My choice to live child-free | Christen Reighter | TEDxMileHighWomen
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 พ.ค. 2024
- In our society, we often assume that women will become mothers. But statistically, one in five American women will not have a biological child. In this powerful talk, Christen shares her decision not to have children, and argues that motherhood is an extension of womanhood, not the definition.
Christen's writing focuses on issues of social justice, fueled by her interest in sex-positivity, LGBTQI rights, and confronting racism, women’s issues, and mental health issues in America. Christen is also a spoken word artist, having performed in many venues and competitions across the country.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
I'm in my 70s now, and never regretted my decision to remain childless. I've also been happily married for 53 years.
good on you :)
That's awesome
Amazing!!!
Thoreen, you're golden woman you're a great human ❤️❤️
Wait until you can no longer walk..and pls stop lying you are not lonely
When people ask me, "Do you want kids?" I always reply, "Why? Are you trying to get rid of one?" and they always reply "YES!"
Mars TV cartoons LOL thats great !
Haha! Good ☝🏼!
GOOD ONE!
Mars TV cartoons lol
Ha ha. There is a friends comedy on this
"I've always though having children was an extension of womanhood, not the definition of womanhood."
The main joy for a woman comes with having children
@@LuisAguilar-mo5fb , not for all women.
@@LuisAguilar-mo5fb so thats why childfree women are happier than women who have kids?
@@LuisAguilar-mo5fb lol..that's funny..🤣
Awaken Spirit - As it is for men!! (😂😂😂😂)
If you don't want kids, that's fine. If you want kids, that's fine. What's not cool is shaming other people's life decisions just because it goes against the social norms that YOU'VE been brought up to believe.
Well yeah of course but I‘ve yet to see a woman do that. All this woman spoke about is her own experience and her own complications with being patronized to by a doctor and how much pressure she faced for such a minor decision. If someone was pushing their narrative onto someone else who didn‘t want this to be the case it‘s the childfree women. Not the other way around.
@@Encentix At the end of the day, all any of us have are our own experiences.
Also, I've seen a lot of women do it personally. The number is bigger than you might think :)
I’ve been married for 15 years and we never wanted kids. We are kind and loving, so are people around us.
No, breeding is problematic in a world THATS in the middle of a pandemic and dying due to climate change. We are allowed to critique that behavior.
It's NOT fine to kill a unborn child?! Period! It's literally NEVER ever fine to kill a baby!! 😮🙏🏽🤱🏽🤰🏽
"I never needed biology to form family anyway." PREACH!
Yes!
How did ANY of us get here without biology ?
@@jakedee4117 I don't think the person meant it in a literal sense. It's like how everyone always get's the quote "blood is thicker than water" wrong. They completely misinterpret it because that's not the full quote. The full quote is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than that of the womb" meaning that the "family" that we choose which is through relationships and friends is stronger than that of the family we were born into.
I was at a party when one woman asked me WHEN I was going to have children. I replied 'Oh...never!'.
She said 'Never say never!'
So I asked her when she was going to get rid of her children.
She looked horrified and said 'Never!!'
I took great delight in looking her in the eye and saying 'Now, now...never say never!'
The room, which had gone quiet through this conversation erupted with laughter. She left not long after.
Yea, I'm sure that's how it went down 🙄
Hahah!
That is a great response! Lol
dumbest roast I have ever heard
fae moi lolol good one
I remember playing with my Barbie and Ken at the age of 6. The story game in my mind was that Barbie was single...dating Ken occasionally. ..having her own house. . .her own job...and she was also childless. I remember playing this story game over and over and over again. Eventually Barbie got a dog ...and a car...and she broke up with Ken. Everytime I got a new Barbie for xmas ...if she came with a baby...I will put the baby somewhere in a shelf and will take my new Barbie "everywhere" hiking, skiing, shopping, driving, swimming. ...etc etc. other times my Barbie will just stay home sitting in her living room with her dog. ...and guess what...she was ok. I WAS OK.
I always knew...I always had that feeling. ..that I wanted to be child free. That I wanted a life that was only mine. I always knew I didn't want to be a mother.
I'm now 41 ... have a house ...a job...a perfectly imperfect amaizing dog and a loving, kind and generous husband of 12 years who didn't want children either and who loves me for me. Our love for each other is truly free.
And they say Barbies are a bad role model for children pfft anyways that's pretty awesome :)
Bibi T
👍👍👍👏👏👏
it sounds like me, exactly like me, I didnt realize that there are people like me, with my thoughts, Im 31 now and everyone keep sayng me that for sure I want to have a kid before 40, but when I hear that i feel scared at that moment and angry at the same time, stop talking its my life - i Think .......... but tharere is also this one argument "you are selfish" they say how can I be selfish, i just know what i want, It just alerted me that it never goes away, the feeling to not having kids.
Bibi T .....Than Barbie stayed alone missing Ken and crying her eyes out into the pillow Without Ken's touch kisses, cudding etc life felt empty, especially at christmus time.And later on the maternity instinct kicked inn and more hormonal war was playing with her emotions. That is what i got. Maternity instinkt goes like this you look at the children on the pictures or other and you feel sadness jeolousy emptiness ans sorrow.I don't know how to get rid of this, it is a strong emotion.I don't think adoption is an option because this is the body brain dna connection. It feel that is is not your plan it is like higher power does it without your consent.
So you brainwashed yourself into thinking a house a career and a dog is more important to you than giving life.
It is refreshing to see men and women choosing not to follow the drumbeat of conformity. Child raising is enormously expensive and should never be taken lightly.
Expensive: financially, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
@@WouldntULikeToKnow. and socially because you lose a part of your social life.
It's not that they aren't conformists,some people just don't see the value of this relationship, nothing to do with conformity.
And what happens if we don't?
I am a 46 year old man. I am child free and proud of it. Let's stop judging all people and all things.
Well said my friend. I can never fully understand why people have to be so judgmental about these things.
L
I'm so glad that I'm an uncle now that the pressure is off of my back. I can now enjoy my freedom as long as I want.
Good!
Great! 👏
Great presentation. Years ago, I fell pregnant due to a condom failure after asking several doctors to tie my tubes. Because my cycle has never been regular, when I didn't get my period for a while, I was not worried. But one evening I just started bleeding everywhere and ended up having a nasty miscarriage. I cried and cried. Not because I wanted to have a baby, but because if doctors had respected my wishes, I would not have experienced such a traumatic thing. I currently use hormonal birth control as well as condoms, but I'd just like to have the ligation.
DaPopoloinParadise: I always told that I have to be over 35 and at least have had 1 child to qualify for sterilization in RSA. I ended up getting a very painful copper IUD. The pain was unbearable for the 1st 3 months but it was worth it. I am 33 years old and child-free.
Kefiloe, How absurd that you had to go through three months of pain instead of having the option of having the tubal ligation. It's also unsettling the trauma DaPopoloin went through which could have been avoided had a doctor just respected her wishes .
