Big differences between a self-centered person and a narcissist!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 เม.ย. 2018
- Do you know the differences between someone who is simply self-centered, and someone who is diagnosed with Narcissist Personality Disorder? There are big differences, and they are important.
Let me help you understand, so you can recognize who you're dealing with when the tell-tale behaviors rear their head.
It's a very significant distinction, and you need different skills and strategies for dealing with each of them.
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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Some covert narcissists do talk about their flaws, fishing for compliments or validation. It’s a form of manipulation
Yes, they do...and, yes it is!
so true, and if you agree with them on their flaws, they will get angry !
A "self centered" person has room to change, a narcissist does not.
You're right! And, you can likely talk with a self-centered person and they will listen more readily than a narcissistic person.
Everyone can change if they want
@@brunaciompi1717 true. But a narcissist doesn't want to.
I feel like self-centered person most of the times just doesn’t care about other people feelings, when a narcissist does care-he need to people around feel bad in order to them feel good.
It is said that narcissists are the 6% of the population but there is an enormous amount of videos about them and it seems to me that the world is full of them. Thank you for explaining the distinction between a self-centered person and the narc
The reason they are on everyone's mind is because they have MULTIPLE VICTIMS. one narc can harm one hundred victims. With varying degrees of damage. Scapegoated people being the worst. And children being thier favorite targets
The wanting the therapist to side with them ,telling them they’re right and you are wrong is SPOT ON!
The sessions then turn into all you have done wrong or need to change and they need not face their contributions or change those!
Doing single therapy yourself is more productive then involving that dynamic.
It's sadly true about Hijackals going to therapy. Some people want to bring their partner into sessions so that I can validate what they are seeing/feeling. Individual work can be the most effective for making the decision to leave, and support during the leaving and recreating your life.
This is very helpful. I was trying to figure out if my mom was a narcissist or not. She makes everything about herself. But, she's not manipulative or a liar. She also does a lot for my sister and me. I think now she's both insecure and lacks self-awareness.
Sounds like she has MMMS namely the Me Me Me Syndrome. 😆
@Amber DRC A narcissist will drive you up the wall... No wait make you put your religion on the Dresser. 😆
@Amber DRC Me, too. However, why are we trying to figure this out? Are you hurting? Were you still neglected in a way that caused problems?
lol
Sad it's always about Mom being self centered or a narcissist. If you look at yourself you might find that same quality. Lay off of mom. You never know what she is going through.!
This helped me to understand the difference between the two. I was married to a women for 16 years and it took forever for me to finally recognize she was a narcissist. She was and still is a master at making people see her as she wants to be seen. It wasn't until I was inside the marriage that I saw who and how should was. She refused to get help and said I had the problem.
Thanks for the clarification...self centered people can be fixed easily...but narcissists are difficult to fix...
Thanks for the clarification, doc. I thought she was a narcissist but clearly she's just self-centered. Lucky me!
same here..... someone i was confused about is also jus self centered.... cz he has morals, compassion for not so fortunate & admits to his extreme mistakes... though only sometimes.... such a relief.... its good to knw that they can be dealt with...
Hi,
Thank you for this broadcast, I’m currently struggling with mistakes I have made in my long term relationship with my loving and suffering wife! This has made me think about my understanding of what I need to do to build back the love I haven’t given her. It’s me with the issues and I need to keep a weather eye on. Thank you again.
Thank you so much mam, I very well understood that my co-worker is a narcissistic person not to be confused with self - centered.
“Narcissist” is definitely being incorrectly (and over) used by many. People are interchanging it with selfish/self centered…and I find many who are calling others “narcissists” are actually much more narcissistic themselves.
Sure, many, but so many more not. At least, I am not exposed to it. I think the majority I think have studied what they’ve dealt with in depth and in fact are qualified to know when someone is, and like a psychologist have a reliable sense based on preliminary facts to be, depending on the facts, on a scale persuaded in how likely.
This distinction also is important. Many psychologists are not experienced at diagnosing narcs or that people are the target of one. And, some are vastly more skilled and knowledgeable without having the psychologist degree and label. Too, there are many psychologists who are narcs. So, we can’t always discount that this is the case.
