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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 พ.ค. 2024
- Do you feel like to really win at dating you need to know how to lead a relationship as a man.
There’s a lot of relationship advice for men out there that will give you the quick fixes or 5 tips to get the woman. The problem with this advice is that to maintain a thriving relationship it starts with you first.
Until you can lead yourself first, a woman won't trust you to lead her in a relationship.
This is what I teach men. How to be a self-led man so that you can powerfully lead every aspect of your life.
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Thanks for watching. Let me know in the comments what part resonates with you the most.
Thank you for making these videos, it's tiring to see too many men who's incapable to lead in a relationship and expect women to feel safe, trust them and surrender. I hope you could be role models for many men out there, you sounds so much better than Tate.
God loves you and He sent His son to die so that you can have forgiveness of sins and eternal life..the best time to come to Him is now since we don't know when we will die
i actually really appreciate the part for leading yourself first. i realized it is stuff to lead when i don't have my own structures made or my own routines that are set in stone. and on top of this i am not holding my principles honestly
A man can be a leader to a woman who’s willing to follow. Not any leader out there has every human being as their follower regardless of how great of a leader they are.
Some women cannot and will not be led. That's every woman I grew up around and the one I'm with now.
@@livehrfeiluhr1597 Wrong. You’re just not THAT GUY, pal.
@@user-xz1wy4to4o Please elaborate
@@user-xz1wy4to4ono, he's right - just like some men have trouble leading, some women have trouble following. Both are something that takes practise.
Maybe it's not as extreme as some women being completely unable to follow at all, but in practise, the level of leadership a man has to show for SOME women (usually ones with deep issues) is not realistic, and the few men that COULD do it (because they have an infinite supply of patience) are probably not going to bother with those women.
My observation is that great leaders end up with, or choose, great followers and vice versa, they seem to stick together. That's just my experience.
So, theoretically, are the women who are the least able/willing to follow a man's lead capable of following? Sure, bit in practise those women have troubled relationships that are unstable and don't last. E.g. women with personality disorders, substance abuse/addictions, and other issues that cause major problems in their lives and relationships.
You could argue that some women are 'hard to get' and have standards, and don't follow any guy - that is not what the comment said. There really are women that don't understand how, or are even unable, to follow a man's lead, even if he is able and willing.
Dance classes (good ones) are a great place to see this - sometimes the woman just won't follow a man's lead because she is doing her own thing (I.e. trying to do the dance herself instead of following the man's lead). It's actually quite subtle, but a lot of women aren't that good at it. Following does practise though
@@user-xz1wy4to4o Women in America, esp. African-American, are taught to be masculine. The 2 most common masculine traits that American women adopt are independence and strength. If a man asserts his leadership, many masculine women will not submit. They will clash. That’s why the best women, particularly for masculine men, are feminine, submissive, docile women. Less conflict. More peace of mind.
It’s easier to include a woman in your lifestyle then to attempt to create one once your with her. If you desire a family create the nest first. If you just want to be the two of you, be an exciting adventurous man with abundance before you open the door for a woman to join you. It’s nearly impossible to win in life or relationships by placing the cart before the horse!
Couldn’t be anymore wrong
@@aslysa2277Please elaborate! My father had to close his business around the time I was born, and he never got back off the ground after having 2 kids. We were very poor growing up, it took me a long time to realize I had a scarcity mindset from growing up poor, and to get over it..
So I want to have my own business running before looking for a wife & starting a family.
Why do you think it's wrong?
While listening to you, I suddenly realised that she gives me room to lead, she wants me to lead us. There are times where she's like "I don't know, you do the thinking" or we're having a conversation and we're both running out of things to say and she's like "I don't know what to say" prompting me to do something about it. I'll look out for more of those signals. Thank you
Yes! Excellent observation
Good point.
Exactly 🧡
Bro women do that to collect data to copy us . When we use logic information and critical thing to lead they want that but it’s not in their genetics because they’re emotional .
I have found when I date a man that isn’t a leader to his own life, I tend to take on a dictator role and I do not like being that way. Having a man that can lead is a must.
Then why the hell do you women want equality. A man being a leader indicates he is above you. You cannot have a leader and equality at the same time. Get your stories straight as to what you ladies want.