I'm so sorry. I know how frustrating it is to want that
@@kefilwem8284 I am also South African and got an IUD, I really thought that I might pass out from pain. Not looking forward to replacing it in 3 years but sooo glad that I took the plunge and that I don't have to worry about getting pregnant. Maybe in a few years my husband can get sterilized.
@@booysensbeyond5265 can you not do hormonal birth control instead? Plus I hate to say it but all forms of birth control (pills, shots, IUDs, etc) still have a slim chance of failure. Why subject yourself to months of pain with a IUD when there are shots and pills?
Good luck.
They do it to men too! I went to get a vasectomy when I was 29 and the doctor said NO and then charged me $50 bucks for the "consultation." Thankfully, the doctor down the hall from him said yes. I like kids but they ain't for me. I"m 41 now and GLAD i did it.
But do you wears condoms, right? You know, AIDS, sifilis, clamidia, etc
@@lockandloadlikehell No you dingdong, condoms are for dicks! Duuh
@@lockandloadlikehell lol!
I'm 29 and about to get a vasectomy. So glad to see this!
My doctor refused to give me a vasectomy at first because I don't have any kids, but then he completely changed his tune once I showed him my mental health records, then all of a sudden he approved me lol.
I want children (bio or adopt or a little of both), but I like to advocate for childfree peers.
PREACH!! Gurl, me with you.
Respect
Word
am a 37 year old male and I am child-free and love it. Best thing I ever did choosing not to have children.
As a MGTOW, there are many good reasons for that decision.
1100HondaCB I agree with u. Child free lifestyles must be respected, valued, supported & cherished.
Having no kids mean more freedom, lower costs and not contributing in increasing the population.
Great presentation. I will NEVER have children. I love my childfree by choice life. It's the best decision I ever made. Parenthood looks miserable, exhausting and unfulfilling. I never want to have playdates and I definitely don't want to be in the mommy club talking with other moms about their brats. I'd rather sleep, work on my Doctorate and go on trips!
What if your Mother was thinking like you?
Then it wouldn't have mattered one way or the other now would it...
I have also decided to not have kids by choice and not get married
The prospect of old age without children and grandchildren scares me.
Oh my gosh !!! Same thoughts than me!!
I've tried to have my tubes tied with ten different doctors. I'm too young or I don't have kids. It's disgusting. My husband went for his vasectomy and waited thirty days and bam he was fixed. Absolutely insulting.
Nat Alie same happened to me in my country. my ex-bf got his vasectomy without questions, didn't have to fill forms, noboby in the hospilat against, a f$#@ 20 min procedure and he was younger than me! when I asked for the tubal ligation their answer was "he has the vasectomy allready, why do you need the tubal ligation?"... "YOU (as a women) are young for that desition" seriously??!
Vasectomys can be reversed as quickly as they are performed. Tubal ligation cannot be reversed. These physicians truly do have your future and best interests in mind. Let them be the knowledgeable one.
roudyman777 shut up. It’s not a medical reason, it’s thinking they know better than the person. No one can force motherhood into someone else. They DID NOT have her best interest at heart, or they would have seen that becoming a mother when you don’t want to is awful.
roudyman777 No, vasectomies are not easily reversible.
Regardless of if a vasectomy is reversible or easier to get you would still have to have a partner willing to do it
I’ve never wanted to have children, but love caring for my pets and partner. Being someone with motherly instincts doesn’t always have to result in being a parent. Children are a lifetime commitment, it is a decision that should not be taken lightly.
@@thenotoriousbrapper5089
and if she's not happy with that kid? lost a whole opportunity of her dream career that actually would make her happy? That's the most depressing thing I heard.
This was a good presentation, and I agree with this. Women tend to have more criticism than men when it comes to choosing to be child-free.
Absolutely
I am American. In all of my 52 years of existence,
I have NEVER heard ANYONE personally shame me NOR heard ANYONE ever shame any woman for not wanting children. Never. I have been fiercely antinatalist my entire life. And that goes for being antinatalist for nonhuman animals, too. Hence, I am vegan: to end the holocaust of factory farming, to end the forced breeding of ten billion animals each year needlessly, when people can & should go vegan instead.
That's your experience, which is valid, but I can say for myself in my 28 years that upon telling people I was getting a tubal ligation I received so much pushback and negative comments. One women who I worked with who I spoke to maybe twice commented, "god finds a way". The doctor I was working with in a professional capacity was so shocked it took him a minute to speak. That is just one time telling people about my decision, not to mention the dozens of other times I was told that I would want kids someday when expressing my desire to not have children.
Heather men don't get denied for having a vasectomy as much as doctors denying women for a tubal ligation. I think a woman should make that choice for herself regardless of she is 21 or older
Khalid Elmekki Oh my reply wasn't towards you I totally agree with what you said. I just don't know in my experience how you could go 50+ years being antinatalist and not receive any societal pressure so I was curious as to their experience.
Please come in India.
We want our population decline.
I am child free and very proud and I want thousands of people in India to be child free.
Our population is stabilising, don't need to encourage population decline.
Women now only have 2.3 children. Which means population is only increasing slightly and even then, population will be increasing because people are living longer.
Shabashachi 123 the problem is the poorer/ less educated breed more than the well off resulting in more of the same problem- lack of education and opportunity among people
Finally someone from India speaks! Oh the things I've had to hear for this.
Being child free is not the only way to control population. You clearly dont get her point do you?
Shabashachi 123 wants population decline... but asks her to come...
I wish my mother considered this before having me. she still isn't sure why she had me. she hated me and went her anger on me ruined my childhood
Kiars Nnf I'm so sorry
I'm sorry, i understand. But know that God knew you before you were born, loves you and has a plan for your life.
Some of us need to find family and love in our friendships.
Ben. Valinski Ok, OK ...now..blame your parents for ALL of your problems...! Come on! Move on! Leave your bitterness behind and behave as a grown person. Btw, I love dogs as well :)
That is heartbreaking. There should be a test people have to pass to have children.
Selfishness would be conforming to the society and having a child just to “belong” and be “normal” even if you know that you are not fit to be a mother. A lot of people in this world are screwed up because their parents did not bring them up the right way. Just because you can make babies doesn’t mean you should. It is a lifetime responsibility and a commitment. Having a child just cos you want to IS selfishness. If you cannot take proper care of your child, raise them as good human beings, better not have them.
what then, to you, is the meaning of life? indulge in as many impulsive actions, and obtain as many temporary pleasures as possible, then die?
@@4309chris no, the meaning of life is different to literally any person that actually takes the time to think about it. To me, the meaning of life is to help other that are already here and to be happy. In Buddhism, there is no meaning of life, there was only suffering brought on by worldly attachments. If you have no attachments, you experience no suffering. I'm on a journey to reach that point. I cant do that with kids.
@@4309chris Where did you come up with that? Not wanting children is hardly indicative of someone who is impulsive or a hedonist.
@@daisytwotoes Truth Himself. "be fruitful and multiply"...yeah so no matter what your opinion is, mine happens to be in conjunction with truth.
