How to STOP Thinking About Your Ex
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 พ.ค. 2023
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I think for most of us who were in toxic relationships, we stayed so long because our fear of being alone was stronger than our need to leave the relationship. Abandonment wounds run deep!
My reason was that I thought I can help him. You can’t help people to change. They have to be the one wanting to change. Hard lesson for empaths. I learned it alright.
@csepke2 agreed! It's definitely complex and rarely just one reason
So true God bless you ❤
you stayed because you were toxic aand self suficient. now you are toxic and alone. nothing wrong. embrace what you are. your ex is better without you. you will be fine too. find another toxic partner like you, learn toleance and just live, you can.
@@reyoart1766 The irony. 😂
I love the opening statement “Your ex is their own person with their own life, wish them well and let them go, because their story is not relevant to you anymore.”
That's the most challenging part if the breakup is because of a situation and not what we wanted. We both live in different countries and it was tough for us to separate because we didn't know if we would ever meet or if our family would allow one of us to move to another country. We both love each other but I guess that's not what destiny wants ;(.
Yes. Such a powerful opening statement
I disagree. How can you say that when kids are involved and you have to stand back and watch new baby daddy come along !
True! But why it just me trying to hard to fix this relationship but the other person not making the minimum effort? It’s just so sad when you invested heavily in the relationship and drew a future and vision for both of us?
@@Indigo-blue1978 you are right but stay on course to healing yourself, one day you'll see that ex in a different light, it is a struggle to get there but do right by you and your kids, love your ex but let them go, you'll appreciate yourself after the fog is lifted
For me it wasn’t the value he added but the emotional attachment, the memories and the fear of not being able to ever feel that way again.
My thoughts exactly 💯..
My wife left me afterc37 years for a living in position
Same here 😢
It’s said that the best is yet to come. But before that many times suffering from past relationship is really painful. For me, each relationship ends with depression and anxiety. I'm never the same person, I wish I could.
I'm really scared not to find someone to love, not being loved, not having the most beautiful feelings being with another person.
Same for me...16 years of memories, 2 kids and it's now over. And I cannot just "forget" about him, cause we have kids and he'd still be in my life...And the thought about him being happy with someone else, idk, it's just killing me from the inside.
So accurate
I gotta admit, he lost me halfway through. But watching through the end it gave me a huge light bulb moment, especially with the "rent-ownership" value analogy. I've been single for 3 years, working solely on myself to heal and be healthy again after losing all hope in life after my breakup. I didn't realize how far I've come until I saw my ex recently. She moved on with another guy within a month of our breakup, and I could tell right away how much she has declined as a person. I beat myself up for years over this girl thinking she was the one and I blew my one chance at true love, but upon seeing what she's turned into I'm not even attracted to her anymore. The girl that I love and miss died when our relationship ended, and the memories we have together is as close as I will ever get to having that back. What I've built and become since then is more than I've accomplished my entire life. I'm thankful for this girl coming into my life, and leaving it. Seriously guys and gals, wish them well and let them go. Owner > rental
I get what you're saying, good on ya as we Aussies say for getting your own sh*t together, but ultimately it doesn't really matter how your ex is doing, does it - I mean, sure, there might be a part of us that hopes they will burn in hell or whatever, though hopefully we can be bigger than that! - but really, if we can make peace with ourselves (never mind them) isn't that more important?
@@amandayorke481 what I noticed is that the measure of how much we healed is weather we were able to let go of resentment. If we still wish our ex burned in hell, that means there is still hatred, meaning we still care and are carrying the pain.
Once I was able to release all the pain my abusive ex caused me, by allowing the pain to show up in my body, giving it my complete awareness, and then crying it out, I could never think of him in a negative way. I actually feel sad for him, because I know his behavior comes from extreme lack of self acceptance. He’s been running his whole life from a horrible past from childhood. That doesn’t mean I think of him in a positive way instead, or what he did was ok. I just see a man who is terrified. And I can’t fear or feel resentment for someone like that.
@@csepke2 On the one hand, no doubt to wish such a thing on anyone would indicate we were still tied to them. In actual fact, I could not risk cursing my ex because my mother had warned me that such a curse would rebound on me. My mother, though an atheist, was oddly insistent about it. On the other hand, if I wish my ex well, it is only because my daughter loves him so much.
GOD BLESS YOU ❤❤❤❤
❤
Guys, we all should also remember that if we had an "a-ha moment", or was nodding "yes" to every word Matt was saying AND felt like we miss our ex the next day... It's ok! Sometimes you just need to hear the thought multiple times to own it.
I was just thinking about that while watching this video, I always feel good in the moment and immediately after watching Matthew's videos because they're so true and relatable. However, once hours or days pass, I find myself back to square one thinking about her and why she left me. It sucks 🙁
@@Vinny6288 th-cam.com/video/k0GQSJrpVhM/w-d-xo.html
@Arina Thanks so much for saying it out loud! This thought would keep knocking and I'd feel bad. Sometimes you know stuff, but want someone else to say it loud. 'Validation'. Another bad thing I guess. But then again, one fight at a time.
