I often cry when I think about how I let myself be emotionally abused by a person, I feel both sad and angry for letting myself be fooled by this person for several years. I think of the little girl within me and how all she wanted was to be loved, and I let her down by accepting this, I would never let anyone else’s little girl be treated this way, yet I let my own little girl go through it, l will never let her down again.
Anne Kenna well said. This post resonated with me. I’ve let my self down so many times because I wanted to be wanted. I wish you all the best your journey.
It’s the hardest to accept but it really is the key! It destroys the illusion and it forces you to let go. Otherwise the lingering (and very false) hope keeps us around far longer.
I just learned that he didn't love.I could not get that fact..I thought he loved me so much..I thought he was insecure and that he loved me..he is in love with himself and so vein!! Disrespectful beyond compare!!
Or they just love the idea of having you there by their side to feed em the attention they need and thus the reason they cant let u go when u leave, cuz they need everyone to accept them, enable them, and support them but but they cant do it in return.
They enjoy their POWER over their opponents. They get an INTOXICATING RUSH IN PLAYING A POWER GAME With the SWEET SOFT-HEARTED COMPASSIONATE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. THOSE Showing Mercy COMPASSION PEACE WARMTH Nurturing CARE With FORGIVENESS for their bulling powers. They are NOT DEEPLY HAPPY People. They do not KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. ITS NOT SEX. IT IS NOT HARM. HURT. DESTRUCT. DAMAGE. NOT Taking advantage of ANYTHING GOOD: BENEFICIAL. THEY NEED
They LOVE THE WAYS YOU LOVE THEM. LOVE THEM. THEY CAN NOT GET Enough of your ENERGY & SANITY to FEEL HAPPY LOVEABLE & GIVING LIKE YOU. They are envious & jealous OF YOUR LOVING GIVING POWERS. IT IS A GAME To them. Wishes & DESIRES TO GET TAKE & WIN WIN WIN!! King! A GOD figure powers. Complex minds. GAME GAME TIME. Good fortune
Signs Of Emotional Abuse: 1.) Constantly testing your boundaries (Controlling ) 2.) Silent treatment 3.) Passive Agressive 4,) Disregard your feelings (Self obsorbed ) 5.) Completely ignores you when you are speaking 6.) Manipulation (The abusers best friend, they are bullies) 7.) Gaslighting ( Causes you to second guess yourself) My suggestion is to go No Contact with these toxic people and practice self love.... Wishing you the best! ❤
Before him, I was a happy person, I cared about others, I had great sleep patterns. During "him" I started having panic and anxiety attacks, I would stress myself and usually overeat, I became obsessive and insecure, then I would hate myself for my look, I started blaming myself for any single thing that went wrong. After him, I have severe depression, I cry every day, I woke up several times during the night, Im constantly scared of pretty much everything, I hate my body, I hate my weakness and most of all, I hate the person I became. I just wanna move on with my life and be back to the happy person I used to be.
✓abusive people are reactive. The point of abuse is to control. ✓emotional abuse is difficult to spot as all the scars are in our mind. ✓an emotional abuser constantly tests your boundaries. They don't like the word 'no'. ✓emotional abusers seek out weak people who have poor boundaries and low self-esteem. ✓emotional abusers are passive aggressive. They say little digs. That is emotional abuse. ✓they always disregard your feelings, opinions.
Not all of us have low self-esteem. But definitely weak or non existent boundaries. He felt insecure because of my self-esteem. Loneliness is also an issue. Even people with healthy self-esteem can't deal with horrible affects of lack of support and foundation. They pick people with little to no support system. Not everyone has low self-esteem, but try living in this world alone majority of your time and see if that doesn't drive the most sane and independent person insane!
I like that she made the point that emotional abuse doesn't haven't to be yelling or screaming. It can be a small sting, or they can say things like, "You're too emotional. You're too sensitive." Classic lines they use ALL the time.
Yes the ignoring IS PURPOSELY DONE! Please please… When you FEEL something is wrong but you can’t “prove” it, keep listening to videos like this & pray! It will get better.
Get out of thses relationships before you waste the rest of your life! I have just broken up with my ex of 3 and half years. I was walking on eggshells all the time and always hoping he would change or be truly sorry but nothing. I was and still am scared of what he is capable of but I would rather be scared than waste my life and my happiness. Yes I still have feelings for him but I am trusting they will go one day! please , please get out now, they wont change!. Love yourself, thats what I am trying to do! Peace and blessings xx
Thank you Stephanie! Today has been tough as I am missing him. No wonder women keep going back. Trust me I am fighting it everyday! I know he will never change but what I cant get over is the feelings that I am feeling. I hope they go away soon! x
You absolutely got this! Listen to as many coaches and speakers as you can and start knowing an believing that you deserve BETTER!! Once you really live in that belief that you deserve a healthy partner and when you know what that should look like then you will not miss the abuse. Just focus on loving yourself!! When we doubt that what we want even exist is when we resort back to old ways or people that are not good for us because we don't want to be single. We often think being single is the worst thing in the world but it will allow you to focus on YOU, to love YOU and for you to get to a really great and healthy place so you can attract a healthy partner and an amazing relationship!
Yvonne Forbes I completely agree I have wasted 32 of my life with this man I am still with him his a naccicisst sykopath path he has phsicall abused me emotional mentally abuses me èvan then strangly shokingly I have always loved him still do they destroy yu ruin yu they act like ther god over yu I cm from a Asian background
You are spot on. I was abused for 25 years by a narcissistic person. I always was looking the other way because I knew how bad his childhood was. Then I just snapped one day & divorced him. He was stunned like it came out of the blue. In truth it was 25 years in the making. I'm remarried now & have never been happier, never knew life can be so amazing
Where should a 60 years old friend of mine look to find a husband? She wants to be married. She is full of life and happiness but she is alone on the other side of the world.
@@user-by1pv7sv5d having kids with the person makes it harder but its still important to protect your mental and emotional health and leave a bad situation
I wouldn’t know. I’m not the type to get mental scars. I was in a mental abusive relationship for about 10 minutes. The guy literly said you can’t hang with any of your friends ever again and I have to make new ones and called me useless. I was like fuck no I’m out of here. I also don’t have a high tolerance for pain like at all. So that’s I think psychical would be worse. It’s different for each person.
So very sad but true! Currently trying to heal from being emotionally abused. You truly don’t realize it when it is happening. Made me think I was too sensitive, emotional and overreacting... made me feel like I was crazy. 😔 Now I depression and anxiety. I’m so sorry you went through this too!! 😢
Gabriela, I agree. It's like a broken record. And so sad because they target very kind, giving people. Like they are emotional blood suckers draining every ounce of kindness and sanity from you.
It’s exhausting feeling for years like you’re constantly in the wrong and making the relationship difficult. Never let anyone make you feel like you’re crazy or confused. Someone who truly loves you will never want you to feel this way.
@@chasetrix2432 It's a strategy, not a way of life. You have to lie to them to protect yourself from them. I had to do this to escape a 13 year relationshit with a high narc trait "partner."
Oh how true..i often think ive become a mean person 'ONLY TO HIM"..i can love other's and genuinely care about people ..i have to protect myself from "HIM"
Don’t let her convince you that you are a “victim,“ what she is describing is very vague, virtually everybody including you fits into these descriptions every now and again.
@@ozzyklary what are you afraid of? Believe me these people are professionals and they expect you to be afraid and in some sort of “bad shape,“ people (typically) don’t go when everything is going terrific. For somebody to seek therapy they are probably having issues in their career, education, or with a romantic partner or (regard of age) their parents.
The best revenge is learning how to be the best and healthiest version of yourself, and enforcing boundaries like going "no contact" (so necessary for your growth)
I dated / had a friends with benefits (although wanted a more in the relationship) with a man I knew for many years. I finally got the courage to cut him off and tell him no contact. A HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders! Best thing I could ever done for myself! Don't miss him!
I broke the no contact rule, and it was the stupidest idea that I have ever done. I was coping up for the first three weeks, but then I contacted him after finding out he has a new girl. I got jealous and now, moving on is a lot harder as I have been having intrusive thoughts of them talking together or doing the activities that we have done together before. It was a mental torture. It was worse than the first days of our breakup. I felt like a fool after him ignoring my reachouts, and just completely blocked him hours after. Then I just accepted that we are done, but I'm still healing. The pain, anger, and disappointments are still here. I keep on reminding myself on how much he had emotionally-abused me, on how much emotionally destroyed I am because of what had happened. But I'm still thankful for him as I now know that I'm capable of loving genuinely, and I have learned about myself! Currently, I'm trying to cope up day-by-day. When the thoughts of them came, I will indulge myself in those feelings. I face them, let myself feel the pain, and try to remind myself that I have done my best, and that there is a good future for me and I don't have to worry about them as they are not in my future! In short, never, ever break the no-contact rule, nor stalk him/her. It will definitely slow your healing process. STOP EVERY URGES THAT YOU ARE FEELING.
As a man, I handled gaslighting/emotional abuse pretty well. However, it does a number on you when you realize you are dealing with a very broken person. Just being in that presence is draining.
I don't agree with you my son was never emotionally abused And he emotionally abuses me.... He is 35 years old He was given all the love and attention he is codependent..... In my opinion It is a mental issue Thank you
Da835t,sounding very emotionally stable, and some aren't broken but seem devoid of repair, prone codependency, thanks for sharing,feeling in order to fully understand them,you empty yourself out, disemboweling, destabilizing, emotionally detaching just to give yourself and the marriage some chance, piecing back together ones ownself day by day,before waves of hurt and insults allow you to,always found so wanting, always so full of more and more nothingness.kindest regards otherwise dear Sir..David
It's hard to recognize it as a man. There really aren't any resources for you and if you bring it up, people think you're overreacting or pin you as the abuser. It consumes you.
I just want to tell anyone out there suffering due to the selfish and calloused actions of someone they trusted or even loved. That I hope you are strong enough to realize that when life has allowed you to experience extreme sorrow, pain, or darkness. That it ultimately is a gift. You have survived 100% of your worst days up until now. You keep going. Stay strong. I know it sounds paradoxical but isn’t life just one great mysterious irony anyway?
Yes, and once subjected to abuse, we become desensitized to it. Thus, we become vulnerable to experiencing maltreatment again, until becoming educated.
I just realized not too long ago I was(and still am) being emotionally abused by my boyfriend but yet I don’t know how to leave. I know it’s wrong but it’s not that simple to just throw everything away.
He can tell me how he is feeling, he can tell me all the horrible things about me, he can jab me, block me, stonewall me, but when i try to talk to him and express my feelings, the typical response from him is.... "you are so insecure". then i get silent treatment. I finally ended it, i am no longer afraid of being alone... adios . and damn it feels good.
This is how I live on the daily, my feelings thoughts and mental health are completely disregarded but I know I’m not the problem. I got stonewalled that much which killed me but I ended up becoming a master at giving it back
Also, many of these tactics are absolutely intentionally done. Do they do them to everyone? No. Do they do them in public? Usually not. Do they do them at the beginning during the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship? No. Emotional abusers put on different “faces” depending on who they’re speaking to and what they want. It’s absolutely deliberate.
That is so correct. They do know and you can see it in their eyes. Specialy when they know that you love them, reaspect them and when you are living up to your hi morals and ethics. I grow up with abuse from day 1 and after age 6 I witness how my stepfather was killing my mothers mind and body. At age 13 I started to defend my mother and my brother and we did survive. My mom is 62 now and she is doing better. My brother is my pride and joy. Only me, I was not so lucky.... After everithing we went thru I was married to person that used me for everything and one day he just left without one word. Me and my son we are doing best to overcome. For my son it will be izzier becouse he is not alone and he is smart and strong boy. We love him very much. I just wish for me to be able to collect my broken pieces.... Becouse today I just feel Lost and without energy to stand strong. Too many scars......
@@anditsreyna020 what do u mean Gemini? cus my covert narsicist Jezebel...wife,is a Gemini ..I read there traits it sounds like a covert narsicist/Jezebel ...very weird
@Solveig St-Juste I strongly suggest you tell someone what's going on older who you trust and if you've been physically assaulted or verbally I suggest you u eventually take it to court not acceptable behavior at all:)) xx
NO. In Pennsylvania, that would be a felony for violation of a wiretap law still on the books from the 1940s. Courts have ruled that a wire isn’t necessary for this to still be a violation, as the point being to eliminate non-consensual recordings. I suspect there’s a similar law in nearly every state. Check with local authorities before doing this. I could backfire in a BIG way.
@@Dfhawk some states have a one party agreement to recording. I know we do in AZ. As long as at least one person consents to being recorded, it's perfectly legal.
Empaths and Highly Sensitive people are perfect prey for narcs. We are selfless and they are completely selfish. It’s a perfect marriage. Empaths and Highly Sensitive people are quite resilient. We get knocked down and keep coming back for more and more abuse. It becomes a cycle that the abuser thrives on that diminishes us at the same time. The lesson for me was self reliance and putting myself first. No more care-taking, begin setting clear boundaries, and focusing on my own self care and wellbeing above all else. Without our devoted participation the abuser is powerless.
Having a narcissistic parent, I was raised to accept emotional abuse as "normal." I was told by a boyfriend (at 37 y.o.) I didn't have any boundaries and he felt like he could do anything he wanted at all times. That was an eye opener because I had no idea a) what boundaries were and b) that I was allowed to have them. I remember thinking that he may as well have been speaking to me in Greek. We broke up, I literally felt like I had shattered inside and got into therapy. Glad he's no longer in my life and really glad he made that comment because it led me to finally "meeting" myself.
He wasn’t abusive; he was truthful telling you that you lacked boundaries. An abuser would not have told you, just used your inability to set them. Everything is not permissible! Respect is the foundation of civilization and all working relationships, not like, not even love. Respect for self and others. Glad you met yourself. Sometimes even put harshest critics move us away from them ( luckily) but towards ourselves. Good luck to you in 2022.
@@jeanettesdaughter I think they’re not saying that the boyfriend wasn’t abusive, but made them aware of potentially being open to allowing abuse in their life based on how they were raised. No where in there did they say the boyfriend was abusive.
Um yeah. That was gist of what I was saying. He was truth telling about boundaries and I learned what they were at that moment. However I did not give one iota of information regarding why I'm glad he's no longer in my life. Because that is no one's business but mine and his. So for you to tell me he was not abusive is based on your own suppositions. Especially since I did not say HE was abusive...or wasn't.
1. Testing boundaries 2. Silent treatment 4. Passive aggressive 5. Disregard your feelings/needs/opinions (not holding space) 6. Ignore you when you're speaking 7. Manipulation (shaming & guilt then insult) 8. Gaslighting Worth the watch, I just wanted to write it out.
Yes indeed the lack of education and knowledge are making healthy people fall in to a narcs , toxic and delusional people ....knowledge is power mm.... Stay bless y'all !!!!
I think the hardest part is knowing that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, yet still having such a hard time detaching myself from my feelings for that person. I finally blocked my abuser and have hope that one day it will hurt less. I am now working on being able to find validation within myself, and not rely on others for my happiness by taking it day by day. Thank you for your insight. I can’t tell you how much relief I have gotten just from this video.
@@charlottehessley8349 he’s reached out 3 times in the past year (apologizing, wanting to be friends, etc. but clearly it’s for his ego) and each time I’ve been able to respectfully tell him to not contact me anymore. I feel nothing towards him. Blocking him was the best thing I could have done for myself. It helped me recognize what a horrible person he was, and how I would never want someone like that in my life.
I'm here. I can't . I still cry. I've broken up. He came visited me again and then blocked me after then posted gory images and now just ignoring me and just I want this over
I got frosted out in my last relationship on a few different occasions, when I stood up for myself, made my physical or mental health a priority instead of giving into what he wanted me to do. Looking back I’m actually kinda proud of myself for standing up for myself.
Same. Except doing so lead to the end of my relationship of 1 year when I chose to advocate for myself to be respected and have my feelings consorted and finally have reciprocity and mutuality.
Unicorn Dust same. Anytime he does something wrong it’s a wall when you try to explain your emotions about the incident. It’s bordering on covert narcissism 🤦🏾♀️
I cried watching this. This made me realize so many things about myself and my relationship and I was not expecting for it to get this deep. Definitely breaking up with my boyfriend.