@@4309chris Your truth? Truth is something that has been proven. I would say, rather, your belief and I'm not questioning your belief. That said, I still don't see how not having children equates to impulsivity or hedonism. Many childless women (and men), lead very fruitful lives by devoting their energies to their friends and their communities, rather than to raising a family. Please, also keep in mind, the bible on which you base your belief was written almost 2000 years ago, when the known world was very sparsely populated and having many children was necessary because so many of died before they reached an age at which they could have children. With the low infant/ child mortality rates in our modern world, perhaps the bible needs to be abridged, in light of the current population crisis on the planet.
I am 26 years old and I’ve never wanted children. As a child, I’ve never had a desire to pretend like I was a mom. This was something I needed to hear.
Thank you 💖‼️
My physician told me to wait until I was 35+ years old, like I was still going to change my mind after knowing all my life kids were not for me. I relate to people insisting I would one day wake up and wanting to have babies. I just had to, they just couldn't deal wit the idea of a woman not wanting children; such a loss, such a shame, such waist of womanhood. I'm not a fuckobject nor am I a breading-machine; I am human!
Emma De Zwaan U r right. 🚺🚺(Women) are not incubators or baby making machines. They are full human beings with rights, feelings, boundaries & lifestyles. 🚺🚺 can be childless and still be valued, supported & respected.
I Love when that say that we will sudenly wake up wanting children. Is such a funny mental image.
"Oh, everything changed! I must have a baby on my womb. This desire is too big! Oh, I must have it now!"
XDDD
Kids are annoying.
Not all.
Ice Bear is ready to Tokyo Drift but most. especially when they hit puberty.
Very.
Lol
🤣🤣🤣
When will women and men be allowed to make their own choices regarding their lives and bodies? The pressure to conform to things like parenthood, heterosexuality, gender, marriage, beauty standards, Christianity, consumerism, home-ownership, indebtedness, complacency, and money-seeking behavior is so overwhelming in American culture it's downright ridiculous to think we have the freedom of choice. No one tells you that for every step you take outside of the confines of "normalcy" you have to fight that much harder just to keep your personal integrety. I hope I'm alive when our society realizes that as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, you should be able to live the life you want in peace.
Gratowl It's pointless to respond conversationally to a person who still throws around the word "retarded" as if he's an angst-ridden, middle school aged child.
Are you one of those people that tells everyone to stop using the term _"gay"_ as an insult too? lmfao. Sorry if I pissed you off so much, but the term _"retarded"_ is a normal part of everyday vocabulary where I come from. And no, a lot of us are adults from all sorts of different backgrounds and I'm not considered an agnsty person either. I'd respectfully tone down the language for most, but that word perfectly sums up my reaction to any crazy liberal who thinks society is working against everyone in every possible way. Take parenthood for example: There is no law saying you have to be a parent, and the childfree would probably have an easier time than most parents who pop out kids just for the sake of popping out kids. Even if some of those same people are a bit annoying in how they percieve childlessness. We all know parenting is hard work and some of them will learn the hard way.
I don't live in America, but I have a couple for friends there, and I follow quite closely what's happening.
To address your "list" of "oppressions" or "conformities" (not sure what you call them):
Christianity: America was founded on Christian values, much how Islam was founded on Islamic values, and China was founded on Buddhism values.
Consumerism: America is a Capitalist country, and consumerism is the primary means to push this economic system forward.
Home-Ownership: Land ownership is again, a Capitalist essentiality.
Indebtedness: Owning something, again is essential for a Capitalist society to thrive.
Complacency: This is a psychological issue, and you cannot blame one thing for this, not all people are smug, and those who are, have the freedom to be, just like you have the freedom to not associate yourself with them.
Money-Seeking Behavior: People are free to pursue what they want in life (Money, Happiness, Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll).
If you feel like you're being overwhelmed when you "step outside the confines of 'normalcy'", you have some issues of your own.
You can't ridicule an entire country for ridiculing you. Do you see the irony in that?
Anything that doesn't conform, stands out. That's how it is. When you see white on black, or a dim light in a dark room, it stands out. Same goes for social norms.
If you wish that people are more accepting of who you are, surround yourself with people who are more like you.
Don't complain about the values of a country, or the Political and Economical system in place, not everyone shares your views on how it should be run. You won't move to China and complain about Socialism and Buddhism would you?
It's not about conformity, it's about survival.
Holy Atheist 🚻(People) need 2 stop pressuring and bullying other 🚻 into doing or saying things they do not want 2 do or say in the first place.
I am a mother of two. Most of the time I love them. Sometimes not so much. I know that I am a good, caring mother. My kids turned out well, are healthy and "good kids". So it might be a bit of a shock that I would decide against children if I had the choice again. Of course I do not know if I would miss having kids and of course I do not want to loose my children. But I feel that my life would be so much more my own - I feel that it cost me more than it gave me. So - with the experience I have now I would decide against having kids.
Jacinthex
I wonder how many other mothers feel like you? I don't think your alone
I'm glad you are being honest about it. Most people would never admit to regretting the decision to have children even if they were not happy. Instead many that are unhappy seem to put on a fake happy face and try to convince others how its all worth it.
Of course this doesn't mean they are bad parents or hate their children.
THANK YOU! This is a side of this issue that we basically never hear. The rhetoric is entirely about "what if you regret NOT having kids?", but the question from the other side, "what if regret HAVING kids?", is just as important a question to pose. Whenever anyone says they are pregnant, we are automatically supposed to say "congratulations" and never question what led them to that decision (if it was a decision at all). But when the decision is against children, we suddenly have to defend ourselves.
I was just thinking about this earlier today before I came to TH-cam. I love my 2 sons dearly but if I would choose again I would love them enough not to have have them. Life is too hard and sometimes despite my best effort I feel I am not able to give them all that they deserve.
Jacinthex many women are not honest as you to have such confession. Thank you
I'm childfree and I commend her decision. Having children can lead women to living in proverty. I like children but decided to be childfree.
You have my respect. I'm 34 and childfree. I don't even have a girlfriend because I make it clear to every person that I don't want to have kids if I'm dating.... And that's clearly why no lady so far thinks I'm a normal guy😂😂😂😂.lol
You're so kind to humanity, I respect you
all the women in the world need to see this.
Everyone in the world needs to see this.
Doctors that refuse sterilization need to see it
Liz Mowrey wait, is that even legal?
ruhphodastica , I totally agree.
x y I keep getting denied. I guess it's legal
People say we're selfish for not wanting children, but to me it seems selfish to have children. People want to have something of their own, which I understand, but don't understand the implications of having your own. Ever since I was a child, now 23 I have never wanted children and know in my heart it is in my path not to do so. It's like wanting a dog and buying a cute puppy from the pet store in stead of going to a dog shelter and adopting. How are you meant to have the freedom to do what's in your heart if you've made a life long commitment to reproduce something cute. That energy could be used to lift up those already living.
Well said .
Both my sisters have kids pretty much at the same time so here I am no kids and in my mid-20's watching all this happen while in family parties being constantly asked "when will you have kids?" "When are you gonna have kids?" it's not a good feeling at family parties
Annette Garcia do what i do. im on my 20's too and had a former coworker constantly ask this and i said ' since when is that any of your business? stop pressuring people! this is my life and my decision, and whether or not i want to have a kid or not it's not your goddamn business! it's my life not yours! or are you going to pay for its expenses?!' she shut up immediately. i do the same to relatives and anyone who does it. same for getting married.
