Understanding Selfishness - Why Are They This Way?? | Stephanie Lyn Coaching 2021
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 มิ.ย. 2021
- #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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The best way to deal with a selfish person is to not deal with a selfish person.
“ a Selfish person doesn’t have the capacity to be able to think about others”
And we need less people like them in this world :)
I recently left my husband because of his selfishness. He doesn’t think he is. He was spoiled as a child. His parents gave him everything he wanted. He didn’t like sharing his things with anyone. I tried so often to tell him that a marriage is give and take. Not one person doing all the taking. I am his 4th wife. What’s that tell you!?
Lack of empathy and self entitlement create the foundation of selfishness
I believe selfishness comes from deep void and scarcity. Because someone who is truly coming from abundance is generous - (generous in a healthy way). The person is generous because he/she actually HAVE too much and is willing to share. I believe selfishness comes also from being scared of ‘’losing’’. The idea of losing comes from the scarcity mindset.
Nicely explained
I disagree. I think selfishness comes from being spoiled and always being surrounded by excess. The most generous people I have met in my life come from nothing.
Many people with very little are more generous than those with plenty. Though, if you're referring to a psychological state and not a materialistic one, then yes.
@@missmintiI just don't think they explained themselves well.
Scarce of what exactly? Generous with what exactly? Abundance of what?
I’ve been learning to pull back from uncaring people who only put the spotlight on themselves. Most the time they talk trash about me anyhow or try to knock me down. I was recently put through the social wringer and lost a bunch of supportive people due to people like this who I thought were friends and supportive family. I lost a lot of people who used to support me because of their selfish destructive behavior. It woke me up to boundaries. Never again will I let anyone ruin my reputation out of their own selfish egos. It’s transformed my whole social circle
I find from experience with them that they rarely validate you as an individual like its all about them. so I have gradually taken steps to slowly distance from them emotionally & think of myself more nurture myself & with people who are positive & validate me
Something I’ve been dealing with lately. I distance myself to keep my peace. Thank you and Blessings
I have never been able to do this. 😢
I feel it stems sometimes from not being spoiled or entitled, the opposite, it's from like she said not getting a need fulfilled so one needs to focus on this need more than anything
Thank you very much, Stephanie! I was reminded, as I listened to you, of how the narcissist did not understand or was incapable of emotional reciprocal exchanges. Everything needed to be centered around her wants and needs.
That selfishness, ingrained in her and that selfishness she was allowed to express as a child, manifest itself in full bloom as an adult with marital responsibilities! That made for so much difficulty for many years in my marriage to a narcissist. Thank you for helping me to understand a little bit more about that! This is a wonderful video....it's a "keeper"! ❤️
Its not always caused from being overindulged as a child. Sometimes its caused from being neglected as a child
I've been dealing with a covert who expects me to drop everything to deal with her problems and her depression, anxiety, and feelings of victimhood. When I found out that she stopped seeing a therapist and wasn't really there to work on herself anyway, but only there to "manage" others, to complain and gain sympathy (what she was doing to me also) I dropped her. I have my own problems, thankyouverymuch, and don't spend every moment we're together going on about them (and crying over lunch in restaurants) but I want a friend who I can have fun with AND be mutually supportive.
On all points, tell me about it. The "I'm the victim attitude even comes out in their" apologies." This video and this comment hit home for me in a huge way. I'd add proper communication to my wish list along with the things you mentioned 😊
I’m proud of you for how far you’ve come and how many lives you have changed. I know that sounds fkkkd up, but I am. Thank you for everything you do. 🤙
The worst kind of selfishness is the emotional kind. They do not give emotionally. They cannot listen to another and show empathy for another. I am so sick of them.
Another excellent video ... Going through tough times and your videos act as a balm .. the contents answer most of my questions and doubts...thanks a ton Stephanie...much love and regards your way
Your video it's so on point!! Thank you for this information, you worth millions!!
Great observations and fantastic advice. Thank you.
I get chills with every video!! Your videos are always on point!!
Thanks!
This is spot on Stephanie
This helped me a lot 2 understand why ppl R selfish. Thank you Stephanie. I had 2 take notes! ❤️
A balance of selfishness, fascinating. Thanks for the videos Stephanie.
Good evening Stephanie, I love you. Thanks for your energy. 🤗💜
Great vid! Thanks.
Great video!!
