My sister stayed home for 2 years with Alzheimer’s.. when she progressed to stage (6) I put her into a memory care home in December 2023. She needed 24/7 care… family members cannot do it. Best decision for all involved to go to memory care.
Thank you! I was in tears thinking about how do I know when my husband’s level of care should change. He has forgotten how to use the toilet, I’m mopping everyday, washing bed linen even with pads on the bed. Depends are not helping and he can’t follow instructions about using the toilet. Trying to get him to sit is overwhelming physically. In tears, I opened TH-cam and this video was right there. I needed to hear these words and will begin to seek more help.
My husband got really hard to manage after his accident & stay in rehab. They say any incident will progress it. When he came home, I had family and home health. He went from wheelchair to walker. My one son should really be a dementia worker/therapist. He had a soft patient voice and knew how to motivate my husband who is 86 and me now 76. They were times I thought I took on more than I could handle but thank God for family. By the way, it was my sons/family that helped. His just visited. I had also a great church response to help me & sit with him to give me time away/my doctor’s appointments. It has been a year and my husband wears depends but is easy to get to bathroom and I hired private pay for showers, $25 a shower which is worth it. He has problems with forks so big spoons work and finger food. I take him outside when nice weather and he enjoys. Of course, there are difficult times, I must be honest but fortunately if I ignore him, he quickly changes. My one son put special locks on the doors. The electric stove top has a lock as well. Since my husband is a veteran, we have an appointment this January for approval for homebound care. So far it has been our insurance. I don’t know when the day comes for memory care but I certainly understand those who are facing this mostly alone. I am just taking one day at a time as the song goes. Right now, I couldn’t afford memory care for him with the house and all. This is where once approved by Veterans, that will be another option. Why the government drays its feet sometimes on veterans is a mystery for me.
Thank you for sharing your expertise on this issue. Not only is it difficult to handle multiple medications, doctors appointments, tons of paperwork, trying to keep loved ones safe from outside diseases while caring for other family members, trying to provide some type of entertainment for your loved one,; while desperately trying to maintain your own health. It's overwhelming, but family feels obligated to take care of family. If you come from a tight knit, you cannot help but do the best you can.
My husband has Parkinson's and Dementia. The family and I decided putting him in a nursing home was best for him and me. I was his primary caregiver. I am 70. He is 76. His dementia progressed so quickly. He was sundowning, but I think the breaking point for me was his inability to walk and frequent falls. He was dead weight when he was on the floor. I had several family members and neighbors I could call, but if I was unable to reach them, I would call 911. The incontinence, the laundry, a broken washing machine......it was time. Our kids worried about me falling trying to help him get up. I have to admit, my health was being affected. I came to realize that I could not do it alone. A nursing home has lots of people specializing in laundry, cooking, cleaning, and most of all caring for the patients. I was just one person.
@karolannnera8373 This was not a single person's decision. It is a very nice place with good people working there. I go regularly for visits. I have not abandoned him by any means. I did the best I could. My turn will come someday.
Caregiver burnout was what I discovered I had after my husband moved into a retirement home. He needs meals prepared and served to him as he cannot cook and sometimes forgets to eat at all. He was isolated socially and now has friends, old and new, at the home. He has better sleeps, daily schedule and more independence. When he is physically with me, he looks to me to provide all his needs. At the home, he will think about what he needs on his own for many things. After he was there for about a week, I kind of fell apart emotionally. I looked up the symptoms of caregiver burnout and I had them all. It has been a month, and I am beginning to feel better but surprised at how much I put my life on hold over the past many, many years. I am now trying to develop healthier habits for myself.
Thank you for sharing. It’s very hard for me after being married to my husband 33 years and never getting diagnosed with dementia until much later but I knew I had to do something after having in-home care and my husband one point took off with the car and could’ve hurt somebody, when he tried to jump off the balcony I knew and he is in a locked facility. He has Louie body. He’s been there now a year two months. It hurts my heart, but I know that it was the best for him and for our family and I visit him often still praying and believing for him to come back in his right mind .
Thank you so so much; this has validated my and my parent's decision. Determining factors: intense tension and hostility and argumentation, mobility issues, daily care and after 24/7 for 3 years; it was the best choice.
We all have to make the best decisions for our loved ones and ourselves. My loved one is currently at home but I realize that there might be a time when I won’t be able to care for him.
My husband’s incontinence and lack of socialization has helped me make the difficult decision to move him to our 0:09 Veteran’s home this month. I applied last year and they now have a bed available. We visited and he seems ok with the move. Thank you, Dr. Natalie for this timely video. You Rock!!
A difficult consideration is the wellbeing of children living in the family home with the person with dementia. My kids were 12 and 15 when my husband was diagnosed with FTD. Ultimately, the decision to move him to a care community was made because of the stress that his way of being in the world impacted our kids. Had it just been me at home with him, he would have been able to stay at home considerably longer. I do know that plenty of families have a grandparent or other older relative move in, and they, too, face the additional consideration of how being around a person with dementia impacts children. Natali, thanks as always for sharing powerfully important information. I especially appreciate your allowance for the fact that it may simply be too overwhelming for the caregiver to continue caring for a loved one in the home, and that nobody should be judged for making this choice. Allyson Schrier
Thank you for this list as you discussed my head went ding ding ding because it all blends together as just needed care it’s hard to put all the behaviors into words when you are living it 24/7 I Need help but am so exhausted after 10 years of care for HWA and many more with adult son with autism so many of these signs are a yes. Burnout and overwhelmed it’s hard to know where to start I think I’ve waited to long trusting my health would hold. Thank you for this info I need to find the time to use my careblazer member account and pray pray pray
Hi Steph, yes, the careblazer collective has helped me manage my elderly parents WDA. Especially the Wednesday support groups. I hope you find time to replay some of the sessions. It helped me be less overwhelmed and to compartmentalize what actions I can take. We are moving both my parents to a memory care facility on Oct 1 out of necessity for their well being. You know your HWA best. You are a Careblazer! I support you. Send me a private message in the Careblazer member group. We got you!
I think what was eye-opening for me understanding how dementia care is very specialized and that a normal assisted -living environment does not usually give the level of support that memory supplies. My mother was much happier once she got the cues and reminders and support she needed.
Im 35, and my grandma is 84. She has lived quite the life ....she grew up in 1940s England , in an orphanage and never told she was Jewish. Throughout her life, she made us all promise that we would NEVER put her into a home 😢. My geandpa passed 2 years ago April 1st, and both my mother and myself and one psw have taken care of my grandma around the clock. We didnt know how progressed her dementia was until grandpa passed. She is still able bodied , so my biggest fear is her leaving out the door and getting lost. She is defiant, cruel, miserable ...but also sweet and loving and my granny some of the time still. Its quite a large cost here in Ontario ( roughly $7700/month for private psw care..) and the nursing home would be about $5300/month give or take. I am prepared to throw in the towel in June because ive dedicated my life to this half the week for two years and there is NO way I could even handle more than four nights a week and neither can my mom 😢. Its heartbreaking , but we have been kinda waiting to see if she starts more cognitive decline where she doesnt realize weve put her in a home 😭 I wish we could get hospice or pallative funded in home , because if we have to put her in a home its going to be really traumatic . 😢💔
I assume you're in Ontario, Canada? If you haven't already, get in touch with HCCSS. I'm not sure if they are in all cities, but there are many locations in Ontario. The long term care process in Ontario is not quick, but they would be the ones to help get things started. They can also provide some in home PSW care at no charge. It's not a lot, but they help my mother in law get my father in law showered and dressed daily. They also provide help for four hours one day a week to give my MIL some respite. It might be a start to get you some relief. If you do make the choice to put her into long term care, please don't beat yourself up. You have a life to live and you need to care for yourselves as well. Wishing you the best of luck.
