2:17 1) 'Start on The Ground': Instead of broad questions, share recent things from your life and how you felt about it 4:31 2) 'Connect, Don't Coach': Instead of 'coaching' someone, empathize and connect instead 7:47 3) 'Listen and Capture': Instead of passively, listen actively and show that you understand what the person said
You @matthew hussey is so full of it, I listen to all your videos more then once and I found my person but he left. How did I ever fall for your advice. You will never know the damage you did to my internal person
@@sylviacooper2364 There is no one "my person", a point Hussey makes often. (a) You need to do the work to be your best self. (b) If he left, there are plenty more good men out there. Depending on why he left, he may not have been such a great guy anyway. But life is hard and there are no guarantees. In any case, no dating coach is responsible for your love life, only you are.
@@sylviacooper2364 Get to know yourself and be yourself.. read DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR - memoir/self-help - FEAST OF MEN & REFLECTIONS OF THE CURSE....
One of the beautiful things my partner does for me is asking me if I want her to try to fix it, or just to listen. It’s so nice to have someone understand the difference.
My toxic trait is being a fixer so I totally offer advice and perspective when someone confides a particular issue or problem they're having. Ugh. I definitely try to work on it. But it's a habit that's so hard to break.
I totally get you. I do the same thing. I'm learning to accept and remeber that if someone shares their story or issues with us. It not always mean that they want to hear our opinion. I ask: if the person wants to hear my view on it, then I follow up with question what they are planning to do about the issue and last if they want my help or advice. It changed alot since I started to do it.
Thank you for sharing and being so aware about this issue. For me is a lack of respect to receive non asked adviced because I feel my "issue" goes behind the other person´s ego to make them feel better so I´m not the center anymore of my own story. Cheers! 🙏🏻
I love how your advice goes so much deeper than just being on a date. The first date is important but first impressions last a lifetime. Being a decent human by listening and understanding the people you’re with makes you unforgettable.
He's talking about reflective listening. Let the person talk, listen, then repeat what they told you (in your own words). You can do a simple reflection, reflection of feeling or a double sided reflection. Conversation is truly an art that requires practice and skill.
@@racqui100 the info we get pretty much makes it seem like women are mind readers. They tell us not to put women on pedestals but then they talk about them as if they are literally impossible to talk to. I am a pretty confident person but the level of confidence they want you to have is absurd.
THIS MAN IS GENIUS ! HE KNOWS OUR HUMAN NATURE AND HIS WORDS CAN BE USEFUL FOR EVERYTHING IN LIFE BEYOND DATING. I HAVE LOYALLY WATCHED HIS VIDEOS AND HE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE EXCELLENT APPLICABLE POINTS. PEOPLE SEEK TO BE UNDERSTOOD AND HEARD.
One breakthrough I've had in my communication skills and overall orientation to other people (romantic or not) is realizing that asking "What does that mean to you?" is what I really care about discovering, and it has a profound effect. Some people don't "get it" when I ask them this, and instead stay on the surface of who/what/where/when. It helps me weed out the ones I don't feel compelled to invest connection with.
Something I have noticed in your videos is that you are also learning and developing and your energy is growing accordingly. Thanks so much for the reminder that it’s not an exam, because whilst I want to keep learning and developing, I can think I need to be perfect. Thanks for demonstrating what you are advising. We appreciate you!
This was so helpful, I do believe I made a few mistakes in dating from your examples and I will be more self aware on the next date to really think before I speak.
I don't know how long you have been at this but if your delivery comes naturally you have a real gift!! I found the 18-minute youtube seemed to go by in 4 minutes, that is a great delivery. Thanks
I feel so good on every first date and i can conect pretty good with girls on the first date but keeping the connection once the first date it's over and getting a second date it's where i struggle THE MOST
Thank you i used this today and it was amazing . I was just myself and he said he really had a great time . And I had fun too so we will have a second date next week .... thanks!!!!
I certainly made an impact on a first date after watching a video that told me to " Start on the ground" ... He walked into the restaurant and there I was, waiting for him, laying on the floor 😁
I’ve watched most of Mathews videos. I’ve pretty much applied everything he’s ever said and I’m still single and can’t get a decent date.. so the way I see it is, if a guy isn’t into you, there’s absolutely nothing you can say or do that’ll change that.
I always started with, "Hey! Do you hug?" and that helped set the mood. It leads to different conversations than "How are you?" Also, my love language is physical touch... if you don't hug... it tells me a lot about the likelihood of our success. Nothing against that person that isn't a hugger, I just know *I* need that.
Not everyone are ready to let a stranger close to them, especially when traumatized. So you don't really know about the success with asking for a hug straight away. It might be okay later.
I'm in a real dilemma whether to give him my number 🙄. I'm 57 and so nervous. I've been single for nearly 5 years and am scared witless😳. This has helped.
I legit have a date later today and was very nervous. Could not have been uploaded at a better time! I'll do my best not to overthink it. Thank you so much for everything you do!❤️❤️
@@susannah-carolla9587 Just got back from the date! I bought her a dozen roses and made sure to open her door for her and everything. She hugged me at the end and said she had a wonderful time. I'm seeing her again next Thursday!!🥳🥳
Love the advice of not looking for something eventful to happen to us. We can talk about our day to day because that's what you will look for in a partner , someone to connect with on just basic topics .