I am the selfish person and I don’t feel empathy the way that most people do. So here I am searching “why am I selfish” 😅
This makes me think of my lack of consistency with my kids. Thanks
Thank you!
Learning to take care of myself
I really like know your audience and know who your dealing with. Thx for a great video
Hi thanks for helping out.
I have addressing this issue my ex but she not understand the meaning of sharing and generosity. I was really in love with her I made the commitment to the relationship and I splanding to her but continue behaving in some way allways taking and demanding.
Finally I came to terms with the relationship. Feeding use and abused. I understood I need to let go my intentions and guts feeling help me to make the final decision.
Thanks for be there for me when I need most ❤
Thank you ❤
Thanks. Helpful infomration.
Thank you
when someone tries to give you something they think you'll like instead of what you asked for, that is them being selfish. this is because they need to fulfill their ego with what they give forth
I find myself being selfish because I come from a place of being hurt a lot and I’m learning how to let others win I’m still trying to be an honest true person
Amazing 🤩
Thanks.
Listen you already know 😇
I am just finding you, lol....thank you for.....your benevolence 🙏 I am not surrounded by kindness. Thank you for the mental support.🙏
To whom it may concern, I try to listen other counselors/life coach's TH-cam videos but follow none except her cause usually unlike them she always sounds healthy and like Stephanie's other recent video she never sounds that she's projecting her wounds onto any of her videos.
Wish you all, All the Best!
Thank you for your lovely comment!
@@StephanieLynCoaching My pleasure! 😊
*Miss your podcasts!*
wow i have learnt something
Peace and love from Algeria.
Thank u much appreciated
👍
I am toxically selfish, I've recently become aware of all the selfishness attention seeking behavior that I have done, but I still choose to be selfish. it feels like its the only thing I know how to do. IDK its really odd. A part of me is telling me to get better, but a bigger part is telling me that after enough time I can go back to believing my own delusions. Being painfully aware of what I am and what I am doing to people, while also trying to maintain that façade that I've had for years seems impossible. I know what's the "right" thing to do, but I just do not want to do it. Other than getting better I don't know what else to do. Although its painfully obvious that I don't want to get better. I prefer to go back to the way I was before it all became so "clear to me".
While I think there is valid points to this, i also think it's a bit harsh. Selfishness can come from neglect and the need to look out for oneself. It doesn't mean that person doesn't care about others however as you mentioned the scarcity and need to survive has pushed them to put themselves first. This also doesn't mean their parent's were lazy but probably suffered from their own traumas or mental health issues. It's never fun to deal with but this is a little bit of a narrow perspective. And even people with Npd are a result of childhood trauma.
I love the way you see selfish people, in my case, my boyfriend that I love is selfish to the core, in te beggining of the relationships he looked so perfect for me, and now I see his real face, but I get attached, and sometimes he is really caring ( only when he sees me sad because of his attitude ) ... I feel like he can't help it, he just can't think about anybody elses than himself. Selfishness is one of the thing that I hate the most, I just can't stand selfish people, they make me feel like I am nothing more than garbage, and I really feel like I am not that important for my boyfriend, and in this society of material girls being spoiled and tell us "bare minimum", I feel like I've failed in relationships, the thing is I don't want to breack up with him, tht will breack my heart and thats why I try to understand selfish people because knowledge is power .... If u have any advise please.....?
I also think the parent who gives in to a kid/spoils them sometimes comes from exhaustion too. I'm the youngest of 4 and my mom was just so tired taking care of all of us that it was easier to just give me the toy than to deal with my negative feelings about not having it because she was just so mentally and physically exhausted. Definitely didn't come from a lazy or selfish place for her
Thank you. I have come to realize that my selfishness is due to childhood neglect, not getting my relational, emotional, physical needs met, and it did result in this "look out for myself at all costs first" mentality.