Thank you for your list. I am currently on a leave of absence from my job and caring for my first husband's Mom. My 1st husband passed 21 years ago. But his Mom and I stayed connected all of these years. Up until September of last year 23, my adult son & I had no idea that she had any issues. She would only see us briefly and talk over the phone, and that was small chitchat. Looking back, I realized that early dementia patients are good at small chit-chat. She had a stroke March 6th 24, & another stroke in September 24. She's been in & out of rehab and they all dismissed her due to her lack of cooperation for therapy. They told us that we needed to choose to bring her home with us or put her in a nursing home. For my son and grandson I brought her home with my husband and I. Now im here caring for her 24-7 and its really starting to take a toll on my life and body. She's still paralyzed on her left side and can't walk. So I have to change her diaper for urine, but she'll go to the toilet for a bm. 2 days ago I had to run errands and my mom stayed with her. While I was gone she had a bm. She wouldn't let my mom hel0 her. When I returned she'd pulled the diaper off & just had it laying on the bed beside her. There was feces on her body, hands & her little 8 pound poodle.😢 The following day was so so & around 5pm I heard a big bang. I went to her room and she was squirming around trying to get up. Her elbow was busted & bleeding. I asked her what was she trying to do & she says I had to get to the bathroom. I had to get my son to come over to help me get her back into bed. My point is that I believe her level of care needs may be to much for me. It breaks my heart, because she has no one else but myself and my son. Her oldest child (my 1st husband) is deceased, her middle child is mentally ill & gets physically violent with her and her 3rd child commited suicide in 20q7. I am getting overwhelmed and I have been neglecting myself in order to care for her. I can't be any help to anyone if im unwell. Thanks for letting me vent. God bless us all caregivers ❤
Thanks for sharing this difficult situation. I really am overwhelmed myself taking care of my mother after a stroke and dementia diagnosis. I am doing things most sons would never do for their mother. I am currently in a health situation myself and cannot provide the level of care she needs. Having to clean up #2 at the moment could result in me having severe health issues as I have a misdiagnosed skin condition affecting my hands and feet. (Who gets trenchfoot on their hands and one foot, then the other started in the hospital?) I have no health insurance and have been waiting on Medicaid for a month to send me paperwork so I can get continued health care. A week I had to spend in the hospital with my issue was compounded by coming home to her backsliding over a year of progress. Sometimes you just have to do what you originally promised you would never do for your own mental and physical health. You have to draw a line in the sand.
Thank you for this video! I am the only caregiver for my mom besides a lady that I pay to come in 3 days a week 2 hours at a time because that is all I can afford. There is no options for her that don't cost a lot of money and my mom nor myself have any money. She makes too much money from Social Security to get long-term care or medicaid. I am beyond burned out! I am going to keep looking until I find a solution because I need help with her. Thank you for the eight signs in this video. It is very helpful! 💜💜💜
You might check with a lawyer that specializes in elder care. They usually offer a free consulation. Go to a Sr Expo and get a reference there! Ours sat with us for about 2 hours and gathered all kinds of info and will be able to tell us if my husband qualifies for Medicaid. We didn't think he would but the lawyer came up with a new angle.
Yes guilt is real but my health and safety came first and there’s a whole team as you say you still cry on your way home but then I would have to tell myself she wouldn’t even remember that I was there 😢❤
Fortunately, or unfortunately, i did not have to make facility decision. My mother repeated many times whenever her friend go in one by one, and her illness timing amd covid business closure somewhat no choice for me. As for any caregivers feeling depressed n suicidal, pls pls remind yourselves IT IS THE DISEASE acting out, not your loved ones...been there, done that. Don't be afraid to ask your family for few hours... if not, i locked all the doors so mom cannot escape and went in my room locked the door.... 30min later, refreshed. Tip for escapers: I installed a double sided deadbolt on front door, requires key to exit and enter... kept key on my neck and one on above door out of reach sticky back hook...god send after many escapes.
My husband was 6’3” tall. I am 5’2. He began falling when we would be out. Then he began falling at home. With each fall he had a setback where he never really recovered to where he was before the fall. At one point he lost the ability to stand up. So I could not transfer him to a walker or WC or to the shower or to bed. I tried using a home healthcare worker but that person never showed up. I was able to get him into Rehab and from there discharged to a memory care facility where he again slipped out of his wheelchair. It was a very quick downhill for him at that point and he went on hospice and passed away. He wasn’t even in MC a month.
We have been looking for Memory care we can afford. It costs $4,000 to $6000 and up per month. My mom is a Medicaid recipient. No assets, no Long Term Care insurance, no VA benefits. Does affordable memory care exist? I'm overwhelmed and cannot afford memory care. How are you doing it in Florida? FYI, medicaid waiver is $1500 towards the medical aspect of care. Monthly rent is not covered by medicaid. There are no options for the families with little or no wealth.
This is where i am at also. I am "it" for my mom but I am the primary Breadwinner in my family so I have to work 10 and 12 hour days sometimes 7 days a week. I have a caregiver that comes in only 3 days a week 2 hours at a time because that is all I can afford. My mom makes too much money to get on long-term care and Medicaid yet she only has Medicare insurance and she has no money to go into a facility where she gets better care . She lives on her own and she has fallen twice in a year. It is time to consider other options but in Arizona there is no options for hospice because she can dress herself feed herself and walk across the room. It's actually very sad! 😔😔😔
This is such an immense stressor which I too am facing. I’ve recently started meeting with an elder law attorney for some guidance. I feel lost everyday to know what to do. We really should have better care in America for the elderly.
My 80 year old father just got diagnosed and although I feel we’re far from making such decisions I want to start researching since he lives with my 84 year old mother. Thank you.
The socialization comment! Oh my. I am a happy introvert but my husband is an extrovert. I am trying to force myself to take us to a seniors centre so he may socialize. The funny part? He says that I am all he needs 😂
What about the care facilities themselves? My mother in law was in a memory care facility in which they were kept two to a room and their doors were always open. The residents wandered around going to the wrong room and taking each other's stuff. Some got into fights. It was more like an insane asylum. This is not what I would call quality care.
No one understand this . N many times I as a care giver feel depression n suicidal as both the parents are behaving so toxic n nonstop hurting me. Even a small thing they are not listening or co operating... Doing job n taking care of them is too much for me to handle single handed... What ever I cook or clean they destroy it like stubborn kids😭 others are not thinking that I need break..i need to go away from these atmosphere for atleast 1-2 hours or day.
I care for my mother and she sounds just like this,but somehow when I need it the creator gives my the patience when I need it most and compassion when I can't find it,so I'm grateful for the chance to learn about myself and the chance to do for my mother for she has done this for me.
