How to deal with Extreme Loneliness | ep.198
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มิ.ย. 2024
- This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about loneliness and why we can still feel lonely even after spending time with those we love. She also explains why we can struggle to express upset to those who hurt us, and almost prefer to turn it in on ourselves. Then Kati offers some ideas on how to better deal with goodbyes and endings, and times of year when more people reach out for help. She digs into ways we can love people who are hurtful to us from a distance, ECT treatment and its effects, and feelings of abandonment in our relationships.
1. Loneliness - mine isn’t the ‘simply be around like-minded people’ type. It’s this deep feeling - not always dark, but when it gets dark, it really feels awful, quite dangerous as well. Can you please talk about types of loneliness? Because in trying to talk about my loneliness, I often find myself in a lonelier spot....
2. When I get upset with someone else, I tend to feel the urge to punish myself for being upset rather than holding them accountable. Why is this happening? It’s totally destroying my mental health and relationships.
3. I'm looking for some tips on how I can better cope with goodbyes and endings. It's almost unreal how upset I get, even when something doesn't really mean that much to me. A co-worker I'm not even close to can retire, or a neighbor I rarely talk to can move, and it devastates me. Or a restaurant can close, or a TV show can end, and I feel sad and anxious at the thought of something being "over"...
4. Hi Kati! I was wondering as a therapist, if there are certain times of year that you tend to get more patients. I imagine that with health insurance deductibles resetting January 1, that many people would either start therapy or stop therapy around New Years. I also wonder if seasonal depression plays a role in this. Just curious, thanks!
5. Can you talk about ”loving at a distance” when one has to get away from their toxic home or parents, but still loves them and that it is possible to set boundaries and have one's own life without them in a healthy way?
6. I’ve been suffering from depression for quite some time and have tried many different kinds of treatments. I started doing ECT about 2 years ago and am currently on maintenance. I am embarrassed to admit it, but if I am honest with myself, I’ve kept going for a while largely for the anesthesia. I might also have developed an attachment to the care that I get as I am being prepped for the treatment.
7. I really struggle a lot with feeling a sense of abandonment when I'm (impatiently) waiting for a response to a text from a friend, or when I don't hear from them for a while, I automatically think the worst has happened!! For context, I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD, along with anxiety, depression & I strongly suspect CPTSD as well. Sometimes distraction or "radical acceptance" works (I have done some CBT therapy already), but not always. Any suggestions Kati?
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Timestamps!
Q1 - 0:56
Q2 - 11:24
Q3 - 21:47
Q4 - 26:26
Q5 - 28:31
Q6 - 34:43
Q7 - 39:29
This hits hard. I have no real family, as I've had to distance myself due to their emotionally abusive behavior they refuse to change. I'm 43 and have no husband and no kids, and I have only ever had one relationship, which ended quickly when the guy took his own life, I'm in grad school in a suburban/single family area that's not really conducive to meeting other singles, and I'm often too exhausted to go out and meet others after long days with school (besides the fact that I'm in school and am effectively poor), and my old friends from where I lived before grad school have drifted and I'm sick of reaching out to make contact and getting nothing. I try to go do things with others, but no one really seems interested in being friends because they're all so busy and have their friends already--or they just want surface-level conversation and my attempts to go deeper fizzle quickly. If only meeting friends weren't so darned hard at this age. And WOW, can the loneliness hurt and almost knock the wind out of me. I've been through a few years of therapy and my therapist says I'm not depressed anymore. I love myself, and everyone tells me I'm wonderful, but no one seems to want to connect. And the kicker is that, because of therapy, I've had a deepening desire for marriage and family, and the dating scene right now is horrible. So where exactly is one supposed to find friends and connection?