I’ve spent years studying the minds of these wicked scumbags and also have the vast intimate experience being the target of these scum to use in my study on the topic. So do many others. And we can see it crystal clearly much more accurately than the majority of psychologists who have at best a cursory understanding and little to no experience or real study of these creatures.
Psychology is not a science, but does have enough studies based on the scientific method of study. Their coursework and experience generally is as base as the majority of the population, yet their ego and lack of integrity has these same ignorantly and negligently failing to acknowledge that those of us without degrees but have invested to understand and know often are vastly more knowledgeable and skilled to assess. We don’t need an official degree to seek out the best research, info, and direct the topic.
Thanks for the information.
It is clear and easy to understand.
I am happy to have facts about these phycological issues.
You're welcome!
The talk is helpful and one of the best advices
Very good info...I believe some ppl house a little bit of both.
I’m very self centered and I feel shame around that. Even me putting this here is a form of me seeking comfort for my discomfort. I desperately want to change but feel I’m stuck in a mental loop which likely comes from previous & recent traumas. I need help, I want help
Knowing you see the issue and want help is a great start. If you want to talk with me about it, you're welcome to use my new client, one-time session here: www.beaclient.com
Maybe just don't change yourself. Try to accept however you are. It's kind of backwards law. Stop running behind positivity Accept the negativity there you'll receive positivity. Self-love can help you ❤😊
Well spoken, very informative, thanks
Holy shit. This is so on point. Wow. Thank you for this teaching!
So i must be dealing with self centered family members than narcissists. They leave me alone now a days for the most part. They are just a bit selfish or self absorbed. They never ask about me. If they do it’s shallow. And they barely want to give me anything. But they can be selfless sometimes
Soo helpful, thank you so much 🙏🌷
This video is very helpful... thank you.
My daughter diagnosed me as a narcissist and my Psychiatrist said where did she get that from? I said TikTok her followers told her I was one. I’m self centered and I am changing just not as fast as my kids want me to.
Thank you for bringing light to the situation where a professional is manipulated and the partner is wounded further... because there were flying monkeys made out of family members and friends, I feared that he would also trick the phycologist. I was lucky to have a professional who was like you and advised me to leave as soon as possible, but she did so separately, so that he could not hear this. With a three-way call between the three of us, she had to sort of entertain his concerns and understand why he felt that I was ruining his life. So she spoke with us together and then separately later with a completely different tone as if now the adults are talking. With a "whew"...to start off in understanding the exhaustion I experienced daily with him. This was so huge for me and my reality was validated and it was refreshing for someone to experience him directly as I had, and to believe me, and then tell me to run in the other direction. Later a friend of ours saw him throw a glass across the kitchen at the restaurant they worked at, and she told me she'd seen 'it'. She apologized for not understanding that he could be violent, until then. He has been pulled away from physically attacking women at other jobs he had... If he feels he has been crossed or done an Injustice? It doesn't matter who you are, you deserve to pay for it, and you owe him something huge, and he will demand for it angrily and scarily, with utter disrespect, name calling, intimidation, threats, you name it... I find it hard to believe he never hit anyone. He hit the wall next to my face which was just as terrible. When you zoom out from the closeness you may feel to the high jackal, look at them as a buddy or some stranger, you can see their behavior more clearly for what it is. Without bias of your own brainwashing or 'love' for them, or understanding where their pain came from, you see the way they behave is unacceptable! Talking w the psychologist that day helped me to separate and pull back.. into what I KNEW to be true and rational, hearing her UNBiAS opinion and her worry for my safety, which my own FAMILY had been tricked into with holding, was incredible and life-changing. Thank you and her for the work you do
Whether self-centered or narcissistic, they're both the same annoying acting people.