Same here. I’ve come to the same conclusion that masculine leadership is a necessity for a healthy relationship and for me to be able to maintain my femininity.
You women obviously haven't dated women. If we do what you are asking we are considered toxic and you leave. You will get no marriage or relationship from this guy and I warn all other men to do the same. It's impossible to date modern women these days
How about now? tear later.
@@johndummy3370women you date think men are toxic if you lead? Not the women in my world!
9:29 trick I learned from an IG reel: instead of asking her what she wants to eat, ask, "Guess where we're going to eat." She'll more than likely pick a place she wants. Pretend that she "guessed" correctly. Working well for me so far 😆
Can’t do this on thurs-Saturday in a busy city when reservations are needed
I seen that trick😂🤣😂
She could also say “oh please don’t say it’s that place again? It’s the last thing I wanna eat today”
@sharkoj lol yeah but I don't use it often because we always cook at the house. Still works like a charm😆
@@ReigningFlame Don't make it complicated: Instead of asking her where she wants to eat, just decide yourself! Just pick a place. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter anyway where you ate that day.
I love this. The last 8-10 years i've fallen apart as a man. No direction little to no discipline etc. My marriage eroded in large part due to these things. I'm now separated and realizing that I wasn't the man, husband and father that I needed to be. I also didn't hold strong boundaries, there was disrespect early that I allowed without leaving. Nothing I can do about that relationship now BUT I can be sure that I'm able to lead myself in the right direction going forward so this never happens again. Thanks for the insight.
It’s not all your fault
@@cliffchampion5501 Thank you for this. I know it isn't all me but i'm having better success moving forward taking my faults and owning them since that's really all I can do? But thank you.
I feel this comment! Everything you said, applies to me too. Appreciate your honesty and accountability. You’re a good person and hopefully you get to have a relationship with your children. I have mine half the week. I think they’re doing alright, even though they really dislike when they have to leave my place and go back to their moms. In a way I’m grateful for what’s happened, it has shown me so much.
@@rayawake Thank you for this. I've tried to be an open book when i'm able to be, and I'm also trying to accept all of my responsibility. But i'm also trying not to take her mistakes on my shoulders. Thankfully as much as I detest how things have gone compared to my vision, my ex has been great...We share my daughter 50/50 and I truly believe i've become a better man and much better father in these 8 months but I have such a long way to go. Taking extreme responsibility has been huge for me.
zThe name of the video is “how women train men to be angry”
Good. There is so much advice about "attraction" online, which is good for short term chemistry , but this is more geared to long term relationships, which I hope to improve at in the future.
Well said!
Great video. Your advice on not reacting, but instead regulating and responding is spot on. That alone is gold. And it definitely takes an amount of self-awareness, control and practice to be able to do this.
Glad that the video resonated with you. Agreed, relationship skills do take practice and self-awareness.
Ughhh the practice part
💯 I needed this reminder
i wasn't aware what leading in a relationship actually means until i saw this video and i also noticed that i always react a lot, this was very helpful. i am going to subscribe
Glad the content landed with you and was helpful!
This is the most practical and straightforward advice on leadership in a relationship that I have seen yet. Thank you.
Glad to hear it. Let me know if there are other topics / questions you think I should cover.
I agree.
@@ManTalksthis is exactly what I needed to hear and exactly the things and issues I’m partaking in
Men should also learn to lead the culmination of a relationship if it is not working. Oftentimes, men just put up with things to not deal with the fallout. Hard boundaries must be set as well where, if crossed, no reconciliation should be negotiated.
It is not a man's priviledge to lead. Relationships are a partnership. Decisions are made jointly.
This is epic, I want more content like this! As a women we also need to know what healthy man behavior can look like! ❤
Just found this video in my feed today, your channel is going to blow up, you'll have a million subscribers in a year
I liked how you broke this down starting with the definition of leadership, and explaining nuances about how to regulate instead of reacting. It makes it easier to be more efficient at leading in my relationship.
Thanks Connor. This video hits home for me with what’s happening in my life right now. So clear and insightful.
I did enjoy this. Solid. I love the cause and effect breakdown of reactivity. The last point was major.