I can really relate to this. I'd be your friend 😊
I too can relate to this. I have no family. I am an only one and have no children. I have friends but somehow it’s not the same
You are not alone in this feeling. I try hard to reach out - no one reaches back, so it makes me retract. (and self isolate)
I’ve been trying to combat my loneliness by going out and engage in hobbies and to seek out new friendships with new people but what keeps holding me back is my social anxiety as many times when I talk to someone I become socially awkward due to my lack of social skills hence why I have a lot of difficulty in connecting with people.
👋Hello there, as I have social anxiety myself I researched ressources online and found a channel from another therapist on this subject, (I hope it's ok with Kati for me to share here) it's Thomas Smithyman. See if that might help you and remember if you say "skill" we can still learn it ! 🤓
Right? Therapist says I should “go out more” but I look at someone and have no idea what to say.
Same. It's like I wrote this word for word
Don’t go to therapy
I feel u, bro. Its the same for me... 😢
Loneliness feels like it can be lethal. I don’t mean I’m at risk. I just mean it can take such a profound toll that life loses all meaning. The darkness becomes profoundly harmful. Loss is the same. I’ve had too much. There are many types of loss. Terrific video Kati. I feel marked to be alone after a divorce. I was deceived for 20 years and wow am I humiliated. I apologize for sounding so dark. Peace.
I feel for you. My marriage was 10 years and right before Christmas two long term affairs were discovered. My loneliness comes from not knowing how to be in a life I don’t even recognize. My friends and family are supportive but I honestly still feel in shock. Do you feel like loneliness was dropped over you like a heavy blanket? It’s hard to describe but it’s like I was myself one day and this came out of nowhere and I feel trapped. And you’re right it’s a dark feeling and does make me question if I am going to now be permanently alone? I know I’m just some stranger but I’ll be keeping a good thought for you. 💜
One of the things that I believe isolates me is that a few of my loved ones want me to "fix" myself. They would rather not know what's going on--they just want me take myself off to someone--anyone else and come back when I'm "better." Ugh.
I wish I had more friends who talk about emotions as much as you do.
Do not go to therapy
Thanks again Kati. For me, "groups of friends" was never the cure for loneliness. I always felt a bit more disconnected in a group. I believe for some of us, having a meaningful interaction with one person can make us feel the connection from the heart that we so need.
I’m 56 and still can’t express my feelings to my family! I constantly get “
I’m to sensitive or overreacting “, no matter what I have no support it is AWEFUL!
I worry that the lack of support is a generational thing. I eventually cut off my entire boomer family because they didn't really express support well or at all. I was born to older parents. I keep thinking that if I was born to younger parents, I'd feel more seen and supported.
Thank you, Kati, for speaking about loneliness. I definitely relate. My situation feels kind of overwhelming. I’m in a situation where my boyfriend passed (who I lived with for 25 years) away, I’m currently living with my parents, who are both very narcissistic and who I had gone no contact with for many of those years; when I moved in with my parents they forced me to give up my ferrets; I had to move to a very different part of NY, so I pretty much lost most of my friends and people I saw in a regular basis.
I’m quite lost. I’ve been working very hard on trying to start over completely. My boyfriend and I never had children; I was much younger than him and even though he always told me he wanted children “with someone he loved” it turned out that he also was a narcissist and really didn’t. I adored him, and didn’t want to leave him, but wasn’t happy. It also shamefully took me about 22 years to figure out that he was a narcissist. It was all so hard.
I’m fairly new to your videos & am finding them helpful, so I just thought I’d say a quick hello and say thank you very much for what you do. - Jennifer
I gave up on humans, I find pets far more honest and more kind. I always connected better with non-human animals, since a kid.
"I've been passing time watching trains go by
All of my life
Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly
Wishing there would be
Someone waiting home for me...
All of my life
Looking back as lovers go walking past
All of my life
Wondering how they met
And what makes it last"
The lyric captures lonely longing quite well. Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.