I've been accused of being conceited, and some girls used to call me "stuck up" & "goodie-two-shoes" back in the 80's just because I don't drink, smoke or do drugs... Then later in life, I was called a sociopath, and some said I was Passive Aggressive.... However, many people I meet like me, especially at church (various churches in the 48 states I've traveled to over the years) where people come up to greet me... I will say that I am good & friendly towards those that like me, and I tend to ignore & avoid those that don't... I don't see this as a problem with myself, so I consider myself to be somewhat normal... I'm just a good guy, but a lonely guy that prefers peace & tranquility, and I do not hurt people, nor do I steal... I'm just a regular guy seeking the love of a good woman, but for some reason, I sometimes rub people the wrong way.
This is a total shot in the dark, but I'm desperate and you seem to genuinely understand this.
What you said about having to find the right therapist, because a Narcissist can sometimes manipulate opinions, really hits home for me.
I'm in a relationship with someone who's either Borderline, a Narcissist, brainwashed into seeing selfishness as an actual virtue, or some combination or something similar. I love her, a lot. I've never been married (I'm 37) and she's the first woman I ever proposed to. I'm not a novice in dating either so I have a very good idea of who I want, I say all this to really emphasize how important and special this person is to me.
She says she wants a relationship therapist, and although she's left that to me, I believe she's genuine in saying she wants one. I'm afraid it may be to get validation for some very concerning behavior though, and I fear finding a therapist that I can trust to be truly objective and not just give either of us what we want to hear.
I'm also very concerned that if she's told that many of her actions, words, and behaviors are pretty textbook examples of abuse that she'll begin to disregard our therapist, leaving me with less money and just as at a loss.
If you somehow see this and have any advice, or a recommendation for a good therapist, it would really mean a lot to me. Thank you for the video ❤️
She broken, ot doesnot matter, get over that feeling before you board a life long trip of misery you are self gaslighting you know the truth in your soul
I'm self centerd from being lonely I guess. No friends living in the country.no job on disability. I use to people please a lot.
My father is incredibly negative and selfish/ self centered. I'm not sure if its narcissism, but his actions and words hurt me. Not physically, but it seems his personal mission to snuff out any possible light I have in me.
I came to conclusion that the narcissist actually lacks "self"... their sense of self is an unconscious understanding to them.
They actually use the victims (empaths) unconsciousness to get what they want through the victims selfishness. So the victim seems to actually be very much self-centered.
I believe this is true to an extent but I’m an empath with a great deal of self centeredness which causes me to have Narc tendencies as well. I emphasize with the narcissist because they are just a less aware version of myself. And yes I’ve been that “victim” before and it really hurt me but I have to forgive them so I can forgive and accept myself
We are all such complicated people. It’s a peculiar mixture of selfishness and unselfishness; able to do good to other people, and at the same time treat people badly. I have seen somebody who started a relationship and moved it far too quickly, and yet in doing that helped the other person who you might say, had the opposite kind of personality being very cautious And afraid to break the rules of any kind ; was helped to change and overcome certain taboos by learning to push the boundaries by experiences with the other person.
Lol now I’m not sure if I’m a covert narc or self centered but this was still helpful thx
This has really confused me! My mom's mom was narcissistic and devalued my mom chronically from childhood right throughout her life. My grandma idolised me. It's almost like my relationship with my mom is a projection of her childhood. I feel like my mom expected me to validate her and tend to her needs but she was not willing/able to provide any emotional support for me growing up. She spent years assuming I was a bad child and devaluing me telling everyone how horrible I was and garnering sympathy from everyone in the community. I was actually assaulted at 11yrs and had ptsd, but she never thought to ask what was wrong. I can only describe the feelings of rage as a result of this abandonment as a narcissistic injury. So the dynamic between my mom and I are the same as her's with her mom, but reversed. When she expects me to feed into her self centredness I feel it as a violation of boundaries. I feel contempt, disgust and rage. Then I feel immensely guilty and ashamed. I know she isn't capable of being the person I need. I know that I have to forgive her to stop this cycle. It's just really hard. I want to believe she is self centred but I don't think I'll ever trust her. You can't trust people who refuse to be held accountable. My point- maybe it's possible to be both self-centred and have narcissistic coping styles, especially with certain people.
No. In fact, narcissists are riddled with insecurities.
Yes, they are.
