of trauma it explains to me why life has been challenging Thank you for the validation Thank you for this informative interview God bless you for the work you do
Have y’all ever asked who are the jones? It’s probably not who u think. That being said do you know how to think?
Pure genius. Such a pleasure to hear him speak. Some people who walk amongst us are so ahead of their time and he is one of them. Respect
I love him but ahead o his time? Ejust has an understanding of all human nature that cado this samething.. He seems a bit older but let thst fool you, so am I, nrot real young anymore but wisdome can cone at different times of life. Are we ready to reicieve this mind blowing guidance thaat e know we nee. I get widom from all types and olors of people. This i beleive will give me more thinks to talk about and DREAMABOUT..Much Love to all🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 God bless
@@karensimpson2112 I do believe he is ahead of his time. His fascinating knowledge of humans nature/behaviour and effects of childhood traumas on our psyche / behaviours is beyond extraordinary. Specially when he himself grew up in the most traumatic of environments. I can only compare him to Sigmund Freud and Joseph Murphy, yes I have that much respect for him as he is a pioneer when it comes to childhood traumas specially when he has been through it himself and came out the other end as this magnificent professor and his aim it to help humanity heal.
I was adopted and at the age of 58 I finally traced my birth fathers family, with the help of a DNA detective. It’s so strange because he had a traumatic childhood that scarily mirrored mine. In my case my birth mother abandoned me at one month and I was put into foster care. I was adopted to abusive parents who primarily seemed to want me to work on their farm when I was 3.5. I went back into foster care at the age of 15. In his case his mother abandoned the family when he was 2 and he and his brothers were put in and orphanage. At the age of 4 he and his brothers went with his uncle and his wife to work on their farm. I was blown away. He was deceased by the time I found the family but learned all this from his brothers. It’s so strange….I never met the man but I feel like I know him.
Wow, that is crazy 😲😲 I hope you are healing
I was abused by my ex-boyfriend when I was a teenager. He forced me to record videos of me masturb***** and I did that for him out of “love”. After that, during 4 years of the relationship, when we had fights or when he was jealous, he would bring this up saying he would blackmail me and blamed me with lots of rude words. I cried almost everyday. Eventually, I had him deleted all the videos and broke up with him. Now, I’m 32, thinking back, I want to say thank you for the lessons learned. I have learned to be more careful when taking actions and choosing a friend, and to forgive myself, to forgive him, and be my new self. 🌟🌞
I wonder if your ex will just keep repeating the patterns ... I wonder if it was in his family, too. There are some people in my family who are in prison now because of sexual crimes that they just couldn't stop. Imagine if we could rehab people like Dr. Mate talks about. Your attitude is inspiring, thank you!
Sorry you
We're so badly abusedañd hurt
Listening to this really struck me. Wounds that have been always hidden are now so clear to me that I started feeling empathy for myself, as if I was looking at myself as a person who experienced so much trauma through life, all the big Ts and little Ts, I surprisingly and suddenly felt so much empathy and sadness for this person that I started crying. Very interesting. Truly cathartic moment for me.
I'm really happy for you
That's wonderful. I'm encouraged by your comment.
Do you believe this was a step towards healing your childhood wounds?
I'm looking for direction to help myself without seeing a counsellor as I lack faith in them, plus they're extremely costly
I'd like to hear that too. Therapy is expensive but if you find one who you feel safe with it's amazing. I love my therapist and wish it wasn't expensive but that's issue I have with society. Wish you the best in your healing journey
@dianacudby7290 it's definitely a part of the healing process. Keep listening and learning. I have hope for you too.
9 p
My mother left our family for no reason for 15-20 days right after I was born and then came back. I learned this at the age of 25. Until then, I would intermittently lose consciousness for no reason and pass out. It was only after I learned this truth and listened to Gabor Maté that I realized the extent of the trauma. I felt incredibly inadequate, and I still do. And that's mainly because my mom is mentally unstable. Please don't have a baby without maintaining your sanity.
There is a condition after giving birth called post partum depression. This is not a moral issue or a character flaw of women who experience this. They cannot control it. This is where family needs to step in to help new mothers. The more you know.
Sorry to here that the brain takes every thing in i hope you heal maybe therapy may help you take care x
@@user-ds5uj6mj9n Thank you. The past often comes to light as anger and guilt. I feel better every day, no matter how painful it is. I am doing the exercises in the last book of Gabor Mate, The Myth of Normal. it really helps me a lot.
Sounds awful. Nobody with severe trauma should have children.
@@robynhope219 : yeah, tell this to those people - my be they will take your advice serious.
Dear doctor your face reflects all the pain in the world and I thank you for your deep understanding and compassion for humanity. God bless you beautiful soul.
Yes, definitely, his face seems in pain all the time.
Hahaha very good comment to make for a person....
Good revelation. Give it to God. Speak it out, then replace with God's love
I don't even want to think of all the people this narcissist hurt. 😂
@@unanielson8837 He is a collapsed narcissist, so he is looking for supply with his channel.
