How Perfectionism Makes Us Ill
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ต.ค. 2024
- ‘Perfectionists’ are generally held in high-esteem: praised for their self-discipline and refusal to compromise. Yet in truth, the trait is a manifestation of self-hatred - and must be overcome if we are ever to feel truly fulfilled.
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“Part of our problem as a species is that we’re troublingly good at making things perfect. We can set our minds on an extraordinary goal and - with heroic sacrifice, thousands of hours of effort, many wrong turns and periods of intense despair - we can reach the target. We can pull off a masterwork, we can exceed all normal expectations, we can triumph and awe - and advance humankind…”
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“Perfectionism is not as much the desire for excellence, as it is the fear of failure couched in procrastination.” -Dan Miller
Damnn that hit home 😶
That along with not wanting to disappoint others.
Not Accurate
Who is Dan Miller?
Excellent
The most important step on the path to perfection is being able to overcome addiction to guilt.
The addiction of guilt stems from the same source as perfectionism does. Acknowledging that your parents are not omnipotent. That they have flaws, too. They did the best they could. Helps release some of the hurt, and diminishes the thoughts of "victimhood."
"Be cool",nothing morethan that.
Have you heard the "good news"?
You're a sinner and the things to feel guilty about is endless until you die.
Now come and reinforce your inadequacy every week so that you are going against your nature every day of the week and your life.
In fact, you'll be told no one has ever achieved being free of sin, and even the one person who did it we don't really have proof that he did. You should definitely join this way of life and close your mind to considering other ideas or perspectives.
@@gwho that’s not how it works actually.
Perfectionism also steals your joy, I speak from experience. You literally don't allow yourself to celebrate your skills, accomplishments, talents because you are striving for perfectionism which is impossible so you are always looking for something to criticize. You never feel anything enough. I used to have resentment for the fact other people were content with their mediocrity, meanwhile those of us who are at higher levels of skill/talent were beating ourselves up for that 1 tiny mistake or thing that could've been better. I would literally carry these little flaws in my heart which made me sad and disappointed and not think of all the good and my progress. It's messed up. I only realized in 2019 that in order to grow with joy, you have to accept and even celebrate your mistakes as in learn and laugh them off and keep it moving. Life is soo much easier and joyful now that I've let go of perfectionism!! It really is toxic and it was probably taught to us by our parents 😒
Well said
;(
I've learned to live with this. Some people are allowed to be simple and happy. Others must strive for perfect and be generally unhappy. Being a perfectionist has allowed me to master skills and accomplishments that others only dream about. The hunger and drive of never being satisfied with the last attempt are what pushes us forward. If I have to be unhappy, well I think that is the price of admission.
@@HeadCannonPrime ---- There is truth in the saying that higher functioning people are prone to depression and anxiety.
That suggests perfectionism can be mental disorder. 🤕
I suffered from severe depression and anxiety for over a decade largely as a result of my obsession with perfectionism in academia and work. Once I got counselling and changed many aspects of my lifestyle, I overcame my depression and anxiety. Ironically, by letting go of my perfectionism and not being afraid to fail anymore, I have become a much stronger and wiser person
Man, I'm going through a similar situation but can't find a good therapist, can you give me a piece of advice?
Thanks for sharing your experience!
Hey, Godot! I remember you from a Splatoon comment I made a long time ago. I need to work on perfectionism myself-- it drives me up a wall. Academics has always been hard for me, too.
Hope you are doing well!
Therapy is so hard, expensive ( no insurance) , etc.
Tried it twice. Sometimes I think talking abt things makes it worse 😕💀
I think this video was my therapist.
I saw a therapist 3 times, which cost 400b dollars. She was so useless.
"Do not worry about perfection. You will never achieve it."
- Salvador Dali
once i learned to face my critical inner voice i was able to do much more then when i was demanding perfection from myself.
Good for you!!! That is a hard task to complete. You preserved! Excellent job. 😊
(:
U funny 🤣
How did you manage to do it?