You are right...no one understands because they haven't experienced yet. Hang in there...and remember it the the disease acting out, not your loved ones.
I am surprised at how mean my husband can be toward me. It is not something that you ever get used to, I think. And why would you want to? Please find a small way to take care of yourself and remember that you are as valid and important a person as your parents are. Your life is not a sacrifice. I lost my youngest child to suicide, and I get very very sad when I read things like you have written. If there is a way for you to change your situation, please find it. You owe yourself a proper and healthy life.
My mom was living alone, the nearest family member was 4 hours away . The threat of someone entering her home when she was alone, the fact that she no longer knew to call her medical doctor with a phone call to confirm an appointment, and then finally, forgetting wether or not she had eaten despite my kindly reminding her what I had made for us for breakfast, informed me that it was definitely time to move closer to a family member and with the support of a facility that could manage her medical needs such as on time and consistently providing her medications. ( she required one early am with an empty stomach wait for an hour before eating a meal, and had cardiac meds to prevent stroke)
My Mother begged for "help" while she was home and then got angry if I hired anyone to assist her. She'd either have the home health aide sweeping the floor or shed tell them to leave and then get angry when she got billed for it any way. This went on until she had a mild stroke and I placed her in full time nursing home care.
Oh - My - Word!!! Thank You Dr Natalie for these valuable indicators because it's been nearly 10 years I have been a carer with no respite and have had to seek help from a different Psychiatrist! In my case every one of your Eight Signs for a Higher Level of Care ticks the boxes! The Psychiatrist for MLOWD & Parkinsons has said she needs Frail Care and I thought he was being "over the top"! Makes me think!!!
Los Angeles has In Home Supportive Services (IHSS). If you are the primary caregiver for a relative at home the IHSS will pay you money. The idea is to keep disabled people at home and not in a nursing home. This saves the state money. Check the city you live in and see if they have a similar service.
My sister & I are trying to decide if it’s time to put mama in a facility. She doesn’t fit the signs you mentioned, but she has mentioned going somewhere. Honestly, I’m not sure she understands the major change it will be leaving her home. However, after the experience with my father-in-in I do think another reason to think about a facility is where she is in her physical stage. After coming out of the hospital, my father-in-law wasn’t accepted in a facility he could be with his wife because he couldn’t walk in under his own power. YIKES! Mama uses a walker now to get around. I don’t want to wait until that changes & she’s not accepted into the facility we like because we waited too long. My heart aches so wanting to make the best decision for mama & her being content.
So true! My Mom has been bedridden since Seotember 2024. She has been on Hospice since October 1, 2024. It was heavily suggested that my Mom go to a nursing home because of my inability to give her care outside of the Nurse's aides who were coming by every day. It is almost as if I didn't have a choice, yet I knew it had to be. I feel my Mom isn't going to live much longer, but if Hospice feels a nursing home is better, I am going along with it. She is moving to a nursing home where her parents stayed when they were alive. Monday, November 18th 2024 she goes in. Her sister and I will be there to help her settle in.
These short videos are very helpful! When my husband needs more care, we will not be able to afford it. Thankfully, we qualify for IL Dept on Aging assistance 20 hrs a week: home-maker, companion, drives spouse on errands, to PT, helps so much with socialization. I still work part time, professional, love my work but also must for income. Places that accept Medicare are limited in time a person can stay and usually are poorly staffed, loved one suffers more.
Hello Everybody, this message is actually in response to an 4 years old topic on why some dementia patients do not eat, often due to the loss of sense on smell. What is helping in our case is to mix nutritional shake (like Ensure etc. ) with plenty of melted vanilla ice cream and place it in non-spill cup with a straw. It is the only thing my patient is now consumes as a food. To make sure there is some water intake we use small 1 oz cups and drink them every 5, 10, or 15 minutes except at night. Of course, the apple sauce is a must when it comes to taking meds. Stay patient and collected, dear care blazers.
We are at the very beginning stages of Alzheimer’s (husband is 53) and I am already burned out. He is defiant and won’t consider making things easier for me by making even small changes. I don’t see how I’m going to make it.
It sounds like your experience has been similar to mine caring for my parents. You checked many of the boxes. Defiant and making simple changes ain't happening. Argh! I feel you. I joined Careblazers in 2022. I'm sending grace and patience. ❤
@@amtrue_ it’s so hard! I often think I’m ready to find him somewhere else to live (even though he can still drive and is early in the illness) but I know there is no chance he is leaving. His entire world is about himself and doing what he wants to do. Sending you peace and strength as well!
this. my parents refuse any changes and won’t accept any help unless it’s me - they trust no one, my mom is super paranoid distrusting often angry and don’t care if it ruins my life or my families, it’s really been horrible. you aren’t alone. .
Thanks for your video, they are all very informative. Currently I'm taking care of my mother 24x7 (my Dad passed away few months ago). They moved to live with me about 20 yrs ago... It was a good ride, but Mom has been living with dementia now for a few years. She never learned the language, and thinking of your video topic, is what's letting me think of going back home.... After 26 yrs away, is not easy decision for me, but I can only imagine how it could be for her in one of these facilities and not understanding a word of what they are telling you. She might always be ok at home with me, but how do I know if we ever need to move in that direction? I guess a topic for another video could be language limitations, I heard of a person that needs a Spanish caregiver because he went back to his original language. God bless you all... Hope at the end we all make it !
Thank you for this overview. I found it very helpful. I have been wondering lately if we'll "ever get there" and this was important info for consideration.
My dad can have aggressive behaviour and paranoia, and we're having the same issues with places not wanting to take him on, and he refuses to have people in the house to help him/us. But it's the fact that he is spending 6-8 weeks at home followed by a few weeks in hospital (basically because of declining health and progressing dementia) ....rinse and repeat, and I feel it would be more stable for him to be in ONE place where he could get the care he needs rather than the continuous back and forth.
It's one thing to know when a parent needs a higher level of care but another thing to find a place for that care. My mother at 100 doesn't have dementia although her memory is declining and may be in the first stages. She has mobility issues, is in danger of falls, has jerking myoclonus episodes, is frequently dehydrated to the point of needing hospital for a few days no matter how much she is encouraged to drink water. Where she is there are no vacancies for nursing home places and waiting lists of 1 to 2 years. She may not survive long enough to be admitted.
My wife was recently diagnosed with alzheimers. She's pretty functional on a daily basis; I have people coming in daily for a few hours to give me a break to do paperwork, pay bills, maybe get a break. She takes her medication with me, brushes her teeth and hair, dresses herself pretty well. I CAN'T get her to take a shower. Any advice?
Consider having a new person (woman) come in & be her 'personal care attendant'; this is a pretty common issue with family. Although, if you have a relative whom she likes who's amenable to help her with her shower, that may work as well.
This is a common symptom of Alzheimers. My dad has Alzheimers and dislikes showers too. Here's what I do for him which work: 1. I get him soaking in the sun so he sweats. I put on protective clothing for him so that he doesn't catch a cold from the wind in the outdoors. 2. I feed him salmon fish, nuts, eggs. This diet warms up his body, improves his cognition too. He will then, on his own initiative, request to have a shower.