Need to read a large book on "connect, don't coach"... Not a superiority moment, but the only thing I think I need to do is help (which gets to solving the problem). Good video, thank you, Matthew!
This message is for someone who needs to hear this and will fully understand it... You are not define by your circumstance or your past. It’s not what happened to you that determines your success in life; it is how you deal with those circumstances that determines your success in life. You are strong, you are capable and practice forgiveness (Forgiveness is for you; forgive your parents or anyone whom we have chosen to hurt us, to begin the process of healing and freedom. Remember: Forgiveness is for you to be freed, healed and happy. It’s a RESET BUTTON) and practice gratitude everyday. This will change the course of your life forever. Love you always and I believe in you wholeheartedly no matter what ✨❤️ - Nat
I'm relatively new to your work. I've been doing inner work for a very long time. And it's from that perspective that I found your work: I'm interested in the intersection(s) between our own sense of who we are, how we navigate and inhibit our immediate worlds and how we are perceived and received in that world, from our immediate families and beyond. It seems to me that you're doing something very similar with the work that you present to the world. I think it's a blessing on humanity. Towards that end, if you're comfortable, I'd love to hear what your personal practice looks like. What grounds you, what supports you, what gives you inspiration and structure to do what you do. Clearly, your family, your brother, are a big part of it. But I wonder about what, if anything else, there is. Grateful for your share, in all ways. Oh, as with your other videos, I LOVE this one. Your ability to take break down and identify the parts and nuances of humanity is notable and a gift for all. If not illuminating, it's at least affirming, which can be just as important/helpful. Thank you.
Matthew, just want to let you know that I really I appreciate the work you do, thank you so much. You helped me a lot with my self-development journey. Thank you again.
I’ve been very discouraged with the lack of interest from decent guys. But In the meantime I appreciate your wisdom and advice. Maybe there are reasons why I’m single so I can always improve my own issues that need addressed.
I too am very discouraged with finding a gentleman. I have had a few male freinds, that played games, and instead of playing victim, I shout to the top of my lungs, THANK YOU GOD!!!!! Thank you for letting me know what I DON'T want in a man.
OMG your #1 thing is something I learned to do with colleagues because I'm such an introvert and never knew how to "small talk" before getting into the point of a meeting / conversation! Especially over zoom, my go-to is the most interesting, usually funny and unfortunate thing that happened to me recently and they're like omg that's so crazy! And then they tell a similar story and we've connected and then move to work stuff. I do it without even thinking about it now, it's just automatic.
Can't agree more, however I still have one doubt. Being a good listener is my curse, everyone's been always treating me as free therapist. In the relationship context I feel it's pushing me towards the so called friendzone.
But on the bright side, your curse is also a blessing because it’s a incredible quality for people to feel safe and comfortable to be vulnerable with you! I think Matthew’s point is mainly is because we want to show that we are interested in them (which includes listening to them cuz that’s the best we can do on a first date lol)
I hear you on the therapist part. I am a great listener. When I talk though after listening to them, they give me anbout 30 seconds until it is all about them again. Drives me crazy.
@@sunnienciso9582 But that shouldn't be on you, it is on them that they're all about themselves. Plus you've dodged a bullet by them showing you who they really are in the early stages ((:
Same here. Most dates really enjoy talking to me because they find my listening skills and support of bids for connection and vulnerability attractive. I’m often treated as their therapist. I try to put listening and talking boundaries in place to short circuit that.
I feel so seen. i’ve been through this so many times regarding “mansplaining” is what I call it. they share a story and then turn it into a lesson for me as if I don’t have my own experiences? it’s so degrading and frustrating. i speak up about it and they usually apologize but continue to do it.
I wrote something because of your love of Anthony bordaine. He wasn't on my radar but you said that you loved him... I'm sort of learning how to film myself. The way this guy discusses is mind-blowing. I mean he just makes it so simple. I love the sound, flow and rhythm of his voice. He's quite masterful at angles I think. I'm more of a photographer just breaking into the film genre but it's fascinating. There's so much to learn. The world is such a beautiful place because there are things that are just fascinating. I think filmmaking is like an artistic expression so it's just really fun because I don't know anything about it. Like I love Anthony Bourdain. He was a masterful storytelling that touched the core of American values with swear words, Rock and roll, a sweetness in relating to an experience. He draws in, makes us feel the importance of the moment, the sacredness of be being a part of his journey, listening to the deep intonations of his voice, seeing the times that he breaks into laughter or shares an audacious joke. Also seeing the times of tenderness and vulnerability. I think that comes across in his enjoyment of being in good company with his friends and crew and when he's taking in the sights and sounds of a new environment. Surely it's new, like adventurous as you lose ground and have to acclimate to a new set of rules in a foreign land. It's sort of like visiting alien planet. That's what love most about the story of Lewis and Clark when Jefferson gave them leave to explore the continent to find a river passage that connected from east to west. Like who knows what creatures may reside in an undiscovered land? Umm dinosaurs? Hungry cannibals? Yeah, terrifying if you let your imagination take hold, but for Anthony Bourdain, he took us on an expedition of love. He related human commonalities. He opened our hearts to the things that we had in common. th-cam.com/video/r0dD24TX3Yc/w-d-xo.html
I am glad to read the comments in the comments section these male dating coaches tell you not to put girls on a pedestal and then proceeds to put women on the pedestal by making it seem like women are extremely complex but from the looks of it, it looks like women are just as confused as us men.