Ive always been aware of my childhood trauma, but never did anything to deal with it. Ive had multiple abusive boyfriends since then, alchoholism since the age of 14- now (26)
My abandonment trauma and co-dependency have plagued me but again, I never did anything to deal with it. I was go go go my whole life with alchohol as my cruch to relax and now at 26 I have been bed bound for 5 months with crippling anxiety, dpdr, flashbacks of every chapter of my life, depression and suicidality. Its all hit me like a truck and I dont know how to deal with it (im 9 months sober too)
I had a very eye opening experience tonight that made me realize, at 50 years old that not only am I struggling to process multiple traumas from throughout my life but that I’m now filled with so much anger and rage that I’m barely a functioning human being. Sexual abuse, childhood neglect, a parent having multiple affairs and abandoning the family and returning several times, to as an adult not knowing how to express my own sexuality because I was shown at a very young age that sex is ugly, it’s manipulative, it hurts, it’s a dirty nasty thing to do and that I was a disappointment for having sex and not having sex. As the doctor was saying early on, I’ve now seen those traumas manifest as many different illnesses. Cancer, weight gain, Anxiety and panic attacks, eczema, oral canker sores, headaches, sleepiness, physical pain throughout my body and uncontrollable crying. I don’t function anymore. One of the worst symptoms of my trauma is passing trauma onto my only child. We are adults left holding the broken pieces of our pasts with out the directions to the store where that very special glue to put it all back together is sold. I took it upon myself tonight to research how to start to heal myself. I possibly, a way to send my child some tools to heal her as well. I was injured in a work related accident a few years ago and was unable to return to that type of physical work. With no education and a laundry list of learning disabilities, I have been unable to find new employment. I’ve lost my home, car, my ability to care for myself (emotionally not physically) though the desire to physically care for yourself is gone too. I know that something has to change within me. This is my start. I have no medical insurance and cannot afford therapy. So, thanks to TH-cam, I’ve found some sort of start for myself. I’m also now living with the elderly parents that began a lot of this trauma and they continue to be a source of this pain for me. I feel stuck. Mentally unable to will myself free.
I feel you. Start by giving yourself love. An affirmation: I am worthy of love, i am enough. Get the GAPS books and heal your gut. Walk 20 minutes. Try once a day when you can and work up to once a day. Once you can afford it, start Hatha yoga once a week. This is self love. Thank yourself for doing these things. Healing yourself is the biggest help you can give to your child
God bless you and your struggle. There is hope, sometimes just calling out the name of what ails us will give us the sense of possibility that it's possible to get better.
Wish you a pleasant healing journey 🙏🏽 reminds also of hope dispensa. Gives powerful tools. Big awareness and intention to heal are first powerful steps!
Dear Tina, it is very apt that you have the same name as Tina Turner. Get her book on happiness. It may help you. What an amazing life. Just like Gabor. Your suffering will will turn into medicine and help many people. ❤
I'm so so sorry to read your story ,I sincerely hope that you can use these excellent videos to begin your new journey and healing . Best wishes Xx
This is unbelievable. I have trauma. I have rheumatoid arthritis and crohn's disease. Now fibromyalgia and trigeminal neuralgia. My dad passed 6 months ago with terminal cancer. My health has been affected. I have had flare-ups and now know why. This gives me so much insight. I do practice mindfulness and qigong. However i now know that i have been triggered. I have just bought your new book. I will continue my journey feeling more informed. Thank you Dr Gabor Mate ✨️🙏✨️
Bless you. Im dealing with identical health but with lupus instead of chrons. It is something isnt it? Flares 😢
Love this guy, i was browbeaten called a liar, told I was living in a fantasy world, my parents and siblings were horrid, I broke free from them finally and I am trying hard every day to heal my trauma, I have a lot of health issues but I try and stay strong, gabor helps a lot, making perfect sense but the main thing is that I wasn't imagining it ❤
I tried to talk to my mom about my childhood molestation by my brother, and she just screamed at me to shut up. That's how it is in my family... so it's not just past trauma, it's continuous trauma when you're shot down by people whom you're supposed to love
I tjink that reaction comes from guilty feelings. Mine didn't believe me then blamed me, and blamed my sister too. "Why did you let him?"
@@trudibarraclough478 I got that too -- "I guess we didn't teach you how to say no." Meaning, it's our fault, but not really, you should have said no, and it would have stopped.
So sorry you went through that abuse
I feel for you. This is my story of the life too. Sad … and the scars stay forever. You can deal with it but you learn to understand why you act as you do.
@@edhinsa sorry i know it makes you ill the brain keeps the score these sbuses you should
This is just so fascinating. 95% of traumas are multigenerational.
"I can tell you your childhood trauma by the last time you got truly upset with somebody".
