How to Handle a Manipulative Person | Stephanie Lyn Coaching
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 มิ.ย. 2017
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My dad taught me a line that I that I used a lot. "If you need a answer right now it is NO.
william sharp boom!
👏
william sharp this is definitely a game changer. It's interesting how complex human interaction can be but the solutions are extremely simple once we discover them. Thanks for sharing!
Dad's smart.'
love it... :)
40 years and I'm just learning this. I now realize I wasn't depressed, it was the manipulative people I was around that used me that stressed me out to the point of depression.
There is a funny quote out there that says "before you label yourself depressed make sure you check that you are not surround by jerks." Very true.. crazy can make you crazy
Being depressed and surrounded by this human beings at the same time.. wew. Perfect. Just perfect.. XD
BooksPartiesDiapersAndMusic ....oops! Yes...cheap services are most often expensive in the long run. These "free" (medicaid funded counselors...or other agencies) are very knowledgeable about the system they are employed in. They are anything but true to their Hippocratic oath. That's just corny crap that works on so many naive people. They know exactly how to keep these low rung jobs. Just follow protocol. Churn out the massive overload of low income people naively thinking you are credible. I don't need your agreement. Your comment just reaked of needing my input. Sound crazy? I'll bet it does if you don't know how the health care industry really works....or are you expecting your pretty local news anchors to speak their minds....they will be fired faster than a fly vomits on a hot dog at your backyard grill out. Take care and google how to think wisely...(none of your friends knew this either...but the information is on the internet. .....No....your local 4 news stations 'forgot' to mention this.
And that quote is spot on.
You tube manipulates comment sections. The person I was addressing here earlier had his comment removed to make me look crazy. This is just what tricks narcs do. You tube doesn't like how I talk about what needs to be learned by all. So much for freedom of speech.
Nothing ever really fixes a relationship with a manipulative person except dissolving the relationship. Neither party can win the game of identifying who is the perpetrator and who is the victim.
Sometimes cutting ties with them (or having them cut ties with you) can be the best thing can happen to you!
Its actually very easy to identify a manipulative, toxic person!
@@MrRetlahcub i agree
they'll b fine, can just go down their list to the next one to hit up
Watching this made me realize that i’m not the victim, i’m actually the manipulative one.And there’s a lot to work out and improve on.
I feel like I’m the manipulative one to 😔
You are on the first step to change.
I can be the manipulative one also and so was my ex of 6 years. He was very codependent. Then I dated a sociopath and it was a nightmare. I was diagnosed with BPD so I could only imagine what my 6 year boyfriend went through with me. I’m not disappointed that I met the sociopathic dude because in a way he helped me grow and realize what I do and don’t want in a relationship.
@@mariahconklin4150 me 2 … bpd has me very busy seeing what’s got to change within me . It’s been 6 yrs since my ex .
Sounds like you are attention seeking
Who is here after stephanie soo🙋🏾♀️
I'm here from Stephanie's video and this video is helpful for what I was dealing with yesterday.
Can someone please explain to me: I thought when a person says "I'm sorry you feel that way". That, that was not an actual apology whereby they are taking ownership of the wrong doing, apologizing for doing what was wrong and for making the other person feel a certain way. I thought it meant that the person in the wrong is twisting things and making it seem like the other person is at fault.
Could someone please shed light.
squirtle squirtle you’re so right, when someone says that they are evading responsibility. It’s like if someone were to say “I’m sorry you feel hurt” vs “I’m sorry for hurting you”. The first one is evading responsibility and the second one is taking responsibility for their actions.
i am
Meee🙌🙌
Me
Tell them NO, and don't let them guilt trip you about it either!
Kelly Upshaw,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
Yes i should only have to say no once thats it
What i do with them is to mind fuck them and level in their same brain perspective then betraying them in a good simple argument sometimes u have to be bad to deal with bad but always remember to do bad for a good couse if not ur just the same as those peoples its pathetic and waste of time to even be like them
My ex dropped by and told me his problems where he lives. He says he needs to move. I said ok let me know how the move goes. This is a manipulative trick he tried to see if I would feel guilty or sad for him. Don't be a doormat and never allow people to use you
Gerri Miller, you don't deserve to be with a narcissist!