To answer your request 1. Incontinence care is becoming overwhelming for my mom and my dad too. 2. His constant boredom and the constant following is just crushing my moms soul- it wasn’t better at care facility but she didn’t hate worry about it anymore 3. His falling is happening more often so that means no tv rest time or naps cause when he gets up you have to follow 4. My mom’s burned out- she doesn’t want to do any if it anymore. She knows she’s being impatient and it’s hurting him too. Guilt happens at home and when he’s at a care place though. 5. He needs someone other than family to tell him what to do. He thinks we are just rushing him or not letting him help or being controlling. Hope that helps
Its been 5 years since I started taking care of my mum. She is still at home with dad and me. Her decline has been fairly slow but she needs care 24hrs. We don't want her in a home at present. Still coping quite well as my brother is around too and so is another sister. No plans for the future. If need be we will get help in to keep her at home.its offered now where we live but we don't need it.
Hi. Thanks a million for your advise. We placed mom in an excellent facility a year ago and looking back, it was the best decision. However, how do I handle the guilt?
I just got a hospital program called PACE. Right now 3 weeks in. This is 10 years into ALZ..4 years of being incognate..eating problems swallowing problems beginning..walking..disorientedsleeps most of time..early onset..72 now...i have no clue next step.
I need Help😢 I was diagnosed with micro vascular disease in 2020 now it's so hard to get thoughts going or knowing what I'm supposed to do. I have a 7yr old and I'm the only one that can care for her but I'm losing it all and so scared I never thought it would be so hard to be or think normally idk what do to I have no resources I'm only on Medicare and I'm too young for disability idk what to do
Trying to raise my son while helping with my mother in law is so difficult to navigate. My son is Autistic and let me tell ya.. Dementia and Autism don't mix well.
Hey, love your videos. I can't afford memory care for my sister. I'm also caregiver for my 93 year old mother. i am burnt out after 4 years. My sister has rscaped once, we immediately fixed that. Nut she falls frequently because she will get up in the middle of the night. She can barely walk with a walker anytime, but worse now because she fell and broke her ankle & two toes. She and i are the only females, since momma is no help. I'm scared to even think of a nursing home. Im at my wits end. My brothers think i have "time" to myself enough...ha ha, i don't call going to grocery store & drug store me time. Incontinence is also a big problem since I'm handling that alone. Words of wisdom?
Can you get her on Medicaid to pay for nursing home care? At some point when people are in hospital you can ask the case manager to change her insurance while in hospital. You can even go to the hospital for a fall and get them admitted to get the insurance changed. You can protest an unsafe discharge.
I would talk to a Social Worker who can help your loved one to get set up for a Medicaid Waiver if there is no money to pay for a nursing home. You will start getting sick yourself if you continue like this. It is an enormous amount of work and my heart goes out to you! Also, ask your siblings who think there is a lot of time for "you" to watch your loved one for a week or better yet a full month and then report back to you how much personal time there is in a day.
I believe my mom is ready for assisted living but my brother says she's fine at home with someone checking on her. My niece takes her to the doctor and never says what she's really like so the doctor says she's fine. I am so frustrated.
Seeing the doctor is the most critical step to placing her in assisted living. Usually this placement can be done quickly with a referral letter from a geriatric doctor. Take control of the doctor's visits if you decide to chart this direction.
Well first I want to know... Has Nico gotten his bellyrub from me?? Lol second. My mother is still undiagnosed. But i know (along w other close family and friends) she's got some form of dementia possibly alzheimers (it runs in our family). She is no longer handling her finances correctly. She messes up bill payment's... is constantly negative in her bank acct (never was like that before) but she blames the bank and says they are all stealing from her. I try to tell her that is not the case but we are always back to square one. She always thinks everyone is out to get what she has! Idk what to do w her anymore! We definitely don't think she should be living alone... or driving for that matter!!! I just dk what to do w her anymore!
What if they are not being cared for at home? My Uncle lives on his own. I live within walking distance, but I am not prepared or able to have him move in with me.
What is it called when dementia person cannot "see" what they are looking right at? For instance, going to get a broom of which we have several in the shop, and he is gone for 15 minutes, and ANGRY that there is no broom anywhere.
My huband is 88 years kd wih many health issues he still gets aeound with a cane or walker. he does get moody too. he cant sleep at night but during thr day not even with the tv on. His appetite is poor, but henloves candy and sweets. I dont know what to do with him. Help
Sugar is a huge culprit. Start making changes to his diet. Cut out all carbs, sugars, refined foods. Switch to natural foods, with focus on high protein foods like salmon fish, poultry, beef, nuts, eggs. Cook all these foods fully. Not raw or half cooked. These foods help to improve his moods. You can blend or puree these foods (I do that for my dad too) so that he can swallow quickly in spite of his poor appetite. Get him out into the sun for as long as you can. Sunlight helps to reset his body clock and moods. Avoid raw vegetables, chilled drinks and chilled fruits.
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Care facilities are not equipped to handle 24/7 care … the system is broken and needs tremendous help
I'll be sending my loved one to a facility the moment I win the lottery, find a briefcase filled with cash, or simply inherit millions from a tech millionaire. 🤞🏾
I appreciate the information. I am the caregiver for my wife. We are both 77. I also have a 56 yr old daughter that is mentally handicapped. She is not as extreme as most. She has the mind of a child and pretty much zero ability to reason. Been caring for my wife about 4 years. She and my daughter both have chronic health problems also. My health is good. Mostly have to keep an eye 24/7 on my wife. She does most of her personal care herself but I have to tell each thing to do. ie, brush your teeth, get the toothbrush, use toothpaste, rinse your mouth, etc. My two oldest grandchildren live with us. She is 29 and has anxiety issues. He is 27 and is autistic. They help some but mostly have to concentrate on themselves. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you
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My sister stayed home for 2 years with Alzheimer’s.. when she progressed to stage (6) I put her into a memory care home in December 2023. She needed 24/7 care… family members cannot do it. Best decision for all involved to go to memory care.
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I have been my husband’s caregiver 24/7. Just passed the 14 year mark. This disease changes both of you. Forever.
Sending you love & peace.
@@drinajgb2437 😔
I feel your struggle. I am 10 years with my mother and dementia really started to show up last year! Hugs!
Omg 14 years of caregiving. Just past 5 months only and it proves to be really challenging.
It is a long road for sure.
Thank you! I was in tears thinking about how do I know when my husband’s level of care should change. He has forgotten how to use the toilet, I’m mopping everyday, washing bed linen even with pads on the bed. Depends are not helping and he can’t follow instructions about using the toilet. Trying to get him to sit is overwhelming physically. In tears, I opened TH-cam and this video was right there. I needed to hear these words and will begin to seek more help.