Gabor Mate, how do we thank you for thus profound information you give to the world💜
Thank You 🙏❤️🙏
My god its like we have these mental health probs cause the abuse we suffered in are chilhood very sad
@@user-ds5uj6mj9n : yes indeed - and there are some strange kind of new age gurus who claim - that our souls did make this contract with god and some other afterlife beeings bc we wanted to make a real earth experience? What kind of soul wants to suffer whole life through bc of this fucking trauma from all kind of abuse and violence in your early childhood and later on in life again and again....
I wish some of this could be taught in schools or at least given as information to pregnant women..I feel terrible for the mistakes I made as a mother out of complete ignorance. No wonder we're in such bad shape here..
Julie, I also didn't know but I have been learning amazing stuff for replacing the trauma affects by truly helpful soulful info & energy. After years of study & applying it I teach people. Happy to help, send your email
He's definitely made me feel like a failure as a mother. But crap I didn't know!!!!!! I was told to let my son cry it out and now I feel soooo bad because my son is having issues and I feel like it's my fault
You are someone,you did your best …..what else is there,you cared you tried…now it’s up to your son.just the fact you posted this shows me you are and we’re a loving parent .no one gets through life unscathed❤
I keep wondering how much trauma can happen even to a foetus ,i mean to an unborn child
That would be great but it always goes back to the powerful entities at the top, enforcing societal changes that benefit their profits, like a stable workforce who "behaves". It makes one question who approves the books and curriculum. I've long wondered why nuclear families became the norm too.
Gabor. Gentle. Powerful. Beautiful. Human. Wise, Respectful. Concerned. Yes, it's 53 minutes rather tha the 1 minute TH-cam shorts. But you really should make the time to watch this and get some deep, fact based learning. Thank you Gabor for your effort in sharing your insights with us. Peace & love to all ☮☮❤❤🤗🤗
I never let my babies cry and we cosleep. They are such balanced children, kind, healthy, homeschooled and never one vaccine. My 16 year old starts college this week! So proud of them!!
This made me happy.. we need to keep our children away from the corrupt system and refuse all vaccines.. I did the same ❤
@@madney0410-- ALL vaccines?!!!
Polio's made a comeback.
@@leftykeys6944I recommend ‘Dissolving Illusions’ by Suzanne Humphries
That's amazing what incredible results. I would urge to reconsider a few vaccines, one's that have 40+ years of data. I'm not saying they don't have risks, but In my experience disease spreads on campus very easily so there's a benefit to consider. I myself got scarlet fever in college which isn't a condition you can vaccinate for but it's just an example. Good luck!
@@chriscook9433 There is no genuine safety data for any vaccine on the childhood schedule
Dr. Maté brought tears to my eyes when he told his story of his early infancy. 😢 The human condition is full of trauma. But sometimes we find a way to understand our wounds & let some of them go. Great discussions. Thank you!
Amazing insights! Gabor Maté is an absolute gem. We need more voices like him to get to a more holistic perspective on human health!
I so agree !
He lost me when he started speaking woke. "two main genders", women of colour suffering intersectional derived illnesses.
I mean defining actual trauma from actual events is one thing, attributing group based pathology to critical theory based narratives is another...
This man is not only brilliant, but he given humanity so much reassurance, hope, and understanding in the human “conditions”.
As a fellow Canadian-he’s one of few Canadians I’m proud of. ❤
He is such a gift to humanity. Such a brilliant mind and heart. I soak up his wisdom like a sponge and feel healing just listening to his wisdom. Thank you ❤
Where in Canada is he from?
He says it in the video.
And Jordan Peterson.
He's Hungary/Canadian yet still proud regardless of ethnic or nationality!
Love this man, so wise. He has helped me so much. Bought his book The Myth of Normal and it is excellent.
Me too!
I want to get it too
What did you find helpful in the book?
Fake
"The connection between trauma and addiction became inescapable", so true
If a woman is given pain killers when she is in labor ,the baby will grow up with a drug addiction
@@RMillerMiller here is an example of a sauvinist man!
@@RMillerMiller : Guess what? That´s just not true.
Wow! This is fascinating .. I just knew when my son was born yet every one around me just said you’re loving him too much. How is that possible 🙄🤷♀️
So grateful to have found this today. Gabor always takes me to my next level of awareness and healing. Today the added gift of my right to say 'NO' to family assumptions of "my responsibility" for things that have nothing to do with me. Deep deep gratitude as always.
It would be useful to have a list of the books Dr. Mate mentions during this valuable podcast. He is a gift to humanity.
And Mate’s attention to how we use language is fascinating. OMG I’m always mind enlightened by the immense compassion and psychological understanding of human behaviour of this beautiful human being. For example, when Mate considers we don’t really want to ‘manage’ our emotions but better understand them, identify them and change them. Thank You - again! 😊
Childhood trauma has a profound effect on a person’s mind and soul. We all process traumatic experiences differently, some of us dissociate from it until it erupts at some point in our lives as it will always be manifesting or bubbling beneath the surface, we may have our box of tools to fight off those feelings until we can’t avoid them any longer and our tool kit is no longer effective. Others numb their pain through substance abuse to avoid the overwhelming sense of pain and suffering. There is always trigger point on life when we have to engage with those memories, emotions and thoughts, going back is often the only way to go forward.