Yeah the inner voice is God. You either get thoughts from yourself, devils or God Himself. He is that moral compass in you, and just a compass in general, you know subconsciously that God exists. But you have sinned, and the only way to heaven is through Jesus Christ’s death, because He is the sacrifice for your evil actions in the past and He lived a perfect life. Go to Jesus humbly and let Him cleanse you with His precious blood.
Who else is so much of a perfectionist that they're an underachiever because it prevents them from even starting?
That's what I thought when the introduction was about sb who's always working, doing so much... From my experience a perfectionist is rather sb who's procrastinating, riddled with anxiety :(((
ME. i also have a huge fear of failure so i never even bother to start
Fear of failure got to me.
Me too. Perfectionism is the destroyer of motivation and ambition.
ADHD 🥲
Perfectionism is the enemy of progress. Focus on the small wins and progress in the right direction instead ⭐
I like your comment. If i feel like i cant do something perfectly, i dont do it at all. I need to progress . Thank you!
Very true, yet sometimes it can be the cause of progres as well
4:20 - i love that the "work for pleasure" flower has deeper roots, is more grounded and stable than the "work for validation" flower, that is a bigger flower above the surface, i'm curious how others perceive this illustration??
How observant! I hadn’t really noticed that little, yet so meaningful detail. For me the “work for pleasure” flower is stronger, more resilient, since it has a strong foundation from where it takes its nourishment. The “work for validation” flower on the other hand, looks so impressive but it’s so fragile in the face of crisis, because it cannot take the necessary nourishment from his roots (the self-worth that grew from love felt in the early years).
Agree!
for who suffers from perfectionism : You deserve love, life even though you are not perfect. Believe this.
"If you look for perfection, you'll never be content."
- Leo Tolstoy
“If you stress too much about something before it happens, you basically put yourself through it twice.”
Love from a small channel💙
Everything makes sense, but it still hurts so much.
The desire for perfection suggests that there's something wrong with not being able to meet that standard.
Perfectionists tend to feel inadequate if they don't get everything perfect and not only does it subject us to astronomically high standards but it also makes us very stressed out and anxious.
It is one of life’s contradictory example of those whom were did not receive the nurturing during the young and impressionable age. Whether parents were too busy working to provide a better life, or the fact the parents were unable to provide the nurturing due lack of education and or experience. It is one of life’s journey that some people experience these kind of events.
If one was to think deeper, what was the reason for “us”? There is no reason. It is just is.
These videos put a lot of overwhelming issues I grapple with into simple terms that make life more understandable
I would like to see some studies that prove the idea that perfectionism always comes from lack of approval.
Good one! While there is no proof, you can say it may come from anywhere you want. Perfectionism could come from an excess of approval, if you think about it, i.e. the individial got so addicted to the pleasure of being loved and respected for doing a good job that he has become incapable of stopping.
@@alancarlosms in this case is a ego problem
@@alancarlosmssure, this makes sense too
this is so true. value or feedback from others. thats just it.
others eyes to judge and validate, to be seen
@@alancarlosms And that is called.... validation seeking.
The problem with perfectionism is you will never be satisfied.
The problem is you waste time perfecting things that dont matter
When you figure out WHERE to put the time to maximize your return you will get such better results. That doesn't take away the feeling of not being satisfied. It took about 35 years to figure out where to cut things off. But I am still RARELY satisfied. There is always something I could tweak and make imperceptibly better. But that is where getting other's approval fills in for your own lack of internal acceptance.
Satisfaction is fleeting.
I have finals in a month and this video reinforces the idea that i just have to pass them and not necessarily get a 95% in all subjects and I'm okay with it😌
It is the education system that is the root cause of perfectionism. If you didn't do well as your other classmates did, you will feel ashamed. Even most parents pressure you to not make any mistakes and will often compare you to other children
Grades don't mean shit to me. They are not a reflection on academic ability in the slightest bit.