That’s because they know what’s coming for you in the future. Picture your local “crazy cat lady” to gain some insight. Hopefully, your nieces/nephews will help you from going too far over the edge.
@@myavatartablet2567 Lol, exactly, because ALL childfree women will end up as a crazy cat lady :-D Happy trolling!
I wanted to have a child. But, I never did. Whether by choice not to have children, or by health reasons. Don't question us on why we can't or don't want children!!!
We shouldn't have to justify it!
E Rodriguez You don't get to decide how the world works.
JCFrigid neither do you
Hannah Kobsar Agreed, so less demands, more living
So less demands of justification for someone who doesn't want kids and more letting them live and make their own decisions :)
I have so little control over my own life, I can't IMAGEN having to have another HUMAN BEING to TAKE CARE OF in 18 + years!
You are so weak...
I manage my life, my child's life, and my animals' lives. I'm ready to help more other lives.
@@annaheart7731 you have no idea what her life is like so you have no right to judge. She may have little control in her life due to illness, etc. Please grow up.
@@annaheart7731 Being boss of your children doesn't make you powerful.
@@Loneislander23What are you talking about? I told that I manage our lives, not that I'm a boss of my chilren. It was to show that it's all possible not only to have control over one's own life, but also have high responsabilities where one have to manage someone else's life.
You people shouldn't answer to me. You should either read my comment and try to absorb its wisdom, or just pass by.
@@annaheart7731 Management is a political way to say you're their boss. If you like to manage things, try to find a manager position. There's no child like a bossy mother. You can take care of them when they are young. But you can't manage another person's life.
I'm 27 and I always knew I wouldn't have children. I can't wait till I'm 40 to prove everyone I was right :D
love it and agree with you :)
DOn't forget to get a cat every year after 30;)
Same here
@@MrCoss83 You are so funny like child support.
Believe me, after 40 you'll still hear, 'why don't you have children?' and 'WHEN are you FINALLY going to have children?'
Childfree by choice, all the way.
Zero regrets
Same and Amen!!
I was the opposite of this woman I always knew I wanted to be a mom. When my husband and I experienced infertility issues, I suffered emotional pain for 15 yrs. I got a lot of unwanted advise and criticism. We adopted and we criticized. We had our own kids and were criticized. I had to deal with all this alone because my husband decided he wanted a career based life. I stood firm in my life decisions. I adoped 2 - 1 of which was returned to foster care. (failed adoption) I had 2 after the age of 35. I am now the mom of 3 teenagers at the age of 53. I thank God I held on to "my hearts desires." I say " bravo to this woman!" Your life, your body, your choice!
Why are people upset about other people making a conscious choice, after much self-searching, that parenting is not the right fit for them? You do realize that there is a BIG difference between breeding and parenting right? You do realize that parenting is a very special calling and role that has NOTHING to do with whether or not you can reproduce. If someone after much thought has decided they simply do not have the skill-set, time, patience, desire, will or resources to raise an individual from infant to productive, ethical, empathetic and responsible citizen why is that a bad thing? You want people to breed regardless of the mammoth task that follows? Will YOU be raising those kids they never wanted? No? So why complain?
You should be complaining about the people who are breeding unconsciously and irresponsibly without giving any thought at all to whether or not they are suited to the role of parent or can provide a healthy environment for a child. It is THOSE people, not responsible women like Christen, who are contributing more pain and suffering in the world by having children without THINKING. They are the ones breeding the addicts, criminals, violent offenders and other damaged people who pull all of society down, have us living in fear, have our prisons full.
Focus on THOSE people, not the productive, intelligent, creative, professional people who are making valid contributions to our society many other ways while adding minimal strain on our resources. Our species require much, much more than reproduction to thrive. We need people who can solve problems, invent stuff, create, research, organize, lead, perfect a skill, teach and give selflessly of their talents or energy to hundreds of thousands of people instead of just one or two children of their own. I will never forget Oprah saying she could have never been able to help so many people if motherhood was her first priority. Some people are here to serve ALL not just their own bloodline.
Insecure and miserable people take it as a personal attack on them if you don't live your life and make the exact same decisions like them.
^ it kind of feels like the majority/society is insecure and miserable then........ wait
your reply could not have been more perfectly correct. its true, that instead of questioning the personal and individual choices of consciously aware people, it is the breeders we should question. Nobody raises question about the quiverfull cult uncontrolled breeding straining the resources for everybody (the abuse and practices aside) if tomorrow there is a water scarcity etc theses breeders will put their children to beg for help!
Damn right.
Never wanted kids, never saw the benefit, no regrets. Why so much thinking and sharing opinions with those who say no? The world doesn't need more kids. The world needs more space more natural resources and less noise. But if you'd rather change diapers and listen to endless screaming, become a parent.
My parents made many mistakes with me but one they NEVER made was pressuring me into gender norms and becoming a mother. I’m thankful to have grown up in a community that is not sexist and does not pressure anyone into gender norms.
Same experience here
I hate that we STILL think of women as baby makers. “Well how does ur partner think of this”?. Who cares !!! It’s not about the partner , it’s about the woman’s choice
After the light goes out, every woman is the same
My partner doesn’t want kids either soooooooo. It was actually a second or third date question since we are both adamant on not having kids.
Great talk! Child-free by choice! As a man, I didn't exactly have to convince my doctor to perform a vasectomy, but I wasn't 21. I know it's more difficult for young men to get this procedure. It's really silly though. If one is of sound mind and body and willing to sign the consent forms (as a consenting adult of 21 or over), then it should be pretty straightforward. And yes, women do get much more heat for being child-free, probably more so from other women. It's our lives, our choice. It's not like the planet doesn't have enough people already, and she made a great point about how many orphans there are in the U.S. (and more around the world). So, there's always the choice to adopt if one changes his or her mind.
Arie Ravestein -- The point is that if she changes her mind, she will cross that bridge when she gets there. This is about choice.
Anna, I have an extreme case of Endometriosis, ovarian cysts, lots of pain and none of the doctors would perform any kind of surgery that would take away the option of having children. In fact, one doctor suggested that I have a child in order to see if it would "help " the Endometriosis. How's that for not being given an option?
You are pathetic. If somebody forced me else to have a vasectomy, it would be called a heinous crime. I would get very depressed, and would even consider killing myself. I realized that there are a broad variety of people in this world and some are nutjobs.
Anna Kohler Not always true! I have a horrible period (it prevents me from having a life when I’m dealing with it) and I want procedures done to make it better. However all the doctors in this state refuse to let me get those done since they cannot accept the fact that I don’t want kids. Getting it done in a nearby state isn’t an option since my insurance won’t cover it and I don’t have the money to pay for it myself.
Doctors here literally tell me to suffer with my period and that if i want to get procedures done I need biological kids. Since all bc only makes my period worse I have no choice but to suffer every month.
