@@jayless1004 yes and thats fear, not respect. Men dont go around tilting hats at eachother. Its either not wanting conflict or knowing they arent available. Youre giving waaay too much credit by assuming men respect eachother to this degree
How is she worthy of appreciation? She just goes on about how sick she is from being called pretty and receiving compliments in the most condescending way. People need a reality check, they're desperate to make themselves look oppressed when they obviously don't know what real oppression looks like.
@@silverknight1740 ur concerns are most certainly valid but actually i think it’s about people who aren’t society’s definition of attractive and how they need to work harder because of that. ,,, that’s the issue. she’s literally just saying how she used to be ugly and then when she got pretty people started noticing her and being kinder and sometimes people who “compliment” extremely attractive individuals can downright harass them. there are different types of oppressions. she’s not trying to be a victim she just made an observation about how people treat her. lets talk about celebs for a moment ,,, no matter how talented one is they will USUALLY succeed because they’re attractive (ofc u can be talented and attractive but nobody would care if a boy band is full of fat or ugly guys) IT IS AN ISSUE!!!!!!! ofcourse not as big as lets say racism or mysoginy but obviously it sucks how someone who’s pretty can get away with fucking murder if they want to. also pretty people need to deal with sexual harassment/ catcalls / people thinking they only got a good position in life because of their looks when they worked hard for it . we can talk about different issues and topics and not compare or undermine one or another. her “owning it” is about the pretty people who say “uggh im so ugly” when they know they are not,it just makes things worse. i think u can be oppressed in many ways , and putting down people for talking about their perspective won’t help anyone
@@meamaximaculpa5810 How are you implying she's not playing a victim when you just said in the previous sentence that being pretty is also a type of oppression? In the workplace, whether you like it or not, your skills will be challenged at some point. You'll have to be responsible even if you supposedly have a "genetic advantage" over others. This belief is bogus since it makes incompetent people who are bad at their job blame others who do make it for having privileges. When it comes to women truth be told, they can effortlessly get hundreds of matches on dating apps. Pretty privilege most likely doesn't exist for women in opposite sex relationships because men are not as picky. Only women find other more attractive women to be a threat for some reason. When it comes to the entertainment industry, Attractive performers have higher chances of success because sex sells. That's the reason why pop music videos are filled with sexual innuendos. They're selling fantasies to people because they induce dopamine, which makes them more money. What bothers me about people complaining about problems that don't even exist is it makes the real issues in the world seem less important. Especially if someone has a huge following and only uses their influence to whine about their nonexistent struggles instead of bringing forth something positive to the world. These people need to be aware of their illusions and if they're dealing with mental health issues like depression as a consequence of those thoughts, then they need to seek a therapist or a mental health professional.
@@silverknight1740 there are two types of oppressions based off of physical appearance 1. the people who AREN’T society’s definition of beautiful having less opportunities then people who are,being ridiculed and invisible 2. people who ARE society’s definition of beautiful being harassed,not praised for their efforts but rather for their physique and being mocked and belittled when i said being pretty CAN be a disadvantage i wasn’t referring to the video ,,, but in general. in the workplace, one can be competent and still have an advantage because of their appearance (idk if you’ve seen legally blonde but i highly suggest watching it because it shows the sides of both oppressions). ofcourse ugly people can be incompetent, so can pretty people but let’s just presume that is not in fact the case. (i have a classmate who is also recruited for modelling have a WAY better gpa than me,an ugly duckling with relatively average grades) you see pretty privilege is the societal advantage, often unearned, that benefit people who are perceived as pretty or considered beautiful. the issue is , this “privilege” often turns flattery and appreciation into harassment . and i dont know about you but i’d rather be ugly then harassed. also the thing about men “not being picky” is simply false, men are statistically way too focused on looks and they’re the reason of absurd beauty standards for women. also you saying she doesn’t know what real oppression looks like is downright ignorant cuz she is a black woman, whether or not she’s pretty she has been most likely opressed her whole life and held back because of her skin colour. both men and women can feel threatened by ones looks so I don’t really understand why’d you only talk about women when pick me boys exist as well? internalised mysogyny is a real issue that heavily connects to having the pretty privilege actually in more than one ways (like the ugly bff trope in the media or the dumb blonde one). also you saying that this undermines REAL oppressions and issues but pretty privilege is conditional and is not often extended to women who are trans, black and brown, disabled, older, and/or fat. Pretty privilege is real because it can give way to more popularity,higher grades, more positive work reviews, and career advancement. People who are considered pretty are more likely to be hired, have higher salaries, and are less likely to be found guilty and are sentenced less harshly. pretty people are treated better but there are good and bad sides to it.
I feel like people dont challange assholes in general. There are always those loud annoying assholes making fun of everyone to make others laugh and no one really says anything
I know you're prob gonna get hate for acknowledging yourself as an attractive person or pretty, but I appreciate it so much. The honesty and raw-ness is so refreshing and interesting to hear.
Haha I was just watching this on my laptop with headphones, and my brother just walked by and he was like: "wow who is that?!? She is sooo beautiful" lol
Pretty privilege has brought up the worst in me. I had this best friend in high school. She was really pretty. Like reaaally pretty. No one could deny it. People that never met her would talk about her. I wasn't ugly, but she was HOT. At some point I noticed I was becoming quite envious of her. Which was something I had never felt. I hate envy. So I panicked for feeling that way. Only recently I realized what the problem was. It wasn't that she was pretty. I loved looking at her and admiring her beauty, hyped her up when she rocked her fits, I was happy for her. The problem was that she was treated better than me constantly. Guys would want me out of the way to talk to her. I was always ignored. People would give her free stuff in front of me. I wasn't envious of her beauty. I just wanted to be treated like her. Being pretty does make life more interesting.
Thanks for explaining my situation😭🙏🏾 Now i’m all glowed up and i’m starting to notice how I get more attention. Kinda envious. I don’t want this..... like is this healthy ?
@@fadi0965 honestly there’s nothing you can do about it unless you want to call out that weird behavior but that can be awkward. it’s fine as long as you don’t let it give you a big head; that’s when people stop caring that you’re pretty lmao.
When you realize how much of a role your looks play on almost every aspect of life, everything begins to make sense. Now you begin to understand why people spend so much money and time in caring for their looks. It's an investment, really.
My Mum says to me "why do you want surgery?" "That's not going to change anything, it's not going to help you." And I'm like Mum... "you don't understand, it changes everything and it's going to help me in every aspect of my life."
@@aimeegardner9736 surgery doesn't make you pretty. Self care and confidence does wonders and is cheaper. Find a style that fits you, workout, and it eat better. It literally changes the way you look so fast
@@athenaconde2955 yeah, but for me it’s a more a proportions thing. I’ve always been very slim so no need to loose weight. My diet Isn’t amazing but not bad. All these things can’t change the look of my nose and the structure of my lower face. But, I here what your saying - it could help your skin/hair etc but that’s it
@@aimeegardner9736 Just be sure that it’s what you want and do your research and all that... I don’t understand why people bash others who get plastic surgery when the reason it’s such a profitable industry is because we all participate in this system that values beauty. It’s always been like this. Doesn’t mean it’s a good thing but I doubt it’ll change anytime soon.
Nothings feels more miserable knowing the only reason you can’t go somewhere or be with someone is because you’re “ugly”. Being considered the “ugly bff” is also miserable. Everyday I find myself telling myself I wish I was pretty or normal. I’ve been called ugly all my life and when you have a bff that has pretty privilege and everything you wish is being granted for someone else your close to and love, it’s HURTS.
I know what you are saying... I was always the ugly bff. Things became to get better when I started to know how to live alone and to be MY bff. Then everything changed. I'm still not the most attractive person in the world but now I really know my value.
id like to add that having felt that ive been the favored one sometimes when i go out w one of my best friends, it is also extremely upsetting to see men treat us differently ie ignore her and give me (superficial) attention. it makes me not wana go out at all, the last thing i want is my friend to feel bad. i dont give a shit abt those guys, i give a shit abt me and my friend enjoying our night together.. anyways im sorry this happens to people it fucking sucks. its happened to me as well but ive def benefited from pretty priviledge in my life..its cool and also shitty at the same time..everybody wants to be seen for who they really are inside.
girl u were pretty back then. u were just a kid that’s literally it 😩 that’s also something i hate abt society like let kids/teens be kids there’s no reason for us to be going thru schooling wishing to be prettier. like prettier for WHO??! i hate that young girls have to feel shitty abt themselves because of society and the male gaze
this is such a good point. like who decided girls in middle/high school had to be pretty? we all looked awkward back then, why were we made to feel insecure about it? it’s a natural part of growing up and it should be allowed i think
Omfg exactly, I remember being in middle school and having boys rate my ass saying that I didn't have anything... Like no fucking shit this is 8th grade 🤨🤨☠️.
To be fair. I’m not even joking. I only clicked on this video bc you’re pretty. I always do this and it’s so stupid. I literally always wish I got prettier so that people would like me and look at me.
@Kumani Davis I see what ur trying to say. But I think the better advice for a person who’s insecure would be to love themselves first before anything!
You are beautiful in your own way. Just like others are beautiful in thier way. Honestly in my entire life, I've never met someone who I thought was not pretty or beautiful. So be proud of yourself and be confident and believe me you'll feel way more prettier.
Im really insecure about my looks and 1 think that kinda helped me was faking confidence, and smiling at myself in the mirror . Im doing this for a month and I think that it helped me
[TW///SA] I developed early. By the time i entered middle school i had dd's. I would always hide them, and i wasn't pretty so no one would talk to me. It wasn't until 8th grade i started putting an effort into my appearance that i started getting attention. I wore makeup, did my hair, and i have the "desired" hourglass figure. I was happy with myself, and people talking to me was nice. However after a few months i noticed the downsides. I was naive, so it wasn't the most difficult to manipulate me. Grown men stared at me more. I became even more cautious when i went outside. I got followed for 3 HOURS by a group of guys in Manhattan. The thing that shocked me most was how my family treated me. I was assaulted by a family member and when i finally got the courage to speak up about it, i was "asking for it" by being pretty. I was barely 13. He was 38. I'm sorry for ranting, stay safe everyone.
@Paris Franklin you can’t do anything about your boobs developing earlier and you may never get them honestly, but the rest of your body can be toned and shaped with weight training and exercise. Join a sport or ask your parents for a gym membership. The next best thing to a pretty face is a nice body. Clear skin, white teeth and a good fashion sense will get you attention too. Wear clean clothes that flatter you and take care of you hair. Full luscious hair is always a plus. All these little things add up and boom...a glow up. Just take care of yourself and put some effort in basically.
@Paris Franklin This individual literally shared that their early development and society's obsession with beauty landed her in serious trouble and your reaponse is "how can I become overdeveloped?" Look, I know what it is to feel that bottomless yearning for companionship, to be desired, to look attractive, but you can't let it overrun you to the point where you just become a black hole that is self-obsessed with how to acquire beauty. You should be mindful not to let it overrun your thoughts, your ability to empathize and your humanity. This individual shared trauma and you sidestepped it like a puddle to ask how you can obtain beauty for yourself. Ignoring the point that she paid dearly for being beautiful. I think this is a sign to do more reflecting on your part and maybe a do a little more soul-searching about just how much do you let your desire for beauty consume you. And I say this with the intent of following my own advice because even though I don't believe I'm ugly i always find myself reaching for beauty because it's a moving target.
@Paris Franklin some ppl are late bloomers and some are early and some are just on time. the point is, you'll develop eventually just wait on ur body. and it's okay to be a late bloomer :)
EXACTLY! These people aren't being NICE...they want something in return, and think that they have a RIGHT to your body because a lot of people aren't taught about boundaries, and society's just generally TOXIC. I feel sorry for girls who are SO pretty that they get followed by creepy guys. It's so scary to think that there are people who want to kidnap and traffic these girls, or rape them simply because they won the genetic lottery for looks.
Yes! A friend of mine who is generally very pretty gets constantly harassed by guys in our class. I think it's in order to get her attention but you shouldn't harass somebody to get their attention!
@@enigmaticazaleas unfortunately people who are considered "ugly" do get harassed too, but yeah I think those considered pretty deal with it a bit more
This is definitely a big thing and I think many men, including myself didn't understand this when younger. We were indoctrinated by movies and rom coms to believe that we should just continue pursuing even when a girl says no because it's "romantic." On the other hand, many guys deal with with the exact opposite of this where society is indifferent to us. Too much or too little attention really messes up people
As an ugly woman (lol) I actually feel quite ostracized by the catcalling conversation. Because honestly, it never happens to me. And not that I want it to, but when people say stuff like "well it happens to all women" for a second I think "do I not get to belong to that category then?". Like I'm I truly so ugly that I don't even get to live the female experience (good or bad). Idk it really fucks with you because the feminist part of me is glad I don't get catcalled and then the internalized misogynist part of me is sad that I don't ever get catcalled. Edit: Damn I did not realize this would resonate with so many women. On the other hand some of you COMPLETELY missed the point based on your response. Thank you to all of you who got it and could relate for validating my feelings. I wish you all well!!
Sameeee I didn’t want to say it because I consider myself a feminist and I’m kind of embarrassed of myself but I always feel bad when I cannot relate to that experience for some weird reason. I still think im pretty tho (and I’m actually kinda happy I’m not attractive to those gross men who think is okay to catcall women on the streets)
Yep. Same for me. I accually sometimes have days when I think I'm fine looking but I never got a compliment so I just know that I'm not pretty. I also never been in a relationship even and I'm 18. Mayby that's considered still young to be dating but most of my friends do. So there must be smth wrong with me.
Sometimes, I feel as if some people are only considered pretty because they are not fat. Weight plus body type sometimes play a part in people seeing you as beautiful. I knew a girl who was considered pretty and after she gained a lot of weight people started treating her differently. When I lost weight people were more nicer to me.
@Blue Jackson That's true but if you put an average looking skinny girl next to her, most people will say the skinny girl is pretty just because she is small.
@@mops7081 Please don't do that, you will damage your body by starving it. My friends also treated me like crap because of my weight and I told them how I felt. I think it would be best if you tell them how you feel and if they don't stop mistreating you, you should just break up. Friends are suppose to love you for who you are and not how you look. Instead of starving yourself, you should try eating in moderation, it may take some time to lose weight but you will be able to avoid an unhealthy relationship with food.
Good point, KumaJoey. I remember when I was younger (a lot younger) my parents would say to me that I could be so pretty if I were just slimmer. My objection that you’re either pretty or not and it has nothing to do with your weight didn’t really count.
@@mops7081 trust me coming from someone who’s been down that path and still kinda is rn, it isn’t fun. It makes u feel so weak and takes a toll on your body. Plz eat.
Don’t worry about aging, it’ll age you even more. I’m 51, I just always took good care of myself, at a very young age. My husband is 32, he thought I was his age. Just do all you can mentally, internally, physically and emotionally to care of you.
Calling yourself "beautiful" is much better than calling yourself "ugly". Self-love doesn't make you selfish, and self-depreciation doesn't make you humble.
@@2cvlt740 forgot I commented this. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What you may find "average" or even "ugly", another can find ethereal. It's all up to personal preference. My comment still stands.
I also think your hairstyle is inviting. All women with locs just seem more interesting and approachable. Very earthy. Idkkkk why but I get that vibe all the time when a lady with locs enter the room or whatever
I've never been bullied but people just ignore me and I can see how different pretty girls are treated ... And it sucks 'cause I have two best friends that litteraly look like models. When I'm with them I just feel so ugly ; people only talk to them, take picture of them (No picture for me, lol ) and don't even say "hello" to me , even if I'm just in front of them... I'm not saying that my friends have social interactions because of their beauty, it's just easier for them . To have the same treatment I need to care about so much details... But that feeling of being invisible is so annoying !
I doubt you're ugly..but if it's any consolation,there are many well liked not so beautiful people in the world.because they give some thing to the world..find your thing, get confidence and get out there..you will attract the right friends
Guys tease attractive girls that they think are too good for them to lower the girl's self-esteem so that she will want to get their approval. But if a girl is truly unattractive, guys will just ignore her completely.
The thing with me is that I think I'm pretty but I don't have any validation from people when I go out etc, I barely get any attention from males, not that I care but I mean I guess Imthe only one that thinks I'm pretty lmaoo😂
@@bumblebee_0112 don’t let men be the deciding factor as it pertains to your worth and beauty. you ARE beautiful and their opinion really doesn’t matter. what matters is what you think and feel.
In 6th grade I heard some guys talking behind me and one of them asked “who’s the hottest girl in class” and the other guy said my best friend and then he was like “who’s the ugliest” and he said me. I cried for like... a hot second about that, lowkey still do, but when I got into high school I became friends with this other group of kids and they were always like “you’re so pretty” and as much as I didn’t wanna admit it I kinda needed that. It felt like currency at this point and I would go into episodes of depression if I didn’t get compliments at least weekly. I recently got into a skating accident and had to get stitches around of left eye area and I was absolutely terrified that no one would think I’m pretty. That doesn’t make it any better that mom kept saying “we’re gonna have to use that college fund for plastic surgery cause you’re not gonna get a husband like that” and I cried about it for weeks. It’s been a couple months since I’ve had to get my stitches and when I tell you I was genuinely surprised that I still have the same friends cause I thought they were all gonna leave me for not being “the pretty friend” anymore. Ok that was my stupid little rant that probably no ones gonna read but it feels good to let this out finally
I have like plain “privilege” if that makes sense...I’m like basically overlooked in a lot of social settings and it’s honestly a vibe because I don’t attract any negative energy. I don’t get any positive energy either but you can’t have it all 🤷🏻♀️.