My husband got really hard to manage after his accident & stay in rehab. They say any incident will progress it. When he came home, I had family and home health. He went from wheelchair to walker. My one son should really be a dementia worker/therapist. He had a soft patient voice and knew how to motivate my husband who is 86 and me now 76. They were times I thought I took on more than I could handle but thank God for family. By the way, it was my sons/family that helped. His just visited. I had also a great church response to help me & sit with him to give me time away/my doctor’s appointments. It has been a year and my husband wears depends but is easy to get to bathroom and I hired private pay for showers, $25 a shower which is worth it. He has problems with forks so big spoons work and finger food. I take him outside when nice weather and he enjoys. Of course, there are difficult times, I must be honest but fortunately if I ignore him, he quickly changes. My one son put special locks on the doors. The electric stove top has a lock as well. Since my husband is a veteran, we have an appointment this January for approval for homebound care. So far it has been our insurance. I don’t know when the day comes for memory care but I certainly understand those who are facing this mostly alone. I am just taking one day at a time as the song goes. Right now, I couldn’t afford memory care for him with the house and all. This is where once approved by Veterans, that will be another option. Why the government drays its feet sometimes on veterans is a mystery for me.
Thank you for sharing your expertise on this issue. Not only is it difficult to handle multiple medications, doctors appointments, tons of paperwork, trying to keep loved ones safe from outside diseases while caring for other family members, trying to provide some type of entertainment for your loved one,; while desperately trying to maintain your own health. It's overwhelming, but family feels obligated to take care of family. If you come from a tight knit, you cannot help but do the best you can.
My husband has Parkinson's and Dementia. The family and I decided putting him in a nursing home was best for him and me. I was his primary caregiver. I am 70. He is 76. His dementia progressed so quickly. He was sundowning, but I think the breaking point for me was his inability to walk and frequent falls. He was dead weight when he was on the floor. I had several family members and neighbors I could call, but if I was unable to reach them, I would call 911. The incontinence, the laundry, a broken washing machine......it was time. Our kids worried about me falling trying to help him get up. I have to admit, my health was being affected. I came to realize that I could not do it alone. A nursing home has lots of people specializing in laundry, cooking, cleaning, and most of all caring for the patients. I was just one person.
Thank you for sharing. When you decided to put him in a care facility did you go with him?
@karolannnera8373 This was not a single person's decision. It is a very nice place with good people working there. I go regularly for visits. I have not abandoned him by any means. I did the best I could. My turn will come someday.
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Caregiver burnout was what I discovered I had after my husband moved into a retirement home. He needs meals prepared and served to him as he cannot cook and sometimes forgets to eat at all. He was isolated socially and now has friends, old and new, at the home. He has better sleeps, daily schedule and more independence. When he is physically with me, he looks to me to provide all his needs. At the home, he will think about what he needs on his own for many things. After he was there for about a week, I kind of fell apart emotionally. I looked up the symptoms of caregiver burnout and I had them all. It has been a month, and I am beginning to feel better but surprised at how much I put my life on hold over the past many, many years. I am now trying to develop healthier habits for myself.
Thank you for sharing. It’s very hard for me after being married to my husband 33 years and never getting diagnosed with dementia until much later but I knew I had to do something after having in-home care and my husband one point took off with the car and could’ve hurt somebody, when he tried to jump off the balcony I knew and he is in a locked facility. He has Louie body. He’s been there now a year two months. It hurts my heart, but I know that it was the best for him and for our family and I visit him often still praying and believing for him to come back in his right mind .
Thank you so so much; this has validated my and my parent's decision. Determining factors: intense tension and hostility and argumentation, mobility issues, daily care and after 24/7 for 3 years; it was the best choice.
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We all have to make the best decisions for our loved ones and ourselves. My loved one is currently at home but I realize that there might be a time when I won’t be able to care for him.
My husband’s incontinence and lack of socialization has helped me make the difficult decision to move him to our 0:09 Veteran’s home this month. I applied last year and they now have a bed available. We visited and he seems ok with the move. Thank you, Dr. Natalie for this timely video. You Rock!!
A difficult consideration is the wellbeing of children living in the family home with the person with dementia. My kids were 12 and 15 when my husband was diagnosed with FTD. Ultimately, the decision to move him to a care community was made because of the stress that his way of being in the world impacted our kids. Had it just been me at home with him, he would have been able to stay at home considerably longer. I do know that plenty of families have a grandparent or other older relative move in, and they, too, face the additional consideration of how being around a person with dementia impacts children.
Natali, thanks as always for sharing powerfully important information. I especially appreciate your allowance for the fact that it may simply be too overwhelming for the caregiver to continue caring for a loved one in the home, and that nobody should be judged for making this choice.
Allyson Schrier
Thank you for this list as you discussed my head went ding ding ding because it all blends together as just needed care it’s hard to put all the behaviors into words when you are living it 24/7 I Need help but am so exhausted after 10 years of care for HWA and many more with adult son with autism so many of these signs are a yes. Burnout and overwhelmed it’s hard to know where to start I think I’ve waited to long trusting my health would hold.
Thank you for this info
I need to find the time to use my careblazer member account and pray pray pray
Hi Steph, yes, the careblazer collective has helped me manage my elderly parents WDA. Especially the Wednesday support groups. I hope you find time to replay some of the sessions. It helped me be less overwhelmed and to compartmentalize what actions I can take. We are moving both my parents to a memory care facility on Oct 1 out of necessity for their well being. You know your HWA best. You are a Careblazer! I support you. Send me a private message in the Careblazer member group. We got you!
I am right there with you ❤❤❤
👋 I love this channel! She has been so informative!
I think what was eye-opening for me understanding how dementia care is very specialized and that a normal assisted -living environment does not usually give the level of support that memory supplies. My mother was much happier once she got the cues and reminders and support she needed.
Thank you, Dr. Natalie, for always reminding us how important we truly are!!
Im 35, and my grandma is 84. She has lived quite the life ....she grew up in 1940s England , in an orphanage and never told she was Jewish. Throughout her life, she made us all promise that we would NEVER put her into a home 😢. My geandpa passed 2 years ago April 1st, and both my mother and myself and one psw have taken care of my grandma around the clock. We didnt know how progressed her dementia was until grandpa passed. She is still able bodied , so my biggest fear is her leaving out the door and getting lost. She is defiant, cruel, miserable ...but also sweet and loving and my granny some of the time still.
Its quite a large cost here in Ontario ( roughly $7700/month for private psw care..) and the nursing home would be about $5300/month give or take. I am prepared to throw in the towel in June because ive dedicated my life to this half the week for two years and there is NO way I could even handle more than four nights a week and neither can my mom 😢. Its heartbreaking , but we have been kinda waiting to see if she starts more cognitive decline where she doesnt realize weve put her in a home 😭 I wish we could get hospice or pallative funded in home , because if we have to put her in a home its going to be really traumatic . 😢💔
I assume you're in Ontario, Canada? If you haven't already, get in touch with HCCSS. I'm not sure if they are in all cities, but there are many locations in Ontario. The long term care process in Ontario is not quick, but they would be the ones to help get things started. They can also provide some in home PSW care at no charge. It's not a lot, but they help my mother in law get my father in law showered and dressed daily. They also provide help for four hours one day a week to give my MIL some respite. It might be a start to get you some relief. If you do make the choice to put her into long term care, please don't beat yourself up. You have a life to live and you need to care for yourselves as well. Wishing you the best of luck.