@@gundam5281 They are a reflection of your ability to learn and are in fact very important. Grades are not everything but don't delude yourself thinking they're not worth something... You will never become a Doctor or Lawyer without achieving excellent grades.
This is utterly true in its essence. There were a time that my parents were pushing me to achieve something in academics that in my abilities could not do so, and they got disappointed at me. They were comparing other children's achievements to mine as well but it never bothered me anyway because I know what my strengths are as well as my weaknesses which always sets a reminder to myself that what I want is not a reflection of what they want for me.
Those are just really bad teachers. The teachers are there to support you and encourage you. You must've had a lot of Alpha type personalities for teachers, & unsupportive parents.
@@True38 and when did being a doctor or a lawyer become the only acceptable goal in life? Tons of people are happy with different professions. If anything, attorneys are more likely to struggle with alcoholism and the divorce rate in the medical field is incredibly high.
I am not a perfectionist but I often find myself wanting things a certain way and by a certain time. Realizing this can allow me to ease back this and relax some
"We need to allow ourselves to imagine that we deserve to be accepted", this is so incredibly deep and powerful, why would we not even allow ourselves to feel happy? When most buddhist and spiritual beings say that our true nature is happiness, that every movement and action we are thriving for happiness...And yet here we are not even allowing ourselves to feel accepted and happy, so sad really ....
The type of perfectionist the video refers to achieves things and accomplished goals, they’re just never satisfied and never feel they’ve reached the end, but the video doesn’t address the type of perfectionist who won’t even *begin* a paper or project or take an opportunity because failure is so certain-such an absolute truth to that person-that these things are not worth pursuing or starting in the first place.
exactly 👍
And the second case is excruciating in fact and just keeps a person stuck in his head even though he might have so much ideas, so much potential to create or give. Its sad!
I’m writing my dissertation and having the worst time.
Honestly, your video timing is, again, impeccable timing!!
As a perfectionist, I don't relate to this highly-productive model.
Perfectionism is the biggest roadblock to getting anything done. Perfect is the enemy of the good.
If you're knocking it out of the park all the time, you're probably pretty happy.
This just perpetuates the tortured genius myth.
yes! completely agree!
Right! This sounded more like workaholism tbh
Perfectionism is just inherently flawed. Everything changes so fast, and with it the meaning of "perfect". _Good enough_ is a much better metric
Too bad that my "good enough" is way beyond other people's "perfect"...
Right. Also, quality is a diminishing function of effort. 99% can be 10 times more expencive than 90% even though the added value can be quite modest.
So, a person doing 10 90% tasks can produce much more value than one that delivers one 99% task
"Good enough" is just another way of saying that you are F**King lazy. It's a WOKE term used continuously, just like "diversity. "
@@madao7865 Same. I know when I'm done with a project because it is "Good enough" for me. I have learned that is WAY BEYOND good for everybody else.
@@madao7865 Same here, man.
I had my very first therapy session today, and this video covers much of what we talked about, strangely enough. While I'm aware that I'm over working, I need to allow myself time away from work knowing that taking a break is okay, and that no one will judge me for it.
*“You’ll watch an entire Netflix series even when the first episodes are slow just because someone told you that ‘it gets better’, but what if you looked at your goals like that and watched your life get better instead?”*
Love from a small channel💙
Yeah ur right but fak ur small channel
"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. " -Carl Jung
🤣
@@uhohotdog3483 Carl Jung isn't a comedian, he's an infamous human psychologist. I don't view anything that I've read from him to be humorous, Troll.
@@Leo-mr1qz Okay so U don't care for this Jung character...I can accept.
@@Leo-mr1qz I googled him and I like what I read : I'm not what happened to me, I'm what I chose to be... That's Me Thanks for the insight U helpful positive troll 🥰
@@uhohotdog3483 Cool.
Educate yourself. You'd be surprised how much better you'd feel about life if you knew something about it. 😊
"ill" with a capital I is such a strange word. Ill... Looks like gibberish.