You are incredible!!!…so much wisdom, so compassionate and kind… a natural teacher and so wise…. and so handsome… !! How did you get so wise so young.?!!!
What you share in your work is teaching me to be a better human. I know I have not always been a good listener, so I need to focus on that skill, and really be in the moment, be present, be focused not distracted and ready to jump in, allow you to fully have my attention.
After watching this video, I realize that I’m not really connect with anyone I’m attracted to recently. Once we tried so much to attract, we forget to connect :(
good advice on not giving advice. I've been a manager for so long that I've made it my core response. Since I got a daughter I kind of changed but your words made a difference in understanding what I'm doing wrong. thanks
I'm impressed by the self reflection in the beginning! It makes you and what you do a lot more authentic. This is a good example for all of those "Do these 3 things and I guarantee you'll get married in 6 months" so-called coaches.
This is good guidance for general human interaction. I’m estranged from a former best friend who was constantly giving bad unsolicited advice as if she was Oprah and not someone whose own life had a million problems for her to focus on instead. The condescension of such behavior is suffocating.
I think many of us have gotten out of the skill of 'conversation', especially with world wide events. It can be hard to just keep it light and just talk about random pleasant things.
This video makes me realise why I fell in love with a man on the first date. I've been working on myself, including taking Matthew's advice and I think it might just have paid off.
These are great suggestions. Just be careful as this healthy type of communicating and interacting is exactly what problematic people use to artificially bond at an accelerated pace. Be wary of the overly enthusiastic questioner/listener. Don’t offer all of your information or show too much vulnerability, as it will be weaponized later. Let the other person make statements without you saying, “oh, me, too!” to every comment. Be wary if the other person is lock step with you. Just take your time. To borrow from your metaphor, Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will a relationship.
I really appreciate the content in your videos. Your points aren’t cookie cut or basic but really helpful, insightful, unique and informative. Great points. Thank you 🙏
Thank you su much Mattew! I love you videos because you don't give advice that we are just going to act out, your advices are about how to create a connection and be vulnérable with someone we are interested in. Really useful
I’ve had people who just don’t get it when I share some of my struggles with ADHD. They don’t understand how it can even be a problem at all and say obtuse things about how they would operate in such a situation. It just means that I’ll realize what a mistake it was to be vulnerable with them and avoid sharing in the future.
Thank you for these advices. I have noticed that when the person you date really is compatible with you (does not mean it'll last), all of this is super easy to apply. I did not realize I was applying these advices! I almost coached him but then I told him to never let me do that. It's my job and I can have some reflexes but I notice it makes me find the person super small... And I don't want that.
Thank you Mattew, highly informative and insightful. I'm a life coach and this was a great video and could relate to all of the points. Amazing, This how an have a high-impact conversation with anyone and everyone. Kudos.
So your advice about not offering advice was such a huge breakthrough for me...however I thought I was being compassionate and helpful, because if a person mentions a problem especially a possible painful one..My mind goes right to How can I help and then to what I may have experienced similar that that can be helpful. My motive was always to help . . Now I see how I've been annoying instead if compassionate
Love these videos. I think my friend told me about your videos years ago and I’ve been taking a few bits and pieces from the videos and have been super successful so far!
from watching corey wayne vids, just ask questions, good positive questions.But don't be afraid to be naughty/goofy at times. be playful. make her smile. show that ur genuine interested in what he/she does/learns, etc. But be a mystery urself, don't be an open book from the start. make eyecontact, leave a tip for the people who order you, be friendly to them. if she asks about previous exes. talk postive about it, that it didn't work out, you grew apart. tell in a positive manner you learned alot from the relationship, and hope for the best if she meets someone new that can make her happy. if you talk trash about ur exes, she's gonna expect it wil be the same thing if she continued to date you ... more advice from urself is welcome to, to fill up.
Nice tips. And you're right! Most of people that want something genuine and that will last in the long term, want to be understood & vice-versa. It's seeing our souls & the depths of a being. Without masks of fear of being vulnerable eventually. Many other people have different motives of "why" they think they want to get into a relationship and like you said overlap by turning kind of like a completion etc. So looking into the true essence of someone changes the prospective of someone or something that can (actually) turn into something else or deeper. 👍🏻 Ps: because a person has learned or have become skilled at speaking "human", if that makes sense.
