ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 พ.ค. 2024
- Talking points: sex, social media, conditioning, culture
Tired of porn being a crutch and want to improve intimacy? Check out my Porn Detox program HERE: mantalks.com/porn/
Download my FREE guide on how to quit porn
training.mantalks.com/Quit
I know what it’s like to feel controlled by your own sexed-up brain. Like you’re losing hours of your day, mental bandwidth and more to clothes-less strangers on the internet.
So I wanted to lay down some real talk about what I've done-and how hard it can be-to de-sexualize my brain and stay disciplined. I also get into some of the benefits it’s hard for me, my business, and my relationship. Listen in.
Grab a copy of my book, Men's Work, Here: mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Join the next Live Men's Weekend: mantalks.com/mens-weekend/
Download my FREE guide on how to quit porn
training.mantalks.com/Quit
(00:00:00) - Intro and why I’m talking about this
(00:03:37) - Not only is your brain probably overstimulated, it’s probably avoiding something
(00:05:02) - You’re going to have to get some excitement somewhere
(00:06:58) - Cut out thirsty triggers
(00:10:11) - Stop chasing empty dopamine “calories”
(00:11:11) - Use tech properly
(00:13:25) - Use BETTER tools
**
Stay Connected
Instagram: / mantalks
Facebook: / mantalks.ca
Website: mantalks.com
#ManTalks #MensWork #adviceformen - บันเทิง
There should be an option for every platform; "turn off sexually triggering content"
that would be detrimental to their bottom line ergo why we don’t have it!
I had to delete Twitter and only go on Facebook for market place if I have to because the sexual content is constantly being suggested even after clicking don't recommend over and over and over, it did nothing.
The issue here is how you define "sexually triggering content" because this can differ from person to person. For a foot fetishist a video of women doing yoga might be sexually triggering.
True @@kaczok1985
I'm currently working on this right now.
1) I quit dating apps
2) I quit p*&n
3) I overhauled my social media feeds
4) I started learning guitar
5) I meditate
6) stop using technology before sleeping and going to sleep earlier and getting up earlier
1&2, Me too, bro! Congratulations!
I'm trying to get on this program
good thing to try the guitar, gives you so much energy when you finally nail that song
God bless man, I'm taking a screenshot of your comment to inspire myself - it's the same path that I want to follow but lacking discipline, mostly by the minor things
I am proud of you
I am a female and I find these tips very useful for myself. Females struggle with hypersexuality as well, the only thing its kind of still a taboo to talk about.
i just realized ive never once heard this topic addressed with a female audience in mind wow
Sadly for a lot of women the hypersexuality is the result of sexual abuse or mental illness. I obviously cannot speak for all but that is what happened to me and dealing with the shame of SA is hard enough without being shamed by so many people for my “body count.” I was in pain and not in control of myself. We can’t have honest conversations about it if people are going to further dehumanize us for being promiscuous.
@@caitlinisaak
😅😂
Clown!
@@adamkane7513 Correct, I am a clown for being molested by my father and having it fuck up my sex life
@@adamkane7513Shut up. Most of the men watching this video would be highly promiscuous if we could have, early in life. Women can get sex more easily, that's basically the only difference. While a high body count isn't a great thing to have, doing something about your flaws and seeking to improve is a good idea.
Of course, a woman trying to change her ways must also make the uncomfortable journey of learning about hypergamy, about why women often fawn over serial killers. The primal part of female sexuality can be just as dark and depraved as the male.
2 days clean
Pray for me guys 😢
How are u doing on the road to recovery
How is it going?
Don't give up! You can do it!
Bro fapped as soon as he posted this comment
Hope it’s going well
I would almost call this re-sexualizing my brain. When we sexualize stress, rage, and anxiety, we actually distract ourselves from our REAL sexuality as I see it. We rob ourselves of the gift. If I frame it this way, I don't feel like I'm giving something up, but rather gaining something.
Well put, this is a much healthier framing of the issue
wow this is so true...
Wonderfully put. I feel the same way. Our sexual instinct is a gift that gives us the energy and power to accomplish great feats, which result in pleasurable rewards, which are often ultimately sex.
Take back your control and live for a better life ✊🏻
Exactly, there is nothing wrong with sex itself. I feel like men just need to change there view on sex
At first I didn’t understand what this comment meant, but upon rereading it it is very, very powerful. This is a great mental model
Nutrition isn't just what you eat, it's everything you consume. I try to approach content the same way
Real
wow, never thought about it that way. good point
Damn my parents were right this whole time.
Great insight
Garbage in, garbage out.
Wow. Never seen this channel before but as a therapist, I am impressed. Most people don’t understand the principle of defences, that often times masturbation and porn are used like a coping tool for uncomfortable feelings rather than honest sexual desire. Learning to work with these feelings can do wonders in rooting out the impulses.