Hi stephanie, I'm 28 years old now an I've been living in a situation for the last 10 years and even beyond in some ways and it's a long story..but right now and for about 4 years now I live with someone who is absolutely mindblowingly unreasonable and just mean to everyone around her esspecially me for no reason or for the slightest perceived thing or littlest thing that she makes into something it's not. she never apologizes or takes accountability for anything she says or does, no matter how nice you tell or ask her to approach you differently or to just treat others better or how she wants to be treated if she wants or expects certain things from them, and will either just laugh and mock you or throw a fit and threaten you if you confront her in any way about anything she ever says or does. She gives everyone no choice but to only say or do whatever she wants or there will constant drama between them if they talk to her or are around her, and at the same time as shes doing this, whenever you say or do even the slightest thing she doesnt like or that she thinks is unreasonable or unfair towards her she will explain why and how you shouldnt do that and that you know better or you cant be that stupid but nothing Ever applies to her and she refuses to listen to or talk about anything when it comes to her. she just treats you like garbage, esspecially me because I'm around her the most, and expects you to treat her like a queen and for some reason that's just normal and how it should be in her mind but you and your feelings are meaningless of course. It's really mindblowing and unfathomable to me how someone can even think and be this way and be happy with themselves as long as they feel like they have a good amount or complete control over everyones reactions or behavior around them through fear or whatever. Its just disgusted me everyday, and has really taken everything out of me to not pull her hair out, or just want to kill her for the way shes treated me and forces me to live through fear of throwing fits or purposefully making my life harder however she can as punishment for not going above and beyond for her as she always does and has whenever I have or have tried to stand up for myself in any way in the past, but I currently have no choice but to live with this person, so I personally choose to usually and generally for the most part just say or do whatever she wants the best I can because that's the only way to keep her acting or being much better and nicer then she would be otherwise for fear of what she would do to me or the sake of my cats happiness, because drama in the house really upsets him and I'm living on disability and dont know what else I can do right now for me and my cat to live in a fairly good environment by keeping her happier and behaveing better this way as I've been doing for about 4 years now everyday..do you know how a person like this can be explained and why they would be so driven to be this way? And what i can do to better move forward with my life and not live in fear anymore? I'm not sure how else to get into contact with you and dont usually reach out to anyone but thought I would today by just commenting here for now...thanks if you took the time to read this
My ex bf matched this only hes a guy version.
He deliberately does things for me that I could do.myself and I find myself looking for work again for free while the govt pays him to be a homemaker.
When it comes to actually sitting me down and taking the time to print out a disability app for me too he rather vacume and do womanly chores then sleep or just sit down and watch tv.
The fact is some guys are just as spiteful. Buying things for somebody or doing all there chores for them is not love.
Its a guilt trip hes been laying on me for quiting my job.
If i were rich I would have moved out of town and just let him keep this place but hopefully by next year he can have this shack.
Never let a narc distract you from your goals.
If shes really as cold and calculated as my ex open an extra account for a side job and put some money into savings. And dont tell them about that extra account.
Then one day take out a home loan and use it to buy a house.
No govt aid program is worth it. There is always a catch behind section 8 never have a roomate on your lease or it will drive you insane.
We dont even sleep in the same room anymore. He kind of just took over the place.
@@princessannabelle4524 oh wow. she is extremely cold. the coldest person ive ever known or can imagine really without actually physically harming me, but i wouldnt put that past her either if i made her mad enough. but shell obviously look for ways to be mean or mistreat you if you arent saying things the way she likes/that are her opinion and not yours or doing whatever she wants enough. theres really no end to what she will do or how she will try to be mean or make your life hard if you arent clearly trying your hardest to say and do whatever she wants, and she gets joy knowing your doing that while she has power over you that she would say was totally unacceptable and wrong even by God as she would say to you if you did anything even close to that to her, as she says shes a christian, but nothing that God or jesus says or would say to to do applies to her as she demonstrates clearly. it makes no sense whatsoever outwardly and how she even exists as she is in real life is really just completely shocking to me. i would think this is a horror movie rather then real life with her, because nothing really makes any sense, and i would think it was just totally unrealistic if i didnt see it enough and all the time as i have now being around her enough to know for sure that shes just plain horrible, and in the strangest ways i can imagine. and its a whole lot to get into but this is just the absolute truth of it..and my situation is a bit different then that and shes not in control of my money but she happens to be my older sister who i wasnt around that much when i was younger but have to be for now, but no sisterly love or care for me whatsoever, everyone else in my family has shown me at least some of that which was genuine or without a selfish motive involved that i felt or saw from them in some way but never her, shes only ever expressed clearly to me that if i dont say or do her will then she'll make my life hell however she can, so i better as far as she wants me to always think and feel, and i just live with her and my mom and her new husband an his son and its a lot to talk about...but okay, thanks. and thanks for the reply
or "Me" instead of saying you to imply others i should say, even tho she would an has treated others really badly to, but the fact of it is, because she has me to target so much and ive mostly went along with it for the reasons i have, shes much easier for everyone else in the house. she doesnt bully them or talk to them so much anymore now, but has more in the past until me and her got "closer" or so she likes to think, even tho its all an illusion and ive just gotten better at pleaseing her and hideing my feelings an/or not focusing on the hate i have for her to cope better
@@crystalgomez8040I think you'd be surprised how many people are like this once you really get to know them.