He was hoping you would say “You can move here!”
Yes please.
I've learned to pay close attention to people's behavior to others and not talk so much and listen more effectively. This way i can definitely decide if someone is of hateful, selfishness or of good intentions whom care about others
There's nothing wrong with helping him ...
There isn’t a need nor is it wise to say “I’m sorry you feel that way.” One, It is not your responsibility how they feel nor (2) to validate them. State your boundaries,be consistent and stand firm. Stay strong everyone!
Excellent point. I totally agree. Actually saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" can be a manipulative phrase..a type of covert hostility (passive aggressive) in itself sometimes.
I agree totally!
Ty❤
Handling manipulative person:
1) Know what you want and how you feel
2) Stand your ground
3) Be prapered for backlash (i do many things for you and..)
Best thing to say: I'm sorry you feel that way
Ho Chimin haha me 2
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is also a common line used by narcs to dismiss your feelings, points of view, etc.
Best thing to say is: Not my problem
Thanks
But to late
Backlash or penalty.
The "childlike" part is the key. I dealt with several manipulative people, their age ranging from mid-teens to late forties. Both sexes. They all shared the childlike mentality. Thank You very much for the video, it's very helpful.
Algorithmic Music actually... they never fully matured into healthy adults.
In an adult (40's), does this change and they evolve..if they want to, or are they likely to remain child and even become more of one?
livingwaterutube most people struggle to change. The person would have to be aware that they behave in this way.
@MsBizzyGurl Yes, 'childlike' is neutral, literally like a child. which is [or can be- ] actually positive or as you say; innocent.
Algorithmic Music wow that’s so true! Because my bf 16 year old daughter is rude to us disrespectful back talks and she learns to from the mom and she’s 37 and the mom is super manipulative person always try’s to get what she wants out of everyone the 16 yr old acts like her when she comes home from a weekend with her mom
Wow, this describes the person i was dealing with so perfectly im getting so mindblown
Same here. I am breaking up with my bf and asking him to move out of my apt
literally same
@@janelmitchell1944 wow supporting you from afar, we can escape this!
@@Tatycharmz thank you sm Taty. Im supporting you too. we got this ❤️
@@janelmitchell1944 thanks girl your so nice!! So I actually did it and he left it’s so hard rn.
How did it go for you doll?
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is such a power move! I love it.
It's not the best response imo.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is a manipulative apology that shifts blame onto the other person and can be a deflection tactic that implies the recipient's feelings are unwarranted or overly sensitive. It's also a semi-polite put-down that's judgmental and distancing.
Some say that responding to "I'm sorry you feel that way" indicates engagement and may incite further gaslighting. Instead, you can try these responses:
Acknowledge the other person's role
Express appreciation for their patience and empathy
Validate your emotions
you just described my sister, she is highly manipulative...I cut my sister out of my life about a year ago...I was drained from her...now I have my life back and I am so much happier
Cathy Ann Same with my sister, i feel happy too.
All the traits in this video and then some.
I felt totaly oppressed and no matter how much i did it was never good enough.
She is just like our father, he did the same to our Mother while we were growing up.
Never look back.☺
Good for you.... hopefully she is learning lessons
My sis been doing this to me for 8 yrs & counting. Trying to find my way out. Someone pray for me word!
I did the same . Unfortunately my fiancee's mother is way worse
My sister is the exact same way. She wants what she wants, she's right everyone else is wrong and until or unless she gets what she's wants she makes everyone else unhappy and uncomfortable
who came from stephine soo i feel bad for her :(
Me ✋
ME!
Me
Me, like Nik is the worst human I have heard of.
What happened to her?
This is so important for us to learn because Stephanie is right we weren’t taught about manipulative and narcissistic people. I’m finally learning this in my 40’s! 🙏
Key word. Entitlement. It's tricky when someone is gaslighting you. Standing in your truth and clearly holding a boundary doesn't make you a crappy daughter, guilt, shame, name calling and worse, sabotaging your marriage... I've learned to stay in control emotionally and not bend to their whim.
At 30 I finally understand this.
Tiara Countee 🙌💗💪
Tiara Countee same here!