Lots of people around in life. But never finding the connection, and the clock keeps ticking.
same
I'm 40, I endured abuse of various forms since I was 4. After ending an abusive cult - like relationship 7 years ago, I tried to rebuild my life, look for new friends. I finally thought I found a good group but my values don't actually match theirs and there's huge age gaps, they are a lot older than me. I'm tired of looking for new friends. It seems there's nobody who will ever understand me (except therapists-and they cannot be my friends!) I don't have any hope anymore.
My answer to the title of this video is yes, 100%. By my older brother, I was bullied and ridiculed well into my teens and still comes out now and then. My skinny appearance, my overbite(got braces and now I’m damn sexy lolol)my social awkwardness, the way I walk and talk, what and how I eat food, my relationships, my life choices, my opinions, my personality, my tendency to be sensitive and emotional which isn’t the “tough guy” stereotype which he very much embraces. I’m very different than him since our family has always been very disconnected, and he isn’t a person that seems accepting of different people. The bullies at school I barely remember. Through some life changes and the bullying tone coming out from him last summer, I eventually came to the conclusion that I was bullied by him and am still affected by it. It’s not an easy thing since I’ve always viewed childhood as being normal and happy. Also a father who was there but as distant as a father could be, and a mother who brushed it off as “he was just pickin on you, that’s what big brothers do. She said this less than 6 months ago but is supportive now after I told her it 100% happened and affected me and I won’t hear the “it wasn’t that bad, you’re overreacting” comments. anymore. A friend or family member that thinks that thinks I’m overreacting, I wouldn’t wanna talk to, and there are a lot of them that I know would say that, my ex wife sure has and her advise was “f*ck him, cut him off and move on like I did with my sister”. That’s not gonna work.
Thank you Kati
Authenticity is so important in creating bonds with others. Being vulnerable.
The loneliness I'm feeling now is something to do with my age...is that I'm not in the young group of 20 or 30 somethings and when I go to activities or volunteer and do meet some interesting people (of various ages) with some common interests and I say "Let get together and go on a hike, ect." They ALWAYS say "I can't I have kids". I say they can bring rhe kids, but they just continue that they can't. I just don't know how to deal with this trying to meet new people since I don't have children (medical reasons), and this is what I keep running into.😔
I relate to the not feeling understood because I don’t share enough about myself…. I am open with my partner that way, but no one else, and it’s hard. I’ve always struggled with feeling misunderstood. But what’s worse, is I often feel like my feelings aren’t as important as others. Because I grew up in a silent household, my feelings, or anyone’s, weren’t heard. I love hearing other people’s feelings, but I deeply struggle with understanding that my feelings matter back to anyone. Even if others listen, I don’t trust that it resonates with them and matters as much as their feelings do to me. 😞 It sucks, because I know there are other deep feelers out there, it’s just hard to trust.
I’m currently listening to your first book “Are u ok”
Your the best person ever on the planet thanks for being my friend and saving my life
Not only do I feel different from others, but also feel like I'm on a different planet altogether lol. Always have, hopefully I will not always feel that way, though.
Keep trying. 🫂
@@ed7519 Thank you 🙏🏼
My number 1 tip for loneliness is radical forgiveness. Once u let things go, you realize friends are everywhere.
Thanks for the post. It's been nice hearing how to deal with things, from a different perspective.
Good points Katie! I moved around a lot as a child...loosing a best friend due to the move and then in the new place I moved to, a good friend moved away. I was so sad.
Thank you so much! You are so perceptive!
Married 25+ years, white collar professional with three adult kids now. I have never felt more lonely than the last two years. I try to stay busy, picking up new hobbies, but after a while will run out of things to do and then go into a depression for a while. I pull myself out. I just seriously worry one day I won't be able to do that. I do not have a connection with anyone anymore.
Husband?
@@bluered5527 Yes.
Your videos are always so helpful. Thank you for sharing your knowledge 💛🧡❤
My poor babies. Sometimes I get so swept up in my emotions that I'm not doing my best. I know I'm trying, and there's so many tips you've mentioned that I can implement.