I found this to be the case often for myself. Feeling on edge and uncomfortable so I wanna feel better.
Yeah its not just porm that's a issue its a unchecked hormones.
@@johngulster7787id actually say that the problem lies with unchecked traumas rather than hormones.
As coping mechanisms go, you can do a lot worse than beating-off. I'd think a good therapist would recognize this, and encourage paying for the best porn possible. Well produced Ai curated porn makes masturbation more efficient and enjoyable. This makes coping with overwhelming emotions more effcient, leaving more time and emotional energy for identifying and dealing with root causes.
Abstinence has the effect of driving people to other more harmful coping strategies, like drugs, alcohol, dating, and getting married. Lots of people end themselves when marriages fail. Few do so when Porn Hub goes down or starts censoring thier favorite kink.
Figure it out folks....
Exactly.
Social media is soft prn
Wow. What a line.
Especially Twitter, and i know that prn addiction is only gonna keep getting worse in future generations cause i got addicted at a really young age due to the internet and not only is the internet more accessible than ever but there is also more sexual content now than when i was 9 yrs old
Then don't use it. Everyone has a choice. Some use it wisely, make connections, enjoy life. Some just search for these nonsense and can't control themselves and then blame the technology.
@@Sanju__Sebastian ya you don't say 🥱
@Sanju__Sebastian true but regardless of what you use it for, he's right they push seductive sensual content regardless cause sex sells
We're gonna make it, boys!
Hell yeah brother
FIGHTING!
Cheers!
And girls
You're not😂
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Great analysis. Being ok with bored or painful feelings is a mark of maturity.
True
Very true
I personally find that feeling of boredom brutal to sit with. I have the unrealistic expectation that I have to be achieving something at all minutes of the day.
Im finding this JUST in time. I legit was just thinking how sick and tired I am of looking at a female and thinking, "huh, I would date her." Where as I want to re-program my mind to instead see them not as a partner or sexualize a person but rather as an individual and wonder instead "hmm, i bet she's a good person and a good friend." THAT is my goal.
That's spot on with what I've been trying to accomplish as well. My standards have been too low.
😂
Felt! Stay strong yall!
Wasted a decade of my life on CORN, I get off it for months and struggle as it seems everything in society is sexualized or oversexualized... this isn't healthy, training millions of men to only see & love women for the flesh instead of the spirit, the only real thing within them when the flesh is just an illusion.
Now we see why CORN was banned for most of America's history.
"Huh, I would date her. " It's nice that your internal dialogue is civil and decent. Mine is out of control to the point of it manifesting physically, such as having to breaking eye contact when speaking with women. Then I have anxiety about the social interaction thinking that the person I was speaking with could tell what I was thinking.
When lust is eliminated from the mind, there is a satisfying mental and physical liberation.
Yes🎉🎉🎉
That's odd, I have found acting on my lust results in satisfying mental and physical liberation... But I mean with real people, not fake interactions. P*rn is generally fake and mentally lazy
As George Michael sang "sex is natural, sex is good. not everybody does it but everybody should"
I don't think lust is the enemy. I think falling prey to inauthentic outlets for your lust is, because it allows you to be manipulated by people you don't even know (of course being manipulated by those you do know isn't great either)
I’m a woman and I am subscribing because these conversations require all of us doing the work. Super appreciate how you share this wisdom and how it relates to us all. This is absolutely invaluable! Thank you for your authenticity 🙏🏽
Woman here!
Very interesting stuff you're bringing up, love it.
There was a point of my life where i thought watching p*** was the default for man and women so i got used to watching it. But it got to a point where i couldn't get sexually aroused by mental images or anything, to be honest, if not p***. That realization of "fuck, I've literally lost control over my sexual triggers" was the thing that made me go cold turkey. I decided i wouldn't watch p*** anymore. It takes a lot of time to find a video that you actually like (sometimes i would get to page 15 on p***hub 💀) and once i was done i felt so guilty about it. It's so insidious. Wasting precious time of my life for this? This ain't it. It's been 5 years and i haven't watched p*** since. I don't need it, im happy and I can enjoy my sexuality in healthy way. Love to all you men, you're awesome!
DID YOU JUST ASSUME YOUR GENDER ?
@@mardobardogardo4930 did you just assumed my assumption?
@@isabelvir i DID IM SORRY
@@mardobardogardo4930 don't worry. Have a nice day brother
@@isabelvir DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER? DAMN SON
men's minds have been hijacked by sexualised content the same way women's bodies have been deformed for the same reason, consequence is relationships (both romantic and platonic) have since collapsed - thank you for this video 🖤
Lust is not a bad thing, it's natural. @@StrongLikeVegeta
@@StrongLikeVegeta dunno that the pendulum has to swing completely in the other direction via religion, but yes, i hear you
and glad you've found what works for you
I started praying to God in April and going to church every Sunday a few months later, with the goal of stopping p*rn consumption. Since April, I've consumed no more than 7-8 times total. This used to be my bi-weekly number. My last relapse was 35 days ago, so I am still fighting, but i will get there. Find Jesus, folks, He will set you free.