Tiara Countee same here, I'm happy about the this growth cause in the past I didn't understand.
Let's keep in mind that narcissists dint like doing things for others and are hypersensitive to anyone asking them for anything and they are selfish and project narcissism onto others. A family member may be picking up on this issue and acting it out. It's good to really talk through issues thoroughly. Narcissists don't like doing anything that isn't their idea. Family members can pick up on that and get very upset about it. The narcissist makes up the person is pushy and healthier people act out the drama.
Tiara Countee, don't worry, I needed more than 50 years, but it's never too late. I do self-love meditation each morning, 5 to 15 minutes, it helps a lot to be aware, feel myself and my needs and makes my days peaceful. 😘
Wow just saved me a therapy bill
Lol
Amen
Lol yep!!!
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Yes. She's amazing 👏
WOW...you are so right. I thought I was loosing it by standing up for my self but good to hear someone else tell me that I am not crazy!. Thank you!
Thank you for the tips. In the past, I've had well-meaning friends telling me that I "gave too much". I didn't quite understand what they meant at first because I thought I was being a good daughter/ friend being generous and helpful. It wasn't until when I was pushed to my limits that I understood what they meant. Now, I've learn to say "no" but sometimes, I still struggle with d guilty feeling of doing so. Hopefully, I'll get to d point of being confident of myself someday.
"Putting yourself First" this is the first time I heard this saying. B'cos people say you should never put yourself first and that took every piece of me and didn't allow me live the life I wanted. BUT not Anymore. Thanks for this Insightful video and helping us to live a better life 😊
Deepak Kumar Thank you for watching! All the best to you
This is a perfect example of my sister. I took care of her, let her live with me, just so she can sleep with my husband! And still to this day, wants me to feel sorry for her!! I'm standing my ground with EVERYONE FROM NOW ON!!
Just. Leave her.and forgate her and your housband too.
Smh that’s fucked up
I can’t even imagine people can do this to you
Sad
Wow I'm so sorry girl
My 2 roommates and I finally cut off our manipulative 4th roommate. This video described him uncannily well. Rather than apologize or even admit to anything, he just pretended we weren’t telling him our issues and talked about how much we’d “traumatized” him with the previous times we brought up our issues. We heard from another friend that immediately after the confrontation, he rushed to his (definitely codependent) girlfriend and lied about the entire thing. Absolutely wild that there are people like that.
I can relate to what you said in your video. I am guilty of being a people pleaser and I know I need to learn self love. And I always feel that I have to explain myself when I say “no” to someone because I was afraid of making that person angry with me.
When I started to love myself, my soul healed then my mind & body followed. It took around 11 years. I was once a people pleaser now I'm a self-advocate for my healthy lifestyle. Funny that nobody even tries to manipulate me now bc I'm not their type & they know it.
1 Corinthians 15:1-4
[1]Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;
[2]By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.
[3]For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;
[4]And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:
Here from Stephanie's channel. She is so sweet. I feel horrible for the way they made her feel.
she’s such a strong woman, love her so much!
✋ Same
Can somebody tell me what happened to her?
@Suesan borts-bredall f
vanesska kovacova th-cam.com/video/RU-Okmkh7vU/w-d-xo.html
I went through it all from beginning to end lol. First I said no then I got the guilt the shame, then I stood my ground and then the abuse and bullying started and it lasted months! Lots of revenge and even turning innocent children against me. Apparently this person got really mad with a simple no which shows his character.
If I say "I'm sorry you feel that way" then he comes back with, "I don 't want you to apologize" or ""I'm not asking for an apology" and it just goes around again.
if a nice person makes me feel pressured to do something, that’s usually my cue they’re manipulative
My sister, exactly
Great video. Well presented. Im 41. A man. And I had two people who I was very close to manipulating me for years. One was a relationship the other my best friend. I was so blind to the tactics. I admittedly had low self esteem from past trauma that I didnt deal with. I removed these two people from my life around a 6 months ago. My best friend is now a friend that I see once a month.
I made the realization around 6 months ago. Since I removed the manipulators from my life I am so much happier. One thing you dont realise is how much time they suck out of you. Take your freedom back from manipulating people. Ultimately I discovered they were envious of me. But I work hard for my money. They take what ever they can get.