I mean you can "turn it off" so to speak. You can wear super unflattering clothes, walk with your head down, wear make up that doesn't look good on you, leave your hair disheveled etc. Most people glow up because they discover what clothes look good on their body type, what makeup looks best on them, what hairstyles accentuate their best facial features, what colors compliment their skin tone, move with more confidence, etc. In your old pictures you don't look ugly. It's just some of your makeup and clothing choices didn't work on you.
It really is tbh. I mean, sure - 1/1000 people are so attractive that they'll at least be above average even when they try to look as unkempt as possible. But lots of people just gotta wear unflattering clothes, and go completely bare faced to go from pretty to plain.
It's worth noting, imo, for poc what is considered pretty is usually determined through a white lens. When poc are considered conventionally attractive a big part of it may be because they hold features associated with European ethnic groups: i.e. blue or non-brown eyes, slim noses, lighter hair, fairer skin (thus why colorism becomes so prevalent). As a South Asian, for example, a big part of why actress Ashwariya Rai is considered to be so beautiful is because she is skinny, with fair skin, and light colored eyes. All of which are qualifications distinctly chosen not by South Asians, but by Europeans (or at least influenced by), which then trickles throughout global communities. This of course doesn't touch the fetishization of poc features making them much more sought after commodities in the 2000s (thanks in part to rich white elites popularizing them and hallmarking them as their own). Who judges beauty competitions? Who owns Conde Nast? Who are the editors for Fashion Magazines, and who decides who gets a spot on the runway? The beauty icons who determine our tastes aren't usually chosen by people of color. So yeap if you are white have a big nose, or a couple extra pounds, with acne, absolutely a poc may get your seat at the table. But a seat at the table doesn't make you the CEO. Pretty privilege is very real but the beauty standards that decide who is pretty and who isn't aren't made by poc. This may make no sense srry I typed this at 4 in the morning.
@@christianngo9426 no Asian people do not match or come close to the beauty standards of India, there are a lot of racist terms used to describe east asians and even black people in India. The people of northeast India have very similar features to east asians and they are not treated as well in other parts of the nation.
Also colorism existed in India before colonialism by the west, but they definitely reinforced it. It does not do to put all the blame on our colonial inheritance or its neocolonial cultural ramifications. The main reason why such prejudices predominate in Indian caste circles has to do with internal reasons. As a nation, we are yet to face up to the racism and sexism that runs through many caste narratives. Before the British brought us stories of ‘African’ cannibalism, we had our own stories of cannibalism - associated, from classical texts down to some current Chitra comics, with dark-skinned, non-‘Aryan’-looking creatures. Similarly, the way we have often treated aboriginal women in India - partly because their dress codes and social mores differ from mainstream Hindustani (Hindu, as well as Muslim) ones - is simply shocking. We tend to forget that the worst of internal prejudice in India has been traditionally aimed at ‘dark’ Dalits and dark-skinned aborigines (‘tribals’, not as much at castes like the largely ‘fair-skinned’ Yadavs or Ansaris). This has not changed substantially even today.
I'm only pretty with makeup. I constantly notice the difference between how I'm trited when I wear it and how I'm treated when I don't. When I don't people don't even look at me and I'm quit invisibile while when I wear it people instantly talk to me and want to know me.
Me too. When I have makeup on people are so friendly but without it not so much. It sucks because i sometimes dont want to put makeup on but i then feel anxious that people will change how they feel about me if I dont look good
I'm literally scared to go out in town or college without makeup bcs I'm scared that people will treat me shitty and people at college will think "wow she's actually pretty ugly"
Wow I’ve never related to anything more in my life. I know that I think I’m pretty without makeup (sometimes), but I don’t think other people will think I’m pretty with no makeup on. The biggest reason being because I only get called pretty or complimented when I’m wearing makeup. It’s discouraging. I’m also dark skinned so I feel like I have to have an exceptional appearance in order to be liked.
I have to disagree about the whole age thing! I’ve seen so many people that looked better in their 40s -60s then their 20s/30s. When you take care of yourself with fitness and health it helps your appearance a lot but yeah pretty privilege is seem to be a blessing and a curse.
@@MadisynBrown Fr! were gonna look 20 fro decade, my mom is half way to 50 andIm 19 and we get mistaken for the same age, do not worry, just do what Gabrielle Union did, she played a teenager well into her thirties, were coolin man , I love being a black woman!
I’d say I am considered pretty, but I’m average enough to be “ugly” if I want to be. But pretty privilege really has me messed up. I really believe pretty privilege is rooted in whiteness. The more Eurocentric features you have, the more attractive you appear. I notice I draw more attention when my hair is straight or braided in long box braids. I draw attention because my curl pattern is looser and my hair is softer. But when I am put up against an “average” white counterpart, they are always chosen over me. Why? Because I am still a dark skinned black woman. No matter how aesthetically pleasing I may look, I am still not accepted to a degree and it’s one of the reasons why I’ve remained single for basically my entire life. Dating is tiring. Being fetishized by men is exhausting. Having to work harder to prove my worth as a woman makes me want to scream.
Girl girl girl I feel your comment to my mf core, at this point I'm trying of get comfortable with the idea of just being the cool single traveling aunt 🏖🍹if I can't find someone to love me for me, shit I'm just doing me then
Wait, I’m confused. So if a guy chooses a white girl over you, it’s because of eurocentric beauty standards and you as a black woman aren’t of any value but if a guy does choose you, it’s bc they fetishize black women? Men just can’t win, can they
@@rifjehan2474 More like a guy is more likely to pick an average white woman (with eurocentric features ofc) than a beautiful black woman, and sadly if he doesn’t, the reason isn’t usually because the black woman is more beautiful but because of some preconceived notion the guy has about how she is as a black woman, specifically. Guys can win by simply treating black women as *people* (which is usually the answer for these kinds of questions lol).
Pretty privileged is such a tease, because the world is so uncomfortable when a woman knows she’s beautiful. So much so, that I only suspected I was beautiful when people close to me pointed out the special treatment I receive. I passively accept compliments, gifts and gestures. I am rarely aware of a mans advances because they have become benign due to their frequency. But, when I look at my self, my first impression isn’t beauty. It’s critical. In our society, a woman’s beauty is not her own. It’s can one be consumed but her onlookers. This is why women often don’t feel beautiful until a (powerful) man tells her so. I love this conversation because it allows women of utilize the power of beauty without the influence of a man. Raw feminine power.
"In our society, a woman's beauty is not her own. It's can one be consumed but her onlookers." passenger princess podcast, please become a writer i'll buy all of your books
I mean my sisters much prettier than me and I mean MUCH prettier honestly I'm not mad she looks gorgeous in everything she wears and I love her so so much I'd die for her but recently since we both hit puberty she started growing breasts. all the boys in my class have crushes on her and my mum obviously prefers her to me she always buys her jeans and clothing in the style she wants because she says she'll always be "her little princess" and completely forgers about me. She says that she doesn't have a favorite sister but I know she does and it really hurts me. So i do sometimes think I were prettier if I would be treated as nicely? Sorry I wrote so much I kinda got in my feels thanks for reading down to here if you did ❤️
For me pretty privilege depends on who’s around me. Sometimes I can be considered the “pretty” one and sometimes be considered the “ugly” one but I never really give it much thought but I’d be lying if I sat here and say I don’t compare myself to random people
This. And sometimes I actually find myself approaching people who I think are "uglier" than me (or at least I feel much much less anxious around them) just so that I can make myself feel better, and I despise that I do this, it's pathetic and purely the result of my own insecurities.
I feel the same way. Some people (guys too), would still think I'm attractive or cute but there are times where I'm surrounded by those who would probably be considered prettier than me. I feel like my appearance is right in the middle, it just depends.
Speaking the truth. I envied my pretty friends so much for being sexy and most liked and I was the shadow. I was an ugly duckling with cystic acne, didn’t know how to do my hair, did know how to dress. I didn’t glow up until I was 18, it happened spring break. I went from being a nobody to dating the most popular guy at school, everyone knowing my name and people being my friend. It was so odd and confusing since it was so fast. I somehow find great friends and men bc I don’t care about looks. I’m 21 now & I love deep, non-toxic, smart & intellectual talks and it takes more than being pretty to reciprocate that.
@@ariesgirl371 i'm so sorry, thats horrible, but take it from me, if u want, your a very beautiful girl, i think the mind tends to play tricks on us alot
i hate when people say that there's no such thing as ugly and everyones beautiful in their own way. ofc its kind of true?lots of people are attracted to unconventional features and the personality of the person really makes you thin kthey are uglier or prettier. But overall, theres a hierarchy based on "how conventionally attractive are you" that defines how you are treated in society, and i hate when people pretend there isnt. The worst thing is that many "glow up"things can be achieved with money, and im poor lmao
I remember watching a documentary of Princess Margaret and Princess Elizabeth, and thinking, "Wow, Margaret was way prettier than Elizabeth, she should've been queen." And then I was like, wait a minute! I'm really being that shallow right now? Then I started to think about all the different ways beauty is advantageous. It's definitely there and it's definitely interesting.
I realised pretty privilege was a thing when I was 10. I had a friend who stuck out as being very attractive and I was pretty much a very unattractive looking kid at that age (I didn't care about my appearance at all). This girl was very manipulative, would make me and my other friend feel insecure for fun. Yet, everyone seemed to let her get away with it. She'd become really shy around new people and not utter a word, especially older people but yet it was like everyone was obsessed with her, talking about how gorgeous and cute she is and then said nothing about me. I always thought... I'm talkative & confident, she doesn't say a single word to people we meet... yet she immediately receives all the compliments and praise. It was starting to grate on me that I wasn't received with as much positivity, so I thought possibly it was because I was too loud/annoying (I didn't consider my looks because I never thought it was important). To test whether my personality was the problem, I decided when I met new people with her I would silence myself and start copying her behaviour which was literally saying "yes/no" and smiling. Regardless of me acting like her, she still received all the compliments and nobody paid any mind to me. I just couldn't understand it and tell It hit me as I got older that people treated her better and usually me unkindly purely because of the difference in looks. Looks didn't matter to me at the time, but it mattered to the rest of the world and it would influence how fairly I was treated. I learnt personality wasn't that important because she was mean/toxic yet treated like an angel & I was sensitive and kind but treated poorly. This was the very beginning of my social anxiety disorder & body dysmorphia. It's wrong, It's not how things should be.
i am sorry to hear that unfortanetaly alot of adults are shallow and toxic i hope you heal remember good looks does not equal happiness there are many unhappy good looking people and happy intelligent average looking people
I connect with this in a way where I know im pretty but I dont want to say it out loud because I'll be considered vain and maybe get humbled and that scares me. I'm glad that I wasnt the only person who felt like this, we cant really talk about this honestly because we'll sound 'vain' and 'obsessed with ourselves' I hate it
yeah you’re def not alone in that. i felt that way for such a long time (still do sometimes) but it’s okay to know that you’re beautiful, fuck what one direction said
Yes, people who are confident in themselves can be seen in a negative light. Our world definitely loves to uplift people who self-depreciate themselves. And I find this sad because I think it's a good thing to be confident in yourself. Obviously, cockiness can get annoying but feeling like your a pretty person is a good thing.
I had a major glow up this past year. I lost 80 lbs, switched from glasses to contacts, got Invisalign and closed my large gap, and learned how to wear makeup. Life is so drastically different I feel like I’m dreaming sometimes. People are so nice to me and guys are finally interested in me. The hardest part is that I’ve internalized all of the poor treatment from when I was ugly and still think there’s something inherently wrong with me. I realize now how important looks are and how it determines the quality of your life. The majority of my time is spent maintaining my beauty with long routines and figuring out how to become more beautiful. It’s so exhausting.
As the ugly friend, I was always envious of my best friend growing up. She was light-skin, had loose curls and a curvy body. The way we was treated was vastly different, people respected her and was naturally drawn to her. It really took a hit on my self-esteem. However, what I learned over the years is there’s a difference between being desired and being valued. Relationships based on your looks aren’t sustainable and don’t carry substance. It was no surprise that my best friend would tell me she felt isolating and disconnected even with all those people who desired her.
Cant wait until everyone leaves their physical forms and none of us have faces or bodies anymore so we can be judged on who we are not what we look like.
Can’t wait to judge your spiritual ball of energy (I’m just kidding, lol, but I feel like someone out there will find something to judge even if we didn’t have a physical body)
Tbh no one really wants the slim Barbie nose or a slim thick body we just want to be treated like those who have it. Also what you said about people expecting you to behave nice and shit is called the halo effect.
I agree. I enjoy seeing beauty, but it'd be nice if it were a standard offering to treat EVERYONE w/ kindness & dignity (unless they don't want it). Why is it so hard to be f'n DECENT?!?
A friend of mine told me when we were in high school that I see beauty everywhere. I only realized what she means now that I'm in my thirties. So many things to like about someone's face and body. I notice the smallest most beautiful things. Sometimes, it is your eyelashes; sometimes, it is skin tone. At times, it is your mouth. I love the natural rings on people' necks. Sometimes, it is the subtle things you do, like the way you look to the side. I once saw a blonde woman standing directly under a light. That created a sort of yellow reflexion above her head. I was just staring; I made her uncomfortable. But I was simply admiring her. I see this beauty in men and women, and I am 100% heterosexual. Might be because I find myself to be beautiful, although some people have stated the opposite in the past.
I see beautiful in the things society deem as flawed. They are all the cutest things. Ironically, I have difficulties seeing the beauty in my own flaws.
@@karmaisablessingful I'm sorry to hear that. But you won't see beauty in your "flaws" until you accept them. Wanting to be flawless is a sort of exceptionalism that doesn't exist. Name one single person who you know is perfect? I don't even know why we use that word, it cannot be embodied. To be honest, I wish the word "flaws" would simply be replaced by "differences". I am an African woman, from bantu descent. I will NOT have the same features as the Swedish women. I SHOULDN'T. Accept you, sweetie. With love.
@@denfolo5224 Very true. Great point. Ww should be acknowledged for having differences rather than wanting us to be the same. Ugh, I want to believe someone can love me for my differences the way I do. All things are possible.
I also struggled with out-growing my own conceitedness, because I glowed up so fast and received a lot of attention at a young age. People would literally come up to me and the first thing they would say is, "You're pretty, want to be our friends?" It made it so hard to find genuine friends who wanted me for me. This pretty privilege subjected me to being involved in rumors and drama. I lost all of my friends who in turn started bullying me. I suffered years of depression because of it. In Highschool, I had a guy fall head over heels for me, but couldn't list a reason why he liked me except for the reason being I was pretty. To this day it's been really hard for me to form relationships with other women and to trust men from all of the trauma I experienced. Pretty privilege is not always a privilege.
@@Phantomopery5 i agree wholeheartedly. Absolutely no one asked at all but here’s my journey 😂: As a young girl I was quite outgoing but once I entered high school, i became hyper aware of myself and my flaws. I became quiet and reserved, so much to the point that my friends would comment on how much I had changed. It got to the point where I struggled to make eye contact with people. I wore big t shirts, sneakers, and my hair in a bun every day. I did not want to be noticed. And it worked. I felt pretty invisible while also feeling insecure about how I looked. And all my friends were having guy experiences. I felt jealous of them. Because I just felt undesirable, while they would talk about guys and I had nothing to add because no guys liked me. Then I moved right before my senior year of high school. And with that move, I started dressing differently (I went from big t shirts to crop tops and nice jeans). I had a great figure because I ran track, but I was always too scared to show it off before. I was still scared and self conscious, but I felt like I wanted a change. I wanted to be noticed for once. I wore my hair down instead of always keeping it in a bun. And of course, when I started at my new school guys started noticing me. Guys in school approached me, the “pretty new girl”, asked for my number. Even some girls came up to me and told me I was pretty. Outside of school too, I would get attention. That same year I started dating a college junior that noticed me and came up to me. All of it made me feel a certain discomfort (I wasn’t used to it) but also it made me feel really good for a little while (the feeling never lasted though). As I grew up and went through college, I realized that boys really only wanted me for one thing. They liked how I looked and thought I was pretty, but they never cared much about me as a person, no matter how well they pretended. True colors always came to light. I was just sex to them really. It took a few times of me getting my feelings hurt and guys changing up after we did it for me to realize that. I was often desired, but never valued. And that hurt too. I’m 22 now. So all of this wasn’t that long ago lol. But I’ve learned a lot within the past few years. I realized that I want to be valued, accepted. and seen for who I am. I tried to use my looks as a way to feel that. But that will never make you truly happy. I also want to say, me “glowing up” did nothing to fix the issues and insecurities I suffered with internally. I was finally considered pretty, and I was still as insecure as ever. I depended on other people telling me I was pretty to feel good about myself for quite some time. I needed the validation. So being pretty doesn’t magically fix all of your problems and the hurt inside.
