Wow wish I'd had therapy with you 30 or so years ago! What Belle is saying and feeling resonates so much with me. A bit of comfort I got from this is I'm still here and haven't stopped trying to fight that inner critic! But it's still winning.
I tried to make myself fit what my parents were expecting of me, and I became so ill. They totally took advantage. No more! I refuse to be anyone other than myself. It’s tough and I feel I’ll have to be conscious of my actions etc for life, but, I’m so grateful that I managed to stop their poison seeping into me!
The most relatable part is when belle said ,im always picking up on what other people say i should be. That is exactly me. Thank you alex for putting this up.
Really really appreciate these open therapy sessions,I hope the participants realise how hlpful this is and how brave they are at allowing them to be filmed on camera. It is also great to see a therapist who works well by setting some outcomes to assess where the participant would like to be in 8 weeks and a therapist who is more proactive in asking questions and giving feedback.Far too much therpay can feel nebulous and without any clear goals and a therapist can be passive and non communicative at worst.
So both parents who raised me were toxic, my mother was a covert cluster B and my father overt. I was my mother's golden child which made me my father's scapegoat by default. This was true so long as I was totally obedient and submissive to my mother. I was considered, the golden good boy so long as I obeyed my mom. What I didn't realize was that in being obedient to her I was also being toxic. Therefore, I had to abandon and deny my true self in order to continue to exist in that toxic environment. As for the self talk, it's chaotic and I understand why now I want to get out from under it. I learned to exist in that environment for 5 decades. It's hard enough for those who have had a least some degree of self awareness, mine was almost non-existent. Fortunately that's changing now but I know this is exactly the type of work I need to do on myself. Thank you for posting this publicly, this takes a lot of courage. Blessings
Thanks Belle, for your frankness. Also, thanks Alex, for "It's Not your Fault" - just finished reading it and about to start working through some of the ideas.
Well done Belle for making yourself vulnerable and being honest and brave! Deep down, I don’t think you truly believe your inner critic, because you’re here, seeking help. Hold onto that. Belle, you are beautiful and you’re a graphic designer and that’s not an easy career to get into! Be proud of the woman you are and are becoming.
My experience has been reviewing some of the "one-liners" I heard as a child and uncovering the beliefs I took on about myself as a result. i.e., children should be seen and not heard - this one I learned created the beliefs that I must show up as invisible, I'm unimportant, I don't matter. Once I identified those beliefs I began to see how they'd been unconsciously running my life. Shortly afterwards I learned to question whether those beliefs were true. I learned they weren't nor had they ever been true. Bella, as you pointed out, has good self awareness of her own self defeating thoughts. Now if she can learn that none of those are true. Train herself to let go of looking for approval, love, acceptance, appreciation outside of herself and start giving those to herself, with your help she'll become regulated again and have a happy life ahead of her.
These sessions/YT videos are really amazing! I’ve learned a lot from them- and very much relate to a lot of what the clients have gone through. There is really a lot of value to watching the therapy process for other people- getting a “birds-eye” view of the process. I really give a lot of credit to these people who are willing to put their most personal experiences and feelings out there for the world to see. Thank you to all of you!
One thing I'm confused about is, what if your inner critic is truly rooted in truth? For example, if you are lazy, rude, selfish, unemployed, grumpy, isolated, friendless etc,
Who is defining that a person is lazy, rude, selfish, etc.? Is it the voice in the head of another person who may have put those labels on the person? What if lazy really means taking time off for yourself? What if rude means expressing yourself in a way that feels right for you? What if selfish simply means self-care - putting oneself first for a change? etc., etc., etc.
I've been really looking forward to this. I hope you have more of these with women in their late 20s/early 30s. Thank you Belle for being brave enough to share your story 💖
I felt such a relief hearing this yesterday when I was trying to force myself to watch to the end, although I was feeling too tired... And, even so, my inner critic tends to appear saying that I am not prepared enough to watch so that I could really learn in a compassionate way. Thank you for this work. I felt like commenting on this.
@@ioanacristinabratescumusca7412 I'm so pleased to hear you found it helpful. You don't need to be prepared at all to watch, just let land what lands :-)
@@AlexHowardTherapy...so not binchewatching in 1 go for an awenser, (to avoid the feelings Im currently feeling)? Dammit! ;) Half way in, looks really promising thank you for this.
Wow wish I'd had therapy with you 30 or so years ago! What Belle is saying and feeling resonates so much with me. A bit of comfort I got from this is I'm still here and haven't stopped trying to fight that inner critic! But it's still winning.
Glad you found helpful, keep working at it 👍
I tried to make myself fit what my parents were expecting of me, and I became so ill. They totally took advantage. No more! I refuse to be anyone other than myself. It’s tough and I feel I’ll have to be conscious of my actions etc for life, but, I’m so grateful that I managed to stop their poison seeping into me!
Well done for seeing what you need to do and acting up on it :-)
Thank you Alex! I appreciate your reply.
The most relatable part is when belle said ,im always picking up on what other people say i should be. That is exactly me.