Nothing wrong with yanking it. You go crazy if you don't. Been there done that. Its unhealthy to not yank it and sexual content helps with that.
Absolutely agree sis. It'd very unfortunate
What I like about this talk:
1) it doesn't try to guilt or shame people and make them "feel bad" so they want change. Shame drives you BACK INTO the habit.
2) it doesn't criticize, mock, belittle, or shame the women or social media feeds it talks about. hate, scorn, and contempt drive you BACK INTO the habit.
Don't use any of that negative energy. Don't hate yourself, don't hate others. Just sit and focus on your breathing and let it ALL pass through you.
good stuff!
What do you mean by negative energy ?
Because people will only try to change when they feel they are doing something wrong, right?
And feeling something is wrong is negative energy, right?
Also, I don't like how people are so afraid of criticism of bad things or things that encourage bad things.
Should we also not criticize criminals and so on?!
@@MA-gu2up Yes, totally understand your questions. I used to feel the same way about reality: negative emotional states exist in order to help us see "bad things" so we can then correct them and become good.
This seems to make sense. And so, we shame our children, dredge up the past and remind our spouses how they hurt us, or sit and feel depressed as a method of trying to fix our problems. All the while, our kids still disobey, our spouse still sucks, and our life is still miserable and sad.
But there is a better way.
I have discovered, from personal experience, that using guilt, shame, and regret not only are ineffective at stopping bad habits, but they actually drove me deeper into them, always. I was an addict of a few substances for a long time. I became free only when I stopped being addicted to guilt and shame as well.
I no longer choose to use negative energy states (regret, frustration, annoyance, hate, guilt, anxiety) and my life and the lives of those around me have been improved. (understatement)
Using guilt as a tool for change is what the world has been doing for thousands of years. Has it worked well?
My suggestion this: try to be radical: use good to fight bad, not bad to fight bad. Try to forgive yourself and have peace. See if that helps you overcome your addictions better than guilt and shame.
Best of luck on your journey and peace to you!
@MA-gu2up realizing, understanding, knowing something is wrong is fine. What is not fine is beating yourself up or others about it. For example, you understand being obese is bad. Is there a need to hate yourself for it? Take note that it is negatively impacting your life and identify the habits that drive you towards being an obese person. There is no need to shame yourself or others for being obese. Just work on creating healthier habit and lifestyle.
@@jeredmckenna
But you think your addiction was a bad thing, right?
Well, that is shaming yourself in a way.
And if you are suggesting not thinking your behavior is wrong at all, then why would you change it?
It isn't like you overcame your addiction by thinking that your addiction is a good thing, right?
You must have thought you were doing something wrong. That is why you put effort into changing, right?
Why would you change your addiction if you( being )addicted isn't a bad thing?
@@inuhundchien6041
Well, that is what I was saying, mostly. You recognize you are doing something wrong.
If you accept what you are doing as a good thing, why would you change?
I don't think you should be beating yourself, but I think a person should think he is wrong for doing this because people strive to change wrong things
I just went to my first Sexaholics Anonymous meeting this morning and honestly it was one of the most important things I could have done for myself.
Talking with all these dudes who have suffered made me realize how much of my life I’ve wasted, and it’s time for me to work my ass off and stop being a passenger in my own life by staying in sexual fantasies.
I’m absolutely going to keep going to SA meetings, and I wholeheartedly recommend these to anybody who struggles with porn addiction
I've been on this journey for 1 year. Some days are better than others, but I'm so happy with the progress I've made. I can confidently look people in the eyes and not walk around with shame anymore. Thanks for putting this message out into the world! More men need to hear this. I used to think quitting porn was impossible, but now I believe
Well done man, keep it going and appreciate you tuning in.
Why did quitting porn help you? Did it help you sleep less or more?
@@thealterego1777at least for me porn was something that disconnected me from people, whenever I watched I felt corrupt and dirty and didn't want or feel like socialising with people or family, so I ended up isolating myself for years without talking about my life problems and making it look like I was doing just fine, also as explained in the video, you then use porn to cope with your life problems instead of dealing with them in a helpful way, so you end up not resolving those negative feelings and getting more dependent on porn, so a lose-lose situation.
The fact of stopping using porn as a coping mechanism forces you to face the thoughts or feelings you are going through, and by doing so you can feel rewarded, and proud of yourself, I personally feel more open to talk with my partner or friends about my issues or negative thoughts, also I feel like recognising your problem with porn and talking with close friends about it also helps you to let go of your pride, recognise you are not perfect and that you need help and people next to you, at the end humans were made to be in community. So by doing so, you learn to be more vulnerable and to ask and accept help from other, which leads you to also see others with compassion and help them too in their journey of life, whatever they are going through. Doing these things leads you to a more meaningful life, full of beauty and purpose, which I could have never imagined before.