@@jaylove1931 the thing about validation is so true, well at least for me. Yes i became more attractive, but i still feel just as insecure as ever, and maybe even more dependant to adoration from other people.
Yes, I think there are 2 sides to pretty privilege. There's the side that was talked about in this video, but there's also the side that women may see you as a threat because you're pretty and treat you horribly which you talked about. There are even studies to prove that pretty women are not always liked by other women. I think this sometimes has to do with the fact that for women it's ingrained that we chase male attention so when we see someone who is pretty we go into competition mode and it can make you feel insecure about your looks. We also assume that this person has an easier time gaining male attention which is another reason we go into competition mode.
My sister and I have different lives, and partly it’s based on appearance. She’s bigger because food has been a comfort to her because of her autism. My family and others were so kind and friendly to me but when they see her, the looks they give her and comments made me furious. On the flip side, I’m 31 now, and wish I didn’t care about my appearance so much because I know it’s going to fade. Stay kind, my friends, and God bless
I remember once I told my mom that why I am looking ordinary. In reply my mom said that who told your are looking ordinary. You are my beautiful princess , just focus on your study. After that I never felt that I am ordinary. She loves me and I have her and that's I think more than enough to live a life.
If you’re too ugly, people treat you like a pile of garbage. If you’re too pretty, people objectify you and you can never tell if they’re being genuine. If you’re borderline ugly/attractive, you just feel boring and average. You can never win with any look in society.
I have ADHD, dyslexia and avpd. My self esteem is already low then I have to add being ugly and clumsy. Men my life is not fun, I'm 24 and never even been kissed. I even stopped crushing on people about 7 years ago. I think I'm okay with not getting attention but I know it affects me sometimes
I had a glow up at 17, i went from the ugly girl to one of the prettiest in the class. That was in senior year and it was so weird for me to be in that new school, many guys liked me now, i had many friends and was quite popular. Which was a huge change from my past school, where i was considered ugly and a loser. It's crazy, as a child and early teen i was judged by others bc i was ugly. My classmates were mean to me and would talk "behind my back" quite literally and i would hear it, my only backbone of self steem was my intelligence and later on my sense of humor and nice personality. I never thought i would be that girl in senior year, but yeah, and i didnt even wear makeup or did my hair differently, it was interesting. Lol i cried the other day opening up to a friend about being targeted my whole life for being ugly and the being only liked because i was pretty. My ex did that and it hurt me so bad, its been two years since we broke up and it still fucks with me. My whole life i wished i was pretty and when i was, it wasn't that perfect. I find that i click better guys as friends and now its harder for me to make new friends bc yeah sometimes they just wanna get with me. And about the cheating, same thing happened to me, and i was quite in a bad state, as i had just gotten out of that other relationship and that guy knew. I also notice that i get more likes and followers when i look prettier. Nonetheless, I like being pretty, as I was always quite vain and being ugly really made me feel terrible, and people were terrible to me in school up until high school where i would put them in their place if they dared to say anything to me lol. But still, I like being pretty, I like not wanting to crawl in a hole everytime i see myself
Well if you’re starting drama in the beginning, that gives a reason why people hate pretty people. No idiot would attack you because you’re pretty, unless you actually made them your enemy.
@@imamenace7709 Jealousy can make people wanna bring you down and sometimes a kid just starts as the perfect victim and punching bag and despite not being ugly, other kids will tell them to feel better about themselves.
@@imamenace7709 the fact that you assumed pretty people start drama already goes to show that you’re probably one of the bullies that would attack a pretty person for no reason lmao
Literally I wish I had pretty privilege… as shallow as that sounds. Getting bullied at school for 10 consecutive years for your looks… really does effect you. Walking on the street with your pretty friends & them getting attention & guys just ignoring you… really effects you. There are days I have to physically cover my mirror because I can’t stand looking at myself. If I was pretty… it would be so much easier for me. Everything would. I truly believe that.
I checked your page and I'm shocked you are saying this. You're pretty! I truly believe it's a mind thing because I probably would be considered as less attractive than you (darkskin, wide nose) but I think I'm mad pretty😂
I was skinny and fat and chubby... and now I’m overweight lol. And strangers treated me extremely differently when i was skinny (really well, got numbers a lot made friends easier) compared to when I was fat (ignored and treated not that great). and now that I’m not fat or skinny i get some of the attention I used to but not as much but it’s still more than when I was fat haha. Great video :)
Especially the dating part is so true. It’s mostly harder to find someone who really is interested in getting to know you than someone who wants to have a fun time with you and have sex and then heads out right after! This is what mostly sucks about being conventional/pretty :/
the thing is, even conventionally ugly people go through that too. i think that’s one of the main issues i had w this video, although it was very good, is that a lot these issues aren’t exclusive to pretty people.
Beauty privilege is a double edged sword, I often feel like a fraud and have let people reduce me to my looks. I am considered beautiful, I like taking care of myself but I am so much more than that, so imagine how angry I got when my friend told me I wasn’t allowed to complain about my personal issuesbecause “at least you’re pretty” Dating has been hell so far, every relationship I had I felt like a piece of meat put up for display. I’ve been cheated on and showed off to friends of my partners as If I was an object. I’m still healing and trying not to fault my appearance.
In my middle school years every time I posted a picture of myself on social media I never once got compliments, at family reunions I was always known as the ugly sister, I was asked out as a joke multiple times, people would whisper and point at me and then laugh. I’m approaching the end of my high school years and the same people I’ve known since elementary are just now giving me compliments and praising me. I am aware people aren’t obligated to compliment me but to know that the same people who thought I was ugly are now the same people calling me hot and cute makes me feel weird. This have made me skeptical about romantic relationships because like I said, I was asked out at a joke multiple times so now when someone ask me out I can’t help but wonder what they would think of me if I still looked like my prior self. I definitely have a lot of unsolved trauma that I need to resolve before I can truly be happy. Wishing whoever is reading this the best of luck on their journey, you got this!
People just happened to be beautiful in the eyes of the entire society, but I don't get why we would praise genes that we don't even choose, I rather compliment someone because they are intelligent, creative, than pretty?
i feel like i would rather compliment someone based on just what they do and how they help people. not their skills if that makes sense since not everyone can be intelligent.
ikr. ive always had this annoying feeling when i see really good looking people on tv or in moves say stuff like "Ur parents did such a great job!" thinvs like that.😭
Anytime a guy brings up my looks on a date and doesn't give me any other compliments on my personality or skills, I won't do a second date. It's not worth my time because they are going into the relationship with shallow expectations.
I used to be considered ugly growing up too. I had acne and according to people “didn’t dress up good”. Ever since I started taking care of my clothes and my skin everybody around me is treating me like I’m a different person? Like bro I had the same face before but you called me ugly. It’s so superficial how so many of our social institutions work
So both my best friend and I are pretty good looking as adults (her more so than me) but she never had an awkward phase and I had a crazy long one and was bullied pretty relentlessly for over four years and then more lightly for maybe another 3. She's always been a really nice lovely person who is just a joy to be around. She reminds me of Jane Bennett. I have this theory that she is so nice because everyone has always been nice to her. It's made her optimistic and positive and genuine because she's always seen the best in people. I feel like as I've grown up I've had to really struggle to break myself of the habit of being sarcastic and cynical and even rude sometimes. There can definitely be a tendency to lash out at people before they are mean to you, regardless of if they were actually going to be in the first place. This becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where you think no one will like you and then no one does because you're kind of a jerk. I've definitely gotten a lot better with this as I've gotten older, and of course it got easier as I got more attractive and the world started to treat me better. I'm not trying to defend my behaviour at all, more like point out that sometimes pretty people like my friend are also just genuinely nicer. Not because being pretty is the same as being nice, but because being treated well and expecting to be treated well makes it easier to be happy and to treat others well. I do agree with your statement about dating though. I've had more success with long term relationships than her because she's always had guys be very enthusiastic to date her but it's based on preconceived notions of her not on her personality, so she'll invest time and then it will fall through because they weren't well suited in the first place. Alternatively I have a harder time finding partners but when I do it lasts a long time and usually ends amicably because we already knew we were well suited before we started dating.
My therapist also told me this. I push people away because I have been bullied and unconsciously expect rejection. Im healing now but romantic relationships are still out for me because I cant be a healthy partner.
Wow when I read the part about how guys are enthusiastic to date her, but it's basically based on her appearance... That really hit home. A lot of guys want to date me because I'm pretty, but it really doesn't last that long and sometimes their interest fades quickly (while I don't have a shitty personality). Maybe I'm flattered by all the attention, but in the end I always end up a bit hurt because they run away or don't want to fully commit after they show their interest :(
Yes! I was a comfortable introvert when I was younger. Nobody bothered me. I was an avid reader, gamer and a loner by choice. Had no real social skills and couldn't be bothered by what my peers were doing or what anyone thought of me for that matter. I was a super late bloomer that was still developing in my early adult yrs. This change my physical appearance and changed my life for the worse, I thought initially. First semester of college was like a bucket of cold water. I expected myself to excel academically as I had done always, but never could have imagined the almost overwhelming flood of male attention. I didn't understand it. I stayed in my dorm for most of the time. And anytime I stepped out someone would approach me. I had guys knocking at my door without me encouraging the behavior at all. I never spoke. I was very shy and not outspoken at all. It made me anxious all the time. Even the older adult staff on campus would make comments or give compliments. I was not used to it, not ready for it, nor did I ever want that kind of attention. I did not know how to respond to it and quite honestly it made me stress to the point that it affected my school work. In the first year I counted 20+ guys asking for my number, to hang out, ect. With one guy from the basketball team (6'9) coming to my dorm asking if "I wanted to f*" without ever really interacting. There was no way someone like me could prepare for it. I kept count because I thought it was unbelievable, and actually thought someone somewhere was playing a joke. Nope. I also experienced physical harrassment that I sort of down played so that I could safely leave. Being "beautiful" also means being a target. I have since matured a lot and though I'm still single and keep to myself, I'm a lot more comfortable in social settings. I can now see apparent privileges and gaining confidence has helped me have more control of situations.
@@TheJXP5 As an introvert myself, I relate to your experience, in general. I'm SO grateful not to have prominent "lady lumps" because I don't even want to fathom how horrible the sexual harassment would be. I think there's a sweet spot of attractiveness, where you're neither plain/ugly or so hot that you receive unwanted attention everywhere you go, if you're someone who values character more (even if you have a great appreciation for aesthetics). Being "pretty enough" means that you're probably not going to get mistreated as those who are on the far ends of either side of the spectrum would.
yes!! idk how to explain it well but the thought of someone being attracted to me just 😬😬makes me so uncomfortable. i dont want to be seen as a sexy body. i want people to KNOW me.
I’ve believed most of my life I was not pretty. I knew I was smart, but not pretty. I came from an abusive home and I was called ugly, black, most of my growing up. I could not see myself for what I was. As I grew and changed people thought I was more attractive and I thought it was shallow. I still did not feel pretty. I can’t say even now I feel pretty but I like myself which matters most.
I was really overweight and insecure growing up and had one of those “glow ups” after puberty (lost weight, wore clothes that fit me, let my eyebrows grow back) and my everyday experiences changed dramatically. My shy personality didn’t change at all but people are more open to befriending me even if I barely speak to them. Salespeople at clothing stores try harder to a sell me clothing instead of letting me shop around on my own, and I actually got jobs I was under qualified for. I haven’t come to terms with it yet and still view myself as the same person- when people look at me on the street or smile at me, I assume I have spinach in my teeth or something. I still live in the same city as where I grew up and the pretty, thin girls I was jealous of in my dance class actually acknowledge my presence now. It makes me feel weird, as if I was invisible before.
Im very average looking but the shopping point is so true ! People associate looks with wealth often. When u look pretty, people think u put a lot of effort in your looks and have enough money to do that . You know that saying : " shes not pretty , were just poor " ? Sure its implicating plastic surgery but i feel like it has a lot more layers to it .only Attractive people are on ads which advertise anything fashion or self care related , so people naturally think these are the type of people who can afford it. Thats why people expect u to buy more than the average person imo
Imagine if you were more likely to be disliked or teased from first appearances. Would that be easier? Not saying your experience is easy though, it’s probably hard.
Contradicting to say "I'm accustomed to people telling me I'm pretty and I now feel this need to maintain this standard of pretty" while also saying "being pretty doesn't change my personality or mannerisms" You are very pretty but it has changed you, that much you admitted. Its fine, people are constantly changing. But it's just funny to hear one phrase be contradicted literally not even a minute after saying it. Like yeah I feel this need to be pretty but it hasn't changed me at all. 😅
I was called ugly my entire life, only to find out I was actually PRETTY the whole time?! Right after graduating, I was told I was pretty but weird and therefore made myself unapproachable. The guys at school were mean to me because I didn’t give them the time of day. Girls were mad because they thought the guys wanted me. So most people were mean to me- and that’s paraphrasing what they said not me being conceited. I still have a complex about my looks and still feel like I’m ugly no matter what I do, even though I experience pretty privilege. That’s so messed up :/
wow, you touched on so many topics & they’re all true, especially the external validation. i feel that physical beauty is a title awarded by society, and while women can take steps to make themselves more beautiful, they don’t reap any benefits if no one else validates the way they look. there’s a real loss of control over self-identity when a major part of yourself is defined by society. extra important to find and stick with the people who view you as a pretty human being, instead of just pretty.
girl i didn't think i had a lot of pretty privilege but almost every single point you made i related to, like when you said i rely on my looks and feel pressured by my self into having to look pretty like it's my job, or the thought of loosing my face either from aging or an accident horrifies me, and i have been complimented on my looks a lot for a 15 y/o but maybe i'm too insecure to notice that i'm acc pretty to others, but anyways i find this topic so fascinating thank you for talking ab it, you're beautiful btw
I love the fact I can actually relate to this bc while a lot of people always think they looked rough early teens or in late elementary I barely even recognize myself from then and even over quarantine I changed a bit as most did but it’s so weird to go into a store and feel welcomed bc you’re “attractive” or even told to go help out with something bc you’re the sweeter face or the friend you take insta pics with to post but ignore the rest of the week idk and not to mention it’s ridiculous how I can’t even walk around the grocery store without feeling the eyes of older men on me when I’m just trying to get chips but I also recognize I do make friends faster and more people care abt you it’s way different then what the bullied little overweight girl in 6th grade would’ve thought bc you go from having paper thrown into your hair to people calling it beautiful practically overnight but yea that’s my two cents :)
@@tinazinhle8352 In men, bodyfat is stored to a significantly higher degree in the face than it is in women. So there are some men who lived their youth with hidden good bone structure, lost fat and then basically started looking like high fashion models, or at least very close. At this point they even start getting aproached by girls, inspite of them having like zero self esteem.
I think people gotta realize catcalling isn't dependent on how pretty you are, its how NOTICEABLE you are. How much you stand out against the other people around you (or the lack of them, I've only been catcalled when it's only been me and my sisters on the sidewalk)
This.. im overweight and have had men follow me. I cant stand that argument bc it’ll invalidate actual real trauma and it just implies pretty people are the sole keepers of that
@@cremepuffle Not to mention the strange number of girls who think just because theyve never been catcalled theyre ugly/girls who are jealous of girls who get catcalled despite it not being fun
Or on how "weak" you seem. Sometimes they choose to catcall you because you seem more shy, young or small to them so it makes them less afraid that you will actually call them out.
Love your video. However when I was in high school I didn’t think I was attractive or “pretty”. I had many insecurities about my body and my face. I am small build and tall 5”9 to be exact lol. But as I got older am 26 now I realize that I am “pretty” no matter how people view me. I myself believe that I am beautiful. I do get compliments from guys whether am looking my best or not. Funny thing I have guys wanting to add me just because am pretty and I find it annoying at times because I don’t whose genuine or fake. But being pretty does have its challenges and opportunities. Sending love from The Bahamas
As someone who also grew up believing I was ugly and became “pretty” late high school it’s crazy how much I relate to your thoughts in this video, from the childhood dream of wanting to be the most beautiful to realising how other people externally reinforce your own opinion of your appearance to the fear of growing old. When I was younger I never bothered with my appearance and instead placed focus on my hobbies and learning as much as I could but now I spend more time looking in the mirror and focusing on ways to make myself look the best and it’s starting to scare me too because I was never this vain.
For me it was the other way round, in high school I was pretty, and guys talked to me all the time, and when I went to college and got hit on so much. I had blond hair, I was skinny etc. On dating apps I would match almost every time I swiped right. Then now I've cut my hair short and it's brown again, I gained a little bit of weight. I've never been happier within myself, but on dating apps I get hardly any matches, and no guys ever message me. At first when I cut my hair I was so insecure that no guys liked me anymore, but now I just live for myself and my happiness. My value and identity as a person comes from the values I live by, how I treat myself, how I treat my friends, and doing purposeful meaningful work that I enjoy.