I'm thinking of breaking up too...its hard we've been together over 5 years now.. he just doesnt realize what hes doing & its pushing me away & I'm tired of it.
@@PgirlRangerz you should please... You even sound exhausted. It's not gonna be easy but hey, nothing good comes easy... Once you do so, it would actually feel like you haven't been breathing for sooo long.. Keep educating yourself on how to go about it.. It might be over 5 years now, but do u really wanna spend the next 5 with him? If no, then do it now! If you don't, you just might end up spending the next 10 before you know it You can. Trust me, it may not seem like it at first but it's like the best best thing you'll ever do for yourself and you won't even be able to deny it. I'm so passionate about this. Muah! I wish you the best! I just broke up with mine about 2 months ago. I'm already looking and even feeling younger.. And also learning a lot about myself. It's amazing how much things the pain I endured is teaching me. Um.. I read something that empowered me.. "the most courageous thing that you will ever do is to let go of what is hurting your soul" and "sometimes, you have to break your heart to heal your soul".. I truly wish you the best and hope you don't procrastinate too long. Muah! My prayers are with you. 💕💕
@@tundeawosika4594 You dont know how much your words help me.🙏🏽 That's very sweet of you & I've made up my mind. I'm talking to him now about matter of fact. But I just wanted to reply because I really appreciate your help & advice. Im glad you're happier now too! You sound more free & wise lol You're amazing & thank you so much for your comment💜
For me, dealing with someone who continues to nit pick and just little comments here and there like muttering under your breath, mocking you or using your weaknesses against you really brings you down. You can ignore it as much as possible. Eventually it does get to you and you end up feeling unworthy of love. 💔
When they tell you you're too sensitive you start thinking "I need to prove them wrong, that I can handle this" ... Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. You don't need to keep doing something to prove you can do it.
The lack of respect is such a huge part of this, for me at least. Whenever I was disrespected I saw it not for what it was, but rather that I was doing something to make myself undeserving of respect.
@@sharondurward9387 True, my ex would cause a tantrum, did not matter where, when and who is there (including my 2 kids) - then I would be blamed for it and told that I must stop btichin and moaning and making life all about me...left me confused...I have had enough now.
can you pls help me, i think im losing my mind. He wanted me to leave all my friends just because he didnt like them, he used blame shame and guilt when i tried to get them back. He said that i hurt him and im disrespecting him when i want them back and when they are not good for me in his opinion. Do i really disrespect him when he wants me to leave all my potencional friends when he knows that i find it hard to make and keep friendships? he blamed me for everything possible and my every opinion is wrong and i need to get punishment to think the right thing
Thank you so much. I am age 57 and I’ve lived all my life allowing this. Better late than never. I would tell my story but there’s not enough space. What’s a blast is knowing I am living whatever years I have left under a different banner. Freedom!!!!
Thank you for sharing because I am 51 years old and just leaving my husband of 17 years after living this way thinking this is normal My Story 2 is too long to tell thank God for freedom
I was dating a guy for about 6 months and ended it recently. We were having discussions about myself moving in with him, but when I decided not to, all the red flags started coming out. I'm so relieved to be free of this toxic individual, and loving myself enough to not settle for that garbage behaviour.
I was in a similar ordeal a long time ago & i dated a woman for 4 1/2 months & i began to discover the red flags about her & i did'nt spoke to her in a week she called & started gaslighting me but i did'nt care i told her off & slammed the phone in her ears so i established a no contact policy towards her for life so i'm better off without her so never again.
This sounds like my ex. He literally did everything you said. I thought I was crazy because I was so upset by the way he ended our two year relationship and how he treated me. When I tried to hold him accountable, he deflected it back to me. He recently married a 20 year old girl....dear God he is going to mess her up....I swear. I almost thought about warning her (innocent and naive like I was). I didn't realize how much trauma I sustained until after being away from him for over 2 months. That's when I realized that my feelings of hurt were deeper than normal. I went straight away to counseling and started seeking help. There is hope and healing. It's not something you just "get over". Hang on and keep those who truly love you in your court. Blessings.
Emotional abusers do not respect other people. They manipulate, control, diminish, shame, guilt, neglect, insult and feel contempt towards the people they need to get supply to regulate themselves. Every word in your talk Stephanie is to be memorised and applied in life. It is great advice. Thank you.
Exactly and well said Iza. Trauma bond. Covert Narcissist Abuse Coercive Control---Dr Sam Vaknin podcast Narcissistic Abuse Is Never Your Fault-- Dr Sam Vaknin podcast 8 Common Types Of Trauma Bonds - Dr Ramani podcast If you need to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman it's time to exit a relationship, pronto. You cannot fix heal or change an abuser. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record. You deserve to be safe and healthy . ❤️ There are agencies and organizations to assist and support you. A safety plan and exit strategy with a trustworthy support system. 🤐 The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker In The Presence Of Danger Masterclass podcast Gavin De Becker The Duluth Power And Control Wheel Safe People by Henry Cloud The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing From Trauma -;Dr Gabor Mate Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood Codependent No More by Melanie Beattie What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? Jonathon Aslay The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix (Imago) Attached by Amir Levine
When our light is off inside we are left with a black hole within us, and that black hole consumes light energy, because these people chose "not to go there" and deal with the trauma of their childhood experiences they did not re-open their hearts door, and reconnect with their true being their light source, the child soul. They then become like vampires, energy vampires, in fact we being brought up by people who were just like this, we were also lost and we learnt to drain the energy of others, as we had no other option, having had our light drained, we became energy vampires too. When our hearts have hardened and our light is dimmed within the body, we grow up in that darkness, not knowing we are in the dark, until someone shines a light into that darkness, the light of true knowledge, when in a state of being dispirited we can either except that light, and use it to light our own flame within, and continue to seek that true knowledge within, in order for our spirit to grow, or like these people who hurt us, choose not to light up their own flame, but choose to feed on it instead, yet because they are black holes they can never be full, they cannot contain that light it is consumed into their black ho. When in this state like a vampire they cannot see themselves, so they have no reflection, and have no in-sight into what they are doing, that darkness within them is also a form of matter, anti-matter, and if left in the body to grow becomes a thing, a monster within us, that is filled with all our unresolved pain and suffering we have ignored, that is what makes us act out, that is the force behind all the destruction, it also keeps the child soul captive, in a coop on a loop, repeating the abuse they endured on a daily basis. What light is left flowing through the gap of the door to their little hearts is feeding that dark entity within. In order to get rid of the monster within, we need to be honest with ourselves, we need to choose to re-open our hearts door, so it can begin the cleaning up process, as its all energy, and we took on a lot of dark energy with all the abuse, and it distorted our inner waters, and our perceptions, the water within became blocked up, because we had to hold back our tears, all that dark energy needs to be flushed out, that's why we were given tear ducts, "There is no rainbow in the soul when there are no tears" Those repressed inner waters holds all memories, all our experiences are recorded and memorised, as water has memory. The DNA is our book of life our blueprint, that holds our life story, we can re-read that book, go back to the beginning to the very start, and re-write the story, we can make things right for the child we were, we the adult can be the mother, and give her all the love she never received, we can be with them to comfort them, to let them know they you are there to protect them now.. "I don't trust myself" I said that years back when i was lost and on auto pilot dispirited, more than once, and now I know why, because i the adult had ignored who I was, I forgot all about the child soul i was suppose to be seeking, i got lost in my suffering and lured into the world outside of myself, and got lost, i thought i was the fictional self the child me had created to take her place in the body, i forgot all about her, i abandoned her, and continued to fill the body with crap, more pain on top off all the mud of the child's sufferings, she was buried beneath the mud and dark stormy stagnant waters, that had a monster living in it, no wonder she did not trust me. It was the little girl inside me that did not trust me the adult who was now the abuser of her, "self hatred" This journey is not easy, its defo worth every effort though, to find our precsious cargo, to reconnect with who we really are, to snap out of our self delusion that we were the fictional self that our ego mind created to act its role in this world wide stage, where "They are all actors and they play many parts" To relight up our inner flame, to switch our light back on, to switch on our humanity, so we are not ravenous vampires devouring each other and being led by wolves in sheeps clothing,carrying uninvited hosts. The energy centers in the body are doors, there is only one Door we ought to be opening, and that is the Door to our hearts, where to Light Frequency of all things living flows, that is what protects and guards those other doors, who comes in and where we go, as those other doors have entities in them, and they are the other unseen kingdoms, connected to the seven colour spectrums, the prism the rainbow, they lead to other dimensions, so when our light is off we are left unprotected from the influences of these other entities in the lower frequencies, as when our light is dim we vibrate on a lower frequency, i think that's why the world is experiencing a lot of weird phenomena as the masses are traumatised and on a lower vibration? Seek and you shall find, what was lost and left behind Hidden treasures there to find, our spirit that is loving and kind Creative talents, to inspire and uplift, and a guiding light a spiritual gift
i’m getting out of a 7 year relationship and engagement for 6 months.... i’ve finally woken up to all the emotional abuse, everything u say hits home. constantly getting the silent treatment,being ignored, feelings disregarded. strangers being treated better than me, sarcasms used to insult, being told no one will ever love me like he does, everything is all my fault, i will never find anyone like him, if i speak how i feel then he gets angry and somehow i end up apologizing to him, gas lighting me, calling me psychotic, saying harsh cruel things. getting told that he has been cheating on me from multiple sources. walking on egg shells all the time, revolving my day around his mood swings. one day he’s so nice to be around and the person i love the next day he’s belittling me. afraid to say anything that bothers me because i don’t want to get the silent treatment, constantly threatening to break up with me over any thing he is upset about. i can’t not believe the of my life, the person i thought was my soul mate is doing this to me. i was so codependent on this man he made me feel like i needed him that i was nothing without him and he always punished me by breaking up with me. he has so many double standards, he can have female friends but i can’t have male friends, he can add females on snap chat and instagram but if i do i’m screwing them. He makes himself appear to others as such a great guy, a do gooder, considerate helpful, and pure hearted. no one knows his true colors but me. he is a narcissistic personality as well. how did it take me so long to wake up? i am currently dealing with these gaping open wounds i just want to heal and find myself again.
Catherine Harris I know this feels like a lot but trust me you need to be thankful that you woke up. There are so many people that never wake up to this abuse and live their whole lives in terrible relationships. Abusive relationships! How you can heal and really start to get to it even better place is to dive into healing from codependency and learning how to love yourself. Those two things will completely turn your life around. You will be able to attract a healthy partner into your life going forward.
Catherine Harris woah, that’s hella time. Am so sorry you had to go through all this. I did experience same. The last year. Am still doing all my best to get over it all.
Catherine Harris I know this seems overwhelming but regardless of how long it took you to awaken be thankful that you did because there are tons of people that never do and are still in the midst of abuse. I would also say be really patient with yourself during this process. Healing and moving on is not something that happens magically overnight but as long as you are doing what you need to do to really heal you 100% will get there. 💗
Catherine Harris I just got out of the same exact situation much shorter time though. I felt every single way you felt. I hope you heal & find yourself 🙌🏽
This is so true and unfortunately people often learn once they have been abused and suffered. I hope everyone can one day learn about the early signs of manipulation. I guess we can only hope and keep spreading knowledge ourselves
Emotionally abusive people are very insidious and don't usually show their true selves in the beginning. You can spend YEARS wishing "that person" you fell in love with comes back!!! If this is the case you find yourself in you need to look into cognitive dissonance. It's freaky how the mind deals with things!! The person you fell in love with doesn't exist!!!
Stephanie Lyn Coaching I learned cognitive dissonance as a young child dealing with a nightmare childhood, being a child I of course didn't know what the separation of soul to body was. The breakthrough of the realization he doesn't exist is what saved me!! As rabbit holes go I was down pretty deep, 17 years of abuse, three years after leaving only to have my 15 year old son that I left his father because he started abusing him now wants to live with him. Heartbreak beyond belief, unfortunately we cannot make our kids who we wish they were. We can only set the example and hope they follow you're teachings. Teenagers want what they want when they want it, sad thing is his hard lesson will be in believing his father can or will provide for him.
Karen Wellington omg same here....17 yrs my 2 children his stepchildren going along with him for the benefits he bribes them with after having abused for years. Hurts so much
Karen Wellington ...Am struggling so bad with letting go of that wish for that fake self to come back....cos it always would briefly. But since he s been back after discard cos I insulted (apparently) him and his narc daughter...I only get the angry hateful devaluing mocking version. Don't know whether the other is ever coming back. I will lose everything I have worked for for 18 years and lose my beloved animals and gardens that were my sanity. How do I be Ok?
My personal time with God is helping me to discernment deceit and emotional predators now. I'm equipped with the shield of armour like Joan of Arc...not allowing injustice towards my mind anymore. Thank you lovely lady🌻you're so inspiring & intelligent
This video is so validating that I feel the tension leave and I feel like I can actually breathe normally, move my body easily & think clearly again. Very nice.
The part where you mention the importance of validation made a ton of sense. If a child doesn't feel validated by their parents growing up, they'll seek it when they're older and that's where people can start to fall short on really forming their own boundaries, being sure of their choices and loving themselves.
One of the important things she points out is that many of these things are not even done with malicious intent. I know many people who do some of these things, and have no interest in controlling others or trying to hurt people. They either cannot process how to express themselves, so they shut down, or they fear upsetting others, so they won't offer a counter opinion or just agree to please others, even if they disagree. Sadly it builds up their own self created resentment. When you actually get through to these people, you can see the sadness on their face or in their voice when they realize how they hurt other people through their actions. It's why, like she said, boundaries are so important.
Don't forget they blame you for everything and can't have accountability for their own actions, thank you for this. I'm on my way out I'm planning and praying. Good luck ladies/men just remember your feelings matter.
What if they say?, who loves you[ i need sex but im waiting, your the one for me)&or, my feelings are hurt don /;&*ou care? Thjere iuz a thin line between truth neediness integrity n manipulation)]., please please teach on boundaries and wants.
I feel my partner is emotionally abusive and it is plain to see to anyone BUT HIM! He thinks I am always over reacting and am making it all up in my head. If I cry for whatever reason he says "Why are you crying now? That's all you do is cry. You need to grow up!" Which crushes my spirit all over again. Sometimes crying is the only way to get those emotions out. He says I need to just let my childhood traumas go and not talk about it. When in reality talking about what hurts you is the only way to work through it and heal. Thank for this video. ☺️
They KNOW they are mistreating you, even if they may not know the specific label for what they are doing, they know they are treating you in a way that they would never accept back from you. Think about it. If you talked to him in the same manner, what would be his reaction? I don't advise doing it, just imagining it. Once you flip it and imagine how they would react if they were on the receiving end, then you can better imagine as well exactly how it was meant. If they didn't intend anything ugly, then they would take no offense if you said something similar back to them and in the same tone of voice, etc., but they would. Thus, they know it is abusive whether they label it that way or not. The comments you are getting about your crying are not just invalidating of your pain, they are cruel, full of anger and contempt, not to mention a complete lack of respect for you. You will know whether it is abusive by how it makes you feel. Believe in yourself, he has proven to be an unreliable witness. You don't need to let your childhood traumas go, you need to let him go. Best of luck to you.
There’s times I feel so sad and depressed I cry my self to sleep I have no friends because of him I don’t express my feeling to no on but my self. I hide my emotions from my family. No one knows how you feel at times because we are good at hiding and denying it.
Carolina Alvarez so very sorry you have to go through this. For me, just thinking about the freedom and happiness that awaits me beyond the toxic relationship has been helping in my healing. You deserve happiness. For you, I wish to Christ freedom and all the joy and peace you rightfully deserve💛
@@eveharris30 he was saying that 8 is the age of taking accountability for YOUR ACTIONS. Owning up to your mistakes. Admitting you did or said something wrong. Obviously not for any of what you said 🙄 you sound like an offended shit starter.
