Getting Someone With Dementia To Bathe (and accept help)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 พ.ค. 2023
- It’s our mission to make dementia caregiving easier for families caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's disease, frontotemporal dementia, lewy body dementia, vascular dementia, or any other type of dementia. We do so by making free educational training videos like this so that anyone with an internet connection can access this information.
In this video, I chat with an amazing Careblazer who shares her simple secret to getting her mom with dementia to bathe more often AND accept help from others. May she be an inspiration for what is possible.
To join Andrea and other amazing Careblazers inside the Care Course, you can sign up for a free class to learn more at: www.careblazers.com/a/43407/K...
In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
#careblazer #dementia #alzheimer
I was recently taught that you shouldn't feel bad "lying" to the person you are caring for. They told me to consider it a "clinical fib." That made me feel SO much better!
My dad had FTD and it was impossible to get him to bathe and this was a man who would sometimes bathe twice a day, you just couldn't get him to shower or bathe no matter how much coddling you did to try and get him...one of the tricks I tried was to tell him he has a doctors appointment or that we were going to a barbecue at my cousin's house, or my cousin's daughter's dance recital and to no avail. So what I ended up doing was buying those bathing cloths at Wallgreens, they came in a pack of five and you open the pack, put some warm water into the pack then take out the soapy pads one at a time and that he didn't mind, I also got the dry shampoo which which also helped but that was tough. Another thing that was difficult was getting him to shave and he'd only agree when the beard started getting itchy and again, this was a man who shaved regularly. He passed way last summer and as difficult as it was to care for him, I really miss those days of caring for him.
Sending you so much love. Thank you for caring for him even when it was tough 💖
@@DementiaCareblazers both my mom and I took care of him and while it was not easy, we wouldn't have it any other way. The way I looked at it was that he took care of me and it was my turn to take care of him and I wouldn't have had it any other way. For me, the saving grace was that he passed away at home and not in a nursing home or hospital and he went peacefully in his sleep.
Blessings to you
Don't give up on finding the help you need.
My always- friendly dad dismissed aide after aide, wonderful helpful workers. Finally, through listening carefully ,my mom and sister realized it was his modesty. He felt he was disrobbing in front of these lovely young women.
It was easier for him to accept an older, more matronly woman dressed more like a traditional nurse.
Wow...amazing detective work! Great job not giving up!
Why not a man? Was that worse? Not being facetious, but.. my god if I could afford a walk in
I redecorated the bathroom with curtains and a bouquet of flowers, so the room looked different, and my husband took a shower several times before he became resistant again. With urine and bowel incontinence, hygiene was a significant challenge.
I’m not a professional caregiver but I learned so much from them. If your attitude is “this is just routine” “this is normal now” your loved one just accepts it. History doesn’t matter anymore. Your discomfort matters. If you fix your mind things change. I never gave a choice, because I had a task to get done. I made it as comfortable as possible. Be pleasant and smile. Just like taking care of an infant. You don’t shame an infant. You aren’t disgusted by anything with an infant.
My mom is great about showering daily so not an issue. Introducing the caregiver was exactly how I did it. I introduced the different women as a friends of mine. Mom was totally against having help in the house. Having a 'friend' help us out and keep her 'company' has been a blessing. They eat lunch together, do projects, read books, etc. It has given us piece of mind.
Good on you! ❤
Mum sees all of her caregivers as friends which has really helped us step up the help we need but we're still having battleships some evenings as she feels that a shower would either wake her up too much or she gets upset because she prefers a bath but she couldn't get in or out of the bath safely so the caregivers pressed for a wetroom so they could shower Mum more easily.
My sister started making her job's service visits close to my parents home before and after lunch.
She started eating lunch with them everyday, doing a few chores for them, and eventually touching base with hired caregivers. 🙏
amazing! 💖
There was a time I had this problem with my mom. I was frustrated & worried for her. At the time she was getting a few hours a week help with an agency that cleaned etc. I mentioned to one of them that getting a shower was hard for me. After a couple times of this lady trying to get her to shower she told me that mom was AFRAID. I asked of what & found out mom was AFRAID of FALLING. I then added a few extra things like instead of the plastic mat for not slipping I put a rug that felt to mom like it was more stable. Now with the thought in mind that mom might actually be AFRAID of something that causes her to refuse to do something has been the catalyst for figuring out solutions to how to get things done. Many times her fear was cause for her to not do something.
I often times turn my father’s shower (when I have to facilitate the event) into a concert. He loves ABBA, and the music goes on and he’s good. So far it’s worked.
I do everything for my Mom. The bathing is the hardest. She threatens to run down the road. I manage to convince her to get one every 5 to 7 days. My Mom has been eccentric all her life so dementia was hard to notice.
I have a mother with FTD and she literally does not care about much of anything except for going "home" and walking around outside, but she does like to eat!!Activities or events are met with apathy or agitation. She is very combative when she has to take a shower and I am wondering if you would consider making a video surrounding the specific issues of FTD. It would be appreciated.
I've been a caregiver since 1994, both in facilities & private in home care.
Where the nail polish works for the ladies, I have had great success with a good old fashioned warm towel & a shave as the starter for getting men to shower or bathe.