I'm so happy she calls herself pretty because, as a person that's not conventional beautiful, one of the most hurtful and invalidating things for me is when pretty people claim that they're ugly...
I remember when an influencer went viral for saying something like I would rather die than not be beautiful and people dunking on her but I always felt that I understood what she meant, of course I don't think that taking it to that extent is good but I get the sentiment and I think it's because society puts so much pressure on looking good especially for women that when you do look good it can so easily become a major part of who you are
I was fat , and men weren't interested in me , I never got a boyfriend , but when I lost weight and became beautiful , all of a sudden men started to show up in my life , they didn't accept me when I was ugly and fat , but they liked me because I was pretty , I really feel you , and the worst part is that the one who bullied me when I was fat suddenly liked me when I was beautiful , I ended up regaining the weight and all men vanished , AGAIN , the fact that men will only like for your looks is hard to accept , but I', learning to accept men as they are
My classmates consider me ugly , but I really looked at myself in the mirror one day was like “ I’m not even ugly “ I didn’t start getting more attention until my body started to develop aka bigger boobs and a curvy body people are attracted to my body more than my face
Great video love 🤎 and shout out from NYC 🤩 I went through the same thing as you growing up - I was the ugly duckling and got bullied for my looks. I started to grow into my looks and of course puberty helped in high school. But once I started college, I glowed the eff up and allll the dusty boys back in h.s. crawled out 😂 pretty privilege has been quite an experience, especially when you didn’t grow up “pretty.” Like you said, the dual experience builded your character. I also really feel you on your appearance as an attachment to your identity!!! The catcalling in New York is so spot on 🤦🏻♀️ it was always the black/Hispanic guys that were the most aggressive with the cat callings (would be interested in video on this topic). I’m Asian and don’t look stereotypically “oriental.” I was born in the south Bronx and I was not seen as pretty when I was young, and was made fun of my looks. But as I got older, I’ve gotten so many compliments and attention for my looks. It’s interesting that I look “foreign” now to the Bronx and have become almost a fetish to some strangers.
I think I've gotten this alot growing up. And it's a pain cause people can take advantage of you. Especially when you're pretty and shy 😞 And you just want someone to like you for you who are. And then you have jealous friends,, and low self-esteem of bullying alot. And you would feel alone sometimes. Got that from experience. It's a sad reality.
same. i literally have no friends and spend all my time alone. everyone i thought was my friend treated me badly, and ghosted me when i was going through a tough time or looked happy i was miserable. every man just wants to sleep together. it was really heartbreaking to realize nobody will love me as much as i love them. i shaved my head and wear baggy clothes to not get attention. i grew my hair back this year. i still want friends and love but not superficial attention. i wonder if it will ever happen
@@oromtitiwbo5078 what, you shaved your head because of that 😨 ? My God, you should talk to someone who can help you. Because, being alone sometimes can be a blessing. Not everyone can be your friend, you should'nt purchase acceptance or love from others. Be patient, love yourself. Don't stay alone at home, Go for a walk to clean your head. Do exercises, go somewhere you can meet the type of person you want and pray(command your day to be a blessing to you) .
@@rhodesgrec1648 i dont know why you chose to make assumptions about people but i am extremely happy to be alone. i am an introvert and since childhood i spend almost all of my time alone. but that doesnt mean the very few friends i make and am comfortable with should project insecurities onto me, be jealous of me and cannot reciprocate friendship to me. people literally use me for benefits and throw me away when they realize i have a mind, a soul, a heart, and am not just a physical body and empty vessel. i have had to distance myself from people i considered my very close and only friends due to extreme jealousy which caused them to mistreat me. men do not respect me and only want to be physical with me. women are extremely cruel and give me angry jealous glares in public every day. men stare at me lustfully and follow me. again, i *do not like attention.* not *all* women want men to look at them or to "compete" with other women. thats not what i exist for or how i choose to navigate this earth. yes i chose to shave my head, and dress like a tom boy because looking androgynous relieved a lot of this negative attention which becomes harassment and unbearable to be in public spaces. i actually *do* spend all my time in nature and with animals alone. i still deserve basic human respect when i am in public and from other people. how you chose to respond to me is more telling about you than your strange assumptions about me, i think you may need some help.
@@oromtitiwbo5078 please, do not tolerate disrespect from anybody, don't allow them to use you, defend yourself. Learn to say no. When you shaved your head and dress like a tomboy, you lost the battle, you pleased them
i'm tired of being the ugly friend. i've only been called pretty once, without me saying that i feel like i look bad. people don't realize that saying somebody is pretty after they say they look bad and only then just reinforces the fact that they don't mean it.
MY FAMILY treated me different because i was darkskin & ugly till until around 18 when i moved away & its like i hit another puberty & grew into myself. Family members that i haven't seen since i was a child/teenager will openly tell me to my face (i'm 21 now)"WOW..you turned into such a beautiful young woman" & they will genuinely be shocked when they see me. My own uncle had the nerve to call me JENNIFER HUDSON because i lost weight & got pretty (and ya'll i was never overweight i just started getting toned & had a hourglass figure). My family started telling me to be safe & careful after visiting them, they also started asking about my love life too. Its really fake love & it shows me you never valued me. Being labeled ugly by peers & family for about 18/19 years of my life really made me understand how people value looks & how they use that to gauge how to treat people. I went from being ignored to being admired, but because i'm self-aware (& i'm not gonna lie being not that attractive helped me remain humble & try to always be a considerate/understanding person) i can see through the bullshit lol. Ya'll didn't care about my opinion, how i doing in school or anything else because i wasn't pretty but now that i am, you may act like you do but you still don't value ME you just value how i look...AND DATING IS ANOTHER SHALLOW WORLD... You'll either be too "ugly" to fit in or too "pretty" to to have depth.
i mean im nowhere near pretty (or handsome) but i was geeky short boy with baby face, and i remember clearly this girls in middle school literally made fun of my looks when im just a quiet shy kid minding my own business. Then puberty hit. Probably a grade or 2 after, those same group of girls suddenly act friendly to me like they didn't just bullied me for years. Its wild to me, like do they really just forgot how horrible they were to me or what? On completely different issue, its funny that you mentioned how being attractive only gives you early advantage in a relationship, because its a big problem for me. Yes i was ugly, but i never really work on my personality either, since i mostly kept to myself. I was that weird quiet kid who likes to draw by myself. Nothing change much except my looks. Now people see me as the mysterious attractive artsy guy. So people came up to be all excited expecting to be swept by their feet, but i can barely hold a conversation. So they lost interest in me just as quick.
The part you said about aging hit home. Your mid 20s are the scariest time, you are at your peak physical beauty and society tells you you should use it to find a mate. But most people just want to live their lives. Then suddenly everything starts going downhill. I'm a couple years older than you and we have very similar faces and even locs, so it feels like looking in the mirror. I don't notice a difference in attention now but you can see the little signs of aging before anyone else can. It's so easy to talk about aging gracefully until you turn 26 and realize gravity fears no one
Wow this comment just made me realize how young you guys are. Your 20s are not your peak. You re not even making real money yet(well most aren’t ) wait to you get that money and actually start taking good care of yourself.
You're very right. Your teams in your early twenties are the peak of your beauty and your life and I remember I got a lot of attention when I was in my teens and early twenties. Now I'm 36 years old and it has ceased. The only attention I get mail is from older white women tell me that I'm beautiful LOL
@@buttergurls6401 :( yeah teens to now I feel a big difference. Younger and older guys were more prone to shooting their shot. It's like once you wise up they stop coming for you....I think I'll start some fitness training or something once I hit my 30s to find some equilibrium
@@buttergurls6401 btw, do you feel like your lifestyle has changed at all to affect this? Like in hs and college you're around tons of people your age and demographic.. then older people begin pairing off and assuming you're taken, you're less likely to be going out and meeting tons of new people etc. I'm curious about how much off this is lifestyle and physical changes vs just getting older
Watching this video felt like someone had crawled into my head and voiced my thoughts and experiences and conclusions out loud and it was really reassuring to know I’m not alone. Thank you so much for making this 🙏🏻
realizing pretty priviledge feels awful kind of (just my thoughts) pressure & wanting to change myself. not feeling like i’m able to do things i’d like to do because i’m not hot or pretty enough ? in my mind. I hate that these thoughts and myself are holding me back. my brain is battling between healing - self love - and also lots of sadness. can i heal and be self compassionate and still, change myself, not dramatically but in a way that i ”look” and feel better too? ? ? what if my bullies were the ones who broke my nose and should i accept the outcome...??? that’s why i’m getting plastic surgery and other smaller things. it’s for me and no one else can’t do sht about that. i have eating disorder and bullying and depression background so a nice combo. perfectionism too. i srsly need a sht ton of therapy as well, i’ve been in therapy but i think i need some more too lol. i want to be myself. - but tbh no one can argue with the fact that pretty priviledge exists and even if its against our values etc ”your inner beauty matters” of course. it still exists and i live once so gotta be it. it’s hard. so many mixed feelings. am i valuable ? do i look like a good and nice person? do i look friendly? am i ???? can i channel my inner good energy outiside? even as i am now :( i feel very lost and feeling like lost potential. sorry for rambling! anyone else feeling similar feelings?
Yup. Pretty privilege is rooted in racism. Racism is definitely stronger. If you have two very attractive women and one is white and one is black, people will still say that the white woman is more attractive simply because she is white.
@TH-cam Channel of course there are. But still that’s not the beauty standard. Just because there are people that find dark skin attractive doesn’t mean that pretty privilege isn’t rooted in racism and colorism
I swear I wanna be your friend, cause everything you said, is exactly how I’ve felt, right down to the ugly duckling phase in middle school going into high school. I tried to express this sentiment on my TikTok, but with videos being so short, I couldn’t make my point all the way through and my video blew up with girls telling me that I’m average, that I can’t talk about pretty privilege because I don’t have it, that I’m ugly, that I’m a clown, that I’m a pick me. I just wanted girls to understand being pretty is not the end all be all. There’s aspects of it that truly fckn suck. I’m a romantic at heart and I struggle to find a guy that genuinely wants me for me and not the clout, validation, or conquest. Thank you for making this. It means the world to me.
This is so interesting and such an important topic. The video “talent belongs to the beautiful” touches on this too. I love how ur sharing ur experience
i feel like when your deemed unattractive you have to put in so much work you have to be funny interesting and you have to have a good fashion sense and be smart ect there so much pressure
When i was a kid I was really the ugly duckling, quiet and left alone by everyone. When I got older, on my late adolescence ( 16 and over) I started to get prettier and the difference that people treat me is gigantic, everyone is so gentle and nice, but is really difficult to make real friends tho, all the girl friends that I had ended up being toxic af
The compliment thing is so true, u start to base your worth off compliments and the approval of others. Compliments are nice but they shouldn’t matter so much
i similarly started experiencing pretty privilege after high school, and it feels so good to hear you discuss it. the shallowness and objectification is SOUL SUCKING. so is feeling that enormous difference between being an ugly child and a pretty adult. its depressing to have to face the impact that beauty has in our society-and even after finally achieving what i've strived for my whole life, i still don't feel beautiful. i still don't feel truly, deeply valued. its sad.
Thank you for being so honest. Honestly it’s refreshing to see someone just share their honest opinion on a matter relying on their own experience instead of research for once. Really nice video✨🙌🏾
This video is so open honest and real. What a vibe; that's so hard to capture. As someone who doesn't see themselves as pretty I can't say I feel you but I'm so grateful you shared this perspective and some of the nuances that come with it.
![[ไฮไลต์] แบดมินตันชาย วิว กุลวุฒิ ไทย vs ฟินแลนด์ รอบแบ่งกลุ่ม | โอลิมปิก 2024](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/GIbeFO0tvnQ/mqdefault.jpg)
The craziest thing about cat calling is that if you're walking with a guy other men won't harass you because it's disrespectful TO THE MEN
Lmaooo. Ikr 🤦🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
Damn When you say it like that 😩
@@jayless1004 thats not even why. Its bc they see them as taken so they wont even try. Its not about respect 💀
@@jayless1004 yes and thats fear, not respect. Men dont go around tilting hats at eachother. Its either not wanting conflict or knowing they arent available. Youre giving waaay too much credit by assuming men respect eachother to this degree
@@jayless1004 fear and respect is two different things
can we appreciate her owning it? when exceptionally attractive people say they’re ugly doesnt help with the issue at all...
Yes, we should stop pretending that something isn't there when it clearly is!
How is she worthy of appreciation? She just goes on about how sick she is from being called pretty and receiving compliments in the most condescending way. People need a reality check, they're desperate to make themselves look oppressed when they obviously don't know what real oppression looks like.
@@silverknight1740 ur concerns are most certainly valid but
actually i think it’s about people who aren’t society’s definition of attractive and how they need to work harder because of that. ,,, that’s the issue. she’s literally just saying how she used to be ugly and then when she got pretty people started noticing her and being kinder and sometimes people who “compliment” extremely attractive individuals can downright harass them. there are different types of oppressions. she’s not trying to be a victim she just made an observation about how people treat her. lets talk about celebs for a moment ,,, no matter how talented one is they will USUALLY succeed because they’re attractive (ofc u can be talented and attractive but nobody would care if a boy band is full of fat or ugly guys) IT IS AN ISSUE!!!!!!! ofcourse not as big as lets say racism or mysoginy but obviously it sucks how someone who’s pretty can get away with fucking murder if they want to. also pretty people need to deal with sexual harassment/ catcalls / people thinking they only got a good position in life because of their looks when they worked hard for it . we can talk about different issues and topics and not compare or undermine one or another. her “owning it” is about the pretty people who say “uggh im so ugly” when they know they are not,it just makes things worse. i think u can be oppressed in many ways , and putting down people for talking about their perspective won’t help anyone
@@meamaximaculpa5810 How are you implying she's not playing a victim when you just said in the previous sentence that being pretty is also a type of oppression?
In the workplace, whether you like it or not, your skills will be challenged at some point.
You'll have to be responsible even if you supposedly have a "genetic advantage" over others. This belief is bogus since it makes incompetent people who are bad at their job blame others who do make it for having privileges. When it comes to women truth be told, they can effortlessly get hundreds of matches on dating apps. Pretty privilege most likely doesn't exist for women in opposite sex relationships because men are not as picky. Only women find other more attractive women to be a threat for some reason.
When it comes to the entertainment industry, Attractive performers have higher chances of success because sex sells.
That's the reason why pop music videos are filled with sexual innuendos. They're selling fantasies to people because they induce dopamine, which makes them more money.
What bothers me about people complaining about problems that don't even exist is it makes the real issues in the world seem less important. Especially if someone has a huge following and only uses their influence to whine about their nonexistent struggles instead of bringing forth something positive to the world.
These people need to be aware of their illusions and if they're dealing with mental health issues like depression as a consequence of those thoughts, then they need to seek a therapist or a mental health professional.
@@silverknight1740 there are two types of oppressions based off of physical appearance
1. the people who AREN’T society’s definition of beautiful having less opportunities then people who are,being ridiculed and invisible
2. people who ARE society’s definition of beautiful being harassed,not praised for their efforts but rather for their physique and being mocked and belittled
when i said being pretty CAN be a disadvantage i wasn’t referring to the video ,,, but in general. in the workplace, one can be competent and still have an advantage because of their appearance (idk if you’ve seen legally blonde but i highly suggest watching it because it shows the sides of both oppressions). ofcourse ugly people can be incompetent, so can pretty people but let’s just presume that is not in fact the case. (i have a classmate who is also recruited for modelling have a WAY better gpa than me,an ugly duckling with relatively average grades)
you see pretty privilege is the societal advantage, often unearned, that benefit people who are perceived as pretty or considered beautiful.
the issue is , this “privilege” often turns flattery and appreciation into harassment . and i dont know about you but i’d rather be ugly then harassed. also the thing about men “not being picky” is simply false, men are statistically way too focused on looks and they’re the reason of absurd beauty standards for women. also you saying she doesn’t know what real oppression looks like is downright ignorant cuz she is a black woman, whether or not she’s pretty she has been most likely opressed her whole life and held back because of her skin colour. both men and women can feel threatened by ones looks so I don’t really understand why’d you only talk about women when pick me boys exist as well? internalised mysogyny is a real issue that heavily connects to having the pretty privilege actually in more than one ways (like the ugly bff trope in the media or the dumb blonde one). also you saying that this undermines REAL oppressions and issues but pretty privilege is conditional and is not often extended to women who are trans, black and brown, disabled, older, and/or fat. Pretty privilege is real because it can give way to more popularity,higher grades, more positive work reviews, and career advancement. People who are considered pretty are more likely to be hired, have higher salaries, and are less likely to be found guilty and are sentenced less harshly. pretty people are treated better but there are good and bad sides to it.
It’s gross when the pretty girl is being problematic or nasty - but people don’t challenge her because she’s too pretty to be held accountable!!?
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾It's so sad that I can't like this comment more than once.