Rob Holmes Absolutely! I tell all of my clients the hardest part is just getting rid of these people… Once they’re gone your happiness your piece your contentment all comes back.
It's even harder when you're raised by a toxic person and have to keep them at arm's length. It takes a long time to assess them sometimes. Most people never realize who they're dealing with!
You're absolutely right!
Rob Holmes what if you CAN'T remove them from your life??😶
NiciGheto Try to resist their manipulation and stay away from them as much as possible. Learn to love yourself, and establish boundaries. 👍🏽
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. After over 40 years of this EXACT treatment I finally understand how my once reasonably secure nature has been battered into submission. Luckily I still have enough underlying emotional strength to be able to turn the tide using your recovery methods and it is a fantastic feeling. For the first time I am experiencing the feeling that people refer to as "liberating".
I’ll admit I’ve caught myself want to push someone to resolve a conflict with me before they were ready to talk about it and I think it’s because their avoidance made me really anxious and left me to torment myself mentally fearing they would leave me. Not realizing my wanting to fix things now was pushing them in that direction. It sucks waiting for someone to feel ready to talk to you, some never do but I’ve had to learn how to calm down that fear of abandonment.
Beware of these wolves who r sheep in their clothing. Fantastic insight n very true.
I agree. I fell in love w socio and am trying to let him go. Always my fault. Hs has others.
The best video in manipulation ! The only way you stop a manipulator is when you love yourself and know your value ! Love this !!!!!!
Anel Silva Thank you so much!
Funny... i kind of love you! Is that weird? Haha only kidding' hows life 1yr on ? :)
This is gold and my husband completely agrees that this is his 35 year old sister, still living at home. He already started to create boundaries for his own life and wants to cultivate a heathy relationship with me. Thank you for making this video.
I feel like im recovering myself when listening to you.
I always said YES without thinking cuz I always wanted to please others but now I know that my happiness is more important than anybody else . We should please ourself first .
Dealt with a narcissistic, emotionally manipulative father my whole life. My healing started the day I said no and blocked his ass.
SAME ☺️
Trust me on this I have the same story
Same,
Same, but my mother..super toxic person
My mom loves to point out that I can’t handle certain situations because I have anxiety without realizing that I’m like that because I’m around her. What you said made me realize she’s probably pointing this out because she wants me either doubt or feel bad about myself.
Hello, do you need help
I c a n r e c o m m e n d y o u t o s o m e o n e w h o c a n h e l p y o u m a n i f e s t y o u r e x b a c k
+ 2 3 4 7 0 5 6 6 8 6 8 4 9...
"I'm sorry you feel that way." Wow. Thank you for that. It's simple but powerful and leaves no room for confusion.
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
Good comeback for manipulators, manipulators' favourite comeback.
Omg!!! She would say that to me after being the most horrible person to me...
Hoping that they reading this.
Exactly what my sister says after you express yourself
How to Handle Manipulative People ? Ignore them.
Not that easy I've tried. They will guilt trip you and act very caring, charming and nice at first. You have to go full no contact and when I have a kid with one, it's almost impossible. It sucks.
& if you live with them also have a child together how the ignoring works ? The person is constantly controlling you , constantly in your face, on your case so how the ignoring comes here ?
Ok, but what if you do ignore them and they still instill?
It doesn't always work you have to communicate with some people like in work.
Go "grey rock" if you can't go no contact.
I'll need to listen to this like everyday, My dad is very manipulating so i used to cry all the time but i'm so over it now.
same it's in my downloads haha , my classmates are really toxic and manipulative
This is 4 yrs ago but this is what I've been looking for to hear. One of the best things I've heard in life. I am a victim of manipulative people and I'm traumatized for years
xxx typhon,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist....
@xxx typhon lol 😂 these type of people do multiply 😂😩
We just need to learn how to deal with them. We focus on ourselves. The better we know ourselves, the more tools we have to equip ourselves to handle all kinds of people, any situation.
As someone who manipulated a family member, I learned my lesson the hard way. I’m trying to change my ways and this really described what I was like
This is so big of you to know and also state this was you. I pray that GOD deliver you because this hurts.
It's amazing for you to acknowledge that.