So much time I've wasted on relationships when those women did not work toward the same goal.
I agree, mornings are treacherous
you could watch a thousand of these videos but the fact is you need to go through the emotions of letting that person go, yes you may feel a little better hearing the wise words but then the lose suddenly hits you again. Just need to remind yourself that it will get better. Youll have good days and bad days but then after a while going through the emotions the bad days turn into better days
Its a different story when you work with them and their constantly breadcrumbing you 😂
Well said. With no contact, it gets better.
@@lyricalstyles my current situation
@@alexavila7489 yeah? Are you ok?
“Wish them well and, let them go.” 💯!!
like saying good bye to a rental car 😂!!!! Love the metaphor soooooo much
This simple sentance can really do wonders interms of moving on . I can say this from personal experience.
I dont wish them well but I’ve let them go
@@Blablablabla760 That's honest! I know being bitter & angry does us no good, but unfortunately, even without wanting to, we sometimes MAY feel these things, in which case it's even worse to cover up those feelings with empty platitudes and a fake smile.
Unfortunately easier said than done! 💔😢
When I miss someone so much I do not doubt my value. I simply miss the dream I had with this person because of this persons special abilities, traits and personality and it can be very hard to give up this dream while it is ok to let the person go. Especially when I am not able to do those things on my own. It feels like I will never get those great feelings and opportunities back and that makes me think of this person and miss him.
The traits you don’t think are a part of you could become a road map for your recovery growth!!
I learned something the other day and it was an eye opener for me and it may help you.
Someone said that one of the reasons we don't let go of someone who isn't in our lives anymore, is that we want to be THEM and have their lives more than it's about us missing them for real.
Let that sink in, and if you feel you resonate with it, try to think of their good qualities and aspects of life that you really like (and wish to have) and maybe find a way to come closer for you to have them as well.
Hope it helps
@@GR-rk2fi
I'm sorry to hear that, and I know it's really hard to want something that you can't have.
It sounds cliché, but honestly being at peace with the "limits" of our lives is the best thing to do for ourselves.
I've struggled a lot before, you have no idea, but ultimately made peace with my life the way it is and accepted that it's all I have (for now) and I'm just gonna make the best of it because at the end of the day, I only have ONE life and if this is all I'll have so be it, I'm dancing my way through it with a smile.
And btw, if someone didn't appreciate what you offer (and it's actually all you can offer), he's not the one for you, his life that you desire is NOT the one for you even if you feel like it. Him walking away is literally the evidence for that.
I hope you find your peace and happiness. May you always be appreciated and loved the way you deserve ❤️
Agree! It's got nothing to do with value. It's the conversations, the hugs, the kisses, the fun times and inside jokes with that specific human that you miss. I have the same value regardless of who or what is in my life. Only I control my value. Also, the name of this vid didn't seem to match up with the content
Same. Maybe he's stuck on his own value experience but that's not why I miss someone.
My ex walked out on me when I was grieving my dad’s death the time I needed him the most I begged and everything. I just want to say it does get easier everyday you get stronger
My ex did exactly the same
I am.sorry u 2 went thru this they r monsters
I stayed with my ex because he ex he experienced 6 deaths (including his dad)in his family in a short period of time. I wanted to be there for him. However, I've learned that while he was with me, he was also with someone else, the person he chose over me. I guess her support must have been somehow better.
I stayed because I wanted to be a source of comfort. I'm sorry your ex left when you need him most.
Mind dumped me on valentines
😢
Amen. I saw him while buying groceries just this morning. I did not make eye contact because I felt very pleased that my life is in a better place. I've improved my health, lost the weight, and grown spiritually over my time alone. So worth doing the work. Maybe he saw me maybe not.
(My ego wishes 😊)
You wish he did because you still have feelings for him. You know this yourself deep down.
@@babatunde8812 Actually no. It's been over 10yrs. Indifference is the opposite of love 😊
@@babatunde8812 smh deciding on your own what someone else is feeling
Indifference can be amazing.
It's been 4 months since the breakup, and I constantly keep thinking about him. I stop watching how to get your ex-back videos and started to focus on how to heal and let go. But it's so hard, I'm almost exhausted and feel like there is a sad fog in my head. I know the more I try to avoid, the more I am likely to keep thinking about him but the more I let the thoughts stay, it feels like they are never going to leave. Man this sucks ;(
It does
I hope you heal fast, 4 month later and you still feel like this is so heartbreaking
10 months for me,some days are hard all up in my head and feelings..and then the days im able to get through.. I think what makes my situation difficult is that we have a son together,and now he's distant from him too..its so heartbreaking i just keep trying to remind myself this too shall pass🙏🏽
Hey. 3 year relationship ended and it’s been a year. I’ve moved on a lot. But the first 6 months were so difficult. So hard. I got a new job which helped and worked in the office all week (didn’t work from home) and went to the gym. I spent so much time with my family and close friends who were very supportive and I’ll never, ever forget that. Anyway so time does heal. Trust me. It feels like forever I know! But it will get easier. If you can start some hobbies and try and be around people if it helps you. You will get through it and become stronger and better and attract the one for you.