Ah, to capture the essence, the beingness to absorb it and to reflect it back and show acknowledgement, empathy. I understand now thank you, it makes me click and regardless of what happen, I am a better version of myself regardless the field in which I unfold, thank you. :D
Thank you so much sir Matthew efforting a little or manifesting anything in the core sign Joel for no love and Joel creating fortune love is a scam. I'm very grateful sir some guidance to listen to you to determine the situation in a rightful manner. Thanks again and God bless to us!
another great video Matthew! also, love your setting.. couch, pillows, windows, green, bamboo?, plants behind you.. very visually nice and soothing, lol;)
Can you do a video for women who haven’t had a date in years? I do not want to get stuck in online hell ever again, and I really need some tips on how to be safe too.
Meet in a restaurant at a decent time and don't go back to his place? What else for being safe? Don't go into the wilderness hunting on the first date. Duh?
Go to community events that offer a venue that You enjoy. ie. Music in the Park. Food truck & sports. Local theater group & fund raiser. etc. Go with a group of friends. Meet like minded people. I met my Man at a study group. We all went for dinner
I get what you mean. Speaking of vulnerabilities, I'm a widower. Whenever I have to face doing taxes or anything that normally my husband would have done and I don't have a lot of experience, I procrastinate. I get flustered at the fact that I need to do I feel I have no choice and I prefer to have choices and because of this again I procrastinate. I really dislike this about myself but I know that once I get familiar with this sort of thing, I will be able to take care of it ASAP as I do almost any other tasks and I have to accomplish because I hate putting things off.
My problem is that I’m a really good listener and I ask follow up questions to let them know I’m listening and interested, but I’m bad when it comes to talking about myself and letting someone really see me and know me. I feel like I always know more about the guys I’m talking to than they know about me.
There are a few things that guy likes more than having a woman intently listen to him talk about himself 😂 most times he will forget to ask anything about me at all
11:00
My counselor always used to say, “Being heard is so close to being loved that most people don’t know the difference”
2:17 1) 'Start on The Ground': Instead of broad questions, share recent things from your life and how you felt about it
4:31 2) 'Connect, Don't Coach': Instead of 'coaching' someone, empathize and connect instead
7:47 3) 'Listen and Capture': Instead of passively, listen actively and show that you understand what the person said
Thanks!
You @matthew hussey is so full of it, I listen to all your videos more then once and I found my person but he left. How did I ever fall for your advice. You will never know the damage you did to my internal person
@@sylviacooper2364 There is no one "my person", a point Hussey makes often. (a) You need to do the work to be your best self. (b) If he left, there are plenty more good men out there. Depending on why he left, he may not have been such a great guy anyway. But life is hard and there are no guarantees. In any case, no dating coach is responsible for your love life, only you are.
thank yoou
@@sylviacooper2364 Get to know yourself and be yourself.. read DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR - memoir/self-help - FEAST OF MEN & REFLECTIONS OF THE CURSE....
One of the beautiful things my partner does for me is asking me if I want her to try to fix it, or just to listen. It’s so nice to have someone understand the difference.
Beautiful 🥹
“Capturing the essence of what someone else has expressed to us…because we really listened…because we built intimacy.”
My toxic trait is being a fixer so I totally offer advice and perspective when someone confides a particular issue or problem they're having. Ugh. I definitely try to work on it. But it's a habit that's so hard to break.
I hear you Matthew. It means I don't have to give free advice for a $4 cup of coffee. 🤦 Stupid me.
I totally get you. I do the same thing. I'm learning to accept and remeber that if someone shares their story or issues with us. It not always mean that they want to hear our opinion. I ask: if the person wants to hear my view on it, then I follow up with question what they are planning to do about the issue and last if they want my help or advice. It changed alot since I started to do it.
Same!
Please do. Mostly everyone wants a listener more than someone who gives unsolicited advise.
Thank you for sharing and being so aware about this issue. For me is a lack of respect to receive non asked adviced because I feel my "issue" goes behind the other person´s ego to make them feel better so I´m not the center anymore of my own story. Cheers! 🙏🏻
I love how your advice goes so much deeper than just being on a date. The first date is important but first impressions last a lifetime. Being a decent human by listening and understanding the people you’re with makes you unforgettable.
Kristen Lobstein. You are saying ture. I'm agree with your words.
Agree,Awesome, sooo true
And you single? Because it looks like your in a good relationship .
Indeed. Being a great conversationalist is about two things: creating intrigue and interest, and creating emotional connection.
Hy, hope your having a good day ?
He's talking about reflective listening. Let the person talk, listen, then repeat what they told you (in your own words). You can do a simple reflection, reflection of feeling or a double sided reflection. Conversation is truly an art that requires practice and skill.
I know that Matthew's content is tailored towards women, but I like hearing his insights to see topics like this from an alternative view-point
It's not just for women. He mostly talks about comfidence, self-esteem and capturing others on first meeting. Everyone benefits from that
I wonder what content are the men getting and from whom… which dating advice forum/ platform, guru guide are does it come from
@@racqui100 the info we get pretty much makes it seem like women are mind readers. They tell us not to put women on pedestals but then they talk about them as if they are literally impossible to talk to. I am a pretty confident person but the level of confidence they want you to have is absurd.