With others it's the reminder that I got them their favorite pomade for after their bath.
Another trick I do for them is multiple bath sheets & towels.
We used the hose & I always start from the top down so I work quickly & the moment I have them clean from the waist up I wrap them in a towel.
Not only because I too get cold easy but it helps the very modest ones keep their dignity. Especially if it was a gentleman who preferred I turn my head while I helped them in. I got really good at making them think I had turned my head or closed my eyes but still actually doing my job right & safely.
When we get to the peri area (groin) I grab a clean wash cloth & always ask my new clients "Would you like to wash your private area yourself?"
Most of the time they prefer to. The only issue I have ever had here is in how much soap they want on the rag. Some of them you simply can not convince that more soap actually holds the odors in & doesn't get them as clean. Especially when they prefer any type of Irish Spring.
Another trick that has worked wonders for even the non-verbal patients I have taken care of in their home is getting a towel warmer. They really love being wrapped in a nice warm towel as soon as they're finished.
😊 16:43
If we ever do the part time help again I’m getting an outdoor camera so I know when they come and go. I think one in particular checked in and zipped out and we were paying for three hours
I can't even get my mom to bathe once a month! It's a struggle. I have to force her when I can't stand the smell anymore. I have bought her washing cloths etc. She won't even use those. I have to force her to use deodorant even. So it keeps the BO at bay. Really tired of this. I should also say that when she does finally break down and takes a shower. She does nothing but cuss and yell in the bathroom. Mind you she lives with me in my home. And I have to tell her it's not right that we have to smell her. Have to force her to take a shower. The verbal abuse she hurls at me can really make me angry. I do everything for her. Starting to think she needs to go to a facility. Don't know how long I can keep dealing with this.
This not only work for home care. It works in assisted living, It works with nussing home care. I once had a preacher in the boarding home,we went to church.we sang together.He was so happy. He came out clean and uplifted. I use to be a shower aide.. It be came to be a joy for me the care giver.
OK, I HAVE to ask-WHY is bathing considered so important for an elderly person?? My mother resists all attempts to get her to bathe, wash her hair, or comb her hair, or cut her nails. (I figure that when her long nails start to trouble her she’ll be willing!) But she doesn’t stink and for her age, aside from her dementia, she’s in pretty good shape (95 in June). She does her toileting herself and I presume she wipes her bottom. Yesterday she had an accident and I gave her fresh pants, diaper, and a warm wet cloth for her to wipe herself. As far as I’m concerned that’s all she really needs. Yes, she can look pretty frightful but who cares, she doesn’t go out in public. As far as I’m concerned that’s one less hassle I have to deal with in caring for her. When she’s not having things pushed on her like meds , medical attention or bathing (she’s off meds now except for 1 which I put in her drink) she’s much more pleasant to be around. Are we foisting a cultural expectation on our elderly loved one?
Hi Betsy,
My situation sounds similar to yours. My mom's 81.
I'd rather not go into personal details but just know you're not alone. God bless 🙏
I do respite care for a family with a grandma with advanced FTD. We also approached the lady as a friend who was alone and recently lost her own mother. Now the parent can confuse me with her daughter and we get along--giving her daughter evenings off.
I have a picture that I took of me, our caregiver, and my mom. I place the photo underneath Tuesday, and Thursday on the refrigerator. This way my mom knows her "schedule." And I always present it as her helping me and my brother out. Fingers crossed. It seems to work.
What a great idea! Thank you for sharing!
My husband has character disorder paranoid thing patterns on top of Dementia.
Although I have studied the changes Dementia induces ,it is ever changing behavior, it really feels like I wake up every day with a new stranger in my bed .
😢
THIS GIVES ME SUCH HOPE !
So glad!
Thankyou Andrea and Natalie!
I have a situation with my mom that I have been struggling with….but after watching this, I’m going to try to get more creative instead of more frustrated. Thank you!
❤
Sometimes it is just that they don't want their child to help them. They might let someone else help them. Going to the salon was an outing and a visit with a friend,
Oh, my, this is the most wonderful site I ever came across. I am more centered, confident, optimistic and hopeful than I ever was even just watching a few of your videos. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I very recently inherited my ex father in law who has dementia. I’m excited to have found this group. I already have many questions. Lol.
Thank you for sharing Andrea.
Thank you Careblazers for your input and comments ❤
My husband doesn’t want to shower every day. Know he doesn’t want to shave. It’s so hard for me. I live alone and all my family live in the United states. I’m in Puerto rico and hoping to have some support. 😢
My cousins daughter just cannot get him to shower. I make caretaker was hired but he attacked him during the 3rd visit. So now no one will come in to help. I sent her the link to this video
Thank you for this information! I am saying the same thing; “no way!”. But I’m going to try this. I have had to do the same with my mom. “Mom, you’re starting to smell” This is so much better if it works. I’ll keep you posted.
Thank you Andrea for being so real with your last comment. Some people are having a heck of a hard time, but your information is still helpful because it gives us all the courage to experiment. Thanks doc for your channel. I’ve stopped crying and started looking for help and stumbled upon your videos.