I'm also at 4 months today. I feel like I could have written every word you wrote. :(
I don't know when it'll get better, but hopefully you can have some solace in knowing that someone else is going through the exact. same. thing.
"Thinking about what your ex is up to is like thinking about your rental you gave back".. MH has such a unique gift to come up with brilliant metaphors that shift the mindset in a productive way.
To me, an ex is not someone I just return and never think about again though. I attach, I’m a feeling, sensitive person. I’m not a robot. I’m a woman.
I don't agree with this metaphor at all. Because a rental car doesn't have feelings and could care less about you. And most of all, because a rental car never hugged me tight or told me that it loved me and couldn't imagine life without me or couldn't wait to see me again. And gave me butterflies.
I understand what Matt is trying to relay, but for me, I found the metaphor silly, personally.
Yes he does 🎉
This man is changing my life….I never comment under videos but THIS MAN RIGHT HERE DESERVES ALL THE LOVE HE’s GETTING.
Sorting out my attachment issues gives me so much inner peace.. made me enjoy lives so much more. Self love is most important ❤❤
The notification of this video made me think of her again 😂
😂😂😂😂
😅😅😅😂😂😂🤩❣🤩❣🤩❣🤩❣🤩❤❤❤here this is a big wide world.
Darling open up other windows of life till you see what suits you best
Me too😂
🤣🤣
Exactly lol
This came at the perfect time for me. We split 4 months ago, I did no contact, said we can't be friends. We started talking again but I still had feelings, I was hoping she'd change her mind. I wasn't ready to be friends, nor put myself out there again and risk getting hurt again. Last night I cut contact. It was civil and nice, she understood, I blocked her and cried. This video helped me to change my thinking about a lot of things, I definitely felt I was losing my value by losing her and that's why I hung on hoping. Now my outlook is to just focus on improving my own value because people will come and go. Another video of yours I watched you talked about how you have to go through this pain to realise things and learn and that's how you grow. This pain was the worst one yet, but I know I will come out stronger than I've ever been before. Thank you. I'm so glad I found you and I love what you do.
Same situation with my ex boyfriend
:(
same here@@bellemaria4116
Why does it hurt that much
I just deleted our 3 year long chat history on instagram and text to let go. That relationship is in the past and I didn't need to be able to go back and read it. I cried when deleting them but I know it had to be done to help me let go. If he ever reaches back out, it will be a new relationship anyway.
😢 I'm going through that right now. I'm gonna delete old text messages she left me because she wanted to focus on herself and her career.
@@XxNegative1 delete them. I don't regret it at all.
Wow, this was really powerful. I got a divorce last year, not my choice. Blindsided after a long marriage. I have been obsessing with trying to find out what my ex is doing and where he is. I needed to hear this so bad thank you from the bottom of my heart.
❤️
I think this only works when you didn't love that person truly. We don't miss the other because it's a question of value. It's not that we have difficulties letting go because we felt important. All that is way too superficial.
Agree...its so fucking hard..
What I missed the most when he left me wasn’t him. It’s the attention. I guess that’s the value I thought I had lost. But whether he’s in my life or not, I am still special, beautiful, and sexy. I, myself, need to acknowledge that. That’s my value.
"My value never came from that person...it comes from me." This was so helpful to hear. And also this thinking is "low energy/vibration thinking" and that resonates with me so much.
Sometimes we don’t want to let go of the happy moments we shared with that person. I think this particularly pertains to those who haven’t experienced much happiness in their lives or met someone who is right.
I am going through this now, I don't want to let go. Our relationship was good, we have many good memories, things were not that bad, and I was and I am so willing to work on myself. I am so willing to change for the better, but he doesn't want to anymore. My effort was and isn't enough and my heart breaks, I feel so pathetic tbh.
@@chalovandeneijkel5098don’t feel pathetic. Sounds like you really loved him. If he is worth fighting for, and the reasoning for your separation wasn’t unforgivable, i would just let him go for now. When you shift your focus on yourself and do things that truly make you happy in life that is very powerful. We’re all electromagnetic beings and we can sense energy. If it was meant to be he will reach out, if not, then it was not meant to be. Promise, when you start working on yourself, pursuing life goals you will naturally attract someone on that same frequency that will love you unconditionally for who you are. In my past relationship i was holding on to a story that wasn’t real, and not how it really was being in that relationship. I look back now after a year and realize it was a very toxic relationship plus both of us tbh were both emotionally unavailable, which left us with a lot of arguing and resentment. All i can do now is keep moving forward with an open heart. If you’re a good person with a good heart, the universe will reward you. Just have to have faith. Hope this helps, sending peace, love, and prosperity
Thank you for that Matthew. When my ex broke up with me, I realized later the reason it hurt so much partly was because I derived so much of my self-worth/esteem etc. from what she thought of me/how she looked at me/how I felt about myself when I was with her.