Thank you for your list. I am currently on a leave of absence from my job and caring for my first husband's Mom. My 1st husband passed 21 years ago. But his Mom and I stayed connected all of these years. Up until September of last year 23, my adult son & I had no idea that she had any issues. She would only see us briefly and talk over the phone, and that was small chitchat. Looking back, I realized that early dementia patients are good at small chit-chat. She had a stroke March 6th 24, & another stroke in September 24. She's been in & out of rehab and they all dismissed her due to her lack of cooperation for therapy. They told us that we needed to choose to bring her home with us or put her in a nursing home. For my son and grandson I brought her home with my husband and I. Now im here caring for her 24-7 and its really starting to take a toll on my life and body. She's still paralyzed on her left side and can't walk. So I have to change her diaper for urine, but she'll go to the toilet for a bm. 2 days ago I had to run errands and my mom stayed with her. While I was gone she had a bm. She wouldn't let my mom hel0 her. When I returned she'd pulled the diaper off & just had it laying on the bed beside her. There was feces on her body, hands & her little 8 pound poodle.😢
The following day was so so & around 5pm I heard a big bang. I went to her room and she was squirming around trying to get up. Her elbow was busted & bleeding. I asked her what was she trying to do & she says I had to get to the bathroom. I had to get my son to come over to help me get her back into bed. My point is that I believe her level of care needs may be to much for me. It breaks my heart, because she has no one else but myself and my son. Her oldest child (my 1st husband) is deceased, her middle child is mentally ill & gets physically violent with her and her 3rd child commited suicide in 20q7. I am getting overwhelmed and I have been neglecting myself in order to care for her. I can't be any help to anyone if im unwell. Thanks for letting me vent. God bless us all caregivers ❤
Thanks for sharing this difficult situation. I really am overwhelmed myself taking care of my mother after a stroke and dementia diagnosis. I am doing things most sons would never do for their mother. I am currently in a health situation myself and cannot provide the level of care she needs. Having to clean up #2 at the moment could result in me having severe health issues as I have a misdiagnosed skin condition affecting my hands and feet. (Who gets trenchfoot on their hands and one foot, then the other started in the hospital?) I have no health insurance and have been waiting on Medicaid for a month to send me paperwork so I can get continued health care. A week I had to spend in the hospital with my issue was compounded by coming home to her backsliding over a year of progress. Sometimes you just have to do what you originally promised you would never do for your own mental and physical health. You have to draw a line in the sand.
Thank you for this video! I am the only caregiver for my mom besides a lady that I pay to come in 3 days a week 2 hours at a time because that is all I can afford. There is no options for her that don't cost a lot of money and my mom nor myself have any money. She makes too much money from Social Security to get long-term care or medicaid. I am beyond burned out! I am going to keep looking until I find a solution because I need help with her. Thank you for the eight signs in this video. It is very helpful! 💜💜💜
You might check with a lawyer that specializes in elder care. They usually offer a free consulation. Go to a Sr Expo and get a reference there! Ours sat with us for about 2 hours and gathered all kinds of info and will be able to tell us if my husband qualifies for Medicaid. We didn't think he would but the lawyer came up with a new angle.
Yes guilt is real but my health and safety came first and there’s a whole team as you say you still cry on your way home but then I would have to tell myself she wouldn’t even remember that I was there 😢❤
Fortunately, or unfortunately, i did not have to make facility decision. My mother repeated many times whenever her friend go in one by one, and her illness timing amd covid business closure somewhat no choice for me. As for any caregivers feeling depressed n suicidal, pls pls remind yourselves IT IS THE DISEASE acting out, not your loved ones...been there, done that. Don't be afraid to ask your family for few hours... if not, i locked all the doors so mom cannot escape and went in my room locked the door.... 30min later, refreshed. Tip for escapers: I installed a double sided deadbolt on front door, requires key to exit and enter... kept key on my neck and one on above door out of reach sticky back hook...god send after many escapes.
I did the same with the locks. I also, took away all shoes and hid them. Shoes on when I'm up and around but, off when I wasn't around and night-time.
My husband was 6’3” tall. I am 5’2. He began falling when we would be out. Then he began falling at home. With each fall he had a setback where he never really recovered to where he was before the fall. At one point he lost the ability to stand up. So I could not transfer him to a walker or WC or to the shower or to bed. I tried using a home healthcare worker but that person never showed up. I was able to get him into Rehab and from there discharged to a memory care facility where he again slipped out of his wheelchair. It was a very quick downhill for him at that point and he went on hospice and passed away. He wasn’t even in MC a month.
So sad. My condolences to you.
We have been looking for Memory care we can afford. It costs $4,000 to $6000 and up per month. My mom is a Medicaid recipient. No assets, no Long Term Care insurance, no VA benefits. Does affordable memory care exist? I'm overwhelmed and cannot afford memory care. How are you doing it in Florida? FYI, medicaid waiver is $1500 towards the medical aspect of care. Monthly rent is not covered by medicaid. There are no options for the families with little or no wealth.
This is where i am at also. I am "it" for my mom but I am the primary Breadwinner in my family so I have to work 10 and 12 hour days sometimes 7 days a week. I have a caregiver that comes in only 3 days a week 2 hours at a time because that is all I can afford. My mom makes too much money to get on long-term care and Medicaid yet she only has Medicare insurance and she has no money to go into a facility where she gets better care . She lives on her own and she has fallen twice in a year. It is time to consider other options but in Arizona there is no options for hospice because she can dress herself feed herself and walk across the room. It's actually very sad! 😔😔😔
@@VirgoSpirit68 maybe palliative care would be an option. It is very different then Hospice
@@patriciabruffino8765 i am definitely going to explore all options! 💜
This is such an immense stressor which I too am facing. I’ve recently started meeting with an elder law attorney for some guidance. I feel lost everyday to know what to do. We really should have better care in America for the elderly.
My 80 year old father just got diagnosed and although I feel we’re far from making such decisions I want to start researching since he lives with my 84 year old mother. Thank you.
The socialization comment! Oh my. I am a happy introvert but my husband is an extrovert. I am trying to force myself to take us to a seniors centre so he may socialize. The funny part? He says that I am all he needs 😂
Thank you , i apreciate your sensitive handling of this multifaceted topic !
Brilliant well thought out video. Mam is 8 years into Alzheimer's and i relate to so much of what you said.
What about the care facilities themselves? My mother in law was in a memory care facility in which they were kept two to a room and their doors were always open. The residents wandered around going to the wrong room and taking each other's stuff. Some got into fights. It was more like an insane asylum. This is not what I would call quality care.
No one understand this . N many times I as a care giver feel depression n suicidal as both the parents are behaving so toxic n nonstop hurting me. Even a small thing they are not listening or co operating... Doing job n taking care of them is too much for me to handle single handed... What ever I cook or clean they destroy it like stubborn kids😭 others are not thinking that I need break..i need to go away from these atmosphere for atleast 1-2 hours or day.
I care for my mother and she sounds just like this,but somehow when I need it the creator gives my the patience when I need it most and compassion when I can't find it,so I'm grateful for the chance to learn about myself and the chance to do for my mother for she has done this for me.
You are right...no one understands because they haven't experienced yet. Hang in there...and remember it the the disease acting out, not your loved ones.
Have you discussed a nursing home with their doctor?