Thank you Kati for another wonderfully informative podcast. This is not on topic, but your brows look amazing!!!
Thanks for your time Kati😊
Very useful as always. Thank you 🙏🏻
My abandonment stems from both parents actually telling me that they weren’t interested in any of my school events/activities because they had already done things with my 2 older siblings, and that was all they were going to do. I could only do things if it was convenient for them. “Showing up” from them wasn’t, even a thing back in the 70’s.
Lost in Translation - I feel I've been on this island and in some way learned to lean on its existence in my being. (It's safe, you know? I can't hurt others or be hurt.) Thanks for the first pod of 2024!
Thanks Katie soo helpful!
Hi Kati,I’m a person on the autism spectrum I have had a lot of loss with parents and a grandmother and other people.friends or family I also do therapy…and it really helps me a lot…I see my therapist every week.and she’s a great help and I watch some of your videos when the days I don’t have therapy.didn’t really have the best as a kid with my parents I was not close with my mom and I was close with my dad but at the last year of his life I was and he passed away from a massive heart attack….mom had copd she was a big cigarette smoker in my opinion I think she had mental health issues but didn’t want to attempt to get help and she didn’t not believe in therapy in other words she was old school….thank you for the videos I really enjoy them and it inspires me everyday and try to help myself when I can
Thanks
:) Zach
❤️😊
I normally don’t comment on TH-cam, but I HAVE to thank you for your advice about how to communicate during conflict. I immediately reached out to my cousin to communicate and I’m looking forward to the future of things! Thanks so much!
I feel so lonely after going to church. I go with my housemate sometimes and then I feel like I belong, but women in the church look at me sideways. I need my people that beat their own drum and love it.
I really need to hear this. Thank you. ♥
I was a single mom and the father of my 2 kids was always talking bad about me to them. Ironically my kids to satisfy him were so challenging and oppositional. Now that lm in my 60s they don't call or hardly ever answer my calls. Today is Mother's Day and l know lm not going to see them and they will probably call late tonight. I have decided not to celebrate any more holidays and their birthdays. I always celebrated their birthdays and holidays and tried to make it special 4 them. I think is better this way for my own sanity. I'm just going to work on a new me and forget that l have a past. Welcome my new life.
So much of this resonates with me. I have learned so much from all of your content. Both my son (12 years old) and I have anxiety and depression and receive therapy. He is currently in a school refusal loop, and it is impacting our family. Do you have any advice for breaking an avoidance pattern? Thanks so much, Kati! Have a great day!
27:43
Interesting.
I have a tendency to get a depressive episode in late summer.
It always feels like I should be out in the world, going on vacation and generally enjoy life like everybody else does. And when I don't do these things I feel like something is wrong with me. I guess you could say that my joylessness is more pronounced during the summertime.
Another reason is that most schools and colleges go into a long summer break. Having structure in my day really helps with my mental wellbeing.
I need a reason to wake up early and I need to keep my mind occupied with something thoughout the day or I start ruminating.
Lastly, people in your social circle go on vacation and you might feel lonelier than at other times of the year.
Kati I feel it's really important to get the Spiritual growth/psychological stages correct. The more clued up parents and health professionals are regarding key stages of growth, the more clued up they are in spotting areas of concern and nipping it in the bud. Educating parents also not only gives them foresight, but also hopefully educates them on what their input and influence should look like in achieving those milestones and also achieving them on time.
The infant and maternal bonding is fundamentally sharing and reciprocating the love to the point it all becomes second nature, from those special joyous moments/interactions to re-balancing all the negative experiences and taking care of all dependency needs in a timely manner. This results in a child stable and secure within themselves, knowing if mum doesn't recognise their care needs they only have to reach out through whatever means of gaining attention that works for them. It's also a very key stage in mum and child becoming attuned to each other. Amongst all of those interactions will be the learning of elemental facial/social cues etc. all done from a foundation of love (trauma free-no second thinking). Even when patience is stretched mum will always re-assure and the child quickly learns it is loved unconditionally and perhaps just how far they can push that patience, in effect possibly the foundation to also understanding how their behaviour can impede on others. I personally believe this becomes engrained in the sub-conscious and is the foundation to one's stability and security moving forward. Interactions/maternal bonding should be natural and free flowing, if not perhaps something is off...