This girl has some very valid points. Thanks to her I learned that femininity must not be restricted only to marriage & motherhood. I really did enjoy her lecture.
It's sad that women are still condescended to and restricted in their choices by the medical community and by society at large especially such a big important decision as this. Personally, I am 26 and undecided on whether or not I will have children but the choice for each woman to make for herself and it's so important to be reminded of that. My hope is that one day, regardless of where people stand personally or politically we all rally behind personal autonomy. I am sad that Christen had to go through what she did and that doctors didn't take her wishes seriously despite the laws. This is absolutely a civil rights issue.
May I remind MDs wont perform vasectomies to males if they're not already married with 2 kids (1 is usually not enough).
For many MDs this is true and is problematic as well. Women and Men alike deserve to have personal autonomy with respect to reproductive choices. It is the doctor's duty to inform about choices and risks, not to impose their own opinions that are separate from scientific fact on the lives of their patients.
+Krista Harris
I am American. I admit I don't get out much. But, in all of my 52 years of existence,
I have NEVER heard ANYONE personally shame me NOR heard ANYONE ever shame any woman for not wanting children. Never. I have been fiercely antinatalist my entire life. And that goes for being antinatalist for nonhuman animals, too. Hence, I am vegan: to end the holocaust of factory farming, to end the forced breeding of ten billion animals each year needlessly, when people can & should go vegan instead.
+VeryNormal SimplePerson Where? Who? I got my vasectomy in June 1995 in New Jersey, USA.
Paid for in full by the college health insurance I was on at the time. I never had kids, have never been married.
I live in a third world country shithole. Not only it's difficult/impossible to convince an MD to perform the procedure (unless you're married and have 3 kids), no insurance or medical coverage will pay for it because it's not a "disease" or "life threatening".
"makes a women a means to an end" that got me. Women (and men) are so much more than popping out babies and those babies have the right to grow up without having to do the same thing if they don't want to. Great talk!
If us men could do it, and get birth rates back up, we'd probably just actually get on and &#+& do it, without the TEDx
I can totally relate. I've known since I was a child I wanted to be childfree. I'm 24 and know I will not change my mind and want to go through the procedure. But I know it's an uphill climb. I honestly, never thought that at 24 people would still be treating me as a child. I know girls my age with 2 kids or more and that's looked at as great by many. why are women old enough to decide to have children at 24, but not old enough to decide they don't at that age? So upsetting. But great presentation. Good to know I'm not alone.
Ofelia Abundez because most women do eventually want children and there are plenty non permanent methods of birth control available already. Why would a doctor open themselves up to a lawsuit if and when the woman changes her mind?
truthonion You've missed the whole point. After knowing for a decade or more they don't want kids, they still don't want kids... After knowing for that long, it's not even an option to change your mind anymore. Because that 'choice', if you could call it that, is the only one that they want.
Same. I knew since I was 12 I didn't want kids, I'm in my mid 20s and doctors still won't approve me.
We don't mind. Probably a terrible parent if you ever become one.
@@naknampucha5236 So?
Do people ask people who want kids if they might regret it in the future??
@Kate Z and thats exactly the point. We ask if you regret it because people TELL us we will.
@Kate Z Then why do SO many people tell us how they feel about us being childless by choice? When you were pregnant, did anyone say to you "Are you sure that's what you want?"
Kate Z because you've added another co2 producing, environment destroying person into the world?
@@cpt.shmitt7387 you sound like someone who is compulsive and narrow - minded
Haritik Anand Is it narrow minded to care about the environment?
This was almost exactly what I experienced when I went to try and to get a sterilized due to serious genetic risks to a child, ongoing disability, and the risk of death from only pregnancy. It was a recommendation by my specialist at the Mayo Clinic and something I wholeheartedly wanted. However the U of I where I was supposed to get my treatment treated me horribly, and they tried to commit me to a psych unit lock up because the doctor claimed I was 'body dysmorphic' and wanted to 'maim my body'.
I have not been able to acquire my sterilization, and despite being chronically ill my entire life, and in and out of the hospital and ICU- to this day the way I was treated at that visit is the worst experience of my life.
I've been sterilized at 22 years old in DC at medstar Washington hospital
That doctor's licence should be revoked.
I was told "you'll change your mind when your biological clock begins ticking" just recently when I said I don't want children of my own. Its so annoying
reyisawesome amen
The "biological clock " only manifests due to pressure from society, whereas in reality it doesn't actually exist.
Tell them you can't have kids, that will make them feel bad.
What ? The biological clock doesn't exist ? Will we all live forever ?
It's about women the clock they mean when a women is fertile to create a child but when it stops u can't have children anymore I was told by men that girls have expiration I didn't knew about that at 19 but As a 20 yrs old and when I was 22, 21 I really plan to be child free and have dogs. Pugs. I'm scared of having something in my womb I don't understand why girls have to always u know answer why put shame or guilt or make them feel less of a woman
I recently had my tubaligation surgery but leading up to it. I had small hurdles getting it done I guess I got lucky where my doctor was able to understand I am capable of making my own choices. so April 25 2017 I had the surgery now in recovery.
It is refreshing to see one woman think for herself and ignore the drumbeat of conformity.
+Minnie Vlogs You are a hero, Minnie. I salute you for your bravery!
I'm jealous. My doctors says she wouldn't want me to go through IVF or what if my future husband wants children as if my body isn't mine.
i got mine in august i think.wasnt bad for me and im so happy
Congratz. I got snipped myself
I grew up a witness to a woman who should have never had children, but gave in to society's expectations, and had one anyway - my mother. I love her, but having children destroyed her - both mentally and emotionally. Coming into such close contact with someone who never should have had kids, made me think long and hard whether I truely wanted to be a mother myself. And my answer was no. There a lots of other reasons but knowing so well what having kids does to a woman, when she should never have had them, has been the main reason in my decison.
I had a classmate that told is was sad that I didn't want children. Even though she never apologized for her rude comment, I can tell she felt bad about it and came around to the idea.
I always know that id never be pregnet to bring one more sad person in this world but i m always ready to adopt and help any kid who needs my love and care. Lets take care about already born kids, they are lots!!
Doctors want more children, corporations want more children. The church wants more children. Future customers. Follow the money.
I'm happy you said this. A fact.
I clash with people because I'm 34 and childfree.... Pastor says I should marry and I tell him I'm not interested in creating a new customer for the church... And because everything is about business and business is about Numbers, everyone wants me to produce customer for them... I can it scam because the only beneficiaries of my kids are the shops and schools and consumer factories....
You're right
@@mugumyapaultheafricannomad9488 Remind your pastor of Luke 23:29.
Doctors who perform sterilization procedures are not hesitant because they want to make money from people having kids. They are just human and are subject to the biases of their culture and may believe things like if I do something permanent to this person and they change their mind as so many do, I may cause them a lot of pain and/or it may cause litigation issues. It may sound silly, I think sometimes doctors don’t understand that all you can do is explain in the moment the risks and benefits of something very clearly and make sure the patient absolutely understands then go ahead. Sometimes , I really think it’s a communication issue. So please don’t put out generalizations out about healthcare workers without understanding. Because they are a community and they are working very hard devoting a lot of time and money to the profession. Yes money because most docs don’t start earning till they are ~30 and they start with 6 figure loans like a mortgage and usually don’t even own a home.