Toxic people or “stressor” family members that ignite those emotions and exacerbate the pain of the past must be extracted from our lives to help us achieve the peace, stability, happiness and freedom of the pass, boundaries are imperative in achieving a Better version of ourselves.
What you said about toxic people that trigger or ignite these repressed emotions?
My husband does and says a lot of things that trigger my own deep-rooted sense of inadequacy and insecurity; making me wonder if I should
1. be grateful for him bringing my trauma to the surface so I can hold it and heal myself, or
2. break our relationship and move to a place where I feel safer and can heal in a place where my emotions don't feel so threatened?
Only I can decide this.
@@dianacudby7290 Diana, why live in a permanent state of emergency and fear. Living With a person that triggers your emotions and causes you such deep anguish is not healthy. You’re living a punished life and you seem conditioned to thinking this is acceptable or all you’re worthy of. You deserve so much better than this and you should be allowed to process your passed emotions in a healthy manner, through therapy, time, kindness and support. You don’t seem to have any of these resources in place right now. You deserve so much better than this. Life is short, fragile and you don’t deserve to cut yourself short of peace and happiness. Don’t live in a state of despair and impending doom with a trigger puller.
Omg …. Wow this was ment for me to read😢
This is so spot on..
@@dianacudby7290 Did you decide yet, Diana?
So many psychology lectures leave me feeling more overwhelmed by the hurdles of attempting to heal trauma. I could listen to Dr Mate for hooooours and actually feel like his words are healing my soul as I listen. Like I'm actually getting better in the moment rather than learning a new to-do list of things I need to "do"
You are a treasure Dr Mate. Thank you for all you do for us with your teachings. I will continue to follow you and buy all your books ❤️
I think that's because Dr. Mate really understands what he's talking about, and so can convey it easily in a manner that others will understand. A lot of other professionals in the field are guilty of hiding their lack of comprehension on these subjects behind technical jargon and word salad, much in the manner of how a parrot may mimic human speech, and in turn it continues to perpetuate the cycle of inaccessibility of mental health support for those who need it as you've described. We truly need people in this field like Dr. Mate receiving more recognition.
Right on❤
If I had had this knowledge I would’ve trusted all my intuitions and inclinations.
When the host said "in closing", Gabor was just starting to talk about what one does as a traumatized person. I'd have asked HOW does one stop ppl pleasing and being afraid to say no when it's been so ingrained and used for survival one's whole deprived life? I'm trying to give myself permission to be ok with my needs since a couple years ago, when I first heard Gabor speak on childhood trauma. I feel like I've never known who I am so it's very hard to sort out the feelings of what I should do and what I really want to do. Making almost any decision is very stressful for me. I try to weigh everything out and still don't know what's best for me. I never got to just be me. I have no idea how to do that.
Same 😢 4:33
I relate to your story so much!
Please @Jason Wachob ask Gabor back to explain more how we can heal ourselves
How deeply I understand this! I highly recommend getting Gabor’s last 2 books.
1. When the body says no
2. The myth of normal
Also rec The Body Keeps Score by Bessel Vander Kolk (probably misspelled his name lol)
The myth of normal and Dr Gabor saved my life, I've been on a soul journey my whole life. I met my mother for the first time when I was 21 she and my father both have addictions and so did I. This awareness and healing work is hard but can be done. We work on healing these wounds. Pray for me❤ just had a baby and my hormones have me lashing out at my partner 😮
Awesome interview. Luckily, I learnt about the importance of attachment as a parent so I tried and managed to send my kids to institutionalised daycare (nursery)as late as possible. I've made sure that my kids knew they could rely on me. I also met a very smart lady when my baby was about 1.5 years old, who was homeschooling her kids with her husband. She opened my eyes to how unnatural it is for kids to study (be in groups) with their age-group, when in it is never the case in society- family, workplace, university, church, NGOs, leisure clubs, etc. From then on I always tried to make sure my kids were part of groups made up of different generations as my own family was broken. At age 13 my son's teacher personally congratulated me on the way I was bringing him up and said he was years more mature than his peers, with a unique and great personality. He's 21 now, and we're still watching films (good, funny and mostly, inspirational) together. And when I'm in trouble, both my kids are there for me, fully standing by my side and say that they have great childhood memories- ones I never had. And I did it all alone with and then without my abusive ex-husband, their father. Not without a cost though cause now that I'm alone and older, I suffer from serious mental health issues. In a way, I believe the time has come for me to deal with my own traumas and it's excrutiating. It was so much easier when I was in full lioness mode- both a mother and father for my children, who needed ME.
