How Can I Stop Feeling Worthless?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 พ.ย. 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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Hi Kati, my greatest accomplishment to date is that I put myself first at the age of 45 I got my GED and went to college and have a certificate in GIS and computer science degree is next!
Congratulations :) never stop trying and most importantly never stop learing
Yay! Good for you!
Hello ...hpw have a question how did you get your GED ???? I need your assistance ok..... Thanks
...
I have zero acomplishments
My whole life I've craved a life where I am cherished. I want to know what it feels like to be worried about. I am learning to talk nicer to myself. Other people don't decide if I matter. Life is amazing and the very fact that I came into existence shows my importance. I have to work on this daily and occasionally slip into the sad unwanted soup but I climb out again. 55 and I'm still here! Lol
Love this, keep going💖
No one ever woryed about you? How is that possible?
hi Kati my greatest accomplishment so far is go for a walk three days ago (1st in months) and been talking with a counselor on-line
I used to go for walks too, but I stopped some time ago too. Maybe I should start again, like you did. It's so painful, going and staying 🤷🏻♀️
Because of childhood emotional abuse I just get to feeling worthless when I'm tired. My Lord this is a long, dark hole isn't it.
Hugs 💛🕯
Oh my gosh….. my mom has been emotionally abusing me for years….. I thought it was always just my fault. Kati, please make a monday video!
Me too! You're not alone! I thought maybe I was crazy, but this puts it into context for me!
It has to be intentful... I see this used way too much. Most people don't realize what they are doing is abusive. It's about talking about with that person and if they continue then it's abuse.
@@RangerofNE We shoud just ignor what other people think of us.What you think about yourself is more important than what the others think
Hi Katie 🤗my greatest accomplishment to date is beginning to allow myself to have dreams to accomplish. I've always felt that I didn't deserve to have any.
My greatest accomplishment right now is I am starting to feel better about myself and im able to talk back to my negative thoughts more than I ever have before!!
I am so happy that I found your channel, you are the first person to address the issues that I have with the parents.
Wow, you're video helped me realize a lot about emotional abuse. not only did my mom do it to me, but now I do it to my kids. I can't allow this cycle to continue. Thank you for being so blunt and giving great explanations and examples, not many people know how to simplify things for the masses and you have an amazing knack for it!
no 2 question...sounds like you have an awesome therapist!she is validating you and whats happening is it makes you feel vulnerable and its not a comfortable emotion to sit with (might make you want to cry and you dont want to )yay for good therapists!
Some people don't think before they speak and just don't "filter" their words. I'm certainly not talking about you Katie bc you excel at your words w people and fantastic at filtering your words. You're very kind and helpful to me. 🌺🌺🌺
greatest achievement is that I'm moving away to a different country to got to university despite my anxiety and dependency issues and will even study something that requires a lot of human interaction. I'm terrified and overwhelmed at the moment but deep down I know it will be good for me xx
This video has unexpectedly helped my issues more than I could have ever hoped. I wish I could properly express just how much it has helped and how thankful I am to you for sharing the way you have Kati. Thank you so much.
Such a great video! Thanku Kati. All the time, effort, love and compassion help me through hard times every time I hear your words💕
My greatest accomplishment to date would probably be my results day for GCSE's. After being told by my mum and my English teacher that I was going to fail English I got a '️B' and for that I was really proud!😊
I would really love to see a full Monday video on emotional abuse. My therapist keeps saying that I suffered emotional trauma as a child due to abuse by my daycare providers that now prevents me from feeling like I can be myself and anyway I just want to learn more about it I guess... Thanks :)
I decided to heal 5 years ago. I didn't know anything about abuse I just knew that I was in a lot of pain and couldn't handle it anymore. Now I know I was the scapegoat in my family and I was supposed to carry their shame. It has been very hard and I'm worth every effort it takes to be healthy.
