Why some men struggle with “leading” in relationships
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
- Ft @trippfontane @xklusive5 @justinblu_ @kittiejrose @lovesamanthalee @jackmyvibez
To continue the episode OR order a Tonight’s Conversation deck click here linktr.ee/toni...
Instead of women vs men. This is the healing conversation we need.
except it is bs and not getting to the root of the problem. slavery isnt the cause for failed relationships it is just a weak scapegoat
@@VashTheDamnFiend after hearing this a second time it does sounds like an excuse. I was just tired of the red pilled man and narc women videos that seem to put us at war.
@@VashTheDamnFiend
Slavery isn't but marriage rates before the 1980s was high. And right during the 1980s they took a dramatic drop. This was around type ex police and government members confessed that the cia(they denied it) was implanting drugs into blq communities.
I do think there was a blatant attempt to destabilize but as usual, I believe we're the ones keeping each other down.
@@nomadicsoul7it only seems like a war is still going on but the war is over. The black community and culture is trash. We celebrate the negatives instead of the positives. The men are lacking basic emotional discipline, etc. All those things are the results of what Black women taught and pushed for over 50 years. The mothers are the First TEACHERS and a society only rises as high as the women. Women just refuse to take the L and fall in line🎉🎉🎉Their way hasn’t work for them nor their kids. Getting tired of hearing that both sides play a part when clearly it’s that nothing is required of men has changed, however, what is required women has 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
@@VashTheDamnFiend You are right slavery and oppression isn't the cause of failed relationships today but it did set black people back systematically and financially. As a people we were significantly handicapped so now modern day women feel entitled to a traditional relationship but fail to realize that traditionally the women of the past didn't work because there was less women's rights back then, they had no choice but to stay home. This topic is deep.
I really appreciate hearing a man articulate feelings this way. I don’t get to hear it much. 💜💫
That's because it's to many women who want to do whatever they want and the black woman acts like her struggle is a black man's struggle and it's not the problem usually lies in the woman she constantly wants to even things up as if she goes threw the same exact struggles black men go threw you don't and that's the fuckin problem the black women in the black community has been able to reach our ground but they are not willing to pull anyone up but themselves or another woman
A black man will help a black woman in a heartbeat even when he doesn't want to even when it's uncomfortable for him I cannot say the same about black women helping a black man when she doesn't want to or when she feels uncomfortable
@@austinwilliams8352 that's literally a lie. It's the total opposite. Bm help no one bit themselves. I never see bm going on marched for the bw killed every 5.5 hours. Yall are so ungrateful and DELUSIONAL. BM don't even care about their own damn kids half the time
Pandering
See now this is a problem because I'm pretty sure in some of the relationships you've been in the men have talked to you very polite and you still turned up anyway cuz that's what a lot of women do y'all go and see somebody on the podcast that you attracted to and all of a sudden you want to be Mrs nice woman man get the f*** out of here
Now this is how conversations should reflect with one another, I dig it.
Absolutely
except it is bs and not getting to the root of the problem. slavery isnt the cause for failed relationships it is just a weak scapegoat
@@VashTheDamnFiendif u think it still has no effect u not thinking deep enough
ok then when does the "effect" stop? if you were never told about slavery would you still be using it as a crutch and an excuse?@@slimeballsake
also why were black relationships more stable and more children grew up in 2 parent households during the Jim Crow Era as compared to now, if the main reason for divorce and bad relationships is slavery? @@slimeballsake
I know it was short but one of the best breakdowns I’ve heard in a while. Hit it on the head
He articulated this perfectly.
A lot of men today have never seen what leadership looks like when it comes to relationships. The inability to say I'm scared or I don't know how to is detrimental to our culture.
He spoke to everyone’s soul with this!
Talk about it!💯
No like he said "especially us black people" so not inclusive
just commenting to help the algorithm recognize this is actually what we need to scroll upon.
This!!
Finally! One of these conversations with BM set in a foundation in truth and mutual respect. We can accomplish something from here.
Something like what?
His voice so soothing that his words seem to get into me more ❤
I believe this is the true Alpha male way. Not that loud boisterous shit
He’s emotionally intelligent ❤
Although I agree with everything he speaks on I think it’s crazy that YALL want BM to coddle your feelings when we speak while KITA ROSE the Other Light Skinned loud one and the Queen Maker are Vulgar, Nasty, and Combative in their approach and BW have absolutely no problem with it! Soooo hypocritical!! 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
So proud to hear a man say this. This is how healing can begin.
