Hey I need to add something. Yes, it may not feel all the way better in 2 or 3 years, especially if the grief process has been interuppted (seeing your ex), BUT as someone who has been through the most horrible heartbreak l could imagine, you can pretty much COMPLETELY be over the person. It may take 3 or 4 years. But you can get to a place of being fully healed, fully whole, fully content, peaceful and grateful you're not with that person anymore. You can think about them and remember the good and bad times without feeling that earthshattering grief and loss.
Reading your comment made me realize that struggling to get over your ex is completely normal, even if it takes years. I have been grieving for over two years now, and your comment brought me to tears because it made me feel like there will be a day when I could be fully healed. There will be a day when I no longer compare others to her. Thank you so much for writing that comment; I’m still crying, but I hope things get better.
Broke it off w someone I really liked, I was not being treated very well. I am worth more. So back to being single. And finding my way . . . self worth is leading me.
It's worth mentioning that the stages of grief are not linear and the very scientist that presented it as so notably regrets it. The feelings ebb and flow.
What helped me was hitting the gym. Working out heavy and hard. It allowed me to use that anger, sadness and stress I felt as energy to work out every week day consistently. Over time, working out felt like meditation because I have to control my breath while lifting. Lifting also allowed me to count my reps and sets. It became peaceful. Next thing I knew, I started looking good. Then started loving myself..
Do you know what ASMR is? The first thought that came to my mind when I turned on your video was, "Oh, this is real unintentional ASMR!" (That's a compliment😄)
I was with this girl for almost 9 years from age 19 to 27. First serious relationship after high school. Lived togther for almost all those years. She was my everything, and i thought i had found my person i would grow old with. We were so good togther everyone always said how much of a power couple we were. I loved her unconditional. I thought she was the most amazing person the universe ever created. Then, one day, 4 months ago, she blindsided me with a breakup. My heart wasn't broken it was Thanos snapped. Sure, i had my shortcomings. i am not perfect, but i always thought of her and put her feelings first before anything else. Always went out of my way to do special things for her. It's just so hard to move forward somedays since all i had was love for our relationship. I'm all choked up while she's okay. It's true when a heart breaks. It dont break even.
It is odd how you think everything is fine and you are bobbing happily along. When my partner told me there was no future etc etc, I replied I was blindsided and he said "no" he was and surely I had known it for YEARS and my protestations of love were scoffed at. It was like he was a total stranger and never knew me or cared. This isn't a "mutual" break up so it is very hard to understand YOU don't matter to them and you have to get to the point of not caring back. This is why I am lurking in this type of video. It is hard but absolutely necessary to build a new today and new future. Take care my friend.
Hope you're doing a tiny bit better every day. And I hope you know in between the hurt and confusion there will be happy moments. They start off small, but some day you will be able to enjoy an entire day!
Damn this hits hard. My boyfriend left me 4 months ago as I was planning our 10 year anniversary. Thanos snapped is the perfect description. For the first 3 months after I was a wreck. Now I have it a little more together but I go through all the stages of grief every single day. Longing, sadness, desperation, anger, acceptance. A repeat cycle but I’m trying to now be ok with not being ok. And anticipating that I will feel like crap everyday but I have survived everyday of my life. I can keep going. I truly wish you all the best my friend. I hope to eventually learn to love and care for myself as much as I loved and cared for him.
You are life changing for those who are lucky enough to cross your channel. I thought you were amazing when I saw the confidence videos , now this is another level of beautiful advice and wisdom you’re giving your viewers. Thank you for being on TH-cam my man
it feels very conflicting when theres a young child involved and the parting of ways didnt come from a mutual place, the decision being hers and the loss of the ideal "family" unit. Its been 7 months and having to remain in contact is a constant reminder of the suffering thats chosen to hang on to. Sometimes i feel ive navigated the grief and loss so well, other times it feels as though the rugs been swept out all over again. The negative feedback loop really gives you a humbling lesson in consent. Thank you for all your videos and the digestible information thats really, truely helped me on my path of learning how to navigate myself.
I wish you could feel how special this was to me. You are making my experience in life so much aware, conscious, and healthy. I couldn't imagine a smoother grieving process, and it's thanks in a big part to your teachings and radiating attitude. It's been painful, don't get me wrong, but i feel so much in tune with life and myself. THANK YOU
Thank you brother, just went through the harderst breakup of my life. The worst thing is when you love someone so much and so passionately with all your heart but you know they are only hurting you and they won't grow along side you. Saying the words "i can't do this anymore" was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and it broke me to pieces
I appreciate this video, it couldn’t have come through a better time. My ex girlfriend left me about a month ago, and I’ve been constantly struggling with the healing process. This video broke down aspects of the process in a way that I could understand, which helped me greatly. I’m planning on creating more structure for myself in order to get through this difficult time.
Been single for over a year now :) loving it. Some days can get a bit lonely but close friends and family can easily fill that hole, it’s far more worthwhile to focus on self development and learn to enjoy your own company rather than settle for anything less than what you deserve from a significant other. If you were the source of the break up, it’s especially important to spend some time in solitude for self development, but if they were the cause (and this is subjective, many times it’s a 2 sided cause) you especially aren’t losing in that scenario because you’re worth the best when you offer your best
He basically raised me through my teenage years since my parents don't know morals-keeping your words, being honest. The rational part of me know that to go separate ways was the best desicion to make but the emotional part of me makes me feel like I'm choked when I think of him. The fist months after we broke up I met him seveal times and these occacional meetings made me leave my hometown. When I came back yet again I was overwhelmed by the possibility of seeing him by chance and that made me stressful when I was going for a walk before I heard he moved. Now I still think of him and partly wish to meet someday by accident, partly am scared I'll lose it if I do so, partly know it's better for me that way. I wish him all the best. I pray daily for all my loved ones. What I feel towards him is simply miss. I miss having him in my life as a person I can share my thoughts about the journey of life I'm going throght. My friends are not people I can talk to my deepest reflections to. I miss being heard, hugged, hold.