Dude I can't believe your channel had existed for SO LONG with such amazingly insightful, entertaining advice. You've made things so much more clear for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The comment of hating people showing pity for us, really rang true. Thats why I like the way you ( therapy) speak its not patronizing its all inclusive. Thank you 😊
So glad to finally find such a sweet person who understands struggling with recovery and is easy to understand. My main issue is emotional abandonment from my parents, as an only introverted child. It caused me a lot of problems until I was made aware of such things and the impact and destruction it caused. I still struggle with praise and self-worth. I'm 62 yrs old and am finally married to a great guy for over 20yrs who accepts me and doesn't make me feel belittled. But I still crave physical attachment because he is kind of a cold fish sexually now in his older age. I love hugging and cuddling and accepted I had become codependent because of it. I just wish I could love me.
A Monday video topic about this it's a great idea. Please do. Because when you are critized constantly or get a hurtful comment that really put you down it's hard to see the difference between abuse and normal frustration from the other person.
You’re a beautiful person for sharing your insights. I have experienced, and am experiencing, so many things from all of your videos. One thing about feeling worthless that I wonder if you ever had a patient say a parent told a teenager to go ahead and kill their self cause they won’t miss them and nobody else will either. It’s the same parent who didn’t believe the teen [okay, it’s me] when the teen said a sibling made them do sex and hit them as a child and even convinced the welfare the child was crying wolf. The other parent was completely neglectful other than what was required for a minor by law. As for my greatest accomplishment... It’s permanently getting away from all of the abusers I grew up around. Thank you
👍👍
I really really appreciated this! Thank you so much!! 😊 ❤
On hearing compassion messages : i share the difficulty of accepting kind words offered to me.
If you react to words of another that is important information about you. If you
are able to express your response with curiosity you are
striving for the thriving.
If you discover a sensitivity, you may take a moment to
be proud of your effort of
holding more awareness.
Next you may realize there are safe people who want to learn how to better communicate with you, help them know how you wish to be treated.
If you are healing,
your responses will change and so more important information for you to communicate.
My greatest accomplishment has been to learn non-violent communication, allow myself a life coach, starting therapy, and setting boundaries. This adult growth has positively impacted all other areas of my life.
Hey Kati, thanks for another great video! Keep up the awesome work (:
what a beautiful question about the trauma and sympathy. thanks for asking that, and thanks for explaining Katie!! \m/
Please do a Monday video on emotional abuse! Thank you. 💗
you inspire me so much!!! Your videos remind me how i want to be a therapist
A monday video with more about emotional/ verbal abuse would be very helpful. Thanks for all you do:)
Thank you Kati, you are a rock.
Sometimes I really do feel u get through to me more than my actual therapist does
same..
just a girl I feel this so much! I stopped going to any kind of therapist at all because none helped me at all. I even tried to off myself a few years ago and got put in a mental ward for three days. Nobody addressed why I was in there except to say “So.... why is K in here”? I only got like 5 minutes and was asked how that was a problem when I tried to say. There’s much much much much much more, but the point is, I gave up on any therapist. I’m grateful for these videos!
Great video! Please make a 'Monday-video' on emotional abuse. Have a wonderful weekend.
Im so glad for question 2. I've felt the same with my counselor but didnt know how to put it in words
Wendy Packard I quit going to any therapist long ago, but yeah; this is one reason. I felt worse leaving than when going in for the appointment. I wanted solutions, not poor baby.
There is so much that happened in the narcissistic relationship that I feel so much shame about, and so much I keep secret because of the horrible shame and pain that I allowed it to happen. It's like I paved over all these massive potholes without filling them in, or putting bandaids over abcesses.
please do a monday video on emotional abuse!
Hi Katie, Thank you for your videos they have been sO confirming. Yes I would definitely be interested in seeing a full video of what verbal/ emotional abuse is how to recognize it learn how to look at it from a different perspective when it’s coming at you and not react or become paralyzed or despondent but an action plan so it doesn’t affect you negativity.
Omg the last question 10 out of 10 relateable. Thanks for adressing it.
Thanks for the person who have asked the third question...
Kool Kati...knowledgeable and fun to listen to...🥰🥰🥰
My greatest accomplishment is my knowledge in so many areas of life! I am still profiting from it and can adapt quickly because of it. It’s spiritual, practical, creative and emotional knowledge. :)
ILYSM KATI!