As a four year old my parents didn't protect me against horrific outside abuse. Then at 8 mom tried to strangle me. So, yeah, I understand this trauma thing. I needed to reverse the thoughts connected with both events. It's been a lifetime worth of work, but I believe I've done it. God bless you Dr. Mate for bringing this to the surface and your work. and yeah, I wish this was common knowledge, but for now it's up to those who can to talk about it.
What you've been through is terrible. I do remember my mother holding a big sharp knife to my neck. That was as a 20 year old.
Also- the actual soul wound…th-cam.com/video/vWdnhc5I-9c/w-d-xo.html
@@angelamurphy75 than you so very much for the video.
I'm curious as I have had similar beginnings. How are you now later in life?
@@MetallicDec75 I am at one with my stillness. In other words, I am doing great! I have found. a way to work through the difficulties and it has transformed my consciousness. I hope you have experienced profound healing as well.
I love that Gabor calls Justin out on the inference that he's about "managing" stress and corrects him.
What a lovely authentic human being ❤bless you Dr Mate🙏🏽
So much empathy 🙌🙌
Let's build this world where we can look at each other as humans
The pathological narcissist is not a human being but a monster who knows what he/she is doing. You must never feel pity for the narcissist because they will use it to destroy you.
Trauma can be healed. I went through my own deep healing from severe childhood and early adulthood Trauma from 30-40 years old. My therapy was in-depth soul/heart healing from deep within to outward symptom healing. I then in my mid 30’s became a Spirit filled therapist. Only true deep healing occurs with the power of The Holy Spirit. It is amazing how God works because the Lord in the 80’s gave me the same teachings and words as Gabor. Depth psychology and John Bradshaw’s books, Healing the Child Within, Winter’s Past by Nancy Smith a nurse who became paralyzed on the mission field in South America brought back to the states to undergo therapy for repressed abuse as a child and was healed. True and lasting healing and wholeness is possible!✝️👑
That's great religion works for you, but please don't imply one must pick a religion or believe in a god to heal.
Praise God! That's what I believe I need. God knows. He cares. May he fill me with his spirit!
@@shorelined1 I was not implying such only sharing what God had done for me in hopes that even if one person may be helped. It’s the facts. My beliefs are not religion but about relationships with the God who heals. Religion is man trying to follow a set of rules to reach up to God. Christianity is about the Lord coming to meet us on our level. Experiencing such unconditional love is what heals us. I believe We only heal through love that transcends.
@@peterwu8471 yes I pray so Blessings.
@@CICMCB Thank you!
We need voices in the world like this. Thank you.
Gabor is one of my heroes, I've just decided. Thank you for this "MBG".
He's probably been through more than half the people he's dealt with. To be empathetic to those who are less damaged is amazing!!! I'm done, I was bullied my entire life and ignored, I don't even like to be around people and trust no one. I love listening to this Dr.❤❤
It's an eye opening.."when you repressed the emotions, you repressed the immune system"
What I wouldn't give to spend half an hour over coffee with Gabor ❤
Even without the coffee!!
So far, I've only listened to the first part, but this is something every parent to be needs to listen too
So true but the parents that need to watch this video would probably reject this video as they would believe Gabor mate is spreading false information even though he is spreading the truth. Why would they reject the truth? Probably because they have a lot of trauma that they need to address themselves.
Gabor Mate reminds me of Chiron from the Greek Mythology. The story of the wounded healer who healed others, but carried himself a deep wound that wouldn't heal. To all astrologers out there, Gabor Mate has a Moon-Chiron aspect in his birth chart. Studies have shown that some of the most influential healers and therapists have a dominant Chiron in their birth chart, and/or Chiron in aspect to the personal planets. Their own suffering and wisdom is what makes them capable of healing others.
Beautiful🌙🌟
wow interesting
I have questions but he makes so much sense.
We all have a Chiron in our Birthchart. Every one is a Healer. Astrology can help.
Im vedic astrologer! You are right.
Chiron myth is one ofnthe most insightfull i ever read and understood.
Great point from you.
Yes we all have chiron but not in all chart the chiron isnmaking aspect to personal planets or kendra ( 1,4,7,10th house )
May you all have a space to feel it.
I love you all ! Shiv Narayan
Understanding trauma is one thing - to really heal trauma is much more difficult to handle - even when I do watch many videos or read books from Gabor Mate.
Exactly. Emotions can’t be replaced with intellectualized. It’s a good start though
“Your yes is only meaningful when you know how to say no.” 🤯
At 71 I feel like I have finally been understood. I appreciate you so much for Being You and bringing this to the light. ✨💖✨
I had a narcissistic mother growing up and it was hell, hence why I grew up with so many undiagnosed health problems…
Me too. They ignore you when you are feeling sick or say you are lying and when your body collapse, they scold you for not saying anything. I had chicken pox and was forced to go to school for days until I was so miserable that I said to the nun I was leaving (without asking for permission) and I went to my father's best friend (pediatrician). He called my mother to tell her I had chicken pox and I should be in bed. I could hear her laughing; she was nervous that it was too obvious for him she didn't cared about me (her mask falling was her only concern).