I am guy from India and is seriously questioning the society's craze for having kids and also the financial aspect of it.
CALL ME SELFISH OR UNREASONABLE if you want, but at the end of the day you're not the one that'll carry the pregnancy, or pay thier fees, or run out of work when they're sick, or try to tell them they're "beautiful" when they are being bullied, and lots more. Whenever I look at my Parents I feel sooooooo bad!!! They literally live their lives for me and my siblings!! They spent all their fortune to send us abroad to study, and their happiness and joy depends on how we are doing. I never want to end up like them. Even my friends in uni that had children after, just look sad to me! Their lives just stopped being their own. And I won't lie CHILDREN ARE OFTEN UNREASONABLE AND SELFISH!! I wasn't a terrible child, but I have done a few things I regret to my parents. I can never live through giving a child my all, and they act out and don't even care even in the littlest way. Also if I must have children, I really have to be there to look after them. My parents had to work to provide for us, so they put us in care of people who abused us in every way. I'm still suffering from some of the effects of the abuse, and I am too paranoid to leave my child with anyone while I work. I most definately will not leave my carer to baby sit any child who might no even appreciate it. I am only 24, but I have really been thinking hard about this.
kole ivy I have 3 and I love my life!
Not all men want kids
It’s not the children who stop people from being themselves
Sexism is real.
I had a tubal ligation. I told the dr that I didn't want to hurt another man by leading him down the garden path, when they don't believe me. I had to use men's feelings as a justification. Just think on that.
As a ob - gyn I have seen cases of proud to be child free women turn to seeking all kind of fertility treatments a decade later. It happens. People do change their priorities. And it would be moral dillema for me to perform tubal ligation on healthy, young woman with no children. But this procedure is mostly illegal where I work.
As for myself. I never felt motherly untill I became a mother. It was just my decision that I thought having a child was meaningful. During pregnancy my greatest fear was that I wouldn't love the child since all the children before seemed just a nuisance to me. But the love was born the second my son was born.
@@agnediciuniene9861 everything that I have seen has stated that women that get sterilized immediately after giving birth are the ones that regret the decision to become sterilized.
My whole family has accepted that I will never have children. I don’t want them and I never will. I have been very strong and adamant about that. Whenever people try to give me those belittling, demeaning comments I assure them they don’t want to have this conversation with me. Don’t compare me to someone else because that is an invalid comparison of two completely different people. Don’t assume you know more of what I want with my life because no one knows myself better than I. If you assume to know what I want despite my disapproval of your opinion you are blinded by your own perception of what cookie cutter life I’m supposed to fit.
AMEN TO THAT!!! Kudos for you Melanie !!
@Kate Z LOL you have some kind of problem for sure, if you were that happy with your parenting life, you wouldn't be in this comment section trying to persuade ppl to have children, what is really wrong with you?? you sound like those christians that are desperate to convert new ppl. PLEASE GO GIVE SOME ATTENTION TO YOUR SAD FAMILY !!
Well said.
Me: I don’t want children
Them: You’ll change your mind
Me: Do you want/have children?
Them: Yes I want/have children
Me: You’ll change your mind
This is my response anytime anyone questions my choice. My partner & I of 12 years are very happy living child free, wouldn’t change it for anything.
You'll change your mind. Is my biggest pet peeve omg
tyler gnosis Right?! Its like are you gonna change your mind about the kids you have and sell them in a garage sale bc you don’t want them?! 😑 UGH!
tyler gnosis So annoying right?!
@@Christina_320
You'll probably change your mind.
lockandloadlikehell LOL
You would be stone wall crazy to have kids in this day and age. No thanks.
I was beginning to think I was the only one who felt this way! The guy I'm dating now wants children.Not sure why!
Yess!! 😩🙌🏼👏🏼 Child-free and proud! 👸🏼
I gotta ask, what is with your name???!!
Michelle what do you mean?
Trump is Daddy ...where did Trump is daddy come from? Like how did you choose that name?
Michelle lol do you know who Milo Yiannapoulos is? Well I'm a huge fan of his and he calls Trump "daddy" so I kinda stole it from him because I love Trump too 😝
Kate Z your irrelevant opinion is precisely that, irrelevant. Trumps morning turds are more respected than your entire existence.
Well done Christen on a very powerful and important speech. Thank you :). I'm child-free too and I believe the decision to have or not to have children is an individual choice which should be respected as such. I think anyone who questions that personal decision has absolutely no idea or respect for how much hours, days, weeks or years of thought have gone into this life-changing decision. The criticism of this choice is so, so wrong and I hope that changes soon.
I got my vasectomy in June 1995 in New Jersey, USA.
Paid for in full by the college health insurance I was on at the time. I never had kids, have never been married.
+Midnight Blue,
I don't regret not having children...and neither does my sister. We are both in our 50's.
+Midnight Blue,
I wonder if people who judge like that ever regret driving a wedge between themselves and members of their own family....?
+Christine Marie Excellent!
+Midnight Blue And, no. Why the hell would I regret it? I barely make enough to survive right now.
I'm eating through savings. Because I live in a fascist capitalist-extremist country (the USA).
+Midnight Blue "there is something wrong with our DNA"
Just remember: and this is a subtle point:
there DOES exist OBJECTIVE physical negative versus positive from DNA:
e.g. being born a conjoined twin or one of these horrible hideous birth defects.
However there exists NO objective PURPOSE - no sentient being who controls our DNA
and decides its intent & purpose for us.
At 13, I was the eldest child. Three more came after and I played such a roll in their life I was practically my siblings mother. I helped to raised them. I did so much and it honestly took away my childhood. At that point I knew I didnt want anything to do with kids. I'm 21, living on my own and I'm in love with my life. I dont need anyone or anything to change it.
You know what's selfish? Forcing your views onto other people, like it's the standard for all that's right and good. I mean the world is already populated enough people! Why does anyone care if someone doesn't want a kid? I'm in the same camp myself. The kind of life I want to live is just not compatible, on so many levels, to have little ones depending on me. I love TED Talks. :)
Actually the whole population of Earth can fit comfortably in Alaska. The problem is in-fighting and use more resources than we need.
Some great pseudoscience you got there. The US Popluation is already projected to decline soon.
LimeyHans Well who cares
LimeyHans No u
When I was in kindergarten, grade school, high school, until college, my parents always rant and worry about expensive tuition fees, transportation fees, milk supplements, medicines for kids, etc. It's so obvious that parenthood is not for everyone and it should be a choice and not a society standard or norms.
Why would anyone vote this down? How appalling to think there are still people in this world who truly think that women don't have the right to choose their own identity, and their own path through their own lives.
