letting go of the "cool girl" mentality and embracing femininity
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ค. 2024
- Hope you enjoyed my commentary on the "cool girl" trope/"not like most girls" phenomenon. I find this topic very interesting and I hope whether you're a man or a woman watching this you took something valuable away from this video. check out my video on toxic femininity :) • DOES TOXIC FEMININITY ...
instagram: @madisynbrown madisynbrow...
remember if the cool girl isnt pretty then she is the weird girl
Omg yes! They want a girl who doesn’t worry about counting calories but also wants her to have an unrealistically fast metabolism
@Naerie Representacoes correction: she must be nerdy and like burgers but also must be skinny and shaved
LMAOO
@@alyssapinon9670 right? they’re like “so quirky😍” but if she starts to get fat they’re like “ew”
@@noriii yes. Enforcing body standards for women while simultaneously shaming them for trying to meet that standard. Men like that are 🗑
So I clicked and Ariana Grande starts to sing and I-
same I thought I clicked the on a Ariana grande music video
IK THIS GIRL CAN SINGG
Ew don’t compare this queen to Ariana the black Fisher
@@PinkZombie- girl do you even know what black fishing means…
@@PinkZombie- are u even black??😹
And also it bugs me how a woman only is “strong” when they’re more masculine- like when they are loud, sexual, defiant and physically strong. Why can’t I be soft and feminine and still be a badass?
Good point!
So pretty much Sailor Moon? The whole gender of maho shoujo to be precise.
th-cam.com/video/cVC2Mv3R9_Q/w-d-xo.html a peek to Sailor Moon for those who don't know what it is.
My personal favorite th-cam.com/video/bM6Z9mGMNL8/w-d-xo.html you can tell how feminine and delicate the character is, and at the same time, she is pretty strong.
If anything, I own not having a "not like other girls" phase, at the fact that I was raised by Sakura Card Captor and Sailor moon, I had and still have issued with femininity as a whole, but well, I learned since a very young age, femininity it is something you should look down onto.
They will sometimes resolve the day by drilling a whole in the villain's head in the most graceful way, or they will find empathy with in them and talk it out, who know? That's the appeal of this gender.
period, they have made us hate our feminity
FINALLY SOMEONE SAUD IT
why do i see "Elain" vibes everywhere. google you up to something?!!! P.S. just rambling about a book im obsessed with, ignore me.
There is a label placed on every “type” of girl. Girly girl, VSCO girl, bruh girl, like what... like what if I’m just a girl who likes what I like. thank you for making this video. It can be so exhausting trying to be what ever you think other people would want you to be.
That’s the issue right there society has placed labels on everything and anything teenagers or girls in general are interested in and that’s why we can never enjoy being a girl because of the pressure women have in this downright awful society
FACTSSSSSS just let people have shit
@@lilac4795 society just hates the fact that they cant control what teenage girls like/or are interested in so they shame us for it in any way possible
And unironically, "pick me girl" lol
Exactly. I am someone who likes to dress in baggy clothes and pants (I rarely ever wear dresses or skirts) and not the most feminine but I love soft toys and love collecting cute things. Sometimes idgaf about life and gloomy af and violent while sometimes I'm there preaching about enjoying life and being kind. Sometimes I feel like being one thing while the other day I feel like being another. Women are not just one "type". I know people who try their best to maintain their "type" by not doing things that they actually want to do just so they can fit in and be likeable by others who label them and this is just so sad
You are so right though. We have always been pressured to be competitive against women we are made it seem that when someone tells us we aren’t like other women, it’s a compliment. When in fact, there is nothing offensive being like other women cause women are damn amazing so why wouldn’t I wanna be like other women?
exactly! very backwards thinking. i’m glad women are getting out of that mindset and we realize how stupid it is.
Let them embrace being different. Jesus christ.
Dude this is so fricking stupid DO YOU GUYS NOT GET MEN HAVE THE SAME ISSUES. FIRST OF ALL IF YOU ARE MALE WOMAN STANDARDS ARE WAY TO HIGH AND YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO GET DECLINED SO WHAT THE MAN DOES IS WORK OUT AND IMPROVE ON EVERYTHING. AND WHEN HE GETS SIX PACK ABS HE ASKED TO GIRL OUT BUT SHE IS ALREADY TAKEN WHY MEANWHILE MEN EMBRACE FEMINITY AND MASCULINITY. MY PARENTS LIKE FEMININE GIRLS
@@alyssaliang9144 i’m sorry. what even is this… ? no, men don’t have to deal with exactly this. men have literally put these standards and thoughts in the society of women. they make us put each other down, and ridicule one another for not being cool enough. while men do deal with certain things, that’s not what this is about. i think that women should be able to talk about certain things without people like you bringing up the other side. let us talk.
@@avery-bi8zw I think that men should talk about the same thing without bringing the other side. Next, where is your evidence that men make women ridicule each other. Like this is starting to get annoying since because I have seen so many feminists put up a statement without facts. And second life is unfair and while men put standards on women, women put the same standards on men but they just don't like to admit it.