Take care ❤
Wheres the healing part at in this video ? its just best to not have kids, no one has a perfect childhood, bad things will happen to you regardless, We are living on a prison planet ran by the demiurge
“Trauma isn’t what happened to you…it’s what you created inside because of it…” Thank you.
Dr Maté, you are God-sent, your trauma has become such an important life lesson to our wholesome health! I am 73, married for 51 years. Your experiences resonate with me and my hubby. We watch your videos together and talk for hours sometimes about your message.😂😂
Inter-generational trauma is mentioned in the Bible. I value all your videos n interviews on TH-cam made available to us. Thank you from Newcastle Australia. God bless you, your good wife and your family.
I already figured out many things Dr. Gabour talked about here, but I found it very helpful that he validated things I already knew about. And I feel blessed that YT exits and people are able and willing to share this crucial information with others ℹ️ Thank you!🙏
This is absolutely the truth! Thank you Dr.
Louise Hay have been talking about this for years. You can heal your life 😢😊❤
I love how Dr. Mate isn't a psychologist..... He's a family physician who cared about his suffering patients enough to investigate the root cause for their ailments.
It also seems as though our traumas were necessary when we can use it for the greater good.
The last 5 minutes are key.
What a great man 🙏
Amazing podcast! The wounds from our past need to be brought to the surface for healing to occur. His story about his own abandonment issues was profound. Love Gabor's Course In Miracles analogy. There is so much psychological truth in ACIM.
My wife developed Rheumatoid Arthritis in March 2009. I was depressed as my dad was dying and I stopped work and nursed pop. Later that year I suffered my first bout of Rheumatoid arthritis too. The doctor didn’t confirm diagnosis until they day after my dad passed in July 2010. We’re still both living with it and on heavy drugs. We need to get out of it but I can see we need to change.
Yeah, my sister believes she (or we) had a happy childhood. On the outside, it looked ok. Both parents, fed, clothed, toys, some hobbies, attended school as expected with reasonable results. On the inside, a silent dysfunctional family, so no violent fights and not much screaming but very lacking communication. I can't ever remember being told that I'm loved/how am I doing/what am I experiencing. I don't think my parents understand the concept that parents are responsible for creating a safe and trusty relationship with the child and not the other way.
Depressed, anxious, highly insecure, low self-worth, frozen, lonely but probably unable of deep connection and intimacy... Haven't yet figured out how to start to heal. Wishing I was never born.
I could’ve written this 😢 EXACTLY my life 😢 have you watched this video and did it help? 4:33
@@amandajoynson2042 I'm currently watching, I stopped to write that comment cos it triggered me. I don't think it's as easy at to just watch a few videos but his approach resonates with me.
I'm unsure what to do (and where muster the energy to try something since I'm so scared of failure that I end up doing nothing but whining to myself. Are you also in a situation where you feel you don't have anybody to talk to about this?
@@amandajoynson2042 Sadly, the interview ended before he got into any talk about healing it. Except saying his marriage helped him. Well, I can't hardly even imagine being in a romantic relationship with anyone...
I wish you the best! EMDR might work if you have the opportunity to try it. It is a long road to healing, but for me, it has been a hopeful journey.
Lots of problems but no réal specifics on how to heal. Except learn to say no..
Love Gabor Mate, a gift to humanity 🌟🌟🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🌟🌟🌟
Wow this is so beautiful. I raised my kids based on most of what is described here - intuitively... I am fascinated by this man. Late discovery I guess. WOW. And to think that my mom was 4 when the Nazis came to Hungary to start their concentration camps journey through Austria etc. and survived ... dad's parents left Poland before Nazis took over but left allllll their families to be burnt over there... not to even begin to think about growing up in Israel being born to be someone's target to murder you merely because you are born... Gee whiz... THANK YOU, sweet Dr. Maté. I sure will look into mre of your talks
ONE OF THE VERY FEW IN THE MEDICAL PROFESSION WHO COMES PUBLIC WITH HIS RESEARCH AND PRACTICE EXPERIENCES VERY PERSONAL COMPLETELY HONEST AND COMMITTED TO GENERATION'S SUFFERING. PERSONAL APPEARANCE IS MORE EFFECTIVE THAN STANDING BEHIND PUBLICATIONS.THANKS FROM THE HEART 🙏
Love Gabors disposition and approach to therapy. He’s got the right touch. He’s calm and assured. ❤
Dr Gabor Mate, thank you for speaking the truth. I hope people in the world will listen to you. Love from Sara❤
This is a precious piece of information. I myself suffered rheuomatoid arthritis. Still need to understand the cause so that anymore disease conditions are avoided. And maybe I can help others too. The education system needs to be changed on many aspects according to today's world.
Expressing ur thoughts and emotions verbally is VITALLY IMPORTANT TO UR HEALTH.