😂😂 you a savage
You are making yourself a big favor, don’t give up because you can change your ways and you will be happier when you realize that you are free from controlling someone else and start controlling yourself.
Govern yourself and you will be living your best life
A golden statement.. "Im sorry you feel that way."
PLEASE don't use that phrase, it is not OK! It passive aggressive and it is GASLIGHTING. I've been gaslighted this way and know how damaging it is. If you're sorry about someone's feelings, you are not really sorry - so don't say that you are sorry when you don't really mean it - this is passive aggressive. If you are sorry because you have upset or hurt someone, tell them you're sorry - not because they "feel that way" but because you have hurt them. So much valuable information in this video, but saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" is toxic behaviour. There are better ways to handle toxic people (many good advice in the video) than to stoop to their level and become toxic yourself.
@Hélia Alves i suggest u watch some videos about gaslighting by dr Ramani who's a renowned psychologist and an expert on the subject and then you'll understand what i mean.
@Hélia Alves en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-apology_apology End of discussion. Lots of information about this non-apology online. A quote form Gina Delucca, a clinical psychologist at Wellspace SF: “Even though this phrase begins with the words, ‘I’m sorry,’ it is not a real apology. It does not take ownership of any wrongdoing. It does not communicate remorse for your actions, and it does not express any empathy towards the other person’s feelings. Instead, it may imply that you think the other person is being irrational or overly sensitive. Try to understand and take responsibility for how your actions or words hurt the other person, saying something like, ‘I’m sorry that I canceled our plans at the last minute. It was inconsiderate of your time and I understand why you are angry at me.’”
@Hélia Alves It does indeed
Wow!! When I realized that I am married to manipulator narcissist husband. I found myself alone with no friends or family who no longer talk to me because I pushed them so far away for my husband jealousy over them. Now I am filing for divorce and preparing myself for the fight of my life.....
Stay strong and it will get grader later
I’m so glad Stephanie Soo linked this bc I know I really needed to hear this so I’m sure so many of you needed it too. We’ll get through this 💜
A woman who clearly understands about manipulation & realises that it is not a healthy practice for relationships is truely a rare and beautiful thing.
I love that saying " I am sorry you feel that way".
markus emmons it is a good one! 💗
never apologize to a manipulator
I like that. And then you go your own way. I will differently give it a shot.
markus emmons yep, and when they say their sorry, they eventually end up doing it again... im like why did u say your sorry, if you were just ging to do that again to me, over and over again? apparently u werent sorry when u did what u did to me, so why are u apologizing?
I'm sorry you feel that way, works
Its not being passive, it puts the responsibility back in them for their feelings
I love your coaching videos. They are valuable lessons to me in handling difficult people or conversations. Thank you so much!
So very, but very accurate! And it is absolutely exhausting, and draining, to have important loved ones who are manipulative!
What they don't understand is that the word NO is a full sentence.
I’ve had suspicions for most of my life that my mother is a manipulative person, and this video really confirmed that for me.
I hope you found a way how to deal with the manipulation..!
My mum also…!
This was one of the videos that helped me stop doubting myself and gave me the courage to end a bad relationship.
Such an amazing video! This was the first one I watched regarding narcissism and start down the path of breaking free.
I came here from Stephanie Soo’s channel and I’m glad I watched this. This is my entire family
Mom, dad, sister....
Just don’t talk to them 😄. Then give them the silence treatment. Works every time 👌
Robert Gilmour thanks for reminding me!!!
Robert Gilmour not if it’s your adult🤦🏿♂️🤧
excuse me? I was generally saying thank u bc I know that ignoring them works BUT I HADNT BEEN DOING THAT!!!! IF U ARE TRYING TO B FUNNY U DONT HAVE TO RESPOND...SMH PPL DONT KNOW HOW TO SAY YOURE WELCOME WITHOUT ALL THE SMART COMMENTS VERYYY UNGRATEFUL!!! 🤷💁🙋✌️
Too bad that doesnt work when its family coz they will still use that reaction against you
Yes, that works great..
Thank you so much for your lesson!!! 💜It helped me so much to realize what was going on in my life
You are so brutally honest
Just loved the video 💕
Excellent advice! The best way to identify these individuals is to say "NO".