You taught me to journal less than a week ago, I started journaling her acting strange and how I feel about it. Today, I had to pack her things for her and we’re meeting over the inevitable, tomorrow morning. You are the greatest help I’ve had in this situation.
I experienced my first breakup over 2 years ago with a girl I genuinely loved. It was very sad at the time, and some of the most intense emotions I've experienced. I was at uni, and so I coped by drinking and partying, which was a lot of fun, but ultimately it did not heal, and in fact lead to a depression. Over time, and through consistently turning up for myself every day, the pain and sadness gradually melted away, so I presumed I had got over her. But even now I don't think I've ever given my head and heart the space to process it, and with it being such a long time ago, it feels very distant and 'foggy', making it hard to tell. Whether over it or not, I think there will always be the occasional moment where a memory, an old photo, or a particular street will bring a fleeting rush of memories, a momentary window into the past. A sense of nostalgia and melancholy floods the body, missing a time gone by. Tuning back into the real world, I smile, and look to the sky, appreciative of the time, and love, we once shared. To all of you going through it, may you be kind to yourself, may you find peace.
Your videos have helped a lot, thank you man. Hopefully everyone is able to go through their journey and come out the other side happy. It really does get better. I’m only 2 months in (almost three now) and it took forever, but I finally hit a point in which the sun started shining. I’m finally showing signs of life. It still hurts sometimes, sometimes it even hurts a lot, but sometimes it doesn’t and that’s so powerful. Feel everything, validate it, and be kind to yourself. Start giving yourself the love you deserve and no longer get from someone else. You’re second to no one else.
She left me a little over 3 years ago ... We spent almost 5 years together and were supposed to spend the rest. Every day since that breakup has felt like life after death no matter how much I think I've healed. I'll hear this out.. thanks Newel. Take care, everyone.
wow yes. i've started watching you during an intense self-growth breakthrough period (or at least an attempted one) due to a painful breakup after my boyfriend left me. thanks for all your videos!
Unfortunately I work with him and we share a friend group. I can't leave my job or lose my friends, so going no-contact is impossible. How do I navigate something like this? We have a friend's group chat and I've tried by blocking him but I could still see other's replies to his messages so I could tell what was going on. I recently muted the chat to only get notifications when I'm directly mentioned, but I'm stuck between alienating myself from my friends and re-opening the break up wound over and over again, fearing that closure will never happen if I see him so often. Does anyone here have any advice for that?
@@noah1502hi Noah, here’s what I’d suggest: - work with yourself on this one, which means, if you genuinely have to see this person often, perhaps that’s something you can tolerate while you grow, who knows? - however, if you continue forward and realise you cannot heal while you are so physically close to this person (job/group chats) then it’s time to set firmer self-boundaries. For example; quit your job, leave the group chat. I know it sounds extreme and you said you can’t lose your job but these are options that are available to you. - your mental health doesn’t need to be held hostage by a group chat or job - jobs are easily found and replaced - Essentially, don’t feel guilty for prioritising your growth in this situation, because no job etc. is worth costing you your mental health Boundaries with friends: - perhaps speak to some of your friends in the social circle about how best to manage it? - could you address this situation and how uncomfortable it makes you feel with your ex? Especially if you already seem them often This is all food for thought. Lew
I’m right there with you. My boyfriend blindsighted me at the beginning of this month. We went from spooning on vacation to him dumping me later that same day. The worst part was there wasn’t anything either of us did wrong, he has past trauma he determined he couldn’t work through despite me being more than willing to help him. I guess he had been struggling for months without me knowing and reached his tipping point. The real trouble is we were each other’s best friend and are trying to maintain that. He’s fine but I’m in pain. I’m going to try therapy. Just want you to know you’re not alone brother.
Sorry for your loss mate. I can’t imagine what you must be going through right now. Standing by for emotional support. (Feel free to comment anything else to get it off your chest).
i'm watching this in preparation for asking my girl some hard questions as to why she is treating me differently and pulling away from me incase the answers lead to the end of our relationship, I'm hope it might hurt less if i know what i will be facing and how to deal with it
That's a great attitude man. I had a girl blindside me out of nowhere, I would have died for her. The answers you get, regardless how it goes will help you in the long run. I still have no idea and the lack of understanding how she felt and her basically vanishing from my life was fucking traumatic and I spent nearly 90% of my thoughts for 6-9 months wondering. I wish that on no person.
This video is perfect timing. It was a complex drawn out breakup (my doing) and he moved out today. I did some self care by shopping for makeup talking to the consultants, going to a new shopping center faraway to challenge myself). I am so relieved to have found this video, thank you.
3 weeks ago. Felt pretty bad first 2 weeks. Last week had a headache that lasted 3 days. Watched tv programs that made me cry. Better now and can see a future ahead that I couldnt with the ex.. I feel 'let go'. I'm glad! I didnt realize how much pressure the relationship placed me under until it was over. Lucky in the fact that when we parted that was it-no legal or living entanglements. No contact rules!!