So I scheduled my very first therapy appointment today and I'm having anxiety about all the questions and telling someone so many things no one on this planet knows. So I turned to TH-cam for answers lol I found you video then I started to watch another video and another I think I'm a good 10 videos in and you've made be cry a few times lol but not a sad cry more like a healing cry like holy crap it's not just me. I hope my therapist is like you lol also law and order SVU is my favorite show it's been healing. I also named my cat Olivia after of course Olivia Benson. Thank you for all your doing, your amazing! ♥
I feel like self hatred and feeling worthless are heavily linked (at least for me) to that discomfort with and sympathy or kindness. I know I get very easily caught up in the feeling that I don't deserve help from my therapist, family, friends etc, and even feel like those things are a burden to them. I logically know this isn't the case that inner voice just gets too intense sometimes.
Just found this channel and started watching your videos. I tend to feel worthless a lot. I think it stems from the fact that I experienced a lot of emotional abuse and trauma when I was younger. And this wasn’t a secret. Many people, including adults that were supposed to be responsible for my wellbeing, were aware of what was happening. And no one did anything. So why would I feel like my life is worth something when people who were supposed to care about me didn’t love me enough to help me? I know it may seem ridiculous to other people but that’s my thought process.
A C It’s not ridiculous at all!!!!
My definition of abuse is using an aspect of a person for excessive or unreasonable personal gain to the detriment of the person being abused. That refers to physical, emotional, sexual, ETC.
Emotional abuse is used to cause a person to constantly work to give the abuser 150% and keep working for more.
With sexual abuse. It is commonly understood that any sexual activity with a child is detrimental and therefore abuse, but in an adult sexual relationship, if one partner is forcing the other to do or submit to things s/he doesn't like, I'd consider that abuse as well.
This is true. I think Katie's definition of "verbal abuse" should be relabelled "verbal assault."
It would be under chronic circumstances that it would be labelled verbal abuse.
So if it's a close friend who's done it once they might have been mad. It's an assault. If it's a close friend who shows other signs of abuse and they've only done it once, then it would be abuse.
wow. I am so blessed by you and it delights me that you are taking the time to love people as yourself and giving them advice about how to handle difficult and abusive situations. YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AND INSPIRING. Jesus said when you do for those who are the least of these (in the minds of others or themselves) you do it unto me. You essentially touch his heart. God bless you. This is WWJD
The thing i notice about "displays" of sympathy is that it makes me feel like I'm helpless and lack autonomy and really makes me feel extremly self-pitying in a way that feels almost toxic and like the person is feeding off my misery and/or projecting their pain onto me. I don't always notice it at first but in hindsight I feel like i've been used.
It would be amazing if you turned emotional abuse into a monday video!
Mine is that I've had such an amazing friends that always gave me chances and never let me go ever ❤❤😊😊😊
My greatest accomplishment is after getting kicked out of my abusive fathers house at 18, I stepped up and became my own parent I always needed, working hard to support myself financially. Got 2 promotions and leased a car and I feel like a big girl now but mourn my childhood. I’m 21 this weekend.
I'd love to see an emotional abuse Monday video! Thanks for all you do Kati!!! Love all your videos Xoxoxox
I hope you have a nice weekend! even tho you have some work tomorrow.
Thank you for the content
So if my feeling of worthlessness is based on social anxiety, am I supposed to blame others for it?
I'm having trouble with something similar but I don't think that's what she meant. Not sure if you caught it but later on in the video she suggested to notice when you talk negatively to yourself and try to talk back to that voice and remind yourself that you're human and you make mistakes. Don't know if this helps or if it's still relevant but I hope you get better
I used to have social anxiety really bad in school. I think it’s because nothing I said was valued or even listened to ever so I guess I got it in my head nobody wants to hear me. It never really went away. It carried over into nobody has time for me... I’m bothering them.... and I talk really fast and keep it short as possible. Doing that oddly helps me get it out and go on to something or somewhere else. However, I have the personality that thinks about everything way too long after it’s over hoping I said it right or whatever. Gosh, I’m probably being of no help at all.
I think verbal, emotional and mental/psychological abuse can be different but also overlap.
Verbal abuse to me is like screaming at someone, calling them names etc.
Emotional abuse- can be even more covert. Someone can be really mean and hurtful without it even seeming or looking that way or calling attention to themselves. This could be things like telling someone they're "over reacting" or "too-sensitive" just general put downs or unnecessary criticism.