MALU TREVEJO omg
Yup
And you call them out and they say "you’re just jealous that im pretty"
I feel like people dont challange assholes in general. There are always those loud annoying assholes making fun of everyone to make others laugh and no one really says anything
I know you're prob gonna get hate for acknowledging yourself as an attractive person or pretty, but I appreciate it so much. The honesty and raw-ness is so refreshing and interesting to hear.
Everyone's trying to be woke or morally correct. Like just say it as it is.
i’m tired of women putting themselves down to make other people comfortable. like let women love themselves.
Haha I was just watching this on my laptop with headphones, and my brother just walked by and he was like: "wow who is that?!? She is sooo beautiful" lol
yes yes yes
Yes!!! She is beautiful and keeping herself as she is and BEING HONEST ABOUT IT.
Pretty privilege has brought up the worst in me. I had this best friend in high school. She was really pretty. Like reaaally pretty. No one could deny it. People that never met her would talk about her.
I wasn't ugly, but she was HOT. At some point I noticed I was becoming quite envious of her. Which was something I had never felt. I hate envy. So I panicked for feeling that way.
Only recently I realized what the problem was. It wasn't that she was pretty. I loved looking at her and admiring her beauty, hyped her up when she rocked her fits, I was happy for her.
The problem was that she was treated better than me constantly. Guys would want me out of the way to talk to her. I was always ignored. People would give her free stuff in front of me.
I wasn't envious of her beauty. I just wanted to be treated like her. Being pretty does make life more interesting.
Exactly thank you
Thanks for explaining my situation😭🙏🏾 Now i’m all glowed up and i’m starting to notice how I get more attention. Kinda envious. I don’t want this..... like is this healthy ?
@@fadi0965 honestly there’s nothing you can do about it unless you want to call out that weird behavior but that can be awkward. it’s fine as long as you don’t let it give you a big head; that’s when people stop caring that you’re pretty lmao.
@@samerraahmed8186 the thing is i’m more insecure knowing ppl only like me for my looks. But its alright we move 🥲
I understand how you were feeling. When I was younger I had the role of "pretty girl's best friend."
When you realize how much of a role your looks play on almost every aspect of life, everything begins to make sense. Now you begin to understand why people spend so much money and time in caring for their looks. It's an investment, really.
My Mum says to me "why do you want surgery?" "That's not going to change anything, it's not going to help you." And I'm like Mum... "you don't understand, it changes everything and it's going to help me in every aspect of my life."
@@aimeegardner9736 surgery doesn't make you pretty. Self care and confidence does wonders and is cheaper. Find a style that fits you, workout, and it eat better. It literally changes the way you look so fast
@@athenaconde2955 yeah, but for me it’s a more a proportions thing. I’ve always been very slim so no need to loose weight. My diet Isn’t amazing but not bad. All these things can’t change the look of my nose and the structure of my lower face. But, I here what your saying - it could help your skin/hair etc but that’s it
@@aimeegardner9736 Just be sure that it’s what you want and do your research and all that... I don’t understand why people bash others who get plastic surgery when the reason it’s such a profitable industry is because we all participate in this system that values beauty. It’s always been like this. Doesn’t mean it’s a good thing but I doubt it’ll change anytime soon.
yet people criticize women average women for spending money on that.
Nothings feels more miserable knowing the only reason you can’t go somewhere or be with someone is because you’re “ugly”. Being considered the “ugly bff” is also miserable.
Everyday I find myself telling myself I wish I was pretty or normal. I’ve been called ugly all my life and when you have a bff that has pretty privilege and everything you wish is being granted for someone else your close to and love, it’s HURTS.
This hit hard
❤️️
I know what you are saying... I was always the ugly bff. Things became to get better when I started to know how to live alone and to be MY bff. Then everything changed. I'm still not the most attractive person in the world but now I really know my value.
id like to add that having felt that ive been the favored one sometimes when i go out w one of my best friends, it is also extremely upsetting to see men treat us differently ie ignore her and give me (superficial) attention. it makes me not wana go out at all, the last thing i want is my friend to feel bad. i dont give a shit abt those guys, i give a shit abt me and my friend enjoying our night together.. anyways im sorry this happens to people it fucking sucks. its happened to me as well but ive def benefited from pretty priviledge in my life..its cool and also shitty at the same time..everybody wants to be seen for who they really are inside.
You don't look ugly to me🙂
girl u were pretty back then. u were just a kid that’s literally it 😩 that’s also something i hate abt society like let kids/teens be kids there’s no reason for us to be going thru schooling wishing to be prettier. like prettier for WHO??! i hate that young girls have to feel shitty abt themselves because of society and the male gaze
this is such a good point. like who decided girls in middle/high school had to be pretty? we all looked awkward back then, why were we made to feel insecure about it? it’s a natural part of growing up and it should be allowed i think
THIS
Omfg exactly, I remember being in middle school and having boys rate my ass saying that I didn't have anything... Like no fucking shit this is 8th grade 🤨🤨☠️.
@@user-on3mr4jv8j they expect 14/15 year olds to have 26 year old features. 💀
LITERALLY!!!!!
To be fair. I’m not even joking. I only clicked on this video bc you’re pretty. I always do this and it’s so stupid. I literally always wish I got prettier so that people would like me and look at me.
Well then give yourself love care and think about yourself as beautiful
I know its hard but try loving yourself you will be much happier you were always beautiful
@Kumani Davis I see what ur trying to say. But I think the better advice for a person who’s insecure would be to love themselves first before anything!
You are beautiful in your own way. Just like others are beautiful in thier way. Honestly in my entire life, I've never met someone who I thought was not pretty or beautiful. So be proud of yourself and be confident and believe me you'll feel way more prettier.
Im really insecure about my looks and 1 think that kinda helped me was faking confidence, and smiling at myself in the mirror . Im doing this for a month and I think that it helped me
[TW///SA]
I developed early. By the time i entered middle school i had dd's. I would always hide them, and i wasn't pretty so no one would talk to me. It wasn't until 8th grade i started putting an effort into my appearance that i started getting attention. I wore makeup, did my hair, and i have the "desired" hourglass figure. I was happy with myself, and people talking to me was nice. However after a few months i noticed the downsides. I was naive, so it wasn't the most difficult to manipulate me. Grown men stared at me more. I became even more cautious when i went outside. I got followed for 3 HOURS by a group of guys in Manhattan. The thing that shocked me most was how my family treated me. I was assaulted by a family member and when i finally got the courage to speak up about it, i was "asking for it" by being pretty. I was barely 13. He was 38. I'm sorry for ranting, stay safe everyone.
hi im so sorry that happened to you. you're so so loved, and i hope you're doing okay now.
@Paris Franklin you can’t do anything about your boobs developing earlier and you may never get them honestly, but the rest of your body can be toned and shaped with weight training and exercise. Join a sport or ask your parents for a gym membership. The next best thing to a pretty face is a nice body. Clear skin, white teeth and a good fashion sense will get you attention too. Wear clean clothes that flatter you and take care of you hair. Full luscious hair is always a plus. All these little things add up and boom...a glow up. Just take care of yourself and put some effort in basically.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. The person that did that to you should have known better. I hope that you are doing better now, stay safe love ❤️🥺
@Paris Franklin This individual literally shared that their early development and society's obsession with beauty landed her in serious trouble and your reaponse is "how can I become overdeveloped?" Look, I know what it is to feel that bottomless yearning for companionship, to be desired, to look attractive, but you can't let it overrun you to the point where you just become a black hole that is self-obsessed with how to acquire beauty. You should be mindful not to let it overrun your thoughts, your ability to empathize and your humanity. This individual shared trauma and you sidestepped it like a puddle to ask how you can obtain beauty for yourself. Ignoring the point that she paid dearly for being beautiful. I think this is a sign to do more reflecting on your part and maybe a do a little more soul-searching about just how much do you let your desire for beauty consume you. And I say this with the intent of following my own advice because even though I don't believe I'm ugly i always find myself reaching for beauty because it's a moving target.
@Paris Franklin some ppl are late bloomers and some are early and some are just on time. the point is, you'll develop eventually just wait on ur body. and it's okay to be a late bloomer :)
Ok but no one talks about how this “privilege” turns attention into HARASSMENT
EXACTLY! These people aren't being NICE...they want something in return, and think that they have a RIGHT to your body because a lot of people aren't taught about boundaries, and society's just generally TOXIC.
I feel sorry for girls who are SO pretty that they get followed by creepy guys. It's so scary to think that there are people who want to kidnap and traffic these girls, or rape them simply because they won the genetic lottery for looks.
Yes! A friend of mine who is generally very pretty gets constantly harassed by guys in our class. I think it's in order to get her attention but you shouldn't harass somebody to get their attention!
That's why I'm kinda glad that I'm considered as ugly, because I don't have to deal with harassment.
@@enigmaticazaleas unfortunately people who are considered "ugly" do get harassed too, but yeah I think those considered pretty deal with it a bit more
This is definitely a big thing and I think many men, including myself didn't understand this when younger. We were indoctrinated by movies and rom coms to believe that we should just continue pursuing even when a girl says no because it's "romantic." On the other hand, many guys deal with with the exact opposite of this where society is indifferent to us. Too much or too little attention really messes up people
As an ugly woman (lol) I actually feel quite ostracized by the catcalling conversation. Because honestly, it never happens to me. And not that I want it to, but when people say stuff like "well it happens to all women" for a second I think "do I not get to belong to that category then?". Like I'm I truly so ugly that I don't even get to live the female experience (good or bad). Idk it really fucks with you because the feminist part of me is glad I don't get catcalled and then the internalized misogynist part of me is sad that I don't ever get catcalled.
Edit: Damn I did not realize this would resonate with so many women. On the other hand some of you COMPLETELY missed the point based on your response. Thank you to all of you who got it and could relate for validating my feelings. I wish you all well!!
Sameeee
I didn’t want to say it because I consider myself a feminist and I’m kind of embarrassed of myself but I always feel bad when I cannot relate to that experience for some weird reason. I still think im pretty tho (and I’m actually kinda happy I’m not attractive to those gross men who think is okay to catcall women on the streets)
It also depends on the city you live in...
@@kackareznickova5431 I mean maybe that's true but I do live in a big city
Yep. Same for me. I accually sometimes have days when I think I'm fine looking but I never got a compliment so I just know that I'm not pretty. I also never been in a relationship even and I'm 18. Mayby that's considered still young to be dating but most of my friends do. So there must be smth wrong with me.
Fucking hell same
Sometimes, I feel as if some people are only considered pretty because they are not fat. Weight plus body type sometimes play a part in people seeing you as beautiful. I knew a girl who was considered pretty and after she gained a lot of weight people started treating her differently. When I lost weight people were more nicer to me.
My friends treated me badly after I have gained weight. I starved myself for 3 days and hope to continue.
@Blue Jackson That's true but if you put an average looking skinny girl next to her, most people will say the skinny girl is pretty just because she is small.
@@mops7081 Please don't do that, you will damage your body by starving it. My friends also treated me like crap because of my weight and I told them how I felt. I think it would be best if you tell them how you feel and if they don't stop mistreating you, you should just break up. Friends are suppose to love you for who you are and not how you look. Instead of starving yourself, you should try eating in moderation, it may take some time to lose weight but you will be able to avoid an unhealthy relationship with food.
Good point, KumaJoey. I remember when I was younger (a lot younger) my parents would say to me that I could be so pretty if I were just slimmer. My objection that you’re either pretty or not and it has nothing to do with your weight didn’t really count.
@@mops7081 trust me coming from someone who’s been down that path and still kinda is rn, it isn’t fun. It makes u feel so weak and takes a toll on your body. Plz eat.
“the more beautiful you become, the more you feel like you have to lose.”
yes, this sums up many of my fears about aging
Felt this one 👏👏👏
Don’t worry about aging, it’ll age you even more. I’m 51, I just always took good care of myself, at a very young age. My husband is 32, he thought I was his age. Just do all you can mentally, internally, physically and emotionally to care of you.
@@HaitianBlackGinger11 you must be doing something right, in addition to having good genes!
This!
@@HaitianBlackGinger11 damn you look atleast 21
Calling yourself "beautiful" is much better than calling yourself "ugly". Self-love doesn't make you selfish, and self-depreciation doesn't make you humble.
Ok but that's not realistic because most of us are not beautiful physically we're just average so why delude ourselves
@@2cvlt740 forgot I commented this. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What you may find "average" or even "ugly", another can find ethereal. It's all up to personal preference. My comment still stands.
Honestly ur so real for that
I always manifest and say to myself in the mirror I am beautiful and got complimented by everyone after it...Your thoughts create your reality
I also think your hairstyle is inviting. All women with locs just seem more interesting and approachable. Very earthy. Idkkkk why but I get that vibe all the time when a lady with locs enter the room or whatever
Agreed. They look so beautiful.
I'm actually kinda confused by her hair. D some of them look real, but most of them look like faux locs🤔🧐
lol nope, nobody's after ugly chicks with locs just bc they look "approachable"
true!
@-n o c t u a r y- lol nobody's approaching ppl just for having locs. the girl has a pretty face and that's why she gets approached.
I’ve always been bullied and made to feel bad about my looks. People literally don’t like me because I’m ugly. It’s so weird
I've never been bullied but people just ignore me and I can see how different pretty girls are treated ... And it sucks 'cause I have two best friends that litteraly look like models.
When I'm with them I just feel so ugly ; people only talk to them, take picture of them (No picture for me, lol ) and don't even say "hello" to me , even if I'm just in front of them...
I'm not saying that my friends have social interactions because of their beauty, it's just easier for them .
To have the same treatment I need to care about so much details...
But that feeling of being invisible is so annoying !
I doubt you're ugly..but if it's any consolation,there are many well liked not so beautiful people in the world.because they give some thing to the world..find your thing, get confidence and get out there..you will attract the right friends
Guys tease attractive girls that they think are too good for them to lower the girl's self-esteem so that she will want to get their approval.
But if a girl is truly unattractive, guys will just ignore her completely.
@@ElinePP same yeah ppl ignored me all my life
Chin up king
The thing with me is that I think I'm pretty but I don't have any validation from people when I go out etc, I barely get any attention from males, not that I care but I mean I guess Imthe only one that thinks I'm pretty lmaoo😂
yes same i always thought I was pretty and thought a boy would like me 😕
Same lol... this is why I dont think I'm attractive anymore
@@bumblebee_0112 fr 😫😕😿
@@bumblebee_0112 don’t let men be the deciding factor as it pertains to your worth and beauty. you ARE beautiful and their opinion really doesn’t matter. what matters is what you think and feel.
I've never gotten attention from males unless I'm wearing a sexy outfit. They only look at my lower twins.
In 6th grade I heard some guys talking behind me and one of them asked “who’s the hottest girl in class” and the other guy said my best friend and then he was like “who’s the ugliest” and he said me. I cried for like... a hot second about that, lowkey still do, but when I got into high school I became friends with this other group of kids and they were always like “you’re so pretty” and as much as I didn’t wanna admit it I kinda needed that. It felt like currency at this point and I would go into episodes of depression if I didn’t get compliments at least weekly. I recently got into a skating accident and had to get stitches around of left eye area and I was absolutely terrified that no one would think I’m pretty. That doesn’t make it any better that mom kept saying “we’re gonna have to use that college fund for plastic surgery cause you’re not gonna get a husband like that” and I cried about it for weeks. It’s been a couple months since I’ve had to get my stitches and when I tell you I was genuinely surprised that I still have the same friends cause I thought they were all gonna leave me for not being “the pretty friend” anymore. Ok that was my stupid little rant that probably no ones gonna read but it feels good to let this out finally
I'm so sorry that you went through that I hope things get better for you :))
Gurl we hear you, you are being listened
This was the saddest thing to read ever. Hope you’ve become more confident in yourself by now
im so sorry, i hope you’re healing well
Man your mom has a messed up point of view on life
I have like plain “privilege” if that makes sense...I’m like basically overlooked in a lot of social settings and it’s honestly a vibe because I don’t attract any negative energy. I don’t get any positive energy either but you can’t have it all 🤷🏻♀️.
Is that you in your profile picture or no?
Girl if that person in your profile pic is you than YOU ARE hella pretty.
dude i wish i could say same. i was overlooked until i met some insane person
Same girl. It's honestly quite practical.
Yep, most of us are generic and average.
I mean you can "turn it off" so to speak. You can wear super unflattering clothes, walk with your head down, wear make up that doesn't look good on you, leave your hair disheveled etc. Most people glow up because they discover what clothes look good on their body type, what makeup looks best on them, what hairstyles accentuate their best facial features, what colors compliment their skin tone, move with more confidence, etc. In your old pictures you don't look ugly. It's just some of your makeup and clothing choices didn't work on you.
Tried that it doesn’t always work unfortunately.
Sounds simple
It really is tbh. I mean, sure - 1/1000 people are so attractive that they'll at least be above average even when they try to look as unkempt as possible. But lots of people just gotta wear unflattering clothes, and go completely bare faced to go from pretty to plain.
@@wkwkwuk True! An attractive person will always be attractive.