Dr Gabor, thank you for speaking out about a reality that's hurting society. The Bahais are doing community building to move past this lonely approach and create vibrant communities in neighbourhoods. Your talk made me realise how important this endeavour is.
Great talk, so important for all of us, for our wellbeing as individuals, partners, parents and group's members.
Dr.Mate ,your speech is eye opening and enlightening.you have unveiled what is unseen beneath disease and Medical practice.
I'm so grateful to have found the somatic understanding of Mate and Levine among others. I've been so frustrated to again and again to just have positive thinking thrown in my face but experiencing what can only be described as a terrorist rage within me that wreaked havoc. Positive thinking is certainly helpful but for those dealing with trauma it is not comprehensive enough. Thank you for your work.
Being abandoned by a parent is the most traumatic experience
No living with someone who abandons you emotionally every day is
I remember 3 years old trauma
Confirmed by others
I remember vividly
I think abuse is
Realizing you abandoned the Creator (Father) to have your _separate_ existence is the most difficult realization. _You chose this._
Why are people arguing, its subjective and not quantifiable, affecting everyone differently to different degrees and two experiences of something will be the same
❤wow hallelujah to Gabor Mate for revealing such powerful truth and insightful knowledge!
He is so right about authenticity and attachment....his work is amazing. For some reason, when he talks about how children were treated and the kind of support network they got in the dawning of Homo sapiens, it reminds me of Dr. Sarah Blaffer Hrdy (not misspelled) 😊 an evolutionist biologist who has written amazing books on attachment of children to their mothers and others in a family. She calls the “others”, allomothers. Allo meaning “other”.
In elephant herds, there are several allomothers for the babies. The babies always feel safe. We humans could learn a lot from ellies 🐘🐘🐘🐘
I’ve heard this before, but now that I’m dealing with the death of a 22 year relationship, I’m hearing this with fresh ears. “Attachments”, “Wounds”, embedded in the body’s physiology is resonating and why I’m not moving on as I thought is because you have to really understand what Dr. Gabor 4:04 is explaining about our beginnings and needs during development that are suppressed over the years. WoW! I’m not crazy for no reason, I’m longing for the love I missed, which drives my behavior for acceptance😮 Thank You ❤🙏🏽♾️
Dear soul. I am dealing with my own darkness, after trying to get my life few times
. All started after heavy medication in hospital, wrong doings, and antidepressants. All started with this. For 2 years I became someone else. I did crazy things. I don't know from where and how I am still able to push it. I couldn't read, I couldn't understand the basic language anymore, I had lost my memory and cognitive ability. Physical I can't even describe what I went through. While dear familiy members tried to help me, after 8 months all discharged me. They couldn't take it anymore. I had to face something unbelievable. My body took control over me, all the repress trauma came to surface in such a way, that even now I am asking myself, how is still possible to be alive? So since then slowly, slowly, slowly I did progress. When beautiful people around the world, when I was in my desperate state, looking online for help,... Jumping from one topic to the other, looking for anything can rasonate with my situation, all of them kindly asking me to be patient, to take one step at the time. I hated all of them, because i didn't know that time how can I survive another minute. I hated their advices. Now 2 years later I am better. And grateful for all of them. I in my heart ask for forgiveness for what i was thinking. But i was desperate. I couldn't handle the symptoms. I don't trust medical system, doctors. Since i was young i was abused, and always given wrong diagnose, and heavy meds. Now at 39,i have to find a way to clean my system of all that dark.. Gosh. I am better. Not fully well. But at least my cognitive came back, memory 50%, amd and etc
I now believe in holistic, alternative, mental, mind, amd healing the past trauma. I hate amd and don't wanna hear ever about medical system. All brain washed and applying from books. I can do that too. I believe just in emergency situation. That's all they can do and serve for me. Rest, is rubbish
You are loved and precious and wanted. Is a matter to meet the wright people 😊
@@nickcaption308 : I feel you - but - there are people out there - incl. myself - which have to deal with all that trauma and bs on their very own - there is no loving people or family around me since decades - had to go into no contact bc of their abusive and violent behavor - and its much better to be alone than having toxic or false prophets around me - for sure.
Superb, very emotional and so true about attachment and it’s connection to the physical body and illness. I must learn to say no much more.
Wow I'm in tears. I always picked up my kids when they cried simply because I loved them and I understood that crying was their only way of communicating. My babies slept well and were amazing kids. (now great adults with compassion). I was on my own with my opinion at the time. Now hearing it from you, Gabor, as good practice, I'm blown away. I hope many mothers can hear this. I see a lot of kids struggling with their loneliness in Britain as well as in Hungary because their parents simply don't care. God bless you.
Lengthy life for this Dr! Horrific, byproduct becoming a Dr! Thanks for your work!
to realize that you've missed being held, that you'll never know what feels like to be held , but Gabor's pain is unfathomable , uneah
Amazing talk & interview. Congrats to both. What a gift Gabor is to our human race & world. He is a very special person.