J Marie Hill exactly.. that is always when an abusive or manipulative person will reveal themselves. They don’t like hearing that word.
I hope
Awesome on point video. Once i started to realize i was being manipulated by my husband, i began to not tolerate his abuse anymore and i learned to stand up for myself. Now the next step is trying to get out of my situation. I was in a fog for 13 years. I have 4 kids with a narc husband but im planning my escape.
Good for you. I have two kids and I was with my husband for 33 years. I lost who I was. I escaped 8 years ago. I asked God to help me find out who He meant me to be and He has been.
You got this....
Yup me 2
Good for you ! I have a daughter is married to a Manipulator they have five kids that I never get to see I our talk to I pray she wake up soon at less for the kids sake...
Yes! And the first thing you mention is boundaries. Conveying to others the importance of your personal (and even biz) boundaries is key.
Thank You for helping Stephanie Soo realize the worth of her voice and also of many others.
This speaks to me on every level! My grandmother is very manipulative. Everything is a game, every question is loaded and has a motive either to know what I’m doing or so she can corner me in to doing something for her. Guilt tripping and childlike moods if you don’t do or give her what she wants. Constantly wanting me to do what she wants me to do when she decides. Anytime I say no it’s a guilt trip or an exhausting explanation. I end up trying to ignore or avoid her when I feel it getting to the stage where I want to erupt. This video helps me put a lot in to perspective thank you
I know when manipulative people try to pull the wool over my eyes. One of my siblings always tried to manipulate me but I have a sharp wit and a creative imagination.
I was manipulative at one point without realising it, I'd manipulate my friend by saying I wouldn't be friends with him anymore unless he did what I told him. Happened when I was 8, I aint gonna make any excuses as I know what I did was wrong, but I've realised my mistakes and changed my personality and I'm actually really good friends with that person now.
@ Artic good for you! Hope you do the same thing with others too. Self awareness /self growth is a daily challenge. Best regards.
I don't think I can thank you enough for these videos its helping to remind me that I am doing the right thing for myself. I deserve genuine love and respect.
I am favoriting this video so that everytime my manipulative ex attempts to make me feel like a bad person for leaving his abusive grasp I can be reminded that I am NOT required to be HIS stepping stone to happiness.
Beautiful I have done the same!
Say no. Stand your grand. That's it. Done.
Yes, choose how you deal with the manipulation!
Something that has helped me is learning these statements
NO (is a full sentence)
IAM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHERS HAPPINESS OR FEELINGS
Hey I’m here after the drama, but also for myself. This was an awesome powerful video thank you so much this is pure gold and really hits the spot:)
I used to love myself before I got married to a manipulative man. So, so, abusive.
You can always get back that person.. this time it will be an even smarter, healthier version of yourself :)
Stephanie Lyn Coaching
yeah, coach. Thank god I found all these links and lists of tactics of manipulation otherwise I wouldn't have understood what was going on....I feel more and more people should know that such behaviour is a possibility...many who haven't wronged anyone have a hard time comprehending what's going on and how to deal with it!
Did you get out?
I feel I may be married to a manipulative man 🤔 everyone around me tells me he is. Which makes me think. So I’m starting to watch videos on this to really know what to do about it.
Aaliyah Khan same
I always say NO, I don't want to, you should do it, I don't care,
John Paolo Paulino yes sir
People that want to rush you into things can totally ruin your life. It happened to me. So glad I’m reading your posts. I am now 67 and wish this kind of help was around when I was 19 and in college meeting all kinds of personalities-some good and some seemingly good that were actually VERY manipulative. Young adults need this kind of information in health and p.e. classes before they leave high school.
she did an excellent job explaining exactly what a manipulator does and how to deal with him or her. amazing job Steph !!! love you
I am experiencing this to the tee with a friend of 13 years. I am finally able to see through her manipulative behaviors but it took me this long to figure it out. At this moment in time (before I watched this video) I am trying to stand my ground. I have taken time to reflect on the feelings I get when we communicate and it's been an emotional rollercoaster through out our entire relationship and I am tired. I am ready to move on but she's digging her claws in deeper the more she can sense me pulling away and realizing she can't continue to influence me. It's been quite the experience really, a very long one but also a very important lesson. I was afraid to stop being friends with her because I didn't have a sense of self and it's true the more I start to put myself first, the more clearly I am able to see.