A lot of women in this thread are sharing about how they felt happier and more authentic when they embraced femininity, and that's great for them! But it's also important to recognize that not every woman is going to be more comfortable behaving or presenting feminine.
For every woman that feels freed by being able to embrace femininity, there's another who still prefers to be masculine, and that's okay too! If you're masculine, it doesn't necessarily mean you're trying to be a "cool girl", it could just be the way you are and you shouldn't let this thread discourage you from being you. Everyone has different experiences.
Edit: This also applies to trans and nonbinary people, and anyone else who feels social pressure to perform femininity. Be whatever is authentic to you, and support that for the people around you too.
Yess!!! Exactly! And i think its also needed to say that even though men make fun of feminine things or women being feminine or embodying feminine energy. They love it when you LOOK feminine. Ive seen girls who dont have feminine features or look masculine and if they like masculine things, they get treated harshly than girls who look feminine who likes masculine things. It boils down to how attractive you are to society and men for you to get away with anything.
Thank you! I’m genderfluid AFAB and I’m always worried that I seem like I’m trying to be a ‘cool girl’, I really appreciate what you just said. (Ik it wasn’t really about that, but it still made me feel valid) (Oh god this is gonna be awkward if you don’t support this stuff-)
@@beanfilms3069 Don't worry, I support nonbinary people! You're valid :)
Thank you for this comment, I won't embrace feminity 100%. I really don't wanna be like other girls or blend with them.
@@nicoleharrington9086 I.... I think you missed the point of this video.
Nobody who actually talks to real women wants a girl like the 'cool girl'
No, men hate it when women act like normal human being. They want a feminine woman, who care about her appearance and nothing else
It might be bc I’m a woman but I’m bi and dating the ‘cool girl’ is my actual nightmare
@@moroccansarenthumanbeings2640 It's funny how women overgeneralize things. No, men want human beings not sexdolls. If we wanted a sexdoll we would buy one.
@@moroccansarenthumanbeings2640 Sorry you've never spoken to a man and you're only exposure to them are incels.
@@ratemate458 sure you would
What makes you cool is being who you are unapologetically.
The only “how to be a cool girl” tutorial we need
Left ear❌ ✨Right ear✨
HAHAHAH
It had me scared af cuz I just bought new earbuds lol
@@MSW96 omg same
I thought my headphones broke
LMAOOOOOOOO me right now😭😂‼️
What I also hate is when these kinds of subjects are talked about and how "cool girls" are really just victims of internalized mysogyny, I am succumbed to comments like "well I was never like that" which is just shaming already insecure girls for "letting men/media brainwash them". Like what, you want a medal?
Yeah. I think we all kind of bought the cool girl lie to an extent. So shaming people for responding to their environment is just shitty
I honestly hate when people say “I would never do that”. Like they think they are so superior, when in reality they look stupid.
@@theprettypaw4615 ä
I’m sorry but it’s usually girls who care a lot about makeup and feminine things who have internalised misogyny
@@moroccansarenthumanbeings2640 I think no one is an exception to having internalized misogyny and feminine girls judging non feminine girls definitely got it too, they're just expressing it differently.
Also I want to add to what you said, dressing more typically masculine all the time is fine aswell as long as you know that you're not doing it for others.
I agree, i personality prefer the male street fashion. And that's ok! The same way its ok for girls to wear super cute and girly things
i feel borderline dysphoric in feminine clothing (i'm not trans or anything i just don't feel comfortable being feminine at all) that's just my gender expression but i'm doing it for nobody but myself. if anything part of what i like about the way i dress is that it takes men's eyes off me. i don't want to be superficially attractive to them. (though of course that's not the sole reason at all.) as long as you're being authentic to yourself, you're doing it right. there is no other right or wrong way to dress.
edit: okay soo as it turns out i am trans LMAOo
righttt!
so what if u r doing it for others? isn't it a woman's choice?
@@beentherelovedit9150 yeah but it's not very feminist if the choice is to live for men's approval
ahhhhh girl yes, "if you're an insecure man, you want an insecure woman", this is so true, by not developing yourself to be more confident and self-worthy, you're essentially just playing yourself at the end of the day, periodt.
I went through this phase because I had some friends that would look down on feminine women and I just took that on board. Looking back, we were kind of mean. But I didn't know it.
Same here. But once I realized that it was stupid and went my own way they started picking on me. At least one of the other girls (who was a tomboy) still took my side
society straight up lied to me and told me that hating pink made me different...
!!!!!
@@vlra2021 gurl if we listen to society we neva geta life, time to move on wit another mindset.