Its nice the "I" is slightly lower than the "l". Ill.
IllIdan
😂😂😂😂
Bad font design. In many sans serif fonts, letters such as a, t, y have the curves in them, but lowercase L does not.
@@kevinohara8529 y, o, u have curves too. Hot ones
This channel makes me cry all the time. I think it's the way the very knowledgeable Alain suggests we be kinder to ourselves , I don't know about anyone else but I'm never kind to myself. I don't feel I deserve it.
@Maribel That's very true.👍 The cruelty of other people never ceases to amaze me either. People make this world hard by not caring more about each other.
Who else is having a quarter life crisis and watching philosophy videos on youtube to find meaning in life lol.
Same
Normal
36 and going through it
Don't worry y'all it's taking me 3 years to finish my master's and I don't have a clue what to do after I graduate even if I graduate and the pandemic isn't helping. We're all lost, stressed seeing our friend's achievements on social media.
@@kys4s4c I'm an undergrad and I haven't finished it. It has been extended 3 semesters or 1,5 years more than normal one. Been really struggling writing my thesis because I overthink it. Sad.
I believe I am a perfectionist. While I was a bit more “laid-back” in elementary school, for some reason as soon as I entered Middle and High school I started believing anything below perfect was horrible. I would spend 10 minutes rereading the same paragraph in an essay to ensure there were absolutely no errors whatsoever, and despite all of this the feeling of satisfaction after getting a good grade was gone very quickly. This could also be considered OCD but this is ruining my life, and it still is. I just want to live my life peacefully without feeling worthless if I don’t get an A or perform well in something else. The anxiety can be genuinely overwhelming at times. I just discovered the channel and I feel so much better about myself.
From start to finish, I’ve just been nodding my head in agreement because this is has been my whole life up to now.
This one cut DEEP! "I'll just finish this and then I can relax" I say this on the daily. In fact I have said it at least once or twice today already.
So I recognize my perfectionist traits, but they have served me well and taken me far. What do we do with the FEAR that NOT being a perfectionist will allow BAD things to happen like FOMO, (fear of missing out).
i found this channel tonight and it has already changed my outlook on how i conduct my life. thank you so, so much. every video i watched so far are incredible affirming and also enable true self reflection.
I can see that my perfectionism comes from my childhood aswell where I didn't get the attention I needed, but I think nowadays I can say I like not to perfect something rather then having high standards for myself and trying too reach those. Of course there is still me seeking for validation of my work and I think that is fine, but it is not as bad as it once was and altough I am sure I am still fighting with my inner self. I feel like I am a little more at peace nowadays. Thanks for giving me a little more insight into myself :)
I do have a genuine love for perfection in and of itself. To me, it's not a mere hope that a job well done will bring piece of mind. It just does.
I struggle with this and now I'm thinking that there's a good and a bad side to my procrastination: The bad: Self-doubt (when I don't trust that I'm capable of finishing something). The good: A sign that I'm progressing and learning to have more self-compassion and by doing so I'll be able to chill and see the task that I'm postponing in a different light, which ironically could help me become more productive, I guess (?). I'll try to identify which case it is every time I catch myself procrastinating and maybe I can stop the terrible cycle of trying to achieve an unrealistic goal I set in my mind and just achieve my goals. I've realized that I was sabotaging myself by putting off the smallest bits of work in an attempt to prove to people that I'm a fraud and don't deserve all the praise I've received from them. If we think about perfectionism, it is imperfect in its roots because perfection does not exist. Sure, you can improve your skills and always try to do your best but I think what we're looking for is good enough. I hope all the perfectionists out there can let go of this vicious behavior. Good luck, guys!
Aim for perfection but don't let perfectionism overwhelm you. Because a person who gets coaxed into the craze of perfectionism will suffer the inevitable consequences associated with the lack of attaining it. Consequences like fear of missing out, self-blame, lack of motivation and detachment from reality to name but a few.