I never thought I'd say it, but I'm beginning to realize it may have been one of the best things to ever happen to me and completely necessary in order for me to start seeing the value in myself.
Exactly the same. I’m exactly who I was before I met her. We’re just not in a relationship anymore, that’s it.
Very true, I really feel that too. It's hard to accept and understand when it's a fresh break up like mine. It's truly heart breaking and one of the worst feelings a person can experience bcuz we loved that person so much and it's devastating to not have that person in our life anymore...but it's really the only option, to find the value in ourselves. We can't live with all the painful memories and let negativity rule our minds, the only option is to become better and make ourselves valuable, without anyone else
Your absolutely right. But, when your in it, logic goes by the waste side.
Totally. I've never understood why therapists, coaches, etc. try to soothe emotion with logic. It doesn't work, and it's frustrating to keep trying to make it work!
@@jrr4475, i am trying to get back my love after 4.5 years and we both broke all the rules of engagement. It’s been 8 months. There is a feeling that just won’t go away.
We broke up today , I immediately removed them from all socials and archived our chat. Good luck everyone , its always a hard road ahead, especially the first weeks
It’s been 6 months. Feels like yesterday. 😢
@@clwignersame. Its been over 6 months. Still miss her 😢
Two weeks ago, for me, archived her chats also. 6 month relationship puff gone. Her biggest issue, communication and very mixed signals
Week here, she left cause she wants to focus on herself and her career and has no time for a relationship.
Same here bro. But I don't believe her. Obviously there's someone in the picture. Someone got her attention or else she wouldn't feel comfortable breaking up with you bro@@XxNegative1
This couldn’t have come at a better time! 15 months later and I feel the hurt and trauma has suddenly come back out of nowhere…thank you for this Matthew 💛
Same, a year later all of sudden I find myself missing my ex.....seemingly out of nowhere.
Same. I saw FB pics of him and his “new love” in Paris.
You're not alone as I was married from 2000-2017 and I still find myself crying about him and missing him. I have dreams about him as well and I know he's moved on. Not sure why it's so hard to forget people that we know didn't really care about us. My ex did not fight for me at all and didn't even show up to court. Thank you again and we are in a lot of good company. We can help strengthen each other as it truly is a challenge to "get over" and ex and not be flooded with memories or dreams that bring up back to that place. Anything can trigger a negative emotional response to bring us backward such as a song, smell, restaurant, anything. It really does suck and forgive my candor.
@@sallyruss4574I was married for 23 years and divorced my ex husband. Shed a couple of tears for him ( not me). I was so happy to be free and at peace. Hadn’t seen or spoken with him in 9 years. Well, we started talking and are currently on good terms. He’s been in a 10 year relationship with a woman who moved into our home we shared. I’m now grieving the loss after 14 years and I want this to go away. It just started 2 months ago. 😭
I'm glad I'm not alone! It's been 14 months for me. I truly loved him, and it just doesn't go away so easily.
"We are the only asset we arr guaranteed to own until the day we die" wow 👏🏽👏🏽
This is great advice but it can be extremely challenging when you're coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship. I was with my ex for 6 years and found out he was cheating, after making promises that we'd get married and start a family. I'm working hard to start over, but honestly it can be hard to wish someone well when they've treated you like trash.
Absolutely! In my case the abuse wasn't just emotional (if you care to check out some of my comments). We WERE married and eventually had a child. You are SO lucky! I also knew my ex had a history of really vengeful behaviour - WHY did I think this was so clever! I just thought at the time that the Establishment was "against" him. After he was ejected from boarding school, he blew up his house teacher's mailbox - and that was just the start, so I knew I could be physically endangering myself and my daughter by leaving.
I was in a similar boat. So much pain for about a year but then a lot of therapy, growth, learning what healthy relationships look like, and doing the work to protect myself from that dynamic ever happening again. Once you heal, process and are genuinely able to feel it’s your past and you have a different life now, you might be able to wish them growth. But just not caring anymore is the great place to get to. I don’t believe we have to forgive our abusers to heal and I think that ideology can hurt survivors even more. But you can eventually step down from their jury, if that makes sense. It also really helps to hear people with similar stories condemn that type of behavior because we need that validation that what happened was wrong before we can move forward.
Then don't wish him well! Just wish yourself well instead. I'm wishing you well too. 😊
I noticed that it takes the longest time to let go of anger.
I mean, months go by and you start getting on your feet and be happy and you get to the point where you're really ok with the breakup and all, but you just can't forgive yet.