You’ll notice that the “Cool Girl” doesn’t tend to have a female friendship circle.
people need to stop asserting this gender-segregated view of the world. I don't think it's masculine to be tough or girly to be empathetic. Men wore makeup and were very concerned with fashion for most of human history. High heels were originally worn by men as well. What it means to "act feminine" is extremely subjective, not to mention the fact it's a construct to begin with. We're all just individuals. When I drink craft beer it's not a fucking statement. I just like it.
agreed... 'masculine' and 'feminine' behaviors exist within a person (girl or boy)... it's because of such segregation that gender has become so polarized and problematic.
Men didn't wear makeup at anywhere near the rates as women throughout human history. In recent western history you'd have to go back to dandys and aristocrats of the 1700's to find it widespread, then there's next to no male makeup wearing on a widespread level throughout the times before that dating back to early colonial, through Medieval right back through the dark ages. So not much makeup unless you get back to ancient times - and even then, makeup was largely used in ceremony by men rather than every day life in most ages, at least in the Roman and greek influenced world - where makeup was looked down on when used by men (much as today). Men have always had their own fashions clothes wise and still do no one is trying to say otherwise lol.
You shouldn't lie to try to construct this fake history that most of recorded history has somehow been a time where the two genders didn't act stylistically in ways that are still widely recognizable today. It's a myth.
??????
Stop trying to desex humanity lmao
While the whole video stands by itself, whatever take you were trying to serve was too flawed and pointless. Masculinity and Femininity are attributes greatly found in men and women. In men, the attributes would *GENERALLY* be to provide, protect, lead. In women the attributes would *GENERALLY* be to nurture, beautify, care for/tend to others. If you’re a girl who shows more masculine attributes, it’s completely fine and just as beautiful as a girl who shows feminine attributes, and vice versa. It’s not up to you to say that we should all collectively as a whole population let go of these constructs, because many don’t want to. It is “masculine”, a man’s trait, to be generally “tougher” than women because that’s literally what science says. You can’t argue with this fact, no matter how many 2014 research articles from second google page, you want to use as support for your argument. Similarly, empathy is seen as a feminine trait because women are raised to show more empathy ever since youth. A man can be empathetic and that’s beautiful, a woman can be tough and that’s beautiful too. But there’s no denial that certain traits are greater found in men while others are greater found in women. Or do you think the only differences between the sexes are their genitalia? Terribly one dimensional take on things.
I honestly think that trying to be more boyish as a girl can also have to do with trying to escape the male gaze and doesn't necessarily mean that you are trying to be a cool girl to appease to guys
True, most men prefer feminine women so I can definetely see that being a thing.
I do it because of the scars and injuries on my legs and arms. I’m not trying to be a “cool girl” I’m just trying to get through life more comfortable, I could care less if men think of me as “not feminine” it is what it is at this point.
I hate how boyish girls and women are just internalized misogynists now bc this whole topic has demonized boyish females
it's mostly bi and lesbian esp stud lesbians women who dress boyish which is understandable cause it attracts women and that's the goal for them for some reason straight girls doing it makes me question if they doing it for male attention or something to try hard to be different
What's wrong with being attractive to boys? Like most ppl of both genders try to be attractive to opposite gender
i think something important about this is people feeling like they have to pick between these two things. i grew up loving pink (i still do) but i also played video games. and as a teen now my sense of humour, a few of my interests, genres i watch on youtube etc are very masculinely charged. however i love girly stuff too, like this channel. interesting from a girls perspective. u can be the kid who likes barbies and video games. i did it. the way to do it is simply to do stuff YOU like. and not be surrounded by people who push specific traits into you. you can like make up but have an interest in computers. you don’t have to, but you can. just gotta be comfortable with your own interests. that’s what it comes from. my mum was surprised i never grew out of games and continue to play them. i didn’t worry about that and change, i just continued. it’s normal :D
and great point. liking what you like makes you cool
I agree with everything you said
Preach it! I love "girly stuff" and "boyish stuff" too!
Honestly, I'd say I relate to most if this. I actually remember being so girly and loving pink. Overtime I did become more tomboyish, but I still do have a lot of my girliness. Amd honestly its always nice to be girly, just as much as its lways nice to be a tomboy.
Ikkrr it's okay to just be you and stop trying to fit a label
A great video, but I’d also like to add that some women do not possess traditional femininity and feel comfortable only in masculine clothing and that’s perfectly fine too. You don’t have to embrace femininity if you don’t want to and it doesn’t make you automatically a cool girl. Just like some women don’t want to embrace masculinity, which is fine too.
100% agreed. Also, I find it super weird that a lot of people imagine that being a NLOG implies being a tomboy or a cool girl or someone who doesn’t embrace femininity in general. I know plenty of women who express themselves in traditionally feminine ways who hate on other women and who have loads of internalized misogyny. Having internalized misogyny has nothing to do with the way someone looks or the interests they have and I don’t know why people don’t realize that there’s not a NLOG look and that there are countless other types of women you could be prejudiced against besides traditionally feminine women.
You’re right
@@purplekitten6637 yea exactly
Lets remember just because your not wearing a dress or heals does not make you any less feminine, being feminine does not depend on what you are wearing .