5 years from 2013 to may 2019 with a total manipulator. I was blinded. I always thought it was my fault. I had no boundaries or self confidence/ worth. I now feel disgusted by myself that i allowed him to control me. I wasted years on personal goals. Graduated college but had 0 focus when finding a job. He will put me down. I felt unloved and never supported. I am tryingg to forgive myself and connect with god. But what you said at the end i became co dependent due to my parents. I am finally aware. I will keep healing thank you
yes - I had 7 years with an abuser - and it's very easy to see all the things you've missed because of it. I was totally isolated and not allowed to work even. The main thing is understanding what the lesson was in all of this and knowing you have the power to change your life going forward. Sounds like you are doing amazing! Well done x
@@freedomfromconditioning2055 i have my days of course filled with anger and regrets. At the same time i am learning to take full responsibility. It is what i allowed. And i am in the process everyday realizing how much I gave to someone when I recieved guilt and blame. Its going to be a journey but i am relieved that I finally became aware. God is number one. Becoming aware and understanding what went wrong and forgiving yourself is key. I am meditating and practicing self love and taking more time for me. Also planning to see a therapist. Everyone's process is of course different. But we as woman sometimes are too giving, too worthy to attract these "men" in our lives. Some may never realize it until its too late. I hope all woman realize their true power within.
I've been with my husband since June 2013 and have allowed myself to be trapped now by marriage and we have 2 kids with a 3rd due in Feb. How did you escape ?
It’s amazing how many of these things are on a subconscious level. It took me a long time to realize my partner didn’t consciously know he was doing these things. That’s not to excuse the behavior or abuse but that’s what “tricked me”. I genuinely could tell that he didn’t know he was doing it. It’s so subconscious and learned from childhood.
Watch out. Look into Dr George simon. Ppl know EXACTLY what they are doing. Making excuses for their behavior only keeps the cycle going. It's a rude awakening but so neccessaty.
Which is why it's important to marry someone who is God inclined, not necessarily "religious". At least that person is open to the fact they may have something to learn from a Higher Power. Important to be equally yoked, as the Bible puts it. You can more easily call them on their abusive behavior and if they change or make repeated attempts, you stick around.
Some people don't realize what they are doing fully for sure. My former partner had an extremely abusive childhood and would gaslight and silent treatment me all the time. But I truly believe that he went into a child-like "trauma brain" response and would shut down most of the time. It was so so hard. Because he didnt get what he was doing, and then I would have to explain to him over and over how what he was doing was hurtful, and then his shame would kick in and he would say "Im never going to be good enough for you", leading me to have to reassure. So I could never just be mad, I had to be a teacher too, and it was exhausting and so so deeply painful.
I know how it feels to be emotionally abused all my life but no more. Thank you for this video and all you do. I will never let this happen to me again
Adam Prall yes but i get it from uncles and aunts but i realised some years ago that i am a scape goat from the fact that i was born outside of marriage and never had a man or dad to defend and protect me and my mum has substance induced psychosis so nobody really ever stuck up for me
Adam Prall the abuse started with my being taunted for being short, high pitch voice and i reacted to the bait and it took off from there and as i got older it became psychological, emotionally, mentally and physical and continued through my adult life
This is so true. My husband is extremely emotionally abusive and makes me self doubt everything about myself. Hopefully there's strength to fight this after watching this valuable video. Thank you.
I’m in the same situation and I’m pregnant. I can’t decide what to do cuz I love him 😞. He always says that I’m his bad luck and he’s gonna be happy without me.
@@donavallisowmya leave him. You can do so much better. Follow Ana bey on youtube and level up to a man who sees your worth. You can become a women a high caliber and very successful.
I think the idea of narcissists being emotionally abused as children can fool some people to sympathize with them. Many researches have proven that a lot of narcissists have turned out to be that way because of being the "golden child" in the family. They were spoiled and treated as the special one, they are taught any behavior is okay, as long as they can benefit from it. So I hope people won't actually think of "the poor abused narcissist" because that's not necessarily the case. These are people who experience pleasure manipulating others and have no empathy to understand how other people feel. Go no contact and never look back.
Vassy Rng what everyone must remember is that this is a personality disorder. The chances of someone recovering from this disorder and realizing they are manipulative and abusive is slime to none. You can have sympathy for someone but that sympathy cannot go so far as to put that person first and you second.
of course this is what happens to us (all that are or were in these bullshit situations) in my case both parents are narcs (..so hard) and I am definitely NOt like them and will never be. Maybe they were in horrible situations too I don't know about their past life but it's of course not my fault and they have chosen their path to be mean. NOt me.
Right or how they say that they are so insecure underneath that also can lead to giving them undue empathy....when the truth is they just may just feel superior.
Not always. The one loophole mine took advantage of was pregnancy (created in last week together) diminished my work capacity as a massage therapist, and then 4 months after her birth my health further crashed. Took advantage of a vulnerable situation.
When somebody’s love hurts 😔 and you feel drained and on edge, it’s likely emotional abuse. Abusive personalities are created in childhood, as learned behaviour that they have come to think is the norm. Their emotions were not validated in childhood. They seek out people who are co-dependent or have weak boundaries. The relationship is like a one way street to them, where they are running the show. Threatening and nasty behaviour = nit picking bullying behaviour results when they don’t get what they want. Knowing your boundaries, setting boundaries and enforcing them is the way to fend off an emotionally abusive person. When you are self loving ❤️you will stand in how you feel and trust yourself.
Who knows, maybe your partner is sincere and will change. After all, nobody’s perfect, right?They even promised to marry you. So is it worth it? Marriage after infidelity is a tricky proposition. But if you love the person, forgive and forget, move on and live happily ever after. Just like in the movies. Marriage can be a blessing, but it can also break your heart, especially, if you think you've reached the end of the road. There's no easy path to divorce. So is it worth forgiving someone who cheated on you? Of course. Do it, living with hate is not a good way to live. Is it worth forgetting about it? No. Your experiences in life make you stronger (and hopefully smarter). It's time to examine your feelings about yourself and your marriage. It is understandable that you are hurt by what your husband did. However, he has apologized for it and stopped his relationship with her for you. Now, it is up to you to forgive. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It gives strength to move on. At this point you might have tried marriage counseling and probably hire a good lawyer, to best find the truth for proof in court I suggest you google search" hubtechhack ethical” to help you get proof from your partners device remotely for evidence. Sometimes it's worth saving a relationship and sometimes it isn't. Only you know the answer to the question of whether you should get a divorce or you're better off staying married.
This is a person who has a lot of love for herself and people. People around her must be so happy. All that's said in the video is 100% relatable and pertinent.
Mirror, mirror on the wall which Narc Will play my roll. I'm in shock of hoe many people were brought up by these kinds of parents? Without love and understand your needs..Sick! Get the hell away, today! You only can help them' if they admit they have to change. But, it's lost energy.
chui 1 ...it’s amazing how they turn the tables on you...that’s gaslighting and I’ve been gaslit for 23 years...I’m an expert on how it feels...in one word....it’s...DEVASTATING...
Melody, I put up with it for 47 years. He finally died a month ago. I am finally free. I am glad you didn't wait. What a brave, courageous beautiful woman u are. You have a ❤. God bless you. Stop telling yourself that any of it was your fault. I wish u peace ✌. You have earned it.
Tiffany check out the book “Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft. Opened my eyes after 13 years of emotional manipulation that just snuck up on me until one day it got real when my physical safety was threatened and I fled as fast as I could.
Thank you for making this video, Stephanie. I have been with the same man for 27 years, married 19. I am 44. I recognized the red flags early on, but I always made excuses for it, or he would minimize what was happening so I couldn’t see it for what it was and is. I am ashamed of being in this relationship and embarrassed to speak about it. You will see why. I sound like a complete fool for tolerating this. I am aware. I rarely ever talk about it. This video described everything that has happened to me and I feel compelled to finally speak. In my relationship am shamed on a daily by my husband. Yesterday, I was called the C word, the day before a B, a loser, stupid, trash, useless, dumb B, you name it. I am compared to other women and what they do for a living and how much money they make. If I stick up for myself he mocks me and calls me dramatic, a victim, pathetic, even woke. He would accuse me of looking at other men and push me down in public places, down a ditch, in closets, he would choke me, and kick me. He constantly watches porn, lost two wedding rings, one of them he lost at a bar, he would say it is because he didnt like wearing one. Hit on my friends and actually grind on them, hit on waitresses right in front of me hug them and put his hand on her ass, make inappropriate sexual remarks around other women. After 5 years being together he did not know my birthday- I dont mean he just forgot it on the day, I mean did not know when it was. When I would say how hurtful this was he would say I was selfish for making it a big deal and why does it matter. I felt bad and ashamed and selfish for wanting him to celebrate me. After 8 years of being married he did not know when our wedding day was or how long we had been married. He is not dumb he is educated and capable of remembering. He chooses not to care. He tells me I am not a good cook. After I have worked, taken kids to school and cleaned the house he would say in a nasty tone “what did you do all day?” If I say what I did he will say it doesnt even look clean-Just to let me know it isn’t good enough. When I was 8 months pregnant and we had a 3 year old, he was mad that we needed groceries and said “why didn’t you get off your fat ass and walk to get them while I was at work?” i am 5”4 I weighed 125 when I got pregnant and only gained about 30 lbs. If I protest how he talks to me and how he treats me he will berate me and stonewall me for days, weeks and up to a month because he knows it bothers me. I rarely hang out with people because I dont want anyone to see. I dont know how to end this. When I say I want to divorce he threatens me and says I will end up with nothing. I have spent 27 years loving this man, being devoted and faithful for nothing. He has made my life a living hell and I have no doubt divorcing him will be no different. People like this don’t and won’t change. Do not waste your life like I have. Take my heed- Walk away at the first sign of disrespect.
Are you crazy woman! You are only 44, that is so young. You have already said he won’t change. Start loving yourself. Of course he will be bad in a divorce, but are you any better now. And what about what your children are learning from him. Act the same, while you make plans, that way you can control when you leave! You have a lot of living to do. He doesn’t make you feel good about yourself now, so start self love. You have wasted your time loving someone who doesn’t love you. I know I’ve been doing the same, with a Narc, so my heart goes out to you. These people only care about themselves!!!!
I have been there for 37 years! I got out! I'd say to you RUN! As fast as you can! If you have to plan a getaway then start! You are worth so much more than you realize right now! 🙏🙏
He is a Abusive Bully! He is a Coward inside. The ONLY reason he IS Bullying you IS Because You are allowing him to. Giving him permission to treat You like this. Wake up & understand his threats are because He knows! You believe them. He is a Coward. Exposing a Bully IS the Best! Thing you can Do. Love Yourself & Your kids enough to GET out & Cut off ALL associations with this Bully, & Predator !!
lacie george I kinda did this too at the very end. I got so angry and hurt that he did those things to me that I started to fight back. I think of it as self defense. It might not be the right thing to do, but I did it. And even then, I'm not sure that what I did really was abuse. It was mostly yelling (sometimes I did yell, but I mostly didn't actually yell) at him that he hurt me and that I didn't get any kind of love or respect back from him.
Same at the end, its called reactive abuse, they push you so far that you crack, I had no coie what was going on at the time, if i had known it was abuse i wouldnt of reacted the way i did but that's why emotional abuse is insidious, they van turn it all around on you in the end when you react, it's pure evil x
@@vikki-leec6169 I agree. Reactive abuse seems right at that time but we feel guilty coz we have become just like our abuser and that's what they're trying to prove that, "we" are the bad ones.
By the Grace of God I found your channel , I'm going through a major situation right now , I really believe that Jesus led me to your channel 😇God bless you 😇
Janice Blake Agree! I have learned so much in this video. I asked God to send me a sign earlier this morning and then this video popped up in my feed!!
It took me almost 10 years to realize what I was going thru was emotional abuse. I always knew something was off. The sad part is that I was a happy confident person when it started, I just never knew I needed boundaries. One day it started to click after years of therapy and 3 medications later. I am finally free. I still have to see this person as we have a family together but I see good consistent changes in them no matter how slow it is. I am on a healing journey for my children and myself and I feel much stronger!
Here in japan emotional abuse is recognize by the law, need to have attny. , if it settled the victim will recieved a payment what we call isha ryo. FEW people knows this law.
This is why I keep saying the Japanese are brilliant minds! I'm so glad to hear that! I live in Greece and women specifically, despite their so called freedom and rights, can't even find justice when they're beaten to a bloody pulp or raped in front of police officers.
HOLY ****. I can't express to you how much I needed to hear this video. I will probably need to replay this daily for a short time to remind myself that I escaped my emotional abuser. I have literally experienced recently every sign you've mentioned - wow. Now it's time to heal & rid myself of this small part of my emotions that still feel co-dependent. It's only been 3 days... I can & will get thru this! Thank you, Stephanie.
I think when a person uses their partner's past against them....that is emotional abuse. Calling someone crazy bc they feel, think or react differently from u is emotional abuse.... I just learned something. That's called gaslighting. Thanks.
I just got out of a relationship who I dedicated my life to for almost a year and he knew about my past with depression and suicidal tendencies, and when I would try to talk to him about my feelings (which he was the only person I had left because he messed with my head and I ended up not being friends with those I once was friends with), and he would continue to tell me that he should kill himself and I'd be better off without him...
I was told my family doesn't want me and called crazy every minute.. then that led to more violent battery, say murder attempt on the last occasion by strangulation.. all this because I say no and I stand my grounds sometimes, however, I'm a teacher and very empathetic, always finding him excuses because of how hard his life was and trying to help and fix it! lol! he is gone now.
I’ve been with two narcissist who literally had amazing parents. But we also have to deal with growing up, high school, peers, college, bad marriages etc ….As a psychology major I always thought it was the first 5-years that were so important. And it is, But I now feel it’s life, genetics and other things that take place. And yes, a small thing like not feeling validated is so big! TY FOR SHARING YOUR WISDOM. YOU ARE AMAZING♥️
It is NOT a sign of lacking self love, self esteem, or being co-dependent to become involved with these type of people. When abusers groom their partners...they condition them to want to assume the best in them...give them second chances...not think the worst in their intentions and actions/comments. If people haven't had the experience of dealing with emotional abusers...they just don't know. Amazing video though. It should be taught in schools....
Actually it is a sign of lack self love because someone who has self love and high self esteem has healthy boundaries. Remember people only abuse you or use you if you let them.
@@rainbow9987 bull/sht. Yo can have self love and still want a relationship to work out enough to give them second chances. It becomes a conflict of whether to believe them or not. You eventually have to decide NOT to believe them in order to walk away
I had to learn to be healthy, emotionally & mentally, through 20 years of counseling with professional therapists. I still get emotionally abused. Now I know to handle/deal/ cope with it, &, love myself.
You have described what I am ashamed to admit this treatment I endured for over 30 years. I tried to end the marriage so so many times but was guilted into staying. Now am finally divorced and discovering who I am again and so much happier!
Just broke up with my ex. Every time he was mad he took it out on me and said things he didn't mean. This destroyed the relationship because even if he took back what he said, it's already caused a dent in the relationship.
I wish this was taught in schools so it would be easier to call emotionally abusive people out for verbal abuse already as a kid instead of suffering in silence for years and believing that it's all your own fault...
I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said aside from a healthy person not caring if they received the silent treatment. A healthy person is still a person, not a robot. You don’t have to be labeled “codependent” for it to hurt when a loved one purposely ignores you or refuses to even see you for an extended period of time. It’s upsetting when someone you care about suddenly acts like you’re not worth their time. Healthy people can still feel pain.
missmerbella absolutely!! A healthy person can and does feel pain. It would not be healthy if you never experienced those feelings. The difference is how you parent yourself or love yourself through the feeling.
My mom was very emotionally abusive, and she would single me out in a group of people and point out my "faults." My mother in law did this right at the table during Christmas Dinner, and all these feelings came right back. I've had hard feelings and haven't spoken to her since. From now on Christmas dinner will be at MY house and she isn't invited. That was the last time I am going to be the ChristmAss!
M Paxton My m i l was the same. Great that you are choosing a better Christmas day in the future. I put up with unpleasant, family dinners every Christmas until she passed away 30 years later. It's great you have made the decision and hope you don't suffer for it.
Sadly, you not along... It took me 40 years to do what you did because I loved her. It's not an easy decision; but it comes to the point:" Enough is enough"...