Stop trying to date and be in love until you are healed enough to live and not survive
Most of us don’t need date we just thinking about how ti get to the next day
Real talk, my husband said the same about two years into our marriage. I was shocked, because I absolutely saw his leadership skills and abilities, but he confessed that he still struggled with self doubt about leading our family at times.
All y’all kids together?
He spoke how I've felt when I, as the woman had to lead
And that’s the part that men have to understand too.
What do you mean by lead ?
You had to lead because you purposely chose the man that you had to lead. Don’t let that go over your head. You women purposely overlook the real men so you can have an excuse to say “hey look at me, I’m leading the relationship….bad black man!!” Fuck outta here. If you ran into a man like me, true leader, provider and protector, you probably wouldn’t make the cut because you’re lacking in true areas of womanhood.
Exactly ! Esp when a woman is living a great life & has to decide if that’ll change if she decides to enter into a relationship w someone…to put her life in his hands. It’s a bitter sweet choice. Most don’t understand that.
That man speaking!! 👏🏾👏🏾🔥🔥🔥
We all need the kingdom of God! It will change every black person on the planet. We can leave the area of survival and start living.
I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT RELIGION!
Good point . This speaks to the trauma aspect without saying trauma.
The balance is being someone with enough emotional intelligence to understand this fear and remain of sound mind while they work to meet you where you are. 💖
The vulnerability is so refreshing!
So much
Bruh imma be real you can’t lead someone who isn’t willing to follow, yes some us men had to learn what it means to lead but these women need to know what it means to follow. Most think submission means serving a man but they have no issue submitting to their bosses!
Facts 💯
You lead yourself first. No one had to follow for you to be a leader.
So we see the problem. When will black men invite the positive solutions in? You have been traumatized and will need therapy. We need black men to go to therapy and heal so we can leave this state we’ve been in for decades. It’s time to take positive action.
Finally a man with some sense
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). The Worst Habit tha Men have in Romantic Relationship is tha They Become One Man During the Hunting Phase of Pursuing a Relationship and then Switch to a Whole Other Man wen tha Hunting Phase is Over and then they have actually achieve that relationship
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). Eu Cant Control watt the Other Person in a Relationship Does r Doesn't do. Eu Can't Commit to the Relationship for Them and Eu Can't Compensate for Their Part of the Relationship. What Eu do have is Influence Everything Eu Think Say and Do Affects the Other Person it Impacts the Quality and Outcome of the Relationship
Okay sir… we need your assistance with some of our millennium out today! Soft spoken voice are always heard!❤
We as black people need to understand that we don’t just have to be in survival mode all the time. We can start moving differently as the young man said.
Let's be honest, part of the struggle is that young men don't just enter relationships anymore, now a days they're entering already made families which is totally different. Picture a young man, who don't have any kids of his own, and now he's into a female and she already have two kids and a baby daddy. That is no small adjustment to get adjusted to. And guess how much patience most women give that young man to get adjusted, little to none. And everyone turns on him with the quickness if he can't produce right away like a grown man.
The problem is that people do not know that in the Bible it tells you to submit to one another .
And I think men are leaving that part out. She going to submit to you you have to submit to her as well. And I think that's the confusion. So you can't lead if you're not willing to submit.
I have a question what does being submissive get you?
A man who won't cheat on you
A man who would never leave
A man who would never put his hands on you
Security
These are all questions by the way because I don't know the answer so someone tell me the answer what does being submissive get you ?
That's too deep for them! That's why they stay away from me! And believe me they needed it! They believe they can do it without him and they're proving that they cannot!
The bible tells men and women to submit to each other as sisters and brothers in the belief in christ...thats a totality different context than the submission between husband and wife...
So you're incorrect in the context of which you tried to reference your point on....
Most of these men can’t lead their way out of poverty. How in the hell are they going to lead in a relationship? They’re nervous because they got a job they are not qualified for…
I bet Only the Guys gets this Cause we can Relate to woman it just sounds like beatiful words. wow Us Guys Need to pick up the slack and Woman need to get in touch whit there feminine side
If we could just see that we are all in this together…
This is well said even if you do or don't come out of a two parent household. The health care of self and in a relationship is very hard for us. We do need to give grace, prayers and room to seek help and understanding.