It takes time, don't pressure yourself, and honestly some people leave us broken beyond our ability to forgive fast, or ever.
So it's ok, you absolutely can move on but still can't forgive.
JESUS loves you ❤❤❤ John 3.16 ask him to pick your future husband xxx
I'm not able to miss any "ex", I don't even remember them almost. I'm thankful because I learnt a lot from them and the mistakes I made choosing them and insisting on them. I don't keep pictures, or objects about them. They almost "never existed" to be honest.
Wow is that even healthy?
@@theempire00 probably it isn't, but it works and it's very practical 🤷
@@theempire00I would rather get over my ex as quickly as possible because sometimes it’s not meant to be. Letting go my ex gives me nothing but inner peace
I love the rental car analogy, it's the best thing I have heard to deal with this obsessive thinking about another. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 😁
That thank you x3 makes me believe that you are the follower of loa.😊
Thank you Matthew, I've finished a toxic relationship which included emotional and narcissistic abuse. Your words are very heart-warming. Thank you. Your videos keep me stable in my healing journey.
Matt, not sure if you read comments but just wanted to say that watching this video made me feel a lot better. I’m a 43 year old male and currently in the wake of a bad breakup. Your message was very grounding for me. Thank you.
I believe there’s a beauty in caring for your ex, even after you have split.
Someone walks into your life and you become so intertwined over the years. Even though the relationship ends, you still care deeply for them and wish every part of their life well, though you yourself unfortunately may not be able to provide that.
I understand that it may not be healthy or help one move on, however.
Yes Mathew is saying when it becomes an envy.
i find this particularly hard as you have to stop caring - its like stopping a train.. relationships are about hardening the heart and playing this game.. empaths suffer
Caring for someone who betrays, uses you, gaslights you and breaks you in the worst possible way? No thanks! More like I wish my ex the worst and I pray that he gets extremely heartbroken and hurt by everyone who he dates.
My ex told me he still cares about me. But have never made an in person visit or even a phone call.
This care sounds more like a lie to me. 😅 I’m building new friendships and I indeed care about my new friends.
I was thinking that you can mourn the loss of what you built together. I think he's a little bit off base here.
You perfectly described my journey through a very painful relationship, breakup, and the process of now finding my own value since then. Because of early trauma and deep insecurity I spent most of my life looking outside myself for safety, meaning, and validation. It’s a really hard lesson to learn, but I’m on my way.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
@@Kurt5Dobson Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
@@DavidVelasquez9 Her name is chamani White, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
@@Kurt5Dobson Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Because you can’t say this shit to your own friends.
I don’t.
This is helpful, but I think about him most because I miss his friendship and our connection. I never really derived my value from him, maybe partially from being in “a stable relationship”. Would be interested in a similar video on how to move on when they were your best friend.
Yes I agree. After 6 years of being best friends, he started to fall in love and I didn’t want too. But gave him a chance. Now it’s all done…. After 4 years And I can never be friends with him again.
You're gifted. Just a few lines into the video and I get relaxed, feeling like I'm back on track again. Thank you. To anyone feeling down I wish you happiness. It can get stormy sometimes but always remember that soon it will clear up.
I needed to hear this. I had initially gotten over my ex, but when I found out she found someone else within the six months since we split it was like a second wave of heartbreak. It’s true though, I need to focus on myself and let go because her life is not my worry or any of my business anymore. She was just a “rental” and I am my “own”
I’m going to be just fine and I will continue to grow my own value. I don’t need my ex, she clearly doesn’t need me. I’m done caring about someone who doesn’t care about me anymore. Nothing matters anymore except my own story.
Learn to love conditionally, the earlier you understand that 'unconditional love' is BS, the better. If someone chose to leave, as much as it hurts (mostly your ego), let that person go and remember your own value and objectives. It is okay to be selfish in this context - in fact, it is necessary. Thanks Matthew for the great insights.
Best post! ❤
It’s important to grieve and then process what happened that went wrong and learn from that. Just shutting off our feelings and moving on is not in a woman’s nature. Grieving is necessary
I disagree with the loving conditionally. I do agree with the rest of your comment
We can love ourselves unconditionally, Definition of Love is Unconditional Positive Regard/Respect. If loving conditionally, relationship Transactional not Relational/Investment of time, self, interest in other.
Wow! Those words made me open my eyes about myself. I’m kind, caring and by what others say good looking and I still think I’m not good enough. We are all good enough because we have value and we owe it to ourselves.
I agree you are cute
All positive powerful stuff, Matthew. Just one point: People who flee from abusive relationships don't get away with their value intact, and have to rebuild. Thank you for your work.
It's not necessarily that the relationship gives us value, or that we seek value in the other person... What about the time, care and effort invested in building something with another person? What about realising that you were wrong about the thing you thought you had with the other person? I can't find anything to help me to soothe this side of the pain...