I've been a truck driver for the past 31 years. I see all of these traits at its worst every single day. In the past it was hard for me to recognize most of them, since I've been watching your videos it has helped me so much not only out in the world but in my home as well. And with this covid-19 thing, I am working harder than I have ever worked in my career so being able to recognize these traits has helped me more . I love that you are reaching out to help people and showing them how to protect themselves in these areas. Keep up the good work. Thank you!
Thank you for this! Especially the point about just ignoring you when you talk to them! Would place food down for him and he wouldn’t even acknowledge me. I’d ask him a QUESTION…no response. It was always so unsettling to me but I didn’t realize how emotionally abusive this was.
Same here Yasmin. It's dehumanizing & degrading. However - once I started learning about all of their (Narcs) dirty little tricks & that they do them ON PURPOSE 🤯, the light bulb turned on & my rose colored glasses came off. I dove into so many videos from Dr. Les Carter 'Surviving Narcassism' & Dr. Ramani on TH-cam & I learned so much. It was easy to completely emotionally detach from him at that point. The fact that someone would be so damaged inside that they would intentionally be so awful/cruel to someone they had professed to love is unforgivable in my book. I don't want to be with someone like that. I was so naive that I didn't even understand that his: Silent Treatments; his Selective Amnesia; his Projections & Gaslighting, his Selective Hearing & Lies by Omission were all just his "games" & ways to manipulate me & to keep me confused & off balance. Stephanie Lynn's advice is really good & she feels like having a really good, smart ally in your corner.
@@mdee860 Oh my goodness, all those “selective” elements you listed. Just too familiar. I’m so sorry you had to experience that but happy that you’ve overcome! I’ll checkout those names you listed, thank you 💜
@@yasminf3249 - 😘 Wishing you peace & serenity. Knowledge is the key. PS: I was very angry when I first started to comprehend how he had manipulated me, but that too, will pass. Best thing to do is to understand why I/you/we fall for these people in the 1st place. That's the 🔑 🗝 to breaking the chain.
I cried watching this because this is my life and i feel so hopeless. I have been going thru abuse my whole life. Starting with both my parents. Although they were not married, both of them treated me like an orphan. I used to go to my room and cry feeling like that was the only safe place for me. My mom never even realized I had a plaque of quotes on my door that bbq I would recite every time I left my room just to be able to emotionally survive living there. Left as soon as I could. Now dating a narc. He is an abuser and every ur he's gotten more shitty as a person. Taking advantage, enslaving me as a maid, comparing me.to other women, always talking about 3somes and I just don't feel heard, appreciated or respected. Like u said he NEVER validates my feelings. Often calling me an idiot to a point where I actually was afraid to talk for fear of being emotionally abused. Literally couldn't take anymore. He got mad at me 1 day for me saying I wanted to save the world. Save people froom themselves. How do u get mad at that? Saying I'm always obsessed with others opinions and feelings. How can u not sympathize with some people u meet? He treats his friend better than me. Whenever I bring this up he denies it saying I'm always over exaggerating. Spending time together is running errands and working together. Not dates or vacations. Made me and my son go to the beach alone because he doesnt like my sister who was going. Crazy shit. I had an ex along time ago who tod me that this man was changing me and i denied it. Bit now I see just how much this shit had crippled me, lowered my worth and made me hate myself for being so weak. We have a kid together also. I knew I was at a low point when I was considering therapy. Like how the fuck did I get here? I subbed to learn more about my condition and how to fix it. Thank u for talking about the silent sufferers.
BACKTOBLACKLOVE sweetie.. I am so sorry you have had to endure this type of abuse but unfortunately you are not alone. Definitely dive into learning about emotional abuse, Narcissistic abuse, and codependency. I would also definitely recommend learning how to love yourself because most of us were never taught that.
BACKTOBLACKLOVE just dont get pregnant again. Im in a loveless relationship...we have two kids together ..the youngest 4 months and i have 2 other kids abd so does he. He shows me no love and its making me despise him. All he does is shows ne how he doesnt care. I wish i could just runaway and never come back cause it feels so stressful and upsetting. He has no problem cuddling and loving on the kids but he says my dad should have loved me and thats my problem...or im just a jealous girl. Wellwhat woman doesnt want to ve loved by her man? Isnt that the point of a relationship??? So much left unsaid but im not writing a book. I understand...ii wish things were Like this before our kids....but we cuddled all the time, now..nothing just Criticism.
Kittiegoespurr Xo no girl it’s not. I left him. He still texts me, he emails me for god sakes but I’m so much happier than I was before stressing over NOTHING. LEAVE. cuter guys out there who will treat you better and not make you feel insecure. I’m young I’m 17 and that was my first abusive and last. Keep you’re head high and try new things. Be happy and healthy.
My older sister has emotionally abused me my whole life. One of the last times I saw her, she was physically abusive, and she denied later that she’d ever touched me. It was like an alternate reality she chose to believe.
One of the older siblings in my family is an abuser and would be bully, if she could get away with it. The older siblings like to try to reinforce their perceived hierarchy, just in different ways in adulthood. My solution has been to maintain large, geographic distance from them.
Emotional abuse is all too common in families and often "covered up" to present a "perfect" family to outside society. Many emotional abusers can "cover up" their behaviour by being able to "hide" behind their high power job. Emotional abuse can also simply be ignored by others simply because they are "dumb struck" by successful other people and neither want to or feel able to "call it out". May those being emotionally abused have the strength and courage to believe in themselves and reject what someone else is trying to "impose" on them. Many thanks for this video.
I am a man in my 40s, and I have recently left a marriage to an emotionally abusive woman. I can see how my wife learned these behaviors; both her elderly mother and father are narcissists and horribly abusive, even to me. There were SO many red flags that you have outlined here in my 10-year marriage but I never really figured out what they were until recently. Especially the boundaries and lack of validation along with the silent treatment. My wife always chose her family over me, and expected me to do the same. Now my stepdaughter is learning the same horrible behaviors of her mother and grandmother. She is definitely not the same child I used to play with when she was 3 to 6. It is painful right now and I am trying to just live 1 day at a time. Thanks for making other people aware of this. Too bad I took so long to see it for what it is.
My boyfriend emotionally abused and manipulated me into staying in the relationship for 12 years. He knew I was very insecure and empathetic. So he would try to make me feel sorry for him and turn me into the villain when we hit a wall in the relationship. I was too scared to confront him about how I really felt and he would shame me and and make me feel guilty, and always act like the victim. I’ve finally realized what this relationship really was and all this time I thought I was just a bad person. I finally ended the relationship, we were engaged and I broke it off. I wish I had those years back, but I feel like I’ve learned a lot. I hope I will be stronger now.
miap the exact same story for me.. 12 years.. engaged.. then one day I just packed my bags and left. Totally abusive for years and I was miserable. If I was just watching tv or doing something happily about the house alone he would come in and try start an argument over nothing so I would get annoyed and he would start laughing at me when I was annoyed and then he could leave knowing I was upset. He would come home and shout horrible things at me when I only asked if he had a good night. He is a drug addict and an alcoholic and I lent him money and got into debut for this man. I can’t believe I took his crap for so long but so thankful I left and am happy. Il never get into a relationship like this again.
I witnessed a complete transformation of my ex. He was such a good person at the beginning humble, cute and loving who made me feel the most important person and at the moment he started to earn more money, look better, practice sports and having attention of other girls he changed. His face, eyes, gestures and vibe were not of a good person any more, he was angry and introverted, he was talking about him all day long, made me believe he was the pretty one. He used to say he looks like price charming and was constantly telling me to look at his muscles how big they look... he stopped telling me i love u And when i holded his hand he was not holding it back. He told me he wanted to meet other grls when he reached a high level of confident and selfsteem. He leaved me after 4.5 years of relashionship just when i wanted to make plans for our future. I did think I was bipolar or crazy but then I realized I was a victim of a covered narcissist.
Maybe you just nagged him too much and didn’t bring enough value to the relationship. Instead of upping your game you tried to make him feel guilty for wanting more out of life.
Lily Ann Great response! Btw, it's the latter. Based on his comments to you and multiple other women, he clearly has issues with women and appears to be the defender of all men. He'll defend a rapist caught in the act with his own eyes. Praying for your ability to be empathetic and compassionate, Kyle.
Wow! Plenty of good points. Still, she really knows how to keep on talking so long before getting on to the next one. And she missed a few: 1. consuming your time with their tasks, 2. negative comparisons with other people, 3. "reporting" how your friends "don't really like you." 4. constantly yelling and lecturing about how you are failing. .... to name just a few. But yes, I still got some good stuff from her. Good job!!
I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but I dont think this needed to be 23 minutes. Maybe consider the viewers urgently seeking immediate information. Maybe give a long Ted Talk - and satisfy the need for an audience. I wonder if first dates start off with a 23 minute autobiography. Warm regards.
I was suppose to visit my girlfriend for 5 weeks. It only lasted for 10 days because of the emotional abuse that I went threw. Based on your video everything was accurate on what I went threw. Thanks for posting this video !
Thank you so much for this video. It helps .e very much just left an emotional,physical relationship with mental abuse. I need so much help. Yet i finally left after 6yrs.
I often cry when I think about how I let myself be emotionally abused by a person, I feel both sad and angry for letting myself be fooled by this person for several years. I think of the little girl within me and how all she wanted was to be loved, and I let her down by accepting this, I would never let anyone else’s little girl be treated this way, yet I let my own little girl go through it, l will never let her down again.
Wow.. I truly felt this😞
EXACTLY!!
I feel the same way, even 20 years later😔
Do not cry. It does not do you any good. Think about today
Anne Kenna well said. This post resonated with me. I’ve let my self down so many times because I wanted to be wanted. I wish you all the best your journey.
Healing starts with accepting they never loved you.
It explains everything.
That little sentence was huge.
Coming to this realization 😢
Well, damn. That is completely true.
It’s the hardest to accept but it really is the key! It destroys the illusion and it forces you to let go. Otherwise the lingering (and very false) hope keeps us around far longer.
are you THE jack dorsey?
They don't love you, they love how much they can manipulate you.
Crazy Town Productions regardless of who it is
I just learned that he didn't love.I could not get that fact..I thought he loved me so much..I thought he was insecure and that he loved me..he is in love with himself and so vein!! Disrespectful beyond compare!!
Or they just love the idea of having you there by their side to feed em the attention they need and thus the reason they cant let u go when u leave, cuz they need everyone to accept them, enable them, and support them but but they cant do it in return.
They enjoy their POWER over their opponents. They get an INTOXICATING RUSH IN PLAYING A POWER GAME With the SWEET SOFT-HEARTED COMPASSIONATE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. THOSE Showing Mercy COMPASSION PEACE WARMTH Nurturing CARE With FORGIVENESS for their bulling powers. They are NOT DEEPLY HAPPY People. They do not KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. ITS NOT SEX. IT IS NOT HARM. HURT. DESTRUCT. DAMAGE. NOT Taking advantage of ANYTHING GOOD: BENEFICIAL. THEY NEED
They LOVE THE WAYS YOU LOVE THEM. LOVE THEM. THEY CAN NOT GET Enough of your ENERGY & SANITY to FEEL HAPPY LOVEABLE & GIVING LIKE YOU. They are envious & jealous OF YOUR LOVING GIVING POWERS. IT IS A GAME To them. Wishes & DESIRES TO GET TAKE & WIN WIN WIN!! King! A GOD figure powers. Complex minds. GAME GAME TIME. Good fortune
Signs Of Emotional Abuse:
1.) Constantly testing your boundaries (Controlling )
2.) Silent treatment
3.) Passive Agressive
4,) Disregard your feelings (Self obsorbed )
5.) Completely ignores you when you are speaking
6.) Manipulation (The abusers best friend, they are bullies)
7.) Gaslighting ( Causes you to second guess yourself)
My suggestion is to go No Contact with these toxic people and practice self love.... Wishing you the best! ❤
Thank you sooo much I'm dealing with a religious narcissist
Thank you
I'm 53 yrs old. I am just discovering this. Is it too late for me?
@@kimberlykerr6672 Discovering how to love yourself and to appreciate your boundaries and needs is never too late 🙏
Thank you for writing this💞
Before him, I was a happy person, I cared about others, I had great sleep patterns. During "him" I started having panic and anxiety attacks, I would stress myself and usually overeat, I became obsessive and insecure, then I would hate myself for my look, I started blaming myself for any single thing that went wrong. After him, I have severe depression, I cry every day, I woke up several times during the night, Im constantly scared of pretty much everything, I hate my body, I hate my weakness and most of all, I hate the person I became. I just wanna move on with my life and be back to the happy person I used to be.
BeaCG you are loved, you are healing and joy awaits you. Will keep you in my prayers 💛
You will it takes time to heal and stay away from them..
Stay strong, you deserve happiness.
BeaCG you are telling my story! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I hope you're doing alright BeaCG
✓abusive people are reactive. The point of abuse is to control.
✓emotional abuse is difficult to spot as all the scars are in our mind.
✓an emotional abuser constantly tests your boundaries. They don't like the word 'no'.
✓emotional abusers seek out weak people who have poor boundaries and low self-esteem.
✓emotional abusers are passive aggressive. They say little digs. That is emotional abuse.
✓they always disregard your feelings, opinions.
Becky Queen Little digs, yessss. That is my mother.
Not all of us have low self-esteem. But definitely weak or non existent boundaries. He felt insecure because of my self-esteem. Loneliness is also an issue. Even people with healthy self-esteem can't deal with horrible affects of lack of support and foundation. They pick people with little to no support system. Not everyone has low self-esteem, but try living in this world alone majority of your time and see if that doesn't drive the most sane and independent person insane!
Thanks for this.
Laura Severi literally about to write the same thing : (
My daughter was murdered by her husband who then killed himself.
I like that she made the point that emotional abuse doesn't haven't to be yelling or screaming. It can be a small sting, or they can say things like, "You're too emotional. You're too sensitive." Classic lines they use ALL the time.
I have been told I'm too sensitive a lot
Yeah, it’s gaslighting
"you can't take a joke, you're too serious, you never joke"
OR saying or doing something to hurt you on purpose, then saying "i was just joking, it's a joke" 🙄🙄🙄
Yes, they smile all the time but you get the stinger, that tiny little comment they know sets you off. Once you scream, you're the bad person.
Yes the ignoring IS PURPOSELY DONE! Please please… When you FEEL something is wrong but you can’t “prove” it, keep listening to videos like this & pray! It will get better.
STONEWALLING is a decision 😢
5:15
@Lilly J Yasss Queen
and it will, use the you tube tutorials and get your smile back
No, it won’t get better.
Get out of thses relationships before you waste the rest of your life! I have just broken up with my ex of 3 and half years. I was walking on eggshells all the time and always hoping he would change or be truly sorry but nothing. I was and still am scared of what he is capable of but I would rather be scared than waste my life and my happiness. Yes I still have feelings for him but I am trusting they will go one day! please , please get out now, they wont change!. Love yourself, thats what I am trying to do! Peace and blessings xx
Yvonne Forbes such amazing words! You should be so so proud of yourself!
Thank you Stephanie! Today has been tough as I am missing him. No wonder women keep going back. Trust me I am fighting it everyday! I know he will never change but what I cant get over is the feelings that I am feeling. I hope they go away soon! x
You absolutely got this! Listen to as many coaches and speakers as you can and start knowing an believing that you deserve BETTER!! Once you really live in that belief that you deserve a healthy partner and when you know what that should look like then you will not miss the abuse. Just focus on loving yourself!! When we doubt that what we want even exist is when we resort back to old ways or people that are not good for us because we don't want to be single. We often think being single is the worst thing in the world but it will allow you to focus on YOU, to love YOU and for you to get to a really great and healthy place so you can attract a healthy partner and an amazing relationship!
I am listening to your videos now. Stephanie many thanks agian, I appreaciate it.
Yvonne Forbes I completely agree I have wasted 32 of my life with this man I am still with him his a naccicisst sykopath path he has phsicall abused me emotional mentally abuses me èvan then strangly shokingly I have always loved him still do they destroy yu ruin yu they act like ther god over yu I cm from a Asian background
You are spot on. I was abused for 25 years by a narcissistic person. I always was looking the other way because I knew how bad his childhood was. Then I just snapped one day & divorced him. He was stunned like it came out of the blue. In truth it was 25 years in the making. I'm remarried now & have never been happier, never knew life can be so amazing
Where should a 60 years old friend of mine look to find a husband? She wants to be married. She is full of life and happiness but she is alone on the other side of the world.