Thankyou for giving me insight on these traits
I have a brother who is very selfish & self centred, he would rather have everything done for him in his ideal world. He doesn't seem bothered about other people's well being, only his own. I give, but he ends up asking for more & more. He will only do something with enthusiasm, if you ask him when he's getting something out of it.
He seems to pull weight a few times, but then he thinks, that all he has to do a few times, instead of having to be on the ball & vigilant most of the time. Example - probably out of 4 workers, if left to his own devices, out the 4, he would do the least amount of work, especially if he wasn't getting anything for it.
Out of a colony, he wouldn't do anything to benefit the whole group, will only benefit himself. You are on you're toes with him not to do habits like leave his snotty rags everywhere, turn things off when not in use etc, it's like talking to a child most of the time & he's 39! In the past, I've tried reasoning & a lot of patience, but how am I expected to help him if he doesn't help himself?!
That's difficult. Have people usually done things for him without him having to make an effort? Does he get what he wants without effort? Do people end up doing something for him, or does he ever bear the consequences of not pulling his weight?
Often, it's best to let folks like this experience those consequences. Could that help?
@@ForRelationshipHelp cruel to be kind, I do believe he is realising that the world doesn't revolve around him & he does know, his flaws exist, & he asks for help in readjusting himself for others not to make fun of him & I understand why he is, like he is. Thank You for replying back to me, it proves that you're human, not like others who claim they are care workers & you comment on their content in a good light, but they are too high up to care about the little fish like myself 🙂👍
I think I’m self centered but I don’t want to be. How can I be less self centered?
very helpful
Can you do a video on advice on how to heal these self centred traits? To make the relationship for my partner better?
i love being self centered!
I can't find an answer anywhere to this one. I have a self-centred adult child. They're not narcissistic but the selfishness eats at me as a parent. I've always put them first and it hurts so much they have next to no consideration for me. I don't even expect change at this point, I've brought it up so many times it's pointless. I do want to be able to contain my hurt about it though and I don't know where to start. It's causing me so much distress I'm beginning to believe that I'm unbalanced. I want to stop focusing on it but I don't know how to.
Everyone has to start with their own healing. Focusing on the wrongs done to us by others and on that other person's faults keeps us in victim mentality. I suggest doing the work on your childhood wounds. A good therapist can help.
Did you make your child the center of your world? (I’m going to assume yes) Well, if they’re emotionally stunted then, they’re stuck in the mother/child relationship as an Adult (where you don’t have feelings and wants/needs bc after all = you’re the Mom)
But I am always right-facts.
Does it really matter??? They’re all horrible to be around lol
If your in a relationship with a narcissist you need to know, one can respond to constructive criticism, the other will never change and doesn't give a shit about you. Anyway some self centered people are entertaining.
It absolutely matters. Identifying narcissists in our lives is extremely important in order to protect ourselves.
I’m only like this to my parents and I don’t understand why
Oh so I’m not a narcissist… I’m just self absorbed? Curse you empathy and self reflection! 😭
narcs seem to have it easier.
I feel my husband is narcissistic but he has admitted fault to me.
Sometimes they do it to manipulate or simply appease. My husband will admit fault but smugly sad with zero intent to change nor care of the pain he causes me. This disorder exists on a spectrum so individuals' behavior can vary. They any times know it is expected or people to admit wrongs so they could do so to appear normal, but there is no sincerity or true self reflection involved. These thingsay or may not apply to your husband. I'm just saying that someone can be narcissistic and vary their actions and words in certain ways. Love and light to you🙂
Amber, it is one thing to admit fault--which Hijackals sometimes do if they think you are very angry or about to leave them--and another thing entirely to take responsibility for and change their behaviors. That's a big distinction!
If you're diagnosed a narcissist are you always self centered with a competitive, conniving ego?
I'm trying to find out the difference between someone who has a personality disorder and someone who is a victim of a narcissist, because we model our parents and turn out like them. Also can a victim of a narcissist be beyond help?
I don't think said victim would be beyond help if they want and are seeking help. That very fact reveals self awareness and need/desire to change. Narcissistic people don't have that. They are the ones beyond help in my opinion. Just bc we are raised by narcissistic parents does not mean we are sentenced to be narcissistic as well. Thankfully! Love and light to you!😊❤
I'm with an extreme narssistic. And it's narcism. 100%.