Just block her, she’s wasted enough of your time and energy
@@alkalinelifestyle638 Interestingly enough, I made that comment 2 years ago and very shortly after.... That is EXACTLY what I did. Without any explanation because I had exhausted all of my energy explaining myself out entire relationship. Long story short we didn't have any communication for those 2+ some years until literally a month ago! Turns out she moved away and had recently moved back. We ended up crossing paths at a local bar we both use to frequent together, go figure. Extremely awkward, I'll spare you the details but by the end of the night after many drinks she basically begged me that all she wanted was for me to be in her wedding. But was extremely jealous I was out with a newer friend having a great night (which I know because she straight up told my friend lol) I was like you know what, let's meet up again and talk things out see if anything has changed. That was about a week ago and... NOPE. It did not go well. At the end of the night, I sent her a message saying clearly my decision back then to end our friendship was the right one and I wished her the best. Gave her a day to respond to see if she would apologize for anything. Got nothing. So she's now blocked again on everything and I guess in her eyes maybe she feels better in some way that her choice not to respond to me this time is some sort of poetic justice.... Either way. I was COMPLETELY fine without her in my life those 2 years and she said she had written so many letters during that time that she just couldn't being herself to send.... Obviously I'm not the one missing out and never was.
Truly, that would be the best advice anyone could have given me. So thank you, sincerely. Lesson learned.
I'm here from Stephanie Soo and I've learned ssooo much
Thank you for posting, easy to digest and to the point, very useful.🙏🏽
Thanks for all these wonderful reminders and videos!!
Thanks. I was a codependent people pleaser until I learned to love myself. I learned that between saying yes or no there is a third option: "I have a 24-hours-for-decision-rule, please wait until tomorrow, I'll get back to you and tell you"! That helps a lot, giving myself the time to think what I really want to do for that person.
Mireille Claire I love your 24 hour plan. I need to do that! And I am going to!
@@carolynhamilton9728 I am a survivor of extreme, multiple abuses from both my parents & still grew up very naive. Despite it all, I have a loving heart & was always doing things to help others out, despite being ill. It was such a relief when I realised, in my thirties, that I could say to people that I needed time to go & look at my diary & think whether I could do it. I used to leave my diary at home deliberately so I could say "Im sorry I don't have my diary with me, I will have to let you know later." It still took me ages to learn to say no. For a long time I felt like I had to have some really good reason that made it impossible for me to babysit or whatever. Later I did get better at saying 'no' & could eventually say 'Im sorry Im busy that day', if I had decided to spend the day writing, even though I knew they wouldnt think that was a 'proper' excuse & that they would feel I should just cancel it & do what they wanted.
As someone who had been completely without even the most basic of rights, or any protection, as a child, it took me a very long time to be able to say, "Im sorry, Im not well & need to conserve my energy". I felt terribly selfish & guilty. Would spend all night agonising over it. It was very bad for my health.
Sarah Strong Thank you so much for reaching out to me.
I really appreciate it.
I am finally learning to use some of the basic principles that I could easily teach my own friends - yet, myself I get tangled up with such as;
"You will never be able to fully be there to help others, until you,
yourself are fully 100%" ~~
& my favorite; "When the oxygen mask drops down while in flight, put yours on 1st, so you can help the passengers in need" - Basically, you aren't going to be of any use to anyone else in trouble or need, unless you are o.k. first. (principle)
I like how you kept your diary at home so you would have the smart idea of taking your time to answer.
I think if I had done that more in my early life and 20s , I would have been able to reach my goals. All those plans for my life that were actually sitting at my feet, I could have had, I would have now. Instead, I agonized too thinking about the other people's needs -
They were more important than my own.
I think a lot of it had to do with not having the proper upbringing, when parents aren't there for you, you are left to figure all this stuff out on your own. Trial & error.
I think that's where the naivety come from. We were lucky to have been born with good hearts, we just didn't learn not to have them stomped on.
You learned how to give yourself time to make decisions, I finally learned to put my needs first in an unselfish way. I just feel like I learned too late...