Do you guys have kids together? Was it hard with kids to walk away?
@@user-by1pv7sv5d having kids with the person makes it harder but its still important to protect your mental and emotional health and leave a bad situation
I’m so glad you where able to find happiness and free yourself from that person control
You give me hope!
It is a terrible feeling to be emotionally abused. By the time it is identified so much damage has been done. thanks for sharing this info.
True. My friend was both mentally and physically abused. Both are bad but physical is worse.
I wouldn’t know. I’m not the type to get mental scars. I was in a mental abusive relationship for about 10 minutes. The guy literly said you can’t hang with any of your friends ever again and I have to make new ones and called me useless. I was like fuck no I’m out of here. I also don’t have a high tolerance for pain like at all. So that’s I think psychical would be worse. It’s different for each person.
So very sad but true! Currently trying to heal from being emotionally abused. You truly don’t realize it when it is happening. Made me think I was too sensitive, emotional and overreacting... made me feel like I was crazy. 😔 Now I depression and anxiety.
I’m so sorry you went through this too!! 😢
i think any type of abuse is at the same level they all affect you and change you
It depends on the person.
I've always said I'd rather someone hit me, because it's unmistakable. Emotional abuse is so insidious and harder to spot, being so used to it.
A perfect explanation.
and when dealing with some man that is a passive-aggressive behavior ! 🏃♂️ run !
Yess 🙁
Same
I use to say something similar to this all the time.
They love to take advantage of you because they know you're emotionally vulnerable. They know you're gonna forgive them again and again and again. 😔💔
Gabriela, I agree. It's like a broken record. And so sad because they target very kind, giving people. Like they are emotional blood suckers draining every ounce of kindness and sanity from you.
Cat Whisperer It's the sad truth
And they take that 'forgiveness' as a license to abuse again and again.
as an empath she hurt me deeply,,,these people are dangerous
And they will say it’s your fault for what they did to you
It’s exhausting feeling for years like you’re constantly in the wrong and making the relationship difficult. Never let anyone make you feel like you’re crazy or confused. Someone who truly loves you will never want you to feel this way.
The crazy thing is YOU have to ignore THEM to find your sanity. You have to behave like a narcissist to protect yourself.
Damn thats deep
So you become the abuser. Definitely different tactics then being an issue as well.
@@chasetrix2432 It's a strategy, not a way of life. You have to lie to them to protect yourself from them. I had to do this to escape a 13 year relationshit with a high narc trait "partner."
Right....you gotta act crazy with crazy people 😂😂😂
Oh how true..i often think ive become a mean person 'ONLY TO HIM"..i can love other's and genuinely care about people ..i have to protect myself from "HIM"
"No one has to believe you, but you."
That statement resonates with me. Thank you for these videos!
You’re helping me with my life. I’m only 21, and I can’t afford therapy rn, but Stephanie Lynn please continue making these videos!
Dr. Ramani Durvasula and Dr. Les Carter have great TH-cam channels on abuse and mental health 💕
same im scared to go there
Don’t let her convince you that you are a “victim,“ what she is describing is very vague, virtually everybody including you fits into these descriptions every now and again.
@@ozzyklary what are you afraid of? Believe me these people are professionals and they expect you to be afraid and in some sort of “bad shape,“ people (typically) don’t go when everything is going terrific. For somebody to seek therapy they are probably having issues in their career, education, or with a romantic partner or (regard of age) their parents.
@@WATERS57 thank you sm
The best revenge is learning how to be the best and healthiest version of yourself, and enforcing boundaries like going "no contact" (so necessary for your growth)
I dated / had a friends with benefits (although wanted a more in the relationship) with a man I knew for many years. I finally got the courage to cut him off and tell him no contact. A HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders! Best thing I could ever done for myself! Don't miss him!
Aukha bahut a, but karna painda kai vaar. Je bachhe involved hon ta doubly difficult
Living well is the best revenge.
I broke the no contact rule, and it was the stupidest idea that I have ever done. I was coping up for the first three weeks, but then I contacted him after finding out he has a new girl. I got jealous and now, moving on is a lot harder as I have been having intrusive thoughts of them talking together or doing the activities that we have done together before. It was a mental torture. It was worse than the first days of our breakup. I felt like a fool after him ignoring my reachouts, and just completely blocked him hours after.
Then I just accepted that we are done, but I'm still healing. The pain, anger, and disappointments are still here. I keep on reminding myself on how much he had emotionally-abused me, on how much emotionally destroyed I am because of what had happened. But I'm still thankful for him as I now know that I'm capable of loving genuinely, and I have learned about myself! Currently, I'm trying to cope up day-by-day. When the thoughts of them came, I will indulge myself in those feelings. I face them, let myself feel the pain, and try to remind myself that I have done my best, and that there is a good future for me and I don't have to worry about them as they are not in my future!
In short, never, ever break the no-contact rule, nor stalk him/her. It will definitely slow your healing process. STOP EVERY URGES THAT YOU ARE FEELING.
@@lelengtintin2404 how are you doing now? My ex did the same it hurts!
As a man, I handled gaslighting/emotional abuse pretty well. However, it does a number on you when you realize you are dealing with a very broken person. Just being in that presence is draining.
💯
I don't agree with you my son was never emotionally abused
And he emotionally abuses me....
He is 35 years old
He was given all the love and attention he is codependent.....
In my opinion
It is a mental issue
Thank you
Da835t,sounding very emotionally stable, and some aren't broken but seem devoid of repair, prone codependency, thanks for sharing,feeling in order to fully understand them,you empty yourself out, disemboweling, destabilizing, emotionally detaching just to give yourself and the marriage some chance, piecing back together ones ownself day by day,before waves of hurt and insults allow you to,always found so wanting, always so full of more and more nothingness.kindest regards otherwise dear Sir..David
It's hard to recognize it as a man. There really aren't any resources for you and if you bring it up, people think you're overreacting or pin you as the abuser. It consumes you.
Agreed 100%
I just want to tell anyone out there suffering due to the selfish and calloused actions of someone they trusted or even loved. That I hope you are strong enough to realize that when life has allowed you to experience extreme sorrow, pain, or darkness. That it ultimately is a gift. You have survived 100% of your worst days up until now. You keep going. Stay strong. I know it sounds paradoxical but isn’t life just one great mysterious irony anyway?
Thank you
❤
❤
I needed this video as much as I needed this comment today. Thanks.
Thanks I needed to hear this!
Emotional abuse is life altering, it stays with you for life, i live it every day.
Yup! And it keeps rearing it's head. It's Complex PTSD
Yes, and once subjected to abuse, we become desensitized to it. Thus, we become vulnerable to experiencing maltreatment again, until becoming educated.
ain’t that the truth 😞
I just realized not too long ago I was(and still am) being emotionally abused by my boyfriend but yet I don’t know how to leave. I know it’s wrong but it’s not that simple to just throw everything away.
@@thesimsismylife9816, make an escape plan. The abuse gets worse, and your self confidence can be severely eroded. Leave while you're strong.
He can tell me how he is feeling, he can tell me all the horrible things about me, he can jab me, block me, stonewall me, but when i try to talk to him and express my feelings, the typical response from him is.... "you are so insecure". then i get silent treatment. I finally ended it, i am no longer afraid of being alone... adios . and damn it feels good.
I’m in the same boat. I hope this worked out well for you from the bottom of my heart.
This is how I live on the daily, my feelings thoughts and mental health are completely disregarded but I know I’m not the problem.
I got stonewalled that much which killed me but I ended up becoming a master at giving it back
Also, many of these tactics are absolutely intentionally done. Do they do them to everyone? No. Do they do them in public? Usually not. Do they do them at the beginning during the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship? No. Emotional abusers put on different “faces” depending on who they’re speaking to and what they want. It’s absolutely deliberate.
missmerbella BINGO!!!
That is so correct. They do know and you can see it in their eyes. Specialy when they know that you love them, reaspect them and when you are living up to your hi morals and ethics. I grow up with abuse from day 1 and after age 6 I witness how my stepfather was killing my mothers mind and body. At age 13 I started to defend my mother and my brother and we did survive. My mom is 62 now and she is doing better. My brother is my pride and joy. Only me, I was not so lucky.... After everithing we went thru I was married to person that used me for everything and one day he just left without one word. Me and my son we are doing best to overcome. For my son it will be izzier becouse he is not alone and he is smart and strong boy. We love him very much. I just wish for me to be able to collect my broken pieces.... Becouse today I just feel
Lost and without energy to stand strong. Too many scars......
Gemini
missmerbella 1 million percent nailed it!!! 🙌🏼
@@anditsreyna020 what do u mean Gemini? cus my covert narsicist Jezebel...wife,is a Gemini ..I read there traits it sounds like a covert narsicist/Jezebel ...very weird
I would argue that you can be incredibly confident and know who you are and still be gas lit especially by master manipulators.
I agree! I was very confident and had a good self esteem but I wasn't good with maintaining boundaries
But now you know, knowing and having that knowledge gives you back the power that rendered you powerless in the first place.
It can happen to the best of us.
Yep, I used to be very confident but slowly got broken down
Absolutely true
Here is a tip: when you’re being yelled at, demeaned, being abused, take out your phone and discreetly record everything. I’m doing it in court.
What if they go after your phone and get on you trying to take the phone away.. Happened to me today:(
@Solveig St-Juste buy another record get help and run
@Solveig St-Juste I strongly suggest you tell someone what's going on older who you trust and if you've been physically assaulted or verbally I suggest you u eventually take it to court not acceptable behavior at all:)) xx
NO. In Pennsylvania, that would be a felony for violation of a wiretap law still on the books from the 1940s. Courts have ruled that a wire isn’t necessary for this to still be a violation, as the point being to eliminate non-consensual recordings. I suspect there’s a similar law in nearly every state. Check with local authorities before doing this. I could backfire in a BIG way.
@@Dfhawk some states have a one party agreement to recording. I know we do in AZ. As long as at least one person consents to being recorded, it's perfectly legal.
Empaths and Highly Sensitive people are perfect prey for narcs. We are selfless and they are completely selfish. It’s a perfect marriage.
Empaths and Highly Sensitive people are quite resilient. We get knocked down and keep coming back for more and more abuse. It becomes a cycle that the abuser thrives on that diminishes us at the same time.
The lesson for me was self reliance and putting myself first. No more care-taking, begin setting clear boundaries, and focusing on my own self care and wellbeing above all else.
Without our devoted participation the abuser is powerless.
😔
I’ve met an empath that used her ability to manipulate people. So not all empaths are innocent.
I felt your comment on a spiritual level. This is so true without the devotion narcissists are powerless
@@tammy8780 so true Tammy!
This is very true and the same thing has happened to me
I was in an emotional abusive relationship. I'm. FREE now!Life WITHOUT certain people in it is BEST.
Having a narcissistic parent, I was raised to accept emotional abuse as "normal." I was told by a boyfriend (at 37 y.o.) I didn't have any boundaries and he felt like he could do anything he wanted at all times. That was an eye opener because I had no idea a) what boundaries were and b) that I was allowed to have them. I remember thinking that he may as well have been speaking to me in Greek. We broke up, I literally felt like I had shattered inside and got into therapy. Glad he's no longer in my life and really glad he made that comment because it led me to finally "meeting" myself.
❤️❤️❤️
He wasn’t
abusive; he was truthful telling you that you lacked boundaries. An abuser would not have told you, just used your inability to set them. Everything is not permissible! Respect is the foundation of civilization and all working relationships, not like, not even love. Respect for self and others. Glad you met yourself. Sometimes even put harshest critics move us away from them ( luckily) but towards ourselves. Good luck to you in 2022.
@@jeanettesdaughter I think they’re not saying that the boyfriend wasn’t abusive, but made them aware of potentially being open to allowing abuse in their life based on how they were raised. No where in there did they say the boyfriend was abusive.
Um yeah. That was gist of what I was saying. He was truth telling about boundaries and I learned what they were at that moment. However I did not give one iota of information regarding why I'm glad he's no longer in my life. Because that is no one's business but mine and his. So for you to tell me he was not abusive is based on your own suppositions. Especially since I did not say HE was abusive...or wasn't.
@@okay5488 Exactly. Thank you for comprehending my post.
1. Testing boundaries
2. Silent treatment
4. Passive aggressive
5. Disregard your feelings/needs/opinions (not holding space)
6. Ignore you when you're speaking
7. Manipulation (shaming & guilt then insult)
8. Gaslighting
Worth the watch, I just wanted to write it out.
We should be educated on this when we are in school growing up definitely.
I agree
Yes indeed the lack of education and knowledge are making healthy people fall in to a narcs , toxic and delusional people ....knowledge is power mm.... Stay bless y'all !!!!
Especially when we reach an age when we start dating or calling someone our boyfriend/girlfriend.
It’s part of your psychology class in high school.
Its not in Australia, it's only just touched on in university. I wish someone told me well before now.
I think the hardest part is knowing that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, yet still having such a hard time detaching myself from my feelings for that person. I finally blocked my abuser and have hope that one day it will hurt less. I am now working on being able to find validation within myself, and not rely on others for my happiness by taking it day by day. Thank you for your insight. I can’t tell you how much relief I have gotten just from this video.
How are you doing?
@@charlottehessley8349 he’s reached out 3 times in the past year (apologizing, wanting to be friends, etc. but clearly it’s for his ego) and each time I’ve been able to respectfully tell him to not contact me anymore. I feel nothing towards him. Blocking him was the best thing I could have done for myself. It helped me recognize what a horrible person he was, and how I would never want someone like that in my life.
I'm here. I can't . I still cry. I've broken up. He came visited me again and then blocked me after then posted gory images and now just ignoring me and just I want this over
Emma I don't rely on validation from others either girl!
It is called a trauma bond.
I got frosted out in my last relationship on a few different occasions, when I stood up for myself, made my physical or mental health a priority instead of giving into what he wanted me to do. Looking back I’m actually kinda proud of myself for standing up for myself.
Same. Except doing so lead to the end of my relationship of 1 year when I chose to advocate for myself to be respected and have my feelings consorted and finally have reciprocity and mutuality.
I get zero validation to my feelings what so ever with him. I feel as if I’m talking to a wall all the time
Unicorn Dust please don’t stay. It doesn’t get better. People are essentially the same. Run!!
Unicorn Dust ps. I meant that people essentially STAY the same. Good luck x
AJ P 😔dammit. It’s hopeless then.
Unicorn Dust same. Anytime he does something wrong it’s a wall when you try to explain your emotions about the incident. It’s bordering on covert narcissism 🤦🏾♀️
Runnnnn
My entire family since I was born. I finally got out of it this year. Here’s to emotional abuse survivors.
💛
I feel u on that!
I can relate😪 it’s like where are the positive ppl I can just be around all the time. My friends are the only positive normal ones👌
I can relate😪 it’s like where are the positive ppl I can just be around all the time. My friends are the only positive normal ones👌
🌟
I cried watching this. This made me realize so many things about myself and my relationship and I was not expecting for it to get this deep. Definitely breaking up with my boyfriend.
Did you?
Hope you have by now....?
I'm thinking of breaking up too...its hard we've been together over 5 years now.. he just doesnt realize what hes doing & its pushing me away & I'm tired of it.
@@PgirlRangerz you should please... You even sound exhausted. It's not gonna be easy but hey, nothing good comes easy...
Once you do so, it would actually feel like you haven't been breathing for sooo long.. Keep educating yourself on how to go about it..
It might be over 5 years now, but do u really wanna spend the next 5 with him? If no, then do it now! If you don't, you just might end up spending the next 10 before you know it
You can. Trust me, it may not seem like it at first but it's like the best best thing you'll ever do for yourself and you won't even be able to deny it.
I'm so passionate about this. Muah! I wish you the best!
I just broke up with mine about 2 months ago. I'm already looking and even feeling younger.. And also learning a lot about myself. It's amazing how much things the pain I endured is teaching me.
Um.. I read something that empowered me.. "the most courageous thing that you will ever do is to let go of what is hurting your soul" and "sometimes, you have to break your heart to heal your soul"..