Facts he be spitting game to men too it’s just coded us guys gotta decipher the encryption to get the info he’s giving to us as well
@@racqui100 Wing Girl Marni’s pretty much only good one from female POV. ‘Guru’ guys advice borders contempt for women. Sad
Not enough people are talking about the forbidden books on Revandles and I’m losing it.
bot
THIS MAN IS GENIUS ! HE KNOWS OUR HUMAN NATURE AND HIS WORDS CAN BE USEFUL FOR EVERYTHING IN LIFE BEYOND DATING. I HAVE LOYALLY WATCHED HIS VIDEOS AND HE NEVER FAILS TO MAKE EXCELLENT APPLICABLE POINTS. PEOPLE SEEK TO BE UNDERSTOOD AND HEARD.
This is such a great video. Not just for dating but for connecting with people. Thanks Matthew for all your kind words of wisdom.
yes
One breakthrough I've had in my communication skills and overall orientation to other people (romantic or not) is realizing that asking "What does that mean to you?" is what I really care about discovering, and it has a profound effect. Some people don't "get it" when I ask them this, and instead stay on the surface of who/what/where/when. It helps me weed out the ones I don't feel compelled to invest connection with.
Something I have noticed in your videos is that you are also learning and developing and your energy is growing accordingly. Thanks so much for the reminder that it’s not an exam, because whilst I want to keep learning and developing, I can think I need to be perfect. Thanks for demonstrating what you are advising. We appreciate you!
This was so helpful, I do believe I made a few mistakes in dating from your examples and I will be more self aware on the next date to really think before I speak.
I don't know how long you have been at this but if your delivery comes naturally you have a real gift!! I found the 18-minute youtube seemed to go by in 4 minutes, that is a great delivery. Thanks
I feel so good on every first date and i can conect pretty good with girls on the first date but keeping the connection once the first date it's over and getting a second date it's where i struggle THE MOST
First date or not this video is gold for connecting with anyone!
Forget first dates! You've beautifully captured what it means to have a great conversation with anyone-That's incredible. Thank you Matthew.
So basically be open, show vulnerability and be an active listener without giving much advice (unless asked)? Done.
Hi, you single?
@@dejasarafian531hahahahahahahahahahahhaahaha
How not to do it 101
I do it all the time, do they do it return? No
@@dejasarafian531hi
Thank you for the summary, I didn't want to watch 16 minutes
I love how you analyze things and human emotions, literally a genius
Thank you i used this today and it was amazing . I was just myself and he said he really had a great time . And I had fun too so we will have a second date next week .... thanks!!!!
I certainly made an impact on a first date after watching a video that told me to " Start on the ground" ... He walked into the restaurant and there I was, waiting for him, laying on the floor 😁
HE IS LYING. We look for chaste, fit , feminine, friendly, not half naked online, agreeable
Hahaha😂❤
I love Matthew's Sunday preachings! And he touched on writing!! Standing ovation!! 👏👏👏✨
I’ve watched most of Mathews videos. I’ve pretty much applied everything he’s ever said and I’m still single and can’t get a decent date.. so the way I see it is, if a guy isn’t into you, there’s absolutely nothing you can say or do that’ll change that.
Exactly.
This is true as well
This is GOLD! If he is really into you, you don’t need to do all these efforts. It will flow naturally
Maybe because it's not authentic to you and people can sense that?
chaste, fit , feminine, friendly, not half naked online, agreeable
“How to Win Friends and Influence People” is a good book, same advice.
I always started with, "Hey! Do you hug?" and that helped set the mood. It leads to different conversations than "How are you?"
Also, my love language is physical touch... if you don't hug... it tells me a lot about the likelihood of our success. Nothing against that person that isn't a hugger, I just know *I* need that.
2020/2021 must have been especially difficult then…
Definitely date someone who’s love laughing, both primary and secondary, are the same. Physical touch is last for me even though I am a hugger. Lol
Very nice…
Not everyone are ready to let a stranger close to them, especially when traumatized. So you don't really know about the success with asking for a hug straight away. It might be okay later.
Good one. I too am a hugger, and also a dog lover. I will remember to ask if you hug or if you like dogs. lol
I'm in a real dilemma whether to give him my number 🙄. I'm 57 and so nervous. I've been single for nearly 5 years and am scared witless😳. This has helped.
I legit have a date later today and was very nervous. Could not have been uploaded at a better time! I'll do my best not to overthink it. Thank you so much for everything you do!❤️❤️
Have a great date! Come back and tell us how it went!!
@@susannah-carolla9587 Just got back from the date! I bought her a dozen roses and made sure to open her door for her and everything. She hugged me at the end and said she had a wonderful time. I'm seeing her again next Thursday!!🥳🥳
@@dearformerself Yay!! Here’s to date number 2!! 💜💜
@@susannah-carolla9587 💜💜
chaste, fit , feminine, friendly, not half naked online, agreeable
Love the advice of not looking for something eventful to happen to us. We can talk about our day to day because that's what you will look for in a partner , someone to connect with on just basic topics .