I’m about a year into my journey too! Everyday I feel better and better and I genuinely appreciate the little things. It’s so freeing to not be controlled by online consumption.
May God bless you, sustain you and allow you to feel His presence .. it doesn't matter how many times we fall, but the times we get up, and He is always there to hold out his hand to us ..
I have a very self sabotaging cycle that I'm trying really hard to break. Every time I have an urge I open youtube and type how to stop porn addiction. and then watch random videos. that's how i came across your channel. To all the men out there struggling keep telling your self Not Today, just Not today..one day at a time.. All the best..
Damn this was deep man, Im only 19 but its like all my life has been filled with a voidless empty chasm of lonliness. School, work, gym. over and over and over again, and I go home and there's nothing there for me. I can see why ive used this addiction as my opiod, I dont even hate myself, I actually have started to sympathize instead of antagonizing myself. Alright, time to change this shit for the better. No one is coming to save me, and thats fine.
Only 19! You're gonna be a beast dude keep at it.
@@Law34prez Thank you, I wont let you down!
@@eggstravagent3801 Same here bro, same here. 33 btw
@@Law34prez Whats your best advice if you could give to your 19 year old self?
@@eggstravagent3801 Don't "deal" with anything you don't have to. Stop giving so many fucks about things that aren't you and finding your purpose.
TRUST YOUR FUCKING GUT! It's not there for you to argue or second guess it. I could go on but the the fun is in what YOU figure out. You asking questions puts you ahead of 90% of ppl you got this dude! 💪🏾😎
I'm an OG so I know the game being played with the female form. I know that my attention is one sided. So I have learned to train my eyes and brain that its just fake images, yes its just empty calories. That is a great analogy C. So yes, my attention is valuable and don't want to be spending it on nada. Yes, going into airplane mode at 9pm is very important.
Your attention is valuable is a good one.
Salute OG. Starting late but working on my self control with stoicism, self development, and content like this
This one little thing really turned me around -- when you "catch yourself in the act" about to act on that desire, then don't... it's a victory. And later that evening, the next day, whatever... when you think about being confronted with the challenge and then triumphing over it, you can tell it made you stronger. (i haven't looked at p*rn in ~ 5 months now, though I am still being frustrated by desire, i think the dating apps probably need to go... )
And yes, meditation is absolutely key... i'm realizing we're basically a society of insane people because meditation is a technology we should be learning as children
Sadly these days it seems like quitting dating apps is synonymous with being single and celibate. There simple is no other reliable way to meet women these days.
I've heard that dating apps are only successful for 3% of men. You guys should watch those types of videos. And in that area of YT, you'll also realize you don't WANT to meet women. Prn addiction is actually the better problem to have.
"quitting dating apps is synonymous with being single and celibate. "
That's likely because women are now just using dating apps to find the men they REALLY want. They never wanted us 97%.
@@Catatonic2789this is an extremely depressing comment.
What I learned (maybe will help you) is: the sexual thoughts are not the problem or to phrase it in another way: the sexual feelings are not bad.
It's the thing that's beneath it.
I am convinced that sexuality in it's original form is very good, pure and intended to be a lot of fun and healthy too. 😉
The images will always appear in our mind, that's not our fault, nor is it directly in our control. The problem is when we do not discard that image and, on the contrary, contemplate it. The second problem is what we decide to contemplate, and that depends on where our attention is focused, if we are distracted, well, in that case we are going to contemplate anything. On the other hand, if the source of our attention does not "feed" us, we will naturally look for other things. The only inexhaustible source of life is God, that's where our attention should be ..
This is exactly what addiction is. It’s trying to avoid the bad feelings and thoughts. It comes from within not from the drug
Exactly as you say, it comes from within. The problem is the lack of meaning in our lives, and this in turn comes from the lack of God in our lives. We are created to seek Him, and when we don't, we replace Him with false idols, like the p*rn , which eventually destroy us ..
Indeed
I have been working on this. For me I have...
1. On my phone, removed Facebook, Instagram, and Reddit. I identified these as problems for me.
2. I have been deporning feeds. Unfollow the traps. Tell the algorithm I don't want to see sex.
I've noticed these moves have had great effects on my mood and self image. Thank you for the suggestions for more that could be done.
Thank you for saying what many others are experiencing.
And what do you do with your free time?
Hi, how are you coping with not going on instagram?
Unfollowing social media helps. Smart idea.
Does reddit ha NSFW content?