BRAVO. She could not have spoken more eloquently to voice my thoughts and opinions on this... Thank you
What's the big deal with not having kids? I can't understand. We are not baby boomers. The world is already overpopulated. There s not enough food for everybody. Apart from that, there are other good things in life. There are hobbies and interesting stuff to do and learn apart from reproducing. Kids are not the only legacy. Broaden your minds.
It's OK not to have kids... it's wrong to kill unborn children... so if that is what someone is doing so they don't have kids then it's wrong.
@@mathildeyoung1823 Terminating a clump of cells isn't killing a baby, though. If you plant a seed and take it out, you haven't cut down a tree. Our population is skyrocketing and most of the biggest problems with our world like global warming and deforestation can be easily traced back to how there are literally 7 billion of us.
@@nicolebell5556 If you plant a seed and mow over a seedling or sapling you haven't cut down a full grown tree. Doesn't make it OK to kill newborns. An unborn child is a member of our species - i.e. a human being. Human beings that have done nothing wrong should have a right not to be killed. If you trly are worried about overpopulation target another group of human beings to kill first...... How about criminals? Propose killing those jail for life to show how serious you are.
@@mathildeyoung1823 I never said anything about killing newborns. We're talking about terminating a pregnancy. I'm not saying murder is okay, I'm saying that embryos are not sentient and that people who don't want to give birth and permanently mutilate their bodies and lives shouldn't have to.
@@nicolebell5556 You're talking about killing human beings. A temporary lack of sentience is as horrible an excuse to kill a human being as skin color or religion.
Parents should have to (heck, they should WANT TO) protect their offspring - born or unborn. It's the right and responsible thing to do.
I can only really handle children for 5 minutes at a time, and that's not an option for a mother. That is not a healthy environment for any creature to be raised in. Child free!
Childless! This is the word.
@@annaheart7731 It's only childless if you actually want them and for some reason aren't able to have them. If you have no desire to have children, you are child free. There is a difference.
I can't imagine anyone giving a man that much grief about wanting a vasectomy. Truly Ridiculous and I'm so sorry she and so many others have had to endure such treatment.
Annie Oakley I've actually been denied a vasectomy multiple times, many times either flat out disrespectfully, and some of the doctors even told me radical things to try and talk me out of it.
I had to endure rejections about my wanting to get a vasectomy. I was too young, you will change your mind, ect. from Men! Yet I got it done and have never regretted my choice. Persevere folks it can be done, if not by yourself, then your partner.
Home. I came home when I watched your presentation. Thank you so much for your honesty. Thank you, Thank you.
I'm struggling with my health and people think I should have kids right away, still haven't learned how to care for myself, and caring for small kids trigger my PTSD because of my low physical comp to look out for and handle the duties. poor advice
Yeah, sick people like you probably shouldn't procreate. I'm not insulting. I'm all for good genes being perpetuated (the weak ones could stay "child friee").
@Sup2000 Simple as thatIt's a philosophical question, I guess. I'm looking for the answers in the spiritual direction. If not, well, we a done like this biologically, so let's live and let live others (bringing them to this world, our children).
I mean seriously, why does anyone want to have children? After sacrificing all you have for them, they'd grow up and being spiteful to you.
I know right dosen’t make any sense.
It absolutely infuriates me that women have to FIGHT to have autonomy over their bodies. Doctors who refuse women should be sued.
I'm in my 50s and did not regret having my tubes tied at 35. Yes I am married, happily to my husband who readily supported my decision while we were still dating. It was a conscious decision that many unconscious people fail to comprehend.
I'm super happy without children! True story. :)
Don't forget to repeat this in every anti-natalist video in order to find confirmations to your "I'm doing a right choice her, am I?"
I dream my wedding with my love but we don't want a children.
We are monster? NO
LimeyHans for love, not breeding
I can relate to this lady, I tried to get my tubes tied many times only to be told the exact same thing as this lady was told. I.was so frustrated it was my body who are you to tell me I shouldn't have my tubes tied. I finally had it done and on the way to surgery the surgeon was trying to talk me out of it and he just shook his head
Whenever I tell people that I dont want kids they tell me that I shouldnt do that because of a career. So when I answer that I dont want a huge career they are completly lost. :D :D
Funny. I have never been sold to a career either. People assume it's career, travel, vacations....it is none of these.
If all people who had children wanted them, I don't really think that we would need stuff like CPS and foster care systems.....
I, as a 29-year-old man, am also proud to be childless. Anyone who wants to judge me for it can go straight to you-know-where.
Amazing! I've faced the same discrimination over the years. Thank you for talking about it.
Interesting that they cut off the time for the applause. Usually they show the audience much longer. This woman got huge applause which is great and most people in the audience were women. What a clear, rational and caring presentation. The 2 reasons why men and male physicians act like this: 1) Ego, self image, men wanting to dominate women. Men wanting to control women. Men feeling offended when a woman says No to becoming a mother. (I underwent such interrogation myself when I had an abortion and it made me very angry). 2) The corporate agenda. The corporations have summit meetings where they discuss strategies to increase the population. "Humanitarian" work is the perfect alibi to the public. They really are only interested in population and consumer numbers to increase. So they discourage abortion, encourage religion because religion discourages freedom of choice. That is also why they want the Muslims to come into the USA. It increases consumption. Zuckerberg and Gates will have more customers. "Oh we are so philanthropic" they will think to themselves and say to others.
Nicki LovesDogs Great explanation of reality! I completely agree. It's still hard living in a society where a vast majority is not aware of this. It's terribly alienating.
To Anna Kohler: Thank you for sharing your story. I empathize with you. I, too would not have the mental determination to permanently remove my fertility. Not even a temporary tube tying. I understand how you feel. It takes serious determination and conviction to overrule our maternal and sexual instincts. However I admire women who have that much conviction and that much independence. I am super glad that I used birth control and abortions to prevent another suffering being from entering this horrendously gruesome world we live in.
To Prelestonst: Yes it is extremely alienating and lonely for highly sensitive people in this world of religiousness, dogmatism, brainwashing and coldness. But we are not alone. There are a few Indigos and Angels around.
As a MGTOW man, I resent your male-bashing narrative. But, the rest of what you say is very good and important. People accept, as self-evident, the culture, tradition and religion in which they were raised. They also desire to punish the designated social cheater. That's why this whole world is so flucked. People will fly "Kamikazi Airlines" for narcissistic supply, such as to have virgins, families, etc. This is a good reason to not have kids in itself. And, as a man who doesn't agree with the majority of anti-thinkers, I'm MGTOW.
Mega Tow? Towing company? Ha. Anyway I'm not at all a male basher. You misunderstood me then. I criticize males who view women as mysterious lust objects and useful couches and brain empty stuffed dolls that can be hurled around.
I wonder if in the past (when more people were farmers), if not wanting children but having them as workers was a survival mechanism. So many parents have children, but want the kids to take care of them instead of wanting to properly take care of the children. NOT ok, but I wonder.
My wife and I are child free and I'm so happy with my decision. I have no desire to be a father.