I especially like what you had to say about how decisiveness and direction will reveal your partner’s desires. I get tripped up at the juncture all too often. A lil angry that my direction isn’t being received instead of grateful that she’s giving me clarity on what she wants/needs.
This is exactly what i needed to hear. Thank you
This video and this channel is incredible. Everyone should get this knowledge. It's pure wisdom
Excellent!!! You are absolutely right.
So few men are on this level.
So few women are worth the effort.
@@kollowshouldn’t you want to make the effort for your own life? After a certain age how do so many men not have a plan for their lives
This has helped my understanding of the relationship and hopefully can help with forward momentum. Thank you for speaking with such clarity!
Thank you for this video. I really needed this.👏🏾
thanks for this. needed this one and i subbed
Awesome knowledge. Really needed this. Cheers from Italy!
Excellent advice in this video! Thank you for your service sir! This is the number #1 I have encountered…a man who lacks direction, and I find myself operating more masculine. Guys can do little things that helps us also allow him to lead as well as we ladies can do our part as well.
Flagging you as a channel to send people to if they seek guidance from other men. 🖤
Man very helpful! I realized i react badly to situations. That last point really impacted me
After weeks of watching videos and listening to podcasts to help me figure out whats going on in my relationship, this is the first video that prompted me to immediate action, thank you. I already shared this video with friends.
Thankyou so much for this! I already breakup with my girlfriend but maybe that is the best thing that happening in my life, because it makes me better version for myself, and if the time comes, i wanna get her back. Thank you so much bro!!!
This was incredibly specific to an issue in my life. Really needed this perspective.
Outstanding. Glad it hit home.
This video is SO GOLD! Taking heavy notes!
same brother
Should have seen this earlier. thanks for this one.
Your third point really got me.. I guess I can take note of that and work on that effectively
I love listening to these kinds of videos .. it reminds me why I'm single . Waaaaay too much work and negotiation
This is a great message!
Brilliantly explained 👌
A key component of this is finding someone with similar beliefs and values. Without that, it's a moot point.
I absolutely agree with your conclusions and reasons. Sadly there are some life events that no matter how logical or prepared you can be, will still end in unfavorable outcomes because life is life and we are imperfect creatures. These videos are a god send though. Wish they were more prevalent in my hay days.
Thanks! Helpful info
I really needed to hear this
Deep insights into leadership and relationships! Once one falls in love with the deeper self, there surfaces the realization that the previous feelings of love for women was a projection of the hidden feelings for oneself.
Just wanna say Connor thank you man.
I’ve kinda been feeling down about how my relationship with my girlfriend of 5 years feels like I’m being like as a man as a leader as the head of my house. It has been and this video really was an eye opener.
I listened to it the first time was amazed and said you know what I don’t ever wanna let this lesson go so I opened up my journal and took notes on every segment and when I got home. It was my first day using these techniques so obviously I was still reacting but I was able to recognize my patterns
I then wanted to use what you said in the video and my goodness. I was so shocked to see that my honey was actually acknowledging my opinions, I felt confident in my direction and I even got her to open up to me Scott what she’s got going on again.
Again thank you Connor!!
Thank you! Very helpful!
Great Video!!
I do agree with what you're saying. I have some things I have to work on. In my last relationship, I would feel like If I were to lead then she would have no say so I wanted to get her input on what she may want. I'd still make decisions without her. I just didn't want to feel like I'm doing everything. I will only take advice from my partner if she can match me. She had no ambition, couldn't take care of herself. Wants to do the bare minimum. Complain and not be proactive. Not admit faults and take accountability. She didn't respect me but ironically I don't respect her.
This video has saved marriage. Many blessings ❤
#3 Reacting, this has caused me so much heartache and I'm thankful to see this video. I am trying my best to resolve this issue.
I hear you… you’re among other friendlies here that can relate… but, and I say this to myself first; get your shit together, brother, and DO BETTER. I have work to do… you have work to do… we got this.
So basically LEAD me (woman), to places where I want to go and things I WANT to do
You heard that too lol
Its my 3 video from you and find your presentations detailed, relevant anf helpful. Thank you very mych. Keep doung the good work. From Johannesburg, RSA.