What I like Mr .Hussey is that he tells you mostly to be who you are 🙏🏾
Need to read a large book on "connect, don't coach"... Not a superiority moment, but the only thing I think I need to do is help (which gets to solving the problem). Good video, thank you, Matthew!
This message is for someone who needs to hear this and will fully understand it... You are not define by your circumstance or your past. It’s not what happened to you that determines your success in life; it is how you deal with those circumstances that determines your success in life. You are strong, you are capable and practice forgiveness (Forgiveness is for you; forgive your parents or anyone whom we have chosen to hurt us, to begin the process of healing and freedom. Remember: Forgiveness is for you to be freed, healed and happy. It’s a RESET BUTTON) and practice gratitude everyday. This will change the course of your life forever. Love you always and I believe in you wholeheartedly no matter what ✨❤️ - Nat
Wow!!! 😳
Come on tell me what's behind all the write-ups
You had a bad day?
Brilliant
I'm relatively new to your work. I've been doing inner work for a very long time. And it's from that perspective that I found your work: I'm interested in the intersection(s) between our own sense of who we are, how we navigate and inhibit our immediate worlds and how we are perceived and received in that world, from our immediate families and beyond.
It seems to me that you're doing something very similar with the work that you present to the world. I think it's a blessing on humanity. Towards that end, if you're comfortable, I'd love to hear what your personal practice looks like. What grounds you, what supports you, what gives you inspiration and structure to do what you do. Clearly, your family, your brother, are a big part of it. But I wonder about what, if anything else, there is. Grateful for your share, in all ways.
Oh, as with your other videos, I LOVE this one. Your ability to take break down and identify the parts and nuances of humanity is notable and a gift for all. If not illuminating, it's at least affirming, which can be just as important/helpful. Thank you.
I loved the way you paralleled photography with active listening. That was so visual and relatable that it will stick with me rather deeply.
You give brilliant advice that's applicable to many people and situations. Thank you for all the work you do.
Matthew, just want to let you know that I really I appreciate the work you do, thank you so much. You helped me a lot with my self-development journey. Thank you again.
I’ve been very discouraged with the lack of interest from decent guys. But In the meantime I appreciate your wisdom and advice. Maybe there are reasons why I’m single so I can always improve my own issues that need addressed.
HE IS LYING. We look for chaste, fit , feminine, friendly, not half naked online, agreeable
I too am very discouraged with finding a gentleman. I have had a few male freinds, that played games, and instead of playing victim, I shout to the top of my lungs, THANK YOU GOD!!!!! Thank you for letting me know what I DON'T want in a man.
OMG your #1 thing is something I learned to do with colleagues because I'm such an introvert and never knew how to "small talk" before getting into the point of a meeting / conversation! Especially over zoom, my go-to is the most interesting, usually funny and unfortunate thing that happened to me recently and they're like omg that's so crazy! And then they tell a similar story and we've connected and then move to work stuff. I do it without even thinking about it now, it's just automatic.
Can't agree more, however I still have one doubt. Being a good listener is my curse, everyone's been always treating me as free therapist. In the relationship context I feel it's pushing me towards the so called friendzone.
But on the bright side, your curse is also a blessing because it’s a incredible quality for people to feel safe and comfortable to be vulnerable with you! I think Matthew’s point is mainly is because we want to show that we are interested in them (which includes listening to them cuz that’s the best we can do on a first date lol)
I hear you on the therapist part. I am a great listener. When I talk though after listening to them, they give me anbout 30 seconds until it is all about them again. Drives me crazy.
@@sunnienciso9582 But that shouldn't be on you, it is on them that they're all about themselves. Plus you've dodged a bullet by them showing you who they really are in the early stages ((:
@@bigqueeenergy Amen sweet pea. Woman run this fucking world right now. We don't need a man.
Same here. Most dates really enjoy talking to me because they find my listening skills and support of bids for connection and vulnerability attractive. I’m often treated as their therapist. I try to put listening and talking boundaries in place to short circuit that.
I feel so seen. i’ve been through this so many times regarding “mansplaining” is what I call it. they share a story and then turn it into a lesson for me as if I don’t have my own experiences? it’s so degrading and frustrating. i speak up about it and they usually apologize but continue to do it.
This couldn’t come at the most appropriate time! Thank you Matthew!
Thank you, Matthew! This video is so full of gold nuggets for all aspects of relationships in life…not just dating. I’m learning so much!
Nervous before upcoming date. 50% is You!!! Thank you for this gem 💎🙏
I wrote something because of your love of Anthony bordaine. He wasn't on my radar but you said that you loved him...