Toddler stage is obviously a stage where they can start to actively explore without the shackles that held them back before. New opportunities for exploration on a developing mind must be like being in a sweet shop spoilt for choice. The more self-assured they are perhaps the more active they will be in those explorations. Perhaps a nightmare for all manner of care givers, but unless we explore how do we learn and grow when we are unable to process and understand information verbally given to us. Obviously supervision and safety are key here until they can keep themselves free from danger (hear sources etc). As they learn and are given recognition and validation of those early successes their confidence grows which transcends into all areas of growth at that age including speech and articulating themselves at a really elemental level. This is possibly the early foundation to "self" as they consciously explore and learn about the World they live in and where they fit into that World. I could go on, but this post is already quite lengthy and I would imagine for the most part feels like learning to suck eggs from a parents point of view...
PS: Before a child can articulate itself it needs to have a understanding of what it is feeling, and if it's never felt love/acceptance etc. and/or has only ever seen an emotionless face etc. it is really going to struggle in this area (I have mentioned a possible outcome to autism before). This really highlights the need for healthy maternal bonding so that the child not only has the confidence to voice those first words, but can also relate emotionally to what it is feeling to the point it can start trying to put those emotions into words. Again I am not a health professional etc. but again hopefully you can see the logic in what I have written here...
As an asocial isolationist, I find it difficult to even recognize (or maybe even experience) loneliness.
I'm not the way I want to be, probably mostly because of ASD, sometimes even feel unacceptable.
I hate my social deficits, a constant struggle between me very much feeling the need for a social life but feeling so socially awkward that I would rather avoid it.
I have no friends. I am married, I am her caregiver 24/7 at home and that seems to be the only thing that is left of our relationship.
The only people we see are doctors, nurses, cleaning aid,...
As a caregiver, I can never leave her for long, so I can't even go to the places I would like to.
But, I don't even know if I'm worth it anymore, I never know what to talk about, I'm probably the most boring person in the world.
I don't really have a live to talk about, every day is the same, nothing interesting or just complaints nobody wants to hear about.
Sometimes I stop my accounts on all social media, because I feel like I don't fit anywhere and even feel like it's better for everyone that I'm not there...
hey Kati ❤ Love your new format of AKA!
I combat loneliness by removing myself from the person who makes me feel lonely. Being alone doesn’t make me lonely but some people certainly do.
ive been trying to understand my loneliness majority of my life. its deeply confusing. i feel alone in every situation, whether im surronded by people or by myself or just me and my dog. that lonely feeling never goes away. its strange for me because even having a connection with people including my therapist i start to feel more lonely.
I'm going to a counselor because I tried making friends and every one leaves me, so I came to realize I need help, so far help hasn't helped cause I have been getting the wrong treatment cause all the counselors do is put me on medication and don't listen to me. I had 3 that tried to commit me, which just made me feel worse and reminded me of what my parents tried to do to do rather than admitting they caused a lot of my negative problems. 😢😢
Thank you
Happy New Year ❤🎉 1st comment, yeah!
I appreciate the topic so much. I have always felt lonely. I don't want to medicate this feeling, spent enough years.
Katie, my winter term class is psychological tests and measurements. It preps us for administering and interpreting the MBTI.
The reading plus your podcast today brought a question to mind.
How do conditions such as ADHD, depression, anxiety…etc affect personality types? Are the types amplified? Are the types blunted? Is it a case of, it depends?
I don’t expect you to answer my questions in depth but do you know if studies have been done on the effects of mental health on personality types?
Scott.