You’re right, same over years looking for partners
Profound, just defined the levels of our trauma.
The honesty is everything and I just had this conversation with a man and he said the same thing. Thank you king for the transparency
This is beautiful. I believe, that as a woman, I must remain gentle and stay beside my husband. When the opportunity arises, I stand still and let him step in front of me, taking the lead. The more I stay gentle, the more he leads. It’s a fluent dance that requires 100% trust.
This brother is talking some serious s***
Yeah and we'll spoken
He needs his own show , they’re holding him back
It shouldn't be a struggle for men to lead in a relationship, if you are today independent and your past was a struggle, you have been a leader all your life already. Especially if you managed to make it to up to today without criminal record, because the odds have always been against you as a male, and definitely as a black male, because you have always been America's target and experiment Judicially. You have "lead" yourself to where you at today. You got this. The hard part is leading a relationship that your woman doesn't believe in your method, and/or the speed of your relationship success. Alot of our women want results quickly and materialisticly, due to her nature of wanting to be seen and heard by other people. Most women live for other people to either look-up to her life or to be jealous of her life, or to lust for her sexy. It's easy for a man to lead "financially" as long as he is willing to share that bag, but if you want long-term with emotional depth, the goal is to be able to lead "mentally" and "spiritually" and "physically" as well, and also, know when to FOLLOW good decisions from your woman because ultimately you and your woman's "relatability" is to lead a healthy lifetime relationship/marriage. -Respectfully.
Most of us are actually somehow hiding our strengths not our weaknesses.
I like him👏🏾
Facts because if things go wrong in the relationship the world is going to look at the man first.
Why does someone have to lead if it's supposed to be a partnership?
This! Men “need” to be the lead to feel like a man…even when they have no idea what a leader is.
And still demand a woman to follow.
Crazy.
Women dont care about men struggles we should just be a hero all the time smh it ruff me stop explaining myself im making me happy uptill this time done trying to pls anyone 🙂
Thats good stuff!
Man can't lead a woman nor his family if he cant lead his own personal life. He has no discipline, priorities are all out order and what about his relationship with is parents and those hidden hurts and disappointments in him from life situations and circumstances which involve people.
Yea when I was in survival mode it was a bomber. It was related to my traumatic childhood more so than our black history. But the moment I started healing through the word of God and therapy….chile listen. I’m like an infant discovering I have hands and toes. It’s amazing endearing encouraging
Paradigms have shifted…what I use to be has changed. Even how I look has changed. So I would like to encourage everyone to seek counsel, you will be amazed at who you were suppose to be before all the traumas dramas shame and let downs. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT HERE❤️❤️
This is good, men need to be more open to share what’s actually going on inside their heads so the woman they’re with understands what is taking place. Bottom line COMMUNICATION IS KEY!!
Such insightful commentary, in such a brief amount of time. Would love to hear more, would love to view the entire conversation.
Me too
Leadership is inherently anxiety inducing. It’s carrying a heavy burden that most can’t relate to. It’s being accountable on a daily basis for everyone’s well being. It’s the constant though that everything (good or bad) is your fault.
Women ignorantly believe leadership is a simple trait to have. Similar to “just be confident in yourself”
Go to therapy. Get right with God. Get a career coach. Build a network. Build with like-minded people. Go to the gym and drink your water. Leadership becomes more purposeful when you are right with yourself.
We know the problem, we can articulate the problem, how do we solve the problem????
just because the whole world
is doing fornaction, doesn't make it right,so you have been taught all your life fornaction is fine,quess what
god comes along and says flee fornaction,right away people are going to rise, up read 1corthians 6:18
are you telling me the whole world is right and god is a lie,you better backtrack,that can't be
god cannot lie,if what I'm saying seems strange,it means you never heard the truth before
e anessa g
Finally, a person with actual intelligence.
that whole blaming slavery for failed relationships is bs. black marriages were more succesful and proporous before the civil rights movement. welfare and feminism, which effects all races, is the culprit
I just don't want somebody stringing me along again, like my other previous failed 'relationships'. I'm not really sure what to say tbh.
We are not in survivor mode because we are giving so much to live off of. Stop the bullshyt. That’s why I need to get on these platforms and destroy most of the rhetoric that’s falsely being spread.