There is no anger or resentment. I love how they succeed and move on in life, however i am unchanged and accept that ill forever be unrepaired. Goodbye
Thank you for making this video. I´m not in a break up, but my relationship feels unstable. I cried a bit watching this, since it´s some time since somebody talked so calmly and positive and empathetic with me and I really liked your voice and presence. I hope I will see this video again if it happens that I break up
God, why did this video have to happen right now? This is hard work, man. After a mostly "on" (but sometimes "off") relationship that's happened over the last ten years, I've just found out it's completely over. 😥
1 year ago I went through a divorce. We were together for 8 years and I still cycle through the stages of grief. apparently my favorite stage is bargaining because I’m running so many scenarios in my head of the what ifs... It has been hell and I’m glad I found this video to help me get through this. No more sad songs. Thank you
It's been 11 months now from a 4.5 years relationship. I got pretty jacked haha. Worked a lot on healing my attachment issues, finally started loving myself, so a lot of positive from it. I still wish we would get back together, but I have no power of it.
I was afraid that this video would awaken dormant emotions in me, but now I can say that it is a perfect work. Thank you for the amount of love and understanding you put into your videos. U just hit it right 🙏🏼❤️🩹
You've helped me a lot. Thank you. Potential idea for a vid on prolonged break up grief? I spent a year trying to fix my ex and our daughter. She loved the chaos come and going fighting and making up. Finally I shut the door. It's not right it'll never be right. I'm still tortured by this situation I think I might always will be. But in the meantime thank you for your help great work please keep it up!
I think I have a nice video idea for you and forgive me if you already covered it. Have you read the book Dopamine nation by Dr. Anna Lembke? She mentions the abbreviation DOPAMINE D= data O= Objective P= problems A= abstinence M= mindfullness I= insight N= next steps E=experiment A nice idea would be to cover this in a dopamine addiction video. Thank you for your amazing content!
just life.... i will try to keep this short. so my GF and i broke up about 2 months ago and it took me up till now to start feeling mostly everything you described and i have been in total chaos for the last 3-4 days, and that is also due to the free time i have now to be by my self and think about everything that went down... and now to the just life part, please tell me what are the Fcken chances that i see a random video(You Are 1 Conversation Away From a Completely Different Life) of you that led me to this video that you post 8H ago, huh ? well i think the universe is trying to tell me something... in either case i needed to hear everything you said, just to refresh my memory that this is all temporary (even if it takes 3-4 years ) seriously thanks man, the first 2 videos i saw were good stuff, you get a like and a sub good sir :)
Had one month's ago. Tried so many things but man, yet I'm really not the same after. It's like a honestly need over a year to start feeling normal again despite trying so hard.
2 and half years and still healing. It was a 10year relationship and out of no where they became so toxic. They things they said during the break up I wouldn't tolerate from friends and yet they want to remain friends with 0 effort. I still have alot of anger and resentment towards them. They're an idiot in life choices so I don't think things will work out well for them. But maybe theyre the type that need to learn the hard way
Mine was ten years and it’s been 2 years since break up too. And it was toxic too. I was shocked. Especially what happened after the breakup. He turned into a monster. Absolutely shocked still so acceptance is hard
A loose rule of thumb I've heard is twice as long as the romantic relationship lasted. But my therapists would disagree and say you get over it when you do, with work. Some grief (death suicide, etc.) can last a lifetime, which is very normal, and feelings can wax and wane. I have read and tend to believe many Western societies want people to "act" normal quickly instead of letting people move on their own timelines with the possibility,as you mention, to recognize that the grief might remain. And we can act or develop a different perspective while being honest about our feelings.
On the autopilot were you tell yourself “I was okay before I met this person, so I will be okay after.” What should someone tell themselves if they were not okay before they met the person they loved. I was very miserable before I met the woman I loved, she was one of the very few things that made me genuinely feel happy and content and normal in my life. I really don’t feel ill ever be okay again.
Brilliant video! But 2 to 3 months!? Try this after a 10 year marriage with two kids, co-parenting, betrayal and childhood trauma. Let’s say 2 to 3 years in that case.
And there was me thinking I'd still be in with a chance of a proper family on the other side of all this. My previous significant relationship was only a year and that took me three years to get over, this one was about fifteen years _and_ there's kids!!! 😂😭 By your timescale, by the time I'm done, most of the women that want me will have "passed the window", so to speak. Worse still, I can't even sleep around like I used to (feels bad, man), so that means literally _years_ to look forward to, starved of the physicality I was denied for most of the relationship. Fuck. 😂😭
That's grief.. start at 7:40 of this video. Small steps of taking care of yourself. You need to learn to love yourself again. You don't need anyone else to fill that void. How can you truly love someone else again if you don't love yourself. Take care
that part where he says that his name is louis haha.... makes it feel like a movie haha, bro im learning slot from you just keep it up your videos are a full wikipedia everyone would ever want
I'm over 60 and I still could not say what love is. What is love, how do you know if you love someone. Prince/King Charles at the time of his first marriage said when asked about love, He answered something like, whatever love is.
You know I’m not going through a break up but a platonic relationship I really cared about I think has ended. They have shown no care for my feelings or boundaries. It feels sad because I care and they don’t. I still wish them the best but apart of me does wish for their downfall if I’m going to be completely honest. How can someone seem to have no remorse. I’m sure there is that side of me I’m unaware of though so I try not to judge. Something about a chip in your brothers eye and a plank in yours. Thank you if you read this. I feel like I have no one I can trust to vent this too so I’m doing it with the internet.