Psychology abuse- I think can be premeditated. Like manipulation and gaslighting (which is not always intended or premeditated, but for the sake of trying to describe the difference that's my conceptualization).
Greatest achievement - I made it to the end of today
emotional abuse also includes being manipulative and trying to control you - e.g. checking through your phone all the time, not letting you see friends or family, constantly putting down things that you do or are important to you, like friends or your job
Love you Kati x
Yes, please make a monday video!
Now I know why I hate so much when someone says they're sorry because of my dad's death. In my world, it didn't happen. Thanks for great video.
thank you ❤️
Thank you
Thanks!
Kati, you say that after you stop being angry at yourself, you may start being angry at your abuser.
I was angry at myself for stuff my parents did, and also what bullies did (many people at school doing essentially the same thing my parents did, so I'm assuming this is abuse?).
Then I was angry at my parents for my late teens/early 20s. And I stopped being mad at myself for things other people did.
Now I've gotten to the stage where I'm not angry. I understand why I changed the way I did, and I understand why they did what they did. So why am I still so hateful towards myself, if I've processed what's happened to me?
I have felt worthless before. It's because of my mom. I have to hide in my room to feel safe and talk to strangers to get empathy.
My greatest accomplishment is getting by bachelor's degree in the 'expected' time frame. It was really hard work and so stressful from time to time that I was close to quitting multiple times but I did it nonetheless :)
I feel so worthless, rejected, and unwanted after my ex boyfriend left me. We were together for five years, he left me, then the lockdown pandemic happened, during that I lived on my own in the flat that we used to share. Then I moved out and started feeling better. Then I find out that he got engaged to an ex colleague of his. Four months after breaking up with me he got engaged to someone else, and I found out through facebook. It’s been about a month since I found out. I’m hurting so much. I feel absolutely worthless, and helpless. It feels like my world is broken and I will never feel ok again.
So many of my family members are emotionally abusive/absent.
I listen to angry music , it helps a lot
Yes please do a video on emotional abuse! :)
The second question was so weird for me ..because i've searching for "validation for my abuse , suffering for years ..that i'm not making it up ..that it's real , it's relevant" ...then hearing from people(including therapists) that "it's all in my head, it's not what actually happened ,i'm overreacting ,that's it's normal, i'm making issues out of nothing!"
I was just laughing to myself about my chronic oversharing. I'm sure my friends time how long it will take for me to bring up my traumatic childhood and issues with my mom. Ha ! But really if you are stuck in unresolved grief you just cannot let it go ! It's always on your mind and you want to communicate it to others ... Alas , awkward silence creates more shame , pain and guess what ! You want to blab it out again !
It’s put downs anger too.
I think it's a good idea to tell a counsellor how you feel about their communication style. My feeling is that counsellors can build up a combination of compassion fatigue and a feeling of authority over their clients that can sometimes be unhelpful.
Hard truths often need to be heard, but the bluntness of some counsellors can be devastating. If you feel really uncomfortable with a therapist, move on.
Would a toxic friend be emotional abusive?
Yes they could be
Often yes
Omg I'm the toxic friend
I never thought what my parents told me was emotional abuse now I know
Question number 2 just makes me think about my parents and how if someone were to "agree" with what I say my mind instantly switches to my parents' voices and how this is all nonsense and that's not what actually exists, stop being emotional, get your head out of your ass, etc. Even though I've never thought of myself as crazy, but I think the gaslighting just keeps them in control of my head and I can't accept anything I think or feel myself.
To date my greatest accomplishment is knitting a sock. One so far.
I passed 3 of the 4 tests I need to take to my ged. I suppose that's an accomplishment
What does it mean to be worthless and if you are what should you do about it?
