Brilliant episode. I'm in therapy with an amazing therapist already, yet watching these sessions is so valuable. They reinforce all of the work I'm doing and have done. I learn some new things, I remember what I have forgotten and I probably relearn a ton that I forgot during sessions! The therapeutic coaching is a style that I haven't come across before outside of Alex's videos and it really cuts straight to the heart of things. These videos are also just so intimate, like we don't usually get to see this and I bet it makes all of us feel less alone and unique (in the negative sense). So, so, so helpful! Thanks as always Alex and Bella, you are incredible and so brave :)
Am 74, been working on bou dary tools for about 10 years. Lots of online classes are very helpful. My son, who now lives with us, has had many years of counseling has been helping me with this the past 5 years to get in touch with my feelings. . This technique has actually made it a rather fun way of approaching my feeling of unworthiness. Lotsa years to overcome, but i think i can do this. I like pushing my hands away from my body. As if someone has come into my space to attack me. I'm going to.kerp giving this a try. THANK YOU from a senior with a big heart and pot full of "Had enough of crap" . ❤
Consider, too, another layer of inner critic attacks. It was so important for me to realize that the main feeling my inner critic tries to protect me from is not that I was once a helpless child now a powerful competent adult. It is my true powerlesslness against stuff out of my control as a competent adult. The inner critic upholds the illusion that, if everything that goes wrong is my responsibility, I can and should somehow change myself enough to fix it all. It keeps me from accepting that which I cannot change - by castigating myself for the results. The worst inner critic attacks come under stress from the experiences of life's actual injustice, liars or cruelty (to myself and others) I was unable to prevent.
This is very good. I’ve noticed when I approach my inner critic using the IFS model and listen to what part of me it is protecting and letting it know that my dad isn’t around to hurt me anymore and that I am not that scared little girl it’s protecting then my critic relaxes and at times even becomes my biggest cheerleader. It takes practice and letting my inner critic learn to trust that me and my Self can handle things without inner criticism gives that part of me room to grow and evolve into a part that doesn’t mentally beat me down all the time.
I learned some extremely valuable lessons from Belle and Mr. Howard today. Thank you so much for these healing gems. Out of all the clients that I have watched, this has had the most profound impact on me. Thank you. I hope everyone's gratitude and positive comments help you find the courage to heal Belle.
It is so great to watch your therapeutic relationship growing. Belle is so inspiring, she articulates her experiences and feelings so well. Its wonderful to watch her grow and helps me reflect on my own journey. What a beautiful person inside and out ❤
Very useful video. I try to imagine my inner critic in a far away corner of a huge room so the critic seems less threatening. It's difficult to make her/him shut up. It's like a relationship with a narcissist. 😢
IF you have been paralyzed into not being able to stand up for yourself against your inner critic and every day feels like a constant chatter of negativity in your mind, this is the single most effective, empowering and loving thing you can do for yourself! Tell the inner critic to "F-- OFF" consistently, feel it begin to shrivel, enjoy the quieting of your mind and step into your own space feeling more empowered and at peace than ever! You deserve this and I want it for you! 💗
So inspiring, I am getting there but need more practice. Humor is enlightening while working with the practice. I’m ok. It’s ok to feel angry even if the other person does not want to acknowledge my feelings
The inner critic sounds like the "Big Brother is watching you" from 1984 by Orwell. I think it can be a good idea to remind the inner critic they are a recording and when it says something mean and invalidating we can respond: "how do you know? You are an old recording, a broken record". That sentence can remind us the inner critic is in our limbic system and not in our cortex which is the part of our brain connected to the present and knows the recent data.
Coz my inner critique developed at an early age i look at it as a child who didnt know better how to get her needs met so what helps me is to tune in what she is afaid of, why is it important for me to do she believes i need to do..i give her space to bring her concerns and often when shes heard and reassured that parents are no longer around and her efforts r just exausting her...she quitens down. I look at it like even a prisoner can rehabilitate with a humane and attuned response.
Powerful. I got triggered by the quick advert for OHC. I gave space to it and it softened. My opinion remained but with less emotional charge and history to it😅
Probably worth saying this approach isn't suitable for everyone, or even safe. People with dissociative disorders shouldn't be telling their parts to fuck off as this can create more difficulties within the system- aim should be collaboration. But it's interesting to hear how other people are managing their inner critic
Because it's a broken record. Just tell it is an obsolete recording. Or think of it like a cassette, a broken record, something that repels you or you find pathetic and laughable.
With all respect to Belle, I would say to her : you say you’ve always had a plan? How has that worked for you?! You are here, struggling. Maybe it’s not great to ‘have a plan’ as that just piles pressure on. And, whose plan is it anyway; truly yours, or your inner critic?
“The walls that we build to keep us safe in childhood become the walls of the prison that trap us in adult life” - felt that one!!