I love this video. I too am childless and I'm tired of being told. That I am selfish for not wanting children. "What about your parents" they say. "Don't you want to give your mother grandchildren?" Well I am almost 30, my parents already have grandchildren, and I have went through stages of me raising my siblings children because they can't do it on their own. I feel it's selfish to bring children into this world with no means to be able to raise it on your own financially or emotionally. I'm tired of young, single mom's having babies that they feel the government has to pay for. They feel the government deserves to pay for their choices and I'm sick of it! I don't want to pay for more poverished women having children they have no desire to pay for themselves.
But I'M THE ONE THAT'S SELFISH.... HMM...
Thank You!!!!!! Geeze so many people judge me and put pressure on me to have kids and I JUST DONT WANT TO! UGH 😑 I have my reasons but why do I even have to explain it. People don’t explain why they had kids so I should not have to explain why I don’t want kids.
People are thinking differently, as the world evolves, this is seen everywhere in the West especially.
I think purpose is a matter of your own interpretation. when people judge you, it's not a reflection of who you are, but rather a reflection of who they are.
AMAZING video!! SO well spoken!!
I myself am a childfree woman by choice, just turned 30 years old..
I'm suprised she never said the word infantilizing because this is exactly what the doctors did to her.
I am so grateful for this talk. I felt so alone before. I had a tubal ligation at the same time as an abortion. I felt terrible guilt for getting pregnant! I never wanted to be pregnant or have a child. I am grateful I live in Canada. Both processes were free and no requirements necessary.
I`m 53 years old and also proudly childfree by choice. Don`t regret my decision for a second. There`s no doubt women are judged more harshly in our society for choosing not to have children. Which is terrible. However men also get this horrible judgements placed upon them as well. I have had to defend my choice many times over the years. Living in NYC all my life has made no difference. The judgmental nature of many exists here as much as anywhere.
Her medical experiences is SO typical
I DO have a daughter - I've always wanted to be a mum. But I struggled years and years to have a child (many miscarriages).
BUT when I got pregnant at 37 I had the worst pregnancy imaginable... it could have killed me and about 7 months I had a talk with my husband and decided to have my tubes tied at my planned C-section.
Even in a situation were I was CERTAIN I did'nt want to risk going through more miscarriages or possibly die from my daughter while carrying to term, the doctor would'nt even refer me.
First he tried to convince me to have hormonal contraceotive... I have a genetic disorder that increases my risk of bloodclods significaltly - I cant have hormones of any kind, not even IUD's! This was a DOCTOR trying to by-pass that!
He then asked what I'd do if my daughter was disabled or died. WTAF???
I was a near 38 year old grown women, sound minded making what I still consider a well-informed and responsible desition, not only for my health, my mental well-being but also for the sake of my daughter!
I eventually got it approved but only through "by-passing" it via the OBGYN who completely understood and signed me up.
I had it done post-birth, before they closed me up after the C-section. It took another t minutes and I have NOT regretted it! Not. Even. Once!
I enjoy, adore and love my daughter like nothing else... but having another? NO! Never-ever!!!
More women should want to be child free. It makes relationships a lot easier. It simplifies a relationship. It also, makes it a lot cheaper to maintain relationship, both in time, and money.
Children also mess up a woman's body a lot. Many times, they can't recover from the damages.
My sister got serious jaw and back problems from her 4th pregnancy with serious vertigo. She pushed so hard that her jaw set wrong. Don't ask me how this happened.
KevZen2000 PREACH! 😩🙌🏻
I’m a Childfree guy. WE EXIST 👍
Great presentation. I am 33 and have had an interesting few years trying to date.. b/c once I explain I do not want children, they are no longer interested, try to get me to change my mind, or they think I'm crazy. And that is okay. I think deciding to not have children is one of the best things we can do for the planet. The last thing that this world needs is another human being. Not trying to offend anyone, but it's true. Deciding not to have a child is NOT selfish, it's SELFLESS... I care about the environment, about the lack of resources, about the species being driven to extinction b/c humans are destroying natural habitats. Looking at the world today, ignoring all of the facts and children in foster care/orphanages, and deciding to have children is truly ego driven and selfish. I'm happy to see others starting to feel the same way. Let's all raise our consciousness and care about one another and our planet
I have never strongly wanted kids. Hanging on to a lower-middle class lifestyle by the skin of my teeth and now being 33 and walking with difficulty, no I don't want to have children. I'm glad to hear from other women who don't want kids either.
I want to go one step further than tubal ligation and have a hysterectomy as my womb is already broken but apparently at the age of 26 I’m too young too know. Yet at 17 I could join the military get blown to kingdom come... I would also have to stop medication that if I continued would cause cleft lip, cleft palate and learning difficulty, not to mention coming off mediation would actually cause me to attract the attention of social services. I have too many conditions I could pass on. My gp acknowledges this yet refuses to refer me because she had her first child at 40 - I don’t want to be an elderly primigravida most of my family died before they turned 60. I am saving the nhs money as I’m preventing a child from being born with a large number of problems.
Children are a burden expense that people don't or even try to notice. If you buy a car, house, or any other luxurious item you can sell them back. But you can't do that with children. Some people just don't understand the connection between having kids that lead them to poverty. Especially the previous generation who think children are like an investment. When you get old and sick and aren't able to work then your grown children will take care of you. That is selfish. People shouldn't considered another human being to be a slaves. There are too many people on this planet already we don't need anymore. The earth doesn't expand. More people cause more global warming issues. More issues cause wars. This next generation after the millennials will have even fewer or no children at all in order to save the planet.
We can fix that by adopting those poor little rabbit babies. Genetics and IQ are so passé!
MyAvatarTablet 2 Lolwut? You think women are prescribed therapy animals because they don’t have children? Wtf are you talking about? And btw your post reeks of racism.
betty kaplan Well rabbits are cute
Adopt, don’t shop
Children are actually sold through child trafficking.. its a bad and dark world
Having a child is a fate worse than death. Period. I feel bad for every person I see that has kids because of the untold number of people who level with me eventually when they're older and say, ' you know, i would never take my kids away now but if I could go back, I wouldn't have kids'. In fact, I've never been told the opposite of that. What a regret to have - to have dedicated, slaved, given money to, time to, resources to, your whole world REVOLVED around raising a child for you to get to the end of it and say 'I shouldn't have done that'. Absolutely not. I will live MY LIFE to the fullest. I will NOT live for someone else.
preach
And you dear are as poorly socially informed as the girl in the video.
Well, the funny thing is that you're talking about something you don't know ;) a fate worse than death? Wow! You must have had kids to know that, right.
Because some people, of all the people you know (because no, don't tell me everyone you know told you that) said so, that means it's the truth?
What I can tell you is that you don't know what love is until you have kids. You don't know what being important is before you have kids. You don't know what fearing death is before you have kids.
My whole world does revolve around my kids, but I wouldn't do it any other way. You can't talk about something you don't know with only what a few people told you.
FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT!! PREACH
Humm yeah, there is. But you don't know THAT much love until you have a child. No matter what you say, you can't argue with that, especially if you don't have kids.
It's like saying that you know what "sweet" really really tastes like while all you ate is fruits. Fruits are sweet, but never, ever as sweet as well ... sweets, desserts, etc.