Love it!
This is what I needed to hear right now
Glad to hear it and hope you enjoy some of the other videos.
Great share
Every man should watch this video. Too many go along with what the woman wants.
Wow this one hit home
First time I came across a video that talked about how to lead
Brilliant! Bravo bro 😎
Thank you!!!!!
Great video
Wow never got this before and believe me i have watched lots of videos. Thanks.
“We just react to the stimulus, rather than reacting we don’t think about it , process it , and we don’t metabolize it because we got alot going on we react doing your best with all the things you have going on your life. You don’t take a moment to pause and breathe, think or feel , and process whats actually happening”
Huge argument with my wife today. This is sound advice! Subscribed.
Thanks Reginald!
Holy sh*t man this helped me at just the right time. Thank u
Thank you 🙏
Good stuff
thank you
This is the most simplified video on how a man should lead in a relationship I've ever watched. Thank you!!!
Thank you
Thanks
I was never taught this stuff as a young man. Then i got married, tried leading and setting boundaries, albeit weakly. Then when the fits of rage came, the temper tantrums and name calling showed up, i said this won't be tolerated and its not hiw we're going to live. I was bombarded with attacks that i dont have enough empathy, that i dont understand her, and especially that im not loving her "unconditionally". So i backed down, and became a doormat, in belief that unconditional love was the answer. Then my resentment built because i couldnt reverse course and get out of it. Then i went back to old habits to self-sooth the loneliness, got caught, and spent years of her obsessively monitoring my technology and being my mother.
This is where being weak gets you.
Thanks for that explanation on the male perspective. It makes sense. I always have wondered in this situation where and why the resentment comes in. You've answered that for me and from your experience I can be a better woman. Thanks so much! 😊
awesome video
I was really great at not reacting and regulating.
But I had a partner that sometimes wouldnt accept "my bad, ill take care of it" , she wanted to keep pressing over and over to the point where I eventually got defensive or shut down.
No problem, big or small, was just that. To her it was an incredible blow to her trust and insecurity.
I had family members come to me and say that they heard me shouting or having arguments heard through the walls. Its something ive never done before.
Even after discussions of respecting each other and the space were in. To accept and trust that we see each other and are working to understand.
It was never enough. She couldnt possible fathom that someone could simply just make a mistake.
Sounds a lot like my wife!
While I'm not that good at not reacting, I'm quite good at observing and understanding where things come frome.
With my wife this dificulty in accepting mistakes comes from her family and upbringing, especialy her father. The man is buried so deep in insecurity and judgment that he just can't deal with mistakes and people not agreeing. This is a person who views any kid of mistake as a judgment of caracter, if you fail once he emidiatly labels you as incompetent and dumb and that's it! He also makes up all kinds of stupid stories to cover up for his mishaps and mistakes, I mean really, really stupid stories, he only cares about having an excuse.
This obviously created all kinds of judgemental and thrusting difficulties on my wife and her mother.
My wife has been slowly making progress, she is very aware of the problem and she does make a huge effort, but the damage is so deep that she has a really hard time not jumping to judgments and conflict every time something doesn't go as planned.
@@antoniomonteiro7783 that partner in my story had a very similar upbringing. Its a tough thing to get through. I dont want to have constant arguments, especially over semantics.
Glad yall are making progress, wish yall the best
9:07 The client and her partner may very well have set up a decision-criticism dynamic: He used to pick a dinner or a restaurant(ie. made a decision) and she complains it's not good enough, doesn't like it , doesn't get a high enough review etc. Then he picks another restaurant(ie. makes another decision), which also get shot down. After 5-6 tries, I find it quite reasonable to just give up and let her pick something, rather than going down the bloody phone book suggesting every restaurant in town alphabetically...
If you're gonna be so damn picky, just state what you _actually want_ so it can be factored in, or take the lead and make a decision _you_ like, to save us both the headache 🤷♂
It's fine to take the lead, but if every suggestion gets shot down except the ones she wants, are you, even if you eventually manage to pick a place, _really_ in the lead or is she just upholding the illusion you're in the lead?
That sounds like someone who will never be happy and will continue to bring you down. I’d be off after the second one, let alone five to six.. screw that!