I truly wish you the best and hope you don't procrastinate too long. Muah! My prayers are with you. 💕💕
@@tundeawosika4594 You dont know how much your words help me.🙏🏽 That's very sweet of you & I've made up my mind. I'm talking to him now about matter of fact. But I just wanted to reply because I really appreciate your help & advice. Im glad you're happier now too! You sound more free & wise lol You're amazing & thank you so much for your comment💜
For me, dealing with someone who continues to nit pick and just little comments here and there like muttering under your breath, mocking you or using your weaknesses against you really brings you down. You can ignore it as much as possible. Eventually it does get to you and you end up feeling unworthy of love. 💔
When they tell you you're too sensitive you start thinking "I need to prove them wrong, that I can handle this" ... Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. You don't need to keep doing something to prove you can do it.
Get away from them!
When u said the silent treatment. I immediately understood.
Same
Same
I’ve experienced this a lot
(Sigh) Is there hope that they’ll change their ways?
The universal narc language
The lack of respect is such a huge part of this, for me at least. Whenever I was disrespected I saw it not for what it was, but rather that I was doing something to make myself undeserving of respect.
I get the don t play the victim card... because I get so low about a fight or blow up . And then I sit there questioning myself did I cause that?
@@sharondurward9387 True, my ex would cause a tantrum, did not matter where, when and who is there (including my 2 kids) - then I would be blamed for it and told that I must stop btichin and moaning and making life all about me...left me confused...I have had enough now.
SAME!!!!!!!
can you pls help me, i think im losing my mind. He wanted me to leave all my friends just because he didnt like them, he used blame shame and guilt when i tried to get them back. He said that i hurt him and im disrespecting him when i want them back and when they are not good for me in his opinion. Do i really disrespect him when he wants me to leave all my potencional friends when he knows that i find it hard to make and keep friendships? he blamed me for everything possible and my every opinion is wrong and i need to get punishment to think the right thing
and i always tried to leave but i felt bad, came back and everything started again and in even worse way and i dont know how to handle it anymore
Thank you so much. I am age 57 and I’ve lived all my life allowing this.
Better late than never. I would tell my story but there’s not enough space.
What’s a blast is knowing I am living whatever years I have left under a different banner.
Freedom!!!!
Armando Farinas is like to know your story since you seem to be a male? Im a male in an abusive relationship with my wife.
I hope you are super happy. That's a long time to suffer. And Armando, I hope you were able to find happiness and peace.
Isn't she great?
Thank you for sharing because I am 51 years old and just leaving my husband of 17 years after living this way thinking this is normal My Story 2 is too long to tell thank God for freedom
Yay!!!!!
I was dating a guy for about 6 months and ended it recently. We were having discussions about myself moving in with him, but when I decided not to, all the red flags started coming out. I'm so relieved to be free of this toxic individual, and loving myself enough to not settle for that garbage behaviour.
I was in a similar ordeal a long time ago & i dated a woman for 4 1/2 months & i began to discover the red flags about her & i did'nt spoke to her in a week she called & started gaslighting me but i did'nt care i told her off & slammed the phone in her ears so i established a no contact policy towards her for life so i'm better off without her so never again.
You dodged a bullet. 🙏
@@sherriflemming3218I was just gonna type that!
"Many of them can't handle their own emotions, so they react." - Spot on (imho).
FACTS!!!
I pay attention to what ppl DONT say. That tells me much more about them.
Lara O'neal Yes Smart.
Interesting. True.
This sounds like my ex. He literally did everything you said. I thought I was crazy because I was so upset by the way he ended our two year relationship and how he treated me. When I tried to hold him accountable, he deflected it back to me. He recently married a 20 year old girl....dear God he is going to mess her up....I swear. I almost thought about warning her (innocent and naive like I was).
I didn't realize how much trauma I sustained until after being away from him for over 2 months. That's when I realized that my feelings of hurt were deeper than normal. I went straight away to counseling and started seeking help. There is hope and healing. It's not something you just "get over". Hang on and keep those who truly love you in your court. Blessings.
Emotional abusers do not respect other people. They manipulate, control, diminish, shame, guilt, neglect, insult and feel contempt towards the people they need to get supply to regulate themselves. Every word in your talk Stephanie is to be memorised and applied in life. It is great advice. Thank you.
Exactly and well said Iza. Trauma bond.
Covert Narcissist Abuse Coercive Control---Dr Sam Vaknin podcast
Narcissistic Abuse Is Never Your Fault-- Dr Sam Vaknin podcast
8 Common Types Of Trauma Bonds - Dr Ramani podcast
If you need to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman it's time to exit a relationship, pronto. You cannot fix heal or change an abuser. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record.
You deserve to be safe and healthy . ❤️
There are agencies and organizations to assist and support you. A safety plan and exit strategy with a trustworthy support system. 🤐
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
In The Presence Of Danger Masterclass podcast Gavin De Becker
The Duluth Power And Control Wheel
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing From Trauma -;Dr Gabor Mate
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Codependent No More by Melanie Beattie
What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? Jonathon Aslay
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix (Imago)
Attached by Amir Levine
When our light is off inside we are left with a black hole within us, and that black hole consumes light energy, because these people chose "not to go there" and deal with the trauma of their childhood experiences they did not re-open their hearts door, and reconnect with their true being their light source, the child soul.
They then become like vampires, energy vampires, in fact we being brought up by people who were just like this, we were also lost and we learnt to drain the energy of others, as we had no other option, having had our light drained, we became energy vampires too.
When our hearts have hardened and our light is dimmed within the body, we grow up in that darkness, not knowing we are in the dark, until someone shines a light into that darkness, the light of true knowledge, when in a state of being dispirited we can either except that light, and use it to light our own flame within, and continue to seek that true knowledge within, in order for our spirit to grow, or like these people who hurt us, choose not to light up their own flame, but choose to feed on it instead, yet because they are black holes they can never be full, they cannot contain that light it is consumed into their black ho.
When in this state like a vampire they cannot see themselves, so they have no reflection, and have no in-sight into what they are doing, that darkness within them is also a form of matter, anti-matter, and if left in the body to grow becomes a thing, a monster within us, that is filled with all our unresolved pain and suffering we have ignored, that is what makes us act out, that is the force behind all the destruction, it also keeps the child soul captive, in a coop on a loop, repeating the abuse they endured on a daily basis. What light is left flowing through the gap of the door to their little hearts is feeding that dark entity within.
In order to get rid of the monster within, we need to be honest with ourselves, we need to choose to re-open our hearts door, so it can begin the cleaning up process, as its all energy, and we took on a lot of dark energy with all the abuse, and it distorted our inner waters, and our perceptions, the water within became blocked up, because we had to hold back our tears, all that dark energy needs to be flushed out, that's why we were given tear ducts, "There is no rainbow in the soul when there are no tears"
Those repressed inner waters holds all memories, all our experiences are recorded and memorised, as water has memory.
The DNA is our book of life our blueprint, that holds our life story, we can re-read that book, go back to the beginning to the very start, and re-write the story, we can make things right for the child we were, we the adult can be the mother, and give her all the love she never received, we can be with them to comfort them, to let them know they you are there to protect them now..
"I don't trust myself"
I said that years back when i was lost and on auto pilot dispirited, more than once, and now I know why, because i the adult had ignored who I was, I forgot all about the child soul i was suppose to be seeking, i got lost in my suffering and lured into the world outside of myself, and got lost, i thought i was the fictional self the child me had created to take her place in the body, i forgot all about her, i abandoned her, and continued to fill the body with crap, more pain on top off all the mud of the child's sufferings, she was buried beneath the mud and dark stormy stagnant waters, that had a monster living in it, no wonder she did not trust me.
It was the little girl inside me that did not trust me the adult who was now the abuser of her, "self hatred"
This journey is not easy, its defo worth every effort though, to find our precsious cargo, to reconnect with who we really are, to snap out of our self delusion that we were the fictional self that our ego mind created to act its role in this world wide stage, where "They are all actors and they play many parts"
To relight up our inner flame, to switch our light back on, to switch on our humanity, so we are not ravenous vampires devouring each other and being led by wolves in sheeps clothing,carrying uninvited hosts.
The energy centers in the body are doors, there is only one Door we ought to be opening, and that is the Door to our hearts, where to Light Frequency of all things living flows, that is what protects and guards those other doors, who comes in and where we go, as those other doors have entities in them, and they are the other unseen kingdoms, connected to the seven colour spectrums, the prism the rainbow, they lead to other dimensions, so when our light is off we are left unprotected from the influences of these other entities in the lower frequencies, as when our light is dim we vibrate on a lower frequency, i think that's why the world is experiencing a lot of weird phenomena as the masses are traumatised and on a lower vibration?
Seek and you shall find, what was lost and left behind
Hidden treasures there to find, our spirit that is loving and kind
Creative talents, to inspire and uplift, and a guiding light a spiritual gift
To the T this is behavior that my current partner has been doing. To make me doubt myself, destroy my self esteeem.
i’m getting out of a 7 year relationship and engagement for 6 months.... i’ve finally woken up to all the emotional abuse, everything u say hits home. constantly getting the silent treatment,being ignored, feelings disregarded. strangers being treated better than me, sarcasms used to insult, being told no one will ever love me like he does, everything is all my fault, i will never find anyone like him, if i speak how i feel then he gets angry and somehow i end up apologizing to him, gas lighting me, calling me psychotic, saying harsh cruel things. getting told that he has been cheating on me from multiple sources. walking on egg shells all the time, revolving my day around his mood swings. one day he’s so nice to be around and the person i love the next day he’s belittling me. afraid to say anything that bothers me because i don’t want to get the silent treatment, constantly threatening to break up with me over any thing he is upset about. i can’t not believe the of my life, the person i thought was my soul mate is doing this to me. i was so codependent on this man he made me feel like i needed him that i was nothing without him and he always punished me by breaking up with me. he has so many double standards, he can have female friends but i can’t have male friends, he can add females on snap chat and instagram but if i do i’m screwing them. He makes himself appear to others as such a great guy, a do gooder, considerate helpful, and pure hearted. no one knows his true colors but me. he is a narcissistic personality as well. how did it take me so long to wake up? i am currently dealing with these gaping open wounds i just want to heal and find myself again.
Catherine Harris I know this feels like a lot but trust me you need to be thankful that you woke up. There are so many people that never wake up to this abuse and live their whole lives in terrible relationships. Abusive relationships!
How you can heal and really start to get to it even better place is to dive into healing from codependency and learning how to love yourself. Those two things will completely turn your life around. You will be able to attract a healthy partner into your life going forward.
Catherine Harris woah, that’s hella time.
Am so sorry you had to go through all this. I did experience same. The last year. Am still doing all my best to get over it all.
Catherine Harris I know this seems overwhelming but regardless of how long it took you to awaken be thankful that you did because there are tons of people that never do and are still in the midst of abuse. I would also say be really patient with yourself during this process. Healing and moving on is not something that happens magically overnight but as long as you are doing what you need to do to really heal you 100% will get there. 💗
Catherine Harris
You are so brave. My heart goes out to you.
Catherine Harris I just got out of the same exact situation much shorter time though. I felt every single way you felt. I hope you heal & find yourself 🙌🏽
So many more people need to be educated on this
Yes, it is a topic that most people do not talk about!
This is so true and unfortunately people often learn once they have been abused and suffered. I hope everyone can one day learn about the early signs of manipulation. I guess we can only hope and keep spreading knowledge ourselves
Emotionally abusive people are very insidious and don't usually show their true selves in the beginning. You can spend YEARS wishing "that person" you fell in love with comes back!!! If this is the case you find yourself in you need to look into cognitive dissonance. It's freaky how the mind deals with things!! The person you fell in love with doesn't exist!!!
Karen Wellington absolutely!
Stephanie Lyn Coaching I learned cognitive dissonance as a young child dealing with a nightmare childhood, being a child I of course didn't know what the separation of soul to body was. The breakthrough of the realization he doesn't exist is what saved me!! As rabbit holes go I was down pretty deep, 17 years of abuse, three years after leaving only to have my 15 year old son that I left his father because he started abusing him now wants to live with him. Heartbreak beyond belief, unfortunately we cannot make our kids who we wish they were. We can only set the example and hope they follow you're teachings. Teenagers want what they want when they want it, sad thing is his hard lesson will be in believing his father can or will provide for him.
Karen Wellington omg same here....17 yrs my 2 children his stepchildren going along with him for the benefits he bribes them with after having abused for years. Hurts so much
C H sorry for you're pain.
Karen Wellington ...Am struggling so bad with letting go of that wish for that fake self to come back....cos it always would briefly. But since he s been back after discard cos I insulted (apparently) him and his narc daughter...I only get the angry hateful devaluing mocking version. Don't know whether the other is ever coming back. I will lose everything I have worked for for 18 years and lose my beloved animals and gardens that were my sanity. How do I be Ok?
My personal time with God is helping me to discernment deceit and emotional predators now. I'm equipped with the shield of armour like Joan of Arc...not allowing injustice towards my mind anymore. Thank you lovely lady🌻you're so inspiring & intelligent
I am in tears listening to this because this person has crossed the line in all these
Pack hide your stuff. Act normal! Get out fast quiet, go far, lose number and never look back. Shut down all social media. Tell no one-run!!!!
This video is so validating that I feel the tension leave and I feel like I can actually breathe normally, move my body easily & think clearly again. Very nice.
Thank you so much! So glad you enjoyed it!
I was literally just thinking the same thing ... I *feel* lighter just listening to the first few minutes.
Amen amen, honey you deserve it.,)]
This is beautiful
The part where you mention the importance of validation made a ton of sense. If a child doesn't feel validated by their parents growing up, they'll seek it when they're older and that's where people can start to fall short on really forming their own boundaries, being sure of their choices and loving themselves.
One of the important things she points out is that many of these things are not even done with malicious intent. I know many people who do some of these things, and have no interest in controlling others or trying to hurt people. They either cannot process how to express themselves, so they shut down, or they fear upsetting others, so they won't offer a counter opinion or just agree to please others, even if they disagree. Sadly it builds up their own self created resentment. When you actually get through to these people, you can see the sadness on their face or in their voice when they realize how they hurt other people through their actions. It's why, like she said, boundaries are so important.
I know you just described me 😢
Don't forget they blame you for everything and can't have accountability for their own actions, thank you for this. I'm on my way out I'm planning and praying. Good luck ladies/men just remember your feelings matter.
OMG you just described my former wife.
NoPCsHere you described my ex husband
What if they say?, who loves you[ i need sex but im waiting, your the one for me)&or, my feelings are hurt don /;&*ou care? Thjere iuz a thin line between truth neediness integrity n manipulation)]., please please teach on boundaries and wants.
Treated like that by my entire family! And god blessed me with my confidence.
Amazing that you're still able to be confident Jude
Jude Graham my father
Absolute control
How do you handle this when you have been married for 30yrs of violation ...
Just run for your life ok..... Love your self more than you have ever loved you in the past years
.. Bless be with you !!!!!
I love it when he gives me the silent treatment. It’s my favorite punishment. If only it could last longer.
This is not funny for rest of us
I fucking hate it
It sure can be nice. Use that time to do things or think without added mouthing that will not get solved just more fuel to the fire.
I feel my partner is emotionally abusive and it is plain to see to anyone BUT HIM! He thinks I am always over reacting and am making it all up in my head. If I cry for whatever reason he says "Why are you crying now? That's all you do is cry. You need to grow up!" Which crushes my spirit all over again. Sometimes crying is the only way to get those emotions out. He says I need to just let my childhood traumas go and not talk about it. When in reality talking about what hurts you is the only way to work through it and heal. Thank for this video. ☺️
They KNOW they are mistreating you, even if they may not know the specific label for what they are doing, they know they are treating you in a way that they would never accept back from you. Think about it. If you talked to him in the same manner, what would be his reaction? I don't advise doing it, just imagining it. Once you flip it and imagine how they would react if they were on the receiving end, then you can better imagine as well exactly how it was meant. If they didn't intend anything ugly, then they would take no offense if you said something similar back to them and in the same tone of voice, etc., but they would. Thus, they know it is abusive whether they label it that way or not. The comments you are getting about your crying are not just invalidating of your pain, they are cruel, full of anger and contempt, not to mention a complete lack of respect for you. You will know whether it is abusive by how it makes you feel. Believe in yourself, he has proven to be an unreliable witness. You don't need to let your childhood traumas go, you need to let him go. Best of luck to you.