What healing isn't: clutching the pain and resentments of the past, and telling everybody about it. We don't need to "get over" our pain and resentments. We just need to allow ourselves to be with it and letting it be. From The Gift, by Edith Eger.
What I like so much about The Myth is that he quotes a lot of experts from their books.
I've found myself countless times in a place of just letting it be, and feeling ok about it, only to find myself back in clutching mode again, and feeling sorry for myself. The healing path is rocky and uncertain, and not everyone can reach the endpoint, if there is one.
Almost any situation in our life i believe, is to give us the or an opportunity to learn and grow. Even trauma. We are here to learn and grow.
The information he shares can be absolutely heartbreaking. To think my son's ADHD could have been prevented through a father who didn't abandon him and if i had sought out more help. It was a risk to bring a child into a home with a burnwd out Mom and absent Father.. I would have given my life to change his diagnosis or prevent it from happening all together. After reading years and years of research on ADHD reading Gabor mate and his work has opened my eyes to generational wounding, tuning out, and how kids can pick up on a tired mama even though we try so hard to hide it. The lesson here is... Never end the estimate the power of two and their impact on raising a healthy child and the long-lasting impact it can have on an innocent child and the entire family for a lifetime 😢
Gabor Mate is a 🌎 WORLD TREASURE.
Thank you Gabor, so much 🙏. Thank you for being here for me 🦋 Through the Jerry Springer childhood and things in my reality, i cant explain right now. surpressed alot of it and now at 43, everything is coming up for me. I sit here in my room alone, in a place where i don't feel is home. I have never felt at home anywhere. I have tried to make friends, i dont know whats going on. Im now sick with an autoimmune desease, like my mom and i have been reaching out for help, in people but usually no answer. You have become a light in the darkness for me, so thank u
"The Myth of Normal" is an awesome and helpful book which I have personally read. I'll always watch a video by Dr. Maté. I sincerely appreciate his body of work.
Whilst I find so much of this so helpful. I worry there is a risk of it encouraging victim blaming. Sometimes an angry reaction is a reaction to an unacceptable situation (for example abuse), whilst trauma may influence the response, it doesn't always make it the reason
Dr Gabor Matè is brilliant. Thank you 🙏
Thank you so much for the opportunity to listen to this conversation. As doctor Maté says we need attachment, I love listening to people’s stories and by sharing them, we discover we are going through the same things.
Is not about finding a solution but been able to speak and realize that someone cares for you.
Dear Doctor Mate, Thank you for everything you have taught me just in this one podcast. I look forward to reading your books, podcasts...no wonder I had cancer, autoimmune issues, & confused growing up but never understood the why's. Your words & thoughts are brilliant. Again, thank you!
Tks for the information i find i feel so much better by talking about things that tramatized me for years ❤
This has been the most informative and helpful video of my life. Thank you both! 💯
I love you Gabor Mate. I ve watched so many videos and learned soooo much and i thank you so much cause it made a lot of change in my life. If i ever see you i ll give you a big hug. Single mum of 5🥰
Gabor is appsolutely right When she says home taught children are a lot more healthy secure and stable than the ones you kick into a daycare thing or a sick school system!!!
That's bull...kids need to socialize with others.
I have Chrons,MS and have just finished chemo for breast cancer.I am very impressed with his blog. I now am following him.
I live in area where people have been brought up differently.If you say no or challenge an abusive behavior you are subjected to the silent treatment,smear campaign and what I see as narcissistic rage .
I walk away from this rather than give into it ...but I find it hard to process this and not feel hurt by their actions . Are they activating a wound in me also? How can I get to 'that's their problem not mine ' faster because It impacts on me negatively even thoughI don't want it to
Maybe I should read the book!
You need a psychologist specialised in trauma. I'm on EMDR trying to change limiting beliefs originated early in childhood and reinforced all through my life. I'm the family scapegoat.
Hypnotherapy ❤️🙏🏼
Maybe you should move.
@@Lyrielonwindsame. I’m doing mentalization therapy. Emdr didn’t work for me as my focus was totally off.
Absolutely fantastic! Thank you for sharing! Here in Brazil I feel that people's religious beliefs play such a huge part in hindering their self healing and it's amazing how you talked for almost an hour, saying what need to be said, without mentioning religion. I don't want to be that person who attacks people's religions, but their's so much guilt in everything, so much is expected of them, and they just don't see how prejudicial it is for them... but they intensely insist on it!... There is a kind of security in religion that must outweigh other stuff. I understand that I need to learn more how to respect and accept people as they are and the religious factor is a big boulder on my path to do this.
It's interesting why people can't say no.
Very good answer he gives.
Yes, I too experience this in relationships. If I say no to someone I am emotionally attached and love, I feel that this person will not love me and reject me
I have just realized this. It's troubles me a great deal as I have based this feeling on my relationships on the false self.