@@chaoswitch1974 yeah, i know a lot of people are truely unlikeable and disgusting. but i know im not. so im hopeing one day i can come across someone who i know really isnt, or isnt to that degree, like myself. and the question is what can we actually do about it to protect ourselves etc..ive had a social anxiety disorder my whole life probably soley because i was so mistreated as a child to in a lot of ways, and i felt like i couldnt say or do anything right for anyone else for the most part and would get in trouble easily or over nothing, so its no fing wonder..how do people Not have a social or other anxiety disorder in a world like this? just wondering lol thats how i feel...
So you can't give, what you don't have. And if you don't know you don't have it, you can't fix it!
My question for Selfish people (especially in Relationships with others)... *How much more do you need* ? *Are you ever fulfilled* ?
Hello dear, do you need instant help?
I c a n r e c o m m e n d y o u t o s o m e o n e w h o c a n h e l p y o u m a n i f e s t y o u r e x b a c k.
Waxap him
+ 2 3 4 7 0 5 6 6 8 6 8 4 9...
I will never understand why my covert knowingly let my sister in-law steal my inheritance just to give it away from their mother. Not only did they deny me and her her dying wish, but my daughter was next in line. I hope I never have to deal with that type of cruelty ever again. Sick people, so selfish it's incomprehensible to me and I hope it always is. I don't want to be that insane with so many commandments broken in just that one action of selfishness. I could keep going with other acts of insane cruelty, but you get the point of what I've dealt with for 29 years! I walking away from the those heartless people knowing there was no shame in my game!
This was a great video. Lack of balance is the problem. ❤
My brother is a narcissist and selfish bully!We just fight and bust each other up!simple solution since shorties son .
🔥 🔥 🔥
Really pretty
I have this friend who only talks about themself non-stop and whenever they mske fun of me or someone else out of nowhere they generally dont feel guilty about it. This is why i kinda wanna cut her out of my life since she always think the world revolves around her. And plus she uses me to get food or uses me to do whatever she says im just tired of being like a meaningless side piece in her life.
We reward selfish people.
Being selfish is financially rewarding. Society preferentially give selfish people money.
A selfish person who is mediocre with no talent or intelligence commonly reach great heights in wealth.
Thars a lie.
@@xxjessica_redux9674 - Sure genius. Our politicians and CEOs are honest moral people.
I agree.
3:46 she gets to the point of the video here. We all want to know WHY.
Can you please make a video about grief? I am very sensitive person but I lost few people who were very important to me. These people passed away and I honestly don't feel anything. I don't really even feel sad. I just take it as "ok, you wanted to leave-fine". I'm not mad or even upset. I'm not suppressing anything because one person died couple years ago and I never had a nervous breakdown and another passed last Saturday. So what's is wrong with me?
The word “they” in the title😂
Yeah I can struggle to give and not be selfish I see particularly with my family than my friends
Is it possible I’m just believing this because my mum who is codependent says I’m selfish, but I see how she is selfish, too everytime I want to put myself first. My mum think putting yourself first is selfish.
But I know I can be selfish when I don’t get my needs met as a child.
Why isn't that cup on the coaster? It's driving me crazy. Lol
It's how we are raised. I've had so many people come to my house and put their cup right next to the coasters. My boyfriend does it all the time and I have to clean the rings off everything and he's ruined furniture. I give up.
What happens if you are with a person who is selfish borderline and hides it really well. Usually they are very good help you look after you but at certain times they are very selfish. But it is so hidden so well that you yourself are not sure if it is you or that other person. Do you know what I mean ???
I'd like to think empathy can be taught from one generation to the next.
I have been dealing with an ex that is narcissistic and very selfish. Did not even know what a narcissist was until recently. It is hard to deal with and I like the saying it is like getting water from a rock.
Hello, do you need instant help?