I used to think in high school that I shouldn’t wear pink, or rarely. Even in college, I silently judged my sophomore year roommate for wearing pink a lot. Now, a few years later I’ve grown and pink is one of my two favorite colors :) I also discovered last year that I’m a lesbian so yay, more reason to love pink
I'm so glad you found out your were a lesbian, and that you love pink more now. I think pink is a pretty color. And back in 2019, I found out I was bisexual.
@@nickixiusdangelolunala7779 I’m happy for you figuring out that you were bisexual! Yes I agree, it’s a really nice color.
@@ima.m.1658 oh thank you so much. 💕 ♥️ 💜 💙
@@nickixiusdangelolunala7779🏳️🌈💕
@@ima.m.1658 🌈 🏳️🌈 🌈 🏳️🌈 🌈 🏳️🌈 love your name!! 💕 ♥️ 💜 💙 🧡
Liking football or video games is not a personality trait
Indeed my dude :there's a name for what they are:interests
right?! like girls liking rap is a bad thing now because they are doing it 'for the guys'. Yeah no I'm doing it because i fucking love rap. Similarly girls watching football and shit and doing their thing is cool. Why are other women getting so riled up about it?
Liking makeup and nail polish isn’t either baby girl
@@moroccansarenthumanbeings2640 never said it was 🤦🏽♀️
@@beentherelovedit9150 I myself is really into football or soccer as you call it in the USA and I am in a very male dominated major which is computer science. Those are just interests nothing more , nothing less. It should not make me feel “different” , superior” or “smarter” than girls who like stereotypically girly things. People are just way too influenced by the media . All these movies showing these women that are “not like other girls” as being the only ones deserving of love started this hysterical obsession of wanting to be different.
I also went through the "cool girl" phase because I wanted to seem better and less feminine to my guy friends 🙄 now that I have found peace and am happy with my femininity .. I also had to work through a lot of emotional things with my mom, I didn't want to be like her, she was very girly, beautiful and all the attention was on her so I tried to be the opposite but now I see that I don't want to be manly because I realized that femininity is not weak but strong. I have noticed that North Western culture, I'm from Germany and now I live in Portland, seems to see femininity as weakness and I have a problem with that because it shows girls that they're not accepted or seen as strong if they're not a "badass" .. thank you for bringing attention to this issue 💕
I’m also from Germany. I noticed it too. In Germany being feminine is seen as a weakness which is really sad. I used to get shamed by old friends and my class Teacher for it. And then I changed my self to be more masculine. Now I’m trying to become more feminine and accept that I am naturally like that💕
That's interesting, because I'm from Poland and I don't really see it. I've never been a girly girl or a tomboy, so maybe I wasn't aware of this, but looking back I don't think any of my classmates experienced anything bad because of being girly. I still believe that might have been a case for some girls in my country, but personally I've never noticed it. Also in Polish culture we admire mothers a lot- especially mothers of soldiers, who sent their sons to wars etc. They cry after them yet still are able to let them go and believe in independence. So maybe that's why being feminine is not such a bad thing in Poland, after all those praised mothers are quite feminine&strong at the same time.
I used to reject femininity so badly. And your whole narrative is f**king relatable. Thank you!
Bruh i just feel like some women like "masculine" things and some like "feminine" things and many like both and society and men try to categorize us into either too feminine or too masculine or whatever the hell else and its just this weird psychological manipulation to become a guy's dream girl. Ultimately we should just do whatever we want because we are human lol.
yep
I remember my mom use to force me to act feminine, as in critiquing the way I walked, stopping me from buying certain clothes, constantly telling me to wear jewelry, telling me to wear lighter/ pink clothes etc.. and then One day I casually brought up how she was forcing me to do these things and she stopped. Now she compliments me when I walk out the house with street clothes and sneakers with a short tApered hair cut. But now I am naturally embracing my femininity.
Same about feeling pressure to be feminine
Relatable
What do you mean "naturally"? You just admitted that you were shamed into femininity by your mum, so how do you know if it's a natural desire or something that was forced on you by society? This is why I hate choice feminism.
i feel like part of the reason it tends to be the ‘nerdy’ characters that want the cool girl is because they feel too insecure in their masculinity to talk to a girl and dont see women as people, so they want a guy in a womans body that they feel like they can speak to because they need her to be masculine to even see her as a person.
I’m OBSESSED with your content💕 Thank you for being so real and honest
Then I learn, being "cool, cute, attractive, sexy" is subjective. _Trying_ to be these things without knowing this, ends up backfiring.
okay but your singing voice is beautiful 😂😍
and i was the same way with my girly side, like not wanting to embrace it. but now i recognized that i can be and do both and that i can love and do both😌
I was talking to this guy about makeup and I said I don't know how to do makeup and he was like "r/notlikeothergirl"
Like no Kevin I just suck at it. It's useless what woman do we get categorised anyway
I know how to do it now✌🏼
Yeah, completely agree. It’s so ridiculous and misogynistic to create these divisions between women. Why do we think that everything women do is for male approval?