I am surprised at how mean my husband can be toward me. It is not something that you ever get used to, I think. And why would you want to? Please find a small way to take care of yourself and remember that you are as valid and important a person as your parents are. Your life is not a sacrifice. I lost my youngest child to suicide, and I get very very sad when I read things like you have written. If there is a way for you to change your situation, please find it. You owe yourself a proper and healthy life.
@@margaretgraves1990 thank you. It means a lot
My mom was living alone, the nearest family member was 4 hours away . The threat of someone entering her home when she was alone, the fact that she no longer knew to call her medical doctor with a phone call to confirm an appointment, and then finally, forgetting wether or not she had eaten despite my kindly reminding her what I had made for us for breakfast, informed me that it was definitely time to move closer to a family member and with the support of a facility that could manage her medical needs such as on time and consistently providing her medications. ( she required one early am with an empty stomach wait for an hour before eating a meal, and had cardiac meds to prevent stroke)
My Mother begged for "help" while she was home and then got angry if I hired anyone to assist her. She'd either have the home health aide sweeping the floor or shed tell them to leave and then get angry when she got billed for it any way. This went on until she had a mild stroke and I placed her in full time nursing home care.
Oh - My - Word!!!
Thank You Dr Natalie for these valuable indicators because it's been nearly 10 years I have been a carer with no respite and have had to seek help from a different Psychiatrist!
In my case every one of your Eight Signs for a Higher Level of Care ticks the boxes! The Psychiatrist for MLOWD & Parkinsons has said she needs Frail Care and I thought he was being "over the top"!
Makes me think!!!
Los Angeles has In Home Supportive Services (IHSS). If you are the primary caregiver for a relative at home the IHSS will pay you money. The idea is to keep disabled people at home and not in a nursing home. This saves the state money. Check the city you live in and see if they have a similar service.
My sister & I are trying to decide if it’s time to put mama in a facility. She doesn’t fit the signs you mentioned, but she has mentioned going somewhere. Honestly, I’m not sure she understands the major change it will be leaving her home. However, after the experience with my father-in-in I do think another reason to think about a facility is where she is in her physical stage. After coming out of the hospital, my father-in-law wasn’t accepted in a facility he could be with his wife because he couldn’t walk in under his own power. YIKES! Mama uses a walker now to get around. I don’t want to wait until that changes & she’s not accepted into the facility we like because we waited too long.
My heart aches so wanting to make the best decision for mama & her being content.
Wandering with sheriff bringing them home & I was unaware & burnout were the fullstop
So true! My Mom has been bedridden since Seotember 2024. She has been on Hospice since October 1, 2024. It was heavily suggested that my Mom go to a nursing home because of my inability to give her care outside of the Nurse's aides who were coming by every day. It is almost as if I didn't have a choice, yet I knew it had to be. I feel my Mom isn't going to live much longer, but if Hospice feels a nursing home is better, I am going along with it. She is moving to a nursing home where her parents stayed when they were alive. Monday, November 18th 2024 she goes in. Her sister and I will be there to help her settle in.
These short videos are very helpful! When my husband needs more care, we will not be able to afford it. Thankfully, we qualify for IL Dept on Aging assistance 20 hrs a week: home-maker, companion, drives spouse on errands, to PT, helps so much with socialization. I still work part time, professional, love my work but also must for income. Places that accept Medicare are limited in time a person can stay and usually are poorly staffed, loved one suffers more.
Some of the nursing homes I qualified for Medicaid
Thank you for sharing this list. My mom and I are still relatively early in this journey but all of your videos are a great help and blessing.
Hello Everybody, this message is actually in response to an 4 years old topic on why some dementia patients do not eat, often due to the loss of sense on smell. What is helping in our case is to mix nutritional shake (like Ensure etc. ) with plenty of melted vanilla ice cream and place it in non-spill cup with a straw. It is the only thing my patient is now consumes as a food. To make sure there is some water intake we use small 1 oz cups and drink them every 5, 10, or 15 minutes except at night. Of course, the apple sauce is a must when it comes to taking meds. Stay patient and collected, dear care blazers.
Thanks so much for these suggestions
We are at the very beginning stages of Alzheimer’s (husband is 53) and I am already burned out. He is defiant and won’t consider making things easier for me by making even small changes. I don’t see how I’m going to make it.
It sounds like your experience has been similar to mine caring for my parents. You checked many of the boxes. Defiant and making simple changes ain't happening. Argh! I feel you. I joined Careblazers in 2022. I'm sending grace and patience. ❤
@@amtrue_ it’s so hard! I often think I’m ready to find him somewhere else to live (even though he can still drive and is early in the illness) but I know there is no chance he is leaving. His entire world is about himself and doing what he wants to do. Sending you peace and strength as well!
this. my parents refuse any changes and won’t accept any help unless it’s me - they trust no one, my mom is super paranoid distrusting often angry and don’t care if it ruins my life or my families, it’s really been horrible. you aren’t alone. .
@@AddieWagenknechtsame here. My parents are accepting only me, expecting to give up my life and take care of them.
@@AddieWagenknecht it is hard when it’s your parents. They are able to hurt you in a different way 😢
Thanks for your video, they are all very informative.
Currently I'm taking care of my mother 24x7 (my Dad passed away few months ago). They moved to live with me about 20 yrs ago... It was a good ride, but Mom has been living with dementia now for a few years.
She never learned the language, and thinking of your video topic, is what's letting me think of going back home.... After 26 yrs away, is not easy decision for me, but I can only imagine how it could be for her in one of these facilities and not understanding a word of what they are telling you.
She might always be ok at home with me, but how do I know if we ever need to move in that direction?
I guess a topic for another video could be language limitations, I heard of a person that needs a Spanish caregiver because he went back to his original language.
God bless you all... Hope at the end we all make it !
So great Dr Natalie!!
Thank you for this overview. I found it very helpful. I have been wondering lately if we'll "ever get there" and this was important info for consideration.
Just moved my hwa a week ago. We had so many of the issues you listed. Hardest decision, but it was all to much for me.
For us its the falling down and the spacing out episodes my mom has, loss of strength and the forgetfulness she is having more and more.
Thank you Dr Natali
My dad can have aggressive behaviour and paranoia, and we're having the same issues with places not wanting to take him on, and he refuses to have people in the house to help him/us.
But it's the fact that he is spending 6-8 weeks at home followed by a few weeks in hospital (basically because of declining health and progressing dementia) ....rinse and repeat, and I feel it would be more stable for him to be in ONE place where he could get the care he needs rather than the continuous back and forth.
It's one thing to know when a parent needs a higher level of care but another thing to find a place for that care. My mother at 100 doesn't have dementia although her memory is declining and may be in the first stages. She has mobility issues, is in danger of falls, has jerking myoclonus episodes, is frequently dehydrated to the point of needing hospital for a few days no matter how much she is encouraged to drink water. Where she is there are no vacancies for nursing home places and waiting lists of 1 to 2 years. She may not survive long enough to be admitted.
My wife was recently diagnosed with alzheimers. She's pretty functional on a daily basis; I have people coming in daily for a few hours to give me a break to do paperwork, pay bills, maybe get a break. She takes her medication with me, brushes her teeth and hair, dresses herself pretty well. I CAN'T get her to take a shower. Any advice?