This is perfect. I’m going to send it to my boyfriend now, tysm -10/10
Damn
Wow
EXCELLENT EXCELLENT EXCELLENT VIDEO
True
I've learned that I will pick up a partners bad habits. Like not taking care of the house, not cooking, people aversion.
I like your approach to relationships, especially a mans role. Thank you!
Rule #1...yup. I'm 65. Married and divorced 2x. I sure don't see divorce as a failure. Both divorces improved my life. I don't see marriage as a mistake...not too smart, but I did learn a lot, had some fun. The important thing is I looked out for myself. If a woman wanted to tag along that's fine. A woman in my life doesn't change my plans. And my plans can include having a woman in my life but I define that life to a large degree. I don't micromanage but for the big things I'm going my way. If she doesn't like it then no problem, let me help you pack. Not mad or hurt...your choice, your luggage.
Not gonna lie, I would love to have a man like this in my life. This is a fantastic video.
Thank you for making this video. The timing couldn’t be any more synchronistic. I took pages of notes and will integrate and put to immediate use.
Just started your book as well. As an INTP and someone who loves swimming in heady, concept-heavy depth psychology and philosophy, I’m really drawn to your practical and straightforward approach. Thanks again!
I love INTPs! I wish I could meet more of you guys irl. Definitely my crowd! - fellow infp
My girlfriend is OCD. It is hard to take the lead or initiative with an OCD person. They decide things so quickly, you have no time to plan anything worthy that takes a little time to plan. When an idea or plan is offered, it is often nixed.
Ocd is part of the anxiety disorder.
It’s crazy that this video comes up prior to my date
As a woman I can vouch for this. Although my husband and I mostly worked out the dinner conundrum with this compromise: default was that I cooked dinner 3/4 of the time and chose what we ate. When he got tired of my cooking or saw I was worn out, he would take us to eat, choose the restaurant, and pay. Not saying it would work for everyone but having clear expectations is a lot better than haggling over dinner every night.
Thank you. I've watched a lot of content (perhaps thousand of videos) and this is by far the most insightful and helpful for understanding the role of men as leaders in a relationship.
I suggest you might want to elaborate on what makes a good leader. I think of the king archetype. A man who understands and acts in the best long-term interest of the relationship. A man who understands it's his role to make hard decisions for the relationship. Take the example of making plans for a dinner date. The man will know what kind of food his partner likes, find a new restaurant that has that food, and then offer to order something he thinks she'll like. If she trusts him, and leans into letting him take the lead, it can be attractive and mutually rewarding.
Hi, I loved the video and it got me thinking about certain aspects of my relationship within the scope of your examples.
1.How can we lead if we sometimes feel attacked and a calm response from our side doesn't "work" and regardless of what we say we are still "in the wrong".
2. In the example with the trash at the end of the video: Why wouldn't we express out dissatisfaction with being "nagged" for something we didnt do when we have already done so many things but if the roles are reversed we just decide to do it instead of nagging?
3.How do we lead if a woman doesn't really want to be led? ( By a "woman who doesn't want to be led" I am thinking of a woman who has been a leader in her friend groups and was always the one making decisions and now questions everything I decide or the direction I try to set because she is not used to letting go of control)
This probably wont get an answer but who knows maybe someone may read it and think about it for himself.
It's a journey of becoming a "real man" in our own eyes and this is an important part of it.
Subscribed, cant wait to see the other content
1. Leading has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you and the vision and strategy you create for your relationship, family, and, at it's best, your larger community as well. What you're talking about here is a cycle of defensiveness where she thinks you've done something wrong and confronts you and you're probably calmly trying to explain yourself. That's not really about leadership, except that if you want your relationship to be full of understanding and connection then you can cause that by leading with compassion for how she's feeling before trying to explain whether or not you meant to do the thing she's complaining about and what happened on your side. Once she feels compassion from you she'll be more likely to listen to what you have to say. One can have compassion for an experience someone is having regardless of whether you are actually the direct cause of that experience, regardless of their rightness or wrongness about you causing it.