@@purplekitten6637 ikrrr
sadly women are always judged no matter what they do…btw cute jk pfp💜
Let's also not forget that presenting and being masculine doesn't take away from your womanhood / make you less of a woman.
Does anyone remember the movie Miss Congeniality, starring Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt, and Michael Caine? She can only be the desirable cool girl if she meets the desires and fantasies of the men around her. Gracie was only considered cool once she got the beauty pageant makeover. She was considered undesirable and "one of the guys" before.
Male gaze aside I think what truly made Mary cool wasn’t her job, or her eating habits, or her hobbies. It was that she was unapologetically herself regardless of how people saw her.
It’s just sad that the message would probably get drowned out by mediocre, insecure men who want to perpetuate the idea of a guy friend they can have sex with.
Youre like a big sis to me. I have just turned 18 and i was in a "who am i really" kind of teenage depression. Also i was always envying girly girls but wasnt feeling like i was belong to that. This video ACTUALLY helped me to fix somethings in my life. Just wanted you to know...
thats so cool!!
"I'm always gonna be like other girls.. because I am one" such a simple yet powerful statement !!! also, has anyone noticed how when we were children, being a tomboy was very much accepted, yet, a little boy who wants to embrace his femininity through perhaps wanting to wear pink/play with 'girl' toys was incredibly, and still is discouraged? really goes to show how undesirable femininity really is, even when you're a kid...
I just want to say that by looks alone, I am considered "masculine". I don't wear makeup, sweatpants and shirts is what I wear, and I dont wear a bra. But here's the thing though, I don't wear makeup because I don't feel like myself in it, I like wearing sweatpants because I prefer to be more comfortable, and I don't wear a bra because they are uncomfortable and I have smaller boobs to not have to wear them. I don't do this for men, i do it for myself, and that's feminine.
same i don't wear makeup because i feel like i don't look 'myself'.
Yes! Me too
But they wont accept that haha
Me too, so relatable
7:57 “it also made me more attractive to guys” We should be what we want, feminine or masculine or any type of woman (or person) we want, but please let’s not do it for the male gaze because that’s not really how we are it is how men wants us to be.
Sounds like 'pickme' women who focus on impressing guys and trying to stand out amongst other women. But I think what is "cool" depends on the guy and his values. So every woman should just embrace their own personality and interests and hope the right partner comes along to accept them as they are. Femininity can teach people how to carry themselves, embrace their own beauty, and how to be compassionate, yet prudent. Secure women can still be themselves and embrace femininity.
Lol "pick me" is just a slur some wannabe gold diggers and "influences" made up to excuse themselves for being such a-holes.
@@poocrayon4588 cope
@@zaharah5462 lol yep. Triggered
@@poocrayon4588 aww I hope he picks you
No really coz every time I see these videos they are hardly portrayed correctly. I fit the cool girl to a T, I grew up with 7 brothers and no sister so I’m a huge tomboy and I maintain the “small waist big ass” figure so people constantly come for me making it look like I’m pretending to be like this for guys when really it’s just who I am
“I don’t wanna date her, ‘cause she is one of the guys” if this isn’t the story of my life I don’t know what is. Also, I like pretty stuff but I’m lazy.
one of my favourite lessons i learned after high school is there is no such thing as the "basic bitch". we're all way too complex with so many cool interests, even if i couldn't care for the stuff another woman likes. watching other woman enjoy things unapologetically fuels my existence.
Oh god this was me in my first relationship. To get him to like me I was instantly like "Yes I love star wars and video games and inappropriate banter" . Funny thing is I did grow to like these things after I tried them out- but I think the real kicker is that he never tried to like the things I liked- because its accepted for girls to be masculine but men who take on feminine traits are ridiculed (in movies, the guys who cry at romantic movies with their girlfriend is always the ridiculous character) because patriarchy views femininity as weakness.
I totally get the whole femininity thing, and I respect and love everyone for who they are, but lets not bluntly say the “cool girl” is a bad or an unrealistic thing. For some girls it really isn’t “just a phase”, it’s actually who we are. Some girls like pink and some like black. Some girls like dainty salads and some girls have hyperthyroidism and can eat burgers all day without getting fat. Some girls like watching chick flicks and some girls like watching action and horror movies. Some girls like going to get their nails done on the weekends and some girls like going hiking or out to surf a wave *cough cough me*
Everyone is different and unique in our own way. Lets not hate either side. Just be you and own it, whatever that is.
Yesss
This is not meant with the cool girl trope. The cool girl Trope , is directly connected to the male gaze. So while yes a lot of girls can be like you described , this is not the same as trying to be the cool girl.
@@LiLa-yb4om ^^
There isn't another side. We are all women. Black and Pink are both my favorite colors, I like romantic movies and scary movies, I like to be outside and getting my nails done. It depends on my mood whether I behave more "masculine" or "femminine". I can't confine myself into one stereotype or else I'm not being myself.