I'm trying to recover from my perfectionism perfectly. I'll let you know when I've done it!
Omg I bet I will never find a video more relatable than this
So... Would you say it's perfect in that regard?
The best thing we can do to help ourselves as recovering “perfectionists” is to start to re-parent ourselves.
We should always bear in mind that our idea of what is perfect is constantly changing - the same way we and what surround us evolve over time.
Thus, perfection is not just seemingly distant but is actually unreachable. Because the ship we’re going to work and save money for our entire life, had already sailed the very moment we defined our idea of perfection.
💠 “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance”
-Eckart Tolle
Love from Level Up Your Life Channel 💖
How Perfectionism Makes Us 3
I spent a couple of minutes looking for the first two parts...
was about to comment this XD
Where are parts 1 and 2, guys?
th-cam.com/video/BY6bGhcnDDs/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/g8pti-Swh_E/w-d-xo.html
I don't know, this can be one explanation but it discredits people who just do what they like. Perfectionism is not just an inner personal problem but rather what other people perceive to be perfect or not
I concur 😊
I consider myself Very orderly and have no problem goofing off if my work is done
I think that is covered in their explanation of "working for pleasure". If your goal is perfection, then you don't really care about the work. You are just chasing the high of perfection. If you care about the actual task, you are working for pleasure.
Perfectionism does NOT end at work. It carries over into hobbies, relationships, even brushing your teeth.
Healthy striving is self-focused: "How can I improve?"
Perfectionism is other-focused: "What will they think?
just no
not really
That's a great coping hypothesis you posit here. You are trying to justify your weaknesses or sharing something that absolutely does not apply to all.
I give you another one:
You have a standard, you try to reach it. That's it.
I feel exactly the opposite of all the traits you mention.
I feel worthy, interesting and interested, not much flawed aside from the arrogance, lack of humility and narcissism I express right now and few other things, and helpful to others in need.
I don't seek completion, I don't care about being awful to people. I never cared to be an ideal employee nor a professional, and never cared about being a member of society, rather desired to live on my island quite far from it but also within a city and use it to its fullest.
you sound like you are hurting inside.
Wow very powerful video! This is the first time I heard how the idea of self-hatred could connect with people who are perfectionists. It is true that people who are perfectionists are held in high self-esteem but are rarely asked where the drive to succeed 110% all the time comes from. Thanks for introducing this idea~~
The drive to succeed at that level comes from a very bad place that nobody really wants to understand.
Interesting, but I don't believe it applies to every Perfectionist in every situation.
Very important point…
True. The people she's talking about actually do something and achieve things. There are some of us who reject all opportunities and don't even try to do anything, because they know their work will not be perfect in every aspect at first attempt. And since it won't be perfect, it's not worth doing. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.” - Vince Lombardi
Ooh ooh ooh! I have a story about this one.
So a few years ago before I took a very long break, I was pushing my life in the direction of an E-Sports career in overwatch, I had the goal to be able to get it! I was grandmaster approaching t-500 and everything! But, I kept blaming myself for every mistake even if it was out of my control. "I should have played better. I should have known they were there. I should have done..." Constantly, even if it wasn't my fault. If I wasn't playing perfectly and I wasn't ever dying in a match, I wasn't good enough. Whenever I got into this mindset and started beating myself up, and then I would drop all the way down to 3400,3500. For reference, that's around an 800 point drop, or 40 losses in a row. Perfectionism drove me to madness in my strive to get better.
_"There's no such thing as perfect. You're beautiful as you are, Courage. Even with imperfections, you can do anything."_
*~ The wise baraccuda fish at the bathtub (Courage The Cowardly Dog)*
As someone whom struggles with perfectionism, knowing I have this problem kills me inside. It makes me feel like I haven’t grown up because I am so insecure- no matter how much I try to hide it. I’m in this spot where I’m afraid to let people in again, although I’d like to because those connections feel good, but I need a particular connection in order to feel “up” to friending.