Hi mate, it sounds like you feel hurt with their lack of consideration towards you. That’s normal. Ending a platonic relationship is just as hard. I think judging by the way you articulated it, you seem to be analysing the situation well. Let us know if you wanna get anything else off your chest 👍 P.s I just thought of one thing which might help, if they’ve randomly cut you off or shown a lack of consideration, then they’ve done you a huge favour by showing you their true colours. Not worth having people like that around. Just a thought.
Hi .. just letting you know you aren't responsible for someone else's lack of empathy .. if anything i think you are saved from something terrible..choose your partner more carefully next time .. all the best 👍
Today I woke up dreaming about the girl that broke my heart 8 months ago. I keep my composure and have stopped talking about it but it's still eating me from the inside
ex gf of 10 months broke up with me over text. It's been a month now and not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I know I should let go, but it's so hard and painful. Really cared for her, my first real relationship too.
For me it was 3 months ago. To be honest, the first month was not as bad as the second, as I was still in denial. Didn't see it coming, didn't expect it all, which I find especially cruel from her. Not that she was acting, but the fact that she didn't even communicate her doubts about the relationship. I think that hurts me the most, the fact that she made that decision by herself and there was no attempt to discuss it with me. The reasoning doesn't make sense either way and I feel like she has deep-rooted trust issues from her childhood. Always having to be independant, never relying on anybody. I am someone to rely on and it hurts she didn't want to rely on me.
I have to break up with my on/off ex because she's an alcoholic and she keeps acting out in ways that are seriously damaging mine and her family's mental health. The worst part is I don't want to walk away but I've got no choice. She drinks and goes missing causes all sorts of absolute chaos, then when her body can't take any more she acts convincingly like she's had enough. We all take the bait, every time and get tricked by what she says, then as soon as she feels well again she's off again causing more mental torture to us. I'm in recovery myself almost 2 years and I've not been able to enjoy a minute of it because I'm stuck in her selfish horrible cycle of alcoholism. It's absolute hell. Right at this moment I haven't heard from her for 2 days because her mum took her to hospital, and she discharged herself and she's left with a complete random stranger and probably back drinking. It's a fucking nightmare.
Have you looked into the whole codependency issue? That might really help you to break it sobriety stay broken up. You can always revisit the relationship after she practices sobriety for a year and you get a good understanding about what codependency is. There are 12 step meetings to address all this in Alanon. I myself am a "double winner". (In AA & Alanon)
Yo, YT algorithm is a real AH, ever since my break up I get my homepage bombarded with SP manifestations and reassurance videos of him coming back, bc the moon phase is leaning towards Aries, or some similar BS, that only keeps me in the limbo, but for this vid I had to chop apart the entire channel( did I mention I´m still in the anger phase? 💀)
Was just thinking about confronting a person I cared about tomorrow because it's possibly the last time that we will se each other. I was hoping that by doing that it will give me some closure. Now I am not sure if it's a good idea.
I find it really hard to get over the fact that I broke her heart when I told her we should break up. I don't think I will forget the look of betrayal I saw in her face that day. Any advice, anyone?
Hey I need to add something.
Yes, it may not feel all the way better in 2 or 3 years, especially if the grief process has been interuppted (seeing your ex), BUT as someone who has been through the most horrible heartbreak l could imagine, you can pretty much COMPLETELY be over the person. It may take 3 or 4 years. But you can get to a place of being fully healed, fully whole, fully content, peaceful and grateful you're not with that person anymore.
You can think about them and remember the good and bad times without feeling that earthshattering grief and loss.
This is good to hear because my husband told me that he is no longer in love with me.
Reading your comment made me realize that struggling to get over your ex is completely normal, even if it takes years. I have been grieving for over two years now, and your comment brought me to tears because it made me feel like there will be a day when I could be fully healed. There will be a day when I no longer compare others to her. Thank you so much for writing that comment; I’m still crying, but I hope things get better.
Just broke up 10 minutes ago, thank you
Are you okay, bro?
You are in for a long difficult road but you will be ok.
Would say,,welcome to the gym‘‘ but you’re jacked and stacked,packed already bro 💪🏻
I did 2 months ago, it 100000% gets easier although there’s still healing to do
Hang in there brother.
Broke it off w someone I really liked, I was not being treated very well. I am worth more. So back to being single. And finding my way . . . self worth is leading me.
Sounds like you made a good decision comrade. It’s all upwards from here.
@@NewelOfKnowledge I appreciate the content you shared!
It's worth mentioning that the stages of grief are not linear and the very scientist that presented it as so notably regrets it. The feelings ebb and flow.
He does mention that in the vid.
What helped me was hitting the gym. Working out heavy and hard. It allowed me to use that anger, sadness and stress I felt as energy to work out every week day consistently. Over time, working out felt like meditation because I have to control my breath while lifting. Lifting also allowed me to count my reps and sets. It became peaceful. Next thing I knew, I started looking good. Then started loving myself..
Love that mate. Great to hear you’ve been steering the ship AND GETTING MONUMENTALLY WHAM at the same time. Keep it up.
Walking helps me. I have to breath a lot especially when walking uphill.
Your timing is scary but also perfect, thank you brother!