I agree with you. I can’t find anything to soothe this very deep pain.
That's a good point . You have to forgive yourself, bc you NOW is seeing it didn't work but you THEN didn't believe that. So you can't judge your past self with your present self knowledge. Just forgive her, and show her compassion in the process. Feel the pain so it can leave.
I know how it feel..you've invested everything you could on this particular person but turned out they never had the same thought or feelings as yours. For that case, try to treat that 'investment' as something you were willing to give and don't expect any return since they don't feel the same..they got your special treatment? Let it go..you've shared your vulnerability? It's okay.. If you keep hoping your investment to give you the result you wanted when they don't give you the same energy, then it would keep haunting you emotionally..so try to think the 'wrong' investment as their 'lucky gift' and let them go..
I'm not a religious person, but, I read something the other day that helped me.
' Sometimes God removes people from your life because God heard a conversation you didn't. Learn to let go' in my case it helped a lot. I hope it helps you too :)
It’s been said a million times because it’s true, but I’ll make one modification: The best way to get over a man is to get under a BETTER one!! My divorce from a narcissist was FINALLY finalized yesterday (woo-hoo!), and I’m now officially beginning a relationship with a real man with an authentic personality and a sincere ability to love and connect on every level. I’ve never been happier. We are actually friends and enjoy each other just as we are. There’s no criticism or love-bombing or power struggle or future faking or gaslighting. We’re just happy and healthy.
OMG, I just learned about "future faking" and realize it was a huge part of our relationship! It all makes sense now once you get all the angles of a narcissists.
How I hate your comparison of an ex with a rental car. Want to know why it's not appropriate? Because when I'm renting a car I know I'm taking it for a while, it's not my car and I'll return it as soon as I don't need it any longer. I'm using it. It's a tool. I don't get attached to it. I do not invest in it. I do not make it a part of my life. I don't have feelings. I don't care. And now want to know how your example should be fixed to make it a bit more relevant to a situation? Imagine that while renting a car you go to a carwash, you change oil, you buy new tyres, you do some repairs etc. You invest. And after giving it back you still wonder how this car is doing. Now see the difference? Still I think that was a very thoughtless comparison.
From now on ill consider Dating= renting.... marriage is when u own..
@@ranitarabay583 Damn...that acutally deep. i like it.
I agree. People aren't objects to be used and discarded when no longer needed, unless you're a narcissist.
I felt immediately alike you
Thanks Matthew. Going through a break up at the moment. It’s a real struggle emotionally, mentally and physically to get through the day.
The abrupt nature of the break up initiated from the other person’s side without even sitting and talking to me, left me devastated. Despite removing the visual cues such as phone number, messaging apps (I don’t use social media), and pictures - its very difficult to go through the rumination, thoughts, why did they do it, the way they were taking to you is now being replaced by someone else, etc.
They have also moved on to somebody quickly. This hurts badly.
Taking it one day at a time..
This was perfection. Thank you for reminding me that I am special and valuable even though my person didn’t choose me to be his. I’m going to stop beating myself up now and continue bettering myself. Thank you so much
The best revenge is a life well lived. I haven't done that .... yet! But I'm working back to it. F them, they never saw the value in me I saw in them. My bar was so low it was the basement of the tavern in hell😅
🤣
Hilarious! Love it!
Bro rly said "she wasn't yours it was just your turn" 😭😭😭
It’s so hard when you know why you miss them and you know how to stop missing them and you know exactly what went wrong and know that it was for the best and you know why exactly you truly miss them like down to the last point maybe It’s childhood trauma, u hate being alone etc etc but the HEART!!! The damn heart never lets go it’s like my heart misses them so bad!! Even if my brain knows we never getting back and we are done for good buy my heart be giving me false hope
I feel you were on the same shoe now
Bro... you just saved my mind from going down the wrong path. Thank you.. it means more than you know and more than I can say.
This video was suggested to me in a good timing. Thank you for making it! I just dreamed about my ex last night. It was painful to realize I missed him unconsciously.
I feel ya. The dreams just tell me that subconsciously. I'm still haven't let go fully. But day by day my value is growing. Hope yours keeps growing too
I started to invest in myself last year. I was very ill. I left everyone who was not there for me. Left me with two people. Talk a out challenging. As part of my 30 day confidence challenge I joined a meet up group. I have social engagements every week until the end of June. I already feel invigorated by this. I don't know any of the people I am going to meet. I have never been to any of the places or restaurants I have committed to going to 😅
@@deniseverpeut is this about my meetup group?
Not just an app it's an organisation 🙂
I know for a fact all of us here share the same heartache maybe on different degrees, but if we really think about it, it will never be our loss that someone left us even if we think they belonge to us for some reason. Don't ever regret anything that has happend because you can't change the past but you can work on the future. No one's life is 100% amazing and we have to go through bad experiences to learn and grow and find what we are looking for that's how it is remember that now you have a new chance and it will always be better because if the last one was good it would have lasted but it didn't so that means its not the best for you.