I'm sort of learning how to film myself. The way this guy discusses is mind-blowing. I mean he just makes it so simple. I love the sound, flow and rhythm of his voice. He's quite masterful at angles I think. I'm more of a photographer just breaking into the film genre but it's fascinating. There's so much to learn. The world is such a beautiful place because there are things that are just fascinating. I think filmmaking is like an artistic expression so it's just really fun because I don't know anything about it. Like I love Anthony Bourdain. He was a masterful storytelling that touched the core of American values with swear words, Rock and roll, a sweetness in relating to an experience. He draws in, makes us feel the importance of the moment, the sacredness of be being a part of his journey, listening to the deep intonations of his voice, seeing the times that he breaks into laughter or shares an audacious joke. Also seeing the times of tenderness and vulnerability. I think that comes across in his enjoyment of being in good company with his friends and crew and when he's taking in the sights and sounds of a new environment. Surely it's new, like adventurous as you lose ground and have to acclimate to a new set of rules in a foreign land. It's sort of like visiting alien planet. That's what love most about the story of Lewis and Clark when Jefferson gave them leave to explore the continent to find a river passage that connected from east to west. Like who knows what creatures may reside in an undiscovered land? Umm dinosaurs? Hungry cannibals? Yeah, terrifying if you let your imagination take hold, but for Anthony Bourdain, he took us on an expedition of love. He related human commonalities. He opened our hearts to the things that we had in common.
th-cam.com/video/r0dD24TX3Yc/w-d-xo.html
Silly goose- oh course that marketing team was 1. Listening and 2. Echoing back to you what you shared. That’s marketing!
I am glad to read the comments in the comments section these male dating coaches tell you not to put girls on a pedestal and then proceeds to put women on the pedestal by making it seem like women are extremely complex but from the looks of it, it looks like women are just as confused as us men.
Minute 9:45 is a golden nugget of advice for sales, account management, client relations, relationships.
You are incredible!!!…so much wisdom, so compassionate and kind… a natural teacher and so wise…. and so handsome… !! How did you get so wise so young.?!!!
You are a beautiful human being, and this is gold for both man and women to understand.
Will exercise this advice on my date in 2 hours. I’m going to follow up and let you know how it goes. Wish me 🍀
How did it go ?
Update us!!
What happened OMG?!🙂
Ok... I'm intrigued. Now we need to know how this soap opera ends.
Someone tag me when she comes with an update 😋
What you share in your work is teaching me to be a better human. I know I have not always been a good listener, so I need to focus on that skill, and really be in the moment, be present, be focused not distracted and ready to jump in, allow you to fully have my attention.
After watching this video, I realize that I’m not really connect with anyone I’m attracted to recently. Once we tried so much to attract, we forget to connect :(
It's really crazy that nobody talks about forbidden books on Revandles
Bot thread
good advice on not giving advice. I've been a manager for so long that I've made it my core response. Since I got a daughter I kind of changed but your words made a difference in understanding what I'm doing wrong. thanks
I'm impressed by the self reflection in the beginning! It makes you and what you do a lot more authentic.
This is a good example for all of those "Do these 3 things and I guarantee you'll get married in 6 months" so-called coaches.
This is good guidance for general human interaction.
I’m estranged from a former best friend who was constantly giving bad unsolicited advice as if she was Oprah and not someone whose own life had a million problems for her to focus on instead.
The condescension of such behavior is suffocating.
I think many of us have gotten out of the skill of 'conversation', especially with world wide events. It can be hard to just keep it light and just talk about random pleasant things.
This video makes me realise why I fell in love with a man on the first date. I've been working on myself, including taking Matthew's advice and I think it might just have paid off.
Did it go anywhere?
@@qazedc3 lasted 7 weeks and then he fell off the face of the planet. Was great while it lasted.
Hey Matt, can we please get more content on breakups and perhaps a series on how to prepare, execute and overcome please?
You uploaded this just before I go on a highly anticipated first date haha. Thanks Matt
These are great suggestions. Just be careful as this healthy type of communicating and interacting is exactly what problematic people use to artificially bond at an accelerated pace. Be wary of the overly enthusiastic questioner/listener. Don’t offer all of your information or show too much vulnerability, as it will be weaponized later. Let the other person make statements without you saying, “oh, me, too!” to every comment. Be wary if the other person is lock step with you. Just take your time. To borrow from your metaphor, Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will a relationship.
Unrelated to this video, but I finally bought your book on Audible. I have not stopped laughing while learning the past hour. Thank you Matthew.
Matthew, this information is so very valuable, in any number of situations. Thank you!
I really appreciate the content in your videos. Your points aren’t cookie cut or basic but really helpful, insightful, unique and informative. Great points. Thank you 🙏
This is an important and positive way to engage with anyone in life, love, family, friendship or business! Great reminder!
Thank you su much Mattew! I love you videos because you don't give advice that we are just going to act out, your advices are about how to create a connection and be vulnérable with someone we are interested in. Really useful
I’ve had people who just don’t get it when I share some of my struggles with ADHD. They don’t understand how it can even be a problem at all and say obtuse things about how they would operate in such a situation. It just means that I’ll realize what a mistake it was to be vulnerable with them and avoid sharing in the future.
Thank you for these advices. I have noticed that when the person you date really is compatible with you (does not mean it'll last), all of this is super easy to apply. I did not realize I was applying these advices!
I almost coached him but then I told him to never let me do that. It's my job and I can have some reflexes but I notice it makes me find the person super small... And I don't want that.
Thank you Mattew, highly informative and insightful. I'm a life coach and this was a great video and could relate to all of the points.
Amazing, This how an have a high-impact conversation with anyone and everyone.