Do you know what ASMR is? The first thought that came to my mind when I turned on your video was, "Oh, this is real unintentional ASMR!" (That's a compliment😄)
I was with this girl for almost 9 years from age 19 to 27. First serious relationship after high school. Lived togther for almost all those years. She was my everything, and i thought i had found my person i would grow old with. We were so good togther everyone always said how much of a power couple we were. I loved her unconditional. I thought she was the most amazing person the universe ever created. Then, one day, 4 months ago, she blindsided me with a breakup. My heart wasn't broken it was Thanos snapped. Sure, i had my shortcomings. i am not perfect, but i always thought of her and put her feelings first before anything else. Always went out of my way to do special things for her. It's just so hard to move forward somedays since all i had was love for our relationship. I'm all choked up while she's okay. It's true when a heart breaks. It dont break even.
It is odd how you think everything is fine and you are bobbing happily along. When my partner told me there was no future etc etc, I replied I was blindsided and he said "no" he was and surely I had known it for YEARS and my protestations of love were scoffed at. It was like he was a total stranger and never knew me or cared. This isn't a "mutual" break up so it is very hard to understand YOU don't matter to them and you have to get to the point of not caring back. This is why I am lurking in this type of video. It is hard but absolutely necessary to build a new today and new future. Take care my friend.
Hope you're doing a tiny bit better every day. And I hope you know in between the hurt and confusion there will be happy moments. They start off small, but some day you will be able to enjoy an entire day!
Damn this hits hard. My boyfriend left me 4 months ago as I was planning our 10 year anniversary. Thanos snapped is the perfect description. For the first 3 months after I was a wreck. Now I have it a little more together but I go through all the stages of grief every single day. Longing, sadness, desperation, anger, acceptance. A repeat cycle but I’m trying to now be ok with not being ok. And anticipating that I will feel like crap everyday but I have survived everyday of my life. I can keep going. I truly wish you all the best my friend. I hope to eventually learn to love and care for myself as much as I loved and cared for him.
@@deerinheadlights100 It happened the same to me. How are you feeling now?
You are life changing for those who are lucky enough to cross your channel. I thought you were amazing when I saw the confidence videos , now this is another level of beautiful advice and wisdom you’re giving your viewers. Thank you for being on TH-cam my man
it feels very conflicting when theres a young child involved and the parting of ways didnt come from a mutual place, the decision being hers and the loss of the ideal "family" unit. Its been 7 months and having to remain in contact is a constant reminder of the suffering thats chosen to hang on to.
Sometimes i feel ive navigated the grief and loss so well, other times it feels as though the rugs been swept out all over again.
The negative feedback loop really gives you a humbling lesson in consent.
Thank you for all your videos and the digestible information thats really, truely helped me on my path of learning how to navigate myself.
I wish you could feel how special this was to me. You are making my experience in life so much aware, conscious, and healthy. I couldn't imagine a smoother grieving process, and it's thanks in a big part to your teachings and radiating attitude. It's been painful, don't get me wrong, but i feel so much in tune with life and myself. THANK YOU
My fine sir. Keep up the good work!
Thank you brother, just went through the harderst breakup of my life. The worst thing is when you love someone so much and so passionately with all your heart but you know they are only hurting you and they won't grow along side you. Saying the words "i can't do this anymore" was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and it broke me to pieces
I’m still going through some do the residuals of an amicable breakup, thank you for making this
It’s been a tough few years.. still I struggle every day. Just started watching your videos this morning and now this.. thank you brother!
Broke it off with a girl 3 days ago! The timing is incredible. Thanks. Keep the great advice and self-improvement tips coming.
I appreciate this video, it couldn’t have come through a better time. My ex girlfriend left me about a month ago, and I’ve been constantly struggling with the healing process. This video broke down aspects of the process in a way that I could understand, which helped me greatly. I’m planning on creating more structure for myself in order to get through this difficult time.
Been single for over a year now :) loving it. Some days can get a bit lonely but close friends and family can easily fill that hole, it’s far more worthwhile to focus on self development and learn to enjoy your own company rather than settle for anything less than what you deserve from a significant other. If you were the source of the break up, it’s especially important to spend some time in solitude for self development, but if they were the cause (and this is subjective, many times it’s a 2 sided cause) you especially aren’t losing in that scenario because you’re worth the best when you offer your best
This channel is my best friend. Thank you Lewis
He basically raised me through my teenage years since my parents don't know morals-keeping your words, being honest. The rational part of me know that to go separate ways was the best desicion to make but the emotional part of me makes me feel like I'm choked when I think of him. The fist months after we broke up I met him seveal times and these occacional meetings made me leave my hometown. When I came back yet again I was overwhelmed by the possibility of seeing him by chance and that made me stressful when I was going for a walk before I heard he moved. Now I still think of him and partly wish to meet someday by accident, partly am scared I'll lose it if I do so, partly know it's better for me that way.
I wish him all the best. I pray daily for all my loved ones. What I feel towards him is simply miss. I miss having him in my life as a person I can share my thoughts about the journey of life I'm going throght. My friends are not people I can talk to my deepest reflections to. I miss being heard, hugged, hold.
I ADMIRE YOU SO MUCH! Every one of your videos teaches me so much! It is crazy!
Ahhh Lewis you bloody bastard. Your timing is impeccable. Kudos.
Thank you Lewis. Cosmic timing on this one.
You taught me to journal less than a week ago, I started journaling her acting strange and how I feel about it. Today, I had to pack her things for her and we’re meeting over the inevitable, tomorrow morning. You are the greatest help I’ve had in this situation.