There’s times I feel so sad and depressed I cry my self to sleep I have no friends because of him I don’t express my feeling to no on but my self. I hide my emotions from my family. No one knows how you feel at times because we are good at hiding and denying it.
Carolina Alvarez so very sorry you have to go through this. For me, just thinking about the freedom and happiness that awaits me beyond the toxic relationship has been helping in my healing. You deserve happiness. For you, I wish to Christ freedom and all the joy and peace you rightfully deserve💛
😓😓
These videos are a good place to communicate and share with others who understand ❤️
I encourage abuse counselling
Wow I’m dealing with this now 💔
Very true. I had a coworker tell me that i always seemed happy. Wow. Little did he know what was going on in the inside
I don't give a dam what caused it in them, how they got that way, no interest in it. I want them out of my life and to stay away from me, period.
8 is the age of accountability
Amen
@@brandonsonmaysers9795 Accountability for what? Making logical decisions? Paying Bill? Reason and common since?
@@eveharris30 he was saying that 8 is the age of taking accountability for YOUR ACTIONS. Owning up to your mistakes. Admitting you did or said something wrong. Obviously not for any of what you said 🙄 you sound like an offended shit starter.
Right Exspecialy when they know what they do n keep doing it with disregaurd that. We have a right to be treated as we treat them.
5 years from 2013 to may 2019 with a total manipulator. I was blinded. I always thought it was my fault. I had no boundaries or self confidence/ worth. I now feel disgusted by myself that i allowed him to control me. I wasted years on personal goals. Graduated college but had 0 focus when finding a job. He will put me down. I felt unloved and never supported. I am tryingg to forgive myself and connect with god. But what you said at the end i became co dependent due to my parents. I am finally aware. I will keep healing thank you
yes - I had 7 years with an abuser - and it's very easy to see all the things you've missed because of it. I was totally isolated and not allowed to work even. The main thing is understanding what the lesson was in all of this and knowing you have the power to change your life going forward. Sounds like you are doing amazing! Well done x
@@freedomfromconditioning2055 i have my days of course filled with anger and regrets. At the same time i am learning to take full responsibility. It is what i allowed. And i am in the process everyday realizing how much I gave to someone when I recieved guilt and blame. Its going to be a journey but i am relieved that I finally became aware. God is number one. Becoming aware and understanding what went wrong and forgiving yourself is key. I am meditating and practicing self love and taking more time for me. Also planning to see a therapist. Everyone's process is of course different. But we as woman sometimes are too giving, too worthy to attract these "men" in our lives. Some may never realize it until its too late. I hope all woman realize their true power within.
marwa. you're on the right track. trust, it WILL get better, and calling on god is one of the absolute best things you can do
@@kidsister316 thank you for that lovely comment. God is number one 👌
I've been with my husband since June 2013 and have allowed myself to be trapped now by marriage and we have 2 kids with a 3rd due in Feb. How did you escape ?
It’s amazing how many of these things are on a subconscious level. It took me a long time to realize my partner didn’t consciously know he was doing these things. That’s not to excuse the behavior or abuse but that’s what “tricked me”. I genuinely could tell that he didn’t know he was doing it. It’s so subconscious and learned from childhood.
Watch out. Look into Dr George simon. Ppl know EXACTLY what they are doing. Making excuses for their behavior only keeps the cycle going. It's a rude awakening but so neccessaty.
Which is why it's important to marry someone who is God inclined, not necessarily "religious". At least that person is open to the fact they may have something to learn from a Higher Power. Important to be equally yoked, as the Bible puts it. You can more easily call them on their abusive behavior and if they change or make repeated attempts, you stick around.
Some people don't realize what they are doing fully for sure. My former partner had an extremely abusive childhood and would gaslight and silent treatment me all the time. But I truly believe that he went into a child-like "trauma brain" response and would shut down most of the time. It was so so hard. Because he didnt get what he was doing, and then I would have to explain to him over and over how what he was doing was hurtful, and then his shame would kick in and he would say "Im never going to be good enough for you", leading me to have to reassure. So I could never just be mad, I had to be a teacher too, and it was exhausting and so so deeply painful.
I know how it feels to be emotionally abused all my life but no more. Thank you for this video and all you do. I will never let this happen to me again
Clara smith I am so happy that you loved the video! All the best!
Clara smith well done i am still going through it
aoifemaria molloy hard to get away from abusers, but so important to do that
Adam Prall yes but i get it from uncles and aunts but i realised some years ago that i am a scape goat from the fact that i was born outside of marriage and never had a man or dad to defend and protect me and my mum has substance induced psychosis so nobody really ever stuck up for me
Adam Prall the abuse started with my being taunted for being short, high pitch voice and i reacted to the bait and it took off from there and as i got older it became psychological, emotionally, mentally and physical and continued through my adult life
This is so true. My husband is extremely emotionally abusive and makes me self doubt everything about myself. Hopefully there's strength to fight this after watching this valuable video. Thank you.
Austin Gibson 💪 💗
553 narcissists disliked the video 😂😂
Great channel 👍🏻
Keep it up, I appreciate your work 🌷🌹
THIS IS SO TRUE. BAHAHA
lol
It’s 880 now
No, some people want someone who gets to the point and doesn't seem to love to listen to themselves talk.
Very powerful. Sadly I'm in a very emotional abusive marriage. Trying hard to get out and do so safely. Thank you for putting it out there .
You can do it!!...I've been there!
Your a strong beautiful woman. You deserve better.
Same here Christina - mine is a Covert, Malignant Narc. I think he could at times, be dangerous. However, I will leave when I can afford it.
I’m in the same situation and I’m pregnant. I can’t decide what to do cuz I love him 😞. He always says that I’m his bad luck and he’s gonna be happy without me.
@@donavallisowmya leave him. You can do so much better. Follow Ana bey on youtube and level up to a man who sees your worth. You can become a women a high caliber and very successful.
I think the idea of narcissists being emotionally abused as children can fool some people to sympathize with them. Many researches have proven that a lot of narcissists have turned out to be that way because of being the "golden child" in the family. They were spoiled and treated as the special one, they are taught any behavior is okay, as long as they can benefit from it. So I hope people won't actually think of "the poor abused narcissist" because that's not necessarily the case. These are people who experience pleasure manipulating others and have no empathy to understand how other people feel. Go no contact and never look back.
Vassy Rng what everyone must remember is that this is a personality disorder. The chances of someone recovering from this disorder and realizing they are manipulative and abusive is slime to none. You can have sympathy for someone but that sympathy cannot go so far as to put that person first and you second.
of course this is what happens to us (all that are or were in these bullshit situations) in my case both parents are narcs (..so hard) and I am definitely NOt like them and will never be. Maybe they were in horrible situations too I don't know about their past life but it's of course not my fault and they have chosen their path to be mean. NOt me.
Narcs are very conscious of what they do even though sometimes it looks like it isn't.
I totally agree! Oh poor me ! Pity me ! But YOU must let go & forgive ! It's different ! 😒
Right or how they say that they are so insecure underneath that also can lead to giving them undue empathy....when the truth is they just may just feel superior.
This person always looks for those who have low self-esteem, low self worth. I know, I've been there.
Which was me. Still healing but def. Understanding my worth and selff esteem
Not always. The one loophole mine took advantage of was pregnancy (created in last week together) diminished my work capacity as a massage therapist, and then 4 months after her birth my health further crashed. Took advantage of a vulnerable situation.
I don’t think that’s always true. They choose people who are naturally loving and caring because they want to exploit that.
Omg I feel he preyed on me
i dont have low self esteem or low self worth and i still attract this person but i only allow it a few months
When somebody’s love hurts 😔 and you feel drained and on edge, it’s likely emotional abuse.
Abusive personalities are created in childhood, as learned behaviour that they have come to think is the norm. Their emotions were not validated in childhood. They seek out people who are co-dependent or have weak boundaries. The relationship is like a one way street to them, where they are running the show. Threatening and nasty behaviour = nit picking bullying behaviour results when they don’t get what they want.
Knowing your boundaries, setting boundaries and enforcing them is the way to fend off an emotionally abusive person. When you are self loving ❤️you will stand in how you feel and trust yourself.
💯 perfectly stated
💯 Especially the park about how they act when they don’t get what they want
Who knows, maybe your partner is sincere and will change. After all, nobody’s perfect, right?They even promised to marry you. So is it worth it?
Marriage after infidelity is a tricky proposition. But if you love the person, forgive and forget, move on and live happily ever after. Just like in the movies. Marriage can be a blessing, but it can also break your heart, especially, if you think you've reached the end of the road. There's no easy path to divorce.
So is it worth forgiving someone who cheated on you? Of course. Do it, living with hate is not a good way to live.
Is it worth forgetting about it? No. Your experiences in life make you stronger (and hopefully smarter). It's time to examine your feelings about yourself and your marriage. It is understandable that you are hurt by what your husband did. However, he has apologized for it and stopped his relationship with her for you. Now, it is up to you to forgive. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It gives strength to move on.
At this point you might have tried marriage counseling and probably hire a good lawyer, to best find the truth for proof in court I suggest you google search" hubtechhack ethical” to help you get proof from your partners device remotely for evidence. Sometimes it's worth saving a relationship and sometimes it isn't. Only you know the answer to the question of whether you should get a divorce or you're better off staying married.
Very well said🙌🙌🙌
You have just described my husband. It hurts to know that I’ve been living this way for do long.
This is a person who has a lot of love for herself and people. People around her must be so happy. All that's said in the video is 100% relatable and pertinent.
I've cut off these kind of people, but its like they are completely shocked n play the victim when I'm done being there's. Lol
Tough stuff, isn't it? .... Lonely and liberating at the same time.
Amen!!!!!
Mirror, mirror on the wall which Narc Will play my roll. I'm in shock of hoe many people were brought up by these kinds of parents? Without love and understand your needs..Sick! Get the hell away, today! You only can help them' if they admit they have to change. But, it's lost energy.
Yes I understand that about they act like a victim of.
chui 1 ...it’s amazing how they turn the tables on you...that’s gaslighting and I’ve been gaslit for 23 years...I’m an expert on how it feels...in one word....it’s...DEVASTATING...
I experienced for 22 years. My husband was a pastor. Somehow, I thought I was deserving or responsible. Still recovering 17 years after divorce.
melody pogue,you deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
Sadly religious people can be the worst abusers. They make it look like their actions are sanctioned by God.
THE SIGNS ⚠️ IGNORED BY IGNORANCE . THE TRUTH WILL WAKE YO EYES UP 👀 🥱🤔🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🐎🦓📌
Hoping you are stringer today ♡
Melody, I put up with it for 47 years. He finally died a month ago. I am finally free. I am glad you didn't wait. What a brave, courageous beautiful woman u are. You have a ❤. God bless you. Stop telling yourself that any of it was your fault. I wish u peace ✌. You have earned it.
I woke up this morning so depressed. I was looking for a video just like this. Thank you. ❤
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matt 11:28
Tiffany check out the book “Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft. Opened my eyes after 13 years of emotional manipulation that just snuck up on me until one day it got real when my physical safety was threatened and I fled as fast as I could.
@@andygreer8645 amen
💥💥💥💥💣
Tiffany Mathis God Bless You... 💕
Thank you for making this video, Stephanie.
I have been with the same man for 27 years, married 19. I am 44. I recognized the red flags early on, but I always made excuses for it, or he would minimize what was happening so I couldn’t see it for what it was and is. I am ashamed of being in this relationship and embarrassed to speak about it. You will see why. I sound like a complete fool for tolerating this. I am aware. I rarely ever talk about it. This video described everything that has happened to me and I feel compelled to finally speak. In my relationship am shamed on a daily by my husband. Yesterday, I was called the C word, the day before a B, a loser, stupid, trash, useless, dumb B, you name it. I am compared to other women and what they do for a living and how much money they make. If I stick up for myself he mocks me and calls me dramatic, a victim, pathetic, even woke. He would accuse me of looking at other men and push me down in public places, down a ditch, in closets, he would choke me, and kick me. He constantly watches porn, lost two wedding rings, one of them he lost at a bar, he would say it is because he didnt like wearing one. Hit on my friends and actually grind on them, hit on waitresses right in front of me hug them and put his hand on her ass, make inappropriate sexual remarks around other women. After 5 years being together he did not know my birthday- I dont mean he just forgot it on the day, I mean did not know when it was. When I would say how hurtful this was he would say I was selfish for making it a big deal and why does it matter. I felt bad and ashamed and selfish for wanting him to celebrate me. After 8 years of being married he did not know when our wedding day was or how long we had been married. He is not dumb he is educated and capable of remembering. He chooses not to care. He tells me I am not a good cook. After I have worked, taken kids to school and cleaned the house he would say in a nasty tone “what did you do all day?” If I say what I did he will say it doesnt even look clean-Just to let me know it isn’t good enough. When I was 8 months pregnant and we had a 3 year old, he was mad that we needed groceries and said “why didn’t you get off your fat ass and walk to get them while I was at work?” i am 5”4 I weighed 125 when I got pregnant and only gained about 30 lbs. If I protest how he talks to me and how he treats me he will berate me and stonewall me for days, weeks and up to a month because he knows it bothers me. I rarely hang out with people because I dont want anyone to see. I dont know how to end this. When I say I want to divorce he threatens me and says I will end up with nothing. I have spent 27 years loving this man, being devoted and faithful for nothing. He has made my life a living hell and I have no doubt divorcing him will be no different. People like this don’t and won’t change. Do not waste your life like I have. Take my heed- Walk away at the first sign of disrespect.
Are you crazy woman! You are only 44, that is so young. You have already said he won’t change. Start loving yourself. Of course he will be bad in a divorce, but are you any better now. And what about what your children are learning from him. Act the same, while you make plans, that way you can control when you leave! You have a lot of living to do. He doesn’t make you feel good about yourself now, so start self love. You have wasted your time loving someone who doesn’t love you. I know I’ve been doing the same, with a Narc, so my heart goes out to you. These people only care about themselves!!!!
I have been there for 37 years! I got out! I'd say to you RUN! As fast as you can! If you have to plan a getaway then start! You are worth so much more than you realize right now! 🙏🙏
He is a Abusive Bully! He is a Coward inside. The ONLY reason he IS Bullying you IS Because You are allowing him to. Giving him permission to treat You like this. Wake up & understand his threats are because He knows! You believe them. He is a Coward. Exposing a Bully IS the Best! Thing you can Do. Love Yourself & Your kids enough to GET out & Cut off ALL associations with this Bully, & Predator !!
i just realized that i respond to abuse by being abusive back.
lacie george I kinda did this too at the very end. I got so angry and hurt that he did those things to me that I started to fight back. I think of it as self defense. It might not be the right thing to do, but I did it. And even then, I'm not sure that what I did really was abuse. It was mostly yelling (sometimes I did yell, but I mostly didn't actually yell) at him that he hurt me and that I didn't get any kind of love or respect back from him.
Same and it only made me feel worse
Same at the end, its called reactive abuse, they push you so far that you crack, I had no coie what was going on at the time, if i had known it was abuse i wouldnt of reacted the way i did but that's why emotional abuse is insidious, they van turn it all around on you in the end when you react, it's pure evil x
@@vikki-leec6169 I agree. Reactive abuse seems right at that time but we feel guilty coz we have become just like our abuser and that's what they're trying to prove that, "we" are the bad ones.
Same :( . It's common to become like our abusers
I had to watch this to refresh myself on what I was dealing with 3 years ago. Thank you, reminding me how far I’ve come!!
Aida Rivera,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news 🤙
By the Grace of God I found your channel , I'm going through a major situation right now , I really believe that Jesus led me to your channel 😇God bless you 😇
Janice Blake Agree! I have learned so much in this video. I asked God to send me a sign earlier this morning and then this video popped up in my feed!!