Yeah doesn’t work. I’d love for it to though, I just want to be able to do things without being harassed.
It's worth noting, imo, for poc what is considered pretty is usually determined through a white lens. When poc are considered conventionally attractive a big part of it may be because they hold features associated with European ethnic groups: i.e. blue or non-brown eyes, slim noses, lighter hair, fairer skin (thus why colorism becomes so prevalent). As a South Asian, for example, a big part of why actress Ashwariya Rai is considered to be so beautiful is because she is skinny, with fair skin, and light colored eyes. All of which are qualifications distinctly chosen not by South Asians, but by Europeans (or at least influenced by), which then trickles throughout global communities. This of course doesn't touch the fetishization of poc features making them much more sought after commodities in the 2000s (thanks in part to rich white elites popularizing them and hallmarking them as their own). Who judges beauty competitions? Who owns Conde Nast? Who are the editors for Fashion Magazines, and who decides who gets a spot on the runway? The beauty icons who determine our tastes aren't usually chosen by people of color. So yeap if you are white have a big nose, or a couple extra pounds, with acne, absolutely a poc may get your seat at the table. But a seat at the table doesn't make you the CEO. Pretty privilege is very real but the beauty standards that decide who is pretty and who isn't aren't made by poc. This may make no sense srry I typed this at 4 in the morning.
Hi Rebecca! What do Indian people think of East Asian people? Do East Asian ppl match or come close to the beauty standards of India?
Very well said.
@@christianngo9426 no Asian people do not match or come close to the beauty standards of India, there are a lot of racist terms used to describe east asians and even black people in India. The people of northeast India have very similar features to east asians and they are not treated as well in other parts of the nation.
Also colorism existed in India before colonialism by the west, but they definitely reinforced it. It does not do to put all the blame on our colonial inheritance or its neocolonial cultural ramifications. The main reason why such prejudices predominate in Indian caste circles has to do with internal reasons. As a nation, we are yet to face up to the racism and sexism that runs through many caste narratives. Before the British brought us stories of ‘African’ cannibalism, we had our own stories of cannibalism - associated, from classical texts down to some current Chitra comics, with dark-skinned, non-‘Aryan’-looking creatures. Similarly, the way we have often treated aboriginal women in India - partly because their dress codes and social mores differ from mainstream Hindustani (Hindu, as well as Muslim) ones - is simply shocking. We tend to forget that the worst of internal prejudice in India has been traditionally aimed at ‘dark’ Dalits and dark-skinned aborigines (‘tribals’, not as much at castes like the largely ‘fair-skinned’ Yadavs or Ansaris). This has not changed substantially even today.
But Bollywood is owned by rich brown mēn who perpetuate the colorism. Please don’t blame the west for India’s ancient caste system based on skiin hues
I'm only pretty with makeup. I constantly notice the difference between how I'm trited when I wear it and how I'm treated when I don't. When I don't people don't even look at me and I'm quit invisibile while when I wear it people instantly talk to me and want to know me.
Same, it sucks
Me too. When I have makeup on people are so friendly but without it not so much. It sucks because i sometimes dont want to put makeup on but i then feel anxious that people will change how they feel about me if I dont look good
@@starlightt4094you are beautiful dont worry about what people think ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm literally scared to go out in town or college without makeup bcs I'm scared that people will treat me shitty and people at college will think "wow she's actually pretty ugly"
Wow I’ve never related to anything more in my life. I know that I think I’m pretty without makeup (sometimes), but I don’t think other people will think I’m pretty with no makeup on. The biggest reason being because I only get called pretty or complimented when I’m wearing makeup. It’s discouraging. I’m also dark skinned so I feel like I have to have an exceptional appearance in order to be liked.
The part when she said , that being a black woman and pretty will noticeable reduces the racism in your life is true.
Yeah but the jealous Karens have no limits
I have to disagree about the whole age thing! I’ve seen so many people that looked better in their 40s -60s then their 20s/30s. When you take care of yourself with fitness and health it helps your appearance a lot but yeah pretty privilege is seem to be a blessing and a curse.
yeah for sure. especially cause “black don’t crack”
@@MadisynBrown True Dat! True Dat! 🙌🏽🥰🤣💖
Same....I'm 43 and I've definitely had a glow up lol
I agree. My mom was “cute” in her teens and even early 20’s but looking back at old pictures, she definitely grew into her looks at age 35+.
@@MadisynBrown Fr! were gonna look 20 fro decade, my mom is half way to 50 andIm 19 and we get mistaken for the same age, do not worry, just do what Gabrielle Union did, she played a teenager well into her thirties, were coolin man , I love being a black woman!
I’d say I am considered pretty, but I’m average enough to be “ugly” if I want to be. But pretty privilege really has me messed up. I really believe pretty privilege is rooted in whiteness. The more Eurocentric features you have, the more attractive you appear. I notice I draw more attention when my hair is straight or braided in long box braids. I draw attention because my curl pattern is looser and my hair is softer. But when I am put up against an “average” white counterpart, they are always chosen over me. Why? Because I am still a dark skinned black woman. No matter how aesthetically pleasing I may look, I am still not accepted to a degree and it’s one of the reasons why I’ve remained single for basically my entire life. Dating is tiring. Being fetishized by men is exhausting. Having to work harder to prove my worth as a woman makes me want to scream.
Girl girl girl I feel your comment to my mf core, at this point I'm trying of get comfortable with the idea of just being the cool single traveling aunt 🏖🍹if I can't find someone to love me for me, shit I'm just doing me then
Wait, I’m confused. So if a guy chooses a white girl over you, it’s because of eurocentric beauty standards and you as a black woman aren’t of any value but if a guy does choose you, it’s bc they fetishize black women? Men just can’t win, can they
Also, you’re absolutely gorgeous ✨
@@rifjehan2474 More like a guy is more likely to pick an average white woman (with eurocentric features ofc) than a beautiful black woman, and sadly if he doesn’t, the reason isn’t usually because the black woman is more beautiful but because of some preconceived notion the guy has about how she is as a black woman, specifically. Guys can win by simply treating black women as *people* (which is usually the answer for these kinds of questions lol).
Exactly, I feel every word you wrote
Pretty privileged is such a tease, because the world is so uncomfortable when a woman knows she’s beautiful. So much so, that I only suspected I was beautiful when people close to me pointed out the special treatment I receive.
I passively accept compliments, gifts and gestures. I am rarely aware of a mans advances because they have become benign due to their frequency.
But, when I look at my self, my first impression isn’t beauty. It’s critical. In our society, a woman’s beauty is not her own. It’s can one be consumed but her onlookers.
This is why women often don’t feel beautiful until a (powerful) man tells her so.
I love this conversation because it allows women of utilize the power of beauty without the influence of a man. Raw feminine power.
I wonder if this is why godesses of beauty were developed in ancient cultures.
"In our society, a woman's beauty is not her own. It's can one be consumed but her onlookers." passenger princess podcast, please become a writer i'll buy all of your books
I mean my sisters much prettier than me and I mean MUCH prettier honestly I'm not mad she looks gorgeous in everything she wears and I love her so so much I'd die for her but recently since we both hit puberty she started growing breasts. all the boys in my class have crushes on her and my mum obviously prefers her to me she always buys her jeans and clothing in the style she wants because she says she'll always be "her little princess" and completely forgers about me. She says that she doesn't have a favorite sister but I know she does and it really hurts me. So i do sometimes think I were prettier if I would be treated as nicely?
Sorry I wrote so much I kinda got in my feels thanks for reading down to here if you did ❤️
Don't worry you'll get a glow up soon. Also, your mom shouldn't favor any of you :)
@@iisxmplyhxney6389 thank you💛
@@user-uv4vf8dd5u Your welcome! Take care of yourself :)
❤️❤️❤️
Saame but at least my mom treats us the same
For me pretty privilege depends on who’s around me. Sometimes I can be considered the “pretty” one and sometimes be considered the “ugly” one but I never really give it much thought but I’d be lying if I sat here and say I don’t compare myself to random people
This. And sometimes I actually find myself approaching people who I think are "uglier" than me (or at least I feel much much less anxious around them) just so that I can make myself feel better, and I despise that I do this, it's pathetic and purely the result of my own insecurities.
@@RoxyWinx786 strong self aware person you can work on it
it is normal we all do
I feel the same way. Some people (guys too), would still think I'm attractive or cute but there are times where I'm surrounded by those who would probably be considered prettier than me. I feel like my appearance is right in the middle, it just depends.
Yeah with certain people , I feel ugly by comparison
Speaking the truth. I envied my pretty friends so much for being sexy and most liked and I was the shadow. I was an ugly duckling with cystic acne, didn’t know how to do my hair, did know how to dress. I didn’t glow up until I was 18, it happened spring break. I went from being a nobody to dating the most popular guy at school, everyone knowing my name and people being my friend. It was so odd and confusing since it was so fast. I somehow find great friends and men bc I don’t care about looks. I’m 21 now & I love deep, non-toxic, smart & intellectual talks and it takes more than being pretty to reciprocate that.
And now I would be your ugly duckling
your pretty to be honest, my opinion
@@google_me2567 no way, you’re beautiful.
@@yeas6147 thank you! I don’t see it bc i have crippling body dysmorphia:D lol
@@ariesgirl371 i'm so sorry, thats horrible, but take it from me, if u want, your a very beautiful girl, i think the mind tends to play tricks on us alot
i hate when people say that there's no such thing as ugly and everyones beautiful in their own way. ofc its kind of true?lots of people are attracted to unconventional features and the personality of the person really makes you thin kthey are uglier or prettier. But overall, theres a hierarchy based on "how conventionally attractive are you" that defines how you are treated in society, and i hate when people pretend there isnt. The worst thing is that many "glow up"things can be achieved with money, and im poor lmao
I remember watching a documentary of Princess Margaret and Princess Elizabeth, and thinking, "Wow, Margaret was way prettier than Elizabeth, she should've been queen." And then I was like, wait a minute! I'm really being that shallow right now? Then I started to think about all the different ways beauty is advantageous. It's definitely there and it's definitely interesting.
I realised pretty privilege was a thing when I was 10. I had a friend who stuck out as being very attractive and I was pretty much a very unattractive looking kid at that age (I didn't care about my appearance at all). This girl was very manipulative, would make me and my other friend feel insecure for fun. Yet, everyone seemed to let her get away with it. She'd become really shy around new people and not utter a word, especially older people but yet it was like everyone was obsessed with her, talking about how gorgeous and cute she is and then said nothing about me. I always thought... I'm talkative & confident, she doesn't say a single word to people we meet... yet she immediately receives all the compliments and praise. It was starting to grate on me that I wasn't received with as much positivity, so I thought possibly it was because I was too loud/annoying (I didn't consider my looks because I never thought it was important). To test whether my personality was the problem, I decided when I met new people with her I would silence myself and start copying her behaviour which was literally saying "yes/no" and smiling. Regardless of me acting like her, she still received all the compliments and nobody paid any mind to me. I just couldn't understand it and tell It hit me as I got older that people treated her better and usually me unkindly purely because of the difference in looks. Looks didn't matter to me at the time, but it mattered to the rest of the world and it would influence how fairly I was treated. I learnt personality wasn't that important because she was mean/toxic yet treated like an angel & I was sensitive and kind but treated poorly. This was the very beginning of my social anxiety disorder & body dysmorphia. It's wrong, It's not how things should be.
i am sorry to hear that unfortanetaly alot of adults are shallow and toxic i hope you heal remember good looks does not equal happiness there are many unhappy good looking people and happy intelligent average looking people
Yo you were friends with Alison DiLaurentis
@@gingamingayomama7050 Pretty much, that's an accurate comparison
maybe you should express yourself more respectful about her
@@Ryan-pg1tw lol no wtf
I connect with this in a way where I know im pretty but I dont want to say it out loud because I'll be considered vain and maybe get humbled and that scares me. I'm glad that I wasnt the only person who felt like this, we cant really talk about this honestly because we'll sound 'vain' and 'obsessed with ourselves' I hate it
yeah you’re def not alone in that. i felt that way for such a long time (still do sometimes) but it’s okay to know that you’re beautiful, fuck what one direction said
Yes, people who are confident in themselves can be seen in a negative light. Our world definitely loves to uplift people who self-depreciate themselves. And I find this sad because I think it's a good thing to be confident in yourself. Obviously, cockiness can get annoying but feeling like your a pretty person is a good thing.
@@ruthbaker3598 your second sentence was so intellectual and I 100% agree. Thanks for writing that hopefully that didn't sound weird lol
@@bandaqueenlove9134 haha I don’t think it sounds weird, it actually made my day. ☺️ thank you ☺️
@@iidentifyasjeffbezos I actually agree with this. Do you think saying you’re pretty is a good thing regardless of what you look like?
I had a major glow up this past year. I lost 80 lbs, switched from glasses to contacts, got Invisalign and closed my large gap, and learned how to wear makeup. Life is so drastically different I feel like I’m dreaming sometimes. People are so nice to me and guys are finally interested in me. The hardest part is that I’ve internalized all of the poor treatment from when I was ugly and still think there’s something inherently wrong with me. I realize now how important looks are and how it determines the quality of your life. The majority of my time is spent maintaining my beauty with long routines and figuring out how to become more beautiful. It’s so exhausting.
As the ugly friend, I was always envious of my best friend growing up. She was light-skin, had loose curls and a curvy body. The way we was treated was vastly different, people respected her and was naturally drawn to her. It really took a hit on my self-esteem. However, what I learned over the years is there’s a difference between being desired and being valued. Relationships based on your looks aren’t sustainable and don’t carry substance. It was no surprise that my best friend would tell me she felt isolating and disconnected even with all those people who desired her.
👏
Cant wait until everyone leaves their physical forms and none of us have faces or bodies anymore so we can be judged on who we are not what we look like.
And when exactly will that be?
oh wow I can't wait for that too
like can some Elon Musk or intelligent human speed the f up with inventing something like that?! We need it please
I’m gonna be a magic hoodie that has whatever you need in the pockets. Charger? Bam. Bandaids? Yep. Pen? Here. Snacks? Take your pick.
@@jaylove1931 only in Heaven, one day.
Can’t wait to judge your spiritual ball of energy (I’m just kidding, lol, but I feel like someone out there will find something to judge even if we didn’t have a physical body)
Tbh no one really wants the slim Barbie nose or a slim thick body we just want to be treated like those who have it.
Also what you said about people expecting you to behave nice and shit is called the halo effect.
I agree. I enjoy seeing beauty, but it'd be nice if it were a standard offering to treat EVERYONE w/ kindness & dignity (unless they don't want it). Why is it so hard to be f'n DECENT?!?
I've wanted one because I feel like I look too masculine :(
A friend of mine told me when we were in high school that I see beauty everywhere. I only realized what she means now that I'm in my thirties.
So many things to like about someone's face and body. I notice the smallest most beautiful things. Sometimes, it is your eyelashes; sometimes, it is skin tone. At times, it is your mouth. I love the natural rings on people' necks. Sometimes, it is the subtle things you do, like the way you look to the side. I once saw a blonde woman standing directly under a light. That created a sort of yellow reflexion above her head. I was just staring; I made her uncomfortable. But I was simply admiring her.
I see this beauty in men and women, and I am 100% heterosexual.
Might be because I find myself to be beautiful, although some people have stated the opposite in the past.
💗💗💗
I see beautiful in the things society deem as flawed. They are all the cutest things. Ironically, I have difficulties seeing the beauty in my own flaws.
@@karmaisablessingful I'm sorry to hear that.
But you won't see beauty in your "flaws" until you accept them. Wanting to be flawless is a sort of exceptionalism that doesn't exist. Name one single person who you know is perfect? I don't even know why we use that word, it cannot be embodied.
To be honest, I wish the word "flaws" would simply be replaced by "differences". I am an African woman, from bantu descent. I will NOT have the same features as the Swedish women. I SHOULDN'T.
Accept you, sweetie.
With love.
@@denfolo5224 Very true. Great point. Ww should be acknowledged for having differences rather than wanting us to be the same. Ugh, I want to believe someone can love me for my differences the way I do. All things are possible.
Aesthetic attraction in a nutshell
dudeee this was such a good watch. thank you.
I also struggled with out-growing my own conceitedness, because I glowed up so fast and received a lot of attention at a young age. People would literally come up to me and the first thing they would say is, "You're pretty, want to be our friends?" It made it so hard to find genuine friends who wanted me for me. This pretty privilege subjected me to being involved in rumors and drama. I lost all of my friends who in turn started bullying me. I suffered years of depression because of it. In Highschool, I had a guy fall head over heels for me, but couldn't list a reason why he liked me except for the reason being I was pretty. To this day it's been really hard for me to form relationships with other women and to trust men from all of the trauma I experienced. Pretty privilege is not always a privilege.
felt this
You're completely right. You get noticed but never seen.