I think a vast majority of perfectionists can't even get started with anything. They are just too afraid that the results will never match up to their expectations.
@All & T Things I just spoke from experience. I'm happy that you found it useful.
Are their any tips to manage perfectionist tendencies with ADHD? I feel stuck between one state of not wanting to start anything until I'm sure it can be done well, but then also having feelings of trying to do too much at once.
So I either struggle with a task, or don't start at all 😅
Ahhhh that hit me right where it hurts 😂
Story of my life lol
Best thing I have found personally is to give more love to yourself. We treat ourselves worse than we would our worst enemy
So glad I don't have this problem.
I try to do my best in most cases, but sometimes, I just don't care and you know what, "good enough" is well good enough. Why stress? Life is short.
Thank you. Please someone notice I'm in pain. My acquaintances at school and worked loved me, they complimented my drive, yet to my closest folks who still didn't understand either, I communicated in the best way I could (which, probably wasn't very well done) that I was suffering. It was a curse.
And I suppose they're still surprised to know I dropped out of school, yet the viscous perfectionist cycle continues at home.
I relate to all that is being said. I can say this video really hit the nail on the head. I'm not bragging, I'm dying.
what moved me was when video impressed upon the idea that, the perfectionism we r seeking is rooted in our yrs of putdowns by our parents or in prevoious times in our lives, when we attempted to please others but other's failed to approve of us nomatter how hard we tried... so to compensate/cover all grounds we try too hard to be perfect to the next BATCH of humans we come across, approve us approve us please validate us! we did it perfectly. It is this mental slavery that keeps ones occupied in seeking perfectionism. We need to liberate this slave and learn to discover our own self and accept us who we are...but dilemma is, how can we discover the old self? when we've become perfectionist this is us NOW. So, no point in regression n accept the perfectionist part and be satisfied with ourselves.
Thank you so much for this, I recognise all these character traits in myself. In recent weeks I have felt more at ease with who and I am and accepted mysel on a deeper level than before. I even gave myself some time off.
Perfectionism is a never-ending crusade. Thank you for making this video exist!
I don’t think perfectionism is ALWAYS a symptom of mental illness. I absolutely love what I do and care about it so much that I work hard to make it perfect/as perfect as I can get it.
If I'm not mistaken that would make you a dedicated person and not a perfectionist; a perfectionist is obsess in achieving the most optimum outcome to a craft and not because he/she loves the craft in question, in contrast, a dedicated person seeks to achieve the optimum outcome of a craft because he/she is devoted and passionate to said craft. Alternatively, one (perfectionist) is fueled by an obsession for excellence, whereas the other (dedicated) is fueled by their passion.
*Note: Ratification Needed*
“Making mistakes is better than faking perfection.”
-- Anonymous
Thank you. Just what I needed to hear. I’m exhausted. Time to embrace “Good enough!”
my perfectionism is built in, i think. because of my Sun in Virgo.
of a sense that we can create something perfect if only we're dedicated and focused. that we'll leave something beautiful to give for this world long before we're gone. perfectionism has a hope. reality is also to be accounted for.
To the people saying that perfectionism is good sometimes, yes that’s true sometimes depending on the type of perfectionism we are talking about because there’s a big difference between being fussy about perfection once you are already accomplishing something and holding an ideological perfectionistic mindset which literally cripples the person from making any meaningful progress because of it due to the unrealistic expectations this mindset endows the person with
I believe this video specifically addresses the later type
Whelp. This hit. I always feel like the world views people as concepts and I fail to live up to roles… which leads me to cope via perfectionism. “it took me a long time and much boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization that everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.”-Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man.
to anyone reading this: you are enough, and you are worthy of love.
This video exactly covers what I've been experiencing these days. And I knew intuitively from childhood that its solution is not to work hard, be perfect. But yes, during the stages of early love, parents made it clear that if you want our acceptance and our appreciation, you need to be ambitious enough. Below a certain level of achievement things are not acceptable and once you've crossed that barrier, there is always room for improvement. It is always about going n going just like a hamster running on a wheel. He runs and runs but never catches the food hanging in front of him he is running for.