@@maxink1809it has a lot
1. have a purpose on every wake up in the morning
2. Focus to get the job done. agree with airplane mode, because notification, message, and calls are annoys me. I'll rather check them while break.
3. I know it exhausting, and wanting to have access to Internet to see some fun, but... the key is have consciousness to say it is "enough" don't let them feeding.
4. Meditation. Agree, l use this to disconnect myself from this world.
5. Vacation without phone & internet
Those are my best strategy.
Please make more content about this. This needs to become more seriously known
You just helped me realise that I'm good, I've got a good handle on myself. Sure I am a sexual being but I am not a hypersexual one, it doesnt affect my life. I now also have warnings to take notice of in the future when I'm in danger. Thanks dude
Watching porn is not healthy in any way, even if you don’t think it’s affecting you, it actually is changing your brain/behavior.
Dude, thank you. This is a serious struggle in our society nowadays that keep us all weak
Keep posting more content!
"10 pushups brother" os a sentence that will always live on in my heart. Thank you for sharing this message
I've been struggling with this issue for years. It consumes up a lot of energy and caused me grief, resementment, shame and hatred towards myself and the world. Despite I knew pretty much all the points addressed, I still felt understood at the most fundamental level and it was inspiring to listen to you. Thank you so much for phrasing it in such an authentic and precise way. I liked, subscribed and I hope this video helps many people.
I like how I’ve been feeling this way and now my algorithm is suggesting your video. This is glaring to me change is needed
Man it’s been a looooong time when there was so much insight gain in such a sort time frame that I’ve never thought of but make sense. Thanks.
I'm going to do the "sit on the meditation cushion and face uncomfortable feelings" every time I want to watch sexual content. Wish me luck!
Nah do 10 press ups every time you want to watch content. When you've done the press ups use the meditation to bring your heart rate down.
This will teach your body that whenever you feel sexual energy you do something positive with the energy, it will change your psychology and the meditation will train your mind to take control over that 'new' space created by the press-ups.
That's how you develop a meditation fetish
@@ThatGuy-bh9qhThat's probably true. Yikes.
It shouldn’t necessarily be that every single time you have a sexual thought or feeling that you feel the need to face it’s and “defeat” it so to speak, it’s simply about reeling in those feelings so that we are in control of them and not the other way around…
You won’t make it buddy, you fail every single time you see any women’s skin 💀💀💀
I have a very strong opinion this very topic is destroying men at an alarming rate and is not discussed nearly enough. Thank you for your time and efforts to create and share this content. Keep up the good work.
Absolutely zero question it's destroying both men and women. The women creating porn on sites like OF lead an empty life. On back end it is destroying the lives of the consumer of it.
I can't appreciate you enough for this video. These times are tough, but it's a battle that can be won.
Thank you for making this video, my life is in total disarray at the moment and I’ve always felt that taking back control in these seemingly small but hugely impactful daily habits is somewhat of a corner stone of improvement and growth during any successful period of my life. Videos like this one inspire me sooo much. Thank you
This gets the analysis of why we use sexual thoughts to distract ourselves from things we don't like, absolutely spot on.
I'm dead ass searching for mk1 combo videos but who knew I needed this. Amazing work
I just want to say thanks for this video. After watching the other day, I cleared out everything from my search history, told the TH-cam algorithm not to show anymore posts from certain channels in my feed, and I have felt amazing since I did so. I've felt more at peace and am less angry and annoyed by people. I appreciate this so much.
First time listening. I’ve heard about identifying the “triggers” many years ago and I understood it was things like feeling hungry, angry, lonely, sad, tired… an acronym like HALTS can help you remember what categories of triggers can be the precursor to acting out and falling into the nasty habit. This talk is helpful at my time of my life now and I am journaling and reflecting on what’s happening.
Reconditioning ourselves to actually feel what we’re feeling can be an incredible gift: it can actually make you realize you aren’t where you want to be in life. If we let ourselves just keep beating off for that dopamine spike it keeps us contentedly numb. Keeps us satiated. And not in any sort of real, deep, lasting way - but a numb way. And it’s so so so terrible for us. Thank you for this
If I could hit the like button 10 thousand times I would. Dude, you absolutely nailed this. More of this energy & understanding is so needed right now for people to move out of these kinds of addictions and you are doing the work by sharing your journey man. Absolute tons of respect & appreciation 🙏
Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing how sexualized content had manifested problems in your life.
There is no shortage of videos on TH-cam to talk about “hacks“ for desexualizing your life. I found this video to be personal, much more relatable, and way more practical to implement.
I’m subscribed and looking forward to more thoughtful content.
Thanks for being so open about it and the bravery to share!
Probably the best talk I’ve found on YT. Good one. I’m newly inspired to change.
Thank you man. This is exactly how I feel. I can’t count the number of opportunities I’ve missed out on often chasing instant gratification
Soooo many. Ughhh. Its crazy but we on our journey to be much better!