I definitely need new friends. I made the mistake of opening up and being vulnerable with someone I considered to be my best friend and she invalidated my experience very dismissively. It opened up my own eyes though, making me wonder how many times I may have done that to someone else without realizing. I don't ever want to make someone else feel the way she made me feel. The friendship we'd built was so instantaneously ruined. I will never feel comfortable opening up to her again but this also makes it hard for me to open up to anyone. Like I'll break the illusion that the friendship I have with a person is great because I'll be vulnerable and they'll show me they don't acknowledge it.
I know I’m busy in your comments asking age ranges for reparenting and inner child work. I think to encompass it all you should also start talking to those of us who are still living at home who won’t/haven’t flown the coop.
😊 New Year 🎊 Katie ❣️
How do u feel loneliness when ur really not alone at all?
I was seeking counseling, and of course, it's so much money, and then they make you wait weeks for an appointment. I am so discouraged, and then it created more lonely. Because now I'm more lost and I don't know what to do. Counseling and therapy are supposed to help and not cause people more stress because it costs so much!
I have Asperger's and I know where my strengths are but I hate the isolation and loneliness that comes with it.
I’m lonely because I do not have a supportive family, they do not get it…I try to share information that describes what I am feeling…they don’t want to hear from me about me…they say quit living in the past…I hurt easily and sometimes the pain is years ago. Totally confused…my sister called me a Hateful Bitch…and my spouse does not stick up for me…he said What Did you call her…I didn’t call her a name!
I’ve only ever been lonely.
When people are more of a problem to be around than loneliness is the only option 😊
What if you're lonely because you can't find a romantic partner? I have a few friends who are wonderful. The touch of a romantic partner makes me soo depressed.
Happy New Year to you too and to everyone in this community 🎉
Thank you..... May your New Year be filled with good health, happiness, and enlightenment.
My family are all gone. I live in the middle of the Rockies..... and am not interested in making friends, but I know I need a good friend or two. I have endure childhood neglect and severe physical / mental abuse as a child as well. I guess I live like a hermit. Don't feel lonely... I just like being alone. Maybe I just got used to not going out my way for making friends. I'll help a stranger, but maintaining relationships seems difficult for me, now in my late 60's. Am I just set in my ways, or is this a result of something else ?
Looking for timestamps 😊
"Children need to know it's not their fault." 😢
Yes. Absolutely. And parents need to understand that having a kid doesn't automatically make you a martyr, a better person, or someone worth looking up to just because "I'm a parent, they're my kid, I can do whatever the fuck I want."
No. A parent's job is to guide and protect their kid. It's not about them. It's about their kid.
YES about correcting someone….they look down on me?
I’m so lonely 😢
Yes.
I'm half dead inside
I'm a Papa Murphy's New York style cheese pizza. You are what you eat, right?
@@__-tz6xx Then I am pasta and energy drinks lol
😊😍Thanks!
You're welcome 😊
Im so lonely I live by myself no husband I got so sad that I started to give away all my furniture to neighbors even my bedroom set just to have some people to talk but then they don't care about me
Mine comes from my childhood. My father travelled frequently for work, my siblings then moved for university. Around the ssme time i became estranged from cousins i was close to. Someone I've felt attached to is moving from my hometown even though I'm in a different country. Somehow this all triggered me to an overwhelming degree. I feel like I'll never see them and once again I'm alone. I dont feel that connected to friends. Please tell me how i can fix this. I know where it comes from but don't know how to heal from this.
How do we get better at sharing about myselves when I feel completely uninteresting.