It took me a long time to realize that certain people take kindness as a weakness.
The more I have helped certain people, the more I put my own life on the back burner. So, I gave my life away.
I didn't even notice it or figure it out until too late. 💔
Wow yes i was just like that with evryone that surrounded me my kids dad,my younger sister,my bff im learning to love myself im learning that y am i putting evryone else 1st nd wat about me whos gana do for me,no one ,no one will care for me so i got to know my self nd my thoughts changed i started to say NO nd they saw me as a mean person i dont care cuase all of them were manipulators just using my kindness for ther well being so im good now i know im worth as a person we all are god bless u
Good one! Im going go use this! Thanks!
My mom, and ex girlfriend. I am happy to be away from these toxic people, especially my ex girlfriend.
King Ja'voni444 🙌💗💪
I am glad that I took the time to listen to this video because it opened my eyes to see how my sister was treating me, funny how people whom you love , they know you well and can hurt you so deeply. I am healing and my pray is that my sister is healed as well. Stephanie Lyn Thank you.
I have recently came to realization that my dad is emotionally manipulative. After years and years I have finally connected the dots. Going to step up boundaries to protect myself!
thank you for helping stephanie soo. she linked ur video in her description
You have a beautiful soul.
Keep shining. Thank you x
Ruby Tuesday thank you! 💗
Angie price ,you're absolutely gorgeous 💓💓❤🌹🌹🌹and I will be glad to know you
Thank you so much, I’m so Blessed to find you. I’m just find it about this behavior, getting out of a 12 years relationship with a narcissist. Only when I left everything behind I find out about this behavior . I being isolated for a while but it’s being worse since last year . I really appreciate it all your videos. Good Blessings for you and your family. Feeling more strong to understand and know this behavior.
Distance over argument is how I deal with manipulators. I start ghosting and there is no coming back. If is someone I work or live with I ignore them,but when it comes yo communication between us I respond in short sentences,nothing more or less,straight to the point.
I have a friend that does this to me as well. I've known them my entire life and Im not sure what to do. This video is very informative. I came from Stephanie Soo and I'm glad you could help the both of us.
Am so glad I found your channel! *Loving yourself is putting yourself first"* ♡
illudin eye I’m so glad that you’re in our community!
illudin eye 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
I like how the way to talk it's so calm ... clear and precise luv ya
Just subscribed! 🎉 I have been through this and I'm still going through this. You have helped me know how to handle the bad situations. I've always wanted to be more assertive! Thank you so very much!
oh! so they play a victim card and they do long term plannings to get what they want. they dont wanna lose any opportunity. great learning from your video. thanks to u.
i am so glad i found these videos. because although i am 20 years old my mom has been a very manipulative person, and all of my years i never noticed i thought it was my mom being mom until now ive noticed the signs. the one thing i have noticed is that kindness is the key and i cannot thank you enough
King Singh Thank you so much for watching him for commenting! I’m so glad that you found us as well
I love your voice, calm and you seem very easy to talk too. Great video.
This is just so right on target, thank you
came here from my biss ;(
im also here for my biss as well
Here from biss as well:(
What about the manipulative persons who don't answer you to hide their real agenda? They don't bully, they don't threaten but act nice and have logical answers to put a screen to hide their real goal? I don't have a problem with the obvious bullies but the "nice" smiley ones.
how do you handle them?
There are way too many of them around.
Creeps, they make my skin crawl.
Covert, passive aggressive... they always leave that room for plausible deniability that work to gaslight and really make you doubt yourself. You’re right... they are way more insidious than the upfront manipulators. I’m surviving one of those subtle types as well.
I am surrounded by these types of people. I depend on these types of people. I have to force myself to trust these types of people because they're the only "support" that I have. It is draining me and it seems unavoidable. How to cope?!
@@iamloveabundance4102 find a way out
The way I had to deal with my “manipulative” friend who has never ever agreed nor believed that they are this way, is by taking care of their inner child, being humorous with them and doing an intervention (with recorded evidence involved)
AND (A BIG ONE): giving them a leadership role so they are forced to listen to others feedback to do better & be responsible for others…
Thanks!
This was excellent advice, thank you Stephanie.