I experienced my first breakup over 2 years ago with a girl I genuinely loved. It was very sad at the time, and some of the most intense emotions I've experienced. I was at uni, and so I coped by drinking and partying, which was a lot of fun, but ultimately it did not heal, and in fact lead to a depression.
Over time, and through consistently turning up for myself every day, the pain and sadness gradually melted away, so I presumed I had got over her. But even now I don't think I've ever given my head and heart the space to process it, and with it being such a long time ago, it feels very distant and 'foggy', making it hard to tell.
Whether over it or not, I think there will always be the occasional moment where a memory, an old photo, or a particular street will bring a fleeting rush of memories, a momentary window into the past. A sense of nostalgia and melancholy floods the body, missing a time gone by. Tuning back into the real world, I smile, and look to the sky, appreciative of the time, and love, we once shared.
To all of you going through it, may you be kind to yourself, may you find peace.
Your videos have helped a lot, thank you man. Hopefully everyone is able to go through their journey and come out the other side happy. It really does get better. I’m only 2 months in (almost three now) and it took forever, but I finally hit a point in which the sun started shining. I’m finally showing signs of life. It still hurts sometimes, sometimes it even hurts a lot, but sometimes it doesn’t and that’s so powerful. Feel everything, validate it, and be kind to yourself. Start giving yourself the love you deserve and no longer get from someone else. You’re second to no one else.
💪🏻🫶🏻
Broke up after almost six years
Edit: Man thank you for this video and for your whole channel
She left me a little over 3 years ago ... We spent almost 5 years together and were supposed to spend the rest.
Every day since that breakup has felt like life after death no matter how much I think I've healed. I'll hear this out.. thanks Newel.
Take care, everyone.
wow yes. i've started watching you during an intense self-growth breakthrough period (or at least an attempted one) due to a painful breakup after my boyfriend left me. thanks for all your videos!
Unfortunately I work with him and we share a friend group. I can't leave my job or lose my friends, so going no-contact is impossible. How do I navigate something like this? We have a friend's group chat and I've tried by blocking him but I could still see other's replies to his messages so I could tell what was going on. I recently muted the chat to only get notifications when I'm directly mentioned, but I'm stuck between alienating myself from my friends and re-opening the break up wound over and over again, fearing that closure will never happen if I see him so often. Does anyone here have any advice for that?
Well I'll say don't let him talk first, people keep to what they hear first often so if he try spreading rumors or bad rep shut it down fast
@@noah1502hi Noah, here’s what I’d suggest:
- work with yourself on this one, which means, if you genuinely have to see this person often, perhaps that’s something you can tolerate while you grow, who knows?
- however, if you continue forward and realise you cannot heal while you are so physically close to this person (job/group chats) then it’s time to set firmer self-boundaries. For example; quit your job, leave the group chat. I know it sounds extreme and you said you can’t lose your job but these are options that are available to you.
- your mental health doesn’t need to be held hostage by a group chat or job - jobs are easily found and replaced
- Essentially, don’t feel guilty for prioritising your growth in this situation, because no job etc. is worth costing you your mental health
Boundaries with friends:
- perhaps speak to some of your friends in the social circle about how best to manage it?
- could you address this situation and how uncomfortable it makes you feel with your ex? Especially if you already seem them often
This is all food for thought.
Lew
I’m right there with you. My boyfriend blindsighted me at the beginning of this month. We went from spooning on vacation to him dumping me later that same day. The worst part was there wasn’t anything either of us did wrong, he has past trauma he determined he couldn’t work through despite me being more than willing to help him. I guess he had been struggling for months without me knowing and reached his tipping point.
The real trouble is we were each other’s best friend and are trying to maintain that. He’s fine but I’m in pain. I’m going to try therapy. Just want you to know you’re not alone brother.
My friend commited suicide (i think) day before, really needed this mate.
Sorry for your loss mate. I can’t imagine what you must be going through right now. Standing by for emotional support. (Feel free to comment anything else to get it off your chest).
Impeccable timing, my internet friend. Finding your channel was a gift already, but now you’ve gone and hit the nail on the head for me. Cheers!
i'm watching this in preparation for asking my girl some hard questions as to why she is treating me differently and pulling away from me incase the answers lead to the end of our relationship, I'm hope it might hurt less if i know what i will be facing and how to deal with it
That's a great attitude man. I had a girl blindside me out of nowhere, I would have died for her. The answers you get, regardless how it goes will help you in the long run. I still have no idea and the lack of understanding how she felt and her basically vanishing from my life was fucking traumatic and I spent nearly 90% of my thoughts for 6-9 months wondering. I wish that on no person.
This video is perfect timing. It was a complex drawn out breakup (my doing) and he moved out today. I did some self care by shopping for makeup talking to the consultants, going to a new shopping center faraway to challenge myself). I am so relieved to have found this video, thank you.
3 weeks ago. Felt pretty bad first 2 weeks. Last week had a headache that lasted 3 days. Watched tv programs that made me cry. Better now and can see a future ahead that I couldnt with the ex.. I feel 'let go'. I'm glad! I didnt realize how much pressure the relationship placed me under until it was over. Lucky in the fact that when we parted that was it-no legal or living entanglements. No contact rules!!
Keep moving forward 💪🏻🫶🏻
This is the only actually helpful video I’ve seen on breakups. It’s been 3 years, I loved her.
I’m not even going through a break up, I just want to add tools to my belt for better coping strategies
No seriously, my girlfriend and I JUST broke up…who are you
You mean your ex girlfriend 😭
@@rimermusic129I mean my ex girlfriend😔
Stay strong comrade.