I am alone. Loneliness comes and goes but I do have issues, one of them being abandonment, parents were fine but ya no real emotional bond because I had to pretend to be fine because my mother has been through so much..... I had a bit of an emotional breakdown hence my Dad is not speaking to me because you know my mother has been through so much.... I apologized for my behavior but it means nothing. I heard my Mom (who I thought ultimately had my back )talked nonsense about me absolute rubbish. I take them up on it and yeah I am the pig in the story. It s better to not have anyone then you can quietly slip off the radar. If someone wants to be part of my life they are welcome and make the effort. Years ago parents forgot to kill phone calls and I would here them talk about what a burden I am on them. I was living with them with my daughter because I had to run, due to the ex husband on a mission to kill me. I am not running after anyone anymore or feeling guilty for my Mother life hardships, or making sure everyone is feeling loved by me and happy. I have had many more hardships than my mother and done it alone. I had no choice because no one really cares anyway. (ADHD, Bi-polar, Psychosis and Severe Anxiety) Yip and I drive myself to hospital and back I arrange my meds I take care of myself, take care of my kid and all the life stuff that gets thrown your way. I am very tired and know I am alone. I just waiting on my kid to get independent then I can bow out.
I suspect i am lonely. I am autistic and alexithymic. I csnnot read the emotions of otthers, so even when i am around others, i get no 'feedback'. I have once in my life actually felt that someone is happy to see me.
I am in therapy and hopefully, once i have sorted through some childhood trauma, maybe i can improve a little. I live in solitary confinement, even when i am around others.
I feel lonely because I was hurt by my daughter in law for something trivial ...a misunderstanding.
Ive always been ther for her and my grandchildren.She made an issue of something and didnt apologise.
Im just leaving things .
I have stomach problems because of it.
What do i do ? Please help.❤
Hubby an I (60) have one adult daughter (28) who has turned Woke and it is a huge divide for her vs. us. We have decided we want to be in her life, so we're doing okay, but I am torn as she has taken a medical direction that has high failure and terrible side effects. Early on i decided she's an adult, her decisions are hers and her consequnces are also hers, and had to get "alright" if she actually ... passes away. As time is going by, my husband is wavering and now ... i don't know.
What’s woke?
I'm 43 years old, and my mother still chastises me as though I'm a child, each time mistakes have been made, or just having a bad day trying to keep quiet & to myself. She becomes very angry and bombards with a barrage of texts while I'm at work and tells me I'm wrong for feeling upset about certain things. She doesn't like it when I express myself and the fact that I'm just different from everyone in the family (don't have children, or been married like every other woman in the family), and mentions often that her and I are "so different from each other." On the other hand, she constantly vents about the things that bother her, she tells me more things about what is going on with her than she talks to my siblings. The only advice I know of from others, is to 'put up' with it all bc I will not have my parents forever. One should not live in unhappiness and depression just to please others? I almost feel I'm not 'allowed' to be myself or do what makes me happy.
You should be yourself. You might have to put up with your mother but you should also let her know your boundaries. Let her know how you feel even though she might not show empathy and compassion. Don’t envy those who have a spouse and children. It’s common for people to feel the way you do even though they are married with children. All you need is one good friend who understands you. You really deserve that. Best to you.
I had to stop halfway into loneliness. All youtube talks speak to those who have time om their side. Loneliness because of change? What about when you're old and no time left for change. Life has already beaten you. No time left living in this black void cut off from ALL human contact. If i was a dog, you wouldn't hestiate to take me to the vet to be put down to end my suffering. Why should we be forced to live in such suffering. Why can't we have assisted dying to leave this world in peace. Why are we FORCED to suffer like this. It is inhumane and cruel.
No matter how bad things get, if you haven't entered old age yet, you always have a possibility of finding a way to make life bearable because you have TIME. When you are out of time and the first thought when you wake up is "ohh another day i have to suffer through and not a single thing in it to look forward to let alone smile about.
Us oldies truly are the Walking Dead.
Only a relationship with God our Father, through Jesus Christ, can make us really free and fulfilled. I'm old too. 😊
How do we seek healthy solitude without offending others (in autism/ADHD/neuro spicy)
I have a son and a daughter they have their own life and homes but since they have everything they never visit me for years not even in Christmas or thanksgiving or mother day I know I was a good mother to them but they don't care about me
Hi kati!