Hi everyone I just wanted to know what your coping mechanisms are for depression or anxiety or self- hatred in my comment section:
Mine is talking to drawings I made of myself and I drew a face on a little Styrofoam pumpkin and I help him dealing with his "problems" (my problems) so I find a way to help myself, if that makes sense
What if the worthlessness you feel isn't really directed at yourself, but at the world? I am pretty self-aware and know why I feel the way I do about most things, and that the things I've gone through weren't my fault. And because of that, I really dislike most people and the world; because there is so much ugliness. I know some people would say; "try to concentrate on the good things and people, the positives." But when there really aren't any positives...or very very little...it seems to not be woth it. To me, it's not worth it to feel so depressed all the time to MAYBE have a good day once a month or every few months. I feel like I've experienced all there really is to experience...and my life is very handicapped now due to the fact that I have a record and can't do a lot of the things I previously wanted to do because of it. (I was an addict for 11 years and acquired a felony drug charge) and now I have PTSD since I stopped using and all of the thoughts and feelings came back from childhood trauma, and now trauma from all the horrible things that happened during my addiction. I don't have faith in people anymore, I don't support this society, my country, most people's values and morals...seeing all the horrible things even (and especially) 'normal' people are capable of. Even friends and family who say they care and are there for you really aren't when you need them most...and I feel like if I go back to therapy they will try to help me 'turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts...etc' and I feel like these thoughts are just realistic to me now...because of the things I've gone through...so how can I be honest with myself and turn these thoughts around if it wouldn't be realistic to me...I hope that makes sense. I feel like I'd just be lying to myself if I tried to train my brain into thinking positively. Like that's not how things really are, and I would have to be naive to think otherwise.
How can a therapist really care, and how can we really trust them if they are being payed to talk to us?
I wish I could just forget everything that's happened to me, and start over. My entire life things haven't been the best. Maybe some people are just 'destined' to have a crappy hand in life...I don't know. I just feel like I never belonged in this world. It's so weird to me when I see people who seem happy. When I was a kid I had to force myself to laugh...things that were funny to other people didn't make me laugh. And sometimes I think I am too far gone, and have seen too much to be helped. If you have any time...could you please offer me even one little piece of advice? I just don't know what to do. I used to think there was a reason for my pain...but I'm almost 30 years old now..and I haven't really done anything with my life....and don't feel like I'm ever going to. I have no motivation to do anything...and sometimes I think the more I let it build up, the more courage I'll have to end it. I've tried in the past in addiction, really tried; but it never worked. I used to think there was a reason for that too. But now all I have the strength to do it sleep 14+ hours a day. I'm becoming agoraphobic as well...I'm afraid of people and loud noises, and I constantly have nightmares. It's just not worth it to me anymore...I don't check replies on these messages, because sometimes people write really mean things that I don't want to read...but my e-mail address is 'obscurityislove0@gmail.com' I doubt you'll reach out, and I'm not expecting you to have an answer...but if you do have any advice that would be great. If not, I hope you have a wonderful day/night and everyone else does as well. I don't really care if I'm 'oversharing.' I don't really belive in that unless it's in a work setting or you are telling someone who has a loud mouth. I love when people are candid. It's much more real, and gives life a little more substance when you tell other people what you really think and feel...if more people did this, the world might be a little bit better.
Thanks for the videos, you're helping a lot of people. I used to want to be a therapist until I gave up on people. I'd much rather work with animals now.
giving up You’re not the only one who feels that way, I’m quite certain. A pervasive kind of ‘existential nihilism ‘ is a lot more common than society in general would be comfortable to admit. What is less common is people like you having the courage to articulately express their feelings. It’s a tough nut to crack and there is no magical solution, as you’re well aware, but I wish you well and hope you find some peace in this world.
Dude, I'm sure there's a nice and wonderful woman out there looking for someone as awesome as you are. Don't listen to her when she says that and never give up hope. ^-^ Btw I am sure you are not a horrid person.
Can you do more video's on OCD please? I feel like its not really spoke about much x
Don’t wanna feel hopeless anymore.
going vegan is the greatest accomplishment. also quitting sugar. would like to top that one though as it's a bit too easy
I feel alone and worthless... I'm no one's first choice, not even my mom. My sister is better than me in everything, has more money, has loads of friends, and now, the only thing that made me special was my artistic skills, but now out of nowhere she says she's a writer (she was never really creative until now, she's like 33) made a blog, a kinda known blogger's page published one of her texts (they publish many people, but she and everyone around her made it a big deal) everyone is praising her now, and I've been kinda forgotten. Nothing really makes me special. I have almost no friends. My mom prefers my sister. I'm really good in visual arts but no one really cares. My mom used to be kinda proud of the artworks I did, but now with this new thing with my sister, that has taken all of her attention. I just don't know what to do. I know this sounds petty and childish, but I really feel awful. I feel so alone and worthless, I don't want to feel like this.