Im selfish. I don't want to be. I truly try not to be. Alit of my issues are my fault. If I could stay mad at anyone longer than 10 seconds we would of been split up years ago.
I might be too late to ask this in the comments of a video that's 5 years old, but I have to try. Is there any way a person can be somewhat in between? I've had a rough childhood with a father that I believe to be severely self-centered. For a while I thought he was narcissistic, but in a lot of ways, he doesn't fit the bill, no sense of grandeur, not too much gaslighting, I don't think he brings people down to bring himself up, either. For the longest time, I've thought of him as a narcissist who's not good at being narcissistic, that he lacks the strategies that a narcissistic person uses to get something from others... On the other hand, though, what he shares with narcissists is an absolute and complete inability to admit his wrongs and to self-actualise, or even admit that he has a problem, most of the time. When he's called out on his behavior flaws, his response is always to go "Oh but *you* are much better. You do such and such." stuff like that. How many times he has called me egoistic for not comforming to what he thought I should. So, yeah, my question, can a self-centered person have some narcissitic traits.
I know someone I think is extra entitled. Some of your descriptions also fit.
So a narcissist is basically naïve of their self centred behaviour. Means they re worse arent they?
Can you be both 🤔🤔🤔💭💭💭
Yes, narcissists are all self-centered.
Obviously, clinical narcissism is a "personality disorder" and pretty serious. However, when you said that selfishness is just part of their "personality" (and obviously will cause difficulties in relationships), I'm not sure it's that simple IMO. A lot of diagnoses involve "selfishness" as part of the symptoms, so it's not neutral as far as I understand. Everything can be pathologized in psychology, it's a rare is imaginary person who escapes diagnosis. Selfishness is according to Western Christian cultural standards a "bad" or unacceptable personality trait and therefore following in the Christian tradition it has expectedly been pathologized.
Yes, selfishness is often part of the diagnostic descriptions, in tandem with many other symptoms. Some people, though, have habits of taking/getting/keeping more for themselves unconsciously. It may be because they came from a background where they had little. Bringing that to consciousness can mitigate the issue, in many cases.
Well, we might do better and consider how the Jesus of the gospels himself really acts..
In St. John's gospel: I am.. I am.. But I tell you.. but I tell you..
and when he is beaten by a soldier, he is not silent about it but asks: if I am telling the truth, why do you beat me ?
and offering the left cheek when you have been beaten on the right cheek means: if you beat me with your right hand just beat me by the inner side of your hand (palm) ! As hitting the right cheek means hitting by the back of the right hand what meant a high degree of additional contempt..
@@AK-GermShep My Jesus is the one who whipped the money lenders in the temple and stood up agains the Jewish establishment. Jesus was killed not because he was a pacifist but because he considered women his equal. That was considered dangerous to both ancient Israel and Rome. You might to well to consider that Jesus was not a pacifist.
@@patrickmcmanus1360 Hi Patrick, yes you are right, pacifism is not a unlimited value when you have to defend a higher good. I know the gospels very well, but our topic was "selfishness". One might defend oneself by other means than by a whip. And Jesus does so whenever possible.. And we do as well.
@@AK-GermShep So, first my point wasn’t to debate Christian values though. I’m questioning the foundational presuppositions of psychology which pretends to be a “science” or at least evidence based. You may value self sacrifice and be against selfishness, but there’s no evidence to show that for mental health of the individual, selfishness by itself is a problem. In my experience people who can selfishly focus on their interests often give the world far more than the a selfless activist or missionary who spends their time handing out food to the homeless. Working on you own gifts and interests can bring a lot of good to the world. Taking the moral foundations of Christianity and applying it wholesale as a “science” to mental health and general wellbeing is not an evidence based approach and we should at least be honest about where these ideas come from. Research coming out in the last decade has shown that psychopaths are actually very helpful for society and also that empathy is not as helpful at all as people once thought it was. We can see the truth of these observations in the world around us today. Also, the last thing I think psychology will probably be coming to terms with is that emotional people are actually more dangerous than unemotional (psychopaths are not very emotional). Hitler was a very emotional and not psychopathic individual and he was dangerous precisely because emotional people get stir up people and get them to do things they otherwise wouldn’t have. At this point, by claiming to be evidence based (they are not) psychologists are doing much more harm than good. Demonizing people that are actually harmless. When religions do that at least we know that it’s just opinion and tradition and there’s no rigorous case study or evidence based approach behind it.