It took me almost 10 years to realize what I was going thru was emotional abuse. I always knew something was off. The sad part is that I was a happy confident person when it started, I just never knew I needed boundaries. One day it started to click after years of therapy and 3 medications later. I am finally free. I still have to see this person as we have a family together but I see good consistent changes in them no matter how slow it is. I am on a healing journey for my children and myself and I feel much stronger!
Be the best version of you and live a life with no need of hiding secrets and you are a success!
Here in japan emotional abuse is recognize by the law, need to have attny. , if it settled the victim will recieved a payment what we call isha ryo. FEW people knows this law.
Japinay poako thats amazing that there are laws in place to protect people.
Japinay poako that‘s interesting.
This is why I keep saying the Japanese are brilliant minds! I'm so glad to hear that! I live in Greece and women specifically, despite their so called freedom and rights, can't even find justice when they're beaten to a bloody pulp or raped in front of police officers.
Wow, that is impressive.
That’s amazing! I live in Japan and never heard of this! Thank you 🙏🏼
HOLY ****. I can't express to you how much I needed to hear this video. I will probably need to replay this daily for a short time to remind myself that I escaped my emotional abuser. I have literally experienced recently every sign you've mentioned - wow. Now it's time to heal & rid myself of this small part of my emotions that still feel co-dependent. It's only been 3 days... I can & will get thru this! Thank you, Stephanie.
Hey! I hope you are having a great life after 4 years of getting out of emotional abuse
I think when a person uses their partner's past against them....that is emotional abuse. Calling someone crazy bc they feel, think or react differently from u is emotional abuse....
I just learned something. That's called gaslighting. Thanks.
I totally agree with this!
I just got out of a relationship who I dedicated my life to for almost a year and he knew about my past with depression and suicidal tendencies, and when I would try to talk to him about my feelings (which he was the only person I had left because he messed with my head and I ended up not being friends with those I once was friends with), and he would continue to tell me that he should kill himself and I'd be better off without him...
Same
Shawna Satchell thank you for sharing that
I was told my family doesn't want me and called crazy every minute.. then that led to more violent battery, say murder attempt on the last occasion by strangulation.. all this because I say no and I stand my grounds sometimes, however, I'm a teacher and very empathetic, always finding him excuses because of how hard his life was and trying to help and fix it! lol! he is gone now.
I’ve been with two narcissist who literally had amazing parents. But we also have to deal with growing up, high school, peers, college, bad marriages etc ….As a psychology major I always thought it was the first 5-years that were so important. And it is, But I now feel it’s life, genetics and other things that take place. And yes, a small thing like not feeling validated is so big! TY FOR SHARING YOUR WISDOM. YOU ARE AMAZING♥️
Yup. Have a female relative who was given the world growing up. I've never met such a dangerous liar.
I come from 2 loving parents, raised me properly. That's how I know this dude is narcisstic, he had 2 chick's who had 2 parents and blew it 2 times.
It is NOT a sign of lacking self love, self esteem, or being co-dependent to become involved with these type of people.
When abusers groom their partners...they condition them to want to assume the best in them...give them second chances...not think the worst in their intentions and actions/comments. If people haven't had the experience of dealing with emotional abusers...they just don't know.
Amazing video though. It should be taught in schools....
Actually it is a sign of lack self love because someone who has self love and high self esteem has healthy boundaries. Remember people only abuse you or use you if you let them.
@@rainbow9987 bull/sht. Yo can have self love and still want a relationship to work out enough to give them second chances. It becomes a conflict of whether to believe them or not.
You eventually have to decide NOT to believe them in order to walk away
I had to learn to be healthy, emotionally & mentally, through 20 years of counseling with professional therapists. I still get emotionally abused. Now I know to handle/deal/ cope with it, &, love myself.
YES I love hearing this!!! Recovery is possible! So happy for you!
20 years? Are you kidding me?
You have described what I am ashamed to admit this treatment I endured for over 30 years. I tried to end the marriage so so many times but was guilted into staying. Now am finally divorced and discovering who I am again and so much happier!
I want to see a therapist but I'm afraid.
Amy Harker l
Just broke up with my ex. Every time he was mad he took it out on me and said things he didn't mean. This destroyed the relationship because even if he took back what he said, it's already caused a dent in the relationship.
I hate when people want to fix everything with apologies.. the harm is done.
My ex did the same to me, he was a master at deflecting anything back onto me.
@@rachelcookson3492 right!
So true. I'm sorry means nothing. The harm is done. You didn't have the control, discipline to not say the harmful words. Immature, childish
I wish this was taught in schools so it would be easier to call emotionally abusive people out for verbal abuse already as a kid instead of suffering in silence for years and believing that it's all your own fault...
I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said aside from a healthy person not caring if they received the silent treatment. A healthy person is still a person, not a robot. You don’t have to be labeled “codependent” for it to hurt when a loved one purposely ignores you or refuses to even see you for an extended period of time. It’s upsetting when someone you care about suddenly acts like you’re not worth their time. Healthy people can still feel pain.
missmerbella absolutely!! A healthy person can and does feel pain. It would not be healthy if you never experienced those feelings. The difference is how you parent yourself or love yourself through the feeling.
Thank you for the comment!
the pain on some days is very swelling and hard to deal with at times
My mom was very emotionally abusive, and she would single me out in a group of people and point out my "faults." My mother in law did this right at the table during Christmas Dinner, and all these feelings came right back. I've had hard feelings and haven't spoken to her since. From now on Christmas dinner will be at MY house and she isn't invited. That was the last time I am going to be the ChristmAss!
M Paxton how to make knitted fabric
M Paxton My m i l was the same. Great that you are choosing a better Christmas day in the future. I put up with unpleasant, family dinners every Christmas until she passed away 30 years later. It's great you have made the decision and hope you don't suffer for it.
Hope you can get away from the relationship...you're wasting your life and deserve a better one, you only live once ...good luck.
M Paxton 🙏🏾♥️
Sadly, you not along... It took me 40 years to do what you did because I loved her. It's not an easy decision; but it comes to the point:" Enough is enough"...
I've been a truck driver for the past 31 years. I see all of these traits at its worst every single day. In the past it was hard for me to recognize most of them, since I've been watching your videos it has helped me so much not only out in the world but in my home as well. And with this covid-19 thing, I am working harder than I have ever worked in my career so being able to recognize these traits has helped me more . I love that you are reaching out to help people and showing them how to protect themselves in these areas. Keep up the good work. Thank you!
Thank you for this! Especially the point about just ignoring you when you talk to them! Would place food down for him and he wouldn’t even acknowledge me. I’d ask him a QUESTION…no response. It was always so unsettling to me but I didn’t realize how emotionally abusive this was.
So immature and controlling
Same here Yasmin. It's dehumanizing & degrading. However - once I started learning about all of their (Narcs) dirty little tricks & that they do them ON PURPOSE 🤯, the light bulb turned on & my rose colored glasses came off. I dove into so many videos from Dr. Les Carter 'Surviving Narcassism' & Dr. Ramani on TH-cam & I learned so much. It was easy to completely emotionally detach from him at that point. The fact that someone would be so damaged inside that they would intentionally be so awful/cruel to someone they had professed to love is unforgivable in my book. I don't want to be with someone like that. I was so naive that I didn't even understand that his: Silent Treatments; his Selective Amnesia; his Projections & Gaslighting, his Selective Hearing & Lies by Omission were all just his "games" & ways to manipulate me & to keep me confused & off balance. Stephanie Lynn's advice is really good & she feels like having a really good, smart ally in your corner.
@@mdee860 Oh my goodness, all those “selective” elements you listed. Just too familiar. I’m so sorry you had to experience that but happy that you’ve overcome! I’ll checkout those names you listed, thank you 💜
@@yasminf3249 - 😘 Wishing you peace & serenity. Knowledge is the key. PS: I was very angry when I first started to comprehend how he had manipulated me, but that too, will pass. Best thing to do is to understand why I/you/we fall for these people in the 1st place. That's the 🔑 🗝 to breaking the chain.
@@mariahconklin4150 - 👏👏👏 Yes, just another way to punish & manipulate. Narcs suck the air out of any room.
I cried watching this because this is my life and i feel so hopeless. I have been going thru abuse my whole life. Starting with both my parents. Although they were not married, both of them treated me like an orphan. I used to go to my room and cry feeling like that was the only safe place for me. My mom never even realized I had a plaque of quotes on my door that bbq I would recite every time I left my room just to be able to emotionally survive living there. Left as soon as I could. Now dating a narc. He is an abuser and every ur he's gotten more shitty as a person. Taking advantage, enslaving me as a maid, comparing me.to other women, always talking about 3somes and I just don't feel heard, appreciated or respected. Like u said he NEVER validates my feelings. Often calling me an idiot to a point where I actually was afraid to talk for fear of being emotionally abused. Literally couldn't take anymore. He got mad at me 1 day for me saying I wanted to save the world. Save people froom themselves. How do u get mad at that? Saying I'm always obsessed with others opinions and feelings. How can u not sympathize with some people u meet? He treats his friend better than me. Whenever I bring this up he denies it saying I'm always over exaggerating. Spending time together is running errands and working together. Not dates or vacations. Made me and my son go to the beach alone because he doesnt like my sister who was going. Crazy shit. I had an ex along time ago who tod me that this man was changing me and i denied it. Bit now I see just how much this shit had crippled me, lowered my worth and made me hate myself for being so weak. We have a kid together also. I knew I was at a low point when I was considering therapy. Like how the fuck did I get here? I subbed to learn more about my condition and how to fix it. Thank u for talking about the silent sufferers.
BACKTOBLACKLOVE sweetie.. I am so sorry you have had to endure this type of abuse but unfortunately you are not alone. Definitely dive into learning about emotional abuse, Narcissistic abuse, and codependency. I would also definitely recommend learning how to love yourself because most of us were never taught that.
BACKTOBLACKLOVE ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Stephanie Lyn Coaching I agree and thank u for responding to my book of a comment. Lol
BACKTOBLACKLOVE you got it 😉
BACKTOBLACKLOVE just dont get pregnant again. Im in a loveless relationship...we have two kids together ..the youngest 4 months and i have 2 other kids abd so does he. He shows me no love and its making me despise him. All he does is shows ne how he doesnt care. I wish i could just runaway and never come back cause it feels so stressful and upsetting. He has no problem cuddling and loving on the kids but he says my dad should have loved me and thats my problem...or im just a jealous girl. Wellwhat woman doesnt want to ve loved by her man? Isnt that the point of a relationship??? So much left unsaid but im not writing a book. I understand...ii wish things were Like this before our kids....but we cuddled all the time, now..nothing just Criticism.
This is my boyfriend I need to leave ASAP.
Me too!! I KNOW I need to leave, but its SO hard and I don't know why... Feeling so hopeless
Kittiegoespurr Xo no girl it’s not. I left him. He still texts me, he emails me for god sakes but I’m so much happier than I was before stressing over NOTHING. LEAVE. cuter guys out there who will treat you better and not make you feel insecure. I’m young I’m 17 and that was my first abusive and last. Keep you’re head high and try new things. Be happy and healthy.
Kittiegoespurr Xo OMG SAME
Jasmine Mkyla girl good for you
I feel you same!! I just got out of my relationship it always felt like I was walking on eggshells
My older sister has emotionally abused me my whole life. One of the last times I saw her, she was physically abusive, and she denied later that she’d ever touched me. It was like an alternate reality she chose to believe.
One of the older siblings in my family is an abuser and would be bully, if she could get away with it. The older siblings like to try to reinforce their perceived hierarchy, just in different ways in adulthood. My solution has been to maintain large, geographic distance from them.
Emotional abuse is all too common in families and often "covered up" to present a "perfect" family to outside society. Many emotional abusers can "cover up" their behaviour by being able to "hide" behind their high power job. Emotional abuse can also simply be ignored by others simply because they are "dumb struck" by successful other people and neither want to or feel able to "call it out". May those being emotionally abused have the strength and courage to believe in themselves and reject what someone else is trying to "impose" on them. Many thanks for this video.
Wow this is so beyond helpful... thank you.
I am a man in my 40s, and I have recently left a marriage to an emotionally abusive woman. I can see how my wife learned these behaviors; both her elderly mother and father are narcissists and horribly abusive, even to me. There were SO many red flags that you have outlined here in my 10-year marriage but I never really figured out what they were until recently. Especially the boundaries and lack of validation along with the silent treatment. My wife always chose her family over me, and expected me to do the same. Now my stepdaughter is learning the same horrible behaviors of her mother and grandmother. She is definitely not the same child I used to play with when she was 3 to 6. It is painful right now and I am trying to just live 1 day at a time. Thanks for making other people aware of this. Too bad I took so long to see it for what it is.
You’re lucky you got out usually if you try to get out they make a false allegation up
@@xivwords5448 I was afraid of that, but it never happened. I have been separated a year and still not happened.
Extremely sad
My boyfriend emotionally abused and manipulated me into staying in the relationship for 12 years. He knew I was very insecure and empathetic. So he would try to make me feel sorry for him and turn me into the villain when we hit a wall in the relationship. I was too scared to confront him about how I really felt and he would shame me and and make me feel guilty, and always act like the victim. I’ve finally realized what this relationship really was and all this time I thought I was just a bad person. I finally ended the relationship, we were engaged and I broke it off. I wish I had those years back, but I feel like I’ve learned a lot. I hope I will be stronger now.
miap the exact same story for me.. 12 years.. engaged.. then one day I just packed my bags and left. Totally abusive for years and I was miserable. If I was just watching tv or doing something happily about the house alone he would come in and try start an argument over nothing so I would get annoyed and he would start laughing at me when I was annoyed and then he could leave knowing I was upset. He would come home and shout horrible things at me when I only asked if he had a good night. He is a drug addict and an alcoholic and I lent him money and got into debut for this man. I can’t believe I took his crap for so long but so thankful I left and am happy. Il never get into a relationship like this again.
Did you guys have kids?
I need courage to maybe run for the hills. I'm scared.
Same here.
You're so amazing! I love your insight!
I witnessed a complete transformation of my ex. He was such a good person at the beginning humble, cute and loving who made me feel the most important person and at the moment he started to earn more money, look better, practice sports and having attention of other girls he changed. His face, eyes, gestures and vibe were not of a good person any more, he was angry and introverted, he was talking about him all day long, made me believe he was the pretty one. He used to say he looks like price charming and was constantly telling me to look at his muscles how big they look... he stopped telling me i love u And when i holded his hand he was not holding it back. He told me he wanted to meet other grls when he reached a high level of confident and selfsteem. He leaved me after 4.5 years of relashionship just when i wanted to make plans for our future. I did think I was bipolar or crazy but then I realized I was a victim of a covered narcissist.
Souds exactly like my story. Exactly.
Thats common with men.
Maybe you just nagged him too much and didn’t bring enough value to the relationship. Instead of upping your game you tried to make him feel guilty for wanting more out of life.
@@kingtiger889 you could be right, or you could be projecting the issues you have had with women on somebody you dont know...
Lily Ann Great response! Btw, it's the latter. Based on his comments to you and multiple other women, he clearly has issues with women and appears to be the defender of all men. He'll defend a rapist caught in the act with his own eyes. Praying for your ability to be empathetic and compassionate, Kyle.
Wow! Plenty of good points. Still, she really knows how to keep on talking so long before getting on to the next one. And she missed a few:
1. consuming your time with their tasks,
2. negative comparisons with other people,
3. "reporting" how your friends "don't really like you."
4. constantly yelling and lecturing about how you are failing.
.... to name just a few. But yes, I still got some good stuff from her. Good job!!
Lukas Aurelius wow this is 100% accurate.
Wow yes at these additional points
Oh yes. I get those all the time as well.
I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but I dont think this needed to be 23 minutes. Maybe consider the viewers urgently seeking immediate information. Maybe give a long Ted Talk - and satisfy the need for an audience. I wonder if first dates start off with a 23 minute autobiography. Warm regards.
To me this is highly distressing. She describes me, from childhood on. I 'like' the short ánd long version of her information.
I was suppose to visit my girlfriend for 5 weeks. It only lasted for 10 days because of the emotional abuse that I went threw. Based on your video everything was accurate on what I went threw. Thanks for posting this video !
Thank you so much for this video. It helps .e very much just left an emotional,physical relationship with mental abuse. I need so much help. Yet i finally left after 6yrs.