Sich einmauren ist Tod. Theodore Fontane
Brilliant episode. I'm in therapy with an amazing therapist already, yet watching these sessions is so valuable. They reinforce all of the work I'm doing and have done. I learn some new things, I remember what I have forgotten and I probably relearn a ton that I forgot during sessions! The therapeutic coaching is a style that I haven't come across before outside of Alex's videos and it really cuts straight to the heart of things. These videos are also just so intimate, like we don't usually get to see this and I bet it makes all of us feel less alone and unique (in the negative sense). So, so, so helpful! Thanks as always Alex and Bella, you are incredible and so brave :)
Am 74, been working on bou dary tools for about 10 years. Lots of online classes are very helpful. My son, who now lives with us, has had many years of counseling has been helping me with this the past 5 years to get in touch with my feelings. . This technique has actually made it a rather fun way of approaching my feeling of unworthiness. Lotsa years to overcome, but i think i can do this. I like pushing my hands away from my body. As if someone has come into my space to attack me. I'm going to.kerp giving this a try. THANK YOU from a senior with a big heart and pot full of "Had enough of crap" . ❤
Consider, too, another layer of inner critic attacks. It was so important for me to realize that the main feeling my inner critic tries to protect me from is not that I was once a helpless child now a powerful competent adult. It is my true powerlesslness against stuff out of my control as a competent adult. The inner critic upholds the illusion that, if everything that goes wrong is my responsibility, I can and should somehow change myself enough to fix it all. It keeps me from accepting that which I cannot change - by castigating myself for the results. The worst inner critic attacks come under stress from the experiences of life's actual injustice, liars or cruelty (to myself and others) I was unable to prevent.
Remind your inner critic that it's a recording with old data so, how can it know since it's not updated and it's only a broken record.
This is very good. I’ve noticed when I approach my inner critic using the IFS model and listen to what part of me it is protecting and letting it know that my dad isn’t around to hurt me anymore and that I am not that scared little girl it’s protecting then my critic relaxes and at times even becomes my biggest cheerleader. It takes practice and letting my inner critic learn to trust that me and my Self can handle things without inner criticism gives that part of me room to grow and evolve into a part that doesn’t mentally beat me down all the time.
I learned some extremely valuable lessons from Belle and Mr. Howard today. Thank you so much for these healing gems.
Out of all the clients that I have watched, this has had the most profound impact on me. Thank you.
I hope everyone's gratitude and positive comments help you find the courage to heal Belle.
It is so great to watch your therapeutic relationship growing. Belle is so inspiring, she articulates her experiences and feelings so well. Its wonderful to watch her grow and helps me reflect on my own journey. What a beautiful person inside and out ❤
Very useful video. I try to imagine my inner critic in a far away corner of a huge room so the critic seems less threatening. It's difficult to make her/him shut up. It's like a relationship with a narcissist. 😢
It also works when i imagine I'm angrily pushing him / her back saying f*ck off. So good. ❤
IF you have been paralyzed into not being able to stand up for yourself against your inner critic and every day feels like a constant chatter of negativity in your mind, this is the single most effective, empowering and loving thing you can do for yourself! Tell the inner critic to "F-- OFF" consistently, feel it begin to shrivel, enjoy the quieting of your mind and step into your own space feeling more empowered and at peace than ever! You deserve this and I want it for you! 💗
I've learnt to accept and can laugh with or at my inner critic and take my power back. However every day is a school day 🏫❤
So inspiring, I am getting there but need more practice. Humor is enlightening while working with the practice. I’m ok. It’s ok to feel angry even if the other person does not want to acknowledge my feelings
What an amazing lovely girl Belle is super charismatic and beautiful wish her all the best on her journey ❤
The inner critic sounds like the "Big Brother is watching you" from 1984 by Orwell.
I think it can be a good idea to remind the inner critic they are a recording and when it says something mean and invalidating we can respond: "how do you know? You are an old recording, a broken record".
That sentence can remind us the inner critic is in our limbic system and not in our cortex which is the part of our brain connected to the present and knows the recent data.
Coz my inner critique developed at an early age i look at it as a child who didnt know better how to get her needs met so what helps me is to tune in what she is afaid of, why is it important for me to do she believes i need to do..i give her space to bring her concerns and often when shes heard and reassured that parents are no longer around and her efforts r just exausting her...she quitens down. I look at it like even a prisoner can rehabilitate with a humane and attuned response.
This was amazing!
Powerful. I got triggered by the quick advert for OHC. I gave space to it and it softened. My opinion remained but with less emotional charge and history to it😅
The problem, though, is when the inner critique is so full on you, believe what it's saying. Will try to tell it where to go too.
Probably worth saying this approach isn't suitable for everyone, or even safe. People with dissociative disorders shouldn't be telling their parts to fuck off as this can create more difficulties within the system- aim should be collaboration. But it's interesting to hear how other people are managing their inner critic
She needs her inner coach to say, well done after RIDD
I think I let my inner critic become an unreliable narrator ... who never shuts up.
Because it's a broken record. Just tell it is an obsolete recording. Or think of it like a cassette, a broken record, something that repels you or you find pathetic and laughable.
With all respect to Belle, I would say to her : you say you’ve always had a plan? How has that worked for you?! You are here, struggling. Maybe it’s not great to ‘have a plan’ as that just piles pressure on. And, whose plan is it anyway; truly yours, or your inner critic?