2. One fact about the world to accept is that if you're wrong you're wrong. It doesn't matter how "right" you were before. If you feel she's nagging in response to you doing wrong, that can be addressed separate from doing the wrong thing, or failing to do the right thing. Nagging is also wrong. Usually people handle nagging by setting a particular time, like once every two weeks, to talk through issues that bother the other person rather than ranting on them every single time they happen. Plus, you can negotiate how many "things" you can improve at a time. Like she cant ask you to improve in 5 areas at once. She can pick one, and if you're leading the relationship you can suggest what area of personal improvement you feel would best serve the relationship
3. Some women are used to taking control, but all women want to led in some way. Some are afraid to be led. Some dont trust others to lead for specific reasons. Those are probably the reasons you'll want to unpack. The first thing is the vision though. An unselfish vision for your relationship and family first. A very clear vision and strategy. Then you just have to show her you're going to work towards that regardless of what she's going to do. You're driving the boat, if she wants to come then she'll hop in. As you get push back you can deal with the specific feelings inside of her around the push back, which will definitely take time but isn't impossible. Leadership isn't making all the decisions though. The vision is guiding the decisions. If she has a better way of getting from A to B and she tells you then of course take that. But if you say we're going to take a right and a left and she says you should do a left then a right then that's just being argumentative. You should explain to her that it derails where you both want to go in the relationship if she argues to drive a separate path that materially isn't better than what you articulated for getting to the goal. You'll have to point it out when she does it, but she'll learn. As long as she sees you trying to make a vision happen intentionally and taking extreme ownership for getting there she'll appreciate that more than you not doing it. As long as your vision isn't selfish, that's also where men go wrong sometimes.
@oakinwol i appreciate your comment. I guess I do lack in vision for myself and us exactly and that makes me feel unsure where and why we are going there and it doesn't allow me to try and lead consciously. I do struggle a lot with reactive answers from her side and triggers which I will be exploring more this year
Wise and inspirational advice !
Just... the picture in the background distracts- the black lump there fuzes w your hair to create this effect...
awsome
Amazing video Connor!
This is so crystal clear. I don't like to lead in a relationship, but I have experience with some men who has NO idea about leading in a relationship.
Of course men don't lead in relationships anymore, why would they? Woman have been shouting for equality with income, responsibility and relationships. You've asked for an equal partnership and now you have it. Don't complain for something women fought so hard to get. Were all equal now, nobody leads or is above the other.
@@johndummy3370definitely she did some thinking after reading your comment 😂
@@bedabratdutta7367🤣
@@johndummy3370the truth hurts
I found out through experience that it’s easier to tell my wife what’s gonna happen and just know thah she’s not gonna be happy with it sometimes, rather than try to get her to approve of my decisions regarding our family or our children. She doesn’t have to like or agree with my point of view; but when I take a stance and assert it respectfully she has no excuse to ignore my request. Hey word - respectfully.
Wish I understood this more a few years ago. Better late than never I guess
Amazing Bro!
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼This is communicated so accurately and concisely. This is the mountain I’m constantly going around with my boyfriend. I’m so frustrated and at the end of my rope. FINALLY a man who is able to communicate this to other men. 🙏🏼
Eureka!
Am guilty of the topic, I kinda failed to lead my girlfriend in certain aspects of the relationship, and I am working on being a better person to her
Sometimes is best just to walk away… you can talk all you want but no one is listening save your energy and step out either they get the point or you do… just keep moving forward.. life is short to deal with unhappy people
Absolutely this. There are women that just do not want to be led, and will get defensive and irritated by you trying to lead even when you've proven time and time again that your leadership has enjoyed positive outcomes in the past. When women refuse to relax into their feminine energy thereby try to compete with the man's masculine energy, this can cause such conflict that is difficult to impossible to resolve. Men, just leave these women that refuse to relax into their feminine. They ultimately want a feminine man to control instead of a masculine man they can support and nurture. The only masculine types that can control these types of women are toxic and controlling types because that's what these women are used to: abusive or neglectful men. After the break-up, she ended up just getting a little dog that was previously neglected from a close family member of hers, something she can control, a reflection of her family's dysfunctional dynamic.
Loving the inclusive language!
Great ideas that i never learned in my life and I don't care anymore. Parents, church and schools NEVER taught me any of this.