@@Bellabirdtheoneandonly well youre not everyone. some people prefer mainly either masculine or feminine and not both, it doesnt mean theyre fitting into a 'stereotype' its just what they prefer
The key is to just be yourself!!!
The problem is not in either masculinity or femininity, it is the performance of something that which is disingenuous to and at the expense of your true self, especially in the case that it exists to serve someone else’s fantasy. Be your own fantasy. Be both your ideal feminine and your ideal masculine. Be it for yourself. Not because it is sexy for others, but because it makes you feel good.
I loved this video, I felt like having a girls talk with a close friend and I also love strong femininity. There's nothing better in this world then women having each others back especially in a world where men made us believe that we have to compete with one another. Idk I really want to embrace my femininity and strength this year and I really enjoyed your vid
Well on the flip side, you are expected to perform femininity in order to be cool. As in wearing makeup and skirts, being into pop, etc.
it all started when someone posted a meme about us girls collectively going thru a phase of hating pink. and we started to put it together and realize even a complex as little as a phase of hating a feminine color, speaks so much. I felt like I was nodding along with this video the whole time. well done!
It makes me so sad to remember my old self. Just like you since high school I've tried so hard to be "cool" but deep down I was just so insecure and jealous of the girly girls.. I also let myself hurt in relationships pretending I didn't care about things that I obviously did because "cool girls don't care". Ugh sooo glad to be free of this bs now, it wasn't easy tho
yes you don’t need to bring down other girls to compliment me🤦🏾♀️girls and other black girls alike. i don’t even take it as a compliment. i call it out now
that's respectable of u
I used to be really insecure about being girly, because on tv its always shown the pretty girl to be stuck up or rude, so i tried to act more masculine, and i was miserable, i enjoy being feminine. And being feminine isnt always about being weak, and you dont have to act masculine to be strong. Thats why i loved seeing shows like winx club, totally spies, cause it shows girls that are feminine be super strong and powerful! It really made me happy when i was little.
When I was a kid I thought I was cool for being a girly girly that didn't like pink but liked blue.
i always pretended to NOT like pink lol
@@rubymack5782 Well don't please lol.
Even though blue is still my favorite color, I like how I look in pink and I like pink flowers, especially blossoms.
@@imontosomething2609 OMG WE ARE THE SAME PERSON LOL. blue has always been y fav color but i also like pink things!
I thought I was cool for liking green instead of pink loll,, and one girl would sort of brag that she was the first one to have blue as a fave colour loll
@@rubymack5782 oh i always wondered why i was like the only person who liked pink
Yes there are girls out there who naturally love stereotypical male things and they are not trying to appeal to anybody. They are just being themselves. And what makes a person cool is if they have a good personality. Not what they're into
what is true femininity and masculinity tho?my theory is that it is a construct. like men and women have different genitals but what makes clothing or objects or interests more feminine or masculine.. i am so confused
just dumb labels to control people
Ain’t no theory girl it literally is a construct. It does get more confusing the more you think about it. It may be a construct but legit every it. So just wear and express yourself however you want regardless of whether it’s considered feminine and masculine by society.
@@jes7119 thank y!! i followed👌👌
@@supereggtartersauce6464 yeahh totally!!
i guess in this sense feminine and masculine are being used as descriptors that society has assigned to help us categorize and understand different types of behavior or appearance. femininity and masculinity are descriptors that have been weaponized by men to gain control, like how she brought up that you're only cool if you're like a man.
it's just misogyny paired with the societal pressures men have over women, and because these men are sexist/misogynist they hate femininity too, they're only "liking" feminine traits when it benefits them. (those men like the "feminine" acts of housewives who cook and clean, but when it comes to their feminine interests like makeup men would rather put out a cigarette on their eye than let women like feminine things that aren't directly benefiting/serving them.)
i agree that it's a construct, because living in a patriarchy men have so much control over standards, and most media so they create things to keep control (constructs). betty boop, bratz, and disney princesses were all created by rich white men and they're some of the most recognized women in media. (notice how they're all fictional?) i apologize if that got off topic but what i guess i'm saying is that yes, femininity and masculinity are constructs, as well as weaponized descriptors used by men to gain control over women. she's telling us to embrace every side of us, because ultimately when you stop living for men or when you stop trying to live up to their impossible standards they set to control you, you become more true to yourself, and happier with yourself. ignoring the harmful standards will let you exist as yourself comfortably.
i totally rambled but i hope my take helps you understand a little better!