This is such an important video for so many men, especially younger. thank you for talking about and uploading this.
Thanks bro, this reminds me of the only other good advice I was ever given which was "keep yourself busy"
I didn't search for this but I'm glad I came across it.
It's just what I need right now.
Here's to all you men and women here, finding your way back into gaining control over yourself again.
We got this!
I left IG years ago because of this very thing, happy to see you talk about it.
One the best videos and advice on TH-cam I have come across recently. This is the type of content we need.
Brother, I’ve only watched 3 minutes of this video so far and I can say I’m humbled by your honesty and the way you articulate yourself. Looking forward to watching the rest of the video and to check out other videos on your channel. God speed.
I needed this a ton especially right now. Appreciate you knocking some sense into me
Absolutely vital information sir , you got a new subscriber . Humanity is right in the middle of an existential crisis, and our addictions are somewhere to hide.
Glad there are videos like these on YT. It is helpful a) for me personally as I’ve done the same things: blocking, hitting “not interested”, unfollowing, etc and b) to know that there’s help for men out there.
7:36 I do when I’m on Instagram is, I’ll look at people to come up in my feed and check to see if they’re following me. If they’re not, I unfollowe them. There’s so many distractions out there.
Thank you so much for making this video. Not a lot of people wanna talk about this, but it is important.
Thank you for speaking about this! It’s not just me who feels trapped in the confusion and dissonance of living with an abundance of sexualized energies, images, and marketing, but then to get burned, hooked, or shamed when that fuzzy line gets crossed and now we’re just engaged purely sexually. It’s a deliberate, confusing, and clever play on our psychology and biology, designed to put us off balance and disempowered.
Well said. It's so true
I'm on a self-healing / repair journey of my own. I started with losing weight, getting into running and quitting alcohol, i know porn and screen addictions are next, and yeah i have poor self and impulse control too. I'm glad i stumbled upon your content, sometimes "the algorithm" does wonders
Thank you for this video, the first main points about paying attention to the Why and When you go to sexual content goes a long way to understanding not just how to avoid sexual material but also understanding ourselves as men and properly addressing our emotional needs in a healthier way.
Thank you for being so candid about this. I have to imagine that a lot of men my age suffer from this, because we were coming of age when the internet was relatively new. I don't think our parents could have really understood the evils of all the sexual content that was available on the internet. Nor would it have been reasonable to expect that they could block it all.
It’s so disturbing how we know we are addicted to p*** to drown out misery from low self esteem and failure as it is in my case yet do very little to understand where the problem stems from and deal with it much more effectively. Thanks for getting right to the fountainhead of the problem and showing why the solution is really not dealing with the p*** problem itself, rather attacking what is fuelling the addiction and keeping it alive.
could there be a connection between how you guys censor yourself when writing the word "porn" and your low self esteem?
Well spoken!
@@toxic_narcissistit's to avoid shadowbans from youtube, you think someone is afraid to write that word? 😂
I mean honestly I think that has so much to do with the nature of the act itself and why we do it -- to medicate ourselves. Why should I research why this thing is wrong even if I do feel guilt and shame from it, when I could use it to numb myself and just not think at all? Rather, the whole point of porn and masturbation is primarily to numb and dull your thoughts and pain and fear, so when it's serving that purpose you've already submitted to the decision to ignore your feelings to the best of your ability. Btw I'm not mocking or chastising anyone who suffers from this cycle, because I did too. Being able to face our problems when it feels like it wouldn't ever end is very difficult, and for me the answer was in God. I am over a month free from porn and masturbation and have been spending that energy in prayer and time with God, letting Him re-write my life to have no room or place for porn or sexual addiction again. It has worked guys, not because God does whatever I ask in prayer, but because of the spiritual, mental, emotional and physical perspective change God brings when one makes the effort to fully surrender their troubles and investments and idols and everything else to Him. Not by giving everything away, but by simply choosing to not try and do it all alone. We weren't made to shoulder all the pain and suffering and work and problems of the world on our own, becuase inevitably we humans will fail eventually -- we are imperfect. Instead, we were made to allow God into our every problem so that together with Him we can succeed and do good. Contrary to popular belief, non-christians going to hell isn't exactly the wrathful divine punishment that we have come to think it is. It's actually more of a logical outcome that reflects our own attitudes towards God than His attitude towards us. The reason that salvation vs damnation is decided by whether or not one is a believer in Christ is this: God is the creator of all good things, and from these things bad things have also been created (as distortions of what is God's good creation), and so to deny His place as the One True God, to deny the choice we all have to worship and repent to Him for what mankind has done, is to instead endorse mankind's perversion of God's good creation, to cut God out of life as we know it, and to do it ourselves. On a very fundamental level, this means we choose to rule things ourselves and remove God entirely, when God is THE reason for all that is good. What is life where there is NOTHING that is good? That is what Hell is. Hell is the place where rebellion against God is culminated, a place completely without God's good things and good experiences and good life.