When I tell my parents (I'm 33 years old) that I want to date, my mom tells me "what woman would want to spend 5 minutes with you?" Or when I want friends to hang out with they say. " who the hell would want to spend 5 minutes with you?" Like I'm this terrible fucking person. It makes me feel worthless and like I'm a piece of shit. I don't know what to do anymore.
Lol the intro, thank you for that hahaha
Do you believe someone can make you feel an emotion or do you believe you choose how you feel?
cassie(。♥‿♥。) People invoke an emotion in me, but I decide how I’m going to react to it. I had to learn that.
That depends on your ability to make that choice. If it happens when we're very young, you don't have the mental capacity to choose. 😥
I've slipped with my daughter and have said things I regret! I don't know what's wrong with me.
I too hate sympathy. I don't tend to be overly sympathetic toward others and I feel hypocritical accepting it from others. Sympathy changes nothing so what's the use? Besides, my troubles are nothing compared to what others go through. And accepting that something was scary for me just shows my weakness. The fact that I can be helpless humiliates me. Survival is for the fittest and any time I am unable to defend myself shows I am not the fittest. My accomplishments feel too minor to matter. Others have accomplished so much more than I. I know there are others who have accomplished less, but I am more ashamed of them than I am of myself. They are as beneath my notice as am I beneath the notice of those that have done more than me. That is just how the dominance hierarchy works.
I blinked yes.
How do we know that our intuition is speaking to us or our emotions are driving us.
Please make a video on this.
Deep Sanghvi I have strong intuition so I can tell you that intuition is the strong gut feelings [or clairvoyance if you’re leaning towards that] with knowings with mental images and more. Emotions are when you’re angry, or whatever. I hope this makes sense.
i can sometimes get really defensive and obsessive about the words i want to use in therapy and it's precisely those connections between what an adjective is vs what i think it implies that help me clear up my feelings about something, i do a lot alo t like A LOT of rationalization so when changing my thought patterns my therapist told me a very useful thing that changed my outlook, she said that whether something was irrational or not, even if it's something that makes sense in my eyes, is it helping me? is it the only way to view that thing? and if it's not helpful to me how can i view it differently or change it for something else that does help me, that helps my healing or my daily life or smoothes over my relationships with others. there were many things that i let get out of hand because i thought i deserved them, but they weren't actually making me a better person, which was a greater goal than suffering as atonement. just like the self-talk, being on the same page with others about what we're trying to say can make a big difference
Question2.You went to theraphy bc of that. You need to identify what happened. Theraphy put names to all the pain. It s the gold. I hear you. You think simpathy" makes you weak but you deserve compasion. The stuff that happened to you dnst labeled you but you still will have to put labels on it. Like abuse. I do feel compassion 4u. Good luck w all
If you're 18 years old, can the doctor force you to be admitted even if you say no? The first time I was admitted I asked her and she said since I was 18 it was my choice but I said yes anyway. This time I was back to the weight I was the last time I was admitted and she told me "if you've lost any more weight by our next appointment I will have to have you admitted...I want you to keep that in mind." So my question is..can she really do that?!
What if the emotional abuse was with the intention to make you do better? Like my parents will berate me so I will get better grades and be more modest but they use exactly the language your using.
Hi Katie. Please elaborate on the emotional abuse on Monday.
I am wondering if it counts if the emotional abuse came from a people that didn't do it on purpose, they just didn't know better and probably repeated how they were themselves brought up. For example, parents that tell you they love you, but that constantly devalidate your feelings and negative emotions, that put you in a position of taking the role of the adult, that don't listen to you when you tell them you're hurting and call you stupid for being depressed and staying the whole summer vacation in bed, and not even trying to understand...well, was if all this resulted in some sort of trauma due to emotional neglect/abuse, but the "abuser" were not aware of what they were doing? That is my case and I feel guilty about feeling anger at them, because i know they could not have know better... Am i still in the thinking pattern of the abusee, thinking like this and excusing them? Im thinking outloud :) Thanks.