@@Phantomopery5 i agree wholeheartedly. Absolutely no one asked at all but here’s my journey 😂:
As a young girl I was quite outgoing but once I entered high school, i became hyper aware of myself and my flaws. I became quiet and reserved, so much to the point that my friends would comment on how much I had changed. It got to the point where I struggled to make eye contact with people. I wore big t shirts, sneakers, and my hair in a bun every day. I did not want to be noticed. And it worked. I felt pretty invisible while also feeling insecure about how I looked. And all my friends were having guy experiences. I felt jealous of them. Because I just felt undesirable, while they would talk about guys and I had nothing to add because no guys liked me.
Then I moved right before my senior year of high school. And with that move, I started dressing differently (I went from big t shirts to crop tops and nice jeans). I had a great figure because I ran track, but I was always too scared to show it off before. I was still scared and self conscious, but I felt like I wanted a change. I wanted to be noticed for once. I wore my hair down instead of always keeping it in a bun. And of course, when I started at my new school guys started noticing me. Guys in school approached me, the “pretty new girl”, asked for my number. Even some girls came up to me and told me I was pretty. Outside of school too, I would get attention. That same year I started dating a college junior that noticed me and came up to me. All of it made me feel a certain discomfort (I wasn’t used to it) but also it made me feel really good for a little while (the feeling never lasted though).
As I grew up and went through college, I realized that boys really only wanted me for one thing. They liked how I looked and thought I was pretty, but they never cared much about me as a person, no matter how well they pretended. True colors always came to light. I was just sex to them really. It took a few times of me getting my feelings hurt and guys changing up after we did it for me to realize that. I was often desired, but never valued. And that hurt too.
I’m 22 now. So all of this wasn’t that long ago lol. But I’ve learned a lot within the past few years. I realized that I want to be valued, accepted. and seen for who I am. I tried to use my looks as a way to feel that. But that will never make you truly happy.
I also want to say, me “glowing up” did nothing to fix the issues and insecurities I suffered with internally. I was finally considered pretty, and I was still as insecure as ever. I depended on other people telling me I was pretty to feel good about myself for quite some time. I needed the validation. So being pretty doesn’t magically fix all of your problems and the hurt inside.
@@jaylove1931 the thing about validation is so true, well at least for me. Yes i became more attractive, but i still feel just as insecure as ever, and maybe even more dependant to adoration from other people.
Yes, I think there are 2 sides to pretty privilege. There's the side that was talked about in this video, but there's also the side that women may see you as a threat because you're pretty and treat you horribly which you talked about. There are even studies to prove that pretty women are not always liked by other women. I think this sometimes has to do with the fact that for women it's ingrained that we chase male attention so when we see someone who is pretty we go into competition mode and it can make you feel insecure about your looks. We also assume that this person has an easier time gaining male attention which is another reason we go into competition mode.
My sister and I have different lives, and partly it’s based on appearance. She’s bigger because food has been a comfort to her because of her autism. My family and others were so kind and friendly to me but when they see her, the looks they give her and comments made me furious. On the flip side, I’m 31 now, and wish I didn’t care about my appearance so much because I know it’s going to fade. Stay kind, my friends, and God bless
personally i don’t think looks fade as long as you look after yourself health wise and know how to dress you can look good way past your 50’s
everyone keeps saying that it will fade and yet i havent seen anyone with beauty that fades
@@yeas6147 it does fade now days Botox hair coloure is available for everyone
@@samaradam904 hmm. i mean
One of my best friends has aspergers and she’s really pretty! She has an issue with her weight due to comfort eating and she gets used.
I remember once I told my mom that why I am looking ordinary. In reply my mom said that who told your are looking ordinary. You are my beautiful princess , just focus on your study. After that I never felt that I am ordinary. She loves me and I have her and that's I think more than enough to live a life.
aww this is beautiful
If you’re too ugly, people treat you like a pile of garbage. If you’re too pretty, people objectify you and you can never tell if they’re being genuine. If you’re borderline ugly/attractive, you just feel boring and average. You can never win with any look in society.
I have ADHD, dyslexia and avpd. My self esteem is already low then I have to add being ugly and clumsy. Men my life is not fun, I'm 24 and never even been kissed. I even stopped crushing on people about 7 years ago. I think I'm okay with not getting attention but I know it affects me sometimes
That's a heartbreaking comment, sending you a virtual hug
try subliminals they usually work within a month, I recommend you eggtopia subliminals
You’re beautiful
@@m_lushi7346 I've tried them they don't work lmao, or maybe they only work for people that are already near their end goal..
@@raidexe you have to be using it like for a month or a very long time (depending on the person) they worked for me tho
I had a glow up at 17, i went from the ugly girl to one of the prettiest in the class. That was in senior year and it was so weird for me to be in that new school, many guys liked me now, i had many friends and was quite popular. Which was a huge change from my past school, where i was considered ugly and a loser.
It's crazy, as a child and early teen i was judged by others bc i was ugly. My classmates were mean to me and would talk "behind my back" quite literally and i would hear it, my only backbone of self steem was my intelligence and later on my sense of humor and nice personality. I never thought i would be that girl in senior year, but yeah, and i didnt even wear makeup or did my hair differently, it was interesting.
Lol i cried the other day opening up to a friend about being targeted my whole life for being ugly and the being only liked because i was pretty. My ex did that and it hurt me so bad, its been two years since we broke up and it still fucks with me. My whole life i wished i was pretty and when i was, it wasn't that perfect.
I find that i click better guys as friends and now its harder for me to make new friends bc yeah sometimes they just wanna get with me. And about the cheating, same thing happened to me, and i was quite in a bad state, as i had just gotten out of that other relationship and that guy knew.
I also notice that i get more likes and followers when i look prettier. Nonetheless, I like being pretty, as I was always quite vain and being ugly really made me feel terrible, and people were terrible to me in school up until high school where i would put them in their place if they dared to say anything to me lol. But still, I like being pretty, I like not wanting to crawl in a hole everytime i see myself
Well if you’re starting drama in the beginning, that gives a reason why people hate pretty people. No idiot would attack you because you’re pretty, unless you actually made them your enemy.
@@imamenace7709 well bullies seem to think differently
@@imamenace7709 Not true.
@@imamenace7709 Jealousy can make people wanna bring you down and sometimes a kid just starts as the perfect victim and punching bag and despite not being ugly, other kids will tell them to feel better about themselves.
@@imamenace7709 the fact that you assumed pretty people start drama already goes to show that you’re probably one of the bullies that would attack a pretty person for no reason lmao
Being pretty can attract ppl easily, but not always the right person that clicks with your personality.
Literally I wish I had pretty privilege… as shallow as that sounds. Getting bullied at school for 10 consecutive years for your looks… really does effect you. Walking on the street with your pretty friends & them getting attention & guys just ignoring you… really effects you. There are days I have to physically cover my mirror because I can’t stand looking at myself. If I was pretty… it would be so much easier for me. Everything would. I truly believe that.
I checked your page and I'm shocked you are saying this. You're pretty! I truly believe it's a mind thing because I probably would be considered as less attractive than you (darkskin, wide nose) but I think I'm mad pretty😂
I was skinny and fat and chubby... and now I’m overweight lol. And strangers treated me extremely differently when i was skinny (really well, got numbers a lot made friends easier) compared to when I was fat (ignored and treated not that great). and now that I’m not fat or skinny i get some of the attention I used to but not as much but it’s still more than when I was fat haha. Great video :)
true!!
Especially the dating part is so true.
It’s mostly harder to find someone who really is interested in getting to know you than someone who wants to have a fun time with you and have sex and then heads out right after!
This is what mostly sucks about being conventional/pretty :/
the thing is, even conventionally ugly people go through that too. i think that’s one of the main issues i had w this video, although it was very good, is that a lot these issues aren’t exclusive to pretty people.
Beauty privilege is a double edged sword, I often feel like a fraud and have let people reduce me to my looks. I am considered beautiful, I like taking care of myself but I am so much more than that, so imagine how angry I got when my friend told me I wasn’t allowed to complain about my personal issuesbecause “at least you’re pretty”
Dating has been hell so far, every relationship I had I felt like a piece of meat put up for display. I’ve been cheated on and showed off to friends of my partners as If I was an object.
I’m still healing and trying not to fault my appearance.
In my middle school years every time I posted a picture of myself on social media I never once got compliments, at family reunions I was always known as the ugly sister, I was asked out as a joke multiple times, people would whisper and point at me and then laugh. I’m approaching the end of my high school years and the same people I’ve known since elementary are just now giving me compliments and praising me. I am aware people aren’t obligated to compliment me but to know that the same people who thought I was ugly are now the same people calling me hot and cute makes me feel weird. This have made me skeptical about romantic relationships because like I said, I was asked out at a joke multiple times so now when someone ask me out I can’t help but wonder what they would think of me if I still looked like my prior self. I definitely have a lot of unsolved trauma that I need to resolve before I can truly be happy. Wishing whoever is reading this the best of luck on their journey, you got this!
aw :,( you got this too!!!!
This video gonna blow up!! It was on my recommended page
ayy thanks for letting me know that. this is my most viewd video so far, i think it might search 1k by the end of the month 🤞🏾
@@MadisynBrown it was in my recommended page too and you’re now at 1.5k congrats 🥳💕
Yaaaaaaas it’s a rly good vid it appeared in my recommended now at over 45k 🤗
At 83k right now!!! Totally deserved
225.000 now!!
People just happened to be beautiful in the eyes of the entire society, but I don't get why we would praise genes that we don't even choose, I rather compliment someone because they are intelligent, creative, than pretty?
i feel like i would rather compliment someone based on just what they do and how they help people. not their skills if that makes sense since not everyone can be intelligent.
ikr. ive always had this annoying feeling when i see really good looking people on tv or in moves say stuff like "Ur parents did such a great job!" thinvs like that.😭
Anytime a guy brings up my looks on a date and doesn't give me any other compliments on my personality or skills, I won't do a second date. It's not worth my time because they are going into the relationship with shallow expectations.
I used to be considered ugly growing up too. I had acne and according to people “didn’t dress up good”. Ever since I started taking care of my clothes and my skin everybody around me is treating me like I’m a different person? Like bro I had the same face before but you called me ugly. It’s so superficial how so many of our social institutions work
So both my best friend and I are pretty good looking as adults (her more so than me) but she never had an awkward phase and I had a crazy long one and was bullied pretty relentlessly for over four years and then more lightly for maybe another 3. She's always been a really nice lovely person who is just a joy to be around. She reminds me of Jane Bennett. I have this theory that she is so nice because everyone has always been nice to her. It's made her optimistic and positive and genuine because she's always seen the best in people.
I feel like as I've grown up I've had to really struggle to break myself of the habit of being sarcastic and cynical and even rude sometimes. There can definitely be a tendency to lash out at people before they are mean to you, regardless of if they were actually going to be in the first place. This becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where you think no one will like you and then no one does because you're kind of a jerk. I've definitely gotten a lot better with this as I've gotten older, and of course it got easier as I got more attractive and the world started to treat me better. I'm not trying to defend my behaviour at all, more like point out that sometimes pretty people like my friend are also just genuinely nicer. Not because being pretty is the same as being nice, but because being treated well and expecting to be treated well makes it easier to be happy and to treat others well.
I do agree with your statement about dating though. I've had more success with long term relationships than her because she's always had guys be very enthusiastic to date her but it's based on preconceived notions of her not on her personality, so she'll invest time and then it will fall through because they weren't well suited in the first place. Alternatively I have a harder time finding partners but when I do it lasts a long time and usually ends amicably because we already knew we were well suited before we started dating.
Noted!! Thank you for sharing, I can definitely implement this information in my own life!
My therapist also told me this. I push people away because I have been bullied and unconsciously expect rejection. Im healing now but romantic relationships are still out for me because I cant be a healthy partner.
The psychology of this is so interesting
The cynical and rude part hit me so hard.
Wow when I read the part about how guys are enthusiastic to date her, but it's basically based on her appearance... That really hit home. A lot of guys want to date me because I'm pretty, but it really doesn't last that long and sometimes their interest fades quickly (while I don't have a shitty personality). Maybe I'm flattered by all the attention, but in the end I always end up a bit hurt because they run away or don't want to fully commit after they show their interest :(
is there anyone else that fears to actually look beautiful and getting attention because of that?
I'm so uncomfortable with that
Yeah man
Yes! I was a comfortable introvert when I was younger. Nobody bothered me. I was an avid reader, gamer and a loner by choice. Had no real social skills and couldn't be bothered by what my peers were doing or what anyone thought of me for that matter. I was a super late bloomer that was still developing in my early adult yrs. This change my physical appearance and changed my life for the worse, I thought initially. First semester of college was like a bucket of cold water. I expected myself to excel academically as I had done always, but never could have imagined the almost overwhelming flood of male attention. I didn't understand it. I stayed in my dorm for most of the time. And anytime I stepped out someone would approach me. I had guys knocking at my door without me encouraging the behavior at all. I never spoke. I was very shy and not outspoken at all. It made me anxious all the time. Even the older adult staff on campus would make comments or give compliments. I was not used to it, not ready for it, nor did I ever want that kind of attention. I did not know how to respond to it and quite honestly it made me stress to the point that it affected my school work. In the first year I counted 20+ guys asking for my number, to hang out, ect. With one guy from the basketball team (6'9) coming to my dorm asking if "I wanted to f*" without ever really interacting. There was no way someone like me could prepare for it. I kept count because I thought it was unbelievable, and actually thought someone somewhere was playing a joke. Nope. I also experienced physical harrassment that I sort of down played so that I could safely leave. Being "beautiful" also means being a target. I have since matured a lot and though I'm still single and keep to myself, I'm a lot more comfortable in social settings. I can now see apparent privileges and gaining confidence has helped me have more control of situations.
@@TheJXP5 As an introvert myself, I relate to your experience, in general. I'm SO grateful not to have prominent "lady lumps" because I don't even want to fathom how horrible the sexual harassment would be. I think there's a sweet spot of attractiveness, where you're neither plain/ugly or so hot that you receive unwanted attention everywhere you go, if you're someone who values character more (even if you have a great appreciation for aesthetics).
Being "pretty enough" means that you're probably not going to get mistreated as those who are on the far ends of either side of the spectrum would.
yes!! idk how to explain it well but the thought of someone being attracted to me just 😬😬makes me so uncomfortable. i dont want to be seen as a sexy body. i want people to KNOW me.
I’ve believed most of my life I was not pretty. I knew I was smart, but not pretty. I came from an abusive home and I was called ugly, black, most of my growing up. I could not see myself for what I was. As I grew and changed people thought I was more attractive and I thought it was shallow. I still did not feel pretty. I can’t say even now I feel pretty but I like myself which matters most.
Some of them are just stupid racist people. Youre beautiful
I was really overweight and insecure growing up and had one of those “glow ups” after puberty (lost weight, wore clothes that fit me, let my eyebrows grow back) and my everyday experiences changed dramatically. My shy personality didn’t change at all but people are more open to befriending me even if I barely speak to them. Salespeople at clothing stores try harder to a sell me clothing instead of letting me shop around on my own, and I actually got jobs I was under qualified for. I haven’t come to terms with it yet and still view myself as the same person- when people look at me on the street or smile at me, I assume I have spinach in my teeth or something. I still live in the same city as where I grew up and the pretty, thin girls I was jealous of in my dance class actually acknowledge my presence now. It makes me feel weird, as if I was invisible before.
Im very average looking but the shopping point is so true ! People associate looks with wealth often. When u look pretty, people think u put a lot of effort in your looks and have enough money to do that .
You know that saying : " shes not pretty , were just poor " ? Sure its implicating plastic surgery but i feel like it has a lot more layers to it .only Attractive people are on ads which advertise anything fashion or self care related , so people naturally think these are the type of people who can afford it. Thats why people expect u to buy more than the average person imo
You and me both. Ugh its very hard being a pretty black woman. We get both the male gaze and fetishized.
Imagine if you were more likely to be disliked or teased from first appearances. Would that be easier? Not saying your experience is easy though, it’s probably hard.