Bro, we’re in America. You say you’re in “survival mode” ? Gtfoh
Sad but in reality we're all still in survival mode stay 💯 everyday the devil never takes days,nights,time off.
my dude dropped a little bit of science in this. 90% percent of it is made up and opinion ... but he dropped a sentence of fact and science . .. which made me love it.
finally it's hitting, but i put every man made gang in they place if I was you, included the crayola crap
He spoke truth and power! Giving each other grace as we've been a broken people for centuries. Let's heal together.❤
Dawg wtf. Exactly. I can't think beyond day to day these days. Ion know wtf to do w/ myself
He’s self edited way too much it’s this simple - who’s more qualified to lead - the end - if your plan for us is better than what I got then I’ll follow if you don’t have a direction or plan take a step back
god will never give a man a finished
women.the women that you are looking for.the one in your head
does not exist.thats why you can't
find a perfect woman
she only exist in your mind
god will only give you the raw material.he said I want you to
captivate her and make her into the women in your mind.so your job is to develop and refine.and to train educate.and to improve the women in your life.that means the longer the women stays with you the better she should become e anessa g
.
I think if we all find then we don't have to be in survival mode anymore if we just take the religious side out of knowing that part of which is honestly not really knowing who he is but having an actual relationship with him then I believe that we don't have to be in I believe that those things will leave and full healing for the mind and mental health it definitely is real and it happened with me to I mean it happens with multiple people but multiple people in this world don't want to that there is only one God because there are multiple religions out there that make it seem like there's multiple gods and you can worship anything that you want to but honestly there's only one God and that God can help you overcome that survival mode that you don't have to be in anymore that's survival mode could leave and you just be at peace with your mind and your soul and body you don't
But also know that person is trustworthy, many peple and cultures mostly say when should submit to men and take that too literally. Im not a religous person but i do think submitting in the bible means only be a husband or wife to you partner and not committing adultery
Let me help yall!!!!!! NO MAN ON GODS GREEN EARTH HAS BEEN GIVEN THE LEAD... HE TAKES IT
Weaknesses are nothing but strengths, untapped and undisciplined. ❤
I love perspectives like this❤️
With that said, let's put down the conversation of leadership between adults.
What he described is not survival mode. Survival mode is not indeed something we all live in.
I'll be that guy to say, when a man has women harping on his every word, he's not really speaking for us as real true masculine men
We'll said.... Will men be vulnerable enough to hear this.
Very hard to think leader when you rather be where you was taught to hate yourself and where your taught to not grow but they wanted to feel needed so bad and unfortunately for me they mother's won at the damsel in distress game whenever I was around so good for them I hope they continue to be one big ole happy family 😐
Truth be told their aslo there alot broken men out there that been misleading by their parent or parents but the farthers. But alot farthers leave the kids why they young etc.
relationships are fundamentally illogical
THE NEED FOR SURVIVAL DOESN'T PREVENT YOU FROM HAVING OR ACTING ON NATURAL HUMAN FEELINGS NO EXCUSE
Excellent presentation/explanation!
Thanks.
The average bm can't lead. But he's mad that a bw ain't submitting to him.
When you're a leader, people naturally follow....
Barrack Obama n Lebron James are in survival mode.
This man is a well of wisdom. Always good for thought 💭
He’s always on point….love it👏🏽👏🏽
this dude acts like what hes saying is more interesting than it actually is
The way this man better not have a want...❤❤❤❤😊😊😊
This man could be the next Kevin Samuels
Y’all be making fairytales up
Lack of testosteron ...that's why.
Fuck that, i dont want anyone, and the last thing i need is for someone to need me
Y’all gatta leave the link to the full vids please
Is this man single, where is he... thats my husband
What's this guy name and IG ❤️😍
Finally got somebody on there with some sense 🙌
The best thing ever spoken on this POD👌🏽
Who is this guy ??? Cause babyyy he is a real one ☝🏾
Was that tyrese ex wife samantha lee on the panel???
Trust communication are maintenance of a leadership
This bro speaking facts
Men straight victims for the 😸 now
We need more men speaking like this
I understand, but I found it as an excuse, men in Africa have less but they lead, forget love but respect.
Having less has nothing to do with leading..NOTHING
FACTS 👌🏾👏🏾👏🏾