I am typing this while my heart is broken it just happend yesterday but I know eventually I will move on like I always did. Take care of yourself ❤❤
Me, in a happy relationship, not thinking about my exes, but still had to listen because i knew it would be interresting. Always good content!
This is pure gold. This is what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. I ended a relationship after 1 year as this person was toxic. Intellectually I knew I made the right decision, but I’ve struggled emotionally because I was mad at myself for not seeing the signs and getting out sooner. But this is it…I left because I am valuable and my value does not come from others or things. Thank you for identifying that for me. Now I need to continue healing, pouring into me and moving forward.
I just love those introducing words. Listening to them again and again. „Your ex is their own person with their own life. Wish them well and let them go. Because their story is not relevant to you any more.“
When you say I hope this isn’t too abstract is when I feel the most connected to you! It’s scary how our line of thinking matches… love your character! So inspiring 😍
Watching this has literally given me a lightbulb moment after struggling to deal with a breakup following a lot of emotional manipulation and deceit. Thank you. Just wow.
Thank you so much Mathew, you not only saved me but I'm completely healed after watching this video. 😊
When kids are involved and a home together and 13+ years it's a bit more challenging because it's not just my feelings at stake but my legitimate financial and family/kids well being as well. My person stopped seeing or appreciating or acknowledging my value and I know my behaviors unintentionally mostly showed the same towards her.
had my girlfriend after 7yrs dump me for another guy, the pain when she said it’s over was unbearable, waves of anxiety attacks over and over. still I tried to talk her out of it to save what we had built together, it wasn’t till I got the news their was another guy involved, she had lost all love for me, as bad as the first waves of attack were this completely broke me, I drove around all night in panic, the constant waves of panic attacks trying to do anything and everything to make the pain stop, I can’t tell you guys how it’s going because this has happened to me just the last few days, I don’t know what the future will look it, it’s hard to accept this, the advice I get is to delete what I have of her on my phone and not going to lie that hit me hard to think about, it’s like deleting the best memories of your life, I haven’t been able to pull myself to do it, the mornings are the worst, a nightmare that doesn’t stop when you open your eyes, waking up to a grey world and the anxiety attacks waiting for you the second your brain starts up as you open your eyes, holding on tight to try to get past the pain
He blocked me ... hasn't spoken to me ...like its been more than a year ...yet i am still missing him...thinking of him....i just hate myself for putting myself through this
This is all well and true but it takes time to grieve the loss, regardless of our value and whether or not it comes from within. We are not robots. Investing in yourself is something we should always be doing.
I did not agree with this post. It made me feel shame that I am struggling not knowing what’s going on in my ex’s life after talking to him every day - Low frequency behavior, whatever, how about just being a normal human being grieving a relationship …
Absolutely true! Letting go is releasing and moving on forward- not looking back!
How I got over my ex was is not what I recommend to anyone. It just what truly worked for me, some how.
1. Solo travelled for the first time (do anything that scares you)
2. Date (I dated quite soon & learned a lot about myself. I also got better treatment than my ex)
3. Went back to my ex until I got sick of him
4. Then I cut off all the bullshit & including dating & now I’m so happy I got it out my system.
I don’t think there’s a magical pill, there’s just healthy & unhealthy coping mechanisms. Pick your path, eventually you’ll be over it. Time is truly your healer, because you gain perspective so much perspective.
So allow room for mistakes, allow room to miss them. Just make sure you are also trying your best.
Lol don’t listen to this advice this is just toxic went back to your ex till you got sick of him some scum you are don’t date lol
Wow, this came at exactly the right time. I have been finding myself reminiscing about my ex. Thank you for this video and your perspective. It was immensely helpful. 🙏
This hit me. So simple so true about every human life. The relationship is not our value.
She left the country to do her PhD, we had an argument, the next day she broke up with me and told me she moved on and that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. A three year serious relationship gone. I wish her the best even if she's dating someone already. I wish I could just can't stop thinking about her. All the memories we had and all the promises we made for eachother.
I feel you
This is still a struggle for me 5 weeks after breaking up. I was with someone for 2 years. She told me she had never loved someone like me that she was ready to have kids and get married right away. We had an argument she left and 2 weeks later started seeing someone else. I dont understand love like that . She would attack my vulnerabilities rather than try and help me work on them. So I have no logical reason to think about her or care about someone so damaging but I still do .
I'm in the same situation as yours
If she started seeing someone 2 weeks after a 2 year relationship, it just shows that she wasn't worth your value. I know it's still painful and there is no magic pill, but you REALLY DID dodge a bullet by not marrying and having children with that person. Embrace the emotions and come out stronger. You know you deserve more than that. Wish you the best.