I've never been into a relationship, but I feel this will help either in the future or with the relationships with my friends.
Thank you ! !
There is no anger or resentment. I love how they succeed and move on in life, however i am unchanged and accept that ill forever be unrepaired. Goodbye
I told myself after my last breakup to think about all the things I disliked about that person that I will no longer have to deal with.
Thank you for making this video. I´m not in a break up, but my relationship feels unstable. I cried a bit watching this, since it´s some time since somebody talked so calmly and positive and empathetic with me and I really liked your voice and presence.
I hope I will see this video again if it happens that I break up
God, why did this video have to happen right now? This is hard work, man. After a mostly "on" (but sometimes "off") relationship that's happened over the last ten years, I've just found out it's completely over. 😥
1 year ago I went through a divorce. We were together for 8 years and I still cycle through the stages of grief. apparently my favorite stage is bargaining because I’m running so many scenarios in my head of the what ifs... It has been hell and I’m glad I found this video to help me get through this. No more sad songs. Thank you
Watching this to get over someone i never even dated, am i cooked 😭🙏
It's been 11 months now from a 4.5 years relationship. I got pretty jacked haha.
Worked a lot on healing my attachment issues, finally started loving myself, so a lot of positive from it.
I still wish we would get back together, but I have no power of it.
I was afraid that this video would awaken dormant emotions in me, but now I can say that it is a perfect work. Thank you for the amount of love and understanding you put into your videos. U just hit it right 🙏🏼❤️🩹
Right on time!
You've helped me a lot. Thank you. Potential idea for a vid on prolonged break up grief? I spent a year trying to fix my ex and our daughter. She loved the chaos come and going fighting and making up. Finally I shut the door. It's not right it'll never be right. I'm still tortured by this situation I think I might always will be.
But in the meantime thank you for your help great work please keep it up!
I think I have a nice video idea for you and forgive me if you already covered it. Have you read the book Dopamine nation by Dr. Anna Lembke? She mentions the abbreviation DOPAMINE
D= data
O= Objective
P= problems
A= abstinence
M= mindfullness
I= insight
N= next steps
E=experiment
A nice idea would be to cover this in a dopamine addiction video.
Thank you for your amazing content!
just life.... i will try to keep this short.
so my GF and i broke up about 2 months ago and it took me up till now to start feeling mostly everything you described and i have been in total chaos for the last 3-4 days, and that is also due to the free time i have now to be by my self and think about everything that went down...
and now to the just life part, please tell me what are the Fcken chances that i see a random video(You Are 1 Conversation Away From a Completely Different Life) of you that led me to this video that you post 8H ago, huh ? well i think the universe is trying to tell me something... in either case i needed to hear everything you said, just to refresh my memory that this is all temporary (even if it takes 3-4 years ) seriously thanks man, the first 2 videos i saw were good stuff, you get a like and a sub good sir :)
Bruh how u know I needed this
Damn! How did you know I needed this?
Had one month's ago. Tried so many things but man, yet I'm really not the same after.
It's like a honestly need over a year to start feeling normal again despite trying so hard.
2 and half years and still healing. It was a 10year relationship and out of no where they became so toxic. They things they said during the break up I wouldn't tolerate from friends and yet they want to remain friends with 0 effort. I still have alot of anger and resentment towards them. They're an idiot in life choices so I don't think things will work out well for them. But maybe theyre the type that need to learn the hard way
Mine was ten years and it’s been 2 years since break up too. And it was toxic too. I was shocked. Especially what happened after the breakup. He turned into a monster. Absolutely shocked still so acceptance is hard
A loose rule of thumb I've heard is twice as long as the romantic relationship lasted. But my therapists would disagree and say you get over it when you do, with work. Some grief (death suicide, etc.) can last a lifetime, which is very normal, and feelings can wax and wane. I have read and tend to believe many Western societies want people to "act" normal quickly instead of letting people move on their own timelines with the possibility,as you mention, to recognize that the grief might remain. And we can act or develop a different perspective while being honest about our feelings.
Video is on time, thank you Louis
On the autopilot were you tell yourself “I was okay before I met this person, so I will be okay after.” What should someone tell themselves if they were not okay before they met the person they loved. I was very miserable before I met the woman I loved, she was one of the very few things that made me genuinely feel happy and content and normal in my life. I really don’t feel ill ever be okay again.
Let me know if you figure it out, same issue here
thank you, I really needed this.
These comment sections show just how big the world has gotten… I also broke up with someone 3 days ago
It was my love, now a rock
Right on time, thanks for your video
Thank you.
Brilliant video! But 2 to 3 months!? Try this after a 10 year marriage with two kids, co-parenting, betrayal and childhood trauma. Let’s say 2 to 3 years in that case.
And there was me thinking I'd still be in with a chance of a proper family on the other side of all this. My previous significant relationship was only a year and that took me three years to get over, this one was about fifteen years _and_ there's kids!!! 😂😭 By your timescale, by the time I'm done, most of the women that want me will have "passed the window", so to speak. Worse still, I can't even sleep around like I used to (feels bad, man), so that means literally _years_ to look forward to, starved of the physicality I was denied for most of the relationship. Fuck. 😂😭
I’m still stuck and it’s been since April. Usually I bounce back really fast but this one is very different and I’ve had this black void in me since.