Once you are an adult, that becomes a default stage of mind. You sit with yourself, you feel awful about yourself, about your height, about your hair, about your history. You fill this feeling by working more rigorously, burning yourself out. But the truth, that I realised recently is, that no matter how hard you work, you always fall short. You can achieve the best of achievements, but nothing is enough.
You have achieved every little thing that you saw others achieve in childhood and be ecstatic, but it doens't give you the same kind of pleasure. It feels like outside is an orchard but inside you are roaming in an endless dessert. Life is hopeless. Even getting out of bed feels like a task to you coz what is the point you ask after one stage.
Then, I realised that it is the inside I need to mend. This I did when I took a break, when, supposedly, I should've "studied" for a better skill. I took a break and saw that even though I am sitting peacefully in a garden watching children play, dogs run and sun shining through the cool shadow of trees, you feel stuck and your brain feels like it is repairing itself from some kind of aching. You carry on this activity for a few days and it feels like something is repairing inside you. Ironically, the solution to feeling like you have done nothing in life is to absolutely do nothing.
Thank u for making this video ❤️
Not one word spoken was untrue in this video. I am actively trying to work on this and I'm happy to have seen this video.
I love your channel, I cry every time cause it's so relatable
How did this video appear just a day after i realised i have been a perfectionist my entire life…school of life you guys are reading minds!!
others: how perfectionism makes us "ill"
me: how perfectionism makes us "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Roman 3
I consider myself as a pure perfectionist and that damages my life in many ways.
1) I never have time for my friends and family. When I do not work on my homeworks etc. I feel very stressed and guilty. This inner voice does not let me enjoy my time with friends if I have sth to do regarding education etc.
2) Validation. The woman described the exact me in the video. I have the feeling not getting the validation from the outside world if I lack achievements. I do not promote my success but when I achieve sth hard I feel relieved that the society could accept me.
3) For me there is either 100% or 0%. If i can take enough time for a work/project I do it 100%. If i cannot focus on it enough I give up doing it. I ignore it and do not make effort cuz I think it would anyway not be 100% why to bother myself.
4) Every project I work on divides my life into 2 parts. Until the end of the projevt and after the end of project. I cannot focus on anything else until the end of the project. I postpone everything to the time after I am done with this project. So as mentioned in the video I cannot find this peace. Never. There is always sth to focus on.
5) And many more...
That is not sth I can avoid. It is a part of my character. At least I could not avoid it on my own. I am planning to get a prof help but I am not sure when and how. I have recently observed that my dad is also a pure perfectionist. So maybe that is sth genetical or sth I got addicted being grown up. The video helped me to see that what I have is a real problem but I need to find a solution. Just realizing its effect on my life and trying to avoid it does not help me. It is me, and my perfectionism. They have never lived alone....
This was beautifully said. It is neccessary to look deeper into the subconcious reasons of our actions.
Greetings All,
I am a Christian Theologian and Philosopher.
The Baptist Church taught me the Augustinian Original Sin and Calvinist doctrines. It warped my worldview. My own parents didn't push those doctrines, just the church we attended. I don't think they thought about it all that much. But I did. The self loathing Augustinian and Calvinist doctrines cause is something I'll never forgive the determinist and Stoic sects for. I've become the opposite of them, a Pelagian Open Theist. In addition, my Theodicy worldview has shifted to show a good God who is a Loving Father who wants progress, not perfection from His adopted sons. It is Yahuah's offer of Salvation through Yahushua, not my works that can save me.
God does not judge my every thought, deed, and word. Instead He is patient with me.
I have come to realize I need to let go of Perfectionism.
He does not want that life for me. He wants me not to live in misery, but to willingly offer what I can to Him step by step so He can either replace it, or give it back. My Heavenly Father is good and patient with me. The least I can do is be patient with myself as I go through life.