@@dilipsachan8669 thank you I'm working on myself and moving forward
Bingo. I got tangled with a sadist. He enjoyed crushing my feelings but I was so into him I allowed it. It’s been 4 weeks and I’m so privately angry. He laughed and said I can’t stay mad forever. Yes I can. Just leave me alone
Loved analogy of car rental versus owning it! Sincere and thoughtful message to reclaim self worth! Grateful Thank you! ❤
This really resonates with me. Excellently articulated and explained with wisdom. I have clinically diagnosed CPTSD from and my recent breakup has rocked me to the core as to my personal value. There is also some comfort in your words, that external things in life are rentals and we only own ourselves....I am working hard on trying to let go of her and move on...
I have this listened to this everyday and my mindset has changed 🤗 thanks so much for what you do!
Just what I need right now! Thank you, Matt!
today is my ex's birthday and I was so tempted to text him happy birthday. this video appears on my feed for a reason (after a round of consulting with Quora of course :)). Thanks again, Matt!🙏
This has helped me tremendously. Thank you. When I get upset, I listen to this to cognitively restructure my viewpoint.
"I prefer owning to renting" That is such a profound statement Matthew!
Love this segment! You’re giving me a different perspective apart from the usual advice/reasons I hear. Thank you Matt!
This is what should be taught in schools. Especially for young women so we can learn to invest in ourselves first. Thank you Matt!
Agree completely. Why don't we learn useful life skills in school?
It's what every young person should learn and do their best to be. When we are our best we'll bring that into any relationship we start.
Any person, man or woman, needs to know their self worth.
The part that really got me… “I’d rather have half the value but have it be mine than more value but it be contingent on somebody else”
Thank you for being so open and honest. Being kind to yourself is so hard when you've been broken by a narcissistic relationship. You really brought a bright light to the reality of how we are treating ourselves. Thank you for a wonderful episode🙏
Thank you Matt, I think you've beautifully articulated your thoughts. Exactly what anyone is going through a breakup needs to hear!
I think for me having a mentall illness and a rough upbringing is actually a good thing because I have had and still have to work on myself so much, so I am so much more in tuned with what makes me happy and what a good life is for me. And I can really be proud of myself because I have evolved so much.
All this have made it so that I am used to relying on myself.
And if my partner ever leaves me, I know I am fine on my own and that there is more good guys out there.
downloading this. its a vital life lesson i must never forget. thank you once again Matthew for what you do here.
Thank you so much Matthew H. 💓 I was listening to you as I do daily and doing laundry when I paused several times and finally just had to get on here and say.... I get it!!! And Thank you!!! Beautifully said and it hit me right where I'm at.... Growing!!! Thank you a million times for all you do!! 🙏 ❤
Thanks Matthew, for your great advise. I can feel it now why I was not able to move on. I was seeking my worth and value in my ex relationship. I felt I am nothing without my toxic partner, may be due to his status. Your video helped me to change my thinking, enlightens me to rebuild myself from scratch. Thank you once again!
The value of this video is mind blowing . Mathew, you are a gift . Thank you ❤
Extremely thoughtful and helpful insights! Thank you so much for sharing them with the wider community. I for one am EXTREMELY grateful!!
I love how i enabled all those notifications. After listening to the episode on spotify i now get the visualizer here on youtube. LOVE IT ❤
letting go is a process.
Matthew Hussey stays leveling up. Thank you 💚
Man you're talking real things. Thanks for making such content you are helping people. Keep going
Comparison is the thief of joy. I always liked that quote and I make sure to live by it because the people I see who constantly compare themselves to others are usually miserable people to be around. Be more interested in who you're becoming and let other people live their lives.
This is something like most things that take time. Especially if you were in a narcissistic relationship. It took me over two years to recover from that.
Thank you. My father was unaailable emotionally and a narcissist. You give advice like a big brother and remind me im worth more.
It’s surprising how I start watching your videos expecting to listen to some common advise but I turn out learning a lot about something different and valuable that somehow makes me feel better about my break up
Matt, your words have healing power 🙏🙏
Well, Matthew just speaks to my heart❤ I had fear of letting go just didn't know how to go about it😊 but the first time I heard Matthew, while! It was like he knew the questions I had so I kept hearing him and in my heart I was like am making Matthew my virtue mentor 😅
Months down the line, I got my broken pieces together, kept my self together, broke down at times but I always put my self together 🤗
I also share some of your tips with other friends who seem to be broken
Thankyou Matthew for your videos, they have healed a soul 🥺😍🙏🥰
Your videos are a Godsend. Been going through it and therapy didn’t help much but your videos have. Thank you
Stumbled upon Matt this morning and man does this speak volumes. I am going through the divorce of toxic person currently and know i should be ok with following through on it, but i invested so much of myself in her security (toxic behavior), i cant seem to let go.
This video has put perspective to my exact feelings and i now know i should continue the process, no matter the pain
This was so helpful. Great metaphor. Needed to hear this. Thank you so much! You helped me move on❤