Every race of woman gets fetishized though
@@abena8339 black women are the most hypersexualized tho
@@abena8339 To fetishize and to desire are very different things and have different levels of respect for the subject
@@orangemoon9634 spot on
Contradicting to say "I'm accustomed to people telling me I'm pretty and I now feel this need to maintain this standard of pretty" while also saying "being pretty doesn't change my personality or mannerisms"
You are very pretty but it has changed you, that much you admitted. Its fine, people are constantly changing. But it's just funny to hear one phrase be contradicted literally not even a minute after saying it. Like yeah I feel this need to be pretty but it hasn't changed me at all. 😅
I was called ugly my entire life, only to find out I was actually PRETTY the whole time?! Right after graduating, I was told I was pretty but weird and therefore made myself unapproachable. The guys at school were mean to me because I didn’t give them the time of day. Girls were mad because they thought the guys wanted me. So most people were mean to me- and that’s paraphrasing what they said not me being conceited. I still have a complex about my looks and still feel like I’m ugly no matter what I do, even though I experience pretty privilege. That’s so messed up :/
wow, you touched on so many topics & they’re all true, especially the external validation. i feel that physical beauty is a title awarded by society, and while women can take steps to make themselves more beautiful, they don’t reap any benefits if no one else validates the way they look. there’s a real loss of control over self-identity when a major part of yourself is defined by society. extra important to find and stick with the people who view you as a pretty human being, instead of just pretty.
girl i didn't think i had a lot of pretty privilege but almost every single point you made i related to, like when you said i rely on my looks and feel pressured by my self into having to look pretty like it's my job, or the thought of loosing my face either from aging or an accident horrifies me, and i have been complimented on my looks a lot for a 15 y/o but maybe i'm too insecure to notice that i'm acc pretty to others, but anyways i find this topic so fascinating thank you for talking ab it, you're beautiful btw
I love the fact I can actually relate to this bc while a lot of people always think they looked rough early teens or in late elementary I barely even recognize myself from then and even over quarantine I changed a bit as most did but it’s so weird to go into a store and feel welcomed bc you’re “attractive” or even told to go help out with something bc you’re the sweeter face or the friend you take insta pics with to post but ignore the rest of the week idk and not to mention it’s ridiculous how I can’t even walk around the grocery store without feeling the eyes of older men on me when I’m just trying to get chips but I also recognize I do make friends faster and more people care abt you it’s way different then what the bullied little overweight girl in 6th grade would’ve thought bc you go from having paper thrown into your hair to people calling it beautiful practically overnight but yea that’s my two cents :)
Pretty privilege definitely exists. Ask almost any man how people treat him after he gets a haircut 😂
I'm interested.. Could you please tell me, from a guy's perspective if men experience pretty privilege?
@@tinazinhle8352 In men, bodyfat is stored to a significantly higher degree in the face than it is in women.
So there are some men who lived their youth with hidden good bone structure, lost fat and then basically started looking like high fashion models, or at least very close.
At this point they even start getting aproached by girls, inspite of them having like zero self esteem.
@@user-pc1er8zy7c thank you ❤️
@@tinazinhle8352 No problem.
Depends on the haircut. 🙃
I think people gotta realize catcalling isn't dependent on how pretty you are, its how NOTICEABLE you are. How much you stand out against the other people around you (or the lack of them, I've only been catcalled when it's only been me and my sisters on the sidewalk)
This.. im overweight and have had men follow me. I cant stand that argument bc it’ll invalidate actual real trauma and it just implies pretty people are the sole keepers of that
@@cremepuffle Not to mention the strange number of girls who think just because theyve never been catcalled theyre ugly/girls who are jealous of girls who get catcalled despite it not being fun
Or on how "weak" you seem. Sometimes they choose to catcall you because you seem more shy, young or small to them so it makes them less afraid that you will actually call them out.
Love your video. However when I was in high school I didn’t think I was attractive or “pretty”. I had many insecurities about my body and my face. I am small build and tall 5”9 to be exact lol. But as I got older am 26 now I realize that I am “pretty” no matter how people view me. I myself believe that I am beautiful. I do get compliments from guys whether am looking my best or not. Funny thing I have guys wanting to add me just because am pretty and I find it annoying at times because I don’t whose genuine or fake. But being pretty does have its challenges and opportunities. Sending love from The Bahamas
As someone who also grew up believing I was ugly and became “pretty” late high school it’s crazy how much I relate to your thoughts in this video, from the childhood dream of wanting to be the most beautiful to realising how other people externally reinforce your own opinion of your appearance to the fear of growing old. When I was younger I never bothered with my appearance and instead placed focus on my hobbies and learning as much as I could but now I spend more time looking in the mirror and focusing on ways to make myself look the best and it’s starting to scare me too because I was never this vain.
For me it was the other way round, in high school I was pretty, and guys talked to me all the time, and when I went to college and got hit on so much. I had blond hair, I was skinny etc. On dating apps I would match almost every time I swiped right. Then now I've cut my hair short and it's brown again, I gained a little bit of weight. I've never been happier within myself, but on dating apps I get hardly any matches, and no guys ever message me. At first when I cut my hair I was so insecure that no guys liked me anymore, but now I just live for myself and my happiness. My value and identity as a person comes from the values I live by, how I treat myself, how I treat my friends, and doing purposeful meaningful work that I enjoy.
I'm so happy she calls herself pretty because, as a person that's not conventional beautiful, one of the most hurtful and invalidating things for me is when pretty people claim that they're ugly...
Its so refreshing that she doesnt deny it. She knows shes good looking and is honest about the benefits it brings.
Thank you for talking about this!♥️
I remember when an influencer went viral for saying something like I would rather die than not be beautiful and people dunking on her but I always felt that I understood what she meant, of course I don't think that taking it to that extent is good but I get the sentiment and I think it's because society puts so much pressure on looking good especially for women that when you do look good it can so easily become a major part of who you are
I was fat , and men weren't interested in me , I never got a boyfriend , but when I lost weight and became beautiful , all of a sudden men started to show up in my life , they didn't accept me when I was ugly and fat , but they liked me because I was pretty , I really feel you , and the worst part is that the one who bullied me when I was fat suddenly liked me when I was beautiful , I ended up regaining the weight and all men vanished , AGAIN , the fact that men will only like for your looks is hard to accept , but I', learning to accept men as they are
When you said "feeling ugly becomes your reality". My whole teenage years in a sentence.
My classmates consider me ugly , but I really looked at myself in the mirror one day was like “ I’m not even ugly “ I didn’t start getting more attention until my body started to develop aka bigger boobs and a curvy body people are attracted to my body more than my face
@@P_eachie SAME!
Great video love 🤎 and shout out from NYC 🤩 I went through the same thing as you growing up - I was the ugly duckling and got bullied for my looks. I started to grow into my looks and of course puberty helped in high school. But once I started college, I glowed the eff up and allll the dusty boys back in h.s. crawled out 😂 pretty privilege has been quite an experience, especially when you didn’t grow up “pretty.” Like you said, the dual experience builded your character. I also really feel you on your appearance as an attachment to your identity!!!
The catcalling in New York is so spot on 🤦🏻♀️ it was always the black/Hispanic guys that were the most aggressive with the cat callings (would be interested in video on this topic). I’m Asian and don’t look stereotypically “oriental.” I was born in the south Bronx and I was not seen as pretty when I was young, and was made fun of my looks. But as I got older, I’ve gotten so many compliments and attention for my looks. It’s interesting that I look “foreign” now to the Bronx and have become almost a fetish to some strangers.
lmaooo them HS dusties really be comin out the woodwork fr! Also ma’am you are gorgeous
@@MadisynBrown 😂 and thank you love 💗 you are absolutely stunning yourself! GLOWING ✨
I think I've gotten this alot growing up. And it's a pain cause people can take advantage of you. Especially when you're pretty and shy 😞 And you just want someone to like you for you who are. And then you have jealous friends,, and low self-esteem of bullying alot. And you would feel alone sometimes. Got that from experience. It's a sad reality.
same. i literally have no friends and spend all my time alone. everyone i thought was my friend treated me badly, and ghosted me when i was going through a tough time or looked happy i was miserable. every man just wants to sleep together. it was really heartbreaking to realize nobody will love me as much as i love them. i shaved my head and wear baggy clothes to not get attention. i grew my hair back this year. i still want friends and love but not superficial attention. i wonder if it will ever happen
@@oromtitiwbo5078 what, you shaved your head because of that 😨 ? My God, you should talk to someone who can help you.
Because, being alone sometimes can be a blessing. Not everyone can be your friend, you should'nt purchase acceptance or love from others. Be patient, love yourself. Don't stay alone at home, Go for a walk to clean your head. Do exercises, go somewhere you can meet the type of person you want and pray(command your day to be a blessing to you) .
@@rhodesgrec1648 i dont know why you chose to make assumptions about people but i am extremely happy to be alone. i am an introvert and since childhood i spend almost all of my time alone. but that doesnt mean the very few friends i make and am comfortable with should project insecurities onto me, be jealous of me and cannot reciprocate friendship to me. people literally use me for benefits and throw me away when they realize i have a mind, a soul, a heart, and am not just a physical body and empty vessel. i have had to distance myself from people i considered my very close and only friends due to extreme jealousy which caused them to mistreat me. men do not respect me and only want to be physical with me. women are extremely cruel and give me angry jealous glares in public every day. men stare at me lustfully and follow me. again, i *do not like attention.* not *all* women want men to look at them or to "compete" with other women. thats not what i exist for or how i choose to navigate this earth. yes i chose to shave my head, and dress like a tom boy because looking androgynous relieved a lot of this negative attention which becomes harassment and unbearable to be in public spaces. i actually *do* spend all my time in nature and with animals alone. i still deserve basic human respect when i am in public and from other people. how you chose to respond to me is more telling about you than your strange assumptions about me, i think you may need some help.
@@oromtitiwbo5078 😂😂😂😂I like you, I'm also an introvert . Don't reject who you truly are because of jealousy of others, OK. I wish the best.
@@oromtitiwbo5078 please, do not tolerate disrespect from anybody, don't allow them to use you, defend yourself. Learn to say no. When you shaved your head and dress like a tomboy, you lost the battle, you pleased them
i'm tired of being the ugly friend. i've only been called pretty once, without me saying that i feel like i look bad. people don't realize that saying somebody is pretty after they say they look bad and only then just reinforces the fact that they don't mean it.
MY FAMILY treated me different because i was darkskin & ugly till until around 18 when i moved away & its like i hit another puberty & grew into myself. Family members that i haven't seen since i was a child/teenager will openly tell me to my face (i'm 21 now)"WOW..you turned into such a beautiful young woman" & they will genuinely be shocked when they see me. My own uncle had the nerve to call me JENNIFER HUDSON because i lost weight & got pretty (and ya'll i was never overweight i just started getting toned & had a hourglass figure). My family started telling me to be safe & careful after visiting them, they also started asking about my love life too. Its really fake love & it shows me you never valued me. Being labeled ugly by peers & family for about 18/19 years of my life really made me understand how people value looks & how they use that to gauge how to treat people. I went from being ignored to being admired, but because i'm self-aware (& i'm not gonna lie being not that attractive helped me remain humble & try to always be a considerate/understanding person) i can see through the bullshit lol. Ya'll didn't care about my opinion, how i doing in school or anything else because i wasn't pretty but now that i am, you may act like you do but you still don't value ME you just value how i look...AND DATING IS ANOTHER SHALLOW WORLD... You'll either be too "ugly" to fit in or too "pretty" to to have depth.
I like how chill/calming your voice is 🙂
You were always beautiful love
i mean im nowhere near pretty (or handsome) but i was geeky short boy with baby face, and i remember clearly this girls in middle school literally made fun of my looks when im just a quiet shy kid minding my own business.
Then puberty hit. Probably a grade or 2 after, those same group of girls suddenly act friendly to me like they didn't just bullied me for years. Its wild to me, like do they really just forgot how horrible they were to me or what?
On completely different issue, its funny that you mentioned how being attractive only gives you early advantage in a relationship, because its a big problem for me.
Yes i was ugly, but i never really work on my personality either, since i mostly kept to myself. I was that weird quiet kid who likes to draw by myself. Nothing change much except my looks. Now people see me as the mysterious attractive artsy guy. So people came up to be all excited expecting to be swept by their feet, but i can barely hold a conversation. So they lost interest in me just as quick.
I hope you get better with that
The part you said about aging hit home. Your mid 20s are the scariest time, you are at your peak physical beauty and society tells you you should use it to find a mate. But most people just want to live their lives. Then suddenly everything starts going downhill. I'm a couple years older than you and we have very similar faces and even locs, so it feels like looking in the mirror. I don't notice a difference in attention now but you can see the little signs of aging before anyone else can. It's so easy to talk about aging gracefully until you turn 26 and realize gravity fears no one
Wow this comment just made me realize how young you guys are. Your 20s are not your peak. You re not even making real money yet(well most aren’t ) wait to you get that money and actually start taking good care of yourself.
You're very right. Your teams in your early twenties are the peak of your beauty and your life and I remember I got a lot of attention when I was in my teens and early twenties. Now I'm 36 years old and it has ceased. The only attention I get mail is from older white women tell me that I'm beautiful LOL
@@nameless592 thank you! I needed this
@@buttergurls6401 :( yeah teens to now I feel a big difference. Younger and older guys were more prone to shooting their shot. It's like once you wise up they stop coming for you....I think I'll start some fitness training or something once I hit my 30s to find some equilibrium
@@buttergurls6401 btw, do you feel like your lifestyle has changed at all to affect this? Like in hs and college you're around tons of people your age and demographic.. then older people begin pairing off and assuming you're taken, you're less likely to be going out and meeting tons of new people etc. I'm curious about how much off this is lifestyle and physical changes vs just getting older
Watching this video felt like someone had crawled into my head and voiced my thoughts and experiences and conclusions out loud and it was really reassuring to know I’m not alone. Thank you so much for making this 🙏🏻
realizing pretty priviledge feels awful kind of (just my thoughts) pressure & wanting to change myself. not feeling like i’m able to do things i’d like to do because i’m not hot or pretty enough ? in my mind. I hate that these thoughts and myself are holding me back. my brain is battling between healing - self love - and also lots of sadness. can i heal and be self compassionate and still, change myself, not dramatically but in a way that i ”look” and feel better too? ? ? what if my bullies were the ones who broke my nose and should i accept the outcome...???
that’s why i’m getting plastic surgery and other smaller things. it’s for me and no one else can’t do sht about that. i have eating disorder and bullying and depression background so a nice combo. perfectionism too. i srsly need a sht ton of therapy as well, i’ve been in therapy but i think i need some more too lol. i want to be myself.
- but tbh no one can argue with the fact that pretty priviledge exists and even if its against our values etc ”your inner beauty matters” of course. it still exists and i live once so gotta be it. it’s hard. so many mixed feelings. am i valuable ? do i look like a good and nice person? do i look friendly? am i ????
can i channel my inner good energy outiside? even as i am now :( i feel very lost and feeling like lost potential. sorry for rambling! anyone else feeling similar feelings?
I don’t agree with pretty privilege being more powerful than racism but other than that, definitely.
Yeah ion know about that ..
Yup. Pretty privilege is rooted in racism. Racism is definitely stronger. If you have two very attractive women and one is white and one is black, people will still say that the white woman is more attractive simply because she is white.
@TH-cam Channel of course there are. But still that’s not the beauty standard. Just because there are people that find dark skin attractive doesn’t mean that pretty privilege isn’t rooted in racism and colorism
Yeah that one was a REACH
Pretty privilege stems from racism so being white/eurocentric can make your more privilege
I swear I wanna be your friend, cause everything you said, is exactly how I’ve felt, right down to the ugly duckling phase in middle school going into high school. I tried to express this sentiment on my TikTok, but with videos being so short, I couldn’t make my point all the way through and my video blew up with girls telling me that I’m average, that I can’t talk about pretty privilege because I don’t have it, that I’m ugly, that I’m a clown, that I’m a pick me. I just wanted girls to understand being pretty is not the end all be all. There’s aspects of it that truly fckn suck. I’m a romantic at heart and I struggle to find a guy that genuinely wants me for me and not the clout, validation, or conquest. Thank you for making this. It means the world to me.
This is so interesting and such an important topic. The video “talent belongs to the beautiful” touches on this too. I love how ur sharing ur experience
i feel like when your deemed unattractive you have to put in so much work you have to be funny interesting and you have to have a good fashion sense and be smart ect there so much pressure
I don't really like viewing this kind of videos, but I enjoyed every single part of it. Love how you express and your way of thinking.
When i was a kid I was really the ugly duckling, quiet and left alone by everyone. When I got older, on my late adolescence ( 16 and over) I started to get prettier and the difference that people treat me is gigantic, everyone is so gentle and nice, but is really difficult to make real friends tho, all the girl friends that I had ended up being toxic af
Same
The compliment thing is so true, u start to base your worth off compliments and the approval of others. Compliments are nice but they shouldn’t matter so much
i similarly started experiencing pretty privilege after high school, and it feels so good to hear you discuss it. the shallowness and objectification is SOUL SUCKING. so is feeling that enormous difference between being an ugly child and a pretty adult. its depressing to have to face the impact that beauty has in our society-and even after finally achieving what i've strived for my whole life, i still don't feel beautiful. i still don't feel truly, deeply valued. its sad.
Thank you for being so honest. Honestly it’s refreshing to see someone just share their honest opinion on a matter relying on their own experience instead of research for once. Really nice video✨🙌🏾
And research shows pretty people have better opportunities socially and career wise lol
People see me and immediately make assumptions of how I live and act. "I didn't expect you to be like that".... I get this a lot
I have this rant FREQUENTLY with my friends
I wish I had friends to talk about stuff like this with😅
@@myutubechannel7955 I’ll be your friend 🥺
@@art.thomas ig?
@@myutubechannel7955 @art.xp 🤗
@@myutubechannel7955 What's yours?
Looks is what draws people in and personality is what glues people together.
Thank you for being so real! I felt every point of this video, glad to know it’s not just me💘
This video is so open honest and real. What a vibe; that's so hard to capture.
As someone who doesn't see themselves as pretty I can't say I feel you but I'm so grateful you shared this perspective and some of the nuances that come with it.