Btw our common cultural understanding of Heaven and Hell and Satan, demons, and angels, all is mostly the result of Dante's Inferno and similar literary works that used representative storytelling similar to like C.S. Lewis's Narnia series to embody Christian beliefs poetically, but were consumed and taken at face value over the generations. Satan isn't a red guy with horns and bat wings and hooves and a pitch fork, and angels are, as I'm sure many know by now thanks to memes, not actually people dressed in white robes with dove wings and a halo over their heads, likewise cherubim aren't little winged babies playing harps or anything.
Completely went down a massive rabbit hole but I kinda just wanted to dump my thoughts in all of this here, so sorry about that. I know no ones going to read it all
I usually avoid this kind of videos because most of them only have Andrew Tate's kind of vibe, but this one is actually very good. I definitely think you should direct your energy and focus into something that truly excites you and makes you look forward to doing it. However, I believe it's important to understand that it's not always easy to simply find a hobby or good friends. It might take a while, but things like porn or other immediate gratification mechanisms are definitely detrimental to mental health.
Who's Andrew Tate? hold on i'm going to search.... (3 hours later), holy f***
Yes same, always a bit skeptical to look at these kind of videoes, some influencers push an agenda.
grifters are gonna grift, but there are actually content creators that ACTUALLY care about other people and want to give genuine and practical advice. control your algorithm and remove useless red pill grifters when you come across them
Wouldn’t you say Andrew Tate’s message is the exact same as this though? He obviously words things differently and has his persona attached to it, but he preaches the exact same things as mentioned in this video. Quit porn, work hard, dedicate yourself to something, etc.
@@jorisf6 No, it isn't the same.
Man you are so honest and it is so refreshing
Great video, loved the honesty. Not always an easy conversation but so relatable to young men the world over. I think being open and vulnerable is the highest road and helps the most people out of the trap. There is a most dire need for your message right now, this is massively important work.
You killed it on Chris’s podcast. I was glad to see you there. You spread a positive message. I’ve reflected a lot on some of your videos and applied things in them to my life. Your’e doing good work, keep it up.
Outstanding, thanks for tuning in and digging into the work.
I found you from Chris' podcast - very helpful content. Thank you so much.
I love this video! I personally struggle with balancing the amount of sexual content that’s available to me while maintaining my quality of life and not becoming a hermit.
Thank you for such sincere and helpful content, based on your life experience. This is the best video I've encountered (so far) on a subject that deserves our attention.
Yes, those thirst-traps are SO pervasive, especially on social media, but actually EVERYWHERE!
Lately, I've been noticing lots of video shorts on Facebook of scantily-dressed female musicians, usually electric guitar players. Many of them are very good musicians, but at the same time, are major thirst-traps!
Found this the most helpful of the like videos i’ve found! Thank you
I even unfollow female friends who post sexually provocative photos. I just refuse to give any attention to things I wouldn’t want in my wife. I absolutely hate thirst traps.
Good stuff
Exactly! Wtf is the point of a thirst trap except to painfully tease yourself into giving in.
friends? kind of going a bit far to unfriend actual friends over it.
@@dustinwatkins7843 As a man you don't have female friends so it doesn't really matter.
Appreciate this video Connor, I like the tip about finding more excitement in your life.
I think if you’re often getting to the point of being triggered/forcing yourself not to look at something, you’re already doing something wrong.
The best way to live is to have a life so exciting and fulfilling that you don’t even entertain the idea of looking at porn
I think being intentional about where we get our dopamine hits makes abstinence from compulsive behavior sustainable.
what kind of stuff do you spend your days doing tho
@@adstem5I want to know the answer too!
Thanks for uploading this video bro. This is one of the elephants in the room in our society now and it takes a lot to call it out, but it is a message that needs to be heard.
Really appreciate this conversation, especially within the first video that I have watched from you.
biggest thing I got from it was the concept of creating excitement in your life rather than getting it from p**n. That is a thought I had not considered, and will be implementing.
This guy has major insights into my life. It’s a bit severing to hear others talk about your own habits and tendencies like they switched places with you. It’s embarrassing as if they are reading your life story for all to see.
It makes me happy to see more videos like this. I'm happy that younger men can be exposed to this side at an earlier age. For those of use growing up with the internet, many of us steeped in this problem alone without any support or exposure to these kinds of ideas.
I'm happy that people can begin their journey of healing sooner, because the longer you keep heading down that path, the more difficult of a battle it is to get out of it.
Thank you so much for making this video. There are so many men that need this in their lives. Myself included.
Thanks my dude! Appreciate the vid. All your points are good, and the suggestions are fire.