That's grief.. start at 7:40 of this video. Small steps of taking care of yourself. You need to learn to love yourself again. You don't need anyone else to fill that void. How can you truly love someone else again if you don't love yourself. Take care
going thru this now and the shame and guilt is overwhelming
Hang in there sir.
that part where he says that his name is louis haha.... makes it feel like a movie haha, bro im learning slot from you just keep it up your videos are a full wikipedia everyone would ever want
I'm over 60 and I still could not say what love is. What is love, how do you know if you love someone. Prince/King Charles at the time of his first marriage said when asked about love, He answered something like, whatever love is.
you know in your heart
The upsetting part is shes not gone, still with my whole friend group
Art of Love with Lucia…But will give this a listen, oi oi! 🎉
You know I’m not going through a break up but a platonic relationship I really cared about I think has ended. They have shown no care for my feelings or boundaries. It feels sad because I care and they don’t. I still wish them the best but apart of me does wish for their downfall if I’m going to be completely honest. How can someone seem to have no remorse. I’m sure there is that side of me I’m unaware of though so I try not to judge. Something about a chip in your brothers eye and a plank in yours. Thank you if you read this. I feel like I have no one I can trust to vent this too so I’m doing it with the internet.
Hi mate, it sounds like you feel hurt with their lack of consideration towards you. That’s normal. Ending a platonic relationship is just as hard. I think judging by the way you articulated it, you seem to be analysing the situation well. Let us know if you wanna get anything else off your chest 👍
P.s I just thought of one thing which might help, if they’ve randomly cut you off or shown a lack of consideration, then they’ve done you a huge favour by showing you their true colours. Not worth having people like that around. Just a thought.
Hi .. just letting you know you aren't responsible for someone else's lack of empathy .. if anything i think you are saved from something terrible..choose your partner more carefully next time .. all the best 👍
Timing is crazy
Today I woke up dreaming about the girl that broke my heart 8 months ago. I keep my composure and have stopped talking about it but it's still eating me from the inside
Broke up 16h ago:))
Life is going hard now
Was waiting for this one especially, don’t know why 😂
Uff i need this video right now 😮💨😮💨
A tough few month.. A tough many years...
ex gf of 10 months broke up with me over text. It's been a month now and not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I know I should let go, but it's so hard and painful. Really cared for her, my first real relationship too.
Thank you very much
Ah, Lewis. Thank you....
For me it was 3 months ago. To be honest, the first month was not as bad as the second, as I was still in denial. Didn't see it coming, didn't expect it all, which I find especially cruel from her. Not that she was acting, but the fact that she didn't even communicate her doubts about the relationship. I think that hurts me the most, the fact that she made that decision by herself and there was no attempt to discuss it with me. The reasoning doesn't make sense either way and I feel like she has deep-rooted trust issues from her childhood. Always having to be independant, never relying on anybody. I am someone to rely on and it hurts she didn't want to rely on me.
Gracias maestro 🙏
Thank you
Would you ever make a video about the friendzone ?
It happened today and I’ve been a fucking wreck all day. Shit hurts
I have to break up with my on/off ex because she's an alcoholic and she keeps acting out in ways that are seriously damaging mine and her family's mental health. The worst part is I don't want to walk away but I've got no choice. She drinks and goes missing causes all sorts of absolute chaos, then when her body can't take any more she acts convincingly like she's had enough. We all take the bait, every time and get tricked by what she says, then as soon as she feels well again she's off again causing more mental torture to us. I'm in recovery myself almost 2 years and I've not been able to enjoy a minute of it because I'm stuck in her selfish horrible cycle of alcoholism. It's absolute hell.
Right at this moment I haven't heard from her for 2 days because her mum took her to hospital, and she discharged herself and she's left with a complete random stranger and probably back drinking. It's a fucking nightmare.
Have you looked into the whole codependency issue? That might really help you to break it sobriety stay broken up. You can always revisit the relationship after she practices sobriety for a year and you get a good understanding about what codependency is. There are 12 step meetings to address all this in Alanon.
I myself am a "double winner". (In AA & Alanon)
do a vid on addiction
Great mustache you got there
Hey. Have you ever recorded meditation speeches? I'd gladly pay for yours, you are a hidden jewel of a channel. Thank you.
Yo, YT algorithm is a real AH, ever since my break up I get my homepage bombarded with SP manifestations and reassurance videos of him coming back, bc the moon phase is leaning towards Aries, or some similar BS, that only keeps me in the limbo, but for this vid I had to chop apart the entire channel( did I mention I´m still in the anger phase? 💀)
Sent this to my ex. We broke up 27 years ago
Five months ago yesterday. It's easier, but not easy. Somehow I'm still kind of reeling.
Was just thinking about confronting a person I cared about tomorrow because it's possibly the last time that we will se each other. I was hoping that by doing that it will give me some closure. Now I am not sure if it's a good idea.
Thank you Lewis, this was very much needed. I hope you also see my email I’ve sent around a week ago. Appreciate you. ❤️🙏🏼
Advice if you’d like to rekindle a relationship with an ex?
13:18
"Not because you're selfish, but because you're choosing yourself and your mental health"
That's ... what that that word means?
16:54 your hypothetical is exactly my situation lol wild
She's not watching this, she's talking to another dude already
Brilliant.
I find it really hard to get over the fact that I broke her heart when I told her we should break up. I don't think I will forget the look of betrayal I saw in her face that day. Any advice, anyone?
did you actually break up?
free lebanon
Ye my ex chose her internet friend when I gave her a choice between he and me, i don't think i'm getting over it soon
well i guess i m here too...