I have no gender preference so I’ve just decided to wear what makes me happy and if someone doesn’t like me being happy and comfortable as myself, then obviously they aren’t someone I should talk to and they probably have some internal conflicts to sort out
Preach! 👏
when i started seeing videos criticising the “not like other girls” and they started talking about the whole doing it to attract boys i was really confused because when i went through that phase in middle school (3rd through 5th grade approx) i genuinely wanted to be considered a part of “the boys” and in 5th through 7th/8th grade grade i was “kicked out” of the group. (it was gradually)
and it matched with the time i was introduced to feminism, the existence of the lgbtq+ community (i was aware of gay people but i never had a second thought of it or that you can like more than one gender and the whole thing about the non binary gender spectrum), when i started questioning my misogyny, my conception of being girly, if i was straight, if i was cis or trans
i started my phase due to being bullied and excluded by my girl classmates, so there was some resentment at the beginning and then it resulted in me realising i’m trans non-binary
if some parts of this doesn’t make sense or it has grammatical and redaction mistakes i apologise, english is my second language and it’s really difficult proofreading in my phone
Your singing ❤️😍 my heart stopped
Madisyn, I could listen you talking for days non stop!! Your videos are always so informative and educational, thank you for all your effort!
finding your channel is one of the most comforting things happened to me this quarantine🥰
Her outfit is my fav color combo atm ugh I love it
I love your content girl, you are just straight up honest instead of only revolving around things! You don’t sound scared to give your own opinion on topics💕
You do realise some women like to dress and act masculine it’s not always a bad thing you don’t have to be feminine to be a girl
Yeah, this is what I was thinking. I have short hair and I'm a girl, which is how I'm comfortable.
Yes! When she said she related 'being feminine with being weak' I felt that. Younger me would try her best to just never act or do something in a feminine way.
I would literally go around saying I didn't feel pain (when I got my period, it'd be terrible but I told everyone they were making a big deal about it) and refused to cry (because people said "boys don't cry only girls do"), cook and clean(was considered the wife's job) , etc which are basic skills my parents wanted both me and my brother to learn
I was so determined to act like a male because I thought that was the only way I'd matter or be seen as powerful
Thankfully, I have brains now
The weird thing about this too, is that being the cool girl was like being a doormat while being a feminine lady was about setting healthy boundaries and not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of without the other person feeling bad, in fact you could do it in a way that makes them feel empowered as if it were their own choice. I'm soooo glad that I stopped being hung up on being a tomboy/cool girl and instead embrace my natural feelings and instincts, I feel so much more comfortable and empowered despite me JUST realizing what I was actually doing to myself.
Thanks to the algorithm for recommending this channel. Your content is amazing. I know my weekend plans now. I am gonna binge-watch all your videos.
This is exactly how I felt growing up to a T...down to the part of rejecting my femininity just to seem "cool" and feeling weak for being girly. I'm now beginning to explore my feminine journey 🦋
You're right in 100%, but the thing that I can't not to say is your singing voice is so damn amazing
The fact that your profile pic is Ariana Grande makes it more wonderful😂at first i really thought that it was ari's voice👀
i am so glad i saw your video on pretty privilege , after that i started binge watching ur videos thank you so much for helping me i really enjoy ur content 😊
Super super super off topic but both your speaking and singing voice is so pretty and calming and I love watching your videos at night when I want to chill out a little.
Thank you so much, this video was really the realization I needed. I love feminine looks but I’d always avoided looking like that because I thought boys wouldn’t like me. I lost myself so much that I thought that was the way I liked to be but it’s not. Thank you so much for your honesty
I find both feminine and cool girls problematic, when i was a teen i wasn't necessarily a cool girl because altough i looked down on girly girls it wasn't to please boys but for their lack of authenticity and need of male validation because feminine girls were feminine for boys not for themselves and they looked down at other girls for not being girly.
Becoming feminine later on was actually a blessing 'cause i did it for me
Basically disingenuous people are problematic not necessarily how they express themselves
@@alyssapinon9670 not really, the worst part is hating on other women because they don't fit your standard, no woman is better than the other, we're just different!
@@ayarac ok that’s true. Like I always said if you don’t like mean, judgmental people then don’t act like one yourself
@@alyssapinon9670 exactly!!
There's nothing wrong in wanting to attract opposite gender. Like guys do that too.
I am so much more emotional then I was when I was like 18 and tried to be the cool girl. I’m speaking more about my emotions and I cry almost every week but I’m feeling so much more myself. Thanks for making this video❤️
It's sad that being feminine, provocative, sexual, etc. as a woman is associated with being somehow weak. One of my female colleagues told me that she never wears makeup and always dresses down so that men won't think she's unintelligent. Very sad!
I understand the desire to tell woman to embrace their femininity, but personally, I don’t feel comfortable doing it because of internalized misogyny. But being aware of that fact doesn’t change the fact that it is still there. Dressing more ‘masculinely’ (t-shirts and long shorts) is also a mechanism to fight back against the misogyny. I dress that way so that I know for sure that I am not going to be given a leg up simply because of my appearance. I never want to be judged because of my appearance instead of my personality, and I know that I will always be judged by my looks, so instead I dress in ways that wouldn’t make me desirable in the stereotypical male gaze so that I won’t be judged that way. I completely understand that your experience was different, you became confident through the embracing of your femininity, but there are people who are genuinely more comfortable dressing more ‘masculinely’ and can’t just wear a dress and be okay with it.