I’m extremely grateful you introduced yourself in this age of misinformation people are constantly being misled.
Wild that this popped up in my feed.
I’ve been clean from impulsive sexual acts for a few weeks and the title of this video alone hit the nail on the head.
The benefits of becoming desexualized were immediately obvious, including the thirst traps having less and less effect on me.
Hands down the best video to tackle this! Thank you so much!!
This is so valuable and real. Thanks for putting in the way you are talking here, we need more content like this to reconstruct ourselves.
I just hit a wall in my healing journey. Can't create that exciting life currently, I just can't.
Try it bro. I´m only a guy from Germany but I care about you. Come on man. "They don´t know me son!"
How about growing some food or some flowers? Planting seeds and growing something nutritious and beautiful.
Seeking "exciting" life is the problem.
@@redrustyhill2 I disagree. While the seeking of plump stimulus may be a problem, I discovered that excitement in the sense of inspiration is a basic ingredient to a fulfilling life for me.
@@TheEmperorAs inspiration and excitement ate two completely different concepts completly unrelated. Neither is dependent on the other
Love it mate, thank you. Came to TH-cam & searched desexualizing the brain. I had a hyper sexualized childhood, throughout teens, into adulthood. I want to love someone & not have my avoidant attachment style take over. One aspect of this is my attention on the multitudes of women I have been with & can be with whenever I find someone I like, I compare them to what I have had or can have. It won’t be all but I know this is one aspect of it & I appreciate your efforts & focus on this. Implementation ENGAGED.
Wow I'm exactly the same
I really appreciate the tone of this video. Guys need more bluntness and honesty so nothing is left to our interpretation. It was all so specific examples and that really helps
Wow that was very vulnerable and super helpful insights. Thanks for opening up!
This was good, honest, practical and very actionable!
Great video and advice! Thank you for talking about this issue. A lot of men struggle with this but aren’t willing to talk about it. Thank you.
This is awesome!!! Top quality and helpful, you’ve given me and my brother a clear path to make a plan that’s very achievable!
Thank you so much for sharing this content. I hope this reaches many more people that need the help and push to start living a more meaningful life. ❤
Great video man. I really hope more people find this. And know that they’re not alone in this struggle. I still have a ways to go having consistent victory over this but I realize how truly important it is now to de-sexualize our brains. It is so so important to live a healthier life. I’ve wasted so much time lusting after women on the internet. It was all a huge huge huge waste of time. Didn’t do me any good at all.
Thank you for this. I have been in a rut recently on this journey and I'm hoping this was the wake-up call I needed to get back on track.
I usually don't write comments but I felt really understood with your video. I also feel like this can be some actually helpful and useful first steps. So thanks for thatn
I do appreciate a real conversation like this in a world where everything seems fake or ambiguous. This is refreshing content!
Thank you I’m only 14 and this being an issue in my life is so sad for our generation. We need to make porn way less accessible to young people because it seriously ruins lives. Thank you for giving tips for me and all the other people watching on how to overcome nofap. Love you brother
I'm 25. I believe yours and our generations need to be the ones to speak out more.
They're destroying us
Literally what I wanted to see. I been explaining these kind of these to my male friends for years. That the world has become overtly and over sexualized and we must discipline ourselves.
Great video man, thank you. Very insightful which is a rare occurence with all of the "guru" channels on yt.
I'm happy for you bro. Thanks for sharing your story, it is helping me improve my own life to fulfill my purpose.
The funny thing about successfully de-sexualizing is that the pool of turn-ons gets even bigger and more simpler.
For instance these videos of women cleaning the kitchen in short-shorts, whereas during high p0$n consumption one needed hardcore content to get that aroused.
But that being said, the arousal itself is different, much healthier and more like the way you feel after a good laugh. Rather than a noose around your neck.
Great video man.
Hey man, thank you for uploading this kind of content to the web. I used to have so many sexual thoughts daily that I wasn´t able to concentrate at work without thinking about watching soft porn online or masturbating. The internet has been very pernicious for me in that sense because it was constantly bombarding me with sexual content that aroused me. TH-cam, in particular, has made me a lot of damage in the last couple of years. However, your video is a solid PROOF that TH-cam can be both a good and a bad thing. You can use it as a detrimental toy that prevents you from living a meaningful life or you can use it, as with this video, to help you grow and to develop yourself in whichever area you desire.
This video was one of the best videos I’ve seen on this topic. I have been struggling with hyper sexualized content since I was a kid. I’ve been getting a lot better in recent years, but I’ve noticed it started to come back. I love the idea of feeling the feeling you don’t want to feel for 5mins. I think this will help me a lot. I hate being board but if I allow my self to sit with it, I think I’ll have a better self control. Thank you for this video.
Honestly I needed this. Gonna re watch this gem of a video. Thank you. 🙏🏽 Really focusing on self.