Exasperation with the threefold frustration of action -- the unpredictability of its outcome, the irreversibility of the process, and the anonymity of its authors -- is almost as old as recorded history. - Hannah Arendt
So we're running away from failure, rather than towards success. That was me all throughout uni days
This describes my life in a nutshell. But if you can put your perfectionism into the right areas, like meditation, yoga, kindness, then you can begin to see the underlying discontent and hurt behind the drive for perfection. Then you feel your pain to heal your pain.
it's the reason why I've become so cowardly, i really strive to be perfect in order to avoid criticism that can hurt me
sometimes this silly thing prevents me from starting!!!
I’m a perfectionist, but to the point where I don’t turn things in because I’m scared of being ridiculed or thought of as less than. I don’t think many people would expect me to be a perfectionist if they looked at my awful grades.
Splendid! This spoke to me fully! And at such a perfect timing. Thank you.
The description of perfectionism here applies to every single sort of behaviour: running away from pain. As Schopenhauer would put it.
The question should be on whether that perfectionism is adaptative or maladaptive. The first one advances society, the latter can destroy lives.
I always found the ending where Thanos wins and watches the sun rise as a brilliant depiction of a time when someone is finally satisfied after years and years of work. Something about the ending always resonated with me
Ty now I understand a few people who I never understood before.
Apparently we all are working to show off our progress to our family members, friends, and rivalries. If we all think about past that what we did for ourselves, the answers will be blank. We do not talk with ourselves, we don't listen questions, we imagine unpredictable. Whereas, majority of us are youth but devoid of energy, initiative, optimism. We will have to start talking with ourselves, thinking positive out of the box. Good luck all who are reading.
Please make more videos about
-Thales of Miletus
-Empedocles
-Parmenides
-Anaxagoras
-Democritus
-Anaximenes
-Anaximander
-Al Kindi
-Al Farabi
I have dealt with perfectionism for a very long time. I am in university and it really sucks that I feel like a failure now. Before, when I was in high school my grades were pretty high, I was also a perfectionist and I would stress so much over the most minute details of my work. My perfectionism worked well before although mixed with my anxiety and pressure it doesn't suck as much as it does now. Now, I just feel like I'm falling behind, I don't know my priorities, I focus on meaningless stuff, I procastinate a lot and overall I'm just not happy. It just sucks. Sorry for my english.
OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED THANK YOU
No human is perfect. Too many people are still under the illusion that perfection can indeed be reached. They can be tough on friends or family due to that or even alienate them. People could finally relax and have a good time with others (or be comfortable in their own skin) if they'd just realize that no one is perfect, and that most of us are just trying our best and accepting our inherent imperfections as part of being human.
I was pushed to be perfect by my family. I'm Black, and physically disabled. It took years of therapy for me to realize that I didn't have to be perfect. That I was okay the way I am.
If you don't sacrifice for what you want, what you want will become the ultimate sacrifice.
Love from a small TH-camr💙
This is a really, really good video. True, revealing, kind, helpful and solution oriented.
Perfectionism made me mentally ill in my early teens. Only around the time I turned 16 that I woken up and broke that chain of perfectionism that made me ill. Autism , OCD and Perfectionism don't go well
I have saved this to watch later.
Till then, I'll procastinate & loathe in guilt; And at the end of the day, I'll watch this so that I can start perfect routine and perfect life from next morning.
(HELP!, I'M STUCK 😭😥)
Nothing is perfect
Letting go is the best thing one can do for their mental health.
It's a good standard for when its collective since together we shall not aim for anything less than perfect. Such as infrastructure in which we all work and travel together. Aiming for perfection alone... alone... If the answer was not clear in the video. We all need to relearn a few things.
Perfectionism becomes really painful, and hurts us. I realized that as I studying in the university, seeing I can be perfect as a I wanted to be no more. I hate myself.