Gender identity is a really complicated thing and I think that telling people to embrace themselves is really important but I also think that telling people that the only/ main way to embrace that femininity is by wearing dresses is potentially destructive.
I think the main difference between our experiences is the way that men fit into it. While you seemed to have done it to get a boyfriend, I dressed and acted that way as a defense mechanism to avoid it. I am confident in who I am, I’m just not confident in femininity. And I think that for now, that is okay.
Loved this video. The amount of times I was made fun of just because I love dressing up and doing my makeup, because I “care too much”. You can be so many things and it doesn’t make you more or less of a woman
I’m so glad your channel ended up in my recommendations. The algorithm is getting too specific I swear 👀 I went through this phase in high school because I needed male validation to boost my self esteem (also gender dysphoria but that’s another story) . As soon as I left I was like wait I actually love being feminine and enjoying “basic” things.
been watching your videos back to back. love your honesty. love your singing. love your blackness. love your femininity. you’re incredible. keep being you bby. ✨❤️
I think the hardest part is differentiating toxic femininity from natural femininity. The media likes to portray "girly" women as verbally and physically abusive to male protagonists in comedies. They hit and yell at the males in fits of anger, and this behavior is supposedly humorous. It basically states "women are more emotional than men, so if they lash out, just accept it, they can't help themselves." Young girls watching most often take this in two ways. They either internalize this idea and say "so, this is okay, I can treat people poorly and act however I want and it's excusable because I'm a woman." They use the stigmas of their gender as a way to justify atrocious behavior. (We call them, "Karens.") Or, they think "this is disgusting, I don't want people to see me like that" and they take away the belief that irrationality is tied to femininity. "Girly girls" are characterized as shallow and materialistic. Thus, they reject common representations of their gender, such as skirts, dresses, anything involving the color pink, etc. This portrayal of women is harmful in two drastically different ways, because whichever outcome one chooses, young girls are lead to believe that there is no middle ground between being emotional and feminine, and being an intelligent, reasonable, complex human being.
You exactly described my whole life on what i thought of femininity and women😭😭 tbh i like to think i don't think that way anymore but i still in fact struggle a lot with internationalized misogyny. It's still very hard for me to think girliness and bitchiness aren't synonymous. I think a lot of ppl still struggle with it, but im trying not to judge girly girls
I love that someone is finally talking about this. I’ve been working for years to try to get rid of this cool girl mentality. Even though I’ve embraced my femininity more, whenever I’m in social settings where I feel most anxious or uncomfortable I fall into these “cool girl” tendencies. Like why? Media really doesn’t understand how much it affects our perception of the world and how we feel we have to interact with it.
Omg I was just like this in middle school but as a dude. hated masculinity, acted like I hated men, defended women being sexist because of all they have to go through, lived off of female validation💀. So glad I realised I could be masculine without being that weird messed up view of men I had been taught. finally got some male friends and some female friends that I wasn't just friends with for validation.
thank you💖 i relate to your content a lot
Omg i wish my younger self knew about this, i can't stop cringing at my old self. I can't believe that I'm a female and misogynistic back then. I just want some attention and to look "quirky" especially for male attention, now i realized being like the other girls is a compliment because women are amazing (same as men), everyone is amazing! Love yourself girls 💖 you don't need the approval of others to be confident, being confident makes you look more beautiful, you're amazing just the way you are 😻💅👑
bro this vid perfectly described 7th grade me & its highkey sad but im so glad i finally overcame this phase & get to embrace my true identity & femininity
I'm in love with the way u talk and see the world, and complete agree with it, i would love to hear a podcast of yours, talking about this stuff of the life. Love ya xoxo
Thank you. We all need to hear this
I couldn't agree more. Young girls need to hear this. Keep it up, much love!
So I saw your comment on Kelly stamps video and I had to pass by and wooooooow I love you already I love your content and I think am here to stay😌😌😌😌
One of a kind youtuber with her own vibe🥰
ILY. that's all.
Your singing voice is beautiful and you hardly even triedddd
Fantastic video thank you for articulating this so well :)
Living for that intro
Where were you when I was 15?? I needed to hear all of this, you're amazing lady❤️🔥
Ahhh your singing is so good!
Embrace fragility! Feminism adds to the diversity and possibility of how different types of women we can become, not just all trying to be cool and strong and restricting our choices.
This is the most relatable video ever
This was video is beautiful. Your beautiful and your inner knowledge is so freaking refreshing
I really love your videos!
u crack me tf up and u're smart and u're gorgeous and i love ur channel and ily
Madisyn, I literally love your singing, could you please do a video where you just sing your fav songs...
Gone Girl's monologue is just so brilliant
off topic but holy moly you rock this outfit
Tbh I think Something about Mary was satirical to some extent...at the end of the movie she ends up with a stereotypical “cool guy” who is nice, muscular, conventionally attractive, etc. So none of the men pursuing her in the movie win her over in the end, I really think all of the characters are an over exaggerated joke