I realize you have AKA however, i have a question that i need answered soon.I understand if you cannot answer however, i would love if you did!
Heres the question: I recently went to my psychiatrist(who manages my ADHD medication).My psychiatrist does take weight at the office. I also recently started therapy(3rd appointment is on monday)My psychiatrist and therapist are at the same office. I ended up dropping almost 6 pounds in less than a month.This was unintentional although my appetite has been wacky lately.Now the question,in your experi3nce would my psychiatrist communicate the weight loss to my therapist?I would appreciate an answer by monday at 4:15!thank you so much!
Some background information:
I am in therapy for ADHD,anxiety,emotion regulation mainly.
My eating habits aren'zt the best lately although i don't feel it is a mental thing
Add on:If they dont communicate, should i mention this to my therapist?
Edit:I just lost 2.5 more pounds in 13 days
I reached out to Better Help multiple times used your code and no response????
It’s a con. Like Better Up.
I tried to be friends with my neighbors but they are not interested in being my friends no matter how much I do I help some of them but they don't care
I feel lonely because in my family mental illnesses are taboo, you don't speak about it. In fact I am the crazy one, the ungrateful from being depressed and not being able to enjoy what God gave me.
I don’t know where to find new friends
My loneliness feels very specifically targeted as a craving for an emotional connection with a woman. But I do not want to be in a relationship right now, so I am looking for a friendship. And this feels like it's more difficult than trying to actually date. Girls can't stand to be friends with a guy, apparently. This is a crippling reality for me.
Girls can be friends with a guy, we just don't like those "friends" who are always flirty and trying to get more out of the friendship. Or at least this was my experience
My father slapped me for crying when I was around 6yrs old. From that point on I would smile instead of cry.
In my opinion, loneliness is blessing not a curse. Better to be lonely than being in a cult of personality.
Cults are dangerous, it's better to accept your loneliness than to fight it.
Maybe you are not human
@Ivonne-bg9mm I am a human. I have been alone my whole life. I am used to loneliness.
I was only rewarded when I was "happy". My parents would often describe me as a "happy child".
Once I started dealing with at the time undiagnosed and unnoticed molestation by my brother and his best friend, in addition to an uncle physically abusing me, they started to pathologize and dump me on mental health people instead of FUCKING DOING THEIR PARENTING JOBS AND HELPING ME FEEL SAFE WITH A MOLESTER IN THEIR OWN FUCKING HOUSE. I masked every angry, resentful thought and action until I couldn't, and that got pathologized instead of discussed, talked about, and dealt with by loving, supportive family members. I hated going to family functions. I hate the idea of being around people in a mandatory fashion to the abuse, neglect, and just plain hollowness of it all.
I had to deal with being misdiagnosed, laughed at by CPS once I finally did report it.
I was constantly told to grow a thicker skin, grow up, etc etc.
I fucking hate my family. I've gone no contact and given up on obtaining money in different wills.
I can't relate to people. I feel resentful all the time. Angry all the time. Unlovable all the time.
Friendships do not heal loneliness. Only having a partner heals loneliness.
“Get a roommate”
What a load of rubbish.
Maybe this tip doesn't work for you, but it certainly can help other people. For me having quality friendships is just as fulfilling as having a partner. For others just having someone to laugh and joke with can be fulfilling.
Is loneliness sometimes fairy tale expectations and you just wish for too much?
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2:49
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When you have NPD parents 😢
Here is a more unorthodox loneliness for you. Getting out of jail. The privacy is paramount considering I'm extremly introverted but your not careful going to be around people 24/7 to alone can catch you off guard. It did me a little after only two and a half months incarceration and then being released.
Wild Foods would be far, far better than ECT.
My feelings of loneliness usually happening in the evenjng and late at night is tremendously helped by my Savior Jesus Christ. He says that He is with us always and for us to know this and how much He loves us. Everyone needs Jesus ❤️
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