Kudos.
A life coach in which country you typing from ?
1) Start on the Ground 2) Connect, Don't Coach 3) Listen and Capture
I make bad impressions without wanting so...this works for normal people. We're not all normal
This is so helpful. I try to remember this through trying to relate emotionally vs assess or fix what they’re saying.
So your advice about not offering advice was such a huge breakthrough for me...however I thought I was being compassionate and helpful, because if a person mentions a problem especially a possible painful one..My mind goes right to How can I help and then to what I may have experienced similar that that can be helpful.
My motive was always to help .
.
Now I see how I've been annoying instead if compassionate
This video provides an interesting introduction to making a great impression on a date, with a free gift at the end! Definitely worth watching.
Love these videos. I think my friend told me about your videos years ago and I’ve been taking a few bits and pieces from the videos and have been super successful so far!
You speak so well! It’s exciting to watch your videos!
This video was amazing. Thank you for making it. I’m trying to copy your energy
from watching corey wayne vids, just ask questions, good positive questions.But don't be afraid to be naughty/goofy at times. be playful. make her smile. show that ur genuine interested in what he/she does/learns, etc. But be a mystery urself, don't be an open book from the start. make eyecontact, leave a tip for the people who order you, be friendly to them. if she asks about previous exes. talk postive about it, that it didn't work out, you grew apart. tell in a positive manner you learned alot from the relationship, and hope for the best if she meets someone new that can make her happy. if you talk trash about ur exes, she's gonna expect it wil be the same thing if she continued to date you ... more advice from urself is welcome to, to fill up.
You are so gifted! I think you are really doing your mission! 🙏🏼
Lovely work you doing there and for sharing such rich messages 🙏 keep up the good work. My inspiration
Nice tips. And you're right! Most of people that want something genuine and that will last in the long term, want to be understood & vice-versa. It's seeing our souls & the depths of a being. Without masks of fear of being vulnerable eventually. Many other people have different motives of "why" they think they want to get into a relationship and like you said overlap by turning kind of like a completion etc. So looking into the true essence of someone changes the prospective of someone or something that can (actually) turn into something else or deeper. 👍🏻
Ps: because a person has learned or have become skilled at speaking "human", if that makes sense.
Ah, to capture the essence, the beingness to absorb it and to reflect it back and show acknowledgement, empathy. I understand now thank you, it makes me click and regardless of what happen, I am a better version of myself regardless the field in which I unfold, thank you. :D
Ahhhh #2 is great! WOWOWOWOWOW & so is the reference to “story trumping” 🙌 thank you.
I prefer your solo videos than podcast episodes :)
Thank you so much sir Matthew efforting a little or manifesting anything in the core sign Joel for no love and Joel creating fortune love is a scam. I'm very grateful sir some guidance to listen to you to determine the situation in a rightful manner. Thanks again and God bless to us!
EXCELLENT video. Please make more like these on conversation and listening skills!
HE IS LYING. We look for chaste, fit , feminine, friendly, not half naked online, agreeable
Excellent explanation and advice. Can't wait to learn more.
Always good advice from you!!!
another great video Matthew! also, love your setting.. couch, pillows, windows, green, bamboo?, plants behind you.. very visually nice and soothing, lol;)
Can you do a video for women who haven’t had a date in years? I do not want to get stuck in online hell ever again, and
I really need some tips on how to be safe too.
Meet in a restaurant at a decent time and don't go back to his place? What else for being safe? Don't go into the wilderness hunting on the first date. Duh?
Go to community events that offer a venue that You enjoy. ie. Music in the Park. Food truck & sports. Local theater group & fund raiser. etc. Go with a group of friends. Meet like minded people. I met my Man at a study group. We all went for dinner
LOVE watching your videos!! Thank you so much for the content you provide❤️
HE IS LYING. We look for chaste, fit , feminine, friendly, not half naked online, agreeable
Thank you 🙏🏻 for sharing all this information! So much knowledge I truly appreciate it! All your videos are great 👍 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
I get what you mean.
Speaking of vulnerabilities, I'm a widower. Whenever I have to face doing taxes or anything that normally my husband would have done and I don't have a lot of experience, I procrastinate. I get flustered at the fact that I need to do I feel I have no choice and I prefer to have choices and because of this again I procrastinate.
I really dislike this about myself but I know that once I get familiar with this sort of thing, I will be able to take care of it ASAP as I do almost any other tasks and I have to accomplish because I hate putting things off.
Powerful stuff right here
Thank you for your precious and clear opinion.
My problem is that I’m a really good listener and I ask follow up questions to let them know I’m listening and interested, but I’m bad when it comes to talking about myself and letting someone really see me and know me. I feel like I always know more about the guys I’m talking to than they know about me.
Same
There are a few things that guy likes more than having a woman intently listen to him talk about himself 😂 most times he will forget to ask anything about me at all
Yeah……gotta get a date first but then I’ll be unstoppable.
Much great lessons, Sir! Doing it all wrong at this point. Next person will benefit from your sdvise, AND ME!
Thank you Matthew 🌹🌹