Are you in the Dallas Texas area because I severely need help with my husband he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and we have been good for many years even with that he had issues here and there but nothing like this. And it's got me thinking is it him or is it me or is he got something else going on or or is he just selfish... He blames me for everything and I've apologized to him when we fight and if I get loud I don't call names yet he does.. I have in the past in reaction after he said nasty things. hes gone as far is having a great sexual encounter with Me... To Saying that he don't even like sex with me anyway.. He throws up this past big fight we had that I have even got up in front of church and thanked him for us working things out and apologize to him and he threw it up to me several more times after that. Yet he always tells me to agree to not bring up anymore of the past or we won't move forward. And he is always the 1st one in a fight to throw something up and blame me .. What the hell am I dealing with. I love my husban. hes had a failed marriage prior I've only been married to him and I am trying really hard to save this. He turns everything around on me.. He told me a few years ago when we were fighting that he has to win and if I'm your enemy then that's what you will always be and I have no choice but to get back at you.. He's called the cops and press charges on me for abuse when I had never even seen him in months. He's also 275 lb and over 6ft. I'm 120. He had the cops come to my house and check my Facebook because he said I had pictures on there with a knife up to my daughter's neck..the cops laughed after they made sure . I don't know if that's just him being nasty because of being hurt. Or if he has a mental issue other than what they've diagnosed him with. I just don't know what kind of man would want to say some of these harmful things that he is said to me when we're fighting. And he'll say something like very mean and he expects me to not respond to just take it hes even told me I have the messages that I wasn't supposed to respond I'm supposed to just sit there And listen. And this has never been how he was we were good we did everything together we were best friends for over Twelve years. And then we started working together 247 driving a truck 2 yrs ago... He says I yelled at him for 28 hours and I did yell and I did cry and that is because every time I would calm myself down he would say something horrific to me. And then yell at me to stop to shut up do not respond.. Control myself. I am at a loss he is 47 years old. This man was the most beautiful sweetest kindest man in the world. And I will give anything for that man to be hear again.
Might I suggest, with all due respect, changing 'high jackal' to 'highjackler' out of respect for jackals and in order not to denigrate the behaviour of animals. Kindest regards.
Ben merkezli insanlar.Hadi neyse.de.ama.narsist kişi.
Küçük cehenmem demektir.
Tava gibidir.
Altı ateş
Üstü kızgın yağ.
Biz daha mutfak sıcağını kaldıramıyoruz .
Tavanın sıcağını nasıl kaldıracağız😢
You're right about the google search narcissist. Just read through the comments. It's amazing how many people who were hurt or didn't get there way have prescribed the other half a narcissist. I recall in my search to find out why my ex acted the way she did I hit and dove right in to a bunch of disorders. I was able to determine what she wasn't but every time I thought I had found her diagnosis, there was eventually a strong rival that could also explain. Even though it is true that every person can have a unique make up consisting of multiple traits I was always careful to qualify my language and state my disclaimer that no, I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, I'm a trainer journalist, and unlike the soulless journalist on the left in todays journalism landscape I held strong to the very first principles of journalism, that being integrity in the search for truth and qualify your language, be true to your craft and those whose quotes that are entrusted to you. So as it relates to diagnosis of mental disorders I prefer to write a trustworthy piece on the topic gathering as much insight and relevant supportive quotes without a narrative but in search of truth, and as far as we can handle it, knowledge, and I suppose, vice versa. I'm actually a photo journalist which follows the same principles, but I get to limit my words to captions and display the story with imagery. Something I'm intrigued to do is a photo series on mental illness without portraiture of predictable circumstances. Anyway thanks for your insight!