Thank you alex for putting this up.
this is invaluable, the information and therapy you get from this teaching for free! Thank you Alex.
You are very welcome, I’m so glad it’s helpful 😎
Really really appreciate these open therapy sessions,I hope the participants realise how hlpful this is and how brave they are at allowing them to be filmed on camera.
It is also great to see a therapist who works well by setting some outcomes to assess where the participant would like to be in 8 weeks and a therapist who is more proactive in asking questions and giving feedback.Far too much therpay can feel nebulous and without any clear goals and a therapist can be passive and non communicative at worst.
Thanks for your kind words, I'm so pleased you found it helpful 🙂
My inner critic has broken me and ruined the relationships. It’s exhausting
So both parents who raised me were toxic, my mother was a covert cluster B and my father overt. I was my mother's golden child which made me my father's scapegoat by default. This was true so long as I was totally obedient and submissive to my mother. I was considered, the golden good boy so long as I obeyed my mom. What I didn't realize was that in being obedient to her I was also being toxic. Therefore, I had to abandon and deny my true self in order to continue to exist in that toxic environment. As for the self talk, it's chaotic and I understand why now I want to get out from under it. I learned to exist in that environment for 5 decades. It's hard enough for those who have had a least some degree of self awareness, mine was almost non-existent. Fortunately that's changing now but I know this is exactly the type of work I need to do on myself. Thank you for posting this publicly, this takes a lot of courage. Blessings
Glad to hear you are finding your way to healing ❤
Thanks Belle, for your frankness. Also, thanks Alex, for "It's Not your Fault" - just finished reading it and about to start working through some of the ideas.
You are most welcome, I’m glad the book is helpful 😎
Well done Belle for making yourself vulnerable and being honest and brave! Deep down, I don’t think you truly believe your inner critic, because you’re here, seeking help. Hold onto that. Belle, you are beautiful and you’re a graphic designer and that’s not an easy career to get into! Be proud of the woman you are and are becoming.
Thanks for your kind words… I agree 😊
Belle, you're so brave. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. And thanks as always Alex!
She is super brave ❤
My experience has been reviewing some of the "one-liners" I heard as a child and uncovering the beliefs I took on about myself as a result. i.e., children should be seen and not heard - this one I learned created the beliefs that I must show up as invisible, I'm unimportant, I don't matter. Once I identified those beliefs I began to see how they'd been unconsciously running my life. Shortly afterwards I learned to question whether those beliefs were true. I learned they weren't nor had they ever been true.
Bella, as you pointed out, has good self awareness of her own self defeating thoughts. Now if she can learn that none of those are true. Train herself to let go of looking for approval, love, acceptance, appreciation outside of herself and start giving those to herself, with your help she'll become regulated again and have a happy life ahead of her.
Sounds like you’re doing some good work 😎
These sessions/YT videos are really amazing! I’ve learned a lot from them- and very much relate to a lot of what the clients have gone through. There is really a lot of value to watching the therapy process for other people- getting a “birds-eye” view of the process. I really give a lot of credit to these people who are willing to put their most personal experiences and feelings out there for the world to see. Thank you to all of you!
So pleased to hear you are finding helpful ❤
One thing I'm confused about is, what if your inner critic is truly rooted in truth? For example, if you are lazy, rude, selfish, unemployed, grumpy, isolated, friendless etc,
Then being cruel to yourself about it still doesn't help, in fact it typically leaves you feeling even less resourceful to change!
@@AlexHowardTherapy Thank you for this reminder
Who is defining that a person is lazy, rude, selfish, etc.? Is it the voice in the head of another person who may have put those labels on the person? What if lazy really means taking time off for yourself? What if rude means expressing yourself in a way that feels right for you? What if selfish simply means self-care - putting oneself first for a change? etc., etc., etc.
Me to
Love your content! New subscriber 😊
I've been really looking forward to this. I hope you have more of these with women in their late 20s/early 30s. Thank you Belle for being brave enough to share your story 💖
Thanks for watching!
Thankyou Dr Alex..this information and education on these subjects are invaluable. Thank you to your clients for being vulnerable and brave ❤
You are welcome, glad you found it helpful 🙂
Belle, you are amazing! Great self awareness, good luck on your journey. Alex, brilliant as always. Thank you
Thank you :-)
Same same Belle 🙌 Excited to learn how to change!
Episodes coming weekly 👍
I felt such a relief hearing this yesterday when I was trying to force myself to watch to the end, although I was feeling too tired... And, even so, my inner critic tends to appear saying that I am not prepared enough to watch so that I could really learn in a compassionate way. Thank you for this work. I felt like commenting on this.
@@ioanacristinabratescumusca7412 I'm so pleased to hear you found it helpful. You don't need to be prepared at all to watch, just let land what lands :-)
@@AlexHowardTherapy...so not binchewatching in 1 go for an awenser, (to avoid the feelings Im currently feeling)? Dammit! ;)
Half way in, looks really promising thank you for this.
I'm still where Belle is and i'm 66 and have given up trying to be me ...
Follow her story and you’ll see there is always a way out 👍
How can I get the book?
It's on Amazon and all the usual places :-)