I c a n r e c o m m e n d y o u t o s o m e o n e w h o c a n h e l p y o u m a n i f e s t y o u r e x b a c k..
Waxap him
+ 2 3 4 7 0 5 6 6 8 6 8 4 9....
My son got a traumatic brain injury he changed so much. He has become so selfish and paranoid. It’s so hard.
I also didnt watch the video yet im sorry but i will. ive just been wanting to reach out to someone more for years and for one reason or another havent and was just wondering what you may have to say about my comment if you saw it...but i really like your videos and thanks for what you do
My mother... and my daughter's dad. Hooray for being raised by an NPD and having psychopathy normalized.
I wondered if it is possible to make a selfish person aware of their behaviour is hurt others.
First 😁😍😊🤗😘💙🌹
What is the self anyways
Great information but I'm guessing your "preaching to the choir". Selfish people can always justify their behaviors. As with most things, you have 2 choices, leave or stay.
My ex left me because she said I wasn't supportive enough and I was selfish. For example she would be telling me about some stomach pain she has and I would say I know what you mean my rib has been hurting lately. She would say that I don't listen to her and I always find a way to talk about myself? I always just try to relate to people in conversation. I grew up in a supportive loving family and she had childhood trauma such as not being raised by her biological father. I think she has insecurities? Still painful that she lashed out on me and ran away from the relationship instead of working things out? Thanks-
That just sounds like different communication styles. I know exactly what you mean. I used to be like you, but I learned that some people take it like you're always making it about you or trying to one-up them, even when you're just trying to relate. It's not really fair to blame her childhood trauma when you made it clear she communicated to you that she needed you to just listen, but instead you just decided that you're right and she's wrong because you had a better family life?? What??
@@chaoswitch1974 I take accountability for my actions. I now understand she gave me several signs that I needed to support her more. I'm a guy, I tried to use logic and reason instead of just listening to her express her emotions.
@@onewithnature8435 Are you inferring that women don't use logic and reason? You couldn't reason your way into just listening instead of repeatedly "relating" after she told you what she needed because you're so much more rational than her? Do you hear yourself?
@@onewithnature8435 If you typically respond by mentioning yourself when she is looking for comfort, then you have a problem. She would not leave just by that 1 time response. You may not mean wrong by it, but it comes off wrong.
My husband's a covert narcissist and his mother's at best a rude selfish pushy entitled manipulative spoiled brat. Is he like it because he's seen her behaviour and wants to get everything he wants just like she does or is it because she's brought him up to be an extension of herself and hasn't allowed him to be his own person and has had to comply, still now, with whatever she wants, (though seemingly willingly), so he's pushing his resentment from her onto me? Or both? I guess it doesn't matter though in the end. I've cut her out and he's got me to the point where he's almost there too
15th
Lack of breastfeeding as an infant?
I'm selfish 😂😂😂😂
I can't get along with selfish people. Even if I didn't have much I'd still share. That's me. I'll never change that but I don't have time for someone who's selfish who knows everything I do who puts me down I can't hang.
Ur ru
Whoa. I think you may need to discuss parenting with a Narcissist a bit more. I disagree with the way he was parenting but was not aloud to contradictions him. Even behind closed doors. Over the years I was lectured to and critiqued over every aspect of my parenting. Daily. I felt like I always had a police officer in my rear view mirror. I wanted to provide healthy parenting the way I was raised rather than how he would bear down and lecture and ridicule our 10 yo child for every darn thing. She started feeling like I was feeling. Worn down and like she couldn't do anything right. I saw it in her eyes. Before I realized what he was, I was finding myself in one of two ways. Overreacting like him or just letting it go..then I would get a lecture where he would say that she is walking all over me. That I need to put my big girl panties on and parent, that I dont know how to discipline, that I dont do anything and he looks like the bad guy. Well, he really was the bad guy. I just didn't know what to do or say anymore. I was going to get lectured to anyways. I really want you to talk about these situations because I feel like I am not alone in this.
If she or I would ask for him to turn the radio down in car we would get fussed at. Everything he did locked compassion or empathy. When we separated, I was able to work on correcting the negative behavior she was always subjected to.
Leave
Either they were brought up as spoilt Brats or they grew up with very selfish parents.
Im really sick of the pop psych notion that its all the parents fault, this lady need to study twin studies and learn a thing or 2 about life.
Thank you