Consider having a new person (woman) come in & be her 'personal care attendant'; this is a pretty common issue with family. Although, if you have a relative whom she likes who's amenable to help her with her shower, that may work as well.
This is a common symptom of Alzheimers. My dad has Alzheimers and dislikes showers too.
Here's what I do for him which work:
1. I get him soaking in the sun so he sweats. I put on protective clothing for him so that he doesn't catch a cold from the wind in the outdoors.
2. I feed him salmon fish, nuts, eggs. This diet warms up his body, improves his cognition too.
He will then, on his own initiative, request to have a shower.
To answer your request
1. Incontinence care is becoming overwhelming for my mom and my dad too.
2. His constant boredom and the constant following is just crushing my moms soul- it wasn’t better at care facility but she didn’t hate worry about it anymore
3. His falling is happening more often so that means no tv rest time or naps cause when he gets up you have to follow
4. My mom’s burned out- she doesn’t want to do any if it anymore. She knows she’s being impatient and it’s hurting him too. Guilt happens at home and when he’s at a care place though.
5. He needs someone other than family to tell him what to do. He thinks we are just rushing him or not letting him help or being controlling.
Hope that helps
In my case my wife's medical team suggested that I place her. Based on my health, my own medical team concurred.
Its been 5 years since I started taking care of my mum. She is still at home with dad and me. Her decline has been fairly slow but she needs care 24hrs. We don't want her in a home at present. Still coping quite well as my brother is around too and so is another sister. No plans for the future. If need be we will get help in to keep her at home.its offered now where we live but we don't need it.
Thank you so much for your content!
Incontinence can destroy the home, as the smell sinks in.
Hi. Thanks a million for your advise.
We placed mom in an excellent facility a year ago and looking back, it was the best decision.
However, how do I handle the guilt?
I just got a hospital program called PACE. Right now 3 weeks in. This is 10 years into ALZ..4 years of being incognate..eating problems swallowing problems beginning..walking..disorientedsleeps most of time..early onset..72 now...i have no clue next step.
My mom is in assisted living and she has started threatening me and the caregivers. I’m wondering if it is time for memory care.
I need Help😢 I was diagnosed with micro vascular disease in 2020 now it's so hard to get thoughts going or knowing what I'm supposed to do. I have a 7yr old and I'm the only one that can care for her but I'm losing it all and so scared I never thought it would be so hard to be or think normally idk what do to I have no resources I'm only on Medicare and I'm too young for disability idk what to do
Trying to raise my son while helping with my mother in law is so difficult to navigate. My son is Autistic and let me tell ya.. Dementia and Autism don't mix well.
My heart goes out to you ❤
Hey, love your videos. I can't afford memory care for my sister. I'm also caregiver for my 93 year old mother. i am burnt out after 4 years. My sister has rscaped once, we immediately fixed that. Nut she falls frequently because she will get up in the middle of the night. She can barely walk with a walker anytime, but worse now because she fell and broke her ankle & two toes. She and i are the only females, since momma is no help. I'm scared to even think of a nursing home. Im at my wits end. My brothers think i have "time" to myself enough...ha ha, i don't call going to grocery store & drug store me time. Incontinence is also a big problem since I'm handling that alone. Words of wisdom?
Can you get her on Medicaid to pay for nursing home care? At some point when people are in hospital you can ask the case manager to change her insurance while in hospital. You can even go to the hospital for a fall and get them admitted to get the insurance changed. You can protest an unsafe discharge.
I would talk to a Social Worker who can help your loved one to get set up for a Medicaid Waiver if there is no money to pay for a nursing home. You will start getting sick yourself if you continue like this. It is an enormous amount of work and my heart goes out to you! Also, ask your siblings who think there is a lot of time for "you" to watch your loved one for a week or better yet a full month and then report back to you how much personal time there is in a day.
Hallucinating frequent UTI due to untreated enlarged prostate.
I believe my mom is ready for assisted living but my brother says she's fine at home with someone checking on her. My niece takes her to the doctor and never says what she's really like so the doctor says she's fine. I am so frustrated.
Seeing the doctor is the most critical step to placing her in assisted living.
Usually this placement can be done quickly with a referral letter from a geriatric doctor.
Take control of the doctor's visits if you decide to chart this direction.
9th point: Financial considerations, perhaps?
Well first I want to know... Has Nico gotten his bellyrub from me?? Lol second. My mother is still undiagnosed. But i know (along w other close family and friends) she's got some form of dementia possibly alzheimers (it runs in our family). She is no longer handling her finances correctly. She messes up bill payment's... is constantly negative in her bank acct (never was like that before) but she blames the bank and says they are all stealing from her. I try to tell her that is not the case but we are always back to square one. She always thinks everyone is out to get what she has! Idk what to do w her anymore! We definitely don't think she should be living alone... or driving for that matter!!! I just dk what to do w her anymore!
An extra belly rub will go his way for sure! 💖 Thank you! Also here's a past video that you may find helfpul
th-cam.com/video/ncKhXQtnyfI/w-d-xo.html
What if they are not being cared for at home? My Uncle lives on his own. I live within walking distance, but I am not prepared or able to have him move in with me.
What is it called when dementia person cannot "see" what they are looking right at?
For instance, going to get a broom of which we have several in the shop, and he is gone for 15 minutes, and ANGRY that there is no broom anywhere.
My huband is 88 years kd wih many health issues he still gets aeound with a cane or walker. he does get moody too. he cant sleep at night but during thr day not even with the tv on. His appetite is poor, but henloves candy and sweets. I dont know what to do with him. Help
Sugar is a huge culprit.
Start making changes to his diet. Cut out all carbs, sugars, refined foods.
Switch to natural foods, with focus on high protein foods like salmon fish, poultry, beef, nuts, eggs. Cook all these foods fully. Not raw or half cooked. These foods help to improve his moods. You can blend or puree these foods (I do that for my dad too) so that he can swallow quickly in spite of his poor appetite.
Get him out into the sun for as long as you can. Sunlight helps to reset his body clock and moods.
Avoid raw vegetables, chilled drinks and chilled fruits.
Care facilities are not equipped to handle 24/7 care … the system is broken and needs tremendous help
I'll be sending my loved one to a facility the moment I win the lottery, find a briefcase filled with cash, or simply inherit millions from a tech millionaire. 🤞🏾
I appreciate the information.
I am the caregiver for my wife. We are both 77. I also have a 56 yr old daughter that is mentally handicapped. She is not as extreme as most. She has the mind of a child and pretty much zero ability to reason.
Been caring for my wife about 4 years. She and my daughter both have chronic health problems also. My health is good.
Mostly have to keep an eye 24/7 on my wife. She does most of her personal care herself but I have to tell each thing to do. ie, brush your teeth, get the toothbrush, use toothpaste, rinse your mouth, etc.
My two oldest grandchildren live with us. She is 29 and has anxiety issues. He is 27 and is autistic. They help some but mostly have to concentrate on themselves.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you
Caregiver burnout 😢
You are absolutely beautiful. Enchanting!
You dementia dog!
@@DefundTheFringes Just keepin' it real...🐕
❤
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