I know everything is relative and it's commendable that she worked so hard to solve it but this was an *easy* case of not wanting to shower. They can get MUCH more difficult than this.
Thank you for sharing part of your journey.
My mom has Dementia and has gone 3 months now without a shower. She has Aides with her everyday, but no one pushes for her to shower or wash her hair. I don't live near her, and that's the most frustrating part of the whole thing. She wants nothing to do with the Aides being there. She lies to them and tells them she showered the night before, when we all know she didn't.
I think it would be helpful to have a one stop shop you can go to for any dementia problem you have that has a list of things to try for each problem. Kind of like Wikipedia for Dementia. Dementia Carers Compendium.
Hi! I just discovered your channel and subscribed. My husband was officially diagnosed with Alzheimers on December, 6th, but I've noticed certain 'changes' going back 10+ years (took time getting an official diagnosis). Anyway, ever since his diagnosis nearly 6 months ago he's been absolutely OBSESSING about his diagnosis and dying. He cannot go a day without asking me "how long he has" and I have to repeat the same answer his neurologist gave over, and over again. I'm wondering if you could help me by perhaps directing me to one of your videos addressing this behavior. Thank you! :)
Thanks! I love what you do, how you do it, and who you do it with. I watched Judi's session with you and, as usual, learned something new and useful. I am so so grateful. I wonder if you have a Canadian contingent I could be connected to, ideally in Quebec, where I live. Take care and thanks Judy and Dr. Natalie!
Thank you so much! I have several Canadians inside my Care Course. I’ll see if they have any suggestions for local groups to you.
Great video :)
Good evening,
I don't know what kind of Dementia my mother has. Is there a way I can figure this out.
Please how do you communicate with someone who cannot speak they know what they want to say but can’t get the words out
I can’t coax my mom into bathing no matter what I offer, she’s at the point where every word that comes out of my mouth just gets a blank stare. There is nothing she enjoys, she’s pretty much crabby all the time and just wants my Dad and I to leave her alone. She sleeps almost all day and all night. I feel helpless
Reply to Natural Tastes. I found that I don't need to view the video, so I listen to video without viewing. I still learn so much. Hope this helps.
❤wow❤🎉
What about the high tub side?
at 4:59 she likes to smell sharpies................funny, bless her heart
It's a gamble of sorts. Try different things and see what works. With my mom it was get her to reminisce about her childhood so her mind was occupied with that. And what generally works may not work every single time.
How do you get your parent to understand that they no longer can drive their car? Newly purchased car and a new dementia diagnosis?
Oh man. That one is rough. I feel for you. My mom had enough left to know she shouldn’t be driving. I would call the DMV. They will (should) take the license. Then you have that, at least. But if they’re combative, oh man.
Oh dear, the keys have been stolen…..? 🤷♀️ I was lucky with my grandma, she said one day, “I was thinking of giving the car to John when I can’t drive it any more” ( John was the local mechanic she used called out regularly for various things, including when the car was “making a noise” and she’d just left the radio on . He hardly ever charged her, having an elderly father himself. ) The second she said that, I grabbed the keys and said “Let’s surprise him now”, and I drove her round to the garage and left John the car and keys, and we walked home. Her children were amazed that I’d got away with it, but as it had originally been my husband who’d given her the car, probably I was about the only one who could get away with giving it away. She still misses the freedom of having a car, but if we’d not got rid of it, I’m sure she’d have probably killed someone or herself.
How do I become apart of Dementia Careblazers.
If you'd like to join our private program, you can learn more here: www.dementiacareclass.com/holiday-sale
dementia people lose their sense of smell. My mother is now going thru this. I just ask that she has to bathe so we can go out. Her rubbish bins are a problem too, and i go to put her bin out but she gets angry that the bin is ok and not stinky , then puts the bag over her head...I'm gagging with the stink.
Sending hugs
My big problem is I don’t have a shower she can get into. She washes up in the sink, and she does all right, but I know she must need a real shower. She can clean herself, but man she must want a real shower. She would never in a million years let me help her washer her neither regions, and I don’t want to, believe me. She’s not completely out of it, but even if I had help, I can’t see how they can get her in and out of the tub. I’m a renter, I can’t put in a walk in.
There are chairs w a sliding seat to go in and out. Also there are seats that will go down into the bathtub and back up that are either mechanical or electric. U could also use a baby pool or dog pool and put a shower chair or even a wheel chair covered in a plastic tarp and wash the person in that. There are more assistive devices and creative ways to do things than you realize. Research online or try to think outside of the box. As long as it’s safe and they tolerate it that’s what’s important. Btw there is rinseless shampoo and even shampoo caps you cab microwave to wash someone’s hair without water and even while they’re dressed. These are often used in hospitals. As well as disposable washcloths.
The seat that goes dpwn and up in the tub is great! In Sweden you can use it for free if needed. @@suuzeebee
Please, please, please stop editing so speaker's bouncing head closer and further. It is horrible. It is distracting and makes me nauseous.
I had to turn off the screen to be able to watch this important video.
That was on me. I get passionate and lean into the screen when I speak. I have zoom anxiety and don't know the best way to do this. I'm sorry about the nausea. ❤